#it didnt feel worth it to line this so i just tied 2 make it a little cleaner sdfsdjk

[clownkillsyou]

I FORGOT ABT THIS

#art #madness combat #deismoke #it didnt feel worth it to line this so i just tied 2 make it a little cleaner sdfsdjk #not picture is outdated white hank design going FCKIN PROBABLY. #also yea theyre talking abt pink hank #smokey has a gasmask bc i thought it would be a cool visual if smoke comes out of his mouth and like. w the mask it goes thru it #idk if its gonna stick tho

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Geralt x Injured reader part 1

Part 2

Pairing: Geralt x reader (self insert)

Warnings: swearing, injury, blood, I think that's all?

Summary: Reader is feeling jealous and wanders too far from camp.

*********************

Hey guys! This is like my first fanfiction ever. And I wrote it at like 3am when I couldn't sleep. It's probably trash but if you like it I do have ideas for more! Xoxo enjoy****

Geralt x injured reader part 1

Jealousy was not a pretty color on you. And you swore riot yourself it was no such thing. After all Geralt of Rivia was just a teacher/friend you were travelling with. You had some skill with a sword, he found you trying to take down a kikkemora all by yourself, and failing miserably. After you saw how skilled he was you begged him to take you with him, to train you. He said no of course, so you just kept tagging along without his consent. At some point though he finally decided that if you were gonna come along you might as well be of some use so you made a deal.

Over the months you grew stronger but still had much to learn. After all it takes years for anyone to become a great fighter. And luckily for you, Geralt had many many many years of experience to offer you.

You enjoyed the time you spent togther, the conversation, (although you did most of the talking..) and the training, he was one of the few people in your life you felt comfortable with. Someone you could always count on. And somewhere along your travels the line between student and teacher blurred for you into something else, although you did your best to deny it at first.

You had gone off and caught feelings for the man who had no interest in real committed relationships. You knew you had it bad when you found yourself overflowing with irritation when he spent his nights in the arms of some whore at a dirty brothel.

On those nights you drank until you passed out on roach. Pretty fucking pathetic y/n.

Then came along the witch, Yennefer..

You saw how they looked at eachother, a look you'd wish Geralt would give you even for a fleeting moment.

There were creatures that had been attacking the villagers at night, so the three of you, well four since Jaskier decided to tag along when he spotted us, were tracking these monsters into the forest. You didnt mind Jaskier at all, his songs a welcome distraction from the obvious growing bond between Geralt and Yennefer.

You felt horrible for the animosity you felt towards her. She did nothing wrong and you hated that if not for your jealousy, you probably would have been close friends.

If you were a better women you could get over your silly crush and focus on your training but...

Yeah you had some growing to do. After searching the forest for a few hours, and finding nothing, everyone was tired and decided to set up camp.

Once Geralt tied down roach, he turned to address the group, "Everyone is to stay in camp, these monsters are dangerous, so if you need to take a piss, I suggest you do it behind a tent, unless you wanna risk getting your head shot off" he said rather gruffly.

Jaskier made a sound of discomfort and scooted closer to the fire.

"Dont worry jaskier, I'll protect you" you giggled.

He turned to you in amusement, "Ah yes how does go the training y/n, last I saw you, you could barely lift your sword" he teased.

"I've gotten rather good, mind if I practice on you?" You teased.

"Thanks but I think I better go and get my beauty sleep, good night" he smiled and retreated into his tent.

You went to feed roach some apples when you noticed that Geralt and Yennefer had dissapeared.

Huh? Where did they go? At first you thought they were in trouble since you didnt hear either of them say goodnight but as you got closer to the middle of camp you heard voices coming from Yennefers tent.

You told yourself not to look but you couldn't help it. And the instant you did you felt your heart break. It was one thing to see him in the arms of a whore. You knew they meant nothing to him, but in the arms of someone he cares for? That hurt...

Roughly you turned away from the kissing couple and marched away. Away from camp, away from stupid feelings and dumb petty jealousy.

It was not yennefers fault she was beautiful and powerful and brilliant. And if you were jealous then you should become just as amazing as she is. Maybe then he would notice you...

You were snapped out of your reverie when a rustle in the bushes caught your attention.

Fuck I was not supposed to leave camp...

Thinking quickly, you unsheathed your sword and held it at the ready. Its sharp edge gleaming in the moonlight.

Eyes narrowing at the bush. A moment later you were relived when a rabbit hopped out.

Phew I thought It was--

*SCRAWWWWWWWWCH*

Fuck

You barely missed the creatures slimy claws as it swiped for your head. Jumping to the side you managed to get a good look at the beast. It was rather large and spider looking, with several disgusting sets of beady eyes and a long slithering tough that dripped of something purple. So geralt was right, the creature lurking here was a visser. (Completely made it up on the spot) They're claws are sharp and quick but it's the tongue you have to watch our for. One jab, although not fatal can leave a man in bed for days from pain. 2 jabs in the same place? then your a goner. And the visser is known to be smarter, he distracts with claws and jabs quickly before you can even blink.

You knew you should probably yell for your companions. There was a chance they could hear you. But that very second you thought of yennefer and how she would be able to take on a monster like this.

That made up your mind...this monster was going to be your kill... youd finish this off and prove that you had gotten stronger if it's the last thing you do.

Although that would kind of defeat the purpose...

"Urgh" you landed roughly on the ground, one of its claws managed to swipe at you.

"Ok no more misses nice gal" regainging your stance, the glint of the moon shone on your opponent. With a visser you had a few options. Option 1, go for the head which kills instantly but the risk of a jab is highest.

Option 2 is cut off all the legs quickly then send your sword through the head. But if it dodges... you're dead meat.

Option 3, try to get under the beast where its tongue cant reach you and strike upwards. With your small stature option 3 sounded the smartest. You just had to move fast enough where it wouldnt be able to see you for a split second.

Alright y/n dont let your training go to waste! This is your chance to prove yourself.

Running faster than you've ever ran before, you circled around the visser waiting for when the creature was even a second slow and could not see you. The right moment was.....

Now! You sprinted forward and slid under its legs.

"Scrawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachh" the monster howled in pain as you slammed your sword directly up getting covered in visser guts in the process.

"Blegh how disgusting.." you swiped the guts off your face and stood in front of the slain beast.

For once in a long time you felt proud of yourself. You slayed a monster all by yourself, even Geralt said you hadn't been ready yet and often told you to stay back during fights. But he would have to eat up his words now hehe. You could just imagine everyone's faces when you would tell them.

You were too wrapped up in your glory to notice a second visser sneaking up behind you.

By the time you heard its screech, it was too late. Its slimy black tongue had struck your stomach leaving a sizzling pain behind it.

"FUCK" unsheathing your sword again, you tried to maneuver far enough out of its reach to thing of a plan. There was no way you could pull on option 3 again with the way your core burned. One more jab and it would be over. Damn it! why couldn't you just have your victory and be done with it!

One hand clutched at your injury while the other was positioned weakly in front of you. Your eyes blurred slights but you refused to let this shit swamp be your final resting place.

The burning subsided to an ache and you used that opportunity to make a mad dash into the thicket. You needed to think of a plan and quick, it would not take long for the visser to catch up with you, especially now that you had that stupid injury.

"Srawwwwwwwwwch" it sounded like it was right behind you. Fuck fuck fuck.

And then because mother nature decided to be a BITCH, you tripped on a large tree root and tumbled forward.

"Scraeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech" you flipped over quickly and shut your eyes as the visser was basically on top of you. 3 more seconds and you would be dead.

3, how pathetic y/n, after all these promises you made to yourself about becoming someone worth being proud of you fuck up the one chance you had.

2, maybe it's better this way, would anyone even miss you? Jaskier would, maybe he would even write a song about you..

1, I'm sorry I was an idiot...Geralt I'll watch over you...

"SWOOOOOOOOSH" the unmistakable sweet sound of metal slicing through flesh made your eyes shoot wide open.

"Geralt!" He stood out of breath hovering over the now beheaded visser. His sharp golden eyes moved from the beast, to you.

Without a word he reached over and pulled you up without a hint of gentleness. You hid your wince at the sudden movement. Not wanting to let anyone know that the visser had gotten the better of you.

"What happened" he bit out slowly. Fuck he was angry. "Why did you leave camp y/n when I explicitly told you not to" his feline eyes bore into yours and suddenly you felt too intimated and looked away.

Ah yes what excuse will I come up with now. Sorry Geralt I had to leave because I felt immense pressure and heartache seeing you and Yennefer over there locking lips and most passionately I might add.

When he noticed my hesitation he let out a growl, "Hmm, don't lie to me"

Fuuuuuuuuuck...

"I-I didnt mean to, really... I couldn't sleep so I was walking close to camp and I didnt even realize I had wandered so far until the other visser attacked." You looked him in the eyes knowing it would better your chances of him believing it.

He stared at you a few more seconds before letting out a sigh.

" You killed it" he said bluntly, and softer than before.

"I did.." you couldn't help the small smile that formed on your face. He sighed again, this time he had a small smirk on his face, "Well I guess you have learnt some things after all" he patted your shoulder but pulled away when Yennefer and Jaskier appeared.

"Y/n thank god your alive, are you alright?!" Jaskier grabbed your shoulders and scanned you for injuries. Luckily your stomach was covered by your armor, visser Jabs were known for hurting like hell at first, seeming to get better shortly after, then coming back tenfold. Right now you were at stage two, the calm before the storm..

Yennefer made a comment about how impressive you were to slay the visser and you hated yourself for still feeling ill towards her. She was a great person and you could not blame Geralt for liking her. It was just an unfortunate situation.

The walk back was quiet and the second you were in your tent again you dared to take a look at the wound. Gingerly you unbuckled your armor and lifted up your shirt.

You let out a small sigh of relief. It just looked like a large bruise. Nothing you couldn't pass off as a "I fell off roach" kinda injury.

As positive as you tried to be, you knew the worst was yet to come. But by god you were not about to let your victory be ruined by your companions knowing of this. Especially since Yennefer and Geralt could've slain the beast without a scratch.

Somehow you were lucky and slept the rest of the night in peace. It was early when jaskier came to wake you. Although you slept plenty, you felt just as exausted as you did after your late night encounter.

Before putting on your armor, you dared to look at the wound again. You regretted it the moment you did.

Fuck me... the bruise was much darker than before and covered a larger area. As for the pain, it felt only slightly more sore which was good for now. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to find out about it.

Quickly you threw togther the rest of your things and met the others. According to the village leader there was one more visser out there so we continued our search deeper into the forest. It was around noon when the pain intensified. It started as a constant dull ache but gradually became a burning sensation. It was becoming harder to hide it.

You made up some excuse to the group and sat on top of roach. You were sure if you had to walk anymore you would have fallen over. Luckily for awhile jaskier was more preoccupied with his latest ballad and geralt and yen were wrapped up in some serious conversation. You didnt realize how far you were lagging behind until jaskier turned to you.

"Y/n?" He walked over to you and pulled on roaches reigns making him go a little faster.

"Hm" was all you could manage.

"Are you alright? You're sweating so much"

Confused you ran a hand over your head. He was right, you were and didnt even feel it.

"Yo- sic- rest-" what? Why was Jaskier talking gibberish...and why is he so blurry?

You didnt even feel yourself pitching to the side, just the woosh of air through your ears.

"Y/N!? Y/N what's wrong?!?!" Jaskier barely managed to catch your half conscious form. "GERALT!" The witcher swung around sword at the ready but widened his eyes in shock at what he saw.

Y/n was on the floor, breathing heavily and being propped up by Jaskier.

Geralt and Yennefer quickly ran over. The witchers eyes narrowed in concern when he saw the state of her. She was sweating profusely and looked to be struggling with something. Yennefer raised a hand to her forehead but shook her head. "Its not a fever".

Geralt held her up, lightly smacking her face, he grew even more worried when she didnt react.

"Jaskier what happened"

"I don't know, I noticed she was falling behind so I went to check on her, then I noticed she looked sick, I was telling her we should stop and rest but then she just collapsed. She seemed really out of it too.

At that moment a grunt of pain escaped y/n's lips, and her eyes slowly opened.

You were confused as to why when you opened your eyes, gerald's golden ones were staring at yours with intense concern.

"Y/n can you hear me??" he questioned furrowing his brows.

"I-I ahhhgh" you screwed your eyes shut as the pain intensified. It felt like someone had set your stomach on fire.

This only confused geralt more, "you're hurt" he said as more of a statement.

"Where is the pain y/n," the gentle voice of yennefer surrounded you. Ugh why couldn't she just be a bitch, it would make things so much easier.

You tried speaking but a moan left your lips instead. Fuck this hurt worse than anything you had encountered before.

Geralt closed his eyes as if he had a sudden realization, "you got hit by the visser didnt you"

When you didnt speak but he saw the look in your eyes he knew it was true. "Fuck".

Quickly he began removing your armor and saw the injury peeking from under your shirt. He wasted no time lifting it up just until below your chest. You heard small gasps but were too out of it to know from who.

"Fuck y/n, why didn't you say anything??" Geralt scolded as he examined the wound.

Luckily you didnt have to answer, just focus on breathing heavily.

"Will she be alright?!" The frantic voice of jaskier floated through your ears.

"It would have been better if she told us from the beginning, with a visser attack you need to stay still as much as you can. However by the looks of it she only got hit once, which means she still has a chance."

"What can we do?" Was it yennefer or jaskier who said that?

Geralt pulled a sack from roach and rummaged through it till he pulled out a yellowish filled bottle.

Lifting y/n with one arm he pulled the cork with his teeth and gently placed it between her lips. "Drink y/n" without a second thought you downed the strange liquid coughing as it burned your throat like liquor.

"What is that?" Jaskier asked curiously.

" it's for the pain, it'll make her feel like shes dreaming." Geralt threw her armor onto roach and lifted her up carefully into his arms. "Let's go" he ordered and the troup was once again on their way. Geralt gave one look at the now sleeping y/n and sighed. What was she thinking?

***************************

When you opened your eyes the first thing you did was let out a girlish laugh.

Geralt was surprised for a moment since you had been silently resting in his arms for a long time. "Y/n?"

"Geralt! You've dyed your hair pink! How adorable!" You reached up and pulled at the cotton soft locks.

The witcher sighed, knowing this was the effect of the medicine. Jaskier and yennefer let out a small laugh at the scene of the two.

"Go back to sleep y/n, you need rest" he commanded softly.

"GERALT!" you suddenly exclaimed! "Oh no you cant be the white wolf anymore! Oh no oh no oh no WAIT I GOT IT! YOU CAN BE THE PINK PONY! QUICK JASKIER WRITE THIS DOWN!!"

"Ah yes the witcher, pink pony of the north, has a nice ring to it" jaskier couldn't contain his laughter.

Geralt decide it best to ignore her and keep walking forward.

"Geralt?" He chose to ignore her again. "Geralt....?"

"Gerrrrrallllllt?"

"GERALT!"

"Geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt geralt"

"What?!" He bit out annoyed.

"Do you think I'm pretty? hehe" he was caught off guard and was not sure how to answer. It didnt help the other two were just giggling behind him.

"I um....yeah" he said awkwardly.

"So I dont look like a troll?" You asked earnestly.

"Pfft what?" Now geralt was the one who couldn't control his laughter.

"Don't laugh!" You suddenly pouted. "A long time ago one of my lovers said I looked like a troll when he broke up with me.."

Still amused geralt shifted you to meet his eyes, "No y/n, you do not look like a troll"

"Phew thank god, I dont know what I would have done..." you laid a hand against your head dramatically.

"Now will you please stop squirming and go back to sleep" geralt sighed out.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm......alright I've decided to go to sleep since I need sleep and it's what I have decided" you saluted the air.

"Finally.." he grumbled.

With a smile you reached both arms around his neck and brought your soft lips to his unshaven cheek.

"Goodnight pinky, sweet creams" he was shocked for a moment then let out an exasperated laugh.

"Goodnight y/n...sweet creams"

******************

To be continued in part 2!

#geralt of rivia #geralt #geralt x oc #geralt x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #the witcher #netflix #reader injured #injuries #hurt #angry geralt #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #part 1 #geralt x injured reader #geralt x injured reader part 1 #geralt x injured reader pt 1

[dysfunctionalnerd]

I was wondering ... how would Randall react to Evil! Layton? or Monocle! Layton(by the way your drawings are amazing!)

ahhh thank u so much!! that means so much to me ;u; oh my GOSH MONACLE LAYTON!!! i havent thought about him organically in too long sksksks

well so ok if i had to make layton evil at any point in time, the way id do it would be after unwound future. it would be about 2 years after he found randall, but in this scenario he never worked up the courage to call randall or go back and visit after he left Monte D'or so abrubtly, which means losing that friendship was already weighing on his heart. so then after UF, losing claire and luke in the span of the same week... its too much for him. Crying in his room one night, he says "so this is it then? am i destined to always lose the people i love? i will simply never love again." and he snaps. he gets cold and distant, doesnt allow the kindness of others to reach him. all he wants now is vengance, and this man has been wronged by soooooo many people.

The only person still living with him is flora at this point. at first she lets things slide. things like seeing hersh withdraw into his study for too long, or drink too late into the night. but then she notices he stays in his room for days at a time, clearly working on something, but he gets so rude when asked about what. shes always met with answers like "its none of your concern" or "dont ask questions you're not prepared to hear the answer to", until one day she really puts her foot down. Demands to know whats going on. Shes so worried. But hershel screams at her to go away. an ugly, terrible yelling nobody deserves. and its so cold she just,, runs away crying. she cant think of anybody to reach out for help. she doesnt know anybody, she was never allowed to go out and make friends.

until she remembers the stories luke told her about the man they saved in Monte D'or, and she remembers how softly hershel would smile the precious few times he mentioned he name randall.

so she pulls up a phone book and looks up a Randall Ascot. Its not hard considering he owns an entire fucking town. shes crying and scared and alone, and when randall picks up the phone, he is of course concerned. hes never met this girl, but nobody should by crying this much, and then his heart breaks when he realizes its hershel who did this. He was always hurt by how hershel never said goodbye, and never called again to rekindle their friendship. at first he doesn't want to come over, but flora begs him.

"please, randall, you have to help. I know i hardly know you but... nobody else can reach him, i just know it".

so he grabs the nearest train. tells flora take take it easy at a bougie hotel for a night while he makes the trip over, pays for everything ofc. the two meet up. randall falls in love with this girl in .5 seconds (yknow in that "ive only met this girl for 10 minutes but if anything were to happen to her id kill everyone in this room and then myself" kind of way). They decide to just go to hershels flat and knock. he doesnt answer. they knock again. nothing. randall gets worried. he breaks down the door, shouts for hershel. Nobodys there. the place is empty. they enter hershels study to make sure, but what they find horrifies them. a GIANT charlie kelly style board with a bunch of pictures of different people, mostly people connected to bill hawks, and red lines connecting them stand before the two, and they both know in their gut its a hit list of some kind.

so they run to parliment or whatever building it is those goverment people all stay in, hoping its not too late, hope maybe their suspicions arent true. Theyre horrified when they reach the front steps and theres no guards or anything. sirens are blaring. they run down the halls. injured soldier's and police are telling them to turn back, its not worth it, this man is unstoppable.

"please dont let it be hershel, please dont let it be hershel."

flora stops when they reach the big door. she looks up at randall, crying. "im sorry... but i cant go in. i dont want to face him like this."

randall hugs her, reassures her. tells her its ok to wait by the entrance, that everything will be ok.

Flora rushes off, and randall takes a deep breath. He opens the door where bill hawks office is supposed to be. Randalls heart sinks. in the big chair is hershel, a sword covered in red, and tied to chains too close to the fire place is a beat up bill hawks.

hershel greets him coldly, like strangers.

"ah hello there. im sorry, but the prime minister cannot assist you today. please come back later."

"hershel, what are you doing??? that sword.... have you??"

"killed someone? no..." he hops off his chair and points his sword to bill hawks, far too close to the neck. "no not yet. but if youd like, you can join me for the first one."

Randall picks up a pipe or something close to him. "i cant let you do this hershel... i know youre better than this."

"ah, but you see, thats the thing." his blade lightly touches bills neck. "i could be, but then... whats the point?" then he scoffs, and pulls his sword away, pointing it towards randall in a battle stance. "never mind, you could never understand."

and he charges. AND THE EPIC SWORD FIGHT BETWEEN HERSHEL AND RANDALL THAT WE WERE ROBBED OF COMENCES! Randall, between parrys, is in total disbelief. "Hershel, stop it! i know how youre feeling, but this isnt the solution! youre tired, and scared, and unbelievably hurt. youre in so much pain... this isn't going to end that pain!"

clink, parry

"you couldnt possibly know what im feeling. ive lost everyone. but its no matter."

for a moment it looks like hershel is about to pin randall down, but he swoops away at the last minute.

"No, please hershel, you cant think like that!! youre not alone!! not anymore!! You didnt give up on the masked gentleman... let me return the favor!"

hershel gasps at this, and hesitates. its enough for randall to knock hershels sword out of his hands, and pin him to the ground. Hershel is afraid, his eyes are wide.

"r-randall, stop it!! leave me alone!"

"no!" randall throws the pipe he fought with aside. "not until you make things right!" he starts crying, his tears spill on hershels shirt. "not until i get my best friend back..."

hershel can't take it anymore. He screams, and starts crying uncontrollably. that ugly crying you reserve for your worst moments, and randall softens his grip on hersh, changes it so hes hugging his friend. And hershel just cries and cries and cries.

"i... i just dont want to live like this anymore..." he sobs.

"hershel.... oh hershel, im so, so sorry."

and they continue to cry. eventually randall asks what happened, how it got to this. hershel explains the events of the last few years. how luke left. how bill hawks sent men to beat him to an inch of his life 8 years ago, so really this is just him returning the favor. they talk it out.

"hershel... you owe flora an apology"

and hershel starts crying even more. "oh no, how could i do this to her?? im a monster..."

"nonsense! shes just worried about you, we all just want you to be ok. give her time, you two will be ok."

so slowly, randall convinces hershel to take his hand and walk out before some real irreverasble damage is done. they dont untie bill tho :) hershel comes face to face with flora at the entrance. starts stuttering some words, but jever gets around to saying anything bc flora hugs hershel so tightly, and cries into his chest. "professor i was so worried..."

"i.... im so sorry...."

and thats it!! the police dont do anything bc i dont believe in them, hawks eventually gets voted out. they all go home and randall decides to stay with hershel until he find a therapist. then decides to stay with him until he starts smiling again, then because i mean whos gonna help out with flora?? and then bc honestly hershel, this place is a mess! and then,,,,, well,,,,,, yknow,, 👀👀

#THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY #professor layton #hershel layton #randall ascot #ranlay #flora reinhold #this is a fucking fanfic outline i stg #now i might actually write this skskksks #its a little messy and all over thenplace sorry i went on an adhd rant there sksskksk #gosh thank u for asking its been so long since i like info dumped like this aaaaaa

[mother-snake]

promised story 1-

(this one is an origional and first chapter to a book im going over at  the minuet, any constructive critisism would be nice and anything you liked about or didnt like would be good for me so i can perhapse change certain things in future!) -if you guys like it enough i might post the other chapters as i work along them. and if youd like, i can tagg you in!-

UNLOCKED: kurbose words: 3641 warnings: small fight thing happens at begining.

chapter 2-  n/a

chapter 1 -I will eat this sandwich; fate just has other plans.

At least crows don’t judge people for doing the bizarre things they do, I suppose. For example; the fact that I was sitting down on top of the rather worn-down churches roof that lay in the dead centre of the village, slowly turning into a town. Very slowly... I’d blame me getting up here on my habit of using my, not so useful, skill of getting into trouble; but in all honesty that excuse’ became unreliable since the tenth time I’d deliberately made my way up here. Not that I minded much.

Ten or so crows were lined on either side of me cawing loudly at one another trying to get closer, hoping that they could snag some of the sandwich I was eating. It had been wrapped up and stayed in my pocket since the morning. I had always left then in the early hours and barely came back until nightfall. the murder was slowly becoming more and more agitated as they looked at the sandwich with a keen eye.

lunch I had to skip due to them… I don’t mean the birds of course. not the birds. Never. Ever. blame the birds.

the night air was always calming. The stars seemed to look down upon me with a curious gaze, as if asking why I was still in the melancholy village. Living in such a boring place for years. sometimes it felt like hundreds of eyes were on me. that’s why I always sat on top of the roof. And when I did, I couldn’t help but feel a form of freedom I couldn’t get anywhere else. Mayhaps that was because I wasn’t supposed to be up there in the first place. Alas. We shall never know.

sure, some people would enjoy the normal life. Not worrying about what would be around the corner. But I I’m not like that, when it’s all you know. You’d wish for something to change.

I surveyed the area in my line of vision. It was slowly becoming dark enough that everything was blending together. But I could still see the outlines of everything. the sound of the canal that split the village up in sections was only a couple streets away.

I could recognise some of the people lined up by their houses getting the final things ready. And those who were wondering the streets were making their ways home. it was fairly easy to remember everyone in the town. No one really moved here, and if they did, they would mostly stay till they were old and grey.

One of the many people I could see from where I was is Miss hazel. I could see her picking some of the herbs and flowers for her medicines and potions. She was our physician much to many traveller’s surprise.

Then there was Mr. jackal who was sitting on his doorstep. A small wooden pipe in hand, a faint smoke ring coming from the pipe. Sometimes I felt that I’d never seen him going anywhere without it.

The brother and sister, Lawrence and Catherine were running after one another, up and down the street below. They were five and seven. Catherine being the eldest. She was very much a saint in many eyes. Learning how to climb into small places for things we had lost.

Her brother Lawrence had been practicing magic as far as anyone knew. He was getting better as the year continued to pass. He had started in early spring and not seemed to have stopped since. He had a wizard’s soul, that’s for sure. Only one in thousands seemed to appear.

Mrs. Evelyn was looking around the streets from one of her windows waving down to everyone, looking up and spotting me, I gave a quick wave back. I couldn’t hear her but I could tell she was laughing as a crow hopped up onto my lap and stole a slither of meat from my sandwich.

Sometimes it was nice to see a familiar face, but when you know practically everyone who walks the street daily. It can get rather boring, their conversations tended to repeat with nothing interesting happening most of the time.

I was cut from my thoughts by an annoyingly familiar clink of something hitting the roof grabbed my attention. I quickly wrapped my sandwich back in its paper bag and placed it into my cardigans pocket. I turned my attention to the gutter, a small sharp stone that hadn’t been there before laid on top of some moss.

The murder realising what was going to happen fluttered away in a frenzy, cawing in disarray. Not wanting to be caught in the stupidity that laid below me in the church garden.

Preparing myself as best as I could, I looked around and caught sight of the gargoyle sitting perched slightly off from where I was positioned. If I miss this, well… I either die or break my legs.

The gargoyle itself had a monstrous face, baring fanged teeth and its wings spread out, poised to strike. another rock landed near my position. deciding to take the risk, I pushed myself slightly in the direction of the beast. landing with a small thud behind it, I let out a breath. Two more stones were thrown in my direction, the sound of them rolling onto the gutter caused me to flinch.

They were too close. One thing I could say is that the people below were getting better at their aim and way of throwing.

There was a slight warmth coming from the gargoyle, they were in hibernation. They would remove the stone shell around them late into the spring most likely. But they were still aware of what was happing around them. “sorry Mr gargoyle, I hope you can forgive me for using you as a shield…again,” I muttered as I sat behind it. it was hard to keep myself completely hidden. My height being the main reason. Why on this planet did I have to be one of the tallest people. Why? What reason was there for someone to be over six feet? What reason was there?

A couple more stones landed on the roof. I grumbled to myself and peaked over the wing, trying my best to be as careful as possible.

A rock soared over my head causing me to duck slightly. A small part of me was proud. That was the closest they’d gotten in a long time. After all this had been a weekly routine for a while now. A bit inconvenient when trying to eat. But at least it kept my somewhat self-preservation skills usable.

A small cackle came from down below. I rolled my eyes. If only they were as smart as their egos. Their rich snobbish attitudes had been like this for years.

“is poor goliath too scared to come down?” Jonathan yelled; the noise being muffled by the distance. “sorry! It’s not my fault I’m allergic to social interaction” I hollered back; I peeked back over the wing, slightly thankful for the small heat it gave off the cold winter air biting my exposed skin. Wearing knee length shorts in winter is not advised for a reason. That’s the joy of being a dysfunctional mess such as myself.

Anyways, as I peeked over the first thing, I could see was his obnoxiously blonde hair, it was almost three shades close to white. I would have easily called it fake if it wasn’t for the fact that I hadn’t grown up with him. the blonde hair was held in a ponytail today.

My eyes also caught sight of the two figures standing either side of Jonathan. Both recognisable by the way they looked. the ginger on his left was always known for her seemingly endless collection of silk blue dresses. Each one would have cost my family a year’s worth of food.

Then the boy on his right was a lavante, he had been one of the few to move here. His species are known for the fact their basically living lava, skin ossified by the oxygen. His eyes were pools of red lava. His hair was like living fire. the older they got, the bluer their hair became.

He looked a bit conflicted to what they were doing. He always did. We were mutual friends. He gave a weak smile and waved. To be honest I forgot his name years ago… too late to ask now.

“you’ll come down eventually!” blue dress screeched as she readied to throw a stone in her hand.

“you underestimate my pettiness, I've got food in my pocket, I could stay up here longer that you could down there!" I yelled back; my pettiness was something barely anyone was able to match.

Seeing her pull her arm back to throw, I ducked myself behind the wing one more time. soon one after another, a barrage of rocks was being thrown my way. one sailed over my head; I could feel the air move as it ruffled my hair. It rolled down and landed by my foot. I picked it up and threw it back as possible.

I looked down to my other pocket. reaching in I pulled out a bronze pocket watch. The lid had long since came off, according to my dad it was the day he met my mother. I chuckled to myself as I remembered the story.

 “what on earth do you think you’re doing?!” I sighed in relief as the voice of the father reached my ears; even if the malice in his voice sent small shivers down my spine.

Is wrath being something to fear. They could try anything they wanted. But as soon as the father got involved then they were very much screwed over.

I tuned out the shouting down below me, sitting in a better way that made my lanky legs sigh in relief. I looked into the gargoyles eyes and mouthed a quick thank you.

As the noise went silent, I looked over the wing to see them walking away out the garden and back to whence they came, a wave of ease flooded over me. At least I would be home in time. Hopefully.

I stood up, stretching and listening my bones crack as I did so. Clapping my hands together I turned around and climbed back onto the top of the roof struggling to get a grip as I did so. I shakily stood up, trying to balance myself in hopes I didn’t fall over.

I walked over to the edge of the building, I crouched down and grabbed the rope I had long ago tied to the building. holding on as tight as possible, knuckles going white in the process, I swung my body over the edge. The rope swayed from the motion. I wrapped my legs around the rope, hoping and praying I didn’t mess this up. taking a deep breath, I let slightly let loose of the rope. Gravity swiftly dragging me down, the rope slightly burning my skin in the process.

I quickly held onto the rope tighter as the ground came too close for comfort. it was that moment father Francis turned the corner. I gave a nervous chuckle as my body hung in the air. “what are you doing,” he groaned. “you know, just hanging around,” I responded, getting a smack on the back of the head causing me to spin slightly in the air.

Planting my feet firmly on the ground, I stood up and rubbed my hands on my shirt, getting rid of the small amounts of dust and mud that clung to them.

He began to walk away, waving for me to follow. I jogged to keep up as best as possible. He didn’t say much anymore. But he was one of the best people in my mind. before he had joined the church, he had been working in the north. He had been one of my inspirations growing up. the stories he told about dragons and monsters he had seen had filled m wonder and desire to see what was beyond here.

People would joke around that the reason he had grey hairs was because of me. I didn’t blame them really. “sorry about that father Francis… again…” I sighed as I averted my gaze. he let out a small chuckle and patted my back, “only a gentle giant like you could hie instead of bashing them in,” he gestured for me to begin moving, “only you goliath.” “why won’t you let that die?” I muttered. he let out another laugh. “I’ll walk you back to your home, make sure you dad knows that they were back again,” there were very few things that could make me shiver, but having my family know about this was one of them. “or, you don’t tell them?” he only gave a deadpanned look in response. I wasn’t getting out of it.

It withing a minuet we were out the garden and onto the streets. The greys and browns of the buildings seemingly blending together in the darkness. we walked in silence turning when needed. The sound of the canal getting closer. brass lamps were lined neatly on each side of the streets. Fireflies the size of a grown adult’s hand laid inside, buzzing away to one another. the people in their homes slowly turning of their lights in hopes of falling asleep. I’d never understood why it was always this time of night that they locked everything up. weather it was a habit or just a bizarre timing factor.

I reached up to my hair and pulled down the bobble keeping my hair up in a simple ponytail. My brown locks dropped down to my sides. I ran my hands through my hair grumbling. I stumbled for second after tripping on a rock. Barely stopping myself from tumbling over.

 The darker and closer we got to my home; the more noises filled the air. Small neon bugs lit up houses and other buildings. Small mice with glowing whiskers would scuttle past us as quickly as possible. The vibrant colours would almost leave a blur in their trail, making them easy to spot in the dark.

Small groups of night birds flocked around piles of litter left by merchants that had been wandering the streets. Nibbling or defending pieces of food, or guarding small shiny things they found on the ground. Like children defending their own things.

So much happened in the night, so much happened and I only get to see a portion of the neon lights, I wished I could have seen more sometimes.

Soon we were out of the main village turning town and making our way down a mud and stone covered path towards the farm.

 Soon enough, but not long enough to gather my thoughts and mentally prepare myself. we arrived at a metal gate surrounding what looked like a nearly collapsing house. I stepped forwards and opened the rusty gate, the hinges creaking with the movement. I had been needing to oil them for a while and had been putting it off for around two weeks now.

The house looked barely liveable. The roof looked both old and new in patches. the chimney looked cracked and ready to fall on the house. the porches roof looked close to caving in as well.

But sill it was home. I took a deep breath and made my way forward towards the door. Hoping with every fibre of my being they were all asleep by now for the sake of my sanity.

As I got closer, the porch light flickered before turning on completely and giving off a small hum. A small dread filling up. the light could only be turned on from the inside after all.

I quickly checked the time on the pocket watch. Oh… I was late. Not too late, but just enough that I was going to get chewed out at most.

The door swung open. A figure walked out and stood in the doorframe with an icy glare directed at me. “where have you been?” yeah, I wasn’t going to survive. the figure let out a sigh, “come in, you will have some explaining to do whilst Eric gets you both some tea.” “sorry for being late…again miles,” I chuckled as I rubbed the back of my neck.

He steppe bac and walked into the house. I let father Francis go in front of me as we made our way inside. I would have taken my shoes of if I had worn them today. I gave a small weak smile to Francis. If it were my dad that we had been greeted with he would have to only stay for five minutes. The twins on the other hand were another story… they had been like this for as long as I could remember. They had always been protective of me. I was sixteen. Yes, it was strange but the reason behind why they were so overprotective is a story for another time.

The entrance was small. Barely able to fit the three of us. Miles made his way up to the first couple steps on the staircase to give more room. I looked to the right; the lights were off witch was probably to save energy. I made my way into the left room. The fireplace warmed up the room, relaxing my body compared to the cold nipping air that was outside.

There was a figure identical to miles, the only difference being their hair partings. They had both their own unique skills, that was one other way to tell their differences.

The cardigan that I was wearing was knitted by Eric. It was at that moment I remembered what was in its pocket. I quickly reached down and pulled out a slightly squashed paper wrapped sandwich and sighed, putting it on the kitchen table that was one wrong move away from losing a leg.

The door at the back of the room shuttered. Looks like it was going to be a long night. the room was slightly crammed, but I didn’t mind that much.

Pulling out a chair and sitting down, I looked over to where the twins were arguing silently. miles had his parting on the left, the smaller part was cut off, it was the same for Eric except with his parting on the right. their hair was an inky black. they glanced over in my direction as I took a bite out of my crushed sandwich.

Red and green heterochromia. One eye green, the other a blood red.

“so, what are you two thinking about?” I said before taking another bite. “why we put up with your antics every day,” miles deadpanned at me. “you love me. That’s why,” I grinned as they sighed. “you’re ten minutes late Charlie, where have you been,” a voice forms the entrance. I looked up to see a scruffy looking man and grinned, “hey pops. And I think the pocket watch may be on the fritz again if that’s the case. It says I should be on time.” “either way, may I ask why the father is currently in our home? Again.”

“Jonathan and the other two again, I simply came to make sure she got home safely instead of running off.”

 They began to talk, leaving me to my own devices. The sandwich that had only one or two more bites worth lay on the table. A half-drunk cup of tea next to it.

Standing up and cracking by back, I made my way past the gossips and made my way to the living room. The light now on as dumbass one and two sat on the floor with cards.

Falling on the sofa backwards, the two who were absorbed in their game gave a little squeak and flung back. I let out a chuckle and stared at them with a curious look as the grumbled curses and words that would put sailors to shame.

“so, what has caused you to grace us with your company?” “if you were in the room with those two gossips, you would leave after a while too.”

Eric laughed and reached his hand over to the small wooden table in the middle of the room. “shift over goliath,” Eric muttered pushing me up. I swung my legs from the arm of the sofa and crossed my legs as I felt a pair of hands running down my hair before getting caught in a knot.

“I swear your hair is worse than ours on a good day,” he groaned before he began to brush my hair. “you do know I could do this on my own, right?” I said. “yeah, but it’s not like I’ve got much else to do in the first place.”

It was another fifteen minutes before I heard the noise in the kitchen slowly rise into the room. the three of us looked between one another with concern. They hadn’t fought before as far as we knew.

“she can’t know!” the voice I could clearly tell was my dad yelled. “she needs to know sooner or later, the sooner the better.”

I stood up from the sofa and slipped into the hall and peaked my head into the room. I could see my father’s face, eyebrows knitted together and eyes glaring at the father. His knuckled white from gripping the cup.

“look, I get why you don’t want to. But all your doing is speeding up the inevitable.” “I know… I’ll tell her soon. I promise.”

I walked into the room and locked gaze with my dad, “or you could tell me now instead of hiding it.”

“how much did you hear,” his face paled. “enough.”

#three book project #my side of the bet pt 1 #ill try and get a fanfiction written for wednesday #otherwise it will most likely be chapter 2 #origional stroy #unlocked kurbose #charlie scarlet #miles scarlet #father francis #eric scarlet #origional charachters! #not the book im planning now #i hope you enjoy!

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol) #review #rant #(not really) #gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

[formerlyrunephoenix6769]

Catra: Journey to Redemption.

(Long post and spoilers for Season 1 SPOP)

In the run up to the release of ‘She-Ra: Princesses of Power.’ season 2 on April 26th 2019, I have been seeing lots of posts about our resident, ‘misguided; villain and all around badass who knows damn well how to rock a suit. 

Yes, of course, I am talking about Catra!

The nature of the posts I have been seeing have all had a similar vein or sentiment. 

“Give Catra her redemption arc.”  or  “Start Catra’s redemption arc.” 

I am just as hopeful as the the next person for Catra to have a redemption arc, if that is in fact what Noelle Stevenson and the rest of the team have planned for the character. But one thing I will say, is ‘patience’ and a small warning to be prepared,  

Catra is going to get much worse before she can even begin to get better! 

Catra could not possibly even begin to start on a path of redemption by the end of S2 because at the end of S1, she hasnt even begun to explore the full depths of her villainy.  (Being we dont know exactly how many seasons are planned, or what the overall narrative end goal is when it comes to the final conflict and Good triumphing over Evil, much of this is speculative. 

We can however use Avatar Last Airbender and the industry standard of best Redemption Arc ever, in all mediums, Zuko, and their timeline, which I think Noelle Stevenson said in an interview that if a redemption arc was to occur, that they would like to do something that could stand next to Zuko’s redemption arc. 

I will also be using Joseph Campbell’s Hero With a Thousand Faces, and his hero’s journey map as a resource but try implement it for villains)  

If you would like to take a look at my thoughts on redemption arcs in general the feel free to check out the link below. 

https://formerlyrunephoenix6769.tumblr.com/post/182640410231/are-all-villains-redeemable

I’ll be covering similar sentiments here. 

Ok first. 

TIMELINE:. 

ATLAB is only 3 BOOKs long, however the number of episodes, 61 over all, containing 20 minimum in each Book is far more than SPOP’s standard 13, meaning that technically Zuko’s redemption arc played out over just under 6 SPOP seasons, meaning that Zuko’s penultimate episodes, detrimental to his redemption arc, ‘Blue Spirit’ episode 13 in Book 1 and ‘Zuko Alone’  Episode 7 of Book 2, didnt technically take place until till the end of season 1 and half way through season 3 ... going off an SPOP standard time. 

Meaning there was over a season and a half between Zuko doing something right for the wrong reasons and also then moving off to really begin the start of his redemption arc in earnest, which he continues to struggle with right the way into Book 3 ( season 5/6)  

The difference here, I would also like to point out is that Zuko at the very beginning of ATLAB is already technically way ahead of Catra due to him being physically away from his ‘abuser’ and direct control of the life long indoctrination. He also has one up on Catra at this point as he has a ‘Mentor/Guide’ helping to facilitate the transition and help him see the error of his ways.

Technically, this puts Zuko’s character development on the road to redemption (OTRTR)  at least ONE season ahead of Catra. Meaning that his moment of ‘doing something right for the wrong reasons’ in ‘Zuko Alone.’ does not take place until at least the end of season 2, SPOP standard time! 

In other words... 

It's going to take some time for a pussy riot to manifest.

Taking this into account. 

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES. 

We can not continue without addressing the fact that there are many similarities and differences between the supposed ‘villains’. 

Both were the Scape Goat to a favoured Golden Child yet their interactions with the ‘Gold Child’ are vastly different. 

For Zuko, Azula was an antagonist. For Catra, Adora was an ally. 

Both suffered abuse from their primary caregiver, both were belittled and chastised for supposedly being ‘lesser’. However the fundamental difference is their reactions, Zuko continued to attempt to receive his Father’s favour, whilst Catra, on the surface didn't care, resulting in acting rebelliously. 

Both have issues surrounding self worth and how they express it is vastly different. 

Zuko is hugely unaware of his ‘Empire’s’ indoctrination and the imperialistic rule, believing the propaganda he was raised with. 

Whilst Catra is fully aware of the Horde and its intentions. 

And I think this is worthy of note!

Their ‘villainy’ and motivations are seated in entirely different places. 

Zuko starts out  wishing to ‘reclaim his honour’, prove his worth in his father’s eyes, and reclaim his birthright as the heir to the Fire Nation throne, in the words of his sister,

  It is only as he travels over the next SPOP SDT, 4 seasons that he realises his true purpose. 

Catra, is aware the Horde is evil, is given an opportunity to leave, but chooses not to, instead she willingly sets herself on a dark path to gain power and prove her self worth to everyone around her, esp her abuser, step mom of the year, Shadow Weaver,

Thus setting up the whole shenanigans of SPOP season 1.  

CONFLICT. 

As I covered in my previous post in the link above, a redemption arc cannot occur without showing that the ‘villain’ is conflicted. 

A redemption should be a slow burn, from starting point of why/how they are villains,  also showing the seeds of discontent, inner conflict, conflict of their actions, conflict of their ideals,  whether indoctrinated/learned/or their own misguided musings, then later a larger amount of focus should be placed on how they have overcome that villainy and change of perspective culminating with coming full circle.

What makes Zuko’s particular redemption arc so good is the work that goes into showing this. The time, the attention to detail, not being shied away from by the writers, that  intentionally trickles down and infuses with the character’s essence of being. 

Yes, Catra is conflicted about her relationship with Adora and what Adora means to her. 

This conflict about her and Adora’s relationship was partially resolved with Catra taking Adora’s motivations the wrong way, due to her own issues surrounding her self worth. 

This ‘resolution’ only serves to push Catra further down the a dark path.

But we have yet to see Catra conflicted about her actions and dont expect to see that happen until after we see her fully embrace her villainy, which by the end of S1, she was nowhere near close to doing. (See Triggers and Turning points)

Meaning that “Catra Alone”  might not even occur until midway S3  and actual beginnings of feeling conflicted about her actions, until S4.  

TRIGGER A TURNING POINT.

So we have discussed conflict. Conflict about ones actions can come about in many different forms, but it must be triggered by something that is enough to shake the core foundations of a villains motivations. 

In order for it to be believable and carry weight, a villain cannot  suddenly overnight go, 

 And the protagonists accept it at face value, as the audience wont.  

 A redemption should be a slow burn, from starting point of why/how they are villains and most importantly,  focus on how they have struggled to overcome that villainy and change their perspective. 

The link below is to a previous post, with an avenue of thought of what could trigger Catra on ONRTR.

https://formerlyrunephoenix6769.tumblr.com/post/182601000156/catra-could-she-be-a-lost-princess-and-if-so

Another avenue of thought is that Adora is gravely injured. I am not normally one for such an easy and over done trope but in this instance it is highly possible, because as it stands now, Catra has never nastily physically injured Adora, only She-Ra! 

(When she raked her darn claws down She-Ra’s back. Showing that Catra see’s a difference between to two personalities and isn't as of yet willing to cross that line... Maybe crossing that line will be a stepping stone to embracing her chosen darker path?) 

In fact, Catra has gone out of her way to avoid just that, much preferring to go after Adora emotionally.  

FALLING INTO OLD PATTERNS:

Even after ‘Zuko Alone’ and the Ba Sing Say arc, Zuko begins on a false start redemption by bonding with Katara but by the next episode falls back into old patterns by choosing to side with Azula as the ties that bind and the potential to reclaim his birthright is too hard to ignore. 

Which is totally normal for a teenager. 

This adds so much depth to his inner conflict, a catalyst that later cements his realisation at his true purpose, ushering him through the gates of his redemption arc, towards trying to make amends with the protagonists before they can accept him.   

Catra strikes me as someone who will never be wholly ‘good’, in the sense of the word when it is applied to Bow, Glimmer or Adora, but rather someone who will make super dark comments and morally grey suggestions of how to deal with an issue, which is what we have been shown of her from the very beginning. 

It is hard to say is Catra will ever have this step in a redemption arc due to her already morally grey nature, this could very well be skipped over entirely. 

Narratively speaking and characterization wise, this particular part of an arc could present itself not as a ‘false start’ but could come from ‘Subterfuge and infiltration’ , whereby Catra pretends to come to their side only for her to betray them later, for her own ends. 

OR, 

We could very well have a ‘false start’, where she is trapped with any of the protagonists and they need to work together to escape, similar to the aptly named  ATLAB ep 40 ‘The Crossroads of Destiny’ and SPOPS s1e9 ‘Promise’, which would be a nice mirror, from a narrative standpoint, only for her to run off and return to the Horde once free. 

Again note, that this false start occured for Zuko the very end of S3 SPOP SDT. 

CONCLUSIONS.

Before Catra’s Redemption arc can come to fruition , we need her to go on her journey. Something akin to this, but for villains. 

On this map, if Resurrection is Catra being genuinely accepted by the protagonists as being changed and truly on their side.  I would see Catra as in between Meeting of Mentor (Hordak) and Crossing the Threshold into full blown villany 

So, we need to see her, 

1) Become a true villain. 

2) 1st Trigger.

3) baby Conflict

4)False start, falling into old patterns

5) 2nd Trigger

6)Conflict and Realisation/ (Seizing the Treasure) 

7) Through the Gates 

8) Trial of Proof.

9) Acceptance/Resurrection. 

We could be waiting for some time for a Catra redemption arc to kick in, and please dont be disappointed or frothing at the mouth if we dont see it starting in Season 2... No matter how much you want it out of the way so that ‘other’ things can occur.. 

Please keep in mind.. 

A good Redemption Arc has to be earned! And doing it well takes time!

MEANWHILE  ...

There is ALL OF THIS.... 

I dont even know where to begin starting to unwrap all this tension and awkwardness., 

Think I’m going to leave that for a an entirely different post.

#spop #redemption arc analysis #character analysis #avatar last airbender #catadora #catra #adora #glimmer #bow #zuko #atlab #prince zuko #catra redemption arc #formerlyrunephoenix spop analysis #long post

[chaostwofold]

1-41 on the asks? Also gn

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

Morning glories!! not only are they already my favorite flower, theyre extremely toxic and mean unconditional love! i have a tendency to fall for the wrong people and not realize until after,, BUT thats only half and half!! some people i loved unconditionally and contine to love them and others set me back in the recovery process,,

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

Begonias id assume? not only are hanahaki flowers supposed to represent your feelings, they should also represent the person. begonias are known for misfortune, dark/unpleasant thoughts, and caution to new situations. on the flip side, its harmonious communications, understanding, and gratitude.

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

hm. well, what about the urchin whos actually a prince? someone who originates from grand places, a great misfortune turns them into something undesirable and possibly bitter, and then when theyre brought back to the light of stability they provide for those who are in the same situation as he was

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit

im long range magic tactics and healing always bc im too afraid of conflict :pensive: but the closest thing would probably be something flexible but strong, in black and the more sensitive areas like the neck and thighs covered more carefully (read: shadowhunter gear)

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you?

change on an emotional and mental plane. they would sacrifice those who refuse to change for the better. i determine what is better, and if they choose the wrong person to sacrifice they would pay depending on why they attempted to sacrifice someone who didnt deserve it.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

“there is a difference between wisdom and intelligence... a person may have one without the other.” is an all time favorite from my favorite book The Soulforge by Margret Weis!!!!!!!

“plant your trees and watch them grow.” OUGH

 “There is a thin semantic line separating the weird and the beautiful. and that line is covered in jellyfish.” NIGHTVALE

“Ive been good sir / so very very good for what? / and ive given you / every single thing ive got / its feeling strange man / this whole arrangement / is gonna end with / me totally deranged” From Disobedient, from su:tm!!! it slaps man

“ What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? / What are you wondering? What do you know? / Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?” Ah. billie eilish ily

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident?

Scythe! the weapon of fate and peace,, it is used to reap the souls of those deemed to die and its used for harvesting crops!! the end of all thngs, its a graceful and symbolical weapon.

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

Vaniila, star anise, and clary sage

9. ancient scrolls or leather-bound books?

leather bound books!!

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

a cyclone, probably. something threatening on the outside but extremely calm on the inside.

11. what type of flower (other than a rose) would you offer someone you were trying to court?

amaryllis, which is splendid beauty and worth beyond beauty

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

cinnamon in tea!!!

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs?

apt in the city

14. curtains of beads or lace?

bead curtains!!! retro AND can be like “hoohoo welcome to my brewery pick your literal poison im a witch”

15. vocal or instrumental music?

yall know i could never pick,, music is too much of an intimate thing too be taken lightly (whch is one of the reasons i have a burning hatred for jokey nursery rhymes like baby shark)

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

SOBS okay so. ough it depends man. i rlly like the idea of like. ponchos and shawls n stuff,,, id prolly go for a witch in the woods ngl (the prince REPRESENTS me the best but. witch of the dark woods is my aesthetic) so prolly like a heavy green shawl over a black shirt and jeans and combat boots or smth,,, i WOULD have a flower crown of poisonous flowers, yes

Changeling or shapeshifter definitely!! to be able to constantly change form in super mecore

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

fruit preserves

19. show us an a picture of your ideal crown.

you all knew it was gonna happen ( its a mountain laurel!! poisonous. of course)

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

my hair is WAY too short for that but i used to do it when i had longer hair and its a definite yay

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

an evening in the forest with elves or a morning in the garden with fae!! i cant decide man,,, if it had been a night in a victorian castle w vamps i wouldve been tied w that too but caves are a dwarven thing

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

hm. maybe like. a true self thing? where im forced to say what i mean, i cant say sorry for things im not sorry for, i have to say when things make me uncomfy, i just become less timid (the witch who cursed me got pissed off bc i said sorry too much and didnt answer questions properly)

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs?

talking with sylphs prolly??? i dunno man ive always loved sylphs ngl

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

def mint

25. favorite childhood story? (doesn’t have to be a fairy tale)

what childhood lmao (honestly?? i loved reading the grim fairytales just over and over)

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

uhhh one time i was accused of witchcraft bc i was “guessing” peoples fav colours at a christian summer camp and our supervisors asked me to stop bc it was freaking them out bc im not christian (i had them close their eyes, think of their colour, and i would see it bc id close my eyes) OH also one time luke spoiled some pl stuff bc he was thinking abt the spoiler too loudly

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

oh healing def!! i already know a bunch of native poisonous plants so itll b fine

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

only two chances for everyone, and then i cut them off entirely

cringe culture is dead. the only cringy people are assholes

hurt luke youre dead

29. vials or mason jars?

no. no. you CANNOT make me pick. its illegal

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

uh! moss green, its a onepiece thats baggy and tied with a golden decorative rope at the waist and tightened at the ankles!! its loose at the sleeves and the shoulders are showing whereas the neck is turtled!! there are designs showing black mambas and lilies of the valley (poisonous...). the mask is black and covers my right eye, with subtle smooth scales on it.

31. splashing around in a river with mermaids or flying through the sky with harpies?

BOTH are p mean uh. i said sylphs earlier so ig ill go mermaids??? plus im afraid of heights

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

as the royal magician/wizard/witch/alchemist/magic jester? calling the royal family out on their bullshit

33. if you were a fairy, what color would your wings be?

they would be black owls wings!!! (if you meant pixies, like tinkerbell, you shouldve said pixies fam :pensive:)

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

deaths cloak or a truth charm to get people to tell me, you guessed it, the truth

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by?

a song about grim ends ad new beginnings.

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

royalty! so i can fuck shit up from the inside

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace?

field of flowers or marketplace!! seeing the things people create and natural beauty and solitude are both wonderful

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

a modest one with a very dark palette, with my eyes painted a gleaming golden.

39. what skill are you famous for?

i talk rlly fast

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

im not sure,, 

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights?

FAIRYLIGHTSFAIRYLIGHTSFAIRYLIGHTS

[promptosbouncybuns]

Can we please not tear ships down or character bash because of our agendas?

This somehow became super long...sorry.

Wanna know what Mai and Aang have in common?

They are normally the two biggest recipients of, honestly, really stupid accusations.

Aang is apparently abusive in that he kissed Katara once while she wasn't very consenting to it at the time.

He's 12 and does stupid things but please hold him accountable for all time despite how disappointed in himself he looked right after. He didn't even pursue her after she stepped back. He saw his error and pulled away.

He apparently doesn't care about Katara? Despite literally giving up his chance to take full control of his avatar state just to go save her from a vision that may or may not have been real. I mean he could have just been like...ok...meh...Idc. Avatar state yip yip!

Then in LOK he just used her as a baby maker...never mind that apparently Katara had enough power or sway to outlaw bloodbending. Plus...guys...she's old when we see her in that series and has always been more family centered.

Not saying she became just a regular housewife after she married Aang but as stated before, she old! She's been through enough and if she wants some peace and solitude after dealing with the loss of her Friends, her Brother, and her Husband than...let the woman be pls. Even Toph didn't really want to fight anymore since old age had finally cought up with her and she's younger than Katara! If she doesn't want to fight but instead heal, let her do as she pleases. Plus you all sound like being a housewife and taking care of your children is a death sentance. Not all fighters are in the battle all the time.

Somehow Aang is also depicted as only seeing Katara as a trophy...Honestly I don't see how this got so convoluted but anyone who saw the series can say he doesn't think or her that way. He loves her, sees her as his best friend, and as probably one of the best masters to ever teach him. He's shown her tremendous respect as a friend, pupil, and love interest. He's listened to her and has grown from her wisdom.

Its also just crapping all over Katara as a character when people have this line of thinking. She's stronger than that, and would never be a prize to anyone, not even the avatar. If she wants to be with him she will. Kinda like how in the last episode when Aang walks out, she follows and is the one to kiss him.

I've always seen them as opposites, not in elements but in personalities. Also their similarites tend to correlate too!

Katara is at times a stick in the mud and Aang helps her have a childhood with the fun he brings her. She's had to grow up fast and undertake a lot of chores around her village. She's strong and outspoken, at times very loudly. She's passionate, even in the face of supposed peril, where there is no way she can prevail. She's strong and cares for others, almost to a fault since she took up precious days till the eclipse to help firenation people she didnt know.

Aang is a playful soul that hates being tied down. He'd rather have fun, and has been raised to seek leisure instead of responsibility. Its because of this that makes him so childish, until he meets her and is shown that his destiny is to bring balance to the world. He may not be physically strong but like Katara he isn't weak willed. He's passionate about protecting people and bringing harmony back to the four nations. While his passion isn't quite so loud, he can inspire people.

She's helped curb his childishness, and has helped instill in him responsibility. She won't let him shirk things off or procrastinate. She even was willing to let Aang learn waterbending without her because it was for the greater good.

Through these actions she's helped Aang embrace his old soul vibe and have it feel justified. He sees through her that what he does now will have an impact on the world and he best be getting to it.

I've always seen them as a couple that is silly, cute, and can get things done. I can see them being older and being more familiar with each other and it can lead to them having very intense intimate energy. I mean in the series, they're kids so...not really into thinking about them that way at that age. They can communate well so, there will be less fights and a lot of understanding. Definitely not boring.

As for Mai well...apparently people just don't understand her sense of humor and personality. She's got dry humor and is very direct in a lot of things. She doesn't sugar coat things and shys away from expression a lot of times.It somehow comes off as abusive?

Her telling Zuko to never break up with her again is supposed to be a joke, seeing as the last time he did, she literally had to save his bum from being boiled alive...

Then you have the infamous scene where they were together again after season 2 and while Zuko angsts, Mai tries to redirect his thoughts from such dark depths. Honestly, what do you say to that? Should you say its going to be ok? Because that just seems empty amd shallow.

Plus Mai, being emotionally stunted, doesn't really know how to navigate emotional waters. You also have to keep in mind that they finally get to have a conversation after all these years so obviously they aren't going to really know one another and how to communicate well.

So her not coddling and not letting him angst over things neither of them can know or deal with till it actually happens is dismissive of his abuse? I don't thinks so. Its honestly saying we will have to wait and see how things have changed once you are actually back home, so lets not dwell on them so much.

Of course, then you have her bringing up what happened last time Zuko was in a war meeting which is somehow abusive too. You know, its the same thing Iroh brought up in season 1 Ep. 3. So Iroh is abusive too now. It feels like people are saying don't bring up someone's abuse, ever, even if its to help them from potentially repeating the same pain.

She's trying to stop him caring and in her very direct way says that its not worth the pain of what could happen again if he attends. She's genuinely worried about him and doesn't want him hurt more physically or emotionally.

Then they like to say Mai doesn't care about Zuko really and that she just likes his status. They also say she's abusive with how she doesn't like anything he does for her. The biggest scene used is from the Beach showing Mai non-plussed by him giving her a shell and ice cream.

For one, Zuko wasn't acting like Zuko at all that first bit of the episode. He didn't take into account what Mai liked as apposed to what other girls liked. I mean while Ty Lee may like the shell, does that mean every girl has to like it otherwise they're a complete bish? Also...who here likes having ice cream fall on them? Honestly Mai could have made a huge deal about getting it on her but chose to crack a wry, but as always, dry joke about it.

Also please note that in this same episode Mai deals with an abusive S/O very correctly. Zuko's been acting off and it culminates with him pushing a guy back who happened to be talking to her. He makes a scene and insults her in front of everyone once she calls him out on his actions. Does she get even and call him worse? Nope. She simply says that their relationship is over and thats it. Though she looks conflicted by this, she stands firm despite Zuko trying to get handsy with her twice later in the episode. She holds him accountable but says she still loves him. I'd have an issue with this if they didnt have Zuko tell her and everyone whats been eating at him so long.

If she didnt know whats been making him act so hostile and crazy then how can she know that Zuko's not just an abusive jerk showing his true colors after all this time. Not saying that it made his actions right, but I feel her knowing the why instead of leaving it a mystery helped Mai reason through forgiving him.

As for her just wanting the power of his position, thats just really, really, really, lazy. She's from a noble family and is friends with the firenation princess...or as I like to say, unfortunately trapped in Azula's orbit. She'd be well off as it is if she kept her connection to Azula, but she didn't. She chose to go against a firebending prodigy, essentially turning her back on the firenation and her family to save the jerk who dumped her by letter.

Nope! Mai doesn't give a Flamio about Zuko himself. She just wants his title.

Opposites seem to attract and in this case its definitely with personalities since...ya know...Mai can't bend elements.

Zuko is passionately driven to a scary degree. He's hyper focused on finding the avatar despite the 100 years no one's seen them. He can be hot tempered and easily set off. He cares for people even to the point he'd rather starve than rob pregnant couple for food. He's brash, and doesn't think things through.

Mai is quietly, but strongly passionate for Zuko, even if its detrimental to her as with challenging Azula. She has learned to keep her temper and other emotions under lock and key, and is not easily set off. She cares about those she's put time and energy into. She's fairly classy, choosing her words wisely and she's definitely done a lot of thinking about what she wants or needs to do as far as her actions.

Zuko's shown that its ok to be expressive, and that its ok for her to do so. He wants to see her free of her parents emotional abuse so that she won't be so guarded.

Through Mai's personality, she's helped temper....Zuko's temper. He won't be so quick to flip his lid and do things without thinking them through. Like fire to a knife Zuko's helped make Mai burn bright and she's given him a sheith for his wild emotions.

I've always seen them as the quiet but intense love kinda couple. They may not have the best communication skills and this could lead to a lot of arguments but their love for one another is stronger. Eventually the sands of time will smooth them, break down walls and allow them to understand one another better.

I'm all for pretty much any ship in atla, and I love how fanfiction can actually help strengthen my love for it more than the actual show. The creativity and OOC that some writers pull off can be amazing and help you really like a character in a certain way or open your eyes to a new pairing.

However, if you wanna like ships, like them because you can, but don't go and take obviously innocent things and blow them out of proportion.

Here is convoluted, misconstrued, out of context information to say person X is evil and shouldnt be with person Y. W shouldn't be with person Z....therefore, Person Z and Person Y should be together because their partners are obviously abusive.

The...What? Three to maybe five episodes of screentime together as begrudgingly budding friends is enough to show exactly how they will be if they got together. Which these episodes can bring about interestingly creative ideas, however people act like that this is the definitive reason Z/Y should be together and any other pairing with the other two is completely abusive.

Just to be clear...if you like Zutara, thats great, I do too. I can imagine them in any number of ways. Them being enemies to lovers, or knowing each other before becoming star crossed lovers, or everythings all good in the univers and they love each other so so much!

However, in none of these headcannons do I see the need to bash Aang or Mai. I don't need to come up with stupid reasonings for Zuko and Katara to be together. If I want them to be together in a story or piece of art, I'll do it and be classy about it. I won't have Katara say Aang assaulted her and fly into Zuko's arms, pushing Mai down saying she's a manipulative bish. Because...she and Aang aren't.

At all.

Im just tired of the mental gymnastics shippers go through to spread hate for one ship so they can have another. Half the time its not even true facts but just people seeing it from an angle that aligns with their agenda.

If you like something, you like it, but don't crap on other ships or characters wrongly to justify it.

Sorry if this is a mess but god, seeing most of these accusations against Aang had me honestly cringing. I thought it was mainly against Mai because...she got Zuko and isn't bubbly, motherly, and...well Katara. So when Anti-Kataang reasons somehow showed up on the old dash, I felt my faith in humanity plummet.

Like...I hope you guys can sleep well at night knowing you've literally slandered a cinnamon roll who's in touch with his feelings, something most of you would protect if it where for any other ship. Like people just starting the series potentially arent going to be too keen on Aang himself at all simply because of this misinformation. But no...just to have one ship you equated this kid to a sexually abusive monster. Good job. 10/10. Slow 👏 for you guys. Be proud.

#zutara #maiko #kataang #anti-zutara #anti-maiko #anti-kataang #atla #a small rant at stupid reasons. #so done with charcter bashing #ship what you want #but dont be an ass about it

[ghostantine]

OKAY SO THE ANIMATION MOVIE!

Right so I pretty much loved it??

this here now is quite a detailed take on it cos i guess i’ve talked back and forth about it so much i need give a conclusion

First of all: the set up, that also was the first eps that dropped on cw seed, is pretty much the weakest part of the film in my opinion. also for the film they got bit beefed up with other surrounding world and mood building stuff which helped.

So! Does it live up to the comic? well... yes and no. it has the wireframe of All His Engines but it does divert from it a lot. Most of the diversions are to cater to a certain idea, establishing the Hellblazer universe and tying into material people who know the motion work know. It’s not necessarily a bad thing tho, quite the contrary at one part or another: there is one plot twist early on that might actually be slightly more interesting than All His Engines had. The adaptation of the story clearly aims to bring more insight to Hellblazer as whole rather than adapting AHE, which im not opposed to at all if done well (originally i was really surprised by the choice of AHE to begin with). Unfortunately in some key parts of John’s history as well as key parts of AHE plot, this falls flat and dilutes some potential outcomes. Where it does live up to the comic tho is obviously the basis of the plot but also has very much the vibe and style of the comic (interesting as the art actually is very different and not to my taste). The comic clearly served as a platform to build this story from and they were very respectful for it as a source. They also took off some little off-character and off-canon things the comic originally had, altho on the other hand they did change and remove bits of AHE that were important for that storyline and suspense of it. There is a twist at the end that arguably, in it’s essence, is even more All His Engines than the comic actually was.

How it stands with Constantine Episode 10, Quid pour Quo? Well it’s quite at the similar place as ep10 and comic. I think the animation has more of the vibe of the comic while the liveaction follows the storyline more closely. The animation makes some huge diversions of the Hellblazer canon which i get to later on while Ep 10 sticks very much to the comic established histories of the characters and to execute the 2/3 of the AHE plot in the episode. I think personally that the comic still manages to be the most interesting of these three and the motion ones are tied at very close second place. Mostly cos the animation fucked up at places and the comic edges up by having amazing lines no one bothered to include.

There is a lot i really loved. In general the whole thing’s actually pretty great? I might need to actually rewatch the whole thing without pausing every 5 mins to write down thoughts or tumblr posts haha. I think it held itself together and someone not so emerged into the comics wont even be bothered by the things i find annoying.  It has a much of a noire theme like original comic did and is something i absolutely love. the other thing i did love was that it wasnt taking itself too seriously either and was very much funny when it needed to be and also when things were just so over the top. Just like Hellblazer is, that is very much a Hellblazer approach in tone. I did love the ‘party’ scene so much, it made me so happy in all it’s ridiculousness and how it was right down to the tee my interests ahah. There was couple non-comic plot twists I didnt even think to wait for and i did love some and appreciate others. John was very much in character, probably the most since Constantine, at least in live action, maybe even in comics. I did also really love how people reacted to him cos that’s another people get wrong a lot. He was called out for being a fucking idiot and a bad person but still getting appreciation and interest from his peers and demons trying to fuck him up. All the time they stuck to All His Engines as a reference point it was as good as it gets with these things. Loved Asa the Nightmare Nurse so much! She was cool! Also John got thrown around and had his ass kicked I also like that a lot like all you know. Those little inner demon gremlins were cute too i love them

Obviously there are some problems and things im gonna nitpick next. I’ve talked to an extent about the whole Newcastle thing being SO WRONG and how it could’ve been done right... or at least less wrong. I think on my first watch i initially said i don’t care that much but the more i thought about it and now that i watched it again.... i don’t like it. not one bit. I did also initially say I’m not bothered by the fact that ‘Chas’ in this is actually like Chas and Gary and couple other Newcastle people merged together but... in the end that bothers me too. I would be less bothered if these actually served the plot but they dont. AHE doesnt have these and it still works. You dont need “DEEP WHOLE LIFE OF FRIENDSHIP AND SHARED TRAGEDY” to make a mens’ friendship meaningful, that’s just toxic masculinity. Honestly as much as i love Newcastle as a plot and them introducing Nergal to the mix here worked, i dont think the whole 10-15 mins of botching it was worth it. Either do it well or leave it as a vague thing. One other big thing that always bothers me is the magic stuff. While this did try from time to time to have John just draw symbols, bleed a bit and chant some shit to call up some bigger magical entity, it did also make John do some glowy hands magic shit and referred to him as gifted or some other bs. That’s STILL just WRONG. Why is it so hard for these people to understand? HNGH. There was also some dumb bits here and there like John driving which annoys me so much. The end im not quite sure how to feel about but it’s also VERY MUCH AHE (to the vibe of it, not the actual end of AHE). I still dont like the art and i think they are dumb for the whole “London Hospital” thing, tho I’m mostly just amused by that. They did change some stuff from AHE which i thought was really cool on AHE so that kinda bugged me a bit. Not going too much into the details but it’s the usual diluting of comics plot twists. One big thing for me tho was the lack of a clear “trial and error” plot which is the key part of the comic’s plot structure and also was very much present in the Constantine episode but was missing from the movie. The movie on the other hand followed a different Hellblazer plot structure where “John has an absolute solution which has a huge cost but wont use it until the end”. They gave Chas’ sex scene to John which is a bit unfair. Also the lack of lines like “we bend down and think of England” and John’s joke about skull being a bad condom cos it’s got holes is a huge loss on it’s own too.

And against JLD movie? I do like this way better. Not gonna get to too many details here but this obviously is a Hellblazer based thing and not DC/N52 thing. Ofc this one has bit more canon fuck ups cos it tried to get to so many things but as a whole i think it’s better than JLD and a good adaptation of All His Engines.

tldr; it’s a great little movie and very much enjoyable. it has some obvious flaws but keeps up to the comic vibe, characterisation and plot.

Also let john say fuck 2k18

#this is very long and i hope i remembered everything i wanted to say #honestly most of the new parts of it were amazing #this obviously has spoilers but also written from perspective of a person who read the comic long ago and multiple times #and does maybe actually remember what happens in that #im trying my best not to talk about the movie's own plot points to en extent #oh well this is like almost an actual review or something #constantine animation shit #constantine animation spoilers // #constantine city of demons spoilers // #i'll also post the silly thing too in a moment

[survivor-mountmerapi]

Ep. 6: “You never know what some people may have up their sleeve” - Rachel

DeNara

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY VOTED OUT JAMES!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOO FLIPPING MAD!!!!!!!!! HE WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS GAME I WANTED TO PLAY WITH!!!!!

This has Julia written all over it.... I don't expect to make the merge now, but if I do, I am going for blood....

Julia

HOW ARE PIETRO AND I STILL HERE?!?!?! This is sexy

Pietro

I cant believe this allow me and Julia to survive another round. We not only have now a 4 person alliance, but Julia told me she has an idol. We are running this game and we are here to stay, and we will keep slaying the favs. Julia was telling me earlier the day that she was gonna play her idol cause everyone was definately voted her out, but when I talked to Rachel I realised there was a chance she could flip, so I quickly made a group chat with me, Julia, Anastasia and Rachel to try to get them on our side... and it worked!! I LITERALLY THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA TAKE US HOURS TO FLIP THEM, and they decided to flip in 5 minutes.

AND ALSO, this people are playing so stupid! Like Elle in tribal saying how much she trusted James, and how Moth backstabbed her in the past like girllll why are you revealing so many info to EVERYONE?? you are a warrior or a wannabe?? I'm probably sounding very cocky but damn it this people are all so easy to read!!

Raffy

So. Much. Happened. Tonight. Firstly, I think DeNara and Nicholas both realize that Warriors are on the bottom after watching the other tribe's tribal council. This put them both in Mess mode. According to Steven, Nicholas told him about a 5-person alliance that was created with Madi, Gian, DeNara, Ginnifer, and Nicholas. Nicholas said it was created to take out the Winners (Steven and I). He said to Steven that he wants to work with us and to get the tribe to a 2-2-2 tribe split by voting out Ginnifer. Voting Ginnifer did not require this amount of effort as I believe she was the easiest target tribe. But wait. It gets messier. DeNara comes to me and tells me that Nicholas is snaking everyone on the tribe. She says that Nicholas came up with the whole alliance, and that he's been trying to play Steven and I (which we already kind of figured from Gian and Madi). Steven told her that Nicholas was throwing her under the bus which prompted to send quote receipts to both of us about how Nicholas has been playing puppet master to get the newbies and winners to target each other. Now, DeNara fully thinks Nicholas is trying to snake her, and she created an alliance with Steven and I to get him out pre-merge. Meanwhile, this required no prompting from Steven or I as we watched the Warriors eat themselves alive without even going to tribal council. These people are a Mess. And I love it. DeNara also told me that she thinks Julia is running the other tribe from head to toe. She believes that Julia is the reason one of her allies (James) was voted out. Therefore, I told her about Julia's idol to get her to target her even more come merge. DeNara seems very willing to vote out Julia, and to enact some revenge from another ORG which I happily fueled. Now, I can go into merge with someone who will target Julia FOR me. This is what happens when you mess with me and try to play me. Julia whenever you read this, I hope it was worth voting out Ellie. Kisses ~Raffy

DeNara

Well, Nicholas is screwed. I spilled the tea to Raffy and Steven about how hard Nic has been playing and they spilled some tea back. Nicholas has been playing all of us and got caught. They even tried to use me as a scape goat. Works for me because now I have an alliance with Steven and Raffy to get out Nicholas and get revenge for James by taking out Julia. TEA, she has an idol apparently. At least I know now! I really hope this goes my way.

DeNara

Nicholas seems like they almost want to get voted out! They are so chaotic. Nicholas was on call with me and Steven saying we should vote out Ginnifer. Then they told me privately it was to lower our target and then take out the winners. THEN messaged Raffy saying he was their Ride or Die! oh my goodness! Nicholas you are a great person, I really think you are fun to video chat with, but this intense premerge play is gonna get you voted out next.

Raffy

Nicholas is already thinking about tribal before the challenge has even ended. He's already trying to "manipulate" everyone into voting Ginnifer when it would not even take half the effort he is putting in to do it. I'm sure everyone would be happy to vote out Ginnifer, but Nicholas is playing so messy that we have to get rid of him now. He's calling me his "ride or die" and how we have "so much in common" when I have barely had two conversations with the dude. I suggested to Revenge R Us (DeNara, Steven, and I) that we could potentially throw next challenge if we win this challenge to get Nicholas out pre-merge. I feel like a devil on their shoulder.

Elle

God I hope it's actually round 6 😅 Not entirely sure lol uhm anyway yayyy Pictionary went great despite me rushing to get dinner done and then setting up my tablet on call 😂 and photoshop temporarily fighting against me its fine we did it folks we made it to merge✨ well after tribal tomorrow for the others. Now the annoying part: I severely doubt I'm lasting more than like, one, two rounds post merge 😔. I think by being an important piece on so many winning challenges (shape memory, with DeNara and Nicholas in Storytelephone, having a big role in the movie trailer challenge (which won in my heart ❤️), and being the drawer in the Pictionary) I'm like... well I'm entirely and utterly screwed 😂. I can hope people like me enough to keep me around maybe? But that's not really how the game is played... oh well. Oh and because I didn't make an earlier confession: I'm so upset they kicked off James it completely blindsided me D: my buddyyyyyyyyy ugh I should've known that if the math was obvious to me it was to the others as well, it was smart to boot an og warrior :(. James didn't deserve this though!! Upsetting, completely and utterly.

Ginny

Me and the warriors strong alliance have a huge plan in store sucks to suck

Gian

Nicholas being a pot stirrer, but that’s gonna cost him his game :)

DeNara

Holy Crap! This is pure chaos! We found out we we were going to tribal and it was scrambling and messages from everyone to everyone. After talking to Raffy and Steven, I made a group chat with the newbies calling out all of Nicholas' chaos. The 5 of us are splitting the votes between Nicholas and Ginnifer in case Nic plays an idol. My brain is hurting today lol.

Raffy

DeNara started a 5 person alliance with Steven, Gian, Madi, and I called "Down to Business." She did this so the plotting of Nicholas' demise can begin. First of all, Ginnifer and Nicholas are throwing everyone's name under the sun out. Secondly, Nicholas has been PM'ing Madi and Gian about what they should do NEXT TRIBAL after they get Ginnifer out. I have no idea why he would ask that because we have to deal with THIS TRIBAL at the moment. Thirdly, it seems Nicholas has been trying to throw the Winners under the bus. Or, at least, he's trying to set himself up to play the middle between the Wannabes and the Winners. However, his plan only works if we don't talk to each other which we did. Now, it's a #NicholasExposedParty over in our alliance. The plan is to split the vote 3-2 to get out Nicholas and, in case he has an idol, vote out Ginnifer. This plan should work because even if Nicholas votes with Ginnifer he gets out. Plus, even if Nicholas votes for Ginnifer, it ties 3-3-1 which would send Nicholas out. Additionally, I threw Julia under the bus hard to Madi and Gian, making them not trust her at all. It's all coming together for me tbh. These next few rounds should be HIGHLY entertaining if you are a Raffy Stan or a Drama Stan.

Moth

I’m gonna make the merge omg. My life in the game was definitely on the line, I was worried about getting voted tonight because it was between me and Elle and I think they’d vote me out first

DeNara

Morning of my first tribal day..... I really hope I can trust Steven and Raffy tonight. Really my fate rests with them for now. I trust Steven more because he seems to play a more loyal game. Raffy didnt want to make an alliance chat last night and that is suspicious to me... I really hope he isnt lying to me abs Revenge R Us is strong

Julia

Pietro and I are low key running this game right now it’s kind of amazing. I am so here for this it’s iconic. We’ve gotten what we’ve wanted each tribal so far and people really haven’t figured it out yet. I’m hoping Steven still wants to link with us at merge because I think the three of us could run this shit

Rachel

Well, I know the merge is upon us. The plan is for hopefully Gian and Madi to survive the vote (i'm going to be praying all day at work; i miss them!) and us six make it to merge(which includes myself, julia, pietro, anastasia, gian, and madi). We could then have a 1/6 shot of winning this if we can convince someone from the other side to flip at the vote! but realistically, it will be hard and you never know what some people may have up their sleeve. *cough cough* raffy *cough cough*. This game is so mentally stressing, but I love it!

Anastasia

We won the competition thanks to Elle's really good drawing skills. I have a feeling merge is coming up so me and my alliance are making plans for majority. We know that if we have Madi and Gian, all we need is one more person and we have majority. So, we just need to persuade someone to join us before it's too late. I am thinking that we could recruit Moth or Elle (or both) but they could still be loyal to the warriors. Plus we voted their fellow warrior out... So I don't know what they would do. What if I just threw the idea out to both of them? I think I have nothing to lose? AHHH maybe I do have something to lose because I cant like expose our plans.

Moth

The tea is... I have no clue what’s gonna happen after tonight, I’m not sure anyone does but I feel like I definitely would have been voted out had we not won this challenge —

Nicholas

We finally are going to tribal! I’m a little nervous but hopefully the plan to vote out Ginny works. I’ve been using Ginny this whole game with the trading gear back and forth and etc. I think I’m the only person Ginny talks to. I got Ginny who was already people’s target to make herself even more of a target by throwing out lots of names. I also tested people by having Ginny tell them to vote me. Steven and Raffy immediately messaged me and Gian told me only after I was talking to him but that’s probably because he didn’t care what Ginny was saying. Hopefully Ginny doesn’t blow up and call me out at tribal when she starts getting votes.

Steven

https://youtu.be/nLX0HYo7dh4

[90sgrungelouis]

hellooooo i was tagged by @f-l-i-c-k-e-r, @celebratinglouis, @iconichalo, @lovelylarrie, @ravioli-cats and @tommostummie to do the selfie thingie so here it is!! 

i feel like the years have been progressively speeding up and flying past me as i get older. Maybe its because im more aware of my life unfolding in front of me,  maybe its the era of my life that im in, where im constantly being pulled in a MILLION DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS and im doing SO MANY THINGS but also feeling like im not doing enough? like, picture that episode of spongebob where he forgets everything but beef wellington and his brain is on fire, little tiny brain spongebobs are crying and screaming and shredding probably important documents they need to keep. thats me. 2017 has had its ups and downs, its lefts and rights, things that could have and things that probably wouldnt’ve anyway. 2017 was a wild bitch, but she made herself known and i respect that. 

starting from the top left and going in a zig-zaggy motion downwards (you know what i mean):

1. i dont really remember when this was taken but my hair looks BANGIN and judging by the cold temperature i assumed it was the winter, which sounded like a good place for me to start

2. winter break me and my brother escaped to disney florida for a week and witnessed many wonders, including how many tie dyed cheesecakes you can take without anyone noticing, regretting not wearing good standing shoes for those long lines, hearing the same song and parade start back up again literally every 15 minutes, and sitting through enough biographical-themed rides to become experts on disney’s history. frankly disappointed i didnt get to see any ghosts haunting the rides tho

3. my friends and i went to philly to celebrate my birthday!!! it was a nice weekend

4. got my first tattoo!!! or, ta’oo as louis would say 

5. ayeeee my first pride i went to!!! i wore a magnificent rainbow cape and tied little bottles of glitter to the top of it so i would sprinkle glitter everywhere i walked. my plan was foiled by faulty bottle shakers tho, so i just had to twist the cap and let it flow out in magnificent streams, then make a huge bolt down the street and look like a glittery gay superhero. some dude laid down on the street in the biggest pile of glitter, people were everywhere asking for more and i found it in the most random places for daysss afterward but boy, was it worth it. got bigger and better plans for next year ;) 

6. ah the summer shenanigans of our youth. me and my friends like to go to this abandoned factory in the reservation near our houses and stare up through the remains of the burnt up roof. i think there was a fire sometime before. abandoned buildings get me JaZzED

7. the farm internship i was at the whole summer!!! the bosses were satans but i got hella jacked and tan, and i was always surrounded by flowers and nature so i would call that a win-win

8. you cant see it but p!atd was right after they were on, and i didnt take any pictures or videos cuz i was dumbstruck at how beautiful brendon urie was, ok?? give a girl a break. anyway i cried multiple times and it was the best fucking night of my life, i wish i could relive it

9. my harry show. god, i dont even know what words to describe it it was just. he was there in the flesh and singing and dancing and kiwi-posing and running back and forth like he was training for a damn marathon. it didnt feel real to me, not when i was walking in, not when i was screaming “ITS NEW YORK BABY ALWAYS JACKED UP” as hard as i could until i lost my voice, not when i had tears going down my face during sott, not even when i was sore for literally DAYS afterward because i was jumping up and down and waving my flag so hard throughout the whole concert. it still feels like a dream. 

10. i really dont have another deep story for this one and i probably shouldnt have ended it like this but, theres my face. i look like a unicorn. sick. 

Goodbye 2017, you were a lot, but you were also chill i guess. Lets hope 2018 brings good things too 

im gonna tag @please-dont-freak-out, @nicolouis-flamelinson, @foolishrainbow, @zladdins, @blougreen, and @sleigharry

#whew this took too long lmfao #tag memes

[titandnene]

Hey I need to say this to you Lauren.

I dont know the best was to express or say how I feel but I’m finally at a point where I need to explain myself fully for all I’ve done and why i keep coming back into your life. For the past 3 years my life has been a rollercoaster through stages of hell that I really need to tell you about because in the darkest parts of it the idea of what we were and you in general have been my only light. That’s the reason why I’ve been popping back into your life when I’m sure you would rather have it otherwise. The night that we first tripped togther really shows the power that I see in the universe and how horribly cruel honest and true to form it can be about life. Lauren it had to happen the way it folded out. And I learned that it always does no matter what you want. The beginning of it like the beginning of us was great but that moment when I was facing the door and immediately snapped back to look at you started a chain of events that no one was prepared for. That’s when I started to go “crazy” or my mind started to twist my life started to twist everything started to go out of whack. That’s when me being here with you and me always coming back into your life started to turn things bad in my life. I’m deeply sorry for making you cry during the trip but what you don’t know is what happened after you left. I started to plan out what I would think would be our life together. And that was also my first manic episode.

After your left I started writing on the table and in my note book about a surf shack that we were going to have and this fantastic life that was going to happen because I could see it all in that moment. I felt like I knew it all in that moment. But the reality was I was having my first manic episode. Mania makes me feel like that. Like I have the world and it’s story and the universe and it’s story and our story tied up together and I just have to talk it into existence and it will happen the way I say it will. I felt like I had so much energy and enlightenment just pouring out of me and people were on the same brain wave that I was. But it’s never the case.

I was writing and then I finished with the thought of the universe could be this place that I’m envisioning or I could just be crazy and loosing my mind. And then I sunk deep down into that hole. Thinking that my mind was broken and that I couldnt stop this train that was my brain. So I got in bed shut my eyes and just wished for sleep and it came and I woke up the next day fine like back to normal. Hoping that you would still want to be with me after what I did to you that night.

That in essence has been the last three years on repeat starting January 1st 2016.

It’s a cycle of slowing going manic. Mania brings in good feelings and somehow you get involved in my head. That then branches out to me trying to contact you because if this vision that I’m so clearly seeing. And then the destruction of that vision as the episode ends.

On that day I started to go crazy or manic. I dont really know how but by the 4th I was in the back of an ambulance loosing my mind. My universe was fracturing reality was loosening I thought that everyone was going to die and I was going to be alone forever. So they put me in the hospital and they were running test and I was like a wild animal because I had no idea what was going on and then the seeds of my psychosis started being planted. Because within all of that madness I had one light one person that my mom made me think of and that was you. I was talking about the color of your eyes. And then I saw a girl that I thought was you enter a room but I didnt see her face. But I assumed it was you. But the seed was the idea of you always being just in the other room waiting for me. It’s been a constant theme when I’ve become manic. After some weird things happening they wheeled me away to get a brain scan. As they were wheeling me away and I tried to get away because I thought that they were going to do something like “dissect me” or take away a part of me that made me me. That part is hard to explain but. This part isn’t. I accepted the fate that they were going to take all that away that I was going to not come back the same. I put my hand over my heart and said the name Sandy. This was the first solid root of my psychosis that revolves around us. Sandy was the name of a daughter that I saw us having. And it was basically me saying if they are going to take me away i hope she’ll live.

I made it out of the MRI alive and eventually found sleep and woke up the next day still manic. But thing about mania is when your in it you never know that you are. It’s a lobster in water that’s slowly rising in temperature. Once it’s boiling it’s adjusted so it doesn’t know the difference. You just feel normal.

The next day they had me admitted to a inpatient mental hospital. That’s where you called me and we talked. The first few days were a manic mess. I was going crazy I thought that there was a game that had to be played that was going to get me to leave. I thought that my life was going to be this road trip to all these places to save the world. You basically think that you’re jesus and an undercover spy and you have to solve the clues to get out. After seven days in there I got out. But because it was my first time with mania I was still kind of on a high. It’s like coming back from the moon. I made it into the atmosphere of earth but Not quite back to ground and even then not on target. I’m lucky if I hit the ocean.

So I went into a day program where you meet kids who are going through similar things as you. People with depression mania and everything. I meet some people it was nice the first time. But it was a rough start. What made it tougher was the fact that the day that I got out of the mental hospital was the day after classes began at HP. So even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go back. My parents wanted me at the house and monitored on my new medication making sure I sleep and don’t go back into mania. I think I still might have been smoking weed at the time I’m not completely sure but I picked up 2 classes at the school that I’m at now still went to group and truly fucked things up with you.

The last messages that we sent to one another I really regret. I didnt like how I was pushing you away and trying to bring you close. How I wanted an open relationship when I really didn’t even know what it entailed I just wanted to keep you for emotional support and fuck other people. I remember sitting somewhere and having that talk and hearing you cry on the other end of the line and that’s just not right. And then the last Facebook messages that we sent where I was a true asshole and manic because I was smoking weed and it triggers my mania. And how I ended the relationship with a saw and a sawed off.

The next parts is so I can round everything out and really get this psychosis out of me so take it or leave it I need to write it out.

My mom says I have a season when it comes to mania but really it’s just when I start smoking weed and loosing sleep and stop taking my meds. But the next time I got manic was almost a year to the day. If you want to really see when I get into the manic place look for when I contact you or try to reach out that’s how you know I’m floating back.

The next time was the long haul to the hospital. This time I spent 5 hours talking to myself and making up a fictional son named Steven that you and i would have. Back story lore the reason for his name and universal significance. The whole gambit of this kid. This was also a time where i you were still following me on Spotify and i would look and think that we were communicating through our songs.

Eventually i got to loud and out about everything and got sent back to the hospital and what I now call my restart button. Hospital around winter break then group during classes and then back to the grind until I pick up weed again and then restart. But the time I stopped is worth noting.

After I got out that time and spring summer started rolling around I picked up again but weed wasn’t doing me the same. Instead of making me feel good it started to make me feel like shit. I would get on myself about being stupid that I couldn’t do anything every time I smoked I would just fall deeper into a pit and I couldn’t stop. So the universe made me stop. There was one night where the next chapter of my mental illness would kick in.

I said I was done but my friend called me out and said he’d smoke me up and buy my ticket to go see a movie. It was the worst expierence of my life I had a panic attack that twisted my brain into developing a type of OCD that I now know as Harm OCD. It’s not fun. But what that leads me to is the cocktail that that and mania made me go through and how that lead to the mania endured birth of a 3rd child named staysea. Basically the mania brought on the fictional reality glasses that had been brewing since my last manic episodes and the harm ocd brought on the horrific thing that I did to our child in this other dimensional state which was essentially rape.

Harm ocd is not fun it’s something that i go through every day and regret every day for not listening to the universe when it told me to stop. It’s consistent intrusive thoughts that have to do with violence and sex. It’s like being mind raped by a demon. I dont want these bad things to happen but when I say stop this demon in my head says go and I have to visualize atrocities happen multiple times a day. It’s not fun. But I’m getting better at dealing with it.

After the movie theater I stopped smoking for a while and got better felt better I didnt go to the hospital that January and got through the year. I was finally getting over you coming back into my life in these fantasies and having to deal with it. I metaphorically burried the kids that we had I was getting better. But about a year and half i picked it up again. And I would have moved on and stayed out of your life if not for one moment that started this years run of come ups.

I was at my grandmas old folks home. And she has dementia but I talk to her and her roomate still and I was fiddling with a piece of paper and my brain had been starting to go into a manic space. And my grandmas roommate said something to me which was basically for me to try to reach out to you because “she’s the one for you.” This ticked off my mildly manic brain and then everything that I spent the last years settiling came up and I started to believe in The future that I made back then kids and all. All the past things that I made up started coming back. And I started to try to believe in a universe that follows some narrative that works like a book compared to one that just is.

I ended up having a manic episode and going back to the hospital for the entire month of January this time. I think that was after you messaged me on Instagram. I was pretty manic when I was messaging you but I still had some of myself together. But I got out and here I am now. Trying to come to you with some sort of explanation of my actions towards you.

I hurt you a lot over these past years. Far more than anyone really should. You’ve told me time and time again how you don’t don’t want to see me and just want me to leave but every time I’m close to letting go I pull myself back somehow. For that I’m sorry. This is something that I wanted to write you but never knew how to put into words right. I wrote another letter essentially saying hey I’m coming back down to HP in late April to see Haleigh but I don’t even know if Im going to anymore. I barley have the money and I would halfway want to see you but you don’t deserve to just have me in your face without notice or permission.

You remind me of a time when I didn’t have all this weight on me when life was easy. And I was happy with someone I loved. And how a life with them would be all I ever needed. And that’s probably why I go back to it always because that’s all I want.

But this letter serves you and me better. I think. Life has been really really rough for me and you were a life that I saw that could’ve been and I always regret not just staying loyal to you because of how much i cared about you. Just being patient with us. I just want to fix everything I did. But now moving on is best but I needed to say something like this explaining why. I am the way I am.

It would be nice to talk to you though.

I would want to be your friend or just someone who you don’t hate, someone who you can forgive.

I love you Lauren. You’ve helped me through dark Really lonely times. And the only reason why I come back to you is because there’s no one else who made me feel so loved and secure. I wish that I could go back and advise myself about how good of person you would be to be and to treat you right because of it. You were my ace, the one person who was there for me always. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better person to you when I had the chance to.

Thank you for helping me whether you knew it or not.

Jordan.

[crownwoodscollege]

niggas like the money didnt change me

nigga if the money dont change you

you aint made enough change nigga

thnk i worked this hard just to stay the same nigga

 word to jigga

you a worker not a boss nigga

 only talk to boss  niggas

imaginary players talking like they making figured 

talk is cheap but you niggas cant afford to talk

nigga had a chip now they getting fried

your life is alie you aint even pipe nigga

dont be running on your tap nigga

niggas mad cause we pay no mind

that aint swag  dressing ;like our past

u a fad and u running out of time 

verse 2

no misses cause all we got is hits nigga

( and its got a nice ring to it)

call me  MR cause married the game nigga

niggas act different when they see no change nigga

thnk i worked this hard just to stay the same word to jigga

nigas actt funny 

when you laughing to bank

the money serious lizzie feel us 

but we still laughing erryday

play bunnies got they panties in twist 

its dead funny niggas wanna break bread 

make dough when they used to get baked 

now they on they toes now 

but we cooking all the time

keep the heat on the low 

 tap it twice never double tap

we aint making love

we just love practise

you aint looking for the one you just looking for some thousands

i aint looking for the one i just buck her with no passion

you say you looking for the one and  you a single (but there’s athousans you’s)

really really theres a thousands you 

I aint looking for the once Im just looking to hit it once 

then am on to next one

verse 

oyou rich nigga with the talk

and  she like the way that I that  I do my walk

she say you a fuck nigga by the way you rock

i aint fuck no ho bish i know my worth

put a condom in your ear fuck what you heard about me

duck what you heard abou t me

verse

never leave my house

cept is food money on the line

your life is lie

fashion nigga with no steez

am too cocky for you pussy

bitch this aint your  movie

so stop casuing a fucking scene

better play part

know your lines

or we cutting ties

suit your self

now am switching

dipping  in the sauce

this is extra iconic

ex conic

this aint you movie

so stop causing up ascen

verse 2

man i do my stunts

you shuck and jive

i dont drive

but your chick is down to ride

she be whipping aint no fucking lie

off the radar

but am on the map

plugged out but am switched on

coldest nigga with the heat

skinny nigga tryna my make pockets fatter

honey shaking asses when the money drop

then the penny drop

niggas see money then they huddle

niggas is just sheep

its

they say its fucking live

but you niggas playing dead

mind your busines man it pays

[21yroldmeesh]

back again 7/20/17

iit’s been a year since i have written in this blog and dang it’s kind of heartbreaking to read the “ty” post. i mean ima just be open cause i’m sure as hell people don’t even know about this blog anymore L O L i have 0 followers L O L 

things on the agenda: dan, guy who drove me to va, my first and last hookup

me and dan actually broke up over a month ago (6/16/17... i have a particular thing for dates) and it’s been a weird experience.  i literally thought we were going to get married. you can talk to someone for 5 yrs almost everyday and it only takes a day to become strangers. actually you can get close to a stranger. we’re worse than strangers. with us, it’s best to spend some time apart because if we start talking, we don’t even know what we want from each other. like, we actually have such good chemistry but too much has happened too much pain too many lies. it’s one big clusterfuck. i don’t normally curse but i’m going to curse a lot in this post future michelle. i was willing to live in the boring ass town of ann arbor, michigan and i would have been perfectly happy for simply just being with you and being loved by you. i had so much love for you. your fungus feet, your crackly white tongue, you never brush your teeth, everything weird dumb annoying about you just stopped being that and it was “normal” anyways,

i decided to write again because for the past week, my mind has been all over the place and i think my friends are getting annoyed of hearing me out so here i am.

that night, i tried convincing him that id be able to forget about all that he has done. i was crying. i thought it was so fucking unfair man. whenever he lied to me and i’d try to break up with him, he always held on to me and i am a push over... i gave in every time. that day, we fought and yes, i said let’s break up but i told him i didn’t mean it. and then he just brought up how even though i didn’t mean it, everything i said was right and that we arent good for each other. he kept saying this was for us. we didn’t make each other happy. bull shit. i made u so happy. u were only “not happy” when i wanted u to be mature. i mean this is a memory i want to erase from my head so im not going to go into it. but i just felt so hopeless like you just tied up my arms and i couldnt do anything. i asked you to let me hold on to you ONE time because i let you do that with me. and you just wouldn’t budge. do u know how that made me feel? i felt like everything was my fault. if i didnt bring up anything, we would have still been together. we were doing amazing. you opened up to me for the first time literally the day before we broke up and damn everything just happened so fast. you made me feel like i was the type of person who didn’t let myself be happy.

well, the first night i was completely miserable and suicidal. i don’t even know how i survived but i did. for the first two weeks i cried my damn heart out. i let myself feel pain. i didn’t touch alcohol at all until i knew i was ready to not emotional vomit while drunk. i went in my car, blasted music as loud as i can, sobbed for thirty minutes until i was exhausted and came back home. once you hit rock bottom, you got to come up right? i couldnt be alone. i was always with friends. what the fuck was the MCAT right (ugh) i did this multiple times and i think by the third week, i was feeling pretty good and realized you and i weren’t good for each other. actually, correction, we weren’t good for each other because you weren’t willing to be. i guess i just wasn’t worth it to you anymore. well, correction, i didn’t give necessarily my all either. breakups are never on one person. you just lied to me way too much and i just couldn’t trust you 100%. i said i forgave u but i never really did, did i ? what is relationship without trust. it’s surprising how we even lasted this long. well, its because of our chemistry. whyd you have to go fuck it up dan. you and i had such a good connection LOL maybe u can have that connection with others but im just picky af LOL

actually, i haven’t thought about you dan for a very long time. i sound pretty hung up on you still up there but i’m not. something just happened recently which i will go into later 

but actually i have not thought about you at all. its funny because ive been telling haram “who the fuck is daniel am i rite” hahaha its been fine for me. ill be sad but now i can be alone and just deal with it. im doing really well. when i was dating you, for some crazy reason, i thought i couldn’t be without you. why the hell did i think that? like i went through my darkest times without you and survived every single bit of it. why did i ever think i ever NEEDED u in my life? i havent felt depressed since we broke up. isn’t that the craziest? i never have suicidal urges like i did while dating you. im never sad for too long. im just doing me. being with friends. being with awesome people. meeting new people. and yeah i miss you, but damn i think the emotional roller coaster and the clusterfuck of lies (like you telling susan in MAY THAT U LOVE HER?!!?!?!) just made me like dumb and made me believe i just couldn’t let u go. love is insane. and i am insane. michelle in love. there is no logic in it whatsoever. i’m just the type of person to just give it all she got u know? fucking cheat on me, i’ll be here. fucking take my money, i’ll be here. i think id peace the fuck out for animal abuse doe. but anything else is pretty much game.

but yeah i am no longer that person. i am so special and cool to deal with that LOL im actually not a bad catch. i realized i am going to run far far away from someone who lies to me. it’s just not worth it. i love you. i loved you but damn i just kind of miss u as a best friend. nothing romantic anymore. i just miss talking to u and talking shit with u but you can beg for me back, and it is a huge no from me. also i really respect u stepping up with coco while im not in ann arbor. ur just a bad boyfriend. i always knew that tho and i still went in for it. none of that anymore LOL fck that for real. like i wanna be friends with u just so we can hang out. im not the same person anymore LOL and i just think we would really get along now LOL 

when u said you couldn’t give me a ride i was upset but not really? i just understood. it wouldn’t have been good for us and last week, i don’t think i was ready to be in a car ride with u for that long even when i thought i was. looking back, i think it would have set me back a lot. thanks for making the best decision for us. you were always able to do that, i cant hahaha

but yeah anyways, this guy who i talked to for three days kind of offered to give me a ride. correction, we talked for two and then like he just decided to do that for me. very impulsive but i mean i get it, so am i

as we were talking, i realized we were way too similar to even have any romantic attraction. like, i know he did because i think he saw that as a good thing. but everyone else and me later on, realized, similarity for michelle kim is not the best. she needs excitement, passion, and just someone different for her fire. we were similar so we could have been good friends but i think i realized we couldn’t be more than that when he just started coming off too strong. idk, five days in of talking, he was just telling me don’t fool around with other guys and just like telling me to enjoy my single time while i can and it was very overwhelming. not to mention he dated a girl who actually became pretty closely to me recently and i actually really dig her so that was just a final like nope cause it wasnt worth it at that point. 

so i get to ny and im having all these realizations about the guy who drove me to va while im out with my friends. as im getting all these “boyfriendy” texts im like nope nope nope nd telling my friends i think i have 0 feelings for this guy now. 

next thing you know, my first and last hookup walks over to my friend asks her to smoke and he tells her he thinks im cute. i mean i didnt even know until like round 3 or even until he told me the next day. but yeah we just made quick eye contact and that was it. he joins us for round 2 and dang he is hot as fuck LOOL ok well maybe its cause i literally haven’t seen a guy that hot in a while. L O L like i always liked skinny tall guys. but he was like tall and fit?? like wtf?? LOL it just took me off guard and he was showing interest and i was just suuuuuupppppper drunk so we just went home to my airbnb. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I MADE OUT it was so crazy. like i dont think he believes me because he knew i wasnt a virgin but then i told him i never made out before so he was like so confused but didnt ask me questions cause i guess he just thought i was lying?? idk man. but ya we didn’t do anything except make out and when it got hot and heavy i was just like yo u want pjs and then told him lets just go to bed

l o l 

and hes like a super big gentleman 

he kind of didnt want to leave cause hed say stuff like ill leave when u go out. ill leave when u tell me to leave and i was like “ok u should leave now” and idk how but he just kind of stayed

and then he ordered food and idk we talked about his mom and my mom and we played this dumbass creepy game that we literally made up called black mirror black mirror idk man it was super fun and he even pretended like gdragon, hes a complete clown and i love clowns LOL but yeah he left and i went with my day, saw jane and joohee, came home and he texts me. hes like aksing to hang out and im like yeah if we dont get white girl wasted. 

we meet at one of my fave places beauty and essex. it was awk at first because i did not expect it to be like a bar bar since i came during dinner time last time. but we ended up having a lot of fun and it was good. we tried going to fat buddha but line was too long and one thing led to another, he came over my house and we just kind of made out and i d k what happened but i was suppppppppppper drunk LOL like more drunk than last night that i was dropping my phone in the uber and i was a mess but we ended up having “sex” it was just super fast and weird man. he just felt so diff from dan so i felt really out of it but the other guy finished and i think alc was also hindering his performance and it was just a clusterfuck. we just ended up going to bed. next morning, i know he got into super big trouble with his mom and i felt really bad about that. and then he left. i went to va. he texted me saying have a safe trip and that it was a super fun weekend and yeah that was that. 

im starting to realize i fucking like this guy LOL i mean i prob dont but i thought and think i do u know. im just not the type to do this and i feel like he got the worst image of me LOOL yeah my friends were like michelle ur not the type of person to just have one night stands cause one ima fall in love with them and two ur just not the type

idk i just lost myself from being in nyc

nyc is like the root of all probs 

love that place but still crazy

and ya i think hes kind of cute but i also know hes not really down since im in mich and all so ya ohwellz we’re only 21