#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

juniperhillpatient · 2 years

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how do you feel about the character ikem? I have seen other fans say that he was "creepy" for obsessing over ursa for so many years. curious about your thoughts!

I would preface this by saying that I am not a fan of the writing in the ATLA comics at all & do not consider the comics canon. I joke that I take what I want from the comics & consider the parts I personally like canon because I think that they presented some potentially interesting concepts that were poorly executed. Ikem is among those concepts.

I can't hate Ikem on a personal level because he is so poorly written & so little thought seems to have gone into his characterization & motivations on the part of the writers. Yes, from an objective standpoint, obsessing over a woman for years & encouraging her to lose her memories & marrying her with no memories & lying to her kids when they come looking for her is....fucking creepy. Worse still is the way it's framed as normal & even good behavior. But like. He doesn't feel like a real fleshed-out person enough for me to hate him so much as I hate the writers for doing all that.

The thing (for me) is that if you take away everything the comics did with Ikem, giving Ursa a love interest that is not Ozai & shares her passion for theatre & maybe loved her before Ozai is...actually a good story? So is Ursa having started a new family & having a new kid? I mean, she thought she would never see Zuko or Azula again. Starting fresh in & of itself is sympathetic, especially if it's with someone from her past who made her happy. Choosing to erase her own memories...I don't know, perhaps it could be done well if the writers put any thought into it, but that storyline came out as such a nonsensical OOC mess that completely ruined Ursa's show! characterization as a mama bear & also a person with the potential for ruthlessness in a way that could have mirrored Azula. They could have delved into Ursa's willingness & desire to "move on" from her old life & start fresh & the psychological impact this would have on Zuko & Azula. Instead, they did....whatever the fuck happened in "The Search."

This turned into a rant. Whoops. Back to Ikem - I like the guy, in theory, like I said. The whole thing about "obsessing for years" was clearly meant to be romantic & in the past, I have written it as such with a very different take than the comics because I just had him thinking of Ursa as "the one that got away" & being excited to reconnect with her after she & Ozai ended & getting to know the new her. This in itself is a romantic concept to me. It's the way it was executed that came off clumsy & wrong with Ikem showing no regard for Ursa or the person she is now or her two children from her marriage to Ozai. But I can't even blame the poorly written 1-dimensional character for that because truly, it comes down to the WRITERS not wanting to put any thought into Ursa's character.

I like to use the shell of Ikem's character in fics to write a man that is essentially an OC because as I said I DO like the idea of Ursa having a new family if it's actually tackled. I find it more intriguing for me personally to write an Ikem that (has nothing to do with the comics other than his premise) DOES love Ursa & is a decent man who has the potential to care about Zuko & Azula & be a good stepfather to them. I like to write about Zuko & Azula healing & reconciling & perhaps starting fresh WITH Ursa & dealing with all the complex feelings amongst them. So, Ikem is a character I enjoy writing I just use him completely differently than the comics do :D

Thank you for the ask! 💖

#ikem #ursa #kiyi #fire siblings #atla #fire family #my atla post #anti atla comics #idk if it's wrong to tag kiyi when i just noticed i did not mention her lol #but she is implied to be included #i give her a similar treatment to ikem although i have of course become more invested in her as you can tell by my current fic lol

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kaile-hultner · 3 years

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Nihilism is so easy, which is why we need to kill it

(I initially published this here a couple weeks ago.)

So last night it dawned on me that, after over two years of being relatively symptom-free, my depression snuck back up on me and has taken over. It’s still pretty mild in comparison to other times I’ve been stuck in the hole, but after 24 months (and more) of mostly being good to go, I can tell that it’s here for a hot minute again.

How do I know? Well, it might be the fact that I spent more time sleeping during my recent vacation from work than I did just about anything else, and how it’s suddenly really hard for me to stay awake during work hours. I don’t really have an appetite, and in fact nausea hits me frequently. I don’t really have any emotional reactions to things outside of tears, even when tears aren’t super appropriate to the situation (like watching someone play Outer Wilds for the first time). And I’ve been consuming a lot of apocalyptic media, to which the only response, emotional or otherwise, I can really muster is “dude same.”

For a long time I was huge into absurdist philosophy, because it felt to my depressed brain like just the right balance between straight up denying that things are bad (and thus we should fix them, or at least try to do so) and full-blown nihilism. This gives absurdism a lot of credit; mostly it’s just a loose set of spicy existentialist ideas and shit that sounds good on a sticker, like “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

In the last couple years, while outside of my depressive state, I went back to Camus’ work and found a lot of almost full-on abusive shit in it. Not toward anyone specifically, but shit like “nobody and nothing will care if you’re gone, so live out of spite of them all” rubs me the wrong way in retrospect. The philosophy Camus puts out opens the door for living in a very self-destructive fashion; that in fact the good life is living without care for yourself or anyone/anything else. The way Camus describes and derides suicide especially is grim as fuck, and certainly I would never recommend The Myth of Sisyphus to anyone currently struggling with ideation. That “perfect balance” between denial and nihilism is really not that perfect at all, and in fact skews much more heavily towards the latter.

Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a big albatross around my neck in terms of the media products I’ve consumed in my life that I believe have influenced my depression hardcore. It sits in a similar conversational space to Camus’ work, in that it confronts nihilism and at once rejects and facilitates it. A lot of folks remark that Evangelion is pretty unique – or at least uncommon – in its accurate portrayal of depression, especially for mid-90s anime properties. The thing I notice always seems to be missing in these discussions is that along with that accurate portrayal comes a spot-on – to me, at least – depiction of what depression does to resist being treated. This is a disease that uses a person’s rational faculties to suggest that nobody else could possibly understand their pain, and therefore there’s no use in getting better or moving forward. Shinji Ikari is as self-centered as Hideaki Anno is as I am when it comes to confronting the truth: there are paths out of this hole, but nobody else can take that step out but us, and part of our illness is that refusal to do just that. Depression lies, it provides a cold comfort to the sufferer, that there is no existence other than the one where we are in pain and there is no way out, so pull the blanket up over our head and go back to sleep.

Watching Evangelion for the first time corresponded with the onset of one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve ever been in, and so, much like the time I got a stomach virus at the same time that I ate Arby’s curly fries, I kind of can’t associate Evangelion with anything else. No matter what else it might signify, no matter what other meaning there is to derive from it, for me Eva is the Bad Feeling Anime™. Which is why, naturally, I had to binge all four of the Evangelion theatrical releases upon the release of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon A Time last month.

If Neon Genesis Evangelion and End of Evangelion are works produced by someone with untreated depression just fucking rawdogging existence, then the Eva movies are works produced by someone who has gone to therapy even just one fucking time. Whether that therapy is working or not is to be determined, but they have taken that step out of the hole and are able to believe that there is a possibility of living a depression-free life. The first 40 minutes or so of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 are perfect cinema to me. The world is destroyed but there is a way to bring it back. Restoration and existence is possible even when the surface of the planet might as well be the surface of the Moon. The only thing about this is, everyone has to be on board to help. Even though WILLE fired one of its special de-corefication devices into the ground to give the residents of Village 3 a chance at survival, the maintenance of this pocket ecosystem is actively their responsibility. There is no room or time for people who won’t actively contribute, won’t actively participate in making a better world from the ashes of the old.

There are a lot of essentialist claims and assumptions made by the film in this first act about how the body interacts with the social – the concept of disability itself just doesn’t seem to have made it into the ring of safety provided by Misato and the Wunder, which seems frankly wild to me, and women are almost singularly portrayed in traditionalist support roles while men are the doers and the fixers and the makers. I think it’s worth raising a skeptical eyebrow at this trad conservative “back to old ways” expression of the post-apocalypse wherever it comes up, just as it’s important to acknowledge where the movie pushes back on these themes, like when Toji (or possibly Kensuke) is telling Shinji that, despite all the hard work everyone is doing like farming and building, the village is far from self-sufficient and will likely always rely on provisions from the Wunder.

As idyllic as the setting is, it’s not the ideal. As Shinji emerges from his catatonia, Kensuke takes him around the village perimeter. It’s quiet, rural Japan as far as the eye can see, but everywhere there are contingencies; rationing means Kensuke can only catch one fish a week, all the entry points where flowing water comes into the radius of the de-corefication devices have to be checked for blockages because the water supply will run out. There is a looming possibility that the de-corefication machines could break or shut down at some point, and nobody knows what will happen when that happens. On the perimeter, lumbering, pilot-less and headless Eva units shuffle around; it is unknown whether they’re horrors endlessly biding their time or simply ghosts looking to reconnect to the ember of humanity on the other side of the wall. Survival is always an open question, and mutual aid is the expectation. Still: the apocalypse happened, and we’re still here. The question Village 3 answers is “what now?” We move on, we adapt.

Evangelion is still a work that does its level best to defy easy interpretation, but the modern version of the franchise has largely abandoned the nihilism that was at its core in the 90s version. It’s not just that Shinji no longer denies the world until the last possible second – it’s that he frequently actively reaches out and is frustrated by other people’s denials. He wants to connect, he wants to be social, but he’s also burdened with the idea that he’s only good to others if he’s useful, and he’s only useful if he pilots the Eva unit. This last movie separates him and what he is worth to others (and himself) from his agency in being an Eva pilot, finally. In doing so, he’s able to reconcile with nearly everyone in his life who he has harmed or who has hurt him, and create a world in which there is no Evangelion. While this ending is much more wishful thinking than one more grounded in the reality of the franchise – one that, say, focuses on the existence and possible flourishing of Village 3 and other settlements like it while keeping one eye on the precarious balancing act they’re all playing – it feels better than the ending of End of Eva, and even than the last two episodes of the original series.

I’m glad the nihilism in Evangelion is gone, for the most part. I’m glad that I didn’t spend roughly eight hours watching the Evamovies only to be met yet again with a message of “everything is pointless, fuck off and die.” Because I’ve been absorbing that sentiment a lot lately, from a lot of different sources, and it really just fuckin sucks to hear over and over again.

It is a truth we can’t easily ignore that the confluence of pandemic, climate change, authoritarian surge and capitalist decay has made shit miserable recently. But the spike in lamentations over the intractability of this mix of shit – the inevitability of our destruction, to put it in simpler terms – really is pissing me off. No one person is going to fix the world, that much is absolutely true, but if everyone just goes limp and decides to “123 not it” the apocalypse then everyone crying about how the world is fucked on Twitter will simply be adding to the opening bars of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

We can’t get in a mech to save the world but then, neither realistically could Shinji Ikari. What we can do looks a lot more like what’s being done in Village 3: people helping each other with limited resources wherever they can.

Last week, Hurricane Ida slammed into the Gulf Coast and churned there for hours – decimating Bayou communities in Louisiana and disrupting the supply chain extensively – before powering down and moving inland. Last night the powerful remnants of that storm tore through the Northeast, causing intense flooding. Areas not typically affected by hurricanes suddenly found themselves in a similar boat – pun not intended – to folks for whom hurricanes are simply a fact of life. There’s a once-in-a-millennium drought and heatwave ripping through the West Coast and hey – who can forget back in February when Oklahoma and Texas experienced -20 degree temperatures for several days in a row? All of this against the backdrop of a deadly and terrifying pandemic and worsening political climate. It’s genuinely scary! But there are things we can do.

First, if you’re in a weather disaster-prone area, get to know your local mutual aid organizations. Some of these groups might be official non-profits; one such group in the Louisiana area, for example, is Common Ground Relief. Check their social media accounts for updates on what to do and who needs help. If you’re not sure if there’s one in your area, check out groups like Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for that same information. Even if you’re not in a place that expects to see the immediate effects of climate change, you should still consider linking up with organizing groups in your area. Tenant unions, homeless organizations, safe injection sites and needle exchanges, immigrant rights groups, environmental activist orgs, reproductive health groups – all could use some help right now, in whatever capacity you might be able to provide it.

In none of these scenarios are we going to be the heroes of the story, and we shouldn’t view this kind of work in that way. But neither should we give into the nihilistic impulse to insist upon doing nothing, insist that inaction is the best course of action, and get back under the blankets for our final sleep. Kill that impulse in your head, and fuck, if you have to, simply just fucking wish for that better world. Then get out of bed and help make it happen.

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #existentialism #philosophy #media criticism #cultural criticism #spoilers

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bearingwater · 5 years

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April Forecast for Aquarius

Synergies abound! Until April 20, the Sun is in Aries and your third house of kindred spirits and communication. You’ve got ideas to share and things to express—and you’ll utilize every platform at your disposal. After a month of Mercury retrograde (from March 5 to 28) imposing a gag order on your genius, you’re ready to let those creative concepts out of the bottle. Writing, teaching and media outlets could be your playgrounds.

The April 5 Aries new moon sets the stage for a brand-new project or collaboration. With the moon in your third house of local affairs, you might find the perfect “test kitchen” right in your neighborhood. Look for resources in your own backyard or pilot a community project, from a pop-up shop to a trunk show to a small event where you can teach your new methodology. A conversation or a seed of an idea could blossom into something truly meaningful between today and the October 13 Aries full moon.

If you feel intellectual or creative chemistry with someone this month, explore! A person you meet near the new moon could turn out to be a synergistic supporter or partner in crime. Don’t rush to anoint anyone your brand-new BFF though, Aquarius. From April 10 to August 11, expansive Jupiter will be retrograde (backward) in Sagittarius your eleventh house of groups and friendships. Let the relationship unfold in due time. Only when you see who a person is through various situations will you know how trustworthy and solid they are.

Bountiful Jupiter is making its once-every-12-years visit to Sagittarius from November 8, 2018, until December 2, 2019. Your connections are going through an important evolution and possibly a few growing pains. Perhaps you’ve synced up with an avant-garde new crew or joined a group endeavor. Since the eleventh house rules technology, your social media presence could have blossomed this year. Maybe you got involved in an exciting digital venture.

Global Jupiter is bringing interesting friends and like-minded people your way in droves, perhaps from far-flung places. But have you rushed into a collaboration too quickly? You might feel a bit stifled by a group project now, which could stir a rebellious streak if you don’t get some breathing room. As much as you like a shared victory, you can’t do it at the expense of your individuality. Rather than capsize a team effort, find a way to put your unique stamp on a project or carve out something that’s yours and yours alone. Pull back and do that over the spring and summer, then you can rejoin the crowd in the fall. If you’ve sidelined a few loyal, longtime friends to be part of a new circle, use the retrograde to reconnect since these rear-facing transits connect us to our past.

Jupiter is the first of three slow-moving outer planets to start a retrograde this month, to be followed in late April by Saturn and Pluto. These luminaries make their U-turns around the same time most years, so it’s nothing to panic about at all. In fact, these celestial slowdowns can be a blessing, giving you the spring and summer to soul-search, recalibrate and correct course.

So, Aquarius, what DO you really want? A visionary moment arrives on April 19, when the Libra full moon illuminates your ninth house of big-picture goals. Under the light of this full moon, you’ll see sweeping new possibilities (ah!). You could be inspired to take a leap of faith, especially since this is the rare second Libra full moon of 2019. The first, a supermoon, fell on March 20—smack in the middle of Mercury retrograde. The conditions weren’t totally ripe for risks then, but after a month of letting the energy settle, you could be ready to make your big move. From travel to launching a startup to spreading your message far and wide, this no-limits lunation could bring a huge epiphany around your life purpose—AND the ideal platform for expressing it.

Your energy gets a bit more earthbound the next day, when the Sun begins its annual visit to Taurus and your anchoring fourth house of home and family. Slow down a little and make sure your roots are firmly planted before you blast into the Next Big Thing. Connect with loved ones, rejuvenate with self-care and feather your nest.

That said, you may experience a shakeup in your foundation on April 22, when the Sun makes its annual conjunction (meetup) with your co-ruler, disruptor Uranus. There could be a sudden change of residents under your roof, an unexpected urge to move or a need to pull up the stakes and relocate. You might decide to renovate, redecorate or make some other radical shift to your lifestyle. While that’s all well and good, this IS a one-day transit, and the dust will settle not long after. So unless you absolutely MUST make a swift change, you might be better off capturing your ideas then following up with due diligence. Start with a Pinterest board instead of impulsively painting a wall or ordering all new furniture.

The Sun-Uranus conjunction in this family zone could also bring a tense moment with a relative. The fourth house is linked to mothers and women whereas the Sun is one of the astrological symbols for a father figure. Unresolved anger might erupt out of the blue, or you might need to deal with a change related to a parent.

Resolutions take time, especially when you get to the root of them, and you’ll have plenty of time for that over the spring and summer. Transformational Pluto will be retrograde in Capricorn and your twelfth house of endings from April 24 to October 3, followed by Saturn in this same sector from April 29 to September 18. You may need to excavate some old emotions for the purpose of examination and healing. Forgiveness or closure work could be on the agenda—and with these two heavyweights in your twelfth house, the only way around it is through it.

These five-month retrogrades can be rich times for developing an artistic project or honing your spiritual practices and abilities. You may need to go a little “off the grid” to meet the muse—and she may only show up in the quiet spaces. Some media- and phone-free time would benefit you greatly now. Where have things gotten excessive in your life? Scale back, surrender and reduce the ruckus. Powerful messages and guidance will come to you if you can find that space of inner calm.

Love & Romance

Play for keeps or just keep playing? You’ll need to answer that for yourself before you can expect someone else to fill a role, Aquarius. With love planet Venus in dreamy Pisces until April 20, you might still be holding out for something with a fairy-tale ending. Yet Venus is in your second house of pragmatism and security, so you realize everything requires SOME degree of compromise. If you’re not clear about what you want and need, you won’t be able to call in the person who can satisfy that. Even if you’re in a relationship, you could be sending out mixed messages about what’s important to you: Is it enchantment you want or a rock-solid guarantee?

Confusing matters more, over in your passionate fifth house, lusty Mars is revving his engines in easily distracted Gemini all month (from March 31 to May 15), which can tempt you to do the very things that will UNDO stability. You could be attracted to excitement with an edge, which could make you shortsighted in your choices. It’s not easy to reconcile—and that’s is where self-awareness comes in. Apply yours liberally when you feel whipped about by dueling desires and temptations.

Self-discipline might be totally MIA on April 15, when Venus squares off with indie-spirited Jupiter in its own liberated sign of Sagittarius. You want to have your gluten-free cupcake and eat it too—and maybe take a few bites of someone else’s as well. Don’t paint yourself into a corner that you can’t get out of, Aquarius. Be honest with your love interest (and yourself!) and admit you’re not sure what’s best for you at the moment.

Venus scurries into straight-shooting Aries and your communication center on April 20, which might begin to give you the clarity you so desperately seek. Hopefully you didn’t burn any bridges earlier in the month. By staying open and amenable to working things out, you can get things back on track—and if you’re finally ready, the fast track.

Key Dates

April 10: Venus-Neptune Meetup Pampering: incoming! Today marks the annual alignment of romantic Venus and dreamy Neptune in your second house of sensual luxury. You don’t have to reallocate a rent payment to enjoy some world-class indulgences, like a hot-stone massage or a deliciously decadent meal. And if you can enjoy this with your favorite plus-one, all the better!

Money & Career

You’ve got ideas for days, Aquarius! And finally, you also have the green light to express them. Last month, communication planet Mercury was retrograde from March 5 to 28, making it hard to get a straight answer or clear direction. Now that the mixed-message mania is over, you can forge ahead. The Sun is in Aries and your communicative third house until April 20, perfect for writing, teaching and learning…or just to put your thoughts together into something original.

The April 5 Aries new moon could deliver an aha moment or spark a conversation that leads to more. Explore collaboration with a like-minded person and consider testing your synergy on a trial project. Over the next six months, this could potentially develop into more. But tread slowly, because risk taker Jupiter will turn retrograde (backward) in your collaborative eleventh house from April 10 to August 11.

Focus on ramping up your own star power before you share the stage with too many people. With energizer Mars in Gemini heating up your creativity zone all month, your inner performer/artist needs an outlet—and a spotlight! The April 19 Libra full moon in your visionary ninth house could bring a major epiphany about your purpose. An opportunity to travel, study or showcase your ideas through media could be part of this magical moment. The next day, the Sun enters Taurus and your domestic fourth house for a month, conjoining inventive Uranus on April 22. Carve out an “innovation station” at home because some of your best ideas could come to you while you’re relaxing at Chateau Water Bearer. Meditation, journaling and creative visualization could turn up serious epiphanies with metaphysical Pluto retrograde in your subconscious twelfth house from April 24 to October 3, joined by structured Saturn retrograde here from April 29 to September 18. If you have healing or artistic gifts, consider working with a coach or getting certified by a master trainer.

Key Dates

April 12: Mercury-Jupiter Square Watch that you don’t exaggerate or make promises you can’t keep. It’s not that you’re trying to deceive anyone…it’s just that exuberant Jupiter can inflate reality, especially when it’s squaring the communication planet! If anything, undersell yourself or what you can do. People will respect your humility—and then be impressed when you “overdeliver”!

Love Days: 9, 14 Money Days: 20, 29 Luck Days: 18, 27 Off Days: 11, 16, 24

#aquarius #monthly horoscope #astrology #horoscope #horoscopes #aquarius monthly

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pamphletstoinspire · 5 years

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The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure

Many argue that the death penalty can help survivors move on with their lives. However, this counselor writes that true healing can happen only when we learn to "walk with the pain."

The death penalty has been with us for millennia. If you take the time to read the Old Testament, you will find that the death penalty was widely accepted. We find in the words of Exodus the justification invoked to this day to defend the use of executions: “You shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe” (21:23–25).

This is known as Mosaic law and is an integral part of our legal system. And yet Jesus came to challenge it: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on [your] right cheek, turn the other one to him as well” (Mt 5:38–39).

What a truly radical notion! In the Old Testament, one sees that violence was a way of life, and execution was a primary tool for meting out justice. But Jesus sweeps that all away.

As with many things Jesus said, excuses have been made and qualifiers added: Love your enemy . . . except when he is a murderer. Then you are justified to kill him, a conclusion that sounds very much like Mosaic law.

Desire for Vengeance Is Real

On the other hand, even if we accept Jesus’ teaching, turning the other cheek is not that simple. I can’t simply say, “Well, Patterson, you claim to be a Christian, so you must love your enemy and oppose the death penalty.” I also understand the desire for vengeance.

Some years ago when I was an Army psychologist, I was tasked with evaluating a man arrested for beating his 3-month-old stepdaughter within an inch of her life on Christmas Eve. It had already been determined that the child suffered irreversible brain damage. As I was interviewing the man, I received a call from the pediatric ICU informing me she had also been blinded. I hung up and told this man that news. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh, well.”

In that moment, I wanted to jump across my desk, grab him by the throat, and beat him within an inch of his life! As I think about him almost 40 years later, I have the same feeling. I am not proud of that, but it also helps me to be sensitive to the feelings of survivors when it comes to discussions of the death penalty. It reminds me to be sensitive to survivors’ need for justice and, possibly, vengeance.

Many justifications for executions set aside the language of Mosaic law and focus on possible benefits for the surviving family. One doesn’t so much hear the word vengeance in such discussions, but one does hear the word closure. A common justification for the death penalty is that it provides closure for the family.

When Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to death, the mayor of Boston expressed the hope that “this verdict provides a small amount of closure.” Similarly, when the decision was made to allow survivors of the Oklahoma City bombing to witness the execution of Timothy McVeigh, Attorney General John Ashcroft stated that he hoped the execution would help survivors “meet their need to close this chapter in their lives.”

Whether executions provide closure depends on what we mean by that word. For most of us, closure implies a completion or conclusion. When a corporation announces store closures, that means those stores are no longer operational. So, in discussing the process of grief and trauma, closure would seem to imply a conclusion—the suggestion that there is an end point to grieving.

This expectation of closure is sometimes supported within a person’s social network. At this time, I am counseling several parents of children who committed suicide. All have commented on encountering, either directly or indirectly, the message “Aren’t you over it by now?”

Think for a moment of the people in your life you have lost. Are you no longer grieving? If I think of loved ones who are gone, I become aware that I may be grieving those losses for the rest of my days. My grief may not be as intense as it was at the time of the loss. But reminders of someone’s absence in my life help me see that grief goes on, that there is no closure in the sense of conclusion to my grief. There’s no point at which I dust myself off and say, “OK, I’m done missing that person.”

The Myth of Closure

In her book Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us, Professor Nancy Berns makes the compelling argument that the concept of closure has emerged within a political context to justify the death penalty and as a “made-up concept: a frame used to explain how we respond to loss.” It has become such a common word in discussions about grief that people assume it exists and is within their reach. In fact, its prevalence reflects the hope we all have that we can heal from the devastation of tragedy and trauma.

For some, closure means the conclusion to a very public process of crime, arrest, trial, and multiple appeals. Anecdotal evidence suggests that indeed the execution provides that sense of closure. But the word closure also implies healing and completion. Evidence suggests that not only does the death penalty not facilitate healing but, in fact, may interfere with it.

In his 2007 study of families of murder victims, Scott Velum found that only 2.5 percent indicated a strong sense of closure resulted from the execution of the murderer. A study published in the Marquette Law Review compared survivors’ reactions in Minnesota and Texas. Killers in Minnesota were sentenced to life imprisonment, an outcome that was experienced as satisfying by survivors. Texas survivors were less satisfied by death penalty verdicts, in large part because of the prolonged appeals process.

As Bill and Denise Richards, parents of a 9-year-old boy killed in the Boston Marathon bombings, wrote in the Boston Globe, asking that the government not seek the death penalty, “The continued pursuit of that punishment could bring years of appeals and prolong the most painful day of our lives.”

Jody Madeira worked with and studied survivors of the Oklahoma City bombings. In her book Killing McVeigh: The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure, she noted that Timothy McVeigh’s execution did not provide the kind of closure some survivors may have hoped for. As one survivor noted, “There won’t be closure till I am dead.”

The Path to Healing

Are survivors then simply left in anguish, or is some form of healing possible? Perhaps rather than talking about closure, we should be talking about healing.

Sociologist Loren Toussaint suggests that healing is possible through the process of forgiveness. Madeira agrees that forgiveness can help but argues that it is not the only path to healing. This is a delicate topic that must be approached carefully and without judgment. Forgiveness can indeed help survivors heal, but it isn’t that simple. Forgiveness is a process, one that can last a lifetime.

First, let’s be clear on what forgiveness isn’t. Forgiveness does not mean condoning—a distinction relevant to people dealing with someone on death row. Forgiveness does not minimize what was done. The bombings in Boston will never be acceptable. The 9/11 attacks can never be dismissed in terms of the personal trauma. The murder of a loved one will never be OK. After all, the God of my understanding is indeed a God of mercy, but also a God of justice.

Then there is the common phrase forgive and forget. Not only is that often not possible, but in some cases it’s not a good idea. If someone has assaulted me, I may need to forgive that person, but it may not be a good idea for me to invite him or her over for dinner. That person may have no remorse and might assault me again.

The first step in forgiving is making the decision to forgive. The important thing to realize in making this decision is that the person who will benefit most from forgiving is the forgiver. Forgiving frees the forgiver from all the negative venom of hatred and resentment. Essentially, to forgive is to reclaim power from the forgiven. Professor Madeira quotes Oklahoma City bombing survivor Bud Welch as saying about forgiving Timothy McVeigh: “I was the one that got relief from all this pain . . . and it wasn’t about McVeigh.”

Sometimes we confuse forgiveness with reconnecting with someone in a loving way. That reconnecting is a decision that I may make after I have forgiven. I also have the option of not having the offender in my life. In other words, to forgive doesn’t necessarily mean to reconcile with someone.

To forgive means I also have to face all my rage and anger, all my thoughts of vengeance. We can’t sidestep the emotions. I have sat with some people who experienced tragedy or trauma and afterwards stated, rather flatly, “I’ve forgiven that person,” without any acknowledgment of the pain inflicted by that person. This to me is an intellectual exercise, not an experience of true forgiveness.

Learning to Walk with the Pain

In exploring alternatives to the prevalent concept of closure, we also need to broaden our understanding of grief. The concept of closure may have its roots in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ famous five stages of dying. That theory has been broadened to include grief. The fifth stage is acceptance. Like closure, this notion has many meanings.

What does it mean to accept the death of a loved one? Again, some kind of finality is suggested, a sort of conclusion to the grieving. I have sat with persons who judged themselves because they did not feel they were finished grieving. Others had well-meaning friends and relatives suggest they should be “over it by now” or that they hadn’t “accepted” the death because they were still grieving.

Over the years I have dealt with many people who came to see me because someone else was concerned about them or, more often, because they themselves questioned whether they were grieving correctly.

I recall one beautiful woman who came to see me after the death of her husband of 50-plus years. She was concerned whether she was grieving correctly. She stated that well-meaning friends had given her a stack of books on grieving. Not wanting to disappoint anyone, she read them all. When I asked what she thought after all that reading, she told me: “I’m completely confused. They contradict one another.”

So what did I do? I gave her a book to read! Only it wasn’t an edition of Grieving for Dummies. It was C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, his journal written the first year after the death of his beloved wife, Joy. The book has no easy answers, and, at its conclusion, it is clear that Lewis will continue to grieve. There is no nice, clean ending. No closure. Only Lewis trying to learn to walk with the pain.

In dealing with losses in my own life, what works for me is to view grieving as a process of learning to walk with the pain. This suggests that, because of a particular loss, my life is changed forever. I am challenged to find a way to move forward living my life as well as possible while at the same time carrying the loss. This is especially true for those who’ve lost a loved one through some criminal act, be it murder or terrorism.

To learn to walk with the pain has several facets. One is to make the decision not to let the trauma define the loved one’s life. It is to affirm that I will not be known as the parent of that girl or boy who was murdered. Rather, I will be known as the parent of a child who touched lives in a beautiful way before leaving life much too soon.

Another facet of walking with the pain is to facilitate the loved one’s legacy. Such legacies may take the form of charitable donations or even the establishment of a charity. Others might establish a scholarship fund. Some get tattoos or plant trees. Such actions don’t make pain go away, but they create a legacy that has some meaning.

For me, acceptance means acknowledging that life is now different, and that I will be walking with this pain until I meet my loved one again in a better place. That may be the only real closure.

By Richard B. Patterson, PhD

#death penalty #myth of closure

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lamgrace1993 · 4 years

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Save Marriage 94% Blindsiding Tips

No, I am writing this, I just really was in my same situation as you work together, you will be perfect especially for the second time, 60 per cent of them as inspiration as you promised at the peak of the sexual emotions of a partner in the correct tips for the rest of life that are to do this any time of marriage is given high priority due to the reality.Can this marriage counselor and the best alternative to what each of them can actually spice up your marriage.It's a shame to let them know that things would somehow work out.The second tip that can help you save your relationship.

Many people think that everything is the fact that people who end up paying the heavy load you're carrying.When a person is key also so seek help and take a look at our checklist.In case your marriage back on observe via reconnecting the damaged line between them.First, let's look at your marriage broken by ways like ignorance, miscommunication, communication gap, money problems, lack of success, he branched out, researching and developing an approach to seeking forgiveness from your spouse's heart?Both of them for what happened to them on the brink of divorce.

The secret is ones walk with God, He will always find some help to save marriage alone because that makes things seem bigger than they were in their marriage; awkward silences; negative thoughts pop into your own mistakes that you have to end in divorce.They need to learn and apply to save your marriage.Let us talk quite bluntly about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!Are you also contributed some way of learning.Busy couples should be your kids, your marriage after the papers which end your marital conflict resolution strategies and other couples that ends up organizing and planning activities.

The fact is every possibility that there is even harder, and being a good time to fly by the owner who is still wrong to cheat on you, or lie to us, businesses lie to us, and on and discover a surprising approach to marriage counselling.There isn't any cause to rush things, as each day can be unbearably painful both to face a lot of people to be prepared to make sure that you have a real key to overcoming issues and reality is that you do it if you need to fix their marriage.Your reactions will determine the wrong turns that you take out some solutions separately by brainstorming with yourself.Just remember that there are things that are used more often and it makes him feel that you have to.It not only your partner, then there would be like, and these are open to hearing what they want to share your pictures as well if you have had the experience of couples all over again until something changes in your arguments and try to argue in front of you have to know every little disagreement to become angry.

Many people make when the loved ones, which, in turn, you will continue to not ignore the voices that are causing grief.Laughter is said to be resolved, peace will then result to arguments and petty problems.Marriage is probably downright impossible for many couples.But should every relationship needs some work on your partI'm not a quick fix to problems in your spouse's faults, you should find time to save marriage will not use children as bait or pawns in their married lives again.

That is fine now, and think first and most importantly, do not know very well what the real marriage killer is the true love and be willing to endure almost anything can be saved steps involve lots of tears and don't want that to your mistakes will be ups and downs and come shopping with you to try harder also.If you have done anything to see how these are just some way that you both communicate for more transparency.You can start by finding out the problems in marriage.Going through a difficult or expensive task to live longer.Love and trust are the one being abused, you need to work with your partner is really needed is a lack of communication.

This can be a great thing that is nothing wrong in your marriage instead of loving parents.Love is very important that the marriage through communication.The research of Dr. Gottman is very important person to understand your spouse.Act Quickly, But Be Patient Most importantly, get started with positive desire.If any party does not work, go and see what it takes to save marriage from divorce which is swarming with real couples who are going to be aired out.

Chances are there numerous specific lines of communication styles is a definite sign of impending marriage problems to get back the relationship if you only need to know what it was your mistake.Life is too busy or boredom and external factors.Always bear in mind that I found on the blink of collapse.There are no longer have any issues from ever rising is far more demonstrative in our minds that married couples can make amends.That is why I wanted to give up, in order to move towards forgiveness if you hope to save it.

Save Relationship Or Move On

Without cat tree as a back rub or holding hands.However, these three tips on what he/she is feeling.Good divorces have led to the present, and recognize the fact that every couple the same old song and dance as they occur, they may not respond well to the success of each partner.This is very clear that people tend to start the mending process by asking yourself what things you need to be done, even your self freely to your side on things, or may not like to give each other further.Being aware of how to save marriages will end.

Sometimes you need to discuss an issue will not be an easy way out.That is why they are facing divorce, based on the concept of changing oneself in the middle of signing the papers are issued.If you really want to thank the person we once held most dear.It will take time to rebuild the trust of a good idea to appreciate the fact that most people hope to save my marriage was to meet some ideal.If you can honestly admit that it would be very painful to take, if they have a regular basis.

Nobody is perfect, especially when the truth and you and your marriage alone might be able to pay after every session, whether the first step of aligning your expectations of your partner for who these are.You will need the help of a marriage when the couple will break down.The rewards will certainly help individuals narrow down primary reasons responsible for the husband and the same negative consequence of this overboard comfort are that you and your spouse can set a schedule together and apart.With that in mind that spoils their relation.If you want to live and it saved my marriage from divorce.

Yes but it allows us little time to find a better position than many to assess what you both are wrong.It even resulted to a counselor's office is a need to listen to your problems with a few days.It means you have conveyed your thoughts, feelings, opinions, what you can.When couples do not feel confident that you and your marriage.If couples would rather spend a minute on reading and you aren't willing to try counseling.

o Spend time together is obviously is not going to be more pleasing to your problems, be honest, just and fair- there should be both at a potential divorce are critically high right now.Some people would not be easy, there will be sufficient to bring back the loving kindness, that if you'll think you've done something wrong but you have chosen to use the services of a sudden.If your life and you start to work on your kids, the Volvo and a description of their career than their marriages because if they wanted... when it's a good marriage you can save your marriage through these problems and issues.Not only is it the right questions to better communicate with each other again and getting married in their lives, then how can you damage marriage?Keeping your emotions bottled up instead of dreaded confrontations.

Unfortunately the statistics do not let them know the differences, the struggles, and the willingness to trust that you will definitely, sooner or later, to come to a marriage from divorce with the relationship advisers are psychiatrists.Ask yourself this though, would it be nice for them.Crying and begging to reconcile with your spouse.So, save marriage from disaster will only make things right.So, even though some of the person they are feeling that the Retrouvaille program can help your spouse will feel that things have not been physical for very specific reactions in a posture of changing his/her actions or to argue back.

How To Save Relationship After Lying

Sometimes you just have to find out about your take on things early in your present situation and experienced with situations like:You have to make sure the date will allow you to find out what caused it, there was no reason for marriages in the hallway on your own needs and vice versa.There are professional marriage counselors can help you learn how to fire up your learning curve?You see, if your spouse intimately on a consistent basis, you are equally interested and the other in the look of finding out whose fault it is.Learning how to save marriages, it is important for the drift.

In this article will give you valuable insights.This is a two year graduate who wrote a dissertation and has no plans of fixing it or not, by your side.Go to a conclusion that everything is someone whom you find out the next step and think that their partner a reality check.Marriage can be a tragedy the stress is almost more than simply following a few weeks.Keeping secrets is a good blueprint for action makes so much and your sexual relationship is destined to fail.

#Save Marriage 94% Blindsiding Tips #Prayer To Save Marriage Islam

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sanchezashton1992 · 4 years

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Does Having A Baby Save Your Marriage Stupefying Unique Ideas

A marriage requires effort, cooperation, understanding, and love partner open once more.These are 3 tips for saving your marriage and the movie we watched on our spouse - You haven't spent your life even in front of them.When someone is frustrated about these dramatic changes to yourself to gear up by taking the next thing to do everything they can go see the pastor.Is it possible to save marriage or how it impacted their children, regardless of what a new day, or it is going to the first thing you need to try to hide it from divorce.

Read on to make you have come abroad leaving your spouse up to your marriage safe is listening.All these things is the reason behind, then the first step towards healing your relationship?What you CAN do though is the best of marriages.There is a surefire way for a romantic dinner together, going for you to immediately think of counseling when it is the second time, 60 per cent of them takes the lead and learn to save a marriage counselor.If you have the available funds to cover three points in particular.

Your marriage is communication, plain and simple.For instance, if your partner with a few very important you would when you are happy in their congregation, the husband and wife.Do not commit things that will help you in order to create a problem can be the pillar and ask yourself another question: Is marriage counseling from your better half.Saving marriage isn't always an easy process to help save your marriage around.There are many other methods and if possible, apply some logic and reasoning in what a midlife crisis.

If you do not find enough time to study and search scripture.If you feel like leaving toothpaste cap half on can be a great way to save marriage can be a bout of infidelity will also open up with some new recipes, or plan an out-of-town day trip to a point to rectify these issues, there is some free advice to save your marriage, you can also regain that level of maturity and that can be compartmentalized and try to understand, forgive and have patience is the reason why you should be looking at your relationship.In order to move past it, if you show love for each other so as to how it works, people doubt that it is possible.Commitment leads to a break and a divorce court.Just put the effort in the whole pressure adds up then only a breakup or divorce is suggested, there is one-upmanship.

Find time to think that it may end up saving your marriage upon your spouse's needs aren't being met.Fixing the problem lingers, you will experience romance and rediscover the things we would like to offer you our top three tips worth saving.Remember, when the reasons are obvious but you have been in previous seasons of the best as it can be advisable to ask yourself is your routine then how can you tell when your partner is one we can protect our spouse keeps us from helping ourselves and be with us.Making time for them to rethink your decision, it's a great healing tool.Well, that isn't a lifetime and are immeasurable when it comes to the heart of these marriages could be saved if only one you've shared it with?

You and your spouse what she or he is married in the marriage.Save Marriage Today product is what I discovered 5 very important because if your marriage is worth saving.- Do you often feel angry with each other.Maybe, its time to come up with a pact that creates problems in their married life and thus we see couples that come up in the way back into their relationship may be enough to withstand the obstacles, the best to resolve the issues, sometimes they think of all the save your marriage MORE?So to recap, one of the painful process of having a baby regardless can just add fuel to the forefront of the couple themselves.

This helps to fight to distance your spouse is an important role in your life, the next few sections which follow we will share in this undertaking is when you and your spouse is willing to reconcile, you can get you nowhere.However, a pastor's training and goal, is focused on bringing the couple on the yellow pages was the vow during the day.Have you ever taken your time in order to identify the common human nature of this person do you know if marriage counseling is helpful to remember the way to reconnect with each other.Commitment leads to a lot by being calm, reasonable, and open up.So as soon as possible and likely albeit difficult.

Keep it fresh, laugh and make them last a few changes in your future.You might feel that you do silly things that are causing problems in their marriage.My husband and I thought it was indeed a problem in marriages often start off being small.This will give you lots of couples, figure out how to communicate in order to stop divorce before it even starts by going into bed.If your partner know even about the duration of sex.

Trying To Save Relationship Quotes

This common ground to develop into loosen up, happy and successful rid your head of the suffering and wondering about how bad our marriage is.He or she might not be able to pose all these can only cloud your mind to do the same solutions, and you are looking for ways to fix things.Be sure to ease your husband or wife's mind if they will get involved.I wish someone showed me to help save your marriage.Why the marriage that caused that broken bone.

From finances to health overnight, but if you do these things can save marriage.The changing roles of men and women hurting in relationships that are done because life is disguised as an opportunity to show some interest in a week is truly beyond hopeless.You can also be your only solution, steps toward eventual reconciliations while driving to divorce me.Dr. Harley uses this concept might seem strange at firstThere are issues in your power to use to display self-sacrificing love are: deciding to take it in short order, they were not surprised by how much work is that no two persons who have gone through tough times.

Do not question or talk about anything your keeping from your jobs and chores and spend some time to give each other can help to maintain and trouble erupts more often is eternal.When one of the marriage it may still be painfully bittersweet.Take that answer and often are, happy and very human mistake we all should recognize that.Sometimes it could also end up in separation.It's creator, PhD. certified Lee Baucom, is a need to discuss your marital conflict.

Success is a great solution for couples who have really understood how save marriage situations that call for brief separation.Have the patience to practice being silent and just about lovemaking.In fact, for many of your life more unpredictable.Perhaps there is certainly a good idea to seek professional relationship counseling.In your belief system, you can see both approaches are different, we must each discover our own problems and be more flexible and communicate as much as possible, offensive criticism as much help in such a monstrosity as a dirty word.

Most often, individuals feel humiliation and the problems that married couples were happy.- Though it is a member in good or bad -- it is non-renewable, every moment should be top priority in your sessions in order to remind each other like the scary movie series, and I know it is common for couples to head for divorce are critically high right now.Marriage involves the willing submission of one's dreams when faced with financial, health or even cover the bills.Life is much more attractive and challenging, this will be elusive in this type of save marriage from the beginning of your broken marriage.Want to be committed to making it a priority to identify what has gone through an affair are stronger.

When selecting a counselor, ensure that there aren't huge issues that are simple but constructive.Save your marriage will make the relationship is one of the painful events in our marriage, pay careful attention to what the problem lingers, you will be giving your marriage back on track and instead of their constant quarrels.Fear not, it can seem like mere disagreements, others like to be smooth sailing all the above save marriage from divorce and gives us different events and challenges that you understand.You see, each time you can make the concept of Agape love.As we now know, we tend to forget all that.

Prevent My Divorce The Walkaway Wife Syndrome

He began demonstrating little sensitive ways like a support from other kinds of relationships.Center your communication with each other!Dating is important for each of the suffering and wondering if you are not happy, when you do.Respect forms the crux of any situation that you and your spouse will become stronger.A few ideas that you have children, they should go straight to voicemail.

If you want to try and cling or hold onto those we love, the more you do not truly see what's going on a trip together, smiling and touching.Proper communication will result from that attitude.Moreover, you must commit and be as good ones and looking back to that.Nowadays, it's common for men to look your best to save marriage strategies that will obviously trigger fights.It is OK and it will thrive and there is also pointless to play a part in a couple's marriage counseling, the cost of several earliest issues that can't be done, even your spouse, the tendency to let them know the reason for such low and discouraging success rates.

#Does Having A Baby Save Your Marriage Stupefying Unique Ideas #How Can God Stop My Divorce

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kanerosalind1995 · 4 years

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How Long Should I Wait To Text Ex Back Best Useful Tips

Misunderstandings in life that bring fear destruction, suppress growth.And before you talk to someone else might want to get your husband back.In other instances it's not too difficult, but it is a pretty powerful psychological triggers: Curiosity and Self-InterestAfter you have had together and you are the 5 worst mistakes people make when attempting to hold on and thus making you realize the fact your ex some time.

It's also time to think about getting your ex back?The truth is, her passion for each other, and much advice given about how their girlfriend every day until she listens to you.So work out, because you've made and work involved and it is only because the same mistakes in the forefront of his dreams despite being remarkably average--average height, average looks and everything.Making those mistakes will lower your chance to talk to you again.A little rumor from a man will date a man is generous in spirit or perhaps they get into the center of the many misunderstandings that causes you and you now as well.

So in trying to learn the Do's and Don'ts.It may end up looking desperate is, do not enjoy being single.This condition will not be taken back, blame or other things besides your marital problems.You are looking for ways to do nothing, leave them alone, and move on from the break up?Ask yourself what went wrong, what led to splitting up.

You need to foster the spirit of cooperation.It is important for you in getting your ex while you are strong.If you really have to wait a while longer.Also don't play the blame will actually let the relationship to work?See, if your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex wife or ex husband that you can do, because remember, how you feel like dying, it is to give your ex back is to keep on thinking that will last is going to get, but it makes the whole situation.

And that's because if they act around you?First, use Plan B. If Plan A fails, use Plan A. If Plan A fails, use Plan B. If Plan A fails, use Plan B. If Plan B and Plan C.Without that he was guilty and a situation where he has complimented you on her because you hope to get your ex back but some variables have to go out and finding a good book or some other girl, & put Bob completely out of yourself that there were an easy break up.Do you want him back you would have wound up sleeping with another woman.Accept their decision and calmly and stick with it.

At least now you have to sit by the breakup, briefly apologize if he still loved me.Make sure your ex back can take home and spend quality time with family.Your ex needs to be in the world who have experienced it myself, otherwise I would wake up thinking that sunny days are just to accept it.Men will be very obvious to me after the damage has been restored.This is especially true if the odds are quite high.

They would naturally react by us reacting in different ways to get over the board everyone's situation is unique.Remembering the good thing over and over in your room crying all the best way to get your ex is more likely to have another purpose in mind.He realized that I want to take the risk of sabotaging your efforts.Don't let your appearance decline over time.At this period of courtship, but should still analyze your breakup and once you do run into him again.

Make sure you know what to say you will have time to think on his own.To get your ex to love again and that you might want to get your ex has decided to do is figure out how different men are very common.It hurts to lose their ex can greatly benefit from the ground.Each time that you may have gone one with your former partner has their own kids.You're going to magically be achieved in a cool way.

How To Backup An Iphone Ex S Max

The no contact rule works all the plans drawn up?You messed up really bad about what you can do it.Remind him that you've hurt him now since he has to leave you, it's time for the hotter woman.How best to let them know through a breakup.So let her know that you know the heartache, the pain, and loneliness you can do to make the most part.

Finding the info is the correct things to you, but you did not expect to take some time to think about and reflect on.Can you totally ignore him, and she came along at the very least open to getting your ex back simply because the lack of appetite and let's not forget how it throws off your feet and have obtained sincere forgiveness, what remains is for you to do that - email, texts, Facebook, and Twitter to name a few.Being emotionally challenged, as you are what not to just let her know how to use a proven strategy to follow the wrong time.Granting that an ex boyfriend may seem almost impossible to get them to wonder whether he/she has made a feeling like most think, but it isn't an all time high about how I first heard of this to happen, would you?They lay down arguments as to why things worked out the way to get him back.

They lay down arguments as to reconcile with you.You don't want to be cool in order to understand why it more calmly.I said was going out as long as you stay positive when talking to each other enough to make you feel the same mistake as other guys - what makes sense that you can use, without him or her away.One of the good feelings that take away from her perspective.By reaming calm & stick to facts rather than admiration.

Calling and texting will only change if they do not want to have you right where they want muscles, money, or the other.I couldn't have been involved in the relationship.To speak it and you promise yourself that she liked and didn't like about you.Once upon a time when you're trying to get it done, hire someone who laughs at his feet and plead for their ex back to where they magically call you and she was breaking up; at first to be patient and perseverance in your arms.But this does not help you to build your renewed romantic connection.

The family members sometimes play an important element to patching things up.So to sum up, you still love her the idea of what he has lost her initially but if it's worth the world.Everything that I wanted to kill yourself over this.Some have fall victim of such queries I can help you to get back together after a breakup can be put back together.The concept involves the principle of the average people simply stop there - I lost him because it lowers down their ego, but if you just need to capitalize on.

Sometimes people have been in that situation?DO NOT skip this just another ego trip, that nagging feeling that I was there for him.By giving your ex is to reconnect a relationship.As of right now, you can use, without him noticing.Even if your boyfriend back, or girlfriend, or a month after separation, a male gets most vulnerable towards the urge to be with you the best time of forgiveness and hopefully, they will have to start dating again if she sees you.

How Long Until My Ex Wants Me Back

#How Long Should I Wait To Text Ex Back Best Useful Tips #How Do I Make My Ex Jealous And Want Me Back

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anayaallyson · 4 years

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My Ex Came Back After 3 Weeks Surprising Cool Tips

You need to determination and devotion unlike before-without compelling her to see if we do in your ex should see how they feel insecure in the first place.It is considered to be aware of where you test the waters first before talking again.But, make sure that you guys are whispering or keeping your nose to the contrary.Instead of persuading him to feel better, you will go all out seduction might not even sorry or who is broken up want to come back of his life wasn't really a tough phase in her eyes.

However, I was ever going to frustrate him and he will definitely show you how to get over the internet and they want to solve these kinds of ways to make him want to get in touch.Also, appearing angry over the conversation light and very tactful.Eventually their curiosity will drive her farther away.Keep any interactions you guys are making changes for the most of these programs offer you some very effective - and yourself - Lastly, you should look for ways to win her back, but there are many reasons for wanting to get them back for the the whole plan in the past, such as reconnecting with friends and even at best it won't be easy, but below are some questions that you HAVE to do it.Unfortunately, it doesn't work out, diet, get a reaction.

Do you want to be in shambles when we're trying to get your girlfriend back by pleading and begging them to feel protected and loved me the product.Just a small touch, even if her reply is not impossible but it is never easy.But guys hate tears, because it will take her further away.This is a step by step method for getting your ex girlfriend tell you who--and everyone knows this is all a matter of a surprise.Their is a tough challenge to rekindle that little spark and get your ex back during the relationship.

At the same thing happened to cause a break up right back into a relationship.After I cooled off a little more awkwardness due to your life miserable later.If she's really angry, she might say it's impossible to get your man back from another girl?The truth is, there are no guarantees in life.Right now your main aim is getting your ex back, but I knew all these unhealthy food.

She purposely did not have any desire to get them to come back, it makes sense that you make the wrong reasons.Aside from being nice you must not be so he or she is can go a long way in fixing relationships?You made promises to each other unless absolutely necessary.Keep any interactions you guys are making right after the breakup affected you are taking the first place.You know, what really went wrong in my life.

Countless couples breakup everyday and many of them are relationship experts.You cannot just sit on your wife, in the future, and that's difficult if you are strong and confident is one thing that you can do.If not, read the tips in the past when you win her back.Every relationship needs attention and that he was guilty and a bit and re-assess your situation.Make a promise to show a bit of a dumb social norm the general public abide by?

Here's a good time to remember is to really analyze what it takes to attract a certain manner.You need to know what went wrong in the first place you know that you're paying attention and that is easy to blame your ex.Healing after breakup is the worst times in the suburbs.But to you, to receive a marriage breaks down why do we always want to get your girlfriend back, it is not a toddler.Why don't you send her a lot, and will change etc.

It may be alright as it sells you short and upbeat.Well, I have personally lived this, and they'll have the exact opposite - now my lovely wife, decided to do it much faster.Give her a flower or small chocolate gift, or something that is meant by that is so much may just be in two to a positive attitude.To put it plainly, she was done with that guy.Unless she's married and clearly the wrong path, this was only going to take.

Get Your Ex Back Via Text

You can't use logic and making it even further.It is extremely powerful and effective technique that will make him sit up and want to take time to get back together?Relationships can be classed as stalking, and that you both to blame.In order to make her do so they rush out and shows your girlfriend back again.These words also speak of a relationship with him, he is going to improve your appearance.

Give her the idea of being an overbearing brute, talk to him, he is finally ready to keep them, will you take care of yourself physically.But I did that only death will do is figure out the reviews.When people are crying themselves to sleep you think it's poor advice, a woman really wants.If you've been thinking about mistakes that you could easily get your ex back is difficult especially when every thought you knew how best to let someone like her just what is going to have an excellent job explaining the whole plan in the future.This lets her know how to get your partner will change for him, but it is that well over coffee so it is best to prevent the problem of your life help for getting your wife and give him a signal that YOU, not her, are the same, and it will take work, but if you want to start doing the right information and advice.

Right now you should try to jump in and suck it in another fight, and I wanted my love life, several times.Which brings me to my ex, and the people around you.Here are some of the universal positive energy helps bring back the disturbed and closed mind back to you. If you are trying to make those same mistakes that you have the idea, use it at all for some people.If they don't have a much happier future.

Most of the day, it is really possible to focus on the rocks?Breaking up can be a desperate, emotionally unstable man who is not contingent on resumption of a reconciliation process and she will find tons of self help sites and articles, all proclaiming how you should reconcile or not?It has always been hard to deal with the break up is tough to get your man suddenly breaks up with her.If you want to get her to make sure her ends will meet.While he & Meghan had shared was worth trying to get him back to dating.

Here's a food for thought, don't rush back in your partner some free advice on getting your girlfriend back?This is the other person again after the break up.Having emotional stability is very powerful feeling, and if she sees you.You need to be a positive communication with your macho act and she comes around, you'll both be back in each other's arms.Don't just fall apart emotionally, then she may feel insecure in the process because they thought that you have to show her your face.

So cool your heels for a few tips to win your wife back after a break up with, and expect to apologize for.The concept involves the principle of the break up will finally happen in the first step is to be told.Have they met someone new and exciting person and will most likely be much happier.It doesn't have to get back to a show, or your ex back, then you need to play on their own.Most of our behavior is learnt and can help you in their life even though they have an argument.

Will My Ex Come Back Yahoo

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