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dolldefiler · 2 days

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Hey :)

I just wanted to say truly how incredible your writing is. I find myself refreshing on tumblr desperately looking for a new story from you whilst I mindlessly rub myself away to all the dirty things on here because it just works like no other if I’m honest..

Also wanted to say thank you for seeming like a genuine person on top of all the sex-stuff, a lot of people abuse the space with this sorta stuff so it’s refreshing to see a double edged sword type thing I suppose.

Now I guess onto the reason I gathered the courage to ask (even though I’m still on anonymous…) I was wondering if you’d be up for letting me share my fantasy and if it sparked any inspo, if you’d be open to doing a request whenever you got the free time?

One of my biggest fantasies in the world is being kidnapped, raped and gaslighted, with heavy heavy tones of misogyny. Idk something about a sexually fuelled patriarchal society really does something to me :0 but unfortunately it’s kind of hard to communicate that desire to anyone at risk of it being taken completely the wrong way (oh the joys of having these kinks) and so I fear I’ll never really get to live out any variation of this fantasy with someone I trust

I just imagine being taken one day, because I’m just a girl and it’s a man’s right to take me if they choose. He takes me back to whatever secluded hole he’s got to keep me in, and it’s brutal and harsh at first - tied, bruised, etc etc. Then as the days, weeks, months go by I begin to develop Stockholm syndrome or I’m just plain old gaslighted into thinking this is all women are made for. Maybe he recorded me saying degrading things about myself in the first few days, which I said out of fear but you play them back for me and convince me that I meant them and you never asked me to say those things, it must just be truly who I am. Maybe he’d reward me when I gagged on his golf with the most simple thing like a stroke of my hair while he brutally fucked my face, but the small sign of affection (even when being used so aggressively) would be the gentle touch that I had been craving in the months he had kept me locked away. Besides the first time he raped me (so he could hold my pleasure during it as a tool against me), he would edge me from the very start, breaking me, making me crave the pleasure against everything screaming in my body saying not to. Taunting me by saying if I could cum just one more time, he’d let me go.. but of course he’d never let me. Teasing me by saying if I do as I’m told he’ll think about letting me get extra close to the edge that day, because at this point being allowed that would be the closest I would ever get. By the end of it my rewards would no longer benefit me, I’d be thankful when he said I could cockwarm him whilst he worked, or if he said I could be spend hours and hours worshipping his cock with my mouth, even when my jaw began to hurt. He’d only fuck me ass unless he wanted to edge me and get me close, or to breed me full of cum. If I ever took a misstep, like missing a single drop of cum after he came, I’d be punished. I’d be thankful to serve him, I’d learn to speak to him as my superior and all my pleasure would come from serving him. I could be completely rewritten and by the end of it he could let me go with no worry, and I’d be his forever..

ANYWAYS… ahem. I think I may have got carried away.

Even if you don’t write anything like this, honestly it was kind of fun just typing it out.

Other than that, I hope you are doing good!

From a very horny anon (who maybe recently has maybe weirdly started subconsciously picturing some imagined version you in this fantasy)

-🍒

Aww, this is such a cute message to receive (and as ever with these asks, I apologise for taking a century to respond).

I would love to steal some girl away from her home, snatching her up like she's property to be claimed. Snatching it up, like it's property to be claimed. She'd struggle at first, screaming and crying, violently thrashing against her ropes and threatening to call the police. What a silly little sex doll. The police wouldn't care about her. They'd probably stolen away their own little fleshlights.

I'd beat her of course. Stupid fucking rapetoys need it sometimes. They need to understand that they're nothing until I give them a purpose. I'd lock her in a dark room with no clock, no water, not a single sound to accompany her but the sounds of soft sobbing and heavy breathing. She'd mark the passing of days from my sharp footsteps as I'd come down to feed her. Beat her. Abuse her.

I'd speak to her sometimes, whispering degradation into her ears. Taking off her gag to encourage to degrade herself for me, if she wanted food. The only human contact she'd know would be intensely degrading. Every vile word of degradation she'd whisper about herself would earn her a pat on the head or kiss on the forehead. I'd reward her for breaking.

I would record every trembling word of hate she'd say about herself and rape her to the sounds of it. I'd spread apart her cunt on my cock and pound away at her, recording even that, raping her endlessly to our homemade porn. To our rape videos. She'd watch her own face become stained with tears. She'd hear the nasty things she'd hear about herself. She'd lose her mind. Did she truly want this? Did she really hate herself?

I'd reassure her that this was normal. That it's okay to hate yourself. That all she needed was me. I'd strap a vibrator against her clit and drill into her ass, jerking off inside her to the sounds of her intense degradation, to the her loud, screaming in those rape videos. I'd teach her to love the feeling. Then I'd leave her again. I wouldn't speak to her for days, silently feeding her. She'd have to choose between eternal silence or... something that made her feel alive. Something that made her feel like a woman. Something like a pathetic fucking rapemutt.

I'd choke her out, squeezing her tighter and telling her that I'd stop if she only just told me to. I'd stop if she degraded herself. I'd stop it if she just said anything. But my hand would stop her. I'd watch her become unconscious and limp every time, and wake her up to my cock raping her ass violently and my palm slapping her sharply. I'd only use her cunt to reward her. To train her into loving my cock stirring up her insides in a way that didn't leave her screaming.

I'd rewrite her so thoroughly she wouldn't even be able to consider disobeying me. The police might stop burying their cocks into their own fleshlights and knock on my door. They might question her. They'd get nothing. She'd defend me and tell them she ran away with me. She'd fervently tell them how I'd saved her from her old life. How I'd helped her. They'd take one last look at her and leave my house. Perhaps I'd breed her as a reward.

#rapekink #r@pe fantasy #degradation k1nk #degrading k1nk #rough kink #r@pe kink #humiliation kink #r@pe k!nk #rapedoll #rapetoy #cnc kidnapping #kidnap fantasy #gaslighting kink #manipulation kink #bd/sm breeding

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bingbongsupremacy · 2 days

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Closure Pt. 3

I'm taking requests! Please send you ideas in! I'd love to write them!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x plus size!reader

Warnings: swearing, anger, idk what else

Series Summary: You never knew Steve could be so shallow. When he leaves you to date Nancy Wheeler, you're left with a pain you thought he'd never leave with you. Maybe you should've stayed friends.

Part Summary: Robin invites you over for a small get-together before you leave, little did you know Steve was also invited.

*Not Proof Read* Stranger Things Masterlist

Based on Taylor Swift's Song Closure. This was a request. I tried to make everything as general as possible. Pls let me know if missed something ty. Also Eddie did not die in this.

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*****

It's just an hour. And it'll be nice to see everyone again. I mean, I haven't seen Robin in years. I wonder whatever happened with Vickie.

I press the doorbell of the older-looking apartment. A loud ring echoes from the other side of the door. Immediately, it's opened by an excited-looking Robin.

" You made it! " She grins, pulling me into a tight hug. Her hair's grown slightly but she still looks the same as she did in high school. " We have so much to catch up on. I haven't seen you in forever. "

" Of course I made it, Rob. I wouldn't miss this for the world. " I smile at the girl.

She leads me into the apartment, loud voices immediately flooding my ears. " Make yourself at home. There's snacks and games in the living room. And Eddie brought beer. There's a few people I invited that you might not know. I hope that's okay. "

" That's alright. I don't mind. "

" Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. " Eddie's playfully acts annoyed. His hands are on his hips, a pout on his lips. His arms support multiple new tattoos, some of which look fresher than others. " I thought you died. "

I roll my eyes. " Still alive and kicking. I see you're still a drama queen. "

Eddie gasps. " Am not. "

" It's good to see you, Ed. " I grin while hugging the slightly older man. " How's the band? "

" Better than ever. " Eddie pulls out a folded sheet of paper from his black jeans. He opens it, revealing this band logo on the very top. " We're playing multiple venues now. And we've been asked to go meet with some exec hot shots for a record label. " His excitement is evident in his tone. " We fucking did it, Y/N. "

" I'm so proud of you! "

The doorbell rings and Robin jumps up from her spot on the couch to answer the door.

A few muffled voices make their way down the hallway as Robin brings the guests further into apartment.

" What about you? What've you been up too? Livin' good up in the big city? " Eddie asks. His arms are splayed out comfortably on the top of the sofa behind him. His legs are lazily crossed out in front of him, his posture very casual.

I don't get to respond. A voice behind me grabs my attention.

" Y/N? "

I know that voice.

Steve.

I turn my head to see the man I'd been hoping to avoid for days now.

Fuck.

Steve's eyes are wide in confusion. He looks slightly older but still just as attractive as he did all those years before. His hair is still styled the same, only slightly longer.

" Steve? " I mumble in surprise.

" You two know each other? " Robin asks, a smile on her face. She has no idea about us.

I nod stiffly. " We did a long time ago. "

A small movement behind Steve's shoulder grabs my attention. Nancy Wheeler peeks over his shoulder, curious to who I am.

" Oh my, Y/N? " Nancy smiles warmly.

Even better.

" Hey, Nancy. " I greet politely. Moments ago this apartment felt fun and casual. Now it feels absolutely suffocating.

I thought I was done with Steve. I threw his shit away. Why is this bugging me so much? He's a stranger now.

Then why does he feel so familiar?

The doorbell rings again and Eddie lets out a grown. " How many people did you fucking invite, Robin? At this rate the whole towns gonna be here. "

" Shut up. It's the pizza. I'll be right back. " Robin rolls her eyes before disappearing into the hall.

" Didn't you two used to date? " Eddie asks out of the blue, pointing to Steve and I.

" Uh, yeah. " Steve nods awkwardly.

Eddie looks between Nancy and Steve. " Shit, you two dated too! "

Ten points to fucking sherlock over here. Really solving all the worlds greatest mysteries.

" Man, that's awkward. "

" You think? " I glare over at him. Of course, he had to bring that shit up, didn't he.

The room grows quiet. Nancy and Steve sit side by side on the ground across from Eddie and I. A small brown coffee table separates us, thankfully putting some distance between everyone.

" Who fucking died in here? Why are you guys so quiet? " Robin asks while carrying the pizzas in. " This is supposed to be a game night, guys. Not a sit-awkwardly-on-the-floor-in-weird-silence-and-stare-at-the-floor night. " She places the pizzas on an empty area on the coffee table. " I'm gonna grab some plates and napkins. When I come back I want everyone talking. " She playfully orders.

" So..." Eddie drags out the word awkwardly. He reaches into his pants and pulls out a small baggie filled with long white rolls. " Anyone want some weed? "

" You're not smoking weed in my apartment Munson! " Robin shouts from the kitchen.

This is going to be a long night.

*******

" I'm gonna go get some air. " I take one last swig of my beer before standing up.

Who knew Eddie and Robin were so competitive when it came to twister?

They don't seem to hear me over their loud trash-talking. Robin cackles loudly as she manages to contort her body somehow to get her arm onto a green circle. " It's alright, old man. You can give up now. We all know you've got fragile bones. "

" Shut the fuck up. You're just salty I kicked your ass at uno. " Eddie's voice dies down as I make it outside.

Outside is cold and quiet but it's a nice change from the loud environment inside. It's pretty late. Everyone is tucked in their houses, away from the streets.

I'd spent the last two hours debating if I should go home. Every time I'm about to say I need to go, thoughts about how I wouldn't need to leave if I didn't still feel sad about Steve start to pop up.

" Can we talk? "

" What's there to talk about, Steve? You sent me a letter. I read it. We're fine. " I reply stiffly.

" You never replied. " Steve steps out further onto Robins' front porch. He leans against the railing a step's length away from me.

I don't bother to look at him. " I didn't feel like it. I'm not into the whole letter thing. You know that. "

I've never been a fan of writing letters. It feels less personal than talking to someone else in person or on the phone.

Steve lets out a small sigh. From the corner of my eye, I spot the steam of his breath from the cold pre-winter air. " I'm sorry. "

" You broke my heart, Steve. " Anger bubbles in my chest. " You fucking broke it. Why did it take you so long to write to me? Why didn't you try to call? " I look over at him.

" I didn't know where you lived. You moved across the country, how was I supposed to get in contact with you? " Steve asks, his eyes staring into mine.

" That's bullshit Steve and you know it. If you really fucking wanted to you would've tried to get ahold of me. I was still at home the entire summer after graduation. You could've asked my mom for my number or-fuck even my address. You had options and you chose not to do anything. How am I supposed to believe you? " I feel my face heat up from anger.

" Admit it, Steve. You sent me that fucking letter because you feel guilty. You're ashamed of yourself. You wanted to smooth things over, make yourself feel better. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to pretend nothing ever happened yet. It wasn't just the fact that you broke up with me, Steve. We were friends. Best friends, at least I thought so. You just threw our friendship away. " I let out a bitter laugh. " And the ironic part was you were worried that you telling me how you felt would ruin our friendship. No, you did that when you let other people's opinions into our relationship. "

" I was a fucking coward, Y/N! What do you want me to say? " He asks desperately. " I lived off of the opinions of others and that ultimately cost me the best fucking thing that happened to me. " He grips the cold railing in front of us tightly. " I lost you because I was too scared to be myself and I will never forgive myself because of that. " He sighs. " I don't want you to forgive me, Y/N. I just want to know you're okay. "

" I'm not okay, Steve. I-I'm so conflicted. " I gesture to the man. " I still love you and I'm so fucking angry about it. I shouldn't still love you but I do. "

" I still love you to. " Steve replies honestly. " I haven't stopped thinking about you. I wonder what you're up to and who you've become all the time. "

I miss him too.

" What do we do? " I ask after a moment of silence.

Steve shrugs. He looks defeated. " I don't know. "

" Are you and Nancy dating again? " I ask quietly.

Steve shakes his head. " What? No. We're just friends. We haven't dated since the end of Senior Year. She's with Jonathan. "

We fall into another silence.

" I'm not ready to date you again. I don't know if I ever will be. " I begin.

Steve nods sadly. He shoves his hands in his pockets. " I completely understand. "

" But I'm willing to try to be friends again. Only friends. "

Steve's eyes light up. " Really? " A small smile of relief breaks onto his face. " Thank you, Y/N. Thank you so much. I promise this is going to better than last time. I'll treat you better than last time. "

" This doesn't mean your forgiven, it just means I'm willing to try. "

Steve nods. " I get that. I won't let you down. "

Is this stupid?

Probably.

Will I get my heart broken again? I don't know.

But we only live once and who knows where this could go. Maybe Steve has changed. Maybe he's a better man.

I guess we'll see.

Steve Harrington, please don't break my heart again. Please.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog@queen-apple24

#fanfiction #fanfic #x reader #stranger things x reader #x you #x female reader #x chubby reader #x plus size reader #stranger things x plus size reader #steve harrington x plus size reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #robin buckley #nancy wheeler

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youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal · 1 year

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Shut UP he has “left” and “right” written on the bottom of his shoes

#I love him SO MUCH oh my god #rwby #rwby justice league #rwby x justice league #rwby x jl #rwby jl #rwby spoilers #rwby justice league spoilers #rwby jl spoilers #jaune arc #personal #idk maybe this has been a thing forever but #I just noticed #idiot (affectionate)#100 #500

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madootles · 2 years

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it’s always october 3rd somewhere

#I cannot stop drawing them #it's fun so fun #shout out to everyone who follows me who has been enduring the last month of this with me #i'm sure it won't last forever but it's nice to want to draw something for once so I will continue to lean into it :-)#edward elric #alphonse elric #fma 03 #fma 2003 #fullmetal alchemist #fmab #although I haven't seen brotherhood in like a decade and I don't even know if I finished it then #it's weird... I vividly remembered 03 but I definitely remember things that I remember from fmab that aren't in 03 #this is barely a sentence... u get it tho #anyway brotherhood #maybe I'll watch it soon idk #I should just read the manga probably #ed's BIG BOOTS #look at them #al in the outfit #idk man cos .... breaks my fucking heart #you really need some recovery time after watching 03 #it's just brutal #this brush has quickly become my favorite i am obsessed clearly #sketch scribble!!!!!!#also I know their eyes aren't dark ok but they are here #ed and al #automail #ok love u bye

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forestgreenlesbian · 2 months

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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

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nightswatchdisbandmentera · 8 months

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There are a lot of theories out there about the true identity of the last hero, but I think the one that makes the most thematic sense is that he was a member of the original Night’s Watch. See the last hero’s identity is shrouded in mystery but his deeds live on forever and he is attributed with having led to the defeat of the Others. The legends show that his actions are famous, but the man himself is forgotten.

This seems quite close to what being a member of the Night’s Watch entails. The Watch’s vows dictate that members, who are the sword in the darkness and the fire that burns against the cold thus directly marking them in opposition to winter and the Others, shall hold no lands, wear no crowns, and win no glory. They are known to the rest of the kingdoms as those who guard the realms of men, but their identities and individual triumphs are largely unimportant.

This is a shared parallel between the members of the Night’s Watch and the last hero. We don’t know anything about his name, house, or background. Even the title ‘the last hero’ is merely an identifier - note that it’s in lower case. So it would make sense that the last hero’s identity is to remain anonymous if that was the entire point of it all; he was a man of the Night’s Watch and thus, indirectly, swore a vow of anonymity. And better yet, we don’t even know who his twelve companions were. We know only that they rode out with him and died in the process. However we do know that in the north, there are two figures who are directly identified as having been responsible for the ending of the long night: the last hero (as per folk tales narrated by Old Nan) and the Night’s Watch (see the Night that Ended). It could be that the legend of the last hero and his twelve companions is a glimpse of the NW’s last stand.

I also think it’s interesting that we have various last hero parallels in the text who are members of the Night’s Watch. We first have Waymar Royce who seems very last hero-y in the AGOT prologue. Then we have Jon Snow who is implicitly identified by the narrative as a last hero figure. And it gets even more interesting when we consider that Jon has at many times stated that as a member of the night’s watch, he is to remain a shadow among all shadows. His greatest deeds are to go unnoticed and his name is not to be spoken in the halls of men. His deeds could live on, but his name won’t; even more interesting when we consider that Jon, due to his bastardy, technically doesn’t actually have a name to begin with. And what makes Jon’s connection to the last hero so poignant is that while the last hero’s name has been lost to history, Jon has a whole thing about being a lost and forgotten prince/king.

But there’s a rather unexpected last hero parallel in Sam Tarly, also a member of the Night’s Watch. Sam is not magically special, nor is he marked as someone with a particularly important bloodline or destiny. However, he is the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other. And he did that using a shard of dragonglass, which provides an interesting callback to the last hero’s dragonsteel blade. There’s also the parallel of both heroes being the last men standing after an Other attack. But interestingly enough, there’s a slight deviation in that though we still do not know who the last hero was, we do know of Sam the Slayer.

So it’s entirely possible that the last hero was one of the members of the original NW. And this makes for a rather interesting foil in another character who is explicitly stated as having a relationship with the Others - the Night’s King. It’s interesting if both figures have some background with the NW due to the dichotomy that arises. The last hero kept his vows and wore no crown and got no glory, but the Night’s King very directly broke his. The last hero protected the realms of men, while the Night’s King embarked of a path of destruction. And he was, quite famously, a member of the Night’s Watch (and is even identified as having been the 13th lord commander). But it’s interesting that while we don’t really know of the Night’s King’s true identity, we are actually given multiple clues by the narrative. We’re even told that he may have been a Brandon Stark - thereby having a name which the last hero doesn’t. But even then, just as it was with the last hero, the Night’s King has deeds which live on forever even though his name (very deliberately) has not.

#asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #the night's watch #the last hero #jon snow #sam tarly #the nights king #all I’m saying is it might be really important that all but one of the last hero’s parallels are members of the nw #which makes me wonder - can bloodraven be considered a last hero parallel?#tbf he’s really only got the whole cavorting with the children thing so idk #but he has been long forgotten beyond the wall and he is obviously doing his part in being the #shield that guards the realms of men but just in a different way #and there’s also coldhands who is obviously a member of the nw forever ranging beyond the wall #plus he obviously has a connection to the children #and unlike bloodraven but much like the last hero coldhands’ identity is shrouded in mystery #and maybe benjen stark counts as another parallel? he’s got the whole last man standing thing going on #and he probably left the shards of dragonglass that ghost & jon found #and given that jon and benjen could both be considered last hero parallels #it might then be that he was a stark - which checks out since his foil the nk was most probably a stark as well #and like the nk he may have been a brandon stark - maybe not bran the builder but one of the many brandons lost in history #and thus comes the parallel with our main brandon - little greenseer bran stark #anyway not too fussed about the last hero’s name because I think it’s what he represents that matters most #so yeah….#my stuff

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jackklinemybeloved · 1 year

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went into this episode excited to see ylfa and the beast interact and crossing my fingers for a good elody and gerard union and came out with an existential crisis about these young nihilistic women running themselves into the ground and destroying everything because they don’t know what else to do

#part of their argument is interesting but like.#i dont think theyve had that many more 'times' than the rest of the cast?#like the vibe ive gotten is that like. cinderella and snow white have been to more but not like. a ton. like not a ton of sets of memories #like 5/6 TOPS #and they're like 'oh no theres no way to make this better and if i still exist that means my stories where i dont have free will still live'#WHAT #idk.#i find them very interesting but.#it's very weird ya know #like at this point theres no real difference between them and the stepmother #other than maybe their motivation #like obviously things have to come to an end but like. that's what the wolf is for #the way he talks i think it's clear that ALL of the worlds wont last FOREVER #and everyone has said the worlds arent limitless #like once you die you cant go back to that story #idk i still have to process this episode. a lot happened #i have a lot of thoughts about the princesses but #it was really cool and funny to see rosamund do a full fucking 180 with 'D FUCKING W'#anyway. what an ep.#neverafter #dimension 20 #neverafter spoilers

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twinkdemise · 4 months

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#iasip #mac macdonald #s3e11 dennis looks like a registered sex offender #just rewatched this episode. god it's so good definitely in my top 10 overall in the show #the dinner scene my forever beloved i hold you close to my heart. it's so insanely satisfying from a writing perspective.#the way it all ties together and even though it's a scene about a dinner being fucking ruined and its got these #relatively high emotional stakes its so so. neatly written that it ends up feeling cathartic? in a way #idk what im saying man that scene's just really good #something about mac and charlie's scheme and motivations clashing with their parents' (and franks)#and them being kind of forced to reckon with the fact that their parents are real people with their owns wants and needs #(especially mac charlie ends up using this to his advantage and kind of betraying mac ig)#also a scene that emotional ending with a shot of charlie going Ohh and the seed has been planted is wild.#also mac being so worried about the fact that the vibe might be off... DO YOU WANT FLAT AMBIANCE???#he just wants things to be normal!! he just wants a normal nice dinner party and normal parents who are together and happy and love eo!!#also there's a motif that shows up repeatedly of him wanting to seem like a good dinner host lol just kind of noticed that idk #maybe reading into this too much but god the theme of him so often being in denial of reality in order to #live up to certain societal standards and achieve normalness.#this is kind of the first (and imo one of the best) episodes with a plot line about mac's relationships with his parents #and their family dynamic in general which i find so so fascinating.#also i think this is the only time (except for the christmas video) where we see mac's parents together.#on a lighter note ig the dinner scene has so many other great quotes... charlies so funny in it #the man doesnt blink mom the man doesnt blink!!#the charmac in this episode was so excellent in general. the car scene where they freak out and become convinced luthers going to kill them.#YOU DONT DO THAT! YOU DONT EAT SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE HEROIN IN THEIR ASS!!#i do rmbr watching this ep with my dad and him going Well that one was just kind of sad.#which.... i mean yeah. real.#thats it im done i think #also i ended up having to type all this in my notes bc tumblr tagging is so painful #what if i said smth and then went Hey i want to say that a bit differently? oh? youre just straight up not gonna let me do that. oh okay.#fuck you

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gale-in-space · 1 month

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Alright, I'm feeling open and uninhibited for no particular reason, so I'm gonna go for it. What the hell.

I highly suspect that I have npd, or narcissistic personality disorder to the uninitiated. Or at the very least, I feel like I definitely have traits of it.

I think a lot of people don't really understand what npd is. I didn't, for sure. I think initial gut reactions to npd tend to be ones of disgust and fear mainly, which are often colored by people's impressions that npd is nothing more than the following: 1) excessive self-absorption 2) a massive superiority complex and 3) utter disregard for others.

It's really a lot more complex than that. A lot of this stuff, at least in my experience, stems from trauma. In my case, it's maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors that maybe served me as a kid trying to survive in an abusive household, but no longer benefit me as an adult. These tendencies have even sabotaged a lot of relationships I've tried to build over the years. It's a very isolating experience.

Let me break it down a bit:

Anecdotally speaking, the excessive need for praise and admiration often seen in typical npd profiles appears to be related to a significant lack of such things in the formative years of one's life. Feeling like you're fated for something greater, like you deserve better than these idiots around you, that you're special somehow and if only other people could see that - that's a trauma response. It's like a form of escapism. As a kid, I fervently wished I could be swept off to a magical land where I was the "chosen one" destined to save its denizens. I used fantasy as an avenue for finding meaning for myself. Really, I just wanted to know that I mattered, especially when my family and classmates and teachers made me feel like I didn't.

Npd, at least to me, also comes with tendencies towards debilitating perfectionism. This can manifest in a few ways. Avoiding situations in which failure feels like a certainty is one such example. For me, this would involve dropping out of anything that I wasn't immediately good at, or was awkward in, or made somewhat of a minor embarrassment of myself (by virtue of being new and also, you know, a human who messes up sometimes. Which is what we humans do).

Directly dovetailing from that: A lot of us narcissists deeply fear being perceived or exposed as a failure. It's like our horrible secret, that we're actually worthless creatures that are only ever capable of ruining things, and that we don't actually deserve anyone's precious time. Or at least, that's how it feels for me. And in some way, I feel like that is my unconscious brain's way of being like "hey, if I shrink my self-esteem down a bunch so that I appear very humble and modest, I'll get more affection and praise and compliments insisting that I'm better than I say I am."

And I eat that shit up. It's like fuel for me. The problem is, it's not sustainable.

It's a really tricky thing to balance, and as of yet, I've not come up with a great solution for dealing with it. My self-esteem is devastatingly low, despite my embarrassingly entitled attitude towards receiving compliments. I think another thing that throws a wrench into the works a bit is (if my theory is correct) the fact that growing up with trauma makes happy memories a bit more slippery to hold onto. So any kind of genuine praise I get is almost immediately forgotten, disappearing into a black hole that is desperate to be filled.

I think something that might help is keeping a record of compliments that people give me. Writing them in a journal, keeping them in a document of some sort, etc, etc. People can't always give all-positive feedback all the time. That's just not how feedback works. But for the days when I'm feeling low and like I don't know who I am or why I'm even here, I can refer to my records. I can use this as evidence. And hopefully, this will provide a foundation for me to build a more robust sense of self.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. If you've read this far, thanks! And if you haven't, well, you haven't.

Yeah. Anyway. Later!

#i'm not making this rebloggable because i'm scared lol #in fact i'm not sure i'm gonna keep this up at all #it's a very scary thing to admit tbh #i just hope that. idk. maybe by talking about it someone else will feel seen. and like they aren't alone #or something like that #because it is a lonely experience for sure #so i want to extend all my love to people who feel this way too #anyway this has been sitting in my drafts since yesterday #i’m posting this like i’m throwing a grenade and then running away forever goodbye!!!!#the self-hatred has been a lot lately. like more so than usual so #idk i just feel like i need to talk about it or else i’ll explode

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laurmaus · 2 months

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another one +uncolored ver (can u tell i skipped school today

#i feel like it kind of looks better uncolored idk i think it's the eyes #laurmau #aphmau #mcd #minecraft diaries #i b on that danny gonzalez grind im CONSTANTLY rewatching his stuff im so serioud #i had this phase back in like december january i forgot where i literally binge watched like at least 12 of his vids a day Idk what i was d #ing like girl STUDY FOR YOUR SATS #hashtag Laurmau forever Idgaf (i've been avoiding continuing my mcd rewatchbc the next episode has aaron in the thumbnail(im really scared😭#I WILL FINISH YOU #Garroth soon contrary to popular belief i am a big Garroth fan too hes just kind of been irrelevant in mcd lately like come back......#I LIKE HIM KN THE SIDE STORIES THOUGH idk how i feel about my street but i Just started so we will see #o dont likr what jess is doing to him and laurance why are they crazy creeps☹️my daughters....#ummm what else omg i want to animate the nicole audio video thing that post is SO FUNNY literally live changing imma do that tmrw maybe umm #big emphasis on the Maybe😅😅😅i am a junior in high school #Hopefully ugghhhhh GET ME OUT!!!!#laurance zvahl #aphmau mcd #laurance mcd #awesome #also omg #thank u all for being nice tome on that laurance design it made me so happy like samn people rlly still care abt mcd😭😭(Positive

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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months

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...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated

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scramble-crossing · 11 months

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i deffo agree with your entire analysis (including the questionable canon of the anime canon) and yeah for sure the original game supports this imo. for one thing i don't think that hanekoma would have supported sho even as a back-up plan if he thought that sho would've destroyed shibuya or fundamentally ruined what HANEKOMA liked about it. hanekoma considered a shibuya under sho to be better than a shibuya erased by joshua, so whatever shibuya sho would've made couldn't have been a dumpsterfire or whatever. like not saying that sho would've kept things squeaky clean or something but hanekoma considered it 'good enough to support'. hanekoma isn't exactly the best but i think that he wouldn't have picked sho if he didn't think that sho had some attachment to shibuya.

in NEO we literally see him come back to his shibuya on W3D7 to fight soul pulvis even though he could've just fucked off. yeah we have the scene of neku "convincing" him, but the dude already came back to shibuya and decided to stay to fight for his city. he also literally warned rindo about soul pulvis and about the presence of angels (the japanese version with him talking about "hyper-real" numbers is even more obvious) back on W3D4 even before neku showed up!

the wicked twisters and all of shibuya would've lost without him and his contribution to operation: awakening. period. (along with everyone else)

he learned his lesson about teamwork! when he goes to another day, he makes a fuss about "you're joining MY team" but he actively walked up to the guy signing up team members and went "hey i need a team lol" like a student asking their teacher for help getting a partner for the group project. he's gone from "not a social animal" per megumi to "zetta dig[ing]" konishi's "style" to teaming up with the WTs to protect them to understanding the value of working together in an equation for the sake of his goals

also it's worth noting that the line about only doing it for his sake is slightly different in jp. neku says that they have to get to shiba as soon as they can and says "渋谷を守るためもし力を貸してくれるなら――" (if you can lend us your strength to protect shibuya). sho interrupts him and says, "フン、俺は俺の目的のために動くだけだ" (hmph, i only work for my own goals/i do want what i want) basically, telling neku to stop telling him what to do. neku says, "それでいいよおまえも渋谷を狙ってただろ" (that's fine, since you're aiming for shibuya too, aren't you?) and then "その渋谷の崩壊は許せないよな" (shibuya's erase would be unforgivable, right?/you can't allow shibuya to collapse, can you?). so like yeah it's similar to what the english script did but it has a very different implication. here neku isn't convincing him to help but rather being like, "yeah, you'll only do what you want to do, and i know that you're going to do things that help shibuya because you're aiming for it as well." like i said, we literally see sho ALREADY have been offering rindo helpful advice before neku even showed up.

he gives the WTs tons of advice in the first week that have nothing to do with his interest in soul pulvis but rather to expand their powers. in field walk rpg he has a ton of random character dialogue about how he loves random shit in shibuya like the holographic hachiko statue (tokyu plaza) because he thinks that dogs are stylin' or how he thinks that rhythms that shake the heart (specific to him being interested in picking up music records from tower records) are as beautiful as a flawless equation or whatever. why would he want to destroy all of that? he wouldn't

he doesn't even care if other people cart away his artworks! he didn't seethe about that in the og, just made more and then walked away

i agree with him being obsessed with beauty and art and probably shibuya's. i mean the guy wanders around the phone booth of love at molco and shit trying to pick up cool pieces for his next artwork (and leaving something precious of his own in its wake, suggesting that he isn't interested in stealing shit, he just has a unique value system of exchanging items and art and stuff), makes people play Tin Pin Slammer and doesn't even participate himself but just hangs out in the crowd watching and seethes when joshua cheats him out of an interesting match, and possibly even stuck negative noise on ken doi to catch their attention about ramen given that the negative noise in W1 was all mission-related that a reaper must've put on someone (and with their relationship in another day). he's not a "good person" but people treating him like he's evil or sadistic or whatever just pisses me off. he's an arrogant asshole who, as far as we can read from the text, genuinely wants to see a shibuya full of cool art projects and sick murals like the udagawa one he likes and cool people like the WTs with their interesting UG powers and stuff.

ok thanks for listening to my essay. 3.1415926

Hey there.....it's been a couple months and I live in shame

Thank you so so much for this I absolutely LOVE your thoughts! I wanna try to respond them in as organized a way I can so I'm gonna address each point individually and in chronological order.

First of all, I 100% agree with what you've said about Hanekoma. If he wasn't able to directly remove Joshua from power even when he threatened Shibuya's very existence, and instead had to approach him in an extremely tedious and roundabout manner by guiding Neku when he could and using Sho as a sort of half-proxy, there's no way he would've shoved a dangerous or otherwise incompetent person into the Composer's seat and forced himself to repeat this whole process weeks later once Sho had a grip on Shibuya. Like you said, "hanekoma considered a shibuya under sho to be better than a shibuya erased by joshua," and that means something coming from a person who belongs to a class of beings who willingly "purify" cities that do not live up to their standards. It's not impossible to think that if Hanekoma thought Sho unfit and saw no other alternative, he would've come to see Shibuya as a lost cause and let it fall, preferring a dignified end over allowing it to rot and fester as a shell of its former self. Granted, he doesn't exactly sing Sho's praises. He certainly seems to view him as being convenient over an actual good candidate for the position. However, regardless of the fact that Hanekoma's criteria seems to be "the biggest, most unlikable freak in the UG," I think my previous point still stands. Would Sho have been a good Composer? Impossible to know for sure, but if nothing else we can extrapolate from what we understand of Hanekoma's values that he would've at the very least safeguarded Shibuya against erasure and kept it intact enough to still be worthy of existence in the eyes of some very, very picky Angels. And this is saying something when Joshua refers to Shibuya as being a massive influence on the world around it, so much so that he fears it corrupting other sectors of the UG. To put it simply, maybe Sho just passed the bar when it came to Hanekoma's standards, but that bar was set extremely high. Also! Just in case anyone mentions it, while Hanekoma saying that he relied on Sho's attachment to Shibuya is exclusive to the anime, technically speaking it's canonical that NEO is a sequel to the anime rather than the game. It's still very much relevant to Sho's character in NEO, if not his character in the original game...

Which leads right into your next points! Just for a moment, I want to jump to what you said about the japanese version of the game because I find it extremely interesting. That's SUCH a different implication from what we get in the english version!! Whereas we're given more of a sense that Neku is corralling Sho into working with him and the rest of the Wicked Twisters on the basis that he can't be Composer without a city to rule, basically using his preexisting goal to try to get him to adopt a new one, that of saving Shibuya, here he's saying that he knows that Sho already has a goal of saving Shibuya. It's less "Look here asshole, you have to save Shibuya because you can't be Composer without it," and more "You and I both know that you want to save Shibuya, so stop being so stubborn and help us out already!" Yes it's subtle, but personally I think it lines up better with the version of Sho that's put forward by the anime's ending, and, perhaps more importantly, lends better to interpretations of Sho's motivations In english, it reads closer to "Sho wants to be the Composer -> therefore he must save Shibuya. In japanese, it can more easily be read as "Sho wants to save Shibuya -> Ergo, he clearly cares about Shibuya -> Sho wants to be the Composer because he cares about Shibuya. Again, it's minor stuff, but the japanese version, I feel, more obviously connects his motives with his actions, presenting him helping to save Shibuya as a natural result of his affection for the city instead of it being an obstacle in his way or a diversion from his ambitions. It's really a shame that this nuance is lost in the english version. Sho is already kind of a mess in the fact that it can be difficult to discern what the writers are trying to do with him. He's built up as a persistent and deadly threat all throughout twewy only to be unceremoniously killed off in a scene that feels more like a bit than an actual serious story beat. Neo's promotional material paraded him as a core character in the protagonist's group, and yet he ends up being booted out 1/3 of the way into the story and made unplayable until post-game. He is one of the most integral characters to the plot, and yet what, in the end, does he have to show for it? Nothing! He leaves the secret ending having returned to the exact same position he was in at the start of the first game, at the exact same level of power, still gunning to take on the Composer. It feels like he's being used as sequel-bait in a series where it took 14 years to make another game, not to mention the fact that the last time something interesting was implied to be happening to him, A.K.A A New Day where he was positioned to become Neku's partner, that plot thread was dropped hard and absolutely nothing came of it. I'm not saying he's been completely abandoned by the narrative. He's definitely shown to have improved as a person since the events of the first game, and I love that! I love his cryptic mentor/moderately shit big brother arc and the fact that Neku, Mr. Twewy himself, is willing to put his faith in him. But to me at least it feels like he's being underutilized, especially in comparison to characters like Beat, who I love, but who certainly didn't need as much as he got in neo given that he had a totally satisfactory arc by the end of the first twewy. Sho is perfect for a redemption arc that's reminiscent of Neku's while still being unique and complex, one that would fit seamlessly with twewy's themes of growth and the necessity of human connection. If we ever get another twewy game and this is exactly what happens I will kiss neo on the lips for being the PERFECT in-between phase and kick-off for this arc, but I mean...it's twewy. Waiting for another game to complete his storyline is like pushing Sho off a cliff with nothing to catch him but a prayer and the world's shittiest little kiddy pool. Also the hose that's trying to fill it with water is clogged by a giant knot in the shape of mickey mouse ears.

But I've gotten sidetracked. Mostly because it's been so long that I totally forget the post that spurred this ask in the first place. I might be stupid. But honestly I think you've already put it perfectly. I'm especially grateful for the info on the field walk rpg because it's something I know very little about. I'm glad Sho got to have a fun day out with his child soldiers/teenage besties :] Overall, it's absolutely true that Sho is a very morally complex character. I tend to dislike labels like "good person" vs "bad person" because it leaves little room for nuance, something that this series is chock-block full of. The idea that Sho is an utterly selfish and sadistic individual who can never truly change irks me because it's so antithetical to the messages of this series, "Anyone can change for the better," and, "By letting others in, approaching their different worldviews and values with genuine, good faith, and by extending compassion towards each other, we make the world a better place for both ourselves and the people around us." Sho is doing this. It may be with baby steps, but it's clear from his interactions with the Wicked Twisters, as well as his enthusiasm for art that is not his own whereas before he expressed disdain for any artistic vision that wasn't his, that he is making an effort to be better and allowing these experiences to change his worldview. If he is never extended the same narrative reward that other characters are shown for this exact same kind of growth, if he is instead trapped in this cycle of scratching and clawing and desperately yearning for some sense of divinity only to crash fantastically, met with violence and isolation and the loss of the few, good things he's managed to scrape out of life...well that'd be pretty miserable, I think.

#maybe this is a liiiittle bit of a mess but oh my god. this has been in my drafts for way too long #I would've added screenshots and maybe I will come back and do that eventually? especially for things like josh's comment on shibuya #I dont see it brought up much to the point where Im a bit worried I hallucinated it...#anyways this has been another episode of 'fable makes a sho analysis and gets totally sidetracked by her bitterness over his neo arc'#EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED. AND ALL HE DID WAS END UP IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE #I CANT IMAGINE A WORSE WAY TO LEAVE OFF HIS CHARACTER. QUITE POSSIBLY FOREVER #biting and scratching and mauling and killing #its past midnight #real talk do not trust anything i say about minamimoto after midnight. we get a little silly about it #idk what im saying anymore. yeah lets post it #asks #minamimoto

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heffrondriving · 1 year

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soooo. that new big time rush album huh

#how we feeling today rushers (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk #anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING #i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out #also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3 #is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå #btr #big time rush #another life #album #stop it forever #lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk

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suddenlymicah · 18 days

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has anyone considered henry possessing glamrock freddy or am i being a little silly right now

#although for one of you the darkest pit of hell has opened to swallow you whole #so don't keep the devil waiting old friend #henry being glamrock freddy makes sense to me #“my friends are down here” william? william afton? old friend?#and if we consider the henry suicide robot thing canon #maybe just maybe #henry “survived” pizzaria simulator #reinstated fazbears as a corporate entity #hired the indie developer #idk where he would stand on the glitchtrap thing but he was shown to be a little silly in he books? maybe he thought afton was fully gone #and was trying to destroy the last parts of him that remained #he realized vanessa was being recruited by afton and set up the pizzaplex #he built the glamrocks? by contextual evidence it makes sense for michael to have built the glamrocks #given the glamrocks similarities to the funtimes including freddys stomach hatch (remember funtime freddy's stomach hatch?)#so if we're saying that michael built the glamrocks then michael wouldve had to have survived pizzaria simulator #which means somewhere along the line they fucked up #and considering that theres roughly 40 years between the bite of 83 and pizzaria simulator #that would mean that henry is like 70 when he burns down freddy fazbears pizza place?#i doubt any rickety ass 70 year old is going #like btw that was a badass line #but henry would be too old for that shit💀#so if we just take henrys suicide animatronic (named baby but probably meaning a baby version of charlie(the og book trilogy))#so what if he got remnant in him when he killed himself and therefore was stuck alive #so he and michael could have plausibly survived pizzasim because of the remnant they were trying to burn away #bc if remnant survived the fnaf3 fire why wouldnt it survive the pizzasim fire?#so saying that henry killed himself around 2000 leaves him at ~50 forever #he couldve also killed himself around 1996 after opening fnaf 2 closing fnaf 2 and reopening/reclosing fnaf 1 #leaving him ~45 forever #doesnt matter the year it just matters that hes already dead before pizzaria simulator and after fnaf1 and fnaf2 events #not to mention with william dead around 1993 henry wouldve been the one managing circus baby's entertainment and rentals

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sga-owns-my-soul · 9 months

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🖤 Excuse me! I would.love to hear more about Albertan Rodney if/when you are so inclined. Xxx

oh boy i am SO inclined buckle up bc i have some THOUGHTS about this!!

okay so i'm from alberta, born and raised, and i have literally been thinking about rodney being from alberta since the first time i watched tracker at like 11 years old. if you're not aware, alberta is a VERY redneck/conservative province, i refer to us as americas 51st state bc so many people here have a lot of Conservative Capitalist America Views. as one of the oil and gas capitals of the world, there is a lot of people who work on the oil rigs (everyone here (that i grew up with) calls them rig pigs, and i can 100% see rodney calling them that) especially in fort macmurray, which is located in the middle of the athabasca oil sands.

and like don't get me wrong there's a lot of great things about alberta but it's too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer and imagine you're a genius who's smarter than everyone around you by the time you're like 8 years old and you're just. Stuck There. stuck surrounded by people who think fossil fuels are the end all be all of power technology. surrounded by all these narrow minded people stuck in their ways and incapable of looking forward towards the future. he probably couldn't WAIT to get out of there the second he could, and i have no doubts he did

but i also think he gets, like, weirdly nostalgic for it? alberta is a fucking BEAUTIFUL province it's literally so fucking breathtaking and we have everything. we have mountains and forests and plains and grasslands and badlands, it's so fucking diverse and despite all its problems (so many problems), you can't help but look around sometimes and think "i am damn lucky to live here." i can just imagine rodney going to different planets and just taking a second bc whatever world they stepped onto looks /just like/ that provincial park he went to as a kid. or that picture of a mountain range he saw at school every day for 6 years. or some other vivid memory of where he grew up (it helps that they filmed in BC so it's not that much of a stretch to be like this literally looks like somewhere he's been before)

i also think there's a lot about being albertan that he hated as a kid but as an adult, specifically with his team, he's more inclined to miss. like obviously some things he shared the second he could (maple taffy was the first thing on his requisition list when they reconnected with earth and you cannot tell me otherwise. it's also what him and ronon first bonded over you can't tell me otherwise for that either) but certain things (like going to Edmonton or Calgary for Vacation bc that's where the Things To Do are, or maybe Banff or Jasper if you're feeling Touristy/Outdoorsy) that seemed so terrible for whatever reason as a kid seems... endearing almost? and especially when ronon and teyla start talking about athos or sateda, rodney just feels like he wants to share too, share this part of himself with his team that maybe he didn't always like but. it's part of who he is, it shaped him, and as awful as it was at the time maybe he wouldn't have pushed himself as hard as he did to get to where he is now. he worked and worked and worked to get as far away from that stupid town as possible and he literally went to another galaxy to get away from it and he ran right into the family he didn't think he would ever find (no that's not projection shut up)

wow okay this is getting long so i'll end it here but yeah i have Thoughts. about rodney mckay and how he definitely absolutely 100% grew up in alberta! thanks for the ask i hope this answer satisfies you

#actually tho thank u for this ask #it's so exciting when people actually wanna hear my thoughts on things #rodney being albertan has been something i consider as a Canon Confirmed Fact for forever #and as he's my Favourite Character Of All Time #i get kinda emotional sometimes thinking about it #when i was in grade 12 fort mac had horrible wildfires #and most of the area had to be evacuated #it was devastating #and sometimes i think about rodney hearing about that news #maybe jeannie mentions it in a message she sends #and he just kinda has to take a second #bc he was never really sentimental at all to his hometown #hasn't thought about it in years #but hearing that it all burnt down #his old house #his elementary school where he built a bomb #the place where he got his first job that was the first step of His Future #he gets kinda misty eyed #the team is like wtf are u okay #and he's like no yes no idk #and then they just reminisce with him about it #god i'm actually insane with this concept #anyways yeah that's my Albertan!Rodney thoughts #enjoy #rodney mckay #sga #stargate atlantis #alberta

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