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homoeroticfisticuffs · 3 months

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wip wednesday because i've never done it before and i'm actually working on something right now

(slight gamora character study + eventual starmora) (just a little snippet of the beginning, the whole thing is almost 6k now yay) (snippet length: 757 words)

Being with the Guardians was nothing short of foreign for her.

Sure, she had done collaborative work before, like when she and Nebula had been indignantly serving under Ronan and working alongside Korath and his troops; but this was altogether different. It was deeper, more personal in a way that she wasn’t used to. She felt like she didn’t know how to navigate it at all.

Until now, her driving force in life had been her anger, a near-mindless and primal way of life that allowed her to survive. It manifested into anger for Thanos, for Nebula, for their siblings, for all of it, finding its home and thriving in the constant cruelty she had to endure since her very first day with the Mad Titan. In a way, her own rage only reminded her of that of her captor, and made her feel sick at realizing how similar she really was to him. It seemed only fitting that the final straw that broke her away from him after all her years of torment was one motivated by sadness, and a need to protect what she could from his dark and horrible clutches.

When she found out that he knew where the power stone was, there wasn’t a cell in her body that could resist the need to do something about it, to stop him in whatever way she possibly could. It wasn’t the first time she felt rage for him and his sickening motivations, but it was the first time they made her feel true fear. The memories of her last day on her home planet still haunted her, and she knew she couldn’t let him wreak that kind of havoc again, not when she could really do something about it this time.

So she did, she betrayed him and made sure the stone was out of his reach, and she met the Guardians in the process. She had originally never had any intention of staying with them, not after the stone was secure in the hands of the Nova Corps; that was the only reason she was with them in the first place, and she had no real reason to stick around after that.

But there was a part of her, a bigger, deeper part of her that she couldn’t ignore, that wanted to stay.

As much as they got on her nerves, and as painfully stupid as she knew they all were, there was just something about them that drew her to them. The way they all had one shared goal, and achieved it together, fought side-by-side, and shared their pasts with each other like tearing themselves open and displaying their true and honest viscera made her feel something she had never felt before, not even with Nebula.

Things with Nebula were rocky at best. She did truly find herself loving her sister, but not in a way that she could afford to express if she wanted to stay alive. Things with Nebula were the way that they had to be, no matter how much she hated it. She always wished that they could have been sisters under better circumstances, and that maybe they could really get along if things were different, but she knew that could never be. She wasn’t naïve.

The Guardians presented something entirely different. Was it belonging? Freedom? Acceptance? Those were the only words she could come up with to describe it, only able to characterize it through a lack of pressure or feeling like she had to be the best or live under somebody else’s thumb. It was liberating being able to operate on her own, being a part of a team that she truly felt a strong bond with and who made her feel like she was really helping to make a lasting difference in the galaxy.

And as far as bonds went, over time she found that she had vastly different connections with each of her teammates. Rocket was the laughable demolitionist, someone you could rely on to get a job done or save your ass and always have something snarky to say about it. Groot was comparable to a child or a pet, especially after he had to be regrown; he could fight if he needed to, but the team preferred to keep him out of harm's way as much as they could. Drax was the amiable idiot, a contendable foe in battle and a passionate friend and sparring partner but severely lacking in his capabilities for higher intellectual thought. Mantis was a sweet soul who found belonging with the Guardians, even though her fighting skills were near-none. And Quill…

Well, Quill was Quill.

(all of this was written like 3 months ago and has been slightly revised since then, i'm still fighting to finish it haha) (if you want to read some of my finished and posted writing, you can find that here)

#wip wednesday #fanfic #fic writing #writing process #gotg #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #star lord #gamora #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #starmora #it gets better i promise i swear

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lucydoodlessometimes · 3 months

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People search for a wonder like you, all of their lives....

#lucy doodles #my art #redesign #disney wish #wish redesign #star boy #i named mine Orion!#so this is asha and orion #princess asha #lucys ocs #i also just realized that i didnt actually differentiate their sleeves. oopsies #ignore that #the background is very half assed and thats just how its gonna have to be tonight #these are my special little ocs that i stole from a disney movie and i will do what i please with them #Also. not finalized fits with either of them #and im going to get better at drawing ashas hair #i promise dude i swear #im also going to keep experimenting with textured hair on her because its a good route for me to learn #so thats very exciting

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lesbaurinkos · 8 months

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creating a riverdale post that gets a lot of notes really does feel like being jesus on the cross. idk how much more "wtf is happening on that show lol" and "i'll never watch an episode but this sounds crazy" and "every word of this could be true and i wouldnt know" i can take. every word IS true i speak only the truth delivered unto me as gospel by roberto aguirre-sacasa himself. but you wouldnt know, would you. you wouldnt know a THING. because u are depriving urself of the beautiful experience of watching true art

#WATCH THE SHOW. I PROMISE THE EXPERIENCE IS BETTER THAN GETTING IT SECONDHAND FROM POSTS.#NOTHING COMPARES TO ACTUALLY WATCHING RIVERDALE I SWEAR.#ITS ONE THING TO HEAR SECONDHAND FROM POSTS ABOUT HOW JUGHEAD GOT RABIES AND LIVED OR HOW CHERYL (INSERT LITERALLY ANYTHING CHERYLS DONE)#ITS ANOTHER TO WATCH IT! I PROMMY! ITS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE

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ofthebrownajah · 22 days

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This reread is just really hammering in how much I don't like Moiraine and Rand's book dynamic. In theory the unhealthy mentor mentee relationship can be good I just don't like how he wrote it. Show Rand and Moiraine's relationship will forever reign supreme in my head

#wheel of time #wot book spoilers #rand al'thor #moiraine damodred #i'm sure even in the show their relationship will get messy #but i guarantee it won't be like that #fires of heaven reread #yes this is about moiraine swearing to obey him #jordan you could've hit the same narrative beat #of them coming to common ground and her promising not to manipulate him anymore literally any other way #i'm sure i'll like whatever the show does with their tsr and tfoh dynamic loads better

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inferno-mp3 · 5 days

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#good morning everyone! I regret to announce that instead of getting better I have gotten worse #I promise I make content beyond this. I swear #league of legends #league of legends meme #heartsteel #heartsteel meme #heartsteel shitpost #heartsteel aphelios #heartsteel ezreal #heartsteel k'sante #heartsteel shieda kayn #heartsteel sett #heartsteel yone #minor settphel

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bowtiepastabitch · 7 months

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On Religious Trauma

I grew up in a high control religion, and on a fundamental level, I can see myself in both Crowley and Aziraphale, ESPECIALLY at the end of season two. Let me explain. (TW for religious abuse)

Within the church I grew up in, there was a very strong expectation that you build your identity exclusively within your religion; that you see Christ as the only source of good in yourself. It's one of the things that made coming to terms with my queerness and transness so intensely complicated. I had built my entire self image on being a good perfect Christian. Even after being forced from the closet at 16, I clung desperately to that identity because it was all I'd had my entire childhood. Even in the face of direct abuse pulled straight from that belief, I still couldn't let go of the only 'good' I'd ever seen in myself. I thought I could change my dad's mind if I could just prove that I was a good Christian and prove that the Bible didn't justify his hate. He didn't listen.

It took another year and a half for me to separate myself completely from Christianity. I'd been questioning my faith since 14 and it was an enormous source of guilt and shame, so letting go of that was a long healing process. The people I grew up with now go to religious unis and volunteer at the summer camps we went to as kids. It's surreal every time it comes up on my insta, and I feel like I'm the one who escaped, who saw through the sham to what was really going on. More than that, I know in my heart that my family (father aside) are also victims in their own right. I grew up watching my mother struggle, and I watch my younger sisters grow up wrestling with these same ideas. Perhaps even more strongly, having watched my fall from grace. But I can't DO anything, because I can see the fear in my mom's eyes when I reminder her why I'm not comfortable going to church with her; she was raised, just as I was, in desperate fear of seeing the damnation of those you love. She's terrified of being responsible for my eternal torture in hell. So we don't talk about it at all, because it hurts both of us.

I remember the overwhelming pressure to evangelize and convert, even as a literal child, because it was our responsibility to save them from hell. Aziraphale isn't CHOOSING angel Crowley over the one in front of him. He still hopes he can save the one person he loves more than anything in the universe. I've been there. It fucking hurts. But now I'm here, and that hurts too. Because I can see the people I love looking at me the same way and I have to say no.

Aziraphale never had a choice. Even in the face of cruelty, he sees heaven as the good in himself. It's the only identity he has. And he's scared out of his mind.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens angst #neil gaiman #good omens 2 ending #no nightingales #ineffable divorce #religious trauma #religious abuse #growing up christian is a special kind of hell #not everyone but for a lot of people #no love like christian hate #I promise I am doing better now being an adult is awesome #it gets better i swear

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qiekzart · 7 months

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Kaiba in casual clothing or school uniform

its october the 12th you know what that means (day 12 of drawing kaiba every day of october) 12/10/2023

this gave me an idea. so have kaiba in oversized hoodie!!!!!! :333 .. skrunkly...

[plz reblog]

#TEHCNICALLY I AM . AS O F TYPING THIS . 8 MINUTES LATE BCUZ ITS TECHNICALLY THE 13TH #but it doesnt matter #my art #art #plz reblog #yugioh #ygo #yugioh fanart #yugioh dm #seto kaiba #yugioh kaiba #idk what to tag. im so sorry #OK IF UR READING THIS #I AM SO SO SORRY FOR BAD ART RECENTLY #i will improve I SWEAR #but life has not been nice to me recently :/#IF I DONT GET MUCH BETTER THIS MONTH I WILL BE IMPROVING EVENTUALLY. i PROMISE #again i am . so so so so so sorry </3

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delta-piscium · 1 year

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part 2 | this is part two to this from Steve's perspective leading up to and including part one | cw unresolved angst [unfinished/for now not being worked on]

31 days until moving day.

Steve burst through the door to Family Video, swinging it open with way too much force.

Robin jumps and opens her mouth, probably to tell him off for scaring her but he speaks before she gets the chance.

“Eddie asked me to move to Chicago with him,” he blurts out, “Robin, he asked me to go with him.”

Her eyes widen, “what did you say?”

“That I’d go, of course,” he huffs. Like it’s even a question? like not going was ever an option?

Robin jumps over the counter squealing and hugs him so tight breathing becomes a little bit hard.

“I’m moving away with Eddie,” he whispers into her hair, awed as he hugs her back. She somehow squeezes him even tighter and they stay like that for a minute until they have to actually do their jobs.

An hour passes and Robin keeps shooting him contemplative looks.

“What?” He finally snaps after getting tired of waiting for her to say what she wants to say herself.

She jumps again like she didn’t realize how obvious she was being, which honestly, she probably didn’t.

“Nothing, nothing.”

“Robin,” he whines.

“Okay, just,” she scrunches her face up a bit and Steve knows that face, she’s trying to figure out how to say something to him she thinks he’ll react badly to.

He narrows his eyes at her, bracing himself, “yes?”

“I think you and Eddie are great together, and like I love you both and I am excited for you guys. You know that right?”

Steve nods, doesn’t say anything though, wants her to get to the point.

“I’m just also, maybe, a little bit worried.”

Steve’s eyebrows draw together, “what do you mean?”

Robin is looking around nervously. Something heavy starts to form in Steve’s stomach.

“You haven’t been together for very long and this is a big step. I just don’t wanna see either of you get hurt you know? I guess I’m just wondering if you’ve talked it all through? Because both of you have a tendency to jump into things without thought.”

They haven’t talked it through, not really. Eddie asked Steve to move, he said yes and that was pretty much it. It didn’t feel like they needed to talk it through though? Did they? Usually, they just dealt with things as they became relevant, that had worked for them so far.

Robin must see something on his face because she quickly talks again, backtracking and interrupting his thoughts.

“Not that I don’t think it will be great, you know I just worry about things a lot. This is my anxiety talking. You know what, ignore everything I just said. You two know what you’re doing.”

He doesn’t want her to know she’s already put doubts in his head so even though he’s starting to freak out a little he smiles and shakes his head.

“It’s fine Rob, I’m sure we will talk more with time.”

22 days until moving day.

Steve meant it when he said he and Eddie would talk. Meant to ask about the logistics, meant to make sure they were on the same page, he really did. But every time the move comes up Eddie just seems so sure about it already. Steve doesn’t want to make him think he’s having second thoughts. Thinks maybe it’s better to not say anything, to wait and let it come up naturally.

He thinks maybe they’ll talk about it tonight. The kids had joked about them all evening, about how fast they were moving.

Mike had made some snarky comment about them moving to a city where they knew no one and how awkward it would be if they crashed and burned and they’d have to share a bedroom.

Eddie had laughed, said it was good they weren’t gonna crash and burn then. But, he’d also added that his band was also going so actually he would know people.

It was just jokes, Steve knew that. That didn’t make it any less true though. Steve wouldn’t have anyone except Eddie, sure he liked the guys in his band but they weren’t his friends. Steve would have Eddie and Eddie would have his band. It suddenly seemed like a big deal.

He expects Eddie to also feel it, to get worried and bring it up but he doesn’t. If he is worried he isn’t saying anything, just like Steve isn’t.

8 days until moving day.

There’s a knock on Steve's door and when he opens Gareth is standing there. Steve is a lot confused about it but lets him in.

“Uh,” he starts a little unsure, “do you want anything to drink or?” He offers, mostly because he doesn’t know what else to say or do.

Gareth shakes his head, looking about as uncomfortable as Steve feels. Shuffling around where he’s standing and fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. “No, I’m gonna leave again soon. I just came here to say something.”

Steve gestures for him to speak, “I’m listening.”

Gareth doesn’t immediately say anything, he shuffles some more and looks around the room before his eyes land on Steve again, a determined look in them.

“Look, I like you. I know Eddie loves you.”

Steve can’t help but smile a little at that, even though he’s starting to suspect he’s in for a shovel talk.

“And like, I probably wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for the fact that you haven’t dated for very long at all and are about to move in together in a city four hours away.”Gareth pauses and waits to speak again until Steve nods, showing he’s listening.

“Eddie does things without thinking. He doesn’t think about the consequences, not anything, just does. I love that about him, it’s the reason our band has gotten anywhere at all, but it also means that he gets hurt a lot, disappointed a lot. He can handle it with most things, he won’t be able to handle it with you.”

“What are you saying?” Steve asks even though he’s pretty sure he already knows.

Gareth looks pained but continues, “I’m saying that if you aren’t one hundred percent sure about moving with him, if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”

Steve can’t suppress his flinch. He expected Gareth to say he needed to be sure, that if he wasn’t he needed to tell Eddie. He wasn’t expecting him to say he shouldn’t, no, couldn’t go.

Gareth catches it and narrows his eyes, “I mean it Steve, it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.” He steps closer to Steve, getting into his space. “So, if you’re not absolutely sure,” he pauses, steps even closer, “Do. Not. Go.” He punctuates every word and then he turns on his heel and leaves.

6 days until moving day.

Steve needs to talk with Eddie about it now, can’t ignore it anymore. He isn’t gonna just not go like Gareth told him to do. No, he’ll talk to Eddie and it will be fine.

They’re in his bed together, laying next to each other. Skin touching skin and a comfortable silence between them. Now is as good a time as any.

“Hey, Eddie?”

“Mhh?” He hums, shifting slightly next to him.

“What happens if something goes wrong when we move?”

Eddie snorts, “what? Like if we get a flat wheel? I know how to change a wheel, sweetheart.”

Steve smiles despite his nerves, tries to not imagine what Eddie would look like changing a wheel.

“Good to know, but no, not quite what I meant.”

Next to him, Eddie props himself up on his elbow so he can properly look at Steve.

“What did you mean?” He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Steve’s ear as he speaks. Steve has to focus harder than he’d like to admit to not get lost in it. Even the smallest touches have an effect on him when it’s Eddie.

“What if something happens with us?” His voice is small and he can’t look at Eddie, afraid of what his reaction might be. “Remember that thing Mike said about us not really knowing anyone there? Just, what would happen?”

“Baby,” Eddie gently grabs Steve’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting his face towards him. Steve easily follows but closes his eyes.

“Baby, please look at me,” Eddie’s voice is even softer than before, and Steve has always been weak when it comes to Eddie asking him to do things so he slowly blinks his eyes open.

“There you are,” he smiles, face open and tendrils of hair falling around it. He looks angelic and Steve almost forgets what they are talking about, too overwhelmed by the man next to him.

Eddie keeps them on track though.

“Like I told Mike, nothing will happen. We will be fine. But,” he continued before Steve can protest, “if something does, we both have jobs already, we’ve done this right. We will be able to save eventually. Quicker because we’re two people, paying rent and all that stuff on two salaries. If something happens we will have that security.”

Steve relaxes then and Eddie must see it because he grins and continues, “now if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner, princess.”

Steve groans and shoves Eddie away. Mostly to hide the blush he can feel creeping up his face just from Eddie calling him princess. Judging by the way Eddie cackles he doesn’t have to see Steve blush to know the effect it has on him.

He reaches out and pulls Steve in against his chest. “Worst case scenario we have to move back. Wayne will probably pretend to be unhappy about it but he’ll let me take over his trailer again. And, I know you have complicated feelings about this house, that your parents are the worst, but you’ll be able to come back if you need to.”

“Okay,” Steve says, his worries mostly calmed.

1 day until moving day.

Steve and Eddie are spending the night apart. Eddie wanting to spend his last night with Wayne and both of them needing to do some last minute packing.

Just as he finishes closing one of the last boxes the phone rings, he’s a bit confused about who would call him right now. His friends all having seen him earlier in the day to say goodbye. Maybe Eddie needs to double-check what time they decided to leave.

He picks up but it’s not Eddie, or even one of the kids, who speaks.

“Steven,” his mother's shrill voice crackles on the other end of the line.

“Hi mom,” he tries to hide his sigh as he speaks, doesn’t have the energy to get into anything with her right now, doesn’t want her to ruin his excitement.

“I thought you were moving to Chicago alone?”

His freezes, when he told his parents he was gonna move he didn’t say he was going alone but he also didn’t mention Eddie. He knew they wouldn’t like it, knew it would be easier to let them assume he was going by himself.

“But I just got off a call with Mrs. Hagan and she told me that Tommy had said you were moving there with- with that cult boy? The one who’s wanted for murder?”

Steve closes his eyes and this time he doesn’t bother hiding his sigh. Fucking Tommy, he’s always had a big mouth but Steve suspects that this hadn’t been him blabbering without thinking. No, Steve thinks Tommy knew exactly what he was doing telling his mom this piece of information.

“His name is Eddie, and he was cleared of all charges. The ‘cult’ was literally just a school club.”

“So it’s true? You’re moving with him?” Her voice is sharp and even just hearing it over the phone makes him flinch.

“Yeah, we’re friends and it’s cheaper that way. We got a better apartment because we’re two people with a job each.” It’s such a simplification of the truth it’s almost a lie but Steve doesn’t think this is the time to come out to her. He hopes the ‘better apartment’ comment will calm her, it’s the sort of thing she cares about after all. Not for his safety and comfort though but for how it will reflect on her.

He’s not sure she actually hears him though because she hisses a vicious, “If you move with him you will not be welcome back Steven, this will be the last time we speak.” Before she hangs up on him.

Steve carefully places the phone back in its cradle, then he’s left standing alone in the living room, both too shocked to move and not really shocked at all.

He’s not close to his parents. Has slowly been understanding just how much they’ve neglected him. He’s been relieved about moving away, about being in another city where he won’t have to see them when they waltz back into town. But to never speak to them again? That’s a whole different thing. He still hoped that they’d be able to fix their relationship. That him not being dependent on them anymore would allow him to stand up for himself. That everything would get better. Now instead, the thing he thought would allow their relationship to get better is gonna destroy it forever.

He debates calling Eddie, wants to tell him what his mom just said, wants to hear his voice, wants to let him make it better. He decides against it, he doesn’t wanna ruin Eddie’s last night with Wayne and he’ll see him tomorrow anyway. He can tell him in the car.

He doesn’t call Robin either, she’ll insist on coming over and he knows she’s on a date with Nancy right now. He doesn’t wanna ruin that either, even though both of them will tell him he’s not, he knows he will be. He goes to bed instead, sleep seems like the best option right now, at least he won’t have to think if he’s asleep.

Moving day.

He ended up not really sleeping at all. Tossing and turning for hours and after finally falling asleep sometime in the early morning he wakes up just hours later from a nightmare. He doesn’t remember what it was about but can feel the lingering panic. He gives up on getting any more sleep, doesn’t wanna risk more nightmares when he’s alone.

He picks at his breakfast, still thrown off from the conversation with his mom the night before and not feeling like eating, so he gives up on that too. He spends the rest of the morning wandering around, touching the walls and the furniture in the house he grew up in. The house he’s been left alone in since he was nine. The house he both hates and loves. The house he will never be allowed to return to after today.

Then the phone rings again, it’s probably his mom calling to ask if he’s decided to stay he thinks. It’s not, it turns out.

“Hi I’m Patricia, I’m looking for Steve Harrington?” A chipper voice says.

“This is him.”

“Okay well, good. I’m calling about a barista job you’re supposed to start with us next week.”

“Yeah?” Steve chews on his cheek.

“I’m so sorry but due to our rent being raised we’re having to do cutbacks. Since you haven’t signed your contract with us yet, it’s the first one to go.”

“You’re firing me?” Steve asks, it’s not entirely right since he hasn’t started yet but it’s all he can think to say.

“Essentially,” Patricia responds, “I’m sorry for the short notice.”

“Okay,” he says, his voice void of emotion, “thank you for calling.”

He hangs up without waiting for a response, he doesn’t have the energy to be polite.

He barely has time to let the information sink in before his doorbell rings. Eddie on the other side of the door with a wide grin on his face.

“Did you oversleep?” He jokes.

Steve’s confused for a second but then he realizes he’s still in his pajamas, that he’s spent the whole morning wandering around like a ghost in his house not getting any of the things he needed to do done.

He hasn’t packed the bag of all his essentials. He hasn’t gotten dressed. He hasn’t even brushed his teeth. What he has done is get fired from a job he never even started.

He sees Eddie’s teasing smile, the combination of it and his sudden joblessness tugs at something in his brain, brings back the conversation they had last week.

“Now, if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner princess.”

He doesn’t have a job. He’ll have to live off Eddie and what little savings he has left. Become a responsibility Eddie doesn’t want, a burden probably.

“Worst case scenario we move back”, “you’ll be able to come back if you need to.”

If he leaves now he won’t be able to come back.

Gareths words play back in his mind too.

“if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”, “it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.”

“I’m not going,” Steve hears himself say as he steps back from the hand Eddie reaches out to him.

“You’re not-“ Eddie looks so confused. “Like today? Do you need extra time? We can postpone by a couple of days but-“

He’s not getting it. Steve interrupts him, needs to make him understand because he can’t listen to him try to come up with solutions.

“No, Eddie. I’m not going it all.”

The words feel wrong in his mouth but he forces them out anyways.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks and it fucking ruins him. He feels his carefully blank expression break, despair showing through.

“I can’t leave Hawkins, the kids,” he has to look away from Eddie as he says this. Knows it’s the only thing Eddie won’t question, knows Eddie thinks he doesn’t mean as much to Steve as the kids do. “They need me.”

“When did you decide you weren’t going?” Eddie asks and Steve didn’t know it was possible but he breaks even more from that, from Eddie not fighting him.

I didn’t, he thinks, I don’t know why I’m saying this now. If you ask me to stop and just go with you I will.

“A couple of days ago,” he lies.

It’s silent then, just their breathing and the distant sound of cars down the street being heard. Eventually, Eddie breaks it.

“Steve?”

His voice cracks in the middle. Steve can hear the plea for him to take it all back and he nearly does, has to swallow the words creeping up his throat before they get out.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead. He turns around, closing the door behind him. Destroying their future and breaking the last bit of his heart in the process.

He doesn’t get more than two steps into the house before his legs give out beneath him. He stays there, sitting on the floor for what feels like forever.

After some time he hears a car drive away and he knows Eddie has left. He feels silent tears start streaming down his face that soon turns into sobs. Making him curl in on himself and gasp for air.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there, crying until he can’t anymore and then just sitting there. But after a while, he’s interrupted by a loud ringing. For the third time in less than twenty-four hours he picks up the god-forsaken phone.

“Hello?” He rasps, his voice dull and raw from crying.

“Steven. You made the right decision and stayed I take it?” His mother asks.

“Yes.” He says and hangs up on her.

#happy ending never got written but they end up happy and maybe on day i'll return to this and write it #once again i apologize for any typos mistakes in general etc I've read through it I swear #part one is like 800 words and this is over 3k idk what happened okay #actually i do i had to fit in more scenes #so uh yeah #there will still be a happy ending i promise but now you get where steve is coming from which is mainly a panic attack tbh #steve baby do not make big decisions while mid anxiety shut down #also talk to people <3 #eddie you know better than to reassure someone because you both have jobs? what are you doing???#it's 5am i swear if this does not show up in the tags ill cry #steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #my writing #my post #steddie angst #dels steddie thoughts

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youmakemyhearthowl · 1 year

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Punk Princess

(I'm so sorry for this)

Steve’s been sitting on his feelings for a few weeks now, and he’s more than sure that Eddie is someone he wants to be with in the long term. He’s so sure, he’s been planning the perfect way to ask him out for a few days now, and he’s almost got it exactly how it needs to be, when things kinda just go to shit.

He decided on his fishnets with a long kilt today, bright and matching the school colors because it’s an important game in the basketball season, and he pairs it with his spiked denim jacket with his battle vest pulled over it, a T-shirt that he took scissors to the sleeves cut so low it shows off the nailed baseball bat tattooed on his ribcage.

He’s excited for the game tonight, because he's going to actually have people in the stands supporting him. Robin has band so she’s always kind of there (of course she’d be there even if she didn’t), but he’d been planning on asking Hellfire to join in the stands tonight to watch. It’s the first time he’s going to be inviting anyone to see him play, and he’s beyond excited he has the club as friends now.

Steve’s never had a big group of friends before, and he’s a little overwhelmed sometimes that so many genuine people want to talk to him throughout the day. All because he ditched what he thought would make him well liked, and embraced something that not only made him happy, but helped him really truly be himself.

“Someone’s in a good mood this morning.” Robin chirps, grabbing Steve’s arm and placing it over her shoulders so she can nuzzle into Steve’s side, sighing happily at the contact. She’d replaced the purple in her hair with a forest green last night when she’d added it to the back ends of Steve’s hair, stating that she needed to match him, so people know he was her best friend. Steve’s entire body felt warm with love today.

“I’m just excited, Robs. This is a big game and I’m going to be in for the whole time probably, and I’m gonna ask the Hellfire boys to come too, so I might actually have people in the stands cheering for me that actually matter.” His happy energy seems to be contagious because Robin pulls back from him and links their hands together instead so she can swing them back and forth between them, the spiked bracelet she has on brushing the inside of Steve's wrist.

“I can’t wait for them to see you in your natural element, Steve. You glow when you play basketball.” She’s got a big cheesy grin on her face as she leads him out to the bleachers. They’ve started sitting with Hellfire during their free period now. The group accepts them in with open arms, and Robin and Gareth have formed some kind of bond over complaining about Steve and Eddie so the transition was easy.

“Hello boys!” Robin cheers loudly, her smile only seeming to widen as she plants herself on the bench next to Gareth and steals one of his baby carrots.

“What’s up Birdie?” Jeff beams, ruffling her hair. Steve’s eyes are instantly drawn to Eddie who’s been unusually quiet as they walk up and has to stifle the laugh he feels bubble up.

Eddie’s face is beat red and his mouth is slightly open, his eyes locked firmly on Steve’s exposed legs and trailing up his body. Subtly Steve adjusts his jacket just as Eddie's eyes get to his midsection so he can catch a glimpse of the ink on his skin.

“You have three tattoos?” Eddie’s voice comes out kinda strangled, fish mouthing as he meets Steve’s eyes. “Also are you wearing a skirt?” His face is steadily growing redder, the blush traveling down his cheeks to his neck.

“It’s a kilt.” Steve offers, smirking. He can hear Eddie muttering under his breath but it's too quiet for him to make out, so he throws himself onto the bench next to him, stretching his legs out and crossing them at his ankles. His heavy boot heel digging into the dirt below them.

“So I’ve got a question.” Steve tries to keep his voice nonchalant, but he feels his excitement seep in and he can’t contain the giddy smile forming on his face as he looks at all his friends, god his friends, sitting around him.

“I’ll literally do anything for you as long as you keep that kilt on.” Eddie responds, Robin and Gareth make a fake gagging noise in the background. Steve throws his head back and laughs, feeling lighter than he has in a very long time.

“So tonight’s like a super important game for basketball and I was wondering if you guys would come watch me play? I know its last minu..” Eddie holds up a hand cutting him off.

“Steve, Hellfire is tonight.”

“Well yea I know, but I figured we could do it tomorrow or something since I have the game and wouldn’t be able to make it anyways.” A small thread of dread starts to snake its way into Steve’s stomach as he watches Eddie’s face morph into displeasure.

“Cancel Hellfire for… Basketball?” Every word of that sentence is coated with a venom Steve’s never had Eddie direct at him before, and the thread of dread turns into an entire lead brick in his stomach.

“Well yea, that way we can… do both?” He says it like a question, watching Eddie spring up from the bench next to him and begin to pace in front of the group.

“We don’t cancel Hellfire Steve. We’ve never canceled Hellfire. And you want to do it for some stupid basketball game? You’re choosing that shit over us?” He gestures around to the rest of their friends, a sharp anger in his eyes as he looks at Steve.

“I just thought it would be nice to have like real fr…”

“I should have known you didn’t really care about me, us, this group. Fucking prioritizing your stupid jock game over Hellfire. Jesus Steve, your true colors really have been sitting below the surface this whole time haven’t they?”

Steve feels ice cold.

He’s fighting off the sting of tears threatening to fall as he stands up and squares his shoulders, pulling on everything in him that he can, to bite back at Eddie. But he can’t find any heat in his veins to even begin to add to the words, so his shoulders deflate as he lets out a breath shaking his head.

“Just forget it man, I’ll send Dustin or something to sub for me tonight.” It comes out in a neutral tone as he shoves his hands into his jacket pockets to try to bring some warmth back to them.

“Bullshit. Don’t bother Steve. You’ve shown where your priorities are. Consider Sir Stephen no longer a part of the campaign.”

Steve just walks off before the tears can fall, biting his knuckles to hold in a sob.

Bullshit. Steve should have known better. He really should have. He’d assumed that Eddie would be different, that Eddie would be open to all sides of Steve like he was open to all sides of him. But at the end of the day, apparently Eddie still saw him as King Steve, and nothing was probably ever going to change that.

He can distantly hear Robin shout something at Eddie before she’s running up to him and throwing her arm around his shoulder. Tucking him into her side the same way he always does to her.

Steve should just stick to Robin. Maybe he was only destined for one friendship. Maybe he wasn’t someone who should ask for more than that.

Robin was enough anyways.

She always was.

(I don't think I'll be able to post again until Sunday, but know I love you guys, and the angst doesn't last forever, the boys are just Teenagers that have things they need to learn and unlearn.)

#Punk Steve #Punk!Steve #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #Steddie fic #you can blame whatthemeepever for enabling the angst in this bad boy #i PROMISE it gets better #I swear on Dustins Mother #just stupid boys being stupid #Punk Princess fic

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caffeiiine · 4 months

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[talks of previous s/h under the cut, stay safe everybody ^^] [basically just me being a little proud of myself and being a little self indulgent]

hello friends i keep finding the “be proud of the little things you did/stopped doing this year” and i feel like crying from the gentle positivity and yk what 224 days clean, i am pretty proud of myself if for nothing else, that

#anyways to anybody with a smaller number than me; you can do jt!! it gets easier!! trust me!!#it gets easier and it gets better!!#and that’s not an empty promise i swear; things do brighten up a lot when your brain isn’t filled with thoughts of how you can hide it #or when the next time is or The Guilt TM #anyways i wish you all the best :D #t #tw sh related

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slimslamflimflam · 1 year

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WOE

MORE PIZZA GAME DOODLES BE UPON YE

can you tell i’m still trying to learn how to draw peppino

#pizza tower #pt peppino #peppino spaghetti #GRAHHHHHHH I LOVE THE SILLY PIZZA GAME #half of the entire doodle page is just peppino. i’m so normal i swear #creatures………..#please forgive me for my slightly biblically inaccurate peppino pt fandom i’ll get better i promise #my art !! :]

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ganymedesclock · 1 year

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I haven't really talked about my opinions on AI art because I don't talk about a lot of broad opinions on here but I think I want to put my hat in the ring, and reblogging a post about spotting AI art is a good time.

I as much as anyone understand the exquisite agony of having ambitions, dreams, images you want created that you just cannot make yourself; your skill level isn't there, it requires something like animating or musical composition, you don't know if you want to commit yourself to making art purely to just have the art that you want. It's maddening. Especially if you're already making art, but you watch other people make art you can barely even dream of and it seems effortless and you have no idea how they got there. I remember that feeling vividly. There are plenty of people out there who can still make me feel that way.

But.

This isn't the solution. The truth is, you cannot lovelessly steal others' hands like a parasite to make your dreams come true. It won't be what you wanted. It won't be what you believed in. The ability to just, press a button and have the art, right there!! feels so wonderful but you have to realize it's all just built on theft, and not even very good theft. For every sleek, pretty superficial thing you're looking for, there's a million ugly messy details and even uglier cruelty made.

This isn't it. This isn't it. Believe me that it isn't it. Take your passion to commission work. Struggle forwards on your own art. Find artists who take requests. These things are all going to have better rewards, better detail, and you're not participating in what's rooted in pure art theft all the way down.

I know how it feels to have a beautiful image inside burning like a razor wire in your guts because you can't get it out the way you want. But AI art generation is a false friend to that, truly deeply and profoundly. This tool isn't some kind of inherent demon but the way that it's being implemented tells us that we aren't ready to use it and right now anything it makes is built on a disrespect of art because the people who make these programs are just grabbing everything they can to mulch into as much data as possible and then draw wobbly lines of best fit.

And your dreams deserve better than wobbly best fit lines.

#ai art generation #listen I know how it is. you dream of making beautiful ghibli illustrations when all you draw is wobbly catgirls #(not a hypothetical I am literally talking about myself)#getting better at art is agony #'practice! it's the only way!' is met with so much frustration #people don't want to practice they want to be good NOW #and into all this debacle the AI art inserts and whispers 'what if you could be good right now without yourself'#and it's tempting when you think that yourself is not a key process of it #but I swear I swear I promise and beg you #the artist is an integral part of the thing #you cannot remove them from the black box #you just can't

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cayenneexe · 8 months

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The World According to Kris (reverse!au) 2/4

Chapter Two is finally out!!

Kris recalls a memory seven (earth) years ago his miserable life on Cybertron and how the Autobot brothers arrived on Earth. But when he wakes up in the Well of Sparks, he is determined to return home, concerned for his human-hating brother left in the aftermath of his death.

Reverse Roles AU and basically Kris takes Bee’s place in RotB, killed by Scourge trying to steal the transwarp key before being revived, followed by flashbacks on Noah’s and Kris’ life before the crash that sent hundreds of Cybertronians to Earth.

Next (coming soon)

Ao3 Sneak Peek

“Hey, look,” K-008 starts, catching his brother’s attention, “The Supernova I know, it took him forever to join the military. He never gave up.”

Noah wants to either laugh or cry at his brother’s naïveté, “I'm not Supernova anymore, K-008. I’m not a hero.”

“I'm just saying, you'll get the next one.”

“There is no next one.” Noah almost barks, making K-008 nearly flinch at the sudden increase. Frustration leaks into his voice and forces it to raise in volume. “No one's coming to save us. We're alone in this.”

The two sit quietly, the silence following the hard truth making the atmosphere thicker than the sharpest blade could cut as Kris hands back the gauntlet. Yet, while still upset, Noah still takes it with a sense of carefulness. The soldier is frustrated, not at his brother but at the circumstances placed upon him. K-008 knew that but remained hurt from his attitude. Noah knew that too.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's alright.” Not even a beat after Noah’s apology, K-008 mumbles with a forgiving grin.

“No, it's not.” He grumbles from his vents, “None of this is.”

They sit in silence once again. The only noise was the winds of the ship sailing above the ground and the murmurs of the people around them. K-008 is left to think again, massaging his servos once the pulsing has faded and the rust inches out into his sight. The silence becomes unbearable so he tries to speak.

“When I get better,” K-008 says, startling Noah a bit, “I want to join the army too.”

Now Noah is truly startled. The image of his younger brother going through the same thing as him sends a true fear down his spine like any other. The idea of his little brother walking down the streets with bots yelling insults and slurs at him, hurts so much it’s unexplainable. He wishes to interject but at K-008’s hopeful look, the green soldier allows him to dream.

“I’ll train hard like you and get so strong, even the Prime would want to fight by my side!” A wide enthusiastic smile spreads across his face plate, bouncing on his seat and almost ready to leap out. “Then when I get my abilities, I’ll be unstoppable!”

K-008 sits up from his seat and his navy blue glass visor falls over his eyes and nose. “I’ll do missions, find the bad guy’s weaknesses and hit them where it hurts! Boom!”

Noah laughs as he attacks the air, narrating sound effects of each punch and kick before K-008 bumps into a grumpy Cybertronian and quickly apologizes. Noah pulls K-008 away but barely holds back a chuckle.

“Sorry! Sorry.” K-008 mumbles to the stranger before sitting back down.

He looked embarrassed, fiddling his fingers in silence but Noah gave him a nudge into his shoulder to encourage more of his rambles, wanting to learn more about his dream.

“Go on. Continue.”

The prior excitement seems to have faded and K-008 just sighs, “I just…I just want to be a hero just like you.” He reasons as he gestures to his speechless brother, “I want to save people, go on deadly missions and get recognized. And everyone will start cheering my name…

Kri-ti-cal! Kri-ti-cal! Kri-ti-cal! Wooooo!!”

K-008 fakes an applause and whisper-yelling cheers. Noah laughs albeit a bit confused.

“Kritical? Where did that come from?” At Noah’s laughter and question, he quiets a bit and starts fiddling with his digits again. Noah quickly tries to backtrack, “Not that it’s not a good name! It’s really cool! I promise.”

K-008 remained quiet for a moment which is starting to worry Noah. The orange bot didn’t look sad anymore but appeared to be thinking before he finally found his words.

“The medics won’t treat me unless I’m dying or I’m important,”

Noah goes speechless, his brother’s words echoing in his audials and dread dropping into the bottom of his tanks. His digits start clench in rising anger, practically shaking to keep his rage from showing.

Does he not think he’s important? That his brother will not get any attention unless he’s dead? It’s a horrifying idea, especially for someone who’s as kind and forgiving as K-008.

“and that’s what I want to be. Important. Critical.”

The silence returns but it’s neither tense or comfortable.

Technically and unfortunately, what he said was true.

Everytime Noah enters any and every hospital, they won’t let him in unless his spark is flatlining at the moment. It hurts Noah every single time but the soldier hates to admit that he forgets how his brother feels about it as well.

Clearly, it was killing him as much as the disease.

The rage inside the green robot dies out. His fist relaxes from the sorrow growing inside him. Noah scoots closer to the orange bot, hugging him close around the shoulders and trying to make eye contact with the distraught sparkling.

“You don’t need to fight bad guys or die to be important. You know that right?”

“I know.”

“But if you do decide to go into the military, I’ll be there every step of the way, Kritical.” K-008, or Kritical, giggles at the sound of his callsign from another voice, wrapping his arms tight around Noah’s middle as he grinning into the metal. All Noah could do is hug back, both of his arms around the orange bot, “Home team?”

“Home team.”

BOOM!

#transformers #transformers rise of the beasts #transformers rotb #rise of the beasts #rotb #kris diaz #noah diaz #breanna diaz #freedom racers au #reverse au #reverse roles au #read on ao3 #cross posted on ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #I swear it will get happier it just takes some (or a lot) of angst first #it will get better for kris I promise #also I love my mama breanna #she was on screen for ten seconds and I already love her

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