#im just so fucking sad and tired and im sO fucking broke

[jackalopefreckles]

Yeahh idk this years been bad for me i was hoping it was gonna get better but it?? Doesn't look like it

#i mean yeah I got top surgery but that was the only good thing and I almost killed myself when my parents made me cancel the first one #im just so fucking sad and tired and im sO fucking broke #i lost.. all my savings to a fucking phone scam so yknow my fams been treating me like Im even dumber #which yeah idk it was dumb but I was so scared and they said I was gonna owe all this money and be responsible and possibly face jail like #phone scams work for a reason thats all Im saying #and then I broke my fuckingg ankle and the cops never fucking did anything about the person who was responsible so?? yeah #i lost my job cause of that had to have surgery on my ankle twice #im just so tired and I was excited I thought Id be able to do college again and do it?? the way I wanted to #without my shit parents bossing me around and making all my decisions for me no matter what I say or do #and i mean.. yeah thats falling apart now I have to get a job like now maybe 2 #my brothers job is in danger now like hes been supporting me during all this fucking mess like.. idk its bad yall

[starry-bi-sky]

realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards

*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #clone^2 #danny fenton is a clone #like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week. #like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good. #i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a #few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :] #don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst. #hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but #you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device #they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause #nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to #keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter #raaa #and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time. #*but those two fucking weeks man* #i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs

[the-kipsabian]

i just think seeing kip would fix me

you know??

#going through it again tonight fellas #i watched one vlog with him and i miss him so much. him and his stupid genuinely kind ass #i hate it. i hate knowing hes not gonna be on anything and anywhere he would be i wont get to to see him in person and im just #just being able to communicate over twitch isnt the same. like yeah i appreciate it and the rest of social media #but its not the same as seeing him in character or meeting him in person #i just. miss it. both of those things #sigh. im just tired i wanna experience things again ;; #i hate being broke and sad and so far away from everything and everyone it fucking sucks ;; #box thoughts

[vurelly]

illinois fucking sucks

#vu talks shit #rant #sorry vex #my first flight got cancelled so i had to buy a ticket through another airline for 300 #my hotel reservation got lost so now im bunking with someone else in a room i shouldnt be in #and it was decided that today was the day to tell me that nobody would be available to drive me to the airport the day im leaving #and american wont let me change my flight date #so i just spent another 300 on another new ticket with united #im so tired #im broke #i cant even pay my phone bill now with the amount of cash i have in my bank #i have to borrow money from a bridesmaid to pay my fucking bill #ill delete this later but like #im so tired and sad rn #i just wanna sleep for 3 hours

[rosicheeks]

You've been so quiet lately, Princess. We love you and what you post be it a trickle or a tsunami. May you feel all the love and adoration we have for you when you read this and all the asks we send you.

#^^ literally me rn #im ok im ok I’m ok (she’s not) #I can’t thank you enough for this message lovely #I know I’ve been bitching about it ever since I’ve moved #but guys this move has been ROUGH #I had no fucking clue how rough it truly would be #I wanna say since I’ve moved I’ve been able to properly chill for a total of 3 hours #(I moved back in the beginning of January) #my depression and all of my mental bullshit is at an all time low #the only thing I’ve found that kinda helps is smoking but my parents don’t get it and don’t approve so I have to smoke in my cars #and ever since I’ve moved I’ve had like 6??? close calls with the cops #im just so sick of this life #and then I feel bad bitching about everything cause my parents have it a billion times worse #my dad has to deal with so many physical problems that I can just feel him starting to give up #my mom can barely see and her eyes are make her entire head hurt #so she’s getting a surgery done soon (for only $10000) #and then my dad has to pay for a surgery where the fucking doctor fucked up and he’s still recovering from #and there’s literally nothing I can do #I know I need to get a job I’m just terrified if I get a job I’ll get even more depressed and I’ll get back into those suicidal feelings #im tired I’m sad I’m broke I wanna help my parents but I can’t so I sleep #im kicking myself SO MUCH for everything that happened. I wish I could go back and do it all over idk #I’ve been really really trying but it’s just been a struggle lately #I want to reply to people (especially my snap babes) cause I feel so awful for not being around but life has just been to much for me rn #and the absolute last thing I want to do is bring other people down with me… I want to be a light in people’s lives not a dark hole ya know #idk this is a lot and I wanted to reply to this differently but here you go #just know I see every single ask and interaction and it makes me smile so much #I can’t thank you guys enough for being a light for me right now 🥺 #even if I don’t reply to your ask I see it and it always makes me smile 🥰🥰🥰🥰 #I’m out of space but thank you so fucking much I seriously can’t thank you enough I love you 🥹😭 #ask

[im-traumatised]

Not sure anyone noticed, but I've not been around much cause my phone broke. Been waiting for the new one to arrive, and I forget desktop Tumblr exists a lot... But I'm alive I guess, in the technical sense anyway...

#It accidentally fell off my bed #got a small crack and now the screen won't show anything #fucking grand time considering the day after my headphones also broke #i ducktaped them back together though becuase the thought of leaving my apartment made my panic lmao #then the same day I found rats in my apartment and man im having a shit time being an adult lately #my savings are being eaten im living with rats im terrified will eat my things and Im really starting to realise #just how bad my aversion to leaving my apartment has gotten #tired of being an adult #tired of having no money #tired of being alone #just tired #but im still alive i guess #just waiting with dread for my 22nd birthday next month that i dont want to arrive #first time ive truly hated the thought of my birthday man its kinda sad #always been so determined to make my bday good even if its always ended up depressing and with me crying at night alone but like #this year im struggling to even want to try i dont want to turn 22 i dont want to still be kicking ya know #sorry this turned dark #although pretty sure noones actually read this far lmao #still #... #aceofdragons

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#so for the last like. as long as i can remember. ive had a shit sleep schedule #mostly like sleep all day and stay up all night kinda shit #but i got sick/burnt out recently and slept for almost two days straight #and somehow it reset my sleep schedule to something normal #like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days #and i havent had to nap #and the not needing to nap is really fucking with me #like im used to waking up. feeding my dog. and then napping until i go to work #i should be napping rn. but im not tired #i dont have to get ready for work for another four hours and ive already been awake for three hours #i went to the coffee shop and to walgreens. im in real clothes instead of pajamas. i did a load of laundry #im laying in bed (its so hot i might be dying) and i just. dont know what to do with my time #im probably gonna do some cleaning and packing because im moving in two months #idk im just feeling some strange type of way because for the last few days ive been. alive #instead of sleeping my life away #its so strange. i got sick. slept for a few days. and now my biggest problem is just fixed? and i can have a life now? #its 70 degrees today and the world is my oyster. what should i do? #i have a list of chores im gonna do. i might walk to the coinstar machine so ill have money #yeah i want to do that cuz im in the negatives in my bank account but i want to get a cool drink before work today #my dad texted me this morning 'noticed your bank account is overdrawn for the second time this week. whats going on kid?' #which is such a sad text to get because i know im broke. thanks dad. lets pls ignore my financial hardships #if you want to make my dad less sad hmu for my venmo /hj #anyways ill probs do that today. get some cash so i can get a frozen lemonade from wawa or something #yknow that post thats like 'seasonal depression seems fake until its 50 degrees in march and it feels like you took a party drug' #i think thats partially whats happening here. its 70 degrees and sunny and my systems dont know what to do with that #i hope youre all having a great day that you dont sleep through. i love you!!

[darkmothsy]

I am holding on by a fraying thread

#personal #lifes been really rough lately #late night thoughts #using tumblr as my diary again #i feel like such a failure #i feel invisible #i can't take care of myself #the only person who cares is too far away and going through their own shit #I'm so tired #i can't get my toddler to sleep #i can't function #I'm so sad #Only one person would notice if i wasnt around anymore #everyone else would be better off without me #depressed af #i almost broke my glasses again but they bent back into shape #they're super delicate now tho so im upset with myself #i just keep fucking up #mental illness #i just cant keep doing this

[pumpkinstep]

.

#bear barks #youre not ready to be in a relationship and im breaking up with you #oh how cathartic that would be to say #im not your fucking mother #you pathetic sack of shit #how? how? how? how does a grown ass adult not know how to clean or do anything??? im so tired! #im ripping my fucking hair ojt how the fuck #how the actual fuck #i wanna punch yoh in yhe back of the head so bad #i hate your sad boy vibes! #You turned me into my mother and i resent yoh for it #if we broke up and i moved away #you bet your ass ill be forgetting you in a heartbeat #i have very little love to give and you wasted it #i have very little room in my heart and youve outgrown it #i cant carrh tou with me anymore #i just cant #i cant do it anymore #i cant du king take this anymore #im so fjcki g tired

[the-fog-system]

.

#i legitimately just have needs that arent able to be met rn #i think i just want to have literally anyone who’s nearby that cares about me #i broke down the other night and told zoey that a big part of this is that i literally don’t think that #other than her and my best friend #anyone would notice for a pretty long time if something were to happen to me #and she said she understood why i felt like that right now and i’m just so fucking sad bro #im so tired of crying almost all day every day #it’s not even close to fair for me to ask for the amount of attention that i ACTUALLY need from her #like that’s the whole point of polyam #but when you’re… like me i guess and are straight up just too fucking much for everyone #i don’t know what the fuck i’m supposed to do #at least in florida people thought i was hot enough to match with me and have a conversation and i could actually get to know people #before they just made those quick judgements on my abilities and wrote me off #but i don’t know what happened #if it’s being here or if i’m just ugly now or something like i legitimately don’t know #but no one even wants to give me a chance anymore #im just tired and sad #the usual #i’ll get past it and maybe figure something out #maybe not #i was hoping the end of my period would mean feeling a little less unstable but if anything i feel more alone #sebastian

[blue-jisungs]

making up with them after a fight ♡

author's note. minho’s one is so relatable to me i hate it sm :(( like idk sometimes i don’t wanna be touched but i have struggles wording it out and im afraid ill hurt someone w my reaction… <\\3 sigh… yeah, can u tell it’s self indulgent?

warnings. yn falls asleep in a bathtub,, pls dont do that!!!, cursing, lmk if i missed anything

this is a continuation to fighting with them!!

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

you woke up in your and chris’ bed, which made your stomach turn. he must have brought you here.

suddenly sitting up, you noticed your boyfriend is absent. did he leave…?

jumping out of the bed you rushed to living room and were relieved to see him in the kitchen.

however, guilt washed over you upon seeing him so… lifeless, hurt.

“hi” you whispered, clutching your shirt. chan looked at you and smiled softly, nodding his head.

“morning. there’s some coffee for you, breakfast will be done in a few minutes” he hummed and returned his gaze to the pan.

“chan, listen… i’m sorry i snapped at you yesterday. yes, i was tired but…” you hesitated, voice cracking “that’s not an excuse, really”

“i’m just worried, y/n” he said and his features softened.

“i know, i know” you hung your head low, afraid that tears will escape any second “it’s just… work has been shit lately and it’s draining me emotionally and physically… and i just…”

“hey, hey. it’s okay. i understand it. that’s why i’m here, right? to help you. but to help you, i need to know first” chan walked up to you, wrapping his arms around you. this warm, secure hug made you feel at ease “but i won’t be able to know if we don’t talk”

“i know�� i’m so, so sorry. for snapping and for acting like an asshole… i’m sorry channie” you cried, pouring your heart out.

“i forgive you, y/n. i already did. let’s just treat this as a lesson, okay?” chan soothed you gently “let it out, baby. i’m here”

┆彡 MINHO [ 민호 ]

you and minho became distant. you began touching and kissing him less, head overflowing with worries each time when physical contact involved. eventually, you stopped. you just greeted him in the morning or after work.

and minho hated this.

he knew it was his fault because he snapped you. and if he didn’t do anything about it, your relationship might be on a thread... if it wasn't already.

so one day, when you woke up… you felt a soft kiss being pressed to your arm. you smiled gently to yourself, trying to remain calm. what is he scheming…?

"y/nnie… i’m sorry"

you turned around, frowning. lino’s eyes softened but there was a glint of sadness in them.

"i snapped at you when i had a bad day already. and… it was one of those days when i just don’t want to be touched, even by you. it- it sounds so idiotic but i promise you, it’s not your fault…" minho started and you bit your lip. your hands ached to cup his face and– "i can see you’re thinking about it. it’s fine, i’m fine. no, actually i’m not. i missed your touch and kisses so so much. and i feel like an idiot because i’ve brought it on me but above all…”

he hesitated and tapped your finger. you nodded, granting him permission to hold you. in an instant, he shuffled closer and wrapped his arms tightly around you.

"i’m sorry i made you feel like that. i can’t even imagine how you must have felt, thinking if ill snap at you today too… im so… fucking… sorry… " minho’s voice broke off and you felt his body shiver.

"it’s okay, min. i forgive you, don’t feel guilty. just tell me next time, okay? i understand that on some days you’re feeling like you don’t want to be touched, i respect that" you hummed into his skin, drawing shapes "just tell me"

"i will" minho smiled softly, heart warming because of your words, kindness, and touch.

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

with a shaking hand you dialed changbin’s number, looking at the droplets falling in front of you. he picked up instantly.

"hello, baby?" he asked, concern in his voice. you took a deep breath, trying to control your breaking voice slightly at least.

"you… um, you were right…" you mumbled, sniffling.

silence fell and you were expecting an 'i told you so' or 'see?' but none of that happened.

"i’m sorry, pretty. i swear, next time i see them somewhere i’ll talk to them. i’ll pick you up, hm?" changbin asked and even though you knew he didn’t see, you nodded. your heart felt light that you didn’t fight again.

"i… um, i’m sorry. for being so defensive about them but… i was in the wrong…" a soft sigh left your lips and you heard a loud 'yah!' causing you to move your phone away for a bit.

"don’t apologize. i’m the one who should say sorry, truly. i just didn’t want you to get hurt again but… i took it to far, i said some messed up shit. sorry" chanbin’s voice was gentle and then suddenly you heard a honk. eyes widening, you saw his car "also i may or may not have already been waiting here…"

"dumbass” you scoffed, wiping your tears and going to his car with a smile.

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

hyunjin entered the house, frowning upon the silence. your shoes were on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, some miscellaneous items scattered around the living room.

"y/n?" he called out. no answer.

you weren’t in the bedroom either. hyunjin, growing anxious, opened the bathroom door.

he saw you sleeping in the tub, head almost barely above the water.

"yah, dumbass!" he yelped and dragged you a bit up, safe enough but still in the water. your eyes opened lazily, gaze unfocused.

"huh?" you blinked at him and saw genuine worry on his face.

"you fell asleep in the tub, y/n. i got so scared" he sighed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. he noticed your eye bags and it hit him like a truck: sure, dancing is his profession and he gets tired. but you, as a cleaning lady move as much as him and have to deal with other - usually assholes - people. you must be exhausted, even more than him.

then his gaze shifted to various scratches and bruises on your arms. you noticed it and smiled softly.

"it’s nothing, you know how clumsy i am. today i knocked over a broom and it hit my arm… it was kinda funny actually" you grinned but only saw sadness behind his eyes "hyune?"

"i… the thing i said the other day… i don’t mean it. i don’t think you’re just a cleaning lady, i shouldn’t say anything like this. and, it’s a bit stupid, but i realized just now… that at the end of the day, you’re probably as tired as me" he mumbled, voice small. you nodded, grabbing his hand.

"i won’t lie, what you said hurt me. but… i get it, you were tired and i got on your nerves–" you started.

"but i shouldn’t have bursted like that. let me take care of you now, hm? do you want me to wash your hair?" hyunjin asked, a cute smile finally blooming on his lips. you nodded energetically, causing him to giggle and place a tender kiss atop your head before proceeding to wash your hair.

┆彡 JISUNG [ 지성 ]

when he left the party, glad to finally be out… someone grabbed his arm. he turned around and saw beomgyu.

"what?" jisung grunted, looking at the stranger.

"dude, i don’t know what’s your problem but me and y/n were literally talking about you" beomgyu said, letting go of his arm "besides, i’m taken"

jisung wanted to snarl 'so what?' but the sudden reality hit him: he threw a tantrum like a spoiled brat and almost went home without you. beomgyu scanned his face suspiciously, seeing the gears turn in jisung’s head.

"y/n loves you, i can see it in the way her face lits up when she speaks about you" beomgyu said and shrugged, adding before leaving "thought i’d just let you know"

jisung went back, looking for you. it turned out you stayed outside, gazing into the sky.

"um, hi" he mumbled, sitting down next to you. you didn’t reply "i’m… sorry"

"that was fast" you teased, bitterness shining through your voice.

"beomgyu walked up to me. i acted like an idiot, i know. i was just… jealous, i guess" jisung murmured almost incoherently, shy about his feelings. you turned around and sent him a sky smirk.

"you were what?"

jisung rolled his eyes playfully.

"i was jealous, are you happy?" he repeated louder.

"it’s fine. just… don’t yell at me. and let me finish, for god’s sake. if you listened what i had to say, you’d know that we were discussing which guitar i should buy you as a gift" you explained and saw his eyes widen. you couldn’t possibly stay mad any longer at this boba-eyed quokka.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

there was a doorbell echoing through the living room and you sent your friend a puzzled look. she shrugged and went to open the door.

"oh… y/n, it’s felix" she turned around and sent you a pitiful look. you just sighed, nodding. she let him in, scanning him head to toe threateningly, and left to her bedroom to give you some privacy.

"how did you know i’m here?" you asked, eyes avoiding his.

"(friend name) added a picture to the story that you’re here… so… um… i grabbed those and flew"

finally looking up, you noticed the bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hand. felix handed you them and sat down next to you on the couch, hesitantly tapping his fingers on his thigh. he wanted to hold your hand but wasn’t sure if you wanted to right now.

"i’m a bad boyfriend, aren’t i? even seungmin knew you were fired" he sighed with a sad smile "i’m so sorry. there’s nothing that could… be an excuse"

you took his hand in yours, humming in thought.

"will you work on it? i missed you. i know work is busy but at least talk to me, eat breakfasts with me… if we don’t work it out, i’m afraid–" your voice broke, not even wanting to say those words.

felix hugged you tightly, holding you as close as possible.

"i know. i will work on it, i promise. i’ll try to clear my schedule and we can go on a trip to jeju maybe?" he mumbled into your shoulder.

he just got a last chance and he wasn’t going to blow it.

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

returning home after three days, you entered the house only to see seungmin sleeping on the couch. the place was neatly cleaned, not even a single dirty spot in sight.

"oh, you’re back" seungmin murmured drowsily, leaning on his elbows "how was the stay?"

"good. why are you sleeping in the couch?" you asked, walking up to the fridge to put in the food your mom gave you. to your surprise, it was full with fresh groceries.

"i… uh, couldn’t really sleep well without you. i also have a thought about what i said and… listen, y/n, i’m sorry" he said "i really like your parents, i really do. i was just tired and… i don’t know what it’s like, that’s true. i didn’t consider your and their feelings… and i just hope your parents don’t hate me now because i’ll cry"

"i think they love you more than me at this point, my mom kept asking about you" you smiled softly, relieved to hear that you made wrong assumptions.

"just tell me a bit earlier if we’re going next time, okay?" he asked and you nodded with a happy grin "besides, it was lonely here without you"

┆彡 JEONGIN [ 정인 ]

"dude, what the fuck?" changbin asked, standing frozen. jeongin frowned "you were supposed to text eunjeong only to get the info about the cake, nothing more!"

that was true – they wanted to make you a surprise party because you passed your exams and eunjeong works in one of the best bakeries in the town, so they figured it’d be the best to text her.

"i got distracted… i didn’t know y/n would make such a fuss out of it" jeongin grunted and opened his phone to see your location on 'my friends'. he bit his lip, sudden realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. if he found out you were texting your ex… he wouldn’t be pleased about it either.

"what are you waiting for? go after her! and don’t spoil the surprise, too!" changbin pushed him out of the dorm.

in no time jeongin caught up with you, grabbing your hand. you turned around, wet stains on your cheeks. he felt a sharp sting in his heart upon realizing it’s his fault.

"listen… i didn’t mean any of that. but i need you to trust me" jeongin said, squeezing your hand. you hesitated.

"why? i trust you i just… don’t trust her" you mumbled, wiping your cheek.

"i know, i’m sorry. you’ll see soon, okay? can you forgive me? i love you so much, i just didn’t think it would hurt you that way" he added shyly. nodding softly, you tightened your lips into a line.

"okay…" you hummed.

hopefully the cake will be delicious enough to regain at least a piece of your trust.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e ,, @fire-08 ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

#skz #skz fluff #stray kids #stray kids fluff #skz stay #skz imagines #skz changbin #skz fanfic #skz felix #skz hyunjin #skz scenarios #skz bang chan #skz jeongin #jisung skz #skz minho #seungmin skz #skz reactions #skz x stay #skz x y/n #skz x you #skz x reader #skz drabbles #skz soft hours #skz angst #skz seungmin #stray kids scenarios

[apollosfavkiddo]

Helloo!!! im in such a Jason Grace era these days and fics for him are SO limited in the fandom?? its actually super sad. i loved your previous jason fic smm, Would you consider making a Jason x fem!reader where Jason just has a veryy bad day, he gets overwhelmed by everything and everyone, and he just cries into reader's arms and she comforts him?

i feel like he deserved to just cry it all out atleast once, considering the amount of pressure the poor boy has had from everything :( so i would lovee to read about that!

⛧° as long as we're together °⛧

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

content: jason grace x fem!reader

warnings: angst but then it’s fluff, kinda short, cursing, 5’3 (1,60m) reader, life in New Rome!

a/n: HA LOOK WHO’S POSTING TWICE IN JUST ONE DAY???? hehehe i love this request so much my boo deserves more in his life i don’t fucking care.

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

Sometimes it’s just too hard to be Jason Grace.

The mighty son of Jupiter. Pontifex Maximus. Counselor of the Zeus cabin. Juno’s Champion. Hero of Omlympus. Centurion of the Fifth Cohoort.

The titles were endless. And so was the work.

And everyone, and i mean everyone, counted on him for various things and reasons.

“Hey Jason, are you coming to capture the flag?” Annabeth asked, every week.

“Hey superman, come to bunker 9!” As always, Leo wanting to show him some new cool tricks or projects.

“Oi, sparky! Can you help me pick an outfit for my date?” Piper would ask him.

He was just so tired. He just wanted to tell them all to fuck themselves.

But he would never. He was too noble to do that. He just wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew his friends were needing him and he was… well, being a human and an young adult, taking care of his own stuff.

So when he got home from another endless day, back to his shared apartment in New Rome and to his beautiful girlfriend, who made him his favorite dessert - brownies with caramel and peanuts -, he broke down almost instantly.

Obviously, you ran towards him, scooping him in your arms - which was a difficult task, since he was almost a whole foot taller than you - but you did it anyways, pulling him close to your body, letting him sob in your shoulder as you tried to soothe him.

You had never seen him cry like that, clinging on you for dears life. Once again, he was never one to show his real feelings to anyone, not even your or Thalia.

You scooted him in your arms, rubbing soft circles at his back while you whispered small ‘shh’s and ‘it’s gonna be okay’s in his ear, the both of you say in the floor of your cozy apartment.

After a few minutes of compulsive crying, your shoulder and the upper part of your white tank top completely soaked in hot, wet tears, he finally calmed down - at least a little.

“Hey, honey.” You finally whisper into his ear as he pulls away from your embrace, eyes all puffy and red as he sniffles and wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

“Hey..” He mumbles, his tone low and cracked as you kept caressing his hair smoothly. You caressed his hair and gave a soft and gentle kiss so his cheek.

“Are you okay?” You were answered with a soft nod of his head as he scooted closer to you, snuggling against you warm body and keeping his head on your chest. He looked like a five year old child, and that made you smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.. not now. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice all mushy and muffled by his cheek tightly pressed against you body.

“Of course it is, my love. Do you want to eat? We have pasta with that sauce you like.” She said between little kisses in his eyes, his cheeks, the bridge of his nose and his lips. “And i made you your favorite brownies.”

“Mmhmm…” He let out a content mumble, finally pulling away from him and giving you a kiss on the lips. “After that i… after that i’ll talk to you, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay. But you have to eat before. Come on, i’ll help you get up.” She said as she got up and held out her hand for him to grab.

You finally got on your feet, and you turned around to reheat the food. When you were at the oven, he wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your neck, breathing heavily as he kept the closest he could to you.

Soon, the food was on the table, and the doorbell rang. It was the girl that walked with your dog. You thanked her and pulled Thor, your golden retriever, inside the house.

He immediately went to Jason, wiggling his tail and giving him the biggest licks in the world while the blond laughed.

You smiled at the sight. You knew that he was obviously hurting with something, and you were going to discover with what, but, right now, he just needed some love.

You gave him just that, as you ate together chilling and chatting about your days, you talking more than him.

He helped you with the laundry while you washed the dishes, and the chores were finished very quickly. You went back and cuddled up on the couch, a massive ball of fur, aka your dog, resting comfortably between you two.

You heard when Jason sighed and felt his shoulders shaking, showing his impending collapse, once again. You cyy it deles him closer to you as he cried and cried. His sobs were the only thing heard in the house.

Ten minutes later, when he was calmer, you were stroking his hair in the softest way you could, making sure he would be ready to talk.

“I-i’m just so… tired. Of everything and everyone. It’s- i know it’s selfish, but i can’t help but want to just… ran away. To just stay with you and Thor and give up on the rest of the world.” He said, his words are muffled and smudgy as he holds onto you.

“I know, baby… You shouldn’t work yourself out. You’re doing too much. More than you should, and you know that. You have too much work.” She said, kissing the top of his head.

“I just- i can’t let them just, you know, alone. It’s.. i can’t.” The son of Jupiter said, crying more.

“Honey, they won’t be alone. We have Reyna and Frank and Percy and lots of other people that you can use some help from. You’re not alone. Ever.” She said, reassuringly.

“But-“

“No buts. You’re gonna take a week off, and we’re just gonna hang out here, together, with Thor. No works, no college, no Pontifex Maximus stuff. Just y/n and Jason. And that’s not a request.”

He mumbles something but snuggles closer to you. “Fine. As long as we’re together.”

a/n: i’m literally so proud of myself bro, i got to do two, TWO works today. i’m evolving boos

#postcards from leah #jason grace x reader #jason grace x y/n #jason grace #jason grace x you #percy jackson #pjo #pjo hoo toa

[atinyniki]

dear (ex)lover.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x f!reader

genre: pure angst, letter

warnings + additional info: seungmin is referred to as seungmin and min, seungmin was (and still is) a dick, seungmin is a player, seungmin led reader on, reader reminisces the past, reader blames seungmin for the downfall of their relationship (rightfully so), reader has past trauma from relationships, mentions of waiting till marriage, reader has body image issues, reader has been depressed, reader has trust issues, reader misses seungmin, just a really really sad angsty letter, intended lowercase, written in letter format.

authors note: okay. im so sorry for this... this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1033

dear lover,

why don’t we talk anymore? i remember, you told me i was your best friend once. i remember, i was your best friend before i was your lover. i understand, your love for me is gone now, but weren’t we supposed to be friends? didn’t you tell me we could go back to the way it was? so why don’t you talk to me? why do you avoid my eyes when you see me? why do you ignore my texts?

why do you only speak to me when it’s convenient for you?

i remember when i first opened up to you, my love. i told you i didn’t fit in with the group. i didn't think you needed me, and i didn’t think the others did either. you told me you didn’t know you needed me until i was in your life. do you still need me? why did you love me like that if you were just going to ghost me in the end? we talked about so much. you bought me my wedding ring. i wore my heart on my sleeve for you. you gave me a promise ring. why did you break your promise? why did you write so many love letters to me, knowing that you were leaving in the end?

what did i do to be treated like this? i should have been better to you, right? it’s my fault, right? i had to have done something… right? what did i do? i can do better, i can. i can be a better friend, i promise. you were my first real friend. you held me when things were hard. i need you to hold me once more. you always did my hair all nice to distract me. i miss when you’d braid it. you even played with my stuffed animals with me. you were the first person who accepted me for me.

why don’t you like me anymore? why am i always the one to approach you? did you only speak to me because i spoke to you first? was this all one-sided and you only spoke to me because i annoyed you till you replied? i didn’t know. i didn’t know that i was being annoying. i didn’t realize it. i thought you wanted me too. i’ve been having nightmares again. you told me you’d be there. it’s funny, isn’t it? you promised you’d always be there, but now you’re the cause of them. you broke my trust. you fucked up, and i forgave you. again and again, i forgave you. i took you back for every mistake you made.

why did you take my heart for granted? why did you break me like this? am i unlovable? did you grow tired of me? could you not stand me anymore like the others? the boys told me what you said about me. what you said about my body. i know i don’t look the same anymore, but can’t you still love me? am i really all that different now? or maybe you just don’t want someone who rots in bed all day. yeah, they told me that part too. maybe you couldn’t deal with my past trauma. i’ve lost people in the past like i lost you before. you told me you wouldn’t leave me. not the way they did, at least. but you did. you left, and you ruined me in the process.

maybe i am unlovable. maybe this was meant to happen. was it for the better? did you mean it when you said you loved me those last nights we spent together? did you find it fun? breaking my heart? was it nice to watch me fall apart that night on my bedroom floor? was it fun to use my own pain against me? was it fun telling me it was my fault? did it take some of your guilt away?

i’m mad at you, still.

but a part of me still loves you. a part of me still wants to forgive you, and i don’t know why. i shouldn’t, i know. you don’t deserve my forgiveness. you don’t deserve anything i have to offer. but i still want to forgive you. i still want to love you like i used to. i still want to tell you that im here for you, and i still want to hold you while we fall asleep. i still want to brush away your tears, and i still want to do your skincare for you. but you’re fading away from my life. i don’t know the person i fell in love with anymore, because they aren’t you. i miss his sweet voice, and i miss his melting touch. i miss the sound of his heartbeat, and i miss his heart. but it’s always going to be you, isn’t it? it’s always been you. you’re the person i love most, but the feelings are fading away too. i want to keep them with me. i want to hold it all so tight that your love can’t escape anymore, but you’re gone. you’re gone, and you took my heart with you.

i’m sorry. was i not good enough for you? i wish i could have been the one for you. i don’t know if i’m allowed to say it, but i miss you, min. i miss our late night laughter, i miss our runs to the coffee shop. i miss the bond we had. where did it go? why am i the only one putting effort into this stupid friendship anymore? why do i always text first? why am i begging for you to love me again?

it’s stupid.

this is stupid.

you’re stupid.

i hate you.

i hate you for using me.

i hate you so much for ruining us.

i hate you for ruining what we had.

i hate you for ruining every memory with you.

i hate you for ruining me for anybody else.

you ruined me.

they’ll never be you.

no one will ever be you.

i hate you, kim seungmin.

i hate you.

i miss you.

i miss you, and i hate it.

i hate it.

i hate you.

i love you, your ex lover.

</3

#atinyniki #seungmin #kim seungmin #skz #stray kids #straykids #skz seungmin #skz kim seungmin #stray kids seungmin #stray kids kim seungmin #straykids seungmin #straykids kim seungmin #seungmin angst #seungmin imagines #kim seungmin angst #skz angst #stray kids angst #straykids angst #seungmin x y/n #seungmin x reader #kim seungmin x reader

[pamelasmuse]

The outside

Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Summary: You recently break up with your long time boyfriend. Dean helps you forget about him.

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of smut, smut, daddy kink… i think thats it.

“Pay up boys.” You motion to a group of bikers who had just lost their 4th round of pool. He handed you a wad of 20s and you stuffed it in your bra.

You walked back over to the boys, slapping the money on the table. “Next rounds on me.” You announced before sitting down at the table. “You seem to be doing better.” Sam commented. “Winning will do that.”

Just a few days ago your long time, long distance boyfriend had just broken up with you. He had called and told you he couldn’t do this anymore, that he was a man with needs. And you had moped around the motel for the last week. You cried most nights and cried during the day. He was someone you thought was the one, and it was hard to admit it was over.

But then the boys offered to take you out for a fun night. Dean even mentioned you could bring a guy back to forget about Rilee. And so far it was going very well. You had one hundreds of dollars from pool and darts and you felt like a million dollars.

“Well.” Sam started. “I think ill head back, im a little tired.” “Oh Sammy!” you whined. “Maybe im still sad, will you stay?” Sam laughed “No Dean will stay here you’ll be fine.” Sam left and Dean got you another round.

After a few more shots, the sadness had come back. You were swirling your beer in circles when Dean interrupted you’re thoughts. “So what is it?” He asked. “Whats what?” “What is so special about this guy? Ive seen him, he’s not that special.” “I dont know, he was just good.” Dean laughed. “No hes not, remember the nights you cried because he wasn’t there for you, hes not that good.” “Dean.” You start. “Not that kind of good.” You start to blush, trying to not make it so obvious. ���No fucking way.” He slapped his hand on the table. “He fucked you that good? God damn.” He laughed so hard. He leaned in closer to you. “So what was it exactly, like what? He was that good?” “I dont know, he just made me feel good.” “But how?” He asked. “Why do you want to know so bad?” “Im good, but fuck, I’ve never got a girl to stay cause the sex was that good.” You hide your face in your hands. “He was one of my first.” You mumble. “No, you, what!” Dean yells pure shock on your face. “I just, we got together in high school.” Dean laughs. “God you need to catch some good dick.” You look around the near empty bar. “Like who? Not most guys, make me…” you trail off. “Cum? I make every girl cum.” Dean does his cocky smirk. “No” you say in disbelief. “Every one?” “Why are you so shocked? I am hot, and good.” You shake your head.

“Do you need me to prove it to you?” He asks. Something took over your body. And even though this was something you wanted to happen for a long time, but would never admit it. But somehow you gained the courage to. “Yes.” It came out so cool and confidante. “Bathroom now.” Dean ordered. And suddenly you were on your feet walking to the bathroom in the back. His hand on your back, guiding you.

As soon as you opened the door, Dean pushed you against the wall. Attacking your mouth. His hands pushed you up and your legs wrapped around his torso.

“How long have you wanted this?” He asked. “A long time.” You mumbled. Soon Dean began moving down your chest. “It was a big reason he broke up with me.” Dean stopped kissing your chest and looked up at you. “Why?” Was all he said. “He could tell, that I liked you, not to mention I may have said your name on night.” Dean shook his head smiling. “Oh baby, you’re going to be saying it a lot tonight.”. His words made your thighs clamp hard together.

Dean works on your chest kissing the tops of your boobs. Soon after he helps you remove your shirt, the your bra. “God damn your beautiful.” Your blush, never having someone say that to you before. “Mmm” is all you can muster.

Somehow Dean moves you so you’re sitting on the sink and he begins to remove his clothes. You hop off the sink to help him. You grab the hem of his shirt pulling up and off him, never breaking eye contact.

Then he starts to unbutton your pants. You slide them off and then his are next. He kisses you and pushes you to the wall. “Dean.” You whimper. “I know baby.” Dean discards your underwear and places a finger in your folds. “Oh baby” he coos. “You’re so wet already, and I havent even touched you.”his hands start to dip into your folds and you moan out. “Oh your so pretty.” He complimented you. His fingers continue to do gods work and you moan out in pleasure. “Tell me how bad you want it.” “Oh dean” you moan. “I-i please” dean dosent make you wait long before he gave your release.

Dean finally removes his pants. You stare at him, your mouth wide. He holds you tight and pushes into you. You begin to moan and he covers your mouth. “ I know baby, shhh.” He coos. this thickness is stretching you out in the most amazingly painful way.

“So how is it?” Dean asks. Your so caught up in your own pleasure that you cannot even muster any words. “Ahh” “Am I better?” You can only nod not being able to say anything.

Dean continues to slam into, turning your brain into mush. “Whats his name?” He slams into you hitting your g spot. You can feel your orgasm soon approaching. “Dean i-im close.” You moan out. “Come on baby, whats his name.” He laughs “oh you cant even remember his name, your so fucked.”

“Dean, please.” “Baby beg for it.” “Dean” “come on” “d-dea daddy please. I-i need it.” That was all dean needed and he pumped into you hard. Your walls squeezed around him and he let his load into you, hot white load coating you.

#dean winchester #dean whinchester #dean winchester smut #supernatural #sam winchester #supernatural smut #dean x reader #dean smut #dean x reader smut #smut

[fanbynature]

A post from Dani Howe, who recently left smosh after working in the marketing team

"From Pet to Threat" - This just happened to me AGAIN and after 10+ years in this biz, I’m sick of having to get over it in silence for fear of being blacklisted, or labeled as “difficult to work with” because I chose to be open about my working experience. I won’t go into details, as this isn’t meant to be that kind of post, but I want to share this research because the “Pet to Threat" phenomena keeps happening to me and so many of my peers, particularly over the last few years here in LA. It’s truly an abusive cycle that repeats for far too many people in the workplace, but especially and aggressively for Black women in the entertainment/media industry. So many of us work extremely hard from a place of love, peace and genuine passion for our crafts. We choose to put our prowess out there, hoping that it’ll be reciprocated with that same authenticity by our leadership/mentors/peers, only to be undermined and vehemently devalued in favor of this insistence for power and control at every turn. I’ll never understand the need to prioritize pettiness & ego over doing the right thing for another team member or putting the best, most collaborative work out there for your company. What’s the point of hiring an expert or someone with big potential, just to diminish them? I'm tired of entering spaces I was promised were full of golden potential and stability, only to have to abruptly leave that space a short while later, lest endure unsafe + toxic working dynamics if I choose to brave it. The feelings of shame, guilt and confusion that come after are all too familiar, and yet they never get any easier to deal with. Constantly being in an anxious place of trying to figure out what went wrong and changing my approach, while the world you left couldn’t even be bothered to think twice about you, feels like a losing game. Why even play anymore? I'm only left jobless with no prospects, broke, and burdened with heavy feelings of sadness that I feel really dumb for having. Because it’s just a job, right? And the house always wins.

Some of you might question why even share all of this. Well, I fully believe transparency is one of the best ways to educate and inspire those around you. By sharing this article and a bit about my experience, I hope others feel encouraged to choose themselves and stop letting lazy business practices suppress their potential. I have no idea what’s next for me - this post has probably tanked any chance of me continuing a career in entertainment marketing. But what I do know is that I’m not accepting being overlooked anymore. Not having my true potential nurtured or recognized because the mentors I believed in would rather act out of insecurity than help me thrive is total BS. I deserve better than that, and so do you. I hope today is the day you know your worth."

Im interested in who are they going to blame now. It was once Defy - but now that it's in the hands of the original creators and owners - the same mistakes seem to be popping up. Hmmm

Also if fans start villanizing her the way they did with Boze and Saige - 👊👊👊 i will find you and i will punch u in the fucking face

#also the fact that it's mainly women of colour that are leaving that place #recently #smosh #smoshblr #youtube #behind the scenes

[chaotic-iguana]

Refuge | chapter three. 

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter | general masterlist 

chapter three: damning rebirth

wordcount: 3.8k - my longest work yet lmao summary: what if reader and joel were married before the outbreak? warnings: angst, estrangement, anger, violence, sad, its like centered around finding yourself again, reader and joel are both quite complicated broken ppl im trying to do them justice, not much joel he’ll be in the next chapter i promise.

You didn’t speak to him for weeks after that first afternoon. You’d run out of words to say. You stopped speaking to his brother, too, for keeping you in the dark; ignoring Maria’s justifications, the constant droning of “…he did it to keep you safe, you know? So you wouldn’t leave Jackson’s safety and run after Joel. You could have died. Sarah’s death would have broken you, like it broke him, and you should be thankful that…” 

You tuned her out after a while. It was getting tiring coming up with rude adjectives to describe how wrong she was in your head. There was no fight left in you to even protest, so you just left the room while she was talking. You loved her, but there were days you thought she just enjoyed hearing herself talk. Which she was extremely welcome to do, but with the acknowledgement that you would rather walk into a bloaters' den unarmed than sit through it.

Tommy had lied to you, kept the truth about your family from you, and no matter how many ways he spun it, it wouldn’t change the fact that when your first fucking words to him were asking about Joel and Sarah, he had looked you in the eyes and lied through his goddamn teeth when he said he didn’t know. He could go crying to Maria all he liked. You’d need a while not to recoil with disgust every time you saw him no matter how many times you got told to stop acting like a child. When Tommy realised the extent of your anger, he attempted to remedy it by telling you everything. Sarah getting shot on outbreak day - you still winced when he said it- and Joel’s time in the QZ, with a woman called Tess. You didn’t even know what to make of that. You probably couldn’t unpack your feelings about it if you tried. How he found the girl you’d gotten alarmed by - the job he got, how he took her in, how he lied to her and why she won’t look at him now. 

You didn’t even bother forming opinions about any of it, let alone voice any. Thinking was futile; your thoughts or ideas or opinions or offense wouldn’t change anything, would they? You continued the same monotonous routine you had established for the past year or so since you arrived to Jackson, this time with even fewer occasions of leaving the house for a party or drink. 

The shop and your bedroom became your life, the only people you spoke to were those looking for books. You’d collected them for years in the hope that if the outbreak ever got under control, there would be literature somewhere for humanity to remember what it used to be. Or perhaps a relic, serving as a legacy for a species long gone. Something, just to yell at the world and all those to come after, that you were here, even when you weren’t really. You hadn’t quite been here since the day the world had ended. Since the day you had lost everything. And now, twelve years later, all of it just came crashing back. 

The pain was as if someone had crawled into your flesh, peeled your ribs back, and plucked your heart out.

Sarah had become less of a person and more of a concept to you over time. The intangibility that very literally gave you strength when you lay bruised and beaten, held down and overlooked by snarling strangers. She had been your salvation; your everything. Losing her wasn’t something you had truly came back from the first time around, suppressed guilt and fear and worry gnawing at the back of your mind. The reappearance of all of it, overshadowed this time by crippling guilt, was a cruel albeit welcome one. You wanted to feel bad - because much like Joel, it was what you deserved. You had failed - not only as a mother but as a wife, too. You should have just gone home on time that fucking night, but life got in the way as if often used to back then. All those little things that got blown out of proportion like work and deadlines and projects and careers didn’t even matter now. You should have come home. You should have been there.

You didn’t even want to imagine how Joel felt. To you, the ache was a phantom limb - trailing you wherever you went, interwoven with your shadow. To him, it was a stain on his hands that he never seemed to be able to rub out; he could always see a tinge of crimson coating his fingers, ever since that night.

Neither of you could look the other in the eye anymore. 

Yet, even after all of it life simply went on, stuttering but still relentless in its proceedings. Pink, jagged scars marred the flesh of time as it stretched around the metalwork of the lives you had fought to keep, yet lost the worth of anyways. Fate is seldom kind.

It wasn’t too peculiar, this distance. Ironically, even after all these years, you both understood the other perfectly - as if each thought either of you had, each feeling you felt, was respected and loved and relayed by the refuge of your marriage, still. You understood that he was too ashamed by his self-proclaimed failure to speak to you, and he understood that the loss had so wholly devoured you that you wouldn’t have the strength to look in his eyes and be reminded of hers for a while.

The song and dance continued, the delicate persuasion of ensuring not to jolt the fragile existences the other had created for themselves. Joel didn’t come near your bookshop, and you didn’t go near Tommy, lest the words ‘family dinner’ be spoken into existence. Truly, he was idiot enough to suggest it. As if all that your currently brilliant (more like fractured) relationship with your husband (was he still? what about tess?) needed was a dinner with his brother, his sister in law, and the kid he had apparently adopted, lied to, and was now in a rough spot with. Gotta love reunions, no?

In another life, you would have stepped in. You would have spoken to either of them - perhaps even made more of an effort to include Ellie in your own life to ensure that after all she had been through, she wouldn’t feel alone even when she wasn’t doing well with Joel. In this life, though, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Joel acted like a selfish, moronic liar, sure. But if this kid couldn’t see, that at his very core, he was just plain scared - that he practically shook in his (adorable) cowboy boots anytime someone mentioned what happened to Ellie - then, great, she deserved Joel not realising that it was her decision to save humanity; to pay the price, to do what it took; entirely independent of him, or anyone else. You tamped down on the cynical part of you sneering at the romantic heroism of it all. The world knew now, better than before, how selfish man was. How utterly human, for Joel to struggle to separate his feelings for his own daughter and the one he had taken in; for Ellie to be too caught up in her own view to even consider what Joel was going through. It was almost like one of those plays you used to enjoy reading - like a Greek tragedy. The hamartia of both heroes was humanity alone.

They’d come around, eventually. Joel and Sarah always did, too. 

The irony lay mostly in the fact that you had spent a decade craving him - his comfort and his warmth. The kneading of his large hands on your back after a long day; the scratch of his stubble when he nuzzled into your neck from behind. The years you didn’t have him were spent with only him in mind; a mindless worship of the love you had. Now that he was within reach; close enough to grasp and curl your fingers around, to sink an burrow into; you were… lost. The desperation; the wild frenzy with which you had remembered only them through the years - to have lost one now leaves you clueless about what to do with the other. The cracks that have made their way into your heart - the ones tainting your soul - you see them reflected in him, too. Your first look into his dark eyes told you that he, too, has done too much to be standing here today; that his first kill, too, had been the man he once was. No wonder you can’t bear to look at each other anymore. The grief - not only of what you have both lost, or what you once had, but the grief of who you both used to be - rears its ugly head in any room you find yourselves in together. Look at me, it screams. Look at what the years have done to me. I can’t recognise myself in mirrors anymore. I don’t see who I used to be. I was so beautiful. I was so good. Look at me. Look at me. Look-

Is this how the angels felt when they fell? You’d never know - there were no angels; there was no God. What divinity would allow for any of this to happen? This joke, this mockery of nature. You never were religious, but fumbled prayers had found their way into your vocabulary every night when you didn’t know where Joel and Sarah were. You - who had never even stepped into a church had prayed.

You must have forgotten there was nobody sitting in the sky to listen.

You had made your peace with the mutual decision to avoid him and the girl - not only because you didn’t even know how to start apologizing to her-but because you were content with the mere knowledge that he was here, that he was alive and breathing.

Tommy’s guilt worked in your favor, ensuring that he didn’t try pairing you and Joel up for patrols - likely fearful of the fallout that might occur (but like, what could even happen? another apocalypse?) but the comedown of that meant that you were paired up with Fred, instead. A man who infuriated you to no end, one who found it extremely interesting that you were once married, that you have a child. Had.

His ceaseless questions made you want to rip your hair out, but you refrained - if only so he wouldn’t have another reason to put his arms around you to try ‘calming’ you like last time. He was a bastard, but you didn’t have it in you to challenge him just yet.

Your answers to his enquiries were grunted or simply monosyllabic, your irritation clear as day in the set of your jaw, the slant of your brow. Nevertheless, like the dumbfuck he was, he persisted. So then how was this your fault?

It had been a decent morning. You’d gotten up early in time for the patrol, taken a shower, drank some water and arrived at the stables. But as you stood outside, you could hear the commotion of people inside - boisterous cheering and laughing as if one would hear in a pub. Interest piqued, you inched your way to the entrance of the barn silently, trying to understand what was going on. 

“…fuckin’ whore’s been leading me on for like half a year, turned out she was married the whole time. Dodged a bullet, though. Nearly lost her shit when he told her that her kid died. Went completely apeshit and ruined my goddamn shirt with her snot- nearly clawed through my arm, too. Feel bad for the poor husband, had to yell at everyone to get out just so he could calm her crazy ass down. Everyone’s lost someone, lady. Get over it, right? Plus, girl that age wouldn’t have done too well at a QZ, know what I mean? Wouldn’t have gone untouched, anyways.” He paused for them all to laugh at the supposed comedic gold in his words - him and his little pack of primitives - and all you could do was stand there, glued to the spot in shock.

The fucking audacity. Leading him on? You fucking tried your best to get him to stop talking to you, stop touching you - and you didn’t claw at his arm because you were crazy, you did it because you were fucking panicking and some idiot was making it worse by caging you in. And that was brushing aside what he said about Sarah. No, that had you seeing red, chest heaving.

Fuck, the old you would have broken his nose on the first day. Never is too late to do the right thing, is it? 

Just like before, a laugh was forming in your chest. A giggle at first, before you were chuckling, clapping a hand to your mouth and horrified with your own humour. The joke here was priceless, though. See - the world had ended, God was dead, and you were worried about being lightly reprimanded? Fuck that, and fuck him. You hadn’t let yourself feel fear out there. You hadn’t let yourself feel despair, and you sure as hell hadn’t let yourself feel hope. Joel’s arrival forced you to confront all the pain you had ignored. This cunt of a man was managing to unearth all the anger you had neglected, too. His fucking funeral.

Your tongue sat agitated against your teeth in anticipation, waiting to give way to the venom lacing the words in your brain. 

Fury sparked in your blood, washing away all your hesitation. Fragmented, she etched herself into the ring of black that blew out your pupils; the unfaltering thumping of your heart in your chest. The threads of your fate were now in her slender, silhouetted hands, and all that was left for you to do was obey. Not that you had a choice. 

Before you could so much as blink, you had burst into the crowd. Fred’s eyes widened at the wild snarl on your face, begging and apologizing.

He was unaware, though, of just how sick you had become of apologies. Tommy’s apologies, Joel’s apologies, Maria’s shitty ones, and then the sympathetic apologies you’d been getting from customers because apparently word of Sarah and her role in your life had spread like wildfire throughout Jackson. Joel wouldn’t have shared it, nor would Tommy- not when he knew you were two seconds away from breaking his nose just weeks ago. That left the kid Joel bought-Ellie-or Fred. And something just told you it wasn’t the girl. You’d trust Joel’s judgement blindly any day.

His empty sorrys fell upon deaf ears, his trembling voice cracking as he repeated them over and over.

You grinned, baring your teeth.

“Hello, Fred. Hello, everyone. Having a party and I wasn’t even invited?” You pouted mockingly. “Y’ know what I personally think is absolutely, knee-slappingly hilarious?” You paused, watching their curiosity grow as they fell hook, line and sinker for the cheerful façade, furrowing ther brows in question and stepping in closer. “How untouched you look, asshat.” Your grin dropped just as you rocked back on your heels, surging forward within a split second while throwing all your weight into your fist. 

Just as it collided with the asshat's jaw.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You’ve been…frazzled since Joel came back, fine, but I cannot excuse your behaviour just because I know you or because you’re family. This was absolutely out of line, is that clear?” Maria stopped her pacing to turn to you, expecting a justification or an apology. You offered neither. When you refused to so much as look up from your split knuckles, she threw her hands up, huffing at her husband, who was leaning against the table sheepishly while wincing every time her voice rose as she yelled at you. 

The door swung open and Joel practically stumbled in, eyes searching wildly until they landed on you curled up on a chair with your hands in your lap. Did news seriously spread that fast, even now? Guess people don’t have much to do when the world has ended.

“Look- I know, I know you went through a lot. At first, you were spacey and Tommy told me to just leave it alone. Then, you got the bookshop and you just spent all your time there or on patrols, never even trying to integrate yourself here, and I’ve let it go because he-“ a finger in Tommy’s direction, “-begged me to. Let go of your little…tantrum with Ellie, too. I watched Tommy mope around and I said nothing even when you refused to accept that he hadn’t told you about Joel, for your own good.” Tommy flinched, but she went on. “I just can’t do it this time. You broke Fred’s jaw, you know? He is a contributing, well-liked citizen in Jackson. Not a recluse. I didn’t believe you’d done it until I saw the state of your hand. You’re always so quie-just-just give me one fucking reason you would punch him.” She was panting by the end, her chest falling rapidly under the weight of her own tirade. 

Joel had planted himself directly between you and Maria, as if trying to protect you from the onslaught of her words. He looked more apologetic than you did, hands extending towards her while he took a deep breath, attempting to placate her. 

“Maria-now just wait a damn minute, she wouldn’t-“ 

Was he defending you? When had that happened? When had you become this-this blubbering, weak version of yourself that Joel had to protect? 

The cold, unforgiving numbness loosened its grip; fear, guilt but most strongly, shame coiling in your gut. Maria was right, in her own fucked up way. You had retreated so far back into yourself that all that was left within your grasp now was mere tendrils of who you used to be. 

Sarah would have been proud of me for punching the bastard, though. 

The thought rang in your mind as you raised your head, squared your shoulders. Took the stutter out of your voice, and looked Maria right in the eyes. 

“Your contributing, well-liked citizen said Sarah was lucky to die. That she wouldn’t have gone untouched in a QZ. Whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean. And thanks to how well liked he is, I didn’t get a chance to tell you that he’s been touching me for months. That he took advantage of the fact that I was too fucking broken to say anything, to anyone. It’s not like you would’ve believed me.” You watched both Millers’ faces harden, brows furrowing as fury began sinking her talons in their flesh. Joel looked murderous, jaw set at that angle you knew meant he was livid. Good. You had been, too. Tommy looked shocked, anger painting his features, and his wife just looked terrified, eyes darting from you to Joel, wide and panicked. It made you smile at her, the curl of your mouth dripping with condescension and mockery. 

“Maria, I’m so sorry you’ve had to overlook this many…grievances, let’s call them. I’ll work on my attitude here, I promise. I’ll go to book club and gossip about my husband and my dead daughter. I’ll do my hair and cut my nails and smile at people who don’t fucking deserve it. Hell, I’ll even forgive Tommy.” You pause, nodding at him, watching the relief in his eyes. Smile dropping, you meet Maria’s gaze again. 

“But here’s what I won’t do- I won’t stand in a room with that asshole again without breaking all the other bones in his body. I won’t stay quiet next time his hands are on me - I’ll snap his fucking neck. Anyone else with anything else to say about Sarah - even if it’s just goddamn condolences - will find themselves in a similar predicament. Is that clear?” She blinked at you, mouth wide open at the radical transformation in you as you spoke, taking so long to nod that you doubted she’d heard you at first. You didn’t blame her - you’d folded in on yourself, made yourself small these past few years. Become meek: looking at the floor, wringing your hands; doing absolutely anything to avoid confrontation or issue. You’d been too tired to fight or stand on your own two feet, and everyone had focused on the wobble in your voice; the wet lining in your eyes; the shake of your hands, and just decided that just because you chose not to challenge them, you weren’t capable of it. Fuck that. 

Joel’s eyes shone as he looked at you, chin dipping in acknowledgment as he, too, had a stunned look on his face. You just shrugged back at him, swinging your legs and getting up, walking out of the house without so much as a glance over your shoulder. 

The flame that had forged your spirit - the fire burning in your veins, the one snuffed out long ago - flickered back to life. Dim,  shaky, practically translucent - but ignited. 

And fuck, it felt good to be back. 

hello loves, as always - thank you for reading. comment your thoughts or find me on ao3. stay hydrated and have a great day! taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @imherefordeanandbones, @theywhowriteandknowthings, @josephquinnswhore, @breakfastatjoels, @millerscoffee, @nostalxgic, @sscorpiiio, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @its-nebuleuse, @sofiparallel, @mandoisapunk, @bastardmandennis, @pawnshopb1ues. dividers by me! series taglist (same rule: message/comment to be added or removed, no hard feelings): @spookyxsam, @obscurexsorrows, @planet-marz1, @lunxramour, @anavatazes, @joeldjarin, @stunkbiggu, @joels-darlin, @casa-boiardi, @noisynightmarepoetry, @chiogarza, @jasminedragoon, @daddy-din, @moonlightdivine, @stickthegremlin, @jamesmasbone, @avampiregf, @amanitacowboy

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