#idk might have more coherent thoughts later but fuck

[lasarcasticpanda]

the last of us constantly, over and over and over, picking apart what love can do to and for a person is devastating and fulfilling. like you will love something so much you continue fighting and you love something so much you will start wars and you love something so much you will cease when it's gone and you love something so much you will lay with it peacefully as you say goodbye. you love something so much you will commit atrocities and not expect to be forgiven because what use is forgiveness when that love is gone? my love matters more than your love, says everyone to each other in an echo chamber. and no one is wrong and no one is right, it's just love.

#tlou spoilers #idk might have more coherent thoughts later but fuck #these games and this show fucking eviscerating me every time #kathleen loved her brother! she hunted down two young boys in the nuclear aftermath of that love! #henry loved sam! he sold his hero to the enemy for that love! he thought himself the guy and did it anyway! #he genuinely thought he was a bad guy and would rather handle that guilt than lose sam because he loved him so much #what beauty to love something so much! what devastation when its gone! #excellent way to parallel the end #ive played this game too many times and henry and sam always get me #and this was no exception im dying #the last of us

[melodyofthevoid]

I’ve got a bunch of books I’m planning to read and reread, might give thoughts on them later.  

#currently reading light from uncommon stars #idk it's not quite hitting #the writing is fine but the construction feels more jumbled than I imagine the author intended #might have more to say later #my to read/reread list is quite long but I've got a library card now so might as well fill my time #it's strange because a lot of the things I like are often found in the YA grouping but often I feel like there's something.... lacking about #the execution #and frankly navigating the adult fiction section at the library is a fucking nightmare fsjsdklf #I'll have to assemble my thoughts more coherently later but #yeah

[amoneki-ramblings]

oh and also idk if the amoneki blog is the place to ask but can u tell me about ur opinion of eto :]

OH HELL YEAH !!!! I should've clarified, I'm cool with asks for anything/anyone, unfortunately I might not have as much to say for some characters/ships since. I'm still getting through the manga orz but I'd down to discuss anyone!!

Also sidenote but thank you for sending two asks?? I'm answering this one first since the amoneki ask will take me. A while. But also I read this and immediately went "eto !!! eto holy shit it's her!!" so I must get the energy out (and hope it's coherent)

How I feel about this character:  Goddd Eto is so fucking Cool as a character. She has so many things I absolutely Love in one character. She's an absolute monster in terms of power, eldritch-like, she is a horror beyond anyone's comprehension and I love her so much for that. When she made her first (I think) big appearance in :re (Volume 5. The Kanae Scene) I loved her sooo much more I love her fucked up-ness, I love her Apple and God Thing and 'breaking down people's idols and becoming their god' because I Love religious symbolism. She's so ominous and formidable and she has such a fucking presence, it's amazing, yet at the same time we still see the same loneliness in her that's prevelant in the majority of Tokyo Ghoul, but maybe even moreso. Throughout the series it's shown how important parents and family are and how they've shaped the characters and give them drive (especially considering almost nobody has both parents. alive, and it effects everyone So Much it's a constant theme.) And obviously Eto couldn't really. Have that. At all. And it fucked her up definitely. The loneliness is overshadowed by. The Monstrosity (which makes sense of course, because that loneliness also brews Hatred for the world) but it also cuts through in things like her writing as Takatsuki Sen (which Kaneki obviously picks up on and relates to), the way it shines through when she's able to deconstruct others' desires and wills and suffering (after all, one must experience suffering themself to truly understand someone else's), and the slight respite with Aogiri (man. I wish to know more of her dynamics with the members/executives so bad) god I love her so much, she also has such a cool character design I'm in love with it, I can't wait to see her even more in :re.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  Hmm since she hasn't made too many major appearances with individual characters so far none really yet? However I feel like I may grow very intrigued in etoken, two people that share loneliness, they're also a little fucked up I think they could be interesting together (I'm certain they're gonna interact more later also i've seen. the eyeball scene (on accident) and honestly yeah that's my kinda Weirdness))

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Again I want to see more of her appearances/interactions with others more first !! But I'd honestly be happy just to see her interact with the other Aogiri executives more, it's pretty entertaining and it's definitely my kinda thing

My unpopular opinion about this character:  I guess I wouldn't really know if anything I thought is considered unpopular haha, I just kinda like her all around okay?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Well, currently I just want to see her more in general, although I think seeing more of the ways she can totally screw with people would be great, she is so Psychological Horror and I fully support it

my OTP: Again, none yet but there may be Something on the horizon

my cross over ship: Honestly I don't really have any crossover tg ships

a headcanon fact: I am taking this opportunity to increase the religious undertones tenfold. She can pull out So many bible references on the fly (that a lot of people probably don't get) and definitely weaves them throughout her writing (Kaneki canonically knows things from the bible, more than the average person at least, so he would absolutely pick up on them). I think she'd have some very interesting thoughts about the bible and what it says about humanity and the idea of God itself, and she definitely owns one somewhere

Hopefully that wasn't too long orz Anyways yes I see Eto in my inbox and I jump up and down in excitement I don't have a coherent list of favorite characters but she is definitely Somewhere in there and I'd let her rip my limbs off anyday Eto my beloved

#asks #ipsen #tokyo ghoul #tg #eto yoshimura #yoshimura eto #i told myself this would be so much shorter to answer which is why i tackled this ask first but it's been like 40 minutes. oh boy #any character that has a lot of religious undertones immediately gets bonus points and bias in my book #(you'll never guess what other characters i like) #anyways eto has so many small details and layers to her and they're sad and lonely but also fucked up and angry #and it's everything i could ever want in a character #absolutely amazing splendid i am such a fan

[nyxqueenofshadows]

yakuza 3 (sort of) done! thoughts under the cut cos they got quite long. they're a lot more coherent than my kiwami 2 ones cos i made them along the way rather than in a feverish mess at the end, though ofc they contain spoilers for 3 and ig gaiden??

overall thoughts, it's messy and weird and makes some Choices, but it's not a bad game, and the people who write it off as being shit are, imho, wrong. once i got into it i liked it, it introduced some great characters, had some really fun moments, and i'm gonna miss the morning glory kids (yes even riona).

if you're looking at this like when did you change the difficulty??? the bit where you have to run away from the police at millenium tower, fuck that bit so hard, none of the other chases gave me trouble but that one ughhhhh

also i neglected haruka i'm sorry

the combat is harder and more tedious, and i can see why it puts people off, but i find pulling off the combos and counters way more satisfying as a result. like, i tiger dropped lau ka long to finish that fight and it felt *so* good, way more than ending fights with heat actions or whatever has done in previous games. having said that the blocking oh jesus christ the BLOCKING

it’s the place we get the most on kashiwagi pre-y0 especially kiryu’s opinion of him (including the iconic lines about reimen) so you can’t knock it for that.

rikiya buddy i love you but wtf was that substory with natsumi. actually why is he suddenly a dick in all of his side content???? (i know he’s confrontational and that’s just how he is but idk, smth about how he is in the side content feels different). he’s rude to utabori to his face (despite kiryu repeatedly telling him not to), when he meets natsumi again he’s like yo i kept this necklace why are you in tokyo you don’t fit in here come back to okinawa with me, like ????? she clearly has a life she’s built up there (not a good one, i don’t think, but still) and they might have known each other when they were kids but we never get her side of the story on that, only rikiya’s. idk. it’s one of the first things he says to her, that’s a neon red flag if ever i’ve seen one.

also also during that entire scene in asia, kiryu watches rikiya’s reaction to the dancing the *entire* time. is that a bug of how conversations work or was that a deliberate choice or what

MACK buddy why aren't you in this game more

we had a second majima-no-nii-san! from hamazaki of all people! tho having said that i think he was being sardonic. like, he never says it again, and is generally kind of like that. he’ll use polite forms but he’s never being *polite*. lowkey obsessed with his hand on majima’s shoulder in that scene and what it says about his character and their relationship up to that point and how majima has ended up in this kind of position *again*. kiryu leaving - as it always does - fucked so many people over it’s not even funny.

some of the translations bother me. as an english script it’s for the most part pretty coherent and works well enough on its own, but in combination with the japanese it sometimes deviates in ways that change character moments or even just feel weird. like the addition of the puns in the seven mysteries substories is fun, very ace attorney, but sometimes it feels like they step too far (‘getting tight in your britches!’ for ビビった like ???? even ignoring the japanese what is that supposed to meannnnn)

specific moments i was thinking of were the really early line where taichi is like 晩ごはんまだぁ？ and they add in an unnecessary ‘i thought curry was supposed to be easy!’ in the english which then undermines later when they all sit down to eat and are like カレーだ！ like they didn’t actually know what was for dinner. another one is when kiryu leaves rikiya behind in okinawa and tells haruka that he can’t let him come (in various ways, three times). in the english they shake it up a bit by adding ‘it’s my burden to bear’ WHICH i’ll fully admit flows better and is a very kiryu thing to say but i think it shifts the tone of that scene from worry to responsibility? in a way that doesn’t feel quite right in context of the story as a whole. last one where mine calls kiryu a coward when he’s leaving after showing whatever was left of kanda in that box. again, it flows better and lines up with kiryu’s behaviour in later games but doesn’t feel quite right and i think it changes the point mine was trying to make there. there's also the minefield about how mine expresses his feelings about daigo right at the end. BUT i’m a learner this isn’t my job what do i know. they worked hard and faults aside it’s a fun read and they also had to deal with that fuck-awful section of exposition from the politician so no blame here. it’s not like the other games don’t have this, it just feels especially weird in this one to me.

i loved the little wrestling bit. it’s not perfect but it has the kind of heart and good intentions that makes those sections (and yakuza 3 as a whole) really enjoyable for me.

objectively very funny that the text you get congratulating you on all the revelations is from kaoru, and that she’s like hey your blog was very funny, go see my friend bob utsunomiya for your reward. i know it’s mostly game mechanics to make it make sense but is it not the funniest thing to imagine a. that kaoru knows a bob utsunomiya (how did they meet??? why???) and b. that on her breaks between Mystery Police Stuff she’s refreshing kiryu’s blog like what dumb shit is this idiot up to now asdfghjkl tbf his blog can’t be hard to find, it’s literally ‘day in the life of the dragon of dojima’ it’s a miracle he gets anything done ever with how bad he is at being on the downlow

standing on the morning glory beach, especially in the evening/at night and looking up at the sky while listening to the waves roll in is so calming, the first time i got to do it i stayed there for like ten minutes just chilling

some of the animation is genuinely really really good, like saki’s eyes shaking in fear or kiryu’s cheek twitch when he finds out about morning glory, or mine on finding out daigo's alive. idk how much is the work of the remaster and how much was originally there but i really like it

the last three chapters are such whiplash cos it’s like sad, sad, very sad, bulls! sad, very very sad, sad, jet! thumbs up! sad, sad, ANGRY, there is no change in the plan, sad, sad, on the roof, sad, sad, MACHO, things are gonna be fine! oh wait sad sa- please mr richardson they’re trying to have a moment -d sad sad surprise! murder! surprise! alive! done. you know?

idk if i was just hormonal or emotional but saki calling out to nakahara really got to me for some reason. her first word after years of silence was ‘dad’, and that hit me in a way i wasn’t expecting even tho i knew it was coming.

show us the akimoto/mizuki kiss, cowards

that last section was really fun to play for me (aside from that first little bit going up the first couple of floors of the hospital), the music’s great, the combat had (mostly) good pacing, the fights felt challenging in a good way, yeah i was all for it! reinforced for me how much i like mine as a character and wish we’d got to see more of him (but hey, look, if andre richardson survived the fall...?). like, the moment he realises daigo is still alive - and that he was about to kill the man he love- ahem sorry admired, so much - is seared into my brain.

#text #me #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza 3 #probably my lowest completion percentage on finishing the main story in an rgg game #but i've honestly not done a whole lot of the side content so that makes sense #i've not done any coliseum matches at all #plus there's the hostesses and the reapers (i've done most of those tho) and some substories i missed #am i doing all of that no absolutely not #but i won't be moving onto 4 for a bit yet #also sorry the picture isn't straight that's just how it is #not queued

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax Vol. 4

I am reading ahead and I’m going to chew and swallow copious amounts of glass

1- Girl me too.

OH! My food questions are finally being answered!

I wonder how long that signal takes to get there? Seeds left something like 200 years ago, right? I wanna check but I fear looking it up will spoil shit

That’s ominous as fuck. This manga is way too long for that to go remotely well.

Either way I appreciate the casual clothes- never knew I needed to see them like that lol.

I’m surprised we don’t get more of a reaction from our main cast? They just look mildly pleased. I figured there’d be more fanfare.

Also, where’s that post that says “stop reading after this point” so no bad feels. I know it’s out there.

FUCKING UH OH

God love Vash and his way of just. Ghosting people.

I appreciate how far Brad has come in such a short time.

Starting with a bang this time around! I sure hope nothing bad happens! That would be terrible!

2- something something midvalley has that ‘tism swag

It really, honestly freaks me out when I see manga knives. He genuinely looks like his brother here- and I’ve gotten so used to trusting that face. Points for making me incredibly uncomfortable.

See, this is what i was fucking missing in 98. This is gripping. I love this. What the fuck.

The girls actually had me laughing out loud. I love them dearly. Where the fuck did they get a car

3- they’re so mean (affectionate)

I’m not quite sure I understand the unspoken part here? It could be a few things idk idk

Meryl has some kind of vibe about her- maybe like haruhi? It’s probably just the hair, but her relationship to femininity is interesting to me.

EW EW EW UGHHHHHHHH i hate eye shit so bad-

Vash is more chill about the girls following him around now? Good for them. Hope it doesn’t go horribly wrong.

I feel like there’s so much to say about this interaction that it circles around to being too dense for me to understand on a first read. Might come back to this later.

Well. Meryl’s been snatched. Didn’t think that would be this early. (<- got spoiled about this)

4- holy shit poor milly

I love that shit like. Involves Meryl in a meaningful way. However it would be nice if she had just a little more agency-

Oh he’s fucking LIVID. Man’s had it. I can’t blame him.

Based milly moment

5-*blaring careless whisper*

OKAY I stopped taking notes for the chapter because I was so into it. This is wonderful. It is also the first time I’ve legitimately enjoyed a fight scene on it’s own merits.

6- what a fucking tease. God damn it. Finish the fucking flashback, coward.

I am done taking notes now. I will reread later and actually have coherent thoughts.

7- Holy fuckinhg shit. I am going to read another volume.

(He did not, in fact, read another volume. This was not because of self control ((god forbid)), but circumstances. Put that guy in a Situation. Anyway starting monday i have all the free time in the world but first i am speedrunning a vash cosplay in a week.)

(I AM SPREADING THE GOOD WORD! I converted my whole friend group to the church of trigun this weekend and i may get one of them in on bookclub.)

#trigunbookclub

[growling]

could you perchance elaborate on npd squirrelstar because i think i see the vision

ohhhhh absolutely anon, and as I don't get many asks about warriors: hi :3

Honestly it kinda started out as a pure vibes thing, like I just thought "hmmmm which cats to hit with The NPD Beam.. squirrelstar hhholy shiit i think i just had a vision. i didn't see anything in the vision but I had a visionnn" and it stuck. Mostly headcanon stuff, maybe some slight au territory (but wc canon is already flimsy as it is anyway, so really, it didn't change much from the originals) but the longer I though about it the more it just kinda fits in lol, especially with her torment gauntlet storyline but not entirely because of it, either -

(I do not know how coherent this'll be, or if I even say everything I wanted to, as I am. so sleepy rn) Honestly the first thing I thought after initially coming up with it is. her relationships with Brambleclaw and Ashfur gsfdsghsd. It's very common to just believe that the abuser must be The Narcissist (or that just, all people with npd are automatically predestined to be abusers no matter what) while it's actually way more often that people with npd are more likely to stay in those relationships, or get abused because *shocker* mentally ill people actually way more likely to be treated as subhuman by society and the like. And I've already saw one or two people just proclaim that Brambleclaw is a narcissist because um, *checks notes* he's controlling of his wife and extra sensitive of (oftentimes valid) criticisms of his leadership or something idk man which. uhhhhh. no can we not please + shut up forever + now I'm gonna do the opposite nobody can stop me (also happened with rainflower. and clear sky. and sol. but mostly rainflower. lord help me)

(on a sillier note though....... nothing much to say about Ashfur as of now but after his Squilf/Ashf breakup if he was a human he'd become a self-proclaimed tiktok Dark Empath)

And lastly the headcanon stuff, which I completely made up while stirring the muffin batter but they might or might not have canon basis too, I don't know, I'm not gonna look for it and I don't really care either;

Does the right thing not because it's "what you're supposed to do or whatever idk I have no idea how any of you define it anymore", but because it makes her feel good. And even if by the end of the day she doesn't get any praise or reward for it, even if she gets shunned for it, what matters to her is that she did the Good Thing and therefore she is Good and that's what matters, and everybody else is so stupid for not seeing it. Really, why does it always have to be her that actually bothers with helping people nowadays. She's got a so much better grade at Good Person than like 99% of her Clan, StarClan bless

Leafpool was always consistently her equal person, she deserves the world and maybe even more than she does because she's just that great, it's her an Leafy against the world <3 we're eating soft tacos later <3 hold on Squirrelflight's Hope just called and- oh god, oh fuck

neither low nor high empathy but a secret third thing: really fucking weird ever changing empathy that also varies on whoever it is for some unexplainable reason. Based off what I have and how do I even explain this in simple, not-10-paragraph-post length....... just trust me on this. What I'll say rn is that she tends to personally care about nearly exclusively towards people relevant to her, or those she considers "interesting" regardless if she actually likes them.

always sets her goals either incredibly high (because naturally she's gonna achieve this exactly as she imagined and wait what do you mean-), or very low (so that she can do the woohoo!!! whenever she succeeds)

she splashes water everywhere when drinking she spills it so much she puts all her paws in that damn stream then puts them all over the kids and now they're all wet they all shake it off directly at Brambleclaw

> gets criticized once > fucking dies

I'll add onto this if I have time maybe, and don't completely forget about this whole post

#mine #ask #seweryn's wc tag #wcSquirrelstar #once again sorry if this looks incomprehensible I am so bad at actually articulating myself I think. Usually. also I didn't proofread this< #too tired <3 woohoo!!!!!!!

[imaginespazzi]

Alright bestie, I have sufficiently recovered from my hangover and can actually form more coherent thoughts. It’s gonna be LONG (can you tell I love this chapter so much?), so here goes:

Honestly, this is mainly just going to be me gushing about your writing because genuinely, the way this whole chapter was written was just – it was so beautiful.

Like the past 3 chapters were too, don’t get me wrong, but this one was just oof (I’m running out of words)- I had to re-read paragraphs or sentences several times over because it was just THAT GOOD.

The exchange between Azzi and Zoe, poor Zoe man, and Zoe saying “let me remember you as someone good- someone great” 😔 when you find the love of your life but you’re not theirs ❤️‍🩹 Thank you for your service (to the plot), Zoe.

And then the accident – babes you really put me through it with this part. This in particular though, “Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.” Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. The rage I felt towards Paige in this moment, like I know she was hurting bad but oh man doing this after having gone back to being radio silent had me fuming!

And then we get to THE SCENE. Which might be one of my favourite things you’ve ever written and that I’ve ever read. Was it one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve had to read? Abso-fucking-lutely. But my god, the way it was written was IMMACULATE. DIVINE. Just absolute perfection.

I could go on about this part forever, and the number of lines/quotes that just pierced me to my core, but this ask might just become as long as the chapter was but far less eloquent so I won’t put anybody through that.

This bit though - “If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige?  If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?” Paige’s silence is an answer in itself. I was starting to trust Paige again before this chapter and so I was severely disappointed in her with this one. Look I know she starts redeeming herself towards the end, but she’s still got a ways to go before, even I, trust her with Azzi’s heart.

Oh and then when she talks about maybe entering the draft if Azzi gave her a reason to. Like I know baby girl was desperate to save them at this point, but I kinda hated her for it because to give Azzi that small flicker of hope when Azzi was right, she probably would have just resented Azzi for it eventually.

Quick side note though: can I just say I love how real-life circumstances line up perfectly for this fic – Sparks having the second pick of the draft and that being where Paige was projected to go, and then the bracket having UCLA and UConn in a potential Final Four match up. I knew the committee were fans of the fic too! 😭

Azzi giving Paige a taste of her own medicine – AS SHE SHOULD.

The game – Nika hugging Azzi?? Love that growth. And then “good game Bueckers” – again, I’m team Azzi here right now but my heart still hurt for Paige in that moment.

But also, Azzi still being so happy for Paige despite her own heartbreak at losing, the love she still has for her despite everything is so 🥺

The final part – Paige desperately wanting Azzi there for the championship game and just her entire proclamation of love and always being there from now on. Like ok maybe I’m team Paige again too, but she really has put my poor sweet princess pookie through so much so…IDK I’M CONFLICTED.

OKAY FUCK IMMA WRAP THIS BIT UP NOW EVEN THOUGH I COULD KEEP GOING

Thoughts on what’s next?

Fluff, maybe? 😭

I’m actually so curious what Azzi’s response will be, because I think I recall you saying way back when that you envisioned them not ending up together until much later in the story? So does she give in and finally give them a chance? Or is she still not ready yet? Either way, I think for Paige, this is it – she’s all in and even if Azzi says she’s not ready yet, I know she’ll wait however long it takes and she’ll keep showing up (or at least I hope she does).

But also, Azzi showing up to the championship game in Paige’s jersey, maybe? Please?

Also, I just realised that since we don’t have Azzi getting injured in this fic (thank you, because we need at least one alternate universe where it doesn’t happen) – does that mean they’d be getting drafted in the same year? Oof so much potential with that! 👀

Ok ok I’ll stop here now, but again, even in my extremely hungover and half-dead state (which I was in when I first read part 4), trust that my brain was constantly WOW WOW WOW while my heart kept breaking.

Favourite line/quote (there are so many, too many, to choose from):

“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,”

Also just another quick side note, as always the song choice is on point, but when I was listening to my UCLA au playlist (I know, I literally made one too, I’m just too invested lmao), I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran came on and idk the chorus of “I was made for loving you, even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through. Every bone screaming I don’t know what we should do. All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you” just felt really poignant when reading the ending.

Thank you for this bestie. Have a great day/night and hopefully we get the W tomorrow 🙏

So much love always, Nivi 💗

-🙋‍♀️

Have I mentioned how much I love you? And every time I see you in my inbox, especially with your long reviews, I get to so excited and honestly they'll never be too long for me. <3

First of all babes thank you for all the compliments, like you had me blushing throughout reading because it really means a lot, especially because this fic really would not exist without you. 💗

Zoe really is just a good pure soul and breaking her heart sort of broke mine

Paige (as she realize eventually) really fucked up in this chapter like even I, as the person in control of this lmao, was pretty upset with her but as you said, this is it for Paige. She's fully out of her stupidity era (I think) and completely into her *fight til the end* era now

I had a lot of fun writing the fight scene so the fact that it's your favorite makes me so happy and lowkey babes we're the same, cause gut-wrenching heartbreak scenes really are my most favorite thing ever.

No but actually though so many things lined up really well for the fic to still stay really close to reality (except well UCLA isn't gonna be in the F4 but still if they had Azzi....) and the draft worked out really well. I think for Paige to get to the point that she did, she needed to to be put in a similar situation and the draft really worked out well for that

Okay I'm ngl to you bestie, I actually don't know what's next. I had a vision but I'm also very go with the flow, so a lot of my initial plans have gone out the window. So honestly, currently, I don't know if Azzi's gonna say yes, no or maybe something in between?

I'm glad you picked up on them likely being drafted in the same year because as it stands, the two of them are not gonna be able to be in the same state/city for a hot second and that's gonna be the new point of contention, especially with Azzi's trust issues.

That quote was one of my favorites too!

YES I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU FITS SO WELL WITH THE END. I'd also recommend listening to Just Give Me a Reason because the duet fits both Paige and Azzi very well, with one of them being hopeful and the other on the brink of despair

Always happy to see you babes <3

#ask #fic talk #UCLA ANON LOML FR <3 #the way these parts are just as much a surprise for me as they are for y'all because i never what my hands are about to write

[delusion-of-negation]

there's a letter to an ex-friend under the cut - i know that he won't know about or read it, but i've been told that expressing myself might help me find closure and support. apparently, men don't talk about our emotions enough, or some bullshit - idk, i don't read feminist literature, i'm a shitposter. note: if you do read the letter, please don't take the opportunity to insult or demean my ex-friend in the notes, you know that i'm not a fan of internet gossip culture or bandwagon insult parties, especially not when you've only heard one side, especially not when you think that you deserve more information, especially not just to be a dick.

date posted: 17/08/2023 date last edited: 20/09/2023

this is unrebloggable because i don't want private emotions circulating, but i also made playlists that express how i'm feeling (because i find that putting songs or pictures in nice orders helps me express myself, i'm autistic, and music conveys feelings better than my long-winded explanations of the reasons). initially, one was in the post itself, and another was linked, along with an update post.

the letter:

frankly, i'm not a very succinct person, and when i initially wrote this i had a lot of very complex, not-yet-fully-understood feelings that i was processing with it, and it quickly became disorganised in a flurry. i want to express the points better and have edited it to do so. you callously, knowingly ruined my entire life, on every level you could, for your own amusement. i have no opportunity to even convey to you what you've done to me, and that's why i wrote this, to understand and convey those thoughts to the void. i'm explaining that the reasons for my hurt and my ever-increasing suicidality are nuanced and complicated, historic and current, and they feed into each other, yes, but the part that you played is not to be understated. this was originally more balanced and sympathetic, more mourning and sad, as an anonymous post about a complicated, personal situation that you want to wash your hands of - but you want to wash your hands of fucking me over, not once or twice, but endlessly and cruelly for weeks. you definitely have no room to judge an anonymous post to process feelings (where nobody who knows you would even see, except anyone you sent to send me hate), which doesn't talk about a single personal thing about you, when you air deeply personal info, with god knows how much selective quoting and twisting and demonising of a conversation that happened specifically while i was incapable of an ounce of coherent thought, overdosing and drunk, to people who actually know me.

you and your buddies spew callous bullshit gossiping, twisting my words (for example, when i was talking about struggling with self-loathing and depression and dark thoughts - while i was, as mentioned, drunk, on a massive overdose of various psychotropic meds, and in the midst of a suicide attempt, wherein you decided to bait and lead the conversation, to get things to take out of context later - i said that a couple of events [ie moments of struggle with the aforementioned issues] led to me talking to my previous therapist about things; it seems this may be amongst things taken out of context, put alongside other rumours, past and current, with chronic gossips and people you went to who you knew i didn't trust [who, it should be noted, i dislike and blame more than you tbh, but this isn't to them], to imply "events" meant some kind of behavioural issue, that is not and has never been something that i've done; me having a depressive episode whilst drunk at a later date, expressing that i felt like i was becoming somebody i didn't want to be, seemingly taken to again mean a behavioural issue, not likewise about struggling with my own inner experiences and darker thoughts). even without the twisting, it's so inappropriate and risky to mockingly gossip about somebody's private situation and health issues, which they told you about in a very vulnerable state - to try to expose them to harsh and undue judgement from anyone and everyone. at least one person, possibly more, (who it seems you told about the situation, or more specifically some twisted version of it, amongst other bits of obscure personal information) sent me many awful hate messages and stalked me online. and all this immediately after somebody attempted to murder me in a hate crime, which i had messaged you about from the hospital right after it happened - you are well aware of the sort of danger i was facing generally in life at the time, and the obvious ensuing fears. at first, i thought that you merely didn't understand the risks posed by hospitals and threatening gossip and harassment, but evidence just keeps cropping up that you were always well aware, and simply didn't care.

you disregarded my every boundary and my autonomy by doing what you did that night, i received no respect or consideration at my most vulnerable, and instead it was a means to an end. everything that you said (and the ultimate reveal that any niceness was all just a lie to keep me talking, while the police came to arrest me for being suicidal, or to spin something later) played on repeat in my brain, while i lay in various hospital beds, despite breaking down at mere attempts to re-read it all (i have since, and i could talk endlessly about how nice i tried to be, while you lied and pretended you wouldn't do what you have recently even if i had died). i was listening to music, monitoring my phone battery because we weren't allowed chargers (as insignificant as it sounds in the grand scheme of things, knowing that the whole time you knew that the very next morning, while my kidneys were still failing, you would demonise me and leave; you knew how abusive and distressing hospital would be too, you knew it was dangerous, you say as much in some of the chatlogs). knowing that i had nobody else close by, and that life was about to get a whole lot worse because of you, and that i was still incredibly suicidal, you left forever with a cruel final message - it really just felt like you didn't care if i was alone, hurting, in a highly abusive environment, because of you, and time has only proven this true. and then you demonised me to everyone. and that hurt feeling stewing inside of me as a result is not just losing a friend, it's a plethora of complex feelings, all mushed up together. i obviously don't think that you're obliged to be my friend (the date that this was posted alone should tell you that this is about everything that you've done since), at most i felt that dropping people for minor slights, as you seem to, isn't healthy - but regardless, to do all of this, to make it worse, to simply not care how much it hurts, that was unnecessary and cruel.

an example of the complex interactions with past trauma would be how me and a guardian (along with others) were horrifically abused (throughout my childhood). the abuse gave us c-ptsd (amongst other things) and, as a result of it, during her emotionally abusive depressive episodes, she would say that having his dna meant that i would become an abuser like him, she would tell me to go somewhere out of the way to kill myself, as i've told you before. i was a child, it stuck in my brain and formed how i respond to being thought of as evil. that fed into how much it hurt when you demonised me, when you acted like i was dangerous when i'm not, all over me being ill. on top of that, it felt doubly unfair, considering the mild hypocrisy, considering how i comforted you when you felt demonised, when you cried about how unfair it was to have your innocence and internal experience invalidated by a presumptuous bias others forced upon you - you knew how it would feel. another example, one that conveys an aspect of how and why my life got so much worse because of what you did, would be - because of being abused, tortured, in childhood, the health issues caused by it all, other health issues, the mountains of childhood trauma (from the aforementioned people and others), homelessness, and so forth - i was hospitalised for months as a teenager; i was severely abused while there, which made being thrown back into that exact same hospital (for weeks and weeks this time) because of you an even more agonising experience than it would've otherwise been (which isn't to say that it wouldn't have been agonising and dehumanising either way, it absolutely would've been).

i was sleeping in identical beds and rooms to those that i was sexually abused in (by a staff member coming into my room at night, as reports went ignored), around every corner there was another flashback to the half-a-year of agony that i endured years ago, to incessant and unending daily violence and misery that you physically cannot escape, locked in a room, with isolation, starvation, beatings, electrocution, force feeding, and so on - whatever you didn't endure personally, you were threatened with and/or saw others endure. and while some things had changed this time, others certainly hadn't, it fucking sucked. while i was there this time, i lost almost every friend i still had, i lost every irl friend (any not gone, and any feeling of safety in this godforsaken town, are certainly gone after your gossip and rumours); i couldn't see my dying relative ever again, i never saw her again, i never will see her again, and i was only able to see my bunny, who i loved more than anything, once more, very briefly at the vets, before she died, while staying with an old friend who had decided that she wanted to get rid of her (because of being in that fucking hospital, because of you, all this shit); the local mental health service continued to (and still continues to) refuse therapy or additional meds (because nothing is or will become available); i was sexually harassed by one patient and received bigoted abuse from another, and i could go on and on with more examples of the traumatic and isolating ripple effects. in short, my whole life and any remaining joy was ruined by what you did. you had me locked back there, the worst fear of my entire adult life come true, more afraid and more lonely by the day - like the last time, alone, no support network, no visitors. and any pain, sickness, or noise that caused was twisted to also be weaponised against me.

i reached out to you that night, when i was scared and needed a friend, to ease your potential concerns and to talk to my friend (i only ever wanted my best friend, although i know that you don't believe me on that point at this point, if you ever did, and i know that all innocent intentions and happy memories will have long since been twisted and tarred in your head). i never asked or expected anything of you whatsoever, then or prior. that night, i remember no suggestion of planning to hang out tomorrow, no phone call, nothing concrete, just saying that maybe you'll see me in a year, just lies and pretend understanding and manipulation. i know that it's a complex, difficult situation to navigate, respecting boundaries and choice when you're scared of the outcome that they want, and falsely thinking that handing responsibility to abusive systems will fix it - you didn't even try to help me at all, and you achieved nothing but misery. and now all of this. i know that i spiral and overthink - i don't always trust myself to be correct when i connect the dots that you're trying to hurt me. it made sense - it does track with your consistent disregard for me, with your remarks clearly knowing that there's risks in a psych ward, with your later behaviour. but it's largely interpreting a series of confusing, conflicting events/statements. i know that you spiral too, and that however much you hated me that night, you almost certainly hate me exponentially more now - i know that you'll have talked yourself in circles with whoever you gossiped to, or even alone, until i'm barely even a human being in your mind, if i ever was. i know that, if you were to ever read this, or hear me out to any degree, in any format, every sentence would be met with petty mockery, or at best the inclination to spend more time thinking of a response than hearing how another person feels.

i know that i will never have the chance to soberly explain the things that we talked about (or anything, for that matter, i don't get to correct things, defend myself, clarify things, i don't even get to know any more than vague references in insults what's been falsely claimed, and all i know from that is that whatever it is definitely isn't fucking true), ie what was poorly conveyed or misunderstood or intentionally twisted or only you baiting responses - i was drunk and on a massive overdose of various psychotropic drugs (amongst other things), and i was in a compromised and vulnerable emotional state, i couldn't say anything how i would prefer to, i could barely think at all, i couldn't account for needing careful phraseology or anything, and now i can never clear things up, all because you want to see me in the worst way possible. that said, the more words i say, the more words you have to twist. you've been doing that for a while though - for the latter half of our friendship, so much of what i said was taken in the worst way possible. you embarrassed me around friends more than once, when i was high, over a "that's what she said" level joke that you found distasteful, or something similarly benign. you'd ignore me for weeks on end, but if i wasn't available whenever you wanted for whatever topic you wanted, it'd be an issue (you once contacted friends when i didn't reply for just a day; when i expressed some concerns, it was met with frustration that i hadn't done so earlier, despite the implicit pressure not to do so that had built over the years, despite me actually having expressed concerns in the past and getting shut down with obvious excuses, that you later said were such, and despite all of the eggshells that i was walking on, your unfounded judgements; it felt like i had to fight more and more to be treated like a human being).

it wasn't a healthy dynamic for either of us. and i'm partially (quite largely, in fact) responsible for enabling and cultivating it - for one, i was so desperate to stay friends that i would permit anything, i would ignore every uncomfortable feeling (as i've told you before, i never even wanted your phone number or discord to begin with, and only agreed after repeated pressure and running out of excuses to keep refusing them, and then our level of contact increased, because you were ill and covid was happening, despite my desire to avoid it doing so, as we once somewhat discussed; but then it only grew worse as you made me more and more afraid of your constant judgement; that's not me theorising and reading into things, you admitted that it was happening), i'd limit complaints and disagreement to as mild as possible. bringing this up isn't some "got'cha, you were the asshole all along" - you know i don't think like that, i don't play that stupid heroes and villains game, it's just me trying to explain how and why this has all fucked me up. and now i have two versions of you in my memories that couldn't possibly get along - the deeply unhealthy idealisation that i fed with the scraps that you begrudgingly provided, and the asshole who ruined my entire life on a whim and then left before having to deal with the ramifications, who knowingly sent me to one of the worst places for me, without any sympathy, and who now trots around having a happy, free life, with an occasional interlude to gossip maliciously and dubiously about my personal struggles, without a single thought to how i'm left here in the mud and the rot, having to deal alone with every single consequence of your actions (and all of the shitty things from prior, which haven't been eased, in fact they're much worse), having to deal with the risks and stressors that come with people knowing really personal stuff (or at least some twisted and demonised version of it).

as much as i've bemoaned the inability to clarify myself to you, for a while i more desperately needed you to clarify yourself to me, and yet i had to drag myself kicking and screaming into the unfortunate reality that i'll never have either of those things - all the while not knowing how long i will be forced, by circumstance (my family couldn't afford another funeral at the moment, and i'm nothing if not courteous to a fault) and the few loved ones that i have left, to live in that reality. but you weren't happy to stop making my life worse at that, you weren't happy to let me even try to live my life. everything fucking sucks. and you're responsible for a lot of that suck. and, as i've said, there's far more than i could convey in a single, simple letter. and you will never know the extent of what you did, nor will you ever care about it - i've said it before, but deep down i know that you see me as nothing more than a dodged bullet despite you being the only one who shot (on the rare occasions that you briefly deign to see me at all), and that every time i writhe in frustration, confirmation bias will turn it into further proof of that conclusion, twisting and demonisation will make it feed the narrative. you said once that you simply don't think about me when i'm not around, and i am keenly aware of how little i ever mattered to you. and yet, despite all of that, despite all of this pain, i wanted my friend back, i missed my friend, i missed the person who i thought for a short while that night actually didn't feel disgusted by me, and i missed all of the good times prior. but to you, i'm nothing but a fun thing to bitch about, no matter how much danger and suffering a few minutes of your amusement causes.

i'm stuck here with nobody to talk to, and a million confusing things bouncing around in my head, and even sicker than ever from that fucking place, and you spend moments that you're bored making it worse for your own shits and giggles. nobody is or should be oversimplifying the situation, or arguing that i'm flawless, i've never claimed to be (although i'm starting to realise i need to clarify that by this, and historically anything like it, i mean things like "i word things poorly from time to time", and not whatever horrid ways you'll twist it to imply things i've never done), but i'm a harmless dumbass who got fucked over by you. in an old update, from the day my bunny died, i said "everything fucking hurts. you fucked me over. you screwed me over. you did not save me. you have no idea how much pain you've caused. i am so fucking angry and hurt. i didn't deserve this shit. because of you, what you did, i never saw my relative again and i only saw my bunny once." when i was at her funeral, which i had posted about, you organised a random effort to inform me of how far you'd spread this shit, how much danger i was in, and i said "you're not even trying to hide gossiping and shit while i'm struggling most. you're not even going to feel guilty for any of this. you destroyed me for fucking fun, for nothing but your own entertainment, it's callous. it doesn't benefit you to ruin my life and demonise me to everyone." i spent these few weeks stupidly holding on to the false hope that you would leave me be, telling myself maybe i was overthinking all the signs, working (apparently hopelessly) towards a better life. if there's an ounce of you that ever cared, which i highly doubt, just know that twisting vulnerable moments, to falsely imply that somebody has ever done anything that they haven't or to ruin their life even more and further ongoing isolation and harm that you've already fed into, is sick; someone tried to kill me, i was actively suicidal, and you thought "i know what this calls for, even more fear." you left because it'd be "good for you", but put my health, safety, even life at risk, for fun, for no reason. is that good for me? is that what supposed friends do?

goodbye

[checkers-dance]

hi oomf. i come to talk abt The Music. usually i would have sent something the moment i got done listening to it but i was fighting for my life (migraine 😔) but its another day and i've had more time to rlly digest the songs so at least my thoughts can be more coherent.

as a whole, i enjoyed myself a lot! it was very fun to listen to. there's something INSANE about hearing sh*wnu again. like wowwww i forgot how much i liked his voice??? it was such a joy, i think i ended up rlly latching to his lines. but hy*ngwon did rlly good too, i actually think his breathy tone (dunno how to describe it) was a rlly great fit for some of these songs, it was very neat. i feel like the entire ep sounded exactly like what i would expect from a unit with these two... idk but something about it just felt so natural. so i had a lot of fun! if i have any complaints, is that i wish it was a little longer... i RLLY could use a couple more songs, especially from hy*ngwon. as for more specific thoughts love me a little was reaaaally good, and i think it was the objective best choice as a title track so i'm glad they went with it. the chorus was SOOO good, its been stuck in my head all day. and the last part of the song was also sooo great, it had a rlly strong conclusion i feel. its rlly rlly cool to see hy*ngwon making title tracks, i reaaally hope he gets a chance to do it again. love therapy was not a fave but it had some rlly strong parts... i love love love the part where it's just hy*ngwon talk singing, it scratches such an itch for me. and that one high note by sh*wnu.... shaking throwing up /pos. roll with me was SO.... i think its my favorite. listen.... its the fucking piano... I KNOW IM SO PREDICTABLE BUT WELL.... it had a really fun darker vibe to it that i actually wasnt expecting, so i was very pleasantly surprised. and GODDD THAT PRECHORUS... TRULY A BANGER. play me was very cute, but i dont have too much to say about it. it was very fun but not a fav yknow. and lastly slow dance was SO fun and cute, its rlly romantic sounding and another personal fav. there's just something abt it. SO YES I HAD FUN... which is to be expected, i feel like its been a while since i've truly had anything negative to say abt anything mx releases which is sooo brainwashed of me but yknow 😔 ALSO i actually rlly dig the vibe of the cover. album covers in kpop are literally just text and a background, its getting so boring sjsbdbsbd yes this is still rlly simple but it has style to it yknow

outside of the music, the music video had some really cool shots, esp during the later half. but i was honestly kinda underwhelmed idkkkkk... I KNOW I SHOULDNT TRUST THEIR CONCEPT PHOTOS BUT LISTEN... THAT ONE VID THEY RELEASED WITH THE WEIRD ASS CREEPYPASTA VIBE?? they are literally just fucking with me at this point 😭

THERE MIGHT BE SOME TYPOS HERE BUT IM SLEEPY... I CANT BE BOTHERED TO CHECK IM SORRY

NO BUT IT'S ACTUALLY SO SAD THAT THEY HAD NONE OF THE VIBES FROM THE CREEPYPASTA MV......I was ready to sit here theorizing the meaning behind the tree and the lab thing and the beaker AND NONE OF IT SHOWED UP.....this is truly so sad. And yeah, the mv was cool but it didn't scratch the itch the preview video gave me 😭😭😭

Ik what u mean abt the breathy tone tho, hy*ngwon rlly does pull it off so well. And is it a coincidence roll w me is a fave of urs bc his breathy tone rlly is showed off there 🧐🧐. I liked roll w me, and yeah it def has a darker vibe

I agree w u abt play w me and slow dance so there's not much to say there

I actually rlly liked love therapy, minus the chorus which was just alright (BUT IT GETS STUCK IN MY HEAD OK...). The synth was simply too sexy. Also the fact that the song starts out w "I need some therapy" is so funny. This could've been the mx version of vixx's "lalala I need therapy" song. If the chorus was stronger I think this song would be a fave

Omg hy*ngwon composed the title track? Good for him. And yeah, the chorus is super catchy, and the build up to it is so good. Also the guitar at the end was SO good (<- extremely predictable for me). I was just listening to it again and I caught the subtle saxophone and IT SLAPPED......

#asks

[boycow69]

can i just talk for a minute about this stupid fucking crackship that has me by my SPINAL CORD bc i cant talk to my irls about this cuz they wouldnt get it.

so. the ship is ectoplasm/snipe and like i found it in a chatfic and it somehow??? wormed its way??? into my brain??? and settled down??? (bitch dont even pay rent ://) i literally have not been able to think about anything but Them for literal DAYS now. i don’t have the motivation to write anything about them but mildly coherent rants (like this one) and rn im just trying to get my thoughts in order.

and like if you think about it its actually really fucking sweet? as a ship? like snipe from what we’ve been shown is literally just Southern Charm + Cowboy and ectoplasm is the Actually Very Dangerous Math Nerd and idk about you but cowboy and math nerd is just a wholesome dynamic period and i hc snipe as being older anyway (like 39 MAYBE 38) so like the ship is basically middle-aged men in love? which is literally just my favorite already so. yeah. but also they just seem like domestic people, like they’d bring each other lunch at work if he forgot it at home, they’d go on walks together with snipe’s their dog named after some country singer (my favorite is thomas rhett so in my head the dogs name is rhett but my favorite song is ‘somethin bout a truck’ by kip moore so i like to think they have two goldens one is named moore and the other rhett). but like ecto would give snipe straws so he can drink through the mask in public and snipe would remind ecto to put his glasses on when he forgets or remind him that they’re on his head (cmon, we’ve all done it).

AND. AND. AND. YOU MIGHT ASK, BOYCOW69, HOW DO THEY KISS? ECTOPLASM DOESN’T HAVE LIPS AND THE ANSWER IS THEY BONK. like when a cat pushes its head against your hand ecto will just,,, take snipes face in his hands,,,,, and they jus,, they jus bonk. they put their faces together and just fucking enjoy the moment and FUCK man does the thought RUIN me. like they just HOLD each other and push their faces together because they LOVE EACH OTHER and im SOFT AND GAY AND CANT HANDLE IT.

and you bet your ASS ive got headcanons on their relationship and how long they’ve been together and how they got together in the first place and imma bout to fucking tell you. snipe and ecto are about four years apart, meaning they would’ve just barely missed each other in school unless ecto’s birthday was after the school year ended, which is how i hc it. they met in highschool and became friends instantly despite ecto being a third year and snipe being a first year (no, they arent dating that happens after snipe graduates and turns 18). something about the chaotic cowboy just struck a chord in ectos strict math nerdness and similarly to aizawa and mic they became fast friends (though more willingly on both ends. none of that tsundere shit hes just kinda like iida). they stay friends even after ecto graduates and they slowly start developing feelings over those few years until snipe turns 18 and shows up on ectos apartment door step with beer and a boombox (he’s already drunk, he needed the confidence) and playing ‘save a horse ride a cowboy’ and ecto, to this day, doesn’t understand why he said yes to a date in that moment but he also knew then that by agreeing to that date he was agreeing to so much more (a life with the guy, keep ya minds out the gutter). he agrees to the date (snipe refuses to move until he says yes or no) and pulls him into his apartment to turn off the damn music before he gets noise complaints and help his cowboy sober up so he can tell him yes properly.

snipe ends up telling him later (YEARS later) that he meant to play a different song but forgot when he got drunk and his plastered brain thought that one was better (he was gonna play ‘die a happy man’ by thomas rhett instead (shut up im a country fan and he’s literally a cowboy okay)). and, in turns of when he said yes to a date, ecto proposed on the spot. this led to a happy about 13 year marriage (in my brain they were dating from snipe-18, ecto-21 to snipe-25, ecto-28 when ecto proposed and they get married about a year later (26/28) and they both apply to work at UA two years after that (28/30), then to start of canon events where they are 39/41).

and thats probably about it for my rant but like GOD i love them and the BONK AND THE LOVE AND THE DOMESTIC SHIT AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE PEOPLE JUST BEING IN LOVE THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

#bnha #snipe #ectoplasm #literally like GOD #habababshsbdb love #im just gay #and so are they #i also hc them w two bio children that r ocs of mine #but thats for another time #anyway yeah they also like sorta keep their relationship on the dl #since they are private to the public (not showing faces/dont know real names ect.) #i figured they wouldn’t exactly blast their marriage in case of the media getting their hands on it #safer that way too #aizawa knows tho since they have a kid enrolled in his class and he kinda needs to know that shit #aizawa shouta #bnha aizawa #boku no hero academia

[andthebubbles]

[reskimwatch of bridgerton s1 anthony scenes because APPARENTLY i’m fucking obsessed atm. also, it’s very rambly and unstructured and i wrote parts of it ‘live’ (whilst watching) so just skipppp]

(1x01)

doing a skimrewatch of bridgerton s1 for just the anthony scenes (and any other scenes that take my fancy) and skjfngkfnjfng anthony is such a dick in s1. but, i do think that perhaps if we transported s2!anthony into s1 and refilmed all his scenes, he might not come off as dickish since i kinda get the impression that jb hadn’t been briefed on all the anthony trauma issues. which is fine, he wasn’t one of the leads in s1, but it’s very obvious imo that there’s some depth missing in eg the ep 1 scene with his mum when they’re in his study and she talks to him about responsibility and how he’s not living up to his father etc

anyway!

[eta: later in the series i think this gets better ^ but i’m not gonna rewatch that scene in this ep again just to see what i think of it after skimwatching all 8 lol]

-

1x02

i’ve been reading this wonderful fic which is basically a collection of anthony-centric angsty oneshots and mmmmm okay so in this ep (2) there was that convo between anthony and his mum and hmmmmmmm so in the fic, his relationship/interactions with his mother is a lot more fraught, and i thought it was more the author’s take on it/perhaps something from the books, but now after watching ep 2 i’m thinking that maybe it was sourced from s1 (and maybe boosted by the books)? after all, that fic/the oneshots were written before s2 came out.

now i’m not sure what the canon take is on how much all that stuff impacted on anthony kdjngfkjngkfkgkfk the fic is REALLY good, maybe it’s influencing me. that fic!anthony would’ve been like... after what violet said to him... well idk, maybe 4.15am is too late to form coherent sentences, but ... okay so he reacts after violet says “but i assure you i am more than capable” and that fic!anthony would’ve been like ‘she thinks i am not capable, i am incapable, i’ve been trying so hard and for what?, i am a failure’ and then etc, spiralling from there, but i am not suuuuure if that’s canon!anthony. like i said, the fic is really good haha. 

...tbh, i think that scene can be interpreted however one likes, you don’t really get anthony’s pov in s1 in scenes with his family, and none of the backstory yet, so yeah.

-

1x03

i have nothing to say about this one really, except that violet is kinda annoying now that i’m on anthony’s side HAHAHA (the first time i watched it, i didn’t care because i didn’t like anthony). and mmm on the siena stuff, good on her for kicking him out haha

-

1x04

benedict is such a dear!!!  if i had to be any bridgerton sibling, i would be benedict

i have not much to say about this either, except that anthony is still goddamn condescending and the prince is a much preferable option for daphne compared to the duke imo

-

1x05

yeah the fic definitely amps up the antagonism between anthony and violet lol. not that i’m complaining! i love angst KSJdnfkjngkjgngjfkn

-

1x06

i feel like there’s so much to unpack here if you wanted to, but also nothing at all if you didn’t want to, so i shall just leave this screenshot here lmao:

and maybe say that anthony is an arse and i love that he is skjgnkfgk

-

1x07

(that fic does such a good job at unpacking anthony ‘that does not concern you/you would not understand’ bridgerton lol)

-

1x08

violet being like (5:02) “it’s certainly been an eventful season, what with daphne and the duke, and then anthony” and what?? what has he done skfjngkf

anthony’s definitely a bottom btw KSJDJGKJ (that thing where he put his hands on the beam thing above him when he was getting started with siena lol. also, man was fully whipped with kate, and even kind of with siena tbh)

also yeah uh just general comment, i hated the invasion of privacy and stuff that the duke and daphne went through, and the lack of communication between them and the... by modern standards, sexual assault, although idk if it would’ve been termed that back then. anyway, it stemmed from the utter lack of communication between them, so... that’s why i don’t like simon/daphne as much as kathony. also i just prefer kate and anthony to simon and daphne, i find them more interesting/rounded characters? but that’s very subjective haha

i would loooove to read someone’s unpacking of the whole anthony/siena thing, in fic or like a meta post

anyway! that’s my s1 anthony rewatch done lmao

#ramble.txt #bridgerton #i gotta find my ramble post on my actual first watch of s1 and see how my opinion's changed #// #well i found it

[shig-a-shig-ah]

Spinner + Oviposition👀 congratulations on your milestone!

@impalawrites not me in the discord server asking how tf to write this and not even realizing you were the one who requested it. Thanks for expanding my horizons--idk if I got it right, but it was fun!

» cw: breeding, consensual oviposition, belly bulge, Spinner only has one dick cuz I have some other double-dick stuff coming up lmao. 18+, minors DNI.

» a/n: Another from my 1k follower event. 

» wc: 1k

"Are you—a-ah—are you sure about this?"

The scales on Spinner's cheeks are flushed dark, his clawed fingertips scratching at the sheets as his hips buck up into your hand. Your fingers are slick with the clear fluid leaking from his tip, coating your fingers and his throbbing cock, running down his engorged shaft to pool on the bed beneath.

"I'm sure," you answer. "It's uncomfortable, right? I want to help."

It's the truth, or part of it. Your boyfriend had avoided you for days before finally telling you what was wrong, obviously struggling to control himself as he babbled nervously, distractedly, about springtime and mating cycles and eggs. He needed someplace to put them and you—sympathetic but also more intrigued than you admitted—had volunteered.

In his right mind, Spinner might not have accepted the offer. But the hormones flooding his system have had him worked up for days, achingly hard and desperate to bury himself in something warm and tight, the grip of his own fist not enough to release the clutch weighing heavy in his belly. So, when you ask if he's ready, he only nods.

You climb to straddle him, brushing the leaking head of his straining erection against your slit, and it's all Spinner can do to keep from forcing up into you when you start to sink down, something primal in the back his mind alight with the need to fill you up as quickly as he can, any semblance of pleasure be damned.

He restrains himself. Barely.

His claws dig into your hips when you start to ride him, the velvety walls of your cunt massaging every inch of his length. It's good, sparks of pleasure shooting along his spine as his cock weeps more of that clear liquid inside you, helping to stretch and soften you up for what comes next. But even when he starts to buck up to meet your movements, it feels all wrong, some part of his baser instincts left unsatisfied by the languid rolls of your hips and the way you pause to grind against him every time his tip kisses your cervix.

"N-need more," Spinner stutters, coherent words a challenge for his tongue. There's a haze starting to cloud his mind as he squirms more restlessly beneath you.

You kiss him, hard. "Whatever you want."

You start to work yourself faster, gasps and mewls escaping you as you bounce on his cock, angling yourself just right so he strokes that tender spot inside. It feels good, and Spinner can feel himself driving a little deeper with every thrust. But something's still off, not right. It's not supposed to be like this, you on top of him, slowly working yourself open and circling your hips. He's supposed to... supposed to...

Something snaps, the last of his rationale thoughts falling away, and then he's digging his fingers into you more harshly, rolling you beneath him in one abrupt movement. You let out a surprised whimper at that reversal of your positions, and another strained gasp when Spinner shoves your knees towards your chest, rutting his hips into erratically.

"I'm sorry," he manages to bleat as he fucks into you roughly, but you only shake your head, let your eyes roll back. The rail of his length against your cervix should hurt but it doesn't, only feels impossibly good thanks to whatever his own body has been spurting to prepare yours, that clear liquid now coating your cunt and your inner thighs, allowing him to glide in and out of you with ease, filling the room with lewd squelches alongside your own noises.

"Gonna...gonna c-cum," you whine, and a moment later you're clenching around him, drawing him deeper into your greedy hole, and when you finally slump, muscles relaxing from riding that high, Spinner finally manages what his body has been waiting for. The tip of his cock plunges it's way through your slowly-stretching cervix, impossibly tight and incredible wrapped around his length.

"O-oh, OH," You cry out at the breach, and he musters a flicker of anxiety at your possible discomfort, but one look at your face makes clear that's not why you're keening. Your face has gone slack, eyes rolled back in obvious ecstasy as your sex flutters around him.

With one last drive of his hips, Spinner buries himself as deep in your insides as he can manage, hips stilling and his own grunts and gasps falling from his lips as he feels something shifting in his own gut, his shaft pulsing and stretching as the first of his clutch starts the journey towards your womb. It’s carried alongside more of his own leaking slick. 

Another long, low moan echoes off your lips as you're stretched wider by that first egg, your body twitching and convulsing as the pressure of it sends you to another peak.

"You're doing so good," Spinner manages to murmur, and you give the faintest of nods, barely aware of what he's saying, of anything except the exquisite stretch of your insides. You hadn't expected it to feel like this. So good, so right. "I think—ngh—I think just one more,” he gasps, his own voice strained.

Then you're shuddering again as your walls are forced wide again, the press of his egg against your sensitive front wall sending you shuddering and clenching again, those contractions only helping to guide it deeper until it finds it's home.

Spinner pulls away a little when the last of those eggs is buried safely in your womb, his own head slowly clearing even as you continue to mewl and quiver beneath him. He lets one clawed hand come to rest on your lower belly, massaging lightly, and watching with wide eyes as the remnants of his and your cum dribble out. Your insides feels strange when he pushes and prods, too, and when you glance down you can see the bulge of your lower belly stretching to accommodate his clutch. 

The sight spurs an odd feeling of pride and protectiveness in you, the visceral nature of it catching you off guard, at least for a moment. After a moment though, that sense of possessiveness settles. Feels right. Why wouldn’t you feel such an intense attachment to your eggs?

#spinner x reader #shuichi iguchi x reader #bnha x reader #bnha spinner #spinner smut #tw: oviposition #tw: belly bulge #ghuleh.writes #a ghuleh hits 1k #nsft

[minijenn]

Anyway now that I am awake fully and coherent, here are some Thoughts (and not all of them are nice): 

I’m very meh on Sora’s new design; his outfit is very simple and bland and nowhere near as memorable as his other designs 

The overall art style is also very meh for me; it doesn’t stand out as much as 3′s does. I’m hoping that look is only really present for Quadratum and things go back to looking a little more Disney-esque outside of that (like Donald and Goofy looked normal at the very least) 

STRELITZIA IM CRYING SHE ACTUALLY LOOKS GREAT AND I CANT WAIT TO WATCH HER AND SORA INTERACT I WANT THEM TO BE BESTIES 

GAMEPLAY LOOKS SICK KEYBLADE TRANSFORMATIONS HHHH GRAPPLING HOOOK KEYBLADE BRUHHHHH

Who the fuck that other black coat wearin motherfucker vibing with MoM? Luxord? Demyx? Some other rando? 

If Quadratum is like the afterlife for Keyblade wielders, then I wonder who else we might see there. Ava maybe? (idk if she’s actually dead but if she turns up there I’d be really hype) 

What the fuck Riku boutta look like in Quadratum tho 

So apparently Donald and Goofy are going to Hades for advice about how to find Sora??? I swear to god if Hades somehow transports them to Quadratum I’m gonna need hyper realistic Donald and Goofy in modern Japanese fashion ASAP 

I’m... worried about if there will be Disney worlds and how they’ll be included; Disney has been putting out a lot of bangers lately and it would be a shame if we had to wait to see the likes of Moana and Zootopia in a later game; granted this is a numbered title so I feel like Disney worlds are a given; I just hope that it’s Sora going to them because I love watching his dumb ass interact with the Disney characters 

Still very worried about how characters like Roxas, Xion, Terra, Namine, ect, will factor into the series moving forward, I’m really worried about them being sidelined and forgotten about 

Another fucking KH prologue mobile game... yay... :/

Dark Road being put off till August is wow like wtf are they putting in this damn thing to need so much time on it 

Very fucking worried this will be a PS5 exclusive no way in hell am I buying a PS5 just for this sorry babes

Not a goddamn Yozora in sight, my life is happy again, now the fandom can maybe shut up about the More Boring Riku for five fucking seconds 

There are CARS IN THIS GAME PLEASE NOMURA LET SORA DRIVE A CAR BADLY 

And finally, never before have I related more to an NPC before in my life: 

#anyway #im feeling in a way this morning #im gonna go throw myself back into keys to try and shake this weird feeling of worried excitement off #jen rambles #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 4

[lavenderwhore444]

Ok so idk if ur into hybrids or monster fucking so apologizes if these made u uncomfortable so what if Shiggy went to capture a reader that has a tentacles like quirk to give it to AFO but instead just gets fucked with a bunch of tentacles right in the ass ( don’t worry he actually enjoys it)

My morals are very flexible, so don't worry. It honestly sounds pretty neat. 😌

If I had tentacles, there's a 90% chance I would offer to fuck him with them, tbh. 😫🥵

If you want to use interactive fics, it's easy and makes reading fics SO much better. First, you download the Google Chrome extension. You'll see it in the top right corner of your screen. Next, you enter your name in the first box. If you want to change something other than y/n, please click on the text that says “want to change something other than y/n?” here, you can change any word you want to a different word. When I talk about your quirk, I will use y/q

InteractiveFics

Master List

Warnings: the reader has tentacles. Like anon said, Shiggy gets absolutely demolished with them, kidnapping, still consensual in the end, don’t worry, the tiniest bit of bondage like it probably doesn't even qualify.

Thanks to Shimeji, I wrote this fic while tiny Shigarakis goofed around on my screen. I would highly recommend it because it’s so cute.

“Let me go! ” you yelled, struggling with the ropes tied around you.

“No can do, sensei wants you for a nomu, ” Shigaraki said.

“A what?” you asked.

“The scary monsters you see on the news, ” he said.

“What? No way I'm not letting you turn me into one of those!” You protested.

“I'm afraid that you don't have a choice, ” Shigaraki said, “besides they're only using your quirk you won't even be conscious...I think, ”

“No! Let me go!” you screamed trying to kick his seat.

“Don't fucking do that. You'll make us crash, ” he snarled.

“The fuck do I care? I'd rather die, ” you said.

“Just shut up. You'll be fine. Probably. If we're being real here, I have no idea how those things are made. So good luck. Not that I care, ” he said.

You just couldn't take the thought of turning into one of those monsters, you started crying.

“Fuck, ” he groaned, “will you please just shut up, ”

Nothing Shigaraki said registered in your brain. You were paralyzed with fear and couldn't stop the tears streaming down your face.

“Y’know what, fine! Fine! y/n, there is another option, but I don't know if you'll like it, ” he said.

“Please, anything, I'll do anything, ” you pleaded.

“You've got tentacles right?” Shigaraki asked.

“Yeah, ” you sniffled.

“I’ll keep you around if you fuck me with them, ” he offered.

“Excuse me if I what?” You said, shocked.

“I said, ” he repeated, annoyed, “if you're so fucking scared of being turned into a nomu, I’ll keep you around if you use your tentacles to fuck me, ”

You thought for a minute weighing your options.

“Ok, ” you whispered, “I’ll do it. Just don't turn me into a nomu, ”

He chuckled, “sounds great to me. I've got a phone call to make, ”

You nodded, “thank you. Even though you're horrible, thank you for not turning me into a monster, ”

Shigaraki had already picked up the phone, though the smirk on his face told you he had heard you loud and clear.

“Hey, change of plans I'm keeping her....to play with, we’re gonna have some fun....no, sorry, I know she would've been useful, but I just can't pass this up....sure see you later, ” he looked back at you, “we’ll be there in five, ”

You nodded, anxiety bubbling up inside of you. Five minutes felt like nothing as Shigaraki helped you out of the car and into the ‘empty’ building. He sat you inside of his room.

“You're tired, ” he said, “you're sleeping here. My bed is cold anyways, ”

He tugged you into the bed, so you were by the wall. He turned you to face him and wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m only doing this so you won't escape, ” he muttered.

You didn’t sleep much, but Shigaraki slept like a baby until he woke up from a nightmare. He clung onto you as he shook, hyperventilating into your hair.

Against your better judgment, you whispered, “Hey, are you ok?”

“Fine, ” he muttered, turning his back to you.

The rest of the night was silent even though it was obvious neither of you slept. When morning came, he fed you breakfast.

“Don't want you to starve, ” he said, bringing in a plate of food.

He brushed the hair out of your face and brought the fork up to your mouth.

“I can feed myself, Shigaraki, ” you said.

“I don't trust you. Be thankful you're getting food. I'm doing a lot for you y/n, ” Shigaraki said.

He was right, so you let him feed you the rest without complaint. He smiled to himself. He’d had a dog before, and while this was quite different, you did remind him of having a pet. He left you alone for a couple of hours to attend some meetings. He walked back into his room, took his shirt off, and untied you.

“Ready?” he asked, “I might be a villain but I'm not gonna rape you,”

“Gee, thanks, ” you said.

“You sound a lot like someone who wants to be a nomu y/n. Are you ready or not?” he said.

“Ready, ” you muttered, conjuring a few tentacles that sprout from your lower back.

“Take your clothes off, ” he ordered.

You stripped, and he did the same, leaving his gloves on. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking nervous. You sighed and sat next to him, running your hands through his hair. You pressed light kisses to his neck, trying your best to enjoy your time with him. Your hands ran up and down his chest, resting at his hips.

“Hands and knees, ” you whispered.

He nodded and crawled to the middle of the bed.

“Don’t half-ass it, ” he snapped.

You ran your hands up and down his thighs, kneeling behind him.

You sighed, “I've never done this before. I don't know what you want me to do, ”

“Me neither, ” he said, turning to face you.

He took you by surprise and pulled you into a rough kiss, as well as pulling you on top of him. You were on top of him as he let his hands run over your back.

��Please just touch me, ” he whispered.

You took control of the kiss. You stroked his cock a few times, and he started to harden. You kept kissing him, getting rougher with him as you realized he wanted you to take control. You moved to his neck, biting and sucking at it, satisfied with the sounds he was making. You spread his legs, seeing the bottle of lube on the nightstand.

“Do this often?” you teased, squirting some onto your fingers.

“Shut the hell up and fuck me, ” he said.

“Fine! Fine!” you said, pressing a finger inside of him.

Not long after, you were able to press a second finger into him. You curled them inside of him, thrusting them as you did. He moaned and moved against your fingers, pressing his face into your shoulder.

“Y/n, ” he moaned, “I'm ready. Please fuck me, ”

The most powerful villain in the world was not only moaning under you but said, ‘please.’

“Sure, babe, ” you said, accidentally letting the pet name slip from your lips.

You let two tentacles hold his legs up, and one slid between them. You looked at him, and he nodded. You started to press one in.

“Fuck, ” you groaned, “I didn't think it would feel good for me, but holy shit, Shigaraki, ”

You shoved another one into him as his back arched. He pulled you down to kiss you, and you pressed both tentacles into him further. You moaned into each other's mouths, and his hands moved into your hair. You started thrusting one inside of him letting your head fall into the crook of his neck. The other wiggled around, providing a different form of stimulation that left him shaking and crying in pleasure.

“Fuck, ” you moaned, “so fucking tight, ”

All he could do was whimper and tug and tug at your hair. You kept moving in inside of him until he rasped out a quiet “right there y/n, ” You kept fucking him there, watching him lose his mind over it. He was moaning loudly and thrashing around.

“Stay fucking still, ” you said, restraining his arms.

You started thrusting harder adding just one more. You felt him somehow manage to get even tighter around you and bite his lip to draw blood.

“Y/n, ” he cried, “I'm close, please baby, please let me cum, ”

“Yeah? You need to cum?” you cooed.

He nodded, unable to form coherent words. You fucked him as hard as you could, smiling down at the wrecked boy underneath you. His body went rigid, and cum shot out of his dick.

“Y/n, ” he cried as he came.

“Right here with you, baby, ” you moaned as you came.

He looked up at you, “no cum?”

“What do you mean? I just came, ” you said.

“Yeah. But there's no cum, ” he pointed out.

“Shigaraki, girls don't make cum. Why would you think I do?” you asked.

“I dunno... the tentacles?” he responded.

“Sorry to disappoint, ” you muttered.

“It's okay, ” he said, running his hands through your hair and pulling you close to him.

“Is this so I can't escape?” you teased.

“No. Cause I want you here with me, ” he whispered, tightening his hold on you.

You nodded, leaving another kiss on his neck. He was so vulnerable, so honest.

“What does your little group even stand for?” you asked.

“I’ll tell you later. You might agree with it y/n, ” he said, petting your hair, “you’d be a valuable member, ”

“I'm honored you think that, ” you said.

“Sleep, ” he grunted, turning so he was laying on you.

“Don't you need a blanket?” you asked.

“No. You're warm, ” he said.

You sat in silence for a while.

“I had a bad dream last night, ” he whispered.

You rubbed his back, “tell me about it, ”

#tentacles #tomura fluff #tomura smut #tenko smut #tomura x reader #mha tomura #tomura imagine #shigaraki tenko #tomura shiragaki #tomurashigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki fluff #shigaraki smut #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader

[sewercentipede]

potentially, I mean I’m autistic and often get sensory overload in too loud and crowded places. have you considered getting evaluated for autism? it’s pretty common for girls to not be diagnosed until later on in adult life bc autism manifests differently in girls than boys, the symptoms of which are more well known and easier to identify tbh

yeah that makes sense v much. apparently girls are better at masking symptoms than boys and it results in brain differences btwn autistic females and autistic males, which Is a whole thing I could rant about. plus medical misogyny makes most things harder to diagnose for women (unless they’re bpd histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder, women get overdiagnosed w those).

ive never been screened for autism but im starting to wonder if i should get screened. i do have adhd - and idk if sensory overload is part of that? makes sense that it would be. i also have very specific textural/sensory issues, like i absolutely can’t stand certain textures in my mouth or on my skin, or being touched by other ppl, and my sense of taste and smell is extremely strong n makes normal things taste or smell rlly specifc in gross ways n I can taste if things have slightly gone bad so with all that plus the texture issues it makes me a rlly picky eater. Or like. the thought of eating with a spoon and using my teeth on the spoon makes me fucking ... I’d say cringe but it s worse than cringe . as a child I used to not be able to drink from a cup on the same spot more than once so I’d have to rotate the cup for every sip. Like weird shit

i have a rlly short fuse as well when I’m overwhelmed with too much stimuli or emotion, n when that happens I can’t express it coherently, like, I become monkey and can’t for.m sentences lol.

but the thing is , socially, I’m totally fine. like in person, aside from having social anxiety n shyness, I’m above average in emotional intelligence and good at things like reading body language n facial expressions, making eye contact, interpreting tone of voice, sarcasm , figurative speech, n jokes etc. soemtiems I’m attuned to ppl to the point of distress tbh bc ppl ooze emotional energy without realizing it and it makes me feel it too n it’s like information overload but emotionally. but ya i have no problem socially otherwise

i fixate but in an OCD (obsessive worrying) way not in an enjoyable way where u like know a lot about a topic which is the stereotypical autistic thing (well except when I used to be weirdly obsessed with Nikola Tesla n knew everything about him. But these seem like coincidences).

ya idk. Sorry for the life story. either way getting screened might be helpful. It could be my sensory issues with sounds and smells and textures and tastes are simply due to other things I have, like adhd and anxiety disorders

I don’t have a great understanding of autism spectrum disorder so forgive me and correct me if some what I’ve brought up is not relevant or not based on what autism is like.

#thnx for the response 💗 #autism

[bullshxtvixen]

Whose Bitch?

Pairing: Oikawa x Reader

Request: How nsfw is nsfw for you 😳 bc I’ve been DYING for some Oikawa getting pegged

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: 18+, Pegging, Degradation, Spanking, Sub!Oikawa, Oikawa is a pillow princess.

A/N: I’m warning you now, I’ve never attempted to write pegging before so this might suck, but @fallingintoimagination​ wanted it for her birthday so i gave it a go, plus i’ve killed two birds with one stone and got a request done and a birthday present for Jac, so i hope you like it ^.^

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

“Look at this, seems to me like your tight little ass is hungry for this fucking cock, what a filthy little slut you are for me, Tooru.” You brought your hand down firmly on his ass, a whine falling from his lips at the force. He stuffed his face into a pillow in an attempt to muffle the lewd sounds that fell from his mouth as you filled his ass but it made no difference.

You smirked down at him. Who’d have thought that The Great King, Tooru Oikawa would be reduced to little more than a needy brat as soon as a silicone cock was shoved between his cheeks. The sight of him on his knees and forearms before you sent shivers of delight up your spin. You had done this. You’d made former Aoba Johsai Captain a complete and utter whimpering mess before you, and fuck did it feel good.

Another snap of your hips had the strap pressing further into him, stretching his ass to near its limit but he only continued to bring his hips back to meet you thrust for thrust while his hand pumped his leaking cock as it throbbed between his legs.

“P-please, y/n, please fuck me harder, i can take it, fuuuck, oh god. I need it.” The sound of him begging was like music to your ears, you could’ve cum from those words alone, but you held back. This was about him, not you.

Reaching down, you grabbed a fist full of his hair, yanking his head up as you leaned over his body, your breath warm against the side of his neck, sent shivers through him. “You think you can handle this?” He moaned as you tugged on his hair and gave an extra hard thrust into him, “then you better fucking take it like an obedient little cockslut, understand?” His attempt to nod despite your hold on his hair had you grinning from ear to ear.

Pulling back slightly, you reached around and removed his hand from his cock, instead placing your own around it and giving it a firm squeeze. “I want you to cum for me within the next 2 minutes, got it?”

Another nod.

“Such a good boy for me.”

Then you were really moving, hips slamming into his at an agonizing pace, each movement had the silicone cock deep within his hole pressing against a spot inside him that had his breath catching in his throat.

Your hips moved faster as your hand pumped his cock, his orgasm approaching quickly, his cock twitching in your hold.

He was barely coherent, lost to the sinful feelings you were drawing from his body as he bit into the heel of his hand, trying to stifle the moans and groans that were leaving his lips every time you snapped your hips into him.

He was close now, you could tell from his faltering breath and the way he was fisting the bed sheets with white knuckles. It wouldn’t be long before his cum was spilling onto the bed, he just needed some final words of encouragement to send him over the edge.

“What would your teammates think if they could see you now, twitching and moaning as your girlfriend pounds your ass? God, how lewd they’d think you are...What a little bitch you’ve become for me.” Another smack to his ass had him arching his back, allowing you to reach a new angle as sweat caused his hair to stick to his forehead.

“Are you my little bitch, Tooru?” You coo to him as your nails dig into the skin of his hips, continuing to drill into him, willing his body to surrender to you. He could only nod.

“Ah ah ah, I want you to say it out loud. I want to hear whose bitch you are.” You pressed his face into the mattress, your thrusts becoming frantic. “Say it, now.”

“FUCK, Y/N. IT’S YOU. I’M YOUR SLUTTY LITTLE BITCH, ~AH, OH FUCK~ P-PLEASE...LET ME CUM FOR YOU.”

A smile spread across your face as you continued to pump his cock and rock your hips into him. You couldn’t deny him any longer.

“Then be a good boy and cum for me.”

Immediately his body stiffened as his orgasm rushed through him, his cum shooting out in thick ropes all over your hand and the bed sheets, the white liquid dampening them where it fell.

Seconds later his body followed, collapsing on top of the place he’d released himself, the strap falling from his abused hole as you quickly removed it and fell down next to him, your breathing labored as you tried to catch your breath.

He turned his head, looking up at you with a flushed face as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. You reached over to brush his sweaty hair from his forehead before bringing his lips to yours.

“So...” you started, nervous despite the fact you’d been spewing filth from your mouth not even five minutes prior. You traced your fingers down his back, not daring to look back into his eyes for the moment. “How was it?”

You chewed on your lip as you awaited his reply.

He didn’t answer for a moment, instead relaxing beneath your gentle caress. How was it? He wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question, but he knew you needed to hear some kind of response.

“It was amazing.” He breathed. You smiled, moving to kiss him again before remembering that he was currently laying in his own cum and you still had some of it on your hand. How the hell did he produce that much?

Shaking your head, you grabbed his hand and pulled him up from the bed and began to strip the sheets.

“Come on, you still owe me an orgasm or two while we shower, but first, be a good little bitch and help me change these sheets.” You winked before reaching over to grab the corner of the bed sheets.

His response came in the form of a pillow bouncing off your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I’m not happy with it but i don’t exactly hate it but...yeah idk.

#oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa smut #haikyuu #haikyuu smut #vixenscribbles #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu fic #haikyuu x reader #my writing