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hunnylagoon · 4 months

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When I Was Your Girl

Stage Fright

Rockstar! Ellie Williams x pop star! Reader

‘Fame is a poison most would drink happily despite the warning of a slow and painful death’

Premise: You and fell in love as nobodies and fell out of love in the limelight. Now you are forced to deal with ghosts who haunt you like a melody.

Warnings: small mentions of drinking and drugs / wee bit of violence / Ellie is a dick

Fake albums mentioned: Solstice / Smokey Eyes

I've never been anything more than a joke.

I'm so childish they took it for maturity, and I'm so serious they took it for silly.

Even since I began my career, I was spotted at eighteen by a skeezy producer when I sold myself at a strip club to make ends meet, because dreaming never paid the bills. I wish that I had been found somewhere else, maybe one of the restaurants I sang at on karaoke nights or the park where I poured my soul into art through my uncle’s old acoustic guitar.

"How are you feeling right now?" A tanned woman with slick back hair shoves a microphone into my face while an emotionless man holds the camera. "I mean, seven years in the industry and you've just received your first Grammy nominations."

"I'm feeling kind of freaked out, to be honest," I face the woman with a sheepish smile on my face, trying the best I can not to look at the large camera lurking beside me.

"Rightfully," Her teeth are so white that they almost blind me and I get distracted by myself as I try to figure out whether they are veneers or not. "Do you think you'll be bringing any hardware home tonight?"

She moves the microphone back to my face and I flinch out of instinct, we both laugh for the camera but I can tell she's annoyed "Honestly, I'm just happy to be here, as corny as it sounds it is such an honour to be around so many incredible artists."

"So humble," She smiles then turns to the camera to address the viewers "I think we all know she's gonna be sleeping tonight with a golden gramophone under her pillow," She forces a laugh, trying to capture the raw essence of this overly manufactured moment. The interviewer turns back to me "Now, I know this isn't your first rodeo, is there anyone here you aren't looking forward to seeing, you don't have to name any names."

Fuck I hate these bloodsuckers. She is so obviously trying to milk my broken engagement which was still very much fresh. I uphold my false smile though and shake my head "Nope, if anything I think I'm looking forward to some mingling,"

She looks irritated, covering it up only by a close-lipped smile. "Well, then I'll let you get on with that."

I give her a curt wave and continue my way down the red carpet, maneuvering through other celebrities, we all have common ground, we are blinded by the flashing lights. I try my best to avoid any more journalists but I see Abby Anderson speaking to one and sneak up behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.

She turns around and greets me with a huge smile "I was wondering when I was gonna see you," Abby smiles and slings an arm around my shoulders looking to the journalist while I glance at the camera "I'm telling you, this girl needs to clear some space out on her trophy shelf."

I grin at her, genuinely. Abby had always been kind to me, we first met when I was nineteen and the both of us signed up for Atlantic Records. "She's just being nice," I say.

"And she's just being humble!" Abby squeezes me, it's a simple gesture but it means the world to me, it's her way of saying 'I got you'.

I shake my head "Abby is gonna be the real winner tonight."

The man holding a microphone in front of us smiles "We'll see who's right, my bet is both of you," He turns his attention to me directly "So I understand that you took a bit of a break after releasing your album, Solstice, is this considered your comeback?"

"Nope," I smile despite wanting to snatch the microphone from his hand and beat the camera with it until it shatters "There isn't anything to come back from."

He tilts his head giving the over-animated 'Are you serious?' look for whoever is watching. Every journalist was like a vampire trying to bleed me dry. The journalist, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit that exudes both sophistication and confidence searches his mind for another question "Well your album honestly was such a work of art and there has been talk that you are working on another one, is there anyone here that inspired any of those songs?"

"Nope."

"I think we should ask Ellie the same question," He laughs at his joke like it was funny.

"And I think we should be heading off now," Abby answers for me and guides me away from the barricade of reporters and journalists, away from the cameras prying into my soul.

As I walk along the red carpet, I don't bother to stop and pose for any more pictures, I pick up the long skirts of my dress and usher myself to weave between the other celebrities. I nearly turn my ankle and take a tumble, wow, sure glad that 30 photographers caught that moment.

I was drenched in a deep, enchanting shade of midnight blue, the gown captivated with its sleek silhouette. The magic shows in the intricate details that adorn the fabric, reminiscent of the cosmos itself. Delicate embroidery of constellations graces the entire dress, forming a celestial tapestry that seems to come alive under the harsh shine of lights. The celestial patterns are meticulously sewn into the fabric, resembling a night sky filled with stars and constellations, creating an ethereal and otherworldly charm. Paired with the constellation dress, I wear a diamond choker and matching teardrop earrings.

I had lost Abby at some point in my little runaway leaving me to get into the auditorium where the award ceremony is to take place.

Nearly the very second I walk in I hear a man yell my name, he is seated in the second row and it takes an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jog over to me. "Hey, kid!" He grins, hugging me, I don't hug him in return, I just freeze. It was Graham Wilson, I could smell the liquor on his breath.

Graham Wilson was a man who used to write very successful rock songs in his twenties with his band (the majority now deceased), he was nearing his sixties and was the definition of a has-been. I remember when I was a kid and I would listen to him on my iPod; though in recent days he's become known for ridiculous stunts, DUIs and homophobic tweets, even better known for how he found out I was gay and announced that he was no longer homophobic because, in his words 'Those gays can sure write good music' and then thanked me in his tweet, even tagging my account.

His frame carries the weight of a bygone era, specifically his beer belly. His once-lustrous, shoulder-length hair has succumbed to streaks of gray, hanging limply around his face like faded echoes of a rebellious past. Despite the passage of time, a few remnants of the rockstar allure linger - a faint scar above his right eyebrow, a reminder of a wild night in an underground club, and the subtle tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his wrinkled suit jacket.

"Hey, Graham," I give him a tight-lipped smile out of courtesy, in no means do I wish to talk to him.

"You better win best album tonight," He gives me a hard slap on the back. Every time I see him he acts like we're friends just because he was a judge on a singing reality show that I was on seven years prior.

"I'll try my best," I try to excuse myself but he speaks again.

"I said seven years ago when I saw you on that stage that you were gonna be a star so don't let me down," He points a finger at me and gives me a weird smirk. When he smirks I almost think he's having a stroke until he starts to laugh and reveals his rows of teeth that are beginning to rot from his not-so-subtle drug abuse.

"Okay," I give him a nod and a quick wave goodbye to sneak away and pretend that I didn't converse with him. It seems like I'm early to take my seat, people are still piling in and being ushered to their spots, and seat fillers are standing around sheepishly while they try to take discreet photos of celebrities.

My seat is on the end of row two, right on the aisle, I feel myself split into a grin. If you weren't aware, Who sits where is a major status symbol. And though awards show organizers may deny it, it's awfully convenient to be sitting in the front row or on the aisle if you're about to accept a ton of trophies.

I was shaking with nerves, I got nominated three times and maybe there was hope that I would win at least one category.

When I saw Ellie I almost wanted to hide my face, she walked in with a new girl she slung her arm around, Jesse, Dina, and Cat in tow. I'm thankful to see that they're sitting front row of the opposite section of me and have yet to notice me.

I'm not sure if you have ever fallen in love, dated, gone on tour, moved in together, adopted a dog, written a couple of songs, got engaged, then broken up with someone and had the entire thing be documented publically but it's not the best feeling when you have to be in the same room as them again.

Everything with Ellie used to be so perfect.

The first thing I ever noticed about her were her eyes, her sad eyes. She looked like a puppy that had been kicked around for far too long; neglected and mistreated by whoever was cruel enough to show her such torment. Her eyebrows furrowed like each thought running through her head was a worry.

It's hard to look at her now, I know this girl inside out but we are strangers.

I liked to pretend that the beautiful girl she was with was just there for show but I knew it was untrue when I saw her snake her hand around her waist just like she did to me. She runs through girls like they're cigarettes, she uses them until they burn out or she grows sick of them.

Two years ago at this very same award show, Ellie accepted Song of the Year for the song she wrote about me, 'Everlong'. She had even invited me on stage during her speech and announced to the world how in love she was with me.

If only I knew I could come to hate someone I used to love to death.

My hate was only solidified when Ellie and the Ashmen dropped their most recent album titled 'Smokey Eyes' just three months after our broken engagement. The entire album was about me and dear god it almost ruined my career.

Ellie had managed to paint me in a horrible light that made me seem like the scum of the earth. She wrote about me having substance issues and overall just sang happily about how much she despised me. Her song 'Me vs Your Friends' wrecked me. After speculation began over that song online, her fans decided that they loathed me just the same as Ellie did; this meant that I was doxxed, sent death threats, had my home broken into, and forced to move.

She wasn't the slightest bit sorry.

I spent the award ceremony dazed out, to be truthful, these types of events were boring. They dragged on for ages and you had to sit through the same generic speeches over and over again of people thanking their parents and producers, I hated both of those.

I watched as Amelia Swan walked on stage, she was a nepotism baby, the daughter of some big-shot director and beautiful all the same. In the glittering spotlight of the grand award show stage, a vision of elegance takes center stage as the next announcer for the evening. A beautiful woman, her porcelain skin seemingly kissed by moonlight, graces the audience with a timeless allure. Her dark, cascading hair frames her face in a sleek, sophisticated manner, accentuating the delicate features that radiate a captivating charm.

Draped in a resplendent pink gown, the fabric sits tight against her slim body. The gown is a masterpiece of design. Its silhouette accentuates her figure with tasteful precision, while the soft hue of pink complements her fair complexion.

"Hello!" She smiles and the crowd begins to cheer "I'm going to cut to the chase because I know all of you are as excited to find out the winner as I am."

Amelia begins to go through the nominees, my breath hitches in my throat when she says my name, though I play it cool the best I can and smile softly when the camera zooms in on me in the crowd.

Her eyes, framed by carefully styled lashes and a hint of rosy eyeshadow, exude warmth and confidence. Lips adorned with a subtle shade of pink curve into a welcoming smile, inviting the audience to share in the excitement of the announcement.

"The winner of Album of the Year is..." I could've sworn I nearly passed out when Amelia said my name.

Nothing felt real, it was like I was living the dreams that I made up when I was a little girl staying up late in my uncles back yard, talking to the indigo sky and speaking to it with delusions of security and stardom.

I shake when I stand up from my chair. The person next to me hugs me and I don't even know who she is but I hug her in return.

Amelia gestures for me to join her on stage with a huge smile on her face. I make my way down the aisle and up the steps leading to the stage. Amelia handed the statue of the golden gramophone to me along with the microphone to give my speech.

At this moment, the stage is my kingdom "I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win but I'd like to thank my little sister, Marceline, and my late uncle, Richie, god rest his soul. Everything I've done leading me to this moment has been for them, every lyric, every night I'm up till dawn writing. Even though Richie can't be here in person, I carry a little piece of him with me everywhere I go, he's all around me, I see him in the songs I write, in the melody of an acoustic guitar, and in the faces of those gentle enough to show me kindness."

The audience applauds for me, even Ellie who stares me down bitterly. I had sung in front of thousands of people but it would never compare to this moment.

I wipe a tear away from my eye "I would also like to thank all of my fans, you guys are just the fucking best," I giggle through my crying "I feel like you've been sent down by Richie and Marceline I know you're watching me right now, please give my dog some love for me. Please know that I don't come from anything, I was born from dirt and dreams for something more than a ratty town in Canada."

I lived for the applause.

"I mean, I've always been good and never great so this means a lot to me-

Ameilia places a hand on my shoulder to stop me "There was a bit of a mix-up," She announces "I'm sorry, love, you didn't win," She says just to me, dark eyes full of remorse.

"What?" I almost think it's a sick joke.

Amelia holds the microphone to her face to be heard by the audience "I'm not joking," She shows the contents of a card to the crowd "The real winners for album of the year are Ellie and the Ashmen for their album Smokey Eyes." Gasps sound from the audience and I can only imagine what those watching from home are doing

The camera pans to where Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Cat sit, Ellie is laughing; not laughing, cackling, it only grows and now she's laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Suddenly I didn't feel like I was king of the world, it felt like the desolation of a hangover had hit me in the span of 90 seconds.

Dina gives Ellie a harsh elbow to her bicep, telling her to be respectful. The four of them rise from their chairs and make their way up to the stage, where I stand, paralyzed.

"Congratulations," I give Ellie a tight-lipped smile and hand the award off to her.

She smiled smugly at me and took it "Thanks, smokey eyes," Ellie held the statue up to display it. Smokey eyes was a nickname she had given me when we first met since I always had dark circles she said they looked like smoke from a forest fire. I told you that album was about me. What made me more mad is that it was such a stupid fucking nickname.

My mouth goes dry, it tastes like salt and failure.

I take many steps back, trying to hide myself at the back of the stage while I watch the Ashmen bathe in the glory I thought was mine.

"I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win," Ellie begins to mock me "But I'd like to thank my best friends, Dina, Jesse, and Cat, I couldn't have done it without you," She motions at her band members beside her "But I also couldn't have done it without my dad, thank you, Joel, you're out there in the cheap seats but I fucking love you," She waves out into the crowds somewhere before handing the microphone off to Dina.

"I am so beyond grateful-

"No!" Someone yells from the ground and all attention turns to him "This is not fair!" Graham shouts, walking up the stairs. Everyone in the room looks at one another trying to figure out what is going on. Graham snatches the microphone from Dina "I'm proud of you four but listen."

Everyone is silent completely, no one is sure what to do so we let Graham continue.

"I met everyone on this stage seven years ago," He throws one arm out for dramatics "Except for Amelia, I don't know you," Graham is more dishevelled than he was when I saw him earlier that night "Let me tell all of you that Ellie was in love with this girl since the day they met!" Graham points at me, now things are getting weird, well weirder. “I know because I was there and you all saw it on TV!”

It was no secret that Ellie and I were together since we met on Road to Stardom, a singing reality show where people compete for-well, stardom. Every step of our relationship had been very public, not by choice but by unfortunate circumstances. It is for this reason I was afraid of what Graham would spout next.

"Without her, Smokey Eyes wouldn't have ever been written, Ellie would've had no inspiration for it," He babbles "But more so my point is, Solstice deserved to win, Smokey Eyes is mediocre at best!"

People in the audience look genuinely concerned, I spot Abby in the third row. She has one hand covering her mouth from pure shock, her eyebrows are furrowed and she almost looks like she's going to throw up.

"Solstice is the best album to listen to when you're high off salvia on your bathroom floor!" Graham points back at me.

I see Cat mutter something to Jesse along the lines of "He's not wrong."

"Smokey Eyes has three good songs and Solstice has thirteen!" Graham suddenly stops to turn and look at me, he grabs my wrist "Come up here and finish your speech," I shake my head no but he pulls me up anyway.

I freeze, petrified. My eyes are wide and my lips are pressed together in a thin line. I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

Graham's head suddenly snaps from me to Ellie where he takes an intoxicated step closer to her "Give me that damn award, you don't deserve it, especially not after mocking the woman who inspired it!" He lunges for the statue, at first Ellie is stubborn and holds onto it tight.

After 30 seconds of Graham trying to pry the stature away, Ellie gives up and releases it, figuring it best not to fight with a drunk man; in doing so Graham's elbow flies back from sudden loss of resistance and hits me dead in my nose. I yelp out in pain bending over into a crouch and clutching my nose. Graham stumbles back and trips over me, though he is still holding on tight to the statue.

Jesse approaches him slowly. "Hey, man, It's me, I think we should all just settle down and talk this through," He tries to act cool but his eyes are full of worry "I agree, I think Solstice is a great album and it really deserved to win."

Graham clumsily rolled onto his stomach and then stumbled back onto his feet. He was staring Jesse down like this was the Wild West.

Dina rushed over to me to make sure I was okay "Let me see," She gingerly moved my hands away from my nose, it had been knocked crooked and blood was pouring down to my chest where it pooled at the neckline of my dark dress.

Graham chucked the golden gramophone at Cat who jumped back when he did so and took a swing at Jesse who didn't move an inch or even shudder from his drunken punch. It also didn't help Graham that he was a solid four inches shorter than Jesse. Just as Graham was hyping himself up to send another hit, two bulky men grabbed either of Graham's arms and dragged him off the stage and out of sight.

I went home that night with nothing more than a broken nose, and no award but I could rest knowing that night went down infamously in history. My blood dripped onto the stage of the Grammys.

That was the night I truly became famous.

Grade eight- Age thirteen

Middle school is hard.

Even harder when you have two friends, one of them is a guy who is obsessed with Star Wars and is hardly at school because he's always having an allergic reaction, and the other friend is my English teacher. I ate lunch in her class while he graded schoolwork on days that Milo was too sick to show up for school.

I never understood why kids are so fucking mean. Like sometimes I'm having a good day and then I remember when I sang at the middle school talent show.

Some kid who was destined to have a blunt in his hand finished doing tricks on his skateboard rolled off stage and it was my turn.

In the dimly lit auditorium, adorned with colourful decorations for the annual school talent show, I took center stage with my guitar, a blend of excitement and nervousness etched across my face. The hushed whispers of the audience faded as I strummed the first chords, the notes carrying the beginning to the first of many performances in my life

"If you gave me only one wish,

I wouldn't want to feel this way.

They told me I'd have your memory

But all I want is you to stay

And I can't stop my mind from haunting me,

It's like a scar on a butterfly's wing,

I wanted you to know."

I had worked tirelessly to perfect the lyrics to my first ever song, begging my uncle who was far more practiced for his input. This was way back when I still lived in fuck ass nowhere Alberta, I had that country twang in my high voice though it carried a specific tenderness.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do.

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain

This beautiful pain for you."

However, as I sang my little heart out, a different melody began to play in the background - the snickers and hushed comments of some classmates who couldn't appreciate the vulnerability I laid bare on the stage. Their laughter, like discordant notes in a once-harmonious piece, reverberated through the auditorium.

"If I sailed the world on stormy seas

Chasing sunlight that I can't see.

I was a dreamer here before,

Before I woke up and fell to the floor

And I'd climb to heaven if I could find you,

Even with a scar this butterfly flew.

I wanted you to know."

I spotted one group in particular, they hated me already and this would give them all the more reason to bully me.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day, these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain, this beautiful pain."

Maybe the lyrics were the slightest bit corny but I was thirteen and these girls were being little cunts. I bit back the tears I so clearly wanted to release when I saw a teacher had to walk over to the group of girls to stop their laughing. It wasn't just that one group though, kids scattered all over were fighting back giggles and that made it hurt all the worse.

"And all I'll ever need

And all I'll ever be,

Within every part of me is this,

This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything 'cause it was all I ever knew.

This beautiful pain,

For you."

As the last note hung in the air, the room was divided. Some applauded, recognizing the authenticity of my performance, while others continued their derisive comments. So the majority who liked my singing were teachers, but that didn't matter, at least my music got through to someone.

The rest of the day was even more difficult than my three-minute performance, at least that was over quickly but the comments from Kennedy and her friends left me leaving school in tears.

I didn't go home that day, I walked the extra ten minutes to get to my uncle's house. Lugging my guitar and newfound hate for music with me. The façade, adorned with a mismatched collection of potted plants and a welcoming, hand-painted sign that read ‘Home Sweet Home’ hinted at my uncle's efforts to infuse joy into his surroundings. The paint on the wooden shutters might have faded, but they held stories of many seasons gone by. The roof, patched with a variety of materials, showed the resourcefulness of my uncle in their attempt to shield the interior from the whims of weather.

He tried to make the house look nice for me and my little sister. He was by no means rich in money but rich in what mattered, the love he had for me was overflowing.

It wasn't a particularly nice neighbourhood either, his house was small, with two bedrooms and a basement I wasn't allowed in. But every time I think of the chipped blue walls, I feel a warm sense of nostalgia run down my spine.

"Who's there?" I hear Uncle Richie call from the kitchen where he is cooking something.

"Just me," I yell back, dropping my guitar case on the ground and belly-flopping onto his old brown leather couch that had more tears in it than I could count; he had tried to stich some of them up with embroidery floss but ultimately gave up, deciding to let it be since he couldn't afford to replace it.

"Why aren't you at your mom's, Chickadee?"

"I don't wanna see Mom right now, she's gonna put me in an even worse mood," I call back grabbing the TV remote off of the water-damaged coffee table.

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Minutes later Richie walks into the living room to join me, he carries a bowl of Kraft Mac and cheese with two forks shoved in it, he taps the bottom of my socked feet, signalling for me to move them so he can fit on the couch with me. Uncle Richie has a buzz cut and beard stubble that I have never seen him without, he has never been seen without a flannel on, not as long as I've been alive. What I remember the clearest about him though was the scar beneath his right eye, when I was younger he would tell me that he got it from a pirate though I stopped believing that. "So are you going to tell me why you're sulking?"

I ignore him and he reaches for the remote to turn the TV off "Hey, I watching that," I mutter.

"Well I'm waiting for you to answer me, Chickadee," He tilts his head "Or you won't get any kraft dinner."

"I sang at the talent show today."

"And?"

"Everyone made fun of me."

He furrows his eyebrows "Why would they do that?"

"Why do you think?" I snark "Because I'm not good enough and I'm a bad singer and I have a shit guitar." I immediately regret my words. Uncle Richie was the one who gave me that guitar, it was all he could manage with his income, it was his back when he had dreams of his own but he fixed it up so I could pick up where he left off. The guitar itself had a cracking between the face and the side that was being held together with duct tape, not to mention the whole thing was basically reinforced with superglue and there were Sharpie drabbles on it of poems and potential songs Richie started that I will be sure to finish.

"This is the best guitar in the world," He reaches behind the couch where I left it slugs the case onto his lap and opens it to showcase the guitar "Because it's full of something money can’t buy, there is love built into this guitar and every time you play it you feel that love."

"I don't feel love when I play," I say, eyes brimming with tears.

"Then you're not playing right," He smiles, discarding the case on the floor "Did you play the song I helped you write?"

I nod "Kennedy said it was worse than shoving nails into her ears and that my guitar was decrepit and even more fugly than I am."

"Well Kennedy is a little cunt," He answers "Don't tell anyone I said that." His words make me giggle. I watch him intently as he begins to strum some chords on the guitar, the beginning of Beautiful Pain, he stops when I don't sing the lyrics, glancing at me until the words finally fall from my lips.

After the first two Stanzas, he hands the guitar off to me, nodding his head along to my gentle strums.

When I finish the song and strike the last chord, Richie claps a huge smile on his face "Do you feel the love yet?"

"I dunno."

"Then play again," He says "Don't think about those bitchy little girls," His tone is dead serious "You just gave all of those people a free performance, in ten years they are going to be paying hundreds just to get a bad seat at one of your shows and they will buried so far in the back of your mind that you won't even remember their names or all of those awful words they say to you, the only words that will matter are the ones you sing."

"So what do I do?"

"Play music because you love it, it doesn't matter if it takes you anywhere or if it makes you any money. That's why you should play, play for love not greed."

Wordlessly I begin the song over again, blocking out the rest of the world while I softly sing the lyrics. I strum each cord perfectly, my singing to match. I will forever think back to this moment, this is where I can pinpoint the exact second I fell in love with music.

I wrap up the song and Richie speaks up "Do you still want to watch TV?"

I shake my head "Can you help me write another song?"

Sinjinisoverboard: I love love love the new single but does anyone else miss her debut era?????? I feel like she's sold out

woodmonkey92: Reply to Sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ this is so true, I remember when she would sing in parks and she was actually happy just being herself

theend_is_n3ar: Reply to woodmonkey92╰┈➤ bruh you don't remember that, she was a nobody when she sang in parks plus she literally got heckled and ridiculed by her classmates so bad that she gave up on singing in public and almost gave up on music as a whole

user37768638493: Reply to sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ as much as I love her it really seems like she's fallen off the rails

conner_stoll_it: She's not even the same person anymore. I fell in love her original music and who she was when she wrote it, then she signed with a record label now she's an in-genuine copy of every pop star.

Alina_b12: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ you fell in love with her old music?? 💀💀💀 she wasn't even past 100 subscribers when she released her debut album and after she released she literally gained 11 listeners on Spotify to get a total of 24 so don't lie and say that you heard it before hearing her mainstream music

Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ Her old music was so relatable, she got famous and it’s kind of hard to relate to someone who's net worth is more money then I can even fathom

hazeinmorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤I think that's why it was so easy for everybody to side with Ellie during the breakup, Ellie kept true to who she is, her girlfriend however did not.

Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to hazeinthemorningcraze╰┈➤*fiancé

hazeinthemorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤ ew don't remind me

maiya_onthec0ast: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ We should remember that no one listened to her when she released her debut music. She said in an interview that before she signed with Atlantic Records she had 24 listeners and 76 subscribers. We only know who she is because of her mainstream music, you aren't better than anyone for needlessly hating on her.

stargirlthesequel: God who else misses the southern twang she used to have in her voice?

Vampire_empire2: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤LMAO acting like you know her is crazy

Aline_b12: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤parasocial relationships are really becoming apparent rn

thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo: It's soooooo annoying when people hate on Solstice for being mainstream like all Ashmen discography isn't top on charters since they dropped their first album

dancedancerev0lution: Reply to thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo╰┈➤I've been saying this! Ellie has been in the industry way longer, she's always had a big fan base, even when she was still a solo artist!

elliespurplemonster: Reply to thismightbeskylaarwwhiteyo╰┈➤ Ellie Williams on 🔝

call_urm0ther: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤ kys she treated her fiancé horribly

elliespurplemonster: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤ how would you know that????? Were you there??????

follow_kendra88: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was the one who was treated horribly in that relationship, have you even listened to Smokey Eyes?

ellies_no2girl: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was so in love and just got used for fame 🥺💔

call_urm0ther: Reply to ellies_no2girl╰┈➤fuck off with your cringe ass emojis

sorryyileft___:You guys are so weird for saying Ellie was used by her ex for fame, they literally were on the same show at the same age at the same time and got thrown into the limelight at the same time, Ellie and the Ashmen just got more popular.

mybodyisacage: Reply to sorryyileft___╰┈➤Ellie had a bit of a YouTube presence before she was on Stardom, it wasn't a crazy number but it was a cult following and that's why she won Stardom, bc she had fans to begin with then gained even more after being on national television

elliespurplemonster: Reply to mybodyisacage╰┈➤She didn't win bc of following she won bc she's a good artist

mybodyisacage: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤I never said she wasn't

bodhi_van34: I thought the whole thing at the Grammy's was an act until I saw all those news articles about Graham Wilson getting arrested

carlyswarly: Reply to bodhi_van34╰┈➤They did a drug test when he got arrested and found coke in his system

may0mayyyo: Reply to carlyswarly╰┈➤A busboy who worked the event said that Graham was doing cocaine in the bathroom

body_van34: Reply to may0mayyyo╰┈➤ LMAO WTF

charlotte_5freakingdidit: EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ELLIE WILLIAMS BEING MEAN TO HER EX BUT GRAHAM WILSON LITERALLY ASSAULTED A POPSTAR ON STAGE AND TRIED TO THROW HANDS WITH JESSE LMAO IM DIFFUSING

juliaa__stirling: The way Ellie was laughing when Amelia said she messed up the cards was so rude and immature. Her fans are insane for defending her. All of that just because her ex fiancé gave a speech about working hard, imagine how she felt after being so honest with everyone just for her to not actually win and think about how she feels now reading all of these posts.

botoxangel: Celebrities have feelings too, Amelia made a mistake she's probably embarrassed but not as embarrassed as that poor woman is for putting her soul into a speech just for her ex and all of her fan girls to ridicule her for a mistake that wasn't even hers.

karaleaah778: Reply to botoxangel╰┈➤exactly! And why are people blaming Amelia??? She was given the envelope by someone else, she genuinely thought her friend won.

carlosislost: Why is Graham even invited to these events?????????

katie_katelynsm1th: Reply to carlosislost╰┈➤Bc it's funny when he causes a scene

howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad: I know you guys think this Grammy situation is so funny but it's really not. Graham is clearly mentally ill, this is a cry for help.

elleryc3llery: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad╰┈➤Dude it's hilarious

3emmettttt: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeing sad╰┈➤The way you're worried about the has been and not the girl whose nose he broke

allysaaaa663638: LMAO THE WAY SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WON THE AWARD AND SHE DESERVED IT SHDBDBEGHWWBSV

jessicadacoolest: Ellie is so real for laughing bc I would've done the same tbh

hennyrumwine: Dumb bitch deserved to be hit lollllllll

4444carmencarmen4444: I love the Ashmen's music but I hate Ellie sm, I just feel like she's a fuck girl and she gives me very rude vibes. Like laughing at her ex and then mocking her heartfelt speech is INSANE anyways stream Solstice

sittingwaiting_wishing: I honestly have hated Ellie since the breakup, she's changed so much since then. She used to be funny now she's just mean.

carissaandher_h0ttakes: I still think it's kind of crazy that Dina and Jesse followed through with Ellie on Smokey Eyes because they were really close to her when she was engaged to Ellie, can't imagine how many ties that album severed

elliessmokeyeye: Reply to carissaandher_h0ttakes╰┈➤I think about this all the time! She was literally the god mother for Dina and Jesses kid

carissaandher_h0ttakes: Reply to elliessmokeyeye╰┈➤it make me think that she might've done something to them to make them hate her the way Ellie does, Ellie did say that she didn't write all of the songs for Smokey Eyes 🤔🤔🤔

"Do you see how this backlash doesn't look good for anyone?" My agent, Caroline asks after showing me several Twitter posts that are under the trending tag.

"Well, it's not really my fault."

"Nonetheless, I think It's time for a rebrand." She sets her phone face down and looks at me from across her desk "Do you remember when you went on tour with the Ashmen when you were around twenty-one?"

My eyes go wide, I'm already shaking my head "Please-

"This is an awful event that you can turn into an amazing opportunity and capitalize on it," The backdrop behind Caroline is almost blinding, it's an annoyingly hot LA day and I want nothing more than to be back in Canada and swimming in lakes with my little sister.

"Caroline, mentally I can't handle a tour with Ellie."

"Mentally, you're gonna have to," She says, getting stern "Your fans either hate each other or they love both of you and feel like their parents have divorced."

I know that I will argue with Caroline for the next hour and threaten to fire her but eventually, she will win, so until then I am preoccupied with thoughts of everything but Ellie, soaking in the last moments I will have until she envelopes my brain and suffocates me from the inside out.

I am sure that with Ellie, I will die before winter comes and I am doubtful that I will ever bloom again.

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whatiwillsay · 3 years

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Hey Cam... It's the roommate anon from Nat's blog, and I'm kinda totally freaking out a little bit again (kind of my brand at this point), and I know that you're a lesbian (at least, I think you are?), and I'm just trying to stay like calm at the moment.

And this is like a personal question and stuff, so I totally get it if you don't wanna answer, like no pressure at all. You can just delete this ask, and it'll be totally fine, I won't mind.

But did you ever like really struggle with accepting your sexuality, and did you ever get in these kinds of moods where you just felt really anxious about everything and like you really needed to try to be straight again?

It's such a dumb, stupid, embarrassing thing that's triggered this. Basically, roomie's wearing this like white T shirt that's very thin, and all she did was lean back on the couch and put her hands behind her head, except it was giving me really gay thoughts, and now I'm having a HUGE resurgence of internalized homophobia and really honestly and truly freaking the fuck out :/

No, like I'm literally hiding in one of our bathrooms right now. I locked the door, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub typing this... all over a T shirt. Like it's so stupid, and I know that I'm gonna laugh about this later, but right now, I'm just so anxious.

And I kinda wanna just go back to guys. Like I feel like I really need to go back to guys and that I need to go back to being "straight", but I'm just trying to ignore that.

And I kinda feel like I can't breathe properly, and my chest just feels tight from the anxiety, and it's like so silly, right? Like it's so dumb. I mean, it's not like I haven't literally seen more than that before, but I think it's just because I know that I'm a lesbian now that I just feel really anxious about it. Things were different when I was "straight". I never felt anxious about any of this when I was "straight". Like nothing like this ever bothered me.

And now, my mind's like, "Go watch a homophobic video on YouTube." You know those rant videos that conservatives make where they just go on and on about how we're like immoral and wrong and all of that? My brain is really trying to convince me to go and watch one of those.

And I just eally needed some kind of distraction, and so I came on Tumblr, and I saw you on my dash, and I was like, "Okay, Cam's a lesbian, right? Maybe she can help."

(If you're not a lesbian, I'm sorry, idk where I got that idea from.)

But is this stuff even normal? Because in my mind, it does feel really ridiculous. Like oh wow, a hot girl's wearing a thin T shirt, let's go and lock ourselves in the bathroom and essentially try to do conversion therapy on ourselves. Like it's so silly, right. I know that it's dumb. And I know that I'm gonna be making jokes about this later. But right now, I'm just not feeling great about it at all.

Do you have any advice? And did you ever go through anything like this yourself with the internalized homophobia and the anxiety and this need to try to be straight when you first realized that you liked girls? Is this like a common thing, or is it more of a rare thing?

My head just hurts. You don't even have to give like proper advice, like even just a sentence would really help. You could even just reply with an emoji lol, and I would still appreciate it.

Also, could you maybe link me to any of your favorite Dianna interviews or videos? You don't have to, but I feel like it might just be a good distraction for me because I don't really know anything about Dianna or her personality at the moment, and so I've been meaning to watch some Dianna videos, but I wasn't really sure which ones to start with. Thank you

ok anon i want you to take a deep breath and look down at your hands and quickly count all your knuckles on each hand and try to ground yourself and then repeat after me, “what i’m going through is scary and hard but that’s part of being human and cam loves me a lot and is with me in this moment and isn’t gonna let me go through this alone.” because i am with you! and i do love you! and i’m not gonna let you go through this alone (none of us are!)

that feeling of repulsion at your natural attraction is really normal and i (and many others) have felt that. girl i was just out on a walk and a very good looking girl ran by me on a jog and i deadass turned around and started to walk home i was so thrown by how hot she was and like it made me feel a bit paralyzed! like that happened 15 minutes ago to me and i’ve been out to myself for quite a while! it’s normal (esp for women i think) to feel overly self-conscious about our feelings and attractions because i think we’re so sensitive to people creeping on us we would never want to feel like we’re creeping on someone else.

but girl your roomie lets you see her naked i’m pretty sure she won’t mind you appreciating her form a bit and also noticing someone is attractive is not some kind of invasive or bad thing to do so please go easy on yourself!

here’s a dianna interview i like!

youtube

and if you’re so inclined you could listen to me and @thatskepticalbitchcara on our podcast 👀👀👀

here’s a link to my favorite episode

anyway i’m glad you anonned me, please always feel free to do so if you like! i love hearing from you and i love your story and i saw you told rep you had an internet crush on me and i just want you to know the feeling is mutual!

sending you so much love and strength angel it’s gonna be ok! ❤️❤️❤️

#roommate anon <3 #Anonymous

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per1shed · 2 years

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Hello! You won't believe but I literally checked your account as I do from time to time as I was going to update you and the first thing I see is your post about wondering how the anon is doing. What in the telepathy is this?!

I went to an interview today for a job in a jewellery store and they called me asked me if I was still interested and I had no idea who is calling because I've applied to so many places. Anyways the store is in a mall in my town and I met the owner and other person who works there this afternoon. It went pretty well, I am supposed to come there next week for a training but don't know the exact day yet. I got like no experience or whatever but I went there with the mindset of whatever happens is meant to be. Also, there were like 3 other people for the interview, I wonder what they said to them as they told me I can work there... maybe more people will do so? So I signed some papers and I'm supposed to work a part time job till the end of this year and then I can continue if I'd want. Of course my anxiety settles now freaking out about every single detail but I want to try my best and don't want the anxiety to have the last word as always.

I'll let you know how it goes next week if that is ok, thanks for caring, I appreciate it so much.

I'd like to ask how are you doing at the moment? I am sending you much love <3

that is so funny 😭😭😭😭 i always think of my anons or ppl who text me from time to time <3 also that sounds good right!!! ? ive never worked so i can’t even give you advice but maybe you can get discounts for the jewelry which would be cool !!!! most ppl don’t have experience when starting to work esp retail, i think you just need to get used to it and learn how things work and it will be fine <3 as for the anxiety i get it as i have panic disorder 😭 i would try to write things down that worry you the most and see what you can do about them! but yes as u said don’t let the anxiety win!!! you finally got a job and u just need to test things out! and if the worst case happens and it doesn’t work out so what!! there’s a million other jobs to do, but for now let’s focus on the positive <3 yes def let me know i’m so excited for you!! have you met your coworkers yet?

as for me, i’m doing really bad. idk what happened/if i’m in a bad flare but i can hardly get anything done. i normally have my routine with many breaks in between but even just making lunch (cooking an egg, cutting some tomatoes to make a sandwich) makes me so sick i have a hard time getting back to my room. and i don’t know what i can do to make it better since i don’t have a diagnosis. everything is really really shitty. but getting an insight into other ppls lives like yours helps me distract myself so thank you <3

#anon

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aures-rose · 4 years

Photo

The following is written in Welsh, in a lovely, looping handwriting.

Dear Diary,

It's been a very long, very busy week. I'm sorry that I put off my entry because now I'm going to have to write a really, really long entry! It's crazy how much has happened since I wrote last, I guess I should find somewhere to start.

I guess I should start with Professor Macauley. He's one of this year's new professors. He teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts and I think he might be one of my favourite professors now. He had homework to write about our greatest fear and so I did. He told me that if a violinist is who I am… and people seem to like my violin playing, then people must like me. I also think… well… I'm done worrying about being veela and the effect I have on people. I can't change that and it's a part of who I am. I need to accept that and… embrace it. Professor Macauley said that I shouldn't be afraid of people liking me for my veela charm because people all like each other for… shallow reasons. Like being funny or being pretty. And that no one really knows who other people are, and that only I know who I really am when I'm in the tower. He told me to think about who I am in the tower. And I think I'm… me, a violinist… who's a little sad and a little lonely… but in the tower I don't have to hide that. He told me I could write about that for extra credit, so I did and he said he wouldn't grade my thoughts but invited me to talk to him soon. Luckily I found him out near the viaduct being interviewed by Jayden for the Owl Post. We talked about music for a while, about how it must be genuine and when it's not it loses its magic. He said a lot of parents scold that out of children but Da and Mother never scolded me for my playing. We talked about how I feel when I play too. He wants me to try picking up my wand and just doing whatever my heart tells me to do when I'm that… into my playing. He said he doesn't know what's supposed to happen but he'd like me to try. He also told me Gryffindors don't ask for permission.

Speaking of violin, I got to play for Lex and Marigold again. It was nice. I hadn't gotten to really play like that since coming back to school. I put everything into my playing and I felt… amazing. Seen. I think that's why Iike it so much. I mean, I love playing because of how it feels but… I love it because people see me.

Anyways! Eve and I had Astronomy together and that was fun! Well, after we got in trouble for making fun of Professor Priaulx. It's not that we don't like the professor, I really like her but… well, Eve started it with n impression of her, talking about not touching the telescopes and how Pluto is a planet. Then I told her she was wrong, that a proper Priaulx impression had to mention that her subject is ASTRONOMY and not astrology and that if you got it wrong she'd hang you from the tower by your toes. Priaulx caught us doing our impressions and she didn't really like that but she did say we were right! Sort of!

The next day I went into the Dueling Room to practice my spells. It took me a long time to manage the levitation charm but I finally did. Then I thought I'd practice the locking charm. That one was easier but… then I locked myself in the room because I couldn't get out. I was panicking because potions was going to be starting soon. Eventually I got out and tried to cast incendio on a brazier. Peach told me that it may take time for my wand and I to… understand each other. I… I hope we do one day, I'm so tired of… being bad at magic. I feel like I'm letting Mother and Da and Professor Idylwild down.

After that we had Divination. Eve and I hung out in that class together. We learned about meditation and Professor Gallo was explaining different kinds of meditation. Did you know playing music is a kind of meditation?! He then let us spend the whole class meditating, we were supposed to meditate on a question and try to divine the answer. Eve and I both asked what we could do to make this year better but she got distracted and couldn't really focus. I think it was my fault, sometimes I think my playing can affect people like dancing does. I wonder if that's true. I felt that Eve needs to find a spark to inspire her to work towards making this year better.

Tom was also in divination and after class, Eve said she was tired so she left to have a bath and I was left with Tom which was kind of a bummer because I wanted to hang out with Eve more but also not because it's Tom and I like Tom, he's nice. He complimented my playing a lot, said it was sad but in a good way and I told him I'd play for him any time. I feel like I tell people this a lot but it's true, I really like playing and sharing my music with people. He walked me to the Great Hall and we talked about how people are really kind of mean to him and we talked about Ruby insulting my violin playing. I had to make him promise not to punch Ruby, I don't want anyone fighting for me because… well it makes me feel bad. We talked about my being bullied for being veela and how I feel like I don't really fit in and he says it's because I'm like a really pretty rainbow fish. I don't quite fit in but it's a good thing. It kind of made me think about Professor Macauley and our talks about my being Veela. We also talked about everything with the Orb. He apologised and said he had wanted to protect me and he messed up but… it's not his job to protect me. He's just a kid too even if he doesn't want to admit it because he's fifteen now so he can't just protect me. Besides, if either of us were a knight it'd be me, I'm the Gryffindor. It did kind of make me feel bad though. During the organ thing I'd tried to protect Eve and it's like that isn't it? I felt like I had to because I'm her friend and it was stupid because I'm just a kid and we both ended up being eaten. I told him I didn't want him to feel bad because he couldn't protect me but I think he didn't like that because we ended up changing the subject.

Anyways, we were almost to the Great Hall when we ran into Everett. He was being really nice and saying hi to me… until he saw Tom was with me and then he turned and walked right away. I talked to Tom about it and he said Everett's mad because Tom and Aloy are dating which just sounds really complicated and I kind of hate it. I tried telling Tom if he was just nice to Everett, Everett would probably be nice back but it didn't really work and I thought Everett was going to punch Tom! Which really, I think Tom's been punched enough without anyone else doing it. After that both of them stormed off so I went back to the common room. It kind of sucks being younger than everyone but I think it probably sucks more being older.

The password to the commons changed recently. Did you know that some of the other houses don’t have frequent password changes? Talula told me that when she heard I’d been locked out of the commons. She was really sad that day, though I don’t know why. I think it had something to do with Aloy and Tom, she didn’t say anything to me about it though so I don’t really know that. I told her being an adult veela sounds like a lot of work, with everyone fighting for attention and over each other. She told me she didn’t know a lot about it but that she found out her grandmother had been sent to Azkaban. Her grandmother is a veela, if you didn’t know. I don’t remember why she was sent to Azkaban or why Talula told me, but she said that I couldn’t be a kid forever, and I guess she’s right.

In DADA, Professor Macauley’s DADA, we had to fight each other. He had us all cast spells and try to knock the others to the floor. If you hit the floor, you were out. I put down a table and hid behind it so I wasn’t hit with any spells and I managed to take out three students and I never was taken to the ground! I even body bound a sixth year! Me! I’m not even any good at magic! I was really excited about it really and Professor Macauley said I did really well.

Aloy asked me to play violin with her sometime. She told me she plays piano and cello, I didn’t know that but it was really nice of her to ask me to play. I didn’t even know Aloy really noticed me after all the Orb stuff, let alone would want to hang out with me, I mean, she’s an older kid and I usually feel out of place with them.

I got asked to play with Iain and Jayden too at the Gryffindor sleepover. I was there talking to my new friend Margo Fox. Doesn’t that name sound like it belongs to someone famous? She says her full name is Margo Christine Fox. Like Christine Daae from Phantom of the Opera. Thalia read that book to me over summer, though there was a lot of big words and it was kind of hard to understand. Margo is an artist and she likes drawing dragons. It’s her first year and I hope Professor Eastwood gets a chance to show her a dragon, one of those enchanted ones, I mean. Arthur was also at the sleepover, complaining about Professor Macauley. Apparently Professor Macauley told him he needs to take calming draughts for his freakouts- Arthur starts to cry and sometimes passes out when he hears loud noises, like the sound of a spell backfiring. Professor Vikander said he’d already told Arthur to take them but I guess Arthur hadn’t been. He was really upset about having had a cheering charm cast on him but it’s just a cheering charm, innit? They don’t /hurt/ you, they just make you happy. And taking calming draughts every day isn’t even bad. Is it so bad that he might not try to punch Tom or that first year again? Or that he’s not going to freak out every time there’s a loud noise?

I had breakfast with Margo, Ramon, and Arthur the next day. We talked about muggle cleaning, I guess they were talking about it before I came to the Great Hall. Margo didn’t understand how they cleaned without magic, but it’s just like punishment, innit? We also talked about blood purity and bullying too. How some people don’t like people who aren’t full wizards, which also means Veela like me. I had to explain to them what being part veela means, the way part veela enchant people and how Ruby and Octavia bullied me for it. It was kind of nice though because all three of them said if anyone bullied me, they’d protect me. We started to talk about mermaids for a while, Ramon hadn’t known they existed but then it was time for Herbology and so we all ran off.

Herbology was… well it was Herbology, I’m not really good with it. I paid attention though as best I could. After though, Eve and I made some bets with Nora. She’s taking bets on who will be Hogwarts champion. I bet on Essa, Emily, Verity, Gwyn, and Elliott. And Eve bet on Elliott and Gwyn. I thought the more people I bet on, the better chance I had of winning. Tom and Aloy came up then and were talking about Arthur but… It kind of made me and Eve uncomfortable. Aloy was talking about hexing him again and it didn’t seem very nice. It’s one thing to protect yourself but just… bullying Arthur, doesn’t that make Aloy a bully too? Anyways, they ended up walking off and Eve and I decided to go practice unlocking spells on all the doors in the castle.

Woo, that’s everything. I didn’t realise how busy this week’s been! Anyways, there’s rumours about dueling, and I kind of want to go after the last DADA. I’ll catch you up later! Next time, Diary!

#Harry Potter #harry potter roleplay #harry potter rp #roleplay #second life roleplay #second life #mischief managed #fuck jk rowling #Gryffindor #veela

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nevertobeships · 7 years

Note

Do you have any writing advice for someone who really struggles with writing body language? I have a hard time reading it in the real world and I'm lost on how to write it in my fics. I think my dialogue is fine it just seems like everything else is lacking. The transition from rp writing to fanfiction is really tough, and I can't seem to adapt to the now popular fanfiction trends of the way things are written. I'd be very grateful for any advice.

Anon, do not worry! Many people, including myself, strugglewith this. I’m going to make a couple of assumptions to get us started (if theyare incorrect just shoot me another ask and I can go in a different direction).I assume that if you are coming to me then you have read some of my writing andtherefore I also assume that you enjoy supercorp. With those two assumptions inmind I’m going to use that arena to give my advice. But please keep in mindthat this is only MY opinion. I’ve been writing pretty much my whole life andI’ve learned that there really is no right or wrong way to go about writing.Sure, there are preferred styles, grammatical rules, trends that may bepopular, etc…but essentially you have to find YOUR flow and style. Writing andwhat is considered the right way to write so subjective.

And just as a quick note I have never done rp writing sokeep that in mind.

Here is my advice (and I explain each point below):

1. Keep trying at the real life body language and understandthe pros and cons of having that information.

2. Use the resources you have (e.g., the show and gifs).

3. Find actors/actresses to use as muses and inspiration whoare really talented and who also put everything into their characters.

4. Read!

Reading body language in the real world is hard. When youare interacting with another person there is so much else going on. Not onlyare you most likely participating in that interaction but you are trying toprocess what the other person is saying and doing on top of consideringenvironmental/situational variables, analyzing your own intentions while alsotrying to gauge the other person’s intentions – its crazy! This is why so fewpeople are good at this. Yet body language is crucial in many cases. Hell, in apersonal example of mine just recently – I was saying everything I could tosomeone, being EXPLICIT with my diction and my intentions and they just didn’tget it (or chose to ignore it for what it was :/) and…*sigh* well it’s a messlet me tell you. And I wonder if the interactions between us had happened inperson where there was body language (i.e., extra data) to process then perhapsthings wouldn’t have become so convoluted? There has been a lot of research thatshows we humans are not really good at conveying what we mean in simple text.If someone sends you a text that IS IN ALL CAPS you know something is going onout of the ordinary. They are excited, angry, etc… and are trying to getcertain information across in that way. That helps to a point. And its funnythat the rise of emojis was supposed to help us communicate better, beyond capsand punctuation, in written form but new research is showing that we evenmisinterpret those as well lol. So obviously body language can help us withthis problem but again for many of us that can be overwhelming to deal with inthe real world. That being said, writing body language still needs to berealistic and convey important information but in fiction we can process iteasier than if it was happening live in front of us.

Lucky for us, we are writing fanfiction and we have thosecharacters on our screen where we can watch them over and over in the privacyof our own homes with little distractions. If you are in the supercorp fandomthen even more lucky because we have some of the best gif makers in the entireSupergirl fandom and they are an absolute blessing. I think gifs are underratedwhen it comes to character analysis but they are so good for body languagestudy because you have a small amount of data input, three to ten seconds orso, and it automatically repeats so no pausing and rewinding back on Netflix oryour stream. So let us look at an example:

These gifs were created by @brielarsan and you can find the original post here.

Holy shit. This is a writer’s gold mine. I mean look atthis: we know Lena doesn’t have a lot of friends (really none at this point inS2, our poor precious baby *cries*). We know she only ever felt accepted by Lexand look what he did to the world and ultimately her. And we’ve seen the longgazes, the smiles, the lip bites between her and Kara/Supergirl. We alreadyknow all of this – we have this data! So in that mindset, what does this mean?What does that sudden breath mean for Lena when Kara finally opens the doorknowing what we know? She has found acceptance in someone else – Kara – someonewho knew she was a Luthor from the start but has put her belief in Lenaregardless. But even if you don’t know or don’t use all of this data look ather body! Look at her hands, for example. They are in a classic worry positionone that other characters have done (see Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy asjust one example) and Lena has done this herself several times across many episodesbecause she is a soft precious baby who is really worried how others perceiveher. Now look at her facial expression. You can tell exactly when Kara openedthe door and realized it was Lena. Even though we can’t see Kara’s face we cantell from Lena’s face when Kara smiles because we see that relief on Lena’sface. And then in that second gif what does that little shy sway mean? What doyou pick up from her doing that? To me, she is not only relieved that Kara isletting her in her home and doesn’t seem at all freaked out that she is there butalso in a way she is in a giddy disbelief that she’s not being turned away akashe feels accepted (and of course these two fools love each other and we cansee that here). And look how we can see all of that in how her hands start torelax too! My biggest piece of advice is to study stuff like this and/or mimicit in your own fics. Also look at what people say about gifs in the tags! Its so frustrating when people don’t put anything in the tags and I can be guilty of it but some people do the type of interpretation I just did above in the tags of gif posts and you can learn a lot by seeing how others are interpreting a scene.

You really can’t do anything that I just mentioned above ifyou don’t have that talented person on your screen though. Lucky for us we havethe one and only Katie McGrath who conveys more character information in twoseconds of acting than some of the other characters on Supergirl do in anentire episode. I could probably write two pages of description based on thetwo short gifs above and that is all in thanks to Katie and her wonderfulness. Katieis also a perfect example at someone who puts her heart and soul into hercharacters. You can tell that by how she does her interviews and the in-depthanswers she provides. She really IS Lena on screen. Chyler is another greatexample on Supergirl. I mean, Chyler should be earning Emmys for her portrayalof Alex in both Season 1 and 2 but I’m biased (and Katie too for Lena’s character). Sasha Alexander as Maura Isleson the TNT’s now concluded show Rizzoli and Isles is yet another example thathas benefitted me. When you have amazing characters and actors/actresses behind them they can inspire you to write your best stuff and give you so much to workwith.

Lastly one of the other things you can do is to read.Whether its published fiction or fanfiction just read and see how others are conveyingbody language. When you read a section and get that vivid imagery as a readerstop and evaluate that section. What did that author do to set up that scene foryou? How do they have the characters interacting with one another and theenvironment around them? If you ever get to beta for somebody take thatopportunity! It will give you the chance to read someone’s fic and be in themindset of editing where you are looking at how the story is coming togetherthrough dialogue and body language. Or you can even contact one of yourfavorite writers and just tell them about your favorite sections of their pieceand list the reasons why. Not only will you make that author’s day but that mayalso help get a conversation started where you can discuss the intricacies ofthe characters including body language. This is really how @stennnn06 and I gotstarted talking. We squealed about Katie (as we still do) but then we startedlooking at each other’s writing, beta-ing for one another, and collaborating. Ican’t speak for sten but I know that I write better after discussing Lena andour headcanons with her. You can try to get a beta for your stuff too! Whenyour beta starts analyzing your stuff and asking you questions it really putsit in perspective for you and you can learn so much. I can tell you right nowthat I learned more about one of MY OWN stories by having @mssirey beta it andgive me feedback.

On another note, also check out some writing blogs for tips. @heywriters is a great source and would be a good start for you. You can alsogo to my blog on tumblr (not tumblr mobile) and I have a page on the right handside labeled ‘Writing References’ and you’ll find a bunch of sources. Just out ofcuriosity I searched ‘body language’ on the search function on my blog and itbrought up some good posts so maybe check those out too!

I know this is long and probably not anything you wanted butthere is my advice :)

#jess answers #writing #supergirl #supercorp #fanfiction #fanfic #god I hope that helps you anon!#I might have rambled too much #sorry!

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