#idk im trying to rationalize this

[roscoehamiltons]

ngl now im thinking about all the times last year lewis was on the podium and merc didn’t show up…

#idk the signs were there last year tbh… #but it’s still so shocking to me that he would actually leave mercedes like it must’ve gotten so bad behind the scenes #if we saw those cracks already then what didn’t we see going on u know?? #idk im trying to rationalize this #ngl I don’t care about ferrari at all and their heritage and whatever but I hope for Lewis’ sake that they will improve #both in terms of the team performance and culture #like I’ve said it’s not just about the wins and the championship but also changing the culture #and I rly hope Lewis didn’t bite off too much this time #lewis hamilton #roscoehamiltons.txt

[bigcatbulges]

Hey, real talk for a second, I'm considering not uploading anymore and only turning this is to a reblog only account because of the AI choices from Tumblr. I truthfully feel incredibly guilty that, even though I was crediting the artists and linking everything, I was still submitting their work to be used for AI thru Tumblr and that is not fair to the artists that worked incredibly hard on their art. I'm gonna try and do a bit more research before I make a final choice in the matter but I want to thank everyone for thier kindness the past couple of years and im grateful a small community spawned on discord!

I'll update this post when I think I've figured everything out and any artist out there please give me any advice on how you would handle this situation please! My options right now are to delete all the pictures I've uploaded or maybe nuke the blog entirely? I'm not sure but again, I'm grateful for everyone's kindness and I hope we can keep being kind together.

#im going thru a massive depressive episode so im gonna try and think rationally but right now my brain just says delete everything #i already quit the discord a few days ago when i was having an episode but now i really feel ive done more harm than good here #idk its not my art and that's always been the rule so im gonna go thru a bunch of artists pages and see if they have any advice

[mewtwo24]

You know idk if it's just me being oblivious af but mxtx sure does enjoy putting her protags through the trolley problem when it comes to her works huh /j

#mdzs #mxtx #i say this not to be critical but because she really does prove how time and again #people want a scapegoat and an easy target to blame #and so much of her work is abt proving how faulty these philosophical absolutes are--nothing is that simple. #literally the arguments made to put everything on wwx (at least for now) appear to be faulty at best #i mean sure sometimes he puts his foot in his mouth but like ;;;;;;;; the kid is just doing his best wtf #everyone out here like WWX IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU except for lwj and i'm just like #1. hes literally like 16 yrs old or smth #2. whether or not he stepped in during the cave scene was kind of a non-question?????? #the wens were so clearly going to engage in egregeious violence regardless of the rationalizations that came after #pointing fingers is legitimately pointless and fallacious logic #if mianmian wasnt targeted theres really no guarantee smth similar wouldnt have happened #furthermore working tg and refusing to play by wens' rules was p much the only feasible option #lwj was young and afraid and had lost so much but he still had enough clarity to insist on working tg #i also really love what he said abt suffering bc its just true. #the way he claps back to his uncle by saying that nobody would be spared violence and atrocity #the only choice they had was to try to band tg and mitigate the dmg--basically 'war is hell' #i find it such a stark and lovely contrast to the common perception of others abt him #that lwj stands alone and thinks of no one else; quite the contrary #he's v self-contained and v disciplined but he's not indifferent to suffering or apathetic #i think so much of the natural love that blooms between wwx and lwj is rooted in their mutual desire to do good #wwx wants to help--he loves to see people smile. he would do anything to protect the ppl he loves #lwj is honestly the same--he's just more abt structure and stability #wwx is more spontaneous and more attuned to the people around him #im a little shocked that people werent able to tell lwj was just as obsessed with him #just bc wwx is loud and mischievous about his interest doesnt really???? to me mask the ways lwj is so responsive. also i ???????? #still don't understand the mental gymnastics of madame jiang insisting it was all wwx's fault when she literally targeted wen's mistress -> #in retaliation???????????????? all this 'pick your battles what the fuck is wrong with you wwx' and she goes and instigates their wrath?? #i mean idk fellas i was just sitting there like 'you could have handled this so many ways and you picked the TNT option. wat.'

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

hearing people whispering outside my door and i am going insane (the voices are real i just don't like hearing them bc i'm a traumatized chihuahua of a person)

#waiting for meds to kick in and thinking i maybe should have skipped a day for blood pressure reasons #i wanna take a shower and i cant bc we have a houseguest (nvm one i dislike immensely) #stirring up trouble #really just. it's fine to have people over and hang out and im sorry there's kind of a mess to get around bc of the construction project #i am trying to be a good and rational and reasonable person about this #but she is uh. kind of a transphobe with too much buy-in on white supremacy and cops. i am going to be uncomfortable at best. #she seems to be Trying?? but until she succeeds i am doing my best to maintain a safe distance... #idk maybe this is just a 'stay in my room and try to get some digital work done' day #need to not push it while im still adjusting to the meds. already prone to burst blood vessels...where are my headphones...

[puppyeared]

i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court

#im joking #i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture #and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet??? #its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure #i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^ #i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th #story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get #that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel #like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty #so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then #i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why #idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens #but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes #smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can #be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn #yapping #oc talk

[itsafternoonpast5]

when was the original advertisement even made LOL jasper is still alive here

#i forgot he was in the trailer. i always assumed it was after his death LOL #definitely inbetween jasper dies at the end and dial m for jasper. but im more surprising hed be willing to help in the commercial #maybe after jasper dies at the end hed gradually start disliking the camp. little by little seeing the flaws and disliking it more #he does say “man this camp. this camp kinda sucks” its where he first sees that. but maybe doesnt fully believe it #hes rational but i do think hes a somewhat optimistic. maybe an off screen event caused him to really dislike the camp LOL #this couldnt have been before the staff ceremony because davey wouldve HATED doing it #if it were the case. during the recording hed try to look like he hated the camp as much as possible. thinking hes sabotaging them LOL #wonder why they would even record this in the middle of summer too. like sure campbell probably wanted more kids to enroll #more people = more money. but for people to see this. consider sending their kids there. getting all the paperwork done #thatd take a bit wouldnt it LOL idk what his thinking process would be. especially with kids enrolling in camps earlier in the summer

[quietwingsinthesky]

also. they are human. to be clear. they’re also just “not from around here” (earth)

#far future human companion babyyyyyy #they’ve never actually set foot on a planet before they meet the doctor. it’s a whole thing (<- is making this up as they type it) #deep space exploration. the kind of technology to Get You There but not fast enough that the people who started the journey will end it. #forgotten of course when that technology arrives. still drifting to their destination where humans have already made it. #because it cost more to go get them then to just let them coast to another galaxy. #born on a ship to die on a ship. and maybe the doctor arrives because something went Horribly Wrong. and that’s the only way they’ll ever #go anywhere else in their life. #knowing that they can’t go back. not for the usual ‘oh ill travel with you forever’ reasons but for more practical ones. #they will not be adjusted to the life that ship requires anymore. they would bring back diseases their fellow shipmates have lost immunity #to over generations. they will not be able to live on the same rations or the same limited air or the same awkward gravity. #the first week on the TARDIS is hell because they’re trying to recalibrate their body to Not Die the minute they touch down anywhere #let the doctor do some doctoring. #idk you see what im getting at here? #dw oc

[bonetrousledbones]

anyway. i think i am going to order a pizza from my favorite pizza place. i think i deserve it today

#im gonna try to stop doomposting now outside of like. reblogs on my main or something #because weirdly i think the less that i externalize my current thoughts the easier it'll be to get my brain to chill the fuck out #but honestly i've been planning to order that pizza since like noon. this is just a good excuse if anything #other than that they have free delivery today for some reason #if its good enough i'll work on more ebony stuff. dont need to rush quite as much now. so i guess i can do more ideas #it'll at least calm me down enough to think more rationally. it's been really fun to work on. that son of a bitch #i'll figure out what to do with it when i'm done idk. pizza time not think time

[loverboybreakdowns]

& now im crying. great.

#came home she got out pork chops says i have to cook & eat them bc i need protein #dont want hot food rn & even if i did i dont have the energy to cook dont even have the energy to get a glass of water #but like i was handling it was gonna lay down a while then make pork chops feed them to the cat if i couldnt make myself eat & thats fine. #but then she said i was being a little shit bc of like i guess my tone of voice ir something? #idk man im tired & im frustrated & im in pain & im trying so hard to be polite & say the right things #but like. no matter how hard i try i cant get it right my voice always comes off wrong #& it always has & it will continue to the rest of my life #i try SO HARD she knows i struggle with tone & i still cant get it right & shes mad at me for it #i cant fucking do this i cant be a person im not GOOD AT IT. #im like failing at humanness and i always have been #& idk its a stupid thing to get so upset over & i know logically im being dramatic #but im just so tired #& i havent eaten since 7 so i probs have low blood sugar or something idk #and i’ve had a headache for 3 days that wont fucking go away #& i just cant make myself be rational rn #rambling

[kath-artic]

brain being STUPID

#i know its hormones 10000% #like im on my period and running a fever rn. but hes been in ireland this week so i havent been texting him bc international fees and all #and also i dont wanna be distracting him while hes out on vacation yk. he should be having fun not texting me #but now that hes back a little voice in my brains like HE HASNT TEXTED YET!! HES GOING TO PHASE YOU OUT!! #and im not actively worried about that?? bc theres no reason to be?? but idk man im sick of my brain trying to self sabotage #like when i was in bed next to him having a full blown panic attack while most of my thoughts were completely calm and collected #and mostly along the lines of 'this is stuuuupppiiiiiddd 🙄' #its just when i let my guard down (like when im going to bed or getting sick) that this shit strikes. and its annoying bc i dont BELIEVE it #and sometimes its even stuff i make an active point of NOT believing #like when i was having that nervous breakdown the only part of my rational brain that was actually upset was the part that thought #'this isnt in line with my principles. i do not want my past experiences to make me a distrustful person and i loathe the fact that i cant #put this feeling out of my body despite that' #stupid. my brain should do what i want. why else is it there

[flamingothing]

hello u havent burned to death right? be safe ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

yeah i'm okay don't worry <33 i caught it rlly early because i wasn't smelling anything from a distance yet i just got the nervous thought and when i got close i started smelling it but it's been resolved and the room was aired out :•]

#inbox #zoe 💿 #the only downside is it's feeding my prophetic thinking?? idk how you call it #i've had a LOT of instances lately feeding my belief that all my thoughts are actually prophecies so im 😭 trying to stay rational #but y'know how it is. it is okay though. i will just keep myself busy forever and that will solve everything 💪

[shameful4]

e4 🤝 e7

self indulgence

#i wish ppl talked more about how e4s are self indulgent #i think bc its more masochistic ppl don't talk about it as much #but the type i connect with the most is definitely e7 #always disatisfied always rationalizing always reframing and trying to understand what the fuck is going on #always reaching for more #might just be a frustration triad thing actually #idk. e7s annoy the shit out of me but i love em #im listening to an album by a so7 and the way he talks abt indulgence and literally begging to be bored is so real #i havent felt bored in awhile #vent #<- kinda lol

[boogieboba]

Do you think Lizzo and Jack Black’s lil planet was supposed to be a metaphor for what Mandalore could’ve been if the clone wars hadn’t devastated it?

#idk man im just thinking over here #trying to rationalize this season 😭 #the mandalorian

[mejomonster]

I'm so stressed I need an off button

#rant #i abolutely wish i was one of the people who like dissassociated when stressed or vomited or something #instead i just get imminently closer to a panic attack #and once i GET the panic attack i get very self harmy and suicidal like actively grabbing objects suicidal #i tell ya what i FEEL tense and i do not want my hands grabbing pans to try and beat me with #i do not wanna go into a panic attack and feel my entire brain screaming to bash myself into walls at full strength #in an illogical attempt to pass out and no longer have to endure the goddamn panic attack #panic attacks feel like a demon actively torturing me and my brain is offline and i only have vague control of my arms and legs a little #and all i want at those points is to either fix Mundane Mistake which launched the pamic attack #(and is unfixable during a panic attack cause rational thought is offline AND i cant breathe anyway) #or to die immefiately cause if i was dead i wouldnt need to fix any Mistakes or endure the awful torture of a panic qttack #i think in a past life maybe i was a fucking warrior or wilderness bitch idk #but for all the logic in the world i have and calm in Actual emergencies #when a little life mistake happens with looming disaster my brain short circuits to panic attaxk and then i have 30% chqnce or #of killing myself #and im NOT happy about it!!!! #i hate panic attacks!!!! #i am my own biggest danger on earth man #nothing tries to kill me as much as my own brain and body

[caffeinatedopossum]

Not triggering just personal

I really need to vent about being asexual and sex repulsed but I feel like no one will understand and I get how a lot of the things I think will sound but I really just need to for once get these thoughts off my chest without having them being morally appraised because they *aren't* my morals, they're just things I can't change.

And I don't want people to TRY to change it either! Or to try to figure what ~hOrRiBle trAuMas~ could have possibly made me "this way". It's not that I think there's nothing wrong with me, it's just that this thing needs to stay neutral to me if I ever expect to actually understand it. I want people to stop morally appraising and physcoanalyzing my sexuality through the lense of inherent trauma!!

I just want to talk about this without feeling like I need to put a disclaimer before every sentence, explaining why I feel the way that I feel. I don't know ok! I don't know why I feel the way that I feel sometimes. I'm just doing my best and I wish more people would understand that. Maybe you don't get an explanation because this is my identity and doesn't need to be justified. I just want to understand myself.

#anyway that felt good #i hope this helps you guys understand in case i ever post some of the thoughts i was referring to here #i hope this helps you guys understand how big of a deal my asexuality actually is #its not just passively accepted #i have quite literally had to mask my asexuality MORE than my autism #i want to talk more about this but anytime i do at least one person is always there #suggesting im only asexual because of trauma or asking me what the fuck im talking about because i said something about being sex repulsed #or saying 'i used to be asexual too' -_- please just dont say this to me #im trying so hard to be a good person even when my deepest instincts go against some of my morals #i dont know if i can ever change those things either #i dont know whats worse #the idea that i need to be fixed somehow to better fit mine and everyone elses idea of a better and more likeable person #or the thought that this disgust is inherent to who i am and can never be changed #it hurts so much you dont understand #it hurts so much to think that rationally its good to accept people expressing their sexualities in healthy ways #but to be consumed by this contradictory instinct that make me recoil in disgust from even the people i love #it hurts and i just need someone to acknowledge that and that im trying and that it is difficult #and maybe even that its not my fault... though idk if id really go so far as to believe that #i wish i could've chosen to be anyone else sometimes

[faggling]

realized that as far as I know my abuse primarily started after 9/11...much to think about

#kind of joking but kind of not #like. do you think the situation created a feeling of lost control and hopelessness and fear that they just used me to alleviate?? #its probably not that deep but its an interesting thing to me #idk idk idk #theres a lot of other reasons why it all happened so im not like grasping for explanations. just a curiousness #i just wonder how much their hate got solidified by the post 9/11 culture #especially since my mom may have been pregnant at the time #...i really love my brother but i do wonder if things would have been different if he wasnt born. it almost certainly would not be #but when im that sad my brain isnt exactly rational #also there's nothing saying i wasnt being abused before then #or that maybe it only started then because i was old enough to hate #old enough to push back and try developing autonomy and independence #which i know is a trigger for my moms abuse #hrm