#in the middle of me typing this up

[robotpussy]

no sunshine, i have a cold like it's winter outside, i want to sleep in my own bed instead on the floor in my grandma's house, i'm overstimulated, i'm irritated, i have a eczema flare up on my neck of all places, and ppl are asking to hang out when i've repeatedly told them i have no money and travelling requires having money to spend but they don't want to help me travel to see them

#like 😭😭😭 i literally cannot afford to get on the train to Brighton rn I HAVE NO MONEY!!! idek how im gonna pay my bills #ive been borrowing money from my family and this job search is so tedious i shouldn't have said I'll be alright for the month #of August and i fucking hate having to ask for donations even tho im literally looking for a job #in the middle of me typing this up

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm in A Mood™ (stressed) so im going back to my roots of melting two character together into one person. So bruce wayne!danny fenton. Danny Fenton who, for eight years, grew up in a beautiful gothic manor with his mom and dad under the name "Bruce Wayne". Playing piano with his mother, running around the manor with his father.

Then when he's eight it's ripped away from him. There's blood on his hands and pearls pooling at his feet, and both his parents are dead in front of him.

And he gets shipped off to distant relatives "the Fentons" shortly after, Alfred close on his heels because someone needs to take care of him, someone that knows him. Bruce goes to the Fentons for the safety of anonymity. Gotham's press wants to sink its teeth into him.

Danny misses his city even if it took everything from him. There are shadows in his eyes and he's pale as a sheet even beside his distant cousins, and they change his name to "Danny Fenton' because nobody should know that their newest child was illustrious orphan Bruce Wayne.

They call him Bruce behind closed doors. Danny prefers it that way, he clings onto the name -- the one his parents gave him -- like a lifeline. He makes friends with Sam and Tucker. Tucker takes one look at the willowy, morbid little boy standing in the corner like a shade, ghosts in his eyes, and drags him out into the sunlight, and takes him over to Sam.

When Danny is twelve, he's still not over it -- and he's a little obsessed with the Fentons' research, with the morbid. He has books upon books on death, murder, detective work. Anything he can get his hands on. And stars. He loves stars.

Alfred owns the apartment next to them and comes over regularly. Danny clings to him.

When Danny is twelve, he's still quiet, meek, a shy little thing prone to being bullied. Freaky little Fenton with the night in his eyes and too-cold skin even before he put one foot in the grave. in a sleepover in his room with Sam and Tucker, he tells them the truth. They're his friends, he trusts them.

"My name is Bruce." he murmurs, voice quiet as the breeze, always quiet. he's staring at his star-covered sheets.

"Like Bruce Wayne?" Tucker asks, a joking tone in his voice.

Danny smiles a little, lamb-like with insecurity. "I am Bruce Wayne." And he takes them down to the lab, disrupting Maddie and Jack, to prove it. Sam tells them of her own wealth then shortly after. They start calling Danny "Bruce" in private too -- its trust. Thats what it is. It's trust.

Sam goes to media functions and comes back with aching feet and complaints on her tongue -- and Danny soaks it up all like a sponge, splayed across a beanbag chair with Tucker in her room. He's not envious of her, he used to go to events with his parents and they kept him safe from the ugly of Gotham's Elite. For the most part. He's had comments made at him, he doesn't miss them.

Alfred returns to the manor semi-regularly, Danny goes with him. he wanders the hallways and helps Alfred clean, the last thing either of them want is for their home to fall into disrepair. He brings Jazz with him next time, then Tucker, then Sam. They all help him clean, and he shows them his room. The one across from his parents', it feels strange.

When Danny dies when he's fourteen, the first adult he tells is Alfred. He and Jazz go over to his house more often than they stay in the Fentonworks building. At least at Alfred's, the food doesn't come to life. Alfred sits at the kitchen table and weeps when Danny tells him, Jazz is upstairs, and its just the two of them.

Danny's ghost form wears pearls around his wrist and the gloves look stained with some kind of black substance. He looks like a child who died in a lab accident, but he also looks like a child who has shadows dripping off his shoulders, curling at his feet, hanging from his eyes.

because amorphous blob batman has my heart always and danny/bruce will not escape it even in death even if that IS the only reason im giving him Mild BatBlob Vibes...so far

when they go to the manor, alfred helps danny make a pile of stones between Martha and Thomas' graves, nobody but the two of them (and sam and tucker) will know what it means. (not even bruce's children later down the line, not for a long, long time)

danny dives into ghost fighting on shaky feet and not half as witty as he once was in one world. he's skittish, skittering between blasts from shadow to shadow and clumsily making his way through each battle. but helping people lights a fire in him. he still has shadows dripping off his feet but there's a purpose in his eyes.

and god help him, he's going to help people.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dpxdc prompt #this is just me torturing danny for a little bit because im stressed and i cried for an hour while i was driving so im taking it out on B #thanks for being my little stress ball danny #aha my old middle school habit of frankensteining two characters together is resurfacing again :) yall should've seen my wattpad drafts #in middle school. i had 50 of them and most of them were me combining two characters together to make one person and putting them in one au #my most memorable being skydoesminecraft and harry potter. THAT was a fun worldbuilding experience #do i think that growing up with the fentons would fix bruce/danny completely?? hurm. no. dont kid yallselves jazz is not a licensed #therapist not even at like. nine when she meets danny. she's not helping him through his trauma in the slightest. she's nagging. #she's his sister or sister-like figure before she's his therapist. would he be #*entirely* like canon bruce tho?? no. dannybruce is a mix of the both of them. but this is still the first post of the au and is more so #just me doing the equivalent of popping a stress ball so nothing is smoothed over. mostly im just trying to keep bruce's trauma prominent i #danny's character because he IS Bruce. i dont want him to just be 'danny with bruce's backstory but without any of the ugly bits'. #danny and bruce is used interchangeably because they're the same person but sorry if his personality feels imbalanced i came up with this o #the spot. was going to type more but the stress has left me. for now. watch ur back danny 👀

[arctic-hands]

#this type of class division fascinates the hell out of me #my bestie went like every year my roommate went twice and I've never been #which fits up with the fact that bestie went to private school where soldiers never came to recruit #roommate went to a middle class public school where soldiers didn't come to recruit until junior year #and I went to a sixty percent poverty rate school where soldiers were coming to propagandize to us in fourth grade

[tearwolfe]

whats the most toxic ruikasa au you have made, i love toxic ruikasa 🤤

PROBABLY THIS ONE....

#ask #i need to name this one but idk i have not been thinking about it </3 it reminds me of the type of shit a middle schooler would come up with #white day is probably a close second..

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

#text #i've been putting more meaning(?) into the nelvas-es i've been drawing lately so i wanted to see how it would reflect in words #the fact that dis will show up in tags will haunt me a little bit but if i add asteriks it will be incomprehensible LOL #i hope this isn't too hard to understand when reading bc i know i have an easier time reading stuff like this instead of 'snobby' writing - #- bc i like knowing how the thoughts were brewing as they were written down. #but it may not be the case for all people. #what do U think of it. #i think what i;ve always liked the most in being able to talk w/ people Online is getting to know their thoughts on the same thing #more than anything else #i literally sucked and spit out all of the skajrim lore factors out of their relationship pretty much (not that it had much in the first - #- place) so it's just a reading on a possible scenario with the characters i was given #i mean characters i put in the soup pot decorating the middle of my brain #this is december-may 2024 facts for now #just so i remember #abuse // #< OKAY #log #< is gonna be my tag for this type of thing if i end up saying more because i already started torturing my notes app with what i think of - #- civil war characters #tumblr is pussy so it made me reformat the paragraph breaks i made. they don't rly matter anyway but still

[starrylemillion]

life update: solangelo cameo at my C Programming course to demonstrate Structures! LOL

#pjo #solangelo #nico di angelo #will solace #ngl i was half-asleep in the middle of this lecture but this woke me up thankfully!! #🥠 l is typing

[raccoon-smiles]

There are 4 distinct types of Princesses Tutu fans:

1) Duck and Fakir enjoyers

2) Rue and Mytho enjoyers

3) Mytho and Fakir, and Rue and Duck enjoyers

4) Fuck around and find out

#the first is very common #they love duck and fakir #when talking about the main cast #they focus on them #the second is slightly more rare #these usually are waiting for the divorce #then there's the third #they love the other ways the main cast interacts #friendship of non canon ship enjoyers #fourth type is the crazies #like me #we are really into the background characters #we will remind you that anteatarina exists #the background characters my beloved #it feels very unhinged to like the side cast #princess tutu #ptutu #text post #i woke up in the middle of the night #I'm sick #don't judge me

[skitskatdacat63]

Do not question the logistics of the planetary system :) Also yes, Pluto is a planet TO ME. And I came up w these when I was a lot younger, so don't question them :)

Also idk if this factors into one's choice here, but each planet is ruled by a god(dess.) Maybe I should make a poll about their ruling styles one day lol

I'd say "please reblog" but this is very niche so! But if so, please explain your choice, I'm curious! Or comment

+ examples of some under the cut:

Lol a lot of this is older, don't judge :) And I also don't have ocs from every planet unfortunately </3 hopefully one day!

Mercury:

Venus:

Saturn:

Uranus:

Neptune:

(lol can you tell I have a favorite planet, I think prob at least 50% of my ocs are from here)

Pluto:

Unwanted:

(these are actually my oldest ocs that I still use, and I had to rework them to fit into my au thus: unwanted. Very important lore tbh.)

#have to bring up oc stuff every couple months so I can feel close to it #i love them still but nowadays its easier to come up w ideas for fanart #<- which is exactly why i didnt want to start drawing fanart in the first place but whatever #this poll is like when id ask people this exact question in middle school #you guys are my friends at the lunch table :) #its funny whenever i draw a self insert tho i always make myself from Earth. it just feels real to me #im like yeah id love cat ears! or wings! etc. but to be just human makes me feel unique and at home LOL if that makes sense #one day id love to put f1 drivers in my au. not actually. but assign them planets and draw them in it yknow #again tho its hard. maybe theyd all be from earth. #making this poll cause i was gonna draw fernando as animals but i got too frustrated so here is an animal type poll instead #ah anyways wish i did more w this au nowadays but its harder. which is annoying. #catie.rambling.txt

[commsroom]

something really gets to me about eiffel and hera talking to themselves while addressing each other - in am i alone now? and the watchtower in particular. i can't say this to you, but you're still the person i want to tell it to. i know there's no way you can hear me, but if you can...

eiffel talks to himself a lot, and he is very used to being alone with no one paying much attention to the things he says, so i'm not sure he ever realized exactly how much until he was on the hephaestus. in the early days of the mission, i imagine hera responded to a lot of eiffel's asides and sort of embarrassed them both. and then that sort of... shifted. their relationship shifted, they got comfortable being around each other, and eiffel's conversations with himself started including hera, too. i like the idea of that as an establishing moment: that, at some point, there was a first time eiffel said something in an empty room, and hera was so used to him talking to himself that she didn't realize it was meant for her, and he asked her, "hera? are you there?"

i imagine hera still talked to eiffel, too, when they all thought he was dead. with each day increasingly longer and more difficult, that she would vent her frustrations to the empty comms room the same way he would've encouraged her to when he was there. she can't talk to anyone the way she can talk to him, and they just... keep talking to each other, even when they can't. they are so much a part of each other, the voice of encouragement and comfort in each other's heads. for so long, all they can really do for each other is talk, and they maintain that connection even in absence. they ask each other "are you there?" like reaching for each other's hands in the dark.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #hera wolf 359 #eiffera #was talking about the middle part of this with beth hephaestuscrew earlier and she got the gears in my head turning #this kind of feels like multiple posts mashed together but i just. mm. #the importance of communication in all wolf 359 relationships but especially between eiffel and hera because it's so much of what #tethers hera to everyone and everything else. that even if she's annoyed sometimes by eiffel asking if she's there. it's also #a comfort in a way that he wants that affirmation. he's reaching out to her in the best way he knows how. and she does it too #i said some version of the last line of this in the tags of another post once but i think about it. i think about it. #there's something about how. hm. #eiffel drives conversations in the show. he's the communications officer. he gets people talking #and hera is the type of person who. goes quiet more often who shuts down and internalizes #that she's as much defined by the things she doesn't say. #and then. that some part of their relationship then ends up defined by things that couldn't be said #'hera i ---' but also that she calls him doug when she's 'talking' to him #but never directly never actually to him #i know not everyone will agree with me on this but i sincerely do think eiffel/hera is a canon romance it's just. an incomplete one #and something about that compels me very much.

[minionwater]

after SIX YEARS (!!!!) of not drawing her bc of My Shit Teenage Life I have FINALLY redesigned my fursona. she’s goth now👍

↓ sappy stuff ↓

I doubt anyone who doesn’t know me irl is even remotely familiar with kelon but she’s very special to me, a product of my very first bits of real self expression all the way back in middle school, very near n dear to my heart. I’ve been wanting to resurrect her for Years but could never really figure out How bc I hadn’t figured out Myself yet, n I think I am finally finally Finally at a point where I can confidently make her a character that actually represents me(eeeeeeeeeee :3) instead of just making her look nicer n ending up still feeling disconnected. I’m happy that I waited but I’m even happier that she’s finally back. it maybe sounds corny n dumb but I don’t think I’ve felt Whole these past 6 years without having this stupid otter to doodle in the margins of everything. welcome back kelon!

(under the cut is a comparison to her first ever reference sheet, from 2016)

#this is also just fully an outfit of mine that she’s wearing. which makes me really happy :3 #I’m so so thrilled that I’m the person now that I would’ve thought was the coolest in the world when I was in middle school #especially after Not being that for so long #I sabotage myself a lot yall. I don’t talk about it but I really really do #anyway. I designed her with an actual fursuit style (kemono) in mind this time instead of just going Vaguely Cartoony #isn’t that fun #though I will admit she Did end up a bit moshi monsters. but it’s ok I always liked those little cunts #sanders art tag #sander ocs #furry #furry art #fursona #GOD. I have fucking missed saying that I have a fursona #character design #she’s a eurasian otter btw! for those curious about Specific Type👍

[v7n5]

Feel like pure shit, just want a smutty multi-chapter Howard Hamlin fanfic that recounts the many secret sexual affairs that he has had with different people throughout the course of his life, most of which he sought out to recompense for the lack of intimacy in his marriage because both him and Cheryl were iron-closeted and only got married out of familial pressures (things took a turn for the worse after the fight that ended with Howard moving into the guest house). Ultimately, none of them could fulfill his wants and needs because they're all cold and distant in their own ways: there were the handsome strangers he met at some gay bar like Nacho who were emotionally unavailable and only wanted to dick and dash like they're in denial themselves; Jimmy whom he was smitten with and trusted to be able to keep a secret, but it didn't take him long to realize that Jimmy being selfish and cruel and rougher than Howard had liked and not paying any mind to Howard's own pleasure in bed was his way of getting back at him for being a jackass of a boss; Chuck whom he'd got especially close with ever since he was still studying pre-law, so close that he would make up any excuse to be alone with him and suck him off in his office from time to time to seduce his mentor because the daddy issues that had been developing throughout his father-absent youth came to fruition the moment a wiser and older man gave him a sliver of attention, Chuck allowed him to live out his fantasy but never reciprocated in that sense but they remained really good friends, hence Howard's desperation for his approval and affection and the idea of "I still have a chance" kept brewing in his mind even when he could see Rebecca out of the corner of his eye (the incident at the end of ss3 scarred him for life and talking about the intimate details of their relationship before it in therapy did not help). The latter half of 607 didn't happen because he decided that he was in fact the bigger person and the right thing to do was to drink himself into reflecting back on his life choices and wallowing in his own self-pity. Though he didn't storm Mcwexler's condo, the whole ordeal was still his Joker moment, so he put his foot down, got a divorce and resigned from his CEO position because fuck you, he deserves to do that. And maybe after a year or so, he met a certain Salamanca who got out of a certain shoot-out unscathed (haven't determined if Howard happened to stumbled into El Michoacáno or he went back to the gay bar), their chemistry was through the roof, they bonded over the loss of families/ lovers and "being a nepo baby is oh so hard", their romance blossomed because Lalo was textbook definition of charming and exactly Howard's type. One date led to another, and Howard ended up getting the best pipe he'd ever had while trying to hold back the tears stemmed from indescribable emotions. Would Howard find out who Lalo actually was? Would it matter? Would they last? Those are problems for future them.

Like literally that's all I want tbh.

#howard hamlin #He's my girl. My fucking princess. #Idc like he's still rightfully owed a soft dom who's gonna take good care of him and appreciate him #(as much as I feen for power bottom Howard) #The slutification of this middle-aged man HAS to be riddled with angst or else I'll die #1 of the worst things that could ever happen to me is getting ideas that I think are good but cannot for the life of me do anything about it #That and becoming a **** ****** but we're not trauma dumping today #Being a bilingual with an English-leaning brain is not the W that people made it out to be #Honestly Nacho came into the picture when I was deadass half unconscious. I was like 'Ariana what are you doing here???' #But it's hot. And I kinda wanted Nachoward to win a bit #I also wanted to squeeze Gus in there too but in my head it'd be an 'admirer from afar' type of deal. Like Howard would have a crush on him- #-but decided against making a move cuz he would think Gus is out of his league or sth #This is essentially a Howard x everyone who I think could be compatible with him fanfic #For clarification. Cheryl and Howard don't hate each other. if anything they're each other's emotional support system #But I feel like there's only so much pretense you can put up you know #And yes. Lalo and Nacho were in love there. #Ok I've got it all out there now. Time for me to go marinate in shame #nacho varga #jimmy mcgill #chuck mcgill #lalo salamanca #better call saul

[tittyinfinity]

it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life

and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything

#.bdo #autism #''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns #which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain #bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call #bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much #i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD #it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis #found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds #and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'') #and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it #and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight #but anyway #i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers #i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric #i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive) #it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too #and half the people in my family have vocal stims #ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns #i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus #i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking #i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone #i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time #so i think the ocd is comorbid #bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane #i get intense hyperfixations for months or years #there's just a lot i notice about myself now

[izzystizzys]

obsessed with the izzy vs everyone height difference, but esp steddyhands coded

like. izzy, who‘s still so deeply caught in fighting all these battles against parts of him the world deems unworthy. for whom his stature and bearing were hardwon battles fought over years, who can’t shake the echo of bigger, stronger men always zeroing in on him as the easy target - for any number of things, height, weight, voice, a thousand others - and who’s always fought these battles violently and relentlessly

and the only person he’s ever had anything approximating positive feelings about being bigger than him was ed, who used to say it was cute the way he could wrap himself around all of izzy and then some, and rest his chin atop his head to annoy him out of doing work, and who stopped touching him at all somewhere along the line (they’re working on that, these days)

who has all of this rushing in to bite him squarely in the ass when he finds himself one day dragged away and hefted up into stede bonnet’s toned???? arms away from a barfight, mind suddenly empty and frozen mid-calling someone a cunt, just.

well, ed used to do stuff like this, sometimes, before he fucked his knee. stuff that never failed to get izzy’s blood pumping and them both nearly stabbed with distraction, and stede fucking bonnet, gentleman pirate is quite frankly the last person izzy thought he’d be having this second revelation with this late in life, is all

but. oh. he’s staring up at the ponce, going on about something or other how smashing bottles over people’s heads isn’t a civilized way of solving disputes, and if izzy was thinking clearly he might say that it’s a sight more civilized than gutting them which he might’ve done instead, but is he ever not

because he’s been summarily deposited on the small brick wall outside, and bonnet is looming over him with both hands braced either side of izzy’s hips, and his brain is receiving exactly none of the words stede is sending, cause-

well. apparently he really fucking likes this

#steddyhands #kind of stizzy #a bit of edizzy but mostly in a failmarriage way #stede when he realizes there‘s nothing behind izzy‘s eyes but blown pupils and a gaping void: are you even listening to me izzy??? #izzy: hm #but once he realizes he becomes absolutely unhinged with it #just all broad palm fanned out fingers against the small of izzy‘s back tilting him gently into his grip with warm fingers around his chin #just leaning over him breathing down his neck letting him feel the breadth of his chest against his shoulders type shit #ed misses out on the weird tension for precisely three days before he catches the way stede always steps too close making izzy tilt his head #back up to look at him and thinks to intervene #‘thats nice’ stede says sweating ‘but uh i promise he’s… into it?’ #izzy in the corner is having a religious experience and currently ten astral planes removed judging by how hard he’s blushing #ed goes huh. he lets someone else do that? he likes stede throwing him around? #and is instantly and unreasonably jealous of this but unable to do anything without looking insanse but up the ante #izzy caught in the middle is having an insanely and embarrassingly good time #ofmd fic idea #back at it again (shouting my insane takes into the void)

[sophfandoms53]

Cory truly is the bitch that haunts the narrative this season bc-

HE EVEN HAS A DR THIS EPISODE?????

#his dr popped up in the middle of me typing this post im crying #HE WAS EVICTED THREE DAYS AGO LMAOO #HE IS FOREVER IN THIS HOUSE #bb25

[robinsnest2111]

the way I have different personalities depending on how I dress........ something to talk about one day when I manage to find a therapist.

#like there's teen me hiding himself in oversized mallgoth/emo clothes #then there's confident and fun me dressed like a slutty 80s rockstar high heels and make up and big hair and skintight pants #also quiet and mysterious me wearing all flowy shapeless black (or moss green or white) whimsigoth witchy type clothes #or the anime girly misa amane draculaura monster high style me when things are really fucked #and i dress up try to feel like a desirable but untouchable goth girly #and the elegant vampire adjacent historybounding type me that only rarely comes around anymore #and then recently there's also work me who just throws on a t shirt black jeans and black work boots #with some edgy unobtrusive jewelry and his hair in a simple ponytail #who's polite and just gets stuff done for 8 hours #and in the middle of all this mess idk who i am at my core lol

[starswallowingsea]

thinking of that post that's like being a picky eater as a kid just means i get to experience the joy of trying so many foods as an adult. i have some new foods planned for this week after i move including stir fried sweet and sour veggies + rice and omurice (really simple fried rice... may add veggies to it later if i like it but one step at a time). will let you guys know how it goes

#shay speaks #i want to try and eat healthier and its going to start somewhere on god #i tried doing this last year but living with someone else really hindered my mental ability to do that #mostly bc. she took up so much space in our fridge #having my fridge and freezer 2 myself is going to help a lot i hope. and no other people to walk in on me cooking #it's going to be a slow process but i want to have a better relationship with food #my other goal is to have at least one higher effort meal a week. if not more but at least one #higher effort than making like maccy cheese or pizza rolls yeah? #also i was in the middle of typing my tags when my parents called me up for dinner and then served smth that makes my arfid #flare up. which is meatballs. they marinated the meatballs in the sauce which does wonders for my brain thinking smth is inedible #meat is still a hard no most of the time for me so uhm. not fun. #too many awful memories around that in particular. same with alfredo lmao i've briefly mentioned why i hate alfredo here before #horrible horrible sauce do not put me in the same room as it please and thankies #anyway.