#im trying to work on my own internalized fatphobia | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oh-katsuki · 2 years

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Cal, how do you deal with fatphobia from family members, if you’ve experienced that? Summer break has been rough for me so far.

hi nonnie !

im so sorry you're dealing with that shit. it's really so so hard and I'm so proud of you for trying to get through it.

im gonna put a quick trigger warning here for anyone who needs it. tw for mentions of dieting, diet culture, fatphobia, and anything that falls under that category.

for anyone wanting to respond to this, please be respectful. i don’t talk about this part of my life a lot like this, let alone online. this is a sensitive topic for me and im sure it is for many others. thank you.

i have experienced a lot of fatphobia at the hands of my family. for a long time, they were the worst perpetrators of it in my life. I've been on diets since i was 10 years old at their discretion (that aided to permanently fucking up my metabolism) and a lot of my childhood from about 9 onwards is dictated and marked by constant comments about my weight and the need to lose it.

for me, i kind of just learned to let it roll off of my shoulders. i worked a lot on loving myself for me regardless of my weight or how i looked and eventually started working up the courage to stand up for myself and make my own decisions regardless of what they said.

my life took a really drastic turn in how i was treated around my junior year of high school. i don't like to talk about what my home life before that period looked like, as looking back on it causes a lot of confusion and emotional anguish on my part so i'll skip that. i was lucky in that i went abroad my junior year and i think my parents (my mom) realized that if her behavior towards me and my weight didn't change drastically, i would turn 18 and leave and never look back.

it kind of gave me just the slightest bit of wiggle room when it came to putting my foot down and being like "you can't treat me like this" but the majority of that confidence and comfort in who i was when facing my family came from inside of me. their attitudes never really changed because my mother (as much as i love her) clearly deals with her own undiagnosed issues around food. but my view of myself changed because i started focusing on loving myself and everything i am.

it was a really really long journey from where i was six years ago to now, but i find that when i do visit home and deal with it, being grounded in that love of myself (however much of it there is) is what helps me keep things together. it's a constant cycle of reminding myself that i am worthy of respect and love regardless of how i look.

and it's never angry retaliation (because my mother has never reacted well to anger) but usually responses like "thanks for your input" and changing the subject. that's usually what i do. but the truth is that in those situations, i am still 14 and afraid. it's hard to be put back into those types of conversations, so i usually just avoid them and remind myself internally of how far I've come and that those comments don't diminish my worth.

i really wish i could offer more advice to you, but the truth is that i am very much just taking it as i go.

all of that being said, i sincerely hope things get better for you. you're worthy of love and respect. please don't ever forget that even in the face of adversity. you're not alone. i see you and i'm with you. sending all of my love to you this season.

#[ 🏩 – chatting ]#tw: fatphobia #tw: mentions of diets #i have a hard time talking about this because it reminds me of a lot of unsavory things about my childhood and adolescence #so im sorry i couldn't be of more help #but things get better #and i hope you're doing okay

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hotgirlmuseboardxo · 6 months

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i’m only sharing this perspective cuz you seem like a real open and genuine person, but from a black persons perspective it really hurts to see liking black people having a caveat every time. if a chick is like “i like blonde guys”, “i like tall guys”, “i like brown eyed guys” its all cool but “i like black guys” always gets “but its not a race thing” or “and other guys too” after. i def dont get the vibe that its intentional from you at all, just thought id share the perspective in case its never crossed your mind, much love 🙏🏿

i honestly don’t really know what to say to this lol so give me some grace here if i get it wrong please! i’m happy to hear people’s perspectives and thank you for sharing yours, but this has left me a bit confused so i wanna talk through it lol. i think the other day someone sent an anon and asked if i date black guys and i explained that any “boyfriend” i’ve had has never been black bc i historically haven’t been a huge relationship girl but in recent years i’ve met multiple men who are black who i have had very strong soul ties with. in the tags of that i clarified that it’s not a race thing bc it’s not like i expect every black man i see to be my soulmate but some people on here seem to think that’s the case so i was protecting myself from that hate train lol. maybe that’s where i’m being misconstrued, but to me that was me saying “DO NOT COME AT ME FOR ACTING LIKE IM ONLY ATTRACTED TO ONE RACE. I THINK ANYONE CAN BE SEXY IF THEY HAVE THE RIGHT ENERGY. IM JUST ANSWERING A QUESTION <3”

i understand things best through comparing them to my own experiences so i’m gonna share a diff perspective and maybe that will help me make more sense of this. when i was existing in a bigger body in my late teens/early 20s and i heard men fetishizing and condemning me for that in the same breath, it would drive me crazyyy because i was already feeling naturally inferior and like the odds were stacked against me. like, i would have guys listing all of my best traits and what they love about me but then they’d follow it with “you’re just a tiny bit too thick” or some shit like “you’re such a pretty girl, if you just lost the weight.” like that shit HURTTT and i didn’t want to hear it and i hated feeling like men had to work really hard to justify having feelings for me to themselves and their friends because of their internalized fatphobia. now that i’m a skinny legend it’s the messages i get fetishizing redheads and women with bipolar that make me go 🤨🤨🤨.

maybe how you feel is comparable to that?? if so i understand but i’m glad you know i have no malicious intent :) was just trying to ward off the crazy ignorant fkn racists and their anons. much love 2 u <3

#answered

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moidse · 2 years

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omg... that was awful... i just feel like they have no sympathy and they are like wow you haven’t unlearned fatphobia wow so you want all fat ppl to die?!?! and its like nah dude.. i just hate my own body and have for ever... especially the past few years with the pandemic having me gain more weight and its been really hard and i haven’t liked looking at myself since 2019..... thats why i always bring it up.... cuz i basically have hated how i’ve looked since... i remember when the lockdown first started in 2020 i was ready to start going back in the gym cuz at that point i felt like i had gained too much weight and i just didn’t get to go in the gym for 2 years and i’m just the biggest i’ve ever been and i hate looking at myself. like its hard honestly to just rarely like seeing how i look in the mirror... like it fucks me up every day... and its hard not having a partner who encourages me and supports me trying to lose weight... like i just dont think wanting to lose weight is inherently negative... they are like its not bad if you are working out to feel better and im like why cant i do both? why cant i work out to feel better mentally and physically? losing weight has those effects... like why do you think going to the gym makes you feel better? idk... i think you can try to lose weight in unhealthy ways for sure... and that was like all of their examples was losing a dramatic amount of weight fast is bad and like duh... but i’ve never done that... i lose weight slowly... and ive never had a bad ED either...

i also just feel frustrated being fatter and hating myself and having skinner ppl being like wow you are fatphobic and need to stop... and its like easy for you to say you are smaller than me!!! you can still fit every size at the mall!!!! your are still a functional size in our society. i’m so fat and short that most clothes dont fit me correctly. like i can’t even wear clothes that fit me well any more and i have to wear the largest sizes available and hope it fits and if it does fit its still fucking too long on me cuz im less than 5 feet... i just felt this way when their housemate said this to me too... like it feels annoying have ppl skinnier than you talking about how you need to work on your fatphobia and omg you are so bad... like you arent even as big as me... stfu. i know i have issues with internalized fatphobia but the way you are talking to me about it is not helpful and i wish i just had a partner who are supportive of my goals and was encouraging because im sure that would’ve helped me a lot... its so helpful having a close friend or someone supporting you thoughout your journey...

i also just find it annoying because i’ve already accepted i will never be skinny.. like thats fine.. but i do want to lose some weight and like i said there are some small things that like once you gain so much weight you do notice your body doesn’t work the same and they were like how?? and its like idk dude if you aren’t big enough to know what i mean i dont feel like opening up?? while you are being so aggressive and shutting me down... like you aren’t even big enough to know what i mean... but no like there are a ton of small things that like i cant do as well or have to do differently because i’ve gained so much weight and that is just another daily reminder besides the mirror...

im just like.. also, like im sorry but i do believe like 95% of ppl work out to lose weight/ look hot.... and they are like its only okay to work out if its because it makes you feel good and its like what if losing weight makes you feel good? ... also, im sorry but so i should just say i dont do it to lose weight and i do it to feel good... thats whats politically correct to say? because i feel like ppl say that and are lying.

i just cant believe they said i want all fat ppl to die.. like why are you being so extreme and dramatic? i never said that and i’ve never thought that. why are you taking things to the most extreme degree and saying that’s how i feel? i dont like how i look. i dont want myself to die lol.

also, im trying to have a career in front of a camera and if i dont lose weight then my whole thing will be being the fat (blank) ... and i dont want that. maybe if i was seen as more of a guy i would feel more comfortable because guys are allowed to be fat more... but idk.. i want to look and feel hot...

them saying i want all fat ppl to die is so cringe like when they said that its ablilist that im upset they dont fuck me from behind-- like its giving sock being a tenderqueer.

i just cant stand skinny ppl telling me im bad because im fatphobic and they are just smaller than me and dont have to deal with as much.. and also they aren’t trying to have a career in entertainment which is very very fatphobic

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archersxartxblog · 4 years

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Hey, its the fatpohobe anon. the comment i made was stupid and harmful and i’m so sorry. I took my anger from something else and stacked it onto you and that wasn’t fair. I have a lot to work on and im gonna try harder. I have a lot more internalized fatphobia than I thought, and i honestly should’ve thought harder about what I said before sending it. It was pretty insulting abd mean and thats not who I wanna be. Again, im sorry. Thank you all and hope you all have a lovely day.

While I won't it's okay I will say thank you for owning up to it and apologising. It's hard to say 'Sorry'. We all do stupid and say stupid stuff do to anger. The comment was pretty hurtful, and not just to me. But if you're saying you'll do better. Then I don't have reason to doubt you at this time.

It's okay to stumble and fall just so long as we get back up.

Thank you again for the apology. And i wish you luck.

#anon #apology #:)

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despite-everything · 3 years

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just venting/ranting a bit below the cut

okay so im going over to my friends tonight which im trilled about, but im meeting their other friends for the first time. i havent met a new person since august when i got 2 new coworkers, so im already nervous about that. it's a group of other queer people which is always great, but im still really stressed. im not great at socializing with new groups at the best of times, and the pandemic has probably made that worse. but what really sucks is that im scared because of my body. ive seen some photos and videos of these people and theyre all skinny. i love seeing other femme people, but its really scary to be around a group of skinny femmes for the first time, especially knowing theyre going to be a bit dressed up. im a bit fat and wear sizes 12/14, and while i usually feel comfortable with myself and my body when im alone or with my friends, i get really scared meeting new thin people because im afraid theyre going to judge me. and i have a little raw spot on my nose from scratching it on accident, so that feels like another flaw i cant hide. and its so odd since i never view fatness as a flaw for anyone else but me, but it can be so hard to deal with. so im like frantically trying to fix my nail polish and stuff so that way nothing else is wrong/messy to... what? make up for the rest of me? it just sucks. and my friend suggested everyone wear nice fancy clothes, but i literally dont have any. i have 4 skirts, a pair of jeans, and 7 shirts (plus some more t-shirts that i usually just work out or sleep in) - and i cycle through all my clothing over the course of two weeks. i have two nice coats, but theyre for winter. i wear the same pair of shoes everyday. and im happy like that! but it means i dont own formal clothing. and my friend said thats fine and not to worry about it, but i feel like im going to be inadequate. it just sucks cause normally i bake stuff and bring it to gatherings like this, but im afraid that if it do it'll be like a "of course the fat person brought desserts". so im going to eat before i go, that way if people dont really eat much or if we order food i dont really need to eat. its just such a terrible way to live but shockingly ive been getting better about all this, but i think the fact that i havent done something like this in 15 months is really weighing on me. like i dont have the mental energy to tackle my internalized fatphobia since im spending it all on not fainting from stress

#mine #fatphobia mention

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toytulini · 6 years

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On Fatphobia, from the perspective of a skinny (white) person

Lmao i keep trying to make a post on this but i can never get the wording right,

There is. A Normalized Mass Societal Fetish of the skinny body and its rly fuckin uncomfortable. We get Idealized and Romanticized and treated as inherently more beautiful/aesthetically appealing for being skinny, and its. Bad?

Like, my personal experience with this is. Already uncomfortable as hell with the concept of my body being seen as sexually appealing at all to someone, as an aspect of my sex repulsion, and i do think that plays a part in my realizing this.

One comment, made by a passing by grown man in the grocery store(yikes already) to tell me that i have "nice legs"(mmmyikes). This happened during a point in my life where i had lost most of my muscle mass, i didnt look particularly Different physically for it, but lack of regular physical exercise over 4yrs of high school meant i no longer had the Strength in my legs from playing recreational league team sports like Basketball and Soccer in elementary and middle school. I didnt look particularly Different, i had shrimp legs* Then, and i have shrimp legs now and have never in my life had Big legs. I was feeling Bad about my body bc i felt Weak. The point? My legs were nothing especially "nice", they werent and arent, bad legs but theres nothing particularly nice about my legs, certainly nothing warranting an unsolicited comment on whether or not theyre nice. My legs were and are like, average at best. They just look like ur average standard human legs. Except for one thing: theyre skinny.

(Shrimp legs: "Crabs and lobsters have strong walking legs, whereas shrimp have thin fragile legs which they use primarily for perching.")

My legs are Skinny and that makes them Nice. And i thought about this, and stuff like this keeps happening. Ppl make unsolicited comments on my appearance and size, and often attempt to make a compliment on my size, bc being Skinny is viewed as Ideal. I remember being weirdly uncomfortable about it even when i was younger, when i was, lets just say, Not Knowledgeable in aspects of Social Justice or Fatphobia. Mentioning my pants size in middle school got comments of "oh my god i hate you" from friends of mine, and it made me feel weirdly Guilty about being skinny. At the time i considered it skinny shaming and Unfair, now i look back and recognize: internalized fatphobia from my friends led to discomfort in our interpersonal interactions, and it wasnt their fault, and while it was incredibly uncomfortable for me, it was also bad for them, bc it overall contributed to the overlying culture that shames ppl for being not skinny, and shames them even more if they dare to exist as a fat person who doesnt hate themselves.

Weird, uncomfortable interactions like this still happen, even from my own mother, tho thankfully she is at least semi joking. Ppl treat bodies like mine as Ideal, while hating their own, and it puts them in a terrible position of self hate for no fucking reason, and me on an entirely undeserved (and personally unwanted) pedestal. In addotion to that, its a prime fucking fertile ground in which to sow seeds of bitter distaste for each other between skinny ppl and fat ppl, and bc skinny ppl are favored by society this ends up hurting fat ppl more. Skinny is not better, skinny is not more beautiful, and society needs to stop fucking treating it as such.

And this isnt!!! The fault of fat ppl who make uncomfortable unsolicited comments to me on my appearance and size, this is a wide societal issue of assuming things about my diet, and health based on my size. Being skinny isnt better, or healthier.

When im at work, just doing my job (loading packages onto trucks to be delivered to peoples houses) and a coworker sees how i do my job (i often take packages off the built before they get near the trucks and carry them back, in an attempt to be fast and efficient, bc i want to stay on top of it, not get behind) and comments to a driver that "haha thats why theyre skinny" in reference to me being proactive about my job, its a really!!! Weird amd uncomfortable position to be in. How do you even begin to address that? Bc we know for a fact that if i were fat, me being proactive at my job would go uncommented on. This happened growing up, im a picky eater, but i eat A Lot. I eat Large Qunatities of a Small Variety of Things. One thing i love? Pickles. My own parents, friends parents, adult family friends, would all comment on this, "they eat abnormal amount of pickles and still stay so skinny, maybe thats the Way To Be Skinny" now, admittedly i dont think pickles have a lot of calories, but keep in mind, that was One Thing. I ate pickles as a Snack and then id come home and eat more fuckin pasta than a grown man, as a tiny child. I was not, ever thinking abt calories. Stuff like this kept happening, ppl trying to Puzzle Out, how do i Get so Skinny? Its a trick fucking question, ppl! I dont get skinny, i just am, bc i have a High as fuck metabolism and so far thats meant, I Eat A Lot of fucking food bc i guess my body just Burns thru that shit so fast without doing anything. I joke often that im like a car with Terrible Mileage. It seems like i have to be leaking fuel somewhere, bc it just doesnt Add Up how much fuel(food) i require with what little physical exercise i do and what i fuckin look like. And frankly? We havent found any "leaks"(medical issues that would explain) closest thing is ADHD meds, which can be linked to weightloss and suppressed appetite, but evidence has not shown ADHD meds having any significant impact on my weight. It did, eventually show last year, when i started losing weight after starting my job, bc i was forgetting to eat, and have lowered my dosage and tried to stay more on top of eating. But that was literally the first time i showed any evidence of it impacting my size and weight. Also note: i did not take it during summer and not usually on weekends, and had a few time periods in which i attempted to go without it, once during school and i drank coffee instead, and once like a yr ago when my anxiety was Really Bad so i stopped taking ADHD meds and caffeine. Anyway, point is, ppl keep trying to Puzzle Out what I Do or Eat to Get Skinny Stay Skinny and the answer is i fucking Dont.

It assumes a position of me being Better for being skinny, and that there is some sort of Secret Mystery Thing I Do or Food I Eat that is the Magical Cause for me being skinny, and if they can just deduce what it is they too, could be as skinny as me, bc being Skinny Like Me is Better and A Reward and An Achievement, Something To Aspire To, Obviously, (all Sarcasm) when in reality there is not anything i do or eat that makes me this way, its just How It Is, its how i always Have Been, it wasnt a "reward" or "achievement" its just!!! My body. And its Not inherently Better or Healthier than any fat persons body, and it needs to stop being treated like it is.

My body is neutral, and should be allowed to exist as a neutral thing, not put on a pedestal as an Ideal for being skinny, and especially not put on a pedestal that is placed as a burden on fat ppls bodies, and it needs to stop being presented as some sort of reward, "if you hate yourself enough and work hard you too, could look like this. And remember, if you look like this, you get to be put on the pedestal instead of being forced to uphold the ideal from below!"

Like! This needs to stop, its wrong. Im not even getting the Bad Shit here, and i can tell you its fucking wrong and harmful. Media needs to stop only portraying bodies like mine as beautiful, and stop portraying anything that deviates as ugly and unworthy. Let my body be ugly and average, and more importantly let fat bodies be beautiful and strong, bc they fucking are, theres plenty of fucking ppl out there with fat bodies that are Beautiful and Strong, and yet ppl still act like having a fat character in media be athletic, or adored for beauty, is "pandering" and "unrealistic".

And also? Nobody has to be beautiful or strong or fashionable or healthy to be fucking "worthy" of your basic fucking courtesy. Not skinny ppl, and definitely not fat ppl. Stop treating me and ppl like me better, we havent fucking done anything to deserve your idealization, and personally i dont fucking want it. I refuse to let you treat me as any sort of ideal, and i refuse to be anyones "thinspo" (note any weightloss focused or thinspo blogs that interact with me/my blog will be blocked.)

I didnt do anything to earn this fucking pedestal, and I dont want it, and I especially dont fucking want it at the expense of ppl who havent done anything to deserve your hate and vitriol and disgust except to exist as fat ppl and maybe even dare to not hate themselves and their bodies for no other reason than that they are fat.

In fucking Conclusion, fatphobia is real but it fucking shouldnt be, fatphobes can fuck all the way off, @ other skinny ppl, we need to collectively do better, shut this glorification down and stop speaking over fat ppl about their experiences and insist we somehow have it worse???

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taejimin · 6 years

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I hope this doesn’t come off as rude or invasive but I’ve seen u talk about being a chubby lesbian and I’m also a fat lesbian and I’ve never dated or been with anyone. (I think a lot of this is just my own internalised fatphobia) but have u dated or would u have any advice for a fat lesbian? I don’t know how to ‘get out there’ bc im too scared to talk to anyone I feel I don’t deserve it

umm yeah well first of all ur fine dw, fat is just another descriptor for me like gay or a girl so i take no offense. but tbh if ur talking about like approaching women? like starting conversations to lead to dating situations, id say the best thing is to have confidence. and its rly difficult i know and sounds stupid when u might have ur own internalized issues, but honestly even if u arent rly confident and dont believe it urself, just ACTING like ur any other gorgeous lesbian in the room is rly what it takes. i mean obviously rejection is scary (for anyone but its like a million times worse when ur fat) but if u have that air of confidence it makes things easier. and u dont need to approach every situation like ur asking a girl out, if ur out at ur local gay club and find a girl hot just approach her and start talking. like just compliment her outfit or start a convo and be friendly u know. just go about it like a skinny person would basically. like we like to put ourselves into our own categories separate from skinny girls but tbh??? we’re fuckin hot too we shouldnt have to do that lmao. and we can approach girls and flirt and stuff too like! so thats my advice for in person approaches.

for non in person id rec dating apps, if you wanna try tinder or her (bc it works pretty easily like. it wont involve u having to be rejected after talking to someone. if someones a match its bc they saw ur pics and thought u were gorgeous so u dont need to be worried about the ‘but im fat what if they think im hideous’ aspect) or even just talking to people on here. both of my previous gfs i met on here so like. it works lmao.

oh and to address other parts of ur ask, yes ive dated and also you abso fucking lutely deserve it. and thinking otherwise is absolutely ur own internalized issues (which hey bitch weve all been there) but u absolutely do pls remember that.

#also i dont know if this is related #but for myself personally with the idea of dating #i always felt more comfortable like.....going after girls who were close to my size?#idk if it makes sense but its kinda like....girls who are fat too 'get it' u know?#and understand any issues u may have #not that skinny girls wouldnt #but it sometimes makes me more comfortable when flirting or like #going into stuff or approaching girls or what have u #i hoped this helped!#message me some more if u have anything else u wanna know or wanna talk about <3333 #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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