#im simply being so normal

[saturdaysh0rts]

I'm gonna be so normal about the scene I just wrote I'm gonna be so normal about it. I did a really good job and I need at least one of two people to read it this second right nowand they're both ASLEEP and I'm being so fucking normal about it.

#if you two see this on your dash im sorry and i love you #this is not a callout post #im simply being so normal

[suntails]

comm for a fic reflecting on silver's significance to their lives <3 <3 god this was so fun to work on, if u have an ao3 acct, i rec reading the fic :D

read here!

#tumblr gets this one first again bc yall are my favorite. its important i restate that once in a while so u remember #rereading the fic when grabbing the link and getting a touch misty-eyed #im tearing up again okay im NORMAL i react in a NORMAL MANNER to things. it's a fuckign GOOD FIC so SUE ME #but yes ummmm silver is the prettiest in the whole wide world. tis only fitting he gets a big painting in the castle #sniffs loudly. anyways. remember that whole thing abt me being normal??? write that shit down its true. sobs #twst #twisted wonderland #sebek zigvolt #twst silver #silver vanrouge #that is a random fae worker woman she is simply the catalyst for this story. this aint abt her she doesnt get a tag #next time sneek ur way into the disney hotboy game girliepop. THEN we'll talk <3 #suntails

[quarks-pussy]

So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.

Julian Bashir.

From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.

This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."

This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.

Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.

Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.

#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this #and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly. #fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke #fuck!!!!! #julian bashir #jules bashir #doctor bashir i presume #came back wrong #star trek deep space nine #HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!! #i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little #i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that #and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian #like how did he cope #(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu) #like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it #he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano #another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and #he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that #the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment. #and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's #so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an #he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and #you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd #but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but #does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so #sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag #maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so #original posts fresh from quark's pussy #and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin

[dirt-str1der]

I still get scared when i remember kiryu is canonically quite lean and not a fatty at all

#Yakuza loveblog #i really think hes a little tubby and a little shorter #stop making japanese characters taller than 180 .... #you can pick one guy in your series to make that height but not more than tao #two #like there should be a ratio of guys over that height to guys who are normal (160-175 range) #and i say this a lot but i like the idea of kiryu simply being a guy who can dominate the room by presence alone #like he shouldnt be a huge guy he should be above average but being six feet is literally (thinks of a social justice buzzword) whitewashing #fucking haruka is taller than me thats not why im mad i just think that nobody looks at the average height of a country before making their #characters. wait im going to boot up y5 again and see harukas height in comparison to the rest of the people because kiryus always like a #head taller than everyone and while its funny to see him towering over date i think its wrong for him to do that #if anyone tries to argue with me im going to your house and killing myself #sorry i dont feel that strongly about this actually wait i am trying to downplay it im freaking out right now #okay between then and now im okay now but it still makes me so sad

[fanficmemes]

*looking all 11,213 of you in the eyes* guys I need this to be a safe space for silly people bc I’m turning into a clown

#personal tag #delete later #ok so Im hanging out w this guy #and a few days ago he said no to hanging out bc he’d working #that’s fine jobs take time whatever #but there have No More Texts #and i havnt seen him in over a week #so like #if I text and offer mushrooms (bc we both like those) #is that normal and fun or the text of a man desperate to make out whole high #idk. someone pls tell me to stop being silly and text him #bc the worst he can say is no #bc if he says no then I will simply find another fish #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh dating makes me wanna set stuff on fire #I just wanna hang out with him #but i am so nervous about asking #FUCK

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that #will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT. #anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure. #and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo #$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive #and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started #anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean #and i am just so sad right now #and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun #not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course #i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as #breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage #i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard #i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade #and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone. #i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that #:(( #honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug. #im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything

[questionablealibi]

TO THE MF /aff WHO TAGGED WITH "he also looks like he has every genus of flower memorised" ON MY RECENT POST ABOUT ONEIL YOU ARE SO RIGHT HE DEFINITELY DOES /GEN /SILLY

Im not going to elaborate any further but know that i have an ARGUABLY GOOD REASON for that silly little dranged hc of mine /silly

#LIKE YES #YOU GET IT #YOU SEE YOU SEE #YOU UDNERTANS #IM #SO NORMAL ABOUT YOUR TAG #I definitely know who you are i simply chose not to mention any names 🤭 #Alibi! #Wasnt sure if youre fine towards being randomly mentioned ^^;

[soldier-poet-king]

I know I literally just finished my grief of stones reread but what if I need it again right now immediately???

I'm gonna go watch snk and pick up Flannery O'Connor's short stories BC I've been listening to Sufjan's seven swans on repeat all day. Apparently I only like sad people art

(+ mandatory HOTE reread and ATFOTS read BC Victoria Goddard is going to be in the city next month, but like even THAT is sometimes sad. Really feeling fitzroy's grief rn)

#the duality of fran #WE'RE HAVING A NORMAL ONE #tattoo appt booked for first weekend of nov tho #it'll be multi session to get the whole half sleeve done #but its a start #and i have money saved up #still only a fraction of what I'd have to pay in rent in the city atm #so. might as well stave off the urge to lie down and die with some art #even if im the only one who likes it #(thinking abt affection and being tolerated for eccentricities not loved for them #i mean quirks of personality. not major flaws) #and im. hm. #actually maybe tswift was right on this one. im tired of being simply tolerated

[loosingmoreletters]

slams hand down do it you know you want to do it,,, sugar daddy au and now its just awkward as fuck but they get to Deal with It. bonus points for people laughing at them in the background. i am your inner demon whispering that this is a good idea and you should absolutely write it (no pressure ofc!!! take your time and its fine if you want to!!!)

for ship names. yeah very sad. i havent settled on like. a combination of their names that sound appealing to me so im just. sitting there awkwardly in Yun Taeheon x Shin Junseo. simple but it works. ill bonk my brain for ideas later,, i have cut down on thigns i need to hand in tomorrow im procrastinating because the thing i need to do is so horribly boring

maybe the korean side of the fandom has something going on but that would require me to go on twitter and figure out what korean words to put in the search box and I'm already failing at "go on twitter".

sdkhldfkhg the inner demons are winning. now I'm kinda contemplating how this would even start, which made me realize we know fuck all about Shin Junseo's past??? We only knew that apparently he had a shitty job before he awakened and didn't have any friends and seemingly also has no family.

So like? Local man signs up on an app bc honestly at this point being a sugar baby would not be worse than another horrible shift at whatever minimum wage job he has to pay the bills?

And cool, he hits it off with Yun Taeheon, something something business man. It's a lot less hollywood-pretty-woman than he expected, more nice dinners with genuinely entertaining discussions, and sure getting laid is nice too, and then, well, the world goes to shit for a hot second and well, the contract written before runs out, isn't renewed and Shin Junseo has a moment between picking up a shitty job again and awakening where he comfortably lives on his savings while his,,, ex? well, no, ex would be implying they dated. boss is also not quite the term, his previous situationship, made himself a guild master.

whatever.

and then the world goes even more to shit and he drags corpses and the memories of a world annihilated out of a dungeon. He makes his plan, keeps his head down and then fucking Yun Taeheon is standing in front of him again.

#ask #anon #weapon creator #btw i need you to know that i think YTH would be the one who is most awkward about it #like oh no that's the guy he was paying to spend time with bc he's a loser who can't find someone he'd like to date like a normal person #side note: i think yth is the kinda guy who'd text you at 1am like 'what flowers do i bring to meet your mom for the 1st time' #and while i think sjs was 100% telling himself all the time this is Just Business given how apparently starved for human connections he was #yth was probably genuinely going 'should i talk about just. being in a relationship with him?????' a couple months in #step 1 of being a sugar daddy FAILED #ANYWAY and he probably thinks 'okay i can play this cool' #and then sjs takes a look at the first contract he drew up #and says sth like 'oh wow you'd pay me more now' and yth would simply perish #sjs meanwhile is just awkward bc he suddenly has a lot more 'power' and is specifically wanted #god im so obsessed with how the only thing sjs wanted was to be useful and a friend #insane trauma to toss into the start of a story #dlfghdlfjkh anyway i am so sorry im just rambling

[autoneurotic]

wild magic sorcery is so fun so far i’ve turned myself into a sheep mid battle, ensnared AND dealt damage to me and my whole team, have summoned multiple mephits that are of course not on my side, blinded myself in fog

#i do love it. it’s funny. #i’m a fuckin mess in this one #i’m dark urge sorcerer #sided w the absolute but really didn’t want to lose like everyone just so i could #have minthara and also a chance at astarion romance as dark urge #so i reloaded and sided w the grove etc #so now im romancing gale and kind of astarion #im this little bloodthirsty freak with a sort-of-normal middle aged boyfriend. #but i don’t get any dark urge convo prompts w astarion which drives me insane #who else other than lae’zel could i walk up to and say I Fantasize About Murder. I Simply Love Gore and Death #and have them GET IT. i can’t even eat a fucking parasite without wyll being like ew….sickening babe

[ectonurites]

almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

#super dark times #+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse #after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next #there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him #touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made #to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh. #and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! #this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being #like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD. #YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that #there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh... #[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was #straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE #also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides #at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make #sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house #anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all #to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the #initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me. #in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)

[jaypgartifacts]

october is coming. which means, of course, that it is time for the horrors. tfw the dream self must confront the Nightmare Self

#body horror // #homestuck #YES i am invoking tarot symbolism and YES i have reasons for choosing the cards i did and YES i AM just making things up as i go. im normal #symbolism runthrough real quick. consider this an Artist's Statement of sorts. #The Tower: ambition built on a flawed premise. guy who always thinks he knows better than you in dire need of a wakeup call #strength: the journey of the self vis a vis finding the courage to act & tapping into latent potential that always existed #& simply needed to be accessed. note: dirk in this card is brain ghost dirk specifically. #(an illusion constructed by jake because he didn't believe in his own repressed abilities - drawn here as The Horrors.) #the devil: you are maybe not the CAUSE of all of your problems but DAMN you are making them worse for yourself. #this card is SO heavy on unhealthy coping mechanisms. symbolism here - very literally holding self down #sure it feels comforting in the moment but eventually you are going to drown. #the chariot: this one's not super clear visually but i do have a method to my madness #the chariot is the card of willpower; control; forward motion; resolution. #by the same token i think it is also a card about being really really stubborn - blinded by a goal. #holding onto the reins and refusing to let go even when holding them hurts you & others around you. #honestly i think some of the minor arcana fit better for a few of these cards but i wanted to stick w majors #for the sake of Icon Recognition i guess. #anyway [putting the alpha gang in the Narrative Wiggler to work through their problems] #they are going to the Dream Realm to meet their weirdest selves (and friends) in combat. unless...? #(it was never about fighting it was about healing. SYMBOLISM)

[sananaryon]

No characters will ever be as soulmates as Paperinik and Xadhoom

#pkna #paperinik new adventures #donald duck #xadhoom #i dont even ship them romantically #its just #aaaaah THEM!!!! #donald calling her Beauty Eyes at first as a joke but then genuinely #xadhoom coming to him when she's hurt #collapsing in his arms and calling him her only ally in the universe #Donald always being there for her and wanting to help her even when she's at her worst and hurts him #xadhoom helping him save his friend without even knowing them simply because Donald asked #the knowing look they share in Metamorphosis that just speaks to them understanding each other so well #and dont even get me started on In The Shadow #Donald telling Xadhoom that things will be okay. that theyll find a way to bring her back. that theyll be happy #AAAAAAAHJFJDDIDBDODBDIS IM VERY FUCKING NORMAL ABOUT THEM!!!! #pkna in general shows the relationships between Donald and his friends so well #be it Lyla Xadhoom One Urk or even Angue #the way Donald is just so open and loving and shares affection willingly eith no hesitation #but nothing makes me eat glass like Donald and Xadhoom

[bosspigeon]

Did not mean to craft Literally The Perfect Man for Astarion I just made a demisexual dude with a complex relationship with sex and intimacy due to trauma bc it is my God-Given Right to cram my own issues into an oc and then the vampire twink just happened to have issues to match and anyway what was i talking about

#pidge babbles #oc: pyre #i just saw the fruity little vampire man and fell in love and then THE TRAUMA SHOWED UP and thats it that was the end for me #i know the durge stuff is SO GOOD w an astarion romance but i simply cannot bc i have already given him The Ideal Partner #there is something so v special to me about slowly coming to learn that the person youve latched onto for survival #understands you in a way you've never allowed anyone to understand you #simply by virtue of them being the same kind of broken you are #its about finding where your broken edges fit with theirs to make something new and beautiful #and learning to trust and to heal hand in hand with someone else #because you see your pain mirrored in them and you want to ease theirs the same way theyve eased yours #im fine im normal im grrttjjgrrbark bsrkfjfj

[purgemarchlockdown]

Thinking about cycles again...

#sorry was looking at Cool Games and now in Cycle Mode #anyway are y'all normal about being trapped in cycles? #I think about Muu a lot actually around this #it's like- Muu's trapped in her own self-destructive behaviors and toxic environment #she cant really Leave the School and yet she cant really change it either #she does the queen bee stuff as a way to 'escape' the bullying and be given love but it really its just another web she's trapped in #Muu causes her own destruction but the only reason Why she's in a situation that causes her to react like that is because #of a toxic and unhealthy environment that no one can really get out of #there's this one really good quote from one of my favorite shows about how no one can really foster healthy relationships in the school #everyone is in because the environment is simply so hostile to any sort of possible healthy connection between people #its not just that bad behavior its encouraged its that good behavior is Discouraged #if that makes sense #idk im just in a cycle mood again

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar #no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new #but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me' #i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term #so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now #so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but #it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out #that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance #so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial #but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal #although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive #i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary #ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness #which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days #and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself #im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles #but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy #and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me #i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this #i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself #im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body #im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up #and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe! #so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please #and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching #between numbness and overwhelming agony #what the fuck am i talking about