#im literally gonna cry im so happy you liked it so much

[claypgeon]

two lonely friends | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x journalist!reader

summary: lando norris has two lonely best friends. he gets an idea, why not set them up?

f1wags: y/n l/n, landos bestfriend was seen entering the monaco grand prix paddock today!

view comments below!

user1: OH BROTHER

user2: free my girl y/n 🗣️

user3: the day y/n stops getting referred to as “landos bestfriend” is the day i can REST

user4: landos bestfriend?? sorry i only know y/n l/n f1 journalist ??

user5: y’all do this every race 🙄 OFC SHES THERE. THATS HER JOB.

user6: she’s such a moocher

user7: she’s literally there to do HER JOB ??

user8: it’s crazy how after a year of oscar being in f1, we still haven’t gotten a y/n and oscar interaction ???

user9: y/n, our comfort outfit queen

ynandlandocontent: my favorite snippet of landos and y/ns interview 🧡

view comments below!

user10: ugh them ☹️☹️

user11: literally just make out already

user12: the very best FRIENDS

user13: she’s so unprofessional 💀

user14: this wasn’t even part of the interview 😭 this was just a blooper 🙄

user15: OKAY BUT Y/N FINALLY GOT TO INTERVIEW OSCAR ???

user16: ugh i love them so much 😞

user17: lando and y/n shippers where ???

user18: HERE 🙋‍♂️

oscarpastyupdates: y/n interviewing oscar today!

view comments below!

user19: oscar “but um” piastri everyone!

user20: FINALLY SOME Y/N x OSCAR CONTENT !!

user23: why do i ship…

user24: they literally only talked once 😭😭

user23: okay let me BEEE

user25: guys did you see how hard he was blushing, or am i just crazy ???

user26: they literally want each other SO BAD

user27: i can feel the tension through the screen

user28: ok so do i ship lando x y/n or oscar x y/n

— one day later !

ynupdates: queen y/n was seen out last night by multiple fans! she looks beautiful!

view comments below!

user29: HELLOOO ???? IS THAT NOT OSCAR

user30: ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THAT IS NOT OSCAR PIASTRI ???

user31: omg oscar stole landos girl

user32: landos girl ???

user33: wait i like this

user34: i love how the caption doesn’t mention oscar at ALL

user35: let them cook 🔥🔥

user36: okay oscar i see you 👀

user37: i wonder how lando feels about this..

lando.jpg: happy birthday to my little sister! you’re ancient now 😞 here’s to many more birthdays together!

view comments below!

user38: aw ☹️

user39: okay guys i’m crying

user40: lando ALWAYS eats with his birthday captions

user41: i wonder if landos ex’s had ever felt intimidated by y/n

user42: y/n has said that she has never not gotten along with landos gfs, so there’s that!

user43: okay now kiss

user44: i still ship idc

user45: her and lando ✅ her and oscar ❌

yourusername: ugh lando you love me so much, it’s disgusting

lando.jpg: i will take away your present.

yourusername: NO IM SORRY

yourusername: and who’s gonna pay attention to the redheads of the world?

pic credits: some kid named oscar ??

view comments below!

user46: OKAY OKAY OKAY

user47: ugh you look so good 😔

user48: OSCAR IN THE CAPTION ??? WE ARE SO BACK !!!

user49: happy birthday queen !!

user50: happy birthday 🧡🧡

user51: oscar and y/n hard launch when ???

oscarpiastri: ME I’LL PAY ATTENTION TO THE REDHEADS OF THE WOLRD !!! I WILL !!

user52: okay oscar let’s calm down..

user53: oh he’s down bad

user54: who needs more confirmation then THIS ??

oscarpiastri: happy birthday to my best friend, and the most beautiful lady in the world 🧡

view comments below!

landonorris: bestfriend?

landonorris: oh okay

landonorris: cool cool cool

landonorris: yeah that’s chill

landonorris: totally NOT going to brust out into tears rn

landonorris: hahaha

landonorris: that would be stupid

landonorris: cool cool cool

landonorris: okay okay okay

landonorris: i set you two up and you just completely forget about me huh

landonorris: wow i can’t believe this

landonorris; i’m going to die alone

landonorris; alone and sad

landonorris: FUCK YOU GUYS

user55: let’s all just move pass lando having a mental breakdown…

#oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x y/n #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri smau #oscar piastri social media au #f1 x female driver #f1 x female reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 smau #f1 social media au

[babybluesays]

SCHOOL AU PROMPT CUS IM TIRED

The entire class: *crying*

Sec who just walked in: What is going on...

Blue: I'm gonna miss you guys so much

Sec: Did someone die or wot

Green: *ugly crying asf* I literally can't breathe, holy shi-

Sec: Green why are you crying, you ditch class like every day

Green: *sob* I know but it's like the last day of school

Sec: Okay? I would be crying too but tears of happiness

Purple crying in the corner:

Sec: Why is he crying? Who's gonna miss him? Everyone hated him in this class.

Red: *sobbing into the desk with his head down fr we love that*

Sec: Are we just gonna cry all day!?

Yellow crying too fr and getting his glasses fogged up:

Sec: Yellow we're gonna see each other over the summer, what the hell?

Purple: sob I hope y'all will still remember me 💔💔

Sec on the floor laughing: Are we moving to different planets???

Professor Becker: sobbing You guys are gonna make me cry

*Second slamming his fist against the floor asf cus like I'd be laughing too*

Professor Becker: Second go to the office! hOw bOuT tHaT?!

Second: NO I'M GOING HOME. HOW BOUT THAT?

#alan becker #school au #lourd asprec #lourd asprec if anyone knows him #used his little skit for this #funny skits #but second WOULD be happy to end school #meanwhile everyone else is sobbing #ava the second coming #avm blue #avm green #avm purple #avm red #avm yellow #PROFESSOR becker

[mischievousspooks]

He brought home a heat lamp.

#flat fuck friday #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #hamato donatello #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt leo #hamato leonardo #rottmnt michelangelo #rottmnt mikey #hamato michelangelo #rottmnt raphael #rottmnt raph #hamato raphael #turtle tots #rottmnt splinter #hamato yoshi #young dad yoshi #with many baby mutant ninja turtles #naptime interrupted by shenanigans #turtle tot pancake stack #bellyflop gone wrong #poor donnie got so squished he's so much flatter now #and when one baby starts crying you know the others are gonna start #dad to the rescue! #mischievousspooksart #omgthis took so long to make ive literally been working on it for weeks but im so happy with how it turned out i really hope yall like it!!

[goldenhypen]

this is so cringe but uhm 🧍🏻‍♀️ mayhaps i shed a tear or two or more this morning bc of him,,, im so happy you guys agh i missed this man sm you don’t understand. and he’s so happy rn you guys he’s HAPPY he’s like always happy but this time just hit different since the last time he went live was forever ago and he def was not ok. but this time i can confidently say he’s happy :( he’s so cute omg this live is everything to me omg. also his hair is getting LONG he’s so hot stop

#LOOK AT HIS SMILE IM GONNA D #jake’s so sweet jake’s so cute jake’s so handsome jake’s so funny #he’s everything #literally shedding real tears this morning what on earth is happening #he’s so happy yall like a real genuine happiness #it’s making me more happy than ever #i think i’ve been listening to his cover maybe a little too much 😕 #crying so hard rn yall you don’t understand #em speaks #♡

[skiploom]

doodles based off of things columbo has said abt his wife :^)

#columbo #mrs columbo #my art #dog! #I LOVE THEM SO MUCH WHADDA HELL #like. obsession. theyre literaly so goals #this is such a sweet lil fandom im literally so happy u guys liked my lil doodles and i was inspired to draw more!! #columbo please if u ever stop paying attention to your wife i will snatch her up thank you #(he literally wont he loves her sm its so endearing im gonna cry )

[hecksupremechips]

Minor thing that really irks me is when people treat the femc route in p3 portable as like the lesser story or like it’s a fanfic where nothing that happens in it is the “true” canon like. Bitch. The femc and everything that happens in her version of the story is just as canon as the male protagonist and everything that happens in his story. And there’s literally been so many fucking versions of p3 at this point like the base game, fes, portable, the movies, stage plays, reload, as well as spinoffs and manga and they all do things differently. I don’t see anyone acting like the base game is more canon than, say, reload so why do they do this with portable? Why can’t the (infinitely superior) version with the female protagonist just be respected for five fucking minutes goddamn

#persona #persona 3 #kotone shiomi #its the misogyny yay #but god i am so tired of her game being treated as not actually canon like it literally is #theres multiple canons dipshit there is no true version of this game #and also people saying she doesnt fit the theme or some shit like. she literally does??? and honestly she does it better #like you can really feel the love she brings to the group and how she gives everything life and helps everyone #but also just how it all comes with pain she smiles and befriends everyone but shes always been so deeply alone and she doesnt want anyone #to feel the pain shes felt and so she carries all those burdens on her own and when everyone goes to reach out for her #its too late far too late shed sacrifice herself over and over for these people and theyll never once see her cry #she also you know. actually has good social links and gets to know everyone not just people she wants fuck #so you get to see just infinitely better versions of every character with her she really does bring out the best in them #and another thing in particular with the disrespect of her story is the way shinji living is treated again just like #some kinda fanfic au by someone who didnt wanna cope with their blorbo dying like ughh #shinji surviving is just as canon as him dying there is an entire canon where he gets a happy ending and it is once again #much better than versions where he dies like ive. exhausted myself with explaining it but its just better #so yeah basically out of spite i like acting like kotones story is actually the one true canon #and when people mention stuff that isnt in her story im like ‘huh? what? that didnt happen’ #cuz whos gonna stop me

[townslore]

discovery of the day

#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize #that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not #why is everything so rushed #their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother #listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother #but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much #i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part? #but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter #a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion #i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it #but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all #and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot. #mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are #doomed 24/7. #the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already. #the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great #THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT #im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden! #i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension #and it just growing bigger and bigger #until they couldnt take it anymore #that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!! #im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about. #the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite” #chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once #im so. Disappointed. #after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna #🏴‍☠️ that #AAAGHHHH!!!!!!! #not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell

[jirai-kei-freak]

why does it have to be this way

#Why #I was doing so good this past year #There were times I was literally crying tears of joy because I haven’t felt as happy as I was in years #Now shit’s coming back and I don’t like it #Every fucking time man #“Well life is supposed to have its ups and downs” HAVE YOUVE WENT THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH #summer through all the way to the end of 2023 was one of two of the most miserable times I ever went through #I was almost never happy #Had cheap laughs for like 20 minutes then back to misery #There wasn’t a single day were I didn’t wish i was dead #Literally I would wake up and i immediately wanted to start crying #Thats how bad things were #You could see it in my face how lonely and miserable i was #I hadnt felt that empty for like a good few years since then #It was to the point where I thought there was never going to be light in my life ever again #I went through some fucked up shit and now im traumatized 10x more then i was before #The first day of school was a weak after some extremely traumatic stuff happened man #Then the new year started and everything was starting to get better #I started taking medication #I was much more happier #My self esteem boosted up #I started working on myself and became a better person #I dont think i ever had a period of my life where i felt THAT BETTER #Like I said i was crying because I had felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders #It literally felt like i saw the light #I legitimately thought things were getting truly getting better #It’s just gonna be the same damn cycle over and over again huh? #For several months I feel depressed as shit #Then for a few months things start to clear up #Then suddenly and abruptly things go back to the shit

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏 #i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

[tigerzreal]

Yoooo it’s my birth day ig!!! i’m closer to dying that’s scary. i don’t have any saved dbz art atm so take some doodles i made of me and my sister ‼️😈😈😈

#on the left imma draw us as heroes in dbz (who’re inspired by THE GREAT SAIYAMAN!! >BD) #i’m so happy for my sister man 🙁 i’m so sad that i won’t be in the same school as her anymore like literally #i feel like im gonna cry it’s so stressful so hopefully this year won’t be too harsh on me #so yeah we’re gonna celebrate my birthday this weekend im so exciteddddd #im also gonna see the new super hero movie i think maybe next tuesday? ahhhh im so excited #i should probably stay off tumblr from friday to after i see the movie if that’s the case to avoid much spoilers #welp anyways #i love you guys!! thank you so much for every like n reblog it means so much to me <3 #and thank you to my sister who i love so much 🥺 agh i love my family man im so happy #school starts tomorrow so i gotta be prepared for that #but anyways thank you again and stay safe out there MWUAH #😘😘😚😚😚 #birthday #happy bithday to me

[snixx]

I JUST WANT TO HUG HER AND HOLD HER AND NEVER LET GO

#sometimes im just hit by how much i love her and i start crying #literally I've cried happy tears so much because of her #i don't want to lose her i hate that it's like this #i love you i love you so much i don't know how much of that you understand #I'm gonna miss you so much i already miss you so much #please be okay it kills me to see you like this #i love you i love you i love you #so fucking much #i sound like a broken record but i don't know how else to say it #fuck this hurts. please be okay #please please please #you are. one of the most important people in the world to me #fuck why am i crying again #x am rambles #nini🌺

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

People at work out here making me cry. Because I’ll miss them. Because they made me care about them. Gross

#i almost cried several times today bc I was thinking about how sad I’ll be when I leave. and then like the last 20 minutes I was there #someone said something and I burst into tears and cried the whole time #and it’s so annoying!!! god I hate caring about things!!! #and literally it wasn’t even my last day. like my last day is this Friday #also the lady I’m going to miss the most bc I know I won’t talk to her much was like hey u know I do still have you’re number right? #i hope you know I’m gonna text you so you can send me funny pictures of you in college #like man that’s gonna do me in rn I’m gonna cry typing that out I’m gonna miss her so much #and then my friend and I r driving home and we’re talking and I almost start crying again and let me just say #it’s a little hard to see when ur eyes start tearing up #I’m like girl if you don’t stop rn today is gonna be both r last night don’t blind me while I drive #I’m so so sad I’m leaving this job I’m so sad and everyone’s is making me even more sad #bc everyone keeps telling me how much they’re gonna miss me and how much they loved having me #and everyone’s being so nice!! and I don’t know how to deal with that!! I don’t know what to do when people r nice to me #and man. for the first time in forever I feel like there’s a group of people who mildly care about me #and they keep reminding me they do. and it’s like. I’ll already cry if u tell me you care about me so if ur gonna do that and I have to go?? #sobbing and screaming and crying and crying and crying and crying #no but my one friend telling me she wanted me to keep in touch and send her pictures #yes that’s making me cry but also I’m really happy about that bc I’m gonna miss her so much #god forbid I say that but man I’m gonna cry so hard #oh god im crying again this sucks #soup talks

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

[pepprs]

ok mutuals. i am waiting for my first layer of paint to dry (it looks like shit rn lol but if this turns out good i might post it) and im still debating whether or not to say anything now that ive written the letter. like to say that this sucks. there’s that post i just rbed that’s like don’t hold back bc you think it’s cringe but then i saw another post tonight abt a Very specific situation that is not fair for me to be thinking abt in this way but the jist of it (removing the context) was that u shouldn’t burden ppl w ur grief when they make necessary decisions that make them happy. so it’s like ok. and again this is me taking that latter post completely and inappropriately out of context but realy shouldnt / doesn’t ir apply to all situations where someone is making a choice for their own happiness that takes their idealized version of you away from them. grief and everything that comes with it is burdensome and makes the other person feel guilty when ultimately it isn’t even about you. and i know bc ive been on the other side of this situation so many times and have been angry and frustrated when (specific) ppl grieve me for not being who they needed me to be. but this is my first time EVER being on the other side actually in a way that is actually real and not just in my head or metaphorical lol. i fear it literally all the time ofc but this is the first time in my life where someone is leaving me (and CHOOSING to) and not when im leaving either by choice or by like… by virtue of having to progress into a new school or mandatory study abroad or whatever. and it fucking sucks so bad.and if it was me doing this i would want her to talk to me abt how hurt / angry / sad she was and *i* would be hurt / angry / sad if she felt like she needed to hold back but… she is wired differently and needs different things and i truly think me telling her that this is dealing me psychological damage i will carry with me for the rest of my life is only going to be unhelpful and make her angry and uncomfortable. lol

#if i had a relationship w her where we talked abt feelings (like everyone else on our staff team but me 😍) then it would be ok. but in order #to tell her this i would have to be making like a huge leap of saying yeah no we haven’t talked like this before and im forcing us to. and I #uhhhh do not think she would react well to that. i would do it if it was anyone but her but i am terrified of burdening her with me. which I #have proof of btw like she just.. idk. i mean it’s not proof. but every time i have talked abt emotional stuff when she’s been present she h #has like… idk. checked out. visibly and tangibly. i can’t go into a lot of detail abt it LOLLLL but this is a pattern. and then i hear abt h #how she ***** ** *** ***** and like…. i sound kinda jealous talking abt it BECAUSE I AM! i do not see that version of her at all. and that #is literally all i want if i talk to her abt it. to just say like.. hi. we have not talked like this before but you are about to leave and #it has destroyed everything including me. this is hurting me for particular reasons some of which may shock you. i need you to know that. an #and i want us to start telling us things and being close even though you’re literally leaving and won’t be an everyday figure in my life #anymore like you have been for the last 4.5 years lol bye 😍😍😍😍😍😍 like that’s all i want. is just to establish the closeness and make plans t #to maintain it. idk. it’s like cringe and creepy. and i KNOW also that if we talk and i try to tell her how i feel i will do that thing wher #where i cry so hard i can’t even speak through it which im almost certain i will do in front of her tomorrowanyway LOLLLL so. but yeah i #don’t think she is gonna be very comfortable with that and i can’t make her u comfortable or burden her bc she needs to do this for her and #i want her to be happy even if it’s not here. but it hurts soo fucking bad like do you realize how important you are to me and how i was #looking forward to this so much and you fucking pulled out the rug from under us and i don’t know how to be without you. lollllll. CRINGE #purrs #delete later #ok my paint is almost dry lol! win #but also there’s like. ok i will shut upi promise. bit there’s also like… am i thinking this thru clearly / rationally or am i projecting #and assuming things and like… fumbling my way thru this situation for the first time bc ive never been in it before and don’t know what to #do or what’s helpful and what’s not. i know i am depriving myself of love and comfort and things that would make this easier to cope with b #but is that the right thing to do or is it stupid and foolish. i don’t think there’s a right / good / painless way thru this. lol #<- freak <- irredeemable <- embarrassingly immature and naïve given requirements of current job let alone life experiences to this point

[rubiesintherough]

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#(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #happy valentines day... less happy start already and its only 7:30. #woke up alone bc husband just didnt want to lie in bed and cuddle. so thats great. #and i spent all day yesterday. literally 7 hrs baking and decorating a cake for him for today. his favorite. #and the only thing i wanted. and specifically told him this morning was 'i just want to see you cut it' #told him that. and he said 'okay im just gonna make coffe first' while i went to the bathroom. came out and he'd cut the cake. #idk why thay hurts so much. and why i started crying. it was just a simple request like id spent so much time on it #and he couldnt even be bothered to wait 2 minutes so i could see him cut into all the work id done and get to see the inaugural cut #yknow?? couldnt be bothered. couldnt be patient. 7hrs of work to the point i was in a ton of pain and exhausted yesterday from painstakingly #making sure it was perfect. and he couldnt hold out for 2 minutes while i peed. #and he tried to justify it by saying 'well i havent even picked it up yet?' not the point. i specifically said i wanted to see him cut it #idk. maybe im overreacting. now im laying in bed crying real quietly bc for some reason #im still really worried about ruining his valentines day and making him upset.... #anyway. sorry. for some reason this hurt a lot and idk even know why. hope yall have a better start to your valentines day

[steampoweredskeleton]

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#delete later #this is literally the worst time for a breakdown #i need to sleep to do the fun thung tomorrow. if i dont do the fun thing tomorrow i will fully regret it #i am panicking and on the verge of tears for no reason #theres too much going on all at once #and i love having ppl in the flat i do but fuck it always triggers the shit out of me #i am both really hapoy to see yhe person abd really happy shes coming to the thing. i am also terrified someone is gonna #go for me. its not logical. im fucking terrified #and theres so many unknowns tomorrow abd im freaking out. i managed to keep myself from aaking if i was allowed to travel #with them tomorrow when they sent me the timings. bc of course thats what that meant. it wasnt a heads up to avoid those times #but now im panicking about it bc not getting the reassurance is adding to the fear. even though the point of exposure therapy #is not getting reassurance for all intrusive thoughts. this is what im meant to do #im still freaking out. tye good thing is that the game specifies that if youre overwhelmed step outside #so i can escape if i need to and probably wont shut down #ill take my headphones abd my beanie and my safe items #i dont care if i look childish. i just gotta get through it to the enjoying bit #fucking. its not pity party time. wait like one week then you can have a breakdown. cut it off. cry at therapy #also want to reiterate i love that my flatmates have ppl round. uts good and nornal and GOOD #its entirely a me problem that ut freaks me out so badly. it breaks all the rules that were hammered into me abd i become convinced #im gonna be punished for disrespecting ppl. thats a me problem. i just cabt have it just be in ny head bc im gonna explode #time to play #will the weighted blanket allow me to better dissociate or make me feel every emotion and sob #neither options are fun!!!