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deadwardianpoltergeist · 1 year

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I keep seeing bigots being transphobic by saying it’s a delusion and I just. I know they’re just saying that because they demonize mental disorders and want to write off trans people as being nothing but their idea of people with mental disorders and I shouldn’t let it get to my head but. what happens if I am trans AND I experience delusions. at one point I was in fact delusional about my transness and convinced myself I was more of a boy than I actually was. Although, I must say, that delusion was founded on internalized transphobia and transmed shit, because I thought I had to overcompensate or I thought I wasn’t valid if I didn’t experience enough gender dysphoria, but still. I need that diagnosis one day so I can get the help I need but at the same time what happens when people use that to devalue the things I know about myself that ARE real, what happens when I’m pushed into becoming obsessive and delusional about one of the things I learned to not be obsessive and delusional about. I feel trapped. In every way in my life I feel trapped. At not even 15 years old. Every way I experience joy is wrong to people, I’m happy being platonic with people more than I enjoy being romantic, the way I experience my gender is “delusional,” and then I turn around and I get too fond of someone pretty platonically too fast and I get the delusion that I have a crush on them and I just. I can’t win.

I’ll even try to seek comfort in media and then even the way I enjoy media is “too extreme.”

I can’t even say half the shit that plagues me to anyone IRL either because I simply feel like I can’t. Like no one will get it, because they won’t and it feels like too much to put on someone who cares about me and every time I let myself vent to someone who says they’re there to listen I just feel more like an anomaly.

#idk what I’m going for posting this #vent #ig if you feel similarly let me know because I feel really alone rn #trans #it’s insane how delusions are either something insanely watered down or romanticized or they’re a reason why not to take someone seriously #no one seems to have any clue how distressing even mild delusions with insight can be and it’s so frustrating #but it’s terrifying to not know what’s real especially since I always feel the need to know things and know the truth #and my brain won’t let me have my own truth sometimes #transgender #tw vent #trans vent #actually delusional

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shepscapades · 17 days

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[dbhc flavored] Hermit a Day May: Day 14 — Doc!

Featuring both a current-day s10 doc and a verrry early s8 post-deviant doc! :]

#TELL ME WHY THE POSE CAME OUT SO FRUITY 😭 it wasn’t intentional but yknow what. he’s kinda. so it’s fine #the horns are removable! :]#dbhc #dbhc doc #docm77 #hermitaday #hermitadaymay #hermitcraft #hermitcraft au #dbhc ren #rendog #dbhc art #art escapades #I’m kind of obsessed with him and it shows sorry #drawing early ren and doc makes me think… ren had so many cybernetics in s8 #maybe doc helps build him some android-tech prosthetics :3 #dunno dunno… idk I love them so much #ren is the reason doc has any human mannerisms at all tbh #otherwise mans would be so annoyingly robotic about everything #being an android based entirely around searching for loopholes and out of the box solutions in code will do that to you. logic brained doof #/aff #ANYWAY I RUN #I gotta post other dbhc stuff tonight that’s important so I gotta go finish it

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yaolmao · 1 month

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simp

#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE #my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life #this changes everything #I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle??#I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on #anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing #I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat #ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing #like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems #I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk #chuuya nakahara #dazai Osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #myart #I’m gonna post and pass out now

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dumplingsjinson · 9 months

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List of “things they say that makes my heart melt and my knees weak” prompts

“I can kiss you forever,” Character B murmurs. “Yeah?” Character A says, laughing a little, only to stop when Character B leans in and presses a kiss against their cheek. “Yeah,” Character B says, “Yeah, I can. You think I’m lying?” (As I said, forever ingrained in my brain. I cannot fucking believe this isn’t just fictional shit characters in books/fics say-)

“You make me so happy.”

“I’m just… Happy for your existence, y’know?”

“You’re going to have to teach me so many things because I’m not familiar with any of this.” “Okay. So… What do you want me to teach you? Where should we start?”

“Here, put your hand under my shirt. It’s more comfortable that way,” Character B says as they lift their shirt slightly, encouraging Character A to slip their hand underneath and letting their warm palm rest against their bare skin.

“You’re so cute.”

“You’re so adorable.”

“You’re so comfy and cozy.”

“You’re so warm and cuddly.”

“You smell so good,” Character B whispers as they continue to litter kisses down Character A’s jaw and neck, revelling in the noises Character A lets involuntarily slip out of their mouth.

“Mm, I think you’re the one who wants more cuddles,” Character B murmurs, pulling Character A back into their arms. “Nah, I think you’re the one who wants that. I mean, look at you,” Character A teases, settling comfortably in their arms.

“Why don’t you try kissing my neck? If you don’t then I’m gonna kiss yours.” “You’re acting like you weren’t just kissing my neck for the thousandth time already just then.”

Character B saying “Stay for tonight?” throughout the whole thing and asking “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” as Character A gets out of bed still in a daze, ready to leave (but not really wanting to leave but they’ve already told their parents they will be home by the end of the night), while Character B looks up at them imploringly while they’re tying their shoelaces.

“Sorry, I’m just really new to this,” Character A mumbles, burying their face in Character B’s chest out of embarrassment. “Mm, that’s fine. We can take things slow. There’s no rush,” Character B reassures in a hushed murmur, carding their fingers through Character A’s hair.

“I’m not familiar with this,” Character A whines as Character B continues to hug them to their chest. “Yeah? Well, you’re going to have to get familiar because I’m going to be doing this a lot,” Character B teases.

“So… What’s the next date going to be?” Character B murmurs, nuzzling their face on Character A’s neck.

“Tell me if this is too much, okay?”

“You seem a little warm in that, you sure you don’t want to take that off?” and then after Character A says no a few times because they’re wearing only a singlet under that shirt, they say, “You can always wear my shirt instead if that’s the case.”

“You know, you can hold my hand in public if you wanted to,” Character A murmurs into Character B’s chest. “Well… I did want to hold your hand but I wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with it,” Character B answers, holding Character A a little tighter to them. “Next time, though,” Character B tacks on affectionately.

Saying “Let’s go back home” rather than “Let’s go back to my place” (to me it feels like they’re implying “This is your home too and you can come back any time you’d like”, even though that’s probably not what they’re saying but I’m gonna interpret it that way because I am: Delusional as fuck!)

#long post #these are all the things cat guy to said me yesterday which had me going ALKFHDLKWSFEKLNFLEKRN #so yeah it’s personal lmfao #he’s character B and I’m character A lmao #some are not verbatim but most are skksks #some of the action stuff happening in between the dialogue is a little exaggerated but other than that #it’s basically what happened so idk what to tell you wlknfeknwf #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #otp prompts #prompts #writing scenarios #cat guy chronicles

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foolsocracy · 3 months

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omg ally

#idk what’s going on in the background but IDGAF!!! 🍾🥳#I amuse myself #also ofc aunt May loves gay ppl this was just for the joke #my art #peter benjamin parker #spider noir #spider man noir #marvel #robbie robertson #also the cafteria Robbie mentions was a gay spot in the 1930s lol #like in real life #in greenwich village which is close enough to the Bowery am I right #they can walk a few blocks that all I’m saying #who remebers when I posted those first 2 pics like 8 months ago #tumblr if u crunch these pictures I’m killing myself

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emipon · 1 year

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So excited to play aaaaaaa can’t wait aaaaaa

#fanart #tears of the kingdom #totk #totk trailer #totk spoilers #tears of the kingdom spoilers #??#idk what tags people are using I just know some people really don’t want to know any info going in so like I’m sorry if my tag didn’t cover #It all and you see half a face of this character we know absolutely nothing about just fyi only their face . Well like what they look like #Shoulders up #this sounds really like I’m being an asshole #But I’m just rly genuinely sorry if the tags didn’t cover everything but really even if you watch the trailer you only see this #So #Yeah #…#but I want to post this bc I’m hype ;;#princess zelda #zelda #botw

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twinkskeletons · 1 year

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fob 4ever

#anyway here’s what i was going 2 post on fob day :]#idk how i thought i could get it finished on time lol #my art #fall out boy #god this was a nightmare to make but at least i’m finally free :3 #still working on it at 2am bc i just want this OUT

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pizzaqueen · 6 months

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Steve likes to think he’s the responsible one, that he’s totally over all that teenage stuff, he’s a man now, he’s Seen Things! But! It would be so easy for Eddie to talk him into doing dumb shit. So easy

#steddie #Steve x eddie #Steddie headcanon #pizzaqueentxt #actually this probably doesn’t fit his character but too late I’ve posted it #idk he’s got that easily cranky and world weariness about him at times but he’s also silly #like idk he’s quick to shut stuff down with the kids but…idk #where am I going with this?#anyway I don’t write enough of them doing dumb stuff is what I’m saying haha

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hylianane · 6 months

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I have a feeling that Sanji and Zoro’s death pact will be properly resolved in Elbaf, as it certainly doesn’t feel like we’re done with it. And while Elbaf is gearing up to be very Usopp-centric (and I can not overstate how hyped I am to see him take the spotlight again, finally), let’s not forget that this all ties back to Little Garden, the arc that properly introduced Zoro and Sanji’s rivalry by paralleling them with two rival giants who fought each other every day for over a century, but who also lost themselves in their grief when one thought the other death. The parallel isn’t even subtle, Little Garden’s biggest landmarks are the remnants of Dorry and Brogy’s dinosaur hunting competition. You know. The very same competition Zoro and Sanji posed to each other at the start of the arc?

But here’s the thing. I’m a little worried about how it’s going to be resolved. Because. Despite how readily Zoro agreed to kill Sanji if need be, he must have known that the crew would never forgive him. Zoro is Luffy’s specialest guy but Luffy would not accept any excuse as to why Sanji had to die. Nor anyone else in the crew. But. Does Sanji realize that?

Does he know that killing him would literally be the hardest thing Zoro would ever do, because it would mean literally betraying his Captain and crew? Luffy said he can’t become Pirate King without Sanji, and Zoro and Luffy swore they’d commit fucking ritualistic suicide if they got in the way of each other’s dreams, so does Sanji know where that would leave the swordsman in this case? With no Captain, no crew, and yet another dead rival and best friend (who, mind you, began to live in fear of his own biology betraying him right before dying. but the parallels between Kuina and Sanji and how they relate to Zoro could be a long ass post for another day).

I think he doesn’t know. But he can’t find out how Zoro would mourn him unless the pact actually follows through. But still, I don’t think Oda would kill Sanji, cause that’s no way to resolve this issue. So here’s my speculation about how I think it could potentially play out, following that initial line of thinking of the death pact’s resolution being set in Elbaf, specifically because of Sanji and Zoro’s parallels to Dorry and Brogy.

Like Brogy, Zoro would have to believe that he killed Sanji. That he won their final duel. He’d have to believe that Sanji has fallen and, also like Brogy, have to face that grief and hurt all alone. But in the end, like Dorry, Sanji would survive, having never actually been hurt. Because their edges have dulled after fighting for so long, no longer as capable of landing killing blows as they thought. “Not even the blades of Elbaf could endure two giants fighting for 100 years”? Something of the sort. And maybe this line of speculation is simplistic or optimistic, but the chances of it playing out like this aren’t zero, so just in case, I would want to be able to say that I called it.

#i also cant rlly see the death pact being brought up again anytime before we get to elbaf proper #and any time afterward itd just feel. out of place? like too personal a conflict to be placed into the final arc where the strawhats-#-are supposed to be at their strongest and ready for their final challenges. Infighting at that stage would feel distracting? Melodramatic?#Zoro’s also not gonna finish fighting Mihawk and then go fight Sanji like it’s items on a murder grocery list #specially because it feels weird to place his showdown with his current friend-rival AFTER fulfilling his promise to Kuina? And not before?#like idk idk Oda is very meticulous about fitting all his plotlines together I’m sure he’ll know what to do better than me #but uh. This is my pitch on how and when it could play out #one piece #my post #zosan #??? I MEAN #you cant discuss the death pact without making it a little bit zosan #idk how to tag this tho or how many people i’d like to see this. hn

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mattodore · 4 months

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somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy

#''river what happened to working on your werewolf oc? the one from yesterday?'' ……let's not discuss it i simply can't bear to talk about it #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #did not need to edit this but we'll never see him with this hair again so i figured. sure why not spend a little bit of time on this #this looks very similar to his hair from when he was a child..... he had swoopy bangs and a middle part back then #...............staring at him like this i kind of want to eat him #kjfgksjfg #the messier his hair is the more i'm like Oh?#like italicized /Oh?/#….i have nothing else to say here like there was rlly no need for me to post this i just thought hm. he looks pretty <3 #i changed his jaw a bit and made his chin smaller… idk if it’s noticeable #theo is untouched (by the veronicas… classic) like i didn’t change his sim at all #…….can i be honest the reason why i abandoned ria’s sim is bc i realized fuck. i do NAWT have decent fem frame clothing #especially not for a butch lesbian sim like. why is everything a crop top….#tbf tho. i’m not mad about getting to look at alessandria’s happy trail #.................deep sigh. but i'm gonna go back to it rn.#i think i'll just leave her outfits like they used to be for now even tho i don't really like what she's wearing

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asherashedwings · 5 months

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Got carried away while listening to Moon Waltz

#fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf glitch Sun #is that what the fandom calls this guy now?#idk I’m just guessing #Wingz!Sol #teehee making my own tag for him #gotta go update past posts now #Ruins Rebuilt au #ashedwings post #ashedwings art

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homefryboy · 9 months

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samesieeees

#just me being dumb #bro I’m not going in the tags so idk if anyone else has said this #adventure time #adventure time fionna and cake #cuphead don’t deal with the devil #the cuphead show #candy queen #baroness von bon bon #also mentioned elsewhere winter king has big warden energy #but as my tumblr sexyman post(s) have taught me no one knows what superjail is so

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amphirrhvx · 29 days

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❤️🩵✨

close up of johnny without his sunglasses cause ,,,, freckles :3

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat legends #mklegends #johnny cage #kenshi takahashi #cageblind #johnshi #I truly was not going to draw them but something possessed me to.#And I’m glad I did because I love this piece #I’m very very proud of this one #anyways expect more mk legends stuff and cageblind cuz I loaf them #ok I say that like that’s not all I post HDGDHEVDJDJ #anyways! ya :) very happy with this one idk what to say..#Happy Days! spread love and kindness everyone ur all awesome and cool and loved

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marragurl · 1 month

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Saxaphone player Gallagher has not left my mind since the jazz night art dropped AND THEN Robin saying Halovian’s innately have good voices and Sunday used to hum lullabies to her as kids happened in the 2.2 special program, and I’m sure you guys can see where my unfortunate Galladay heart is going with this.

Whoever decided to make this art, I love you. I hope your pillow is cool every night, you’re never stuck in traffic, and your water is refreshing with every sip.

Also the art of Sunday with the White Gentlemen drink in the S.P.A.R.K.L.E jazz night event has also spiraled into me delusionally thinking that’s his go to drink. Which is hilarious since Robin has hinted before that he seems to have a massive sweet tooth in her letters.

(Sunday how do you even make holding a drink menacing, Sunday please get some therapy-)

So imagine this:

Pre 2.0 Galladay, where they’re both wary and suspicious of each other but didn’t do anything outright. Sunday slowly began to visit Gallagher’s bar whenever he had time to observe the Hound, initially on the down low just to get a sense of what he was working with and what to keep an eye on. He always gravitated to that one corner booth that every bar had with the most privacy, and just stalked there for a few hours before leaving. (Smol menacing birb in a tree vibes)

Gallagher obviously knew that Sunday was doing this (even though everyone else seemed to somehow completely miss him, Gallagher wouldn’t be surprised if Sunday was doing some weird Harmony mind tricks), and after the first few “stakeouts,” he bit the bullet and actually approached the table to engage with Sunday, on the off chance this was some weird “test of loyalty” by the Halovian to see if the Hound would swallow his pride to serve his so-called masters.

Nothing terrible happened, but he remained passive-aggressively polite when serving him, and Sunday remained passive-aggressively cool-headed in response. There was some snark of what dear “sweet-toothed” Sunday would want at a bar, and an icy reply of “aren’t you the master drink smith? Why don’t you show me those skills you boasted about?” which led to Gallagher being petty and giving Sunday the White Gentlemen drink, both for the story behind it being such a metaphor for Sunday, and because it was on the more bitter side of alcoholic drinks.

Sunday wasn’t too against the drink; it wasn’t something he would have ordered if it had been his choice, but it wasn’t a bad drink by any means. He couldn’t help but continue to drink it even after Gallagher left his little hidey booth to go back to the main bar, but he’d never stoop so low as to complement the Hound. Of course, he never ordered anything else from then on, only White Gentleman. In fact, over time it seemed to slowly get better, the flavors grew on him, and he couldn't help but look forward to it during difficult nights in the Dreamscape.

If Gallagher tried to needle him into a different drink, Sunday just bit back a “oh? Admitting defeat? I thought this was your best drink for me?” with a little smirk while Gallagher had to use every bit of self-control to not punch him in the face.

As time went on, the bar slowly became a place Sunday frequented to not quite relax, but to get away from the hustle and bustle of Penacony and his duties as one of its main faces. The stresses slowly started piling up, especially with the Charmony fast approaching in a few months and all that came with it.

Gallagher didn’t seem to loosen up regarding his attitude with Sunday, but he did get better at shoving down the visceral hatred he had for everything to do with The Family and Sunday as time went on. He didn’t get soft with Sunday per se, but he definitely kept an eye out for him, and definitely knew when to cut off his drinks on days where it seemed that Sunday wasn’t all that there for their usual veiled comments towards one another when he went to serve him his drink.

It started small, with Sunday staying later and later until sometimes he was the last one to leave the bar to return to reality. Gallagher wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, still wasn’t quite sure this wasn’t some weird long-term test Sunday was devising, especially since he still seemed to be the same ruthless Family member, the same Head of the Oak Family, when Gallagher was working as a Bloodhound outside the bar. For some reason though, within the enclosed space of this strange sanctuary, it was almost peaceful between the two.

One night, there was something wrong when Sunday entered the bar during Gallagher’s shift. He saw a bit of a crowd near the small stage that was within eyesight of his little hidey booth, it seemed some of the musicians of the live band were arguing? He watched as Gallagher came over, seemed to try to speak with the group before honing in on one of the musicians who had been making the most noise and seemed to be about to get physical with the rest. Sunday watched as Gallagher picked up the musician by the scruff of their suit with one hand and carried them towards the doors and lightly tossed them out.

(It was the first time Sunday had actually seen Gallagher perform anything resembling the actual duty of a Bloodhound. It only hit him that he’d only ever seen the other when giving reports, orders, or at the bar. Why was this so shocking to him, he’d seen the man’s arms before, hard not to with his slovenly dress and messy clothing style, as if he couldn’t bother to hide away his imperfections from the world, not like Sunday who refused to be seen by the world, to dare to show one thing off about himself despite his countless failings- he’s getting far too distracted by one meager showing of strength, focus Sunday)

There had always been a live music segment. Sunday was curious to see what would happen with the band missing a member, but was distracted by Gallagher placing his usual White Gentlemen in front of him before heading back to the musicians without a single word to him. Gallagher took a moment to speak with the rest of the band, who seemed to be coming out of their shock and took on worried looks. Sunday could only watch in muted shock as Gallagher went behind the bar and came back with a case, opening it to reveal a saxophone. He then went on stage with the rest of the group, positioned himself further to the side and in the back amongst the shadows within Sunday’s line of sight, and played with the band for the rest of the night.

Sunday couldn’t look away.

He was frozen as he watched Gallagher seamlessly transition from song to song, taking only small breaks to continue serving the other patrons before heading back in. Sunday only remembered about his own drink when his gloves began to get wet from the ice melting into condensation on his glass.

Something felt off within Sunday, and for the first time since Robin’s debut, he couldn't help humming to the music of the band, music that wasn’t of his own sister’s making. He couldn’t help but remember those little concerts the two would have, taking care of his little sister, his only world. He would do anything to keep the Harmony, to keep their family going. When was the last time they truly spent time together? Before he became the Head of the Oak Family? Before he couldn't recognize his own smile?

He was so lost in his thoughts, in memories he thought he buried, that he didn’t realize that it was once again closing time, and he was once again the last one left. He only snapped out of it when Gallagher came by to grab his empty glass, only quirking a questioning brow at him before heading back to the bar.

Gallagher had been keeping a quiet eye on the Halovian that night from the back of the band, in the shadows he felt the most comfort in when in the Dreamscape of Penacony. He had watched Sunday’s eyes glaze over, and the only reason he hadn’t felt offended by the seeming disinterest was the look in the other man’s eyes reminding him of his own when he looked in the mirror. The same look of shame, regret, loss, longing, of the wishes to regain everything he had lost. The same look he strove to hide under every bit of the facade he had crafted of this new self, but came back all too often with every reference of the Family found within his prison in the Dreamscape.

Maybe it was the shared nostalgia within his own heart, that little bit of his true self that he thought died when the Family tore out everything that made him who he was, that made him return behind the bar and begin making Sunday another White Gentlemen, giving Sunday a small nod to beckon him over. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, and he masked his own surprise when Sunday actually left his little shelter to come and take a seat in front of him at the bar. Even while out of it, Gallagher made note of the quiet confidence the other still carried himself. Nothing seemed wrong to anyone else looking at him, only for the lost look in his eyes.

The first time in the many months that they’ve been skirting around each other, and finally they seemed to be face to face.

It was quiet as Gallagher made Sunday his usual drink, a drink he had been slowly changing over the months to be sweeter and sweeter that Sunday never quite seemed to notice, or if he did, he never said anything, only seeming to savor it more each subsequent night. Maybe not even Gallagher noticed his own changes to the drink, subtle as they were.

It was quiet as Sunday took the finished drink, and it was quiet as his eyes slid over the bartop to see the saxophone case laying open with the instrument inside. It was quiet as Gallagher followed his eyes, as he came out from behind the bartop to take the saxophone out and take a seat in a chair only one seat down from Sunday’s. It was quiet as Gallagher began to play to his audience of one.

It was quiet as Sunday quietly hummed along.

It was quiet as they both knew that it would not last.

OK yea so this was all because I heard ‘La vie en rose’ at the end of the Jazz night event and went “Damn I wish that’s Gallagher playing on his Sax” and then we spiraled.

Uh. Idk what it is with me having a small ship moment which then spirals into a full blown writing session. My mind blanked out and as I came to I find out that I made a whole ass little one shot over here then completely forgot about it WHOOPS

So yea, hope my fellow Galladay enjoyers… enjoyed! I think I’ve slowly begun to crave… not domestic or fluff per se from these two, but after every AO3 fic being super dark between them (which I get! They are the toxic yaoi kings of Penacony as of writing this, no one is denying that!) I think I want to see them be explored in a more melancholic sense. Not quite the “forbidden” love angle, but in the “damn we kinda have some parallels, and maybe in another life we could have gotten along but there’s too much baggage and anger, both historically and currently to really even try anything”

I have this feeling this may not be the last time I write about these two… is Galladay going to be the ship that gets me to actually use my AO3 account?

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr gallagher #hsr sunday #galladay #idk what I’m doing anymore #they’ve kinda taken over my mind #shoutout to that one ao3 fic where both of them go “’this wasn’t supposed to happen’ as they’re making out #that’s the exact vibes I’m feeling when I think about these two pre-relationship #of course we don’t run away from angst in this ship #everything follows exactly up until the 2.1 end credits scene #let’s see what happens in 2.2 #I NEED ANSWERS #ALSO MISHA #I WANNA THROW GALLAGHER AND MISHA’S KINDA WHOLESOME RELATIONSHIP IN HERE TWO #idk wtf is going on there #but until 2.2 explains #Gallagher is misha’s weird drunk uncle/dad figure #it adds more comedy to Galladay whether Sunday knows of/can see Misha or not either way #oof new writing idea #next time #I need to work on tagging #this is just another post all on its own

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