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coffeenuts · 1 month
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spankingtheatre · 2 days
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Vigilance Costs Energy
The feeling of being drained after a social event is now so well-known, it's almost an introvert cliche. Sadly it makes introverts seem somehow flawed, like leaky buckets, or faulty batteries that discharge too rapidly.
But what if there was really no inherent fault in introverts at all? Perhaps what really exhausts people - regardless of their inner psychology - is having to maintain a state of extreme vigilance when socialising.
It can't be a coincidence that when we're with friends, our energy seems to last so much longer, despite being naturally more high-tempo than encounters with strangers. Perhaps that's a clue, that when we're comfortable being ourselves, we don't have to suppress the parts of us that we'd rather not show. Putting on an act - now that is exhausting.
Thomas Jefferson's famous quote about the price of freedom being eternal vigilance equally well applies to social situations. We want to be free to be who we truly are, but we're wary of letting our guard down. That's why sexual vulnerability is so difficult.
We are vigilant in social situations not because we lack courage, but because we're not naive. We learn from an early age to be wary of assholes, and those who might take advantage of our nature to exploit us.
Someone who's submissive will be rightly concerned that dominant individuals will take advantage of their neediness. How do we ever know anyone we encounter is saying what we want to hear whilst hiding their true intentions?
It's not that every stranger has a nefarious agenda. We'd be doomed to a lonely fate if we truly believed that. It's just that everyone is driven by their own motivations, and social niceties dictate we don't all lay our most personal secrets on the table the first time we encounter someone new.
Everyone's true intentions are revealed progressively, as we enter the social and sexual dance that leads to intimacy. We learn to place our trust in those who earn it. That's why relationships often begin with a kind of terrifying audition, with both partners hyper-vigilant for red flags - especially if they've been hurt badly in the past.
But maintaining such high levels of vigilance is literally exhausting. We're curating how others see us, in how we act and dress, and what we choose to talk about. We analysing reactions, and adapting how we appear. Inside, our hindsight critic is already berating us.
Yet we can not avoid others forming judgements about us. Even when we play safe, we're being judged, and we may be inadvertently conveying completely the wrong impression about ourselves. We might be passionate inside, but hide it so well that we appear dull and emotionless.
So we shouldn't fall into the trap of wanting to appear perfect in the eyes of others, because we can not possibly know their idea of perfection. Perhaps they just want us to be our most authentic selves, and would be greatly honoured to be trusted with our deepest and most precious secrets.
Until we drop our mask, we'll have no idea if others will find our interests hot or icky. But we can be sure of two things: if we've chosen our friends well, they'll be open-minded and love us regardless, and we burn more brilliantly when we're not hiding our flame.
We'll never quite lose our innate social vigilance, so it's helpful to remember that none of us is actually socially flawed, and it's probably our anxiety about how we're perceived that really exhausts us.
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6ghassan · 1 month
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After the Storm. by Tom Via Flickr: We had a hard rain,just before Sun-up.
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michaelcerasofficial · 10 months
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by MorBCN on Flickr.Groenburgwal canal and the Zuiderkerk church. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
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beeroucek · 2 years
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Sunset on the Guinness
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Sunset on the Guinness by bigeoino Via Flickr: Anticipation is the key... Go to Ireland. Drive west. Find yourself a beach, a pub serving quality Guinness and a sunset ... Perfect.
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holtog · 3 days
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In the fields of observation, chance favors the prepared mind.
Louis Pasteur
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xxenigmaoflifexx · 24 days
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It was that morning...
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It was that morning... por Frank van Dongen Por Flickr: Edit: PS + TopazLabs
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modistematters · 7 months
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by MorBCN on Flickr.Groenburgwal canal and the Zuiderkerk church. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
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bestseasonsoflife · 10 months
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Autumn Remains 2 ... (IN EXPLORE FRONTPAGE and Rank #1)
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Autumn Remains 2 ... (IN EXPLORE FRONTPAGE and Rank #1) by Sergio Darcas Via Flickr: 11 (Eleven) Contests Winner so Far!!! (Thank you all) Autumn colours, between the trees... Another step in that magic walk from the lonely lady back in June 2009, Adrogue, Buenos Aires. Multiple Flickr Contest Winner: Heart Awards Contest Winner! Urban Landscapes 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/heartawards/ Peace Awards Contest Winner! 1st Place Winner : 37th Peace Award Contest : Theme : IMPRESSIONS OF FALL www.flickr.com/groups/1039193@N20/ B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l Contest Winner! : NOVEMBER FRONT PAGE CONTEST ♠ Fall Foliage 1st Place: www.flickr.com/groups/b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l/ Absolutely Perrrfect! Contest Winner! 1st Place Autumn/Harvest/Signs of Autumn/Halloween www.flickr.com/groups/absolutelyperrrfect/ We Are the World Contest Winner! 1st Place Fall Colors Contest www.flickr.com/groups/wearetheworld/ Friends! Contest Winner 1st Place "Fall is in the Air Contest" www.flickr.com/groups/henry_friends/discuss/7215762282461... Real Magic Contest Winner! "Magic of Autumn" 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/realmagic/ Gave Ya Chills "Fall" Contest Winner! 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/gave_ya_chills/ Autumn the Colour of Love - Autumn Contest Winner 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/theautumn/ www.flickr.com/groups/theautumn/discuss/72157622987409277/ The Award Three - Autumn Artistry Contest Winner - 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/awardtree/ This Is Excelent Group - Season Change Contest Winner - 1st Place www.flickr.com/groups/thisisexcellent/ www.flickr.com/groups/thisisexcellent/discuss/72157625031... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inspired in "Soledad Otoñal" by Sandro Garcia (SandroG) www.flickr.com/photos/sandrog/3611433758/ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Became one of the MOST INTERESTING photos on Flickr, WorldWide and All-Time out of 90 million geotagged photos so far: Rank #1 to #9 Among Millions of pics with every tag and word listed here. Rank #1 to #5 in Most Interesting All-Time in every group mid size or huge I added this picture Dunno how this works but couldn't be possible without all your comments, faves, galleries, votes in contests and support. My short two and a half months as flickr active member couldn't been better Thank You All Sergio Highest position on Explore #1 | Interestingness
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everyoneelseisupstairs · 10 months
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by MorBCN on Flickr.Groenburgwal canal and the Zuiderkerk church. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
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coffeenuts · 11 days
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spankingtheatre · 6 months
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Ask for what you want
If you can ask for a spanking, or whatever turns you on, you can ask for whatever else you want in life.
If you can ask for something so intimate, and so important to you as your kink, all other everyday wants will seem trivial in comparison.
I think everyone has a secret list of what they wish they could ask for, but they're wary of rejection, or of being considered greedy or self-centred, or they're just afraid of coming across as weird.
This isn't helped by contemporary culture championing self-reliance. We're taught that asking is what losers do, that wanting is a sign of moral weakness. We come to believe that asking for something is almost like stealing, even though most of us wouldn't dream of taking something without another's consent.
When we ask, we're inviting someone we respect to give us something, that's why making that request can make us feel deeply uncomfortable. We can wait a lifetime awaiting permission to ask.
We spend too much time imagining the worst case scenarios, of how we might be humiliated and ostracised. But this is an egocentric view. I bet we spend very little time imagining how being granted our deepest yearnings will make others feel wonderful.
By not asking we're denying others the satisfaction of giving. From that perspective, choosing not to ask for what you need seems rather selfish.
Worse than that, a world without giving becomes a world stuck as it is, unchanging and boring. A world where no one wants is one without exchanges, and without the possibility of generosity. It is a world where things owned by different people are never shared.
We should reframe asking as an opportunity to make givers feel good. By giving and taking we're adding diversity to the lives of those around us, we're doing our bit to mix the world up.
Our purpose in life is to make the universe more interesting.
Your desires add colour to existence, and the exchanges you instigate will make the world less boring. Never be afraid to ask for what you truly want.
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6ghassan · 3 months
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Last Summer.
flickr
Last Summer. by Tom Via Flickr: Curbside Colours.
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rootbasespine · 10 months
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by MorBCN on Flickr.Groenburgwal canal and the Zuiderkerk church. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
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oeqditt0a · 1 year
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