#inability to think clearly

[madewithonerib]

John 15:22 | If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been #guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin

That is why JESUS flipped tables HE was speaking out against all kinds of sins, sins of omission & sins of commission.

For #profit companies break the law & criticize Christians publicly I've worked at them & did not file human rights complaints against any of them. GOD knows they are doing it and HE will avenge at HIS return; but to go along w/ the way of the world is not how we are to conduct ourselves

Revelation 18:4 | I heard another voice from Heaven say: “Come out of her, MY people, so you will #not share in her sins or contract any of her plagues

When it comes to #sin, people who do it guzzle it & become drunk on it

Foam from the #rapid pouring out.

Psalm 75:8 | For a cup is in the hand of the LORD — full of foaming #wine mixed w/ spices. HE pours from HIS cup, and all the #wicked of the Earth

drink it down to the dregs.

But I will proclaim HIM forever; I will sing praise to the GOD of Jacob.

#wine #cup overflowing #GOD's Judgment #Psalm 75:8 #Revelation 18:4 #John 15:22 #Psalm 75:9 #testify #drunk #intoxicated by sin #inability to repent #inability to think clearly #inability to choose rightly

[atopvisenyashill]

i was thinking more about characters Performing Gender, but not necessarily Transgressing Gender. I wound up focusing on Ned and Sansa bc I feel like I understand them the most but-

Sansa as a hostage is imo the most obvious (bc it’s so well done) moment of someone clearly Performing Gender but not being transgressive in that performance. Which isn’t to say it’s not a complicated performance; it’s a fine line Sansa walks between weaponizing her gender to protect herself without seeming too fake. She’s trying to placate the Lannisters by playing the perfect, dedicated, air headed betrothed because it’s the only defense she has - if she outwardly rebels, she will be punished in a likely violent and/or sexual way (which isn’t even conjecture - when she says “or maybe he’ll give me yours” Joffrey has her struck with an armored hand). She’s not quite successful in being convincing but that’s because it’s a rather extreme situation; despite no one believing her, she does make herself seem meek and stupid enough that no one suspects she’s plotting to escape with Dontos until she’s well away from KL. The fact that she even has Dontos to confide in is because of Sansa’s relationship with gender! When she saves him, she covers her rebellious slip by playing up Joffrey’s intelligence & his role as King; she reaches for “tools” of her gender AND of ~proper manhood~ to save a life and herself from another beating. Her retreats into the godswood and silence are very much Sansa attempting to recharge from these draining interactions, the same way a knight would need to stop and eat and rest after a fight. She is fighting, constantly, by forcing herself to stay within the narrow confines of a specific type of gender performance as a way of shielding herself from harm.

Ned yelling at Cat is another big one, and I’ve seen the scene referred to as Ned using his patriarchal power to scare Cat, which is a great description. It feels like a Performance because Ned is putting on this terrifying Lord Stark mask in an attempt to get Catelyn to stop asking about Jon (and Lyanna). This is not how he usually acts with those he loves! When Ned is with His People, he is welcoming of questions, curiosity, emotion, even transgressive thought (to a point! the idea that Ned is a feminist because he lets Arya learn to fight is Not accurate but you can’t deny he allows significantly more flexibility wrt gender expression than most of the fathers we meet in this series. the bar is in hell tho). Yet when Cat asks him about Jon’s mother, Ned scares her so well she stops asking & still remembers the moment bitterly over a decade later. And if that snippet we see through Bran’s eyes of Ned praying that Cat will forgive him does come after she asks (like it’s suspected), it’s clear not only that this is a performance he’s putting on & weaponizing against Cat, it’s one he does not like using as a weapon against someone he is close to. After using the power his gender gives him to cause harm, he retreats to the godswood and silence to pray and rest, much like Sansa. A spiritual cleanse, the way a soldier may pray after battle, to reset and reconnect Being A Proper Man to Being A Kind Man.

I think there’s something interesting in that two of the characters most widely defined by how well they adhere to Westerosi gender norms both dislike feeling like they had to weaponize their gender. They are exhausted by the performance, because it’s a performance. This isn’t Sansa getting excited over tourneys, or Ned teaching his sons to fight; it’s toxic masculinity, it’s structural misogyny. It’s something they’re good at, excel at, and connected to something they enjoy but when it’s paired with violence, whether done by Ned or done to Sansa, it crosses over in their minds from an innate part of themselves (The Gender) to a performance necessary due to survival (The Gender Role). And that after these performances, both retreat to nature & god as a way of resting and cleansing from the experience.

#valyrianscrolls #ned stark #sansa stark #getting on my soap box #there’s something here too about romanticism. like shelley and coleridge and whitman. the need to return to nature to undo society’s harm. #especially with the way various romance movements and romantic tropes are played with by their characters. #i can’t even remember who said it which just shows u how shitty an english major i am aksjd but about how. #like society is necessary but just as necessary is the ability to escape into nature. i *think* it was coleridge i’m probably wrong. #the gender war makes corpses of us all #gender politics in asoiaf #obviously you can point to several moments for both of them. sansa calling petyr father. ned’s relationship with theon. wherein they both #are clearly performing something for an audience. #there’s like 12 other branches of this in my head. jaime’s romanticism. being knighted bloody & the sacrilegious nature of the sept sex. #and his inability to escape his gender performance the way ned & sansa do. ned being willing to cry in front of others but robb only ever #crying in the dark with his baby brother after he loses ned. cat’s tower stuff & finding solace in sewing. #i’m gonna try to write up something about loras & renly here too. tomorrow. #also i wrote this at the train station after work so if there’s errors or it makes no sense just pretend u never saw it skskdj

[autistic-beshelar]

rue is, i think, in love with the idea of love.

they set a wager. the lords of the wing will find true love in this romantic, ephemeral bloom, if they only seek it. they can win it, as though it’s a game.

they long to abolish the courts. their own court has never held any love for them - why would any other court be different? a court stifles, a court smothers, a court suffocates love. the courts must be abolished, so that love can bloom. true love, love that is unfettered by politics, or station, or duty.

they are the architect of the bloom. the hunt, the heart. the dance. the potions. they will pour love into a cup and the guests will drink their fill. fae from across the realms will fall in beautiful, perfect love at rue’s hand. 

they have become the arbiter of love. when an engagement between a cruel prince and a wild goblin is set, what else can they do but judge it unfit? it was not love, it was not true. 

they share a moment in a forest with a venerated captain. he is tall, as they are. he is clawed, as they are. he is a beast, as they are, and so beautiful for it. they fall fast, and hard, and heavy. and perhaps it is only the nature of queerness, of a life lived behind a mask, yearning for the faintest spark, that causes them to love so fast. 

or perhaps they did not truly fall in love with hob at all. for they did not see him. 

they fell in love with a reflection of themself.

except, of course, that hob is not a reflection of rue. hob is his own person, and like any real person, he cannot live up to an idea. and while rue is on a wonderful journey of revelation and self acceptance, it is baffling to them that someone else’s love does not always mirror their own.

rue, in an act of bravery and vulnerability and hope, removed their mask. and they long so very much to remove hob’s - but he has never worn a mask. he has always been exactly as he is - a soldier, devoted and dutiful. an outsider, used and abused by his court. rue’s true form was hidden by their court, while hob’s otherness has always been mercilessly exposed.

rue loves hob for the idea of who he could be, if he could simply unmask as they did. but hob needs, just as rue does, to be loved for who he is.

#this really went from 'rue doesn't truly understand love and is fucked up about it' #to 'rue thinks hob's story is one of queerness but it is in fact of neurodivergence' #and while rue could pass #hob never could #this hurt me to write btw. #a court of fey and flowers #delloso de la rue #captain kp hob #i see a LOT of talk about rue's story being a queer one #which it very very deliberately and wonderfully is #but i see the same being said of hob #and i'm not saying it's wrong to see hob's story as a queer one too #but to me hob's entire narrative is so clearly an autistic one #the abuse and manipulation and straight up gaslighting that he has received from his superiors #reads so clearly as authority figures taking advantage of a neurodivergent person #his whole... inability to accept that anyone could love him for who he is #the way he is othered not so much for how he looks #but for his BEHAVIOUR #for things that are blatant autistic traits #that's... that's an autistic narrative for sure. #not to say that hob isn't also queer #and of course there is so so much overlap between queer stories and autistic stories #but i think that #rue is only seeing their experience as a queer person #they aren't understanding that hob's experience is different than theirs #because he is autistic #also for many other reasons but like. look. we're talking autism babey. #and also i'm not saying rue can't also be autistic or neurodivergent in some way #but they don't have the same experience as hob does

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

trying to articulate what it is exactly that makes Padme’s death more than just fridging for the sake of manpain and i think beyond being a fully developed character in her own right it’s mostly that Anakin is the one who kills her 

#and i mean it's narratively justified #and clearly she had to die for the OT #I was thinking about this for shmi too and it does more than just serve anakin pain #her death is the beginning of his fall really #his inability to let go bc he couldn't save her #also in total fairness anakin is the main character so everything has to serve his story #and narratively no one else could still be alive for the OT lol #star wars #idk i'm just throwing stuff out here #padme amidala #anakin skywalker

[todayisafridaynight]

YOU MAKE THAT POST AND DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON EVERYONE'S OPINION ON SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG???

I MEAN IT'S SUCH A NICHE FUCKING TOPIC LMAO I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD CARE

but anyway here's the Egregiously Simplified version of Everyone Is Forced To Play Ten Routes Of Shadow The Hedgehog And Has To Give Their Opinion Afterwards

#snap chats #i already hear someone going 'the fuck you mean mine is number one shadow the hedgehog defender' YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME #at first i do think he'd be like 'what the fuck' but then going through all of shadows routes. or at least ten to get the final story #and seeing the constant betrayal and inability to trust others he faced yet still ultimately persevering due to his promise to maria #i think bro would be moved.. just a little.. would he think shadow a bit headassed for that considering what the humans did to him #Of Course but also its evident that shadows clearly taking things into his own hands now- as righteous of a mission as it is #despite the persistent attempted influence by everyone around him. shadows a complicated TRAGEDY he'd be moved #mine's artsy like that..... gotta go before i get shot ive said insane things before but this one'll take the cake me thinks #im not explaining everyone else mine's just felt like the one i NEEDED to explain lest i look more insane than usual #06 daigo's purely a Shadow Angst enjoyer. he understands shadow and he's wallowing in the misery of his backstory #majima's weird to categorize cause he definitely can be like Lmao The Fuck and/or just play the game chaotically #and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like #Damn He Just Like Me Fr. i think. idk i dont study majima leave me alone im not making ANOTHER One Chara Exclusive category #i said i wouldnt explain anyone else and here i am explaining shut UP im gonna go eat #im not looking at this anymore bye #FORCING myself to leave cause i really will just end up typing essays on bitches perceiving shadow LMAOO

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard* #I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details #of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point #but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag #of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there #are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance #but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly #doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. ) #the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead #of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like #you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image #or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i #wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol) #hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe #I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing #that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc #eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that #this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently #wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj #Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU #CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN #MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie* #Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol #I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it #with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits #and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit #out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the #unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh #re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI #art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA

[emotinalsupportturtle]

the main reason I will always be obsessed with David Tennant is that fundamentally, we share the same mental illness

#I’m constantly in awe of him #and obv he's immensely talented and attractive and a great person #but that man is clearly insane #i mean he sits and writes 10k essays on the homoerotic subtext of shakespeare #he can't sit still for like 2 seconds #or sit normally on a chair #he thinks using real skulls for hamlet is cool (it is) #he says things like “i'd rather hide under a table than go out” and “i wear hoodies so people don't talk to me (they assume I'm a murderer) #he faked an assistant to get out of attending events #is obsessive about his geeky shows #is somewhat an adrenaline junkie. said about doing theatre; #“it was horrible and it was actually killing me. but once it was over i ofc thought to myself 'oh i think i might have to do that again” #in interviews he keeps going off in tangents and looses the complete point of the question #i mean i just watched one where he was asked about his first day on set on doctor who #and he somehow ended up on passionately speaking how we are all fucked if donald trump is elected (this was before he was president) #and nearly started an anti-trump campaign (king) #has the chronic inability to make sartorial choices that would result in anything but the gayest outfits #has imposter syndrome #ofc i can only aspire to be fractionally as cool as him #but all this actually deeply relatable #this is probably why tumblr likes him so much #david tenannt

[bitegore]

is there like a curse you get put under when you decide that you like cold weather better than hot weather to never ever shut the fuck up when someone expresses a different opinion on the subject, or is that just a choice you are all making

#i really don't get it. i don't do this on posts about liking the cold #but every post about liking hot weather is FULL of people like 'ohhh but op have you considered it's easier to warm up than cool down' #as though a) that is true everywhere or b) we've never heard it before #first of all no it's not i will refer you to the years ive spent insomniac in the winter because no matter how i huddled i could not feel m #toes but second of all we fucking KNOW. we Know. we know you feel that way. It's not a secret we are AWARE. WE KNOW #no one's saying you can't like the cold but for fucks sake if you're not gonna say anything helpful what's the point of saying it #red rambles #i know i'm being a bitch this week but also i don't care. it's like fucking clockwork #every single time i reblog one of those posts i just wait for three or four people to tell me about how they 'can't peel off their skin' if #it's too hot. as though the only way to cool down is to take off layers #unfortunately i am not afflicted with whatever curse this is. sorry about your inability to shut up when you're clearly in disagreement tho #for the record i'm still housetrained and i have no intention of expressing this annoyance by going and bothering people who like the cold #you can like the cold if you want to i dont give a shit #but like. Seriously what the fuck is the deal with this shit #do you actually think that 'weh weh but actually the cold is better' is a unique opinion. approximately 50% of the people in any given place #will agree with you #there is absolutely no new complaint you can offer under the sun that will be fresh to anyone hearing it #as we have exhausted literally all of them by the age of like twelve.

[fierykitten2]

I have the urge to play Scarlet/Violet while watching Hermitcraft, drawing F-Zero/Pokémon crossover fanart and listening to a playlist of Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Iron Maiden all at the same time but given I can’t draw my own fanmade Megas/regional variants while watching Hermitcraft and actually knowing what’s going on, I don’t think that’s a good idea

#F-Zero x Pokémon x Hermitcraft x Black Sabbath x Judas Priest x Iron Maiden #yeah I’m 99.9% certain I only mentioned the bands and fandoms I’m drawing so the crossover tag was more interesting to me #not that “Pokémon x Hermitcraft” wouldn’t have sounded cool to me #but maybe I really wanted to point out I’d like to think I’m more active than I make it seem in the F-Zero fandom #also when they say women are better at multitasking they clearly aren’t including autistic demiwomen #the autistic part has nothing to do with my gender I just wondered if it was relevant to my supposed inability to multitask #there’s at least one episode worth of Smallishbeans Hermitcraft I don’t actually know what happened bc of that

[blackwaxidol]

I'm in that "boiler about to explode and take the house with it" prodrome.

#Whenever this happens I feel a pressure in my chest like I am underwater. #That sense of constriction or inability to form words it has a very physical presence. #Whenever this happens I start to feel an incredible amount of anger. #Is it towards myself. I don't know. #I start thinking ''It's fine I'm clearly not going to ever kill myself so it doesn't matter''. #I think I feel hatred that I come across this way. #I am certain this kind of thing is the basis of the idea people have when they think ''If I was more mentally ill someone would care''. #It is a bullshit sentiment and one that arises if you cannot communicate adequately. #I feel some relief when I go on surgical tangents like this... #It's not really enough. I feel momentarily better but the larger desire to disappear persists. #I have a pattern of withdrawing socially and then vanishing for two weeks. I don't remember what happens in that time. #It's the one place I lack clarity for. #I think things just stop making sense to me. A kind of transient psychosis. #Does it ever stop... Not really. I have to drag myself into talking because it will never organically alleviate. #I do not ever feel better by giving in and I never will. #That isn't some trite ''human determination'' sentiment. It is just factual statement.

[herestoburiedsecrets]

Thinking a lot about Mary moving on…

I love how it was handled, for although while the ghosts talked about it a fair bit, I didn’t actually think the show would go there, and I think it was portrayed really well. It makes sense for Mary’s character development, especially given that she mentions in 2x4 that she ‘dreamed of the day when [she] would be sucked off’ which makes this a happy ending for her, but it still hurts so much, and I don’t think i have even fully accepted it yet.

I am a bit unsure as to whether her moving on was something that almost randomly occurred or whether it was due to the fact that she was healing from her trauma in a ‘unfinished business’ type way. I am leaning more towards the former just because of the actual timing of her moving on, although it did happen quite shortly after some huge character growth and development within the season.

I do love the thought that her healing and sharing her trauma and finding her voice led to her moving on, but the implications of that are very hard to accept, because it means that any growth or development of the characters could lead to their eventual sucking off, and that is so hard to think about. It implies that the Captain learning to let go and express his emotions and accept his sexuality will mean that he will move on, or Kitty coming to terms and accepting how her sister actually treated her and finding a new family in the ghosts leading to her moving on, and that is so overwhelming to think about because I really don’t want any more of the ghosts to move on. I know it is an inevitability with the actual rules set within the show, but I really love these characters and I would hate for them to not exist anymore.

If moving on is a more random process, which I am inferring it is given how it just *happens*, then it means that none of the ghosts will necessarily move on if they change and grow and develop, which is comforting because I really want to see them all learn and develop without the knowledge that all this change is bringing them closer to not-existing, because I feel like that means I can’t enjoy their character development as much, or appreciate how they are all growing as people. I want each ghost to personally grow, but also to be able to sit and exist with the growth without it meaning that they have to leave the world behind for good.

Mary was, in my opinion, the perfect character to move on, not only because of her amazing recent character development but also because of Annie, because Annie was her best friend in a way that none of the other ghosts were, and so in a way it felt right for Mary to go with Annie. Also while I am sure a lot of ghosts would like to move on (probably Robin especially, definitely not Thomas tho), Mary has explicitly stated her desire to move on, which makes me happy for her since she got her desire, even though it is terribly painful to watch. Being a ghost is it’s own specific form of torturous existence, but it also allows the ghosts another shot, and they have become a family together, and I really don’t want to see anyone else move on.

#i am feeling a lot of very complicated feelings about just the concept of moving on and i wrote this post to help me make sense of them a #bit so sorry if it doesn’t really make sense #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts season 4 #like I completely understand that moving on is probably what many of the ghosts want but it is so scary to think about #especially with my favourite characters - like Cap has had so much development and growth over the seasons and I really don’t want that to #mean that after he comes out he will move on because to me that cheapens the development if that makes sense #i would love for Cap to be able to talk openly about his sexuality and express himself fully #but not at the expense of his existence as a ghost #and that is applicable to all of the ghosts but I am thinking about Cap a lot because he has a lot of huge character development throughout #the show and has a clear path of development that we as the audience can see because he has three main issues that have been clearly defined #throughout the show (which are all interlinked to some degree) - 1. his inability to express and fully accept his own sexuality 2. his #difficulty letting go of the war and extracting himself from his role in the war and 3. his general repression of all emotions #i do think that there is enough evidence within the show for me to say that the actual moving on is fairly random because yeah mary moved on #after she was able to share her story and find her voice and all that but she actually got sucked off on a random morning and so did Annie #anyway yeah just thinking about it a lot because i have seen a lot of people talk about it

[crimeronan]

entering the kind of depression era wherein posts encouraging people to think of nice things in their lives make me start crying because i can't think of anything except for things that also just make me hate myself (ie: my family is very nice to me about how i'm too fucking useless to do my job or chores or errands or anything other than lay in bed). probably i will end up logging outta this blog if this continues for much longer because i don't really like who i am currently nor do i have the capacity to pretend to be anything else anymore and i'd prefer to post on this blog when i can actually, like, perform personhood adequately. if i do vanish in the coming days you can assume i'm taking a normal sabbatical unless papika or faewaren post that i'm dead/hospitalized/whatever. peace and love genuinely thanks for all the support ✌️💕👍

#autoimmune tag #i famously do not cry on my bipolar meds. except i've cried nearly every day since the beginning of june #i reached the end of my rope on the first and have yet to recover apparently. #things that have made me cry today: #inability to do like 80% of the things on the pride goals post i specifically made to be as easy as possible #bad feeling in the physical body #thinking about how nothing matters and nothing i do matters and i will never be able to take care of or help anyone #inability to come up with any delights of the day #inability to think of anything remotely good about the day so far except rafi being kind and pitying me excessively bc i should be dead #etc #i'm clearly in no shape to be posting on a blog where ppl are here for fun fandom content and general hopeful vibes so. yeah #i gotta go. the only thing holding me back is that i already am bored and unhappy laying in bed all day #WITHOUT removing my hour or so of mindless scrolling per day. so #negative

[scarletanpan]

Tuning with Kaito is so funny. I can have the opening, brightness, clearness, and accent all turned up to 100%, I could be telling this man to scream from the rooftops in all ways vested in me through piapro studio and he will still murmur every word with the confidence of an anxiety-ridden child at a school play

#i hate him. its a little funny tho #i have spent months on this cover and the only thing stopping it is the clear inability of kaito to rap above a whisper #its sounds fine. but meiko and len technically fit the parts way better #and the whole point was to do a kaito meiko cover i am losing it #but also its objectively hilarious for meiko to sing abt cyberspace while a 14 yr old comes in rapping abt bitches he clearly doesnt get #i'm this close but no i cant do that. i think i'm gonna have to fine tune kaito even more somehow #kaito v3 #vocaloid

[alphalesbian]

.

#genuinely feel like im losing grip on the people i love the most out of my own inability to clearly say what im trying to without it being a #whole 30 minute attempt to explain it #this is breaking me i feel so absolutely like i fucked up something beyond repair #how do you do anything but panic when you were mid conversation with someone who was trying to help you bare your soul and they block you #every time it feels. i get here and i bare myself and it breaks people it burns bridges its just daggers and i can never rectify it in a wa #that feels meaningful that the other person isnt going to negatively think of me in that light forever

[countessrivers]

Had a girl from a completely different department at work last night ask me my name and then tell me that she’d first only seen me working the fancy night events and just assumed I dressed up for them, but then said that she then realised that I was always Like That at work and my hair and everything was gorgeous and a bit glam and I looked really nice and it’s a day later and I’m still like “was she flirting with me or just being nice” and I think that’s very wlw of me.

#like I do put in effort with my hair and makeup and I’m usually wearing jewellery and a fancy little headband #plus my standard work skirt is a bit tight #so I like to think I look good #and maybe stand out a bit #but I don’t put in THAT much effort #and she’s clearly noticed me even though we don’t interact much (and I honestly don’t even know *her* name) #so like *is* she just being nice and giving a compliment? #idk #add it to the list of queer stereotypes i fall into #(which include and inability to park or sit normally on chairs and an over reliance on fingerguns)

[cruelsister-moved2]

tbhhh the op of this is kind of right dont get me wrong they went about it very poorly and very centred on their own view without considering the experiences of others so i completely understand where the criticism is coming from & also some of their reasoning is not great like i don’t believe ‘autistic people are EXTREMELY disconnected from the world around us’ or that not understanding NTs will turn you into a narcissist HOWEVER i do believe radicalisation and moral rigidity are for real things that affect autistic people disproportionately - not just alt-right, but any kind of extremism, religious fundamentalism, cults, etc. and also on a shallower level ive seen autistic ppl disproportionately swept up in like shipping discourse or whatever which does cause pretty serious negative impacts to their wellbeing (including like kids being groomed through it).  i think there are people who KNOW to take advantage of vulnerable autistic people in this way and we should all be looking out for it and learn how to protect the more vulnerable members of our community. like i dont know if theyre trying to claim autistic n/zis shouldnt be held accountable or whatever and if they are then obviously thats insane, but when u follow the trials and start to see how many like extremist attackers are autistic you cant just turn away from that. from my perspective like addressing the vulnerability of autistic people to certain types of radicalisation could save the lives of their victims sooo i dont think we should avoid doing it... and i get its difficult bc u dont want to look like ur saying autistic ppl are more likely to do xyz bad thing, its just that autistic people (esp white men/boys) are especially vulnerable to online radicalisation and thats a fact... like obviously the goal is to have people who could never be convinced to harm other human beings, but if you have a certain number of those people in the population and its specifically autistic men who are being radicalised to act on it, thats a specific problem?? its not about the individuals, being like ‘oh this mass murderer is autistic so we should all forgive him’, its like on a systemic level lets acknowledge that autistic people are disproportionately vulnerable to radicalisation so we can address that and prevent it in the future... i also think, like i’ve talked about before, that the way society handles autistic boys is insanely toxic in a way that FREQUENTLY produces young men who are a danger to the people around them - NOT inherently bc of autism but bc of a particularly toxic form of male socialisation which we can literally prevent (particularly by increased visibility autistic women & autistics of colour bc just our existence is so combative to harmful stereotypes abt autism) so i think its important to include the gender & race elements when talking abt this kind of radicalisation, but i also think as the other side of that coin autistic women are more vulnerable to cult programming and other forms of radicalisation where the victim is you rather than others & op omitting that is frustrating and undermines their point but i think its super important to talk abt. does that make sense like ugh its hard to figure out how to summarise what im getting at but ive literally been noticing disproportionate numbers of autistic ppl involved in extremism and its like ok so is the correct response just to ignore that or

#and for real i mostly despise white autistic men #but its also like ok theres like clearly a failing here thats causing this problem for all of us #i genuinely think a lot of MRA types and the transmisandry truthers too are autistic #and its a type of moral rigidity coming from a place of like #inability to empathise + manipulation by others #and its like id be the first one to say i hate those guys im not saying we baby them and excuse them #im just saying maybe if we recognise this we can combat it #and there are a lot of types of radicalisation so..it is kind of something that affects everyone..