Tumgik
#idk what im doing after that and idk how long that actually has to be because my work can Not decide how longevity works
d1gnan · 4 months
Text
50 notes · View notes
macroglossus · 4 months
Text
being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
13 notes · View notes
Text
the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
7 notes · View notes
fooltofancy · 3 months
Text
i want out of this apartment so, so badly, but we got the email saying we're gonna be receiving renewal documentation this week and having to decide NOW whether i need to figure all of that shit out is. bad.
10 notes · View notes
solardistress · 11 months
Text
everyone who is in the stanley parable fandom should somehow get sucked into the rabbit hole of the story and or characters and or the concept the game presents . not like ohhh i looove the narratorso much heres my design and lore for them for it kind of rabbit hole where you fixate on this character that like. you are making uo backstory for to the point it deviates from canon because youve gone too far from the game details or whatever but but really aanalyze the game the moments the dialogue for just a moment . mmfind the meaning in the words . find somethin g profound in the data the papers the desks the situation as a whole . you cant just . romanticize the characters. without. like. understanding them first . tou cwnt do anything with the characters until you inderstand them at a gut wrenching level . at least brush uo on their wiki once in a while ? play the game ? every now and then ? treat stanley right ? anyway if you like the stanley parable so much why cant you tell me about 432 and their situation . how profoundly sad their existance is and how you trea t them. how about cookie9? why do you hate themm so much. because of a review ? tou antagonize them for what ? the narrators doing ? bexause the narrator what . yeah . tou cant even explain his actions . go go play the game and hav eit rewrite your brain . go down the rabbit hole and bask in the true horror and unrealism of their situation
#how sleepy am i jesus christ#tsp#anywayy i think what im saying is pleade enjoy the gamr and the story it has actually theres so many little details and often all i see is#just. the narrator . the endings . stanley. yeah theres feeling and emotion but j want that in words i want to to see you understand it#i want to see you see it in your own way inderstand and process it in your own way and share that#i love seeing analysis posts !!!!! uughh nbrhh. not to say that like. the fanart isnt what i want no i love the fanart so much#but i wish there were more analysis posts or something idk#idk what my point was here#i love characterization . by the way . as someone who would write fanfics and has a pet peeve of correct characterization in fics and such#i just wish more people hnderstood the game as a whole and didnt just end up being like haha ships !!!!!!!! romance !!!!! like yes ! but#but also like they have something MORE than romance. something more intimate and close . not sex yeah sure whatever but they are#connected in the most horrible ways and connected so closely and lovingly and they are connected whether they like it or not#they hate each other they love each other they are each others world they are divorced theyve been married for eternity they would kill eac#other they woukd have sex they woukd kiss they would dance they would do so many things that arent romance oriented but still close in#so many fucking ways because they love hate each other and their relationship is so conplicated you think they just suddenly love each othe#no matter what now ?? after what. you think stanley is forgiving ? after being brought through hell over and over and over again?#no! they hate each others guts i tell you. but they still stick by each others sides because they dont belong anywhere else#theres love but not in any way any of us can think. theres love but not like that but also exactly like that. theres also hate#and its a beautiful mix of the two that allows them to get along so well and endure each other for so long and further#anyway fucking . i forgot my point#anyway go down the rabbit hole 👍 this game is insane and you should be insane about it too#but like. be insane about it . not the concept of romance in this game. do not pair them up just for the sake of shipping#understand their relationship. understand them. understand their circumstances. understand their problems their bate their love#them. understand them and how much they need each other. how they keep chasing and chasing and chasing only to run#in circles. anyway what was my POINT. i ront remember 👍👍👍#i am . so sleepy
30 notes · View notes
lunarharp · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
18 notes · View notes
milkweedman · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
[image description: an ask by @arbrehoux​ that says “Hi! I’m just getting into spinning, and I wanted to ask how to finish off the yarn once you’ve spun all you want. I’ve tried googling it, but every website I look at skips straight from the actual spinning to soaking. I’m using a drop spindle, if that’s relevant.” end image description]
soaking usually IS the way to finish yarn ! i'll give you the best step by step i can though (and for future reference, this applies to pretty much every single spinning method, so you can do this with yarns spun on a spinning wheel, a supported spindle, a drop spindle, a navajo spindle, a charkha wheel, or whatever else you might encounter. it's all yarn, so it can all be finished the same way.)
step 0: if you plan on plying your yarn, do it before finishing. you don't need to finish singles if you plan to ply them. finishing relaxes the yarn, so if you finish a singles and then ply it, it will end up being somewhat limp unless you overply it (which makes yarn less elastic and more rough) but if you spun a singles and want it to remain a singles, never to be plied, then you can certainly finish it as a singles.
step 1: remove the yarn from your spindle (or bobbin, or whatever it is on) and wrap it around something as it comes off. a niddy noddy is great for this, but not necessary. you can wrap your yarn around a big hardcover book or the back of a chair, or whatever. when taking yarn off a drop spindle, i usually just toss the spindle on the ground and let it roll around as I wind the yarn off. if you’re worried about it catching on something, put the drop spindle in a box or mixing bowl instead and let it roll around in there.
Tumblr media
[image description: a somewhat blurry closeup of a tattooed man’s hands. in his right hand he’s holding a hardcover book. in his left he’s wrapping yarn around the book lengthwise. a red line has been drawn in to show the path of the yarn as he winds. end image description]
step 2: tie your yarn off. you can use the messy looking ends of the yarn if you wish, or another piece of yarn or string. just tie a simple knot around the hank. you want at least two knots, but if you're really worried about it tangling, you can do more. the purpose of tying your yarn off is to stop it from tangling in the next steps, to make it easier to work with when you wind it into a ball or cake later, and to keep it looking tidy.
Tumblr media
[image description: a closeup of the yarn on the book from the previous image. a knot has been tied around all the strands of yarn on that side. there is a red arrow pointing to the knot. end image description]
step 2.5: if you want to know your yardage or meterage, this is the time to do so. first, count how many strands you have. second, measure how many inches or centimeters it takes to span the entire length of the book (so, front, back, and the width of both the top and bottom). In this case I think it was 8 strands and 24 inches for the whole book. that means the whole yarn is 192 inches (8x24=192) and the yardage is 5.3 (192/36=5.3). same steps if it’s centimeters and meters, of course. also, if you’re thinking “wow, I have to measure whatever i’m winding my yarn on every time ? that sounds annoying”, then you’re seeing why niddy noddys are so helpful and you should get or make one. my niddy noddy takes 2 yards to span it, meaning whenever i wind yarn on, after counting it i can just multiply my result by 2 and know how many yards i have (if i have 100 strands and i know each strand spans 2 yards, that means my whole skein is 200 yards. so much simpler.)
step 3: soak your yarn. or just get it wet. i usually run my yarn under the tap for a few seconds to make sure it is fully wet, but you can also put it in a bowl with some water and make sure it's fully submerged. leave it there for a few minutes.
step 3.5: if your yarn isn't very soft and you want it to be softer, you can add conditioner (just like, the normal stuff you use for your hair) to the bowl before you put the yarn in to soak. if you're softening it this way, leave it in the bowl of water for at least an hour, or even overnight. when you take it out, rinse it briefly. this step is only necessary if you want your yarn softer.
step 4 (optional): go outside and snap your yarn like a whip a few times. this evens out twist and flicks a lot of the water off, so it will dry faster too. if your yarn has some spots that are really undertwisted or overtwisted or both, this is a good way to help reduce that and make more evenly plied.
step 5: let your yarn dry completely. in the summer i hang my yarn over the clothesline, and in the winter i usually put it over a heating vent. doesn't matter how you do it. remember that wool in particular can feel dry even when it has a fair amount of water in it, so don't grab it the second it feels dry--give it a while longer to actually dry.
you should notice that your yarn looks different now that it's dry. if it's wool, it's likely puffed up some (to varying degrees depending on the breed of animal it came from, as well as whether it was roving or a batt or a rolag or whatever else, and also depending on how you spun it. it's a cool thing to pay attention to.)
step 6: skein your yarn. pick up the hank and drape it over your thumb or hand or whatever. the vast majority of yarns will twist a little in one direction when you do this, from residual twist. some yarns will twist a lot, others only barely. note the direction that it twists in--to the left or to the right. put your other thumb at the other end of the hank, and start twisting one thumb in the opposite direction that your hank twisted in. i usually twist with one thumb until i can't easily twist it anymore, and then twist with the other thumb. your nice loop should now look kind of like a piece of rope, with your thumbs still hooked into each end.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[image description: the first image shows the yarn hooked over each thumb, with two twists in the middle. the second image shows that same yarn, which now has so much twist it looks like rope. his thumbs are still hooked into each end. end image description]
you now want to find the center point of your ‘rope’ and fold it there. your ‘rope’ should kind of snap into place, looking like a much larger version of a 2 ply yarn. it’s nice and stable like this, and can be transported or stored easily (plus it’s pretty !). the last step is to take one of the loops you had your thumb in and push it through the other loop. this stops it from unraveling.
btw: the reason we twist it the opposite direction that it wants to turn is the same reason we ply in the opposite direction that we spin. if you spin Z and ply Z your yarn isn’t going to be structurally sound, and it’ll look pretty bad, too. when it comes to skeining you’re not adding any structural stability to the actual yarn, but the looks still matter--if your Z plied yarn is twisted Z while skeining, your skein will be limp and lifeless and not very pretty. if it’s twisted S, it’ll be nice and balanced and neat looking. it’s purely an aesthetics thing, but it also only takes half a second to figure out, so why not do it ?
and you’re done ! your yarn is now finished and skeined, and you know the yardage/meterage. you can label it with all relevant info if you want (for example: 4 ounces shetland roving, 2 ply, 350 yards, light worsted weight, finished august 2022, spun on a wheel)
112 notes · View notes
steampoweredskeleton · 5 months
Text
.
Ignore
#delete later#god i wish i was neurotypical#found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard#that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down#idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way#without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch#and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing#not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it#but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do#is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways#so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely#and is always overwhelming#but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about#masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me#i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually#idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me#so so so frustrated and upset#i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous#not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is#the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine#the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed#work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only#to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all#these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up
3 notes · View notes
perenlop · 1 year
Text
man pokeani may really be ending its current iteration huh
5 notes · View notes
astrxealis · 1 year
Text
damn i never thought i'd get into stardew valley this much but here we are !! makes perfect sense tho
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#heyy this adds to my roster of games that actually have Evidence#gotta play more soulsborne legitimately soon so i have more evidence of my range LMFAO ...#i love how my. taste in games is really broad tbh! i'm willing to try anything out but i do uhh am less inclined to the more popular ones?#unless i get into them by way of. personal. or without outside influence#but if there's a certain something that makes me dislike a media yeah ... i do end up more indifferent tho. ultimately#i think sdv is another huge example of how me and lune really go all in when getting into smth#like terraria. but we end up forgetting about it pretty soon after. oops!#it depends tbh on how bored we are? how much we have to do. so yeah#xiv was That for a very long time bcs we didn't really have anything else uhh insert hashtag xiv was there for us when nobody was#aaa so thankful to xiv fr. idk. i think about what it has done for me sometimes and i get really emotional!#also funny how things connect. i got back into tumblr bcs of jjk and then connected w others mostly thru gi. and then twt thru a friend i#met thru a school event wholy thru chance. who got me back into twt where i connected with others thru ff(xiv)#and i find it fascinating how people make friends irl! i think its easy for me to feel that way 1. its just who i am lol its in my nature#2. im more of a bystander so. yeah. ez for me to study people and people-watch. idm that much tbh#it's funny... hmm interesting? a bit sad too. wnvr i want to. Take A Step Further. i end up not caring anymore LMFAOOO but tbh it's really#nice in the long run! my outlook on life is pretty weird tbh like uhh... idk. hard to explain. complex#whenever i face a problem i'm. absolutely confident i'll get over it. and unfortunately i feel like that... sense of confidence is rather ra#rare*? idk. and the fact i've always known (always!) i'd love myself no matter what. even if sometimes i would be really insecure. i never#truly hated myself and i sincerely doubt i ever will. but the fact i often suceed and rise from my failures that sometimes they don't feel#like failures doesn't mean that uhh i'll end up facing my downfall through. naive confidence? i try to be self-aware and do my best for no#regrets and it's fascinating how my values in life are shaped by my past. not just me. everyone. damn. i think the formative years of a#person are so goddamn fascinating and also i'm still unsure what i want for college but it's already fucking march HELP#anyway wow. i dont want to be too harsh on myself if the What If bad scenario/s end up happening but i'll really try my best#my aunts on my dad side both got into up diliman and i'll be damned if i don't. i know i can do it. i just gotta put in a ton of effort.#okay rambles bye bye#also i've been staying up until 3/4 ever since break LMFAOOO SDV HAS RUINED ME dw i'll be good again next week lmfao
3 notes · View notes
tkbrokkoli · 1 year
Text
a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#i want to write more but im not sure what im feeling and how to express it#she used the phrase 'man in a woman's body' to mean they are trans man which i found v good actually#bc she seemed to fully except and support them. these guys and dykes should be in their late 50s now i think? idk any older queer ppl#so having an older colleague casually mention that felt v good#also they all were from a small town i think#just like me!!! i know several of my high school friends are also queer. like. me and at least 2 others#but we all outed ourselves way later. years after high school#oh fuck i just realized i completely misspelled 'accept'. i've had a long week ugh#anyway tomorrow i gotta make a horrible phone call w my broken phone and i already hate it and i'm dreading it#abt my phone. it doesn't charge anymore so i have it turned off at all times so i can make phone calls when the urgent need arises#and tomorrow i have to call electrician. not bc i want to but bc i was ordered to and i absolutely fucking hate it#*an electrician. or a janitor. idk yet#the other person who could call instead of me is just straight up rejecting to do it but it rly urgently needs to be Done#so im gonna have to step up as the mature person now and i tell myself 'it needs to be done end of discussion'#but i hate that i am always always always the person who has to take care of uncomfortable things like making phone calls and shit#like. i get it. it's necessary. there will always be phone calls i have to make. it's just. why me??? i fucking hate this shit!!! AAAAAAAHHH#anyway i should go to bed. i haven't checked my notifs yet it's been a rly exhausting week. hope you guys are ok thi#*tho
2 notes · View notes
myownprivatcidaho · 2 years
Text
all these instances of dudes hitting from the back imagining their gf is someone else got me feeling rlly bad :/
#i mean.#like it seems like theyve been somewhat on and off and idk how much Commitment there actually is#and idk if theyve been going together this long its like obviously yeah theyre into each other#but just the realization tgat over all these months the probability hes imagined it was me at least once. :|||||||#i dont wike it.#that one crush situation lol#minors dni#see a lot of me wants to like . guess shes a 100% innocent party here but idk#they might be just taking it slow but idk how much SHES played around at least in the esrly stages. much less him#and atp im not even Too mad about the fact that early on he wasnt great being committal bc. few college students are but it seems like he#was at least TRYING. im just mad that hes dragged me along for the greater part of a year now with no accountability.#like thats just fucking cruel.#but idk whats going on with those two. he has a thing for Maneater types so idk what earlier stages looked like for them#or what shes even LIKE as a person and to be clear im not acting like i do#jus thinkin out loud here#but . yeah hes got a thing for emo girls who wear doc martens and look like they want to murder men etc#paraphrasing a rt. lol#part of me feels :/ cause like. what if i just seem kinda BORING cause ive just stopped acting like im not Tired#like i dont play around im just to the point and responsible like a boring 40something lmao#also like. after i left him the voicemail he acted even MORE Friendly™ and it PISSED me off like what do u WANT#and then my sisters gf suggested maybe he just liked that i seemed respectful and mature and like i take ppls feelings seriously#idk man. idk ehats going in in his ginger ass noggin#its just been a while since ive dumped out ALL my thots and feelings abt him on here so. yeah this is juts a periodical Vent ignore lol#probably wont have another for a while. tho j may have just jinxed it :/
3 notes · View notes
bastardlybonkers · 5 days
Text
i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one
Tumblr media
his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.
ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication
ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.
8K notes · View notes
deceased-lungs · 1 year
Text
Just went through multiple character developing events, and I'm about to either enter my single healing era or my villain era
0 notes
norrizzandpia · 6 months
Note
okay so you know how oscar sleeps like anywhere, can we have some thing about how they claim they are friends but theres all these photos that lando has (or anyone really) of them two sleeping in the most random places and lando posts them as a joke (sorry if it doesnt make sense!!)
This request is 💋
Sleeping Buddies or Dating? (OP81)
Summary: Oscar and Y/n love to sleep next to each other. They don’t love each other. That’s it.
Warnings: Lando and the other drivers being menaces, language
Tumblr media
y/nnn this is payback for making me think you have pics of me and oscar asleep together
Comments:
landonorris I LITERALLY DO???? YOUVE STARTED A WAR
- oscarpiastri lando….
- Mclarensgirly LEAK THEM LANDO
- ln4op81 plz. my bday is in a few days. that would be the best bday present.
- landonorris happy bday then
landonorris ALSO I LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD IN THIS IDK WHAT TF YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING
- y/nnn you actually don’t stop being delulu
- oscarpiastri YOURE SPURRING HIM ON
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
landonorris this is for not shutting up 🫶🏻
Comments:
oscarpiastri THIS MANY????? EXIST??????
- landonorris yes.
- danielricciardo yes.
- logansargeant yes.
- alexalbon yes.
- charlesleclerc yes.
- y/nnn oh!
y/nnn were you silent or silenced?
ln4andop81 YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME. AND THEY ARE STILL NOT TOGETHER??????
- mclarensgirly in my heart they are 😥
F1gossip they have to be dating no way you fall asleep like that in the second pic and are just friends
- f1fan2023 idk man they’ve done some questionable things in the past and stayed friends
- papayafan481 TRUEEEE like that one time Oscar said in an interview he spends nights at y/n’s all the time and they “get up to some fun” BROS GOTTA KNOWN WHAT THAT MEANS
- mclarennnnn ALSO when he won his first podium and ran up to her and KISSED HER CHEEK???? THATS THE BIGGEST MYSTERY OF F1 BC HE WAS SO CLOSE TO HER FUCKING LIPS. YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME HE DIDNT KISS THE SIDE OF HER MOUTH AND REALIZED HE WAS ON LIVE TV SO GASLIT EVERYONE INTO THINKING HE KISSED HER CHEEK. HE KISSED HER. HE DID.
- f1fan2023 that moment is fs my roman empire. i think abt the logistics of that moment every day
Tumblr media Tumblr media
logansargeant thought I’d hop on the train ;)
Comments:
y/nnn BRO I DIDNT DO SHIT TO YOU
- logansargeant i am SICK AND TIRED of hiding
- mclarensgirly sorry… HIDING WHAT????
- mclarennnnn HE KISSED HER ON LIVE TV.
oscarpiastri you got the audacity from where?
- logansargeant you.
- f1fan81 BYEEEEEE
- mclarensgirly LIGHT HIM UP AMERICAN BOY
- ln4andop81 WTF IS A KILOMETERRRRR??????
mclaren are we sensing a soft launch?
- oscarpiastri ADMIN.
- y/nnn UHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- mclarensgirly WHAT.
- ln4andop81 MY MANIFESTATIONS ARE COMING TRUE OMFG
- f1fan2023 i can die happy now (i am going to live out the rest of my days living for their relationship)
- landonorris oh shit.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
oscarpiastri yes, i did kiss her on live tv and tried to gaslight everyone into thinking i kissed her cheek (it worked on all you bitches don’t lie)
Comments:
F1fan2023 WE WON YALL
mclarennnnn I WAS FUCKING RIGHT THIS WHOLE TIME I WAS FUCKING RIGHT HOLY SHIT
- oscarpiastri your comments were concerning me ngl
- y/nnn yea he thought you were going to expose us
landonorris this hard launch took way too fucking long omg
- y/nnn shut tf up bitch
mclaren we can die happily now 🥹
- mclarensgirly mclarens just like us fr
- oscarpiastri y/n and i no longer wish you death after you outed us
- mclaren NO LONGER?????? YOU DID AT ONE POINT???????
- y/nnn shhh, admin. “no longer”, that’s what you need to pay attention to
Tumblr media Tumblr media
y/nnn he’s mine now bitches 👹
Comments:
oscarpiastri idk what your obsession is with these two pics
- y/nnn YOURE FUCKING HOT LEAVE ME ALONE
landonorris happy for you ig
- y/nnn I know the heartbreak must be painful
mclaren we would like to take the credit for dressing Oscar in the second pic
- y/nnn you deserve the world for putting him in that jacket.
mclarensgirly im rlly kicking and screaming tho
F1fan2023 i know i said i would die happy bc of this news but suddenly i hate the fact this man is off the market
- landonorris well that sucks bc pastry is sickeningly in love
2K notes · View notes
ohdeerfully · 3 months
Note
Requests? I got you 😌
Reader who made a deal with Alastor, be his informant, and he'll provide aid when needed. And reader was damn good at holding up their end of the deal, while Alastor hasn't really needed to uphold his since aid hasn't been asked for.
So what might happen when his dear little informant hasn't came back from gathering info on the Vee's?
EATING IT UP idk i love this kind of stuff thank you so much. im making this a two-parter! it was getting kinda long and i wanted to get something posted (:
Tumblr media
Your Half of the Deal (i)
Alastor x Reader part i part ii part iii TW: kidnapping, cursing, alastor is manipulative (per usual), alastor is in denial if you want to be tagged in the next part, let me know! ═══ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ═══
Deals with Alastor were, for a lack of better words, a big deal. Not something to mess around with. His twisted nature allowed him to create so many loopholes for himself, forcing one to do more than what they bargained him for. It was unfair, but that’s what happens when you make a deal with the Radio Demon.
You weren’t as lucky as the other demons at the hotel, not receiving the typical advice Vaggie debriefed any newcomer. Alastor got to you first. He got you soon after you fell into Hell, before you even knew exactly what was going on or the whole ‘soul’ thing. 
“My,” A light voice cooed from the shadows, causing you to jerk your head up. Your ass still stung from the tumble you took after falling down into god knows where. You were curled up in a dark, moldy corner, a brief respite from all the freaks that you kept running into. Your fingers–no, claws?--still aches after defending yourself from a pair of spiked thugs.
“What a poor sight. How dreadful!” He continued. You could barely make out the form of the speaker. You just knew he was tall. With blazing red eyes. His voice had a radio-like filter over it, with a general low frequency humming around himself during the silence.
He had seen you, a new fallen demon, fight yourself away from those two earlier, a wild look in your eye. How it pleased him, seeing that look somebody gets when they are desperate for their life. But you, in particular, piqued his interest. To be able to acclimate to a new body, in a new place, and fight for your life at the drop of your hat.
You seemed capable, and he liked that. He knew you were naive, fresh meat always was. And he liked that.
You had yet to speak, only looking up at him from your fetal position. But he could tell you were tense and ready to spring, if need be. He played a grin on his face and leaned down closer to you.
“Oh, how rude of me! I’m Alastor,” He held his hand out to you from his bent over position. You shook his hand cautiously. “I saw that scuffle earlier, and dear if I may say, you fight like a wild tigress.” 
You quirked your brow at this comment. “Thanks,” You replied plainly. “(Y/N).” You didn’t want to talk right now. But, you were at least glad to see a face that didn’t immediately go through your throat. 
Alastor, of course, didn’t go after those of the ‘fairer means,’ as he would put it. At least, not in a violent way. He was all for the typical manipulation.
“Even still, a fair lady such as yourself needs someone to protect her! And,” He stood up straight again, a dangerous glint in your eye. “For a price, I could be at your beck and call.”
“A price..?” You responded weakly. You had to admit, seeing this tall, confident man in front of you did seem to put you at ease. He seemed kind. And it wouldn’t hurt to have some help, if there were more creatures wanting to attack you.
“Your soul!” He said, all too cheerfully. Your mouth dried up at this. With everything that has happened to you so far, you had a hunch that the term ‘soul’ actually carried meaning in this place. But, how much..? Was it worth the protection he promised?
“More like a mutual contract, really! Mutual benefactors!” Alastor lied, seeing that hesitance in your expression. “I get your soul, you do what I ask, and I protect you! Simple enough.” 
The expression he held, with that tall grin of his, didn’t do much to calm your nerves. As chipper as he seemed, there was something to it. Something more, but you couldn’t quite tell.
“Deal?”
His glowing eyes seemed to darken as he squinted them in anticipation, his smile somehow growing wider. The static in the air seemed to crackle with more energy, almost violently, as you considered his hand that he had held out. There was an ominous aura that made your skin crawl.
Ah, what the hell. Flashes of those thugs from earlier was enough to put you on your feet. You could only imagine the other shit that lived in this place, and had a feeling they were the bottom of the barrel. You had only just managed to get away from them.
You made eye contact for a couple of seconds, the prickling sensation on your skin becoming harsher and more aggravating the closer you stepped to him. You grabbed his hand.
You were thinking about your unlucky situation–which you often did in your free time–as you gave yourself a onceover in the mirror, black eyes examining your tight outfit. A little spy getup–a little stereotypical, something you would definitely see in the movies. But, hey, it never failed you.
Thinking back, you could tell now that his words and smile were filled with deceit and manipulation. You often got pissed at yourself for how naive you were. You hadn’t even called on him once since then, and you’ve been stuck as his little pet for nearly four months now. He runs you around like a doll in a big playhouse, sending you this way and that to get intellect from his various enemies.
“I’m much too popular to be roaming in those areas!” He had claimed when you questioned why he, the Radio Demon, couldn’t just do it himself. “Demons flee at the sight of me. The Vee’s would see me from a mile away.” You had a suspicion that he just didn’t want to be seen in public making such a petty fuss over his television rival.
There was no point in dwelling on it, but you couldn’t help the occasional feeling of regret that twinged your chest when you thought too long. You were stuck as his, whether you liked it or not. 
Slicking back your hair, you finalized your sleek outfit. Another day of being thrown into precarious situations by that red asshole. It was becoming a weekly thing, with Alastor requesting more and more information, especially from those Vee’s he hated so much. In fact, now that you thought about it, they were the only demons you snuck by. How obsessed they were with each other.
It was no easy task, getting through the security of that place. In fact, it was nearly impossible, seemingly getting harder every time. You had a cautious feeling that they knew what you were up to, and kept falling short of catching or stopping you. There were cameras pointed in every direction, every angle, in the highest quality imaginable. Every trip left your heart racing with adrenaline.
“On your way now, are you?” Alastor asked coyly. He waited for you at the entrance to the hotel, a glint in his eyes. Oh, how he loved playing with you like this. Watching you bend and break for him. He loved it. And you hated him for it.
“Yeah. Maybe I’ll get killed this time,” You said snidely, referencing the increasing danger of each trip. “Wouldn’t that be a treat for me.” You said this in a whisper, but Alastor still heard.
He bent at the waist to be eye level with you, that sinister grin of his lowering slightly. It seemed he had wanted to say something, his teeth parting for a moment before closing again. His grin perked back up and he straightened himself into a stand. He simply reached out and patted your head.
“Now, don’t go out with that kind of mindset! Why, you know our deal!” His lips curled in reference to the rather one-sided promise you made each other. To be honest, considering you never had to call for Alastor’s aid, you weren’t even comforted by the notion. Who’s to say he even shows up? How will he even know if you need help?
Alastor stepped towards you, his hands flapping as he shooed you out of the door. “The night is only so long! Go along!”
So, now you’re here. Tucked behind a corner near the Vee’s residence. There were cameras everywhere, obviously, and you swore you saw more than last time. What point does Alastor even have, making you come here so often? What more could he want? You knew him and Vox were rivals, but it wasn’t like Alastor didn’t know how to take care of the TV-head.
You had a sick feeling that Alastor just enjoyed making you do bullshit for him like this, and didn’t care much for the actual information. The thought drew a sneer on your face. If you weren’t literally soul bound to this guy, you would probably just let yourself get caught and likely killed on the spot. But, of course, your deal made that dream impossible. 
With a couple hops on your toes, you began your brisk walk towards the back of the manor. You were hyper aware of all the cameras, and hoped that your dark outfit helped blend with the shadows. 
However, the second you lifted a window and stepped foot into the building, lights flashed and an alarm rang. Fuck.
The television demon himself got to you surprisingly fast. As if he had been waiting. Which, honestly, wouldn’t have surprised you. You briefly wondered why it took them so long to have an alarm system in the first place, and began frantically looking for a way out. The window behind you had shut and locked. The hallway was incredibly narrow and Vox stood in the way.
Fuck it, you made a mad dash for the Overlord, hoping to catch him off guard. You raised a clawed hand and swiped at his television head. A pointless attack, you realize, as the screen nearly flickered for a moment; his wide, pixelated grin staring into you. Before you could move again, his arm tightly gripped at your throat. You felt an electrifying sensation, stinging through every nerve, and blacked out.
“Heyy, Al?” Charlie’s voice rang through the doorway of Alastor’s radio tower. “Have you seen (Y/N)..? She was supposed to help with some decorations.” She had opened the door without warning.
He paced back and forth in thought, gripping the top of his cane with one hand and tapping the end of it in his other. He didn’t respond to Charlie, but the question did ring in his head over and over. You hadn’t come back from the night before. You always came back before the day broke.
He didn’t know the feeling that stirred in his chest as he watched the minutes pass by. The hours pass by. All without a sight of you. He never thought to keep watch as you worked, refraining from sending his shadow to spy on the spy, as he always saw you as capable enough. 
Besides, he thought to himself. What a waste of my time that would be. Fretting over a single demon.
“Alastor,” Charlie said again. He craned his neck to her, stopping his train of thought. His grin had a strain to it and his nose wrinkled in aggravation. Why was she in his space? He hated intrusions.
“What?” He said bluntly.
“(Y/N)?” She spoke your name again, hoping to prompt some conversation out of the Radio demon with the implied question.
Alastor composed himself, acting unphased by the… worry? That he felt. “Why would I know where she is? I take care of this hotel, but not so much the residents.” It was a true enough statement, as he preferred just watching the demons Charlie try desperately to rehabilitate and fail miserably every day. 
“Now, if you don’t mind,” He interrupted Charlie before she could say anything, her mouth hanging open and words dying on her tongue. He briskly turned on his feet and walked towards her, standing at the doorway. “I would prefer you knock next time.” He shut the door on her.
He couldn’t handle the heavy feeling that threatened his lungs as he thought about what was happening at the Vee’s residence. 
Did he really care to go out, risk a scene, risk the intel, just to get you? To make sure you were okay?
Yeah. He had to. He hated that feeling in his chest, especially as it just grew heavier and more overwhelming. He just chalked it up to the deal he had made with you putting a pressure on his own soul to hurry up and deal with it. But he couldn’t help the tightness that consumed him when he thought about what you were doing in that place. Or what they were doing to you. He brushed the emotion aside, trying his best to ignore it.
He argued with himself that yeah, he was only going because of that deal he had made. No, no way did he have a soft spot for you. No way in Hell. He was just doing this to hold up his deal. Yeah.
With a heavy sigh and a twitch at the corners of his lips, he brushed his talon-like fingers through the fringe of his hair, pushing it back before letting it fall into place again. He tried to maintain a leisurely composure, but a wild glint in his eye was proof enough that he was stressed out.
Best to get this over with. He had a deal to uphold. He opted for the faster route, melting into his shadow.
part ii part iii
765 notes · View notes