#im going to a normal dentist now and yeah all that shit was Not normal.

[larnax]

like ok lemme give you a fucking recap of my Dentistry Experience

>be me 9ish. go to dentist for first time since i was 3 bc my mom spent all our child support money on plane tickets. dentist says you have three cavities so big we need to pull your teeth

>they put me on anesthesia that i say doesnt work. it doesnt work so im in excruciating pain while they yank out the three teeth

>i get switched to second dentist and a few years later after x-ray am told my canines are growing into the roof of my mouth and i need surgery and braces to have them fixed. dentist then says i can keep on the braces after i get my canines fixed so my teeth will be straight. i tell him i don't care if my teeth are straight and i want them off as soon as my canines are in the right place

>get the surgery and start going to second dentist. he sometimes cuts pieces of my tongue off and after his visits im in so much pain i cant speak. when i ask when i'm getting my braces off he tells me to stop being impatient and refuses to give me an answer

>eventually he says that my canines should be fine and i say ok please take the braces off. he says no because my teeth aren't straight. my mom says no because my teeth aren't straight.

>dentist welds a metal bar to the top of my mouth. it's positioned so that it cuts into my tongue leaving me with a permanent bloody painful wound in my mouth for the several years it's in despite repeatedly telling him and mom what's happening and begging for them to take it out. they say no because my teeth aren't straight

>dentist welds a metal bar behind my bottom teeth with so much glue that after i finally got another dentist to remove it years later they weren't able to get all the glue off and it took several more appointments. also just to straighten my teeth

>YEARS LATER i get the dentist to remove the metal bar. it leaves a scar on my tongue that hasn't healed almost a decade later.

>YEARS LATER i get the dentist to remove the braces.

>after that they immediately give me a retainer they say i need to wear all day. i say for how long they say for the rest of my life. i say Why. they say because otherwise your teeth won't stay straight

>i do not wear the retainer because i already didn't care about my teeth being straight before all this happened and sure fucking didn't now. so my canines are still crooked so yeah all of that was for nothing

#c.paradisi #uh ask to tag #recently i found this article #about another dentist who gave his clients a bunch of unnecessary shit so he could upcharge them #and the article was like yeah the usa has. idr exactly but theyre not considered medical professionals #so they dont require the same training or oversight doctors do #so theres just a ton of malpractice and most of its never caught or punished #and i was like ohhhh. yeah i guess that happened to me huh #what makes me insane is how clear i was from the beginning that i wanted them off as soon as the medical issue was resolved #and NOBODY EVER LISTENED TO ME. #i got tortured for YEARS and permanently scarred my tongue bc my mom wanted me to have straight teeth and a dentist wanted money #awesome! very cool! #ANYWAY. #im going to a normal dentist now and yeah all that shit was Not normal. #also its nice to be an adult bc while i was in for a cleaning the assistant was like you should get a retainer to straighten your teeth #and i said No 👍 and that was the end of it

[yanderefictinallove]

OMG! I love your fic of yandere dentist Mouzan😍 could you make part 2 of this, like the reader becomes his beautiful assistant or wife

Thank you and sure baeee, i got uuuu

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HOME SWEET HOME

Part 2 of novacaine|| yandere dentist Muzan

WARNING ⚠️ this contines, mentions of drugs, drugging, mentions of rape, muzan being rich, Demon Michael Jackson, heehee, stalkhome syndrome

Tw, mentions of rape, anxiety, drugs

This story is recommended for disrespectful teens like me..so yeah keep that in mind, my adult readers are welcome too

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This isn't normal

This isn't normal

This is normal

He injected me with something,  it feels nice. I'm at home, his home, it feels warm and fuzzy, which was weird because I could have sworn something was wrong a minute ago…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh god please no, I don't want anymore!!" "Shhh it's ok sweetness, I'm here to take care of you~" he cooed, trying to calm me down. It wasn't working. He was drugging me, testing to see which drug will make me the most obedient. 

He was holding me down with his body because he knew that he was stronger than me, after all I'm only human compared to him, so my strength is shit. But, this is evet day for me.

I was clawing at the table I was tied down to, my nails were bleeding some, were even missing, my wedding ring -that muzan so graciously forced on to me- was scratching up against the table. I kept wriggling till one of the straps popped, I took the opportunity to suckerpunch him and make a run for it.

As I ran I heard no footsteps behind me, that's not a good sign. That means he is furious. 

Run to the door

Run to the door

Make it to the door

I felt a pinch on my neck, oh no…i'm fading…its too late…i was too slow….

I cant breath

I cant breath

..Do I wanna breathe?...not really

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is nice, the bed is warm and cozy, my husband will be home soon, and i need to smell his scent again, feel him again, outside and inside. I wanna cud- oh i should dress up for him.

I hop out of bed and skip to my side of the closet. I went through various outfits and costumes, 'hmm, what should I wear?'

Maid?

Schoolgirl?

Demon?

Nurse!!!

I found the perfect outfit, i dressed in it just in time, as soon is a finished, the door opened, and my beloved husband was standing there 'he's not your beloved~' …what…of course he is, what are you saying 'he hurt you' no 'he raped you~' NO ' its the drugs' it very much is.. and i knownthat but what does it matter, i have no hope of leaving.

"Hey sweetness, you look quite gorgeous today~"

I was taken out of my thoughts, I ran into muzans arms, breathing in his scent.

"Sweetness, Lets go a few rooms down and play~"

"Do u think one day i can assist you with your clients?"

"Yes, one day, but right now, you are assisting my heart 🖤"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, NOOOOO!!!, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO WANTING TO BE FREE???!?!?!?.......What happened…

Well, it all started with novacaine 

🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰🧁🍰

Muzan as a drag queen, is gold

Anyways..feel free to requst, I do fanfics and art.

You can take inspiration from my writing but dont copy, and make sure to credit me

Luv ya and im proud that you are alive

#anime #kny muzan #muzan kibutsuji #yanderefictionallovewrites #yandere muzan #demon slayer #yandere demon slayer #yandere #yandere kny

[phrootsnacks]

jjba thursday: part 4 ep 10-12

today I had to write an email--it gets worse-- asking for a letter of recommendation. but I think the prof I asked actually likes me, altho she scares me, so idk.

man im so jealous I bet josuke never has to write any emails

episode 10 - Let's Go Eat Some Italian Food

ok you already know im a drawfee fan right. and if youre also a drawfee fan you may remember nathan's favorite jjba part is part 4 because after they beat up guys they become friends and they eat italian food. I'd say this part so far hasn't been exactly that? like its been pretty dark? so im excited for them to have a fun time and be friends and eat italian food

okuyasu

this seems like a nice restaurant. and the chef guy also seems normal (*actively choosing to ignore the opening scene*)

what in the bbc sherlock holmes

okuyasu

????? I just. what

"the first people to use tomatoes as a culinary ingredient were the italians" uhhhh????

ok tonio is just kind of an asshole

ratatouille moment

"hey! old buddy old pal! d'you think you could share some of that with your bestie?" I love the dub i dont care what anyone else thinks

this is normal for an italian restaurant I think

adsfgjhkjlgfds

whore's pasta????

okuyasu

imagine if the next time you when to they dentist they gave you spaghetti with bitch sauce

this guy is a stand user? no wayyyyy

wowwwww

can't have diarrhea if you don't have organs. but you also need to wash your hands with soap

they really did just eat italian food. wait his stand is named pole jam

episode 11 - Chili Pepper, Part 1

I love josuke's mom

hes in your walls. in your cables. coming out of your tv to talk shit to your face

this electric bird is so gay right

talk shit get hit

oh great I missed koichi telling us what's happening. the show doesn't make it obvious enough

I love jotaro talking shit about old man joseph. its just so matter of fact

"I was here the whole time"

chuck a rock or something

yeah!!! ... ?

wait all this was about killing his dad right. or rehabilitating his dad? what's up with okuyasu's dad now

thank you for the exposition koichi. it was both necessary and greatly appreciated

this is, death note,

"eat shit and die you glorified night light" AHAHAHHA

why are the underground cables so shallow

lololol koichi's reaction and then jotaro going "oh yeah"

peed agon

episode 12 - Chili Pepper, Part 2

electricity can flow through salt water. jotaro, youre a marine biologist. you should know the ocean is salt water. can we please talk about how jotaro is a marine biologist like. what? why? I wanna see jotaro be a marine biologist please

koichi;s stand has a range of 50m what do you MEAN hes gonna help find this guy. 50m is not that far

oh my god I love his design its so silly are you fucking kidding me!!!!

hes 19

oh my god. they are both so sassy

it is pretty sick

nice

"guess im the superstar now, cause i'm gonna rock this loser's world" hey. is it just me or

idk "to rock someone's world" always has a connotation to it to me

this is not anarchism

koichi freaking do something

get put in a tire idiot

oh my god hes melting ahahaha wow

"we" what do you mean "we" . koichi.

how much of joseph's behavior is an act

hey....

why did you just. ignore his body

okuyasu

"that deduction stuff is for the birds"

tfw you're tsundere about your dad

okuyasu

stop saying nationalistic fear mongering shit jotaro!!!

wow im so glad they ate some italian food. okuyasu really doesn't like chili peppers. im also getting around to the animation style for this part, at first I didn't like it but its growing on me, and I'm starting to like josuke's design

*update on the email begging for a letter of recommendation* she says it would be a pleasure to write one for me :)

#jjba thursday

[faerie-goddess]

my chronic migraine/brain trauma/ptsd timeline is actually:

infancy was spent with horrendous ear infections that led to the discovery im allergic to penicillin and my left ear suffered major ear damage, i could only hear 75% as a child, its worse now. i had to have speech therapy as it affected how i learned to speak. -ages 1-3

whacked in the head with golf club (frontal bone, left side above eye) had to get stitches - age 3

first distinct memories of having migraines - grade school

got glasses; actually remember parents, fam and doctor encouraging/hoping/praying it would fix my migraines - 3rd grade

glasses dont magically fix migraine issue, lots of going to doctor and a neurologist, tests, CT scans, diet restrictions, pills, and weekends spent in the dark with a wet rag on my head while my parents hosted parties - 4th grade

dentist realizes i will need braces but also orders removal of 8 teeth and then i had spacers :) - 4th grade also!!

neurologist told my parents good news is nothing is showing up. i dont actually have any idea what was actually concluded. i only remember stopping the medicine(s) and being told we would go back after puberty????? i think it was abandoned and assumed i would "grow out of it" - between 4th and 5th grade

"your dad has enlisted and will be going away for 3 months for basic training" - 5th grade oh yeah so that explains why it was suddenly dropped.

lots of moments with my best friend erica's family on trips spent puking in public or their car from my migraines amd calls to my parents and my sweet friend stroking my head for me. when we played pretend at sleepovers we would try old school witchcraft and even resorted to black magic to try to cure me. light as a feather but her head stiff as a board no cap - 6th grade

me to my dad one summer day in the BK drive thru: hey dad... my left hand and arm are tingly hehehe is this puberty?

dad: hold these fries we are going to the ER right now

*hours later* ER doc: ah yes what your daughter is experiencing are migraine PRE-symptoms its quite normal for those who suffer from migraines often. its like a warning bell youre about to have one. hope this helps. thank you come again. -summer before 7th grade. this was the day i realized migraines are just basically microdosing having a stroke. i realized i could have a stroke one day over age 30 and i will chalk it up to another pesky ole migraine and will die. sometimes the problems choose you. this day/revelation was a major pillar in my decision to never get pregnant. in a nutshell: my quality of life already sucks lmao fuck adding more shit to it.

"your dad and i have decided its best we are your parents separately. oh also your dad is deploying to iraq so like though separate, we are united. okay? okay." - 7th grade

rehearsed cheer routine during halftime game for junior cheer team, i was a flyer, was thrown into basket toss, wasnt caught on my way down. i remember it all. everything about that day. everything but when i blacked out when i hit the ground. coach jumped onto field running to check on me, my mother screamed "my baby my baby my baby" made a huge show. i stood up and finished routine bc i am committed. it wasnt until i was re-telling this story at age 29 to my boss that i actually had a eureka moment when boss asked me "what did the ER say after? i bet you had a concussion!!! you poor thing!" and I was like "ummm what do you mean? my mom took me home?" I blacked out after hitting the ground for an unknown amount of time, and i was not even taken to get looked at after. - 7th grade, dad was deployed so i bet he would have taken me tbh.

migraines raged on, but remained fallen to the wayside because when my parents got too wrapped up in themselves, my migraine pain was dismissed, gaslit or simply ignored. (or made fun of.) i accepted there was no fixing it anymore and had for a long time, and was committed to just ... dealing with it. especially when kicked out my fathers house the summer i graduated high school, and was then promptly without health insurance until age 28. dealing with them is all i know.

i should add my rape to the timeline. most of it i dont recall. thank fucking heavens. but because it was a huge gap in time, i should consider if i received any head trauma during as well. who knows. the alcohol addiction i fell into after most definitely damaged my brain either way. - age 19.

so yeah if you see me getting uppity with either of my parents NOW who have the fucking balls to try to tell me "why dont you try using mind over matter?" im going to say with no holds barred right back to them "let me hit your head with a golf club and you tell me if YOU can use mind over matter"

im done with their narrative of throwing up their hands and being like welp oh well what can you do??? because what i have been doing is connecting all the fucking dots in my childhood and theyre painting a very obvious picture.

my migraines have to stem from BRAIN TRAUMA right?

i have huge memory lapses in most of my childhood and thats partly from many times spent laying with migraines and also because some blocks are there on purpose. one babysitter my brother and i had was abusive. she did a lot of fucked up things that i remember and i know she did worse bc recently these memories have been resurfacing to me!!! i will only mention what i think relates to migraines: this bitch would lock all the older kids outside every single day (i was one of the older kids) for hours and never would allow us back inside for anything. i was severely dehydrated and prob suffered from mild heat strokes. i remember crying my eyes out to her husband on a harder day when he would always bring the one alotted cup of apple juice bc i hated apple juice and would wail for water. i remember and even discussed in therapy how when i told my parents this they didnt take action. but when i told my grandma the babysitter ripped my 1 year old brother off her couch holding him by just 1 arm to toss his ass on the floor THEN did we finally get told we would be going to a new babysitter. again new memories have been resurfacing but only in flashes and i k n o w i suffered abuse there. i remember trying to find words for the shit i was seeing at age 6 that i didnt know the words to yet because i was 6 that now when these memories present themselves im reminded of how bad it was.

its just beyond infuriating and frustrating now all because my parents had it in their minds i would "grow out of it" so now that we are here presently still with my migraines.... unchanging. still roaring. still chronic. (nothings changed but my routine in preventing and caring which is damn better now that i am in control as a responsible adult BTW.) now that all proof of childhood neglect is staring them in the fucking face theyre blaming me actively in the tone of "you STILL cant figure them out?" which is.... hello???????? hello?!?!!! where do i even begin with that statement....

i just wanted to make this list to remind myself it isnt all in my head.

#personal #abridged chronic migraine life #just the tip of the iceburg

[justignoreme-imworkingonit]

I've gained weight. Like, 40 pounds worth. I feel awful, look awful and am mourning a lost version of me I loved. Being severely underweight was like an answer to all my problems. I didn't need to play normal, people could tell I wasn't doing great and I didn't need to be normal, or functional. And nobody ever asked for me to explain. When I'd walk I'd get people scared I was going to break. I'd always get people telling me I must be so cold. I had people not recognize me. But most importantly I loved being in my own skin. For once in my life. It's like being underweight was all my dreams. I could fit in whatever clothes I wanted, I finally had a style I loved, I've never had a style I've loved and looked good in at the same time. I LOVED finally having those tumblr aesthetic pop can thin thighs, I could wrap my pointer finger and thumb around the thicker point of my bicep and still have room left. I never felt more important than when I was that small. It's like people noticed me and I didn't even need to do anything. Talk about how tiny I was filled so many of my conversations. Weather it's people congratulating me or being concerned. Or old people poking fun of me. I miss how sunk in my face looked, I don't know. There is just something about having anorexia that a really fucked up part of me romanticizes. And it's not a nice illness go romanticize, I mean I had 3 hospital stays last year, was constantly going mentally crazy, not being able to sleep and being drug and caffeine dependent. Always hating being alive but being worried about dying. The health issues. I had an endoscopy at 22. Dental issues, I've never been to the dentist more than I did last year. Or ever needed so much work done.

Other than that it's like an answer to my mental struggles I've been battling with for over 10 years now. It was like a mask. And I was proud wearing it. And then it slowly started falling apart. Slowly, slowly I watched my hardwork go down the drain. Over a momentary rush of dopamine from food. And now I'm at square 0. I mean, I guess I'm not 210lbs anymore, thank God. But I'm not 89lbs either. I'd give anything to go back and redo this.

And somehow I can't seem to get myself out of this rut. So I'm deciding today though to live my life as who I was back then. The person that just fucking did it, it sucks but just do it. An hour of exercise a day makes a huge difference. Even eating 500cals a day. Yeah, it's not nothing but we can get there eventually. Just gotta take it slow.

I can't be in this body anymore. I need my small body back, who I'll refer to as Avery from now on. Skinny me is Avery. The hardcore bitch that just gets shit done, doesn't worry about deadlines. Just does it. Trudges through the shitty, which is just as temporary as the food dopamine rush, for lasting happiness.

Just one month of dedication and hard work. You'll see changes. Just one month. You've done it before. It's spring now, get with it.

Welcome to my accountability journal. Before day 1 check in: I feel disgusting in my body, Im ashamed of the amount of fat I have and gained back. I never thought I'd get back here. I'm ready to commit and just be done with sulking. I'll come here everytime I need strength and motivation to keep going.

30 days of ana. Wish me luck.

1/

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [So, the night before this friendmas, which is probably the next day from the nativity moment, like this is the first day of the holiday vibe] Janis: We're still on for their friendmas bullshit? Jimmy: can't 😭 off Janis: It's still worth it Janis: for the amount of damage that can be done in one sitting Jimmy: it were my 🥇💡 don't need telling Janis: Checking you were still up for it Janis: and we have to make the food to bring Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Helpful as that is, what do you want to make and where do you want to make it? Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: my grandparents Jimmy: nearer yours or mine? Janis: yours Janis: mine is near nothing Jimmy: come here then Janis: alright Janis: just trying to think of ways to sneak calories into shit without pouring butter onto a salad Jimmy: look up thanksgiving recipes, they're known for that bollocks Janis: okay Janis: and you'll be...? Jimmy: cleaning my kitchen, that alright with you? Janis: Fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: My sister thinks Mia might invite her boyfriend Jimmy: 💰 on him not showing up Janis: What I said Janis: in case he does though Janis: she was useless with any other info Jimmy: 💔 her and this group chat Jimmy: not actually that bothered what Asia might wear Janis: 🙄 Janis: how much freedom is there with a fucking jumper Janis: she said they don't eat fuck all sustaining but no shit there, hence the plan Jimmy: [sends her a pic I saw of a real jumper that has the tit cut out and like a red reindeer nose over the person's nip or something I can't remember] Janis: Oh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: distract from the teeth but nah Jimmy: Dunno who's got her for the 🎁 giving but 🤞 for invisalign Janis: budget kit that ain't dentist-approved I saw on insta Janis: 🤞 it'll fuck her up harder Jimmy: all teeth to no teeth Janis: fit in with 💀👑 and 💀#2 Jimmy: mash 🥔 or 🍠 it is Janis: 🍠 is too vom-inducing as is Janis: hide 💊s in it like 👶🐶 Jimmy: is that marshmallow thing bollocks or what? Janis: nah, that's legit Janis: we could do that Janis: cultural Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: you can cover everyone's plates in gravy Janis: not a euphemism Janis: #northern Jimmy: I'd have a job if you were expecting the euphemism Janis: you're alright Janis: amusing, but suspicious when I'm not touching my plate Jimmy: very trusting of you to crack on with any of it as is Janis: I doubt they're wasting laxatives on me Janis: skinny enough Janis: it'll just be gross Jimmy: weren't where my 🧠 went but alright Janis: ? Janis: oh, very Agatha Christie Janis: not gonna kill themselves to kill me, I'll watch the plates and serving up Jimmy: nowt rich lasses won't monogram, theirs'll be safe and sound Janis: what about yours? Janis: you might get roofied Jimmy: take my chances downing the gravy, too northern for owt else, you said it Janis: that'll be nice Jimmy: 😍 obvs Janis: I meant for me when I inevitably have to 💋 you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: it's at #2s Janis: odds on a 👑 shrine somewhere? Jimmy: near her 🛏 Janis: under it when she's about Janis: in it when she ain't 💔 Jimmy: we don't have to sleep there in a bit, do we? Janis: oh bollocks Janis: I'm sure we can get out of it, as we technically were not invited Janis: pretty sure they do a sleepover too though Janis: any excuse Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I know Jimmy: I'm going down the shop, what bollocks do we need? Janis: [a list I'm not committing you to but we know the vibe] Janis: I've already got [shit we're stealing soz mcvickers] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: if you get here before I'm back, my sister'll let you in Janis: did she come to the nativity with yous? Jimmy: dragged kicking and marding, weren't that what I said? Janis: right Janis: apologies for doubting you Jimmy: tah Janis: what about the kid? Jimmy: what about him? Janis: where'd he end up on the scale Jimmy: we don't have a scale for him Janis: 😭 to 😁 Jimmy: near ☹️ Janis: no tears, at least Jimmy: can sign what we like without being those dickheads shouting out 🦻 perks Janis: that is useful Jimmy: and the 🐕's got somewhere new to sleep an' all Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: totally worth the money we didn't spend then Janis: can have these jumpers too after Jimmy: ain't yours itchy? Janis: feels like I'm wearing a barbershop floor Janis: but I didn't reckon your dog would be that fussy Jimmy: meant to be your specialist subject Janis: like ☕ is yours? Janis: not my passion, it's easy money Jimmy: there ain't much to know about ☕ don't need passion Janis: 🤫 Janis: you 💘 every bean Jimmy: it's only 💕 for your sister and her mates Janis: anything but getting a personality Janis: I know Jimmy: gotta put something in their bio Janis: 'IM AN EMPTY VESSEL' comes off desperate, even on tinder Jimmy: as 🤰 pact's go Janis: don't even Jimmy: very festive Janis: messiahs aren't being popped out 5 at a time Jimmy: they'd never be satisfied with 3 🎁s any road Jimmy: full baby shower or nowt Janis: yeah Janis: no doubt Grace will be torturing me with as much any time soon Jimmy: 🍾🍾🍾 Janis: 🔨🔨🔨 Jimmy: 👶👶👶👶👶 Janis: have to smash the poor bastards and all Janis: not worth thinking about Jimmy: ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ Janis: yeah funerals are much better craic Janis: have as many of them as she likes Jimmy: matching the shades of black'll do her head in Janis: 🤞 Janis: the breakdown will give her a personality Janis: got there in the end, babes Jimmy: @ me Jimmy: be on the edge of my seat waiting to find out Janis: if your details don't get lost when you change back to your real identity Jimmy: 💔 I can't be @ing you on the off chance, be coming off as desperate an' all, me Janis: doubt she'll be so bombastic herself she'll turn down a DM request Janis: have a go, like Janis: dare to 💭 Jimmy: just pop in using my 👻 form, can't I? Jimmy: keep it between us Janis: my lips are sealed Janis: how you use your afterlife is your business Jimmy: got nowt else on Janis: optimistic Janis: you might be moving to 🥳 central Jimmy: Go on, where's that? Janis: Ian in the know, not me Jimmy: dare to 💭 Janet Janis: I don't care where I end up Janis: just not here is fine Jimmy: weren't talking about you, big head Janis: Not too fussed where you end up either Janis: not gonna lie Jimmy: What did you bring it up for then? Janis: You're moving Janis: you said Jimmy: and? Jimmy: 🥳 central were what you said, not me Janis: I don't know what you're getting at Jimmy: if you're not bothered, what are you getting at? Jimmy: no need to 🗨 bollocks were something else you said Janis: I was just messing about, both statements Janis: I didn't know everything I 🗨 had to be deadly serious Jimmy: I didn't know there were 1 rule for you and another for me Janis: it's a bit different from you calling me a slag but fine Janis: you've made your point Jimmy: nah, the point were that I were never calling you a slag Janis: you were joking, okay Jimmy: but go on and take it to your ⚰ Janis: I'm trying to have a normal conversation with you right now and you're the one being moody Jimmy: you're the one who said we don't need to have a conversation Janis: well we clearly do when we have shit to do Jimmy: we've sorted the 🍽 Janis: right, so tell me to piss off then Jimmy: and have to piss about cooking on my own? You're alright Jimmy: nowt like the threat of a good time, that Janis: then what Jimmy: then come here Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [this won't be awkward at all] Janis: [the tension and the kids are home so that'll not be remotely getting dealt with] Jimmy: [cos I'm evil like that hahaha, we're gonna both be so extra at friendmas, love it] Janis: [it also makes sense like if school is out now where you gonna be hens, truly idk what you're gonna say though girl] Jimmy: [like you could've hooked up on the trampoline but you would probably freeze to death and also Twix wouldn't allow it soz lads] Janis: [not on my watch Twix says, at least you can focus on making this side dish the weirdest most calorific moment] Jimmy: [having fun in spite of yourselves as per] Janis: [I want you to apologize but also not but that is difficile hmm, probably later if you get vaguely tipsy at this event] Jimmy: [and get swept away by the emoshness of fake gifting] Janis: [we know there will be plenty of time for moments abound then] Jimmy: [you'll be bored rigid otherwise] Janis: [mhmm and this is far from over hunnies] Jimmy: [whatever you do don't let Twix eat that while you're shamelessly distracted acting like it's all nbd] Janis: [or the kids lmao lowkey gotta hide this monstrosity when you're done] Jimmy: [hide it when you go 🚬 boy because we're stressed by the fact that whenever we try to have fun rn we then remember she said it was a mistake] Janis: [oh this misunderstanding, 'cos we only said it 'cos we thought that's what he was saying basically, lordy, also hate being left in his house like excuse me do I go now or] Jimmy: [what a time to wish you weren't alive] Janis: [coming out 'cos fuck just waiting or leaving, 'is there anything else we need to do?'] Jimmy: [automatically passes her a  🚬 because that bitch] Janis: [takes it like true, can't hurt] Jimmy: ['what time's the last bus?' cos he's assuming she's going home and that she's probably missed it] Janis: [shakes head 'I'll stay at my grandparents, no need to go home now'] Jimmy: [a look around like alright where's that because the ankle is still a thing and we're still worried about it] Janis: [a genuine oh-you kinda smile 'cos honestly 'literally a couple of streets from here, actually] Jimmy: [nods like okay, we'll go when you're ready cos obvs he's walking her whether she likes it or not] Janis: ['don't need an early night for friendmas, do we' like excuse you, I might have plans] Jimmy: [shrugs 'bit of a ball ache to get the chains of the bed and bring 'em with'] Janis: [😏'you could have a night off'] Jimmy: [makes a point of putting her leg on him to rest and elevate that ankle like no I cannot] Janis: [just looks at it and sighs 'I can't not walk, there's shit to do'] Jimmy: [just looks at her and you know they haven't made eye contact this whole time SO THERE'S THAT 'I know it hurts' in a soft way] Janis: [we gotta look away 'cos byeeeeee, shrugging and mumbling like 'it was just a stupid accident, I'm fine'] Jimmy: [nudging her, not hard obvs like 1. look at me and 2. don't be shrugging at me rn and shaking his head 'a stupid accident that were my fault' like LET ME HELP YOU!!] Janis: [shaking her head for all the reasons and then blurting out 'I'm embarrassed!' then being even more so like ffs] Jimmy: [cupping her little face in his hands the gentlest EVER 'what for?' because she literally has nothing to be embarrassed about] Janis: [looking at him like where do I start lol 'cos this has been so fast and so messy, not to mention the fact you now wanna kiss him and that's one of the things you think you need to be embarrassed over 'I don't need help, that's not- I'm not used to that'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' spoken like it'll be true if he just says it soft and with enough feeling, but then obvs we gotta recover ourselves a bit because vulnerability who is she 'I only were offering to take all them dogs out for a piss for you, not a kidney' but we're still not giving it full pisstake in how we're saying that or being] Janis: [pushing him but gently too, because likewise trying to get back to this more pisstakey energy without going too hard too fast 'not my fault you're like top nurse without even trying then' 'cos you're doing and have done way more than that, we know boy] Jimmy: [lowkey 😳 but we're hiding it with 😏 and the wintery darkness as we nudge her back but turn it into a feelsy lean for a while then giving her his phone like put that dog walking schedule in there girl I mean it] Janis: ['I ain't gonna be able to take your CG shifts, like' and mimes murdering all the customers in various ways but we do lean back too, even if momentarily 'you could meet me for the ones you can and do the hard work, and I'll sit on the bench, yeah?' and puts hand out like deal?] Jimmy: [does a 💔 mime because we would love to see that murder spree but obvs shaking on that legit suggestion with a legit little smile cos we're chuffed she's actually accepting a hand in any way] Janis: ['I can do more hard work with the plan' like all the socials whilst I sit there honey and mimes taking creep shots of him] Jimmy: [OTT 😍 to hide the realness, then he remembers that speaking of, he obvs won't have done a doodle for her today so gesture for her to stay put while we run and get a pen and paper right now immediately but as we're going we turn back like oh! again 'do you want the bag  peas chucked back for a bit?'] Janis: [going to shake our head automatically but then checking ourself like oop 'might freeze to my skin out here, like' shrugs 'but go ahead'] Jimmy: [does bring a blanket with all the other shit because we just wanna be out here away from kids and dogs soz] Janis: [day #1 of this hol and we're done lmao, little kids do be feral when it's this close to xmas, even good ones like bobby] Jimmy: [yeah and don't even start me on how all the pressure for having a good christmas is on him because Ian isn't that bitch and Cass is highkey hoping their mum will appear even though they've moved and that ain't happening babe soz] Janis: [mHMM thank god Ian is a buy your love type so he will get them presents, it's just the rest] Jimmy: [what are you doodling today boy, obvs some kind of domestic af cooking moment but no #spoilers gals] Janis: [just get snuggled in these blankets and make sure he is too] Jimmy: [can't and won't stop the happy sigh because we've been so stressed] Janis: [some joke about art being his 💘 but we're glad obvs] Jimmy: [🙄 but 😏] Janis: [tryna peep at what he is drawing though, obvs x2] Jimmy: [will playfully get you with this pen like oi] Janis: [offended like where's my pen 'play fair' accidentally saucy] Jimmy: [we know he'll give you that pen and just write on you/tickle you in his fave manner, drawing a 🏆 like we're playing to win not fairly hen] Janis: [just loling like get off 'cos ticklish af 'we're meant to be a team, dickhead' and draws her own 🏆 with 'worst sport' in the plaque thing] Jimmy: [draws the JJ 💘 really big and deliberate to really tickle and also make a point like okay] Janis: [a question mark when we've stopped squirming like do you really get it though, also a throwback] Jimmy: [a LOOK like do you] Janis: [just nods and gives the pen back like okay, finish your drawing] Jimmy: [does and again signs it like a big nerd before giving it to her] Janis: [we love it hun but we never know what to say 'tah for not giving away the poison plot in your art like an idiot' and putting it away to photo later in an indoor light moment] Jimmy: [a noise like not an amateur tah and going to make tea because 1.northern 2. it's cold 3. he doesn't know what to say/is awks about his art too] Janis: you're in the wrong profession Jimmy: ? Janis: 1. artiste 2. only old ladies order pots of tea, yeah? Jimmy: 1. why be starving when there's loads of 🍪🥐🥪🍰 going at the job I've got 2. bit sexist to the 👴 Janis: 1. 🐷 2. tell me they ain't always with their 👵 Jimmy: 1. Only 💕🐕's you, I get it 💔🦝🗑 2. sounds fake, so obvs I'll 🗨 it to you, mate Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: miss you an' all Janis: You could see me from there if you really wanted Jimmy: [peeps from the kitchen window like hey] Janis: [waving like oh hey you fool] Jimmy: [signs something feelsy because she won't understand it we're safe] Janis: [big ? in the air} Jimmy: [just loling like nope as we mime confusion like idk what you mean or want rn soz because we're taking that to our grave] Janis: [shouting 'bring me my fucking tea' manners and decorum] Jimmy: [does and a box of some kind of festive biscuit selection that the children have already got at so there's only shit ones left lowkey but still] Janis: ['you know how to treat a girl' when we're saying it like we're joking but not really lmao] Jimmy: [shove a biscuit in your mouth boy so you don't say anything you wish you hadn't and also because we're making a bants point like yeah so romantic me] Janis: [wipe the crumbs from his bottom lip like he did 'oi, I've had an idea' softer than that oi suggests, we're not shouting now lol] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her lips once she's touched his like is that your idea, focus please sir 'go on'] Janis: [failing to pretend we didn't notice that but still carry on tah 'well #2 and every fucker on her street is gonna have excessive lights and decorations about, what do you reckon to shrinking their energy bill? if we go out when they're asleep, they'll not notice, and we could get back here and do your house before your brother and sister wake up' like how magical even you will love it don't lie cass] Jimmy: [when you can't help genuinely grinning because that's such a good idea we're falling in love rn okay like he's gonna have felt so bad about not having the time, money or energy to decorate, gotta recover ourselves again quick so does an IRL 🤞 'all her pink glittery baubles'll really get Ian in the christmas spirit' but really we're not thinking about him and it'll look epic Janis: [grin back 'cos it's infectious ''cos no way am I sleeping in a room with that lot in' and shrug like, we may as well, as if you remotely had to suggest anything of the sort] Jimmy: ['give us nightmares if all them calories don't' never miss a opportunity to shade the flatwhites honey] Janis: ['I can protect you from them, but not the calories, I'm so sorry' 😏] Jimmy: [eats another biscuit like I reckon I'll live] Janis: [an impression of a Mia shade face like you fat bitch] Jimmy: [an impression of Ella being 😭💔 DEVASTATED] Janis: [snatching the tin like no more for you, and getting one all smug like delicious] Jimmy: [OTT Jimothy pout because always] Janis: [flippant 'deal with it, babes' 'cos mustn't linger LOOKING at him again] Jimmy: [cringing in a way that is OTT but not that fake because she's too good at these impressions and chucking the blanket over her head like begone] Janis: [had enough years of this hoe being present to be an expert, just pulling the blanket down and around our shoulders like ha ha more for me, but gesturing that he should move closer and get under to keep warm too] Jimmy: [does because any excuse to snuggle and likewise play with her hair like it's so in my way rn lemme just] Janis: [hence I got you the present I did honey heheheh, know we're likewise here for this] Jimmy: [just having a moment ™] Janis: [one of the kids should need you or Twix should start wildin' soz boys] Jimmy: [yeah realistically it could be time for Bobby to go to bed depending what time she came over/he could have woken up] Janis: [either way honey, you better skeddale so he can sort this] Jimmy: [we know you're both fuming but especially him because he was gonna carry you to mcvickers gaff] Janis: [soz boy, you can be the most tomorrow though] Jimmy: [we both know he will LOL] Jimmy: [also gonna say he opens up at the CG because putting in a quick shift and doing any dog walking he can for the bae all before this friendmas has even started is just the difference between him and the gals, with the exception of Grace] Janis: [wig tea sis] Jimmy: [tired before you even get there] Janis: [we are that sick of y'all so it's a mood, frankly, but for now] Janis: night Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you better be hopping back, dickhead Janis: [video of her hopping like don't fall] Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 you Jimmy: 🦩 goals if nowt else Janis: 🤔 not not a compliment Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the first bit were Janis: True Janis: pretend I didn't see the rest Jimmy: 🙈🙈🙈 Janis: I've learnt my lesson with blindfolds, tah Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: and here's me with no chance to find out if sir's gonna be more receptive to my kinks Janis: find out if he's alright with broken bones Janis: gonna say unlikely, he flipped his shit over some cut ties Jimmy: @ something about virgin school girls Janis: mhmm Janis: he'd much rather injure you than the other way 'round Janis: it's alright, maybe tomorrow Janis: don't need to be blinded by the decor tbh Jimmy: should've got you a onesie to zip over your head, up for that challenge, massive though it is Janis: oh yeah, the gimp range Janis: 🙄 Janis: you have to pretend to be pleased to see my beautiful face, remember Jimmy: tah for the reminder, would've forgot and done full Home Alone 😱 Janis: yeah, you're about as annoying as that little fucker Janis: tracks Jimmy: rude Jimmy: you'd be chuffed if I had his house Janis: what for? Janis: so I could get you tenants and take the cash? Jimmy: 'cause what's fake mine is fake yours Jimmy: and you must have a bigger 🧠 in that MASSIVE head than the robbers he had to see off Janis: if I was worried about that, I'd let Mia make the moves she wants to Jimmy: so ominous, that Janis: 💋 not 💀 Jimmy: I'd rather 💀💀💀 Jimmy: but you crack on Janis: that's why I said IF I gave a fuck Jimmy: if as massive as her 😍 for her daddy, I get it Janis: thank god it's at Ella's Janis: wouldn't be getting away from hers unmolested Jimmy: can't move for mistletoe, I bet Janis: Baby, it's cold outside Janis: 😈 Jimmy: What IS in that drink? 😏 Janis: me checking yours tomorrow so they don't do my job for me Jimmy: Bill's 👻'll only let us have owt off each other's lips, it'll take fucking ages to 💀💀💀 Janis: you're just an actor on his stage and a player in his 🌍 Janis: have to suck it up and deal with the torture Jimmy: 👍 Janis: No enthusiasm needed 'til tomorrow Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: don't need an early night, you said Janis: your brother seemed like he did though Janis: not trying to get in the way of that top brother 🏆 Jimmy: 🍪 sugar crash did him before us Janis: fair Janis: feeling it and all Janis: still buzzing though Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 😵 🥴 🤢 🤮 scale Janis: I'm solidly 🥴 Jimmy: lightweight Janis: I don't work in a cafe Jimmy: and what? Janis: 🍪🥐🥪🍰 Jimmy: never pull your weight, you Janis: just 'cos you eat yours in baked goods Janis: one of us has to be 💪 Jimmy: hang on, who's been carrying who? Janis: I would carry you Janis: you monopolized it by crippling me Jimmy: convenient excuse that Janis: okay, you aren't 💀👑 daddy don't try it Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: rudest bollocks you've ever said to me Jimmy: how dare you TBH Janis: come back when you've got your law degree and fathered a demon Janis: then we'll talk Jimmy: I'll chuck 'em both at your window, Juliet 📜👶 Janis: 😍 Janis: just don't break it Janis: my window, that is Jimmy: any 👶 of mine's gonna be a right fat bastard, nowt I can do about that, soz Janis: soft landing Janis: all's well that ends well Jimmy: do what you like with the broken glass, so crafty, you Janis: depends if you're gonna come in Janis: obviously Jimmy: it's how it's written Janis: ? Jimmy: I get your attention, you give me it Jimmy: hang your head out or Bill will be fuming Janis: unfortunately there ain't no pool under my window Janis: but that's probably not an original feature of the play Janis: just an excuse to see Leo all bedraggled Jimmy: get him wet to do the same for all the lasses 👀🍿 Janis: poetic Jimmy: IKR Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: Shame it's not festive or I'd suggest it Jimmy: fucking hell, if they're gonna force us to watch Elf, sod the plan, I'll 💀💀💀 myself Jimmy: another poem for you Janis: 1. hot 2. I refuse, think it's gotta be illegal to force us to watch it, it's in the geneva convention, yeah? I'll ask daddy Jimmy: @ him Janis: @litigationandtitilation Jimmy: 😂 Janis: she helped him come up with it Jimmy: DUH, nowt they don't do together Janis: 💕 Janis: dead jealous Jimmy: me an' all Janis: we'll all get to bond over our daddy issues Janis: can't wait Jimmy: #realgoals Janis: obviously Janis: I ain't got them any gifts, have you? Jimmy: I'm working, I'll bring 'em a latte Jimmy: menu full of 🎄 bollocks they ain't bothered to work through yet Janis: how disappointing they'll literally be thrilled Janis: too 😍 to handle, you Jimmy: you gonna meet me there or what? Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably the most #goals if we arrive together Janis: and fuck knows how far they can see from her tower Janis: I could come to your work Janis: pick you and the lattes up 💪🏆 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👌 Janis: just lemme know when you're finishing up then Jimmy: I'll make you something that ain't poisoned Janis: that a threat? Jimmy: more #goals to call it a romantic gesture Janis: 'course Jimmy: get your head in the game, girl Janis: it is Janis: just working out if there's any ways we can fuck it up before even arriving Jimmy: what, like get 💀👑 hopes up and then piss on them even harder? Janis: yeah, like that Janis: or get all the rest on our side, somehow Janis: that'd fuck her off no end Jimmy: so go on, what would it take? Jimmy: other than 💀#2 there's no challenge in it Jimmy: piss easy it were to get Asia to invite us Janis: you're probably more of an expert than me then Janis: like, we've got to make it actually a decent time, the kinda party they wanna have Janis: instead of what 📸s well Janis: and what Mia allows Janis: but we can't just fully steamroll in and be blatant about it Janis: or 💀👑 & 💀#2 would pull ranks Jimmy: what kind of party do they wanna have? Janis: they never look like they're having fun Janis: they're dead in the eyes Janis: even if it ain't my exact idea of, sure we can come up with better, right? Jimmy: easy when we put our massive heads together Janis: Asia is the easiest, we could basically ask her and she'd tell us without clocking Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: Grace were #livingherbestlife when she punched you with a beauty blender, I'll let her 💄💅 me if it pushes 💀👑 off the scale Janis: I'm sure that's just pent-up anger issues Janis: but maybe you've messed up her order one too many times 🔪🔪 Jimmy: deliberately Jimmy: my only joy, that Janis: 😂 Janis: might have a tiny bit of respect for you now Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: pretend to be her boyfriend for a change and you can do one of those tag videos Jimmy: you're alright, my CV'll survive without that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: fair Janis: don't need the rumours Jimmy: if she wants footage, WE'LL get her some, as a team, dickhead Janis: she will be 📽 Janis: so alright Jimmy: always ready for a close up, me Jimmy: and you do alright keeping up an' all Janis: wait 'til I ain't hopping, like Jimmy: that's her, what does the big one want? Janis: you haven't 👀 her about doing this weird dances? Jimmy: steady on, she WEREN'T having seizures? Janis: yeah, I know Janis: it's shocking Jimmy: you'll fuck your other ankle, I ain't having that Janis: you volunteer then? Jimmy: there's gotta be something else they do on that app Janis: are you interested in miming the lyrics to a shitty dance song? Jimmy: POV: your 👻 fake boyfriend Janis: you can go for that oscar Janis: I hope she doesn't try to be funny, or if she does, then I need to watch all her content rn Janis: welcome for the view Jimmy: might win 💀👑 over with the one where I play her dad Janis: 💀💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: or better yet 💀#2 when I have a go at 💀👑 Janis: the plan isn't you seduce everyone Janis: friends not 💦💦 boy Jimmy: it's a fucked plan then Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you're that insatiable or irresistible? Jimmy: I'll be that itchy Jimmy: jumper's coming off any road Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: I'll bring it tomorrow, babe Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: put your tits away Janis: honestly Jimmy: SO jealous, you Janis: Ha Janis: SO original, you Jimmy: your tits can have 🥈 Joanne, nowt wrong with them or that Janis: Piss off Janis: 💀👑 tell you it don't count if it's just fat Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMFG! 😱😱😱 Jimmy: should've said you wanted to get her hopes up with a fake breakup Janis: would be well triggering, no doubt Janis: only talk to argue, her lot, you can tell Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: gonna have to 💀💀💀 myself now Jimmy: been nice fake knowing you, my dear Janis: oh no you don't Janis: not being a fake widow Janis: can't pretend to be that 💔💔💔 for the rest of my life Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: can't have owt in common with that lot for a day in my life, tah Janis: I'll feel sorry for you when you're fucking twins with one of them Jimmy: So you want my pity? Don't sound like you but alright Janis: nah, just won't be giving you no 🤗 and 😘 Jimmy: What then? What's my 🎁? Janis: 🕞👀 Jimmy: Come on, I'll fake the surprise Janis: don't get too excited Janis: I haven't nicked you no 💎 Jimmy: bit rude but that's probably my fault for not sitting on your lap and telling you what I want Janis: not too late Janis: see what her ma has lying about Janis: but yeah, if you'd have been more prepared, maybe I woulda been too Jimmy: just the odd 💍👑💼💰 or 🐴 nbd Janis: you're demanding now but you've missed your chance Janis: gutted Jimmy: not too late, you said Janis: you might get A 💎 Janis: can't do the full list now Jimmy: [pouty face 🥺 selfie, we're coming for your life Savannah, soz] Janis: what's in it for me if you ain't gonna sit on my lap? 🎅 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Janis: 🔊 is cheap Janis: 🐴 are expensive Jimmy: what were it you said, tomorrow, babe Jimmy: giving someone a bell to install a pool or a balcony as I 🗨'd expensive an' all Janis: I've got patience to 🕞👀 Jimmy: good Jimmy: we're just that starcrossed, girl, nowt to be done about it Janis: or lots to do Janis: depending on your point of view Jimmy: lots of 🕞👀 'cause that's your #kink Janis: must be Jimmy: and mine's doing owt for you 💕 Janis: what more could I ask for Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: ? Janis: ? Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: You can surprise me Jimmy: alright Janis: is it? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: alright, alright Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: it'll be good Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: [picture to prove you are at mcvickers] Jimmy: [a picture back of Bobby and Twix snoozing all over you] Janis: looks cozy Jimmy: *uncomfortable Jimmy: speaking of, I'll bring you the 👑 back tomorrow, you can chuck it on instead of a cracker hat Janis: Bless Janis: 🤞 there's no one sleeping in my bed Janis: 💡💡 Jimmy: 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: sounds like a party in theory Jimmy: 🔑's [wherever there is a key hidden] if you need to come back Janis: be even weirder for your poor brother if I got in his whilst you're all 🥳 Jimmy: not like he'll hear you come in Jimmy: you or the 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: don't tell him that as his next bedtime story Janis: should be good though, but cheers Jimmy: 👍 Janis: though it's tempting as it's the furthest you've wanted to let me walk in ages Jimmy: want's pushing it Jimmy: but I've seen your top 🦩 impression now Janis: I get it Janis: you wanna see it more Janis: well attractive Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: 🎪🤹🤡 you Jimmy: dead chuffed to see your trapeze next Janis: suppose freak can be a compliment Janis: in the right context Jimmy: [puts it in the right context for a pisstakey 🔥 sext] Janis: yeah Janis: like that Janis: 🥇 asshole Jimmy: 🥉 more like Janis: why's that Jimmy: a 🥇 dickhead ain't that easy to ✔ off as a dickhead Janis: you wanted 😳 Janis: it's not not happening but I don't need to admit it Jimmy: if I wanted 😳 I'd get it Jimmy: with no need for you to admit owt Janis: alright then Janis: take your 🥉 Jimmy: you're alright Janis: time for bed then, dickhead Jimmy: as a piss off goes, I've heard worse Janis: I've done better Janis: but it must be the sugar crash Jimmy: I can do better with compliments an' all Janis: so you say Jimmy: and 🖋 Janis: I'm not doubting your fake boyf ability Jimmy: that weren't what I said Janis: or your 🎨 Jimmy: weren't bringing that up either Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: it's mutual Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you heard, I can do better, nowt to be 🤯 or do a 🥁 for Janis: You can't tell me what to do or not to do either way Jimmy: that ain't what I'm trying to do Janis: that's good then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I know you have a dog and a kid kicking you right now Janis: but you really need the beauty sleep Jimmy: rude Janis: you're ruder Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you're just Janis: I don't know Janis: but worse than me Janis: sure of that Jimmy: I were just trying to be less of a twat right then Janis: 😂 Janis: you just confuse me Janis: you aren't like 😡 🤬 rude right now Jimmy: it ain't my fault you can't take a compliment or apology attempt, dickhead Janis: I tried to take a compliment and you said it barely was one Janis: that's what I mean Janis: you're just weird and it's SO rude that you're letting Mia be right, tbh Jimmy: 'cause it weren't Jimmy: a pisstake's a pisstake, a compliment's a compliment Janis: then where have you tried to say sorry or anything not a pisstake Jimmy: what the fuck else does I can do better mean? Janis: Alright, God Janis: don't act like I'm thick Janis: you ain't speaking English Jimmy: bit racist Jimmy: this ain't even a voice memo Janis: yeah, you're well oppressed Jimmy: tah for recognising it, mate Janis: annoying, that's the word I was looking for Jimmy: funny'll do for you, oh hang on, nah Jimmy: meant to go the other way there Janis: yeah the sign of a proper jokes person is cracking yourself up Janis: 👌 babes Jimmy: piss off to bed, babes Janis: don't be jealous of all the space I've got Janis: gonna proper stretch out Jimmy: like I said, well unfunny you Janis: you can't escape when he's proper asleep? Jimmy: to where? Janis: your bed? Janis: his, if that is where you are Jimmy: his is a little kid bed, not stretching out in there Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: You poor thing Janis: bunk bed sharing would almost be preferable Jimmy: yeah Janis: at least your brother don't vape Jimmy: #ultimatesilverlining Janis: ☀ Jimmy: tah Jimmy: proper cheered now Janis: have only got a single here Janis: not living that luxurious Jimmy: and a 🐻 bear either side, you'll be fucked when the 3rd one comes through after having a piss Janis: better off taking my chances in the park? Janis: still time for that as well Jimmy: never nursed a dickhead with hypothermia before, decent way to pad out my CV Janis: 😒 Janis: yeah, go on Janis: just a neverending case study, me Jimmy: 🥇 muse in every way Janis: real or pisstake Jimmy: reckon I'd be able to 👀 you from here, could be a real inspiration Janis: you probably could anyway, nearly Janis: live pretty close but not giving any more away Janis: gotta keep the privacy and mystery, like Jimmy: brb gotta start a new 📷 IG Jimmy: @longlens Janis: 😂 Janis: if I've got a stalker I'm definitely 🥇 Janis: #madeit Jimmy: you do now Jimmy: 👋👀 Janis: get in Janis: mum'll be so proud Jimmy: got nowt else to do but crack on looking in windows til I find yours, mine'll chuffed to bits an' all Janis: Bill's 👻 will be Janis: unless you get distracted by some other random, then he'll be raging Jimmy: it's his script, I'd just be sticking to it Janis: that's going off script Janis: the other girl is before Janis: don't just get the wrong balcony and change your mind Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: it's Bill's 👻 not me Janis: he don't like improv Jimmy: harder to please than Lucas, him Janis: I'm doing alright 😇 Jimmy: he reckons your tits are 🥇 no accounting for taste Janis: nothing wrong with 🥈 Jimmy: when it's around your neck Janis: the view helps, yeah Janis: #toptits Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not your fault I'm exactly his type Janis: don't feel bad Jimmy: we can both wear the white 👰 but it don't make us exactly his type Jimmy: he'd be the one to call you a slag Janis: you have defiled me Janis: told you that's why he's so pissed off Jimmy: you gonna take an apology for that then? Janis: be a bit weird if you apologized Janis: was the plan Janis: just unfortunate collateral, him Jimmy: it weren't actually Janis: 'course it was Janis: nothing #goals about celibacy Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: was just a joke Janis: I don't need an apology Jimmy: don't you? Janis: no Janis: why do you think I do? Jimmy: why have I got it in your own words loads of times that you reckon it shouldn't have happened if you don't? Janis: No, I only meant it like Janis: it's made things awkward now, is why we shouldn't have Janis: not in a, I didn't want to at the time way Janis: it's not like you did anything wrong Jimmy: and what, it weren't awkward for you before? Janis: What, like I've got loads of past experience with how to navigate a fake dating scenario? Jimmy: exactly my point Jimmy: it were weird as soon as I suggested it Janis: granted Janis: it's just weirder now you don't want to but we still have to fake shit Janis: if we'd not gone there, that wouldn't factor into the overall headfuckery Jimmy: I don't want to what? Janis: not fake it Janis: sometimes, like Jimmy: we've not talked about what I do or don't want Jimmy: so that's bollocks for a start Janis: it ain't Janis: I can read a room Jimmy: so can I, don't be putting it all on me like I fucked it Janis: I weren't but you clearly are so cheers for that Jimmy: you said me, I ain't speaking for you Janis: I haven't said you've fucked anything up Jimmy: I've made it weirder is what you said Janis: no, it IS weirder Janis: 'cos of decisions we both made Jimmy: that's a cop out Jimmy: I can also read between the lines and that's you reckoning the decisions you're making now are right and mine are bollocks Janis: all I'm trying to do is not be a massive twat here Janis: it's not right or wrong Janis: I can't help if I still wanna but I'm not gonna whinge about it like some nice guy or something as lame Jimmy: nicely done then Janis: fine Janis: fuck this Jimmy: I don't get what your problem is Janis: what do you mean? Janis: how do you not get that I'm accepting what you want and dealing with it and you're just taking the piss Jimmy: I've never said I want that Janis: What? Jimmy: when or where have I? Janis: that you don't want me to just do what I want and not give a fuck about what you do? Janis: it's just a given that I won't be a total cunt like that, surely Jimmy: you heard me, you don't know what I want Jimmy: dunno why it's a given that you'd just guess Janis: then tell me Janis: why am I guessing Jimmy: you've got some bollocks 💭 in your head that's nowt to do with me or what I've 🗨 Jimmy: that'll be why Janis: tell me Jimmy: It didn't feel like a mistake to me Janis: that's the opposite of what I thought you thought Janis: alright Jimmy: you were being a massive twat, keep up, we've done that bit Janis: no, great Janis: actually got to go bludgeon myself with a big rock now Jimmy: don't Jimmy: it's a job to talk to you when you ain't brain damaged Janis: I'm serious Janis: and I'm sorry Janis: jesus fucking christ Jimmy: me an' all, dunno if it's safe for you to go to this friendmas 'cause you obvs CAN'T read a room, sweetheart Jimmy: could be deadly serious, that Janis: I know I deserve it but please shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: why haven't you done anything about it then Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: if you can read a room, allegedly Janis: works both ways right Jimmy: you said it shouldn't have happened, how else would you like me to read into that? Jimmy: a mistake is what I heard Janis: I said that when you called me a slag Jimmy: but I didn't Jimmy: and what works both ways an' all is that you haven't done owt since then either Janis: yeah, because from my point of view, you called me easy, I made you apologize for it and then you ain't come near me since Janis: I'm not killing myself for no reason Janis: you've never said bullshit when you're fuming? Jimmy: I ain't the baby Jesus Jimmy: 'course I have Jimmy: and will do again, might be to you Janis: There you go then Janis: I said it was a mistake 'cos it sounded like you reckoned as much Janis: we may as well be on the same page Janis: didn't want to be that twat but that worked out well Jimmy: it just Jimmy: touched a nerve, alright Janis: yeah Janis: alright Janis: clearly so did the easy thing so not gonna judge Jimmy: our lives are headfucks, that's why we need this to make it easier Janis: that was meant to be the idea Janis: we just need to Janis: replan Janis: maybe? Jimmy: we just need to talk to each other Janis: easier said than done Janis: but yeah Janis: not wrong Jimmy: if I have to spell it out and stick my CAPS on, I can do Jimmy: I work in customer service, like Janis: that's lovely Janis: really wanna be compared to one of your customers Jimmy: hey, you know you're way too fit and mysterious Janis: barely at this point Janis: I've come across as a total fucking state Jimmy: Oi, we can do this ☀ girl Janis: I'm up for listening Janis: and I won't infer the rest, that much is a deal Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🩸🖋 Jimmy: We going to the park then or what? Janis: we don't have to speak when we get there, do we? Jimmy: bit rude you ain't gonna recite a sonnet to me, Jules, but I'll live Janis: maybe another night Janis: but I'm still pretty fucking mortified right now so you gotta promise Jimmy: we're doing alright if you're promising me another night Jimmy: and I'm clearly on fine form for giving you more accidental poetry so Janis: shame to waste it? Janis: I guess you can but don't expect me to because I'm better when I keep it shut Jimmy: you're Janis: don't finish that before I've had the chance to change your mind Jimmy: as promises go, I reckon I can keep that one Janis: and I can promise it'll be worth it Jimmy: go on Jimmy: before you stop saying owt to me Janis: I promise Janis: that you're gonna have even more to say about me and even less idea how to say it Jimmy: I Jimmy: there, you're managing to stop me going on already Janis: I don't mind when you go on Janis: just not what I want right now Jimmy: time and a place to be on script, I get it Janis: exactly Janis: and you've gotta be off the clock sometimes Jimmy: @ my manager in a bit Jimmy: just not right now Janis: not invited Jimmy: and you can't hop and @ Janis: don't challenge me Jimmy: nursing kink ain't gonna go away when your ankle stops being the size of your head Jimmy: gotta plan ahead Janis: you could just look after me Janis: I'll fake whatever injury you fancy Jimmy: how many oscars you after? Janis: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: get a hop on then Janis: Am Janis: not trying to get caught mid-hop though so 🤫 Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: you could just tell me where you are and have a hand, I ain't allowed to be the one who 💀💀💀 you Janis: I could Janis: was mainly arsed about getting caught in the gaff but still Janis: be quicker Janis: [location] Jimmy: if I get there and there ain't no nan or granddad I'll chuck you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: like I've made 'em up Janis: and I've broke into a house just to be close-by? Janis: I don't reckon I'm that dedicated Jimmy: dunno about that, all I know is I could spit and you'd be hopping on a wet foot Janis: 🤤 would've been more romantic, Romeo Jimmy: Oi, I deliberately didn't say piss to be more romantic Janis: erm, talk to me!!! 😤😤😤 Janis: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: alright fine, I'll piss on the side of the house you're squatting in, stop begging Janis: 😂 Janis: good luck Janis: it's freezing Jimmy: sounds like some weird ⛄ challenge, I'd better film it for Tammy's tiktok Janis: SO thoughtful, babe Janis: just giving her that clout for free Jimmy: just that kind of dickhead, me Janis: I'll @ you in my glowing review later Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [show up boy it's really not far] Jimmy: which window am I climbing up to with a 🌹 in my 🦷🦷 Janis: you mean, which bit of pavement am I gonna be scraping you off of when you slip to your 💀💀💀 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: your nan'll love the 💕 if you don't bother directing me Janis: I'll remember to pick up your 🦷🦷 and all Janis: [but flashing the light of the room you in like sup] Jimmy: wrap 'em up for Asia and it's job done on winning them all over Jimmy: [get your bae Jimothy] Janis: 💕🎁 Jimmy: [please don't actually die lol] Janis: [at least there is a genuine ladder up lmao, just don't wake the child or mcvickers] Jimmy: [now isn't the time for you to recite shakespeare, another time nerd] Janis: [you gotta be quiet, which is why we're not staying 'cos we know the vibe] Jimmy: [likewise why we're not going to his house either even though it's cold af] Janis: [soz about it but not, you're young and you'll be warm af soon enough] Jimmy: [gotta do what you gotta do lads and the park has those good mems and the graffiti you did so] Janis: [enjoy ladies] Jimmy: [until you have to go to work live your best life] Janis: [at least you have reconciled to totally boss this friendmas] Jimmy: [soz I ruined the tension but it would've been hard to concentrate on ruining Mia's life with that hanging over you] Janis: [we go with the flow honey] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to friendmas if you want unless you wanna have a CG work moment] Janis: [like you could but you probably shouldn't sleep out here again all night so yes, we could do a little CG moment] Jimmy: [gotta go there for the first time at some point, get that off menu smoothie and some food that's actually vaguely edible] Janis: [have cute moments, even though we know none of the flatwhites will be there] Jimmy: [we can post them to annoy Mia before we even get there because we all know Pablo isn't coming] Janis: [try one of calebs other kids hen, might be easier to use] Jimmy: [teach the bae how to do festive latte art they'll be jealous af and the manager is never there either] Janis: [do have some funny latte art pics, along with whatever we invariably actually bring yous] Jimmy: [#fated] Janis: [I kinda want you to go out and get them something pisstakey but I really cannot think what] Jimmy: [it would be funny, hmm what could we do?] Janis: [some kind of game/drinking game/or forbidden food vibe, actual fun Mia would not be happy about is the point] Jimmy: [things should totally get said during these games that they have for more blackmail potential to add to her cheating on the school trip] Jimmy: [I'm just debating whether Asia should have a bf who comes like we did at that sleepover that time or if we wanna save that for another time] Janis: [spill that tea ladies, we all know it don't take much for you to turn on each other so] Janis: [and I vote no, I think, plenty of opportunities to do that later though] Jimmy: [fair, Mia probably is hoping Asia'll seduce Jimothy so can't have a bf in the way] Janis: [and it's just BFF goals vibes, like you aren't allowed boys because they aren't important, soz Asia you hoe] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [can't let lads know how weird you all are] Jimmy: [the scolding tea] Janis: [pretending to be normal is for real xmas with your fams hens] Jimmy: [I don't need to be thinking about you gals at christmas thanks] Janis: [teenage xmas is the worst tbh] Jimmy: [agreed] Jimmy: [do you think there's any decorations they could steal out of the CG or are they too hipstery?] Janis: [I think we could probably get decent indoor ones from there, steal a lil tree moment] Jimmy: [do it while the flatwhites aren't there because Mia and Ella are snitches and he don't need to get fired this close to christmas] Janis: [do it at the start of your shift and hide it, who's noticing this close to xmas, no hoe except them so stay away] Jimmy: [we need this christmas cheer excuse us] Janis: [kids would do it anyway or they'd get broke, get a life gals] Jimmy: [we're trying to save christmas for Bobby here so bye] Janis: [it'll be magical and we're stealing your lights bitch bye] Jimmy: [Ella doesn't need them, not sorry] Janis: [also, not related but meet Pete too] Jimmy: [not in a way that makes him 😒 and jealous though we've only just reconciled] Janis: [my boo says give me my fluff] Jimmy: [defs gonna draw JJ and Twix tangled up in christmas lights for today's doodle once they've decorated so there's my fluff] Janis: [that's cute af get it boy] Janis: [we can go through lowkey and then stop whenever we wanna fully do something, so, should we be one of the first to get there or last what's the vibe] Jimmy: [I think first like it's just Mia and obvs Ella cos it's her house LOL there because they'd hate that and I said Grace was late, it makes sense Hollie would be too because she's even more done with them] Janis: [that's a mood, oh gals, how welcome are you gonna make them feel] Jimmy: [can't even do the gift exchange until everyone gets here, how awkward, good thing Jimothy will shamelessly request a house tour] Janis: [the casual side-eye you're gonna have to hold in, like lemme pretend to be so uninterested in your house which is undeniably big without coming off as salty] Jimmy: [he'll carry you through this gaff gal, nothing will annoy Ella and Mia more than when you're more into each other and being coupley af than the rich gal flexes in every room] Janis: [at least we can play up how bad the ankle is again, get me ice ho] Jimmy: [Ella never did get any sympathy she'll be fuming, play up that nursing conveniently like when you get to Ella's room like oops gotta just rest here for a bit soz] Janis: [just regaling how much he's looked after you like that bitch] Jimmy: [as he fusses over you, god bless, we're literally gonna do all we can to make Mia storm out and back downstairs haha] Janis: [ergo asking where Pablo is, like oh, thought he'd be here] Jimmy: [Jimothy is so amused he's gonna hide his face in the bae] Janis: [just lowkey ignoring her to be subtly all over him when she rants about the importance of gal time or whatever like mhmm interesting] Jimmy: [literally why wasn't he banned if that's true hun, hence he'll be even more unsubtly all over her until we're genuinely ignoring the gals] Janis: [we all know it's one rule for you and another for them but that didn't pan out lololol, awkward when you'd wanna watch for an uncomfortable amount of time Mia, make Asia show please so you can't] Jimmy: [go answer the door to her so they can have a moment but also snoop through Ella's shit thank you] Janis: [just like where it the shrine honey] Jimmy: [shame it's so far in the future that she wouldn't have a paper diary for them to find, unless like they used to have those kid ones and Ella kept hers because the golden age of this friendship obvs] Janis: [imagine how 1. gay it'd be 2. all the goss on them all, have a read of that lads] Jimmy: [take 📷 because you'll never know when you might need them] Janis: [get that relevant tea 'was her sister the donkey?' 'cos Asia is here and we remembering] Jimmy: [a little lol as we forlornly shake our head because she sadly was not and they missed a trick 'Mary' because why not 'makes sense why Joseph was having none of her' just calling a child ugly here nbd] Janis: [makes a face like she's so appalled like oh no 'your brother's year must be a real bunch of uggos' 'cos we're on the same wavelength here] Jimmy: ['not saying the director's onto something but as top casting for a homeless virgin who looks like she's had her head shut in a door goes..' trailing off with a shrug like we haven't just dragged a little girl to within an inch of her life] Janis: [violently shushing him as they come up, as if Asia would ever clock it, god bless, but then it just looks like you've got an amazing in joke 'cos it's like omg babe] Jimmy: [love that cos we've gotta actually be nice to Asia as she's the first person here you can actually get on your side, so use your barista charm boy] Janis: [compliment her jumper or something girl, can't let him do everything Jimmy: [and take some selfies with her that you can easily but subtly exclude the other 2 from cos 3's already a crowd huns] Janis: [love that, and Asia should have a boyf that she wanna talk about 'cos then you can actually let her gal and she'll be buzzing] Jimmy: [yassssss encourage her in all the ways those 2 don't and won't ever] Janis: [at least you can pretend you're throwing 😍 at him when really it's pained looks lmao] Jimmy: [and we can talk about the nativity and younger sibling christmas bs because those 2 bitchy only children could never] Janis: [mhmm, hopefully you love your sisters more than just accessories gal] Jimmy: [there's no way to know but JJ are slaying this so well done lads] Janis: [honestly need some kind of award 'cos it can't be overstated how hard Mia & Ella would be trying to bitch you both out] Jimmy: [hence I'm like is there anything else you can do while it's just shameless stealing Asia tactics before the others get here because we know it's not hard to get those two on side] Janis: [Hmm, what's a stupid bitch want what's a stupid bitch need] Janis: [you'll want your latte before they go cold tbf] Jimmy: [I hope he's brought like some christmas ugly jumper biscuits from the CG because getting her hyped up on sugar will only make her more annoying] Janis: [she's basically a child, just let her live in the ways they don't tbh and she'll be thrilled] Jimmy: [literally talking to her about what she wants for christmas like she is a child LOL] Janis: [try not to cackle, but we are 1000% getting on his lap to make a sneaky point like easy 🎅} Jimmy: [never have to fake how into that we are and it's a great segue to tell her all the #goals shit we've been up to and all the festive coupley plans we have] Janis: [when you truly have like it sounds like so much, y'all will be jealous] Jimmy: [as if you aren't fuming enough by how touchy feely and loved up they are before they've even said a word] Janis: [trying to separate them but also don't want their help with anything, we see you] Jimmy: [at least when JJ have had enough they can go 🚬 and on a christmas lights scouting mission because it's #goals to go have a wander and look at lights and it gets dark early af so you can] Janis: [that is goals, don't lie, you probably need to get through dinner first my loves, just be overly helpful with the food prep so you can lowkey fuck it up and they'll be raging] Jimmy: [Grace will be buzzing when she gets there cos not only is Pablo not but she's the only one who has gifts for jj out of these gals] Janis: [thank god he ain't there, we would simply throw hands lmao, lord knows shit nan and the extra ex will be making an appearance soon] Jimmy: [Grace would have straight up walked in and straight back out again if he was and you know it Mia so good luck chatting shit about friendship then] Janis: [get to getting this starter everyone try not to actively vom at the table] Jimmy: [at least that would taste nice cos it's literally brie and cranberry and walnuts and honey so you're welcome everyone] Janis: [looking at y'all 💀💀 why do I feel like JJ need to go to the toilets immediately after like you two cannot, the shade of it all] Jimmy: [LOVE that] Janis: [sure you have more than 2 but we know what's being said huns] Jimmy: [the point has been made] Janis: 😈💩🤮❌ Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: oh no, is this the group chat? Janis: sorry Jimmy: *😱😱😱 Jimmy: if it were Janis: 😱😱😱😱😱 of 'em Jimmy: soz, you're dead right, babe Janis: though I don't think the big one is doing it right Janis: awks Jimmy: she'll be getting her bollocking now Janis: poor cow Janis: if I were to cast her in a nativity Janis: but I'm just seeing what meds they've got Jimmy: @Helena Janis: ugh, I wish Janis: what back problems is this flat-chested 💀 gonna have Jimmy: you're alright though, yeah? Janis: of course I am Janis: just potential dirt Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you alright? Jimmy: nowt wrong with my 🦶 Jimmy: might end up with back problems of my own if you ain't 💩🤮 in there but Helena'll sort it Janis: fuck off Janis: negging me, dickhead Jimmy: I get it, you're gutted there weren't no 🦒 at the birth of Jesus Jimmy: no need to take it out on me Janis: only elves in the christmas story, so you're no better off Jimmy: your 👂 kink is blatant, Jennifer Janis: psh Jimmy: not gonna stick that 💎 you owe me in mine if that's the best comeback you've got Janis: you're very annoying, I'm pretending to 💩🤮 Jimmy: no 👂's pressed against the door, putting you off? Janis: you tell me Janis: can I perform without an audience? Jimmy: we've not done 💩🤮 Janis: #kinkstillonlock Jimmy: [another pisstakey 🥺 selfie because gotta kill time in this bathroom somehow] Janis: do you reckon that's 💀#2 thing? Janis: 💀👑 is obviously killing people slowly Jimmy: bit weird you having that in common Janis: oh no Janis: have to speed it up Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: come here? Jimmy: [does] Janis: [have a little makeout moment because we're swagging this and deserve it Jimmy: [pick her up and sit her on the sink so she doesn't have to stand up and because it's a #mood] Janis: [so shook that we gasping but in a good way, like] Jimmy: [you can have a noise back gal because we're into it] Janis: [IRL 🥺 'cos we have to go back, even if we're purposefully taking ages here] Jimmy: [just doing the MOST to make her forget that we have to go back because we don't want to either] Janis: [at least there's a perfect excuse to be loud and extra so you can go 'til you get caught and someone is like excuse me get out lol] Jimmy: [the joys] Janis: [will definitely be Ella or Asia] Jimmy: [we know Mia sent you whichever one it is, probably Ella cos it's her house so she can be that bitch] Janis: [I mean, at least we didn't break your sink hun] Jimmy: [or fuck in your bed which we easily could have] Janis: [nights still young but yeah count your blessings xoxo anyway, the main meal, we probably know the vibe?] Jimmy: [you know Mia and Ella were in charge of that bit cos clearly giving Hollie pudding to call her a fat bitch and not trusting Asia with basically anything so it's not gonna be 🥇] Janis: [it's gonna be so bland with like low-fat everything and ew] Jimmy: [gonna have to start a cute little flirty food fight moment like Tony and Effy had, skins we see you and your incesty energy, when they made those faces then that spoon got flicked etc, so you don't have to eat this] Janis: [their energy was so strange lol, like they did go out so it probably didn't help but we see you, also doing a fake like you're going to eat it and you're trying to be polite but it's so gross soz we cannot] Jimmy: [everyone be pushing that food hardcore around their plates,, can't even do a feeding each other romantic moment because it's too grim] Janis: [like ladies, you can't binge and go to town for one day, not when the others can see, we get it] Jimmy: [save the day with whatever pudding you've brought Hollie thank you] Janis: [bitches be ravenous, at least we eat at the CG] Jimmy: [jimothy got your back gal, can and will eat again when you're decorating too so] Janis: [and it's time for presents] Jimmy: [I literally can't stress enough how happy and shook he's gonna be because feelsy gifts are not a thing in his life rn it's all on Bobby to make a cute card or whatever so his thank you hug will be very genuine and emosh and he'll write 'you're' on her back for that throwback because we are speechless and a ! for emphasis] Janis: [when you're lowkey thinking he's faking most of that at least but then he writes on you so you know it's real so then you're smiley af, enjoy that guys, you can't even shade 'cos it's personal and shit he wants and what do any of y'all know about that, and writing 'you' back] Jimmy: [the gals can't be shading anyway because they'll too busy DYING when he puts this necklace on her because it's intimate af, gotta gently move that hair out of the way, kiss the back of her neck in a soft way, the whole 9] Janis: [just fully ignoring them all and it ain't even fake, gotta be SO grateful excuse us] Jimmy: [we're in the moment and our feelings bitches] Janis: ['I can't even deal with you' talking more like them but where is the lie] Jimmy: [we gotta just kiss her because 1. what are words even fake words 2. you know exactly how to deal with me cos we're 🥇] Janis: [just ignore the 😒😒😒😒😒 you're getting for AGES then be like oh, please, open your presents] Jimmy: [just being couple goals casually in the background while the gals pretend to care about each other's gifts] Janis: [I live] Jimmy: [highlight of the day tbh] Janis: [you know they wrapping up and putting that shite film on so fast honey, like oh yeah, give them an excuse to cuddle under a blanket] Jimmy: [literally Mia is this close to kicking all of y'all out and it ain't even her house] Janis: [it's so funny how easy it is to piss y'all off, do have to remember to keep the rest vaguely on side though] Jimmy: [you've done well lads and we all know none of the gals actually wanna watch this film they probably do the same one every year, just on their phones super bored] Janis: [you gotta lowkey suggest you play a game instead like come on this is BOOOOOOOORING] Jimmy: [he's a boy he's allowed to hate rom coms so it's easily done] Janis: [you two 💀 can protest but clearly we're over it so you outnumbered even if Asia was like I don't mind or whatever] Jimmy: [get that tea, especially if it's a drinking game because they are all lightweights] Janis: [we know this could get passive-aggressive fast lol] Jimmy: [it will blatantly which is how we can bring this friendmas to an end without it looking like JJ's fault] Janis: [hohaha just like this is awkward gals] Jimmy: [run away and look at aka steal some lights lads, your work here is done] Janis: [you can go decorate his now and make the kids day] Jimmy: [though we might have to kill some time and do it when they're asleep because I doubt we were at Ella's that late] Janis: [true hen, we know we killed this party before tea time honestly lol] Jimmy: [walk some dogs together first of all] Janis: [get that cash babies] Jimmy: [they should come back and eat some actually nice christmassy snacks and watch a christmas film that doesn't suck and play a game with Bobby that doesn't end in murder like this is how easy it is to do better than you gals] Janis: [yes, 'cos 1. real 2. all they'd have to do was a couple of pics and everyone would know the flatwhites was a flop] Jimmy: [exactly and she hasn't met Bobby yet so I thought that'd be a nice chill way to do it cos not trying to make it a thing™] Janis: [yes, this is true, rip to not seeing your marvellous sheep performance hen] Jimmy: [and he can talk about wanting to see Santa to put that idea in jj's heads] Janis: [easy] Janis: Oi Janis: use your elf connections Jimmy: 🎅 or nowt, me Jimmy: [takes off that ugly christmas jumper in a pisstakey way like I've got the body for it] Janis: [😏 and pats his tummy like yeah] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna put a cushion up his top but then chucks it at her head] Janis: [whispers the obscenities behind Bobby's head] Jimmy: [signs something at her which is obvs 6 year old level insults to make Bobby lol and join in] Janis: [just getting dragged, fake cry so Twix comes to support you gal] Jimmy: [we'll teach you gal it's always useful] Janis: [love that] Jimmy: [at least if Cass comes back we can bribe her into walking some dogs for us because don't need the 😒 when we've just escaped the flatwhites] Janis: [at least you'll get some spends gal, because that age you can't even get your own job so it's pocket money purely] Jimmy: [win her over as well lads nicely done] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 us Janis: I'll be waiting for my card, like Jimmy: 🐾 an' all Janis: awh Janis: you don't need to sign it Janis: got the doodles Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: I ain't forgot I owe you one Janis: 🕥 Janis: gonna be THAT bitch 🙄 Jimmy: nowt more #goals than nagging a lad to 💀💀💀 babes Janis: except that friendmas, AM I RIGHT Jimmy: [IRL LOL because] Janis: [😏] Janis: kinda sad how easy that was Jimmy: [a shrug because we see them all the damn time at the CG we knew how easy it'd be] Jimmy: alright, I'll give you a challenge, girl, stop begging Janis: just saying Janis: BFFs it ain't Jimmy: and you'd never know from the group chat Janis: yeah Janis: the performance they put on would be almost impressive if it weren't tragic 'cos no one cares Jimmy: [chucks her some gingerbread house kit like there's your challenge babe because they always suck and never stick together and taste gross 'make that look goals and you'll impress me']] Janis: [obviously we're gonna do it 'cos can't turn a challenge, also roping Bobby into helping by letting him eat some of the sweets which are the only nice part of tbh, just LOOKing at him like 'why would I need to do that?' like is it don't care to or is it already have, we know] Janis: *down Jimmy: [Twix not helping but getting involved god bless her, we're giving her a LOOK back because always will hen 'might just be worth it' cos remember when she made that promise before they went to the park last night, he does] Janis: [God loves a trier Twix, lowkey feeding one of the gingerbread people to her and doing mini screams of terror as it gets its head chomped off lol, then having to hide our 😳s 'cos of course it will be and of course we do] Jimmy: [just watching this and falling in love nbd] Janis: [when you've inadvertently done them a solid there 'cos there's usually a mummy and a daddy and then 2 kids so like, fuck you Ian we're just making Jimmy and Cass and Bobby and there's no awkwardness over missing mum] Jimmy: [I didn't even think of that goodbye] Janis: [like thank you girl for swerving that lmao, also putting the shades on him and holding it up like eh, eh?!] Janis: likeness is uncanny Jimmy: Oi, where's my 🚬? Janis: there's nothing festive about throat cancer Jimmy: Dickens 👻'd disagree Jimmy: he's 💔 it got cut in the edit Janis: there's still time for your manager to show up with a goose Janis: and if you get me some crutches, you won't have to do so much heavy lifting Jimmy: more of a 🐷 you but we'll crack on regardless Janis: you're so rude Janis: if I WAS Miss Piggy, I'd kick you down right now Jimmy: one good trotter an' all 💕 Janis: it's important I keep you under it Janis: Kermit is the ultimate cuck Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: 💀👑 can't even get a text back Janis: she's the rat Jimmy: keep it between us 💀#2 is gonna be gutted they ain't ⛓ together Janis: for all eternity Janis: being judgy af Jimmy: her only kink unlocked Janis: there's fuck all 🧠 or 💪 energy left to have any other passion Janis: it's 💀👑 and nothing else and that's the way they 💕 it Jimmy: [sends her his fave gayest pages of the diary like LOL cos they only had time to skim read at the time] Janis: [trying not to actually lol out loud 'cos still doing this house and watching this film] Janis: imagine 💬 that and not faking it Jimmy: [nudges her because we wanna hear that lol soz if we knock you when you're building] Jimmy: imagine 💭 that BEFORE you were 🧠 dead Janis: [a face like HOW DARE, don't sabotage me, boy but we grinning] Janis: maybe she was WELL lovely before my sister started hanging about Janis: she will do that to you, like Jimmy: [😘 like ILY babe I would NEVER] Jimmy: Puberty'll do that when you wanna fuck your daddy an' all Jimmy: not to snatch away your 🏆 or owt, Gracie Janis: [dangling gingerbread him over her tea like I'll do it, bitch, try me] Janis: she's used to it Janis: 🏅 participation Jimmy: [a look like do it because death wish 5ever] Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [acting like we really considering it, before putting him back and getting to work on a frosting Twix 'cos tah for being the right colour and texture lowkey lol] Janis: death march more appropriate after today Jimmy: kill bill siren sound Janis: love to take a samurai sword to 'em                                                                                                                         ' Janis: 💔 my christmas ruined Jimmy: more 🏆 than them tiktoks with the 🍏 🍎 🍐 🍊 🍋 🍌 🍉 🍇 🍓 🍈 🍒 🍑 🥭 🍍 🥥 🥝 Janis: but not more 🏆 than this gaff Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: yeah, reserve your judgment 'til I'm finished Jimmy: til we're finished, dickhead Janis: I will have to do the high ones though Jimmy: [another playful nudge like piss off and the gingerbread house wall will be falling] Janis: [lowkey pissed off haha not majorly but attacking him with this frosting like STAPH] Jimmy: [playfight because always] Janis: [being like, Bobby, please protect the castle, I'mma fight off this monster real quick] Jimmy: [that sweet boy gonna take his job so seriously god bless] Janis: [as are we you're going down jimothy] Jimmy: [until we use distracting tactics like picking up the pendant part of that necklace like oh hey remember this and how much you love me] Janis: [looking at Bobby like you have to play fair when there's other people about] Jimmy: [draws a 🏆 on whatever bare skin there is, obvs taking our time to be flirty af cos we're always playing to win honey] Janis: [at least you don't have to worry about calling him a dickhead right now 'cos we must lest we say anything else] Jimmy: [likewise can say 'you' back and not worry about how his voice shamelessly sounds, ah deaf brother perks] Janis: [write 'later' on him 'cos we can promise that] Jimmy: [just as well because Cass can't be out walking dogs forever and she will charge in all snowy and cold like make me a cuppa bitch and obvs Jimothy will] Janis: [and she would not be happy at this scene because grumpy tween life, so focus you two] Janis: you know how I like it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [jimothy just shouting through like a fussy dad @ Cass like if you want a warm shower or bath go after this cos I'mma be starting Bobby's bedtime routine soon] Janis: [probs not at all mortified you did that in front of Janis, nice one boy] Jimmy: [she hates him so much during this time period I lol Janis: [poor boy, you're doing you're best, we all are] Janis: [at least you can clear away this gingerbread carnage] Jimmy: [join him in the kitchen gal but not in the flirty way he hoped would be happening a bit ago] Janis: [just subtly helping without being asked always, love that for yous] Jimmy: [she's so caring in a way that he is not used to at all, it kills me] Janis: [just coming up behind him in a fake-out trying to scare you but not actually way 'you want me to clear out of here for a bit?' like, come back later when they're asleep vibes] Jimmy: [just saying no before he can stop himself and then it's like well now I wanna die] Janis: [just nodding like okay, 'cos not gonna make a big deal even though that was obviously a speedy reply] Jimmy: [doing his own nod towards the window like the weather is the reason we don't want her to go even though we know now how close mcvickers gaff is and that she'd be fine] Janis: ['I'm fine with staying cosy' and takes half the teas in] Jimmy: [shit like this is why we're falling in love with you gal] Janis: [like we are gonna feel slightly awkward whilst he's sorting his siblings but we know the drill from our own back in the day so we can deal] Jimmy: [we'll be sending Cass upstairs for her long bath like my boo used to have because being a tween is the worst okay, good thing Ian isn't here for how long she'll be in there and the music blasting but we're gonna be stuck with Bobert for a while cos he won't wanna go to bed] Janis: [when you partying, live your dreams babe, can't fight you, put on a slightly more chill xmas movie maybe, like idk, polar express or something, he'll fall asleep eventually] Jimmy: [Twix and Bobby falling asleep between you on this sofa like an adorable cockblock] Janis: [just looking over at him like, mission accomplished] Jimmy: [taking them upstairs to bed when it's safe to without waking them, the bae can take a snoozy Twix for you, nodding at Bobby's bed like told you I wouldn't be able to stretch out on that] Janis: [mimes measuring the bed and him like hmm, idk] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her out of the room] Janis: [at least you can take your chance to push him back and have a kiss in this corridor] Jimmy: [glad Cass' music will cover up how loud Jimothy is because of how badly he's wanted to kiss her for what would feel like an age] Janis: [you'll be so glad you didn't hear that, gal, well done, just like 'some santa' though 'cos where is your sneakiness] Jimmy: [looking at the necklace and back to her like excuse you I'm a great santa] Janis: [looking down and then touching it 'it's not totally shit, actually' obvs we were 😍 earlier but that was in front of the gals] Jimmy: [a shrug like it's all so casual and we don't give a fuck either 'did the job' because obvs it was all about impressing the gals and not her] Janis: ['glad I don't have to bin it' 'cos we actually like it and it's not basic just because we had to do a #goals gift moment] Jimmy: ['weren't where I got it out of' because we clearly did buy this there's no way you could've stolen it feasibly as it's jewellery] Janis: [raising a brow, 'you don't want it back, do you?' like are you saying it's too expensive or something] Jimmy: [shakes his head 'my tits'll never pass for yours' like I can't take #goals pics for the gram pretending I'm you so there's no point] Janis: [turns like good, 'cos I'm not giving it back, good day] Jimmy: [go put these decorations up and Jimothy will play the I saw mummy kissing Santa song to make the point like he ain't sneaky either so] Janis: ['that's because it's the dad, not the real santa, dickhead' like get ur facts straight hun] Jimmy: ['never said I were the real santa, Janet' like I'm just good at it like I am at everything thank you] Janis: [mime a 💔 and also a 🤫 'you are tonight'] Jimmy: ['sounds like I'll be going to see him in a bit' cos Bobby wants to, an unimpressed face like lucky me 'don't reckon he'll be fuming about the roleplay though, we're alright'] Janis: [😍 like LUCKY YOU 'there's one in [a place I've not looked up but I'm sure exists lol] that's meant to be pretty good'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out and has a look before giving her an IRL 👍 like a nerd because it looks decent enough] Janis: [bows like ya welcome] Jimmy: ['you coming?' cos she didn't do the nativity and the reason that would've looked #goals is the same here] Janis: [is thinking 'can I bring someone?'] Jimmy: [is a bit like whomst but nods because yeah obvs you can] Janis: ['alright then' like not gonna elaborate lol ok] Jimmy: [says it back and we're cracking on with these decorations] Janis: [get it gals, make it look magical] Jimmy: [at least his house isn't huge so it won't take you forever] Janis: [though it is a house so don't die doing an outside moment, make it work, like] Jimmy: [#teamwork but do take a break when you are outside to piss about with the snow even though there isn't loads you can still chuck it at each other and then get each other with your cold hands] Janis: [no more park for you gals, looking in the general direction of thinking as much] Jimmy: [looking where she's looking and thinking the same things, it was nice while it lasted lads, when he REALLY wants to tell her to stay here but we already embarrassed ourselves in the kitchen being like DON'T GO so we can't say anything] Janis: [at least this will keep you busy for a while, before you have no obvious reason to stay] Jimmy: [could feasibly take hours because it takes ages just to do a tree sometimes] Janis: [mhmm honey bunny, this is still gonna be awks though, at least you can say that you wanna bring your niece and work out those logistics like are we going tomorrow orrr 'cos not long now sweaty] Jimmy: [we probably are realistically, ew I hate to imagine how busy it would be] Janis: [my boo say disgusting lmao, at least you can make this goodbye more natural now like gotta get up for that hens, just being like, hope Bobby loves the decs 'cos we do] Jimmy: [gotta be in the morning so he can work in the afternoon because busy time and we need that cash honey, the greatest and best hug goodbye because it's been such a feelsy day] Janis: [trying not to linger and failing lowkey, we see y'all] Jimmy: [will offer to walk you home as if you haven't just been putting decs up with that ankle, we know you just are trying to keep this going] Janis: [do we reckon it's too late for public transport, like you don't wanna go home and you are just gonna come back tomorrow, soz mcvickers showing up again] Jimmy: [mcvickers are used to it and she needs Libi early that's our excuse] Janis: [let him walk you back then gal] Jimmy: [🚬 break during this walk back because there wouldn't have been enough of those today] Janis: [chance to breathe hens, you been busy, ruining lives, making days] Jimmy: [let it hit you boy how close christmas actually is] Janis: [we're all shook, like your mother must be hitting you up gal, what's the tea this year] Jimmy: [gonna ask her if she wants to go for breakfast tomorrow before this santa appointment because he wants Bobby to have a nice time, like we know we have to work a lot soz little man] Janis: ['as long as you aren't suggesting going in to work early' like you love your job SO much babe but obvs, we are down] Jimmy: [such an unamused noise and face because I can only imagine the hell that the CG is on the daily never mind at festive times] Janis: [😏 'cos we've literally been in ONCE at this point and we're like yeah, I know, y'all can go somewhere decent] Jimmy: [somewhere these bubs will love and think is so swag but you won't hate every second of] Jimmy: [when you wanna be like THANKS for today post friendmas but it's awkward so you just pull her back a little bit and then you're just there like -] Janis: [Dublin looks like there's loads of cool places in general so I have faith, doing the signature ?] Jimmy: [just looking at her like if you could read my mind rn that would be great] Janis: [so rude you cannot tbh, just pushing him gently like what though, like don't freak me out] Jimmy: ['tah for-' gestures back in the direction of his house 'our kid'll be chuffed to bits when he has a look'] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'won't pass it on to #2' 'cos lots of those decs were hers but fuck you gal 'take a pic if he looks cute' 'cos we blatantly wanna see his reaction but not gonna outright say that so we just pretending it could be #goals content] Jimmy: ['should work in a grotto or some bollocks next year, you' not even a pisstake because she's great with kids and swagged that but we'll pretend we are, nods and mimes that he'll record his 😱 reaction, again we probably will but we can pretend we're taking the piss out of Grace's vlogmas vibes] Janis: ['you're the elf' and a face like lord no, do your own 👍 and go inside bitch] Jimmy: ['yeah and I'll have a word' heart hands like love you gal] Janis: [blow a kiss like you're buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: [catch it as you watch her go boy]

[thunderous-bisexual]

ok so i just woke up from this fever dream about a webcomic that better not exist

so there's this white girl whose dressed with like traditional 15th century middle-eastern clothing (think aladdin) and she's holding a scimitar right.

she talks in rhymes but i dont remember the exact words, so here's the gist:

"a thieving girl always wins

and so do a boy's toes!"

yeah it seems like my proficiency for stupid toe jokes have seeped into the dream world as well!

now she says this to just a NORMAL dude. like a dude from present day is just. the target of this???

the panel after that is just an action shot of little boy feet scurrying across the hallway where this shit is going down (oh yeah, failed to mention its indoors)

so the normal guy acts defeated after the boy Scurries and all that but here's the kicker:

there's this dude just watching this all unfold from the side??? and he's dressed like the typical devil-human OC and shit (leather jacket, boots, like brown pants, black hair, you know exactly what im talking about)

so AFTER the boy Scurries he just does this "Ohh I Taught You Well" anime snicker like HE'S INVOLVED with the fight and that's it.

i then dreamed that like there was different adaptations of it, which are all basically the same, and then i woke up and went to my dentist appointment! good start to a day if you ask me

oh and of course, in case it isnt obvious, the devil-human guy was HOT as hell

#dreams #weird dreams #weird day #dreaming #im very tired #and very gay #isgsigsdhcjcjcppv

[janethepegasus]

BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU RP Thing: Chaos Akuma

An RP me and @pika-ace did relating to the BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU where an Akuma (that’s basically Discord but his chaos powers are amped to an 11) distorts the city and the Armada into whatever he desires.

(An Akuma flies through the sky and finds someone to possess, a couple of seconds later, there was a mini-sonic boom and slowly, the city and everything in it, starts

to distort into strange and surreal things, even logic itself was being distorted.)

(Everyone starts to warp and change)

(Jordan suddenly feels a stinging pain inside of him and winces)

Eric: You okay...? (Eric feels a headache coming on and winces)

Jordan: *winces* N-No...not really...! *curls up from the pain and he notices claws were forming out of his fingers*

Eric: Jordan! What- (Eric falls to his knees, clutching his head)

Jordan: Will...!! *winces in pain as ears and a tail start growing on his body*

Eric: J...Jordan... (Eric can feel his concern melting away, even thought deep down he still feels it, and metal start to climb his skin)

(Fangs started to grow on Jordan's teeth and parts of his body had fur growing)

Jordan: *internally* What the fuck...?! I thought...Joe fixed this... *curls over in pain*

(Eventually, the pain stopped and Jordan looked at himself, he transformed into a half man half wolf. having the senses of a wolf but keeping his intelligence as a

human)

Jordan: Wha...What the hell?!

(Jordan looks and sees that Eric is transforming into an android)

Jordan: Oh my god Will! *he holds him* Eric: J...Jordan...!!

(Eric slowly reaches out towards Jordan)

(His hand becomes metal and his eyes glow blue)

Jordan: Will...?

Eric: *voice becoming stiff* Jordan...

Jordan: *his wolf ears drooping* Uh...Will...?

Eric: *robot voice* Analyzing symptoms of Jordan Ellis, designated spouse or partner.

(Jordan looks at Eric, confused and a little bit scared)

Eric: Analysis complete. Energy readings signify an akuma.

Jordan: Well no shit, Peach, why else would we turn into this?! *gestures his body and Eric's body*

Eric: Analysis also confirms that others are having similar effects, some more drastic than others

(Jordan tenses up at the thought of Michael or others he cares about, going through similar or more drastic transformations)

(Jordan pulls out his phone to the group chat where the chat is already blowing up with reactions and screaming)

Jordan: Oh god...

(The chat is pure chaos)

Jeremy: *text* H E L P, S M A L L  A S  A  K I T T E N DX

Rich: *text* I’monfmcfuckingFIREHOWAMITYPINGRIGHTNOWWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF

Anton: *sends of photo of his scarred eye open but it has TV static, while the rest of body has wires in his body* I have NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL I TURNED INTO!!!

Jenna: *text* I HAVE FUCKING GILLS AND CHRISTINE JUST FLEW INTO MY ROOM AS BASICALLY TINKER BELL IN SIZE AND SCALE IM FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT

(Amongst the chaos, Jane sent a video in the chat, in the video, “Eric” was holding the camera in from of “him”)

Jordan: The fuck?!

(In the video, "Eric" explains that "he's" Jane, but the magic of the chaos akuma turned her into a shapeshifter, allowing her to turn into whatever she desires. Then,

near the end of the video, she shows what the chaos magic did to Joe, she turns the camera to the table, there a book lays on the table. And Jane says that the magic

made a magic book and now Joe is sealed within it, with his only way of communication is to write words on the blank pages.)

Jordan: Jesus, what a shit show...

Lin: *text* Everybody turned into some kind of freak show, thanks to that Akuma! XS

Kirsty: *text* You can say that again! (She sends a video of the trinity showing that she’s about three inches tall and the trinity have become living representations of ‘see no evil, hear no evil, and

speak no evil’. Philip has no eyes, Sebastian has no ears, and Max has no mouth)

Jane: *text* Holy shit! O_O

Kirsty: *text* I KNOW!! And do you know how hard it is to use a touch screen when you’re this tiny??? >:(

Jeremy: *text* I'm kinda having the same problem cause, ya know, I'M THE SIZE OF A KITTEN RIGHT NOW?!

Jane: *text* Dad says we should all meet up and asses the damage before going after the akuma

Jordan: *text* Alright, see you all there!

Jordan: C'mon Will!

Jordan: Let’s go! Eric: Affirmative.

(They transform and head out and meet with the others in less than graceful fashions due to their deformities) Dasher: *runs backwards to where they are and slams into the wall as a result* OW FUCK!!

Timber: Woah! You okay Speedy?!

Dasher: No! My running is completely fucked up!

(Dasher slowly backs up, wincing at the hard blow) Dasher: *softly* Ow ow ow ow ow...

Stag: At least you can fucking SEE!!! (Gestures to Cloudy who is literally a walking ball of wool)

Cloudy: Help :^(

Atlantic: *points to Stag* Mmmmph mmm mmm mmmph. (You're not much better off) (Stag's horns are huge, weighing down his head so much that he has to drag them along)

Stag: Oh Maxie, these *gestures the horns* may be bad, but trust me, "down below" i had it the worse. :/

Atlantic: Mmmph mmmph mm mmm mmmmm mmmmmph!!! >:((((( Scarlet: WHAT?! Jade: Please, you don't have to shout....although *puts hands where his eyes used to be* it gives me a better idea of where you are...but who am I kidding you're not

hearing any of this... Scarlet: WHAT?!

Inferno: Why even complain about this?! We all *suddenly his voice turns into a female's voice* have some kind of problem thanks to the *turns back into a male voice*

Akuma fucking us up! >:(

Leo: Whoa that's weird... Ace: Honestly I think he has it the best. (Ace is now part pigeon and the size of one too, carrying Swan in his feet who is now a plushie)

Leo: ...At least Post can be the one thing he loves. :/

(Hound whines as he's now a dog but with his human head) Hound: I want my apposable thumbs back! D'X

Volph: Same here! I think? (Volph is now an anthro fox, her fox tail sticking out with her nine tails of her costume)

Maiden: *who has a legit unicorn head but a human body* Let's just find this asshole and be done with this...

Draco: Let's just be careful of how we traverse this chaos driven terrain...especially me... *parts of Draco's body is covered in stained glass, not only that, he's a

bit fragile, a simple fall would shatter him into pieces*

Striker: I second that... *Striker has become part stone like a griffon statue*

Jane: *who's taken the form of Makoto from Danganronpa* Yeah, everybody got a little form change thanks to him... *she looks at the magic book that she's holding*

...At least you guys can move around, unlike Dad who's...probably gonna be immobile until this is over... :/

Kirsty: *climbs on Jane's shoulder* I can't even move without fear of being stepped on. Christine at least has wings. *points to Papillion who's now the size of a

butterfly*

Papillion: Well yeah, the world does seem a bit more dangerous if you're SUPER tiny. :/

Tiger: DOES NO ONE REMEMBER THAT I'M PERMANENTLY ON FIRE?!?!?!?!?! *his whole body is up in flames*

Jane: ...Oh yeah, forgot about that. :/

Pacific: *mouth is full of giant shark teeth expanding his mouth and his lips* My dentist is gonna KILL ME!!!

Ursa: *body was buffed up and generally he looked like a bear man* Now i know how it feels to be the strongest man in the whole armada... *glares at Timber*

Timber: Oh fuck you too, Matt >:(

(Ursa and Timber glare at each other)

Natura: Guys cmon not now! (Natura has turned into the deer god from Princess Mononoke)

Aqua: Yeah, you can do it later AFTER we’re back to normal! XS (Aqua’s hair is now multi-colored, SUPER long, and are thin like spaghetti)

Karma: Yeah... (Karma’s physical body is gone, but his costume and mask are still visible)

Timber: *huffs* Fine...

(They head off the best they can to look for the akuma)

(Jane taken the form of Wise Owl to catch up with the group. Seeing everyone struggling to look for the Akuma in their current state, Joe’s written words in the magic

book were filled with distress and worry for the Armada)

Jane: Awww don’t worry dad, they’ll be okay

Joe: *written down* Are you sure my dear?

(Jane looks up as Jade trips and falls due to blindness and Tiger sets a nearby object on fire) Jane: ...Yeah...they'll be fine O_O

Joe: *written down* I hope so...with these deformities this akuma has bestowed upon them...i just pray to god that they'll be okay by the end of this...

(After a good while of struggling, they hear laughing) Akuma: Oh this is just priceless XD

Timber: *ears twitch* I hear him!

Kirsty: Well duh, he's right above you. *points to the akuma laughing above them*

Akuma: *laughs* Oh god, you all look HILARIOUS!! XD

Atlantic: *muffled ranting* Akuma: What? I can't quite...you got something... *points to his mouth* Oh wait, you have NOTHING XD

(The akuma laughs at Atlantic, while Atlantic fumes with rage)

Timber: You're going down, I think is what he means to say >:(

Akuma: Oh really? You deformed weirdos are gonna take ME down? HA! You guys couldn't even crush a cockroach with these new forms of yours! XD *keeps laughing* Joe: *angrily writes* HEY!! Do NOT insult my children!! >:(

Jane: Sheesh Dad... O_O (Leo hisses and yowls quite pitifully, only fueling the akuma's laughter)

Dasher: You think THIS is FUCKING FUNNY?! >:(

Cyber: Affirmative; analysis confirms that these transfigurations to our bodies are only intended for enterntainment

Draco: So he turned EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US into some kind of JOKE?! >:(

Cyber: Affirmative. Hound: Quit acting so calm about this!!!

Cyber: *looks at Hound, curiously* What do you mean? This is my default voice.

Kirsty: Hey! Are you guys gonna kick his ass or what?!

Akuma: *laughs* There's no WAY these fools are gonna beat me! There's NO way they can smack me around with those silly forms of theirs! XD

(Cyber wordlessly raises his hand and shoots a lightning blast and it hits) Cyber: Target acquired. Akuma object termination in progress

Akuma: GAH!! Why you...!! *his arm morphs into a giant arm made out of vines and he grabs Cyber with the large fist made out of vines*

Timber: WILL!!

(The Akuma lifts Cyber up and starts throwing him around, slamming him into nearby buildings)

(Cyber keeps a straight face almost throughout the whole thing) Tiger: My GOD man, you’re being pummeled!! DONT YOU CARE?!?!

(The Akuma keeps throwing him around until he stops, his vine arm detaching from his body, a new arm immediately grows in its place, and the vines tie around Cyber’s

body. The vines slowly tighten their grip on him and spikes start to pop out in some places)

Timber: LET GO OF MY PEACH!!! (Timber leaps up with his claws and slices through the vines and catches Cyber, landing safely)

Timber: *to Cyber* You Okay, Peach?

Cyber: *stares at Timber in slight shock* A...Affirmative...

Timber: Good... (The Akuma looks at the Armada in slight amusement) Akuma: So ya weaklings think you can stand up against me? >:3

Dasher: Hell yeah we can!!

Akuma: Well I hope you have a little plan to do so, cause I’m gonna make this world turn against ya! >:3 (The Akuma snaps his fingers and suddenly, the ground below them turned into thick chocolate sauce)

Leo: Oh COME ON!!

(They struggle through the chocolate to get out of it, but the fact that Tiger is on fire, causes the chocolate to get a bit hotter)

Pacific: Dude, get OUT of the chocolate!! Tiger: I'm TRYING! >:(((

(They keep struggling until they manage to get out.) (But then the Akuma made the ground below them turn into slippery soap)

(The holders all slip and slide) Jane: It's okay! Just pretend you're ice skating!

Dasher: But-AH! *he slips and falls on the ground* some of us CAN'T skate! XS

Kirsty: Then now's a good time to learn! (Meanwhile, any flying holders who are able, start fighting the akuma)

(However, the akuma had a wide grin on his face, fighting back with such great force. He even takes advantage of their new forms, by landing a hard hit on Draco and a

piece of his glass like body breaking off of him)

(Draco screams) Timber: NO!!! (Cyber stares as emotion tries to break through his eyes)

Akuma: Oh ho, why would a fragile one, such as yourself, would want to fight me? Especially if *grabs Draco's arm and with great force, he snaps it off of him* THIS

happens to ya? >:3

Jane and Kirsty: HOLY SHIT!!! (Cyber blasts the akuma as hard as he can with lightning)

(The akuma smirks and hides Draco behind him, then with his chaos magic, turns the arm into a copy of Draco and uses it as a shield, letting the lightning hit the

Draco clone)

Hound: HEY!!! Leo: No one hurts Dragon Dad on OUR watch!!! (The kids all attack, knocking the clone away)

(The Akuma smiles wickedly and pulls out a large cage, then he swoops all the kids up in it, and then he spins it around quickly)

Stag: KIDS!!!

(The kids scream as they are being spun around. Until the akuma throws the cage and it flies over the adult Holders and through the city) Akuma: Homerun!! >:3

Dasher: I'll get them! *starts running backwards after them as best he can* Atlantic: *muffled yelling and screaming* Scarlet: YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!

Akuma: I'm not going down, you are >;3 *he snaps his fingers and suddenly gravity pushes the Adult Holders down, making it a bit hard for them to move*

(A bird visor then appears on his face) Raven: Well done my akuma! You've done beautifully! >:3

Akuma: Thank you Master! >:3

Akuma: Shall I bring them to you? Raven: Oh please do. >:3

Akuma: I will, and trust me, you'll LAUGH once you seen what i've done to them! >:3

Raven: I look forward to it.

(The Raven Visor disappears and the Akuma looks at the Holders)

Akuma: Well, time to go! (He waves his hand and a giant sentient bag appears and scoops up all the adult holders; he then makes a separate bag) Akuma: Get those kids and that weasel, we want to please Master >:3 *the bag flies off*

(A couple of seconds later, the bag comes back with the kids Holders and Dasher in it)

(The akuma grins and flies towards Raven's tower, which has a kind of shield around it made by the akuma so the reality warping won't affect him; Raven comes out of

the tower, stopping right at the edge of the shield) Raven: I'm sorry to say all your hard work will be undone once they come in here, but please, show them to me, I must see this with my own eyes! >:3 *he gestures to a

spot right in front of the shield*

(The akuma empties the bags out while keeping gravity on them so Raven can see their conditions)

(Upon seeing their conditions, Raven bursts out into laughter)

Raven: Oh! This is incredible! XD

(Raven keeps laughing at them, while the Holders, Jane, and Kirsty, all glare at him)

(He laughs for a while until he finally calms down) Raven: Okay...well done...ten out of ten, darling; throw the bags into my tower and you can keep doing your thing... XD

Akuma: Okay! >:3

(He puts them all back into one bag and throws them into the tower and flies off; meanwhile, while the holders are still helpless, the moment they enter the field,

they return to normal) Raven: *enters the tower* Oh it was fun while it lasted...

(Raven takes the bags up the tower)

(Once he gets to the tower...) Raven: First, let's deal with the extra baggage... *he reaches in and grabs Jane and Kirsty out of the bag*

Jane: AHH! Kirsty: HEY!!

(He ties them up back to back and puts tape on their mouths and holds them up by a length of rope) Raven: Now I can guarantee a little more cooperation from the animal patrol >:3

Kirsty and Jane: MMMPH!!

(Raven unties the bag) Raven: Alright, c'mon out. Enjoy your normality *softly* for now...

(He empties out the bag, letting the Holders fall out)

(Everyone looks around and deflates in relief at seeing they're normal again)

Timber: Thank god...

Cyber: Jordan! *hugs him* I've been wanting to do that all day!!

Timber: *hugs back* Finally, my Peach is speaking normally! :)

Atlantic: I can talk!! Scarlet: I can hear!! Jade: I can see!!

Owl: *looks at himself* I-I'm not in a book anymore...! Oh thank god...!! *hugs any nearby Holders as tightly as possible* Oh my dear children, you're all okay...!!

Hound: Oof! Missed you too, Owl Dad

(Raven rolls his eyes as he sees the Holders all relieved to have their normal bodies back)

Kirsty: MMMPH!! (Hey, don't ignore us!! >:((( )

Jane: MMPH!!! (Yeah, we matter too! >:((( )

Raven: *clears this throat and gets their attention* I get that you're happy but - *he holds his scythe up to Kirsty and Jane* Let's get back to business, shall we?

>:3

(The Holders' eyes widen upon seeing the scythe near Jane and Kirsty)

Raven: Your Miraculous, if you please. I would tie you all up and take them by force, but I'm not really feeling it today, soooo... (He pushes the scythe closer, making the two girls whimper)

(The Holders tense up)

Raven: What's it gonna be, holders? The easy way or the hard way?

(The Holders glare at Raven, not wanting to hand their Miraculous over, but they don't want Jane and Kirsty's lives to be taken by Raven Claw)

(After a while, Raven sighs) Raven: Alright, if you're going to be dramatic about it, you can at least be entertaining (He drops a portion of the shield so only he, Jane, and Kirsty are shielded from the warping)

Leo: Oh no, not again! XS (Everyone starts to transform)

Timber: No..! WILL!! (Cyber starts becoming metal again)

(Timber winces in pain as he starts transforming again)

(Cyber hugs him) Cyber: I...I love you...!

Timber: I...I love you...too...!!

Jane and Kirsty: *struggle* MMMMPH!! (The transformations finish)

Tiger: AHHH!!! I'M ON FIRE AGAIN!!!!!

(The holders descend into chaos once more and Raven laughs while Jane and Kirsty watch in horror)

Leo: Oh god, i'm tiny again!!! DX

Hound: *looks at his dog body* Nooooooooo! Atlantic: MMMMMMMPH!!!

Jade: I can't see!!! Scarlet: WHAT?!

Kirsty: *glares at Raven* MMMMMPH!! (YOU ASSHOLE!!)

Jane: *looks at Owl's distorted form, just laying on the ground* MMPH!! (DAD!!)

Raven: *to Owl* Not so tough now are you? XD

Owl: *written down* Shut your mouth! >:(

(Raven floats around them in his shield with Jane and Kirsty)

(Jane and Kirsty watch in horror as they see the Holders freaking out and panicking over their distorted forms)

(Kirsty growls at Raven and gives him a kick in the shins and Jane follows suit, both of them kicking at him)

Raven: Ow! Hey! >:(

Jane and Kirsty: >:(((((((( *keep kicking at him*

Raven: Ow Ow Ow Quit it!! >:((

(They keep kicking at him when Raven suddenly loses his balance; he flails and topples right out of his shield, leaving only Jane and Kirsty sitting inside it)

Raven: Ow... *glares at Jane and Kirsty* Why you- (Suddenly, Raven freezes and then he starts to transform, screaming in pain)

Jane: Mmph! (Whoa!) (Raven grows a bird head and his arms become wings but his body remains) Kirsty: Mmmph? (Did we do that? O_O )

Jane: Mmph! (Apparently! O_O)

(Raven’s transformation completes and he looks at  himself in horror)

(Raven screams in horror upon seeing his distorted form)

Arctic: *who has a similar appearance to Raven but as a Polar bear* HA!! Sucks to be you, asshole!! >:D

(Raven still screams in horror of his new form)

(Owl writes something down and Timber reads it and calls up to Jane and Kirsty) Timber: You two just stay put up there!! We’ll get ya down as soon as we get rid of this akuma!!

Jane: Mmph! (Okay!) *internally* Though I miss being a shapeshifter :/

Kirsty: Mmph! (Got it!) *internally* Man, if I was still small we could get out of these ropes... :/ (The holders get a hold of themselves and look out the window where they see the akuma in the distance)

(The Akuma looks at Raven’s tower, looking a kinda bored) Akuma: The whole city is distorted by me...except this. (He stares at it for a few seconds) Akuma: ...Fuck it, Master’s joining the fun! (He snaps his fingers and Raven’s tower starts to distort and the shield disappears)

(Kirsty instantly shrinks making the ropes fall away from Jane and they pull the tape off)

Jane: *shiftshapes into Sci-Twi* Yes! We're free! And i can shift shape again! :D

Kirsty: *climbs on Jane’s shoulder* Don’t get TOO attached to the crazy akuma magic...

Jane: *gets up* Hey, having the power to shiftshape is the one ability i wish i can have 24/7, so don't blame me for getting TOO attached to this new ability! X3

Kirsty: Just don’t drop me please...

Jane: I won't!

Jane: And besides, we’re already together, no need to FALL for me ;) Kirsty: ........why....? -_-

(Suddenly, everyone feels the tower shaking for a couple of seconds. When it stopped, the window transformed into a large eye and it looked at everyone)

Coral: Huh...at least we don’t have to walk

(Then they feel the lair shake again. Outside, the lair rises and four legs burst out from under it. Then it starts to move around the city mindlessly)

(Everyone topples around from the movement, Jane holding Kirsty in her hands for safety)

(Jane spots Owl's distorted form being thrown around from the movement, but her heart sank when he was getting a bit too close to Tiger)

Jane: SOMEONE KEEP OWL DAD AWAY FROM RICH!!!

(Timber quickly yanked Owl away from Tiger)

Hound: Now what?!

(At this point, Raven eventually calms down and glares at the Holders)

Raven: This- Dasher: If you say this our fault you’re fucking DEAD >:(

Jane: Really, it's actually OUR fault ya turned into a raven man! *she shiftshapes into Raven Claw* Then again, you underestimated what two girls can do to you! :P

(Raven lets out a screech of anger and charges towards Jane and Kirsty)

Jane: Oh shit O_O *spreads out her wings and flies off*

Kirsty: *clinging to Jane* FLY FLY FLY!!!!

(Jane flaps her wings as fast as she can)

(Raven chases them out of the tower) Leo: ...I guess we’ll just have to check on them once we take out that akuma

Cyber: Affirmative.

(The holders manage to safely get out of the tower and head towards the akuma)

(As soon as they were getting near the Akuma, a large boxing ring emerges out of the ground below them and rises above the city with them on it)

Atlantic: *muffled annoyed sounds*

(It stops when the boxing ring was way above the city, then the akuma shows up with a big smirk on his face)

Akuma: Ready for the REAL fight? >:3

Akuma: Cause the fight i'm gonna give you, is FINAL BOSS worthy! >:3 *he smiles wickedly then he swoops down. A few seconds later, the ground started to shake and a HUGE dark figure started to rise*

(The kids’ eyes all widen in recognition to the reference) Kids: O_O .......fuck

(Once the dark figure towers over the Armada, the dark figure was revealed to be the akuma transformed into a being of madness and chaos.The Akuma maniacally laughs at them with a wide smile)

Everyone: O_O Timber: .....Welp....let’s get him guys

Dasher: Let's bring our A-Game into this one...i hope... O~O

(They start fighting)

(The Armada do all that they can to fight the Akuma, but at some points during the fight, the Akuma sends out powerful attacks that almost knocked some of the members

of the Armada out of the boxing ring)

Akuma: That’s a few down!

(Draco holds onto the ropes as best as he can) Draco: Boys...Help me...!!

(Timber and Cyber run over and carefully helps him over)

Draco: Thank you...

Timber: We gotcha

(They keep fighting the Akuma)

(Leo and Swan, vein the smallest, sneak around the massive akuma and look for the object they need) (Papillion helps too)

(But then, three hands emerge out of the Akuma's body, grabbing Leo, Swan, and Papillion.)

Timber: KIDS!!

Akuma: Nuh uh uh! If you all want to beat me, then you'll have to do it without taking the easy way! Or else... *the hands' grip on Leo, Swan, and Papillion get

tighter, the three of them scream in pain*

Dasher: Okay okay! (They keep fighting)

(The Akuma keeps holding onto Leo, Papillion, and Swan during the fight)

(The fight goes on for a while until Cyber spots the akuma)

(Cyber was about to shoot at it, but the Akuma noticed that he was taking "the easy way", so another hand emerges out of his body and grabs Cyber tightly) Akuma: NO EASY WAY!!

Hound: You’re a sore loser! >:((((

Akuma: Oh am I? Well, i won’t let ANY of you taking the easy route of beating me, you gotta beat me like you would with a REGULAR final boss! >:) (The Akuma lifts Cyber up and tightens his hold on him, resulting in some sparks flying out of Cyber’s metal body)

(Timber quickly jumps up and latches onto the hand holding Cyber) Timber: Hang on Will!!

(His grip on Cyber gets tighter, more sparks are flying and his eyes start to flicker)

Timber: Silver Claws!! (Timber shoves his claws into the hand and slowly pries the giant fingers away from Cyber so he can grab him and hold him to his chest)

(Cyber had a lot of dents and cracks, even his robot arm was disconnected)

Timber: Jesus...! Timber: Come on Will, stay with me!

Cyber: Energy low. 99% functions are shut down or damaged. *looks at Timber* Jordan...

Timber: Will...!

Cyber: Able...to function...for 5 minutes maximum...after dead line...will shutdown...permanently... (He looks at Timber directly) Cyber: Jordan...beloved spouse... *a smile cracks on his face* I...love...you... :)

(Timber tears up) Timber: I...I love you too...

(Timber gives a quick peck on Cyber’s lips)

Akuma: *laughs* Some hero you are! Can’t even protect one of his friends! Timber: ...I wouldn’t say that... Akuma: Huh? Timber: I just had to keep you still for a few minutes >:3 (At that moment, Stag jumps off one of the poles of the ring and drops the full weight of his giant horns onto the akuma’s head)

Akuma: GAH!!

Stag: TAKE THAT SCUMBAG!!! Timber: GET HIM EVERYONE!! (The holders all charge and take advantage, attacking with everything they have all at once)

(As all the attacks hit the Akuma, he flails around and the city below them starts to twist and turn, becoming a chaotic version of the city)

(The holders keep going and keep attacking, pinning him down under all their attacks)

(They keep going until Timber gives the Akuma the final blow. Then, streams of light poke out from the Akuma’s body, he screams and he explodes into an explosion of

light.)

(The akuma object appears and Timber catches it) Timber: Time to end this...

(With all of his strength, he crushes the Akuma into pieces and a black bird flies out)

(he directs the bird to Cyber who is moments away from shutting down; with the last of his strength, Cyber puries the akuma and restores the damage, returning the

world and themselves to normal)

(They all return to the ground and everything and everyone turned back to normal)

Timber: WILL!! (He runs over to Cyber who's body is human and completely healed as he sits up)

Cyber: *looks up* Jordan...!

(Timber scoops him up and spins him around, peppering him with kisses) Timber: Thank god...!

(Cyber giggles and smiles as Timber peppers his face with kisses)

Cyber: It's good to see you too...! X3

(Then Timber kisses Cyber fully in the mouth and they hold that kiss for a few seconds. Then they break the kiss)

Timber: God I missed the real you...

Cyber: Same here...

(Cyber kisses Timber again, quite roughly) Cyber: I've been wanting to do that all day...

(Timber smiles and kisses him back)

(Dasher makes a joking gagging noise as all the other couples embrace and kiss when Scarlet blinks) Scarlet: Um...what happened to my baby sister and her girlfriend? O_O

Everyone: O_O

(Meanwhile, Raven, now back to normal, has just entered his tower with a squirming bag in his possession with a tied and taped Jane and Kirsty inside) Raven: *panting slightly* Well...that was an ordeal...but I finally got you little pests!

Jane and Kirsty: MMMMMPHHHHH!!!!!!!

Raven: *looks around* You know what? We're gonna switch this up a bit, since I'm now quite exhausted. (He takes the bag out of the tower and into another room in his lair)

(Once he got into the other room in his lair, he throws the bag onto the ground)

Jane and Kirsty: MMPH! (OW!!!) (Raven collapses onto a chair that's in the room) Raven: Let's see how long it takes them

(Raven sits there, waiting for the Armada to come)

(After a while he hears them burst into the tower above them) Raven: God, did they break my windows again? -_-

(The Armada race through the tower, looking for Raven, Jane, and Kirsty)

Leo: They're not here!! Atlantic: But that's impossible!!

Owl: Where the hell did he take my daughter and her girlfriend?!

Scarlet: Where's my baby sister?! >:((((

Timber: They have to be here somewhere!

Hound: STORM THE LAIR!! (Raven hears from a distance)

Raven: What?!

(Raven grabs the bag and moves from the room)

(The Armada storm through the lair, looking at every inch, every room, everything Raven's lair has)

(Owl eventually makes it to the front room just in time to see Raven exit the front door and fly away with the bag)

Raven: ...Shit. O_O

Owl: HE'S GETTING AWAY!!!

(The Armada charge towards Raven while he quickly tries to fly away)

Raven: Dammit...as if I didn't use up enough energy chasing these two before!!

(Raven tries all that he can to fly away from the Armada, but then Owl tackles Raven out of the sky)

(They fall onto a roof and tumble, the bag flying away from both of them)

(Owl pins Raven to the ground, glaring at him)

Owl: Give them back!! Raven: Oh, you want them? Better go get them! >:3 (He points to the bag just as its rolling off the edge of the building)

Owl: *eyes widen in horror* NO!!! *quickly flies towards the bag*

(He reaches out for it but just misses it; when suddenly, Jade appears and catches it as it falls with Nature Leap)

Jade: Got it!

(Jade lands and Scarlet appears and opens the bag, he and Atlantic pulling out the tied up girls) Kirsty: Mmmmph! :D

(Owl quickly takes the tape off their mouths, unties them, and immediately hugs Jane tightly, relieved that she's okay) Owl: Oh my sweet daughter...! You're okay...! You're okay...!!

(The trinity do the same with Kirsty and Scarlet hugs her) Scarlet: Baby sis...! You're okay!! Jade: Thank god...!

Jane: Dad...! *hugs him back*

Kirsty: Guys...! *hugs the trinity*

(The Trinity and Owl keep hugging Kirsty and Jane, even Owl gives a little kiss on Jane's cheek)

(The other holders decide to leave them be and head on their own way) Timber: *takes Cyber's hand* Shall we? :3

Cyber: We shall! :3

(They head off together)

(As they head off, Raven gets up, rolls his eyes and growls, and leaves the Armada without saying a word)

#bmc miraculous ladybug au #bmc au #squip #Jordan Ellis #jeremy heere #michael mell #joe #joe iconis #post the Squip #lin manuel miranda #chaos #akuma #jane #kirsty

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

My gf doesn't remember the last time she's been to the dentist and i (f) confronted her about it, saying i don't to risk anything. Now shes upset at me but she understands why im concerned. I went to other people online (These people definitely were not professional but most my irl friends are also her friends and i don't want them to tell her about it and worry her even more)

WELL, speaking as an unprofessional asshole who just needed a root canal because I haven't had the money to afford the dentist in like four years, THIS QUESTION IS KINDA RELEVANT TO MY CURRENT LIFE CIRCUMSTANCE.

Anyway, I think an the biggest thing to take away from this situation is WHY does your girlfriend not go to the dentist, or why has she not seen the dentist? As I've just said for myself, the reason I didn't go to the dentist in a long time is I literally couldn't. My finances don't afford that luxury, and I got booted off of insurance because I literally couldn't afford it and Trump decided to let Obamacare writhe into death (MAGA, my dudes). Becoming destitute is a pretty good reason not to do something; it's not ideal, but hopefully you see why I wouldn't go personally. Only when my situation became dire (my tooth dies forever) did I finally need to visit the dentist, and so I did. It's not great for my finances, but hey, better than losing my tooth or being in pain.

What is HER reason for not going? Is she also struggling with money? Is she uninsured, or under-insured, so she's worried about the cost? This is a fair reason, and unless you're going to pay her to visit the dentist (I don't think you should do that), then you can't really hope to change her mind some. Beyond trying to ask her to save up some money to visit the dentist, you don't have a lot of leeway here.

Is she scared of the dentist? Dental fear is a valid problem for a lot of people, and it is sometimes completely out of the person's control for why hey have that fear or anxiety to visit the dentist. If this is the case, the best options here are reminding them the health needs related to the dentist, helping them find a dentist that would suit them that you both can trust, and perhaps even asking them to seek out a therapist to see if there are any underlying reasons why this fear or anxiety is manifesting in your partner.

Is she just stubborn or anti-medicine about the whole affair? Does she have the whole, "MY TEETH ARE FINE, SO I DON'T EVEN GOTTA WORRY ABOUT THEM" attitude? That's a fine opinion to have, of course, but it's not based in reality, and thus not a good argument for her to hold. Part of the harsh reality is you might not really be able to change her mind if your partner is really dug in on this issue. If she just really doesn't want to visit the dentist, then not much you can say will probably convince her. All that means is that eventually she's going to get hit with a really severe issue one day (like me), and she's going to have to suffer a lot, and deal with a lot of problems. If she is not the type that is easily convinced, then sadly, you may just have to wait for this mistake to manifest itself.

Okay, but what CAN you do in this situation? One thing is making sure at very least she's maintaining good dental hygiene. Basically, you're playing dentist for her. You may not be a professional, and your advice is not gospel. But let's be real, if she at least does what you say, and follows good general advice, it would prevent any horrific problems from being life-alteringly terrible. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! IT'S TIME FOR A CRASH COURSE IN DENTISTRY, FROM YOUR UNFRIENDLY RELATIONSHIP ADVICE DUDE ON THE INTERNET WHO IS NOT A DENTIST AND SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED AT ALL BECAUSE HE JUST GOT A ROOT CANAL BUT HEY IT'S THE ONLY PROBLEM HE'S HAD IN SIX YEARS SO HE MUST BEING DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

BRUSH YA FUCKIN' TEETH ASSHOLE. Hey, wowie, I bet you didn't know this, but brushing your teeth removes gross shit off them, meaning that gross shit doesn't rot your fucking teeth like some fuckin' monster. Don't be an idiot and brush your teeth. At least once per day is basically mandatory. Twice a day is better than 90% of the population. And if you brush your teeth after every meal, you're basically a god.

FLOSS. Yeah, I know, who the fuck flosses. I certainly don't. But that's because I'm an idiot. Don't be me and get a root canal: FLOSS. Regardless of what your toothbrush or toothpaste commercial on tv says, toothbrushes can't reach between your teeth. Flossing at least once a day (again, bonus points for twice a day) clears out all the gunk in hard to reach places between your teeth. This is the high risk stuff, because since it never gets cleaned out, it can build up over time. If it builds up, it makes your teeth icky and gross. But if it builds up a LONG TIME, it turns into plaque, which is basically the same icky stuff but turned into cement on your teeth, meaning only a dentist can get it off with proper tools. We're trying to avoid that, so FLOSS.

BRUSH CORRECTLY. Yes, there is a right way to brush your teeth. Take your brush, start at the bottom of your teeth (near the gums), and brush upward, then downward, then up again. Do this for all the teeth, the whole way into the back of your mouth. Then, do the inside of your teeth in the same fashion. Finish off by brushing your tongue if you're feeling really saucy. Dentists say brushing for two full minutes is ideal. So put on your favourite song and just jam out while brushing your teeth; when the song ends, you're done!

WATCH YOUR BRUSH. Toothbrushes are a dime a dozen, and I'm sure someone smarter than me can tell you what the perfect toothbrush is. But as we already said, as long as you're brushing your teeth consistently, the tools don't matter as much. That being said, make sure your brush is right for YOU. Ideally it needs to be the right texture - some like it soft and some like it more brittle. It also should be new-ish. If you look at your  brush, and you see the majority of the bristles getting all frayed, then it's time to invest $2 into a new brush. Electric toothbrushes are fancy, but a normal toothbrush will do you just fine.

BE CAREFUL OF SUGAR. The big concern with tooth decay, which is the real nasty problem you'll have at a dentist, is sugar in your diet. Sugar is in a LOT of things, but that sugar gets in your mouth, and on your teeth, and bacteria that cause decay LOVE the stuff. Consider not drinking as many sodas, or eating as many sweets; the more sugar you cut out of your diet, the less likely it'll be in your mouth, and the less likely you'll have decay. If that's not really an option for you, instead focus on keeping your mouth as clean as possible. If you drink a soda, drink some water alongside it, to make sure you're washing away excess sugar.

KEEP AN EYE ON SENSITIVE TEETH. Some people have sensitive teeth, ones that respond to heat and cold. Some people also have sensitive teeth in general, where even brushing them can be a little painful or irritating. The culprits we're looking for are teeth at are sensitive particularly to heat or cold. Sometimes teeth are just sensitive, and this is totally normal. But sensitivity to heat or cold can also be a sign of a cavity. If you notice that one tooth is bothering you consistently when you have a nice cold drink or nice yummy food, KEEP AN EYE ON IT.

PAIN IS BAD. Wowie, bet you didn't know that suffering isn't fun. But real talk, if your teeth hurt, you don't have an option. You need to go to the dentist if your tooth hurts. Any pain in your mouth is bad, and the sooner it's addressed, the better. No excuses at that point.

THAT’S THAT! Also, there are a fuck-ton of anime teeth brushing gifs, so Don’t mind me while I link some others I didn’t have room to use. 

[audiovisualrecall]

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I think my family have gotten complacent abt covid19. Like we all still wear masks etc (except when we fucked up and visited nephew and sister and bro in law without masks and they'd been at a funeral with other people...why the hell were none of us wearing masks????? My sister is a nurse she shouldve been like plz wear masks' but no we all just. Acted like it was a normal day holy shit. But cant change the past, can only go forward). But yeah like. Steph insisted and pushed so now we have a vacay planned for August, and I mean both here and there have low numbers rn but that doesnt mean anything. Someone just came back to ny after visiting Florida and didnt quarantine so now Westchester county has new cases again. Even though we're planning to socially distance as much as possible on the Cape (our hotel rooms are connected, have kitchenettes, restaurants are doing takeout, and the hotel beaches are not usually super crowded and we could always walk to a less crowded one, and obviously we're going to wear masks and stuff) I dont know if its reaaaallly a good idea at all. For all we know the hotel and beach and towns could be packed with idiots not wearing masks. And then besides that...steph is kind of like well stores are open now so we Have to go clothing shopping! I only went to stores to buy things specifically for projects or gift for nephew related or food shopping, we went to target wearing masks of course and I think socially distanced fairly well, but I feel like now it's like okay let's get back to normal! Meanwhile covid19 is STILL HERE and still a threat!!! And everyone's getting lax about handwashing/disinfecting things, steph asked me if we're still wiping groceries down with lysol wipes and im like....uh, YES???? covid19 is still a threat!!!!!! I havent cleaned my wallet or tried to disinfect my cloth bag after going to stores despite touching them after touching other things in stores because I only really touch/carry/use them when im wearing a mask or I wash my hands asap after handling it, but maybe I should clean it anyway. Steph went from insisting strongly that we wear gloves when shopping for anything, be it food or garden supplies, to not wearing them at all. She went from insisting purel isnt enough to disinfect properly after shopping, to considering hands clean if she used purel, and not washing again after getting home. I think, I could be wrong. But even a month ago she was very insistent about it. I get that she wants to act like normal, because she already had something control her life (and she's at the one year mark post breast cancer treatment btw! I think that's part of it, she wants to celebrate. But I'm terrified she's forgetting the very real danger doesnt care, and getting covid19 would put a damper on celebrating.)

Ma is frustrated with her hair length/style and though I've offered to cut it (I cut my own, I can do hers! Easier not in a mirror and backwards!) It makes her nervous and she'd rather a pro do it, but I just.... yeah, we went shopping briefly, and things are opening up again, and hairdressers are open, but it doesn't mean you have to go, or should go. She trimmed the most frustrating part of her hair herself this morning so maybe she doesnt want to or wont go to someone rn after all. Idk. Like yes I went to the dentist and I have another appointment coming up, but with the number of cavities I have I think its essential (also the pain from the back tooth was getting bad and getting the crown put on has helped me eat comfortably, which I think is important). Haircuts arent essential or worth risking health for in my opinion. Making sure my nephew had a good birthday despite having to go to a funeral (unrelated to covid19) on his birthday was worth getting balloons for him and getting craft supplies for my gift. I want to go to the store to return clothing so I dont waste money on shipping it back, as much as I'd like to get clothing - I'd like more tank tops and regular shorts or capris - it feels like a bad idea, it feels like a tempting, dangerous taste of normalcy that really isnt necessary when covid19 is still a threat. I want to go back to work, I am losing money due to health insurance and spending on stuff here and there, but SHOULD I try to go back? Should I call work and talk to manager like I planned, or should I wait? Can I go back to work when we have a vacation planned? Is it worth the risk of interacting with so many people inside a store, and maybe not remembering to wash hands before my break/before eating or something bc I wasnt always gr8 at that before this (I'd touch all the paints and things and then go to the breakroom and eat and like...hands!! Dirty!!!). Like, is it worth it to go back to work??? I would like to be making money. I would like to not be in the house all the time/at home all the time. If we are going to stores to shop, though, why not go to work? But the amount of time is less I guess. Idek.

[nukefamily]

THAT DELETED SCENE THO

 let's just talk about it for a sec. 

First of all, I'm still hella salty it got deleted like all the other Barisi scenes.

Ms Drake’s Appearance

I love the looks Sonny and Rafael get on their faces when Ms Drake appeared. (Excuse some shitty screenshots cause I took most on my phone lmao.)

They were both simultaneously going "Oh God. Here we go..." Because they both realize that what she’s doing. Approaching them to talk... and this is considered inappropriate in this sense. She shouldn’t be approaching them to talk as Barba is fighting against her son as he was suspected of raping her at this point. Even despite this though, they both stop and turn around, giving her the chance to speak instead of shooing her away like most would.

Now, we all know that Sonny really could've up and continued walking to give Rafael and Ms Drake a chance to speak one on one, but with the mix of both his good conscience, wanting to support a friend and colleague in this situation, and the fact that Ms Drake said she wanted to “look Barba and Carisi in the eye,” and “ask why they’re ruining her sons life,” he felt the pull to stay. To be a support system for Barba but also see if he could weigh in on the conversation. Not to mention he wanted to know what Ms Drake wanted to say simply because he’s a good person to begin with. Not to mention the look he gave when he was first addressed. It was a concerned but interested look... with a tinge of “don't mess with either of us.”

Barba’s Apology

“I’m sorry for what you’re going through.” Now, yes, that is the normal procedural line we hear all the time on this show and in real life from both cops and lawyers alike, simply because it’s typical protocol for them not to show too much sympathy and saying this is the safe way to go about it. It tends to sound robotic but I think that was Raúl’s intentions with delivering this line. And when Ms Drake said they should drop the charges, it sounded as if she still half-believed Barba’s words despite the ‘cold’ voice he used. I appreciated it when Sonny did step in saying that they couldn’t and I love the fact that Peter used a soft, saddened voice. With this, we know that Sonny wishes they could, but considering the circumstances, considering the fact that Andrew is suspected of raping Mandy, they can’t drop the charges as Andrew needs to have some sort of punishment instead of walking free and Mandy never getting justice for what was done to her.

Now, what I like most about Barba saying that he was open to a plea was the facial expression he gave before he turned his head. 

Maybe this was a poor screenshot but anyway. The expression to me looks like he wants to be done talking because he knows exactly where the conversation is going but he continues anyway, giving her another choice. While the expression is still rather soft while holding a cold-ish stare. I find Raúl to be very good at giving these kinds of expressions. Anyway. Continuing on.

Ms Drake’s Slam

“Must feel really good standing there in your expensive suit having all the power. Moving people around like chess pieces.”

Okay. Here we go. This sentence, you can just tell by the look on Barba’s face right after she says this, he knew that she was going to say something, but this was... well, not completely what he was expecting. We know that he doesn't like feeling high and mighty before he said “No. Doesn’t feel good at all.” Because we’ve seen him in court getting emotional. Examples: (x) (x) (x) there’s probably plenty more but you get the point. This being said/shown, if someone out there was too blind to see the pain behind this man’s mask since season 14 (2012), aka 5 years, even with it showing through on multiple occasions, THERE YOU GO. There’s the pain. 

Continuing on with that, cases definitely get to Barba, especially ones involving children (or in this case young teens) despite him not being a fan of children (which is evident with the way he held Noah that one episode, which I still find hilarious because same), it's still hard for him because children are innocent. They haven’t lived life long enough to experience the pain they’ve gone through.

When Ms Drake leaves, her expression is... well actually, I don’t know what it is. It looks like she believes him but doesn’t believe him at the same time? I don’t know if there’s a word for that or not. But perhaps this expression is because she doesn’t understand the weight Rafael constantly has on his shoulders because of the fact that she isn’t an ADA. She never had to take on the huge load of work that he has to. She’s never had to break families apart. She’s never had to deal with losing a case and making his client feel betrayed. It’s just something she’s never had to deal with so she isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth or not.

Then Sonny steps forward with a, still disappointed look, but also a small bit relieved. But maybe I’m just shit at reading facial expressions idk.

That Question

“Do you still wanna be a lawyer?”

This. Line. It’s like it’s constantly on Barba’s mind and honestly, I don’t blame him for having on his mind. Going back to 17x23, he brought it up after he identified Felipe Heredio. It’s like once he realised the dangers of being an ADA could happen to him, despite being friends with cops, he wanted Carisi to realise that being an ADA wasn’t all he probably thought. It wasn’t all fun court stuff. There was an actual risk of being one and he doesn’t seem to want Carsi to be in danger despite him being a Police Detective.. and he’s been in tough situations (so far).

Having a rough start when he joined SVU as the others thought he was blunt and insensitive despite his skills. It took a while, but he did eventually get respect and friendship from his colleagues.

He also has a tough time keeping his emotions in check like the time he nearly broke the dentist’s hand because he raped his own niece. 

Sonny responds with the fact he’s been thinking about it but when Barba says there’s an opening in Manhatten, Carisi goes on to decline said offer because he wants to stay a cop to protect and serve. Especially after Dodds’ death. 

Now, jumping back to the deleted scene, when Carisi was asked again, fdjkgf okay wait. So, because Barba asked, I’m automatically assuming that they talked about Sonny wanting to be a lawyer because we know characters interact off camera. It’s common knowledge at this point. So when Carisi says “Not today,” I’m thinking he told Barba he wanted to try again but there have been no openings recently which is.. understandable and maybe the new ADA, who’s coming in God knows when, took the spot in Manhattan between 17x23 and 19x04. Now, we won’t know this for sure until he comes into the show but aNYWAY.

Sonny’s Response

Because Sonny said “Not today,” I can only assume he realises the challenges involved in being a lawyer. Not that he hasn’t before but it’s suddenly coming back to him. Maybe he’s realising that it is a good thing to simply be a cop with a lawyer mindset as he can give another viewpoint when Barba isn’t there. But let’s just talk about the facial expression he gives. He’s also glad he doesn’t have to go through what Barba does, no matter how selfish that might sound on his part.

Like, you can see the concern in his face (and his voice but that’s beside the point-no it’s not but I’m not focusing on that because it’s audible. shh). I feel like this is because he honestly feels bad for Barba having to deal with this crap day in and day out. He knows it’s taking a toll on him and he feels bad, but there’s not much he can do but provide distractions for him every so often.

The Look™

I feel like this was geared towards Sonny's response. While we know Rafael is proud of Sonny, there's something else there. He wants Sonny to become a lawyer, but at the same time, does he want Sonny to be a lawyer? He's been a lawyer for a long time, since before season 14. I can't remember if they've ever said how long he's been one. He knows Sonny has been through a lot. Obviously, we know that too. I mean, hell, here are some things I didn’t mention above.

He was nearly shot in the head at gunpoint in 18x07 by Sgt. Tom Cole, a rape suspect. That had to of taken a toll on his mental state for a while, if not permanently. Thank you to Olivia for saving him btw.

When he was doing his best to hold onto the man’s hand in 19x02 (i forget his name pls forgive) but the glove slips off the man's hand and he ultimately plummets to his death and Sonny is very shaken up about it. 

And I mean, there are probably other things I forgot to write down but yeah. Barba knows that despite all that, something in Sonny wouldn’t be able to handle the hard passings of being a lawyer/ADA. And honestly, I feel that way too. With his good conscience, I feel like he wouldn't be able to work properly if he got a client who was the suspect of a crime. Not to mention, Barba probably realises Carsis sees court as “cool” and “awesome” and he’s “awestruck” by it. But once he gets to be a lawyer, he’ll realise it’s not all he thought it out to be. He doesn’t realise how hard being a lawyer is yet and Barba is probably trying to shield him from that fact for a while until Carisi is like “lol fuk u im doing it” and he doesn’t want to see the Detective’s dreams go down the drain. But I don’t think Barba realises that Carisi realises that being a lawyer isn’t all he thought it was gonna be due to the fact that he was always so giddy and excited when he was taking night classes.

Walking Away

Now, at the end when Barba is following after Carisi, I began thinking. 

Barba is walking after Sonny faster than normal

They must be going somewhere together

Where this somewhere is, who knows. My shipper brain really wants to take over and write a bunch of fantasies but I’m being realistic here in this thought thing so I’m not gonna do that. All I’m gonna say is maybe they’re going to get drinks or something. K? K.

Overall I’m still salty they cut this.

#law and order: special victims unit #law & order svu #svu #svu 19 #sonny carisi #carisi #rafael barba #barba #peter scanavino #raúl esparza #deleted scene #my thoughts #im so sorry but i had to #im probably gonna do these from now on i apologize

[odysseyeight]

i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question…….what the hell is in your mouth”

#the dentist story #now this is what i live for #cj is a cryptid #cryptid culture #tales from the cryptid den #cryptidcore #gothic americana #american gothic #gothic #pacific northwest gothic #regional gothic #small town gothic #liminal places #liminality #liminal #liminal space #liminal tumblr #liminalcore #wtnv vibes #wtnv #small town horror #tracy #central valley #central valley horror #hometown horror

[tumblunni]

I’M FINALLY SEEING THE DENTIST

breaking the tumblr hiatus thing to say this and also Panic Quite A Bit and ok i’m sorry i’m gonna leave again now and i dont actually know if I’m gonna be back at the end of the tumblr hiatus or i might be gone for even longer cos i dont know exactly how bad this is and whether i’ll be hospitalized so im basically freaking out a lot now and washing all my underwear and my hair like eight times and freaking out at zits because i have LITERALLY NEVER stayed in a hospital overnight and i have no idea how it works and i dont want anyone to laugh at me and OH GOD I have enough trouble sleeping normally i think i wont sleep for days in a damn hospital especially if i have my jaw wired up in one of those terrifying harnesses and Anyway

basically

yknow how ive been saying ‘arrgh i am in horrible tooth pain i need to see a dentist’ for like OVER A YEAR NOW? and yknow how i’ve continued to be too scared to do it for OVER A YEAR NOW? yeah i finally talked to my support worker and she’s gonna call an emergency dentist at 9am tomorrow so i have a very short deadline of one day to get my goddamn shit together and prepare for the biggest anxiety attack of my fucking life but at least maybe i’ll have a functional face by the end of it

god seriously i like had to reach the point where my fear of TOOTH DYING has increased higher than my fear of Mild Social Embarassment In A Doctor Related Setting I’ve got this fucking horrifying mess of gums half grown over this mess of tooth shards and swollen everything and just like OH GOD MY NECK HAS BEEN MILDLY HURTING LATELY so i’ve got this stupid thing in my mind that maybe it got SO bad that im Deadly Infected In The Neck Muscles Somehow because god i dont even know how science works fuck you science or i man i guess fuck the things that science analyses and protects us from but not the science itself which is gonna be the thing that hopefully wrestles out this tooth abomination from my face and I Do Not Die save me science i love you science but also I STILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU

i hope im not gonna die oh god ive like peaked on the mountain of fear and now i just feel oddly empty and im like drifting along as my body is still all shaking and feeling weirdly overheated and like its so surreal when i dont actually feel scared anymore and yet Here, Actual Evidence You Have Not Suddenly Become Brave For Real i just think i broke my brain too im just glad this time my Trademark Self Destructive Decisions caused me to call the support worker?? like, i actually somehow short-circuited and did the thing that scared me, instead of anything else self destructive?? which works out good cos i know that this is obviously a thing that will not actually hurt me, its just a dumb anxiety so SOMEHOW IT ALL ENDED UP GOOD AFTER ALL but now im coming down from the panic mode and realising what ive done and whats gonna happen tomorrow and aaaaa godddddd im just gonna go SCRUB MY SKIN A LOT i dont wanna look bad in the doctors office

#blunni thoughts

[mpgiswiki]

the rest of this post will be under a readmore cause its really just for me to have handy an itll probably be a little long

ok so like i said a bunch of times already today, i keep having dreams about one specific tooth of mine falling out??? so now im convinced its actually gonna fall out 

anyways now im gonna try and write down and analyze my dreams (or at least the ones i remember) and try to figure out How My Poor Tooth Will Go

so from what i can remember, the first dream i had about this tooth falling out was earlier this month (may) or late april. the dream started out normally?? like more normal than having a tooth fall out i guess…i was in my ap lang class and the teacher wasnt my normal teacher, it was this math teacher at my school that everyone just fucking hates. she was being a real bitch and when i answered one question wrong, she literally kicked me out of ap lang? the whole class like i wouldnt get credits for the class and i couldnt take the exam or anything i was just gone for good. obviously i was pissed about this, so i screamed and kicked things and did my usually anger breakdown thing and walked out of the class, heading to guidance. i cant remember which of these events happened first but at one point i was walking down the hallway (which now that i think of it, seemed more reminiscent of a hallway at my middle school) and i saw 3 of my friends (maybe 4 i cant remember) and they were doing karaoke in the middle of the hallway since there was a tv hanging from the ceiling. paige was singing and she was really getting into it. at another point in the dream, like i said, not sure if this was before or after the karaoke thing, i had to get on a bus in order to get to guidance. while on this bus, i had to talk to this girl i used to be friends with but told to fuck off freshman year cause she was toxic and i wanted to get ride of her. she just talked to me like normal?? like she didnt hate my guts for calling her an annoying bitch lmao?? and i just talked to her normally too which was fucking weird…anyways after i got off the bus, i was at guidance. the door to the guidance offices looked like the? jungle?? or whatever??? like some environmentalist designed the place…there was even a hug recycle bin there. i just kinda stood by the door for a while…i think my Dumb Ass couldnt figure out how to get in the door. i just kinda gave up i literally just said “fuck it i gotta go im late to drama practice” which is weird bc im not even fucking in drama. but nonetheless, i went to drama practice. drama practice was held in some huge ass library and the only other people there that i was talking to were my friend dana and my?? drivers ed teacher??? we were supposed to be practicing a scene from les mis which i guess was what play we were doing (i think?? i was cosette and dana was eponine and my fucking drivers ed teacher was marius…) but instead of practicing, we were just talking about the bullshit that was the fact i was kicked out of ap lang like a week before the exam. and then?? my tooth (top left, second from the front left tooth) just fuckign fell out and i started gushing blood and then i woke up…

 after that, i had an assortment of little dreams i can hardly remember where my tooth (the same one as always) either falls out or is pulled out. i remember in one its very violently pulled from my mouth and the only other thing i remember from that dream is that this bitch, holly, was there (she didnt pull out the tooth tho i think mikan tsumiki pulled out the tooth). in some other ones, i remember that my tooth was already pulled out before the dream and i would like keep it in the socket in my mouth and pretend like it was still attached?? which leads me to my other very vivid and most recent dream,

so, this one i had last night. its kinda in the opposite order the first one was in, it started with the tooth and ended with ap lang. so in this one, i started off in a dentists office. my dentist was actually my psychiatrist?? but in the dream i just saw her as my dentist but anyways i was talking to her about my teeth and whatever. she asked if there was anything else id like to say before we ended the appointment (kinda like how she would at my irl psychiatrist appointments) and i was like “oh yeah, my tooth fell out” and i just kinda take my tooth out of its little socket. apparently it had fallen out before (like, i long while before) and i had been keeping it in cause i didnt want people to know it fell out i guess?? and when i showed my dentist she was like “oh you pulled out your cracked tooth huh” or whatever and i got really confused because i was under the impression that it had just fallen right out but she pointed out that the tooth itself was cracked. then the bell rung and suddenly i was in the cafeteria at my school and i had no idea what fucking class i had next. so i was just kinda slowly walking out of the cafe when the fire alarm started to go off. i was super confused cause we had just had a fire drill the day before so it didnt make any sense why we would have another. until the principal said on the loud speaker that it was For Real and i started to FLIP. i finally figured out we had D period next, meaning i was supposed to be going to ap lang so i had to find that class so i would be accounted for. i was about to bolt the fuck out when i noticed my ap lang teacher was like right near me. i asked him why he was down by the cafe and not near his room and he said it was cause theres a lot of stuffed lions (tigers?) in his room and he was having electrical problems so it was only a matter of time before one of them caught on fire. so that was weird. anyways we went outside to where we were supposed to wait if there was a fire and i played some kind of hopscotch? game with some kids ive seen around school but have never talked to. none of them were in my ap lang class but whatever. the fire department quickly put out the fire and we all had to fucking continue school because of fucking course we would. so i went to my ap lang class and looked into the door window of the classroom and it didnt really look like it was on fire it looked more like one of the classrooms in corpse party…we held class in the class directly next to it with the other ap lang class and we were basically coloring. someone stole the seat i was sitting in when i got up for like a second. then like sparks started flying off god knows where and something caught fire and then i woke up.

wow this is already super long…ok well here goes my analysis of the dreams and my prediction. 

so the reason im so insistent that i might actually lose my tooth is cause a lot of times, i can correctly predict the future. it happens a lot with dreams especially. like if you know me you probably know im kinda a little psychic ?? in some ways. so im kinda taking this recurring dream as an omen. anyways the fact that in all the ones i can remember, theres something that has to do with school and especially ap lang?? makes me think somethings gonna happen in there. i thought before, in the first dream, the whole ap lang part was because i had my ap exam coming up and i was nervous about it but now that ive finished that and stuff im not too sure. i feel like the karaoke gang will end up being the people i see on my merry way to the nurses office with the tooth in hand, especially dana who has a really big presence in the first and last dreams?? dana was in the karaoke scene, she was there when it fell out in the first dream, and she was in the cafe with me when the fire alarm went off. i think ill probably talk to her about it right after it happens..i dont think she’ll be the reason i get my tooth knocked out tho bc if it does happen in ap lang like i assume then she wouldnt be anywhere near me at the time. i believe the reason my drivers ed teacher was also there was because at the time i had the first dream, i was taking drivers ed. and he was probably marius cause i hate marius and him. also the bitch i hate was there cause i have dreams about her and i being friendly constantly so that means nothing in regards to my tooth. the fact that i was so shocked the tooth was cracked may be my dream just telling me that its gonna crack off and not that it just falls or is just plainly pulled out. my psychiatrist was there because the other day i was wondering when my next appointment was. and the whole stuff with the fire probably came from the fact that we had a fire drill the other day and it also may symbolize the panic and whatever when my tooth fucking breaks off in class. now how exactly do i think itll go down, based on the dream + other stuff??? well like i said, itll be in ap lang most likely. how does one chip off a tooth in fucking ap lang? well right now my teacher is teaching the chinese students that are visiting about american sports so he has a bunch of sports balls sitting on the table in the front of the room. before he comes into the classroom to start class, some kids pick up a ball and play with it for a while. so im guessing my shit luck will cause someone to accidentally hit me in the face with a ball, hard enough to break my tooth. i, or someone else, will then probably have to pull my cracked, loose tooth out of its socket. there will be tons of blood. i will walk to the nurses office and maybe at some point see dana and tell her what happened. and thats what the fuck ive been thinking about all day. 

so ya tldr; some kid is gonna knock my tooth out in ap lang probably so 

#WOO that was fuckign long #anyways ive accepted my fate i just want my tooth gone #dream log #the world according to britt

[20yearstostart]

Tuesday 18th September, 2018

Dear Blank,��

Okay, first things first, I love this step so much. It kills me and I want them to stomp on my grave like that. :)

YAAASSSSS! OMFFGGGGFGFGF

How are you? I feel like I never ask about you, but you can’t tell me how you are so I just feel stupid now. But I can tell you about me. 

I am good. I’m doing great, today was a good day. And I made an impulsive decision that I don’t know when I will start to regret, but for now, it’s fine. (i tipsy announced I’ll start writing again when I haven’t written since I put up my going away post)

Well, today I went to Dreamy’s place, but I couldn’t tell him that I reached the station cause I was out of credit, and I had to top up my hop card as well. Since the machines can’t take fifty’s, I went to a dairy to get recharge and get change so I can top up. On the way to the dairy, I saw a cute security guy and we smiled at each other, for some reason wearing huge black clothes that make me look like a cloud of darkness makes me feel more comfortable and confident. 

Okay, I lied, he wasn’t cute cute, but he was cute like ‘oh, i can lead him on.’ I am a horrible person if you haven’t realised. But that was for like a moment, and I got over it the moment he walked out of my sight lol. 

Alright, I have my credit now and I text Dreamy that I’m here, and start walking back to the station to top up because I thought we were going to catch the bus back. So, I’m walking, alright, and these two guys are standing by the entrance of the station pathway, and one of them (the older man) starts to walk away from the other guy, and towards me. He looks at me and smiles, and I smile back, cause everyone is so friendly in this neighbourhood omg. 

The guy points to the other guy and says something along the lines of ‘he is a nice guy and single.’ He says it as a joke, so I politely laugh, and look at the guy and do the awkward laugh thing as I continue walking past him. Now, Blank, I hear a voice from behind me. Through my earphones blasting GOT7′s new lit af album; I turn around and see that he was talking to me. I see his hand by his head, his thumb and pinky finger out like a was’good sigh, but he meant it like a phone and I was like ‘woah, wth?!”

I take an earphone out and an old lady walks between us, and he calls out ‘do you have a number?’ I can’t believe my ears, so I walk closer and am like ‘sorry?’ and he’s like ‘can I have your number?’

Now, for a moment I forgot I was twenty and that I’m a second-year uni student. I stare at him and lowkey stammer, wanting to say that I’m too young for this, cause for a moment I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS 17. But, I couldn’t really say anything cause he was like ‘oh are you taken?’ and instantly, I thought back to Dreamy, and we talked about this, and we are supposed to say ‘Nah, we’re single’ cause we are just friends with benefit. But, I think I took too long cause he was like ‘oh algoods’ while I was still stumbling over my words. 

I say sorry and thank you for the tenth time, and turn and walk away to the station and top up. Coincidently, as I was walking back out, I saw the guy again and we did the little omg hi, again thing. The guy from before was back, and he looked at me, and pointed at him and was like ‘he has a number, take his number.’ 

I saw the guy turn around and look at me and I was like, ‘what do I say?’ and he was like ‘you want it?’

Before I could say anything, he started taking his phone out and I was like ‘oh well.’ 

So now I have a guy, whose name is Diamond, on my phone. He said he wanted to take me out for coffee, but I really don’t have time for that shit. lol, but it still felt good. 

And then I met Dreamy and told him that a guy gave me his number, and ordered food. We also got my beloved Vodka, so I think I’m okay now. 

Now, Blank, it’s time for a special segment I like to call: 

TMI, Sex Education. 

So, my first question is what is squirting? 

Everytime Dreamy and I do stuff, I feel like I’m about to pee. Every time when he fingers me (his fingers are amazing, omg, they make me want to cry), and he starts hitting my G-spot, I feel like I’m about to pee and I tell him to stop because I don’t want to wet his bed. 

Everytime that I did stop him, he didn’t want to. He wanted to see what would happen next, and so did I, but I really really really kept on feeling like a bitch was about to pee. I know what an orgasm feels like, I masturbate all the time. But this is something else, like the pressure and need to release is so so intense, I really feel like I’ll pee. 

So, I stopped us and peed, and then came back. We somehow (huehue) started up again, and this time he was like ‘oh you just peed, so I’m pretty sure it’s not pee. I need to change the sheets anyways.’ 

you know what’s coming next, blank. 

So, I’m almost there; my legs shaking, mind going blank, and his fingers are doing exactly what I want him to do, and I can feel his body and omg its really good. I tell him ‘I’m about to pee.’ 

and this fucker speeds up and tells me to do it. 

he lowkey chokes me in between too cause I really like it. 

OMG WHEN HE CHOKES ME AS HE FINGERS ME LIKE REALLY FAST AND HARD I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO HEAVEN I ALMOST CRY. BUT I HOLD IT BACK CAUSE HIS EGO, GODDAMN. 

okay. 

So he speeds up and tells me to do it, so I start to and then I instantly hold back and omfg. I’m cringing. this is so bad. 

Instead of the amazing 5 feet full force squirt, you see in porn; my last minute hold back, caused it to dribble down like pee and who the fuck knows, maybe it is pee. Fuck my life, you know. (i researched- it’s unclear, but most like not completely pee, lmao)

So that’s done, and I’m like welp, and he was like ‘oh okay, no five ft shit.’ And I’m just lying there like ‘omfg I think I peed his bed a little.’ 

He gets up, gets tissues and cleans up, and I don't look at him coz omggggg, I think I just peed his bed. How do you look at someone after you’ve peed their bed???!?!??! Tell me, Blank. 

I start getting dressed and his like stop and im like, ‘i think we should just chill now.’ at this point I am almost about to start crying by how horrified I am. He comes back after washing his hands, and looks at me and is like ‘what are you doing?’ 

I’m trying to wear my undies and get dressed boii, what does it look like im doing?

He’s like ‘hey, stop,’ or something like that, but like in a nice soft way and even though that was really sweet and exactly what I needed, it made me want to cry more. A bit like how you feel when you make a mistake and instead of getting mad at you, your parents are just disappointed or upset and that makes you feel more shitty? yeah, kinda like that. 

He comes in front of me and is like ‘hey look at me,’ but instead, I look at the floor and avoid his eyes. And then he holds my face and brings it to so im meeting his eyes, but I close my eyes cause I’m bratty like that lol. I get out of his grip and start looking for the rest of my clothes. 

He comes from behind and pulls me back onto the bed, and his just so ugh. I hate him. He’s so good at handling my mood swings, and my craziness. All my emotions are all over the place, but he is so calm and collected, and when he needs to he is so mature. It’s really truly so attractive. 

We ended up having another round so you could say it worked out. 

Moral of the lesson: MAKE SURE THE GUY (OR GIRL) THAT YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH IS A GOOD PERSON, AND THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEM. It’s okay if they turn out to be the shittest fuckers later on, but while you are together and do things that make you feel embarrassed, try to find someone who makes you feel alright about it, and reassures you. Or just don’t be a little bitch, and squirt all the way if you’re going for it lol. 

Later on, we were laying in bed, and I started playing with his hair. I wanted to see how long it’d take him to fall asleep, and it was pretty quick. He snored a bit, and I felt kinda proud for some reason. I think I moved my hand a little and he woke up mid-snore. But then later on, when he said that I woke up mid snore too so I guess it’s normal? I don’t know. 

But, the thing is Blank, I must be really really comfortable with this kid that I met a few months ago. I find sleeping in front of people so weird, it’s like- I don’t know. I don’t have control over my body at that moment, and this person can wake up and just look at me. I’m probably drooling, snoring or farting, or I sleep with my eyes open, or I sleep talk. I don’t know. It just seems very very intimate to me, and I can’t just sleep in front of people, but I can with him and it’s nice. I really glad to be friends with him. 

His a bit of a kid. Okay, that was a lie. He is really childish; he is like a kid. Yet, at the same time, he is so dependable and mature, and kind. It’s unreal. He is amazing and I hope we can stay friends even after we finish this benefit thing. 

Also, he climbed through a window into his house because we got locked out, and he has big feet. It’s cute. lol. 

Okay, so this Wednesday now:

I went to the dentist, almost got into argument with her because she said that I didn’t try hard enough to contact her. But I went to her office and waited for like an hour before I left after leaving a note. It’s not my fault her service as gone so bad. I like her, but sometimes I don’t know. Everyone has bad days; I’ll just blame it on Big Boss. 

That’s it for now. 

I’m going to look for my glasses now, and then make a list of all the lectures I need to catch up on. Then maybe write for my other blog; I’ve started it up again and I’m so happy seeing some of my readers telling me they so happy Im back hehe. 

Also, my girl came to uni looking like a snack! She’s so pretty and her body looked sooo good in the playsuit? jumpsuit? Like her booty!! DAAAMNNNN!! She just looked really good. 

I think I’ll just buy my leather jacket rn instead of waiting. Maybe next week, after I give Mausi money. I should talk to Fairy about working and everything, but I don’t want to be pushy. But Mausi is in a shitty place too, I don’t know. It’s not my place to speak, but someone needs to talk to him to figure out what’s going on inside his head. 

It was a good day today. 

I’m happy. 

Also, I love GOT7. Their new comeback is amazing. I think this is my favourite one. I think this one might have topped all the others and all the promotions. I am so happy to see them so well! I really pray for the best for them! <3

god, i want him to stab me in my chest with his fingers. that makes no sense, but fu blank. 

THE SKY:

The sky was almost in darkness when I saw it. Or maybe, it was in complete darkness but it was the light pollution and the cloudiness that made it seem lighter? But it looked so pretty, it warmed my heart for some reason. The wind was crispy cold; staying true to its late winter name, but the sky looked so warm. 

It was tinted purple, dark lavender if possible? And it was smudgy and so so beautiful. The apartment buildings that stood in front of the bench I sat on in the station added to the backdrop, and I think it made me feel warm because it reminded me of the life I want to be living. I want to live in an apartment or somewhere alone, where I can sit outside after nightfall and watch the sky. I want to be able to see the glowing streetlights and the endless sky and not feel worried or anxious. I just want to be able to enjoy the sky. 

Why is that so hard, Blank?

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#diary #sex education #dear diary #dear blankm #blank #dreamy #got7's comeback has me shook #I love them so much #ahhhhh #nothing but love and appreciation for my kings #<3

[lucastheplanteater]

So my mom said I can have her car if I go back to school (public or online).

She has a job now so imma push her to get a house in garland.

I literally can’t even dance at night now cause fucking family members wanna be up 24/7. And I just feel uncomfortable doing it now kinda cause the blinds to the window in the living room are fucked up because of two very annoying cats so you can see everything inside the living room- especially at night when there’s only one very bright light source inside ( a tv). And neighbors wanna be up 24/7 too, walking all around on the second floor— (I live in apartments) AND YOUD THINK HETEROS WOULDNT PASS MY PARTICULAR APARTMNET CAUSE ITS RUGHT IN THE MIDDLE BUT NOOO THEY WANNA WALK ALL ACROSS INSTEAD OF JUST GOING TO THE STAIRCASE CLOSER TO THEM .

In conclusion I hate people and all of my problems are bcuz of people. I wish I lived alone or at least had my own room like my cousin doesn’t have her dad and her mother works like 2 (? Or 1 I can’t remember) jobs and her older sister has a job as a dentists assistant or smth cause she’s like over 20 years old and still lives with them and she has a younger sister AND LIKE her only working mother can support her- plus live in a 4 bedroom house PLUS get her own unlimited data- plus be in band- plus have iPhones (I mean I have one now but like I bought it myself) — plus go to six flags all the time— plus have everyone love her and buy her everything— like my older cousins, aunts, and uncle never buy me anything or are proud of me (even when I got good grades and shit). My aunts and sisters were only proud of me when I started losing weight last year. My mom even called me pretty last year which was like incredibly surprising cause she never says anything like that to me. She never says that she loves me or like even hugs me or reassures me or anything motherly or friendly. She thinks I’m weird and dramatic, she legit tells me that all the time.. that im weird and when I finally break down and cry in front of her (which is rare cause I like to keep my emotions inside and it’s hard to break me) she just shrugs it off as me being dramatic. And like when I see other mother daughter relationship (like my cousin and her mother) it’s so weird. Like my aunt is more of a mother to me than mine is. And I’ve tried in the past telling her things like what happened at school- friends- I would even try gossiping- but like she wouldn’t even react so that was always a bust. Like this didn’t become a recent thing or anything.. always since I was a little little kid- I never had a close relationship with her LIKE AT ALL. So I don’t see her as a mother and I don’t respect her or my dad which I loathe. So when other ppl see me cuss at them they get surprised. Like one day my friend came over and then my mom didn’t wanna take her home because she “hadn’t showered yet” and “didn’t wanna be seen like that” so basically she was being a bitch so I cussed her out (cause she needed to be home like urgently) and called her a bitch which is honestly a normal thing but she made it awkward cause she wanted to act all tough since my friend was there. Anyway my friend (Julie) really got mad at me for disrespecting my parents. And I tried explaining to her how I have no respect for them because they didn’t raise me and they treat me like shit but she just wouldn’t get it and it really pissed me off. But after a few days of arguing and telling her my tragic ugly childhood she finally understood. ANYWAY I have BOTH of my parents and they BOTH WORK so WHAT THE HELL why do we still live here in this trash apartment OH I KNOW because they wanna keep buying my brothers stupid things like PlayStation gift cards- games- consoles- branded clothes- junk food- and all this worthless and useless crap. But even with that we could still afford a house cause the houses in garland cost less than apartments in Dallas. OH AND NOW MY COUSIN SWITCHED ROOMS WITH HER MOM AND SO NOW SHE HAS THIS HUGE ROOM WITH AN EMPTY GARAGE CONNECTED TO IT THAT SHES GONNA USE FOR A CHILL PLACE/GAME PLACE/ HANG OUT SPACE. OH YEAH AND SHE HAS A TON OF FRIENDS- REALLY GOT GUY FRIENDS AND REALLY CUTE GUYS THAT LIKE HER- AND IS COMFORTABLE IN HER SKIN AND BODY AND GETS GOOD GRADES AND DOESNT HAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.

It’s official- I’m the fat, weird, suicidal, depressed, disrespectful, bad dressed, spoiled, ugly, drop out, druggy, bad influence cousin with bad skin who has forgotten a lot of words in Spanish and who likes “weird Chinese groups”..😒 like first of all they’re mostly all Korean members okay?