#AND i have to see my endo this month

[fooltofancy]

i want out of this apartment so, so badly, but we got the email saying we're gonna be receiving renewal documentation this week and having to decide NOW whether i need to figure all of that shit out is. bad.

#i was gonna call them in march lmao #lease ends june 1 like 'we're already getting inquiries' that's great #im already so overwhelmed even thinking about the logistics of finding a place sorting moving options moving utilities moving internet #not to mention the insane financial hurdle of deposit+rent plus moving #weeps #im like. really struggling living here lmao but also at this point i'm really struggling just existing and piling all of that extra bullshi #is not gonna help #i might just. fucking suck it up and stay for the duration that i have to be in this stupid town #idk what im doing after that and idk how long that actually has to be because my work can Not decide how longevity works #weh. #mentally and emotionally compromised #AND i have to see my endo this month #it's all stupid and it's still killing me

[danielnelsen]

always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds

#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN #personal #im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so #im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so. #the energy’s doing Great #and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing #genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed???????? #i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then #im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms #usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way #but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with #so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare? #still more sick than i’ve been in……..years? #im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week #this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer #hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!! #and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like— #starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis #im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune #i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months #idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

.

#ok im just venting because im stuck waiting at the laundromat but this is seriously the most dysphoric i have ever felt and i lowkey want #to fucking kill myself when i see my body right now because whatever the fuck is wrong me is making me look 5 months pregnant and i would #rather fucking hang myself than ever be pregnant and i lowkey want to die every single day im in public and none of my clothes have fit for #like 2 years and feel like such a piece of shit all the time and lowkey want to die whenever i see my reflection #and im really scared that no doctor will take me seriously and i will permanently look 5 months pregnant for the rest of my life even #though there is clearly something deeply wrong with my body to amass this much fluids and shit. and i have all the symptoms of endo. and i #really dont want to have to get abdominal surgery but i really really want to have so much dysphoria all the time. idk!! i dont fucking #know bro. #suicide mention

[needylittlegirl]

now i have not ever been in labor before but i genuinely think im experiencing pains at the same or very close level which is crazy

#mytxt #i mean like #i always see people w endo saying theyd rather go through childbirth again instead of the endo pains #but you don’t really. Think about it like that #like yeah sure anyone can say that but you dont really conceptualize it until you’re experiencing it #like almost every month i have to experience pains that ppl describe as worse than childbirth??? thats crazy #luckily i dont have it every month cause of birth control but its kind of starting to be every other month #its just wild to think about and also awful to experience #and i completely forgot that its a Progressive thing. it gradually gets worse #because scar tissue builds and stuff i didnt even think abt that #til a few weeks ago when i saw my doc and she said yeah this is age is usually when it worsens for awhile #which. Yeah the last like 3 or 4 times have been insanely bad #it also doesnt help that one of those times my iud had screwed me over and tore a little hole but #still #idk #im trying to override my pain but thinking about how medically interesting it is #bc thats what i do with everything else i just go well if i think about it from a medical standpoint its not that bad! #thats how i get through most of my doc appointments #and i think thats why a lot of doctors dont really believe or realize how drastic a lot of things can be #bc theyre thinking about it medically and not like its a real person #sorry for rambljng im having so many thoughts #tbd

[truetgirl]

I've had two sessions of laser for my facial hair and already it feels like it's done more for my dysphoria than a year and a half of hrt.

#i swear the hrt isn't working #and I still have like another month to wait to see my endo #who I last saw in the fall #uuuuugh #kelly things #kelly's hrt progress

[supercantaloupe]

my poor body. she does not work so good

#you don't. have to read all these tags. in fact i don't think you should tbh i'm just writing in my diary here. getting very tmi in here rn #i wanna talk about me #gonna try and see if i can get an appt with a new doc tomorrow #because as much as i want to see ANOTHER doctor like i want a hole in my head. i and my mom think it would be good #to see an internist for some more personalized care for my Horrors #cause y'know. i've been pretty happy with my endo for a while now but i just haven't had any improved results in a year or two from them #and their advice is just always. diet and exercise diet and exercise diet and exercise #which is vague and impersonal and unhelpful #it's frustrating. i just want someone to tell me what's going on and how and why we're doing what we're doing #i don't need to be skinny (i'm never gonna be skinny.) i don't need to be an athlete #i just want to feel okay and make sure my body isn't going to poison itself over time #well anyway. hoping i can make a first appointment within the next couple of months #i'm seeing my new obgyn next month...will definitely be asking about my hospital visit yesterday. #i know ovarian cysts can happen and rupture in anyone and aren't necessarily correlated to pcos but #knowing i've got the latter makes me really nervous about the former happening again #and if it happened while i'm already being treated. i think it might be time for a change of treatment...

[sanguinaryrot]

sorry im not as hairy as the other bears and my beard isnt as full. im sorry. do you still love me

#im hairy compared to like. the average joe. but sometimes i see pics of other bears and im like WOWIE!!! #in The Bear Handbook: A Comprehensive Guide for Those Who Are Husky #Hairy and Homosexual and Those Who Love 'Em #it has a little code for describing how much hair you have so like. i think being less hairy than some of these men is like #inevitable and normal. but i still think #sometimes i want to up my t dose so i get hairier but idk if that. would actually work. have to go to an endo #anyways #ive started kinda getting back into calling myself a bear. watch in 2 weeks im gonna have a gender shift back into butch #and im gonna be like. no im not a bear and have never and will never be a mlm again. i live here. lol. #yall need to keep me humble/realistic. #im genderfluid and even if i stay in one gender for months you have to remind me. you will fag it up again someday #writing an essay in the tags. thats cause im a crazy person. lol <3

[britneyshakespeare]

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A SPECIALIST IN TWO DAYS!!!!!!

#tales from diana #it took almost a month of calls after getting a referral but thank god once they finally got back to me it could be this quick #that's just one specialist i need to see. i still need to get in with an endocrinologist #but baby steps #(this is the one im more nervous about bc it's gonna involve a lot of my medical history) #(this hashimoto's shit is new to me whereas ive had lyme for 15 years) #(well both of these make me nervous but still) #hopefully ya girl is treated like a human being ought to be by this new guy #idk im scared but. my pcp said he's nice and i really like my new pcp #why couldn't they have gotten me to an endo sooner than the winter solstice. why #idk im not gonna dwell on it i have other options i just need to get over my anxiety and fucking call them #screams #TWO DAYS!!!! TWO DAYS AND HOPEFULLY SOMETHING WILL BE DONE #I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FUNCTION AT ALL IN MONTHS

[fooltofancy]

k, bye sleep.

#come back sleep ): #there's no making some things better u just have to. let it go. #acknowledge it's not about u and walk away #unrelated do i call my endo's office and see if it's possible to reschedule a distance appointment #cause next weeks schedule is fucked and i dont think i have the whwerewithal for a two hour roundtrip to have a panic attack at the doctor' #need to get blood drawn fuckin. forgot for a month #weh #i dont wanna go i just wanna. pay a guy to keep refilling my prescriptions #not feasible but weh

[heirloommtomatoes]

i’m so sick of my hormones determining my life :( 

#pcos and endo...ughghhh. #i feel so awful! #my body hates me and i don't know why and i don #'t know what's going on and i just feel ugly and broken w this rn :(( #i'm breaking out and having weird periods i won't describe on here loool and i'm gonna see my long distance partner this week and it just #feels shitty!! :(( #i've been having such a good few months w this and then BAM as soon as i'm about to see him #my body wreaks havoc on me #and i feel so wimpy and stupid and weak for even being impacted by it like this #but it just sucks sometimes #ellie yodels

[mejomonster]

Anyone know if endometriosis can bloat u, make u vomit and in constant pain? ;-;

#rant #my health issues #in short i gotta research endometriosis before i see my obvyn in 3 weeks #they did a colonoscopy ans endoscopy in fall and inside of my gi tract is perfect #so they have no idea why i bloat 5 lbs then am in nonstop pain and bloat 10 then vomit nonstop #they have no idea why im constipated extremely nonstop since about july last year to an insane degree #like colon preps sometimes are the only thung allowing food to pass thru my gi tract insane #i literally couldnt eat solid food for 2 months in the fall my gi tract wouldnt work #i have pcos so im gonna ask for metaformin since it can help constipation maybe if thus is hormonal? #since im Worse the week before and during period #but also like. i wanna ask if its endo in case i need it surgically removed #since if its endo then ill suffer continually forever until its fixed :/ #its been almost a year im so tired and angry #also yeah somrthing is still causing nonstop tachycardia too. and fatigue. no doctors know whats causing it :c #im still so sick and its been almosy a yeaf and im really sad tbh bro

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[hallucinationelias]

Ah yes, the three harbingers: EDS, POTS, and gastroparesis

#chronic illness #unknown illness #my endo appt is in a month babes. we just have to not die until then #yass #kraken talks #not cookie run #yes I know EDS isn’t a condition you can get rid of. that one is permanent #but you never see the three chronic illness mean girls separate now do you.

[darknessin]

if youre questioning why im mostly lurking instead of even posting crack, ive had a really bad endo flair up for over a week and a half now and its reached the point of i hurled twice yesterday while at work, which i think anyone w a prior ED can also say is really frickan not great for mental health, but anywho

#out. #health cw #how many ppl know that endo is a fucking symptom of pcos in half the cases? #probably only ppl actively suffering from pcos or endo or bOTH like me #im not even bleeding i dont think ive bleed in a month o think the birth control #without the sugar pjlls to get rid of my period so i have less dysphoria is finally working but jfc #i feel like shIT and they cant do anything for the endo apparently #bc the srgery is a ‘super high fail rate’ and blah blah blah #how abt this j u s t t a k e i t o u t #i dont NEED the stupid ovaries i dont want the urerus just taKE IT OUT #bURN it off i saw ppl talk abt that surgery option too #doesnt help w endo but kILL MY LINING W FIRE #i doNT NEED IT #i wanted to finish my polaris cos for tomorrow when i see mom bc #if ptricks there maybe magneto will join in maybe theyre actually gonndo the dad storyline #but i mean i doubt but i live in hope and didnt wanna do wanda #but ive done NOTHING for the cos im a lAMEO #whos dying and been horrendously ill for a week but whos counting

[diabeticgirl4]

I somehow have the ability to keep my diabetes under great control, which is my only saving grace considering the rest of my life is in frickin shambles

#ignore me #diabetes tag #I had an endo appt today and they were like looks great! see you in 6 months! #and I said how Exhausted I always am and was essentially told to get more sleep #I mean they're not wrong I get about 6hrs average if I'm lucky #but like. this isn't just lack of sleep tiredness. I know the difference. #I'm a bit concerned about my thyroid since I had issues in the past and a lot of symptoms are lining up rn #but again dr was like 'but your levels have been so good lately! just try getting more sleep it'll do wonders' #I'm due for my labwork and I'm nervous everything will be Perfectly Fine #as much as I have pride in my diabetes control it's like that's the only thing that matters to everyone #sure my diabetes is fine but what about the rest of my mental/physical health huh?? :(

[tr4ggot]

the one thing i am supremely terrible about adulting-wise is scheduling follow up appointments, especially for telehealth visits without a receptionist to literally force me to make a new appointment, and i’m reaping the consequences for that rn

#i was literally supposed to make this appointment in august :) #my endo doesn’t have an appointment for 5 months :) #so i will be waiting until april :) #BUT i got a refill for my t so that’s what counts #almost 5 years on t and have gotten pretty lax with when i do my shot (i am working on that) #but i’ve never done it so late that my period came back until this month when im literally out #but the fun news is is that i feel no dysphoria about it lol #at most it’s an inconvenience and the cramps suck ass #but i feel so completely secure in who i am now that something like this doesn’t make that waver anymore #which is always something nice to discover #everyone who matters in my life sees me as a man #i’m gendered correctly all the time by strangers #most people don’t even suspect i’m trans