#if anyone has a better theme song let me know lol

[chapst1ckmcdyke]

For the ask game! Black tea, red bull and water? 🖤🥤🧊

Black tea - Do you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?

I dont have a traditional bed spread actually i have a small nest of blankets and pillows and unless my a/c is broken im using my big fluffy duvet >:3

Red Bull - If you had a theme song, what would it be?

God i think that rlly depends bc i have a lot of clashing personality traits? but i think something like “sucker” by the jonas brothers or “sing” by hozier but rlly idk if I could ever choose a good one. but itd have to be sweet or goofy and always a lil sexy 😌

Water - What is the silliest thing you have heard people say about you?

That id look better with long, natural hair and makeup and that ill never find a boyfriend if i dont shave me legs 😂

#you asked some hard ones!!! #thank you so much 🥰 #if anyone has a better theme song let me know lol

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Chapter 9

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

CW: wholesome fluff, a good amount of angst, lo'ak being nosy lol jk he's genuinely trying to look after neteyam, descriptions of masturbation, TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of depressive symptoms, reader meeting neteyam in her avatar body, neteyam and reader vent to each other about their struggles, sensitive themes, hurt/comfort, cuddling, sexual tension, kissing, sexual content, mentions of sexual fluids, neteyam slightly begging to mate with reader, foreplay (i don't know if it counts but it definitely is teasing in a sexual way). Tell me if I missed something ♡

Hello, my cute little readers! I got a little better in terms of my fibro flare up and have been feeling a little better emotionally/mentally these days, so, I was able to write again. There's a slight chance that some paragraphs are a bit confusing. I didn't fully proofread it. I'm sorry, my babies, I'm really tired right now, really achy, still. And I'm extremely hungry and there's some delicious homemade orange cake in front of me waiting to be eaten 😍 I've already eaten two pieces of it and drank a full cup of coffee with milk but I NEED to eat more bc I'm still starving and I love cake and coffee 🤤 idk about other countries but it's a tradition that we have here in Brazil to eat cake and drink coffee, together 🤍 anyways I gotta shut up now lol Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'd love to read your lovely comments down below 👉🏻👈🏻 I love y'all SO MUUUCH 😘 

Slightly proofread.

Chapter 8

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

No way out of your quicksand

But I can breathe underneath

Take your love, cover me

Pull me down, pull me down

You are wonderful

You've taken all of my heart

It was so worth the fall

Don't let go

Quicksand (Bridgit Mendler)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Today you felt anxious but excited. It was your first day off in a week. You were gonna Dreamwalk in your Avatar today. But you were not gonna be on a solo mission this time. Neteyam would be by your side. You two had planned to meet each other next to the river you always loved to play in. You had always loved running water.

Having Neteyam around felt like a breath of fresh air to you since you never truly felt at home amidst other human beings and, after so many years, it started to feel like a joke to you to insist on trying to fit into a society that seemed to not even want you there, in the first place. Most people behaved towards you like you were weird in some way. Neteyam never made you feel that way. You did not know if it was in view of the fact that he was na'vi or if it was just because he was in love with you.

You had always preferred to live among plants, insects, songs, books, animals… on your own little world, since you were a little girl. Everybody used to call you a daydreamer, saying you had your head on the clouds. When you were a child, you did not let that get under your skin. That's the beauty of childhood wonder, it has a lot of wisdom in it that we seem to forget, once we start growing up. Your little self never cared about those "demonstrations of care and concern" (that were nothing but condescending criticism and you never understood why people tried to conceal that fact if it was so obvious) because you knew you were not crazy or completely oblivious to reality like they used to say. Your fun and whimsical inner world was what felt like home to you, not the everyday mundane routine, the protocols that seemed ridiculously stupid to you, the shallow conversations and gossip… the over-all human society. It fucking sucked, if you were going to be totally honest. 

It's not that you hated your own kind. No. It's just that you hated the way they built their empires, throughout history, the tainted legacy the ancestors left for the ones to come in the future - like a dying Planet, for example -, because of their own stupidity and recklessness.

You knew you were not harming anyone - yourself included - despite always engaging in daydreaming, all alone, with your earbuds on or just staring at a beautiful landscape and your grip on reality was still in check. Your grip on reality was actually so tight, your fingers would get hurt and start to bleed sometimes, because reality is a double bladed sword. It keeps you safe and stable, it is needed for you to not go bonkers, but it also cuts you deep with its sharp edges.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam prepared to go out today to meet you during the day for the first time after the both of you became mates. It was just like Eywa had blessed him as he was able to finish all his duties to the clan and his training a little earlier than the usual today. Or maybe the Great Mother had nothing to do with it and it was all Neteyam making the greatest effort ever just to be able to spend some time with you in the daylight and finally see you in your na'vi body again. He missed seeing you like that. He missed the way your tail would wag softly showing you were feeling happy, he missed looking at your stripes and thinking they were the most beautiful stripes he had ever seen and most of all, he missed admiring the way you loved his planet, the way you respected and appreciated Eywa instead of hurting her.

When Neteyam was taking his bow and arrows and putting them on his back, ready to go into the woods to meet you, Lo'ak approached him, suspicious.

"Where are you going, bro?"

"To the forest. Maybe I can hunt for some food and if I'm lucky I'll bring us some good meat for dinner." Neteyam smiled and gave his younger brother a head pat, rapidly walking out of the Sully's hut door

Lo'ak wanted to yell something to his older brother, something like "I know there's something you're not telling me" but he did not. If Neteyam was hiding something, it would probably not be something that would harm him - Neteyam. Everybody knew how responsible - to the point of being annoying, sometimes - Neteyam was. Lo'ak used to get Neteyam into trouble all the time back when they were just teenagers and he was trying not to do that as much as he used to, even though he was not exactly doing a great job - he was doing a terrible job, actually - but he was still trying. He would still keep an eye on his older brother - "It seems like the tables have turned, huh?" Lo'ak thought - but he would leave him alone to do whatever he was going to do in the forest. He knew Neteyam did not have much free time for himself and he sometimes felt sorry for him, seeing him so tired and even stressed out really often because of his Olo'eyktan to be training and his responsibilities as the older brother. Lo'ak used to hold some grudges on his older brother when he was younger but now he understood that Neteyam actually struggled a lot too.

Neteyam pretended to not notice anything when he was leaving home but he did not fail to see the mistrust on Lo'ak's face. That was something he would have to deal with sooner than he wanted to, he acknowledged. He also thought about how his mother would react when she eventually finds out that her son, the future Olo'eyktan of their tribe, was in a relationship with a human girl. Neteyam did not want to disappoint his mother. He knew how proud she was of him and it hurt to think that she could start to think badly of him. He tried his hardest to whoosh those thoughts away.

༊⁀➷

The Pandoran sun shone bright up in the sky, its rays reflecting on your bioluminescent freckles, making them a little more evident on your skin. The soothing sound of the leaves dancing with the pleasant wind and the water running in the nearby river filled the atmosphere around you. You walked slowly towards Neteyam, adrenaline dancing around in your belly in a bittersweet motion.

When Neteyam looked at you, it was like lightning had struck him. Not a destructive kind of lightning but a good one, sweet in its intensity, falling strongly all over him. Neteyam was seeing you in your Avatar for the first time after you had become his mate.

Your mouth was somewhat open, revealing your upper teeth and your na'vi (Avatar?) fangs. Your gaze revealed how much you had anticipated that moment, how much you stayed up when you should be sleeping, thinking about finally being able to see the look in Neteyam's face when he saw you in your Avatar. You knew he had watched you while you were Dreamwalking too many times before but you never got to see the admiration in his eyes when he did so as he had been stalking you, not letting you know he was around. You had wished to see his beautiful golden eyes captivated by you for so long. You wanted to feel pretty and desired like that. And now you were finally experiencing it as Neteyam looked almost dumb with enchantment while he stared at you. But cute dumb, you know? So damn cute…

You stared back at him as you took the last steps towards the place where he stood, as if he was frozen.

Neteyam felt like he was not able to move as he took in how beautiful you looked. He had never seen your na'vi body so close to his own body and it felt overwhelmingly good to do so. His sweet yawne finally belonged to him and he could now touch you and hold you in the physical form he found you most beautiful in. It's not like he did not think you were madly beautiful and hot in your human body, he always wanted to pin you down and make love to you while he was close to your human form, but nothing compared to seeing you in your na'vi form, the form where you smiled the most, where you seemed so much more alive and full of lust for experiencing the world around you. That made you even prettier. Happiness looked pretty on you.

Neteyam was na'vi and his people did not have as many severe mental struggles like humans did but there were rare cases where some na'vi who went through terrible trauma in their lives did become uninterested in fighting their dark thoughts and they did become extremely depressed, though they could be cured from that illness through rituals that healed the spirit, performed by their clan's Tsahìk.

Neteyam was not blind or oblivious to things that were obvious to the naked eye. He knew that nobody would break down and cry as often as you did, only minutes after waking up in the morning, while getting ready for work etc if this person was not in an enormous amount of pain, the kind of pain that made them wish to disappear and never be found again. Thinking about his mate feeling that kind of sorrow made him feel like his heart was being torn into pieces, blood spilling from it like water spills from a fountain.

The reason why Neteyam was so determined to convince you to transfer your consciousness to your na'vi body forever was not some selfish wish, it was not just because he wanted to take you to his tribe and have you be his mate, be able to bond with you through tsaheylu every night and get to love your body, sharing his affection and sexual pleasure with you as well as feeling your own through the bond - even though that thought did wake up a raw, intense desire and need inside of him and he just could not stop himself from fantasizing about that while stroking his cock when he could be all by himself without any chance of disturbance. Neteyam also wanted to give you the opportunity to live a blissful and fulfilling life, a life where you would laugh way more often than cry. If he knew someone that deserved nothing less than that, that person was you.

If in the worst case scenario, you still felt so bad after you had your consciousness transferred to your na'vi body, Neteyam planned to ask his mother to perform a ritual that heals the spirit on you. Thinking about that, he suddenly felt anxious and he felt his heart tightening inside his chest. Neteyam had been trying not to worry about the fact that it would be extremely hard to convince his mother to accept you as his mate and perform the ritual of transference of consciousness on you but that thought had been eating him alive constantly, ever since he talked to you for the first time, outside of the laboratory’s kitchen window.

"Hi, muntxatan." (male mate) Neteyam's heart started beating quickly and it almost came out of his throat when he heard you calling him your mate in his people's language as you stopped in front of him and smiled widely, your eyes narrowing slightly. Those torturing thoughts about his mother trying to tear the both of you apart quickly were washed away from his mind by your presence. It was hypnotizing to him.

"Yawntu… You're just so beautiful. So insanely beautiful." Neteyam smiled, his eyes shining, still bewitched by you, and pushed you roughly against his body. He hugged you tighter than he ever did before since he knew he wouldn't hurt you by doing so when you're Dreamwalking. The size difference between the both of you was not that substantial anymore. His chin rested on the top of your head as he held you strongly against his body.

His roughness did not hurt you, on the contrary, it made you feel safe and protected to have his big - currently not huge, just big - arms around you, keeping your body close as your head was against his chest, your eyes shut and you could hear his heart beating fast. It made you indescribably happy to know that you were the reason for that quick heartbeat. You curled your lips up, smiling peacefully.

Peace. You spent so much time without feeling that but, after you accepted becoming Neteyam's mate, finally defeating your cruel fears, you started to feel peaceful way more often than you had ever felt in your life, even more often than you did when you were little.

Neteyam distanced your bodies a bit, still putting his hands on the sides of your arms, right below your shoulders and announced:

"Come! There's a place I wanna take you to." He took your hand and started walking in front of you, excitedly leading you somewhere 

"Where are you taking me?" You smiled and chuckled softly, curious

"You'll see." It was all he said

Neteyam made you feel excited about little things, like you were just a child again, a feeling you hadn't felt in so, so long. After Neteyam came to your life, it was like he painted vivid colors on your once all too white and dull canvas. You almost shivered at the reminder that you nearly ruined your chance to have a love so pure and true such as this one because of fear of the unknown and refusal of getting out of your comfort zone.

After walking through the rainforest with you for a little while, Neteyam stopped in front of a tall, large tree and you soon recognized it. Its branches had clusters that were full of some beautiful fruits that reminded you of blueberries that used to exist on Earth, before they went extinct.

"Here. Do you recognize this tree? I've seen you look at it so many times. Were you wondering if the yovo fruits are safe to eat?"

"Yeah." You smiled bashfully "They look delicious."

"And they are. They're safe to eat, yawne. We can eat some now, if you want to." Neteyam smiled kindly at you. The fact that he remembered small details about you made your heart melt. 

"I'd love that, Teyam."

Neteyam smiled, unbelieving.

"What did you call me?"

"Teyam…?" You furrowed your eyebrows "It's just a nickname I came up with for you… Do you hate it?" You contorted your features in a way that showed him you were feeling slightly insecure and embarrassed 

"No! I love it, yawntutsyìp! I love it." He smiled and chuckled "I just wasn't expecting it. I love that my muntxate is calling me by a special nickname. Feels intimate." Neteyam came closer to you and held your face with both his beautiful strong blue hands

You looked up at his face with doe eyes and waited as you knew what was coming. You could feel it. The sneaky butterflies started flying inside your belly again.

Neteyam kissed you slowly, crushing his soft wet lips against yours. He pressed his lips on your mouth again and again for a short amount of time but it was enough to make your legs feel weak.

"Come, oeyä muntxate. I'll help you climb the tree."

Neteyam did as he said and soon enough you both were sitting on the wooden "floor" of the tree, sharing yovo fruits and eating them.

You two started to chill and talk about everyday life. It felt so good. It felt familiar, just like any relationship you had had before with a human guy, but better. So much better. Your alien boyfriend - mate? It felt so weird to say it like that… - made you feel things that none of your ex human boyfriends could ever dream to do. Neteyam made you feel understood. He did not judge you. He made you feel at home. Neteyam was becoming home for you.

You started to tell him how sad and done with everything you sometimes felt. Well, not sometimes… It happened all the time, even though it got better now that Neteyam was in your life. But you did not want to make him worry about you.

"You know, sometimes I feel like that too."

"What do you mean?" You questioned

"Like there's so much chaos inside that I just wanna talk to someone and vent. But I'm always so busy. There never seems to be time to find someone to do that with."

You were slightly surprised. 

"Yeah, me too. Always too busy." You sighed "And exhausted, to be honest. Both physically and mentally."

"Well, I do have way more stamina than humans do" You laughed at Neteyam's teasing "But some nights I come home from training and after taking care of my siblings, really, really tired too. And I don't mean only physically."

"We have some stuff in common, don't we?" You pointed out, smiling

"We certainly do." He smiled back

You felt good knowing that.

Neteyam laid on the floor, right by your side.

"I'm full" He let out a laugh that sounded lovely in your ears while stroking his stomach.

"Me too." You laid on the floor too, just like Neteyam had just done. Your belly felt pleasantly filled up "But these fruits are so good I'd still eat a dozen of them." You playfully said, laughing

"Do you want more? I can get you some more." Neteyam gently offered

"No, it's okay, Teyam. I'm good for now." You smiled at him

Neteyam smiled back, showing no teeth, a soft, enamored look in his feline amber eyes.

You two spent some time together in comfortable silence.

"Oeyä muntxate?"

"Yeah?" You looked at him and let out a relaxed sigh, smiling softly

"Oel ngati kameie." He said, with vulnerable sincerity in his eyes

It seemed like he was gazing inside your very soul. Like his golden eyes could see something in you nobody else could. Like he saw who you truly were. Like Neteyam saw the good and bad and the ugly and the greatness and the doubts and the fears and the uniqueness and the ordinary parts of you, like he saw all of you, and it did not scare him off to see your dark side. You could feel he was staying for both your virtues and your vices. And maybe that's what "Oel ngati kameie" meant, when said to the one you're choosing to be your mate. Means connecting to someone in a raw, deep way, a way that nobody else is able to. A way that allows you to see the other person's flaws but not be afraid of them and try to find a way out. A way that allows you to see the grace in every little detail that that other soul has, to see the beauty in them that they themselves could never see.

"Oel ngati kameie…" You finally said, smiling, still not believing he had said those words to you

Neteyam smiled brightly while gazing into your eyes. He always looked deep inside your eyes… It felt almost too much but it still had just the right amount of intensity for it to be deliciously alluring instead of overwhelming.

Neteyam took your hand and intertwined your fingers on his. You felt the touch of his warm hand burning your skin in a pleasant way. After a few seconds, he kissed the back of your hand tenderly. You kept staring at both your hands glued together for a while.

"I wanna cuddle with you, oeyä muntxate." His voice brought your attention back to his face.

You could hear nervousness and need in his tone.

"Sure, yawne."

You were starting to really like calling Neteyam by na'vi pet names. The na'vi language was incredibly pleasing to the ears, in your opinion.

Neteyam started moving your body carefully, so you could lay on your side and when you obeyed, laying in said position, he himself laid on his side and pulled you in, making your body be as close to his as he could, your ass against his clothed member. 

Your lungs started to do a poor job at helping you breathe now that the both of you were so close. You got nervous as you two had, yes, cuddled before, when you were in your human body, but he was never behind you like that, his body glued to yours. You knew he could feel your ass on his cock. Your heart was beating at the speed of light.

It did not take long for you to start to feel Neteyam was now fully erect, his cock pressed against your ass. You felt the inner walls of your pussy start to twitch and you got all wet, your juices spreading over your panties. Neteyam was so big and thick and your body responded like crazy to him.

It was a violent, invincible desire that made Neteyam cling so much to you, all the time. It would burn his insides, making him yearn for you, for your touch, for your warmth. There was no rational explanation inside his head for it. Neteyam could not understand it, he could only feel it covering all his being, exuding from his eyes whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you… He knew you could tell how much he was thirsty for you almost all the time. But Neteyam did not care about being so vulnerable. He wanted you to know what you did to him. Maybe like that you would surrender sooner and give yourself to him completely already. He felt so impatient. Everyday it was getting harder and harder for him to not take you in his arms and mate with you. This wait was killing him, day by day. It was like a slow and agonizing death. And now that he could smell your sweet juices so vividly, he felt like he could no longer hold back.

Neteyam pushed you even closer to him. You whimpered softly, the feeling of his huge, girthy cock pressed against your butt was divine.

Neteyam got you crazily wet just so quickly that it never failed to surprise you. He was like quicksand to you; you could try and run as much as you wanted but you would always end up being swallowed by his love.

"I need you so much, muntxate…" He cried out softly in your ear while rubbing his hard cock on your ass. "You're all wet for me. You smell so good, it's intoxicating." He sniffed the air, savoring your natural scent just like it was the most mouthwatering thing he had ever felt filling his sensitive nostrils "Please, lemme make you mine completely, my sweet yawne. Please…"

༊⁀➷

Taglist:

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@neteyamsmate4life

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@criticallybella

@celi-xxmoon

#neteyam sully #neteyam x reader #neteyam x reader smut #neteyam x you #neteyam x human #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam x omatikaya!reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x female reader #neteyam smut #neteyam x female human reader #neteyam x na'vi!reader #neteyam x human reader #neteyam sully angst #neteyam sully x na’vi!reader #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam sully smut #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #na'vi smut #na'vi x reader smut #na'vi x reader #na'vi x y/n #avatar fanfiction #avatar smut #✎ victória writes ▢࿐✧

[estelofrivendell]

Hello ! Hope you're doing well

Could you please write a Legolas x Reader where the reader is playing piano (i know piano don't exist in LOTR lol so actually it could be any other instruments, I just prefer piano) during the Rohirrim party and Legolas fell even harder for them and thought it was the right time to confess his feelings (if you can also include that they've been distancing lately)

Hope it is not too much and take your time to write it!!

Legolas x Reader (The Pianist)

A/N: Hope you like this, anon! Legolas is a little tricky to write, trying to get better with him and his characterization.

The Rohirrim were a merry bunch, there was no doubt about that. Despite the heavy losses in Helm’s Deep, the return of Gandalf and Éomer lifted their spirits greatly. 

The celebration began as soon as they returned to Edoras with Merry and Pippin, cheerful and energetic as always. Legolas was unsure if he was dreaming but he swore the two hobbits were not as tall as they are now the last time he saw them.

After Gimli passed out, Legolas checked the great hall to find the remaining ones not yet intoxicated. There was Aragorn, who never took in more than he wanted to, Éowyn, who did not seem to enjoy these kinds of things. And there was you, playing the piano and surrounded by jolly men singing a song about falling in love.

If the theme of the party was to celebrate the recent victory and honor the fallen, then everyone was miserably failing, because they sure are not making any mention of the dead in their song.

As soon as the song came to an end, he approached you, narrowly avoiding the tipsy men about to bump into him and passed by others who lost their balance. You looked up at him and grinned.

“Hello, Legolas,” you greeted cheerfully. “Would you care to join me?”

“I am afraid I am not very skilled at the piano,” said Legolas. “I do, however, take pride in my skill at the harp. You never told me you played the piano.”

“You never asked.”

True enough, Legolas felt he did not know you well. He started off preferring your company over the others, especially Gimli’s, but in a strange twist of fate, he would not hesitate to call Gimli his best friend now. You were what he liked to call thoughtful; always thinking of the future, hoping for the best instead of the worst. He was no cynic even if the odds point to a complete destruction of the world and someone like you and your optimism was a refresher.

Legolas thought this was the right moment to start over. “We speak little to each other lately. Perhaps at dusk you could teach me how to play the piano and get to know each other more.”

“I would love to.”

-

“It’s not that hard, Legolas. You’re tensing up. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if I can do it, then so can you.”

Legolas could read basic piano sheets and memorised all the keys and what notes they represented,  but couldn’t hit the notes as well as he wished. One second, he’ll be playing fine but his fingers would suddenly tense and make it difficult for him to continue, abruptly ending his practice awkwardly.

“It happens to the best of us,” you insisted. “Besides, you’re lucky enough to have all your life to master the piano.”

Legolas chuckled. “That is true.”

And for the first time in what he guessed was weeks, Legolas felt light heartened, like he always was before you two grew distant from each other. He’s not sure how it happened but he was sorry those weeks were wasted with lack of interaction instead of getting closer to you.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Legolas asked.

“Not at the moment, no,” you said. “Why?”

“If you would let me, I would like to take you out for a ride at dawn. Edoras has a lot of lovely things to offer. We could talk about that and more about each other.”

You smiled. “That they do. I’d love to, Legolas. I think you're wonderful to be around.”

#lord of the rings imagine #lotr imagine #legolas x reader #legolas imagine

[circle-bircle]

9 people you’d like to get to know better

omg thank you @neotula for tagging me!!! i love being tagged in things!!! yay!!!!!!

Three Ships:

I guess I'll do the first three that come to mind????? I don't have a #1 OTP or anything like that so

Sonya/Genny. They're just so freaking pretty together. I love women!!!!!!

Jecht/The Emperor: ok hear me out. HEAR ME OUT. why wouldn't someone ship them? when Tidus dies or whatever and Jecht gives him his lifepower/energy/whatever the hell happens, the Emperor takes JECHT when he's like that and gosh their conversation in Dream's End where the Emperor is all like 'actually I've been lying to you this entire time lol' UGHGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Cecil/Rosa/Kain: ummm idk i just had a fleeting thought about mind-controlled kain and mind-controlled cecil and which one would be the lesser evil to rosa. like. i don't know. but mind-control shenanigans aside they love each other very much and that is fact. i love ffiv

First Ever Ship: it was probably len/luka tbh. i feel like people got peeved at it because len is supposedly 14 and luka is supposedly 20 but i just aged em up. something about the yellow/pink combo (and the fact i was obsessed with vocaloid for like a decade too)

Last Song: I'm currently listening to the Tetra Master theme from FFIX :)

Currently Reading: Allen Ginsberg's A Supermarket in California. It's for class. I hate poetry, but I have to do it for my grade. I also have to read a bunch of other poems. Gosh, I hate poems. I don't know what my professor wants me to interpret from poems because it feels like he wants a "right answer" but my answer is that "it was a poem and it did things."

Currently Watching: I don't watch TV. Or movies. The last thing I watched was the first Twilight for the first time! I wish I sparkled in the sunlight.

Currently Consuming: Nothing ATM, but me and a friend went to a bakery and I got her a whoopie pie! So yay for her! We also got coffee before that, and it was delicious.

Currently Craving: I'm not hungry right now, so nothing. But I could go for some of Miss Vickie's Spicy Dill Pickle chips when I do want to nosh. I wonder if the vending machine has been restocked...

i don't know 9 people who would want to do this. i feel like @lil-melody and @ashnwolves might get a kick out of it. um. if you want me to secretly add your name to that list let me know because when people are like "anyone can do it!!!" it still feels kinda awkward. or just steal it! that's ok too i think :P

#im jus ramblin...

[sacrificesapnap]

My all-time favourite DNF fanfiction

Over the last year and a half, I have read almost every single DNF fic that has been posted to AO3, yet ended up with a rec list with just over 10 fics. These are my favourite favourite DNF fics. If you think I’ve missed something - let me know!! I always need new fanfic to read :)

This list will be updated when I find something that I think deserves a top spot. Please make sure you read tags before reading, because a lot of these will have adult content and other possibly triggering subjects. I hope you enjoy!

Heat Waves by tbhyourelame

Word count :  51,840

Dream has always held a gentle admiration for George, but when their nuanced friendship trickles into his sleeping mind, he awakens to a new world of conflicting emotions and longing. Lost in the midst of a heat wave, he continuously listens to a song that works itself in to the very core of his heartache. Floridian nights, unsent messages, spiraling infatuation, and terrible, terrible weather.

This is an obvious recommendation but how could I actually make a fic rec list without putting heatwaves on it. It has great characterisation, a lot of the plot is true to real life or close to real life, and it has a painfully accurate amount of overthinking and pining. Heatwaves itself is finished, however the sequel Helium is a WIP, which the author has said they currently have no plans of finishing. Either way, it’s well worth reading, and a must-read to anyone new to the fandom or new to reading fics. 

When by hayloftown

Word count :  163,493

Trust doesn't come easily, but fear does. Dream was dealt a bad hand, who can blame him for his hostility? Or, in which Dream comes from a bad background and finds safety in a new home. Whether that "home" be the place or the people, he is unsure.

God, hayloftown’s fics are incredible. I am not joking when I tell you I have never cried more at a book or fanfic EVER. It was devastating. That being said I literally had to read it in one sitting. This fic describes complex emotions, feelings and especially bonds between people incredibly, and it is so enjoyable to watch dream’s character develop throughout. I actually felt hollow after reading this, because by the end I loved all the characters so much I never wanted it to end. This fic has some pretty heavy themes, so please read tags before reading this one. 

Stars, Stripes and Aristocratic Snobs by hayloftown

Word count :  122,536

Even hundreds of years since their historical wars over independence, American politics and British royalty still struggle to get along, as seen in the rivalry between first son Clay “Dream” Chapman and Prince George of Wales. After a week long trip to the UK after the "tragic" passing of Prince Charles, the successor to the throne and Prince George's father, the two are forced to get along and put forth a better front for the ever-present media.

It’s only fair to have two works by hayloftown on this list, because they are both favourites of mine. I am such a sucker for royalty au’s (prepare to lots more on this list) so this was perfect to me. The summary says everything you need to know about this fic, so I won’t say too much, but I really enjoyed George and Dream’s dynamic in this fic, and I’m a slut for george in a position of power (sorry not sorry). 

I’ve Never Fallen From Quite This High by Scoops (consciousness_streaming)

Word count :  92,419

A phone call out of the blue after two months in Florida turns George's life up side down. As one relationship falls apart, another falls together.

This fic is soooo good. Without spoiling too much, George deals with his parents’ relationship problems whilst developing a relationship with dream (I’m telling you this because I had this in my marked for later for ages and I didn’t read it because I was scared the aforementioned relationship that was falling apart was karlnap lol). If you love family dynamics and domestic fluff this is a must read. George’s mum is the main character in this honestly she’s such an icon, but I just love the dynamic between all the characters in this. 10/10 would recommend. 

The mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix series by saintaches

Word count : 108,775 across three works

Dream and George attend the same prestigious conservatoire, and they fucking hate each other.

I will admit that I originally clicked on this fic for the porn. However, after reading the plot that came with the porn, it turned into one of my favourite fics ever. It’s so beautifully written, a bit purple prosey at times, and is honestly art in writing form. Honestly parts of these works are a little devastating, but its worth it for the development of both dream and George individually and their relationship. 

Metanoia by 24notfound

Word count :  246,211

Following the death of Queen of Salacia, George is thrown into kingship. And in reluctantly preparing for an indefinite war on the account of avenging his mother, George's vision seems to get blurred by the unlikely and unexpected bond he forms with the Prince of Vulcan: Dream.

Honestly this is just the perfect fantasy dnf fic, combining royalty and war with elemental powers. Aside from all the family dynamics and dnf’s actual relationship, the two things that I loved the most in this fic were the relationship between George, Karl and Quackity and their wonderful outfit’s and parties. Another perfect work. 

as for praise and worship by squigly

Word count :  121,006

George is a detective working for Scotland Yard investigating a string of art thefts linked to grisly murders. Dream is a gambler who knows more than he lets on. They can't stay away from each other, even when they should.

This is such a wonderful plot heavy story, and the way squigly created this world and developed the story around Dream and George’s characters will have you gripped from the first chapter. Honestly, this story deserves to be published as a novel, it just has such an immersive and exciting storyline that I have no doubt you will read this in one setting (just like I did).

for you, the stars by andthentheybow

Word count :  115,149

There is exactly one person in the entire universe that knows Doctor George Davidson is alive, and that’s George himself. Even with everything against him- starvation, damaged machinery, the environment, and human error- he’s determined to not become the first person to die on Mars. And once they find out he’s alive, his crew resolves to do everything they can to bring him home.

When I first read the description for this fic I was not expecting to love it as much as I do simply because the situation is so far removed from both cc!dnf and c!dnf that it didn’t feel like it would work. However, their characters in this are so true to real life, and the astronauts have to face publicity and pressure from the public. I love this because I feel like georges intelligence gets lost all the time in fanfiction, but hes appreciated in all his genius glory here, pure bamf George through and through. Good bit of angst and pining, a side of karlnap, and really funny roles for a lot of the other smp members, this is just a really enjoyable read.

Reflections by darlingsdream

Word count :  128,341

In which Dream is assigned as Prince George's new personal guard and finds that it is surprisingly easy to fall for the royal with the spunky attitude but incredibly hard to keep his secrets from him.

This is a perfect Prince!George / Knight!Dream story. It has lots of plot twists and angst but its worth it for such a good story. If you love fantasy or the dynamic between princes and their guard, you will love this. I need to reread this asap tbh.

cinnamon and swirl by offday

Word count :  83,327

Sapnap stays quiet a moment, and while Dream sniffles, the little girl in his lap turns, taps against his face like the tears are common. Dream kisses at her hand, promises her he is okay. He acts like nothing is wrong. Like Sapnap isn’t crying in front of him too, when he should be scolding Dream.

“Why didn’t you?” Sapnap asks as he swipes the back of his hand over his nose. “I mean, not even George?”

Dream decides to tell his friends about his daughter right before they move in.

This is hands down the best DNF kid fic ever!! For some reason, I much prefer kid fics where one person is a single parent and the other person joins them later on. This fic is just perfect. I love that it’s not an AU (other than the fact dream is a dad), I live for uncle Sapnap and dreamnap’s friendship and I would die for protective dad!dream like that’s so attractive are you kidding me. I don’t care if you don’t normally like kid fics, read this now!!

Protected by Anonymous 

Word Count :  102,200

Dream is the Crown Prince and the future king. His sworn duty is to protect his kingdom from outside threats, especially from the scourge of magic.

George is his best friend and, technically, his servant. And he has a secret.

I wish the author of this fic would reveal themselves because I would die to read more of their work. Anyway. I love this so so much. It’s a merlin AU fic where George has magic in a kingdom where magic is banned. Another great one for anyone that likes royalty au’s and once again it has a healthy amount of pining and angst all mixed in with fluff and fantasy and ugh I love it. A lot of fantasy fics are heavy on dream protecting George but I love the dynamic in this where magic George is secretly protecting dream and saving his life. To be honest this fic lives in my head rent-free sometimes. Even if you think this won’t be your cup of tea please just give it a try because it’s so good!

#dnf fic #dnf #dnf fanfic #dreamnotfound #dreamnotfound fic #dnf fic recs #fic recs #dsmp #mcyt #georgenotfound #dream #dreamwastaken #dnf ao3 #this feels like a piece of my soul

[roboticbuild]

Hello everyone I need to be insane Abt Asuka NOW!!!! Warning for anyone who cares Abt it I guess this post is gonna have guilty Gear spoilers? I doubt people who see this are gonna care but better to be safe than sorry.

But also hey what if I overanalyzed the lyrics of the Guilty Gear theme for Asuka, The Gravity? Haha, just kidding.......

........Unless?

Read more just in case it becomes long lol

Anyways I've been listening to the Circle on loop and there's obviously a LOT of symbolism, it's guilty gear, but there's a very specific set of lyrics that's making me feel like an insane madman (or thatman.)

So I wanna go over each lyric MOSTLY one by one kind of. And now I will immediately be inconsistent.

Find it, find it

Something unseen

Play back the history, answers within

I think this part is so so important bc I think it shows how Asuka doesn't only choose to never leave the past, but ACTIVELY chooses to stay in the past. It's only MAYBE at the end of strive where he thinks somewhat about the future of himself and the people around him. And even then, he continues to run from his consequences, and the truth of how everything is now. And so, he looks into the past, to find the answers he needs for the present. He thinks about Fredrick, he thinks about Aria- but in the end he doesn't think about Sol Badguy, or Jack-O Valentine. He looks into the past and can only think about his sins, and how he needs to persecute himself to "repent"- when it never was the answer. This isn't to deny he's changing- he absolutely is. But timeline wise? It's only recent. While Sol and Aria's soul (and the fragments we see chars become from her soul) have been changing CONSTANTLY. They've never stopped changing.

And I think it makes something very, very interesting. Where somewhat recent, Sol decided to not look too far into the past, while also being blinded by it. He didn't think of the future, because he- at least in my opinion which is a whole other post- didn't plan to be in a future after his original goal of destroying all gears. Asuka wants the past to be the past again, and Sol wants the past to be destroyed in something similar to a blazing glory.

And Aria? She's like a god damn anchor. She doesn't want to look at the past. She doesn't want it, knowing what has happened. She looks toward the future, and she stands in the present, and she decides she refuses to let the cycle continue. She knows this present and this future isn't her own- she was never supposed to be this far. And so, as she refuses to overwrite Jack-O, she decides one thing, her own choice for herself- this isn't her world. It's Jack-O's. She already had her own time, and she's not going to rip it away like it was ripped away from her.

Does existence have a meaning?

This one is extra interesting to me, as it's eventually followed up by "Does meaning have (a) meaning?" And I think it kind of shows the way Asuka thinks. He over thinks everything, but not the things in the now. He thinks until the definition of things are ripped apart- and on the way he questions his own existence. He questions if all of this was meant to happen. If what he did to Fredrick, to Aria, was truly an act of himself or an act of fate.

And maybe this is me overanalyzing in the "analyze everything" game series, but I think it's in a way shown that Asuka in this song and some parts in general finds fate to be something horrifying. One of the hardest things he has trouble understanding is something out of his control, something that doesn't fit his visual, even if the visual is caring. He couldn't understand why Aria would choose to eventually die than be cryo frozen into a cure, after all. He just... Can't understand it, when isn't the essence of humanity to survive? To live? When he wants to help the people he cares about most? When he loves them, god he loves them, so why would they choose to the "obvious answer" to continue being alive? To continue existence and love and care?

And so he rips down meaning after meaning to do what he can to understand definition and not person, because he doesn't know how.

The reality of truth, the reality of truth

what should we accept?

Reality of truth, reality

This. Makes me fucking insane.

Because it's a part of Asuka, understanding he needs to accept the present. The reality of truth- that Sol isn't Fredrick, and Jack-O isn't Aria. The reality that Sol isn't just gonna be buddy buddy with him again like old times, nor is Aria coming back. That everything has changed, and he barely has. And he can't help but wonder, if he should accept it. If he should accept the now instead of his original goal of making the past real again. He isn't sure, and after the events of Strive ESPECIALLY not sure at all. And it kind of scares him, I think. He fears change so badly, after all.

As the Universe turned black

Okay here's the part that led to me making this post at like seven am. I think the "Universe" turning black is a part of the next lyric, but also its own type of thing. He almost ended humanity. Even if for the people he loves and cares about, even if outside forces were involved- He still almost ended humanity.

And I think this shows how hopeless he felt, witnessing the Crusades. Watching as he knew that was Aria, that was fucking Aria, in Justice. Even if it was a mixture of things, it was still her! It was still her!!!!! And he fucked everything up. And he knows this so god damn well, especially as he witnesses Sol bring her down.

Did the Sun ever defy fate?

This one is connected to the above part, yes. It shows Asuka's fear of fate, shows how he believes it to be inescapable and world ending. After all, when the Sun goes out, so does the world. And when the sun is gone, only black will fill the stars, without the light of the Sun.

But not only that: It's also about Sol.

It's about how Sol, with the Flame of Corruption within, who tries to burn the past and present- and with every attempt, everything traces back to Sol as well, and he's the one to stop it because it's in his way. How Asuka sees what Sol does now as an inescapable path of horrifying, world ending fate. And how Asuka has felt for so long it was his own fate to be killed by Sol.

Beyond it all, do you recognize me?

THE BIG INSANITY INDUCER EVERYONE. MY GOD. I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME.

It's so. Clear as day. It's how Asuka hadn't confronted Sol because he was scared of losing his friends. How Asuka runs away and away and away. How Asuka wonders, I must be so different now. He must not recognize me anymore. How in one of the dialogue things as vs Sol, he says Sol is the one who hasn't changed. And when Sol replies that he's one to talk? It just makes me crazy. Because Asuka sees himself as someone who has changed so god damn much, when he hasn't. He simply hasn't. And he continues the cycle, to fulfill his want for knowledge and understanding of this world and universe. He continues, over and over, and admits it to himself: he's not different. He's so recognizable to the point it's horrifying. He has the hair from the past. He has the demeanor, everything. Meanwhile, Sol has changed so much he could be considered near unrecognizable.

And, in the end, even if he's starting to finally face the present? He wants everything back. He wants Fredrick back. He wants Aria back. He wants it to be the same again, and he wants Sol to recognize him as his friend, not the person who caused him so much despair and pain. He doesn't want Sol. He wants Fredrick. He wants Fredrick.

And, with the backing vocals? The "the wings, the wings, Gravity"? The sun burns Asuka's wings every time, and makes him fall. And he continues to fly again and again, to continue the cycle he made for himself.

So in conclusion. This guy is so fucked up and I think about him a lot.

#guilty gear #guilty gear strive #asuka r kreutz #sol badguy #Fredrick #Aria #jack o valentine #I FORGOT LAST NAMES FOR ARIA AND FRED NAUUUURRR #long post #gif

[asoftspotforangels]

so I was tagged three times lately so I am putting it all in one post XD

from least to most difficult askfhjadkhfjkdlhaf

from @hardboiledteacozy 💝

⟡ rules : answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ fav color : green 💚

⟡ last song : Moment's Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier

⟡ last movie : Barbie (I haven't seen any movie since last year lol). tv series - 1670

⟡ currently reading : I just finished I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and started 1F: Fukushima I Nuclear Power Plant Work Log by Tatsuta Kazuto

⟡ currently watching : Dungeon Meshi 🍳

⟡ currently craving : some nice juicy oranges 😔 if anyone has tips on how to choose the best oranges, let me know pls

⟡ coffee or tea : I like coffee only if it's a sweet treat (so with milk and sugar or some sugary syrup); tea, however !! 🥰 a few days ago I opened a blend I got who knows how many years ago and from where or from whom, it's green and white tea, and it's soooo gooood~

from @minnichan 💗

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people. my url is too long for that lol

I have a playlist for songs I currently listen to, let's see if it's enought to complete this game… there's not a huge variety of artists tho ^^"

A - Appaloosa by Lor S - Sinktank by Inabakumori O - Overdose by Natori (hi minni!!!! I saw a cover of it in one of your asks lately!!! :3) F - fanfiction by Lor (yes, that's a lyrics video on their official channel xd) T - Tail by Sunmi (when will she come back to Poland TT__TT) S - Sweet Dream from Alien Stage by C!naH / by BL8M (I have both versions on my playlist, yeah) P - Post Shelter by Inabakumori O - Order of Silence from Genshin (ost from Cyno's demo) T - Trafalgar Square by Lor F - FightSong by Eve O - Overture from Jesus Christ Superstar 1996 R - Ruler Of My Heart from Alien Stage ( ‼ spoilers from Alien Stage here ‼ cw: blood, violence, death, panic attack) A - agaki (亜ガキ) by Ora (sometimes the background music skips between left and right side and I love it) N - Nonsense Bungaku by Eve G - A Gentleman's Fantasy from Honkai Star Rail (amazing boss theme!!) E - Ezra Was Right by Grandbrothers (this one starts quite slowly, if you're impatient you can start at 3:15 xD) L - Lagtrain by Inabakumori S - $hrek 2 by Lor (cw: guys without shirts fighting at school)

Lor is a Polish band that I recommend with my whole heart :3

many Eve's MVs are like short animes, I love them so so much

the whole Alien Stage is quite short, because it's basically made of music videos and there's less than 10 rn (here's a playlist for anyone interested) (but it can be quite triggering sometimes)

fuck gachas and their gambling, but genshin and star rail have amazing music

here's a very fun fact: I started listening to Eve and Inabakumori last year on April 17 and May 4 respectively, so about a year ago!!

from @dangerliesbeforeyou 💖

list 5 topics i can talk on for an hour without preparing any material

this one's difficult!!!! because I can endlessly talk about my fandoms and blorbos........only. I don't feel knowledgeable on anything specific, but I could, however, ramble on about my interests

I'm back to that Stardew Valley Grind™ rn so I could talk a lot about my farm. my first farm. year three, winter, and it's probably the ugliest farm you've ever seen. and. and also. my cyhaino sdv au brainrot. 😳

genshin, especially my ultimate blorbo Alhaitham 🌱 idk, I just like this guy, I saw first leaks and I was like 👉 this guy. this is my dude.

my babeys blue lions from fire emblem 3 houses 😭 I chose them in my first playthrough and I still do NOT care about anyone else (that's an exaggeration, I care about others, but... not as much... 😔) also, Sylvain is there and flirty red guys are my ultimate weakness. I know he can, just, switch to your house if you're playing female Byleth (lol), but I don't want to separate him from his friends 😭 they're all traumatised and need hugs

painting and drawing! lately I fell back in love in traditional art and I picked up acrylic painting, and I'm watching a lot of videos and learning a lot - by my own trial and error too, but it's fun!

various handcraft I learned - embroidery, crocheting, knitting, punch needle, sewing - and stuff I created. I don't do all these all the time, only when I feel like it so.....irregularly lol! but I have lots of ideas and some plans, and unfinished works

tagging: @natowe @one-trash-alek @hardboiledteacozy @dangerliesbeforeyou @minnichan

@vanyafresita @giosele @shuuenka @thebrokenwriter911

tagging everyone for everything, do whichever you want or nothing at all, no pressure ✨

(but I love reading other people's answers :3)

pretty dividers from @cafekitsune (x)

#I had to separate the tagging because I couldn't @ more than 5 people in one line ._. #A. talks

[chikahoshi]

🥰🥰Hello I just want to say I absolutely love your miles and Gwen fan art it's just so cute and romantic but I just have to ask if miles and Gwen were to get married what kind of wedding dress with Gwen have and what kind of cake would they have and what would the theme be if you could ask these questions I would really appreciate it🌻🕸🌻

Hi! First off, thank you for taking the time to send me an ask. I really appreciate it a lot. :) Secondly, thank you for being so patient with me. I feel bad for taking so long to get back to you; tbh, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember sending in this ask... Initially, I needed to think about it because I have so many ideas that sometimes it's hard to pick only one, and I was hoping I would have a good answer for you if I give it some time. But then as time went on, I ended up overthinking it, and the longer that I took, the longer I felt like I had to give a great answer (even though I know it isn't necessary). So I'm really sorry for letting that get the better of me. This is what I have; I hope it's good enough. ;; But before I start, I do want to mention that the Miles and Gwen fan art was drawn by @tikklil! It is such a cute and romantic art piece; they did such a great job. :)

Anyways, back to the questions. I'll going to give you the short answers here, and then I'll expand some of my answers under the Keep reading section in order to avoid making this post a giant block of text, lol.

If I was forced to pick only ONE wedding dress, I think I would go for this a line sleeveless dress, and I love the idea of this dress being what her mother wore for her wedding. I think it would be sweet and sentimental. :')

As for the cake, I like the idea of them having two weddings, one of them being more traditional and the other one being a Puerto Rican wedding. I'm not Puerto Rican myself, so I had to ask a friend who has a similar background in the Caribbean Islands...Anyone is free to correct me on this or add upon this, but from what I understand, they don't have traditional wedding cakes; they're more like birthday cakes. So I thought it would be cute if they had a Bizcocho de novia. The other wedding cake is a half and half. One side reflects Gwen's watercolor world and the other reflects' Miles' comic world. They'd have a cute, little figure of them on top with the infinity symbol. Maybe to hint the number 8? :)

So because I wanted to incorporate Miles' culture into one of the weddings, the wedding itself is a lot more informal and similar to Jeff's party for becoming captain. Lots of loud music and dancing; bringing the neighbors to join the party. And lots and lots of side dishes, lol. So not much of a theme, but the other wedding kind of has a theme to it. I'll explain that more below. c:

I think the clooosest thing to a theme to the other wedding is the idea of Miles and Gwen incorporating 90's music. My headcanon is that their parents were teenagers in the 90's, so while there's a lot of upbeat, trendy music playing, Miles and Gwen also incorporate some songs their parents listened to when they were young (which is something I would LOVE to one day expand upon on its own post). In particular, Miles and Gwen slow dance to "Everytime I Close My Eyes" by Babyface because that's what Jeff and Rio danced to for their wedding. :')

Anyways, circling back to when I was thinking about THE wedding dress for Gwen, it was so difficult for me because I have so many ideas that I really like.

While I love the a-line dress that I mentioned above, my most ideal dress for Gwen is something that looks like this. I think she would look so pretty and would frame her body so well!! It's really soft, feminine, and modest. The a-line dress is a lot more dramatic and princess-like, lol. I feel like on its own maybe Gwen wouldn't have picked it herself.

But before I explain why I still chose the a-line if I only could pick one dress, I wanted to step back and talk about a headcanon of mine. Like Jeff and Rio, I headcanon that George's a 90's teen and got married in the early 2000's. So I imagine Gwen's mom wearing a wedding dress that was popular in that era—strapless necklines, embellishments, and ball gowns. I think it'd be pretty sweet and sentimental if Gwen wore the dress that her mom wore for her wedding even if it wasn't her personal style. She did kept a gift that her mom gave her, so I think it would mean a lot to her to wear her wedding dress. :)

Also, I love the idea of Gwen wearing an untraditional black wedding dress like this or even something like this but a version of the cape with a hood!! I can imagine Gwen being someone who'd want to wear an untraditional dress for her wedding; I even think a combination of her pop rock side and her ballet side incorporated together into a dress would be SO cool to see. But at the same time, I also love the idea of Gwen wearing a more traditional dress for sentimental reasons. ;u;

Anyways, thank you again for asking. I might have more ideas over the years, so this may actually evolve. :)

#asks #ghostflower #gwiles #miles x gwen #one day i'll get better with overthinking my response ;;

[mintea273]

so I was thinking about the surprise songs for Tokyo and I came to Conclusions about how connected they are. I think they're teasing themes in TTPD and that's why Taylor didn't play them last year hehe

this is a slightly long post so please bear with me

and to clarify, this isn't me speculating about how she feels/felt in her personal life, this is me speculating about the kind of story TTPD will tell through Taylor's singing/writing (analysis below the break)

N1: Dear Reader and Holy Ground

"to a house, not a home, all alone cause nobody's there"

“no one sees when you lose when you’re playing solitaire”

“I guess we fell apart in the usual way, and our story’s got dust on every page.”

Isolation and longing/reminiscing

Dear Reader is non specific, Holy Ground is about missing a specific person

With the “friends found friends who care” in Dear Reader, we can assume the theme is being left behind and alone

N2: Eyes Open and Electric touch

"And nobody comes to save you now / But you’ve got something they don’t”

“Everybody’s waiting for you to break down”

“Got a history of stories ending sadly”

“(the ENTIRE second verse lol)”

“Fill this ghost town up with life”

Isolation and longing/looking forward

Eyes Open is isolation in a crowded room where everyone wants you to falter (contrast to Dear Reader and Solitaire lyric)

Electric Touch is longing for someone in the future and hoping it goes well (contrast to Holy Ground and reminiscing)

Finding someone/wanting to find someone who doesn’t root for your downfall

N3: Superman and The Outside

“Come back, I’ll be with you someday”

“Don’t forget, don’t forget about me”

“Wishing the call was from you”

“I’ll never let you go”

“I’ve been a lot of lonely places”

“I would give it all up to be / A part of this, a part of you”

“You could’ve helped”

Both are about being left behind and longing! (like the themes of the two songs are more clearly converging?)

Superman still has hope, The Outside is slowly losing it (or perhaps already has - I would argue this)

We now know what led to the isolation of night one - being left behind, but also being left out.

(It’s like with every song she gives us more context about how exactly she was "left alone.")

N4: Come In With The Rain and You’re On Your Own, Kid

"I'm too and tired at night to call your name/for all these games.”

“I don’t wanna have to go that far”

“I’ve got you down, I know you by heart / And you don’t even know where I start”

“You’re on your own, kid / Yeah, you can face this”

“I’ll run away”

“I gave my blood sweat and tears for this”

Left behind but knowing she deserves better and learning to do it on her own

In Come In With The Rain, she’s tired of waiting for this person to come back and care about her (but still hopes)

In You’re On Your Own, Kid, she can do it even from The Outside

It’s a hopeful note to end on. She’s not waiting for anyone to make her happy, she realises she deserves better and can do it by herself

It transforms it from being left behind to being the one who leaves

So I think we may be getting You're Losing Me very soon - a song about realising she's not valued as highly as she should be, but also about the sadness of it all. Alongside this, she may play We Were Happy or Bye Bye Baby, but I don't think she'll do Fearless and Midnights together so soon. Other songs she could do are happiness and closure. This is if she continues singing mostly songs she hasn't done before (with the exception of Holy Ground and You're On Your Own, Kid, I believe.)

I also think it's interesting that the songs across nights are related and almost lead into each other:

Dear Reader (N1) -> Eyes Open (N2)

Holy Ground (N1) -> Electric Touch (N2)

Superman (N3) -> Come In With The Rain (N4)

The Outside (N3) -> You're On Your Own, Kid (N4)

All I know is that TTPD is going to be a banger that is going to destroy me emotionally if I'm right about these themes hehe

#taylor swift #the eras tour #surprise songs #taylornation #ttpd #the tortured poets department

[dulcelibra]

good wife

Pair: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x fem!oc

Summary: As their marriage goes through a rough patch, Nia finds her reevaluating her relationship with Bradley, and what she signed up for when she said ‘I Do’. Slight character study based on some lyrics from good wife by Kacey Musgraves

Check out my Rhett Abbott fic here. And follow me on my writing blog: dulcewrites

Warnings: just angst… Bradley being slightly manipulative if you squint. Both parties being a bit a toxic. Ideas of misogyny/patriarchy in contexts of marriage.

Notes: Hiiii. This is not only my first Top Gun fic but first fic in general, so go easy on me lol. I was revisiting star-crossed, and the idea just sort of popped into my head. If this goes how I hope it does, I’d love to make a series based on songs from this album (maybe just songs in general). I wanted to this to be less dialogue and more introspection. I left the ending slightly ambiguous.. so let me know how y’all like it!! ❤️ also I see all my characters as black but the descriptions for this oc are pretty vague.

Wake him up nice and slow, bring him coffee in bed. Listen to his problems, tell him that I understand

Nia was clueless about the military till meeting Bradley. Navy aviators, air to air combat, the idea of calling a grown man ‘rooster’, air maneuvers and top gun, all things she learned through him. With learning the fun and fulfilling parts of his job came learning the awful parts. The sometimes mind-numbing lunacy of doing what he did. But to take all of him means taking the thing he loved to do.

“It was fine,” mumbled Bradley as he stared at his eggs.

This was becoming the new answer when Nia asked about work trips. She remembers the days when he couldn’t wait to tell her what he did when he was at away. He loved bringing her into a world that was so important to him. A world that was cemented in his dna, that influenced every thing he did. The morning coffees they would share when they had the time to.

As odd as it sounds, she liked listening to his problems. She liked knowing that he trusted her with that. That her sweet but extremely stubborn and stuck in his ways husband trusted her with the truth. But now she sits here at a silent kitchen table taking in rich curls and puppy dog eyes. She can’t shake the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach she’s been having lately.

Try to loosen up and be more fun. Yeah, I could be more fun

“Has anyone ever told you’re kind of uptight… but don’t worry stick with me and we’ll get rid of that,” said Bradley with a teasing smile.

She knows he meant it in jest in the moment but it’s theme that’s always showed up in their relationship. Even on their first date, Bradley couldn’t help pointing out Nia’s stiff nature. She knows she’s not the most adventurous person. She lived a simple life up until meeting him. She grew up in Tennessee, born to a professor and a pharmacist. The most exciting thing she ever did was move to Virginia for school years ago. Even after the move she had a planned to go back Tennessee eventually. Bradley threw a wrench in that plan. The Navy threw a wrench in that plan.

Nia tries to not nag, and god she hates that word. She hates the idea that her wanting communication makes her the ‘nagging wife’ who doesn’t get it. She hates that there is an expectation for her to know her place. She tries not to take it to heart when it seems like Bradley would rather hang out with the same people he sees all the time. His military friends are family. But then she remembers she’s also his family. She became his family when she said I Do and took his last name.

Just let him be himself, don't try to control

God, help me be a good wife, Cause he needs me. Even when he's not right. Yeah, he still needs me

“You did not just say that to me,” the words come out more shrill than Nia would like.

They’ve been going at it for the better part of an hour. It started with a passive aggressive comment that Nia is fully regretting now.

“You’re the one who brought the conversation in the first place. You picked a fight,” he shrugs nonchalantly.

Nia has always admired (and sometimes resented) how calmly Bradley reacts to things despite never letting things go easily. It takes a lot to push him over the edge. It’s probably a good thing he has that mindset with his job.

“All I want is a heads up. Is that so hard to do?? One measly heads up to know if my husband is leaving… again. It would be nice to know I’m being thought of,” sighs Nia.

She can’t help but think about how differently this conversation went at the beginning of their marriage.

“You don’t get to say that. I think from the moment I wake up. I think of you every time I step foot in a plane, so don’t tell me I don’t think of you,” his words are pointed and his tone turned sharp.

Nia twists her wedding ring; a well established nervous tick. She would be lying if she said it didn’t feel nice hearing that. Maybe he’s right. Maybe she did pick of fight so he’d say something, literally anything to her with some passion in his voice. She feels like it’s been forever since she’s gotten that.

With a gentle sigh, he sits next to her on their bed. He didn’t make the bed this morning, white sheets crumbled under their weight.

“You do know that I think of you right. You’re the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I’m sorry if it wasn’t enough time. It’s been years and it’s never gonna get easier leaving you,” he says as he grabs her hand and squeezes it.

Nia feels the guilt get stuck in her throat as tears fill her eyes. She can barely get the ‘I’m sorry’ out before he’s pulling her into his chest.

“Sweetheart…we are ok. We will figure it out. It always do. We’re the dream team remember?” he says it so confidently, so sweetly that Nia almost forgets why she was upset in the first place. Almost forgets having to hear the news of a possible mission from a fellow military wife, and in the supermarket of all places.

A part of her wants to continue the conversation, but she takes in his strong arm around her and the smell of his cologne she secretly sprays on things before he leaves.

“Yeah we do figure it out,” Nia leans her head on Bradley’s shoulder and prays the universe doesn’t prove them wrong.

And the truth is I could probably make it on my own. But without him, this house just wouldn't be a home…

Nia is always wound up tight. It’s why when Bradley breezed through her life one really hot summers day nine years ago, she felt every fiber in her body tell her to hold on. Hold onto that delicious, albeit scary feeling he gave her.

She gets to be with the love her life; it seemed like an easy trade off. Put up with seeing him less, and the worrying because when he’s with her, she’s home. And it is hard to find something that compares or beats that feeling. She wonders if something will ever beat it

Things like: the everyday monotony of a past life she thinks about, the peacefulness of country backroads she misses, the independence she sometimes feels like she doesn’t have.

Does their love cut through the bitterness of what could’ve been? Or does it fester her need to be a “good wife”?

#bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun imagine #top gun fanfic #bradley Bradshaw x black!oc #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #black!oc #top gun #black!reader #rooster x oc #rooster angst

[bathroomtrapped]

What are the basic differences between saws original script and the outcome? Why did they not play those scenes?

theres a lot of superficial changes, like their ages and adams last name being denlon. honestly still not sure where faulkner-stanheight got confirmed as his last name!

a lot of the things that were cut had to do with adams character and im not entirely sure why it was cut. his reason for being there was because he was suicidal. jigsaw said something along the lines of "everyday youve wanted to die". he wanted to go to vet school and had an interaction with some cat in his apartment. theres a scene where his mother calls, saying his father isnt mad and that he should call them. he writes on a sticky note "call mom" then adds a "?"

he has an interaction with a shitty neighbor, begs god to become a better person

theres probably a few small details about him im forgetting bc its been a while since ive reread the screenplay but the common theme is that the saw movie cut out a MASSIVE amount of context for adams character.

im not entirely sure why, i think some scenes might have to do with cutting down on time (the cat scene would probably get cut for time before filming once they actually start working on the project) vs something that was cut to make the story tighter and change adams role in the story.

he tells lawrence that basically, be hid the photo because he "didnt know what he would do". aka he was scared that itd motivate lawrence to kill him more. not sure why this is cut because some people clearly did not pick up on that lol

basically everything we know about adam is only known to us because it has something to do with lawrence. we know it because lawrence needs to. its unfortunately bc i like adam enough to want to know more but it serves the story better. hes the audience. we know what we know bc adam knows it or learns it. hes the one behind the camera. hes a voyeur. hes literally nothing. he died forgotten by basically everyone and hes just BARELY there in the narrative bc hes just... nothing.

at the end of the day, he was just a pawn. hes not important to anyone but lawrence because this is his story. this is his test and were just the people chained up and forced to watch it play out. i imagine his backstory and personal information was cut for this reason.

during the editing process, there were scenes cut. i know the trap was supposed to be more elaborate originally. i think the cat scene was cut out to save time and the mom scene/motivation/history was cut to firmly center the narrative on lawrence

one change that fucking BAFFLES me is that at the end during the love scene, adam originally asks lawrence "am i going to be okay?". in the film its "are WE going to be okay?" umm im honestly not quite sure what series of thoughts propelled them to make such a gay film by accident, call the end the LOVE SCENE publicly, and then proceed to be shocked when people call them on it? leigh was shocked to see chainshipping fics back during the ff.net days (fun fact: the first ever chainshipping fanfic was published on ffnet called rebirth. its still up)

my best guess is that leigh wanted to push their "relationship" (whatever they think that is) further for more emotional pay off. most of the changes seem to pull their themes tighter. it ends up working in its favor. adam is lawrences test and his moral core or whatever, so they have a pretty instant connection. it was probably done to make lawrence suffer more! or maybe make it gayer and leigh is just doing a bit

theres also the lampshade song lol. some dumb shit leigh made up and cary refused to do, so they changed it to the weird little piggy thing instead. MINOR minor improvement

certain words were changed because cary just kinda... rolled with it. he adjusted the script a few times bc he rly liked lawrence for some reason. he still does. leigh just accepted it and let him do his thing

amanda was also amanda denlon in the screenplay im pretty sure

tapp was dunked on by john as he assassins creed-ed him in the throat for being a 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! absolutely insane

the way adam finds out lawrence is a doctor is different, he talks about possibly being injected with rohypnol LOL

the heart was actually a clue leading to the word toilet written over his heart, under his shirt. the blood heart wasnt in the script LOL. i imagine cary didnt want to have toilet written on his bare chest for the film? a shame

theres more interactions with tapp, sing, lawrence, and brett (his lawyer) im assuming its what happened before they asked lawrence to sit and watch amandas testimony. they say his fingerprints were found at the scene, not a pen. i think either way its interesting because. wow! lawrences prints are in the system which means he has a record. the implications are kinda funny, it makes how baffled he is that tapp dare accuse him of such a thing! even more ironic. now we know that mark was involved in the police and planted the pen, so he probably just out his prints into the system as well

amanda works at lawrences hospital. not sure why this is cut? possibly bc shawnee was begged to join bc james had a big crush on her and she didnt even want to originally. she might notve wanted to do multiple scenes or something at the time before she decided on returning as amanda (for whatever reason, im not quite sure why she became so attached to the series after not joining as enthusiastically as cary did after watching the 2003 short)

amandas reason is also different. i think jigsaw literally hated depressed ppl so much in the script bc she was there for therapy or something LOL. not drugs. prob just cut to improve it

thats all i got. theres a lot of changes for logics sake related to the trap, wording changes for flow (im assuming), time constraints, and to streamline the themes and center it on lawrence

#soo much in this #getting saw questions is interesting lol #ive been thinking about the nothing-ification of adam for a while now #hes literally a ghost ! always was always will be lol #larry.txt

[lackablazeical]

Apologies for the repeat ask, I just think mine got lost in all the others and now that you're answering asks I just wanted to try again so please ignore the first one if you manage to find it (again, really sorry if this bothers you and thanks for taking the time to read all of this). First off, I absolutely adore this AU!!!! I love how dark and angst-filled it is and the toxic relationships and the characterizations as a whole are so brilliantly well-done. You manage to draw me deeper and deeper into this twisted fiction with you and your co-writters masterful ideas and art. Not to mention how refreshing and relieving it is to be able to enjoy all of this angst without having to worry about if the individual(s) behind this truly feel that those kinds of relationships work that way (ie. romanticises/normalises it). All in all, thank you so much for all the time and effort you and your co-writors have put into this, it's greatly appreciated and I can't wait to see more!!!

P.S. I feel like Hateful Ever After by Ellise as well as a bunch of her other songs plus Paparazzi by Lady Gaga work really well in encompassing the vibes Addams Leosagi gives off. Maybe some of Upsahl, Will Wood and Confetti (especially Rob a Bank) songs for Addams Mikey too?

Thank you gain for taking the time to read this huge text dump and I hope you have a wonderful day(s)/week(s)/month(s)/year(s) because you deserve it and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!!

No worries!!!!! I see every ask I get, I just have like. The lowest social battery ever, and for some reason asks are included in that (yeah, idk either) so I don't answer often. Your words are so, completely, absolutely screamed and fawned over.

We love dark themes and it's nice to see that you agree!!!!! All the dynamics and stuff are always so fun to work on and flesh out, how toxic relationships manifest in loads of different ways and how to portray that correctly. Labor of love, for sure!!!! Sad that some people do romanticize or normalize it, but all there is to do is be better then they are, yk?

Thank you for your kind words!!!!!! They are so so appreciated, you don't even know!!! We have lots of stuff in the works, which is so exciting (and nerve-racking, lol).

Now, song reccs!!!! Hell yeah >:]]]]]

For Hateful Ever After, I think the tone is really Leo, but the lyrics hit me over the head with Usagi. Like, Spot on!!!

Don't tell my brother, please // I know he worries about me // Seen I've been losing sleep 

The ones who told me all I need to know // But, I can't go back even if I want

Four eyes to watch each other cry // Three lies, you whispered to me that night // Two arms to hold my broken trust // One heart for the both of us

AS FOR PAPARAZZI?????? THE FACT ITS SO LEO *AND* ITS GAGA????? LEO WOULD LOVE GAGA OH MY GOD. LOVED THESE LINES.

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me

But I won't stop until that boy is mine // Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me

Look at the past blast, I'ma make you fall on your ass // Suck it up and pacify, but it's irrelevant

As for Mikey, I do love those!!!! ESPECIALLY Rob A Bank (hell, I put it on my OWN playlist, it fucking slaps). I also really like Ghost by Confetti for him too!!!! Confetti just seems to be really good overall LOL

I didn't listen to too many songs by each artist, just some of the first that popped up, but I really loved both Drugs and People I Don't Like by UPSAHL for him too! That's really how Mikey approaches his fame and the people he has to interact with because of it. He's there for the drugs and the party, not for the people. And he's aware they aren't there for HIM, but the connections he can give them.

As for Will Wood, Main Character is SOOOO Mikey. Bro really would call people NPCs LMAOOOO. I loved the line "God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being." That alone definitely made it an insta-add to his playlist :]

GOOD LUCK READING MY TEXT DUMP RIGHT BACK!!!!! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY TOO <333 THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR ASK!!!

#addams! tmnt au #addams! leo #addams! usagi #addams! mikey #addams! song recs #nice people :]

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

ok its me again hi AAAHHHH this is so nice i feel so warm im lying on my bed kickin my lil legs i cant believe this thank you for being nice omgggg now im on a roll im gonna say things about julian hkdhjgdgjf

only one song really that i scanned the whole tag looking for to see if anyone said it before and i was so surprised that i didnt find it and i went to check the official playlists on spotify cause maybe its on there already and thERE ISNT ONE WHAT???? i had the muriel one liked on here and id never checked any other ones out lmao but like i swear there had to be one?? like maybe they made it first and its somewhere separately??? julian is like the most popular one how the hell does he not get a spotify list is that how this tag was created?? *gasp* am i discovering the ~fandom lore~

(just gonna say you dont actually need to answer any of that in detail dont waste your time gksgkydgjf im just screaming into the void cause i was so flabbergasted after those 3 whole minutes of research i put into this)

ANYWAY the actual song would be House of Wolves by our lord and saviour MCR! its so good for him with his whole Woe is Me drama king vibe lol and the plaguey thematicssss mmmm delicious TELL ME im a BAD BAD BAD BAAD MAAAAN aight you lil masochist i see u and the "you better run like the devil cause they never gonna leave you alone" you get it caUSE HES A FUGITIVE DO YOU GET THE DEEP UNRAVELABLE METAPHORS DO YOU GET IT DO YOU G aight shut up hkhfjtdy anyway

ok i lied jystfhte heres another one i just remembered i really wanted to put here its not new but just in case somebody hasnt seen it yet lmao its such a masterpiece ill do anything to give it its due here ya go

https://youtu.be/61HltPN_k3g

and the other thing im really glad to have seen people mention here is musical songs cause thats one of the things i love about him the most like yass we love a thespian king slay grl so then anytime im binging a musical there always come the intrusive thoughts of "aw hed love this one" and "oh hed be great for this role" like i went to see f-ing swan lake with my f-ing grandpa and one of the major takeaways i got from the experience was (UH IM GONNA PUT A SPOILER WARNING HERE? I GUESS? IN CASE ANYONE CARES HELLO JULIAN BAD ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD DO MOVE ALONG NOW IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT AVERT YOUR GAZE CITIZENS LMAO LIKE YOU HAVENT SEEN FANARTS N ADS ALREADY ALRIGHT ALRIGHT) "omg jules would be so perfect as that bird guy villain IN HIS BIRD GUY SHAPE TOO OMG WITH THE WINGS ON STAGE THIS IS AWESOME WHY CANT I DRAW GOOD GODDA-"

anyway hed love hadestown (hed at least try to cast muriel as hades cause hes perfectly intimidating for it but theres way too many lines which okay Maybe but AND he has to sing???? nah hes out bkgdhkdt) i dont know what hed think of pierre natasha & the great comet cause its maybe a little eccentric i suppose but i think hed appreciate the cultural roots of the vibe with him being fantasy ruso-slav-ukrainian-whatnot heritage i reckon and hed definitely have a blast at a live performance and hed ABsolutely join in with the actors in between the rows at some point and theyd ABSOlutely let him cause hes that good and game recognize game cmon hes gonna show you amateurs what a real kazotski looks like

i can also see him enjoying sweeney todd, for its delightful edgyness, maybe even some themes relatable for him, and his sappy ass would SO memorise Pretty women to whip it out at an opportune serenading moment khgdturshc im so cringe and loving it

well i cant think of any more shows to throw him together with so thus ends my soliloquy wow i cant believe thats how you spell that anyway i hope anybody who knew what the hell im talking about enjoyed all that jgfztits see you in another 20 minutes when i come back like "AND ANOTHER thing-

Yay, it's the character song essays anon!! :D

I'm glad to see you back, and I will once again be re-linking the song you shared below and adding your suggestions to the tag ^.^

And frankly, I'm 76% certain that one of Julian's love languages is theatre, especially musical theatre. That could be tickets, that could memorizing the lines from one of this favorite scenes and reciting it back to him, it could be showing up to every single performance he's involved in :)

I'm glad to see you back in my inbox, friend, feel free to message me if you ever want to obsess over the characters together! Cheers -

brainrot

#ask arcana brainrot #arcana brainrot playlist #the arcana #julian the arcana #julian devorak #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game

[lumidark166]

Alpas AU

Warning: This AU contains depression, suicid3 themes, and torture?????? (it’s only once)

If this AU in Ao3, the tags probs: It's Get Worse Before Get Better, Depressed Sougo, Tokiwa Sougo Need Therapy, Sougo Pull a Mei from Honkai Impact but worse, Theater Kid Sougo, Angst with A Happy Ending, the ending is not too happy though but at least it’s a good ending, Unreliable Author, I am so sorry Sougo but it is my duty as the President of Angst to make you suffer, Time Travel. Time Loop

Very Inspired by the HSHTNEP verse by @narashikari, Kagerou Daze song, My R song, Project Sekai, Honkai Impact 3rd, Honkai Star Rail, and Bungou Stray Dogs.

Alpas mean is to break free

In this AU basically, Sougo has to force himself to use his time powers to fix the villain mess, become a Homura but less bad (he is still sane but still needs therapy), also pull a Mei

Sorry if this not making sense at all, I forgot most Zi-O lore cause I hate it with my every being, just not the main characters but that hypocritical of me cause most of my AUs tend to not make sense. Also, i kinda rewrote the whole Evil Sougo here cause he so lacking in canon that i changed him a bit too cryptic but still a bad guy nonetheless. Also this AU kinda made it in my dream and I just had to continue it cause its ruined my concentration in class lol. (also the angst probably from my projection to my comfort charas so i am so sorry about that too)

If you want to know more about this AU, you can ask me like with the ask blog features lol.

Before we start how the AU happened, I need to explain that this AU is kind of different than canon or just the basic HCs of this AU

Basic Hcs: 1. The Main Riders have found a family joke but turn real (Mom and Dad are Emu and Shinnosuke, the kids are Takeru, Sougo, Ikki, and Houtaro, and the uncles and the aunts are the rest of the riders), Sougo is a theater kid beside he can do ballet, Sougo is a history nerd, Sougo in the past being bullied before because he wants to be a king in middle school before high school so he never talks about it openly again. And how do they meet together? Let's say because of the crossover movies, sometimes they meet for a reunion or fight for a world-ending fate again or beat up Tsukasa lol.

The summary of AU: some new villains want Sougo back to being an evil king to destroy other riders, and they do it by changing the past or rather trying to kill the main riders in the past, Sougo knows this by someone trying to warn him and use his time powers despite he trying not to use his time powers other than time-stopping, that someone also said to never said this anyone even Geiz and Tsukuyomi or he get the biggest regret of his life. Sougo has to force himself to use his time powers to the past to stop the villain while making the past riders not know what he is so he makes a somewhat villain persona for it. He also changes his style for this he even changes his hairstyle and clothes so no one knows it's him. Also, that someone is Hiden Atsuya, a future adopted kid of Fuwa x Aruto who secretly helps break Sougo's fate since these villains are from his timeline and other future kids.

This timeline is in 2024, meaning Houtaro is here too and Sougo is 24 years old.

His villain persona: not too talkative unless he wants to talk cause he doesn't want to give hints from the future, very quiet, very stoic, he is a good person but his persona feels like a quiet jerk, this persona is inspired by his mentor and dad figure, Tsukasa Kadoya.

For example :

Past!Shoutaro: Hey, who are you?

A!Sougo: ….

Shoutaro: Answer me!

A! Sougo, quietly said:…Protect your loved ones to your heart, Hidari-san…

His appearance disguised is his hair braided on his left side, has a lot of bandages on his right eye, and sometimes wears a hat sometimes not, his clothes are black/blue pants overall with a double layer of white/grey shirt. Sougo wears a pair of worn-out black combat boots as part of his disguised persona.

Sougo starts this journey is very optimistic but also wary cause he doing this alone this time, after several loops where he fails a lot of times and has to use his time to rewind the past to normal but he has to make the past riders forget his existence in the past and kinda losing it so when in 23rd loop, he tells to Geiz and Tsukuyomi but unfortunately, like the kid tell him.. It did make something bad happen like a world-ending scenario. He hates to see the dead body of his mentor lying on the ground, he hates to see his older brother's dead body near a river, he hates to see his parental figures' bodies lying on the streets, and he blanks out when he sees his lover's dead bodies. After that loop, his eyes start to dull but anyone in the present doesn't notice Sougo's weirdness until the 50th loop.

Sougo routine most of the time now is present timeline-past-go back to the present timeline so everyone becomes suspicious that Sougo suddenly disappeared most of the day (surprisingly they noticed after the 49th loop cause Sougo can act very well) to encounter this, Sougo made to redo the first day when he starts to go to past to prevent the villains and that day be his ‘checkpoint’ so anyone not sus about it.

The villains are psychopaths, they claim that they are very loyal to Oma Zi-O than to Time Jackers. They tried to do the same thing to Sougo’s daughter but she was very stubborn and the villains came in a bad timing like literally the baddest timing ever when her dads, her mom, her Nana Emu, Grandpa Shinnosuke, and other granduncles riders out there. So they had to resort to another plan, which made Sougo's life miserable to make him guilty of the villains so he forced himself to give in to the fate he had to face years ago.

1-22nd loop!Sougo: still optimistic but after some loops, he is kinda tired about it. This whole shit made him eat less but not too less, he was just not very in the mood to eat.

23rd-80th loop!Sougo: His eyes became dull, lost his sense of taste, got tortured by the same villain via the electric chair, and had to kill the said villain, always on the run then going home, sometimes getting a mental breakdown of what he did, he feels guilty to have erased his senpai and kouhai memories too much also kill someone. In mid of the 60th loop, he has hallucinations and nightmares of his senpai.

81-99th loop! Sougo: Lost his mind but his sanity is still intact, he somewhat embraces fate but at the same time does not, he reaches out to his bad future self, Oma Zi-O to give him the true potential of his powers despite his chances of being an evil king will greatly increase and his future self surprisingly give him. He plans for his own king's ‘execution’ after this whole thing is done. Also the villains found out to break the time loops mind erasing shit at 85th loop and the Riders demand answers from Sougo sometimes leading to fighting, Sougo had to force himself wrapped by his villain persona and get up but at one time he break his persona once. He mutters that he rather save them than not do anything about it so he calls himself a sinner or a liar once he defeats Geiz and Tsukuyomi.

I don't know what to explain anymore so i write the all WIPs of minific or/and songfics that I thought of, and not in chronological order sorry and sorry i totally take some HoT convo from chapter 17, sorry for the ooc and not making sense in this goddamn AU also sorry of my bad writing:

1.

“I think this is the first time you have reached out to me even go to this timeline as well..” Oma Zi-O said, this time, he used a younger body with his left eye bandaged. He looks at Sougo with empty, cold eyes yet his expression doesn't fit him right now

“Are you no longer afraid of these powers?…” He asked him

“I don’t know.. I feel I am not afraid anymore ever since 81st loop” (Sougo)

“If you continue to tread this path, you will find yourself falling deeper into the abyss” warned Oma Zi-O

“……I don’t care, I will take care of it all” Sougo replied

“You will lose everything, your family and friends will no longer trust you” (Oma Zi-O)

“It’s doesn’t matter to me anymore, I always alone..” Sougo replied he embraced the fact he always going to be alone.

“You will leave them forever..”

“…”

"You won't be around them anymore, see their smiles, or hold their hands."

“It’s okay, I already know what I am getting into…”

“There is no turning back once you get into this path, are you sure is this your choice? ”

“It’s doesn’t matter… Senpai will take care of them but this is something I must do.. I already made my choice”

“Then so be it..” Oma Zi-O gives Sougo the true potential of his powers.

Tsukasa looks at Sougo with deep rage. Sougo’s eyes were in horror. Shit, keep calm Sougo.. Keep your goddamn persona in check!

2.

Mama, ooh

I don't wanna die

Sougo feels Tsukasa’s weapon at his head. Sougo’s trying not to cry. “Now, Sougo.. Tell me, why are you doing this?..” His voice is empty, cold. Clearly, He doesn’t trust Sougo right now. Sougo’s eyes become dull. Shoutaro noticed this and is now worried for Sougo.

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

3.

Sougo got saved by his bike that actually can ride on its own, is his bike sentient or something??

Tsukasa, Shoutaro and Shinnosuke suddenly got summoned to future by Oma Zi-O.

“What do you want..” Shoutaro asked

“…………Make sure to watch my younger self back”

“Eh?” Shinnosuke was shocked.

“What do you mean by this?…” Tsukasa asked

“I'm just curious about his future after all, if it ends up with him being evil king again.. It will be just boring and… Every evil king always gets executed in the end” And at the right moment, a guillotine drops. The three riders jumped a bit and now realized what the evil king meant.

“Sougo planned to end this once and for all, and by that… He plans his execution”

“Huh, I didn't know you could care, why do you ask us this..” (Tsukasa)

4. (More of a summary than a fanfic but yeah) also this like the end of 100th loop

Finally, Sougo did it and defeated the villains on his own at least this time didn’t kill anyone and let the future kids handle them. Now, he is on top of a building, the tallest building in the city. He can finally execute his execution. He can wipe his timeline that made him an evil king but the idea of living scared him like what if this fate gets him again, watch his loved ones suffer from his fate, he just rather disappear and never come back. Sougo takes out his braid and the bandages off then takes the final leap.

The songs that fit Sougos:

He closed his eyes until someone took his hand in that fall, it was Takeru. Sougo in shock and scared, why did Takeru follow him, he didn't want Takeru dying with him, it was supposed to be his ‘execution’ not Takeru too. He realized he made Takeru cry, he felt guilty he was the reason that he crying right now. He doesn't realize that he is being saved by Inves plant and passes out when Takeru and him back to the rooftop.

5. (totally take this from Honkai Impact)

Sougo put Geiz's unconscious body to the wall. "You and Tsuku saved me from that fate, so i return the favor. If saving you is a sin then i'ii be the sinner..." Then Sougo left.

Kamen Rider after 100th loop to Sougo be like : Deichuu ni Saku

1-22nd loop!Sougo: Nomad, Twilight Light, Non-breath Oblige

23-80th loop!Sougo : Hated by Life Itself, Samsa

81-100th loop! Sougo : Honkai World Diva, Gehenna, Phony, Self-Inflicted Achromatic

After the whole shit : Reborn

I kinda made their roles when they sing it so sorry if it doesn't fit them

Unable to filter the pieces of our broken hearts, (Shoutaro)

Our tears gently dried up,

Unable to shed another drop. (Eiji)

"That's funny, isn't it?" we laugh…(Gentaro)

A difficult life, Maze-like brambles that obstruct you. (Kouta)

The darkness of this corrupt world blocks your path. (Tsukasa)

Ah, you're someone who's more depressed than anyone else.

So, right now, We're probably on the verge of drowning, (Takeru)

Saved by breathing correctly. (Emu)

Now, we simply live for the sake of dying someday.

When we realise why we dislike rain (Philip)

Deep down, we remember

That large soap bubbles

Must be really soft and fluffy.

While looking at every color on the ground (Shinnosuke)

We make sure to walk where there are no puddles.

Surely, you too, would resort to self-defence

If you could avoid a difficult path.

Right now, I am human; (Everyone)

Today, tomorrow too, and the day after that

It's enough to admit it,

Everyone takes in different breaths.

Lalala…

But you too are human, (Emu)

You just hate being one, that's all.

But you can't hate it, because you're a kind person,

You're that someone who would pray for just about anyone.

It takes, for a single blossom to scatter, (Aruto)

Water, earth, sunlight and its own seed

Whatever lies right in front of me,

Its meaning, past and future,

If a single one of those were missing, nothing would be born:(Touma)

Not me, not you, and neither that person.

“It’s nothing” -

I say as I burden you with my past.

Destiny getting in your way. (Tsukasa)

You reap what you sow.

But because this situation is unpleasant,

You want to run away, right? You want to live, right?

If there is a moment (Emu)

Where you feel like throwing yourself,

Cleave through the darkness of this world, (Shoutaro and Philip)

And let us search for the reason you were born.

The beginning at the end, (Takeru)

Once it begins, it will be your final life.

At the end of an endless journey (Shinnosuke)

There must be a "time" where it's now or never.

"It's impossible to drown in the rain", (Eiji)

Even so, it feels like it's hard to breathe.

“We live for the sake of dying someday”, (Emu sing this but its meant to sing it that someone said it)

If that is so, if that is so, (Everyone)

We'll never break again. Never. Never. Never (Ace)

Let the unbroken bells of our hearts resound

Everything will be covered by dark clouds (Haruto)

And smeared with mud.

Sorry if this doesnt make sense/weird-

Let us draw a line inside the maze (Kouta)

That obstructs the path of the world now. (Touma)

This line will be the overlapping map, (Geiz)

That flower that blooms for the sake of illuminating you. (Tsukuyomi)

That said, what if Daybreak!Houtaro meet this Sougo :

D!Houtaro : Sougo-san.. why you want to end yourself this way

A!Sougo : You will never understand my reason (he knows he completely losing it cause tbf, he seen a lot of loops where his family and friends died so yeah)

Tag : @maou-the-tree

#Alpas #kamen rider #Kamen rider au #Tokiwa Sougo #ngl i kinda rushed at the end lol #maybe later to include the future kids lmao #lumi rambles in the tags again #lumi rambles #kamen rider zi-o #kamen rider zi o

[lmjupdates]

LAUREN JAUREGUI RELEASES HER NEWEST EP “IN BETWEEN”, AND TALKS ABOUT NEW MUSIC, LOVE & WHAT’S NEXT!

Before giving her fans a new album, Singer/songwriter, Lauren Jauregui, releases her latest EP “In Between” a 7-track EP that holds emotions, love, and the Ty Dolla $ign assisted single “Wolves” alongside Russ. We’re so excited to catch up with Lauren and what she has in store, read our full interview below. Download/stream “In Between” HERE

By Perry Johnson

TELL US ABOUT THE INSPIRATION BEHIND YOUR NEW EP IN BETWEEN

These songs have actually been sitting with me since 2018/2019. I think the inspiration for all of my music is always pretty personal, introspective, and reflective. I drew from experiences that I was going through for songs like Em(oceans), Trust Issues, & Always Love and then I try to relate the themes in such a way that anyone listening can see themselves in my experiences. All In My Feelings was inspired by a fuck boy lol and then Wolves was inspired by the bullshit I’ve been through in this industry and a reminder to keep going to anyone who needs it.

WHAT SONG AND LYRIC FROM THIS EP HIT HOME THE HARDEST FOR YOU

They honestly each hit in a very deep way lol but I think it’s between Em(oceans) & Wolves. Probably Always Love & Trust Issues as well; Trust Issues always hits incredibly hard lyrically.

ALWAYS LOVE IS AN ODE TO LOVE HOW DOES LOVE SHOW UP ON THIS RECORD AND WHAT MOMENTS LED TO WRITING THIS TRACK

Yeah, it’s an ode to love that can no longer be but will always exist. I feel like there aren’t many breakup songs that acknowledge the fact that there was love shared between the two people involved even if it wasn’t meant to be at the end of it all. Most are either bitter & wrought with regret or mean and dismissive of the love that existed once..so I figured this song summed up my actual feelings which is that even though it was difficult to let go, I will always have a place in my heart and love for the people I have once loved.

LOOKING BACK ON YOUR SOLO MUSIC HOW DO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE GROWN LYRICALLY AND MUSICALLY AS AN ARTIST

I think I’m still in the process. I’ve released 2 EPs and 4 singles on my own. Plus some really beautiful collaborations with my friends, like Snow Tha Product & Halsey. I think I keep getting more and more comfortable expressing myself and like with anything, practice makes for perfection. I’ve been writing since before I put it into song format so I think just getting clearer and better at expressing myself through music has been the biggest growth arc for me. I’m definitely in the studio now making new things..like I said all these songs were written back in the 2018/2019 era, so I’ve grown A LOT as a woman since then and I think that’s reflected in the music I’m making right now.

WHO HAS BEEN YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION IN MUSIC

I don’t know that I have one biggest inspiration. I’m inspired by all kinds of incredible artists that have shaped my ear and the way I hear and complete my songs. I love singer/songwriters so definitely Amy Winehouse, Mariah Carey, Hayley Williams, Alicia Keys, PINK!, Shakira, John Mayer, Jhene Aiko, Summer Walker, Kehlani, SZA, Lana Del Rey. I’m inspired greatly by Beyoncé and the way she executes background vocals and communicates an entire vision and pulls that into her performances. I’m inspired by Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone…I just love women who express themselves and their truth.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR 16-YEAR-OLD SELF

I’d tell her to relax and allow life to happen for her. I’d tell her that she was safe now and protected and that she deserves to be present and happy and enjoy the moment. Also to read the contracts and find a lawyer who gives a fuck lol

OUT OF ALL THE TRACKS ON THIS NEW EP WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOUR TRUEST SELF?

Probably Em(oceans) & Always Love

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WANT LISTENERS TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS EP

A better understanding of who I am and who they are and some songs that can accompany them through life and make them feel seen and held and shake their asses.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH YOUR MENTAL HEALTH BEING IN THE SPOTLIGHT FOR SO MANY YEARS AS WE ALL KNOW SOCIAL MEDIA CAN HAVE ITS GOOD SIDE AND BAD

I honestly have had a lot of rapid growth in this department over the past year. I believe life is as spiritual as it is physical and the more that I tap into how connected I am spiritually, the more I’m able to understand that I am protected and held in realms that go beyond this world. The more I tap into that the less I’m tapped into the matrix and what other people think of me. Most of what other people think or judge about someone is actually thoughts and demons of their own that they’re facing and projecting to feel better about themselves at the moment. I know who I am now and no one can tell me otherwise, especially not strangers on the internet that I do not know personally. So, prayer, breaks from the internet, more time in nature, meditation, creating, and spending time w people I love and by mySelf. All of that really helps keep me grounded.

WHAT BEAUTY PRODUCT ARE. YOU OBSESSED WITH AT THE MOMENT

I don’t really wear too much makeup unless I’m going to events haha so I love a good light, clean foundation. I’m obsessed w my new Caliray free dreaming skin wellness diffusing tint. It’s lightweight and feels like a tinted moisturizer but has better coverage AND it’s clean. Which I love. I love products that are made thoughtfully, sustainably, and with ingredients that don’t harm me or the environment. I also loveee their clean mascara called Come Hell or High Water. I also love me some virgin coconut oil. I use it as a full-body moisturizer and makeup remover and it’s amazing.

BEING CUBAN AMERICAN WILL WE SEE MORE MUSIC IN ESPAÑOL FROM YOU IN THE FUTURE

Definitely. Spanglish energy will always be coming from my corner, whether that’s full Spanish songs or incorporation of it into my English music sonically or lyrically.

YOUR FAVORITE SPANGLISH WORD

Hahaa maybe janguear o chilear

WHAT CUBAN DISH DOES YOUR FAMILY MAKE THAT YOU ALWAYS CRAVE

Omg my mom’s bistec empanizado with a side of tostones

WHAT IS NEXT FOR YOU THIS YEAR

I’m working on my album so very much in the studio and just connecting with mySelf and life and allowing myself to live in the In Between. Definitely going to be taking these songs on the road as well

Team Credits:

Talent: Lauren Jauregui @laurenjauregui

Photographer: Natasha Austrich @natashaaustrich

Stylist: Raz Martinez @itsmerazzie

Make-up: Vittorio Masecchia @vittoriomasecchiabeuty

Hair: Nathaniel Dezan @nathanieldezan

#lauren jauregui #interview #galore #postedbymarina

[idolsummons]

Depression to Despair (Tez Couldn't Think of a Better Title)

Finally wrote the drabble about Ren bearing witness to an elder god summoning, enjoy ♥

Trigger warnings for depression, suicidal ideation, etc.

Note: I don't have depression or suicidal ideation, which features as a theme in this drabble. This was written for fun and not any kind of serious piece delving into the mindset of humans, what have you.

[Ren] wanna come over 2nite? Been working on a song

[Hana] I’d love to but I’ve already got something else on, sorry! :(

[Hana] Maybe tomorrow?

[Ren] yeah no prob

[Ren] what’s 2nite?

[Hana] Dinner with another idol and her manager, and my manager, get to know each other kinda thing. Thinking about a collab.

[Ren] have fun

[Hana] I’d have more fun at a dinner if it wasn’t for my strict diet lol

[Ren] gotta let lose sometimes

[Ren] go enjoy yourself

[Hana] Thanks, I’ll try to keep that in mind :) 

[Hana] See you tomorrow! <3

[Ren] see ya

Ren set his phone down on his bedside table.

There is no dinner.

She’s trying to spare my feelings but I know how she really feels.

She hates me. Why would anyone like Hana like a pathetic excuse of a human like me? It was stupid to ever try to get in touch in the first place. I should just stay out of everyone’s way and keep to myself.

Better yet, I should just -

‘Shut the fuck up,’ Ren grumbles. He rubs his hands over his face. It doesn’t help to get rid of the thoughts, but it’s better than doing nothing.

From the ground comes a gentle miaow. He removes his hands from his face and sees a familiar fluffy face.

‘Dinner time already, Jiji?’ The black cat meows again.

Ren gets up and proceeds to the kitchen, where he’s finally, after much rubbing up against his legs like she’s trying to make him fall, able to give Jiji her dinner consisting of raw meat. She starts eating straight away, paying no mind to Ren going outside to light up a cigarette.

Just hold on for one more night.

***

[Hana] Hey Ren! :) 

[Hana] Sorry about last night, you still free tonight?

[Ren] yeah

[Ren] still wanna come over?

[Hana] Yep!

[Ren] awesome

[Ren] come whenever u want

[Ren] anything u want 4 dinner?

[Hana] No thanks, I’ll eat before I leave :) 

[Ren] k

[Ren] see u soon

Despite his kind offer to cook (it might be that Hana refused the offer because he’s not the best chef out there), Ren himself does not eat; it would be too much of a hassle. Besides, Hana’s visiting has given him just enough energy to finally clean up. He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but clothes and various things have been strewn about without much care, and a thin layer of dust covers much of the furniture. He might not have time to clean everything, but he will do what he can.

***

Regardless of whether or not she’s singing those pop songs with mass appeal, Hana has a beautiful voice. Yes, it does seem to have been trained with pop music in mind - he would never ask her to sing rock, not that that’s his style - but he feels she could easily branch out into similar genres was she so minded. So enthralled with her performance is he (as he is every time) that Ren near forgets to stop the recording once she’s finished singing.

‘How’s that?’ Hana asks as she removes her headphones. Her cheery smile has Ren’s stomach twisting into knots. ‘That’s what you had in mind, yeah?’

‘Mind giving me a moment to listen back?’

‘Go for it.’ Hana takes her seat beside Ren.

Ren begins to hum after listening to the short recording a few times. ‘Almost,’ he replies, ‘but I’m gonna have to think about it. If I send you some notes overnight, would you come back tomorrow?’

‘Absolutely. I suppose I shouldn’t keep you then.’

‘You can stay for a while longer if you want. I don’t usually sleep till late anyway.’

Hana checks her phone. ‘It’s already 9, and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. Better get some rest, y’know?’

‘Sure.’

Both Hana and Ren stand. They move from Ren’s small home recording studio to the front door.

‘I had fun tonight,’ says Hana. She wraps her arms around Ren, who reciprocates the embrace. He finds it difficult to let go, but doesn’t want to make the situation awkward. Once his arms are no longer around her, Ren opens the door. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow!’

‘See ya.’ Ren manages a small smile as Hana looks back to wave farewell.

She only comes here because she pities me.

Ren closes the door.

You think the most popular idol in the country doesn’t have better people to hang out with?

He moves to the bathroom.

I’m just some loser wishing I can make a living off my music, and that doesn’t seem likely.

He opens the cabinet and grabs a bottle of antidepressants. He holds the bottle tight in his hand for some time. He looks at the other medications - painkillers, mostly - which sit within the cabinet.

Why shouldn’t I grab all of these and just -

‘She’ll be back tomorrow.’

Ren removes the lid from the bottle and takes what he requires and nothing more. He puts the bottle back in the cabinet and closes the door.

***

[Hana] I’m really, really sorry Ren

[Hana] Something’s come up today. I won’t be able to make it to yours tonight.

[Hana] (┬┬﹏┬┬)

[Ren] don’t stress

[Ren] it’s fine

[Hana] Tomorrow for sure, yeah? :) 

[Hana] It’s a Saturday and I don’t have any shows so it’ll be fine!

[Hana] Unless they spring something on me last moment lol

[Ren] haha

[Ren] that’d be cruel

[Hana] Yeah lol

[Ren] c u tomorrow then

[Hana] Have a good day! :) 

After feeding Jiji, Ren returns to bed and does not move for the rest of the day, save to give the cat her dinner. His thoughts consume him, with only one ray of light shining through it all.

There’s always tomorrow.

***

[Hana] Ren you’re gonna hate me.

[Ren] they sprung a surprise show on u?

[Hana] Thankfully not that but

[Hana] I have something really important that came up last minute and I won’t be done in time to get to your place.

[Hana] And I know, it’s a Saturday, it’s fine to stay up late this once, but I promised to spend time with my family tomorrow and if I don’t get up early to go to church with them, my parents won’t be happy :( 

[Ren] you’re a busy person

[Ren] things like this happen

[Hana] You’re so understanding, I don’t deserve a friend like you <3

[Hana] I’d love to set a time aside but I can’t really do that because…

[Hana] Well, you’ve seen what’s happened these past few days :( 

[Ren] I’m home in the afternoons anyway

[Ren] just lemme know when u are coming and I’ll wait for u

[Hana] Thank you sooooo much <3

[Hana] (✿◠‿◠)

She’s making up excuses so she doesn’t have to see me. Even Miyu’s not so busy that she can’t set down a date. She’s done this so she never has to see you again. She’ll stop talking to you and then you won’t have a friend in the world.

What will be the point of it all then?

Ren manages to get out of bed. He gets dressed, but only barely, throwing on nothing but a basic shirt (it used to fit, but is now a size too big) and tracksuit pants.

Jiji sleeps happily upon her bed in the sun.

She’ll never notice.

Ren leaves via the front door.

He won’t be coming back.

***

There’s always people on the beach, even in this colder weather, whether playing around or walking their dogs. He’s used the hours to reflect - on himself, his life, those who have been closest to him over the years, on her. Every time he’s come to the same conclusion.

It’s pointless.

Nobody cares.

They won’t notice if you’re gone.

The sun is down before the beach is clear.

He walks down to the shore, stopping short of where the waves brush against his shoes.

The shoes are removed and placed beside him.

With one last deep breath, Ren begins to walk towards the depths.

He takes one look back at everything. At the sand, at the buildings in the distance, at…

‘Hana?’

Despite the fact that only the moon lights the beach, it’s impossible to miss her. Even were it not for the styling of her hair, purple streak on display, but he recognises her from her very build. Something seemingly bundled up is in her hands while she rushes across the beach, paying no mind to the man who stands knee deep in ocean water.

See? She’s not busy. She just didn’t want to spend time with you.

No, that’s not it. What’s she doing here? What’s she holding?

Ren waits until some distance has come between them and begins to follow behind her. His shoes remain at the shore.

It’s some 10 minutes before Hana and Ren arrive at the destination at the end of the beach. Ren keeps himself hidden within some shrubbery nearby; he does not wish to disturb whatever it is she’s doing.

Hana places her belongings on the sandy ground, save for the fabric which he had previously thought to be what kept her items bundled up; rather, it’s a robe which she dons rather quickly.

A pole - or so it seems to be from a distance - is taken from her belongings, and Hana begins to draw something in the sand. From his distance and viewpoint, Ren can’t begin to guess at what it might be.

Once complete, Hana picks up a book - better described as a tome for its size - and flips it open. She seems to look between the book and her drawing for a little while until she nods to herself. She must be satisfied with whatever she’s done.

Hana looks up into the sky, and Ren does, too. All he sees there is the moon. He’s not sure what kind of importance it plays in her task, but Ren observes Hana looking up at the moon for a while longer.

When she is finally done looking at the moon, she looks back towards her handiwork and dons a hood

She flips through the pages of her book once more and begins to say something. Ren isn’t sure what, but it seems almost like a chant.

Despite not being able to hear what she’s saying or see what she’s drawn, Ren feels a tightening in his stomach. It’s not the kind he feels when spending time with Hana, nor when he receives a message from her. It’s an unease which isn’t common to him, for unease is oft replaced with depression, and depression usually comes with a feeling of emptiness which he’s all too familiar with.

It’s what brought him here this night, after all.

Rather, he gets the feeling he should run, that he should forget all that he has seen here, but his overwhelming curiosity keeps him planted on the spot. He wants to know what Hana is doing, what was so important that she didn’t wish to spend time with someone she was so adamant is her friend.

When Hana finishes chanting, nothing happens. He begins to ponder if this was all just some strange kind of rehearsal, maybe she got a part in a show or a movie and is trying to get into character, or maybe -

A dark light explodes from Hana’s drawing in the sand.

‘What the fuck?’ Ren says too loudly, like he was expecting the explosion of light to be accompanied by an appropriate amount of sound.

Hana looks back. Her eyes are wide.

‘Ren?’ Her mouth is ajar. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’

He doesn’t have time to ask any questions, nor time to even formulate such things in his mind. Before he can so much as blink the light dissipates, leaving behind something which Ren does not remember.

The last thing he does remember is darkness.

***

‘It was probably another suicide attempt.’

Ren does not open his eyes. Along with the wavering voice of his mother, obviously trying so hard not to cry, Ren can hear the gentle beeps of a heart rate monitor.

‘This wouldn’t be the first time… but usually he’s not - he -’

‘He’s been talking in his sleep,’ says an unfamiliar voice. ‘Do you know if that’s normal?’

‘Oh…’ his mother mumbles. ‘About what?’

‘We couldn’t really make any sense of it. Something hideous, taller than the trees…’

Ren’s eyes shoot open.

‘It’s coming.’

His mother and the unfamiliar woman - a doctor or a nurse - looks over.

‘Ren!’ His mother rushes to his bedside. She puts a hand to his forehead, rubbing her thumb over his skin. ‘What is it, baby?’

‘That… That thing.’ He speaks quickly, to the point where his words become jumbled. ‘It came from the beach, and - and it devoured the moon.’

The staff furrows her brow.

Ren’s mother stops the motion with her thumb. ‘What is it? You can tell me.’

‘You won’t… you won’t understand. I don’t understand, Mum. It was… was everywhere but nowhere, not of this world…’

‘You just had a bad dream is all. It’s okay, Mum’s here now.’

‘No, no, it wasn’t a dream. I saw it.’

Silence fills the room for too long, before his mother finally speaks up. ‘One of your friends wanted to see you, too. She seemed quite keen about it, too. I’ll wait outside and come back once she’s done, okay?’ She tries a kind smile, but her eyes are filled with tears. ‘I’ll get you something to eat from the cafe.’

Ren’s mother and the staff leave the room. The one who enters next is…

‘No.’ But the word does not leave his mouth. ‘No, no, no, no, no.’

‘Ren.’ Hana’s voice is shaky. She kneels beside his bed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…’ Tears flowing down her cheeks are followed by sobbing.

‘Get out,’ he says, but it’s unclear whether the words reach her ears or not. ‘Get out!’

Though Hana remains, crying and apologising and desperately trying to make it all up to him, Ren has never felt more alone in his life.

Anguish and despair are his only roommates, his only bedfellows, his only headmates.

It feels that this will last an eternity, beyond even his demise.

Ending this suffering would be a mercy, but ending it all is no longer a present thought.

All that remains is the fuzziness of the night prior and what will surely be a lifetime of madness.

#u know when u have a rly good idea but then u go to write the thing the next night and it's gone #this is fine anyway fmvdvlmdf #little slices of an existence ･ﾟ✫ drabble