#i'm gonna be in the car for 6-7 hours tomorrow and then another 6-7 on tuesday so. i'll have some time sddgfhgj | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dzpenumbra · 1 year

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4/16/23

It's late again so I'm gonna try to be quick with this tonight.

I had trouble sleeping last night, didn't get to sleep until around 6:30. Ugh. I... I'm boring myself with even going through the details here. I busted ass on the project yesterday so I gave myself some slack today. I played Per Aspera for a few hours after yoga. I tunnel-visioned and lost complete track of time, it got late really quick, I looked at the clock and it was 7, so I rushed to the shower.

I took a quick shower, got ready to go out for a walk. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so I wanted to get ahead of it and just get some fresh air, yesterday's walk was nice. So, what I'm getting to is... I got all my stuff on and I was putting on my socks... and my right ankle felt really swollen.

Ugh, I'm having trouble typing this and forming my thoughts. Basically... I started getting pains in the inner side of my shin, where my shin and my calf meet. And I... I started freaking out, to be honest. Pretty bad. I started to get foot pain too, it felt like my whole foot was swelling up, there were like red splotches on my foot that looked like burst capillaries and shit. And... I tried to talk myself down and just go "it's probably just muscle shit, from the walk yesterday". But I freaked out bad. I was just 100% convinced it was a blood clot again. Like... convinced.

I haven't talked about it in a while so I might as well refresh. The summer after my college graduation, I went to a concert with some friends. Well... all of those friendships ended on bad terms, including my brother... but anyway. I went to a metal show, I drove. I was always the organizer and the driver. I was kicked in the shin while in the mosh pit. I didn't think much of it. I goofed off with my friends, it hurt a lot but I soldiered through it. I remember driving home, it was my right leg - the same leg as today - I remember the pain from hitting the pedals, I remember trying to switch feet occasionally as a goose-egg formed on my fucking shin. And everyone else in the car was passed out. It was like a 2 hour drive too!

I got back and I spent the night at my ex's apartment. I had some booty shorts I got at the concert as a joke that night, I used to do that shit a lot, get goofy clothes to wear to look ridiculous. My ex stole them and, most likely, threw them out, and never told me. I would put fucking money on it.

I have no idea the context of any of that shit, but after that day... she wanted a break or broke up with me or something. Literally no clue, out of the blue. Maybe she was jealous she didn't get to come to a metal concert that she would've hated? Maybe she was upset that I was wearing goofy clothes? Maybe she thought I brought womens' clothes back to her apartment... to like... show her that I was "cheating" or something? I have no clue what she thought was happening there. She most definitely didn't ask and I would put money on that being the reason we broke up.

Welp... that kick to the shin? It turned into a blood clot. Within 24 hours, there was so much blood pooling in my foot that the entire inner side from big toe to heel turned a sickening gradient of black-purple-green-yellow. It was one of the most painful things I've been through in my life. It's a close toss-up between the shin blood-clot and the thrombosed hemorrhoid. Those were definitely top two most pain I've ever been in in my life.

I endured that pain... alone... for a fucking week... because my girlfriend was mad at me and wouldn't tell me why and wanted a break. Maybe she even flat-out broke up with me, I don't even remember. I fucking wonder why, I was in some of the worst pain of my life... After a week, there was an outdoor hippie festival thing going on near her hometown, like 5 minutes from my apartment, and I knew she was going, and I just... really asked for another chance. I drove over there and spent the entire day with her, hobbling around and limping, using her as a crutch. In ridiculous amounts of pain, but like... showing up, you know? (it made sense to me at the time, now I'm like... bro, she knows how much pain you're in and she won't visit you when she's 5 minutes away? What a psycho...)

After a few hours, someone really insisted I go see the medics at the medical tent... and I reluctantly went. They immediately freaked the fuck out and insisted my ex take me to the ER. Like, she fucking really didn't want to. I was willing to drive myself... And they were legit getting upset and flat-out insisted she bring me urgently and that I not be alone. So we went.

I waited in the ER waiting room for maybe... 15 minutes? If that? They rushed me into the ER ahead of someone who was hit in the face with a baseball bat and gushing blood, like... I was insisting they take that person first and they refused.

I remember this so vividly, god damn. So they brought me in, triaged, inspected, I'm pretty sure they... ultrasounded it? I feel like they did. Then had me sit in the room while they got a doctor. I remember a doctor came in and they also at one point brought a bunch of other people in to look at it, idk if they were students or something, I just remember that happening and it feeling like... inappropriate or something, just weird and awkward... but yeah... Basically the doctor, with limited information offered me two options. Either they do exploratory surgery right away to try to free the clot, which carried a risk of having it slip, go straight to my heart and kill me immediately. The alternative was to amputate my right leg at the knee. They gave me a few minutes to make my decision. And I remember my ex not being much help at all.

I ended up really pressing for a second opinion, to try to get a specialist on the line, which they actually did comply with. And... finally... they managed to get the time frame into their heads. See... this is an ER. They assumed that this was compartment syndrome, and the options they presented are 100% how you deal with compartment syndrome, because with that? You have like 12 hours until the limb is gone or you're dead. But I had been nursing this thing for a week. The second I shared the timeframe with the doctors they started to chuckle and sent me home with a leg brace - no fucking clue why they gave me a $200 compression cast thing, for a SWOLLEN SHIN, I literally couldn't wear it without nearly passing out from pain - and a prescription for Percoset.

My ex brought me to spend the night at her Mom's place, where we could get both of our cars parked after the ER. It was awkward as fuck. Her Mom kept making weird comments about like "you two better not hook up now, okay?" And I was like... dosed up on Percoset and could barely walk... I just didn't want to be alone, man... Then she brought me back to my parents' house the next day, and we were completely broken up for good very shortly after. Like at most 3 days after.

Super awkward picking up your car from your ex's mom's house after she broke up with you for the 3rd time, by the way. Don't recommend it.

So yeah, needless to say... that kinda left a mental scar.

And today, that nerve got struck. Vividly. And I... even entertained the idea of calling a doctor, or even my mom. Because it was a really weird feeling, both emotionally and physically. Emotionally, it was like... doom and death. It was "oh, I'm gonna fucking die in the next couple minutes, huh..." Physically, it felt like something moving inside my leg, like a pressure or a vacuum or something, and I felt like it was moving up the inside of my leg. And I was afraid it was a clot in my leg, because I've been really sedentary and my diet is shit. It was just... the narrative my head had. And the feeling felt... familiar. And that's where my head went. And it was literally like... right as I was trying to put my shoes on and head out the door.

That was a hell of a moment. Having to figure out what to do there. And having no one to talk to. No one to ask for advice. No one to double check or give a second opinion. I was really on the fence for a minute there, and it was getting dark too... so I really needed to make up my mind. And I just started to shake my foot and leg and rotate my ankle a bit and just... get the blood flowing, get the muscles warmed up. And I kinda just got to this point where I said... "welp, if it's a clot and it slipped? It's probably better for me to be in a public place than my apartment, isn't it." Like a "what the fuck am I going to do about it" kinda moment. "Better for someone to find me collapsed on a trail or dead in a stairwell than to smell my body rotting in 2 weeks." Dark shit. And I just... got myself to... man I really wish I remembered the entire narrative I told myself. But yeah, I got myself to chill and relax and I didn't let it talk me out of going. I went for the walk. I went to check out the hydroelectric dam I live right next to. I went on a short river walk. I saw 3 rabbits that were very used to human contact and I got to get really close to. I saw a gorgeous sunset. It was really nice. It was a short walk, but it was nice, definitely worth it!

I finished up the animation work I started last night, did the other 60 path tracing balls. It was tedious but I got there. Now... I'm just figuring out rendering and shit. The whole video when rendered is 6 fucking gigs. But the overlapping paths are doing some wonky shit, so I need to figure that out. I'll figure it out tomorrow or something.

So yeah, that was my day. Thankfully, that intense panic trauma flashback episode didn't send me spiraling. I remember feeling very proud of how I handled it, and how I managed to get myself out the door when every single odd was against me. But, to be honest, there's been a wave of depression through the end of the night. Mostly around the project, thinking it's kinda stupid, it's not really as cool or profound as I think it is. The usual suspects.

Again, I come to the usual conclusion... I need supportive perspective. Guess it's back to dead-end dating apps and googling "art collectives near me". Fingers crossed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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survey--s · 1 year

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456.

1) What’re your plans for the weekend? Absolutely nothing lol. I feel like I've not had a proper break from work in ages as Archie was really sick last weekend so we ended up down at the vets. This week has just been insane too so it's really nice to just be able to relax.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not? I was vegetarian on/off for a few years as a teenager but ultimately it's not really something I'm interested in.

3) Name a quote from your favorite TV show: "That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds".

4) What time did you wake up this morning? About 6.45 as apparently my body clock is back to being on work-time lol. I didn't get up until closer to 9am though.

5) What chores do you do around the house? Well, pretty much everything that needs to be done as it's my house, lol. I mean, nobody else is gonna do it for me.

6) Do you like wind chimes, or do they annoy you? They're fine at other people's houses but they'd drive me mad if I had them outside my own house lol. Especially as they'd probably set the dog off barking constantly. 7) How much sleep do you usually get a night? Normally around seven hours.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get? I'm not really bothered about having nice outfits. 9) Do you play any instruments? I can play a few but I haven't played them for ages.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now? The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars lol.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room? No.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Not really, just normal household stuff. I had a lie in, fed the animals, let the dog out, vacuumed, did the litter trays, made breakfast, went back to bed for an hour, washed up, showered and now I'm just messing about online and watching TV.

13) What’s your favorite animal to see in the zoo? Penguins, tigers, elephants, squirrel monkeys, lemurs.

14) When do you start back to school or college? I haven't been in any kind of education in over a decade now.

15) What other social networking sites are you on? Facebook and Instagram.

16) What was the best year of your life? Hmm, overall I would say 2007, 2016, 2018 and 2022.

17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer? It's only February but mostly I spend my summers working and riding, plus I have a couple of weeks off in August.

18) How old is the person you like right now? He's just turned 38. 19) Do you get an allowance? How much? No, I have a full-time job lol.

20) What games console is your favorite? What about favorite game? We have an xBox but I haven't played it in ages. I liked Gems of War, the old-style Lara Croft games and also Super Mario back when we had a Nintendo.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why? I'm honestly happy just chilling out at home today. I need a lazy day after how manic my week has been.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? I don't live with my parents so it's not really their place to nag at me. My mum sometimes complains about the state of my car though lol.

23) What is there on the walls of your room? There are a couple of paintings but that's about it.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you? Oh yes.

25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good? Just a chilled out, lazy day as I have another fully booked week next week. Luckily Mike is off so he can sort the dog out lol.

26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be? Sing.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make? Clean water and ample supply of food. <--- this.

28) Do you reckon world peace is possible or are we just too selfish? People are way too selfish.

29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes? Wow, nostalgia alert lol. I used to LOVE Bright Eyes - especially Lua and Bowl of Oranges but I've not listened to them in YEARS. I might download them off Spotify actually. 30) Are you interested in politics, or do you just not care? It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't think anything us "mortals" do can actually make a difference.

#survey #surveys

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ooffies · 3 years

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ʀᴏᴀᴅᴛʀɪᴘ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴꜱ

Characters: Venti, Zhongli and Diluc

Warnings: Just some kissing, nothing too extreme

A/N: okay so this isn't a request but the idea wormed it's way into my head and I couldn't get it out. I'm definitely doing other characters so this will probably be a 2 or 3 part series! Anyways, I hope you like it! :)

Tagging @genshin-obsessed (hi pocket! -🍷❤)

Venti:

Probably knows the lyrics to all the songs on the radio/playlist

Definitely made at least two or more playlist for the trip

Makes you drive because it’s too much effort and drains so much of his energy He’s just lazy

Makes you stop at Starbucks every morning, if it’s a multiple day drive it’s at least 3 times

He has three moods during road trips

One: Overly excited

Talks on and on about the stuff you two will do and how much fun you two will

Two: Complaining way too much

His back hurts

His legs are stiff

The seat is uncomfortable

“Are we there yet?” x100000

Will literally ask it every 2 seconds

He’s all pouty and grumpy

Three: Deep sleep

Finally you have a few hours peace and quiet

Probably caused from a caffeine crash

Sleeps like he’s dead, you literally cannot wake him up and you don’t want too jkjkjk

He’s usually quiet when he wakes up or is about to fall asleep. But when he is half asleep he always wants to hold your hand. Will probably tell you how much he loves you and how lucky he is to go on this trip with you while struggling not to fall asleep. Then conks out 5 minutes later.

Empty landscape surrounded you for miles, it looked like it went on forever. Music hummed in the background as the car kept a steady pace. “Are we there yet?” Venti asked in an annoyed tone. For the past eight minutes he had been moving around in his seat trying to find a comfortable position. He was now sitting crossed legged, a large frown on his face as he twirled his hair. “Not yet love, we have 3 more hours till we reach the hotel,” you replied. “UGHHHHHHHHH! And then we have 7 more hours to drive tomorrow and how many days till we actually get there!?!” “2 babe,” “UGHHHHHH THAT’S SO LONG!” he whined. He sunk into his chair, his frown growing. You chuckled at his antics, “Weren’t you talking about how great this trip was gonna be like an hour ago?” you said with a smile. “Hush it” you couldn’t help but laugh at his response. The sun began to set as the car continued on down the highway. You felt a hand lightly rest itself on yours. You looked over at Venti. His half lidded eyes focused on the road. You smiled and brought his hand to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it, “Feeling sleepy? Are you finally crashing from all that caffeine?” “Mhm” he hummed sleepily. There was a brief peaceful moment of silence between the two of you. “Thanks for taking me on this trip babe…… I love you….” you laughed lightly at his sleep tone, “Love you too.” You looked over to see him conked out and already lightly snoring. Another quiet laugh escaped you, “Sleep well sleeping beauty.”

Zhongli:

Doesn’t mind driving, he’ll drive for the whole trip if you’d like

But also doesn’t mind switching driving shifts with you

He’s actually a decent driver which came as a bit of a surprise (he got a little offended when you told him that)

He can and will talk the whole trip

Has a abundance of topics and stories he will talk about

He will go into deep detail, even if it’s just about his morning cup of tea he will go into detail about it.

If you two take turns driving he’ll definitely nap while you drive

Peepaw needs his naps :((((

He 100% doesn’t get car sick

He can read a whole book during a drive without looking at the road even once

Probably talks you while you’re sleeping when he’s the driver

He won’t even notice you’re asleep for a good while, he’ll just keep talking and talking

One time he didn’t even notice you were asleep and when you woke up he was still going on about that same subject.

He won’t eat fast food. He will make you two eat at restaurant or diner

Also he always books fancy hotels too. Not Marriot or Motel 6 for him. Nope. Not in a million years.

He loves exploring the towns and cities you guys stop in. Checking out the shops and local attractions, he’s all for that.

Probably plans for your two to stay a few extra days in the big cities

You stepped out into the cool night taking a deep breath of air. You and Zhongli had just finished eating dinner at some fancy restaurant he had picked out. (You had pay of course). “Thank you for dinner beloved.” you looked over him, “Yeah it’s no problem but maybe next time you shouldn’t forget your wallet so you can actually pay for once.” you said with a cheeky grin. “Urk” he clutched his chest and said with a chuckle, “Why must you wound me with your harsh words darling?” “ I’m just messing with ya peepaw!” you said as you lightly punched his shoulder. “Hey I’m not that old,” as he offered you his arm. You wrapped your arm around his as you two began walking back to the hotel. “You seriously act like an old man though,” “It’s because I have an old soul,” “Yeah you sure do…….” he let out a laugh and kissed your forehead, “It’s never a boring conversation with you my love.” “Can’t say the same about you peepaw” he burst out laughing at that comment, he even snorted once or twice much to your amusement. You couldn’t help but laugh with him. After the laughter you looked at him and said, “Sorry if I was a bit harsh but I couldn’t help myself!” you said, still giggling a bit. He returned your gaze with a warm smile and wrapped his arms around your waist. He pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was sweet and you couldn’t help but smile when his lips left yours. Still hand in hand you two had resumed walking back to the hotel, “So…. are you ready to hit the road again tomorrow morning?” “Yes my darling, I’m actually quite excited to spend more time with you. This trip has been fantastic so far, part of me wishes it will never end…..”

Diluc:

Will drive the whole time

He refuses to let you drive

Why may you ask?

Because he gets car sick very easily. He’ll never admit it though.

Tease him about it and he’ll get all flustered.

Probably has road rage

Not much of a big talker so it’s either idle chit chat between you two, him listening to you or just a comfortable silence while listening to music.

I feel like he has jazz CDs, he just gives off the vibe

Like you guys will drive through a dead zone and the you know you have some sweet jazz music serenading your ears

Doesn’t mind listening to your music either, he’s not very picky.

He always turns down the volume of the music when you’re sleeping because he doesn’t want you to wake you up

Doesn’t mind fast food at all which is a bit surprising.

When he needs a quick nap he’ll pull into a rest stop

Even if you offer to drive while he’s asleep he still won’t let you

Definitely planned out everything beforehand. Already booked the hotel rooms and all that.

He asked you what you wanted to do and practically based the whole plan off that because he wants you to see you smile.

The rest stop parking lot was practically empty. You looked up at the blue sky through the sunroof. Absolutely no clouds were in the sky, it was just like a never ending bright blue blanket. You looked over at Dliuc who was quietly sleeping. You watched his chest rise and fall. He looked so peaceful, so at ease. You twirled the ends of his bright red hair between your fingers. He had asked you to wake him up in twenty minutes. You checked the time. Five more minutes. You let out a soft sigh, turning your gaze back to the sky. You continued to play with his hair as you stared into never ending blue. After what felt like an eternity later, you finally checked the time again. Looks like you gave him an extra minute. “Hmmmm...How should I wake him up?” you thought to yourself. Well you could be nice to him and gently shake him awake, but that was boring. You could tickle him but you weren’t sure if he was tickle-ish or not…… After a little more pondering you finally got the perfect idea. You quickly sat up and leaned over him and gently cupped his face in your hands. You brought your lips to his and gave him a deep kiss. His eyes quickly snapped open as he jolted awake. You broke the kiss to say “Good morning sleeping beauty. How was your nap?” he just stared back at you, a bright red blush covering his face. “I-it was fine,” was all he managed to muster out. You giggled and leaned back in your seat, “Well that's nice-'' But before you could finish Diluc’s lips were on yours, continuing the kiss. This time he was the one cupping your face as he pulled you closer. His kisses were tender and soft, his hands were warm against your face. Once the kiss finally broke, Diluc cleared his throat, “Are you ready to get back on the road.” He was still clearly blushing, even the tips of his ears were burning red. You couldn’t help but giggle at him, “Yep! Let’s get this show back on the road!”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin zhongli #genshin venti #genshin diluc #diluc ragnvindr #zhongli #venti #diluc x reader #diluc headcanons #zhongli x reader #zhongli headcanons #venti x reader #venti headcanons

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criminalmindswhore · 4 years

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I Get It.

Completely inspired by @spencerreider

Get ready to have your heart broken. even though it sucks :)

"Can someone please write a fic about Emily Prentiss x fem reader where they are secretly dating for a while but Emily isn't comfortable with people knowing she's gay and they fight about it because the reader just wants to be able to show off her girl to the world and show how much she loves her and they end up breaking up. Then about a month later at a team outing at a bar Emily walks in holding hands with JJ and they announce they are dating."

Emily Prentiss was never the type to be shy or not confident, but when it came to her sexuality, she became a brick wall. While you're the opposite, you don't care. So when you and Emily started dating arguments would come up often. They always ended with you apologizing for trying to pressure her and how it's her choice when to come out. You would get up the next morning together, cuddle until the last minute, shower together, but then you would wait in the car for 10 minutes after she went in. It was so much work hiding it from the team, they're profilers for heavens sake, but you did it for Emily. There was a lot of secret make out sessions in closets where you would time your exit from said closet. You just wanted to tell everyone how lucky you are and hold your girlfriends hand on the jet, or even just tell people that you're dating someone.

"Good morning Emily, Spencer and Morgan." You said as you entered the bull pen exactly ten minutes after Emily. Everyone shared their good mornings and chit chat before starting paperwork. After an hour or so Morgan got bored, "Hey Y/n," You looked up at him, "Are you dating anyone right now? Cause my sister's single and I would love to have you in the family." He gave you a cheeky grin and you laughed, "You know Morgan I might take you up on that, but right now I would love to finish my work before 7 o'clock." He nodded understandly and felt your phone buzz. 'might take you up on that? wtf' Emily was seriously mad at you for that? You were at your breaking point. You wrote back, 'Not like you're ever gonna claim me.' This started an argument bigger than words can describe.

"No Emily I don't get it! You're a grown woman who can date, fuck, love, whoever she wants!" Emily was standing at the kitchen counter with her head in her hands, exhausted from fighting for the past 2 hours. "Y/n, they're gonna see me differently! They're gonna treat me different, I just want to be Emily not Emily the lesbian!" You shook your head, "No, I'm done. I'm done hiding my girlfriend from who I call family. I'm done not being able to walk into work with you, or be able to hold your hand when I want. Emily we've gone on three fucking dates in our 6 month relationship because you're scared of being seen!" You were panting at this point, your voice was sore and your heart was breaking. "Y/n-" "No. You either tell them, or get out. I am done." Emily took a step towards you, "Don't touch me." You turned and went to bed without another word. Emily never joined you.

2 months later the team were on their way home from a case when Rossi spoke up, "Let's go get drinks tonight at that bar on 4th street, I'll pay?" Everyone agreed and went back to napping. That night you ran home to change into a nice dress and throw on some extra makeup. You were over Emily and were gonna get laid tonight. You took one last look at yourself in the mirror she bought for the doorway and you got cold chills. It happened everytime you thought about how you two shared the apartment. Secretly. The walk to the bar was short because you live a block away and the second you walked in and saw the team smiling, the thought of Emily and yours relationship left your mind. You were here to get drunk, get laid, and get Emily off your mind. "Morgan can you go get me a round please?" He nodded and left to the bar leaving you with Garcia, Hotch, Rossi and Reid. "Hey where's JJ?" Everyone shrugged. After a round or two of shots, you turned and saw what you thought was going to kill you right then and there. Emily and JJ were holding hands and gleaming. Your breaths were getting caught in your throat as they got closer. Emily made eye contact with you as she spoke, "We have news, we're together!" Everyone congratulated them as your hands started to shake, and the only thing you could hear was your heartbeat picking up speed. "I'm gonna go get some air." You booked it to the front door without another word. Shoving your way through the crowd, your vision starting to blurr with tears. The door flung open as you threw yourself out of it, the cool air hitting your tears. You stood in the middle of the sidewalk just sobbing until a hand hit your shoulder. A hand you would never forget the feeling of. "Get the fuck off me Emily!" You snapped around to face her. "Y/n hear me out-" "No Emily, I will not hear you out." She shrunk down as your voice rose. "You fucking bitch! I loved you, I still love you, and you left me. But 2 months later you're ready to come out?" She took a step towards you as you paced back and forth. "Y/n you don't understand the situation please listen to me." The sweat dripping off your forehead was all the indication Emily needed to know she fucked up. "Then make it make sense Em, cause I'm lost." She cleared her throat as she had tears of her own threatening to fall, "I came out to JJ that night in hopes of telling everyone else so I could get you back, and she listened to me, and she made it feel okay to be this way. She doesn't know about us though so you can't hold that on her. Just me." A scoff left your mouth, "How many time did I listen to you? How many times did I do everything in my power to make you feel like it's okay to be gay? How much did I sacrifice to help you feel acceptable and loved?" Emily was standing completely still except for picking at her nails. "Em I get it now it's not that you weren't ready to be out you just weren't ready to be out with me. If I'm that damn embarrassing just fucking tell me. It's fine. I get it." She let her tears fall as you went back inside, grabbed your purse and left again. The team un aware what just happened. JJ tried to ask you if you were okay but you just shoved past her.

Emily was in the same spot where you left here you came back outside. Standing beside her you whispered, "My resignation will be in Hotch's office tomorrow morning. I can't work with you and now her. Don't contact me." With that you walked into the night and out of Emily's life completely. The team never heard from you again other than Garcia occasionally checking in on you. Emily had hurt you worse than you could recover from if you had to see her everyday. At the end of the day, you got it, loud and clear.

TAGLIST: @spencerreider

#emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss fanfic #emily x fem #emily prentiss x fem!reader #emily prentiss x jj #jemily

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horrorslashergirl · 4 years

Note

I usually don't ask for part two's for stories let alone part three's but I need a part 3 for that Chromeskull and pregnant reader. I'm getting Beauty and The Beast vibes with a baby thown into the mix. :)

Many of you asked me to write a part 3. Oh my...this was supposed to be a one-shot, not a full-time story. Also, the reader isn’t pregnant anymore since she gave birth.

Part 1 here

Part 2 here

Chromeskull x Reader- Another chance to start off Part 3

It was a tsunami of confusion when you were discharged from the hospital, your newborn baby in a baby nest, tucked under a pink pillow, her little eyes still closed as she slept peacefully. Finally, outside, the sunrays of Jacksonville kissing your skin as you looked up at the blue sky, a black luxurious car in front of the hospital, honking and you could only guess it was the car your ‘savior’ said about.

Taking cautious steps, a man with tattoos and black swiped hair got out of the driver's seat, opening the door to the backseat and motioned for you to get in. You did so, not wanting to make a scene or get into trouble. After 10 minutes into the ride, the man finally spoke.

“You’re not a talkative one, are you? I understand why he likes you.” he spoke, seeing a lop-sided smile form on his face.

“W-What do you mean?” you asked with furrowed eyebrows, confusion evident on your face.

“My boss, or your ‘hero’ if you would call him that.” he said with a smirk, making your eyes widen and a blush form on your cheeks.

“Usually, he kills them, not save them.” he said, making shivers form down your spine.

“By the way, my name is Preston.” he said and you nodded, whispering your name.

“Well, aren’t you a cute one. I know now why boss got soft on you.” he laughed, making you nervous, and decided to keep quiet, not wanting to be teased anymore.

After one hour of Preston giving you the chills and making you form scenarios in your head of what was to come, you finally arrived by a big silver gate, the cheeky black haired male from your side pressing a button for it to open.

Your mouth opened in amazement at the image before you, a big villa, more like a mansion was before your eyes, in colors of black and white with silver details; it looked out of the normal world.

“Close your mouth, you’re gonna catch flies.” Preston said, making you blush yet again. The car stopped in the driveway and he got out, opening the door for you. You were caring your baby in your arms like all your life depended on it. You were cautious, you didn’t know these people and what they could do to you.

The double doors of the front entrance were opened by Preston, storming in like he owned the place, but you were mistaken when you heard him shout.

“Boss! I got her.She’s here.”

You gulped down when you saw the door to what you assumed was an office or maybe a study, a tall man, maybe 6′7 was standing in the doorway, black dress shoes, black slacks that hung on his long legs, a black button-up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, showing the inked skin of his forearms. He was your ‘hero’ or captor? You hoped the first choice. Only he wasn’t wearing the silver skull mask, his face disfigured, scars adoring every inch, only one eye visible, the other was a mess of flesh and skin tissue. He was scary, but not necessarily ugly in your eyes, you weren’t one to take strings of a conclusion that easy. He was more intimidating, but ugly? No.

He pulled out a phone from the pockets of his slacks, beginning to type.

‘Good. You can leave. Now.’ the electronic like voice spoke from the phone and by all means, you could only guess he was mute. You never heard him speak, not in the car when he rescued you, not in the hospital, so it was the only answer. Preston nodded and closed the door behind him, leaving you alone with the man.

“Umm...Thank you...Again, for everything.” you said, trying to ease the tension between the two of you.

He waved his hand in a way to say it to worry about it. He stalked towards you, stopping just when there was a meter between the two of you. He looked down at the baby, then back at you.

‘I see you two are good. I should introduce myself. I’m Jesse Cromeans.’ he typed on the phone, showing you.

“I’m [First Name] [Last Name].” you said and he shook his head.

‘Not anymore.’ he typed on the phone, making you raise an eyebrow at him, only to show you your new IDs and documents about you, your family name now changed to Cromeans.

“What? You cannot do that! You cannot just change someone's name so you can own them.” you said, with a bit of sass, and you noticed that Jesse was glaring at you.

‘Really? That’s how you thank your hero? I should have left you at the side of the road with your ex-husband. Maybe he would have bashed your brains out.’ he typed furiously on the phone and you glared at his text.

“Look. I’m very grateful for everything you did for me, but this is crazy!” you shoot back, only to see him snarl.

‘You all little piggies are ungrateful. Never pleased. If a man tried to help you, you act like a little spiled bitch.’ he was fuming as you read the text and he stepped forward, making you take steps back until you hit the wall behind you.

“I-I’m not your wife!” you cried out and you saw his brown eye widen, then pure rage, his fist coming hard beside your head straight into the mirror behind you, making it shatter into pieces, then a cry began from the baby in your arms. Jesse glared at you, storming back into his study and shutting the door with a loud thump.

He leaned against the door, rubbing at his temples as a headache formed. He didn’t even know why he did what he did for her; rescuing her, offering her a roof over her head. Being a male at almost 40 with no wife, no family, was a frustrating thing, even for the infamous Chromeskull.

He wasn’t necessarily a familist at heart, but coming home after a ‘business’ trip with a waiting wife and a small human sounded good from time to time, but of course, with marriage came the usual fighting and disagreement if the parts didn’t compromise.

One thing was clear, Jesse felt lonely, talk about the middle-age crisis.

He sighed as he still could hear the crying of your child and you trying to calm the little baby. He called Spann and told her to help you, along with setting you up and the baby. He couldn’t do it, not right now, he was a complete mess, like a ticking-bomb.

Pouring himself a glass of whiskey, he decided that maybe tomorrow he will have a small chit-chat with you.

#Laid to rest 2009 #Chromeskull: Laid to rest 2 #Jesse Cromeans #Chromeskull #jesse cromeans x reader #chromeskull x reader #slasher x reader #horror movie

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thebraingremlinsaremad · 3 years

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Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

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weabbynormalblog · 4 years

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10 Winter Holidazes Tips and tricks-

For those living with Fibromyalgia, CFS, depression, auto immune etc. it's time to have a little fun.

This time of year can be physically brutal, stressful and full of triggers. From Bright lights, lots of decorations, music, food and people. Yes and fun too!

The list...

1- Be Prepared

Me, I'm all about the quality of the moment. I want to survive the holidays and not end up in bed and have some fun too! For me its 1 festive beverage, water or juice after that. I'll avoid my muscle relaxant for 2-3 hours, I'll bring my own snacks, music/meditation and eye mask. Be prepared for any kind of moments. Also be prepared to have some fun, if your not into the event then do something that you do enjoy so you don't have the holiday blues.

2 - Pack healthy snacks, include mints or gum. Sucking on a candy can also distracts brain and keep you from indulging in too much of the sweets. Many of us who suffer with auto immune issues and disorders sugar is often is a trigger. I suggest portion control for those who tend to over indulge. Grab a plastic cup put your chips(taboo food) in there, when it's empty your done.

3 - Prepare for some discomfort. Remember your Meds. Distraction photos maybe of your children, animals, art project...plus whatever has worked for you in the past. Have something to focus on rather than your pain, discomfort or unhealthy thoughts. Have handy in your phone a seven to ten minute meditation to follow, to help you deal with all that input. Practice deep breathing technics. Do box breathing to combat anxiety - Get your friends to do it with you. No room for your timeout or rest? Take some me time in the washroom. Go sit in the stall put on your eye mask plug in your head phones. You can also go sit in your car untill you feel better then go back, or ask for company if you need it.

4 - Think pro active if you can. How have other outings gone? How did you cope? What worked? What needs improvement? Plan on that.

5 - Prepare topics that you would like to talk about. Write a few coaching words or topics in your phone. Since my brain injury conversation is problematic for me for many reasons. So here's a chance to improve my communication skills. Everyone is out for fun, your not being judge in this scenario. It's bound to be interesting and different than our usual day to day events. No expectations here except to have a good time. Don't worry if you forget to get to the point, the conversation will turn. If it's hard to follow conversations listen to only one person talking. Seek out quieter environs for conversations. Sometimes I like just listening too. I miss parts of the conversation that's normal for me, there's no point in being upset about it. My balance is terrible so I need to be careful because its so easy to fall too. Sure it can be embarrassing, screw it, I'm ok move on.!!!! It's beyond me, so there's no point in being embarrassed. What were we talking about, again? I find that fascinating etc. Put the emphasis on other people rather than on yourself. It's a perfect time to leave your struggles and worries behind. Remember to ask questions and feel free to interject how you would deal or cope. Forgot something? Said the wrong thing because of misunderstandings? No worries, this is you, they either get it or don't and it's all good.

6 - How to answer the worst question anyone could ask you. How are you? Such a loaded question. This is not the time or place to really tell people about your ordeal or how your doing. The perfect answer is I'm managing and how about you? Your out, appreciate it, savor it and manage it. Save the heart to heart for your close friends, not for socializing. If they are really curious and positive people agree to get together and hang out.

7 - Your starting to get tiered, that's the red flag, time to go. Say no if people urge you to stay. We need to respect our pain and boundaries today so that we can function tomorrow. When you've had enough say thank you, nice talking and excuse me, see you later or nice seeing you, say your good byes and go.

So I chose 1 event to go to this month and its a New Years music jam party at the restaurant that I jam at. I want to perform, sing and play guitar. I'll need all the energy I can get.

7 - Rest Up

So it's gonna be loud, lots of lights, got my bling sunglasses and ear plugs ready. I will be managing my energy very closely days before as well, while I practice my set list and rest. I will be napping before the outing or at least resting and meditating, so I can be at my best for the occasion. Take out your outfit days before try it on and so on. Be comfortable, don't wear your gorgeous high heel unless you brings some flats too, it's unrealistic for me to be in high heels for more than 1-2 hours. Make necessary planing changes for this outing, so you won't be hesitant the next time to take offers to go somewhere. You'll be well prepared and rested.

8 - Plan for lots of time to get ready. Stress creeps in easily for us. Make sure you leave plenty of time to get ready. I don't know about you but I don't do anything fast. 1 speed only, slow. And yet I can sing and play a fast song how weird is that?

The point is to enjoy your outing as stress free as possible while managing your energy. If you like to dance do just a bit. I suggest to sit out most of it if you want to See the ball drop, no point in exhausting yourself completely. If it's your jam, then you go, go go!!!

9 -Just say no, maybe another time.

Do not commit to more than you can possibly handel. Pick 1 event that you really want to go to this holiday season. Commit only to that. If your peeps are looking to connect with you, suggest a get together at your place or somewhere in the middle or an outing thats mutually beneficial. Like a walk outside to go get some hot chocolate. A spa date, a trip to the gym, go for a swim. Meet up for coffee.

As someone with Fibro or Cfs etc. Eating healthy is very important to us. I suggest bring enough of your favorite treat when out and about. Got allergies bring your own meal if you must. Human interaction is especially important for us. We need a whole tribe for this thing to get better. We tend to self isolate all the time due to pain and emotional issues. Your pain is important to me and others. It's not healthy for us to be in a dark room all the time. Humans are social creatures. We do need to take some responsibility of walking the path of better health whenever we can. Push yourself but only a little bit, don't overwhelm or undermine yourself in any way. No promises or commitments or anything that doesn't jive with you right now. Do what feels natural and comfortable that just pushes your boundaries just a little. Be conscious of managing your energy better so we can have a better day tomorrow too.

10- Have fun! Do feel great that you can get out! Be humble, if you can't and don't worry you missed this event there will always others. Take your time to heal, you'll make it to another one, when you're up too it. There's lots of people who can't get out during holidays, it's all too much. I say do something special for yourself. Book a massage, order in a meal. Treat yourself to some dark truffle chocolates.

Enjoy responsibly wherever your at!

#energy management #Enjoy the holiday #How to deal with holiday triggers #TBI #CFS for the holidays #how to behave at events when you have chronic pain #How to enjoy the holiday when you have chronic pain #How to enjoy the hidays when you have chronic fatigue #How to be goodto yourself for the holiday.#tips for TBI #tips for fibromyalgia #tips for chronic pain #tips for chronic fatigue during the holidays

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neuropathicgypsy · 4 years

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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Alex Laughlin (@alexlaughlin40) on Feb 3, 2019 at 5:13pm PST

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I was complaining about his pictures.. I didn't like them... Not that he's not beautiful.. I just didnt like h pictures...

People say alot about "me not being there"

But his pictures... He's not there..

I've told him before...

This I watched a thousand times when he first posted it... I didn't know why or why i heard him say id taught him that on date night on accident or that it had hit me in the head..

It felt like only two of us had been there... But with the sound it made it feel like a bunch... Which made me think may Be it was a busy night or maybe we went with a group

By the time he had posted it, i had known he was in my life... But only for a short time...

So I didn't know what he meant. I thought I should message and ask him...

But I didn't. I wanted to tell myself to try.

But i didn't. I just wanted to keep watching.

At first, my reaction was the same as tonight, what a dork. Like REALLY. What a complete dork. No one think he's any thing but annoying and total dork 2 year old too hyper annoying child.

Then i watch it again. And again. And again.

And i see him. When he walks off camera. That's where he is.

It would have made sense to write him since he only appeared off camera.

But i had only seen him once.

What if he was damaged like me? I already knew i was too damaged for myself...

And so I would mess him up.... Because I always do.. I can't hold a relationship. Like never.

I get too impatient. Too angry. Too Me.

I decided to just be glad i saw him. Maybe it didn't make any difference to him and probably I'd forget in all reality. So then in the end it wouldn't make a difference if I saw him...

Now would it?

And so if I wrote him and I was too damaged then i would ruin it all. I always did. Always too much pressure on someone. Me or them.

I wasn't ready.

And I tell you. It's true. The one day I decided to try. He blocked me.

He really did. I just use another account cause fuck that shit, you're not gonna stand in my way Alex Laughlin with that giant phone in your pocket. Unblock me when you're ready. I'll just stalk you not so silently on social media.

Now we'll see about that date night we had...

Michael Jackson asked us to check on the people we sent home. He said he wanted to join the CIA and they checked and watched but he wanted to see if it were all true. Since we knew who we sent home, we should go. So we all four went.

Saint Luches and Jesse Tony went dressed like homeless beggars to see if they'd catch up with a kidnapper or protector.

And we went on a date night to a local putt-putt mini golf.

Alex was freaking out because it was an hour and a half and we hadn't seen them walk by yet. So he had us in the corner nearest where they were supposed to walk up at. He sat on a bench "not even a page" he checked his beeper.

We both knew they were in danger and they were gonna get jacked up. We knew. The plan was they were to get kidnapped. Find the kidnappers hide outs and make sure our girl's were at home, had beem delivered by the CIA. Alex didn't want to be kidnapped. He couldn't handle that. So he went with me. We never went out on date night.

"Give me your ball. You're not ruining date night"

"What? Excuse me? Our friends could be dead and you're worried about you, yourself?"

"Neither one are dead. I would know" i stacked two balls and he threw his hands up in the air. God he could be so annoying in public. I never knew. He is sitting there looking so sexy and doesn't even know. Maybe i should tell him! Strike One. Right. Then I'll get in trouble. Besides didn't I already show him with a blow job in the car? But no all he had to do was worry. That was all. Did he compliant my dress? Strike Two. Yes he did. Of course he did. He Always did. But could he tell the difference between one dress and another?

"Can you tell three difference between me and a suit? The different ones I wear?"

I looked up at him. Yeah. Of course I could. This one was blue with jeans in case he had to run. Tomorrow was black which I preferred with black jeans, again. I looked down at the ground but i was still watching him and the street from the corner of my eye. No one was coming. Not good.

He threw his hands up "not again! Not--!" He stood and pulled at his leg "these ones are blue!"

"I know that honey! I just meant--"

"Why are you whiney?"

"Just stuff."

I felt him lean backwards on me, back to back, slide down and end face up between my legs.

"Get on. Hurry before someone sees" I looked down between my legs at him. His bright blue jeans were undone

"But you're not out yet and you don't like me being on top!"

"Look again"

"Oh you're out already?! But some one could see!"

"You better hide it" i looked down the street. "They're not coming you're right they've been kidnapped. Saint Luches was already. Jesse is still waiting. Mark told me and he told me I better take care of you. Come on! Its getting cold! You're gonna freeze my thing off of me!"

"But Mark shouldn't I lay down?"

"Lets do the proper thing and lay your coat down under her. These guys in this van behind her have been watching her and you." Said Mark

"Lead the way babe! This New Orleans thing aint bad at all when you're with someone who knows how to have fun!"

"I can't ... I can't get it up ... I can't do it when some kidnappers are sitting here watching me! Now they know my face!!"

"Well they can get to know my pussy." He was looking up and i could hear a car "what? Its Jesse isn't it? What was he pointing down at?"

"Time? What? Idk!!"

"He said meet me here. He knows what to do this time and he is gonna attack the kidnappers and take the van. Quick baby get up. Someone is coming. Baby! Look at me"

"Im watching Jesse"

"I can't see. Babe. I feel the ground vibrations. You gotta get up. Babe. Honey please. Babe he's coming to you" he had no idea a kidnapper from the van was coming and the on side he had me pinned down in. I could see his shadow. I didn't know if he was using chloroform and how fast he was. He thought i was talking about Jesse in the van. No. I was talking about the people at our feet!! Not our heads.

"Why don't you trust me i can see just fine!" He looked down at me and kissed my lips and saw the shadow i saw. He looked up. There was 7 kidnappers surrounding us. He still hadn't entered me and had his Dick in his hand. But he was over me so they couldn't see. He looked me in the eyes. Slide your knee up. So I did. Carefully and zip. Then he was up in a milisecond, climbing off me, grabbing the club and swinging. What do i do? "Tuck and Roll!!"

I did away from them, the same direction he had went "Go!! Don't run!!"

He meant hide. He was fighting for the club it seemed.. One was watching and 2 were down and 2 were fighting him and one was nearby to jump in.

"You can't catch me!!!!" I ran toward him. Zig

"NO! I GOT IT! JUST NOOOO!"

Zag! "Hey!! You wanna piece of me?!?! I got a pretty pussy!!" I smiled and pulled at the hem of my skirt and twisted my hips back and forth.

"Noooo!!!"

The guy fighting him for the club.. He was sickest. I saw it in his eyes. He didn't know what a human was anymore. It was so long since he had been one. Surrounded by evil so long that's all he knew and has become.

Dam if he hadn't distracted me just enough... First i felt a light touch on my ankle, "me" "no, that's enough she can only have me dammit" my arm was grabbed roughly. I felt i was in a horror film and i was the one to die. The man sized thing had a death grip on me and blacked out teeth and a look on his eyes that passed psycho. I was scared. I checked Laughlin. He was just watching keeping cool twirling the golf club like a baton. I could hear Luches saying I said help me and Laughlin saying I said run.

"Let GO!" I yanked my arm. I spun around, bent my knees. There was 4. Shit, all eyes on me! Its time! Go! I ran toward the one i expected to grab me But didn't. Past him fast, jog past Laughlin in heels. I know he liked it. I was in heels. Extra special sauce. Slow jog so he could enjoy. Larger outer rim and super fast towards the kick. I slammed myself into the chain link fence. Ducked down a bit and tight squeeze -- heels to the side. Stand in the middle. I completed a full circle. Dodged behind the storage shed. I only had 6 inches. My ass bent the fence so i could sit a bit, taking pressure off my knees because I put my feet in toe facing toe. I was too desperate to think that step. Man I was scared

"Stay in the middle. He will come and get you. Man look at my baby I'm so proud" I heard my real mom. The one that gave birth to me.

"Mom! I'm scared! There's too many! Is he gonna be alright?"

"Mark will help he will be fine."

"Okay I'll just wait then" I looked down at my nails and picked at the cuticles.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. It was grotesque. I flinched.

"Don't you want me?" He asked leaning his head in as far as he could between the fence and shed.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. At least he looked somewhat human. He was probably the Boss. He was the one i expected to grab me. Instead he just stands around while everyone else does the work.

"They're too high to know what they're doing. They'll be alright"

"Mom my heart!"

"Every thing is alright you just need to caaalllm through it" I felt relief

I just need to look at the normal one. That will be okay..

"Are you kidnapped?"

I heard the chain link behind me I looked and he was trying to move in behind the shed. I whimpered.

"Yeah. You are young, too, I expect. I think i know your boyfriend. He work in New York City?"

I gasped "you are kidnapped! What are you doing?!!"

"They made me do it. Said if i didn't they would kill my whole family. So i pretend to be the lookout hoping someone will catch me, them, they pay me good too. Your other friend is in the van"

Alex appeared

"No!!!" I gasped and put my hand in my face as he knocked out the innocent kid "just go get the other--"

"What am I doing?"

"Kill that thing over there"

"What baby? Let's get you out of there" he leaned over to assist

"Oh my God! Watch out!" I saw the shadow loom near him

"Huh? I already hit this one! Just go the other way babe! It'll be alright"

"Oh my God. I hope so!"

"It will just do what you need to" i heard my mom's voice. "He's over here"

"I know" I was so scared to look around the corner and see the eyes of herion on the face of a psycho but I had to, I know Alex was just holding him off. Pretending to fight. I could tell.

"Now run!" My mom said

"Okay!" I was whining "to the van! I know! Right in front of me!" I felt confident. I got past the fence into the lot "oh no! There's two!"

"Just get in! That is what i was trying to tell you!" Mom said

"Okay... I... I... Okay come on door open for me!" It did it smelled like oily car parts "saint Lcuha?"

"No"

Okay get in. What? Did he say no? I could smell his cologne. I was in such a panic. My heart was failing me so bad

"Why are you putting your seat belt on for? He wants thou to drive and Don't duck"

Who? Saint Luches? I looked up and saw Alex.

"I'm hoping that other one is empty. I took the keys. Idk why. Now let's find Jesse"

It took 3 weeks to clean up New Orleans. The CIA there went bad. They said they would let people return home but if any one was on the street they were free game. The mini golf was abandoned. Gate ripped off. Cars in the parking lot but no one was there. We got the club and balls our self.

I had to go to the emergency room 4 times because of chronic heart failure.

One time All i could do was bend over and put pressure on my heart but it was too bad. Alex held my hand as he drove. He drove to the hospital, covered in kidnapper blood. Saint Luches had to carry me in. I was already gone.

They said it was heart attacks. Nurses said it was miracles. 3 heart attacks within 10 days. Massive heart failure. Dead for 9 hours one time. About t pronounce me dead but had to wait on a lawyer from NYC. A miracle they said. But I felt like shit.

Only 6 of us against 294 kidnappers, 2/3 were CIA/FBI

No one went to school or work. Only fully loaded adult vans went to stores and not many shelves had food.

The Evil was great in that town. Just East of New Orleans.

Only 294 took down thousands.

Only 6 if us it took to save them all.

We did the same thing every time. 2 homeless/hungry street walkers, sometimes prostituting.

Or 3 if I couldn't go because I was too sick, around my kryptonite heroin and kidnappers.

2 Michael Jackson and T at movie theaters, gas stations, wherever normal went. Sometimes I went with them. Sat in the back seat. Lincoln Continental. Tinted windows. Back seat window slant for privacy. They would lock the doors. I would unlock T's he would use the key or she would open. Sometimes I did both. That's when we knew I was feeling better. I had to unlock 2 doors all day at least 4 days without missing a stop without a reason. Or I had to stay in the car. I got paid. Really sick days I laid down and slept. She would go in through his side door or stay in and sit with me.

9 times I unlocked the door for a kidnapper. I was usually reading a novella. Id see a shadow, think it was her or sometimes Michael. Just unlock it auto matic ally.

The first time I ran screaming from the car when a zombie got in. And collapsed 20 feet away. I felt dumb. I tried to keep my eyes open. To see whose feet i could hear but i was dead.

T telling Michael "2 days after her 3rd massive heart attack and what's she out doing? Exercising. What the doctor say to do? Not that! You not dead yet? We're taking you to the hospital anyway. This will be no fun. Im not taking the fall for that. What was she doing anyway? Unlocking the door for that that thing. I don't blame her I would taken off running screaming too if that thing came near me. What she call them? zombie? Dam things are scary looking. And she opened the door for the scariest. Bet he could smell her sweet pussy like that other one did that scared her so bad. Said he reminded her of her dad that day when she called the police on him but worse. She said she only told me that cause she said I'm a girl and pretty and her mom was giving her a pretty hard time About it and she wondered she should be scared or not, it was pretty dam bad Michael. She had this look in her eyes that i never seen before. She's asleep now. Wuss. Wuss. But it was bad Michael im telling you. That look in her eyes. Shes never had it, it was terror. Complete terror. Wuss. Wake up wuss. She told me to call her that. Might make her angry i don't care about her feelings. Make her wanna fight me. Im her cousin. I could do that. Wuss. Wuss. She's too weak. She can't. She wants to though. She's awake, i told your secret you wanna fight me? She said no. Don't tell them other two boys tho. I already told Jess. She said i could because he's independent like her but the other two seem to rely on her and she don't want them to know. She said Jesse would know what to do and protect them for her. But if they knew how scared she was They would go berserk. But she said they would start fighting how to take care of her. She said it was good you were here tho. You could take leadership over her and they would let you. They want her safe and out of the way the most part thats what she said. Wuss. Get back in your body. I ain't putting up with that shit, she said at the hospital. Theres something happening up a head. She can't see laying down. Van! Kidnappers! She said that is the one the boys are in. She said to follow. Who is in? Oh Jesse and Alex. Saint Luches always goes alone. But Alex won't. Oh he will now? She said he knew something was wrong so he jumped in too. They're trying to figure out what. Or what to do, what is. Oh they don't know what is wrong with her. Get back in Yoir body and sit up. She said no. She's too weak just tell the boys to shove her against the window. You know they won't. They will have a dam heart attack. Sit up! You see this. She's waving her arm at and it goes up 6 inches then thump. She can't do shit. Wuss. She's just a wuss. I'm just unlocking the door for them So they can get in faster. She had a heart attack. She said collapsed she's trying but she has no rhythm. Just rub her hands and legs and feet that's what the doctor said to do. No she's been shaking her head although slightly and nodding. Nodding is clearer but she's only moving near millimeters. Aren't ya? Look! She smiled! She's lethargic. No don't try to move! Just lay there let them help your blood flow to your heart and brain"

Jesse had got in at my head. Alex at my feet. They just slid under my body. When we got Saint Luches, Jesse slid to the middle and bent me up in his lap then laid me down gently into Saint Luches lap.

Of all the people in the car, Saint Luches put his seat belt on.

Boy been thrown in the back of vans with no seats much less belts for weeks!!. Dam boy. I laughed and it killed me..at least I died laughing, i thought. Instead of of terror.

I had to stay over night. Total 9 days in the hospital. For 3 massive coronary and medium to severe heart attack, that wasnt too bad.

Im glad they diagnosed me. My mother said it was a panic attack. I told her I was sure glad she wasn't a nurse! She laughed.

She didn't die laughing, though, she was already dead.

She was right though... She wanted to become a nurse because of my heart condition. It's actually backwards when I was born. Its turned 3/4 of the way backwards now...

Apparently there's extra long tubes so it could turn all the way.

Love is the only cure. My work here isn't done.

Balls to the walls, kids.

So after that... Well the night i got out of the hospital.. My blood pressure dropped from stress, from remembering the last time i had been in the car, so T had to climb over the seat and help the blood flow to my limbs

So after that Alex decided I couldn't ride alone.

So then when i saw a shadow go to the window 2 days after my 4th trip to the hospital after 4 insane heart attacks, and everyone left me in the car alone because there was 7 vans I just unlocked the door

I wasn't really reading. I was trying but really i wss just looking at the book, listening. So when the kidnapper got in, I leaned all the way back in the seat so my head was far as possible. It exposed my chest so if he wanted to perv on my boobs there was nothing I can do. But it was better than being attacked in my spine or head. So i tried to hold the hardcover book to protect me.

I opened my car door to signal a problem.

"Don't move. Stay in the car"

I shut the door. "What is this? I think the seat belt went out" open the door. Slam. "No shit. I really did it this time" open door Slam. "Now the buckle.." Open door Slam. I saw Alex perk on the 3rd. "Now just one more..." Open door. Slam. I heard him. "I'm coming Baby" "got it. Finally" "uhhh sir? I didn't see you in here before. Did you get in the wrong car? Because I don't know yo--"

I realized if he didn't turn around then may be it was better. If I didn't see his face, I had a feeling I wanted to But I didn't know if it was curiosity or instinct. He had a hood up so when he turned his head it wasn't enough.

"Hey... Uhm.. Did you want to get something to eat? One of my friends has lots of money. Did you see her? You're in her seat. You might want to scoot over towards the middle" Alex had came and he had cracked his door open to hear. I knew we needed to find out our situation. And Alex was there. I wouldn't get So scared. If I saw a shadow behind I would just scream and point. This guy wasn't turning around for nothing. He wouldn't see me point out his friends. Of course the shadows were going the wrong direction. But if i could see i could scream, that would make my point clear. I opened up my book to steady my heart. It wzs begining to race and I had to steady it in the beginning. Just think about Alex getting in the car being safe i said to myself.

"Yeah buddy. You may just want to scoot over. Hey did you want to drive or anything? You can the car is already on." Alex climbed in the car. Shut and locked the door and began to mess with his seatbelt

"Where is the girl with the money?"

"Oh they're not coming" Alex looked at me like why did you say that for?

Idk sounded good to me. They were criminals. All criminals wanted money. I was pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere.

"But i took the money. See? I got a hunny" he pulled out a dollar bill from my purse in the floor.

"This is a one!! I need to make me some money!!" He slid over to the driver side

He doesn't even sound human i worried. Alex said he didn't look like he had any eyes.

He put the car in drive

"Alex! No!"

Alex dust busted him anyway, jumped over the seat and put it in park

"He left his clothes?!"

"Yeah. Sit up here with me"

"No I don't want too. Too much strength. Action. Movement. I can't even read. Did you know? Too much strength"

"I had a feeling. But you're smart enough to slam the door to alert me. Put your seat belt on. There you go that's nice. Thank you bunny"

He was driving around the vans looking for our friends. He turned the corner and so many shadows. He parked. They seemed to get bigger.

"Oh no! Alex! Alex!" Then I just literally screamed and covered my head, he reached back and locked my door. Moving slow and still.

"They're just buildings now. You can look"

"Oh no Alex. One just got in the car! He's sitting behind you! Alex! No! Please don't touch me! Alex! Shoot it!"

He tried to climb up the back window. Like the one the day before had when I was just with Michael and T. He laid there mimicking me. And dangling his arm off the back of the back dash. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know if it was because i had been dead and it was Mark and my brain wasn't working proper cause the blood so i couldn't recognize. T turned around to check on me a lot and Mike checked the review mirror a lot. I knew he was driving but surely he could see if something was dangerous... But his eyes didn't acknowledge. Neither did hers.

"Your mom said i could!" He sounded hurt. In 2020 that attitude pisses me off and i kill things dead immediately, "we were in the morgue! And we were listening!! They said. They said you were scared! And we knew we couldn't kill the Queen! So i didnt turn around! And i was shot! Shot twice!"

Alex looked at me questioningly. "I don't know? If my mom said it's for a reason. I saw him yesterday and didn't tell no one"

"Thats not what i meant and i think i know that. You do, too. You're hiding something from me. Why are you sacred? Why did you let him in the car?" He said as he climbed over the seat. The last question was angry.

"Idk. You're beautiful do you know that? I love you"

"You make me want to fuck you! But I need to know what you're hiding from me, i know you do it sometimes and you haven't said one word about not working and sitting in a car being a door unlocker and you can kill, too"

"I know i can. Its just temporary until i feel better. Your eyes are so beautiful. Lets cuddle"

"Don't make me do this to you. I can't cuddle and you're sick and i know the truth"

"Oh that's okay just put your arm on the back of rhe seat and ill snuggle with you"

"No. I'm being patient with you. Don't look like i just slapped you."

"You did. Not my face but my heart"

"Fine. Lean against me"

"Take your shirt off"

"No I'm not doing that right now, honey"

"Your pants?"

"I would like to say yes but in your condition that's exerting too much pressure on your tonsils"

"What's wrong with T? She hasn't moved since you brought me over here"

"We don't know. Michael is trying to find the answer"

"You just need to shoot her. Here" i reached for the gun on his thigh near his knee

"No!!!!" He snatched it away.

"She won't die! She's not evil"

No way he was like no way

"Babe trust. Look see me. See her? She needs help. She's not like me. She can't move. Whatever hurt her is not her heart. She would have fallen over."

"Let me ask Mike"

"No let me just shoot her"

"You let one alien in the car and you want to kill our friend?!"

"I've let two."

"Oh well! And!" He was losing it.

"She's my cousin!. Trust. I know her. Something that has her is evil. Remember the clothes in the front seat? You shoved them out the door. So her. It must be alien. It must also be evil alien to do that to her. What if there's like a truck to come run her over so they can take her body. Im going to go stand next to her so i can see"

"No baby I'll just ... Ill just try it. But you owe me the truth why you're scared of aliens."

"Did they kill Mike? They killed Mark"

"No he's in a vacant house using the phone takinf9to the alien agency. Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please hurry. Just fire the dam thing already! Ill do it myself!! Ow that's hot"

"I told you I would do it and I did it. Now you owe me the truth"

"i can't im busy"

"You're not doing anything!"

"Im waiting for... She's awake!! Run!! Please hurry!! Hurry!! Let her in!!"

"What's going on!!!!!"

She ran and jumped in. Moments later a big blue worker uhaul type truck plowed into the car.

"The glass didn't shatter this is good. Now we have to kill them. Hurry! No don't get out! Through the window!"

"No one's driving. What if no one is driving? I didn't see anyone-- why is the truck doors opening!!?? No one was anywhere ne--"

I saw them climbing across the hood of the car. To get in. They could just get in. Especially through glass. I started screaming like a toddler. Then yelling "just shoot it!"

"What? Get down!".

Covering my own ears screaming like a toddler, my heart exploding, i sat in the floor board facing the seat. My back against T's seat. Screaming. "Just shoot them! They're every where!! Theres since many!! They're all gonna die!!" I scream like a toddler again.

T is saying over and over to stop screaming.

Alex is losing his mind and fluctuating between adoring and wanting to kill me.

"Just fucking stop it for Jesus sakes!!" He grabs my arm to pull my hand off my ear.

"Are they done? All dead i mean?" I Sat in the seat

"Jesus Christ my babe! Look you screamed so loud you woke the dead, here he comes"

I cover my ears and start screaming again.

"Jesus Christ who woke the kid?".

Alex gets in my face "That's not what i meant!! Okay?!?! Look!! Babe!! Please!! Just look!! Out the window!!"

I grab his hand and cover my eyes and turn to the window

"Jesus Christ. Do you see what she just did!?"

I lift his little finger. Drop it, Thwn his ring but I still can't see so I lift his middle finger and i can see Michael walking towards us

"Really baby?"

"Im not a baby. Im a babe."

"Well you scream like one!" T is excited to see her man "I'm over here!!!!!" She waves to him.

"No don't open the door. Just don't, you don't want her to scream do you?"

"Well how is he supposed to get in?"

"He can get in. He's family. When i scream it feels good"

"Michael is looking at the clothes. She shot me! I'm over here. Her mom told me she would. She said I'm not evil. I'm good and it won't hurt me But protect me."

"Yeah and my mom told me to scream. She said i used to do it when I was little"

"Not to wake the dead"

"Not like we lived next to the cemetery. Besides maybe they think my singing is beautiful and they want to listen more so they come closer and my singing brings them to life because im magical."

T forgot she could move and Michael was sure she was dead. Couldn't figure out how there was skid marks where she was if they had wanted to use her body. Didn't realize she had already moved. Finally she opened her car door and stood. Me yelling did nothing. His jaw dropped. His eyes widened. His head swiveled. He dropped all these papers.a briefcase and ran to the car "oh my honey! I thought you were dead! I was sure of it! I didn't want to go home. Just wait where you died until you returned." He said into her hair all muffled.

"I told you. Love" i say

"Goddamit Youre sexy" she said

"See? All about Love!"

"But how did you get to move? Get to life or whatever did happen?"

"They shot me"

His face went crazy rage "YOU SHOT MY DAM WIFE!?!"

"See?!? I told you! Love!"

"Im gonna fucking kill you!!" He literally threw ber into the door and tried to get to Alex and strangle him

"Or may be not!"

Long story short. She spanked him. He got woke. I went to get the papers he dropped and he abandoned me in the parking lot.

"Yeah what the fuck!" I gathered them up "yeah you're a real stupid ass. Im glad it got hit. I felt pretty bad for you for a minute even though you tried to kill Alex. Now i don't know how i feel. Yeah!! Mad!!!! Leave the abandoned orpahan alone in the parking lot with alien ghosts with a heart condition! 3 massive heart attacks and a really fucking bad one!!! I can have a stroke any minu-- oh my God. I need to calm down im going to die. Im gonna die. Mom i don't know how to breathe I'm gonna choke to death. Mom! Help!! Somebody?!?!" I fell. It was all dramatic and beautiful.

Alex got out of the car that screeched down the street and picked me up "is this what heaven is like?"

"You wish. You've really got some explaining to do"

"This is so romantic! This is so sweet!!" Everything was pink and blue and not the colors they were supposed to be "is the street a river? Is this good?"

Alex walked around to the other side of the car after dropping me off.

"Oh my God!!! Sabrina!! Oh my God! No stop the car! Are you bleeding?! No! You're turning pink! Armageddon wants you back. No don't go we need you to much. Sit baxk. We will pretend we are ina limo"

"STOP THE CAR. YOU'RE DRIVING IT INTO A LAKE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR PAPERS!! wow the world is changing before my very eyes. GET THE PAPERS! YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE PROPHECY! Get the dang pap--"

"Hes not even in the car"

"Then who wss driving? He was in the seat. The world keeps changing too many colors, the people. I need to eat by the way"

"Sabrina what happened to you by the way? Why did you fall? You were all covered in blood out your nose, eyes. Ears, wrists. Then you turned pink like you lived on Armageddon. And the colors you explain are Armageddon but nothing we saw changed but not on you. Not in the air. Nothing."

"They want me back. They want me back. We will have a meeting tonight. I stayed here?"

"Yes"

"Then all will be fine. Lift up your shirt. No him."

"Why do you Keep telling me to do that?"

"To keep rhythm with your heart. My mom told me that's how she kept me alive. That and with screaming. My dad couldn't do it. That's why they always took me to the bar. That's what she said. She said you could do it for me since Mark isn't here. And just about any Earthling or human as long as it's not Jupiter"

I fell asleep. I woke at the hotel restaurant parking lot

"I'm back!!! I went to Armageddon and they said they're a bunch of douche bag bastards and want to take over the Earth and asked what I thought. I said no. They said they believed it was temporary!!"

Michael turned around. He was an alien. Alex was. Everyone was. I laid back in the seat and started screaming and kicking while they tried to eatmy soul.

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roswellroamer · 4 years

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Day 18. February 16, 2020. Kaiteriteri day rides. 275km

Glad I took some great shots yesterday from Kimi Ora resort since it was pretty gray in the AM. Still, really cool to wake up in the woods in a modern unit with a view of the water. I enjoyed my continued vegetarian diet through no choice of my own as the included breakfast was served at the main lodge (about 300 steps down the hill). Plenty of nice choices there and still pleased with the taste of the veggie dinner offerings from last night. One thing I also woke up to was a good amount of swelling and puffiness around my left eye, as the histaminic reaction had spread. Still able to use my eye, but feeling weird and half swollen shut, I felt like saying "Cut me, Mick". Actually got a bit worse for the first half of the day but as of now which is nighttime I will hope that the swelling reduces tomorrow. No real hindrance other than folks asking me if I had fallen from my bike! Heading north we managed to get Ted's debit card to be taken at the local unattended station then aimed up over the very tight and a bit scary hill just to get to the main road. We turned right on Takaka Hill Road and were immediately greeted with a sign that said we may have construction delays. after just a mile or so we ended up first at the traffic light. Theee indicator LED lights showed 6-12', 2-5' & 1'. We had just missed the green light as we saw the last car a few turns up the steep hill but waited it out. We joked about timing our return so that we wouldn't have to again wait another 12'. It wasn't construction but the recent heavy weather had actually washed away a few sections of road, dropping 4-6' of roadway down the hill and now cordoned off with construction barriers to be fixed who knows when. We aimed for the northernmost point on the South Island, Cape Farewell. There are some dramatic rock features that are worth the few hundred meters of tramping up to see them as the South Island abruptly ends into the see. Pics above. The "cave" is hard to see as it is under a very high and steep cliff with no safety measure but the water actually flows into and through this dramatic hole in the mountain's base. Also you can see the water flowing in but didn't want to have a "hold my beer" moment trying to capture the wave action inside the cave. The other spit of headland is marked by a flying buttress of stone and this was the last bit of land that Cook and his crew saw when returning to England in 1770. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cape_Farewell,_New_Zealand

We explored all 3 of the areas we could ride to and they encompassed maybe 10 or 12km of gravel roads around the top of the island. It felt pretty remote and it was beautiful even on a gray day. Next we retraced southward with a slight detour to cruise through Collingwood before opting to stop at the Mussel Inn. In addition to the bohemian vibe, we were treated to a culmination concert of African circle drums and dance provided by a group from around the country that had come together for a 4 day drum circle camp there. I got into the beat as they accompanied my tasty and quite large New Zealand green tipped mussels. Yes Jerry, I pulled the hair patches! 😉 In the toilet though I didn't need it, instead of toilet paper there was a bin of shredded cardboard. As the rain started up again we took our leave and the next brown sign turnoff took us to the Te Waikoropupu springs. This was a great stop as the size of the springs and especially the volume of water billowing from the ground was impressive. A sizable river basically emanated from there in just a couple springs. They are the largest freshwater springs in New Zealand, the largest cold water springs in the Southern Hemisphere and contain some of the clearest water ever measured! Took some pics but hard to grasp the clarity of the water and the volume. Spoke to a couple from Madison who were riding for a couple months on a BMW 1200GS they bought from the dealer in Dunedin we visited. McIver & Veitch. They bought it and have an agreement to sell it back when done which saves them a good third over renting. Good idea for longer rides/rentals. Heading back to the highly technical Takaka Hill, after crossing that Old Takaka River (insert Larry David joke here!), I had the uber geeky idea to count the turns since it had seemed twistier than the Dragon this morning. Of course with a 10' delay at the same one way light location due to bad timing or poor planning, I had to remember I was at 222 turns while at the light. I counted 250 turns in what Ted researched to be a 14.8 mile stretch of road. That is a turn per mile rate of 16.83 turns per mile. The Tail of the Dragon boasts 318 curves in 11 miles. That is a T.P.M. ratio of 28.9. So the Dragon wins. But I have never counted the Tail's twists myself. My impression was that this road is twistier but at this point I'll just accept that all the T-shirts are correct and Takaka Hill is just a bit less twisty. Still a fantastic road that wouldve been a lot more fun if not enveloped in fog at the top and wasn't raining/wet. We then headed past our resort to the closest sizable town of Motueka. Lots of restaurant choices there since the woman at reception yesterday seemed to indicate there wouldn't be much to choose from on Sunday in Kaiteriteri and our resort's kitchen is closed for Sunday dinner. If the weather held off we would try to head there for dinner. However the rain persisted and we also found that the nighttime and slick wet turns required to get back to Kaiteriteri were strong dissuaders. We explored Kaiteriteri a bit more and found the Beached Whale which said they'd be open for dinner later. It also said entertainment 7 nights a week so that sounded good. We rolled back up the hill to our jungle unit and I actually got a one hour nap which was sweet. 😴

We headed back on the bikes in our riding boots and Goretex jackets since it was still raining lightly. I wore jeans, for a mile trip you weren't gonna get very wet unless the weather opened up on us. Ted was far enough ahead of me that I didn't see him slide on the curve approaching the main road. He didn't go down but I also slid at the exact same spot, I'm guessing at least 3-4"". Closer inspection on the return ride revealed a white painted yield sign which must've had lines 6" to 12" wide painted right on the turn covering 2/3 of the width of the lane. We had been warned in the first couple days by a biker about the painted lines in NZ. They are slippery at home too but I think they use no grit here at all on some of them. When wet they can be especially dangerous. We both almost had a real problem at that same spot which we discovered during dinner discussions. A mushroom pizza and a Coke were then serenaded by possibly the owner on guitar and a computer and equipment to provide the accompanying rhythm and occasional synthesizer. He was very good. Again mostly American stuff. Eagles, Johnny Cash, Ike & Tina, Nancy Sinatra, Van Morrison (Irish I know) etc. Good day and going to head toward Havelock tomorrow with some great looking detours to French Pass if the weather cooperates. 😴

#newzealand #kaiteriteri #advrider #motoadventure

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lonelyunknown85 · 3 years

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17 Feb 21

So ya....

I got up this morning telling myself, today is gonna better.

Got up, got dressed and loaded two of my kids in the car...

My eldest and my youngest, we had to drive 45 min to the other town so that i can go and buy her sports wear because she's starting Grade 10 tomorrow....😢

But none the less, it was a pleasant trip...

I like our trips like this, it's my and her bonding time.

It's when she feels comfortable to talk to me about her things and just to share stories..

I hate driving, but moments like this is what i life for..

The young one was sleeping on the back seat, he actually learned the drive is shorter when your asleep...

As always, me and the young one was arguing again, but this time over face mask's and swimming goggles that he wanted.

Face mask of all things to argue about 🙄🙈.

I actually send he's dad after that i message saying we need to talk about our son, cause i can't take this arguing with a 6 year old.

We are gonna sit down tomorrow and talk about it even tough i know I'm just gonna wast my time.

We never could talk about anything, especially when it came to my feelings..

But here's to hoping none the less..

We actually got home and i finally took the boys for there long over due hair cuts.

They look so handsome.... 😍

I got home and my daughter was laying on my bed watching cartoons.

Some strange cartoon in Chinese...

I went to lay next to her, cause i just needed to still feel close to her after our road trip.

Never in my wildste dreams did i think i was gonna hear from farmer K again after i told him last time, i have someone new in my life and wanna give our relationship a fair try.

I must say I'm actually glad i heard from him, he wanted to know when me and my td is gonna get married?

Me and td said from the very beginning marriage ain't on the table and neither kids.

I've been married twice and got 3 kids out of it and he was married once but kids ain't for him cause he says, he doesn't wanna bring a child into the world and he's always on the road...

But anyway, i asked him when he's gonna get married.

To my shock 🤯, he's getting married on the 13th March.

I wasn't even jealous or angry that it wasn't me.

I was just shocked that he actually got a date, cause he said he'll never get married and he was for so long on he's own.

I even told him that I'm really happy for him and he deserves to be happy 😊.

He's comment was, she is really good for him and he hasn't been this happy in years.

And that comment didn't even hurt, in the past it would have but not anymore.

I really do wish him all the best.

I'm just glad I've FINALLY moved on from him, that my world doesn't revolve around him anymore.

I'm finally over him 😁!!!!

I had Bible study at 18:00, i couldn't wait to get out of the house on my own. Just to put my troubles behind me for a hour or 2..

It was a amazing Bible study, we all enjoyed it so much that neither the pastor or any of us realized we went way over our time limit.

I felt good, like a new person...

But that was sort lived, i realized when i left the church my data was fineshed so i rushed home to get to my wifi so that i can tell my td I'm back home cause i know he'll start to worry....

And boy wasn't i wrong.

This me beeing late, open a bag of worms that should have stayed closed.

He send me this cute doggy sticker with a tear drop 💧 and a question mark.

I told him i was sorry for being late and that none of use realized it was so late.

And there he burst my peaceful bubble into a million pieces.

It basically turns that he doesn't trust me!!!!

I have not done or have given any reason as to not to trust me.

We talk 24/7 every day, i tell him where i go, with who i am and my troubles for the day.

So how come this miss trust?

I know we ain't together long but still.

Again he's ex wife came up, yes i know she hurted him badly, but that's 3 years ago.

But the truth came out as sad as it is, i thought our relationship is strong but it ain't.

Whenever I'm quiet for a certain amount of time or I'm just sounding strange because I'm under stress, he thinks I'm entertaining another man.

I told him if there is suppose to be anyone not suppose to trust, it should me.

I shouldn't be able to trust any man or women and that my first husband played such mind games with me, that i thought i was going crazy that i almost ended up in the loony bin because of it.

But still after everything I've been through that he doesn't know of yet.

I don't put anyone under the same camp fire unless you show me i can't trust you..

I told him again sorry, for making him worry and that i really hope he heals from he's past wounds.

Now it's abit strange between us and the possibility is there that i might see him tomorrow but i can already feel there's a distance between us now.

I really hope we can get over this...

I really don't wanna lose him!

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smolchildren-ily · 4 years

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CAREFUL! VERY GRAPHIC AT TIMES!!!! Can be triggering for people who lost pets :(

Yesterday you crossed the rainbow bridge. Susi. A name I gave you just for fun. You, a random cat who kept stopping by and who ended up having her on basket on our terrace, sheltered from the wind underneath the table. You, who, without me knowing, grew really attached to my heart. I bought food for you passionately, I did, as weird as it may sound, I was eager to go shopping for you and I was so happy every time I could feed you because I saw how happy it made you. Unlike our two 'actual' cats who just ever complain, dont eat up or just straight up leave the food the way we put it in the bowl. I would be even happier when I could give you their leftovers because it meant you would have an extra full belly that day. I made sure to always provide you with dry food, too, always filled up the bowl when it was empty - which it was a lot, but a handful of other cats come by, too, I know. Also your brothers, or at least those who I call your brothers, because often times after I would have given you food you licked it a bit and then vanished just to return with Oliver and "Lackl" behind you. I felt like you always made sure they also got a full belly, even more than you yourself, actually, and that is the reason why you kept getting them. Now, with you gone, they have no more lead, and they will never know where you disappeared to or why their beloved sister left them. I feel so sorry for them, too. But they still stop by, just an hour ago both came here together. I will feed them in your stead. I will give them one pack extra, the pack that used to be for you. I loved you so much and I didnt even realize until I saw you motionless, like you were sleeping, in the absolute middle of the street in front of our house, but hidden behind big bushes so I couldn't see you. I couldn't help you. When the lady with the dog came and asked me who owns a fluffy, grey-black cat and that she would be out on the street, dead. You were already dead. Already dead. Blood poured from your mouth, and from your mouth only. A small puddle had formed under your head. Thick, cherry red blood. When I... When I picked up your body later that day, in the evening, to... to... to take you to the most heartbreaking, unholy and disgusting place, unworthy of any loved animal or animal at all, actually, because my mum didnt want you in her garden next to her beloved cat, I realized. I realized that you had only been dead for a maximum of 30 to 60 minutes. The 30 to 60 minutes I had just gotten up. I think it was late that I got up, either at 9.5 or 8.5 or maybe it was 8.14 after all. And because I felt it was so late, I was so surprised not to see you in front of the door already, like I saw you every day. Every day, for, I dont actually know how long. I dont know for how long I've known you. I dont think it was very long, but I dont remember. I just know that you were suddenly just t h e r e. Because, your brothers, they had actually visited us even before you started coming to our house. And then one day they brought you and you stayed.

You weren't there yesterday morning, and I didnt think about it much. It sometimes happened that you needed to catch on as to that I was awake - usually by my steps or latest when I opened the blinds of the kitchen window which faces the garden and the direction that we believe you stemmed from. So I went to open the blinds and sat bored beside my other cat and watched her eat, as I have to do because otherwise she wont eat often times. And I was looking forward to seeing your small, excited face behind the glass door, and to pet your soft fur. Then watch you eat away and walk into my way to beg for more. When my cat was done, I happily grabbed a pack, a different one from usual, because you had begun to not like the usual, so I wanted to give you a special treat. And I grabbed that pack and skipped to the door, opened it energetically and awaited your absolute immediate arrival and exploding joy over me and the food I was bringing you. You didnt come, which was weird. Somewhat weird, but it had been raining all week, and during rain you seemed to spend a lot of your time somewhere else. Maybe at the place that was originally your home? Your origin is still 50/50 a mystery. My mum says from the farmer where your brothers are from, but I'm not sure. But it must have been the case, because where else would you have come from? A bit run down, skinny. God, you looked so healthy just a couple of days me feeding you. So little days. I was proud you recovered so quickly, unlike your brothers, who seem to be doing very badly all the time. Such soft fur, so sleek.

And the blood was fresh and your limbs were still moving normally when I touched you. That is, later that day, that I realized: If I had gotten up earlier. If I hadn't been so lazy or tired or both. Just, maybe a couple of minutes? Maybe just 15 minutes? Who knows if you would have made it safely across the street to our house. Because you would have heard me open the blinds sooner. And you would have made your way to me sooner, and the car, the driver who was on his way to work, he wouldn't have hit your head, or any other part of you. I was just so happy that you weren't obviously hurt anywhere. Just this blood dripping from your mouth, forming a small puddle under your small, beloved head I loved to pet more than I had realized.

And I wonder, if I hadn't been so lazy or tired, if you would still be here today, and yesterday. Or if it already happened before I got up. While I was still... I wasnt sleeping, I was awake. As always, as usual. My cat always wakes me up in the middle of the night and or I just wake up at 5 or 6 or 7. Usually I stay in bed until 8, in any of those cases. But I stayed longer than 8 even, and if I had just gotten up. I wonder, could I have helped you? But I wouldt have seen you, hidden behind the big bushes, outside on the street.

The lady vet who was very busy but was one of the only ones who answered my call told me if a car hit her on the head she was probably immediately dead. Or wherever you were hit. I hope. I hope. I hope you were. Were... you know, immediately. Without pain. I wish that you died loving me and looking forward to seeing me again and to receive pets. And I will give them to you, and all the food and all the hugs you want, once we meet again. Because I hope we meet again, I dearly do, seldom have I hoped so intensely for heaven to exist. I realized that the older I get, the harder it becomes to say goodbye, to lose someone. Up until this day I believed it would become EASIER. Easier, because by an old age, you would have been through so much already. Lost so many people, so many cats. But I realize it's not and I dread the days I have to say goodbye to our other cats, to any cat, actually, to any animal. I will not be thinking about people at this time, because it is too soon. To soon, to soon, to soon. As it was too soon for you. I love you so much.

Given we have somewhat a neighbour hassle I put my mind to try to find a vet who would examine your body. To make sure you weren't poisoned, because I couldn't see any visible injuries on you. Just this little, thick puddle of cherry red blood underneath your mouth. So many vets only opened in the late afternoon, so many were on holiday, so many only opened again on Monday. But I found this lady vet, and whilst having a patient on the table she hurryliy told me that, if I found you in the middle of the road, it was most likely car. And you were probably dead. You know. What I hope you was. For your sake. And for my sake. I dont want to talk about it anymore. I love you.

After this lady vet, who said that she technically does examine bodies, but who seemed somewhat reluctant and like the result was clear anyway, I called who I was going to call in the first place: the animal clinic 40 minutes from us. I wasnt keen on being with... a body, because that is what you were at that point, a body. With a body in the car for 40 minutes, but I was gonna do it, just to know, just to make sure that t h i s o n e t i m e I would actually k n o w what happened to my cat. So I would know and not wonder for the rest of my life: What happened? What went wrong? Could I have done something? Do I need to guard our other cats? But I was going to do it.

The lady who picked up this time was very friendly. She caught on almost immediately that I'd just lost a cat, and after she called me back to tell me that poison leaves the body too quickly to get usable results and that it would be a few hundred euro to have this analysis done, told me she wished me all the best and if I have any questions I should call. She was the first person that day - yesterday, it was just yesterday. But it felt like a nightmare, and it feels long ago already. A nightmare I want to forget, but I dont want to forget you. Susi.

She acknowledge my pain and your death and she consoled me when I had noone else who would do that for me. My parents are on holiday until tomorrow, the one friend who I told about your death literally just replied "I'm so sorry, that's so terrible, crying faces". But I needed more than that. I didnt get it until today when I woke up just as devastated as I was yesterday and went to have lunch with my grandmother, who also knew you. And who liked you, too.

"The green-eyed one" is what she called you. The green-eyed one, because green eyes you had. So beautiful, so big. In German, we like to say "Telleraugen". Eyes as big as plates. She was also visibly devastated. It is always said to tell your old grandmother that another beloved person or animal died. So much pain they have gone through already, and it just keeps getting worse.

But we talked a lot and long about you. And how it happened. Probably happened. And who I suspect to be the murderer. Our immediate neighbours, one of them at least. When I opened the door, shortly after, I heard them leave. The woman left in her white car. But I was just glad she left, I didnt care what direction she drove off to, so I didnt see where she went. I wish I had. And usually she drives into the direction where I found you on the street. May God punish her for her sins, and do so gruelly and painfully. If it was her. Maybe it was him, because later he returned in his old, small motorcycle thing. Maybe it was him. He shall be punished just as hard and gruelly as his girlfriend if it was either of them. And if it wasnt, I wish your murderer the plague and death and a hell of a lot of gruesome pain for the rest of their pitiful life. My first suspicions had been the neighbours who had newly moved here the last couple of years. Some younger people and old people who dont care at all that we have limit here in our village of 30 kmh. Who just never care and race down the hill like they own the place. And then hit a cat that just casually wanted to get her breakfast from a human who loves her very much. I hate all of you spenders, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I hate this neighbourhood and I hope everyone here dies a cruel death. Bit most of all, I hope your murderer and all other spenders who put the lives of loved ones at risk, die gruesome and cruel deaths. Just like you had to. I still love you.

Time is progressing, my battery decreasing and it is getting colder. I've written so much by now, but I have so, so much more to talk about. Tomorrow, my arms and fingers will hurt because I typed all of this on my phone. But at least I still have a body and feelings that can hurt me. Unlike you, who is not here anymore.

That day yesterday was so cruelly terrible. Oh my god.

I was so restless the whole day because I didnt know what to do with your body. I put it in the semi-shed/semi-room at the back of our house, where the small greenhouse and the grave of my mother's beloved cat, who was also hit by a car, but out of nowhere after a whopping 7 years of life. The grave which is also there. I had put you in a wooden basket somewhat, onto kitchen roll. For the blood to drip onto. And to make it more comfortable in your death, even though it probably wouldn't have made a big difference, even if you could have, or would have, still felt it. It was a bit too small for you and when I picked you up, you were so heavy, and so motionless, like, and I hate to draw this comparison, but like a sack of potatoes. Heavy and motionless and it was so weird to lift you up without you moving and squirming and trying to get away from me. It was so strange, alien strange, horribly strange. I saw the puddle out of the corner of my eyes but I didnt really see anything and I didnt want to see anything, the lady with the dog just wanted you off the street and that's what I did. I was blind with tears and when I put that wooden basket thing down I saw I hadn't put your head in a too comfortable position so I... I moved you a bit so that your head wouldn't be down at your chest, and your legs moved instead a bit over the rim. Then I squatted there, looking at you. As I do a lot with my other cat. To make sure you really weren't breathing anymore. To discover that you would still be breathing and I could still take you to the vet after all and I would still be able to feed you and pet you, and all would be good. But after staring at you intensely for 2 minutes or so. Blood still dripping a tiny bit out of your mouth, just luckily I didnt have to see that, your head was still moved so that I couldn't really see your face, just mostly your body. But I saw the blood on the kitchen roll expanding. It was seemingly clear that you were. The four letters.

But I didnt really believe it. Not really. Not really so. I went back upstairs to cry, and to do something about my sadness. To call the vets, have you examined, get clearance. To put my sadness to work. And as I sat there at the kitchen table with the phones I still expected you to come running up the stairs, staring into the room and scratching the glass door to have your food. That you just passed out for an hour or two or so and would come back. I really did!

And every shadow I saw out of the corner of my eyes, I thought they were all you, returning from the backside of the houses happily and healthy and excited and quirky as ever. Just your usual self, you know.

But you didnt come, and I was restless. After I had talked to the first lady vet I realized, I decided it was most likely a car that hit you. So at least I knew how it most probably happened. But what do to with your body? And I didnt want to bring you away just yet. Because it was clear to me that I would have to bring her to the most horrible, ungrateful and unworthy of any beloved pet or animal place on earth. Because you weren't my mums favourite, and she wouldn't want you in her garden. But at lunch I asked her anyway. I texted her about that I found you dead in street in the morning, and if I could bury you next to Leeloo to give you the forever home you probably always wanted. Just a little too late.

But my mother said no. Well, not explicitly. But she suggested I take you there, and after I said I didnt want to but it is her garden and her decision. I had to wait another couple of hours, until 6 o'clock in the evening, one of which I spent half asleep in bed with our second cat, because the living still demanded my attention, oblivious of the fact that one of them had just reached the end of their road. Until 6 clock in the evening when she finally replied to take you there.

Up until that point, I had gone back a couple of times to check on you. I sat at the kitchen table knowing flies would be all over your body at some point, because this is not the first time I had to witness the dead body of one of our cats. And I didnt want the flies there so I covered you up with newspapers. Another time I came to you with scissors and an empty box that had stored Qtips, because I wanted something od you to remain with me for the rest of my life. And your fur look so inviting, not flat on your skin but a bit more wildly into the air. So I carefully cut a few tips of your fluffy silkness. The box is sitting in front of me in the book shelf, originally I wanted to bury at least this bit of you in the garden next to the beloved cat. I wanted at least some part of you to have a furever home. And I still do. But I cant do it just yet. It could be that I will just keep it here. But I will definitely put up a stone with writing on it, saying "In love and remembrance of Susi".

Another time, before that, I think, I spent a long while sitting on the tiny stone rim in front of Leeloos grave, because I was pondering if I shouldn't just bury you anyway, despite what my mother says about you. But it was her garden, so I didnt. Just this one time, I wish I had not done as I was told. I wish I hadn't even asked.

But there, in the middle of the path to the grave, there were a bunch of unusally long daisies growing l, and I had the strong desire to put up flowers for Susi. For you. So I picked them and laid them down next to your body.

I think I went down another time, always in "full gear", with heavy boots on because the grass at the backside is usually wet and gross. But you laid on concrete in the semi-room, so no worries. So I went down there just to be with you. Because I still didnt want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. I refused to. I thought if I just spent some more time with you, you would wake back up. I had one of the masks on and one time gloves when I touched you. Which I didnt for the most part.

When I had Google about the poison, many people describe situations like your death. No, sorry, I googled what the blood meant, and that is where I found it could be poison, or even a heart attack, or inner injuries. But these people also described their cats having their eyes open, so I went to check your eyes cause I hadn't seen them. And they were open. Though I only saw one. One side of your face. If your cute, beautiful face. And I tried to close them, it, but almost immediately realized it didnt work, so I gave up. But I wish I could have done at least that for you.

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years

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6) a flip of the dime. The nasty parts were always there, but he concealed/controlled them. Maybe bc said parts wouldn't exactly make him endearing to others? Anyhow, your interpretation makes him quite the interesting antagonist/villain, so I'm rolling with it, lol. /// There was another thing that was bugging me about S2: the baby's name. Obviously, Serena chose Nic(h)ole as a "fuck you" to Fred. But June in the finale? Of course, she stuck to it for Nick's sake, but also bc she recognized

7) Serena’s selfless (well, if you can call it that) act. Thoughts on this? /// As for your older responses, I forgot to describe what an epiphany it was for me to realize the significance of Serena’s use of the word “rape” for the first time. The anger I felt after 2x10 blinded me to the VERY OBVIOUS connection between her realization in 2x10 and her outburst in 2x11. (Silly me!) Imagine how much more intense that fight would have been if they included the marital rape. I remember a writer

8) that June didn’t kill Serena, bc she actually felt sorry for her in that episode. (Ngl, June’s kindness baffles me at times.) I knew that she wasn’t gonna do it of course, but it was 50/50 whether I wanted her to shoot them or not. /// Something I have not addressed so far is how lukewarm I found their explanation for June getting away with all the shit she does. Well, she’s no Janine (who loses an eye) or Emily (who gets mutilated), but still. Like you said, Serena and Fred might get away

9) get away with a lot more bc of their privilege, but June? Hm. // I’ll start quoting later (or maaaybe tomorrow).

———–

I always thought that was a really weird sort of thing for June to do. And it seems to be entirely because of Serena? Like, it was Holly, Holly, Holly. Even when she was talking to Nick. Then she has the exchange with Serena, and suddenly she adopts Serena’s supreme dickmove of a babyname?

And I LIKED Holly. It meant something. Nichole (I HATE THAT SPELLING SFM LMAO) means nothing to June? Can you imagine the convo:

“Mommy, why am I called Nichole?”

“Well, baby, you see, your Daddy’s name is Nick, so the lady that stole you decided to name you after him to eternally piss off her husband who she clearly hates and wanted him to be reminded that he’s impotent every time he looks at you.”

Like, on the one hand, Serena is fucking brilliant and it just shows the extent of her hatred for Fred. But then it’s kinda shitty to use a child as a pawn in that.

Then again, maybe there’s another reason Serena chose that name? I know there’s like a whole history about St. Nicholas and his role as a patron saint of childless couples, or something. (I can’t recall exactly rn). And there was something about St. Nicolette and babies. (Which is where the names Nicole and Collette come from.) Something like she raised a dead baby back to life. So, I guess, at a stretch perhaps that was her inspiration? I doubt it, knowing Serena. LOL.

It’s really curious June’s decision though. Despite EVERYTHING Serena’s done, June just wipes it clean and names her fucking baby after Serena’s choice? Maybe she was trying to retain the memory of Nick for Nichole? I dunno. And not only that, but she seemed 100% genuine when she said that farewell blessing and held Serena’s hand (again).

I dunno, June’s own preoccupation with Serena is something I don’t truly understand but she clearly thinks there’s some odd connection or something. It’s funny cos I was reading a review about S2 and June’s choices in the finale, and her constant support of Serena despite ALL the reasons not to, and lemme see if I can find it…

Nah. I can’t. Anyway, it was something about how we all know June’s going back for Hannah, but this writer thought June was also going back for Serena.

I’m not convinced about that tbh, but I can see the argument cos June is strangely protective and compassionate towards Serena considering. I just have a sinking feeling that the show is gonna play that “Oops, Serena is evil again!! SHE WAY MAD JUNE GIVE BABBY AWAY trolololol!!!!” and make her despicable in order to get Nicole back. If that is the case, I’m gonna roll my eyes right outta my head. I have no issue with Serena having regrets, tbh. I think that’s pretty understandable and expected. But having Serena go hogwild with abuse and using Fred’s power to get back at June or something is just going to fucking piss me off cos like, c’mon my dudes, been there, done that. Over and over already. It’s the 3rd season and either you’re gonna put this bitch on a mild redemption arc or you’re gonna make her a full-on villain. Make up your minds. The will-she, won’t-she thing is old by now.

I dunno that was a random OT rant.

Also, TRUTH! Serena’s use of the word “rape” was important. Like, part of me is like DUH how did you JUST figure that out?! And, honestly I feel like the marital rape is sort of necessary for Serena’s epiphany to get recognised. I think, Serena is just wilfully ignorant enough to not truly consider the Ceremony rape. I honestly do not think she totally understood what she was suggesting with the 2x10 rape. (Serena really does lack forethought for like…all of her actions. That’s sorta her whole problem.) I think she thought it would be just like a sort of unsanctioned ceremony. But by the end she did seem to recognise what it truly was. And having her raped by Fred in the previous episode would have really helped with that. (Then again, it’s really hard to understand how a woman who was just raped turns around and basically suggests it. And this person is supposed to be not Satan. A pure evil woman sure. But Serena’s not meant to be that.)

I think Yvonne’s delivery of the line was interesting too. Part of it was like, “HOly shit it was rape” and part of it was like, “ha! you’re a monster!! you did that!” Like she had no culpability in it. I want to know if Serena has realised that ALL ceremonies are RAPE yet. I wonder if she’s got there. I’m not totally convinced she has. But… I dunno.

Oh! I hadn’t read that about June’s reasoning! That’s interesting. I mean, it fits with June overall but it’s a very odd thing. Like, to be holding a gun trained on the couple that literally held you down and raped you not 24 hours earlier… and feel SORRY for the woman (whereas the general population’s consensus is that Serena is even worse than Fred for doing that to another woman)? I went and watched it after reading your message I didn’t really see that on June’s face. (But that’s really neither here nor there since editing, directing, etc. all differs from what the writers/showrunners had in mind and those are the guys doing the interviews!) I take that back! I watched it again and I can deffo see that if that’s what they were going for. Totally missed it and likely wouldn’t have picked up on it if not for this convo.

That said, I totally see June reasoning it out that way. For some strange reason, whether it’s Stockholm Syndrome or whatever, June seems to have a blindspot/softspot for Serena and she seems to have unlimited Get Out Of Jail Free cards for her. Like, c’mon, she literally held her down to be brutally raped, and at this point it seems like Serena could murder June and June’s ghost would just be like, “Hey youuuuu, wanna be my bestie in overthrowing the patriarchy?” (Okay, I’m not at all complaining cos I love their dynamic and I ship them soooooo… lol. On a personal level, it works very well for me and my crackshippy fantasies. I choose to believe June honestly sees something nobody else does and believes in Serena’s capacity for redemption–WHICH IS INSANE. But hey. I love it.)

So, for June to feel sorry for Serena, even after everything really does fit when you think about it. And also when you think about book!June’s attitude towards true power being in forgiveness.

I remember sitting around watching the ep the first time and thinking “I don’t want June to shoot them and be a killer” but also, “WHY ISN’T SHE SHOOTING THE FUCKING PLACE UP! DOES SHE NOT WANT TO ESCAPE????” And I was sitting there with the wifey and she was like, “She can’t. What if she misses? Then you’ve got 2 incredibly angry people chasing you.” And I was like… “Uh. Reload? Shoot them as they’re coming up the stairs.”

Because I have never fired a gun in my life so to me it seems really easy lmao. But to me, I didn’t even care about her shooting Serena but I did have an inkling she didn’t want to shoot Serena with the amount she paused. That would have been a perfect shot with teh type of ammo to take out –or at least injure– two people at once. I was like, “You gotta kill Fred and Serena is pretty useless then. It’s not like they have mobile phones! You can then choose to leave Serena to die there lol, or hostage her. And steal the car. You could get pretty far since nobody knows that Fred/Serena are even there.” To me, rationally, it didnt’ make sense not to shoot them. But… emotionally, obvs, I knew she wouldn’t cos a)the series would like… end rather abruptly lol, and b) that’s just not June.

AND yeah, June getting away with all her bullshit is insane in comparison. Janine literally lost an eye for backtalking once at the Red Centre! June has, well, done so much more and just kind skates away from ALL serious punishment. (Well, living with Fred and Serena is a pretty awful punishment in general.) And, sure part of it was cos she was preggers but … how Aunt Lydia/Fred/Serena/TPTB trust this crazy Handmaid not to KEEP breaking the rules is insane. I feel like nobody would trust her to just be a docile little thing after running away for 92 days. Not even Pervy Freddo. Despite all his creeptastic fetishes, he’d be like, “OMG she is way too high maintenance. i just don’t have the patience. give me that baby so i can shut my annoying wife up and then get me another more docile babyslave to play Scrabble and shave!” The plot armour is strong in this one!

Anyway! I got a bit carried away there…

#Anonymous

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