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#im just this hodgepodge of everything that maybe can just be that. and if i want to name it sometimes i can name it whatever i want
the-gayest-sky-kid · 10 months
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they dont tell u this but the moment you let yourself just use or not use words and stop caring is when you are truly free
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hongism · 3 years
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An essay on why i love kim hongjoong and why he’s my ult bias and one of my biggest inspirations in life; by me, you know who it is, the biggest hongjoong simp on the planet, and your local hongjoong lover
This isn’t really gonna be an essay pls it’s been way too long since i last wrote a formal and serious essay but instead it’s just gonna be a messy hodgepodge of me doing what i do best in life: rambling (about hongjoong). If you know me you know that i GUSH over the things and people i love, i could sit here for years just rambling about that so yeah this is about to be long as HELL and also embARRASSING as hell so PLS look away act like you don’t see anything no one talk about it hongjoong if ur here pls don’t look good god this is about to be so embarrassing bc here’s a list of things i don’t have: chill. Yall about to see me crumble for a Man of all things i can’t believe this is happening but yeah see im already rambling and i haven’t even started talking about hongjoong yet wow okay anyways look away i will cry and did cry okay thanks yeah BYE
im not gonna sit here and be like ‘bc he’s cool and handsome and yeah’ because those aren’t really reasons why you love Someone, those are kinda reasons why you might admire someone or enjoy looking at them but not why you like them necessarily, but it is a given that hongjoong is a beautiful person inside and out so i can’t go on without mentioning how beautiful and handsome he is ;;-; he has such pretty and delicate features, his nose his side profile his eyes his lips yes everything about him is beautiful and lovely and wonderful he’s just so objectively attractive. His smile is so bright and warm and full of love and joy, really he has one of those smiles where you see it and feel like your heart is full. Show me a picture of hongjoong smiling and my mood will spike and i’ll be happy bc he is a person who has infectious happiness and joy.
Hongjoong has so many neat and cool aspects to his personality, he’s really brilliant, he’s got an iq of 148, he’s an infp, he’s a scorpio, i’m gonna start rambling strap in — he raps, he sings, he dances, he composes/produces, he plays the drums, he plays the piano, he writes lyrics, he reforms clothes, supports the polished man campaign and paints his nails like!!! Listens to all sorts of music, enjoys rock music, loves to experiment with his style and hair, loves trying new things, just look back at inception era where he asked to wear a skirt for performances bc he thought it looked pretty moving while he danced just! Hongjoong has a very beautiful personality that i love to see because he is unapologetically him. And in an industry where it’s hard to be an individual and where it’s hard to let your own colors shine through whether it be because of pressures from companies/group image/so on so forth. I’ve always stood by the fact that KQ does really well with letting the boys do individual things and be individuals as well as have a say in what the plans are for their image, but it really shines through in hongjoong.
He’s a person who has his own color and his own sort of image that i feel lucky to look at bc it’s so special and unique and wonderful to see!! I feel that way constantly when i look at ateez and i think that’s why i love ateez so much and why they’re my ult alongside shinee bc there is so much individual color and personality and i adore getting to see that because people in general fascinate me that way.
There’s always a lot of jokes about hongjoong’s scorpio tendencies shining through but even beyond those jokes, he really lets us see parts of himself that are both intriguing and beautiful to see. I mentioned this the other night to a friend but while he was live, you could physically see the way he brightened when talking about music and when sharing his music, sharing the things he worked on, songs he enjoys, and when he talks about music, you can see that passion and love in his face. Same with when he talked about his tattoo, you could see in his face how much it means to him and how much thought he put into it, and how special it was for him to talk about it even with language barriers. Personalities are something that don’t need a language to see and perceive, and i’m always very careful to talk about idols’ personalities because you never know which parts are real and which parts are what they want us to see but seeing how clear hongjoong’s passion and adoration for music is is something so blatant to me. Like it’s just something i see every time he talks about music and every time he’s live and it’s so beautiful and special to see.
I’m a person who gets motivated when i see other people motivated and that’s primarily why i see hongjoong as such a huge source of inspiration and motivation because listening to people talk about the things they love makes me feel happy and encouraged. I love seeing the joy in people’s bodies and faces when they get happy, i love seeing people full of life and joy, i adore seeing them talk about their dreams and aspirations because you can see how determined and how meaningful something is to a person that way, and that’s something i see in hongjoong so much.
Hongjoong is someone who values art and all forms, and he’s someone who finds beauty and inspiration in all sorts of things. That’s something i try to do in my life but it’s hard and i struggle and sometimes i get it right and sometimes i don’t, and yaknow maybe we’re not supposed to get it right all the time, but i love getting to see hongjoong’s creative process and just listen to him talk about the things he finds inspiration in. Really honestly and truly getting to see people do what they love brings me more joy than i can put into words. There is something so special about it, and i feel it when i watch hongjoong perform because you can see how much every part of the stage and performance means to him even if it’s just 3 minutes and even if it’s something where he’s not front and center. Hongjoong doesn’t have to be the forefront of something to give his all and i think that speaks volumes to how much he wants to be on stage and how much it means to him
Then anOTHER thing i love about hongjoong because i could just talk for hours at this rate. Bc im emo and im in my feels so much i think about how sometimes it really seems like hongjoong was made to lead ateez. You could put 100000 people in a room and give me a list of qualifications and reasons why these 100000 people would be better leaders and i would still pick hongjoong because there is something so inherent in him about being the leader of ateez that shines through so much. The way he talks about ateez, the members, the things he does for them, the work he puts in because he wants them to succeed together. He talks about looking at their faces before going to sleep, not wanting to release a mixtape because he wants to share his music through ateez, he calls them kids, he wouldn’t post selfies so that we would focus on the other members’ teaser photos, he pushes them and encourages them to try new things and do new things, there is so so much he does for them and there are so many ways in which hongjoong loves ateez, just so many ways he cares for them and adores them even when he has that tsundere image, you can clearly see how much they mean to him and how much value he puts in those relationships with them
But yeah so anyways i’m gonna cut myself short good god this is oafiejrogbjieon so long already BYE this is embarrassing im so tired tho im gonna go sleep and probably forget i a) wrote this and b) posted this HTRWEFSFKHDLKFH yall know how it is pls dont ROAST ME for GUSHING just yeah if i could say one thing to hongjoong and only one thing like only one chance to say something i would genuinely thank him for being a person who inspires me and for sharing his passions with us i think that sharing your passions the way he does is so special and touching and yeah god im about to ramble again pls caly stop
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meggannn · 4 years
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thank god im not the only other asian girl who came to realize how weirdly orientalist atla/lok is.
i hope you don’t mind me using this ask as a springboard to get some of my thoughts down (i edited this once and that fucked up the read more, so i tried several times to put this behind a cut again but tumblr hates me so i guess now everyone has to read my beef ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
my friend said last night that ATLA is like the new harry potter with the way people talk about it and..... yknow she’s not entirely wrong.....
like, not to keep pulling this card, but ~as a half-asian~, i have been struggling with this show a lot over the past few months; before even the show came to netflix, i was seeing a resurgence of ATLA stan culture. the hype of the live-action series and the release of the kyoshi novels have also amplified this. i reblog posts because i do still enjoy it, but i have been abstaining from reblogging commentary that so obviously glorifies it.
part of this burst-bubble effect is my problem, because i strongly dislike how people talk about certain characters and ships (and i admit that frustration is seeping through what ATLA did right) and observing fandom favorites makes me think that a lot of points were missed: people love toph, but hate korra (even people who think they love korra only because she’s one half of korrasami, actually do hate korra lmfao); people love zuko but completely ignore aang; don’t get me started on the fandom’s embracing of korrasami/subsequent forgiving of the patronizing, disrespectful, borderline racist way bryke did it. that is fan behavior, and it all bothers me and is no doubt coloring my judgment of the actual show, but beyond that, i also do want people to realize and accept “wait a minute, plenty of the things we criticize other media for also exist in ATLA, and it shouldn’t be different just because this show is full of asians.”
part of me wants to — and does — celebrate that a pan-asian show, in which NO white characters and NO trace of western culture exists, was a critical and commercial success in 2005! and had full network support and resonated with kids of different backgrounds. i can appreciate and be happy of that. but “no western culture” doesn’t mean “no western influence”: it’s an asian fantasy world created by non-asians, so the staff still ultimately wrote a pretty western story. the treatment of the fire lord imperialist dynasty is the big one (iroh was a war criminal who only left the warfront because his actions affected him/his family but now he’s a old friendly Good Guy and never acknowledges the lives he’s ruined! everything is ok now that zuko is fire lord! not like his new friends will have any direct trauma or conflicting feelings with how he is now heading a nation that burned two out of three of their homelands to the ground and tried to burn the third too! now here are all our headcanons about katara/sokka being fire lord/lady, toph being a fire lord advisor, and aang being an air nation rep to the fire nation! perfect ending!!), but also the themes of a pretty straightforward good kids v evil conqueror story, watered-down concepts of buddhism/taoism/others for child consumption — some of these are not strictly bad things, but they don’t make it the best story in the world. they are not worth saying “stop watching x problematic cartoon, watch ATLA, the BEST cartoon with the BEST diversity!!!!”
side note, my friend looked it up last night and there was a total of one asian writer on the staff, May Chan, who according to wiki, just wrote the Boiling Rock episodes. (at this juncture i want to keep in mind that someone in the writer’s or developer’s room might be in my situation, possibly mixed race but white-passing in both face and name... it’d be hypocritical of me to not consider that possibility, but as far as i know that’s not the case, and in any respect i think it’s important to have visible diversity, not because i think mixed people don’t have anything to say or shouldn’t be counted, but in the sense that poc who don’t get the luxury of being white-passing should be allowed control of depicting people who look like them. but that’s another discussion.)
honestly, i can look over some aspects of this show because i still do enjoy it. i like the use of martial arts as a fantastical magic device because it was used consistently and clearly they did their research, even if it does kind represent this idea of Asia, the Land of Magic Powers; i don’t mind because not everyone has the magic powers, the magic powers are deconstructed, people without the magic powers are still treated respectfully, the magic powers are diverse, and they are treated both practically and spiritually (so not everyone, like sokka, has the same awe-inspiring respect of them, which is realistic characterization to this world, and though he’s sometimes portrayed as incorrect in his disbelief of the spiritual, he’s never portrayed as wrong for being practical and realistic). honestly, i don’t mind the oohs and aahs of these magic powers because i still think the magic powers are pretty fuckin cool; it’s likely we’ve all pretended to be a bender at some point lol. and as a kid, i didn’t mind that ATLA nations blended cultures; i thought it was fun to look up later and see which sorts of things were made up and which were influenced by real things (i liked that not a lot if it was made up). i don’t mind that Lake Laogai was named after a real, horrifying place, though i understand and completely respect that plenty of others find the name disturbing and tasteless.
that said, as an adult coming to ATLA for the first time, I would probably not go this hard for a show that blends a bunch of real ethnicities together in a hodgepodge of culture clashes, at least not one spearheaded by a white developer team. i would be less willing to ignore the northern air temple episode, where aang, victim of a genocide, forgives a bunch of strangers who disrespected and destroyed his home (including the guy who was NOW INVENTING WAR WEAPONS FOR THE VERY NATION THAT DESTROYED HIS PEOPLE). i can mostly look over these things because of nostalgia. but the way people outright stan the whole avatar series (including LOK but i won’t get into that right now) without acknowledging ATLA is, ultimately, still a story with a pretty western handling of its themes just with asian faces, is..... frustrating.
a new coworker of mine, also an asian woman who was too old to watch ATLA at the time it was airing, has said that the more she learns about ATLA as an adult the weirder she feels about it and less inclined she is to watch it, which makes me think that maybe i’m not crazy.
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mutuals as disney characters? 👀
Im finally getting around to this,,,yes theres a star wars character in this, star wars is owned by disney dont come for me
Firstly, @drivenbybri is Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Maybe because I think Gwil would make a fantastic disney prince & everything Gwil I associate with Sofie lmao. Also Belle is this gentle soul. She’s so pretty and honestly loves the Beast so much. Sofie in that yellow dress??? show stopping. 
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next is @queen-paladin Carrie!! I adore you so much. Youre so sweet, the definition of adorable, I just want to carry you and your just general niceness everywhere so I dub you Baby Yoda
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ITS TIME FOR MY TWIN THAT I LOVE @briyourmotherdown Annie, I have no idea where I get this from, but I associate you with the album Jazz and I think youd be the best wing-woman in the world so naturally youre Genie from Aladdin! You cant tell me Genie doesnt enjoy some good 80s Queen & hes always there to hype up whomever hes with. (plus you would kill it in a genie outfit). 
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@joeslee Sher my love, youre a sheriff, you run this town. Youre Woody from Toy Story. “Theres a snake in my boot....its Ben Hardy.” might as well be a quote directly from you. Woody is just the king of oneliners, and youre the queen of it. “Dont tell me what to do. That wasn’t flying, that was falling with style.” Are those your words Sher or Woody’s? Trick question its both
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cant have Woody without Buzz LIghtyear! And you cant have Sher without the incredible Audrey @captvinswaan herself. Do I even need to explain why youre Buzz? Youve got the perect amount of sweet, lawful chaotic energy that just works so well with everyone. You and Sher drive each other insane (how many lawsuits are pending?) but its a friendship I love to watch 
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Onto a match that I cant really explain beyond it just simply being perfect and its a hill I will die on. @zimmerxman is 100% Tinker Bell. If theres anyone that can and will gracefully float about and sprinkle pixie dust its Lynndsy 
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@demo-wise Lauren, youre Wall-E. You just always have the best intentions. You want to make everyone happy & I admire that so much. When youve got a goal you stick to it, even if it freaks you out!
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@doctorqueensanatomy Shea, your family is hilarious. The way you all interact & the pure chaos you all exude led me to you being Merida. I do not take criticism. 
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Last but certainly not least is @hodgepodge-of-rog !! Here’s a woman you can sing folks!! Literal voice from heaven, idk how you do it but you do. Much like the ice queen herself, Elsa. I jut think Elsa is really cool. She’s smart, cares about her family, did I mention the singing yet???? 
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mochuelovelli · 4 years
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ASOUE AU? ASOUE AU. Pt 1 (Characters)
Okay so I just posted a little doodle I did for an A Series of Unfortunate Events AU that I had been thinking about ever since I realized that Esmé was obviously Magica's VA (which was 3 days ago so oop). I don't have all the characters figured out right now (mostly bc quite frankly there aren't really enough adults that act so... neglectful towards the kids in ducktales). I'll list the ones I am pretty concrete on VS the ones I'm unsure or ones that I "reimagined" due to not everyone fitting perfectly in this world.
Characters that are Definite:
Glomgold as Count Olaf: Think about it, horrible actor/cosplayer (yes thats what he is). Both obsessed about riches, revenge and are generally incompetent. Really, Olaf is much more wicked in the ASOUE series imo (bc even tho Glomgold wants to kill Scrooge and steal his money. This anger only extends his wards if he wishes to use them against Scrooge and is less keen on the murdering of kids. Notice I said LESS). Not 100% if I want him to be as...well explicit as Olaf can be at times. Especially his characterization in the Bad Beginning if you know what I mean (pst it's child marriage)
Magicia DeSpell as Esmé Squalor: Like I said, this is a no brainer. She has the stage performance of Magicia with a bit of Mark Beaks Mom (forget her name) mixed in. Probably would downplay her love for fashion and replace it with an obsession with the occult. I would also not have her be obsessed with Glomgold, its more in character for Glomgold to be obsessed with her anyhow. It is also possible bc I tend to believe she is a more compelling villian in canon that she might take the place of Glomgold on the Island in "The End". But I also plan for Scrooges Number One Dime to replace the Sugar bowl so, maybe not.
Doofus Drake as Calmanita Splats: Duh, spoiled brat who is very creepy and probably has parents that want them dead? Instead of wanting to sing all the time he mainly wants to wreak things/people. He still definitely dresses up tho into a hodgepodge of things. It always changes and Glomgold is always annoyed by this but he likes him more than Magicia. She definitely wants him dead just like Olaf in the series (she really hates kids).
Duckworth as Larry your waiter: Yeah not much competition for this role. It was either him or Launchpad. Duckworth is too perfect for this role and he honestly will play a better spy than canon Larry. If I ever write it out a lot of the "fight scenes" and anime-esque "explaining how I fooled you" dialogue will definitely be reworked but still present. I will however not keep out the main theme of neglect or ignorance with the adults, they will still fail in that regard as always but will just not literally stand there and tell Olaf "We finally caught you, now let me explain why we are so smart oh no you set something on fire again". I mean...maybe for a Mr. Poe but not the VFD. Or...SHUSH I should say but more on that later (or in another post who knows?)
Scrooge McDuck as Lemony Snicket (sorta): Okay so OBVIOUSLY we can't have our "Lemony" have the hots for the McDuck siblings mom (yes another thing I must explain oh boy). Scrooge will still be gilted in love by, of course Goldie though I am still not 100% if she should play part of the the role of Kit Snicket (again NOT related to Scrooge) or should she be someone else entirely. Scrooge is basically the reason everything is happening in this AU just like the canon Lemony but writes sad letters to Donald and Della as well as Goldie. As you might of well guessed, Scrooge's Fortune is also the riches the McDuck's have.
Fethry Duck as Dr. Monty: Of course a snake lover will become a marine lover in this AU! Also of COURSE Mitzy will play the roles of the incredibly deadly viper AND the great unknown! Fethry and Dr. Monty not being mentioned by their family but also too enthralled with their studies to care all that much (but seriously thats fucked up ducktales). Totally made for this role. As far as setting goes this will be where the siblings will be underwater first but since the series already has plently of aquatic locals I will probably swap out the Lake Lacamose story with Peru or the Galapagos. Speaking of...
Ms. Quackfaster as Aunt Josephine: For narrative purposes it would make sense that Ms. Quackfaster would lose her edge as a brave and bold woman. For what exact reason I am still trying to figure out. Not sure if I still want to keep the "Ike" storyline, maybe she just got really spooked by FOWL. Maybe some creature from the Galapagos ate her leg or something.
Ma Beagle as Dr. Orwell: This particular role was sort of hard for me to cast due to the fact that Dr. Orwell is older and romantically involved with Olaf (at least its sorta there). I really didn't want to give this role to Owlson bc other than she isn't a bad person, she is also way too young. Ma Beagle already has a similar motivation im canon to want to reclaim Duckburg as Beagleburg so the Terrible Mills plot to frame the B for causing a fire in order to have control over the mill is very in line with Ma. I originally wanted the Beagle Boys be working in the Mill but since I am changing the setting to Egypt, I decided to use the people stuck in the pyrimid (idk what they are actually called) and will either use Amulet, Launchpad or Dijin as Cookie
Characters that are Mixed with others:
Huey Duck as the Narrative Role of Violet B.: I mostly imagined(?) the kid characters in a approximation of set characters from the books/series. For this reason, Huey plays the ROLE of Violet Baudelaire so that he can take the "inventor" occupation. I went back and forth on finding who would have Violet's quirk of using an object to help her think. My mind originally went to Webby since she has a bow and I wanted Huey's obsession with the Incomplete History of Secret Organizations to take the place of his JWG. However I reworked it so that Huey's JWG would act as Violet's ribbon with him having to flip through his beat up (and slightly burnt) journal to find a quick solution or just to calm his nerves. Something that applies to all the triplets and twins is that their last names are changed to "McDuck" mostly bc it sounds better that they are later called the "McDuck Murders" instead of the "Duck Murders" as well as Scrooges edited role in the kids lives. He has a mix of Klaus' social awkwardness and habit of talking at length about his special interests to whoever will listen. Huey is also the one who gets hypnotized in the Miserable Mill ep.
Louie Duck as the Narrative Role of Sunny B.: Pretty sure I swapped Louie and Webby for this role in my first post but whatever. I wanted to confusingly change Klaus' role into a "Charmer" or "smooth talker" (obviously still a work in progress) since I felt that Huey in DuckTales canon was always well researched as well a good mechanic and having two characters who pretty much fit the same role was... redundant. I also wanted to really make Webby's Sunny much more inline with her notorious/abnormal fighting abilities. However, I realized that instead of changing Klaus' role I should just change Sunny's characterization since I would have to rework it anyways since she was a baby. I also got the idea from recently rewatching the series and saw Sunny basically trick her way out of being trapped with the Hook handed man (i.e. Fernald). I will instead make Louie's role as what he functionally is in DuckTales (the guy who can talk his way out of anything). He would probably also say his occupation is "Defense Attorney" or something along those lines. He is also the one who gets captured the most but not by much. However while he still has Sunny's sarcasm, he also has Klaus' inherit skeptism and distrust of adults.
Webby Vanderquack as the Narrative Role of Klaus B.: Like I said in Louie's segment, Webby is changed to Klaus or more accurately the "Researcher" of the group. She is often the one who stays up late, researching ways to get out of Glomgold's schemes. Unlike Klaus though, she has more of the optimism of Violet but might not put as much belief into all authority as Huey might. She still has role models that she looks up to but isn't against bending the rules. She also unfortunately takes Violet's role of becoming "Olaf's bride" in the Bad Beginning. In the story she has always lived with the McDucks but didn't take their name and still had Mrs. B (until she was around 10, she was 12ish when the fire happened). However, she is still in the McDuck Will and therefore Glomgold hatches a plan to use her to get the fortune. She also tricks him by signing her name "Vanderduck" or "McDuck" instead of Vanderquack to make the marriage null in void. She is also a mix of Sunny since she is generally the most physically capable out of the children.
Dewey Duck as the Narrative Role as Quigley Quagmire: Okay honestly after a rewatch, I don't exactly know what makes Duncan and Quigley that different from each other. I'm pretty sure Duncan is the Klaus of his siblings but whatever. Dewey mostly just 1/2 of the reveal that two people survived the fire during the Carnival segment (which is changed to an underground wrestling theme for reasons to be explained). I am fairly certain that during the last part of the Village of Fowl Devotees I want Dewey be the one left behind with Webby and Lena that way we can have more time spent with him and Weblena/ Magicia v Lena drama. Dewey's occupation would be "Comedian/Host/Actor" . He also is the one the adults ignore during the first half and will be the subject of Triplet/only child jokes that the Quagmires face.
Gosalyn Mallard as the Narrative Role of Duncan Quagmire: Okay so like, no she isn't related or adopted by the Quagmires
Lena Saberwing as the Narrative Role of Isadora Quagmire: c'mon both these kids like poetry. Literally I can think of no other DuckTales kid that likes that (other than Webby but that was more of her liking Lena's stuff). She will still have her background as Magica's niece and might take some of the role of Fernald where he gets redeemed by betraying Olaf/saving Sunny. I am unsure by what extent though as she isn't going to be a henchperson of Glomgold or Magica. It might be that she is uses morally questionable ways to get what she wants/needs. Maybe she is "good" but has to commit a terrible act similar to how the Baudelaires have to burn down the carnival.
Characters that I am uncertain about or straight up don't have someone in that role:
Violet Saberwing as the Narrative Role of Fiona Widdershins: Like Fiona, Violet was also originally distrusted by a part of the cast (in this AU, it probably be Webby and/or Louie as Huey catches feelings lol). She is also obsessed with the occult not fungus and has to save probably Louie from losing his soul or something (wip). Violet more than any of the main cast of kids will probably act more like her canon self since she is naturally straight forward and booksmart. She probably gets forced to stay with Glomgold until her and Lena can escape again. Also since I didn't want it to be another underwater local and wanted it to relate to DuckTales17 a bit more closely I thought it be better if they were in the sky. Maybe Violet got the Sun chaser or maybe even the Spear of Selene. Maybe instead of going to look for their dads (since they are dead oof) they come back at The End to tell the McDuck Siblings et all that they might of found something...or someone important.
Boyd as the Narrative Role of Friday: This is definitely more of a stretch as really he is only Friday because in role only because I want him at the Island at The End so that he can save the siblings from whatever organic incident happens since he is still an android. I previously thought he could also fit the role of Fernald since he could go through a redemption arc easier due to him sorta going through one in the show. Its not out of the realm of possibility that Glomgold could have reprogrammed him to obey him (he might still do something similar I haven't figured it out 100%).
Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera as the narrative role of Hector: He probably won't faint as much as Hector but he will have to be pushed by the kids to be confident in himself during the Vile Village (which will probably change to a Capital city since I plan to rework FOWL into this). Maybe its similar to a military academy which makes having a set of rules make sense. Its also possible that Fenton escapes with some of the kids in the Sunchaser by the end of this.
Steelbeak as the Narrative Role of Fernald Widdershins: I mainly chose him because Steelbeak and Hookhanded man both most clearly are shown to be sympathic antagonists. They are still functionally villians, much more so than any of the children like Boyd or Lena who, yeah, have done bad things but in one case wasn't given the freewill to decide for himself or was but when she decided to stand up for herself she was literally tortured and had her freedom taken away (more so than in the beginning since. Steelbeak would, like Fernald, be making a choice as an adult man to be apart of a mad man's troop and was harden enough to commit murder if it meant he could impress his boss. But because he is not related to (by blood or otherwise) any protagonist I struggle to know where to put him. I might still have him defect during the end of what would have been the Grim Grotto ep and comes back with the Saberwings at The End. Maybe he brings Gosalyn back after finding her at some point, maybe he dies somewhere towards The End. Not sure.
Gladstone/Ghost of Christmas Past/News Reporter Lady as the Narrative Role of Mr. Poe/Mr. Poes Wife: wow this one is really confusing. My reasoning behind these picks is because The News lady would be a great pick for Mr. Poe's wife or at least a substitute as she has similar motivations in DT17. The biggest set back for her tho is that she has no reason to be on the Baudelaire case (or McDuck case anyways). Ghost of Christmas past is a bit of a stretch since why the fuck would he be in charge of making sure the kids had guardians? I mainly want him just bc of his motivation (or lack thereof) to do his job and being incompetent at it. Gladstone while making some sense that he also would be uncaring about where the kids go is also a stretch given he is a relative and he while he might not care 100% about their whereabouts he wouldn't lose them like Mr. Poe would simply bc he is so damn Lucky. Its possible to work that against him, maybe in a scenerios like where he drops off the kids but gets whisked away because some rando gifts him a boat. Still unsure.
Mrs. Beakley as either the Narrative Role of Jaclyn S (Mr. Poes Secretary/VFD spy)., Olivia C. (Librarian): I want Mrs. B to have a role which fits her being experienced and competent but also met a tragic demise. I might mix the experience of JS with the fate of OC. Poor Webby.
Justice Strauss as ???: I'll be honest, I am stumped with this one. This is a very important role to fill and I can't quite find an adult character that fits the bill of Justice Strauss. Mrs. B is too smart, Launchpad studying law while ridiculous, is something inline with the show but he doesn't have a DT17 motivation similar enough to Strauss where he's desires can be exploited nor has he really want kids in the same sense as Strauss. Drake Mallard is close since he is an actor but having him work with law is a bit of a stretch, I also think that making him somewhat bumbling is an insult to his character but Strauss is tragic since she WANTS to very much be the Baudelaires guardian but fails so much. Maybe in a safer world she could have been, maybe if they were luckier. She loves them so much, but they run away where she can't find them to at least try to be there for them and is left heart broken by the end. Whoever becomes JS is in for a world of hurt and I'm sorry. Goofy could also be a replacement, maybe Max died for more angst 😬.
Goldie or Daisy as the narrative role of Kit Snicket: This kinda gets really fanfic-y as neither of these characters really fit nicely into this role. Goldie definitely has the skill of Kit and her disregard for the rules but the pregnancy thing is... something. Not entirely sure if I actually want her to be pregnant but I also want a Beatrice II type character (of course she would be named Della II) but again very fanfic-y. Daisy I am more comfortable being the one who gets pregnant, she might take Olivias role as the new VFD recruit instead of Kits more seasoned one. All I know is that if either or both outcomes exist they will die also a Dewey Deanumont(?) Character wouldn't be the father it would of course be Donald or Scrooge depending who gets pregnant.
Jacques Snicket as ???: Another mystery for me. Functionally? Maybe Manny could play this role or even Launchpad (he really is just my go to for any character idk about huh?) Whoever it is will die but wont have a romance with the Olivia character(s). Maybe its Goofy lmao.
This is quite long enough, let me know if y'all got any more ideas. I'll edit this when I can since I am tired of writing. Please comment or reblog for suggestions and the like thx u. And please...Look Away while you still can.
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staycatcher · 5 years
Text
Anguish 001- Anguish
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“Out  of  genuine  free  will,  I,  Lee  Minho,  exercise  the  divine  right  to  reject  my  sacredly  designed  soulmate.”
Member: Lee  Minho / Lee  Know  x  Femme  Reader  (she / her)
Au: Frat Boi! Minho  +  Rejected  Soulmate  AU
Genre: Angst  (some  comedy?,,  this  series  is  gonna  be  angsty  because  of  the  whole  ‘rejected  soulmate’  thing)
Rated  T  for  a  whole  lotta  swearing,  a  frat  party,  crowds,  usage  of  alcohol  and  mentions  of  drugs,  intensity,  reader  is  a  bit  socially  anxious (please  lmk  if  any  other  warnings  are  needed!💞🥺)
Word Count:  4k  &  manually  double  spaced  between  words  &  paragraphs  for  ease  of  reading!!!!🥵🤠🥰
Note: this is dedicated to @trixareforlix, they’re the first-ever friend I made on here and they’re the one who sparked this frat au idea!! Ilysm always angel!!<33
Edited: 201015 (Original: 190813 )
Anguish series 1/?-  ~001~, 002
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The  anticipated  day  where  you’d  become  magnetized,  the  world  around  you  becoming  a  blur,  your  heart  falling  into  perfect  sync  with  the  one  destined  for  you  truly… was  not  like  that  at  all,  actually!  No,  the  stars  were  cruel  to you,  perhaps  you  did  something  awful  in  your  past  life  to   deserve  this,  but  maybe  what  is  more  likely  is  that  your  soulmate’s  just  an  asshole.  After  all,  one’s  soulmate  was  the  complete  opposite  of  one’s  self.  Soulmates  were  the  yin  to  one’s  yang  and  vice  versa  and  all  that.  To  keep  one  balanced,  or  whatever. 
Now,  you  aren’t  the  angel  everyone  may  claim  you  to  be.  You  weren’t  angelic,  not  at  all.  Eating  ice  cream  for  breakfast  was  not  above  you.  Your  nail  polish  was  perpetually  chipped.  You  couldn’t  stand  to  keep  your  hair  in  the  same  style  for  too  long;  chopping  it  all  off  or  seeing  how  long  it  could  grow,  dying  it  as  bright  as  you  could,  and  everything  in  between.  You  adorned  yourself  with  two  or  three  more  piercings  than  your  parents  could  get  behind,  bless  them,  you’re  beginning  to  have  trouble  hiding  your  new  tattoo.  Habitually,  you  were  sensitive,  soft,  a  bit  emotional,  and  tended  to  be  a  bit  of  a  smartass.  You  weren’t  blessed  with  physical  grace,  ceaselessly  tripping  over  yourself,  spilling  and  knocking  over  anything  in  your  path,  and  dancing  out  of  beat  to  blasted  songs. 
More  often  than  not,  you  would  go  to  bed  later  than  planned.  Tonight  was  one  of  those  nights,  but  it  was  not  because  of  your  natural  preference.  You  were  not  too  figuratively  dragged  into  this  by  someone  who  held  the  title  of  your  best  friend,  someone  whom  you  were  currently  thinking  of  ways  of  revoking  that  title  from. 
  “C’mon,  dummy!  We’re  almost  there!”  Jamie  elbowed  you,  her  eyes  crinkled  in  laughter,  whacking  you  on  the  back  a  bit  too  hard. 
 “Jamie,  I  must’ve  forgotten,  but  why’re  you  even  dragging me  to  this  frat  party  again?  Why  not  just  go  to  your  sorority  instead?”  You  groaned,  your  two  left  feet  were  dragging  behind  you  on  the  aged  sidewalk,  your  fake  Doc  Martens  feeling  like  cinder  blocks. 
“‘Cause  Chris  invited  me  and  he’s  being  a  little  bitch  about  it  because  I  keep  canceling  on  ‘im!  He  keeps  saying  that  my  soulmate  might  be  there!”  She  reminded  you  for  the  umpteenth  time,  rolling  her  head  and  eyes  back  in  frustration,  sighing  before  continuing.  “And  now  it’s  like-  I  might  as  well  try  and  see!  I  mean,  come  on!~  I’m  starting  to  think  he’s  right!”  And  for  the  umpteenth  time  today,  you  question  why  she’s  falling  for  this.  She’s  sharper  than  this.  But  for  some  reason,  just  this  once,  she  found  a way  to  shoehorn  Chris’s  dumbassery  to  logic. 
 In  reality,  you  could  meet  your  soulmate  at  any  time  or  place,  so  to  say  that  one's  soulmate  might  be  there  is  like  saying  it  might  rain.  Sure,  it  might.  But  it  also  can  rain  in  any  season  so  you  can’t  be  wrong  with  saying  that  it  might.  It  doesn’t  always  rain  every  day,  all  the  time,  so  it  also  isn’t  that  likely.  Rain  depends  on  a  lot  more  factors.  But  right  now,  you’re  a  little  buzzed,  so  it  sounded  pretty  sound. 
 “So  he  knows  your  soulmate?” 
 “I’d  hope  so!  If  not,  I’d  rip  his  bleached  hay-hair  right  out  of  his  thick  skull!”  Now,  this  is  the  Jamie  you  knew  and  loved,  you  couldn't  help  the  endeared  smile  on  your  face.  “When  we  could’ve  been  eating  takeout  and  watching  a  musical-“
 “So  which  frat  are  we  going  to  again?”  You  had  to  interrupt  her  for  her  sake.  Takeout  and  a  movie  would  always  remain  superior  to  parties  in  your  mind  and  you  already  didn’t  want  to  be  accompanying  her  to  a  frat  house. 
 “Hmm…  It’s  like-  uh...  Signal  kite  zing-  wait  no-  hold  on-“
You  guys  must  be  tipsier  from  the  pregaming  than  you  thought.  “Sigma?  ‘Signal’  isn’t  greek,  I  think  you  mean  sigma!  And  ‘kite’  isn-”
 “Right,  whatever!  Anyways,  the  abbreviation  is  SKZ-“
 “Ohhh!  We’re  friends  with  some  of  them-  We’re  like  best  friends  with  Chris!!  Why  didn’t  you  say  it  was  Chris’s  frat  in  the  first  place?”  Your  laugh  projecting  out  of  you  unattractively  with  claps  and  swings  of  limbs  which  led  to  slapping  a  little  too  hard  at  Jamie's  shoulder.  This  clarification  did  make  you  feel  a  bit  better.  This  wasn’t  a  shitty  fraternity  you  didn’t  know,  this  was  a  shitty  fraternity  you  inevitably  tolerated  since  you  knew  and  even  approved  of  some  of  its  members! 
 SKZ  was  home  to  a  hodgepodge  of  eight  brothers  who  were  pretty  individual  as  far  as  frat  dudes  go.  Some  of  which  you  were  genuinely  fond  of,  like  Chris,  or  simply  acquainted  with,  like  Jisung,  whom  you  shared  a major  and  program  with.  Others,  you  couldn’t  even  remember  the  names  of  or  who  they  are  in  general.  It’s  also  the  smallest  frat  on  campus,  so  they  try  to  get  as  many  people  to  come  to  events  as  possible,  which  is  honestly  exhausting  as  a  concept  to  your  introverted  self.  Thus,  you’ve  never  actually  attended  one  of  theirs  until  now,  now  that  Jamie  is  dragging  you  along  with  her.
 “Ow!  I  don’t  know!~  I  thought  you  were  smart  enough  to  figure  it  out  when  I  mentioned  Chris!”  She  teased,  making  the  two  of  you  laugh  harder,  you  couldn’t  defend  yourself  on  that  one.  The  two  of  you  just  continued  your  idiotic  banter  the  rest  of  the  way  to  the  Sigma  Kappa  Zeta  house  aka  the  SKZ  frat.  
 The  walk  to  SKZ’s  lair  was  a  bit  much,  more  than  you  and  Jamie  bargained  for.  You  were  so  kindly  carrying  her  platforms  for  her  until  she’ll  put  them  back  on  again,  only  for  you  to  probably  end  up  kindly  carrying  them  again  later  tonight.  The  cool  breeze  of  the  September  night  helped  with  the  humidity  and  sweat,  and  the  sun  beautifully  set,  leaving  a  delicate  lilac  color  in  its  wake  which  was  becoming  darker  and  darker  the  further  you  walked.  The  hazy  streetlights  added  to  the  whimsy  atmosphere,  yet  to  be  ruined  with  the  sound  of  an  intolerable  amount  of  bass  and  the  overbearing  smell  of  beer  and  weed  when  the two  of  you  arrived  on  site.  
 “Okay,  I’m  pretty  sure  it’s  this  house!”  Jamie  halted  her  steps,  turning  towards  you,  her  hair  swaying  along  with  the  belled  sleeves  of  her  mesh  turtleneck  she  had  under  her  dress.  The  two  of  you  really  dolled  yourselves  up  for  the  night,  her  hair  was  perfect,  your  hair  was  perfect,  outside  was  perfect,  and  it  brought  you  sobering  back  to  the  not-so-perfect  earth.  The  idea  of  going  inside  a  suffocating,  putrid  house  majorly  crowded  with  drunk  and  hormonal  peers...  was  not  appealing  to  you  in  the  least.   
 “Yup,  and  now  it’s  time  to  turn  back  around!”  You  quipped,  ensnaring  her  arm  with  your  empty  one,  about  to  steer  the  two  of  you  in  a  three-point-turn.  This  was  your  final  chance  at  getting  out  of  your  predicament,  and  now  that  you’re  here  you  regret  playing  along.  Sadly,  Jamie  was  just  as  stubborn  as  you,  and  your  turn  around  was  met  with  a  roadblock. 
 “Oh  my  god,  Y/n,  you’re  joking!  We  walked  the  whole  ass  way  here!”  She  got  out  in  between  puffs  of  airy  frustration,  her  socked  heels  digging  into  the  ground  as  you  attempted,  gracelessly,  to  steer  the  two  of  you  around.    
 “Okay,  okay,  fine.  We  did  come  all  this  way  and  now  our  drinks’ve  worn  off.”  You  acknowledged  with  an  irritated  huff.  “Okay-  how  about  we  go  in  and  get  some  drinks,  and  then  we’ll  leave?!”  Your  pitch  going  up  with  each  word  of  your  attempt  to  negotiate  before  forcing  out  a  chuckle,  your  laugh  did  its  best  to  hide  the  fact  that  your  body  was  beginning  to  stick  with  sweat  and  anxiety. 
“No,  ‘and  then’  we’ll  find  Chris  to  hook  me  up!”  She  playfully  fought  back  but  it  was  hard  to  take  her  seriously,  or  yourself,  with  how  the  two  of  you  were  laughing,  hers  genuine,  yours  not  so  much.  
 “Jesus  Christ,  you  really  are  set  on  this  ‘finding  your  soulmate’  thing.”  You  breathed.  As  much  as  you  hated  social  gatherings,  you  loved  your  best  friend  much,  much  more,  therefore  you  were  willing  to  be  won  over  in  the  name  of  friendship.  Though,  she  would  owe  you  for  this!  Fortunately  for  her,  food  and  drink  is  fair  trade  in  you  and  your  wallet’s  eyes. 
 “I’m  lonely,  okay!  I’d  prefer  winning  the  lottery  but  this  is  the  next  best  thing!”  Jamie,  as  per  usual,  brought  the  two  you  back  right  to  laughter  instantly.  She  had  her  mind  made  up.  Plus,  with  you  giggling  it  made  it  all  the  easier  for  her  to  haul  the  both  of  you  right  up  the  steps  of  the  SKZ  Frat  House  stairs.   
Once  in,  Jamie  stuck  close  to  your  side,  literally,  but  not  that  she  had  the  natural  choice  or  much  of  an  alternative;  this  place  was  packed  to   the  gills!  Jumping  up  on  her  now  platform  clad  feet,  looking  for  anyone  she  recognized  or  any  signs  of  Chris,  while  you  led  the  two  of  you,  hopefully,  to  a  kitchen.  You  were  practically  kicking  yourself  each  step  of  the  way  as  you  shoved  your  way  through  the  crowd.  The  air  was  stuffy  and  possibly  even  toxic,  to  say  the  least.  The  scent  is  much  more  foul  than  last  you  remember,  pungent  with  alcohol,  sweat,  cigarettes,  weed,  hints  of  puke,  and  dashes  of  all  sorts  of  pheromones.  Despite  the  few  times  you’ve  smelled  this  scent,  it  never  failed  to  make  you  wish  you  didn’t  leave  your  safe,  sanitary  bed.   
 There’s  jabbing  elbows  and  flailing  parts  of  strangers  everywhere  that  had  to  be  watched  out  and  dodged  for,  sloshing  cups,  sometimes  drunken  flirtatious  hands  grabbing  at  you,  not  at  all  fazed  by  the  pretty  companion  you  had  your  elbow  linked  with.  The  sway  of  the  hoards  of  people  was  beginning  to  get  you  motion  sick,  but  you  were  determined  to  keep  wading  through,  trying  to  hike  through  this  high  tide,  but  you  couldn’t  help  but  feel  vulnerable.  You  were  cursed  with  a  soft,  approachable  face  that  just  begged  to  be  messed  with.  Even  in  times  like  these,  where  your  thoughts  are  nothing  short  of  bitchy,  the  message  would  never  get  across  with  a  resting  bitch  face.  Your  love  for  dark  attire  didn’t  matter.  Your  baby  face  and  aura  won  every  match.  Not  even  the  eyeliner  and  dark  lipstick  you  preferred  could  save  you.  All  you  could  do  is  hope  that  your  best  friend’s  intimidation  and  delightfully  loud  presence  was  enough  for  the  two  of  you  as  you  keep  planting  one  foot  after  the  other.  
“Fucking  hell!”  You  barely  gasped  out,  finally  freed  out  of  the  main  room,  and  now  into  the  hallway.  The  seasick  claustrophobia  no  longer  had  its  poisonous  grips  on  your  soft,  easy  to  bruise  skin,  though,  you  did  need  to  catch  your  breath.  
 “Finally!”  Jamie  sighed  loudly  and  melodically,  patting  you  on  the  back  and  easily  recovering.  Before  she  headed  straight  into  the kitchen  to  scope  out  the  place,  possibly  for  anyone  she  knew  and,  perhaps,  her   Special  Someone.  
 “So  did  ya  see  anyone  you  knew,  Jame?”  You  called  after  her  upon  entering  what  appeared  to  be  a  stereotypical  scene  of  the  kitchen  during  a  college  party.  Cliche  red  solo  cups  scattered  everywhere,  filled  at  varying  degrees.  A  beer  keg  or  two,  some  cheap  bottles  of  vodka  splayed  about,  remnants  of  ash  from  blunts,  a  couple  or  two  aggressively  making  out  against  the  wall,  and  four  or  five  random  stragglers  fidgeting  with  their  phone or  talking  overly  loudly  to  each  other.  You  know,  the  usual.  
“Ughh,  no”  She  answered  reluctantly.  “They  have  to  be  somewhere  else,  maybe,  like  upstairs  or  downstairs,  right?!”  
Before  you  could  reply,  behind  you,  you  heard  an  enthusiastic  “Jamie!!”  then  a  muffled,  “you  finally  made  it!!”  The  familiar  voice  had  you  jerking  your  head  to  see  if  your  ears  were  failing  you,  evidently,  they  weren’t.  Right  away  you  see  Chris  tackling  Jamie  in  a  hug  before  he  met  your  eyes  with  his  comically  wide  ones.  
“Aaaahhh!!  Y/n’s  here  too?!”
 “Yeah!  Don’t  we  look  cute?”  Jamie  fluffed  up  her  cropped,  newly  dyed  hair  you  helped  her  do,  yours  also  in  a  similar  state.   
“Yeah,  but  Y/n  looks  better.”  He  teased,  giggling  and  slapping  her  in  the  arm;  unsurprising,  as  it’s  their  usual  fashion.   
“Oh  my  god!  Why  did  I  come  here?!  Okay,  we’ll  leave  then,  Chris.”  Jamie  joked  right  back  at  him,  snatching  at  your  hand  like  it  was  a  prize  to  be  won  and  taking  you  away  with  her.  Unfortunately  for  you,  this  was  just  a  well-meaning  joke,  you  weren’t  going  to  be  set  free  from  a  party  anytime  soon.   
 “Nooo!  Don’t  go!!”  He  dramatized,  grabbing  onto  at  Jamie,  halting  her  from  leaving  with  you  in  tow.  Giggling  so  hard,  he  had  to  throw  his  head  back  to  project  it  all.  You  snorted  a  “thank  you”  a  bit  late,  too  busy  laughing.  He  just  gave  you  a  brotherly  slap  on  the  arm,  on  his  way  to  leave  before  Jamie  stopped  him.  
“Wait!  What  about  my  soulmate?  You  said  they'd  be  here,  remember!”  
“Oh?”  Chris’s  eyebrows  scrunched  in  confusion,  Jamie  nodded  with  stern  wide  eyes  which  seemed  to  spark  back  his  doubtful  memory,  “Ahhh…  downstairs…  maybe…  I  think-  hangin’  out!  There’s  a  game  about  to  start-  Oh,  yeah!  That’s  why  I’m  here-”  he  giggled  to  himself,  “to  get  this!”  He  then  snatched  a  full  bottle  of  vodka  from  a  sneaky  cabinet  you  didn’t  know  about  before  ushering  you  guys  along  to  follow  him.  Honestly,  Chris  didn’t  make  it  sound  too  promising  that  Jamie’s  soulmate  could  be  down  there,  but  it’s  the  best  lead  you  got.   
Shyly,  you  followed  behind  the  two  as  he  led  the  way  to  the  basement.  With  Chris  as  your  guide,  it  was  relatively  smooth  sailing,  the  crowd  parting  minimally  to  make  way  for  the  president  of  the  frat.  Before  you  know  it,  you’re  walking  down  some  nasty  ass  carpeted  stairs,  forcing  your  eyes  from  questionable  stains  to  look  for  a  rail  instead  to  hold  onto.  Strangely  enough,  walking  down  the  steps  was  comforting  somehow,  the  feeling  as  if  it  were  inviting  you  in.  Like  it  assigned  you  a  duty  instead  of  the  alienating  fish  out  of  water  experience  you  had  earlier  on  the  main  floor.   
 “I  picked  up  some  stragglers!”  Chris  cheered  as  he  turned  into  the  room.   
 “Yeah,  but  did  you  bring  the  alcohol?”  A  brazen  voice  you’ve  never  heard  before  shot  straight  through  you.  You  could  feel  it  run  through  you  with  tingles  down  your  spine  and  goosebumps  up  your  arms.   
“Hell  yeah  I  did,  ya  jackass!”  
 When  the  two  of  you  turned  the  corner,  the  world  slowed  down  and  your  muscles  instantly  seized  up,  halting  you  into  place  without  consent.  Your  insides  clench  tight,  wrapping  itself  into  a  knot.  Suddenly  you  were  sweating,  but  in  contrast,  your  vision  looked  as  though  you  were  looking  through  a  nice  refreshing  glass  of  pink  lemonade.  Normally  steady  hands  were  now  shaky,  your  ears  and  cheeks  beginning  to  glow  beet  red.  You  could  feel  yourself  beginning  to  sweat  at  the  nape  of  your  neck  and  underarms;  all  this  from  the  sudden  voice  of  the  stranger!  -What?  What’s  going  on?!-    
 Immediately,  your  gaze  pans  around  the  room  before  they  landed  on  the  source,  long-lashed  eyes  holding  a  dark  chocolate  glaze  and  shivering  you  to  the  bone.  Like  a  hooked  fish,  you  couldn’t  look  away.  The  initial  astonishment  of  just  the  sensations  couldn‘t  compare  to  exploring  the  face  in  front  of  you.  
 Chiseled  cheeks,  and  angular  brows.  Pouty  naturally  downturned  lips  were  discovered  underneath  an  impossibly  perfect,  pointy  nose.  Everything  about  him  was  like  the  artwork,  his  slightly  covered  forehead  was  somehow  artistic  as  if  even  the  space  between  the  brow  and  the  hairline  was  something  new  that  your  narrow  mind  could  never  possibly  understand.  His  hairline  soon  revealed  a  head  of  luscious  black  hair,  unrealistically  voluminous,  shiny  and  soft.  Honestly,  his  hair  was  screaming  at  you  to  test  out  if  it  could  be  possible,  that  someone  who  looked  like  this  was  real.  His  entire  face  and  head  on  his  shoulders  didn’t  make  conceivable  sense.  Maybe  it’s  just  you,  but  a  person  this  perfect  couldn’t  exist  and  you  have  yet  to  venture  south  to  see  how  perfect  the  rest  of  him  could  possibly  be.    
 “Y/n?  Are- are  you  okay?”  
 You  vaguely  felt  or  heard  your  best  friend  at  your  side,  but  it  wasn’t  decipherable.  Everything  but  this  guy  in  front  of  you  was  fuzzy,  blurry  to  you.  All  the  energy  in  your  being  focused  on  this  human  in  front  of  you.  His  silky,  messily  parted  locks,  begging  for  you  to  test  if  it  was  as  soft  as  it  looked.  His  sharp  features.  His  lips  a  natural  coral-y  color  that  began  to  shine  and  glimmer  with  saliva  as  his  glossy  tongue  began  to  trail  along  those  chapped  lips.  You  shot  your  eyes  back  to  his,  reeling  you  back  in  like  the  prey  you  began  to  feel.  Oh,  sweet,  sweet  baby  Jesus,  is  this  really  happening?!
 “I-“  both  of  you  started  at  the  same  time.  Embarrassingly  enough,  it  seems  as  though  the  blurry  figures  of  everyone  else  in  the  corner  of  your  eyes  caught  on  to  something  the  two  of  you  were  oblivious  to.  Everyone  started  jumping  and  screaming,  whooping  chaotically,  and  taking  over  your  vision.  The  slow  world  disappeared  in  a  blink,  launching  you  right  back  to  its  now  rapid,  woozy  speed.  With  everyone  pushing  and  shoving  around  you  in  excitement  it  was  not  at  all  helping  with  your  wibbly-wobbly  state.  
Suddenly,  you  felt  many  different  arms  coming  at  you,  wrapping  around  you,  constricting  you,  and  jumping  around  with  you  in  their  arms  in  excitement.  There was  a  deafening  amount  of  rambunctious  hooting  and  hollering  it  was  almost  as  if  the  team  they  were  rooting  for  won  the  SuperBowl.  
 “And  here  I  thought  Y/n  was  Jamie’s  soulmate!”  Chris  guffawed  and  they  all  joined  in,  all  besides  you  and  this  guy- WAIT-  did  Chris  say-  say  ‘soulmate’??  No,  he  couldn’t  have!  
 “Soulmate?”  Equally,  as  soon  as  you  internally  questioned  the  word  choice,  you  heard  his  earth-shattering  voice  speak  again,  despite  the  fact  he  merely  whispered,  softly  wondering  aloud.  He  spoke  aloud  what  you  were  thinking,  right  when  you  thought  it!   
 You  couldn’t  get  enough  of  his  voice,  especially  now  when  you  can’t  see  him  in  the  crowd.  His  voice  was  light,  honey-colored,  dreamy,  just  the  perfect  amount  of  deep,  it  made  you  want  to  taste  his  lips  to  see  if  he’s  as  sweet  as  he  sounded.  You,  yourself,  were  still  in  the  locked-in-place  state,  still  too  shell  shocked  to  even  make  a  step  forward,  your  poor  brain  overworking  itself  to  make  sense  of  any  of  this.   
 “Really?”  In  elated  shock  you  chirped,  slowly  giving  in  to  the  hugs  and  excited  jumping  with  wide  and  confused  eyes.  Is  this  for  real?  This  is  really  happening?!  
“Holy  fuck,  Y/n!”  Jamie  managed  to  get  you,  pulling  you  a  bit  too  crushingly  in  a  hug.  “I  can’t  believe  it!  You  found  your  soulmate  in  this  shitty  basement  and  not  me!”  She  playfully  teased,  there  was  no  ill  will  behind  it.   
 By  now  the  situation  was  beginning  to  sink  in  a  teeny  bit  and  you  were  shocked,  to  say  the  least.  Frankly,  you  were  starting  to  think  that  this  day  would  never  come.  You  had  a  soulmate  and  your  soulmate  looked  like  that!  You  were  over  the  moon,  even  if  you  felt  a  bit  guilty  that  you  found  your  soulmate  at  this  party  instead  of  Jamie.  It  was  the  plan  of this  whole  night,  after  all.  Now  that  it  was  you,  you  didn’t  know  how  to  react.  You  were  completely  and  utterly  unprepared.  
  “I’m  so  sorry,  Jamie.”  You  pulled  her  back  in  closer,  crushing  her  back  into  you,  eyes  watering,  lip  trembling.  “Oh  my  god,  I  think  I  might-  I  think  I  might  cry.”  You  hiccupped  into  her  chic  mesh  turtleneck  and  dress  combo.  This  is  too  much.  Too  too  much.   
 “Heyy!~  Don’t  feel  bad  for  me!  It’s  okay!”  Jamie  simply  chortled,  patting  your  head  deeper  into  her  chest,  her  usual  protocol  if  you  were  about  to  seriously  cry.  
Humiliatingly  enough,  you  heard  a  few  guys  begin  to  chant  “don’t  cry!”  in  the  background.  Your  small  moment  of  sincerity  and  calm  was  soon  interrupted  by  Chris.   
 “Well  isn’t  this  fun!  You  know  what  this  means!”~   
“Minho’s  soulmate’s  a  lil’  bitch?”  You  heard  Jisung,  the  kid  whom  you  shared  your  major  and  many  classes  with,  taunt.  His  words  forcing  you  forward,  ready  to  fight  the  kid.  He’s  a  child,  literally   a  child!  Why  do  I  associate  myself  with  him?!  I  swear  to  god-
 “Hey,  hey,  hey!  It  was  a  joke!”  He  squeaked  away  from  you.  He  was  too  speedy,  no  chance  for  you  and  your  heavy  ass  boots  stomping  after  him.  Safely,  he  skidded  behind  the  couch,  behind  whom  you’re  assuming  is  “Minho”,  which  had  your  boots  screeching  to  a  halt.  
Though  you  were  scrambling  after  Jisung,  your  eyes  naturally  met  Minho’s  as  you  halted.  Once  again,  your  body  is  preparing  to  either  fight  or  flight.  His  face  was  glowing  like  he  was  some  sort  of  ethereal  being,  wracked  up  in  deep,  attractive  concentration.  In  contrast,  your  face  was  beginning  to  burn  up  an  embarrassing  amount,  your  body  already  turning  into  inoperable  mush.  You  couldn’t  say  anything  if  you  tried.  Any  sentence  structure  your  brain  tried  to  form  didn’t  make  any  grammatical  or  logical  sense,  your  mind  racing  like  a  hamster  on  a  wheel.  Your  neural  pathways  were  glowing,  steaming  with  this  sudden  overstimulation,  leading  you  to  the  same  frazzling  answer  each  and  every  time: 
This  person  right  in  front  of  you?  Yeah,  that’s  your  soulmate. 
 A  hush  was  spread  throughout  the  previously  hype  basement,  all  eyes  immersed  in  the  two  of  you  speechlessly  enraptured  in  each  other.  The  longer  you  stood  there, the  more  you  could  take  him  in  and  get  used  to  him  and  the  idea  of  him.  You  were  warming  up  to  him,  he  became  more  and  more  real  with  each  millisecond.  You've  studied  his  eyes  so  passionately  now  that  could  see  his  dark  chocolatey  pupils  when  you  closed  your  eyes.  You  were  no  longer  overwhelmed  but  now  enchanted  by  his  features  and  general  presence.  His  cheekbones  are  no  longer  an  unfamiliar  art  piece.  His  aura  was  still  intimidating  as  before,  but  now  it  appeared   to  the  cheeky  kind  of  way  like  you  wanted  to  see  what  amount  of  scary  he  was  capable  of.  It  was  a  long,  jittery,  drawn-out  pause  before  anything  happened,  not  that  you  noticed.  
 “Out  of  genuine  free  will,”  You  just  smiled,  staring  at  his  naturally  downturned  lips.  Only  by  reading  his  lips  did  you  pay  attention  to  what  he  was  saying-  Wait,  what?
“I,  Lee-”  Hold on a second.  
“Minho-”  No.  
“Exercise  the  divine  right  to”  This  isn’t  happening  to  me.  This  isn’t- 
“Reject  my  sacredly  designed-” happening.  No.  No.  It  can’t  be.  It’s  not  p-   
“Soulmate.”  -ossible.  
The  electric,  exciting,  high  energy  pause  between  us  fell  and  wilted.  Died  just  like  that.  The  connected  red  strings  that  tied  Minho  and  yourself  were  chopped  off  on  his  own  accord,  bringing  icy  cold  into  the  room  in  its  wake.  A  harsh  blizzard  overwhelming  the  space.  Gasps  of  shocked  air  were  being  taken  in  from  everyone  in  this  basement,  everyone,  including  Lee  Minho.  
 You  got  a  gasp  of  bitter  cold  in  through  your  lungs  before  you  were  struck  like  lightning.  Lightning  of  feverish  torture  took  over  your  body,  struck  you  directly  in  the  heart  and  brain  before  it  flashed  through  your  veins  carrying  the  harsh  poison  of  rejection.  
   You  heard  a  pathetic  squawk  tear  its  way  out  of  your  chapped  lips,  the  anguish  forcing  you  down  to  your  knees  as  if  you  were  directly  stabbed  in  the  heart.  The  electric,  immediate  painful  reaction  faded,  bringing  boiling  throbs  through  all  your  cells,  not  leaving  one  out.  It  was  unlike  anything  you  could  describe,  no,  imagine.  It  was  as  if  the  blood  in  your  veins  was  replaced  with  boiling  water  and  your  heart  was  simultaneously  squeezed  and  electrocuted  in  the  grasps  of  electric  hands.  Maybe  it  was  the  hands  of  Satan  dragging  you  down  with  him.
Blurrily,  through  fresh,  hot  tears,  you  swear  you  could  see  Minho  physically  flinch  in  response,  immediately,  sprinting  out  of  the  room  as  if  he  was  escaping  from  a  house  on  fire. 
 That  was  the  last  you  saw  before  it  all  faded  to  black. 
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misas-biggest-fan · 6 years
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some detailed thoughts on an LABB movie w a ‘read more’ bc i have A Lot To Say
i want it to be a movie bc i love movies
im also open to the concept of a mini series but a full tv show might be a challenging stretch
animated or live action would both be incredible and both have their unique pros and cons
the whole thing is DISTINCTLY LA
busy streets and palm trees and the Hollywood sign and the shiny, overly false glamour of everything
would really contrast well with Rue Ryuzaki’s disturbing fake-ness
like he’s just as fake as the whole city, that both he and Hollywood have on this costume to hide tragedy and hideous deeds
i want it to have the glitz and glam and extravagance of the recent gatsby movie (which i adore, dont come for me)
if bahz luhrmann doesn’t direct i will RIOT id die for bahz luhrmann he’s Good and he has the same energy and chaotic attitude of beyond birthday himself
i want beyond to have a scene like the one where Nick realizes who Gatsby is and Gatsby turns around with the champagne flute and the fireworks go off in slow motion as he smiles that’s my favorite shot in all of cinematic history no joke
it’s HIGHLY STYLIZED. i want bright colors and weird aesthetic choices
I also want some shockingly beautiful frames of LA and surprisingly sophisicated shots of Beyonds face lit up in different neon colors or something
Indie enough to be weird and fun but pop enough to be easily digestible
it opens with mello writing his book (like moulin rouge!! a;lsdjfk)
his burn scars are just healing and he knows he’ll die soon so he has to write down all his important memories, leave something behind
he wants to write down something important to him, something that he can leave for Near, something that might put his own life and actions into context
something that might help other people understand who he was more
so of course, he thinks of beyond
who he respects and admires and pities
who has such a similar and yet different story from Mello’s own
so maybe in understanding beyond and understanding how mello feels about beyond
people will understand mello
near will understand mello
so mello gets to work detailing this story his incredible mentor L once told him, describing this beautiful memory he has of meeting with and talking to L and how L told him about Beyond
(in this scene, you don’t SEE L. you just get an idea of what he looks like, flashes and shots, so that the audience can know L well enough to still wonder about the identity Rue Ryuzaki throughout the movie)
and then of course, we dive into the story
Beyond is OVER THE TOP. he’s more than unsettling, he’s downright terrifying. but he’s still somehow intriguing and even charming at times, like he can turn the smoulder on and off at will. 
Hes a disaster nb, a fabulous hodgepodge of discarded gender roles and impressive makeup skills
Him practicing his evil laugh and trying so desperately to be this comic villain didjdjdje hes such a loser i love him that scene NEEDS to make an appearance
he and naomi’s chemistry is incredible to watch on screen because beyond dominates any scene he’s in unless naomi is there to challenge him because her acting is also so powerful that when they’re on screen together, it’s like you can’t tear your eyes away from this insane car wreck that is their relationship
and NAOMI
a;lksdfj;dlkfj naomi misora <3 <3 <3 <3 ok im ready
so naomi is also a powerful presence on screen, even though she’s not crawling on the ground or eating with her hands or you know whatever ridiculous garbage beyond is doing
more time is spent on her
her disastrous relationship with raye
her feelings over her suspension from the FBI
and really play up the whole jessica jones thing she’s got going on
i want black leather for DAYS
I want “gritty LA detective who’s on suspension from the FBI because she doesn’t play by the rules” or whatever except it’s a twist because not only is she not a man, like this trope usually calls for, but it turns out she was suspended because of her tenderness and humanity instead of her brutality
she still needs to have MULTIPLE fight scenes, a few with beyond and maybe even a few with other attackers, who she absolutely mops the floor with
but then she and beyond have a scene where they fight against someone together
he’s not a good fighter. she mostly has to save his butt every time but he’s just happy to be there and probably keeps saying stuff like ‘wow misora you’re amazing!’ and she’s like ‘?!?! ryuzaki you loser?1?! run?!?’
and of course, there’s enough twists and changes from the book to keep everyone on their toes, but GOOD changes
like maybe we go back to mello a few times and he has more of his own subplot where his relationship to near is revealed more fully, that he wants near to understand him and he wants to reach out to near emotionally in this way
contrast mello’s story with beyond’s so when we learn beyond’s full story at the end, he and mello are revealed to be foils of each other
we get shots of wammy’s house and we see a and beyond interact and we see beyond’s life-destroying grief over a’s death
we get contrasting shots of wammy’s with mello and near and we’re allowed to hope that maybe they can be happier
A and beyond become something of a subplot leading up to as death but you dont entirely realize who beyond is until the big reveal at the end
maybe beyond does some more unsettling things that are just as creepy and in-character but are a terrible surprise for those who’ve already read the book!! i can’t imagine what other horrific thing he could do to scare naomi, but there’s got to be something
i’m rly into bday massacre bc i love naomi and beyond’s rly twisted relationship so i’d love to see more of him being in awe of her, more of them connecting, more of beyond opening up to her even. maybe she tells him a little bit about her suspension. just a little.
also if we could like clean up some of the plot holes in this joint pls and thank you
id even be ok if it’s insinuated that he self-sabotaged a little, on a conscious level or not, bc i feel like that wouldn’t be tooooooo ooc i mean, he’s a hot mess. most of this is just a really twisted cry for help anyway, at least in my interpretation. he wants people to realize he’s suffering. he just… can’t do it in a normal or healthy way :/
beyond pls a;lkdfj
Anyway. Theres also a boppin soundtrack
Fire is a big motif. Maybe make a connection between wildfires in CA and beyond using this case to self-destruct
A little more closure at the end. Thats part of the drive behind my bday massacre fanfic rn is that i feel like he and naomi never got any real closure on the traumatizing, like, week or two they spent together
I also want more closure on naomi as a character arc. I want her to dump rayes sorry butt and i want her to have had some sort of real internal change. None of this “she picks up her life where she left off and never thinks abt beyond again”
Of course, L is revealed and has his glorious little spill down the concrete subway stairs. Its What He Deserves :)
And of course we have to make the obvious contrast between both beyond and mello having survived serious burn injuries its just another thing that makes them such interestingly comparable characters
If Naomi visits Beyond in prison to say goodbye, i wouldnt be opposed. If they made my fanfiction into a movie i wouldnt be opposed
Mello prints out his book in the mafia hideout, his arms folded and waiting as paper after paper comes out, just begging any of these mafia dudes to mock him for liking to write. None of them do. Its a funny moment tho
He debates sending it to near, feeling so awkward and prideful, but he finally does it, leaving instructions for it to reach near after his death.
In the end, naomi and beyond are revealed to be dead at the same time as near receives the package from his dear mello
Naomi and beyond were doomed, and so were beyond and a, but now… near has mellos last love letter to him, cryptically begging him to try to understand. And so theres hope that although the rest of these relationships were doomed, maybe near can still have one piece of mello and be happy
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the elven chronicles
**so maybe if anyone likes this it’ll actually get published some day.. it’s i suppose my first real jab at writing, here goes then**
the elven chronicles
by oliver treespirit ~
the elven chronicles prologue the journey of the queen olympia
chapter 1 limberdore
in limberdore the eldritch drarves carve thistlewood into woven hearths and dip them in the golden waters that are enchanted by the goodess eldra whose temple is at the edge of the woods this allows them to be lit as torches and burned for all time until extinguished; any that have her blessing within the city have this gift it is not the only reason many travelers come to limberdore; the shops are known for their fine craftsmen merchants of all from weapons to worldly delicacies and this place attracts all kinds as they say from eccentric collectors to hodgepodge peddlers as well as some nasty sorts the eldritch dwarves and their children live in the wooded city; so it is of course the city center and the pubs and shrines that gather odd bits and pieces from across the strange and magnificient nine realms like some sort of cosmic tub drain it is in this bizarre centre that we meet our players
the tall bearded man is marko; his ship has been wrecked after a pirate attack in the serpent seas though his crew has abandoned him as is the natural course in these businesses to easily find work in a centre as bustling as limberdore, he has managed to pick up a stray- a small girl who insists that her father told her to talk to him, but also that her father is dead the dejected captain is of course convinced the girl is mad but thinks better than to hand a mad child over to just anyone in the centre of limberdore so he's decided to table this problem over the issue of his ship the girl, who claims her name is elexa, continues babbling on enthusiastically about chasing butterflies in the forest and times her father would sing to her old elven folk songs it was drifting in and out of marko's consciousness that it was strange that her father knew elven folk songs, but it would be even stranger if her father had been elvish or even something of the sort, because elves and humans had not coexisted since the days of magic marko's father had been a child in the days of magic; he told enthralling stories of battling dragons and falling in love with enchanting sirens in the forest
it was as they approached the pub a new player entered the scene; a rather broad and staturely gentleman was, rather painfully shyly, being thrown out of the tavern and the situation was somehow escalating marko saw a pair of men in uniforms that were not official to her sovereign district of limberdore and looked as if they'd just lost badly in a game of shufflebout and were out for revenge against the world, draw their sabres on the man towering over them who appeared to be pleading like a child, only to hurdle them across the center of the street and into the carts of the merchants on the edge of the road, who each had their own men in out-of-jurisdiction uniform who proceeded to chase the baffled previous men off the fellow who seemed to have caused all the trouble was by this point in tears what's the matter big guy? markos attempted. elexa was more successful. that mean guy try to overcharge you again taiga? every time, taiga managed between sniffles this time i tried to trick him by ordering the same thing but he said it went up you shouldn't come here i know, but the stuff i make at home doesn't taste good i'll help you next time you know this man? markos interrupted you know elexa? taiga countered not really.. markos needs new hands for his ship. how would you like a job taiga? i promise this guy seems nice taiga looked contemplative we could get a new raincatcher yeah!... the thought briefly crossed markos' mind that taiga and elexa were roommates of some sort, a thought which he found even stranger than elexa's father being involved with elves or taiga's restraint against men he was head and shoulders taller than which meant ultimately that markos had more issues to table in preference to the ever-more pressing issue of his ship, wandering in a strange town and having picked up apparently two children- an issue which at this time decided to release itself from his head, perhaps if only in a desperate attempt to clear up space for all the new and complicated thoughts and problems that were entering it how the bloody hell am i supposed to get a new ship!? i thought you said he was nice nice people still swear sometimes having found no answer to his quandary in the sky, markos turned at last to his new traveling companions do either of you know where to find a ship in this centre? or how im supposed to pay for it if i've been robbed by pirates?! i'm sorry, that's awful- taiga blurted elexa watched the space between them solemnly; she had already expressed her condolences to markos tirelessly over the beginning length of their long journey from where he had washed up on the shores of limber grove markos seemed to breath heavily for a moment, with the look of a man who has realized he has been accidentally carrying a strangers purse from the journey depot a look of realization seemed to creep across his face, perhaps spurred on by what he was beginning to consider might be an attempt by these new involvements in his life to drive him to madness or else defeat him entirely why am i going to limberdore?... my ship hasn't sunk.. it's only all banged up, but there was timber and birch to repair it in the groves ...what am i doing here?!? elexa chose this moment to break the silence i told you to come to limberdore, remember? it's my fault i'm sorry you asked me where to go when you woke up; but you didn't tell me the ship was okay taiga looked interested of course it's okay! i remember now i mustve... fallen overboard when i blacked out after it washed up on the rocks it's only a little ways from shore! will you hire taiga then? and can i come too? markos looked for a moment like he was in the path of a noble's grand wide carriage taiga.. seems like he would make a good hand, of course taiga smiled i need to get you home to your parents little lady taiga frowned a little, sympathetically i told you, my father's dead and what about your mother? where is your mother? taiga looked at elexa, as if he knew she thought for a second candlethire that's why i need to come with you on your ship the look in taiga's eyes told markos the girl was telling the truth he paused, then sighed heavily i'm not going to candlethire where are you going? i... don't know... i have no shipment... i suppose anywhere i can send a message to my freelancers and tell them to file with the crown for the standard piracy cushion can we go to candlethire please? it was painfully obvious taiga wanted to go too it is... the other side of the world can we stop somewhere to tell your bosses you're sorry and then go to candlethire? please? ... it was at this moment markos felt something that he had not felt since the last day he had spoken to his father before he died a sense of... peace in the face of those things which are beyond our control happening as he looked out over the ocean of silsivar, he wondered where the feeling had come from i... will recieve my pirates insurance when i send the misage, while my freelancers will have to wait the day... so if i receive no work by the time we reach a port we can send the misage, i will have time to take you to candlethire markos was surprised and almost horrified that the words had come out of his mouth, but a small familiar.. trustworthy voice told him it was alright taiga certainly seemed pleased; for a second in fact he almost looked markos in the eye to candlethire then! aye!! elexa screamed enthusiastically yes sir, taiga sounded off proudly markos couldn't help but smile, and then wonder if he had hit his head on the way being washed up on shore do any of you know anything about repairing a boat? my daddy taught me how to make toy boats, elexa offered i'm good at making things, i make all sorts of things dogs fish cats trees groundhogs dragons airhoppers frogs funny faces... it was at this moment markos realized that taiga would probably continue at least until they reached the ship and had something else to focus on elexa was watching silently with the look of a patron who knows every word by memory, beaming proudly lobsters, electric fish, sea serpents, toads (which kind of look like frogs but they're different) rats, squirrels, kittens... markos could not remember even remotely how long it had taken to walk to the city centre from the shores of limber grove
chapter 2 limber grove
within two hours the good ship queen olympia looked better and more elegant than it had the day markos bought it markos had spent most of the time bringing wood vines and other supplies to taiga elexa had provided the cheerleading section in everything you listed on the way here from limberdore, markos panted, you never mentioned ships taiga beamed what he had done was not only mended and reinforced the broken structures, but the entire ship, and added a few decorative flairs that markos could tell were gathered from more than one local culture markos was in actual fact most proud of the medalion that now hung from queen olympia herself's wooden neck, bearing the ancient insignia of limberdore- not the new one the duke merchant was putting on all the carts it was considered a proud relic throughout the world and have random berries custard for breakfast! elexa interrupted the two's silent bonding moment absolutely, markos blurted, realizing after the fact what he'd agreed to but to his relief the other two seemed to let him get away with it are we going to candle thire now? just as soon as we stop at a port with a royal misage station... i have to check my map in the cabin but if i recall, the nearest to this isle is the island of darmwort, and should be about a day or two's distance than what are we waiting for ?! yay! taiga agreed neither of you have anyone to say goodbye to or anything to collect from the village? a look of silent understanding seemed to pass between elexa and taiga we could say goodbye to the raincatcher... she offered we have to find your mom, taiga answered elexa looked resolved. and we'll get a new raincatcher, she volunteered yeah, taiga agreed, one that doesnt leak the beginning of the journey until sunset was rather quiet, when taiga and elexa managed to find rooms that suited their unique tastes in the now vacant crews quarters and retire for the night, and markos stayed awake to watch the helm, as well as the stars as he was fond of doing he knew he was tired from the chaotic day, and he figured maybe it was just him but he felt as if the entire evening elexa and taiga had shared in some kind of... mourning for a lost love in the face of duty he hadn't thought much about their raincatcher, he had one on the ship he'd had to replace just the other weeks'time
chapter 3 lagoon silsivas
markos had encountered winds as good as the ones that bore them to the port of darmwort by noontime the next day (which was around the time taiga and elexa were each waking up) but not for many a long while, and as he passed the marker island in the morning he muttered a prayer of thanks to the men's god of his childhood village, seamor. are we there yet? elexa mumbled sleepily while taiga amused himself cooking eggs on the cabin stove we will be quite soon actually, we're early, said markos yay and then candlethire! the epic weight of the word seemed to hang in the air markos thought to himself candlethire was literally the opposite side of the world- the world of acaemia was in fact flat, or rather the flat bottom surface of a dormant volcano the size of a small celestial body acaemia's creation fables tell of its atmosphere and cooled oceans coming from long past volcanic eruptions some of some past world but you get the idea markos and his former crew had navigated the pace streams around the edge of acaemia to reach limberdore early at his freelancers' request, though that trick was still sometimes used by pirates he could use a similar approach to reach candlethire at latest by the end of the week, as opposed to the weeks at least it would take to sail through the middle he needed only to cut the distance to the inner edge winds from darmwort of course, the same stratagem had lost him his ship to pirates only the day before, and now he was traveling with a crew he wasn't sure would be about themselves in a fight on the high seas however... he felt that same strange feeling he had felt when he originally agreed to take them to candlethire he was also becoming more and more aware of a sense of urgency about reaching elexa's mother he was beginning to unspokenly share with her and taiga he couldn't place his finger on it, but it made him wonder why she hadn't reached out to anyone else in the village or perhaps she had anyway, the answer he gave was that after the station at darmwort they would sail toward the inner edge winds, which would take them to candlethire in four to six days, maybe seven elexa was so overjoyed she began leaping and dancing around the deck, and markos found himself surpisingly impressed at her seemingly intuitive sealegs taiga dropped an entire tray of eggs in sudden delight at the news, and was almost let down before he proceeded to emerge from the kitchen with three remaining or extra trays of eggs breakfast!
chapter 4 darmwort
the station at darmwort was no trouble, and markos even received extra pirates compensation because he had had to repair his ship out of port he knew that it wouldn't hurt his business in the future either because the goods he'd been carrying through potentially pirate waters were replaceable at best; teas, burning oils, tobaccos, spices, casting sands... perhaps that was why he felt strangely at peace about the idea of sailing back into the inner edge winds with a crew comprised of a lumbering jack-of- all-trades who probably couldn't hurt a fly, and a sparkle-eyed little girl who probably would take on the world it was on the way out of the port of darmwort that the first vibes of tension began to creep into the air- a black sailed ship, with no flag, after some amount of time it became clear had been following them from the harbor at first markos thought nothing of it, they could easily be taking the same path he was from port to reach the inner edge winds and after it became clear, at least in everyone's emotions that something was amis, there wasn't anything he could really do about it no one spoke as the suspense hung in the air, and the black-sailed ship drew ever-slowly closer in the distance it was about the time they could make out the faces of some of the crew the ship finally raised a flag markos froze elexa, taiga, get below deck, he muttered absently pirates
chapter 5 the inner edge winds
on the high seas, each man is responsible for his own weapons; and since markos usually sailed with a properly fitted crew, that meant that he had one, a silvered blunderbuss enchanted by an eldritch shaman to almost never miss it didn't do much good if he was outnumbered and the ships cannon wouldn't do too much good either at this point; debris might even hit the queen olympia so markos held his ground, shaking, as only one pirate stepped onto the deck of his just-repaired ship we've come to give this back, he moaned, it is our right; we have made sacrifice to the pirate goddess she-ra it is once again your burden with that, he handed markos what to his memory was a cheap trinket from one of the shops at his last shipment port, bowed, and retreated back to the black-sailed ship, which hastily sailed away after an unknown time of stunned and confused silence, markos called elexa and taiga back on deck you're alright! what happened?? taiga seemed to silently agree they... returned what they had stolen, as pirates will sometimes do, according to their mythology... it has happened to me before, with a shipment of royal gems that a price was then placed on... but i don't know what this is tabby! elexa blurted who? she seemed to correct herself. it's not.. but.. it looks like a toy i had when i was little, i named her tabby markos was not quite sure what to make of that statement do you have any idea what this is or where it came from? my daddy got mine for me in candlethire an untraceable silence seemed to hang in the air it was broken when the ship suddenly accelerated, causing all on board to almost lose their footing hold on, markos assumed his captain's role instinctively, we're entering the inner edge winds in what seemed like perhaps a minute the ship was practically skimming the surface of the water, a thrill markos knew as an experienced sailor of acaemia but which taiga and elexa had never experienced whoooooo!!!!! elexa stretched her arms outward at the top stern of the ship, like the figure of the good queen olympia riding the same surf below her taiga seemed troubled that they were going so fast you know where we're going right? it's mostly sea until candlethire, we might pass a few islands.. smooth sailing, we're well prepared having stocked up in darmwort taiga was not reassured i don't like when things around me are changing too quickly markos nodded, ponderingly; elexa announced from her proud vantage point that an island was approaching do you think it has monkeys? it might, markos volunteered, but we have to get to candleshire i knowwwwwww, elexa retorted, i've just never seen monkeys, my father said they live on islands they do, markos agreed, but only some islands and i don't know if that one has any monkeys than it's not worth stopping anyway elexa concluded right then markos saluted next stop candleshire at this taiga smiled, then seemed to think for a second and resolvedly returned below deck this left markos to keep elexa company, as she gazed out over the ocean flying beneath her feet so how long do you think until we reach candleshire now? she asked we've only been sailing a day, markos defensively countered but how far are we? i don't know, we could see if that island was on the map what do you remember about it? you didn't know if it had monkeys right, markos agreed, we'll check if we've passed the island without monkeys yet elexa silently agreed
do you think we'll find my mom at candleshire? markos realized that the thought had not until this point crossed his mind why shouldn't we? he asked. you told me that's where she was yeah, but i don't know where. i only know that she's in candleshire and daddy's.... she trailed off i'm sorry don't be sorry, he's in a much better place, was all she had to say markos began to wonder who or what exactly he'd brought aboard his ship, on a free journey no less he decided to change the subject and attempt to answer those questions which he felt were his place to ask so all you know about this little... trinket is that it reminds you of a toy your father got you from candleshire? uhuh, tabby, my best friend what can you tell me of candleshire? it's where mommy is don't you know anything about candleshire? don't you? i... don't really... i've never been to candleshire, in fact i can't remember if there had been anything from one of the ports there in that shipment i know mommy and daddy met in candleshire oh? yes but that was before they had me ... where were you born? i don't remember you don't remember? because i've never known, my mommy and daddy wouldn't tell me where i was born, but i lived and grew up in hodgebridge, near limber grove where i met taiga uhuh... and... what happened? if... you don't mind my asking... mother went to candleshire... when my father died. she said she would come get me or send for me when she found a home there... a startling reality slowly began to sink in upon markos you're... you're half-elven, aren't you, elexa? ..yes, i am... my mother... candleshire is an elven village that's true, at least, it was.. before my mother and father left to have me there was another deep and thoughtful silence those hired thugs' swords at the tavern.. you did that my mother taught me what else can you do? i can tell you what you're thinking right meow did you just say right meow? right meow? yes right meow! you mean just meow? meow?!?!? i did not say right meow just meow you did that on purpose didn't you mhm~ ...okay, so what am i thinking right now? you're thinking that it's just your luck you've managed to find a couple of crazy kids to give a free ride to after losing your shipment to those pirates. you'd rather just take the insurance and have your rightful island vacation how did you do that? my mommy was better at it than me, i could never lie to her... no, i imagine not, markos laughed at a moment, elexa suddenly smiled at him, which took him off guard i'm glad you're taking us to candleshire, she said gratefully of course, i couldn't have you wandering the streets of limberdore looking for some other total stranger to follow around all day this time elexa laughed so when will we get to candleshire? markos sighed lightly at morning light we'll be able to scout for landmarks that should tell us how much of the distance around the edge we've covered so far yay! thank you again markos ~ with that, she followed taiga downstairs with a yawn, and markos suddenly realized that the sun had set since they'd been talking he shrugged to himself and quietly resumed his vigil by the helm and the stars when he was young, markos' father had always watched the stars with him, pointing out the constellations of course now as a sailing captain markos knew them all by heart, but he still remembered them as if his father were teaching him that was why he never felt lonely on those nights watching the helm
chapter 6 the isle of floating rocks
when elexa and taiga sleepily wandered out of their rooms the next morning, markos was beaming we had exceptional winds yesterday to get us to darmwort, but this takes all of the cakes! i told you the best we could do candleshire in was four days? well we are half-way there! elexa was brought to the point of tears by this news, and markos felt himself become all the more proud of his ship taiga reacted with a look of horror, which was immediately versed that's not right! he shouted. how did we sail two days in one night? we didn't taiga, we sailed most of yesterday too, but we have made really good time nooo nooooo noooooo nooooooooo noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! taiga ranted can't anyone see we're not where we're supposed to be!?!?! elexa's eyes were still wet, but a look of concern began to spread across her face as she looked at taiga taiga, what's wrong? markos attempted look around us!!!!!! taiga shouted desperately i am, i'm a captain, remember, we're in the sourdritch vicinity, we passed elmer island a little while ago; these waters are friendly and safe to swim in no no no no no no no no noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! taiga ranted again, and at this point it was clear that he was having some kind of emotional breakdown he suddenly caught markos' gaze firmly, which made markos realize that taiga had not made eye contact with him since he came on the ship i asked if you knew where we were going, not where we were markos paused for a second then they both turned and looked at elexa, who was still in tears, but the look in her face had grown from one of surprised joy to fragile madness  she was trembling of course i know.. where we're going... last night while you two were asleep, we passed the isle of floating rocks, which lies under the constellation hysteros... elexa... taiga pleaded she answered him, finally, in a terrified whisper i wanna find my mommy taiga markos suddenly felt as if someone were standing right behind him the isle of floating rocks isn't beneath the constellation hysteros... we use it to set our compasses by the north star. the isle of floating rocks lies under the north star... taiga and elexa both looked at markos, silently someone sailed under the constellation hysteros as they passed the isle of floating rocks... in a myth... a myth my father told me... the question that hung silently in the air was shared on all three faces the island of living dreams
chapter 7 the island of living dreams
living dreams don't sound so bad, elexa offered, shakingly not dreams, markos responded, not like daydreams or fantasies, or only good dreams... in the myth, hysteros found his dream, because his only pure intention was to be reunited with a lost love... but his entire crew perished at the hands of their worst nightmares elexa looked like she wasn't sure if she was laughing crying or screaming at this time everyone suddenly realized that she was clutching the mysterious trinket from the night before tightly in her hands taiga broke the silence taking everyone off guard you did this elexa! he shouted no i would never!!! than it did!!! i think... you're right... she barely whispered markos all but slapped his hand to his mouth as he realized the words that he let escape it land sighted taiga rushed to the edge of the ship no.... he murmered. it's coming... don't think about it!!! markos screamed whatever it is don't think about it!!! just think happy thoughts!!! it's too late it's here!!!!!!!!!! a massive sea serpent, almost equal in diameter to the ship itself, and easily six times as long, slithered out of the water beneath them, ever upward, towering taller and taller above them no taiga! fight it! markos pleaded desperately how can i fight it it's right there?!?!?!?! the serpent lowered it's massive head to simply glare the three trembling sailors in the eye it grinned, evily as if some sort of mist had begun to pour unsensably from the creatures nostrils, the vines and birch embraiding the good ship queen olympia began to warp stretch and break, as if they were shriveling in a matter of seconds no! taiga pleaded, sunkenly my ship!!! markos screamed as taiga's hard work vanished, the ship itself began to warp and twist, it's wood colors darkening and massive splinters seeming to grow from the planks the ship began to rise out of the water, growing into a terrifying jagged peak, or perhaps it was being held aloft by the watery dragon the sails now bore jolly rogers markos whirled on taiga you're doing this!!! no!! it's the monster!!! taiga gasped no it's you!!!! this is your worst fear!!!! oh what your worst fear is my ship getting wrecked?!?!?! mine too!!!!!!!! no.... taiga, how could you? there was a look of ominous darkness in elexa's eyes the two had never seen before you said you'd help me find my mommy. you said you'd help me find me mommy!!!!!!!!!! the sky rumbled, and taiga fell to his knees you're not real, he whispered nothing lasts forever, the serpent whispered back including my fears!!!!!!!!!!!!!! taiga lept from the edge of the ship, just beneath the towering dragons mouth it was at this moment markos and elexa managed to snap back to reality or out of the dragon's spell long enough to follow, and find taiga, of all places, in a field of wildflowers how did you know we'd be safe if we jumped overboard? everything was changing. not just my new home... everyone... people i thought i could trust or who would never hurt me the place that had been the scariest had to be the safest place now their moment of peace was broken by a voice from across the meadow a feminine voice markos, it called is that... your mother? he asked elexa then why would she be calling you? she whispered the lady who emerged from the forest was beautiful, like a drawing out of a book of mythology or poetry she kept eye contact with markos the entire time, as she strode effortlessly across the prarie- strewn meadow markos, it's me. the one you love taylia i've come to take you home markos. we'll be together again taylia... i really can't... i have friends over... c'mon my love, let's go home taylia... we parted ways back in barldoor... i'm willing to forget the past if you are my love you know there are still times you miss me markos suddenly had to admit to himself that there were still times he missed her, but he suddenly realized that taiga and elexa were nowhere to be seen he whirled to catch sight of them far back in the clearing where they had been resting, and realize that he had unconsciously followed his former lover to the edge of the glade they were shouting to him but he couldn't make out what they were saying he felt his gaze pulled suddenly back into the eyes of taylia, who was standing on the other side of the trees now come, my one true love, she purred, be mine again markos suddenly stumbled forward, struggling to catch himself on the branches and finding himself stuck within moments he realized that he could not move at all, and the branches were not normal tree branches but actually the massive strands of a giant spider's web he turned to face taylia's body mounted upon the legs of a giant spider, its claws wrapping him into the webbing i want to mate with you, she crooned to him, and i want to eat you, because you're mine!!!! her fangs pierced the sides of his neck, growing as his vision became more blurry to appear more like massive jaws, and everything went black
when markos came to, he was walking along a dimly torch-lit tunnel, in what he could not tell if was a man-made or natural cave. his hand was held by a tall lady in a dark robe who was guiding him for a second markos started to run, then realized when he looked the women in the eye that she was not taylia in fact- she was elvish i can only guide you a short ways longer, her voice seemed to reassure him just remember to trust in love to overcome your fears it was then that they came to a brighter lit clearing in what seemed to be the center of the cave, and markos saw elexa and taiga gathered around a warm fire mommy! i'll see you soon love, she all but whispered, and was gone
markos joined taiga and elexa by the fire is it safe here? he asked uhuh, taiga volunteered, no neat-freak attacks markos chuckled, slowly relaxing onto the floor of the cave
chapter 8 the coastal drifts
when markos awoke, he realized, first of all, that he had not gone to sleep since he had been shipwrecked and secondly, that he was in his cabin, aboard the good queen olympia he was relieved for a second, then rushed up the stairs frantically to find elexa and taiga in the kitchen, having breakfast he rushed past them to the front of the ship, which was once again skimming along the suface of the inner edge winds water way, and climbed over the stern to the headpiece, queen olympia- which still bore the ancient insignia of limberdore markos entered the kitchen, partly relieved but still shaken. taiga and elexa met his gaze enough to let him know that it was them how'd we get back on the ship? he asked aimlessly i guess we must've had good dreams, elexa offered where are we? according to your map we're passing through the coastal drifts, taiga volunteered, -now- we're halfway to candleshire markos smiled
a sudden look of concern fell across his face where's the trinket? taiga and i looked all morning, we can't find it anywhere on the ship, elexa answered maybe we left it behind ... you still have no idea what it was? tabby was my best friend, but i don't know what that was, no, she answered i see, markos replied the room once again fell into silence
elexa finally broke it taiga doesn't know which islands have monkeys either, she dejectedly stated markos all but burst out laughing. monkeys are a rare and illusive breed, he countered like good sea captains! hey! at this the room burst into laughter, to once again fall into silence but a noticeably more peaceful one the ship continued to skim its way along the inner edges toward candleshire
chapter 9 memories of hodgebridge
that evening once again found markos entertaining elexa at the stern of the queen olympia, as taiga was adding something to the helm that he said in his theory would give markos a sort of auto-pilot only enjoyed by much higher-end ships after he had confessed that the only island he knew of which might have monkeys was one a traveling old sea peddler told him he had gotten a pet monkey from, but the man might've gotten the monkey on sale at another stand, and they concluded they would go to that island after they found elexa's mother at candleshire, markos rather awkwardly approached the perhaps rather awkward question  elexa... what can you tell me about... your mother, or your childhood, or candleshire, or, anything... i feel ashamed that i don't understand anything, he managed elexa nodded not many know much of the elves, she sighed, there are so few of us my parents said that's why lots of people believed breeding with humans was one way to save them, even though it was becoming... frowned upon even before the end of the days of magic my mother and father loved each other; they just wanted a life for our family markos nodded in return my childhood was... lonely... hodgebridge was between a few human and elven settlements, so for awhile i would have friends that only knew one or another of my parents... but that couldn't last when i started to show ...show? she pulled back her unnaturally long (beautiful) tangled, messy hair to reveal the perfectly pointed ears of any elven princess mhm, markos nodded so even my elven friends became suspicious when they could never meet my father... markos listened ...people treated me like there was something wrong with me. my whole life people have treated me like there's something wrong with me. it's the same way with taiga; i think that's why we're friends... what other powers do you have? markos realized after he asked it how silly the question was and that now he would only make it worse if he added anything elexa smiled if i were a pure-blood elf, like my mother, i would have telekinetic abilities... as me i can only tweak things a little bit, like someone's grip or footing or maybe the needle of a compass -have you ever tried it? no, my mommy said that was what i should try if i ever wanted to try to hone my telekinetic abilities.. she said magnetism was the easiest force to overcome uhuh, markos continued listening you know i can read your thoughts, i'm almost as good at that as my mommy that's kinda weird actually, markos stammered no it isn't, elexa insisted, because you're a good guy i didn't like limberdore markos understood why this girl who had apparently lived on her own or with her friend taiga had followed him from limber grove that day now i don't know what to say, he struggled i knew my mommy could rescue you in the cave, she interjected how?.. ..your worst fear was love, because you'd experienced love that wasn't real markos was silenced i've experienced love that is real; my mommy and daddy's love for each other and me, no matter what anybody thought that's how i knew she could rescue you markos finally spoke i think you rescued me, he managed, tears in his eyes elexa smiled again no, i just called for my mommy markos laughed at himself, teary-eyed, as the words once again escaped his lips do you have any other powers? i have one that only half-elven children have... oh?... yes... but it's silly and? sometimes... i can predict the future... but i'm no good i can never tell for sure until it happens, she stammered to explain markos was floored you can tell.. the future? have you done this before? once when i was really little, i said the milkman was going to come early because of some aldrevian holiday they would be taking off, and my parents didn't know or remember, but the milk came early... i just knew that it would, the milkman explained the holiday to all of us but my parents were more convinced than me that i had told the future, i thought i just liked milk ... have you had any... thoughts like this, about our journey? to candleshire? that's how i know i'll find my mommy there wait a second... i thought you said she went to candleshire yes, when my father died. i haven't heard from her but i know she's there now. and i knew you could take us there when you washed up in limber grove markos wasn't sure quite how to respond to that, but he resolved that by this point he should trust the girl and i knew we had to find her, she finished why? markos asked before the full weight of what she had just said hit him because i feel like she's in trouble... elexa suddenly whimpered markos was shaken when she went to candleshire... it was a keystone in the rising war between elves and humans ..is that still going on??? only in some parts of the world, but i'm afraid yes.. it says enough that there's no safe place for someone like me markos nodded understandingly what about candleshire? i don't know. i only know we'll find my mother there. markos drew a deep breath in sharply. then we have to get to candleshire. it's almost morning now. we'll be there tomorrow really? have we been up all night? i guess so, we did sleep pretty late yesterday.. it gets harder to tell day from night in the coastal drifts mhm, elexa understood i did a terrible job, taiga rushed up and blurted, frustratedly what's the matter? nothing's wrong with the ship is it? no, but you were supposed to be able to steer it from anywhere taiga that's not what- now, for some weird reason, the ship is steering itself, and i give up on inventing with that, taiga stormed below deck to his room, leaving a stunned markos and elexa to enjoy the just dimly emerging stars together
chapter 10 candleshire
it was the morning the crew arrived at the shores of candleshire markos was feeling the same sense of instinctive pride he always felt when his ship had safely completed a journey; although he was brought down and concerned a bit because elexa seemed only worried about something taiga was glad to almost be back on solid ground, but he clearly shared whatever sentiments elexa was silently expressing markos broke the silence we're almost there, he announced, where do we find your mum? elexa seemed to think for a second if we explore the city, we may find her or hear something about her, or i may feel something about where she is when we get close... i used to always be able to find my parents when we'd be out wandering in the woods alright then, markos continued to debate, the problem with that is none of us know anything about candleshire it's unwise for any crew to enter territory they're unfamiliar with elexa and taiga answered with silence so... markos struggled to think you could tell them you're our father, elexa managed what? you could tell anyone who asks you're taiga's and my father, and we're in town to find our mother how will that... we have to go in, markos markos was taken aback by the girls sudden insistence alright, we can try that.. should we give them a name or? elexa looked truly caught off guard she used a number of human names.. and her elven name was... maybe it's best to not even bring that up unless we have to elexa and taiga agreed at least until we find out where we are. but i suppose we could pass as a family... it makes more sense than the crew of a pirate ship why are we pirates now? taiga joked i don't know, we're not merchants, i don't have anything in my storeroom except eggs and maple syrup apparently at this elexa and taiga laughed warmly, and markos found himself joining in
alright then, he finally interrupted we are now reaching the shores of candleshire
to be continued in the elven chronicles part ii, tales of candleshire
the elven chronicles book i tales of candleshire
chapter 1 the everyever
the everyever is a creature residing in the misty mountains of candleshire, told in ancient mythologies to be somewhere between a dragon or a spirit, or some breed of both; it will answer anything you wish to know, providing you say its name correctly upon first meeting its gaze of course, elexa knew about this mythological creature from a dream "how would we even find this creature if it does exist in legend as you say?" markos debated "elexa's dreams have been right before," taiga volunteered "we just have to go into the misty mountains," she answered, "i feel like.. we'll find it, or it will find us if we do" "i don't like the idea of it will find us," markos countered. "i'd rather we find a nice port with a decent tavern" "but it's a way to find my mommy," elexa pleaded markos could not by this time in their journey bear to see elexa despair "well, 'tis morning light; there is no better time to set out scouting. we're sure to find a place to moor the boat it won't be bothered and perhaps we'll find a way to the city..." "thank you, markos!" markos caught when he had a second to think about it that elexa was beginning to talk about the everyever as a kind of imaginary friend, or moreover a friend she had to find, who had become just as important as finding her mother the city of candleshire, as it appeared from a safe neutral distance, was a towering stone beige castle set in the center of a hollowed-out mountain that had been a long-since dormant volcano the glistening city was now older than the volcano itself had been when it was built off the shores of candleshire naturally were strewn folliage and trees and even a few little volcanic islands at the edges that you could very well use to cross over into candleshire if you had landed or lived on one of these islands that was the idea at least; it was much safer than trying to directly enter the city, from an unmarked sailing ship no less now the idea had become to make land in this general vicinity, in the forests that were at the edge of the mountain of candleshire itself, inward they would arrive in the misty mountains
in fact, having made it past all that they ended up finding the everyever before they realized they were in the misty mountains elexa found it first, as she was gazing out across the edge of the cliff trail at a grand majestic waterfall; she suddenly felt almost as if someone in front of her were breathing heavily she stepped back to refocus her glance and saw that the everyever was exactly half dragon half spirit; a blue misty watery dragon that was all but transparent, like a ghost in the sky "guys, i found it," she chirped "where is it??" "you can't see it?" "no.." elexa thought for a second "try this. do you notice how this waterfall kinda looks like a dragon?" "yeah... is that.. it?" "uhuh," the everyever smiled, observing its new visitors "we want to find my mommy in candleshire," elexa blurted markos winced, and taiga continued to squint in awe, but the creature smiled "i know my child, but first one of you must call me by my true name." "we have more than one chance," markos jumped in, "let's each try. I'll go first." he approached the phantom dragon "everyey-" he stopped, having faltered, and whirled with a look of only slight disdain "it's a tongue twister," he informed the group like any captain taiga thought "may i practice?" "you may," was the dragon's answer taiga turned his back on the fantastic vision and repeated to himself under his breath, "everyever, everyever, everyever..." he turned around finally, and proclaimed, "everyever." the dragon paused "i'm sorry, that is not my true name." taiga looked defeated, and markos looked for a second as if he were about to actually fight a dragon for elexa, when she interjected, "wait, i know your true name, from my dream. it's spelled everyever.. but it has an elven pronunciation..." she spoke it like the name of an old friend "yevyre"
chapter 2 have you seen my mother
the dragon smiled "that is correct my child; your mother is now in timberscrawl, in the village tavern; but she is on the run you see, i cannot say where she will be when you find her." elexa seemed perplexed, then thought "is there any way we can be sure to find her?" markos paused. he had assumed for some reason that they would only be allowed to ask one question, or three or something like that but the dragon spirit thought, too "i cannot forsee a future in which you, for certain, find her... but i can tell you, that she is on the run from the city officials of candleshire; the prop empire in place of the ancient eligacy is not friendly to elves. perhaps that will help you." "thank you, my friend" elexa answered without thinking, and turned to face markos and taiga "ready to go?" they seemed perplexed. "go where? candleshire? we don't know where to find your mother," "yes we do," elexa interrupted "she's on the run from the city officials," she stated, "so she'll end up wherever's safest from them. my mother has good instincts like me. we just have to find that place" the dragon spirit raised its head to call out to her, like a parent calling to a child that's forgotten their lunch, in what appeared to markos and taiga to be the foam at the peak of the waterfall suddenly all but rippling "i can tell you where the safest place in candleshire is, even though i do not know for sure if she will arrive there." elexa turned back and her jaw dropped "the safest place for elves in candleshire is a small borough in the center of the city that still holds some of its ancient enchantment, making it harder for officials to find elves or deserters who live there, called holvesbriss"
chapter 3 holvesbriss
in candleshire, elexa's mother had learned of holvesbriss in the timberscrawl tavern, and was trying to make it there without anybody especially officials questioning her hood it wasn't that hoods were uncommon fashion in candleshire, but unfortunately it was also common for the empirial officials to engage in "hood inspection"
she remembered when the empire had been handed control over candleshire, at its conception, without so much as an election among the due citizens already living in the ancient city; it had been a compromise, because candleshire was a strategic military location, that was supposed to end what had become the secret war on elves. that hadn't happened
she was rounding the corner of an alley toward what she felt in her heart must be holvesbriss, when her heart stopped as she was interrupted by an empirial official, clearly off- duty slunken in the shadows on the edges of the alley "hey there little lady," he crowed, "i don't see any reason you ought to be opposed to a hood inspection" the official was in turn interrupted by the voice of a young girl from across the street "that's my mommy!!!"
markos and taiga barreled toward the official, seeing red, with elexa in hot pursuit he staggered backward, and seemed as if he were feeling around for a weapon he didn't have or didn't remember what he had done with, before he was pummeled into the ground and subsequently restrained, to tones of the concepts of social ettiquette and manners espoused amidst harsh cursing by markos
elexa reached her mother, and clutched her hand, without slowing down, as their eyes met, pulling her into the very center of a paved circle that had been just inside the alley, where they suddenly disappeared
"what just happened?" taiga questioned out loud "i don't know," markos answered, "but i do know a few things. we made it to candleshire. we helped elexa find her mother. and now, we're deserters"
chapter 4 the fog
elexa and her mother didn't have time to worry about where markos and taiga had gone, because they were suddenly preoccupied with trying to figure out where they had gone the main challenge to that was that it was hard to tell where they were; it seemed as if they were outside, and it was foggy, only instead of seeing landscape or buildings through the fog as they gazed deeper into its swirling layers they seemed to find only more fog in front of them stood a man whose hood was also drawn over his face, only his was certainly human crafted, and it was long and red with gold trim, some kind of strange red satin that actually seemed to glow through the fog elexa didn't have a chance to be frightened "have we met?" her mother greeted the strange man "you met my father, during the original war" elexa seemed to suddenly understand the gravity of their new companion "i am mage, and i am a deserter. i cast a spell to draw you from the city centre when i saw you approached by that official, i recognized you. i had been looking for you" "go on," elexa solemnly watched her mother answer, with shared curiosity
after a moment to collect his thoughts, mage did "actually, it.. cost me something very dear to find you. a gift from my father." "is he..?" elexa started without thinking "yes" there was a sorry silence "a wish.. from the everyever." "we met the everyever on the way into the city!" elexa suddenly volunteered "you did??" her mother responded, seeming half surprised "well that only sounds right," mage answered, "but my wish was to find someone who had known my father. you see... i lead the deserters. because of my power, inherited from my father, not because i am anything more than self-taught or because i am anything of a leader... but because i might have a chance... and i don't have a single friend in the entire village of candleshire"
"you know that we can both tell that you are not lying," elexa's mother broke the silence, calling to mind the abilities elves have to read the thoughts of humans and each other "tell me your father's name" mage paused, as if for the first time doubtful, then proudly answered, "hal merrick" elexa's mother froze; then turned to elexa "i am the reason this young man lost his father.. he sacrificed his life to save my village in the war" a look of understanding seemed to pass between them then she straightened her back, and turned to look mage in the eye "i pray you will not think the everyever's wish wasted, my friend," she adressed him "now you have two friends in candleshire"
chapter 5 the borough centre
with that, the fog dissipated outward, somehow revealing a room barely wide enough for elexa and her mother and mage to stand across from each other as they had, on what must have been the second or third floor of a shabby old stone-clay hut in the centre of the room on the floor were some etched runes, obviously mystical and obviously improvised, but now elexa thought she recognized those seemingly random scratches from the paved centre on the outskirts of holvesbriss the room looked like rooms she had had growing up in hodgebridge and later surrounding regions; decorated in a way with the kind of sparse everyday objects a poor or traveling family or individual manages to hold onto, sparsed with a few seemingly very special artifacts of decoration, such as a few tapestries on the walls, only everything in this room seemed otherworldly and as if it definitely had some mystical design
meanwhile, markos and taiga had finally decided between themselves that it was best to stop running, in large part because they were now certain that they had fled through some parts of the borough of holvesbriss two or three times, and the only officials they had seen had seemed to just wave at them. no, it was time to figure out how to find elexa after much critical hypothetical and exasperated debate wandering the streets of holvesbriss, taiga finally offered, "why don't we go back to where they disappeared?" "that's where we all ran into that official remember," markos pointed out "yeah, but i think we're okay now. i mean.. he won't still be hanging out there, right?" "i mean, i guess probably not..." markos quietly didn't like that all his years of experience with leadership and knowledge of being a captain of the high seas of acaemia had not at all prepared him for being on odd sides of the law in a strange city that he knew very little about; he was slowly beginning to take reassurance more and more in taiga, who seemed far wiser than he had before let on, especially when he would take a moment to think things through as a matter of fact, they did run into the official again, who had naturally resumed his favorite off-duty slouching spot in the shade of the alley "hey, i am sorry about earlier," he jumped up to offer as he saw markos and taiga catch his gaze "i didn't mean nothin', i just thought your friend was pretty..." "more than you know," markos answered solemnly, as they walked past him
standing in the paved centre, markos and taiga looked around themselves, hopefully "well, they're not here," taiga finally dejected, "of course they wouldn't be stupid enough to come back to the same spot" with that, he angrily kicked a rock that was lying in a broken-up scratched part of the pavement
the rock, or a rock, suddenly found its way harmlessly against all odds into elexa's hands "what the they who what now?" she managed "it came from the window," was mages only answer the three turned to glance down at the street, where taiga and markos were standing, wandering in circles, as if they were debating one to another standing there all day or going someplace else
chapter 6 the deserters
part ii
taiga and markos and mage had taken rather nicely not only to each other but to an old card game mage had that had been his father's, although strangely markos kept winning "it's because i've played cards to meet friends all over acaemia," he insisted, "sea captains always become experts at cards, and then find that the rules and strategies are about the same throughout the world." "i'm just glad we aren't playing for money," mage offered "that's what everyone says, and then you've made a friend or two in a new port town."
elexa and her mother were reconnecting, to both of their bittersweet delight, though it was undercut by one or a few oddities that just were a bit hard to explain to normal humans; elexa's mother had felt instantly relieved, like a breath of fresh air, upon finding herself inside holvesbriss, owing to the ancient enchantment of the old elven city that had not completely faded away; but the turmoiled city of candleshire surrounding them was like a case down over the vibe of comfort, and the affect that this had on her was strange and crossfading; she spoke slowly, as if thoughtfully, and seemed often at times to be off somewhere else elexa's reaction, being a half elven child, was all the worse; she had begun seeing things, and her mother had talked her through it as well as the imagined voices that would come with them and being in the noisy center of holvesbriss
the revolution, or rather the desertation, continued on, and as the everyever had said would not affect the centre borough of holvesbriss
their first involvement in the revolution was to pivot solely on the performance of markos
"it's a rule among the deserters," mage explained, "nobody can introduce new members, they have to introduce themselves." "well, then since i am a captain, i'll be the unofficial leader of our group, unless someone else wants to volunteer... i'll invite them to a game of cards," markos all but quipped "they might not have a deck, but that is a respectable way to approach this," was mage's answer markos approached the cluster of men in the storehouse room who seemed to carry themselves as if they were the sort of appointed, well captains, under mage in his resistance, but at first glance not to share any of that respect on to him he thought for a second about ports he had frequented that were neighboring to candleshire "do any of you gentlemen play... hobb's cribbet?" was what he managed to come up with the man in the center of the group seemed for a moment to grimmace, then replied, "no, nobody plays hobb's cribbett. where are you from?" "i was born in the setlands," was markos honest answer, "i'm a sea captain." at this the man seemed to smile slightly at himself, and replied, "then that's forgiveable. mage seems to like you, but we know that any one of us may be fooled by one of the empire's spies, but maybe, not all of us will be." markos tried to explain that their only involvement so far with the empire had been with the official on the outskirts of holvesbriss, but the man cut him off "just tell us what good you are to the deserters," seemed to mirror the thoughts on the faces of every man standing in the room markos paused for a moment, to think he knew that he trusted mage, because elexa and her mother trusted mage, and this was mage's group- so all things considered, he felt maybe it was best in this scenario to be as open as he could, and perhaps even try to sell himself a little as he would do when taking a breather offering site seeing cruises he glanced across the room to elexa, who seemed to tell him that he should go ahead with what he was thinking "with us are an elf and her half elven daughter," markos insighted, "being from candleshire perhaps you know better than i what good they may be to the deserters," the leaders seemed to give a doubletake. "you didn't tell us some of them were elves," one of them said to mage "it doesn't make an exception to the rule" it was as fate would have it at this moment that elexa, perhaps in part from the tension, gave in to one of the side effects she was still having from being in holvesbriss "shut up you stupid mutt!!" she screamed, springing across the room and causing the shadows on the wall, which peculiarly bore the perfect silhoutte of a massive hound, to dance before the room had a chance to respond, elexa's mother stepped forward "i'm from candleshire too. the empire's officials can't do this trick" with that, she raised her hands outstretched at her sides, and a series of tapestries with presumably deserter symbols painted on them that were hung across the four walls of the storeroom rose up on their hangers, as if in a strong breeze, then flew off them entirely to meet in the center of the room above their heads, proceeding to dance and swirl about like fish swimming in a pond before settling together in the rigid shape of an elven crest, then all at a sudden going limp and fluttering lifelessly to the floor and into the arms of the deserter leaders "mage can do one pretty close," "yes, but i've told you, if i tried to finish it with an elven crest that spell would strike me dead." a few of the men in the group seemed to remember that mage had said that before finally, the man who had originally been the first to adress markos stated, "alright, on the virtue of mage's trust, and, talent, only with the fact that these two do appear to be elves... we accept you to our group. second?" actually, the decision was carried unanimously
the first mission of the deserters, now having added taiga and markos to their ranks and with the aid of elexa and her mother, was one which they had been forced to table for a long time - finding another deserter leader who had gone into hiding somewhere in the city; a girl named melvrose
chapter 7 melvrose
the first phase of this mission was conceived on the walk home to mage's house from the meeting with the deserter leaders "guys, i think i know a way we can try to find melvrose," elexa suddenly volunteered "how?" was the obvious answer "you know i can sometimes tell the future, like with dreams," she went on "what if i try to dream about melvrose?" "that could work," mage immediately jumped in, excitedly "i'll tell you everything i remember about her, and i have some pictures of her at home, too" the rest of the group caught up to what had been said, and seemed to share in a close silent agreement
as they approached mage's home they were met, allbeit to anyone's surprise, by the empirial official who was fond of lazing around in the alley on the outskirts of holvesbriss when he was off-duty "milady," he started she jolted to make eye contact with him "please let me apologize for yesterday, i certainly had not meant to embarrass you," he continued, "some of the young ladies around candleshire think it a compliment when an empirial official asks for a hood inspection..." he seemed sheepish, then naturally more mature "i should know better." he paused for a moment, then seemed to have a realization which he kept to himself "especially around holvesbriss, but hey that's why i love this neighborhood" with that, he all but winked at elexa's mother, but not in a way that would imply a downslide from the maturity he had arrived at earlier in the conversation, and wandered on to his slumping alley
the rest of the evening was spent in regailing elexa with memories of times spent with melvrose, which ranged from her initiation into the deserters to missions she had gone on with mage to a time when she and mage had briefly dated, after they met, as well as sharing old pictures and drawings and letters off in the corner markos was teaching taiga techniques and strategies for winning at cards, though neither of them could pronounce the name of mage's particular card game melvrose was a very young woman with short hair, who was fond of coloring it, both in natural representations and the traditional festive colors of candleshire, and wore a blue cloak with gold lining similar to mage's red one "alright then," elexa finally chimed, "if that's everything you remember about melvrose, i should go to bed right away" mage nodded "mommy?" she asked "hm?" her mother softly answered "would you make me some warm milk, like when i was little?" "of course," was the teary-eyed answer elexa was all snuggled up and sound asleep before her mother arrived with her warm milk
chapter 8 the dream
she awoke, or rather found herself seemingly awake, in a strange sort of desert dreamscape with massive hollowed out obelisks in the natural landscape towering around her in the distance, all either catching the elusive sun or stained with varying bright otherworldly sand colors she remembered suddenly that she was looking for someone.. a girl she knew.. no, a girl a friend of hers knew... with that, she suddenly caught sight of a figure standing off in the distance she approached it, at first hurriedly, then hesitantly, but the figure turned to meet her gaze it looked like melvrose- elexa had never seen melvrose in person, but it looked like melvrose "don't come close!" the figure suddenly screamed elexa was frightened "who are you?" "not melvrose!" it screamed in return "not melvrose!" "alright," she pleaded, "but who, or what?.." "melvrose does not dream.." the figure answered "melvrose does not dream anymore, melvrose dreams are haunted so i haunt melvrose' dreams, and she need not remember" elexa suddenly understood "a soul spirit, given to those of the world so weary that they wish only for sleep to be their escape" the spectre seemed to answer without a sound or movement "where can i find melvrose in the real world? i want to help her" the creature surprised elexa by seeming to gaze off in the distance and think "before i came, she had nightmares," the spectre recalled "nightmares of a place called... elvesbridge"
with that, elexa jolted awake, remembering at first all that had just happened but slowly fading down to just the one word- elvesbridge her mother was by her side "what happened? what did you dream about?" she asked, comfortingly "elvesbridge," elexa answered solemnly, but still with a slight tired look of terror on her face "all i remember is that melvrose went to elvesbridge" "then that's where we're going," mage interjected before the others had a chance to say anything "there's more you should know.." elexa answered him "i don't remember much about the dream,.. where i was which was nowhere and talking to someone who looked like melvrose... but i remember, it was a nightmare. i think.. she was in trouble after she went to elvesbridge..." this time markos interjected "what do you know of elvesbridge?" he asked mage mage had not changed in his resoluteness nor his frantic packing about his room "a place that is not at all as friendly to elves as the name implies," he answered, "and melvrose may not be a half elven child like you elexa, but she does have some elf in her lineage"
chapter 9 the inn of elvesbridge
part iii
to everyone's overshadowed relief, they actually found melvrose in elvesbridge, without any trouble with any officials or otherwise; she was working as a waitress in a tavern they had wandered into when markos confessed that he felt he could not go another step without a drink and elexa stammered that she had a good feeling about this place the wall murals inside reminded her of her lucid dream they caught sight of melvrose across the room - she was wearing an outfit that was perhaps deliberately casual in an instructed way but certainly nothing you'd mind wearing in public, and a pair of novelty elf ears unfortunately melvrose didn't end up being the elf-eared waitress who served them, so they were left to try silently to think of something else while markos made conversation with the waitress and ordered a few different glasses and some small appetizers for everybody after markos had gotten his drink in his system, he was the first to come up with a plan "you're the one who has the best chance of making contact with her without anything too obvious happening," he told mage, "she'll probably recognize you" "you think i should just walk across the room to the business house and try to catch her in passing and ask say if i know her from somewhere?" "yes, be very subtle and non-suggestive about it," he murmured mage took markos' advice gingerly "i beg your pardon.. have we met somewhere, you only look familiar" melvrose' eyes went wide when she caught sight of him, enough that he noticed, then she seemed to catch herself and then seem relieved that no one other than mage had "well if that's sincere and not an invitation mister, we can talk about it when i'm off in about an hour's time," so after mage had used the business house they were left to order an actual dinner, which no one especially elexa really objected, and eat it as slowly and casually as possible waiting for melvrose to be off work
chapter 10 to those who want to dream
the conversation they ended up waiting about an hour and one half's time for, which they were only allowed to stay again to everyone's overshadowed relief when mage instinctively confessed to their waitress that he was waiting to talk to one of the other waitresses, whom he knew from somewhere, was in actual fact very brief "i know why you're here mage, and i miss you," she began "i don't suppose i could convince you to leave the deserters and make a little life out here with me" she half laughed at herself "what happened melvrose?" mage answered "what happened is, i blurted about my lineage and it got me this job - elven things are kind of.. "popular" in this part of town" she seemed to struggle over the words "and because i was smart and haven't said anything about it to anyone since,.. when i get off work, i'm able to go home, smoke, maybe have dinner if i haven't eaten here... and it's not a bad life, not as bad as holvesbriss" mage seemed to quietly understand elexa wasn't so convinced "i had a dream about you," she interjected, "i thought.. i don't know that you weren't happy, or you wanted more out of life, even if it was with this..." melvrose seemed puzzled by the child's statement "that's quaint," she finally offered, "when i was little i used to have the coolest dreams and always remember, but now i guess because i'm older i never seem to remember them; i guess that's kinda normal" she finished, and the look in mages eyes told elexa that she was not coming back to holvesbriss with them
chapter 11 all's well that ends well
part iv
with mage's mission to find a friend he could confide in on his calling that wasn't the everyever and the deserters' again tabled mission to recruit melvrose out of the way, the cause as it were was back to doing well normal deserter things which in the great city of candleshire meant mostly sharing a home and a helping hand with anyone who might need it, as more and more of the people grew tired of the new empire this of course left elexa to stay with her mother, who had chosen to stay with mage and the deserters, and taiga and markos to well decide what to do "i do feel as if i want to stay with elexa," taiga murmured, "we've been friends for a long time, but i've really loved working on your ship, and i would miss you..." markos was all but brought to tears by taiga's honesty "i would miss you too, both of you.. all of you... in fact," he smiled to say, "i'd go so far as to say you're all my crew now. so what better is their for a captain on vacation to do than join up with the deserters for a while?" he laughed "it's settled then," elexa answered, "from now on, we'll stick together, no matter what" nobody took the effort to point at elexa's statement had been premature, or for that matter anywhere about untrue
chapter 12 precursor
it was after a moment of somewhat satisfying silence that one of the deserters whom other than mage they had not met rushed into mage's room, out of breath "the empire has been dissolved," she blurted, "dissolved." the look on elexa's mother's face spoke to how she caught herself getting her hopes up, as she asked, "then... the eligacy has been returned control?.." "no, the eligacy is still dissolved," was the frenzied answer, "because the situation in candleshire has done nothing to aid the political interests of the people who were behind the empire... candleshire has been given over to the rule of unlawed land" "did i hear you right?" markos answered her, the wild look in his eyes telling he knew the phrase from his years on the high seas of acaemia "yes," was the now soft and distant answer "candleshire has been given over to the rule of unlawed land"
the league of candleshire preface
book ii preface
the rule of unlawed land when a local government in acaemia was not, as it were, making ends meet for the people, or in some cases its invested interests (this was often in the case of colonies of the grand empire, which thanks to a dishonest treaty in what was now the secret war on elves is what candleshire had been) it could be given over to the rule of unlawed land, which meant that any governing bodies had been officially dissolved and the people were left to, hopefully, amidst whatever chaos may ensue if the land was already in political turmoil which was often the case, establish and elect their own government that may better suit their needs all this time, the league of candleshire, or the unofficial leaders of the deserters from the now dissolved empire - a boy with an heriditary magical talent, named mage, whose father had been a leader on the side of right in the original war on elves a sea captain of acaemia, markos, who was finding when put to the test he could navigate each new city of their adventure like a new sea a young genius inventor, taiga, who is quiet but thoughtful when it counts, and the best friend of the real leader of the group, a young half elven girl named elexa; who, together with her elven mother, made up what had become on this day the league of candleshire, minus one previous member whom they had just managed to find living in another part of the city; a deserter girl named melvrose - had only served to protect the good people of candleshire from the incumbent empire and its officials now it seemed, the new and greater task which lay before them was to achieve some sort of order in what was now a lawless land; easy as that may have sounded at first, in actual fact the people the deserters and the league represented were at best a smaller majority in candleshire; despite the fact that the empire had abused just about everybody; there was an entirely new faction of empirial colonists who had descended upon the once small ancient city, and whose loyalties would be completely and totally in question there were also those of the empirial officials still living in the city, and it was unknown what their collective or individual reactions would be there were even those who had lived in the city before the empire who had been led to believe that the sovereignty of the eligacy had been in part responsible for the war on elves no, even if candleshire had probably become much safer for deserters; it had not become any safer for elves - and now it desperately needed to, before it was too late
the elven chronicles book ii the league of candleshire
chapter 1 the rule of unlawed land
after some ititial debate as to the structure of a course of action, the league was finally rolling; melvrose would show up when she felt like it, now that she knew where they were; perhaps her tavern was doing extra good business in the midst of a complete political collapse in what was now a bustling trade and tourist city markos, taiga, and elexa's mother had been hold up with the leaders of the original deserters for days, discussing the situation throughout candleshire the overrall gist seemed to be that people seemed comfortable gravitating toward the parts of the ancient city that suited their tastes (easy to do when candleshire was divided rather fairly perhaps even generously between a colonial district and the lands of the original citizens, whose political opinions were mixed and reticent anyway), a practice which was beginning to form a series of hubs around what was long since an ancient and royal city the task at hand seemed to be to rescue as it were any elves that were still in hiding in the city, as elexa's mother had been, and regroup in a sensibly fortifiable hub they would establish of their own in holvesbriss to that end, mage and elexa had been hold up on their own, reporting any dreams elexa had she felt might have some meaning and focusing on helping each other hone their individual talents, those of a born wizard and half elven child
katantra was a beautiful young woman, in her twenties or perhaps even teens, who liked to dress in floral and natural colors and long elegant flowing dresses and gowns that was to outside appearance - allbeit with the exception of a pair of long pointy clearly elven ears she no longer tried to hide, because she hadn't seen other elves or especially people since candleshire had been given over to the empire from where she lived in a nice little grove by the brook that humans would've found it far too difficult to navigate the woods and briars to, she could still just see the flag atop the grand turret of candleshire - and today, for the first time in what seemed like eternity even to an elf; the flag of the empire was not flying in fact no flag was flying which meant that the facetious prop anti-elven empire had finally collapsed and candleshire had been given over to unlawed land, a possibility katantra had been dreading more than a few others that was why she had chosen to call in an old favor as it were - and the flute at her side which had now begun to whistle as she passed through the windy sunbeams of a meadow near her home as if it had a mind of its own was the key part in that plan; it had not left her side since she had left the city with the swift motion of a prodigy who shall play from the heart no matter how rusty, she called the flute to her lips, running its oddly uneven lengthed ember pipes from side to side in an entrancingly flowing serpentine motion, producing a sound that was otherwordly though definitely musical the peculiar dance that accompanied was equally otherwordly, and would almost certainly have had to have been rehearsed, except that it seemed to rely on instinct after a few vast moments that would've seemed to anyone watching like a girl either mad or drunk out of her mind in the woods alone having the time of her life, the bizarre regale was answered by, well; how best to explain it - every kind of weather that existed in acaemia and somehow all localized within the tiny shady meadow, clustered around her like a personal performance in another matter of vast moments the various isolated weather patterns had clustered into themselves and begun to resemble humanoid shapes; the one that most clearly resembled the weather they were having that day in candleshire adressed katantra the voice was unnaturally shrill, like a musical prism played at the wrong speed, but at the same time it was as if every note without intending to be was musical "we are the weather pixies of candleshire; and we know you, katantra, for we are in your debt and have given you this song of all seasons" "thank you, my friends; i want to find those like me living in the city; i fear we may be in our gravest danger now" "if you travel to the borough centre of holvesbriss, you will find those who share in your quest; we will seek out and use our powers to aid any elves who may still reside in the city" "thank you, my friends" "when you aided us in a time of need, we gave you something in return - this song of all seasons which you have used to summon us. if we help your people in their time of crisis, we ask in return that you will help our people, the fae also residing in hiding in candleshire - for the pixies and nymphs can escape into the forests and even the elements, as even some elves have done, but the fae are like humans in form as elves and must dwell among the forests and among mortals" "i would think to do nothing less" "then we will use the guided flute to contact you when we have found someone you and your soon-to-find friends may be able to help" "thank you, for all of us, friends" with that, the shady sunset-watered meadow returned to its regularly scheduled forecast
chapter 2 katantra
the embrace that katantra and elexa's mother greeted each other with when first their eyes met was on par with one of lovers who've been apart for a long time, in form, but the kiss, or any kind of clutching that would have jostled the gentle affection, was replaced with a meeting of the foreheads which was even more ceremonial while obviously still affectionate markos, taiga and mage had seen elexa greet her mother with a gesture that was similar but included a side-to- side bobbing motion of the heads or maybe both as elf-hugs were shared, mage began to behave as if he'd become suddenly aware of something shifting in the weather he turned, instinctively, of all people to elexa "it's the fae, isn't it?" "you mean the pixies, but yes; i think an elf living in candleshire might have called to them for help, maybe even katantra"
"can you feel it too?" her mother asked their new-joined member "yes; it's like morning light" the elven sisters were speaking of the affect which the ancient enchantment the elven city of candleshire still held in its very heart had on elves, especially who had been apart from elven air; elexa, being half-elven, had been having an in fact hallucinogenic reaction, spurred on by the thick vibes of tension and chaos near the end of the collapse of the empire; now, even though all three were aware of a kind of... swirling anxiety or apprehension that seemed to float across the skies of candleshire, like ripples on a pool catching sunbeams... she was finding that anything unmanageable or even unpleasant was gone, and further that it had enhanced her elven and half-elven powers to a remarkable degree in case of point she had already had a dream about a hidden elven settlement in the outer forests, which they hoped to scout as soon as they felt things had settled down reasonably in the outside city
although he never let on to the other members of the group- and although he knew that elexa and her mother knew anyway, but never said anything- mage was quietly becoming more and more concerned, even frantically worried, for any elves or fae that actually were still living in the once elven city of candleshire - unlike the deserters, and markos' seafaring party, mage had read the official statistics put out by the empire before it collapsed - and the statistics said that there were no elves or fae living in candleshire. they could have been propagandized by the empire, but that wouldn't have served to stir up anti-elven popular sentiment; so mage figured that any elves or fae who had survived and not fled the city when it was given over to the empire had been, rather well considering candleshire was in-between size as port cities go, in hiding all this time, as he had only recently learned elexa's mother and katantra had been therefore his hopes were bleak for anyone who had managed to escape both the war and the statistics, especially now in the grim state of the city they were in given that anyone on any side with any political inkling would also know that the statistics could be lies
"now that we have a new member to our league, as well as the aid of some of the local nature spirits; i think we should make to scout the outer forests at morning light, unless elexa has any revelations otherwise" he nodded at her quite respectfully despite his all-men- at-arms tone "i agree," elexa's mother answered, after a considering pause among the group "do you have any talismans or artifacts that may aid us in navigating the outer forests?" "i do," markos was the one to answer her, "a compass, as well as a spyglass for sighting our path if we can reach highground- and a map the upper-footnote corner of which contains a cursory representation of the outer forests of candleshire" "very good then; morning light it is" "if morning light finds you snuggled in tight, rise and shine to see the sun cast glowing lines" elexa volunteered "huh?" "you remember, mommy?" she asked "when i was little?" "i do remember," she nostalgically answered "besides, i sorta felt like i hadn't said anything funny for awhile. i thought we could all use a little cheering up" with that, they all collectively agreed she had succeeded
chapter 3 the outer forests
part ii
markos, elexa, her mother, taiga, mage, and katantra had not considered the flowing illustrations of strange monsters on the map which barely alluded to the outer forests of candleshire to be literal, as opposed to embroidered artistic expression - until now in fact, almost in the way a hologram seemed to appear when you turn it a certain way to look at it, as soon as they were out of reach or out of sight of the outskirts of the city of candleshire, they were surrounded by a miriage of the most fantastic sparkling flickering glowing swirling flashing tessalating flourescing creatures one could imagine without having sailed to the centre of the earth and seen the clear eye of the waters of acaemia, and all the majestic deep-sea life it offered the creatures, though almost impossible to look away from, did not make a move toward the newcomers, and in fact eyed them neutrally in the way lesser-territorial animals will do in the woods "are they.. spirits?" markos wondered out loud "nay, spirits do not usually produce light which casts reflections, and these creatures do" mage hypothesized "then.. they are.. animals?" "yes.. enchanted animals of candleshire, thought endangered or extinct" the strange league of questers and the strange ensemble of glowing chamelesque creatures eyed each other, curiously "do you think they can help us find the other elves?" elexa wondered "i mean.. they probably don't speak.." she almost seemed perplexed at the obvious statement, then thought and countered, "yeah but,.. if there are so many of them all together out here at the edge of the forest, they must feel crowded further in the same way they do by the city - so that's where the hidden elven settlement must be, in the centre of the forest" mage was impressed and taken aback by her deduction "by the way we came in, we can reach the centre or ought to reach it if we simply keep going straight," markos offered, "and that means we have to keep north"
chapter 4 keep north
in the forest settlement of candlebridge - as it was called by the handful of elves and fae living there - no one had received word that the empire colonial had been dissolved, until the water pixie had risen to tell them that a band of heroes was on their way to search for them, and bring them to the new settled hub of holvesbriss as exciting as the news was after so long in the forest (which was comfortable, even if it didn't offer enough running room for the fae, but elves preferred the mystically crafted cities and castles that they made their own) they could not set up a flare or try to signal in any way, for fear of attracting attention to their hiding place from the city so they had posted lookouts on the perimeter of their several-odd tent camp, which ultimately left a few members to hold down the fort as it were in the centre - a young fae girl named tigera, and an elven boy named meirk "do you think they'll find us? what if there are other parties looking for us from the city?" she spoke the thoughts on both of their minds as the fae will be inclined to do with their friends and companions meirk, being elven, though nervous smiled at the fact that he could read her thoughts anyway "it's not like we can't defend ourselves," he countered, "we've made it on our own out here all this time" "yes, but nobody's ever found us before, now somebody's looking for us... what if they're followed?"
the thoughts were echoed around this time, as fate would have it, by markos "the animals would tell us if someone were in the forest," elexa hoped "they didn't seem bothered that we were in the forest," markos replied "it may be different, we are elven.." her mother offered "i can cast a spell to tell us if we are being followed, and where those we seek are from here;" mage began "but it may be visible to any with magical abilities in the city and eyes on the forests" "a risk that may be worth taking at this juncture, but we should enquire of elexa," her mother concluded elexa thought, and seemed to try to take in the gist of her emotions then she responded, quite carefully: "i don't feel like we're being followed.. but i do feel worried about attracting attention from the city.. so i feel like.. we should just keep going" "then that's what we'll do" mage answered immediately for all of them
in another hour less-than half hour's time, they actually reached the settlement of candlebridge, as the flourescent hand-painted sign spread over the tiny camp informed them the elves of the camp ran instantly toward katantra elexa and her mother "thank you so much for coming; is it safe in the city now?" "i wish i could say so; we don't quite know for sure yet, or where, but the deserters are fortifying a hub in holvesbriss, which still holds some of candleshire's enchantment" was elexa's mother's answer "that's where we're all going," markos chimed in only then did it sink in upon all of them the gravity of the plan markos had just restated traveling with a group that was evenly half elves and half people, no less when one of the group was a mage, had been unexpectedly easy going through the restless in-dispute outskirts of candleshire from holvesbriss traveling with a small brigade of refugee elves and fae accompanied by three humans, from the outer forests to the center of the city, sounded comparatively impossible mage was the first to offer an answer to the question hanging in the air "i can put upon an enchantment that will make us appear.. well.. not worth bothering with, until we make it to holvesbriss... it just might be a little... silly..." without questioning what mage's plan might be, the group agreed to the quickest and safest way to holvesbriss possible, and began making preparations to leave
chapter 5 coming into candleshire
as they reentered candleshire, they were stopped in fact, but this was no surprise as they were going through a main-road gate that led directly to the center of the city "name and business in candleshire?" the empirial guard uniformed-man asked drolly, giving markos the impression that his opinion of markos' answer would be more important than his official or unofficial business in candleshire "coming in from port, markos helmsbridge, sea captain of acaemia, sir, with this delivery of circus animals" in fact, in addition to markos and taiga, proudly displaying the first mates badge markos had made for him on their journey to candleshire, there were eleven various animals of natures that were mostly native to candleshire as well as other parts of acaemia; mostly horses, ponies, and camels, a few more exotic animals like giant tortoises, and goats, and one red-and-gold crested falcon which rode like a prize on taiga's gloved hand "circus animals? why i haven't been to the circus in a long time" the guard seemed half excited and half skeptical "our customer hasn't had much of a circus to run," taiga volunteered, "but he says nothing brings people together like a good old circus. he thinks it's just what candleshire needs" this seemed to touch a soft string in the empirial guard's heart "now, i don't think that's a bad idea," he conversed, "alright then, animal delivery, just need to document what you're bringing in" "right," markos butted in, "two camels, for rides, three horses and three ponies, to be the stars of the show i've heard, two giant tortoises, two goats, and this priceless red-and-gold crested falcon which is a treasure to both the grand empire and candleshire" the guard seemed to simply jot things down, agreeingly, then paused - that's twelve animals; i only see eleven markos started, but only for an instant "i don't usually deal with cargo that moves around on it's own; what'd i say, two goats? it was two tortoises, only one goat" markos didn't have a chance to safely glance behind him to confirm his statement, but fortunately his instincts had been correct "right, i like that," the guard laughed "what kind of cargo do you normally deal in?" he went on conversing as he signed markos' papers "oh rather just cargo - cargo, the easier to stock and the more profitable the better, i prefer daily goods like tea and spices, tobaccos, they usually aren't too much trouble, and when i can i love to get my hands on some fine tapestries, or even silks.. well worth the small risk in traveling with them, anyway it's no conquering effort to pirate a man's crew of a silk" the guard nodded, smiling, and handed markos the small stack of papers "you're all set, enjoy your time in candleshire" "thank you sir," markos and taiga chimed, but for a second the guard thought he heard at least some of the animals murmur in answer as well he decided thereupon that it was because markos and taiga had begun herding them into the gate, a process which was very long and slow-going due to the fact that two of the group were in fact giant tortoises, and which was carried out amidst many long and awkward smiles between markos and the uniformed guard when they were finally out of earshot at least, markos breathed a sigh of relief, only to have it cut short by the voice of a falcon that had flown onto his epauleted shoulder in his ear squawking, "you called one of us a goat" "i did no such thing," markos blurted, then suddenly could not help feeling like the guard's eyes were on his back until they were finally out of sight as well as earshot at this point, of course, possibly because the entire group breathed the same sigh of relief that markos had tried to, everything collectively collapsed most of the horses and ponies were fae, who of course had been horses before, but being a camel would find frustrating to anyone, as they are rather slow and... wobbly animals being a giant tortoise was all the worse the only member of the group that was really enjoying mage's enchantment was, naturally, elexa "brahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she bleated, galloping circles around the struggling caravan "i wanna chew on something sweet and fibrous, like reed grass or a metal can!!!!!!" "we don't have time for that," taiga volunteered "we have all the time in the world, you guys are turtles!!!" "hey!" the turtles in the group interjected elexa the goat missed their argument, because she had found an abandoned toy in one of the house-groves nestled in the outskirts of the city- a rubber tarp stretched across a metal-cast hoop without a second thought, she ascended the springy surface as she had done as a child, only to find that with four hooves and a long neck it was not quite the same experience "eh-wuhp" she galloped and jolted about on the stretchy mat completely uncoordinatedly, causing taiga to eventually burst out laughing, and markos to retain a look on his face that implied he wasn't sure if he needed to use the business house finally, she collapsed safely to the ground at the edge of the toy, proclaiming that was fun and she wanted to try again, but taiga insisted despite their turtle pace they keep moving
it was dusk when they reached the now proclaimed hub of holvesbriss, to the warm sight of golden-cast lettering which pronounced its name upon the gate that had once been an open alley fortunately, after the guard by staying on the main road and traveling as a procession they had managed to avoid any further investigation, and taiga had only been forced to shyly regail a few passers-by with tales of a circus that was supposedly coming to town in candleshire when they were safely inside the hub, and mage had unworked his enchantment, it was of all people melvrose who greeted them "hey, i thought you went and got a dayjob," mage shyly approached her "the elvesbridge inn is doing more business from incoming tourists who want to see what will become of candleshire than we've ever done in the time i've worked there..." she answered "i was making double my paycheck after tips... i had all my wildest dreams come true... but it just wasn't what i wanted" she glanced, warmly, at a painting in the corner of the room she had done for the deserters "well, i guess you're back then..?" "yeah... i'm back" she smiled, and hugged mage warmly, a human hug
short of waiting for any more of elexa's dreams, which lately seemed to just serve as defcon markings, the group agreed there was only one way to determine for sure where if any elves or fae there may be still hiding in candleshire - and that was to enquire of the everyever since they made a formiddable and swift team together, and since both knew the everyever, mage and elexa were chosen to make the quest "we'll leave in the morning," elexa proposed "agreed, but we should wait until the sun is high, or we may become lost in the mists of the misty mountains," mage went along "agreed" with that, they began packing what few things they would need for a journey through the forests and mountains of outer candleshire, and, after repeating an incantation which they had co-authored in the hopes of helping elexa have prophetic dreams... they were asleep
chapter 6 felrae
part iii
when they awoke, they were, in a way that was oddly familiar but in a good nostalgic way to elexa, within some sort of strange multi-colored dreamscape actually, after closer thought elexa realized it reminded her very much of the strange multi-colored phosphorescent animals in the outer forests of candleshire mage seemed right at home
after some silence, he announced, "i think our arriving here is some sort of sign from or about the everyever.. i'm not sure it's a good forboding..." he looked at elexa with the expression of someone returning to a troubled but beloved home; elexa knew it well "how can you seem so.. sad, and dreamy in this beautiful place?" she asked "this place is home to me," was all mage replied she thought for a second "what is holvesbriss?" "that's where my room is," mage laughed, "right now i have about fourteen guests sleeping over" elexa had to smilingly agree
when they had walked together across the sprawling neon dreamscape, for a length of time that was very difficult to judge because they were in fact in a dream, talking to each other to pass the time, though they knew not always about what, sometimes the other would sound as if they made sense but be hard to understand, and it was possible they talked about many of the same things over again - they arrived at what, somehow, in this sprawling desertesque neon landscape, was a clearing - in the center stood a figure, clad in dark blue he turned to face them, smiling, with the look of a child that reminded elexa of the first time she had met markos "oh hello; are you lost too?" "lost?" mage asked, suddenly "oh yes, lost in your dreams," the boy cheered, spinning about like someone enjoying a first snowfall
upon closer examination, elexa realized the boy was obviously fae, though there was something.. off about him his skin seemed pale, the kind of pale that would imply dim indoor lighting, but it wasn't, it seemed as if it were actually his skin after another moment mage spoke up again "we're not lost, we've come looking for you, my friend" he began "if you'd like, we've come to take you to holvesbriss, where there is an established hub friendly to elves and fae, now that the empire has collapsed" "holvesbriss?" the boy questioned the word, as if it sounded only slightly familiar "yes, holvesbriss, in the centre of candleshire," elexa answered him "candleshire?" the boys eyes lit up, as if he wasn't sure if he recognized the place because it was home or frightening "will you come with us? especially if you are lost as you say?" mage finally asked "the places you speak of... sound like... home..." the boy answered, slowly "but my home is a place... a place called.... " he struggled for a long moment, then seemed at peace with his realization "odds grove"
with that, the dreamscape dissipated in a way that reminded elexa of the mystical fog when first she and her mother had met mage, and the two of them were standing in a very dim, dusty, dim; old wooden shack sprawled in a rustic old bed in front of them, and seeming to just now be waking up, was the boy from the dream "mmmmhhhh hello, i'm felrae, have we met somewhere before?" the boy greeted them, shuffling up out of the covers with what elexa had to admit was the cutest bedhead she had ever seen on a boy, except maybe for taiga's, whose reminded her of the monkeys she dreamed of one day finding on the islands of acaemia "we've come to take you to holvesbriss, where there is an established hub friendly to fae and elves, now that the empire has collapsed," mage answered him the boy seemed to pause and stare off for a long time into space, taking in what had been said as if it were all coming back to him after a while, he spoke "yes, that sounds.. so nice, thank you.. i only have a few things..." with that, he retrieved a bold robin's egg blue canvas knapsack from beneath his seemingly antique bed, and went about filling it with the few belongings and clothes elexa and mage had seen scattered about the tiny falling down shack when they got outside, they were greeted, by what was for the first time to elexa and mage, by a sight that brought tears to elexa's eyes, and gave felrae a look of realization all the more deep and resolute than he had had when they informed him of the fall of the candleshire empire "my woods," he started indeed, it looked as if someone had intended to build another hub or city where a small outcropping of trees had once stood that must have been odds grove, but the small forest had long since been leveled, leaving only a flat labyrinth of tree stumps which was every bit as barren, though it shared none of the other qualities, as the landscape in elexa and mage's dream "i remember," he went on "they came and took my woods, shortly after i found this nice unwanted out-of-the- way home... and.... i was so sad, i must have just gone to bed, and.... " he trailed off "we understand," elexa answered him mage had to admit that he finally did understand
fortunately, it is much easier for the fae to travel and live among humans than it is for elves; instead of pointy ears, which are an obvious giveaway, they only had to worry about accidentally attracting swooning attention from the locals which they had dealt with by felrae and elexa holding hands on the way back to holvesbriss, which to mage it seemed as a fae and half elven child they were oddly comfortable doing; felrae was still a little downfallen about his home in odds grove but they made it into the centre safe and sound, greeted in turn by everybody who had managed to comfortably settle within the newly established hub
"is that everybody?" markos greeted them, along with the new member "i think so," mage answered him "i feel like... it is," elexa agreed "good"
the night was spent in nostalgic elven and fae celebration, to commemorate the establishment of the new hub of holvesbriss, which to markos and taiga's delight included higgilty-fidge candles, the human or non-mystical name of the card game mage had introduced them to
the elven chronicles book iii dragons of acaemia
prelude
from her perch on the back of a great serpentine sky dragon, high above the clouds of acaemia, elexa smiled at mage, as they soared toward candleshire together he smiled back, the way friends who feel inside as if they've known each other longer than they really have would, then suddenly caught the look of something in his eye as he glanced ahead of them toward candleshire for a second elexa felt as if something was.. off about the city... darker... then it sunk in what mage had seen, in the distance were two massive flying burning catapult missiles, coming at them from the city the winged dragons instinctively swerved just as she caught it, but she could still feel the heat from the rocky oily projectiles whizzing past them "mage, what's happening?!" she screamed he tried to answer her, as they struggled for their seating on the backs of the twisting dragons, but then everything went black
and she woke up
mage was sitting in front of her, and so was her mother, who seemed to instinctively appear at her side whenever she would have bad dreams although as her mother accounted for the elven part of her heritage that was not really surprising "what was happening?" he asked her "i-" she started, and looked almost despairingly mad at mage, as if his making her think about it had caused her to forget as she was still waking up "i.. just remember.. it was about dragons again, and, i feel like... candleshire isn't safe anymore"
the words hung in the air like the heavy smoke of a hookah pub
chapter 1 the beginning
part i
"candleshire isn't safe anymore??" her mother and mage mirrored her words questioningly at the same time "no... i think we should go as soon as possible..." "markos says that the nearest city still in elven hands is the port of hobbles creek... is morning soon enough?" "i feel like it might not be... since i woke up, i feel, as if something's changed since i went to sleep... like something's happened..." mage thought about the project taiga was working on to try to create an "antenna," like the ones of insects for his local music and dissertation broadcast talisman that would allow them to hear news from around acaemia as he watched their conversation, solemnly "then we should go, now.." her mother answered her "how do you feel.. about markos ship?" she looked at him with a shocking sudden wide look of terror "i.. don't have any idea why, but i feel like we can't go there..." "the deserters have already made backup arrangements. you and mage get your things, i'll get the others" mage could not share thoughts with his companions like the elves could, but he had keen senses as a wizard one of which was empathy, and he could sense that elexa's mother had directed the parting at him as well as for elexa's benefit, almost speaking as if mage were a brother to elexa in her voice, and he took both the compliment and the hint and went about helping elexa make sure she remembered to pack everything, in a way that would at least a little help keep her mind off the impending fear of what was happening
they rushed, satchels in hand, down to the main living room of mages stone clay hut, met by other of their elf fae and deserter friends about the same plan "IT'S ALMOST WORKING!!" elexa caught the look of desperation in taiga's eyes as they glanced past his room "elexa says we have to go, now," markos answer was deeply compassionate while firm, like a true sea captain "when you put it that way," elexa could just still make out the change in taiga's tone, and what sounded like he had somehow managed to perfectly pack his tinkerer's laboratory in all of about two seconds
when they made it out of port, she saw that he probably in fact had, because he had indeed constructed and or arranged himself a sort of portable tinkerer's workshop in the time they had been staying in holvesbriss with the help of which he was just now, and true to his word, picking up a signal from what a few of the group interjected was a broadcast of the hall of gilmrod, in the colonial district "sdfhogwand the refortified empire troops are on their way to holvesbriss as we speak, to finally bring some order to what people are calling, 'the anarchist hub.' should be nice for local trade, which we've been hearing has been doing great since the hubs were established, under the firm generous guidance of the empire, but word is it's about to do a lot better if traders finally don't have to worry about elves and fae," the tone in the man's voice would have reminded elexa of a propaganda newscaster in the early 1900's, if she had the ability to read your thoughts it was all mage could do not to break the device which taiga had spent all this time quite literally inventing "right, let's all just respectively glance over the fact that you are possibly the smartest man in acaemia, or somehow on par with elexa, and uh.. change the channel" he used the words as a sea captain of acaemia would, but he somehow felt the phrase fit "right! well, i.. intended that the way to do that was with this..." he toggled with the compass which had been markos' contribution along with mage's local broadcast talisman "svilsloblibbityglopbsolutely correct on that, but we have to be fair here, candleshire was an elven city.. we have to be fair to the empire in that it was unfamiliar territory, and we have to be fair to the citizens or the original citizens of candleshire who may have felt that what tried to replace the eligacy treated them unfairly.." elexa could tell from the tone of the man's voice that he was elven the man who answered him however was not "so that's a justification for war then? after they signed the peace treaty? you just said they knew their way around candleshire better than the empire if there was a serious problem they could have worked it out" "there was no declaration of war, the empire declared war first, remember? it was only answered because, as was stated, there had been a secret war on elves going on this whole time.." "secret war on elves, more like a made up war on elves, everybody knows elves are hallucinatory beings and as a result they're dangerously paranoid and delusional" "my brother was killed by a raid party, mr tinsmith, with empire insignia on their cloaks" "my son has an empire insignia on his sports' cloak, mr eldroheimasomething- boogledybiggledy elf name," taiga changed the channel again "iufgiahkjsfu;giafjli agree it's absolutely unthinkable, expecting to register us, like they'll have us at their beck and call?" "mh, they're telling stories of elves in the colonies being taken and locked in hospitals, as if they were both crippled and dangerous" "is that where we're going?" elexa chimed in markos looked at his compass which taiga had just adjusted "actually.. it is, most likely, i don't know just how taiga's invention works but the compass is pointed toward hobbels creek" "that's about how it works, and you said hobbels creek is the closest so yeah," taiga seemed proud but an exhausted kind of weary, and a charming kind of droll
the ship sailed on toward hobbels creek
chapter 2 hobbles creek
when elexa awoke, she felt more afraid than she had ever felt in her entire life, as if she knew for certain that she was about to die but quite bizarrely, the feeling filled her with a sense of... homesick pride? she knew instantly what was happening "mother, mother.." she called her mother was sleeping on a bunk nearbye "what is it.?" "we're sailing an empire ship.. we have to let hobbles creek know we're carrying elves..." her mother's eyes went wide, as if she couldn't believe she hadn't realized what elexa had just said "you're right, we need to tell markos.. markos.. markos!" she raised her voice only slightly to call for him, but somehow very firmly, and almost as if in magical answer markos was just then rounding the corner "what's wrong?" "we need to signal hobbles creek that we're carrying elves, and friendly" the look on markos face mirrored the one elexa had seen on her mothers a little bit ago "do we have anything with an elven crest?" markos replied after a second to think intuitively "yes, i'll get it," "meet me on deck" as soon as they left, elexa suddenly felt a tremendous rush of relief, as if the impending doom she'd felt coming around had resided
when they arrived at port in hobbles creek, they were greeted by a heralded salute, which was heartwarming and deeply nostalgic to elexa but which made her wonder, until she saw a friend she remembered from childhood, a friend of elexa's mother, and realized that their family crest must be what markos and she had raised coming into port she greeted elexa's mother with the customary greeting of long-parted elven friends "you've brought refugees from candleshire?" "elves and fae, we travel with a number of humans but they are far more loyal to us than the empire," elexa's mother answered, confirming "they will be housed as refugees, of course, but any who are willing to join our cause may prove useful, being human.." an elderly elf who was wearing a politicalate's robe cut in "i would of course," markos immediately stepped forward, followed silently by taiga "i think i may speak for mage," elexa smiled, "he's been on the side of good since the original elf wars" "very well then," elexa and her mother's friend smiled, and elexa realized that she was also wearing a politicalate's robe "in addition to the refugees of candleshire, you've brought us a genius human inventor and human sea captain, and a human wizard!" it took taiga and markos a second to remember that elves could in fact share thoughts or read minds
the evening was spent in celebration, as it was of course customary in any elven city or village to do, but that did not mean work wasn't accomplished toward bringing the new heads at the table up to speed on what was happening the second war on elves had been declared - to nobody's surprise - because, of all things, the empire claimed that elven spies had landed in candleshire - the propaganda was laughable, given that despite statistics there had already been elves still living in candleshire, but that only served the more to illustrate that the humans of the empire had, to use a human phrase, lost it the task at hand was for the elven cities and villages strewn at ports across acaemia to unite, and of course to determine which non empire affiliated human settlements in acaemia would take the elves desperate side so far only a few but a good few allies were known
by the bonfire, mage and elexa were sharing glasses of elven eggnog, talking about what elexa should try to dream about that night, and about the fact that she had been so often dreaming about dragons lately markos joined them, cheerily, with a glass of normal human beer "the party is grand, and we deserve it, so take it in folks! for tomorrow, as we fight, remember that this party may be our last thanks, but what a thanks it is, for we are heroes!" he cheersed elexa and mage, and wandered on to the rest of the party, proclaiming, "we are heroes!" in true captain mode
meanwhile up in his new temporary workshop, taiga was going through "channels" as markos had coined the phrase on his new cross acaemia music and dissertation broadcast device at long last, he settled on one he was sure would give a fair and neutral report - a broadcast from his and elexa's melting pot port town home of limberdore he listened in somber silence - and what he heard, after it had long enough to all be said, was deeply dissatifying to him the sides had been settled - to be realistic, a fair proportion of human towns had sided with the elves and the empire, respectively; it sounded as if some of the contenders had been swayed by geopolitical vicinity, but nonetheless allbeit, that news was not good facing the empire, the elves and the now global deserters were hopelessly outnumbered
taiga entered the room where the elven politicalates along with elexa's mother were dining, a sort of open challay where they could easily join or be joined by the rest of the party, to share the news, and was joined in funny coincidence by markos "taiga... we are heroes," he grinningly greeted him "indeed, my good friend, but i have bad news from my broadcast receiver" "what are you going to call that, by the way? you already used channels, so... you have to come up with something on your own... i wanna see.. if you're good at inventing... words" markos brilliantly answered him taiga thought, then seemed resolute, with the look in his eyes of a man truly ahead of his time "an elexa"
chapter 3 contacting the everyever
part ii
when she awoke the next morning, elexa had dreamt about dragons, again, and the everyever, and mage was now resolved "we have to seek out the everyever," "but he lives in candleshire..." the everyever did reside, as best a spirit dragon could, in the outer forests of candleshire whence they had just left "don't you a know a way we could contact him, if you really think about it?" elexa could tell what mage meant after much thought, she answered "in the dream, i remember, there was music... there hadn't been before, which makes sense because we were always outside..." she trailed off mage thought for a second "i remember, katantra told me she used a song of all seasons to summon the pixies with an elven flute.. could you do something like that with the everyever?" "i've never tried it, but maybe..."
as it was it turned out explained to them by katantra, she just might be able to - the song of all seasons she had used to contact the spirits of fae in a time of need had been given to her, but it was an intuitive performance, like all enchantment working elven songs, so if the everyever had reached elexa in her dreams before she might already know it "then i'll try," she agreed after a command performance for katantra and mage that was both similar and dissimilar to the accompanied dance katantra had done in the woods of candleshire the ship suddenly swayed as if it had hit a bit of rough water or a sudden wind they rushed to the stern, to find the everyever, floating above the water as he had above the waterfall in candleshire in front of them, though only the elves and fae in their number and mage could see it elexa approached the phantasmical dragon spirit "we need your help, if you have any..." she started "i know," was the almost rehearsed answer "the dragons of acaemia will be glad to aid the elves and fae in their plight" with that he disappeared
the dragons of the underworld - fantastic creatures which nested in what some legends told were caves on the under facing side of the flat heavenly body of acaemia because they could fly, of course they could reach whatever must be down there without sailing off the edge of the earth
and now they were coming to the aid of the elves and fae
of course, nobody really knew what that meant the everyever had said dragons - one dragon the same size as the everyever, which was tangible and not ethereal, would be a menacing monster, but how many were coming to aid - two? more? dragons were beyond endangered, they were legendary
chapter 4 sides forming
when elexa told mage of her dream that morning, he seemed to share her allbeit curious relief that the elves and fae had some aid in the second war katantra had confirmed it, and smiled when elexa told her the part about her flute in a way that didn't quite let mage know if she were smiling at some heart kept elven secret or a little joke of her own
of course, other than waiting for dragons to show up all there was to do at present was go with the elven and fae refugees of candleshire and their friends to a grand ceremony with the eligacy that was to welcome diplomats from the human outcroppings of acaemia that had declared allegiance with the elves one topic of the evening was a fae stand-up comedian, or perhaps he could have been called a jester if he was human but since he was not "...and has anyone noticed that the fae haven't really even gotten involved officially?" his quip was greeted with roaring truthful laughter "it's the second war on elves - and waged by humans - no fae" the audience was by this point on the point of exploding, and elexa was laughing half at the non political jokes she was getting and half sympathetically "you know why that is, it's because the fae are so lazy. i should know, i haven't combed my hair in 123 years," more catterballing roars of laughter "and that's why the fae have sided with the elves too, not because our ancient sacred birthrights of nature and magic are entertwined, or because humans who aren't friendly to one are never friendly to the other anyway.. but because that's easy, how many fae live among, in fact raise your hands if you live with an elf? 'hi roomie!'" the crowd was catatonic the performer paused, smiled, and announced, in what was somehow obviously a "human accent", "now taking any questions, any questions from the audience?" to more laughter a very, but utmost forgiveably as the spirit of an elven ceremony is celebration, drunk allied deserter called out, "does your mother know you've dated a human?" to warm light-hearted laughter "i mentioned in the story about telling her," the performer smiled back, "but it might be worth mentioning that yours does, though i'm not sure if our mothers are friends" at this the crowd all but literally exploded
with nothing to fill the evenings now that elexa and mage had decided to give elexa's dreams another rest from mystical underlying in the hopes of perhaps a truly prophetic dream getting through, they had taken, at their surprise to taiga's fond agreement, to joining him at the elexa listening to world broadcasts "...the empire is massing together one main massive assault from home, and a series of others at each of its outpost colonies, but the problem will be having to split our forces because there are so many little elven settlements nestled through the waters of acaemia... *slblogajeha rhiau*...coming in from our elven allies is that they're badly outnumbered, and our valiant brave boys need all the help they can get.. *ajghiaubhglajh* ...personally think it's outrage, an absolute outrage, and all but genocidal, what can humans possibly take from us they haven't already anyway? do they wish to take all of our land, so that we may have nowhere safe to live? elves are not violent creatures, but we are ancient warriors..." with that, taiga flicked off the elexa "what do you guys think?" he asked, both conversationally and deeply as taiga or anyone as gifted or profound as someone like taiga would of a mage and half elven child "i think... i wish we knew what was happening with the dragons," elexa thoughtfully answered him "i agree" mage joined in "what do you think, taiga?" taiga looked at her "i think i don't understand the problem.. or rather, i do, but there isn't really a problem... elves have never threatened humans, have they?" "not since the war on elves, which had been started by humans a long time ago and fought in small scrimmages throughout the ages, cold..." elexa spoke as if she knew the acaemian histories on instinct, rather than from learning "i don't know why this is happening," she pleaded out loud to them "i think i do," taiga answered "i don't know what caused it exactly, maybe some other elusive political tension, maybe the decadence in the citizens of the decaying empire, it's not like, all the elves... but they're acting like they're afraid, really afraid, like, people are afraid of things they don't understand? could it be as simple and.. stupid as that?.." "i.. think it could," elexa finally realized "well, it doesn't solve our problem," mage finally resolved out loud, "and i'm going to do something about it" "oh?" elexa questioned, as she was left in the agreeable company of taiga "yes, i'll see you in the morning, good night" with that, mage was gone, and taiga and elexa were left to talk about things some of which they hadn't talked about since they had left limber grove for candleshire, and listen to the elexa
chapter 5 war
part iii
when elexa awoke, in the middle of the night, the unlit walls of the castle seemed to glow with a strange kind of bright color stained, yet dirty, light in fact, looking out the window, it seemed as if the entire world was glowing with the same worryingly unwordly light she wandered, like a child awaking from a nightmare, instinctively down the hall to mage's room what she saw was mage, suspended in the air as she had only seen the everyever achieve, quivering as if he weren't quite in control the same way the everyever was, in a kind of standing falling pose, with a look on his face that spoke as if it could not contain the madness which had been invited into the mind within open on the table in front of him was a very old looking book, the pages of which were black, and written in a language elexa could not read in what must have been blood, which was somehow red but also black as well "mage... what are you doing?" she asked, half with a tone of fear and half one of a mother who hears something she shouldn't be able to explain coming out of her child's bedroom mage seemed for the first time to notice her "i'm casting a spell," he glared and grinned "alright.." elexa nudged him "a spell.. to damn humans!"
elexa couldn't believe her elven ears "what will it.. do?" she asked "it will close the demon gates of the world," he growled, "so that whenever untalented man sets foot upon a new land he has not been verbally invited to, he shall die in flames," despite the clutching for even comfortable madness expression on mages face, he spoke as if his statement made absolute perfect sense elexa had to admit that would all but win the war "you can.. do, that?" she seemed to know instinctively to ask him "not alone, but a wizard is never alone," mage answered awefully, seeming to glance at the black book "did you.. have help with this idea?" "of course i did! the demon gates are not surface side upon acaemia! of course i cannot tell you from whom!" though it did not appear at all in his voice, elexa could tell in his face the look of someone crying out for help her face shared it "mage... what can i.. do? you know... there has to be a better way..." the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know, and with one swift motion she closed the book when she did it, she felt an electric shock, like someone had been rubbing their hozzysocks on the birshire rug, and there was a deafening boom like thunder out of clear skies which seemed to come from all around mage fell like a lifeless puppet into her arms "thank you," he whispered "what were you... thinking?" she asked softly, but compassionately "it wasn't the spell i was looking for.. it stood out in the book.. by being redwater, rather than blood... a wizard can tell, but the light, was so dim in here..." he seemed to come into a tone of sudden realization as he finished "i don't think.. you should try that book again..." she managed "no.. perhaps we'll save it for a rainy day," mage half-smilingly agreed elexa nodded at the realization that the rainy day he'd been saving it for had been the second war on elves
chapter 6 strategy
the eligacy had finally met with all the allies of elves across acaemia, and plans were under way for divying up troops to the various elven cities when the strike finally came down, and they had still not heard from the dragons of acaemia but they finally knew what had started off the second war on elves, from what had become to no one's approval the secret war on elves, and the realization was in fact harrowing markos and taiga had been followed when they led the forest-dwelling refugees of candleshire into the established hub of holvesbriss disguised as circus animals in fact, there was even one account of a goat ascending a trampoline - which was not normal to the people of candleshire and the empire (if you could believe the propaganda) it seemed as if about a dozen elves and fae, which was easily a lot more than the statistics showed had been living in candleshire at the time, had come into candleshire in disguise from an unmarked sailing ship moored off the coastal islands, to set up camp in a newly established anti-empirial hub amidst the collapse of the candleshire prop empire which... actually made sense
allbeit, knowing this did nothing to help their situation or perhaps it did "we have to go back to candleshire," markos stated the entire assembled group looked at him "that's my ship, that started a war, a ship that was made for me in the empire," he finished as only a captain could "i'll go with you, and so will mage and taiga," elexa spoke for all of them as only an elf could "very good then, and, when we get there, what are we going to... do?" he was answered by a long pause taiga, with a knowing tone that surprised everyone in the room, thoughtfully and finally answered "we're gonna put on a circus"
chapter 7 approach
part iv
elexa and mage gazed at each other, silently, finding that their goodbyes were harder than the ones they had exchanged with markos and taiga, for the opposite reasons of knowing the two more and less well than they knew each other finally, elexa spoke "we'll see each other again," she assured him "i know.. and it's not that, even if worse comes to worse, i don't have some beautiful memories with you, new friend.. it's just that.. well we've never really just made memories together, you know? i suppose you and your friends have, hobbles i have with the deserters, but you and i... well... it's always been an adventure," he smiled, and knew that elexa could tell he was smiling at what had just become their little shared joke that for an instant, mage was sharing their thoughts out loud the way elves or fae could "i kinda miss your mum too," he laughed elexa smiled "we all do," she comforted him, "and we will meet again, i promise" with that, she hugged him, in an impromptu way was which was neither entirely elven nor human, and set foot off of the stern of the ship they had taken back to candleshire, joining markos on the shore where his ship had been, though it had long since been - probably not easily - confiscated as contraband evidence of the empire it was of no matter, because the queen olympia was not what they were looking for
"ladies and gentlemen, may i have your attention please," markos announced, in a grand and flooring tone that could easily have been that of a traveling ringmaster as well as a sea captain of acaemia "presenting, for your absolute entertainment," taiga followed him, well rehearsed, "and after much of an.. ordeal with a few misarrangements of our arrival," his joke was greeted with, allbeit nervous, laughter markos followed him just as rehearsedly, with a sweep of his broad matching brightly colored sleeve "the enchanted elven animals of candleshire!" the performance that shortly followed was not one you would expect to see at a circus; the beautiful and endangered luminescent animals which the friends had encountered in the outer forests searching for the everyever, walked or shuffled or whatever they would do out onto the stage of their own accord, in a bizarre unison the torch lights inside the circus tent were dimmed, and the crowd breathed a collective breathtaking gasp of awe at the beautiful colored glowing creatures "these beautiful creatures were once abundant in candleshire, as abundant as dogs and cats," markos started "but since so many elves and fae left candleshire, the effect their magic had on the city and its local nature has caused their numbers to dwindle to near extinction" taiga finished the crowd seemed to sympathetically murmur, as the magical creatures looked out at them with all but tears in their eyes then they turned and left the stage, once again of their own strange accord "next, and we promise, we tried our best to keep this a surprise," markos joked, "the performing elves wizards and fae of acaemia!" taiga finished for him grandly the tapestries at the edges of the circus ring, embroidered with all the most regal colors of every nation of acaemia, rose suddenly into the air as if born on mystical winds, dancing about in the air above the audience illuminated by bright finding lights shone up on them from the ground by deserter uh circus crew, and a small group of elves and fae that exactly matched the number which had traveled in secret into candleshire stepped out onto the stage, led by mage, dressed in matching uniforms similar to the ones markos and taiga were wearing but different colors as the elves moved in unison in a bizarre but entrancing side-to-side arm stretching very official dance, the fae accompanied the dancing tapestries with songs that sounded like no human should have been able to sing them, and otherwordly beautiful, that caused visions of wild animals and nature spirits to appear above their heads and the center stage, to even more awe and surprise from the audience at the height of it all, mage, center stage like the star of the show, began what to anyone would have looked like just ordinary, though definitely not novice fire dancing but then, the flaming staffs he was spinning about began to glow with changing colors, first the seeming natural colors of fire and then completely unnatural colors, bright neon, growing brighter and brighter, until he was dancing not with fire but swirling piercing liquid neon light blobs, and the crowd had erupted in a standing ovation "and finally," markos started, "after all this, we've somehow managed to save the best for last... for ladies and gentlemen, alas we must confess, for -some of us- (he inserted with a laughing tone) the circus isn't a prime occupation, as my young compatriot has now to share with you all, an invention soon to be in the homes of every family in candleshire, nay in acaemia.. i give you, ladies and gentlemen.. the elexa" "and i couldn't have done it without the inspiration of my best friend whom it's named for," taiga once again joined in "a half elven child who lived in candleshire" with that, the contraption was produced by the same deserters who had been operating the casting lights, and taiga proceeded to adjust the compass on its mantle and produce the local music and dissertation broadcasts of every settlement in acaemia, one after another, through the strange magical gibberish caused by changing channels human broadcasts, and elven, about the war that was happening
there was not a dry eye in the audience
chapter 8 victory
it was at that moment as fate would have it the performance was cut short by the entrance of an empirial guard ensemble headed as if to make a point to the people gathered in the circus tent by the president of the empire himself, and the announcement, "the first strike has been launched. the second war with elves is officially underway"
and it was at this moment, as if fate would have it to make a point, that what sounded like a terrible wind storm descended upon candleshire everyone ran out of the tent outside, to the sight of thousands- no, millions of dragons, it looked as if they filled the sky like stars, flying in still formation over the ancient once elven city elexa felt her and everyone else's breath taken away by the sight an huge, even for dragons, very brilliant and apparent royal violet dragon alone landed in front of the president, and nodded at him, causing his hair to blow as if in a sudden strong breeze "you may speak for the empire, little human, but you do not speak for all humans, and you do not speak for the dragons"
after a considered pause, the president and his royal procession silently retreated, and it seemed rather gladly understood among the crowd that similar confrontations were occurring throughout acaemia
chapter 9 peace
part v
elexa and mage walked together down the sandy beach shores of candleshire, hand in hand, as he had seen her walk with a newmet fae friend once, laughing together about elexa's promise that they would see each other again things throughout acaemia had finally settled down, even if it meant that for now elves fae and humans were residing in their own lands, respectively - simply because that's where everyone had wound up humans as a whole were certainly not unfriendly or even unappreciative of elves and fae, and magic, and it was beginning to turn out the empire wasn't really either - mayhaps they had just needed a new election
"you know, we're really weird," elexa commented "yeah, we are," mage laughingly agreed "i don't know if we even belong in the same time or.. world together..." she trailed off "nothing makes sense," mage stepped in for her "it doesn't make sense how we met, and it certainly makes no sense that we're alright and having this conversation now" "i suppose you're right," she answered him after a pause, mage continued "even the way our abilities counteract with each other.." she nodded, agreeingly "it's like, as rare and strange and to some ways of thinking even new as a half elven girl is... i.. want you in my life, every bit as i want my own magic," he couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth, and turned shy as he remembered that elexa could read his thoughts anyway "mage.." she looked him in the eye mage saw looking back at him a girl who possessed a beautiful timeless childlike innocense and wonder with the world that he had always secretly wished he had gotten to experience more growing up even more so, he saw in her eyes the look of magic, beautiful and sacred and bright, mirrored in his own he thought about the day he had met the at first only silly and whimsical young half elven girl who'd accompanied markos and taiga to candleshire
"the world will always have elves, however rare," she resolvedly stated "and fae, and magic, and dragons..." "yes, the world needs those things, it can't very well make a move to get rid of them without realizing what it's doing" they walked together a little longer in silence
suddenly, elexa spoke "what do you think.. the world has for us, mage?" he was taken aback by her profound question as she continued "a half elven girl and a wizard.. we're not even elves, or humans, or fae.. we don't belong," she almost seemed to despair "maybe we shouldn't be asking what the world has for a half elven girl and wizard.." he answered her, to his pleasant surprise wisely, "maybe we should be asking.. what the world has.. for dreamers"
she suddenly turned to him, smiling, tearily, and all but softly whispered, "i'll always have you"
then mage remembered that he could not read her thoughts the way she could his, when she kissed him, a kiss that was neither elven nor human nor even fae it was simply magical
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angededesespoir · 7 years
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I was tagged by the amazing:  @darknpretty & also (since I keep forgetting to fill this again) by several other people in the distant past that my memory is too poor to remember rn.  Sorry.  ^^;  (I think one might have been @the-funkiest-penguin , maybe???  Not sure.  Anyway.....)
rules: you answer the questions and tag some blogs you’d like to get to know better
nicknames: I have many.  Here’s an extremely short list:  Cole [though I also consider this to be my name, too?  But it started as a nickname, so *Shrugs*], Angie, Ange, Moon, Clucky, Tulip, Colie, etc.
star sign: Aquarius
time right now: 5:48 p.m.
last thing i googled: Widowmaker  (I was looking up her age.)
favourite music artist(s): I have too many tbh.  Uhhh.....Short List:  21 Pilots, Panic! at the Disco, Caravan Palace, La Dispute, Crywank, Halsey, Melanie Martinez, Keny Arkana, Bastille, Stromae, Rammstein, etc.
song stuck in my head:
“Marseille” by Keny Arkana, Kalash L’Afro, & RPZ 
“Kings” by Tribe Society
“Wonderland” by Caravan Palace (NSFWish?, death, blood?, epilepsy warning)
 “She Wants Me Dead (CAZZETTE vs. AronChupa)” by CAZZETTE & The High (TW: Violence, Blood, Aichmophobia, Murder, Cats)
“I’m an Albatraoz” by AronChupa 
“Why’d you only call me when you’re high?” by Artic Monkeys
“My Chick Bad” by Ludacris & Nicki Minaj (NSFW)
“Carmen” by Stromae
“Gasoline” by Halsey
“Heathens” by Twenty One Pilots
“Lone Digger” by Caravan Palace  (TW:  Animals, Violence, Murder, Blood, Aichmophobia, NSFWish)
I think that’s everything.
last movie i watched: Uhhh.....”Find Me” (2012), I think?  It’s been awhile.
last tv show i watched: Brooklyn Nine-Nine
what im wearing right now: A really soft Dark Purple T-Shirt that I got at a 5K walk; Dark Green Pants; Beige/Tan Bra; Red Plaid Boxers; White & Yellow Socks.  (I’m apparently on a mission to wear as many colours as I can at once.). 
when i created this blog:  March 24, 2012, apparently.
kind of stuff i post: I’ve deemed this blog a ‘Hodgepodge Blog’- there’s a large variety of things.  Mainly it’s personal posts, fandom stuff, nature pics., animal pics., art, & memes, though.
do i have any other blogs: I currently have 15 Sideblogs on this site.  (Other than that, I have some inactive blogs on other sites.)
do i get asks regularly: Nope, but I appreciate the ones I do get (even if it sometimes takes me 10,000 years to reply.)
why did i choose my url: .(Copying this from another version of this post that I did:)   So, I wanted to vary up my username instead of just going with the usual one I use for practically everything.  I was obsessed with Angels back then & I was also learning French at the time in HS.  I’m also constantly depressed, so…..I needed to add that negativity somewhere.  And…..Voila!  I came up with angededesespoir (”Angel of Despair”).
hogwarts house: Hufflepuff!  :D
pokemon team: Team Mystic!  ^_^
favourite colour: Royal Blue (any blue really), Baby Blue, Black, Red, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Emerald, Royal Purple, etc.
favourite character: *Sobs*  I have so many.  A brief sampling:  Reaper (Overwatch), Soldier: 76 (Overwatch), McCree (Overwatch), Genji (Overwatch),  Lucio (Overwatch), Sombra (Overwatch), Tracer (Overwatch), Reinhardt (Overwatch), Ren (DMMD), Erwin (SNK), Levi (SNK), Bertholdt (SNK), Marco (SNK), Hange/Hanji (SNK), Orihime (Bleach), Noiz (DMMD), Byakuya (Bleach), Renjji (Bleach), Germany (APH), England (APH), Mello (Death Note), Matsuda (Death Note), Zuko (A:TLA), Aizen (Bleach), Grimmjow (Bleach), Shiro (Voltron), Yuuri (Yuri!!! on Ice), Victor (Yuri!!! on Ice), Makoto (Free!), Nagisa (Free!), Sousuke (Free!), & many more!
number of blankets i sleep with:  Usually 1-2 + a comforter and sheets in Spring, Summer, & Fall; Winter varies, but usually between 2-4 blankets, a comforter, & sheets.  
dream job: Psychologists & Poet.
following: 1,966, atm.
number of posts: This will be post #35,626 on this blog.  (Bonus fun fact:  I currently have 62,539 drafts.....on this blog alone.)
I tag:  Uh, how about: @warlorddoom991, @zeespazz, @scarbordoefair, @xhipster-koalax, @always--tan, & whoever wants to do it!  (As always, you are not obligated to do this.)
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bswthefam-blog · 6 years
Text
Talking to myself
Angry Sad Missing something Blame Denial (infertility) Why?:
Not fair. (Note self righteous thoughts) of all the things I have done for so many others, why can I not have this? Bc of Caleb. If he would just get on board, everything would be fine. He is being a hypocrite. He has gotten so many of the things he wanted but refuses to give me the one big thing. It's not 100% his fault though. Obviously. Doesn't matter. It's blame myself or blame him. Why does someone have to carry blame though? Because it's fixable if there's human element. It's easier to be angry and fight something, even if only for a tiny hope. But you don't believe in hope. So. That argument doesn't make sense. Shut up. No.
I deserve my one thing. Music isn't a reality anymore. Education is just as useless as it is attainable. Career? That's a joke. At the end of the day, all Im good at is taking care of things. And I don't even get the little things of growing my own person to care for. That's shit. That's just some shit. Why can't you just take care of yourself and yours? It's not the same. Why not? Because there wasn't the same kind of choice here. I had nothing to do with Xanders existence. I love him and am glad he does. But I had no say there. My say regarding my other children was taken away. I never got the chance to look at my pretty baby. Why does that matter? How could it not? That's a stupid question. It's a question you've avoided. So. Circle back to that. You could have had a choice. Why didn't you take that opportunity? Leave Caleb?  Do it alone?  How. Why. You're the one stuck on a baby being your choice. So? Leave the one good thing that has happened? Why don't I just gnaw my good leg off. Makes as much sense. So it isn't about just a baby. It's about a family. Why are you so hell bent on your own organic family? Because reasons. What reasons? Fuck you. That's productive. (Note physically feeling sick) Im sick and tired of taking care of everyone else's kids and never having any genuine credit, care, rewards like I would of my own. That's kind of selfish. Too bad. I want pink lines. I want ultrasound pictures. I want a heartbeat and to watch my body change. I want to bitch about my back and feet and, secretly, love every second of it. Because the payoff is worth it. I want a tiny Caleb spawn punching the shit out of my bladder because, "goddamn it i have to pee AGAIN" means a tiny little person is getting bigger. A little person that is part me and part my person. A tiny human who will need me and is part of me. I want something innocent to come out of my shitty shitty life, as it has been for so much of it. A tiny person with our intelligence,  heart, killer looks, and none of the bad things. None of the bad things will have made it sad or bitter or twisted in the head. Can you imagine how far that child will go? How much better of a life it would have? This is all selfish. Too fuckin bad. Im allowed to be selfish sometimes. God knows everyone else can. I want it. I will never not want it. I will never not resent, bitterly,  that I am a childless mother. A mother to everyone but my own. It doesn't change my love for anyone else. But it's a nasty nasty hole that just gets bigger. I don't need any more holes. This one is by choice. Someone else's. Someone who is supposed to love me. On that note. Why do you think he is going to leave? Why wouldn't he? Everyone does at some point. That's angsty. Fuck off. It's true. Name one person who never got sick of your shit. Exactly. Your own father kicked you out once. Im either too much or not enough or some combo of the 2. Like a paraplegic hacker. Too smart/temperamental and not enough good to balance that out. Good? Why that word? Good, easy, whatever. The only time people liked me was when I was a child or a pushover. Just gonna leave that there??? It's true. Before I got sick (thanks bitch), I was easy going. People like easy going. No stress, no needs to meet. Then I got sick (bitch) and felt like I had to fight harder to get anything or anywhere. So Im not even an easy person now, in addition to being physically unreliable. You think being a yes man was a good thing??? Not good maybe. But people stuck around. I wasn't alone. You aren't alone now. For now. Really. Yes. Really. One day Im going to be down, permanently (bitch)? Then what? No one wants a crippled wife. You can't choose your kids or siblings or parents but, goddamn it, you can leave a wife and people not think you're shit for it.
. . .
See? Im a handful. My brain (you, btw) is just a clusterfuck. A hodgepodge of brilliant broken mess. Add to my less than attractive body and my refusal to not ask for my needs to be met is too much. Says you. You aren't even thinking about his choices. He knew what he was getting into. Maybe just m a y b e he likes it. Maybe he likes a little challenge everyday. Maybe he thinks your ups (also me, btw. Bitch) are worth your downs. Just because you don't see why, doesn't mean he doesn't. I had to fight tooth and nail for his affection. He didn't want me for a long time. What makes you think he didn't just decide life was a little easier with me in it? What would prevent him from leaving when that stops? You chose him and his son. So? Both of them have some serious issues. Be real. You not only chose him, a spouse with issues,  but also his son. You chose a sick child. You said parents can't choose healthy kids over sick. They get stuck with them. But you chose that. That's different. If you think that, you're stupid. That man knows you won't give up on him or his son bc you knew everything and still chose them. Huh. So? People don't show the same loyalty given to them. Cynicism isn't a good look on you. I want to trust him. I do, I think. Is it full trust?
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