#i've been revolving them in my brain for a little over a year now i think

[mocksart]

Hey so I recently became obsessed with your tspud borrower au and while I was driving with my cat in the car I was thinking what if the Narrator took Stanley out for a nature walk? Like as a therapeutic exposure to get Narrator out of the house and for Stanley to see the outside w/o danger. I imagine the shenanigans Stanley would pull on the Narrator would be funny. I might draw some art of it later but I just wanna say you write really well ^-^ love the story and your art

aaaaa thats so cute!! If you do end up drawing it, I'd love to see!

Just keep a close eye on him, Narrator. You have no idea where he might wander off to...

#and thanks i'm glad u enjoy it! #i've been revolving them in my brain for a little over a year now i think #asks #borrower au

[blooming-violets]

Hi! This isn't a request but how do you think Peter would react to reader being a Funeral Director? Let's say it's like a blind date (set up by Auntie May ofc). Im asking because a good amount of your fics that you write with Peter revolve around death- weather it being Ben's, Gwen's, and/or what he see's around just being Spider-Man.

Lol this is coming from someone who's about to get their license to become a f.d if you couldn't tell :)

omg over a decade ago i used to roleplay with an oc who was my dark humored, lil goth queen and she was studying to become a funeral director and even though it was so long ago, once an oc, always an oc. she still lives up in my brain with the rest of every other character i've ever created in my life time. i'm going to channel her energy into my soul for this one

Ok, so! I love this.

(using gender neutral "they/them" for this character)

This might sound slightly gruesome but I'm going with it! May is getting a little older in age. Nothing crazy but she's a realist and she wants to be extra prepared when it's her time to go because she doesn't want to burden Peter with such things. She knows what it's like to go through the entire process of burying a dead loved one when you are in the middle of the worst grief of your life. She doesn't want Peter to have to make any of those choices like where to go and what casket to chose. She's a planner and is going to keep nurturing her boy even after death.

Soo she starts doing the rounds of looking into funeral homes, types of caskets, potential flower arrangements, details for the service, how she wants her body to be prepared...she's got it all figured out and in a binder with laminated pages. And she's having the time of her life doing all this because any chance to pull out some stationary is a good day in her book.

Peter freaks when he finds out because that's his girl and he refuses to let her die ever. But she calms him down by reminding him that death can happen to anyone, at any time, and she wants to be prepared for him. All he will have to do is hand over this binder to the director and they can do the heavy lifting so he can just take time to grieve. He's still not happy about it. Aunt May will never die. He doesn't even want to entertain the idea that it's a possibility even twenty years from now.

But then she throws in a lil twist.

"Oh, by the way, Peter...you have a date next Saturday night. I set you up with the director of the parlor. They were just lovely! So accommodating, so funny, absolutely gorgeous, not anything like I was expecting. I told them I had a nephew who was single. Showed them a picture of you. You know that picture I took last summer of you at the beach eating a Ninja Turtle popsicle next to the ice cream truck? I just love that picture...reminds me of when you were a boy...anyway, they agreed to meet up with you! Isn't that wonderful?"

And he's standing there speechless and mortified because only Aunt May would start prematurely planning for her death and then go around showing embarrassing, shirtless pics of him to his potential suitors...who are also helping her plan for her death. He tries to refuse to go but it's May and you can't say no to her. She will always win.

She picks out his best outfit for him and makes sure he's all dolled up (also to be sure he actually goes through with the date and doesn't bail).

He's shocked at how young and attractive they are when he meets them. Even though May insisted they would be a good match, he still was picturing some creepy old, sickly pale, skeletal man wear a dark suit. He's been dating a bit lately but nothing really sticks. This date feels different. He starts off by making a dark joke about dating the person who's going to bury his (still very much alive) aunt. Which gets a laugh from the both of them. They start in on how lovely it was to meet her and how she brightened up the house when she came for a meeting. And Peter talks about how baffled he was to find out she was even doing all that in the first place. He would have gone with her or been more than willing take care of everything. But they insist that May was adamant on doing it on her own. Peter asks a lot of questions on why they would ever want to go into this line of work but they just laugh it off. They're helping people, even after death. Helping their loved ones have the best final goodbye they can have.

The first date flows smoothly. They both try to avoid the death talk after the first few minutes and keep things light and happy. Peter is unknowingly smitten at the time but finds that once he goes home for the night, he can't stop thinking about them.

A second date is soon to follow. And a third. And fourth. And so on until they are officially dating.

I think as they get more comfortable with each other and open up to each other more, Peter will start to reveal how badly of a relationship he has with death. Reader has a healthy outlook on it. They don't mind taking care of the dead. They enjoy being able to provide that kind of service. Nothing really turns their stomach at this point. Peter can't remember much about his parents or their funerals, Uncle Ben's was a blur, and Gwen's is blackened out from his memory. It really upsets him to picture Reader doing any kind of body preparation. He keeps having intrusive thoughts about them working on Gwen's corpse and it kinda fucks him up. (They obviously weren't the one's who did that but his mind is putting the two people he cares about together without reason). Sometimes it makes it hard for him to look at them. It causes tension in the relationship. He starts to resent that they do that job. He think that they are "better than that" and they should leave that sort of job to someone else. He thinks it's gross and upsetting.

Reader would take massive offense to that. They love what they do. It's very important to them. Peter keeps not being able to hear what they're saying and is throwing his own uncomfortable attitude into the mix. They represent death to him and he hates death. Almost like they're a constant reminder of everyone he loved who has died. Cue the climaxy fight part where they separate for a bit in order for the growth to happen. Peter goes off to sulk and eventually ends up on May's doorsteps like a lost, sad puppy.

He'd need to go have a heart to heart talk with her about why he feels so uncomfortable dating someone who is so close to death. She'd talk about his past traumas, losing so many loved ones, and how he never allowed himself to put those people to rest. That's what Reader does. They helps other's put their loved one's to rest. And that frightens Peter because he's afraid of letting go. They represent someone who is at peace with themselves and Peter is living in a constant state of turmoil. In order to love properly again, he has to let go of the past. Reader can become a healthy path forward but only if Peter is able to cut off the baggage that is holding him back.

He'd let that talk sink in for a few days until he finally crawls his way back to their home with a box of their favorite chocolates (not flowers because they've seen enough flowers to last them their entire life time). He's met with nothing but a gentle smile and open arms. He'd open up to better explain himself to them so they can understand where he's coming from and see into his past. It's a healing moment for him to overcome.

Over time he'd warm up more and more to the idea of them working so closely to death. They both like to lighten any dark moods with some terrible jokes and dumb comments. A lot of silly ghost/ haunting talks. A lot him questing them about things. Like if guys can get an erection after death. Or what exactly is embalming fluid (bc he likes science-y things). And trying to find out the craziest things they ever experienced while working. They have endless stories to share so there's never a dull moment.

And when they finally find out about Mr. Parker and his big, giant Spider-Man secret, they threaten Peter that he better never end up on their table or else they'll mutilate his corpse by cutting off his dick and keeping it in a jar. (too dark? lmao not for them!)

Peter loves it. It makes him feel loved.

#the amazing spiderman #peter parker #andrew garfield #tasm #tasm x reader #peter parker x reader

[womaninwinter]

Writing vs Visual Art

Prompts from @insidethekaleidoscope: if you both write and make visual art, how would you compare the experiences?

Have you always done both or is one a more recent hobby?

I've always been doodler and a storyteller, but it's only recently that I started thinking of them as Art. When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be a writer. When I was a teen, I thought I was going to be an artist. And now I'm writing again.

2. Do you prefer one over the other? Why?

I am a better (more practiced) writer than artist, so I am generally happier with the results of my writing than my drawing/painting. At the moment I'm on a writing kick, but there was definitely a long period where I preferred visual art, and I think this also had to do with the online spaces I was hanging out in. When I'm in fandom spaces, the primary way I can contribute is writing, so I tend to do that. When I was not into fandoms, and was just more generally into Insta art communities, I was seeing a lot of art, so I was doing a lot of art.

3. Are you drawn to the same themes in both?

Hm. Now, I never thought of myself as having Themes in my visual art, again because I'm not that good at it and thus I don't have a great deal of control. However, there are definite stylistic commonalities. My thought process tends towards gothic/intricate/exaggerated/intense and both my art and my writing have those characteristics.

4. Do you see them as connected practices?

This is funny. I've never thought about them as connected, mostly because I only seem to have the time/energy to do one creative hobby at a time. The times when I produce a lot of art are the times when my writing is fallow and vice versa. That said, I think that producing visual art sometimes helps unstick me in my writing, but then again, so does writing longhand on paper, so possibly it's just easier to be creative when I'm not taking psychic damage from the screen.

5. Do you feel more confident in one than the other?

As is probably obvious from my answers so far, I'm much more confident in writing than drawing/painting, but this is mostly because I've had more practice and training in writing. I've had almost no formal art lessons (until a couple of years ago when I did a life-painting class, which did actually rule), but writing was part of my education all the way up, and then it became part of my job, as a translator. Wish I had more time to practice/learn art, but alas, the brain worms are dead set on writing right now.

6. Do you do both at once or do you have periods of time where you only write or only make art?

Also mostly already answered. I can do both, if I really make a conscious effort to build it in, but it takes a lot of discipline and I don't have much of that. I really wish I had the brain space to do both, because I love painting and I miss it. But I do still make art in that I doodle constantly - all my notebooks have little scribbles in the margins, of castles and funny little people and flowers. My work diary is stuffed full of little scraps of paper like this.

7. Does one come easier than the other?

I would be tempted to say writing, but it really depends on what type of art or writing I'm doing. I doodle without thinking or even meaning to. If I have a pen and paper, the difficulty is stopping my hand from drawing. But a big writing project (like a chapter of a fic for example) comes more easily to me than an artistic project.

8. Do you feel more invested in one than the other?

This also varies over time and I think is hugely influenced by what I'm getting more feedback about/what forms part of my social life. At present, my social circle really revolves around writing to a great extent, so I'm super invested in that. But up until very recently, my answer would have been 100% the other way around. I have a drawer full of sketchbooks that I was so so painfully proud of.

9. Does one medium feel more true to you or representative of who you are as a person?

I don't think so, although I think I do tend to be more surprised to see myself coming out in my art. I'm often very conscious of what I'm doing in my writing, and I'm usually aware of a lot of what I'm revealing about myself in it. Because I'm less in control of my art, it's always a surprise to see how specific it is to me, that unbeknownst to myself, I was drawing an experience that I was having.

10. Do you decorate your house with your art and do you reread your writing?

I was going to say 'no' to decorating my house and then I looked up to the right at the massive portrait from my life-painting class stuck up on my wall and rethought that answer. So yes to the art, but not a whole lot. I do tend to reread my writing until I'm sick of it. And then I leave it a few months and come back reread it and think "oh hell ya, this girl knows my tastes exactly." (Actually, maybe this is why I'm less happy to decorate with my art. I'm not really good enough to cater to my own tastes there.)

11. What do you find the experiences have in common?

Flow state I think. It's been a long time since I reached it for either medium (creativity's always in bits and snatches with me, because that's generally all I have time for. It's easier for me to write 100 words though then it is to do a 10-minute sketch.) but the sensation of being totally absorbed, of not noticing time passing, and the burning pride and joy when you produce something good is the same in both cases.

All done! Thank you Mo for this very interesting and much needed exercise in self-reflection. I think I'll draw something now!

#art talk #reflecting with the help of Mo

[placesyoucallhome]

okay so where have I been? Actually sick, but for the most part it's all the same sick, all the same sick as I've been since 2020, it just got worse.

ranting under a cut because I'm just venting at this point-

I got covid in like, February of 2020, early early, before doctors even thought covid was in my state early and sure as hell weren't diagnosing it. And to be fair, I didn't even got in, or bother telling anyone, because I thought it was a little headcold, barely coughed, just sniffly and tired, though the lack of taste was... odd. I didn't think anything of it, thought I just lost my sense of smell due to sniffles.

Then I didn't ever get better.

Honestly I thought I was losing my mind, I suddenly was sleeping 14+ hours a day, making dinner was an ordeal because I was exhausting just standing for minutes at a time, I couldn't work, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I didn't connect any dots until months later when my taste finally came back, that that was a symptom, and that for some people it just never gets better.

So for a while that's all I have to work with, there's no relief, no cure. Not until the vaccine anyways, and some people with long covid find relief, symptoms lessening or even going away entirely! I'm one of those, thank fuck, my fatigue lessens enough that I can get part time work again at least. And that's where I'm at for a while. I'm not at where I was before, but man, at least it's something.

Cut to a bit over a month ago, I get another cold, and... I don't recover. I'm shoved right back to where I was in 2020, and now with vertigo enough to make me nauseous at the drop of a hat and brain fog that makes thinking feel like a sisyphusian ordeal, fun! At least it's not loss of taste again. I sort out the veritgo with some supplements, but my fatigue and and the worst brain fog of my life are lingering, and at this point I'm gods damn desperate for this to not be reality for the next handful of years or more. SO. Research.

I try a few options, not much works, not until I stumble on a side blurb somewhere about antihistamines helping. I look some more, some people are completely reset to normal on them! Fuckin I might as well try right? I've never taken claritin I don't have allergies how would I have known?

And it fucking works

It was like night and day after one dose! No brainfog! My energy slowly comes back too! No vertigo! Holy shit!

Except my sinuses are actively killing me. To be fair, my sinuses never actually worked properly, they just don't drain. And now it feels like there is a solid mass of mucus in there that isn't budging, and my throat is raw because it's making me snore on top of that. Cool. cool cool cool. Apparently there's a known issue of antihistamines causing mucus in the sinuses to just not hydrate and essentially gunk up everything.

And that's where I'm at. My choices are- keep taking antihistamines and be able to stay away and think and just deal with the constant sinus migraines (or take sinus meds constantly on top of all that), OR- drop the antihistamines and deal with fatigue and brainfog, I can then consider a low histamine diet. What is a low histamine diet? Fucking torture. It's not even terribly healthy because it cuts out so many nutrients, and you aren't supposed to be on it for more than a month or so at a time, and I'd need to be on it for 6.

What is a low histamine diet? Amongst other things, no spices, no deli/coldcut meats, no spinach, no tomatoes, no cheese, no SOY SAUCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I cannot stress how much my diet revolves around tomatoes and soy especially, I wouldn't be allowed anything savory or spiced or fermented for SIX MONTHS.

So it's not looking likely.

So I'm at an impasse, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about it yet. probably ease off the claritin for a while and see if my sinuses recover and try again?

Anyways I had mac and cheese tonight and only cried a little bit.

#long covid #which is the tl;dr about it #I just got tossed into a spiral about it for the last month

[brybryby]

VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ

HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).

I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.

I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)

For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.

What am I getting at?

Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).

Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.

That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe

STORYTIME:

So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.

I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.

Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.

Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)

But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.

I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)

This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)

I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.

During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).

But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*

Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.

I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.

Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic

Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)

But seriously if you got this far, thank you

#outlast video essay #brybryby text

[charmedreincarnation]

The following words will not fill my brain with negative energy.

i just have something to vent out. I'm actually phy and mentally tired atp yk. I feel like if i had not found out about the loa or the void, i would be so so so much happier . I'd be happy and content with everything that comes my way and would not live with an expectation of my life getting better by loa or the void. I just can't anymore. I'm getting scary thoughts and all of that yk. I have like 10 days time. Ik time is an illusion . But still i can't ignore the fact that i have 10 days left to get my "desired life" . I've asked for help to other bloggers but they never respond, perhaps they're scared maybe all this negative talk will affect their life that's why i wrote the first sentence. But i don't know what to do. Whenever i think about my desires there's a knot in my throat. I get a sudden burst of sadness and melancholy over my body. Its been soooo long like its been years now and im mentally exhausted. Do u have any suggestions?

It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed and discouraged about your current situation. It can be difficult to stay motivated and hopeful when life isn’t going as we wish it would. I’m a little confused on what is happening in 10 days to which you have limited your time for happiness but.. I always advice people to focus on that thing and let it pass. You’re stressed and it’s not working because you’re trying to run away from this instead of run to your desires. I know this bc I did the same but when your thoughts are revolving around the thing you’re trying to escape it’s not going to help, so focus on manifesting the best outcome for whatever is happening in 10 days, because if you can enter the void which you can, you can overcome this.

Regardless, you should Focus on what's working: rather than getting caught up in the “what ifs,” focus on the things that are going right and bringing you joy. Make a daily gratitude list, celebrating all of the positive moments and successes throughout your day!

Take action: remember that your dreams require effort. Take concrete steps towards achieving them — even if they are small ones — to move closer to realizing them, for both this situation you’re trying to avoid and your dream life which you can achieve without the void as well.

-Look at the bigger picture: take a step back and consider the journey of life as a whole rather than individual achievements or failures. This will help you stay grounded, appreciate your present experiences, and become aware of what truly matters to you along the way.

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting

[yinyuedijun]

HI MAO!! LeeHi anon here! I just read your fic ohmygod I am so !!!!!!! I've always been so interested in how languages are tied to a person's identity and emotions, and for you to write a fic that revolves around languages. I never knew I needed this aaaaaa

I love love love LOVE how you tie language with identity and write about the power of language on someone's emotions. Your whole fic reminds me very deeply of that one article by li yuyun on language that I carved into my brain. And gosh the ending!! I'm so sorry if this was not what you intended to convey, but to me, the whole time it felt like Aventurine was being unfair to reader, especially with how vulnerable reader is to Aventurine. Until you revealed what reader has done on their end and suddenly it felt like reader was being unfair to Aventurine who was vulnerable in his own way too. I'm screaming into the void rn, my brain chemistry altered when I read the ending. It's like a blindfold getting ripped away from my eyes with no warning.

Also it has been a while and I'm on tumblr on and off now because I'm still a little caught up with school assignments (but ur fic makes me want to launch into a new writing project despite them HAHA), I hope you have been well and the move to your new blog has been good to you <3

-LeeHi anon

LEEHI ANON.... my darling my beloved I hope you've been well 💗💗💗 I too have also always been fascinated by this exact aspect of language, the fact that I find it shapes our thoughts and interpretation of context. I am so glad you feel I did the topic justice!! I wasn't familiar with the li yiyun essay but if it's the one in that link, then I'm floored that my lil fic reminded you of it?!!! this paragraph was a gut punch:

Over the years, my brain has banished Chinese. I dream in English. I talk to myself in English. And memories—not only those about America but also those about China; not only those carried with me but also those archived with the wish to forget—are sorted in English. To be orphaned from my native language felt, and still feels, like a crucial decision.

LIKE ... ME TOO GIRL I GET IT. so interesting to hear about other bilingual speakers' experiences with dreaming and memory sorting and talking/thinking in specific languages. if I could go back in time and polish the aven fic a lil more I would definitely have drilled down on the thinking piece!

ALSO I AM SO SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED THE ENDING !!! you are interpreting it exactly correctly - they are mutually exploiting each other's vulnerabilities and I'm glad that twist w the reader hit 😎 thank you for sharing your thoughts there!!!It made me so happy !

AND THANK YOU ! I hope that school and life are treating you kindly beloved! take care!! <3 MWAH

#asks.leehi anon #yueshuo.asks #aven.feedback

[mingos]

For the question about my character meme, how do you personally think Doffy felt about the situation when he was a child and St Homing decided to give up his status to live with the common folk. We saw how badly they were treated, but I'd like your opinion on how it personally affected Doffy, if you don't mind?

　oh, it psychologically fucked him up. no doubt. not even just the beatings & extreme poverty that would come later, i'm talking everything about that situation from start-to-finish. (before i start, just to be clear, this is not a 'uwu poor doffy uwu' analysis, this is a child psychology analysis.)

-

i know his shock & anger at the beginning before anything 'bad' happened was meant to illustrate "see, he's always been an evil little shit" but honestly, his base reaction is perfectly within the realms for a kid who has had his entire life & belief system essentially just upended. he wasn't an adult with a fully developed brain, he was a child with a child's brain. eight years old is actually around the time kids start thinking logically & understanding the world around them on a deeper level.

picture it: you're essentially one of the richest, most powerful children in the world, raised in an environment where you are deified & you can do no wrong, that everyone beneath you (humans) is less than dirt (whether that's right is not the point) and one day your dad is like... "hey, i want to be that". and you overhear your peers mocking your dad and essentially kicking you all out of your home and forcing you to move to an unfamiliar environment. like, moving schools as a child, but worse.

you've also been conditioned to think you are entitled to anything you want, and are allowed to be as nasty as you want to humans without consequence. but, suddenly, not only are they not serving you anymore... the moment you talk to these humans the way you have been conditioned by the adults in your life to talk to them when they 'disrespect' youーthey burn down your new house & start threatening to murder you. they are essentially in the position you used to be in now.

-

yeah sure "taste of your own medicine" and all thatーbut doflamingo is eight. he barely knows what that even means, at that age children are still learning basic concepts of morality & social norms, and at that point basically every social norm doflamingo has been conditioned into for those first eight years of his life were turned on their head & now all the sudden he was punished for believing them rather than praised. for the first time in his life, he's starving. for the first time in his life, he's been hit. he's poor. he's forced to wear rags. nothing he has been taught makes sense anymore.

also, at that age, your world tends to revolve around one thingーyour parents. they understand the roles of "child" and "adult" and understand that the adult's purpose is to give them guidance & protect them. homing, in doflamingo's eyes, did the opposite. he put them in harms’ way. another thing in his world that has been proven totally wrong.

-

child brains generally do not handle stress or trauma well; i forget the exact wording or study so don't quote me, but i've read articles over the years that make the argument that children who grow up in violent home environments (like witnessing/being subjected to domestic violence) or split home environments (like parents undergoing a messy divorce) essentially can have levels of ptsd equivalent to war veterans.

(on a personal note) as a very ill child who spent my first 12 years in & out of hospitals, i have medical ptsd; just hearing a heart rate monitor, seeing a needle, or smelling that very specific 'hospital' or 'anesthesia' smell is enough to give me a panic attack sometimes, even at 27.

that kind of trauma really does stick with youーeverything goes back to your childhood.

　taking his power back was, in part, to ensure that nothing close to that ever happens to him again.

#‘ 007. ’ (headcanons) #child abuse // #poverty // #medical //

[titoist]

during a lecture on labour law, the workers movement & its historical development in interwar europe, the professor offhandedly mentioned the fascistic associations of the new prime minister of italy. audible, but nonetheless hushed celebration could be heard from the back. i've been tossing & turning it over… i think that, in the past, this would have(& certainly did, across numerous functionally identical situations) inspired an instinct to become rancorously upset, in a way which cripplingly affected my internal functions but never showed through my demeanor. deeply, deeply angry - for a long while, my only method of coping with my environment was habitual fantasization about violently harming people whom i felt recreationally contributed to my state of despair. it was a lot. & none of it would be particularly pleasant to describe. now, though, the only latent emotion i could feel resurfacing from the detritus of my mind was… a sort of slow sadness, diffuse grim discomfort, pity. and not so much a sadness at the objective facts of the situation, the fact that there were fascists in the lecture hall, but… a sadness arising from what i think should be the instinct of all in the room - empathy. the arising historical & material trends of the last 40 or so years have not been very kind… most of all, when you walk through the streets, you feel a certain sense of hauntological fixation with a past coming to haunt the present. and what a past it was! anyone above 40 can almost taste it, the dull & forgotten sweetness on the tip of their tongue, the walls of your childhood home, living in a state that matched western standards of living - no, exceeded them, even - decades… &, suddenly, a silent return to feudalism & war, as if nothing had ever formerly occupied its space. now, poverty is in vogue.

it all ties back around to this central point of contention, no matter where you really turn or look. and of course there are reminders all around, in the form of dilapidated, uncared-for buildings, something as banal as the faded logo of a company that went bankrupt in 1991 or the iconic red star on a surplus pre-war ambulance. it hangs like a thick fog, suffocating everything - a fog which is a crucial developmental facet of my childhood, & i imagine the childhood of many others like me. how do you even begin to cope with that? & i guess the answer is that you really, really don't. it's why people commit acts of terrorism & murder soldiers. you can only try to forget & move on from this aborted, stillborn state of existence, which is the conclusion everyone with half a brain has come to. what some people use to cope: violent, virulent nationalism. you take a look at the total absence of life offered to you, as a result of stochastic factors that were decided way before you were even a conscious thing, & decide to project your anger outwards. the albanians are the reason you have no job, why you are paid so little, why a subtle existential dread is the only emotion you have ever known, and so on… it is either this, or you recede inwards - & i guess… this is what it all revolves around, to me. every aspect of modern living here. the extent of this massacre has been stunning, no one has been spared. all potentials have been nullified from the outset, replaced with a societal-wide inclination to water down emotions, to deaden & cheapen yourself, to completely decimate your own properties & replace them with imposed ideas designed for you to settle for. this is what my empathy comes down to, essentially: this is what the last 40 years of horrible, cruel, unrepentant history have been leading up to, slowly washing in like a tide. & you can feel it almost emanating from the back of the room, in the form of 3 very deeply hurt, alienated teenagers cackling to one another in the back of a lecture hall. i can't help but to feel love & compassion for them, as victims in the same way i am, even if it is a fool's burden. it wasn't a decision any of us were allowed to make. it simply is reality.

[drukhari]

hey tristan,

not too get too deep on your tumblr but... idk been feeling weird lately. i've been kinda taking this little break from everything, and i'm back home (altho it's not always chill time with family and all) but idk... i know there's no rush to figure out what you wanna do in life and all, and that it doesn't even have to be this one thing, it can be multiple things too and there's also no need for a ''one purpose'' kind of thing, that you can literally just be and that's it but its just... idk it's been about a year since i've been back home and i know i wanna move abroad but i dont really know what to do, like at all. Like i'm not spiralling or anything but it's just a feeling that's been at the back of my mind for a while now and it's still there, and idk i had kinda hoped that taking a break from everything would help get that energy and ''passion'' (for lack of better word) back, but not really. Mental health wise, it's been a great time to sit back but life wise, next steps-wise and all that, i feel like i'm still in the same place and still don't know what i should do next. i go on linkedin and i start looking at jobs and i have no idea what im looking for

anyways, what do you do when you feel like this? lowkey wanna do buzzfeed test that will tell me what i should next based on my favourite ways to eat pasta or something

That one's tough anon, not gonna lie. I used to feel that way a lot when I was in college and it used to keep me up at night sometimes because it seemed like everyone else had found that "thing" that they wanted for their lives and they at least had somewhat of an idea how to start proceeding in that direction, but in my case it felt like I had too many things I'd be just "fine" doing and nothing that I was really pulled towards. I was changing majors all the time and generally just felt like I was untethered from anything concrete in terms of planning a future.

And like you mentioned, you can absolutely know that some people dont have just 1 thing they do over the course of their life and that its completely ok not to know what you want...but knowing those things and really being able to internalize and feel them for yourself is a whole other ball game.

The feeling ultimately ended up going away on its own eventually, after a lot of time spent just burying myself in my hobbies, my connections with other people around me, the parts of my jobs that I didn't hate and just generally learning to appreciate the experience of living a life that didn't revolve around finding and advancing in a career.

Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to advance in a job that you enjoy, sometimes advancement at a job isn't about the material/ego based aspects of climbing the ladder so much as it's about getting to work on cooler stuff (which is the case in my job).

It was like I was too busy doing other things to realize that I couldn't pin down a 5 year plan for the life of me if asked, until one day I woke up and realized I still didn't have a 5 year plan beyond "keep learning and doing more things that interest me, keep enjoying the life I live as much as I can, and fuck anyone who says I should feel bad for not having more than that figured out".

You mentioned you took some time away just to sort of re-center yourself and that's great tbh. It may not feel like it yet but that time away may have some hidden lessons to it that you're not even aware of yet that will help lead you to the next step, or maybe it'll hit you out of nowhere like some kind of Jimmy Neutron Brain Blast-esque moment, but focusing on just enjoying each day, chasing your interests wherever they lead you (within reason, ofc) and being on the lookout for new experiences to try are all things that eventually helped me to get to that point, so maybe they'll be of some help to you along the way too.

[nonbinarynightmarefuel]

I've spent almost three full years now processing my ex's accident and while I've dealt with it more than most people deal with anything they experience, it still affects me every day.

The whole relationship does really, but the whole relationship for a long time revolved around it. Hell, before that, it also revolved around it in the way that the accident was inevitable.

It sneaks up on me now. All the overt ways it affected me were reckoned with long ago and I notice them, but they don't control my actions. But there are moments, quiet moments, where something happens and I find myself impulsively acting like the traumatized girl I was then.

I don't remember how much I told Tumblr but my then-partner was in a horrific car accident which involved the full severing of his spinal vertebrae- a functional decapitation- and a traumatic brain injury. By some miracle of miracles (the likes of which is rarely seen by mortal men) he survived for a week without medical care, at the end of which he was airlifted to a fancy hospital to have emergency surgery.

I got the call the day after the accident, telling me where he'd been and why I hadn't spoken to him. That he was hurt.

I got the call when he was on the operating table.

The worst was yet to come, if you can imagine it, because we then entered a months-long battle for healthcare. He was undertreated, overtraumatized, with a brain injury to boot. He got very little treatment, very little therapy, very little pain control.

I did a lot of advocacy for little result. I dare say that was the worst part for me. Begging and begging for someone to help him when he wasn't able to seek it himself.

After that he drowned in his guilt and grief for his actions (the accident was his fault, though nobody else was harmed) for months until I left him. I had checked out of the relationship long prior because he was too busy feeling down on himself to be a partner (much less parent).

By the time I left, I had fully processed the breakup. I didn't have anything to grieve.

But these days, more than a year later, it gets me at times.

When my partner acts a certain way. When I get a phonecall. When I go to the doctor. The fingerprints of that day are all over me. Taunting me- but only when I take a close look and notice.

The anniversary approaches and the way I felt when I was desperate to have him back (as he was never the same) is still there, just in a different costume. I feel hollow, dry.

I know from his Facebook that he's moved on, too. I wonder if his new partner knows about his accident, and his brain. My partner knows only the little parts, and those are enough to turn a stomach.

[dizzydesi53]

'Home'

I've never lived with someone other than my family and I've especially never slept in the same bed as someone else. I woke up without having any nightmares which rarely ever happens. the sun was shining brightly thru the wall of glass that served at a window in his bedroom. I was lying on my back, my wings spread wide in the large bed. Hawks was draped over me, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head nestled against my chest.

he snores! it makes me giggle. my movements must have disturbed him because he pulled me more tightly against him. his wings, spread out behind him, slowly furled in to drape over me like a heated blanket. it was so warm and comfortable, I felt safe and relaxed for the first time in what must have been years.

I felt myself slowly drifting back to sleep, the scent of sunshine and pine needles in my nose, making my dreams revolve around hot and heavy kisses.

~

when I next woke up I was surrounded by pillows, blankets, and an impressive collection of hero plushies. I was even holding a Hawks plushie! I fully believe that the real-life-size Hawks put it in my arms on purpose. cocky bastard!

I managed to climb my way out of the lavish nest that that bird brain had built around me and wandered down a hall. there were several doors leading off to god knows where but then the hallway opened up to reveal a large living area. there was an oversized couch with more pillows and blankets on it, a huge tv, and a massive collection of movies. 3 of the four walls that made up the living room were floor-to-ceiling windows.

I looked around and spotted Hawks sitting on the couch with a laptop on his lap. As I watched he took a deep breath and then stiffened. his head jerked around to face me. he had a huge lopsided grin on his face. it was different from the typical smirk that he always seemed to wear. in fact, he looked very different in general. he had a loose-fitting shirt and sweats on and his usual messy hair was a lot more chaotic but seemed more relaxed and happy than last night.

"Afternoon, little mate. you've been asleep for a while, feeling better?"

"Feeling better?...Afternoon! what time is it?"

"it's about 2 and you slept off your stress pheromones. You're relaxed right?"

he was right. I hadn't noticed before but my back wasn't as tense, and my shoulders weren't slightly hunched. I was more relaxed. even my breathing was deeper and more even. for the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn't on constant guard waiting for unsuspecting alphas to jump out at me. now I just had one to deal with.

I came over and sat on the couch with him. his grin grew wider when I flopped down next to him.

"whatcha working on?"

he smiled at me, his arm brushing mine. he seemed to use any excuse to touch me. he seemed happy that I was taking an interest in him even if it was only his work.

"Recently a group of human traffickers has surfaced. they kidnap omegas and sell them on the black market. We've been trying to shut them down but haven't had much luck. I've been looking for info. haven't found much."

the way he spoke I came to a realization I probably should have come to before now

"you're a workaholic?"

he blushed, actually blushed! his ears turning a shade of red to rival his wings. I found myself thinking he was adorable. I'm insane!

"I'm not, I've just never had anything worth caring about over work."

he looked at me with gorgeous golden eyes full of adoration. he reached up and cupped my cheek stroking it, and for some unknown reason, I allowed it.

"Not until now at least."

he leaned in until he could brush my lips with his. the other kisses were desperate and needy. filled to the brim with fire. this kiss was just as firey but it was a slow burn like he was trying to convey how much he seemed to care about me with just his lips. when we parted we were both out of breath and flushed.

"We have to go to work soon but if your still not feeling well we can call it and stay here"

this might be the perfect opportunity to get some space between us and for me to think without him and my hormones messing with me. I needed to sort out my feelings before things got out of control.

"I'm fine, I guess I should start assisting/sidekicking."

"Great!"

~

That was two hours ago. In that two hours, we've stopped for coffee, thwarted 2 purses snatchings, and one bank robbery, and arrived at his agency only for him to dive into a paperwork pile on par with Scrooge McDuck's gold vault. What's worse, I had no time away from the annoying bird, my office is his office!!

the sidekick job is easy enough since I've been a freelance hero for a few years. It's basically what I've been doing and Hawks and I have always worked well together in the past. not that either of us needs the help.

as for the assistant job, that's a bit more of a struggle. mainly because Hawks keep bolting off to save the day, completely forgetting the schedule. aside from the first day, it's been fairly easy, but exhausting. I crash as soon as we get back to his apartment. he really is a workaholic and I'm not sure how he keeps the pace he does.

it's been a week of working with him when I got a message from the commission, for Hawks.

A meeting has been established for today, please don't be late.

there were links to a few articles about Hawks and the scent of an Omega that's been smelt on him. They were all speculating on who it could be when he would announce that he had a mate and how adorable all his chicks would be. it all made me feel a little queasy. this wasn't good, at this rate my identity would be compromised. I hate the attention! it only brings trouble.

when I brought it to Hawks attention he groaned and flopped back in his chair dramatically.

"is everything going to be ok?"

"oh yeah, they're just image minded. they'll want to talk about numbers and fanbase and bla bla bla! it's boring and a waste of time. but I have to go! go home and ill meet you there little mate."

"not your mate!"

I groused for like the millionth time. I flew back to the apartment. On my second day here, we got all my stuff from my apartment. I was officially moved in like this was my apartment. in fact, infuriatingly enough he had canceled my lease and sold all the furniture I didn't 'need'. I couldn't tell you how angry I am about that.

when I finally get 'home' I take a much-needed shower get into my comfy pajamas and relax on the couch watching anime. I'm completely zoned out, not really seeing what's on the screen just thinking about my life and how it's taken a drastic turn.

honestly, I've learned a lot of surprising things about Hawks. he insists I call him Keigo when we're alone. he's stubborn and kind to a fault. he's surprisingly responsible and despite what he projects to the world he takes his hero work very very seriously. he's a workaholic but likes to eat chicken and watch trashy reality tv when he's rarely taking a break.

he gossips more than my elderly neighbor and seems to know everything, every juicy piece of news that's happening to celebrities and other heroes. I've noticed he's touch starved, always holding my hand, brushing my arm, and tucking my hair behind my ear. sometimes when I'm watching anime he'll bring his laptop over and use my lap as a pillow while he works.

slowly but surely I can feel the walls I've built up around me crumbling. he's worming his way in and I'm getting attached. this is bad. very bad because he's a playboy whos probably just toying with me. he's always flirting.

I was still deep in thought when Keigo came back, flying through the open balcony doors. his wings blew a gust of wind in my face making me look over at him and blinking stupidly to get out of my head.

he sighed heavily and flopped down on the couch, laying down so that his head was once again in my lap. he draped his arm over his eyes, he hadn't even changed out of his hero costume. I couldn't help myself, I ran my fingers thru his hair making him gasp in surprise. I tried to play it cool by not looking at him, just watching the tv but I wasn't even paying attention to it and couldn't tell you what it was about.

"is everything ok?"

I was still running my fingers thru his hair when I looked down at him, his golden eyes were smoldering at me again. it was annoying, mostly because it ignited butterflies in my stomach.

"We have to do an interview in the morning."

"What! But-"

"It's fine! nobody is going to find out that your Moxie, promise"

"why do I have to be there?"

"you're my assistant,"

he said it simply like it was the most sane conclusion and I should have seen that. it made no sense to me, why did he insist that I stay with him?

"you always have an assistant at interviews?"

"every time!"

"you're a terrible liar"

"Actually I'm an excellent liar I just hate lying. too much effort."

he's infuriating! I know he's up to something but I don't know enough to figure it out and stop it. I stand up abruptly making his head fall off my lap and stomp off to hide in his room. not that I could hide for long, he sleeps here too.

#fanfictionsmut #hawksbnha #hawksfanfic #wattpad #academia #anime #myhero #academy #boku no hero acedamia #僕のヒーローアカデミア |

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

My Top Ten Overlooked Movies With Female Leads In No Particular Order

Note: When you see this emoji (⚠️) I will be talking about things people may find triggering, which are spoilery more often then not. I mention things that I think may count as triggers so that people with them will be aware before going in to watch any of these.

Edited: 3/16/21

Hanna (2011)

So, before I get into why you should watch this movie, I just want to take a moment to say why it's near and dear to my heart. Growing up as a queer kid in the early 2000s, seeing portrayals of people like or similar to myself on anything was rare at best. It was mostly in more "adult" movies or shows that my parents would occasionally let me watch with them that I'd see any lgbtq+ rep at all. Often times they were either walking stereotypes, designed to be buried, evil, or all three.

Then here comes this PG-13 action thriller with a wonderfully written main female lead who, at the time, was close to my age, and who got to kiss another girl (her very first friend, Sophie) on screen in an extremely tender and heartwarming scene. To say the least, it was a life changing moment for me personally.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, Hanna is a suspenseful movie about a child super-soldier named, you guessed it, Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan) and her adoptive (?) father Erik Heller (played by Eric Bana) exiting the snowy and isolated wilderness of their home and taking on the shadowy CIA operative, Marissa Wiegler (played by Cate Blanchette) who wants Erik dead and Hanna for herself for mysterious reasons.

It also has an amazing soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers, great action scenes, and it has an over arching fairytale motif, which I'm always a sucker for.

⚠️ Mild blood effects, some painful looking strikes, various character deaths, and child endangerment all feature in this film. However, given its PG-13 rating, a majority of viewers are presumably able to handle this one. Still, be aware of these going in.

Sidenote: It's recently gotten a TV adaptation on Amazon TV, although I have not watched it, and do not know if Hanna and Sophie's romantic/semi-romantic relationship has transferred over.

A Simple Favor

A Simple Favor is a "black-comedy mystery thriller" centered entirely around the relationship between two mothers, the reclusive, rich, mysterious, and regal Emily (played by Blake Lively), and the local recently widowed but plucky mommy blogger, Stephanie (played by Anna Kendrick). When Emily suddenly goes missing, Stephanie takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her new best friend.

It's a fantastic and entertaining movie throughout, with fun, flawed and interesting characters. The relationship between the two female leads is also implied to be at least somewhat romantic in nature, and they even share a kiss.

⚠️ The only major warnings I can think of is that the movie contains an instance of incest and one of the main plotlines revolves around child abuse, although both of these potentially triggering topics are not connected to each other, so there is thankfully no csa going on.

Edit: I legitimately forgot there was drug use in this movie until now. So, yeah, if that's a trigger, be careful of that.

I Am Mother

I became mildly obsessed with this movie when it came out. I Am Mother is a sci-fi film that centers entirely around a cast of two woman, and a female-adjacent robot who is brought to life on screen with absolutely amazing practical effects.

The plot is such, after an extinction-level event, a lone robot known only as Mother tasks herself with replenishing the human race via artifical means. She begins with the film's main protagonist, Daughter. Years go by as Mother raises her human child and the two prepare for Daughter's first sibling (a brother) to be born. However, on Daughter's 16th birthday, the arrival of an outsider known only as Woman shakes Daughter's entire world view. She begins to question Mother's very nature, as well as what's really going on outside the bunker she and her caretaker call home.

⚠️ This movie features child endangerment and reference to child death.

Lilo and Stitch

When I decided to add a single Disney film to this list I initially thought it was going to be hard but almost immediately my brain went to Lilo and Stitch, and specifically about the relationship between Lilo and Nani.

On the surface, this film is about a lonely little girl accidentally adopting a fugitive alien creature as a "dog," but underneath that the story is also about two orphaned sisters and the older sister's attempts to not let social services tear them apart by stepping up as the younger sister's primary guardian. Despite its seemingly goofy premise, Lilo and Stitch has a very emotional and thoughtful center. It's little wonder how this movie managed to spawn an entire franchise.

Despite the franchise it spawned (or possibly because of it), I often find that Lilo and Stitch is overlooked and many people only remember it for the "little girl adopts an alien as a pet" portion of its plot, and I very rarely see it on people's top 10 Disney lists.

⚠️ This movie could be potentially triggering to people who were separated from their siblings or other family members due to social service intervention. There's also a bit of child endangerment, including a scene where Lilo and Stitch both almost drown.

Nausicaä and the Valley of the Wind

Unlike the above entry, I did struggle a little bit with picking a single Studio Ghibli film. Most media of the Ghibli catalogue have strong, well-written, unique, and interesting female leads so selecting just one seemed like quite the task.

However, I eventually settled on this particular film. In recent months, Princess Nausicaä has become my absolute favorite Ghibli protagonist and I'm absolutely enchanted by the world she lives in.

Set in a post-apocalyptic world overun by giant insects and under threat of a toxic forest and its poisoness spores, Nausicaä must try to protect the Valley of the Wind from invaders as she also tries to understand the science behind the toxic forest and attempts to bridge the gap between the insects and the humans.

For those who have never seen the film, I think Nausicaä's personality can best be described as being similar to OT Luke Skywalker. Both are caring, compassionate, and gentle souls who are able to see the best in nearly anyone or anything. She's an absolutely enthralling protagonist and after rewatching the film again for the first time in well over a decade she has easily become one of my all time favorite protagonists.

Whenever I see people talk about Ghibli films, they rarely mention this one, and when they do mention it, it's often in passing. In my opinion it's a must watch.

⚠️ This movie contains some blood, and the folks who either don't like insects or who have entomophobia may not appreciate the giant bugs running about throughout the movie. (Although most insects do not directly relate to real life bugs, and are fantasy creatures).

A Silent Voice

A Silent Voice is an animated movie adaptation of a manga of the same name. While I've never had the pleasure to read the manga, the movie is phenomenal. It covers topics such a bullying, living in the world with a disability, the desire for atonement, social anxiety, and depression in a well thought out manner that ties itself together through the progression of the relationship between its two leads, Shoya and Shouko. It's also beautifully animated. Although very popular among anime viewers, I've noticed that it's often overlooked by people who watch little to no anime. So I suppose this is me urging non-anime viewers to give this film a chance.

⚠️ As mentioned above, the movie deals with bullying, anxiety, and depression (with this last one including suicidal thoughts and behaviour). If discussion of those topics are triggering to you, than you may want to proceed with caution or skip this movie all together.

In This Corner of The World

Another manga adaptation, this one taking place during WWII-era Japan. In This Corner of The World follows the life of a civilian Japanese woman, Suzu Urano, as she navigates simply living and her new marriage as the wartime invades nearly all aspects of everyday life. I think this movie is a good representation of what it must be like to be living as civilian in a country at war where the fight is sometimes fought on one's own soil. It was also an interesting look into pre-50s Japanese culture in my opinion. It's also beautifully animated featuring an art style I don't see often.

Despite it being well known among anime fans, I never really see it be brought up, even among said anime fans themselves.

Side note: I've seen many WWII dramas centering around civilians but they've almost always been about American or UK civilians. This was the first movie I'd seen that features the perspective of a Japanese civilain.

⚠️ Features the death of a child and limb loss. There's also a disturbing scene featuring a victim of one of the atomic bombs near the end.

Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki

This film follows Hana, a Japan-native woman who fell in love with a magical shape-shifting wolf-man, and her trials with raising their children, who can also magically shape-shift into wolves, on her own. It's a very heartfelt movie about a mother's love and the struggles of doing right by your children when you have limited resources to actively guide and care for them. All the characters feel unique and alive in my opinion. Also, the animation is so good that my sister and I initially mistook it for a Ghibli film.

Again, like the previous two anime entries, I don't see it ever brought up outside of anime circles.

⚠️ There's some child endangerment present in the film, although none of it is the fault of Hana as far as I can remember.

Roman Holiday

Roman Holiday is about the fictional Princess Ann (played by Audrey Hepburn), who while on a whirlwind tour of Europe, finally reaches her breaking point over having her entire life be one big schedule and all her words and actions being rehearsed. In the spur of the moment, she runs away in hopes of experiencing what life is like for other women. Unfortunately, she was previously given a sedative, meaning she doesn't get too far before it takes effect. Fortunately, she is found by the kind reporter Joe Bradley (played by Gregory Peck). Believing her to be drunk and unable to get an address from her (because she has none) he ends up taking her home for safety's sake and allows her to sleep off her suppose drunken stupor. The next day, he realizes who she is, and decides to take her on a fun sight seeing trip across Rome in hopes of getting the big scoop. Along the way, they begin to fall for each other.

This is my favorite black and white, old romance film. I think the relationship between the main characters is absolutely beautiful and I have a lot of fun watching it.

⚠️ I'm not entirely sure what kind of warning this film would need. However, it was released in 1953, so values dissonance will probably be at play for many viewers to at least some extent. For example, early in the film Ann is given sedation drugs by her doctor for her behavior, something that is very unlikely to happen today. Also, Mr Bradley deciding to take Ann home to keep her safe rather than call the police or an ambulance is a very pre-90s decision in my opinion.

#hanna 2011 #a simple favor #i am mother #lilo and stitch #nausicaä of the valley of the wind #a silent voice #in this corner of the world #wolf chilren ame and yuki #wolf children #roman holiday #black and white film #anime #disney #studio ghibli #movie recs #top 10

[keirametzbrassknuckles]

Was tagged by @the-butch-of-blaviken (thank youuuu!!!!)

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPS.

Lucky for everyone (bad for me) my creative brain has the attention span of a goldfish and likes to bounce around wildly between ideas with the speed and violence of a ball during an olympic-level ping pong tournament. I have so many WIPs (beyond the ones I've already published most of) that I'm working on at any given time it is physically painful.

Warning: Very few of these will actually see it to a publishable state but they're all around 2-5k words and I work on them at least once a week which is my cutoff for considering something a WIP vs. a Stupid Little Daydream I Had In The Shower. (I also name my fics stupid things because my bf will make fun of me anyway so I do it to myself first).

1) 5+1 Aiden Helping and Getting Help (Fathers+sons, brothers+sisters, lovers+friends): continuation of Fathers and Sons . An examination of Aiden’s fucked up relationships with the people in his life. This installment revolves around Kiyan and Dragonfly.

2) 🎶How low can you go? H-how Low can you go??? 🎶 - Post Deidre Eskel whump ft: Guilt! Self hatred! Substance abuse! Overdosing! Medical ptsd! Complete and total lack of self worth! Reflections on the trauma of tradition! Isolation! No one will ever love me! Etc.

3) I Want Us to Eat Well - Jean's love language is cooking. Locke's love language is actually eating what Jean cooks for him. Them being domestic in a series of whumpy vignettes (unrequited romantic love but The Most platonic love)

4) Fire! *electric organ riff* - Mage! Eskel AU (Geralt/Eskel).

5) Walking Ghost Phase - Viktor's slow descent into insanity. (The ubiquitous Jayvik divorce fic)

6) Boys on the Wire - the VDL prequel fic I've been working on for over a year and is now an over 200k word monster of me torturing some wolf-witcher superspy children for my own amusement.

7) o no o no o no o fuk - High school AU that is terrible but with which I am in love (gen wolf boys. Lots of Eskel coping with oldest sibling trauma)

Tagging @alllthequeenshorses @pudentilla @theflirtmeister @justleaf and whoever the hell else wants to do this. I have no idea who else I'm mutuals with writes (because I'm a horrible person, not because I don't care or want to know!)

#my writing #my fic #tag meme

[allegra-writes]

Just say "Yes"

Peter Parker x Reader

General audiences

Warnings: none

The request:

None. Guess who should be writing angsty porn for the "Just my Type" series, but is doing this instead?

I saw one of my friends getting proposed last night on her birthday party and I just... I had to write this, I am so sorry. So here, have some fluffy Peter head over hills in love with you 💗

MY MASTERLIST

“Where to next, Mor?” You asked the eight year old currently vibrating with excitement and sugar guiding you through the crowds of people in the park. You had to admit, Tony had been right to choose Disneyland Paris for this family -that apparently, since you had started dating Peter six months ago, included you- trip. Back at the States, you would have had to get the Park closed, but here in Europe, people liked to think they were cooler than to mob a celebrity, so aside from a couple curious glances your way, and the occasional kid brave enough to ask for a selfie, you were left pretty much alone.

“The castle! Look, Loki’s there!”

“Mor, you’re literally housemates with the real Loki!” You pointed out.

“Yes, but this one is cuter!”

Tony’s laugh resonated behind you,

“Kiddo, I'll give you five bucks if you say that in front of him back home”

Pepper slapped his shoulder,

“You will do no such thing!”

“You’re right. She deserves at least twenty.”

It was your turn to laugh as you reached the, admittedly very cute, actor playing the newly minted avenger, and he proceeded to bow and go down on one knee in front of you, holding out an imaginary ring.

You saw Tony pull his phone out and start to film.

“For Peter to see what happens when he neglects his girl” He explained, winking.

“Don’t be mean!” You protested, defending your boyfriend, “He probably had some important avengers stuff to take care off…”

“Nothing shall be more important to me than you, fair lady, were you to choose me instead of my brother!” a fake Thor announced, in typical Thor booming voice, coming out of nowhere, and kneeling in front of you as well.

You felt your cheeks start to burn, as more and more people gathered around, smiling and taking pictures of the charming scene unfolding before their eyes. Still, you played along, pretending to consider each brother,

“Hmm… Blond or brunet? What do you say, Morgan, which one should I choose?”

“That one!” She pointed with her finger, jumping up and down, as a fake Spider-Man in a very convincing suit made his way through the small crowd.

“Oh, yeah, definitely that one!” You agreed, watching him kneel too.

“I’m so relieved you said that,” a familiar voice declared, “because actually, there’s something I've been wanting to ask you for quite some time now…”

Peter took off his mask, that bright, boyish smile that never failed to make you weak in the knees, on his face.

“I been carrying this in my pocket ever since our third date” he let out a little self conscious chuckle, “and I didn’t want to freak you out, but I just can’t wait any longer…

I can’t wait to wake up next to you for the rest of my life, I can’t wait to get home to you every night, sneaking into our bed real quiet so as not to wake you up, and wrap you in my arms, knowing the most important thing in the world for me is safe and protected there. I can’t wait to order take out every day because we both suck at cooking. Hell, I can’t wait to sleep on the couch every time you get angry at me!”

You both laughed a little wetly at that, but Peter quickly became serious again,

“I just...I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. And I know it’s too soon, and we’re too young, and it’s reckless and… and insane. I know there are a million reasons why you should say no. I know that, and I can’t argue with any of those reasons… all I have is one reason for you to say yes: I love you, more than anything and everything and I think you love me too, so I’m asking you- no, I’m beginning you on my knees, y/n… would you marry me?”

You felt your own tears, falling freely down your cheeks, too stunned to process what was going on. And much less what you had to do.

Peter’s smile faltered a little as your silence went on, and you knew you had to do something, anything to stop the fear and heartbreak that seemed to be growing in his eyes.

You reacted enough to confess,

“I- I don’t know what to say…”

“Say yes! Just say yes!” Peter’s voice sounded small and vulnerable as he finished under his breath, “Please, please just say yes…”

“Yes!” You pretty much yelled, as your dumbfounded brain, jump-started again by Peter’s plea, finally seemed to catch up with what was going on, “Yes, of course I’m gonna marry you!”

The crowd erupted in applause, but you didn’t hear them. You couldn’t see anything but Peter, couldn’t feel anything but his lips, moving with practiced ease against your own, expertly opening you up to him, to slip his tongue inside your mouth, making thousands of sparks explode behind your eyelids, as the whole world faded away.

He picked you up, spinning around with you in his arms, but he was the one who felt weightless, flying. More euphoric and free than swinging across the city, a hundred feet above the ground on his webs. It was fitting, really; cause in that moment, the whole universe rearranged, the moon no longer revolving around the earth, the earth no longer revolving around the sun. Only you, at the center of his very existence, him nothing but a satellite orbiting around you, basking in your light, brighter than any star.

Someone -Tony- cleared his throat, and Peter finally set you down, holding your hand and placing the most perfect ring, tiny yellow diamonds placed to form a sunflower, on your finger. But as you gazed into his eyes, full of wonder and love you understood: Your feet would never touch the ground again.

The End.

#peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker fluff #irondad #irondad fluff #iron family #peter parker cute #tom holland cute #cute peter parker #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker imagine #fluff #SO MUCH FLUFF

[kirsty585-scottiegirl585]

Lunch Break

Pairing: Lena Luthor/Reader

Summary: The reader surprises Lena on her lunch break. Cue cuteness, fluffy and a bit of making out.

Words: 1,296

A/N: So this is the first story I've written in a couple of months, the first one I've written for Lena and the first one from a reader's perspective so I hope it doesn't suck too much. Started writing it for my good friend @mcgrathandwives and was supposed to be a little bit smutty and revolve around Lena and the boots she wore in 4x02 (I think). This is what it turned into.

As soon as Lena walked into the room, you knew you were fucked. The black and white floral top, tucked into her sinfully tight skirt was one thing. But the thing that made your chest constrict, part your lips and stop the blood flowing to your brain? Those thigh high boots. The one's that were clinging to Lena's soft and supple skin. The very skin that your lips had trailed up, tongue collecting a combination of sweat and salt, the musky scent that could only belong to Lena overpowering your senses.

She brushed into her office, eyes glued to the large stack of paperwork in her hands. Eve had let you in, not twenty minutes ago, stating that Lena was just finishing up a meeting. You could barely even remember the reason you were visiting, the bag of food on the small table completely forgotten about as you watched her hips sway, a little more than normal with the fabric clinging to her legs.

Reaching her desk, she set down the pile of paper, back tensed as she leaned slightly over the piece of furniture. The position causing an arch in the bottom of her back, the material of the skirt clinging that bit more tightly around her ass. You couldn't help yourself as your eyes followed the curve and all you could think about was standing behind her. Hand pressed firmly into the arch, while the other reached down the front of her skirt. Stuttered gasps escaping her mouth as you whispered in her ear all the things you could do to her in this position.

A startled gasp brought you crashing out of your daydreams, a hot blush covering your neck and face, realizing you had been caught. The smirk that lined her face told you that she knew exactly where your mind had drifted off to. Her pupils had widened and her chest was rising and falling ever so slightly quicker, so you knew that she was clearly enjoying your gaze.

“Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you until tonight, “ The soft undertone of an Irish accent did nothing to help the blood flow, currently rushing down your body. It was well-known that Lena had spent a fair bit of time at a boarding school in Ireland during her younger years, but the slight accent was not heard often. She knew what it did to you though, and would often let it slip when teasing you. Just one of the many examples of trust that built the foundations of your relationship.

“I knew you had that big meeting today, figured you probably skipped lunch preparing for it. So I brought you some food from that vegetarian restaurant down the road that you like, “ One hand brushed the back of your neck, slightly embarrassed at the romantic gesture, while the other hand waved vaguely in the direction of the bag.

You knew about Lena's past. How previous lovers had seen Lena as a prize to be won and a trophy to wear on their arms. How in college some had only acted interested, so they could brag later to their friends about how they had spent the night with her. Even as an adult, most of them either just wanted an opportunity to either sell a story to the press or have her as a status symbol. Whether she felt loved or not didn't come into the equation, as she was only supposed to look good while accompanying them to whatever social event was lined up.

You took it upon yourself to show her what a relationship should be like. Sending her flowers, just to brighten her day. Bringing her lunch, when she had busy days because she would often forget to eat. Leaving little notes around her house, each one listing a different thing that you loved about her. It had taken a while before she got comfortable with the sweet gestures.

One night in her house, the two of you curled up on her couch, an open bottle of wine and a roaring fire warming the air. She confessed to you that in the beginning she had worried that all the things you were doing were a trap. Lure her in, thinking you cared, only for you to betray her like everyone else had. She understood now, that you did these things because you truly cared, and she actually looked forward to each gesture now.

A hand stroking the side of your face brought you back into the present. Eyebrows furrowed, concerned she had done something to cause you to go silent. Tilting your head slightly, you were able to bring your lips to hers. A gentle promise that nothing was wrong. Her other hand moved up your neck, finding purchase there as she deepened the kiss.

You brought your hands up to her shoulders, kneading the clenched muscles for a moment, before beginning a descent. They came down the front of her chest, over the supple swell of her breasts before spreading along her sides. A moan slipped through her lips as your fingers splayed across her lower back. Reaching her ass you gripped a bit harder, pulling her more tightly against yourself. Not yet entirely satisfied, you continued down to her thighs, lifting her up with ease.

Long legs wrapped around your waist, both of you groaning as she started to rock against your stomach. The hand at your neck tightened as she got comfortable. Your lips had more of a purpose now and you waited for the right moment to slip your tongue in.

Stumbling backwards, the edge of the sofa met your legs. Somehow you managed to fall back, in a graceful movement and landed squarely on your ass. Lena, being the genius that she is, had the foresight to unwrap her legs as you fell, so her knees rested aside your thighs rather than behind your back. Both of her hands were in your hair, desperately trying to remove any space between the two of you. Her tongue met yours and started a familiar dance.

So caught up in each other, neither of you had noticed the office doors swinging open, nor the ball of sunshine that had swiftly entered.

“Ah my eyes! Stop eating each others faces!” Kara Danvers, also known as Supergirl, squealed. Hands immediately covering her eyes, before she spun around so her back faced you and Lena.

You could feel the heat from Lena's blush as she hid her head in your neck. All you wanted to do was push the Kryptonian back out of the office and continue having your way with your girlfriend.

“I'm not turning around until you both are separated!”

“Well you'll be standing there for an awfully long time then Danvers, “ You savoured the last few minutes in Lena's embrace, knowing that it would be at least several hours before you saw her again. Lena let out a contented sigh, clearly not wanting to let go of you either.

“Guys.....come on.....” Kara whined, normally something like that would annoy you, but the Danvers sisters held a special place in your heart. By now Lena had started unwrapping herself from you anyway.

Getting up, you brushed your uniform, trying to make it a little more presentable before doing the same to your hair.

“I could swing past after work and pick you up if you wanted? Maybe we could even grab a bite to eat?” She simply nodded before placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

“Sounds perfect, “ She strode towards her desk, boss mode reactivated. Though she couldn't help but send you a small smirk before you left.

Passing by Kara, you couldn't help but lean in and whisper jokingly, “Paybacks a bitch Danvers.”

#lena/reader #lena luthor/reader #lena luthor #lena x reader #lena luthor x reader #supergirl #fanfic