#idk something about this poem and them does something to me i cannot explain

[eileensdress]

A rare gift I’ve given you. But you didn’t want it.

The Knife, Mary Oliver/Hannibal NBC

#i know i posted something a long time ago that’s the knife and hannibal but I like this one better and it’s been a brain worm #so here have my worm #idk something about this poem and them does something to me i cannot explain #its the faggotry of it all #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal nbc #mizumono #web weaving #<3

[celestie0]

(sending you an ask as a reply to your response to my reblog, because my network is being a bitch and idk if it went through the first time, it showed it failed to go through to me, and also because it’s easier this way, to type it out in the comment section or reblog)

ANYWAYS(

think i’ve said it before but i’ll say it again; gojo loves reader so passionately, so devotedly and even unconditionally. he fell so much harder, it’s heartbreaking that she doesn’t know, but it’s even more heartbreaking that he’s suffering alone, i’m genuinely waiting for the day she gets to hold him through the night and reassure him that’s it’s fine, that they will be fine. idk perfect, but i think they will be the nearest thing to perfection. perfectly splendid.

there’s nothing sexier than a man who loves passionately and consensually. idk about the rest, but personally him looking at her with so much desire and still letting go of her hands when she interlocks it because she might regret when the sun comes up is undeniably one of the most passionate moments ever. i cannot really explain how it is tbh, but there’s something so strong over there. it’s angsty, it’s heartbreaking, and there’s so much selfless love. he’s so good AND he does it so well. iykyk. also that was indeed a “slut” reference because isn’t gojo a gentleman? a man who loves you more than himself? id dedicate all my favourite ts songs to him! any day.

my favourite part about you showing her vulnerability is how it all came together since the beginning, like there were always hints and words of it and they fall together so elegantly. the pacing, the eloquence, everything has been so well put together.

her problems are so relatable…like i get that feeling when you question your calibre, your career choice and everything you’ve ever done. the inner conflict about your cv and if it’s even acceptable, unique, extraordinary? the world is so fast paced and theres only so much we can do,. it’s been refreshing to read about a character who does express their vulnerability regarding their career. i personally think we lack that substance nowadays. even in published paperbacks.

im screaming that i could make an impact on you with my words, because your words definitely made a huge impact on me. they’ve not only refreshed me, but also inspired me, i obviously cannot write a story this well, but i can write poems, i’ve done that most of my lives. i struggle with keeping up with the pacing in stories tbh. and dialogues. (and insecurities)

i’m keeping your fic in my favourite reads ever!

🫶💌

hi dear aaa im not sure if the reblog went through for me so im glad you sent the ask!!

ouu your analysis of gojo’s emotional wellbeing has me tearing up 😭 i think it’s sad too how he struggles to open up quite yet and im sure it feels like two steps forward one step back w reader so far, but im hoping that w more scenes reader can show him she’s trustworthy and can be someone there for him ☺️💕 its going to be a joy to build more of their connection. i’m suuuuper excited for gojo’s last pov chapter which i wont spoil which chap it’ll be but im alr so curious how you will receive it dear reader given how deeply youve given his character thought 🫶🏼💕

haha i LOOOVE the wildest dream ref n just all the ts refs in generaaaal i listen to folklore/evermore when i write each chap <3 and thank you it’s so flattering that you could pick up that energy btwn them in the writing i was rly hoping i could capture it 🥺

and yesss i really resonate with that! i think ive read a lot of works that do have aspects of career and romance but for kickoff im really trying to marry the two :) both w gojo grappling w his focus on soccer due to his father’s legacy rather than his focus on the more “important” things in life such as love n happiness (which his father only rly learned after he couldn’t play the sport anymore), but also in reader who holds on very tightly to her dreams & has only had them in mind since the beginning (her “terms & condition” from gojo) but she’s struggling in dealing w her fears of failure. i think that the two of them have valuable insight that they could offer each other and help them trust one another more bc of these two situations theyre in :) and could build to a more healthy and genuine romance

and yesss to all of the career doubts and wondering if you’re good enough 😭 thats something so universal and also something i genuinely wonder if it will ever go away

THANK YOU AGAIN SM FOR YOUR WORDS I HAVE SM FUN TALKING AB KICKOFF W YOU omg its got me out here emotionallll. that’s so lovely you write poems my dear i could TELL honestly haha you have such a breathtaking way w words n deliberation

also i’ll respond to your reblog of the writing tips post here but you are so very welcome im really rooting for you and awaiting your tag <33

so much love 💕

#ahhhhhhhh #love u dear reader #kickoff #asks

[clare-with-no-i]

⭐️ ibibib or bust bestie tell us all abt it xoxo quibblah

ok bestie @thequibblah i know u sent this ask like a month ago and by now have forgotten u sent it. i also know that ur asleep rn. but i'm listening to the playlist and thus in the it burns it blinds it blisters mood, so…director's cut!

(discussion of explicit material under the cut. that means no one under 18 and also not my sister who is banned from reading any of my E stuff. so. don't u fuckin dare dude i s2g)

edit: wow this got SO fucking long. i feel like i should apologize, idk why, but wow i have chronic not-shutting-up disease

so, i've talked roughly four thousand times about how Anne Carson's poem "Glass, Irony, and God" inspired the piece, but for all those who don't know, that's where the title comes from. the poem goes thus:

"I am talking about evil.

it blooms.

it eats.

it grins."

i mean. come ON!!!!!!!

anyway.

from a stylistic standpoint, I wanted this entire piece to be much more active and to-the-point. the sentences are short and brusque; lots of verbs, lots of action words. Lily's narration relies on things like i need and he needs and i give and he takes from me, which is all stuff that makes me enjoy writing established relationship smut as opposed to a new couple or a hook-up - I wanted the communication to be so well-established as to be nearly implicit. I wanted looks and movements to communicate feeling almost in equal measure as spoken dialogue.

the line:

I want him to burn me tonight, just a little. So the heat stays long after I have to leave him. I want the pain of it.

pretty much sets the entire tone for the piece, IMHO. you have Lily directly articulating to reader that she not only wants him sexually, but she wants him in a way that is not loving or gentle; she is quite literally asking for some level of pain - but in a controlled, heavily discussed setting. sex, for a lot of people, is a way of working through real-life conflicts in a simulated setting and seeking emotional catharsis - that's what I wanted her to be seeking here.

My knees are pulled up, halfway to my chest, far enough away that it takes some effort not to let them fall down onto the duvet. I don’t want them to, though—I want him to see the outside of my thighs, the way his tee shirt fits me poorly, too large by half, pooling at my hips. I want him to wonder what it’s hiding underneath. I know he will.

I loved this line. it's kind of hard to explain why - maybe just that it interacts with Lily's physicality as a participant in this moment as much as it does her unspoken desires, what she wants from James. I loved writing the line about how it took effort not to let her legs straighten and fall, because it felt like such a line that everyone could picture. I actually pulled my knees up and let them fall a few times (I was sitting on my floor the whole time while I wrote this, no idea why) and just being able to match the physical sensation of keeping them up like that like she was -- possibly to look appealing, like she describes, but also because it's a point of focus for her, something she can direct energy toward -- was really engaging for me while writing.

Three missions’ worth of separation, he prescribed. I’m to leave in the morning. Scouting in Ashford. Could be boring, could be deadly. I never really know.

fun fact! I've been to Ashford before. it's in southeast England. there's a shopping mall there. it's nice.

I love him messily, and with poor posture. I curl into it. I let it curve my spine. I cannot stand straight with it sitting on my neck, pushing down between the blades of my shoulders; it is heavy and soft and I feel it in every muscle, like the press of sheets on a sweat-slick body.

it's becoming increasingly apparent to me how much of my stories I base in sensations of the body. but yeah. loved writing this, editing it; it took about four iterations of this line to get here. I love the idea that, yes, this love Lily has for him is beautiful and kind and soft, but it's also heavy, leaden; it is, in some ways, constantly weighing her down. she is different because of it. not that that's bad! but in wartime, it must be cumbersome.

“Maybe I’ll do it,” he mumbles, if not to me, then maybe to whatever’s building in his chest; whatever angry beast needs placation. “Maybe I’ll kill Moody and take you somewhere. Just the two of us.”

This, some version of humor that’s only developed between us in the past few months. Maybe I’ll just kill them and be done with it. Maybe we’ll run away. It’s angry and mean—not something we would have said a few months ago. Not something James, especially, would ever say.

But he needs to say it now, to exorcise these thoughts from his body, and for him, I’ll be priest and sinner at once—grant him absolution, catch him in his fall from grace; clutch his hand as I tumble down beside him.

so, this is probably the most bleak I'll get in terms of James characterization - I mean, for fuck's sake, the guy's considering murdering his commander!! but it's another testament to the level of communication that is present and intrinsic to his and Lily's relationship (in my hc, as i'm sure many people's) that it's immediately clear that he won't. that he's more commenting on the futility of the situation.

also, that last part is just…wow religious imagery! in a sex fic?? who am I, hozier????

His turn to whine. “You’re so—” he cuts himself off brokenly, groaning, pressing his hips to the inside of my thigh. I can feel him hard through his boxers. He dips his fingers and curls, and, oh, God. The sound that leaves me cuts between us, high and razor-thin. He leans down to press his face into my neck. His fingers still moving.

“James,” I gasp, “It’s alright—you can just—”

“No,” he responds lowly to my collarbone. Whatever part of me can bristle does so. No?

James Potter, who literally verbally rejects the idea of not giving his wife an orgasm

In silent rebellion against his words and my reaction to them, I reach one hand down, sliding below his chest to push at the fabric of his boxers. I want badly to touch him. I want him slack-jawed and near angry at his own arousal, the way I know he wants me. I want him in body and soul all the time, but for now, I want him so much in body I wonder if my soul is still there to pine for his.

I don't know why, but that last sentence was such an aha! moment for me. I'm hoping it comes across the way I intended: that Lily loves him "body and soul," but right now she is so much an inhabitant of her own body, so entrenched in this moment which feels so physical but also so much of an intentional departure from their typical dynamic (young in love married couple, hopeful even as soldiers), that she sort of has to wonder how much of her soul is left inside of her body, whether or not the two match up anymore. it was a fun play on the phrase "body and soul."

“James,” I breathe, and I know he can hear it, that little stutter in my voice, the way it’s unsteady in pitch. Good. I want him to confront what he does to me with every one of his senses. I want it to slide through his bloodstream. “It’s so—I’m close, I’m close…”

He knows, of course he knows, but he still swears when I say it, like it was something he’d been imagining until I confirmed it out loud. His fingers keep their pace, and he raises himself up on his other palm, his arm shaking with the effort of holding him aloft. But he wants to watch me, he said. And he’s always been one to keep his word.

there's a very curious sort of intermingling of pleasure and pain here, which I wanted to play with - his arm shaking with effort, the way her voice breaks. and then, further, the fact that these are both results of internal intentions on both of their parts: Lily, making a concerted effort to show James how much he's affecting her; James, putting himself under strain because he wants to watch her.

“Tell me,” I gasp, and I force my gaze onto his, watch as he processes the words. “Tell me to, please, James.”

I feel him jolt forward against my hip like he’s been hexed. He lets out a cutting hiss from between his teeth. It nearly sounds as if I’ve offended him.

first of all, Bad Bitch Lily Evans, literally breaking her man's brain like that.

second of all, this is one of multiple lines with something like "it nearly sounds as if I've offended him" or "he nearly looks in pain" or something like that. I wanted that to have the underlying implication of, you would think that unless you knew him as well as I do; I see this expression for what it is.

Once again—a third, pathetic time—I hear myself saying: “I don’t want to go.” It’s just as true as it was when he got here, and maybe a little bit more painful now.

this whole story is such a play on Lily's intentionality: pretty much everything she does or says has a reason to it, has a reaction in James that she wants to provoke. but I kind of wanted them to vacillate between this intentionality and getting lost in each other (corny I know), but then being pulled back by things like the third "I don't want to go." It's a reminder not only that she's leaving, but that she has a vision for how she wants this night to go.

“Hi, there,” I whisper, because I can feel the anger in him again, the howling coming from inside his chest. The beast in there he cages up.

“Hi, baby,” he whispers back, trying so hard for tenderness. It makes me ache. It makes me miss him, already.

this is, quite literally, the first time they actually greet each other. two-thirds of the story through.

--

one last thing, I guess: I reiterate two of the three verbs from the title ("Burn, Blind, Blister") throughout the latter part of the story, in order.

first: burn

Burn me, I think, swiftly, put a mark below my skin. Leave your warmth with me, and I promise I’ll take it with care.

second: blind

Part of me wants to go blind with this feeling, so that he will be the last thing I ever see, the final image imprinted upon my brain. Messy black hair. Hazel eyes. Head tilted back in pleasure he’s taking from me.

I'm not sure why I did this! I remember being conscious of it, and that I wanted to work "blister" in there, but I didn't really have a place for it, lol.

--

I guess with this piece I wanted to try and get back into explicit work, but I really wanted it to be emotion-driven (god not that I dislike or have anything against pure smut, I think we all know) and more communicative than, like, sexy. I honestly barely think this counts as smut?? Like it's not really that horny of a piece, it's more, uh, sad. which is cool. lol

ok love u bestie if you read all of this...you deserve some sort of award

send me a ⭐️and the name of a story to get a director's cut!

#ask #thequibblah #it burns it blinds it blisters #wow this is a magnum opus #am i ok #jesus

[yaz-the-spaz]

So I’m new to the Ziam fandom, I’m a strong larrie but I also couldn’t help to notice that there was something between Z*yn and L*am too. Could you tell me about the tiger tattoo? I keep hearing that its an iconic Ziam tattoo and I’m a little confused. Also, do you think Ziam is still together right now in 2020 and could you explain why? I hope this isn’t a bother.

hey nonnie, welcome to this side of the fandom! and please don’t worry, you are not a bother at all, and we are always happy to have new members! please accept this adorable gif of ziam waving hello as your welcoming gift into the ziam fandom lol! 😊🌈

now onto your question about the tiger tattoo...

hooo boy, nonnie

 idk if you know what you’re asking because this is a BIG life-altering question.

BIG.

...are you ready for this? 

are you ready to die? are you ready to have your soul ascend from your body up to the gay ziam heavens for all eternity? 

i mean it’s pretty nice up here and all but you may just wanna get your affairs in order before you continue, cause once you discover all the ways zayn javadd malik has professed his undying and eternal love for liam james payne all over his goddamn body there is no coming back.

are you absolutely sure you’re ready?

ok, here we go!

so. once upon a time way back in october 2013 zayn debuted a new tattoo of a tiger on his arm. at the time it seemed like just another tattoo in a quickly growing long list of (random) tattoos, and went by relatively untalked about among fandom (at least afaik) for a couple of years. but THEN, in early 2016 zayn followed that tattoo up with the addition of the full title of his m.o.m. album spelled out around the tiger...

seems normal, right?

first off, notice how the tiger’s tail is shaped suspiciously like an L?

well, that’s not all that’s gay i mean odd or interesting about this tattoo lol...some have also noticed that the muscles of the tiger’s back quite remarkably appear to resemble the muscles of a certain boy whose name also starts with L 

(and no i’m not talking about louis lol)

but here’s where shit really gets real because guess what? you may have noticed that the letters of the ‘mine’ part are kind of shuffled in an odd/not really consecutive order to spell out the word mine in a way that’s clearly or easily readable...that’s because zayn’s extra ass arranged it specifically so that only the i, e, and m, are all directly around the L-shaped tiger tail, while the n is just off to the side like a lonely forgotten reject

by now you might be saying to yourself okay, well that’s not really all that significant to liam, and the L could just be a coincidence/not really mean anything, couldn’t it?

wrong again!

because once more, zayn ‘i live to be as extra as humanly possible about my love for liam james payne because i don’t know any other way to live’ malik made sure to put a little tail/extra line on the side of the letter ‘e’ to make it interchangeable with an upside down letter ‘a.’ 

now again you might be thinking i don’t know if that’s really intentional or all that meaningful. but look closely. 

there is clearly an additional connected piece on that e that cannot be explained away or mistaken for just a weird blot of ink. it’s not just an error on the part of the tattoo artist (if it was i’m sure zayn would have had it fixed by now given that he’s had that tat for over 4 years at this point) and there’s also no letter ‘a’ in ‘mind of mine.’ 

so why is it there? and why does it just so happen to be right next to the i, the m, and the L-shaped tiger tail. why did zayn choose to arrange the letters of the word ‘mine’ in such a weird order instead of a more normal/easier to read format like the rest of the album title? and why did he choose put those exact letters all near each other? because it’s intentional. and because it’s meant to have a very particular double meaning.

if he was going for just a random order he could’ve put those letters anywhere. but he didn’t. and more than that he went out of his way to make sure that that additional piece on the e was added and distinct so that it could very clearly double as an (unnecessary) a. 

there’s no way you can argue that all of those things are just coincidence or that the random letter ‘a’ means absolutely nothing lol. that tattoo was clearly meant as both an homage to the album and to liam (who the album is largely believed to be about lol). and the fact that the muscles seem to match quite closely to liam’s is a nice added bonus that just helps confirm that imo. (plus there’s also the lovely little tidbit of knowledge that the tattoo is positioned in such a way that whenever zayn wears short-sleeve shirts the ‘Liam’ part is the only part clearly on display 😏😏😏)

BUT GUESS WHAT??

THAT IS NOT EVEN WHERE ZAYN’S TATTOO DEDICATIONS ENDDDD

never mind that he already had all of us ziams sobbing ourselves to death and morphing into withered soulless husks over this tattoo after he debuted the full thing in 2016, but there’s so! many! more!

boy’s body is literally a giant ass open love letter to liam and i am NOT OKAY. (have i mentioned i hate these extra ass romantic saps with every fiber of my being? no? well i do. and you’re about to find out all the reasons why)

reason #1 - all. the. goddamn. mandala. tattoos. (there are multiple but i’m only linking to this post featuring/talking about the main one, i.e. the very first one he got cause that’s the one that kills me the most but if you wanna see the others peep my ziam tattoos tag or my zayn’s tattoos tag)

reason #2 - love & marriage poem tattoo (read all the posts in this tag starting from the bottom first for full context)

reason #3 - red wolf & bat wings chest tattoo

reason #4 - wolf leg tattoo (more background details here too)

reason #5 - liam’s silhouette leg tattoo

reason #6 - smoking lips hand tattoo (which literally matches the album art for liam’s debut single exactly and was debuted on zayn’s hand months before the single’s release - scroll down to the part where you can see the red lip pics)

reason #7 - the snake tattoo (aka the snake habitat tattoo)

reason #8 - motherfuckin 25!! idk what it means but it clearly means SOMETHING important to the both of them and it still drives me insane to this day and probably will to my dying breath 🤬 

bonus - it’s not a tattoo but: zayn’s nose piercing. which along with the mandala wrist tat is literally a desi bride declaration of marriage; fun fact - tan france, a gay married british-pakistani tv personality who is part of the queer eye crew also has a mandala tat on his left hand that some have speculated may also be to symbolize his dedication to his husband)

anyway there are more tattoos of zayn’s that seem to also be related to liam (though more loosely imo) but this post is already beyonddd long enough so i figured it’s best to just stick to the main ones/most obvious ones here lol 

(side note: liam also has tattoos that are clearly dedicated to zayn/his and zayn’s relationship as well, but that’s for another post and also if my recall is correct i think zayn might actually have more?? well that we know of anyway lol)

(side note 2.0: one other thing that adds to the theory of the m.o.m. tiger tattoo being a dedication to liam/liam’s name, besides the obvious lettering thing described above, is that zayn is known to have a thing for tattooing the names of his closest loved ones on his body. the only person in his immediate family whose name he doesn’t appear to have tattooed on him is trisha’s and i’d be willing to bet that’s either because she specifically asked him not to, or he does have one but it’s just in a very hidden place. but we know that he has his father’s name, grandfather’s name, and all of his sister’s names tattooed on him so when you combine that with the weird lettering of the m.o.m. tiger tat and the fact that the album was very likely about liam/closely followed the story of the beginning of his relationship with liam, it becomes even less plausible imo that that tattoo is meant to be about anything else but liam. ain’t science grand?)

(side note 3.0: zayn’s whole left arm/left sleeve of tats seems to be specifically reserved for tattoos dedicated to liam and/or related/connected to liam’s own tattoos, and there’s a couple of good posts here - x, x, x, x - that go through some of the more specific parallels between their tattoos and how certain ones seem to mirror or directly pair with each other’s)

ok i promise that’s it for the side notes lol!

lastly, to your final question, i do believe that they are still together currently, especially considering this most recent soft outing/confirmation from one of zayn’s songwriters (who is also not the first to do that either btw lol) but that is not the only reason - see my post here for some of the biggest reasons why i believe ziam remains real and strong :)

#asks #anons #ziam #ziam tattoos #zayn's tattoos #ziam declarations of love #ziam is real #ziam remains real #obvious husbands are obvious #ziam masterposts #mine #this post took me over half the goddamn day wtf #i hate my inconsistent ass tags #why am i like this

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

#AHH ive wanted to answer these for so long...... bro fr i was so happy when u sent these!!! like wow!! finally got sent one!!! #sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise #asks #anon #a(lore)a

[notjanine]

2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.

#long post #final total for the year will be 120 by the end of the day! #and i had a pretty good hit rate. would probably recommend at least half #and only outright hated four

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[madfantasy]

Dear Blogging

Hello dears, how have you been? I am re-energized, still open for commissions and under good pressure. Will talk endlessly about those, heh.

★How do I feel now after all this time trying to convince myself to not sink and stay afloat beyond the depth— that has no prosperous outcome to dive into— but cause more ache and suffering.. was empty, and now under a different surge of energy — mercifully weightless.

I was burnt out, streched thin, out of my mind with indecisive grief and had no reason to dream anew. Sounds hurtful to the ear but it was better to me than storms that uproot their surroundings and bring an end to perhaps a growing needed tedious process of repair. And it is what I am going under right now.

I suppose it means no more inktober daily for me. I was feeling uncertain with my art before but three days into it I have hated the guts of it. The influence of that horrendous dismay has brought down everything right along with it. Dishing out art like that whilst being under the pressure of time mixed with others things were the least constructive thing I needed to do in an already strained state— I knew it will be all-round draining but thought I needed a distraction— fell into destruction instead. And that what I have tried to depict in the last sketch to express myself. I feel I could have done more if I wasn't scrambling to post it before midnight: The absent of balance (the hand) has brought out the worst in me; the spotlight shone excessively until it paled the whole picture and focused only on the thickest part of it. Shadows consumed the light, while reviving me—in the darkness I have yet to create, but cannot see the results. Which have broken my spirit, but my work is there, visible, and to me has a glow of its own and fight to appear against the engulfing black.

I'm sorry for casting my worries wordlessly as such. Speaking is too harder of a task when I find myself in distressed or in such baseless trance. It's like having a mouthful of unpleasantness that you can't either swallow or spit out. And usually with force comes out like incoherent garble. (In my case, I write poems instead of talking cuz that's all I can think of, I can't do it any other time which is one of my strange cases, heh)

That being said, I never thought to do self expressing things before- and when I do, I usually erase them before I finish... but because I came through in the middle of doing it—it was a good experience. In a way, it urged me look for brushes. And while doing so I found me a new Master to study their artwork in awe, seeing their skill picked me up my dwindling desires because I found in them something I want to achieve in my artwork. Even if I feel like a dunderhead in comparison hehe, and don't link with the subject of their artwork, the feel of it is amazing. That's what I need in life, something to hit you in the face because of its present and not its title or what it is representing. Such happy chance.

★I have posted that I'm still open for commissions, but did not explain myself. It's got everything to do with wanting to improve my art in any way. I want to do art in greater, clearer picture quality. And the more I increase the resolution, the more the strokes of my brush slows. And I love CSP and would love to dive more into it, but I can't do much on it as it often lags if things got heavy, I tried everything out there to resolve those issues, got nothing so far.

I got an email from the library here encouraging to pre-order the new iPad. So I thought oh yeah people use it for art-ing and always heard how it did replace most of their art gear. So I have done lots of research and I find it so appealing especially with CSP and other apps I wanna try. I haven't seen its price until the very end and it did knock me through three walls whilst very much expecting it to be high, heh. So I'd like to get me one. I already have an app for a specific thing to do in it, like an app for painting and other for drawing and so on. Idk I can't try it without buying so it's a huge leap of faith hehe.

★Thank you for reading my blabber. You're amazing, wonderful and deserve the best in life. You can bring everything you visualize to life because it came to light in your mind, from the talents within you, awaiting your command to flourish, you are the tool to build it. I believe and trust in you to get over the burdens and follow the graceful pitter-patter of your heart wishes as it speeds at the mention of your desires. And if you can't see them, please try to listen, your consciousness often does speak to you, pay attention and you will see the jewel encrusted in you glitter, reflecting who you are and who you can be. Let it be you on the outside, want that success with your all, and don't allow the rule of mere mortals diminish you, your dreams, and everything you stand and believe in. I'm sorry you had the rough times, I'm sorry when there was no one to listen, I'm sorry for the precious tears you shed, bless your tolerance, you brave brave soul. It's hard, but sometimes it's all a must to form you, to shape you for your approaching destiny. You're one your way, bless your efforts and wish you a good night/day my dears 💛🌟.

#text #drawing journey #personal #💛

[gellavonhamster]

thoughts on ASOUE Season 3

from someone who remembers the last four books (except for TGG) quite badly - I think I have to mention this at once. Overall I really enjoyed it, but to me, it was a season of bringing everything to the max - an expression which here means "some parts being absolutely perfect but some parts also being completely ruined". More detailed review under the cut.

Things I loved:

Acting. The main kids have developed into really good actors; their performances were outstanding. It is difficult for me to determine how much of Sunny is CGI and how much is actually Presley Smith, but she was as adorable as ever (I LOVED how sweet and pleased her face was when she suggested pushing Olaf overboard). Malina Weissman and Louis Hynes delivered a lot of emotional scenes and showed the inner conflicts faced by the Baudelaires perfectly (also, remember how we speculated about why the Baudelaire siblings never really cry on the show? Well, there was a lot of crying this season and I cried with them, too). The rest of the cast was also splendid. Kitana Turnbull is still nailing it as Carmelita, Lucy Punch is still an amazing Esme, Tony Hale is still a great Jerome. Neil Patrick Harris's performance this season included a number of heartfelt scenes I wouldn't even think the show version of Olaf capable of. Usman Ally's performance, together with additional character development, was more than I could ever wish for Fernald, one of my favourite characters. Really, everyone did great.

I agree with the review that said that in this season, children are finally not overshadowed by adults. The adult characters (Kit, Fernald, Lemony, Dewey) still get more to do than they did in the books, but they do not take up as much screentime as Jacques and Olivia or the Quagmire parents. It is truly the kids (the Baudelaires + Quigley + Fiona) who are in the focus. As it should be.

When I say that something in a book/film/show made me cry, it is often an exaggeration, but I literally wept when Sunny was persuading Violet to leave her in captivity as a spy. Especially when Sunny tied up her hair the way Violet does, and also when she showed that she learned to be brave from Violet. It is my favourite moment of the season.

Quigley. I can't say the Quagmires are my faves, but it's still a pity that the show made Duncan and Isadora (to my mind) pretty bland. Quigley feels like a much more fleshed-out, interesting character than both his siblings combined - brave, resourceful, but also a bit reckless. And he's the only Quagmire who has the right hairstyle (well, at least he looks very much like the Quagmire triplets in the illustrations for the translation I've read).

Fernald and Sunny shared the cutest moments of the season. Yet still - I thought that when Fernald threw the cage off the mountain, he knew it was empty, but even if he did not, it wouldn't be completely out of character for him to sacrifice something he cares about to win Olaf's respect. Loved the Cinderella parallel and how Fernald is a messed-up version of Sunny's fairy godmother. Also when he found out she was poisoned and took her in his arms T_T

The interaction between Fernald and Fiona was exactly what I hoped for, they're ride or die for each other since the very moment they're reunited

Jerome/Charles and Babs/Mrs Bass! I'm choosing to believe both Jerome and Babs survived the fire (I mean, Justice Strauss managed to escape, and she was on the freaking rooftop!) and reunited with their respective love interests. Here for the implication that Charles is now running the lumbermill on his own after Sir fled - maybe it will finally become a better place of employment.

I dreamed of Bea II and Lemony sharing root bear floats and I cannot believe I actually got to have this

Kit and Lemony having some scenes together!

The first shots of the Hotel Denouement... very pretty, very aesthetic 

I liked how it is shown that the Denouement brothers still care about one another despite their ideological differences (the way Frank and Ernest are both clearly grieving during the trial!). Another thing I liked was how at first they made it seem like Kit is dating the wicked brother. If I haven't read the books, that would've been a big "holy shit" moment.

The Man with a Beard but No Hair and the Woman with Hair but No Beard were properly menacing, and making their beard and hair essentially the same but upside down was brilliant. 

Some of the theories they chose to make true on the show are the ones that I believe to be true as well (e.g. Lemony being the taxi driver in TPP, The Man with a Beard and the Woman with Hair being Olaf's chaperones/guardians, Olaf and Esme having murdered Carmelita's parents).

Lemony carrying around photos of his siblings :(

When Violet closed Olaf's eyes, I cried again.

Things I hated:

I propose we all agree that Ish is lying about being the founder of VFD because he hasn't seen new faces in ages and finally there are some new castaways whom he can bullshit about being more important than he actually was and stroking his ego. It became clear a long time ago that the show doesn't give a damn about the canon timeline, but VFD being that recent does not make sense even in the Netflix-verse. What about so many VFD buildings, the underground repurposed as secret tunnels, the whole city being shaped like the VFD sign? It couldn't have happened that fast. What about Kit saying she hadn't learned to hang glide until she was seven? Does not sound like a regular thing to teach a child. Also it means that All the Wrong Questions cannot be adapted for the screen because then the Netflix-verse would contradict itself. The VFD was introduced as such a huge, omnipresent organization, and in the end it boiled down to, like, a group of too ambitious students letting their teacher fill their heads with nonsense The Secret History-style? Ridiculous.

The only things I liked about the opera flashback was how dashing everyone looked (I think this was Esme's best look in all three seasons) and how happy and careless and relaxed they were while Beatrice was singing. In all other respects it was a trainwreck. I am not upset that on the show it didn't happen when the characters were kids because I do not have a strong opinion on what age everyone was then, and because learning that your friends and your girlfriend killed your parents sounds like a traumatizing experience no matter the age. But that's the thing - on the show, it didn't go down like this. The horror of what happened was downplayed by reducing the number of victims to Olaf's father only, by not mentioning Kit's involvement at all and turning a premeditated murder into manslaughter. And where's Bertrand? Olaf blames both Baudelaires but we are shown that he saw Beatrice and Lemony with the darts. It isn't even implied that Bertrand made the darts himself for this purpose specifically because Esme has the same weapon. And how does it all tie with the masked ball scene in s2? Kit writes Lemony a note saying that "Olaf knows" - of course he does, he fucking saw them! Why did Esme have the sugar bowl with the antidote with her at the opera - was she just casually drinking tea with this rare and precious substance to overdose and gain superpowers? What about the sugar cubes left behind - was there also some regular sugar in the bowl to, idk, make it seem less suspicious? An absolute mess, in my opinion.

To continue the previous point: Bertrand seems like an absolutely unimportant figure, his role minimized to a minute or so on the island, and he deserves better :(

This is small in importance but I really disliked that Kit said that Violet ties up her hair just like her mother while in the books it was her father, no matter whether Kit meant Bertrand or Lemony =/

Also, like. Taking "or she!" from Fiona and giving it to Violet. Didn't like that. Neither did I like Fiona calling Phil Cookie.

IIRC they also gave "It's Herman Melville" to Kit instead of Klaus? Why

Larry was a recurring character who had a lot to do in s1 and 2, yet his death (and a horrible one, he was literally boiled alive) was presented in a quite an offhand way. I'm not saying he should've necessarily stayed alive - in fact, his death fits in very well with the motif of all decent adults eventually getting killed - but, in my view, it should've been given more weight.

As I've already mentioned, I don't remember The End that well, but everything about Ish and drugging the islanders seemed significantly less scary than in the books somehow

The shot of Duncan and Isadora was clearly copy-pasted from TVV... listen, if you're giving them a 100% happy ending, at least do not half-ass it

Things I have mixed feelings about:

I loved the Kitlaf stuff; probably showing that they were together in the opera flashback makes it less of a revelation than in the books, but I thought all their shared moments very moving. I also found it an interesting choice to make each of them recite bits from both poems, thus pointing out that Olaf once was not a stranger to love and romantic poetry and that Kit might share his ideas about "man hands on misery to man". However, I think it's a pity that Netflix eliminated all hints at Olaf possibly being Bea's father. Even if he was not, the possibility of it being true in the light of the Baudelaires still raising Bea with love and care is, to my mind, very important. 

Jacquelyn being R... well, we saw that coming. Her mother's death being so recent is another "fuck you" to the canon timeline, but at least it explains why in the previous two seasons nobody called her the duchess - officially, she wasn't one yet. I don't perceive the show as an extension of book canon - to me, it is just one interpretation among many - so this reveal hasn't changed the fact that I imagine R being different from Jacquelyn. On the one hand, I am happy that one of my favourite characters made it into the adaptation (yes, one of my favourite characters is a sum total of comments made by other characters and a possibly fake letter, what of it), but I would've preferred if her portrayal included more of what we know about her from the books, such as her being close to both Lemony and Beatrice.

By the time s3 aired, I had already reconciled myself to the fact that the show version of Kit will be extremely toned down, so this disappointment was expected and therefore not that strong. I think there were some moments in which she actually was more of her book version (recruiting kids to fulfil dangerous tasks like it's nothing special, telling Lemony he should return to VFD), but of course this definitely noble, action-hero, composed Kit who looks forward to becoming a mother and leading a quiet life with Dewie on some island (wait, did they mean the Island?) is significantly less interesting than morally grey and depressed Kit who took part in many dubious or outright sinister plans (such as the Anwhistle Aquatics fire and the murder of Olaf's parents, in which both she was not even involved on the show) and did not seem to care about her baby that much. It is truly ironic that Mr Poe repeatedly accidentally calls her Jacquelyn because show!Kit feels very much like a Jacquelyn 2.0.

My first impression of Fiona was "oh no, they really gave her all the flaws her stepfather had in the books". I ended up liking her because she worked on her behavior and most of the times she was rude it felt like she's just trying too hard to convince everyone, herself included, that she's got this while constantly being unsure and confused on the inside. But her weird rivalry with Violet still rubbed me the wrong way. I'm glad they resolved their issues in the end.

The sugar bowl containing the antidote is an okay choice (timeline inconsistencies aside), but 1) I would've preferred it to stay a mystery, like in the books; 2) I still like the "this bitch empty" theory more.

There was more of VFD being not entirely noble in this season (e.g. the Medusoid Mycelium) but of course it is still a very watered-down version of what this organization was like. 

Listen, I'd be lying if I said I hated the happy ending for the Quagmires and the Widdershins. Heck, my favourite post-The End headcanon is that they all (and Hector!) survived the Great Unknown and stuck together as one big family of choice. But what was the point of showing us the Bombinating Beast Great Unknown and, most importantly, having someone mention that it is a metaphor for death if it is not used as such? It is a metaphor, it does not necessarily mean that they literally died, it could just as well mean that the Baudelaires simply never learned what happened to all these people. A wasted opportunity.

I assume the Baudelaires never got separated from Bea in the adaptation (since she does not immediately ask Lemony about them but proceeds, on the contrary, to tell him what happened to them) and the reason she searched for Lemony was simply wishing to get to know her uncle. It's not bad, it fits well in the more optimistic narrative of the show, but the original story is still more interesting.

That's probably all - at least all that comes to my mind at the moment.

On the whole, I think Season 3 and the show in general were rather a good adaptation than a bad one. Most importantly, I think it succeeds in performing what I consider the main function of an adaptation - making the audience interested in the source material. I am sure more people will read ASOUE (and ATWQ, and other Snicketverse books) after watching the show. I am also sure those who will read after watching the show first have a big storm coming.

#asoue spoilers #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #snicketverse #asoue season 3 #talk talk talk #gella talks snicketverse

[thesorrowfulknight-blog]

Okaayyyy, so! Apparently tumblr was being a shitforbrains again and didn't post my answers from a few days ago, so I'm gonna combine both get-to-know-me q&a's in one post! Sorry for the wait you guys.

1st set of q's was tagged by @legendarybitch 😘

Relationship status: Single AF

Favourite colours: Blue and green, hands down. I'm partial to he more vibrant blues and more earthy greens; especially hunter green with gold accenting. But it has to be a nice gold, not that yucky orangey-yellow some folks use

Lipstick or chapstick: Chapstiiiick! Anything else I get annoyed and scrape it off with my teeth

3 favourite foods: Oh god, I have to choose? I guess... Any pizza really though I have a weakness for deepdish (especially double cheese smothered in sriracha 😍), suicide hot wings (I want to choke on the fumes and feel like my face is melting), aannnnd a nice tender rare steak. You can't see it but I'm drooling now thx guys

Song stuck in my head: The Next Episode by Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg

Last song I listened to: Zombies by The Cranberries (the cover done by Bad Wolves is fucking bomb too)

Last movie I watched: Galaxy Quest (1999) Worth every goddamn penny

Top 3 tv shows: Tough call, but I think the closest would have to be Hannibal, Final Space, and Voltron: Legendary Defender

Books I'm currently reading: The Rowan by Anne McCaffrey and Burial Rites by Hannah Kent

Last thing I googled: Biomedical Technology

Time: 11:04pm

How many blankets do you sleep in: Primarily just my one big galaxy comforter

Dream trip: Phew, that one's a pretty tall order! About 9/10ths of my clan/extended familar are still in europe (mostly Germany and the Netherlands), so I'd like to be able to visit everyone! I haven't met most of them because of distance but we're all still very tightly knit accross continents. So a dream trip would somehow entail being able to get to visit everyone and possibly even go with my Oma before she can't fly anymore (she hasn't seen her sisters in many years). If somehow this all timed itself right so that I could also attend the Trakehner Verband approvals at Neumünster, I would legitimately weep with joy. My opa and I had always planned to go together as he hadn't been since immigrating to Canada, but now that he's passed I want to go for the both of us. It's a family legacy thing, I suppose. My second choice would be to visit either Spain or Portugal for a riding vacation 😍

Anything you really want: To have a prosperous and fulfilling life brimming with true friendship, laughter, and love.

2nd set of q's tagged by @vecchiasignoras 😙

Name: Kate, though I consider it to be quite intimate so only my immediate family calls me by this name. Everyone else refers to me as Kat

Height: 5'9"

Middle name(s): I have two! Their initials are E.M.

Put your music on shuffle. What are the first four songs that come on?

September by Earth, Wind & Fire

In the Middle by Jimmy Eat World

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

Something Like This by The Chainsmokers

Bonus: Become the Beast by Karliene

Grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. What is on line 17? (I counted them as the beginning/end of dialogue and whole sentences)

"She'll... she'll die! You know as well as I do," and Siglen's words crowded each other out of her mouth, "what happens to the truly Talented in space... I mean, look at how ill David became. Remember how devastated Capella was. To subject an infant... of unknown potential... to such mind-destroying trauma! Why you must be mad, Interior. You cannot! I will not permit it!"

Ever had a song or poem written about you? Not to my knowledge! Though the only thing they might draw inspiration from is how big my feet are lmao

When was the last time you played air guitar? Mmm, a few weeks I think? That Mötley Crüe riff was impossible to resist. As for a real guitar, I think it's going on almost 4 or 5 years now? Jesus time flies.

Who is your celebrity crush? They would have to be Tom Holland and Chris Hemsworth. I definitely have a thing for their personality type 😘

What's a sound you hate + a sound you love?

A sound I hate would 12/10 have to be my mother's voice, even just saying my name. It always sounds accusatory and condescending in the kind of way that's like nails on a chalkboard but under your skin. Also the sound of unexpected people WALKING UP ONTO MY PORCH AND KNOCKING ON THE DOOR INVADING MY SANCTUARY. (I loathe unannounced visitors. Hate hate hate them).

A sound that I love would hands down have to be the ambient noises my horse makes when he's just doing... whatever. When he's doing him-stuff. Slurping up electrolyte water like a messy kid, heaving these great big sighs because life amiright? I especially find his annoyed growling to be hilarious, because he is VERY loud and dramatic about it, but only does it when you ask him to do something relatively low effort that he finds tedious. Like flat work, or walking to and from the barn and paddock. Completely droll and lackluster. But going for a friendly gallop in the back field? You'd think we'd just gotten rallied by fucking Théoden to ride to our deaths at the Pelennor Fields. He makes this hard little growly-grunt when he shifts up into the next gear and then boom, you're gone. Just fucking gone. Then he's a happy springy boi. It isn't like his annoyed growling though; it's different. When he's annoyed it's more like verbal complaining; all in the throat. But when he revs it it's much shorter and takes on a hard edge. Comes up deep from the core. I can't really explain it any better than that. I just fucking love sprinting a 1700lbs war machine in general, now that I've re-learned how the hell to ride it 😂 I'm babbling now

Do you believe in ghosts? I believe in spirits and other things, yes.

How about aliens? We've only discovered and understand, what, 0.4% of the known universe? To not be widely open to and fully accepting of the notion that we are not alone would be pure folly. Even from a mathematical standpoint it would be wildly ridiculous not to. That doesn't mean I have any specific theories or "truths" about it, though. It would just be very stupid of me to be closed-minded.

Besides, if it does turn out to be true it would explain a lot of things. I think my favourite wild theory out there is that Mary, mother of Jesus, was artificially inseminated. Like we do with livestock. If nothing else it's fascinating to ponder the implications.

Do you drive? Yes. Pretty gutsy too, if I say so myself. My mum used to drag race so I guess it's both a hereditary as well as a learned thing.

If so, have you ever crashed? Only once, and that was an actual accident. The conditions were super icy so we were already going 20km below the limit, and I was hanging back, but what happened was the car infront of me hit the car infront of them, and when I slammed on the brakes I just slid about 15-20 feet right into their rear end anyways. Nobody got hurt except for my car; she took the worst of it. The car I hit basically just had to pop the dent back out and it was like I hadn't made contact. Lucky badstards. There were a ton of similar accidents that day so everything got wrapped up pretty quick.

What was the last book you read?

It's been so long since I've completed one, mostly because everything these days sucks ass, so I don't remember what it was. The ones I'm currently reading however are The Rowan by Anne McCaffrey and Burial Rites by Hannah Kent

Do you like the smell of gasoline? Clean, quality gasoline? Yes. Dirty low quality gasoline? No.

What was the last movie you saw?

Galaxy Quest (1999)

Do you have any obsessions right now? Not really, no. I mean, technically all things Bioware and my pony, but those are more of a glowering embers kind of love. Not the raging wildfire kind that overtakes the mind and turns you into a fanatic

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Eeeehhhhhh, yes and no. Like I won't actively hate you cause why tf would I waste the energy, so it's whatever, but I will also always keep you at arm's length so idk

Are you in a relationship? No, nor do I want to be. I'm enjoying just being on my own and allowing myself to grow as a person. I don't do relationships just for the sake of being in one, or because of this ridiculous notion people seem to have that you aren't complete/a whole person without a significant other. I'm only interested in end-game, and I'm not ready to be open for that right now ✌

Bonus: What's an annoying/bad habit that you have? Talking the shit out of everything. And I swear. A lot. More in my head than out loud, though.

#man this got dark #my bad #about me #get to know me #q&a #personal #me #thesorrowfulknight #i apologize for any typos; i've been at this for several hours now

[moonlight-sonder]

Can't choose just one, so answer aLL of them bc I'm nosey

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

~ It’s Quiet Uptown - Hamilton Mixtape, Drive - Oh Wonder, Burn - Hamilton, Pacifier - Catfish and The Bottlemen, Eyes Closed - Halsey, Hang Out With You - Mary Lambert

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

~ Oof Katie pls

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

~make people believe that you were fun and interesting. I just wasn’t that much of a con artist’

4) What do you think about most?

~ uhhhh my messed up emotions, Katie, and whatever event I have to look forward to

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

~ yikes yes 6) Do you have any strange phobias?

~ Not that I can think of off the top of my head? 7) What’s your religion?

~ I was raised sort of Christian but now idk? I don’t really have one tbh

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

~ riding a horse

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

~ tøp10) What was the last lie you told?

~ that I was fine lol

11) Do you believe in karma?

~ yup

12) What does your URL mean?

~ it kinda explains itself.,,,

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

~ I trust too easy/get attached too easy and I have a pretty good work ethic and I’m good at communicating w adults which seems to be a good thing

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

~ Oof Cameron Boyce and Zendaya

15) How do you vent your anger?

~ usually I either isolate myself or I tend to get pissy w people which is bad I haven’t quite learned how to manage it well

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

~ cds and makeup lol

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

~ eh in some ways yes but overall no not really

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

~ chalk on a chalk board, fizzy drinks in a can.. I love the sound of hoofbeats, my cat purring, Katie’s voice all good stuff

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

~ what if I didn’t have anxiety Oof

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

~ yes both tbh

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

~ my dresser and my door lol

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

~ breakfast Bc mg mom just cooked

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

~ I answered this one but it’s a theater here that is just,, cursed

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

~ Troye Sivan and Rex Orange County

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

~ boy if I knew

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

~ yes (I hate it) and no

27) What was the last movie you saw?

~ half of paddington lmao

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

~ uhhh I haven’t really had any bad injuries.. so probably the concussion I got like three years ago

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

~ uhh Rex Orange County and Phineas and Ferb lol

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

~ uh yeah I live in a small town so.,,, lots

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

~ yes I know I shouldn’t but… here I am

32) What is your astrological sign?

~ Sagittarius

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

~ nose piercings

34) Love or lust?

~ Love

35) In a relationship?

~ yesss

36) How many relationships have you had?

~ four I think?

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

~ I have 0 idk how people like me

38) Where is your best friend?

~ ones in Cali and ones in Vegas

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

~ Oof crying

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

~ uhhh not really? I have a hard time expressing emotions and I’m not good at comforting people

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

~ id die to save that dog smh

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

~ I’m kinda dramatic so I probably would tell people, idk? I’d want to meet all my friends first off, and yes yikes I’m scared of death

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

~ corner store - Macklemore

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

~ honesty, trust, etc..

45) How can I win your heart?

~ U,, cannot I have a girl BUT I’m live for any type of sappy shit

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

~ I think so tbh

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

~ I.,, don’t know

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

~ something about shrek

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

~ uhh love, katie, that pink heart emoji I use 24/7

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

~ yellow and gray

51) What is your current desktop picture?

~ a picture of me and my horse

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

~ trump lmao

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

~ idk??

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

~ this.,, is so funny. Um X-ray vision sounds litty

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

~ hmm maybe some point when I was in Kentucky. I miss that

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

~ all the shit that happened w my sister yikes

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

~ this is awk so idk Ed Sheeran???

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

~ oh Philly I’m a heartbeat

59) Ever been on a plane?

~ yup

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

~ 1. Lauren Cohen 2. Zendaya 3. Ezra Miller 4. Daniel Radcliffe 5. Steven Yeun

#asks #anon #that was fucking wild #it took me so long jesus #who are u why do u want to know sm dumb shit about me nfjfng #I’m so boring

[misterbitches]

i honestly dont need to pretend write (in my head) fanfic for taeguk (idt i could anyways.....cos rly the show is a luv letter 2 guk thru his love as well i m o)

but nothing compels me more than to write 2gether fic. idk how to write kissing (in screenwriting u just go: they kissed. something something. do they get naked? who knows. nothing abt anything rly lmao but in fic im supposed to figure out ways to describe it? i am not...the one to do that...gross lol) 

it’s not even cos of the ending its literally bc i cannot fucking FATHOM being in a musician in an rship with someone who only listens to ONE BAND. i cant fathom that as an artist. it’s just....mindblowing. that is probably tine’s least attractive quality and he’s a very good dude lmao. it pains me. 

70k fic of band sarawat sharing <3_<3 thru MUSIC or SOMETHING like you have a favorite band. wouldnt you like to know who influenced them? their inspirations?  insn’t that another way to connect with a band you love? and sarawat’s a musician as well (tho rightfully doesnt want it as a Job which makes sense bc work ruins everything) like that’s a HUGE WAY to connect

i honestly think it’s a failure on the writing part. it doesn’t mean scrubb can’t be profound to him still in a massive way. not at all. in fact usually having a band you love so much means you have the capacity to appreciate more. if tine can explain well how listening to scrubb makes him feel how is it possible that’s it? how did he find them? 

music is one of the best pleasures in life. i wish i was a musician but at the same time i’m so glad i’m not. there’s this thing i don’t have to participate and sweat over and be perfect at. this art form that’s super private and public. every medium has its own like....importance and uniqueness. music and film are the most unique... my favorite things...

i know not everyone is like me but i just find it unbelievable. like you can have a favorite film and not like film bc films are a bit harder to access! even paintings, POEMS even like other forms need sort of a knowledege and if you blink and don’t pay attn you will miss it.

but music and sound is fucking everywhere. they’re our emotional cues. visual artists, we make that come to life. but without music there’s nothing! without scrubb there is nothing for him, but there are days when you want to feel more, maybe feel that love with a different tone. like standing in the no-pleasure zone and having a favorite band seems so fucking empty to me. it really makes me sad. 

god i didn’t expect it to be this long but if tine’s life is like an adoration of scrubb, then he would have love for their influences for sure. or he should. because that’s human. WAH

like i can tell you the first time i heard some songs by certain artists i adore. i can tell you the first time i heard a song by one of my favorite bands. i can tell you so much about what that music means to me. not well but emotionally. tine got his cues right so why on earth would you isolate that? all the songs i grew up with culturally, that were on the radio, that my father played. they shaped me.

what’s life without art and culture absolutely NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG the least amount of interest does not entail just one band lmaoooo like it’s also part of your foundation as a citizen of your nation...

EDIT: ALSO THERE’S NO CONVINCING ME OTHERWISE BECAUSE sound design and sound in films/tv/etc literally INFORM you as a person on how to feel. there’s no way you can’t feel that. so yes, you do know music and like it in some way even if you dont realize. the average person is a much better critic imo....and thai ppl love that fuckin drama w the music in their shows my god lmao (their prerogative, im not knocking it)

and bc i can do anything i fucking want and it’s my life i may just.......write like 5 words to some of my fav songs and pretend sarawat loves them bc he does BC HE LOVES KURT COBAIN AND NIRVANA SO....

#2gether #wow that was a lot #the first time i heard extraordinary machine by fiona apple changed my goddamn life........ #there are certain songs that i just wont ever ever ever EVER forget or certain lyrics and albums #summertime 06 by vince staples brings me back and reminds me of ego death by the internet #THAT WAS 2015 DUDE #WOOOOW #yes im snobby but yes im still right

[onlyaclichecandescribeme]

Things That Happen 11/4-11/5/17

11/4

1. D&D was very good yesterday. I finally figured out a decent backstory for my character. 

2. Listen... SAME. Also I’m glad I... because... WOW. 

3. Went to a late-Halloween party! Was very fun! I got hit on by three different boys! And then when I brought up that I had a boyfriend I noticed our conversation died a little. BUT they all still followed me around... which was interesting. Also met more cool people! Wait actually it might have been 4 or 5 different boys now that I think about it.... oh... yeah. Also got pretty drunk. Got to see Olivia too! <3 

11/5

1. Got coffee with my boyfriend in the morning. We also had a nice conversation about D&D stuff. I’ve felt a little insecure talking in depth about it in the past because I felt like I didn’t have a good enough understanding of my character, but after talking about the backstory I was thinking of, things make sense. I was nervous talking about it, but he liked it a lot! This made me really happy. Idk I’m just happy that I can get invested in something he’s passionate about. I’ve genuinely enjoyed playing D&D, and I’m glad I feel comfortable pushing myself to try new things. Like yeah go me; I’m awesome, but it really does help that my boyfriend is a good person and that my friends are good people who don’t make fun of me for being inexperienced. 

Okay but speaking of this marvelous backstory, it explains a lot about why my character doesn’t use her lightsaber too much or why I gave her the ability to intimidate and why she doesn’t criticize too many things that other characters do or why she doesn’t talk about the past too much. The reason I’m proud of this story is because it gives a reason for all the things I’ve been doing so far that actually stem from my anxiety about not knowing what the fuck I’m doing. If I have pieces, I can connect them, but playing allowed me to create some parts that I wouldn’t have been able to come up with on my own. I think it’s just a matter of practice. Also I’m not incredibly familiar with the Star Wars universe. At least not to the extent that a few of my group members are. 

2. I started another poem! I like this one. I’ve been really interested in planting and the Earth and soil and dirt and creation and gardening. I’m toying with this idea of planting flowers inside beautiful brown eyes. I’ve been thinking about it for a week. I like that my poetry comes from real life experiences. The moon also makes an appearance in this poem. I want to finish it very soon. Maybe I will do it tonight. 

3. I’m back from Davis. I’m going to watch TV. I’m sick so I’m not going to push myself to do anything too difficult. 

4. I’m happy that... liked... and thought the same about... as I do. =)

1. I’ll admit something: I was troubled by that. I’m not sure why. I wonder if... I wonder about a lot of things. And also very close to... so I wonder if... Does that make sense? I think it does. I think it makes a lot of sense because I remember when... and then later... but I’m not sure. I just thought “well there are other ways...” But I mean... so it’s not wrong??? I don’t know!!! I have to think more about what it was that made me feel weird. 

2. I hope that... I feel a little bad, honestly. I know that it was... but I wonder about... and it causes a lot of anxiety? I’ll be okay though. I don’t think it’s an issue, but then again... so I might have to just wait it out. There’s really no use thinking about the past. 

3. I will say that I do miss... a little. Mostly because of the fact that I... but I can still do that. 

4. I never want to see... in... I think it would destroy me. I just cannot handle it. 

5. I want to... I think I could handle it. I’m really really tough. I’m pretty brave too. And I think in a situation like that, I could be okay. Logistics though. That’s what freaks me out. It’s always that. 

6. I'm sick. 

#things that happen #personal