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roboromantic · 1 year

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5 6 7 am thoughts

why do I keep seeing posts on this website insist that evangelicals try to convert prople just to have a larger "number of souls savef" count than others. like maybe that's a thing in some groups but like................I've never heard of any kind of reward for converting more people or anything.

also I gotta say it's a tad frustrating seeing people talk about how Mormonism is a cult and these kids are brainwashed into believing the world's against them etc. and being sympathetic and sharing resources on how to leave, but posts on evangelicals just paint them as cartoonishly evil. sometimes I'll see something that says it's a cult but there's never anything on how to leave (though admitedly it's gonna generally be less legally complicated than it is for mormons) or talk about how evangelicals are also made to believe that the world is against them or how evangelicals try to convert you because they truely believe it would save you from eternal torture.

like now that I'm out I see how infuriating it is to be proselytized to, but growing up in it? I was a super lonely kid who tried to make people more christian according to CoC values bc I was terrified of losing the few friends I had. also there was literal animal abuse involved where we were told we were bad people if we were more likely to rush to help the goldfish they fucking threw on the pavement than to try and save people from hell

like. when you're fundamentalist there's really no room to respect other people's beliefs, because respecting their beliefs (and boundaries) would mean condemning them to eternal torture

so again I get why people hate it and I definitely understand now how it's used to eradicate cultures etc. but I find it hard to hate the individual who from their perspective is just trying to help me

ironically though the insistence on isolating me and saying that anyone who isn't CoC was probably one of the biggest reasons I ended up leaving. how could heaven be this perfect place if my friends weren't there

there was this post in r/judaism linking to an article talking abt svara's upcoming teshuvot for lgbt halacha and it's something I've been keeping an eye on for a while for obvious reasons, but while I don't want to make any judgements until the whole thing is actually released, I will say from the phrasing in the article it sounds like they're approaching it from a different angle than I would. like it seems to be "how can I affirm my gender in a Jewish way" and while I can 100000% understand that, I'm more interested in "what are the issues that arise when someone is (in my case) halachically female but looks male and is it possible to resolve these issues in a way that's respectful to everyone and if so, how?"

like. there was another post by a trans man wanting to figure out how to respectfully interact w/Chabad and someone else (I think) brought up this same idea of one's halachic gender vs I think they called it sociological gender and it was kinda weird to me seeing so many people talk about how that's not a thing, can never be a thing, halachic gender is the only important factor, etc. bc like. I highly doubt anyone would say my halachic gender is all that matters if my bearded, flat-chested, (sorta) deep-voiced ass went to sit on the women's side of a mechitza. hell, I KNOW that'd cause a problem, I've seen it happen.

like personally I'd be fine with a trichitza, I ain't trying to sit with men (though again I can understand why being able to sit with one's gender can be affirming for binary cis people) and I don't particularly want to sit with women either even if marit ayin wasn't an issue.

where was i going with this. idk it's like 2 hours after i started writing this and im tired and still don't have adhd meds, this was never gonna be coherent im gonna try to go back to sleep

#religious stuff

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childofhelios · 3 years

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NCT AS DIMENSION 20

okay so firstly, this is very niche but its been on my mind for literally ages now. im mostly gonna be focusing on fantasy high characters because that’s the one im most familiar with(d20 release free episodes of crown of candy already ;-; ya girl is suffering) i think i might write a fic or a couple more posts based off this concept but im not sure yet lvfksdvsk let’s get startedddddddd:

so i believe that 2000 line would be the most accurate for fantasy high main characters. i WAS gonna have dream at first but there are 7 members and there are only 6 mcs. so 2000 liners are pretty much perfect for this.

okay idk if it’s me or renjun gives off the extremely polite vibes at first? like thinking of early dream era where he seemed really quiet and chill. buuuuut then i also flashback to him putting chenle in a chokehold in like mfal era which makes me think of the cafeteria scene. i dont think renjun is as anxious as adaine. hes def more confident and more forceful but i think he has that ethereal factor adaine has. renjun would absolutely be a high elf because he would be NOTHING less and he deserves it. i think wizard class fits him really well! also his tiny little elf ear may have convinced me to make him adaine....

so jeno is literally the most like gorgug and it makes me wanna cry kjfnvlsdkl they’re both such loveable sweethearts that are too good for this world but then sometimes???? they just get super intense and fucking insane and it scares me sometimes holy shit. gorgug deals massive damage in battle and can fucking wreck people and jeno,,,,,,lets not talk about it. ALSO i do think jeno would absolutely act like gorgug does with zelda(probably more likely when he was gorgug’s age but oh well) gorgug can be very ditzy(himboish if that’s a better word) but he gives really good advice.and i feel like even though jeno is so foolish, he is supportive and is a wonderful friend. i just fucking love them so much

HAECAHN IS LITERALLY FIG I FUCKING SHIT YOU NOT: in this essay i will explain why lee haechan is actually fig in disguise. not ONLY does he give a lot of affection/flirt with basically everyone, he’s literally the perfect definition o f bard. like come onnnnnnn. also he’s VERY mischievous and gets the gang into 90% of the trouble and somehow gets them out of it. the “makes problems on purpose but solves them by accident” type. it’s not just because i wanna see him play a bass and jeno on drums bc that would be sexy of them noooooo absolutely not. if you ever see haechan in an outfit similar to fig’s, just know i’ll be literally laying in a grave just know this. STYLISTS PUT THIS MAN IN FISHNETS IMMEDIATELY FOR SCIENCE PURPOSES. bitches be emotional and then say theyre closed off,,,,, literally haechan at both the last dream show with mark and the dream show before they would have graduated

HES A JOCK DWEEB DO I NEED TO GO FURTHER?? okay so i know that jaemin is pretty introverted and quiet at times bc he likes to chill and im the same way, but when he’s out of his shell or with people who share his energy HES LEGIT LIKE FABIAN. my man’s was a SPEED SKATER, which is so fucking surprising but not the point. im saying that he’s also pretty lean and quick when he wants to be and that makes him good for the type of fighter fabian is. not to mention the weird relationship both fabian and gorgug have and also jaemin and jeno’s relationship. a l s o fabian straight up punched gorgug and then started becoming his friend after being spending time in detention and stuff. jeno and jaemin legit joined at the same time and were seatmates in school and stuff like that.... but this aint about those two. also jaemin’s intonation is fucking funny sometimes but other times i AM willing to fight him bc he wont talk normally (this is a joke vksjdkjs) but the same goes for fabian. the confidence they both have is literally unmatched, its actually kinda scary

first of all look at how spiffy they look, its actually adorable. second, look at my gremlin childrennnnnnnn i love themmmm(yes i know riz is a goblin no i dont care) okay shotaro is literally a child and he’s kinda still new so he’s a bit shy. but he ACTUALLY terrifies me with how talented he is. like in the recent relay when he learned the dance in like an hour. my guy is so quick at picking things up, he’s the perfect riz. also his korean has gotten so good in just like 3 and a half months so that just showssssss how hardworking he is. i dont know, i feel like shotaro is hiding some feral energy and we just need to wait it out and he’ll be foaming at the mouth or smth. shotaro is a liiiiiiitle too cool for the Ball but they both kinda have that dorky feeling to them. like the kid brother whose hair you ruffle all the time. but all in all i just think he’s neat :]

okay the photos dont match that well but thats because i was trying to find him in the pink takeoff outfit and i couldnt find a good screenshot but that’s not the point. now you’re probably thinking “helios, yangyang cant be kristen. make him the Ball or fig or anybody else.” ohoho quite the opposite my friend. i think yangyang is the most like kristen purely bc of the untapped chaotic energy these two have. i literally remember both my first impression of kristen and yy were that they were mostly harmless and then somehow they started speaking and holy shit im terrified of them now. it also makes yangyang being a healer very interesting. they’re both really caring and outgoing, but some of the shit they say literally makes me head fucking spin bc it’s so ridiculous.

Honorable mentions:

Taeyong is Prinicpal Aguefort bc he is one of the only ones who has that chaotic yet majestic energy he has.

Johnny is either Johnny Spells or Jawbone. Johnny Spells because he hangs out with the kiddos a lot and i just think of the “johnny spells fucks” bit and it makes me laugh so hard. but also Jawbone because he’s our emotional support werewolf basically. he also gives great advice.

Doyoung is Sandra Lynn because of how much of fig/haechan’s shit they have to put up with. also i think the dynamic’s are really funny and similar

Chenle as Torek,,,,,do i need to explain any further

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 #NCT #nct 2000 line #nct dream #nct x dnd #hopefully one of many #kpop x dnd #helios writes #huang reonjeon #prince lee jeno #fellow sunshine hyuck #loml na jaemin #taro taro shotaro #yangyangeth

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smoochews · 6 years

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what are your favorite writers and your top favorite works from them?? like a top ten

I saw this ask in the middle of work and I wanted to scream aksldfjalks I’m gonna tell you rn that I got really overwhelmed with the amount of authors that have earned a spot in my top favs that I actually cut this to just the authors that I have most recently visited (this counts as returning multiple times to reread a certain fic… which happens… a lot)

@arckook Ria is one of the first authors I ever read from for k-pop fanfiction. Until Ria, I was just highkey on that Haikyuu volleyball gays/imagines and I’d like to believe that she was one of the main reasons why I began to invest myself heavily into the kpop fandom. I’m always amazed with each piece she releases. Her style is so unique and hypnotizing. There’s a big section in my heart reserved just for Ria that I don’t have enough words to convey. plz support. plz love. she’s the best

- To The Stars (Jungkook, BTS): Zombie Apocalypse AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, series, violence, angst, drama

This read is not for the light hearted. You have been warned. You will sob hysterically. You will feel rage seep into your bones. You will punch a hole in your screen. MC is an entire badass, but so broken and vulnerable; somehow she manages to keep herself together and carry on. Even when she hates Jungkook with every cell in her body, she makes sure to keep him alive, watch his six, just as he does for her. There’s only a handful of works that have kept me as heavily invested and on my toes every step of the way. And that list begins with To The Stars

@brokeandjetlagged I cannot tell you how many times I’ve made a fool out of myself in public while reading Bailey’s work…. like lord help me I can’t stay in my chair…

- We Take A Shot (Baekhyun, EXO): Office AU, boss!Baekhyun, one-shot, fluff

Even after re-reading it 2-3 times, I cannot help the obnoxious laughter escaping my mouth….sounding something along the lines of a screeching seagull. Dorky Baekhyun trying to be Mr. Businessman really killed me. LIKE PLZ THE HOVER BOARD asdfjsj I’m laughing just thinking about it

- Hurt Me, Heal Me (Yixing, EXO): Hospital AU, nurse!Yixing, one-shot, fluff

Honestly, I would pay to be Baekhyun in that moment. Someone kick me in the face if that meant I could spend some time with nurse Yixing. He’s so adorable and I highly relate to MC being a mess when he thinks that she’s Baek’s girlfriend. Overall, this fic makes my heart go kyuu~

- Bromance .2 (Minseok, EXO) : College AU, frat!Minseok, enemies to lovers AU, series (ish), fluff, smut, drama

enemies to lovers…. honestly I’m not entirely sure of what to say other than that you should read it

@sehun-smut ngl. one of the reasons, besides me passing out, that this rec list took so long to make is bc I stopped to re-read both of these fics…. no ragrats… I don’t think you’ll understand until you read all of their work… so like… you know what to do…

- Business in the Front (Baekhyun,EXO): Restaurant AU (ish), one-shot, smut

Older Baekhyun is a kink okay. I’ve never wanted to call someone daddy more in my life than while reading this fic… and like to begin with it’s hard for me to imagine Baek being zaddy, so that should say A LOT.

- Deceitful (Chanyeol, EXO) - Mafia AU, series, smut, violence

I think this is the first honeytrapper fic I’ve ever read in my life. I mean I was aware of the job description but not the actual title. I must say I’m thoroughly aroused and equally terrified.

@exhoe-imagines I really adore Ruby and Jewels. Like, they’re so funny and interactive with their followers; and their content is always breath taking. highkey power couple energy

- Can’t Hold Back (Jongdae, EXO): Enemies to Lovers AU, one-shot, smut, drama, slight angst

You already know Jongdae is fucked the minute he sees MC’s bathing suit on the ground while she’s in the pool. You already know that when he went home that evening, his meat was begging for mercy by the end of the night. jfladskjf okay I’m gross, I know, but carrying on– the growth between Jongdae’s and MCs relationship is really heartwarming. Could not have asked for more from this fic

- Lucky (Baekhyun + Chanyeol, EXO): College AU, one-shot, smut

So…. let’s talk about the elephant in the room… or should we say two? bc there is definitely more than one trunk for MC to handle… so…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET WREKT MC

@yehet-me-up I will never not be in love with Sarah. Her Exodus Mall series really takes me back home. Often times when I’m feeling down and sick, I return to Sarah’s page and re-read that series. To say the least, I find home in Sarah’s writing.

- The Problem With Wanting (Kyungsoo, EXO): Mall AU, series, fluff, slight angst, smut

listen to this song and just take it in…. I think this was the first fic I read from the Exodus series and it will always hold a special place in my heart. This fic in particular is what I find myself coming back to again and again, time after time, and I always feel renewed. I feel youthful. More like… you know that feeling you get when you realize you’re falling in love with someone? That’s this. Please read. Please.

- Disqualified (Kyungsoo, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, one-shot, angst, fluff

Imagine twisting a knife in your gut and slowly removing it through the opposite side of your body. That’s this fic. But like. With love. askdjflksjd I really love the way Sarah portrays Kyungsoo. Her descriptions of his thoughts, mannerisms and quirks make me feel like I’m watching a movie. Everything is so distinct and the atmosphere feels tangible. idk words. I just love Sarah.

@snakescript I don’t know too much about this author but I’m totally and completely enamored with their writings.

- Make The Devil Cry (Taeyong, NCT) : College AU, one-shot, light angst, smut

I’m weak for the “playboy” tamer… and tbh I feel like this would be Taeyong irl. Hard and complex to the eyes of an observer, but a major softy and sweet pea to the eyes of a listener. I’m upset of how little attention this fic has bc the world is really missing out on a diamond.

- Face Like Thunder (Chanyeol, EXO): Mythology/Greek God AU, one-shot, light angst, fluff

I would like to file a complaint. My heart is crying and my love for Chanyeol is soaring and I’m ACHE FOR THE MAN. Lmao I’m not even a Chanyeol stan but this fic got me thinkin’

@johobi you can always count on Jo to make you cream your pants in the middle of Target (stay away from the baby section kids)

- Bloom / Snared (Yoonji/Yoongi, BTS): Mafia AU, smut

honestly, Yoonji can wipe the floor with my body, in pool of my own blood, and I would thank her. I really really love the way Jo depicts Yoonji here. I can just feel that fem fetal power and that in itself got me ruining my underwear.

- Tooth and Claw (Jungkook, BTS) : Werewolf AU, smut

I’ve never related to furry more in my life than while I read this fic. high key wanna be rawed and torn in half by his king kong schlong … idk how MC survived, but she’s my idol.

- Dig Deep + Interval (Yoongi, BTS): Space AU, smut

I’m ngl. I really went to Pornhub and looked up tentacle porn after reading this. Y’all can @ me, roast me if you like,,,, but you’re a got-damn liar if you say this doesn’t get your blood pumping. p sure I wrote this on my tags but i didn’t even know I liked tentacle porn until then…. I hate myself

@bread-jinie idk where to start…. there are so many things I can say about Kat…… im tongue-tied….

- Wings (Chanyeol, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, angst, fluff

I think this fic is my favorite work Kat has written so far. It’s like she knows the right words to tug the strings of my heart and play me like a puppet. A heartbroken but hopeful puppet. MC and Chanyeol always looking at each other but never at the same time breaks me; thankfully, the ending patches me back together.

Honorable mentions bc I’ve grown v tired and cannot continue with full details for info regarding everything, in addition to the fact that I’m inpatient and I want to post this ASAP:

@kollectionn GOD SENT. DO NOT PLAY AROUND. YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. THE WORLD WILL END AS YOU KNOW IT. THEN BE REBORN FROM THE ASHES AS C WILLS IT SO. (sorry for the all caps but I feel INTENSELY about C and her works of art; If I can recall correctly, I believe she said that she would begin to write her own non-fanfic when she finds the time. I think she has the power and ability to write best selling novels that would leave J.K. Rowling quaking in her boots. Plz go and love C. Don’t ask for updates. Just show her all the love she deserves and more; I haven’t been lately and I feel terrible for it; I hope she knows I love her!!!)

@dropsofletters lemme tell you somm’… this author is so talented and diverse in her work that I find myself scattered with the amounts of fandom’s she holds in her clutch. I’m so thankful to have found her page on this godforsaken website bc she caters so much to this world. Talented. Spectacular. Amazing. Blessing to Society. I don’t think I’ve found any multi-fandom writers that has spread out as far as she has. She’s one of those authors that has exactly what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what it is. An Angel.

@layhyunnie beautiful. ethereal. whimsical. Inspiring. I mean literally inspiring. I wrote a few drabbles after reading Guardian bc I wanted to try and bring to life a world outside of our own, to step outside reality, just like I felt while reading their work.

- Guardian (Yixing, EXO): Supernatural AU, series, fluff

Again… I’m v tired… so here’s a short list of authors I meant to add here, along with their fics/full details of why I love them:

@knockknocksoosthere / @underthejoon @marshmallow-phd @kpopfanfictrash @yeolology @yeolology @whimsical-ness @remembeo @lofiexo @nochugguk @noona-clock @noonachronicles @oilblotter @soobadnoonecanstopher

((If you would like to know more about my interests in the unfinished authors, or any authors above for that matter, then please leave me an ask!! I will answer them when I am no longer tired akjsjdf I cannot reply via chat as this is only a side blog))

#i hate u anon #did u really wanna kill me #jk sjfdsdjf #i cant hate u #i hope you like it ;;#also at all the authors i've reblogged from... you are my favorite.... im just v tired and only have 2 brain cells left #paep speaks #asks #anon #exo #bts #exo fic recs #bts fic recs

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curly-q-reviews · 5 years

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ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WEINER AWARDS 2K19

Introduction by Curly

*SCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS* ITS TIIIIIIMMMEEEE

thats right u precious little gifts from heaven it is finally time to look at the previous year’s movies, trudge through the piles of shit, and pick out the very best shiniest golden nuggets cause ITS WIENER SEASON BABBIIIEEEE

............... ok so i gotta level with y’all for a second this enthusiasm is very very forced this year. i was taking a look at the list of nominees the other day and was like, almost shocked??? does it seem shorter than usual this year to y’all or is it just me???? where are all the cool movies???????? how in gods name did that movie where christian bale wears a dick cheney suit for two hours get nominated for so much shit???????????????

this list is extremely underwhelming, especially considering some great movies came out this year. i know that horror movies being nominated for oscars is a long shot but like goddamn y’all are really gonna snub my girl toni collette??? did u not SEE her performance in hereditary??????? the suspiria remake was fucking phenomenal too and i thought for sure dakota johnson might get something especially since she more than redeemed herself after the 50 Shades shitshow but nope nothing for her either! i guess cause get out got noms last year the academy has deemed it inappropriate to nominate more than one Spooky Scary movie in a decade

so out of the eight best picture noms ive only seen 2 of them, A Star is Born and Black Panther, so i dont really know how much i can say about this list right now until i start watching and reviewing them individually. so i guess ill just touch on the two ive seen by saying that i dont really think either of them is deserving of a best picture nom (which is probably a controversial statement but WHOOPS). theyre both good movies for sure (and ill go more in depth on my Feelings on both of them in their reviews), but theyre both very commercial, very run-of-the-mill films that cater to a mass audience but dont really do much else. and thats not to say that films with mass appeal cant be good enough to get nominated for oscars, i just dont think that these two movies Did That.

in fact now that i mention it there are quite a few commercially successful films on the noms list this year that didnt really stand out to me enough to warrant them getting noms at all. Avengers: Infinity War entertained the shit outta me and its gotta be the best modern superhero movie ive seen in the past few years but its by no means groundbreaking. who the fuck knows why Christopher Robin got nominated at all cause the visual effects are nothing to write home about, and like is it just protocol now to throw oscars noms at Star Wars movies???? i heard solo: a star wars story was boring and lifeless but yeah sure just throw em a visual effects nom just for the hell of it

im betting money that Supreme Overlord Disney has a lot to do with this, cause their scope over the film and television industry has skyrocketed over the past few years. theyre buying companies left and right so at this point its actually not much of a surprise to me that quite a few of their films have made it onto the oscars noms list. which is uuuhhhhh a little terrifying when u think about it for too long but EEHHH FUCK IT DISNEY WORLD AND MICKEY MOUSE AMIRITE FELLOW LADS

i will say that i am very excited to check out a decent amount of the movies on the list. barry jenkins came out with If Beale Street Could Talk right on time for awards season and ive heard nothing but great things so im really pumped and Ready To Cry. and The Favorite, by the same director who did The Lobster and The Killing of a Sacred Deer, has been on my to-watch list since it was released in theaters. yorgos lanthimos has such an interesting and unique vision with his films, and it will be really cool to see his style applied to something like a classic period piece. its also really awesome to see a foreign language film also be nominated for best picture, so ill have to try and check out Roma which so far has had stellar reviews. First Reformed seems like the kind of steadily-paced drama/thriller that i just cant get enough of so that’s going on my watchlist for sure, and despite my mixed feelings on spike lee BlacKkKlansman was overall positively received so ill give it a watch. the only two animated films i have any interest in seeing are Mirai and Into the Spiderverse (which im honestly hoping wins cause it just looks so goddamn cool), and maaaaaybe ill see Isle of Dogs. maybe. oh and i almost forgot about The Ballad of Buster Scruggs!! its neat seeing a made-for-Netflix movie on the oscars list and ill never say no to a Coen Brothers movie so thats one to watch.

well i think thats about it for now!! normally i have a lot more to say about the oscars before i even start doing the movie reviews but idk man there hasnt been much hype about this years awards ceremony. i dont even wanna get into the whole kevin hart situation cause thats just a complete clusterfuck and a lil cringey (*cough* U DO NOT SPEAK FOR ALL OF THE GAYS ELLEN SIT UR ASS DOWN *cough*) but thats besides the point. i have soooooo much shit to say about black panther and a star is born so get ur reading eyes ready cause those posts are gonna be REAL LONG! and otherwise it should be a good and fun and fresh time!! if there are any movies on the noms list that i didnt mention here that u want me to see lemme know, especially if u have recommendations for the documentary nominations cause i havent heard of any of them except for RGB.

hope y’all are ready for oscars classic uncured wieners cause i know i sure am ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) (please help me)

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my-bobohu-blog · 7 years

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so i was having a conversation with @chogisad about uhh ot9 emo-l times so i really wanted to make this post to just… jot down all my feelings about ot9 and exo and address all the negative energies regarding everything that’s been happening as of late? and i know that this really isn’t necessary in any way shape or form, but i really just wanted to do it for me. so i guess this is gonna be a really long post filled with a lot of hope and optimism and positivity for exo’s present and future as ot9 and if you’re interested in that, then by all means continue reading under the cut~

i remember back in 2015 when we experienced our first major Yixing Drought. his studio had just opened in china and he was being flooded with jobs and all the opportunities working in his homeland offered that korea could never give him. i remember being so endlessly proud of him but missing him a lot too.

because here the rest of exo were in korea doing cf’s and other work and then they went on to do the japan tour without yixing :( and it hurt? because performing at the tokyo dome was such a big deal to them but there were only 8 members and it hurt so much not seeing yixing with them for like 1-2 months? or more? i don’t remember how long the drought lasted but it was our first real Yixing Drought in the fandom.

and i remember seeing all these theories and conspiracy posts how sm was trying to push yixing out of exo and there was just so much ot8 propaganda- regardless if it came from hurting xingmi’s or actual ot8 stans… there was just so much negativity surrounding everything because yixing just… wasn’t there. and we as fans knew next to nothing and sm, as always, kept their official announcement last minute and vague as hell like when they announced yixing wouldn’t be participating in the japan tour bc of schedules AFTER selling tickets for the concerts DESPITE yixing being like the most popular member in japan. and it was fucking scary.

hell, we just lost tao after cmb and here we are freshly ot9 and hoping and praying that the next comeback we wouldn’t lose another member. yixing as the last chinese member standing- the only true mark that sm had ever tried breaking into the chinese market with exo at all. and we were scared and terrified because what if sm was pushing him out? what if they were trying to faze him out of exo completely?

and i remember sing for you being ot9 but promoting as x8 members and i kept waiting for someone to mention yixing but they never did? and i was so frustrated bc all these other young groups can mention members who were missing because of injuries or schedules but why couldn’t exo??

doesn’t this all sound familiar?

but sfy had that memorable showcase moment with yixing breaking and crying and telling us and his members how sorry he was but he reminded us that he was exo too. and bbh was there to reassure us that yixing may be busy overseas, but wherever he goes- yixing still wears the exo name proudly and does this entire fandom proud too.

and i remember the days leading up to MAMAs in 2015 and we were all sitting there staring at our screens with baited breath waiting to find yixing airport pictures because there was no evidence he was going to hong kong for MAMAs yet and really? how the hell could exo go to this major awards ceremony without yixing? but we were so scared. but he pulled through and he showed up and he gave his finger wagging speech and we all cried and it was good and we were happy and things were okay.

and then things got better when ex’act dropped with The Peak ot9 moments of life and we had ot9 THRIVING! we had family pictures, xingdae came back from the dead, baekxing were inseparable, even chanxing were good and well and capturing hearts of fans. like it was just So Good!!!

ex’act was really exo telling all of us to not worry. the members weren’t going anywhere. ot9 is here to stay as long as we would have them. and they loved us and they loved each other and everything would be okay.

even though exo never mentions yixing when they win music shows like how other groups do, i think that’s just because those groups aren’t built the way exo were. i mean exo literally started as k and m and half their group was always away in china promoting because that was Their Job. and i think it’s just a different mentality you know? maybe exo always just knows that when they win, it’s for the whole group. that they don’t need to explicitly call out a missing member because We Are One or something lmao. and i remember during MAMAs 2013 when they won song of the year for growl… kyungsoo wasn’t there bc boy twisted his ankle to no end and had to go to the hospital. but i don’t think they mentioned him missing. and i think… that’s just how exo is. but idk. i think it’s something we’ll never know because we’re not in their minds.

but we DO know that exo cherishes yixing so much. you can see it in their eyes whenever yixing does a speech in chinese and everyone is just so happy he’s there and they’re so proud of him. you can tell because they ALWAYS hand him the mic when he’s with them at music shows ALWAYS and they make sure he gets to say what he wants to say. and they cheer him on and they support his solo and they love him absolutely so so so much.

… and now here we are.

and i know there are a lot of doubts and worries going into this repackage and everything. and i honestly don’t know how to start addressing things… but i really want to try.

with kkb, we all knew it was heavily delayed. i think sm had full intentions of having an ot9 comeback with it being their 5th anniversary / 4th full album comeback. like… it was just common sense. but THAAD happened and political situations/international relations is just out of our/their control. china put a ban on skorea travel. there was a lot of negative energy surrounding it and yixing literally COULD NOT go to korea or even do anything related to exo (ex: the lotte world sponsorship and the amount of backlash that received because of china’s beef w/ lotte for giving up property for the missiles)

anyways- what i’m trying to say is that sm tried. they delayed the comeback that was probably planned for early summer because they needed to see how this would all play out. they couldn’t do anything about it but wait. that was literally the only option. and yixing is in china with his own studio and he’s waiting too- but everyone has to keep proceeding with business as usual and that means yixing planning schedules that bleed into later months and that means sm going forth with x8 member comeback for kkb.

and with how delayed kkb was and how sm needed to do exo’s repackage sooner rather than later (for the whole Drama of the Symbolism of the eclipse and shit) i think sm was really pressed for time and things were falling apart rather than together. yixing’s solo album was probably slated for late summer after the kkb comeback focusing his sales and promotions in china. then the repack would (my hope) be ot9 for september and all things would just happen as they should. but with the kkb delay, i think sm realized there wouldn’t be enough time for yixing’s solo. and maybe they thought it’d be best to push it to xingtober anyways.

and god, im not saying sm makes good decisions because we all know that’s a crapshoot but what i’m saying is that maybe sm tried. there are a lot of things WE AS FANS DO NOT KNOW and just for my sanity, i want to give sm the benefit of the doubt this time. i honest to god think they tried the best they could with ot9 given all the shit that has happened this year. am i saying they did a good job? not really no. because im still stressed as hell and mad and dissatisfied with a lot of things… but i think they did try.

yixing has been seen traveling back and forth btwn china and korea a lot and we don’t know why. sm hasn’t released any official statement on yixing’s participation in the repackage… and i don’t know if that’s something that’s good or bad or if that should be expected or not?

but i honest to god do not believe in any of those posts saying that sm is trying to push yixing our or faze him out or anything. i just don’t.

i trust yixing. just a few days ago he said he didn’t want to disappoint his group. HIS group. jongdae literally hung out with him and they had lunch together not too long ago either. like maybe a month ago? and it was so lowkey and so precious and so xingdae. and junmyeon said during their vlive that they’d be on stage with yixing soon. and i really truly believe them. because i think sm is trying too. i think all the boys are doing the best they can to handle whatever the hell the situation is. whether it’s political (THAAD) or schedules or other plans sm has… i think they’re trying. and i believe in them.

and i know i probably sound recklessly optimistic and y’all can tell me that i’m boo boo the fool and that i’m gonna have all my hopes crushed and i’m gonna be disappointed… and maybe so. but i’m not strong enough to crush my own hopes when they already exist. and i have so much hope in exo, i don’t think i could ever willingly do that to myself and tell myself that this is gonna be worst case scenario. i need to believe in the best of our boys just for my sanity’s sake. and god… i really really hope and pray that this repackage is ot9 because i can’t imagine how i would feel if it wasn’t. AT LEAST ALLUDE TO OT9 YA KNOW??? THROW IN SOME LIKE NON SUBTLE HINTS LIKE STRAIGHT UP HAVE A SILHOUETTE OF YIXING SHOW AT THE END OF SMTH LIKE GUESS THAT POKEMON IDK??? JUST… i need to believe in something and i want to believe in ot9 and exo.

and maybe we get an ot9 repack or maybe we get an x8 comeback with a bomb ass yixing solo album soon and maybe we get ot9 back again someday soon and the fandom can breathe again.

sigh okay. i think i’ve said everything i’ve wanted to say. there are some other thoughts i have but i don’t want to mention them just because it’s not something i want to entertain until the mv drops and we know for sure what the deal is.

sigh okay. bye bye. too much writing.

#LONG ASS POST #just... me rambling about my ot9 thoughts honestly

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weeb-overlord · 7 years

Text

well i guess i better update instead of just vague posting about my life LOL

i have a lot to do next week. I take my OGET, have a piano recital, choral auditions, test monitoring, two huge assignments, a final presentation, and all of my normal classes... i really dont know how im going to do it and ive been disassociating all day because i cant stop thinking about what needs to be done instead of focusing on the present. i need to study, i need to prepare that audition, i need to get those assignments done early, i need to come up with a concept for my Lit final, i need to prepare myself to wake up much earlier than usual next week while still maintaining all classes and work for those classes, i need to finish a commission. i cant stop thinking about my responsibilities and how i dont want to control anything at all.

my dog ate a chocolate chip cookie or at least maybe he did but now i cant stop thinking about him hurting because what if he has chocolate poisoning and i dont help him in time? i could just wake up tomorrow and he could be gone. i hate that. i hate it because im responsible for him and its my job to protect him.

i cleaned everything the other day. laundry, desk, dog bath, alll my sheets and linens and blankets... everything. i bought an air freshener too just because and now it smells amazing in my room and i at least have that to come home too.

im slowly starting to realize that im not going to get my contest piece done by Akon. thats ok. it really is. Tokyo in Tulsa is always my debut con. Ill debut 2B, Princess Fuse, and Kanna at Akon instead and get wasted on my honorary birthday and probably call everyone that comes to mind unless my friend takes my phone from me. itll be a party. no need to compete.

i do not like being dependant on people. i do not like attaching my dependency to people. i dont like valuing someone because they provide for me what others cant. i dont like it because it makes them special in my life, and it makes it more difficult for me to get over the loss and to repair the hole in me when they leave. i would rather them just sit on top of my heart rather than insert themselves into it. but here i am doing it anyway. im fighting love and acceptence for no good reason other than i believe i dont deserve it. i am scared and disgusted by it. but i am not disgusted by their love. which makes it even more terrifying to comprehend. i dont want to talk about it too much here and im being fuckin vague but sometimes i just really need to write and release something into the world...i really do.

i feel bad lately about interacting with anyone. mainly because i truly see myself as a grenade ready to blow as soon as the right pin is pulled. i dont think people understand how much of a chance there is that i could be gone without a second thought. im kind of glad they dont but i also wish everyone would understand. i dont see death as bad and never really have, i relish in the fact that i have control over my own death for the most part. it still sucks trying to retain long term relationships and friendships when you think you’re going to die within the next few years though. there are plenty of people around me trying to help me with this mindset, but even then i feel like their efforts should be put somewhere else where they willl actually thrive. people can put energy into me all day long, but i am a bad investment. there are plenty of others who need help much more than i do because i can’t seem to accept help properly.

i dont want to sing in my friends’ recital. at all. i had a practice with the group the other day and felt so bad because i had learned my part by playing it on the piano and they had learned theirs by singing with the recording. so of course they were much stronger with their parts than mine. i looked like a complete idiot. they’re all ed majors too and so am I. so of course i was comparing myself to them.

im trying to think of something happy to write. i miss bts. i miss them a lot. they were amazing and i think about the concert everyday. next time we go see them we are definitely getting P1 tickets, end of story.

i want to play Horizon sooooo bad and now that i have a ps4 i can!!!!!!! also The Last Of Us 2!!!!

im getting fabric for 2B and a few little things for Kanna this weekend. it’s Easter but considering the fact that i dont believe the holy spirit moved a big rock, folded a napkin, and talked to the citizens about the rapture, i think i’ll survive without the festivities. i do like the day off though.

i cant tell if i’ve gained weight or lost it but either way i dont think my mentality will improve. i would like to lose a few inches but i dont really think it’s a priority right now. i’ve been eating like stupidly unhealthy food lately and im not gonna fuckin stop until all of my shit next week is done.

leatherfest is next weekend. im nervous about all the people, nervous about doing something wrong or being in the way, nervous about vulnerability. again i dont want to talk about it too much here but idk it’s part of the update, part of my life and who i am.

i think that’s it?? goodbye

#me

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