#i'm a supporter of gay john too but it could go either way

[edorazzi]

More Thunderbirds Are Go comics! 💖✨

A couple of belated Pride Month pieces plus Gordon giving Kayo a heart attack. Alan's lucky he's the baby of the family! 🌈

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #virgil tracy #gordon tracy #alan tracy #kayo kyrano #hiram k hackenbacker #the mechanic #josie's art #i'm a supporter of gay john too but it could go either way #the tracys are a rainbow!!! #also yes in my little universe marineville has a line of snacks and beverages #i love to believe they make the celery crunch bars gordon loves so

[laceratedlamiaceae]

You know what, fuck it. I'm going to rank every character in ofmd based on how hot they are, in terms of both appearance and personality. I'd like to offer a preemptive apology to Ed and Stede likers because this is not kind to them.

#1: Izzy - 9.95/10

Obviously he's my number one. He isn't quite perfect; I had to give him a 9.9 on looks for his flat ass. He does get a 10/10 for personality though, because he's literally exactly like me and I'm a narcissist.

#2: Calico Jack - 9.5/10

He's a 10/10 for looks and a 9/10 for personality. I love the mustache so much and while the whole frat bro vibe might get kind of annoying eventually, at least he's fun.

#3: Ivan - 9/10

9/10 for both looks and personality. I love men who are quiet and just kind of stand there without really doing anything, and what little things he does say or do are great.

#4: Frenchie - 8.5/10

Frenchie's an easy 9/10 for personality; he's just a chill guy. He's an 8/10 for looks; his beard isn't on the level of Jack's mustache but he still looks good.

#5: Fang - 8.5/10

I love the beard, the headband, the open vest; everything about him is so hot, 10/10. He's a bit too expressive for me; I prefer men who are totally repressed, so he gets a 7/10 for personality.

#6: Mr. Buttons - 8/10

He gets an 8/10 for looks; I love the beard and the long hair paired with the bald spot. It's hard to give him a score for personality but I'll give him an 8/10 because he can talk to birds.

#7: Wee John - 8/10

I love the beard and tattoos; he's an 8/10 for looks. He doesn't really do much which earns him an 8/10 for personality too.

#8: Black Pete - 8/10

He kind of looks like my dad but if I set that aside he gets an 8/10 for looks; I just want to slap his bald head. I kind of love how pathetic it is that he's constantly telling obviously fake stories that nobody believes so he's also an 8/10 for personality.

#9: Roach - 7.5/10

He's good at baking and completely unhinged so he's a 9/10 for personality. He would get a higher score for appearance but he's only a 6/10 because smoking isn't sexy.

#10: Jim - 7/10

They're an easy 10/10 for personality. I love the way they look with the fake beard, but if I'm judging them without it I'll give them a 4/10.

#11: Lucius - 6.5/10

I'm sorry, the sideburns just do not do it for me, so he's only a 6/10 for appearance. He's mostly cool but also kind of annoying so I'll give him an 7/10 for personality.

#12: Oluwande - 6/10

He would look nice if it weren't for the crocs and whatever that shirt is, which drag him down to a 6/10. He's also just too nice for my tastes, so he's a 6/10 for personality too.

#13: Doug - 5.5/10

He looks alright I guess but he's a little too boring for me, 6/10. He's also way too nice and supportive; good for Mary but I could never. 5/10 for personality.

#14: Chauncey Badminton - 5.5/10

I know he and Nigel are twins but the bald look puts Chauncey a little bit ahead at a 8/10. For personality he gets a 3/10, because "guy who's driven homicidally insane after the guy he bullied as a kid kills his brother" is kind of hot in a fucked up way.

#15: Spanish Jackie - 5/10

I'm gay, so she gets a 0/10 on looks even though she does slay in that red velvet. If I was into women she would definitely be a 10/10 though. And of course she's a 10/10 for personality.

#16: Mary - 5/10

Still gay, so again a 0/10 on looks, but we stan a woman who tries to kill her husband so that's a 10/10 for personality.

#17: Evelyn - 5/10

Once again not into women, so 0/10 for looks. And do I even need to say it? Of course she's a 10/10 for personality.

#18: The Swede - 2.5/10

He's a 5/10 for appearance; he doesn't look bad, but he doesn't really do it for me either. I completely forgot about him until I saw him in the background of a gif so I think that's an automatic 0/10 for personality. Sorry :(

#19: Nigel Badminton - -1.5/10

He's awful but he is kind of hot. -10/10 for personality, 7/10 for looks.

#20: Stede - -1.5/10

He's a solid 7/10 for looks but a -10/10 for personality. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I also despise him and he's literally the worst (besides Ed).

#21: Ed - -499999996.5/10

Yeah sorry, he's last. He's a 10/10 on looks (with the beard; he's a 4/10 without it), but he's a -1000000000/10 for personality. It feels like the writers were deliberately trying to create the most annoying character possible to me personally. I was too distracted by how hot he was to really notice at first but now every time I rewatch the show I start to hate him even more.

#our flag means death #ofmd #shitpost #long post

[save-me-my-seoul]

Hello! How are you? I found your account from the taejin hashtag. Sorry for the sudden ask from a stranger 😄

I found other taejinies here on tumbler too, but apparently they all deactivated? 😢 It's so sad. I can't talk to anyone about the ship I support like other shippers. But I hope you didn't deactivate too😢

I came here to ask about something if its possible?. 😊

So, There are interviews of taejin when they talk about their future with the opposite sex. They could be taken as heteronormative infos. I just saw someone posted an interview(from a magazine?) of Tae when he said he wants to live happily with his wife. Now, do you think this is just for public appearance and just bc that's what's acceptable? I tend to think this way, maybe I'm lying to myself. But, I don't think what we saw in taejin was nothing. Sometimes I blame myself for thinking this way bc i would be making Tae a liar when he say something and I neglect it, and I know he's honest. But to explain my confusion, why would he go to that far of explaining how he would spend his future with a "wife" when he can say a "partner" as gender neutral, for example. So that's why I question, either what they reveal, or my way of thinking about taejin.

I hope I didn't confuse you😄

So, do you mind sharing your take on what he said? Please, be free to share what you believe in. That would help me best. Thank you🌹

Hello! Thank you for finding me 💜 I can talk about Taejin all night and day, so I'm grateful to get the chance to talk about them with you. Many taejinnies have deactivated on this platform. Even though I'm not as active here, I still come to Tumblr often, though these days there are more taejinnies on twt.

To answer your question about Taehyung, yes, he was definitely saying that for the public. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first is training. Idols are trained from Day 1 about what to say to fans and to the press. They're expected to project an image of wholesomeness and normality, someone who is like us. There's nothing more normative than a young man saying he wants a wife and kids some day. That's what he's expected to say.

The second reason is the current conservative political climate. It's also the reason Taehyung can't use a gender-neutral term like partner. In Western culture, when a person uses the term partner, people automatically assume they are gay. However, usage of the word partner to refer to someone romantically involved is not common in Korea, so it's not likely Taehyung would use it.

Being that, any idol who admits he (or she) is gay can say goodbye to his career because the company, society, their family, and most of their fans would forsake them. We don't live in a world where idols can be out. It's just not safe.

So Taehyung would never openly admit he's in love with a man. All of that said, Taehyung did refer to Seokjin as his comrade. That's about as close to gender-neutral as he could come while staying out of the conservative's crosshairs.

As far as the interviews about their future "wives," those were recorded long ago when bts were first starting out, before they gained more freedom to control their own narrative... Before Seokjin could admit his crush on Brad Pitt (twice) and before they could say on national broadcasts more than once that they love each other.

One final note I hope you'll enjoy: Both Freddy Mercury and Elton John were married to women before they came out as gay. Who knows what things will change in the world in the next 20 years, but we can hope that whatever happens, Seokjin and Taehyung are happy, healthy, and in love.

Borahae 💜💜💜

#TaeJin

[enniewritesathing]

I love all those “uncommon OC questions”. They’re totally askable! Since there aren’t too many, how about all of them, for Brian? 😊

Sure! :D

What is your characters response to fear? (Happiness? Despair?)

Brian tends to freeze more than having a flight response. Flights more of an afterthought.

How often does your character cry?

He cries a lot more than you think but the duration is short. It's like he cuts himself off from crying too long because he (still) feels embarrassed. Like he doesn't allow himself to. He's way better about it now and it's usually because he's really angry/frustrated. With his job as a ER/Trauma nurse, it's something he has to do on a regular basis or else it gets stuffed into a locker like other things.

What causes your character to make bad decisions?

Lack of sleep. It's a great indicator of it when he starts doing that or his his decisions do not make sense.

What is your character's first reaction to hearing a baby crying?

Oh, mood followed by "okay sweetie, what is your deal?" (affectionate). He's got some experience working with babies (and eventually Alicia and [redacted]) so he discern differences.

What is your character's bedtime ritual? Their morning ritual?

Bedtime: Shower (or bath with the bathbomb if it's that kind of day), maybe a little spa action with a face mask after brushing his teeth. A cup of tea! Chill in the bed with a book or watch something with John.

Morning: Get woken up by Spaghetti licking his eyebrows. (Why his eyebrows? Absolute weirdo of a cat.) Bathroom real quick, feeds Spaghetti, makes grilled cheese for breakfast with some juice (if John is up, he waits for him to make breakfast). Talk a little bit, get dressed for work (if not, he'll laze on the couch).

Are there any foods that your character hates but eats anyway?

He doesn't like pork due to what happened to him as a kid. Oddly, Brian doesn't seem to mind it when John or Noelle fix up pork adobo.

How strongly does your character identify with their gender(s)?

Honestly? Brian's cis but on the other hand, he's very neutral/doesn't feel strongly about it. More like "I guess I'm male". In high school, he more or less 'fitted' in but he didn't start putting his gender under the proverbial microscope until college. He didn't feel bad but he didn't feel good about it either. Just "eh". Brian even talked to Noelle a couple of times about it and ofc, she was supportive.

Feminine clothing fits him a lot better and he started to gain confidence, but it wasn't an egg thing, if that makes sense. Though he was worried about what John thought briefly until he saw him going "oh? 👀". (Besides, if anyone had a problem with it, he can kick their ass.) He honestly does what he wants with it.

That said, Brian typically goes by he/him, but he's used they/them a couple of times.

When did your character figure out their sexuality?

Brian's a twofer; he's gay and he's aspec. He figured out from an early age that he was gay but he could not let his parents get even a whiff knowing that. His family ran multiple hunting lounges and he was always fascinated by the men and their sons around his age, but felt nothing for the women and girls. (That said, had he not been disowned by the hunting trip accident, definitely for this, and he was an only child too??)

When he lived with this aunt, he kept the fact that he was gay until the last second in No Place Like Home; Brian and John were holding hands and she saw, reacting in disgust. (and then Noelle decked her in the face for nearly saying something.) In fact, in catharsis, she was still disgusted when he revealed that he was getting married to John.

In high school, it wasn't that much of a big deal, not after that he met John anyway. It was more of a "kinda figured that". Again, he was worried about telling him and the whole "what if this destroys our friendship". Surprisingly chill! (then John asks, trying to be subtle, "so who's your type? 👀")

Now! Addressing the fact that Brian's aspec as well. I bounce between him being demi but also gray-ace. Sure, he wants to date guys, but sex? Total blank spot. Something that rarely occurs in his mind. When he gets asked the question, "hey, who's your crush" or "who would you bang? 🤔" and he either skirts the question or he just answers conveniently.

It's important to a lot of people, but not necessarily him specifically. This is the part where revealing that he's aspec worried him when it was getting to that point with John bc John's love language (least one of them) is physical touch. Sex included.

They had a few conversations -- Brian explaining, John asking questions on what he'd like/ the needs and the wants, the concern of breaking up over it (that conversation had Brian going "oh, we're in this for the long haul, huh?). Communication! (and the best 20th birthday :)) He is sex-positive.

Is your character ever surprised when they see themselves in the mirror?

Yes. Brian used to not be a big fan of the mirror though bc sometimes he didn't like what he saw. He was lanky and not well put together, y'know? And freckles? All over?? Cringe. As he got older though and filled out, confidence that he doesn't look like a weirdo, Brian's surprised at how far he's come. He thinks himself as being really attractive. Those eyelashes and his stunning hazel eyes. Freckles are tiny stars on his skin. He's rather graceful and regal looking. But best of all, he can be like "I may be having a bad day but I know for a fact that my ass is fat and that cheers me up."

#ennie answers #stargazer-sims #i've been toying with the idea that brian is gnc?? #i mean plenty of evidence that he doesn't #a text post #non sims #oc things #thank you for asking :D #i know i feel like i've barely indicated that brian's aspec but he is

[diamondcitydarlin]

So I actually...enjoyed Loki the show...but I prefer Lokius as a ship and I find your takes on the episodes really interesting! You mention things I hadn't thought of before. tbh I didn't go into the show expecting much in the first place, maybe that explains it lol

Hey no shame, I genuinely envy anyone who was able to find entertainment value in the last three episodes because I spent most of all of them in a silent, perplexed rage lmao. Like, I do get ship/writing preference envy. Do you know how BADLY I wish my brain favored pairings that actually had canon support and romantic advancement??? Not only that, but I genuinely still feel that the first two episodes (and even to some extent the third, in parts) hold up extremely well and, on their own, are pretty good pieces of work. I rewatch them regularly, so that says something.

What it comes down to for me -as it always does in these cases- is the lost potential. What we ended up getting after the first three (generally) strong episodes is not consistent with what was established to begin with, and what was established to begin with was a story that focused on Loki's development as a character alongside his new partner in solving Time Crimes, Agent Mobius, meanwhile both of their preconceived notions about 'how things should work' is unraveling around them along with the multiverse as a whole. Of course it's absolutely possible that I get a little too attached to my own ideas of what should happen next, but then I've enjoyed a great deal of media that took turns other than what I would've chosen- still quality writing choices though that I could respect and didn't feel the need to criticize.

What also doesn't help me is that I watched Wandavision and Winter Falcon (what I lovingly call that show lol) prior to Loki's release and I find that both of these shows were significantly stronger in quality than Loki's series ended up being, so expectations for me were perhaps a bit higher than they should have been. That's not to say Wandavision or Winter Falcon are perfect, I'm still angry about Evan Peters' Pietro and the Ralph Bohner nonsense (tho I'm a Pietro truther and assuming we haven't seen the last of him...that's a different post lol) and Winter Falcon, while having imo pretty solid writing that flows well, is still a little predictable and had some moments that made me roll my eyes a bit (Bucky just so happened to kill the son of his veteran friend who just so happened to be in the same place he was at the right time to get killed??? A WOC leading a group for the humane treatment of human beings is a terrorist?? whahahahaaaaattt??? Bear in mind I might be missing info here, I'm not as schooled on these characters as gay trickster goth) but uh...neither of them ever go completely off the rails and manage to turn into a different show entirely halfway through only 6 episodes. If that were the case Agatha would've just replaced Wanda as the focal character completely instead of getting her own show (that she absolutely deserves!! BTW!!!) and that actually would've made sense and maybe even been funny and...kinda sorta happened but in a way that didn't suck. If Winter Falcon had been like Loki the show would've just entirely pivoted to focus the story on John Walker by the fourth episode and either Bucky or Sam would've been sidelined except to show up to maybe save one of the characters and make a quip. I'm uh...glad that wasn't the case, but you see my point lol.

Lastly, I guess I just feel compelled to share my ideas of what the show could've been, because the potential is just unREAL. Yeah sure I could just shut up and accept that the show wasn't for me and move on with my life, but I'm neurodivergent and I fixate so here we are.

#lokius #loki critical

[talas-first-lady]

legends, zidget (1&2), gideon.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Zari (both but 1.0 has a slight edge)

Least Favorite character: Snart. He's legit abusive to Mick and I don't understand why people like him. We have superior sarcastic assholes on this show if you need.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Zarlie 1.0, Zarlie 2.0, Spoonstra, Avalance, Zava

Character I find most attractive: Either Maisie character. Charlie's confidence is very sexy, but Amaya's style is more to my taste.

Character I would marry: Zari Tomaz. We will build ourselves a little house out of donuts and sarcasm and live there forever.

Character I would be best friends with: I'm taking this as character I would actually be best friends with, not character I wish I was cool enough to be best friends with. So I'm going with Mona. We're both DC-based dorks who fangirl and write stories.

a random thought: I have 2 Stardew Valley games going. In the first, I am Zari and wear a red shirt and overalls and have a dog named Beebo. In the second, I am Gidget and have a cat named Zari and I am going to name all of my chickens after the Legends, starting with "Chick Rory."

An unpopular opinion: I like Nate significantly more than I like Behrad.

My Canon OTP: Avalance (although that's kind of the only option, so I feel like that's not saying much)

My Non-canon OTP: Zarlie 1.0

Most Badass Character: I feel like Sara is the correct answer, but I'm going to say Astra.

Most Epic Villain: The Fates were pretty epic, although Damien Darhk gets points for showmanship.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Zari/John

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I genuinely liked John once, and then they had him gaslight and abuse Zari, Astra, and Spooner. Now I find it very hard to enjoy him even when I rewatch S4.

Favourite Friendship: Spooner and Astra

Character I most identify with: Probably Ava, because I too am gay and filled with anxiety.

Character I wish I could be: Lita, because she has the perfect balance between living a normal life and occasionally getting roped into the shenanigans.

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: It didn't really start until we found out about getting human Gideon in season 7 (see next bullet for details). But I'd say that the relationship between Gideon and Zari 1.0 became really interesting starting with Here I Go Again. With Zari 2.0, it was probably the emphasis on Zari in the 100th episode that did it.

My thoughts: Gideon has especially close, romantically-coded relationships with her first 2 caretakers (Rip & Jax), so it seems natural to me that she'd also have a similar closeness with Zari 1.0 & Behrad. She and 1.0 have a fantastic enemies to friends to lovers arc set up. As for 2.0, I was talking about how Gideon and Behrad would be a useful couple as far as keeping Behrad from dating Astra when I realized that Zari also happens to be single and was going to be SO excited to get her hands on human Gidget.

What makes me happy about them: Just the way Zari 1.0 was looking at Gideon in 7x05 when she was filling them in on what she'd been up to. There's so much warmth between them and it's grown from a place of anger and mistrust and that's beautiful. Also every single time Zari 2.0 says Gidget.

What makes me sad about them: They hardly ever got to interact on screen.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: When other people don't write Zidget so I have to do it, I guess.

Things I look for in fanfic: Really good characterization of Gideon.

My wishlist: I still just want Zari 2.0 to give Gideon a makeover.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Zari 1.0/Nate and Gideon/Gary are acceptable if not ideal. Zari 2.0 is a lot harder. Obviously Charlie coming back for either Zari would be fantastic. I did like Eddie's dynamic with Zari and I think I could have supported that relationship if it happened.

My happily ever after for them: If I knew that, I'd be able to finish my stupid fanfic.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: BABY. My feelings about original version Gideon are a little mixed because she did some highly questionable things, but ever since she became human she has been a delight.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Zari 1.0, Zari 2.0, Maude, Gary. Jax and Behrad would be acceptable.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Esperastreon familyyyyy.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I am not upset that she had sex despite being a brand new human. I am a little upset that it didn't happen with a partner of my choosing.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I NEEDED TO SEE THE MOMENT ZARI 2.0 SAW GIDGET FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME

Favorite friendship for this character: Astra & Spooner again.

My crossover ship: I don't think this would work romantically at all, but I would love to put Gideon and the Android from Dark Matter in the same room and see what happened.

#gr3yskull #legends ask meme #legends of tomorrow #zidget #gideon

[johnlockelephant]

Heyy! I've been thinking about this Sherlock thing, but I'm not good at meta, so maybe you could share your thoughts if you like? It's about the drunk scene in tsot where they're playing who am I. Sherlock is Sherlock Holmes and John is Madonna. What does that mean? Sherlock's not just Sherlock, he's Sherlock Holmes. And according to Google Trends, Madonna probably wasn't even on the papers, so the writers picked her purposefully for John... ? (If I'm nonsensing you don't have to answer lol)

No, your not nonsense, your point is very valid.

I would say Sherlock is ‘Sherlock Holmes’ because were looking at that scene as if there is no mask. Sherlock Holmes is the name of the character most commonly used, therefore showing, this whole character is these things. (possibly implying that the whole character throughout the ages is in love with John as we see this as subtext through the whole night)

But John as Madonna? doesn’t really point to anything other than random after a first glance. Especially since the singer is American. Madonna is also a leading supporter in the gay community. A very strict ally. But personally I am convinced John is bisexual so I don’t think that adds up. 

I think if we delve too deep into her history, we would be going a bit far. For example, Madonna was raised a Catholic so maybe that hints to the fact John was too, and why he’s so adamant that he is ‘not gay’? 

So my thinking is, maybe we shouldn’t be looking at it this way. We should be looking at it from the other perspective. Maybe ‘at random from the papers’ isn’t that random at all. 

We would then deduce that John picked Sherlock Holmes because Sherlock is always on John’s mind, or he wanted to tell Sherlock how he perceived him. 

So why would Sherlock’s kind of random be Madonna? Especially if she wasn’t a common theme in the papers. 

Looks like Madonna wasn’t in the papers in 2014 when it was aired... But what about 2013... when it was filmed? when it was possibly set? they have all the technology for that time. 

In 2013, Madonna spoke up about homophobia in America after she presented the Vito Russo Award to an openly gay journalist and was dressed as a boy scout in protest of Boy Scouts of America's ban on homosexual Scouts and Scout leaders. 

So it looks like Sherlock is looking at the gay news....

Either that, or there’s something else I haven’t looked at. Or maybe I should be looking at the news from 2012? I don’t know, but this is the best I could come up with. 

Thanks for the ask and hope you enjoy reading!

#sherlock #johnlock #tsot #sherlock holmes #bbc sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock season 3 #john watson is bi #john watson #sherlock watson #dr watson #john holmes #sherlock and john #john and sherlock #tjlc #tjlc is real #sherlock is gay #sherlockian #sherlock theory #sherlock meta #221b #221b baker street #221b johnlock

[6ftslytherin]

Queer OC Questionnaire

Name: Sabine V. E. Lowell

1. What is your oc's identity?

Androgynous lesbian woman

2. When did they realize their identity?

In a way she's always known.

3. How did they feel when they found out?

(Trigger warnings: internalized homophobia and a suicide attempt)

Sabine had always felt like there was something different about her than the other girls. She never really understood how they could dream about getting married to a handsome gentleman. When she finally heard about other girls liking girls it was in a negative connotation. She hadn't thought that what she felt was bad but this was a respected adult saying it.

Her family being the famous Lowells taught her that one of the most important things that she could do was continue the bloodline by marrying a man and having children. When she asked about having children with a woman her grandfather Virgil laughed and told her it was ridiculous. She never brought the question up again.

Over the years the shame would build. It wasn't just her sexuality that made her feel bad. Her weird behavior caused her family to be ridiculed. She had indirectly killed her brother John. She was the cause of the argument that made Jacob leave. She wasn't feminine. Her parents deserved better. Being herself dishonored the Lowell name. She wasn't even sure if her parents actually loved her anymore.

She tried to be the best daughter she could be but she always felt bad about who she was. She couldn't even tell anyone because she didn't feel like her problems mattered compared to other's. Eventually all the shame and guilt built up which is when she decided to end things. She couldn't deal with the pain anymore.

She was fourteen when she stole a bottle of sleeping pills from a muggle pharmacy with the intent to take the entire thing. She decided on a date when the fewest people would be home and made peace with the people in her life. When the day came she wrote a note explaining everything and downed the bottle with a glass of wine. She became light headed and passed out a bit later.

She woke up in a bed at St. Mungo's. She didn't have the strength to argue when she was offered a spot in the pediatric section of Waterhouse Psychiatric Hospital and agreed.

4. How long did it take for them to accept themselves?

It wasn't until she was being treated in the psychiatric hospital that she began to let go of the guilt. Her parents hired a private psychiatrist to help them. The psychiatrist, Dean Garth, would help her and her family come to terms with their feelings.

She still sometimes has moments where she feels less than because of who she is. She now has technics and a stronger support system for those moments.

5. Are they open about their identity? Did they come out subtlety or dramatically?

She came out in her suicide note. She wasn't expecting to live so she didn't feel like it would be a big deal. When she woke up the day after she remembered the note and felt instant regret. When she had her first session with Dean she found out that her parents had read the note and given it to him. She felt deeply embarrassed about it.

After a few sessions with Dean he asked if she would be willing to have a session with her parents. She agreed. Sabine was surprised by how much her family really cared about her. They wanted to help her with her problems and felt like the worst parents in the world that Sabine thought the only way to stop the pain was to die. For the first time in years she cried in front of them. She no longer doubted she was loved.

She would slowly come out to her friends and extended family over the coming months.

She decided to be openly gay starting on September 1 1988.

6. What were the inital reactions of their friends and family?

Overall very positive. They were more concerned with Sabine's mental health at the time.

7. Did anyone know before they came out?

Her mother had an inkling by the time Sabine was 11. She thought she had a crush on Rowan. Her grandmother Colette knew by the time Sabine was 5. When asked to elaborate Colette responded with, "I just knew." Looking back on it, her grandmother had always been pro-LGBT. It turns out that Colette's uncle had been a closeted gay man that lived a double life until his death.

After she got out of the hospital she was hanging out with Rowan and told her. Turns out Rowan already knew. Not only that, but Rowan also liked girls and identified as a demigirl.

When she told Jacob his response was, "Yeah, no shit."

8. Was it a complete shock to some people?

Martinius Lowell, head of The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, a job that requires the ability to see minute details, had no idea.

Her oldest brother Sef came back from Switzerland to spend time with her. Turns out he wasn't aware either. He was embarrassed about never noticing.

One day when Marie was visiting Sabine in the hospital she told her cousin she liked girls. Marie responded by saying she also liked girls. That was when the girls realized they were both the gay cousin.

9. What has their love life been like?

There was a girl that went to the same ice rink as her when she was eight that made her feel strange. She loved watching her skate and talking to her. She wanted to say something to her. Then she remembered how her fellings were wrong. So she didn't say anything to her. She started avoiding her. Eventually her crush for the girl died off. They went to the beach when she was twelve and she saw an older girl she was unable to stop looking at.

Sabine joined the Slytherin quidditch team in her second year. There she met Skye Parkins. After months of training and playing together Sabine considered her a friend. Sometimes Penny Haywood would talk to Skye and make Sabine feel weird. For some reason she only wanted Skye to talk to her. After awhile she realized she was attracted to Skye. She felt awful for liking a girl again. She started to hang out with Skye less.

In the Summer of 1987 when Sabine was fourteen she met Yvonne Silverpot, a fifteen year old girl. She was doing some modeling work for Sabine's mother at the time and needed a place to stay. Yvonne took an interest in Sabine. She often asked Sabine to spend her free time with her, which she obliged.

Whenever Sabine or Yvonne were free they would be with each other, quickly becoming friends. One day Yvonne asked Sabine if she had ever kissed anyone before. She answered truthfully that no, she hadn't. Yvonne offered to be her first. This surprised Sabine. She tried to explain that girls aren't supposed to kiss other girls.

Yvonne closed her eyes and said, "I'm going to keep my eyes closed for five minutes. Kiss me if you want. I'd like it and I think you would too." Sabine fought against her instincts before she gave in and kissed her. Yvonne left a few days after that. Sabine knew she would probably never see her again.

It was late September when Sabine accidentally outed herself to Merula. She had felt so comfortable in the conversation they were having it had slipped out. It had clearly freaked Merula out. She didn't say anything. She just got up and left. Sabine sat there, marinating in her panic induced nausea. She closed her eyes and started to use deep breathing techniques.

Sabine could tell Merula was avoiding her. She wouldn't even look at her when they had potions class, even though they sat next to each other. In between classes Sabine asked Merula if they could talk in private. Merula agreed. Sabine asked her if she had told anyone, she hadn't. Sabine was relieved. She explained how she didn't want her to tell anyone. Merula agreed but stated it still made her uncomfortable. Sabine didn't like it but was glad she was being agreeable.

Weirdly Sabine and Merula started to get closer. Merula didn't seem capable of the venom she used to spew at Sabine. They even had a private sleepover to celebrate Merula's birthday, Sabine's roomates being gone due to Christmas. Merula had gotten comfortable enough to share a bed with her. Sabine had got to sleep happy that they had finally buried the hatchet.

That morning she woke up to an asleep Merula holding onto her. Sabine almost had a heart attack. That was when she had a thought; hold her back. She almost did. That was when she realized she once again had a crush. She would have to distance herself to keep her from getting hurt. She wasn't able to fall back asleep. When Merula woke up she apologized for holding her. Sabine said she didn't mind, even though she did. The day after she began to distance herself from Merula.

The problem with this being in the same house, having the same classes, and sitting at the same table. Merula often asked if Sabine wanted to hang out or study together. Everytime she would decline Sabine could see the hurt in Merula's eyes, even if she acted like it didn't bother her.

Then one day in spring Merula had enough. She challenged Sabine to a private duel at night. Sabine arrived at the location expecting an angry Merula ready to fight her. Instead Merula was quietly waiting for her. It was almost eerie. Sabine asked what was happening. Merula simply said, "Do you hate me?" Sabine would have been surprised by the boldness if it had been anyone else, she said no.

Merula then demanded to know why she was avoiding her. Sabine couldn't think of anything to say. How could she explain that she had developed feeling for her? Then something shocking happened, Merula hugged her. She said she wanted to be around her again. That it hurt not to be. Merula buried her face in Sabine's chest. She said, "I need you to stay in my life because your the only person that treats me like I'm worth a damn. I think I like you. And that terrifies me."

Sabine was in a daze. She liked her? Sabine was scared. She slowly moved her hand onto Merula's head. Sabine breathed in deep. She said everything she had been holding in her heart. She told her how special she felt Merula was. That was when a thought came to her. Sabine swallowed hard and said, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Merula looked at Sabine. She said yes. The two of them started to cry out of happiness. It was almost bitter when they had to part. They agreed to meet up in Hogsmeade the week after, Sabine would come up with a date plan. They went back to the Slytherin common room while holding hands.

A month later Sabine asked if she could refer to Merula as her girlfriend. She agreed.

Strangely, Sabine's never been romantically attracted to Rowan. That was when Sabine realized she had a type. Tomboys.

How do they feel about their identity now?

Sabine is significantly happier since she was able to get the help she needed. She accepts the fact that she isn't going to magically wake up one day as a feminine heterosexual and she's glad she won't. Her family likes her girlfriend and she wouldn't want it any other way.

Blank questionnaire here:

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #sabine lowell #jacob's sibling #mc #merula snyde #jacob's sibling x merula #mc x merula #sabine x merula #lesbian #pride

[johns-prince]

Ok so this is going to be a long post but I need someone to explain something to me. I'm a guy, I'm gay and recently I just started to get obsessed with The Beatles and John especially. Let's say I have a mad crush on the guy. I was pleased to hear thanks to some blogs like yours that he was an lgbtq ally, and there is a chance that the man of my life was also a bisexual ( strongly leaning on the male side if I read some of your blogs including yours ). But my adoration for the man has been ---

shattered since I've read on various Beatles forums that he was very homophobic and shit it hurts me to hear that. I know that he has beat up a guy for implying that he was gay, trashed a movie on homosexuality in front of everyone ( I think the movie was called Victim ), that he would openly mock his gay manager Brian Epstein ( bless him ), has called gay people nasty names during a 70s interview like AKOMP stated, that he made fun of a musician by kissing him then pushing him away and called - him a " faggot " and other incidents I can't think of right now. It just hurts a lot because I adore this man, I'm madly in love with him but I'm starting to believe that all this support for the our community had been nothing but a shtick for the " peace & love " propaganda he and Yoko started in the 70s. He also said in a interview w himself that " bisexuality is trendy " which makes me believe that I'm right. I am lost & disappointed & I'm turning to you guys to clarify all of this to me pls.

Well first of all, hullo! I totally understand having a mad crush on John, as well as him being The Man of My Life. 

Yes, it’s true! The Beatles in general were very ahead of their time; none of them had any real issue with homosexuals, though perhaps a bit put off at times because of their upbringing and culture and all that, but they were supportive and never understood why these people were treated so poorly. They had a gay manager, it’d be weird for them to be homophobic while treating Brian like a parental figure, loved him and adored him [even if they did tease him a bit behind his back, or even in front of him-- they teased everyone, doesn’t mean they held any ill feelings towards Brian because he was gay] and being part of the music/artsy crowd, they all had gay/bisexual friends, open or not. 

I truly believe John was bisexual, and while he never outright stated it, I believe he would have eventually directly came out if he had not been killed. 

He was moreso testing the waters though, talking about that when he was 15 he thought he’d have to go and marry off some wealthy old woman or man to continue his passion for art/literature; frequented gay bars with Harry Nilsson, and while he claimed he did it to put off the press-- we know that what he did would have the opposite effect, the press would be constantly on watch, being that there was John Lennon going about gay bars! John could be a terrible liar; even during his Hamburg days, John was described as seeming at home in bars featuring drag queens, and was told he found it stupid how the ‘’culture’’ of gay individuals in industries like music or art, the “scenes” were championed, but the people in general were treated like shit; later on John says gay people are beautiful during an interview [in the 70s I believe]; he’s quoted saying that people should be able to love anyone, that it shouldn’t matter who someone loves; back to the Hamburg era, apparently John had been caught in a drag club/transvestite bar, you know, getting frisky with one by I guess the club runner? and he was all embarrassed of course, but the man didn’t judge him; John is described as someone who was always willing to experiment, after agreeing to a threesome with someone, again back in Germany, one female and another male [though the female was between them, not sure if anything happened between John and the other male]; yes I remember reading somewhere that John did kiss another male performer, before shoving him off and responded crudely; Yoko saying how she’d ‘’teasingly’’ call John a Closeted Fag; Yoko claiming John had told her he would have slept with a man, but he hadn’t found a man beautiful and intelligent enough for him to want to bed him [lies]; Yoko claiming that John had thought about having an affair with Paul; there’s rumors about John and David Bowie; that John had let Brian jerk him off and touch him during their trip to Spain [how John claims it wasn’t fully consummated, that is, no intercourse]; John in an interview saying how he hasn’t slept with a man-- but who knows? Life begins at 40!; John saying how Yoko reminded him of a bloke in drag, and how she was basically like a best mate, but it was easier because with her he could fuck her and love her in public; how he was found holding Brian’s hand by George and Pattie and someone else, and made it a note to showcase his holding of Brian’s hand, because being homosexual was still illegal then-- and there was John, trying to show that “yeah it’s okay.”; and there’s probably much more stories about John when it came to his sexual leaning towards men, though most have probably died with close friends and lovers.

Now, I think what happens is that these people forget the context surrounding John’s life; he wasn’t born in today’s world, he was born in the 40s and raised in the 50s-- being homosexual was illegal, and taught as something shameful, wrong, sick. Even though the boys were relatively very open and ahead of their time, they still grew up in all that, and so of course they still had ignorance and “fear” of homosexuality, of being anything but the expected standard of masculinity. 

John wasn’t the only one who mocked or teased Brian about being gay-- the other boys did it too, though moreso behind his back. John only did this when he was in a very sour mood though, as he did with anyone, he’d hone in on what was considered a sore spot, or weakness of theirs, and jab at it. He’d never mean anything by it though, and would often go talk to them afterwards an try to explain that-- his roundabout way of “apologizing,” that he never meant it, he was only joking, and he might hug them. No one was really safe from John’s sharp tongue when he got into those low points, aggressive and biting. John loved Brian, absolutely did, Brian was a very important paternal figure in John’s life as John never had a good one. When Brian died it devastated all of them, especially John, because again he had lost a very close male friend, too soon or too young, they’d always leave him. John loved Brian, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they’re either lying or ignorant themselves. 

Now, I think it was actually pretty important for John to tell that story about beating up Bob Wooler, and be as honest as he could about the whole thing, and owned up to his rather intolerant reaction to someone suggesting John was “a queer,” essentially [this was indeed after going off with Brian to Spain, so really everyone had been making sly comments– but that time around, John was drunk, and Drunk John is not at all sensible or cool]

“Bob had been insinuating that me and Brian had had an affair in Spain. And I must have been frightened of the fag in me to get so angry. I was out of my mind with drink - you know, when you get down to the point where you want to drink out of all the empty glasses; that drunk. And Bob was saying, ‘Come on, John, tell me about you and Brian - we all know.’ You know when you’re twenty-one, you want to be a man - if somebody had said it now I wouldn’t give a shit, but I was beating the shit out of him, hitting him with a big stick, and for the first time I thought, ‘I can kill this guy.’ I just saw it, like on a screen: if I hit him once more, that’;s going to be it. I really got shocked. That’s when I gave up violence, because all my life I’d been like that.”

- John Lennon, 1972 Anthology [x]

I think it says a lot, you know, John claiming he was afraid of the fag in him-- I mean, wouldn’t that mean that John knew a part of him was queer then? I think this was part of John confessing, though again, barely anyone caught onto it around that time. This is where I think John was projecting, and most of the ‘’homophobic’’ behavior he showcased was simply a product of internalized homophobia/biphobia. 

Also apparently John was INCREDIBLY, horribly remorseful and ashamed of what he had done to Bob-- I think he had gone to him and tried to apologize and show how sorry he was, how ashamed. 

I haven’t heard anything about John trashing the movie because of it being homosexual, so I can’t say much about that. 

So yeah, my conclusion is that a lot of what John did or said was a product of not only his upbringing/society and of internalized homophobia/biphobia. 

John grew up as a musician and individual in the “gay” scene, had many gay and bisexual friends from the industry, seemed to adore and love drag queens, was close friends with Elton Jon, David Bowie, Mick Jagger, loved and truly did look up to his manager Brian Epstein, thought it stupid gay people were treated like shite despite their contributions to the culture they all loved, thought Elvis was beautiful and was often caught commenting about it by friends, was always willing to “experiment,” his wife thought he was a bit of a closeted fag, that he would have slept with a man though he had never found one that met his expectations [liar], how his first love was Paul, that he fell for Paul’s looks like everyone else, thought Paul was the prettiest, Yoko claiming John had contemplated having an affair with Paul-- like, the list goes on. 

His support and acceptance of LGBT individuals was there long before Yoko-- so I wouldn’t really put the two in the same area, that being, yeah the whole political-era and “Peace and Love,” was brainwashing and influenced by Yoko, but not his beliefs towards the LGBT. 

Also, bisexual was seen as ‘’trendy’’ as, you see, bisexuality was actually considered a bit of a “new” thing; you were either gay or straight, even if you loved both men and women, you were considered a queer. I think that also messed with John’s already confused and frustrated view of his sexuality. And before that, it was considered a Bohemian Lifestyle-- try everything, sleep with men and women. 

I think if anything, John was possibility irritated with the fact bisexuality was considered a trend. 

I dunno, I try to remember the period and cultural context when talking about John, or anyone really, because it’s not very fair to judge them based on today’s culture and societal acceptance. It’s easy for us to judge them, not to try and understand them.

#questionsquestionsquestions #john lennon

[09yards]

8 - When You’re Gone (days gone by - nct)

All the mystery and the magic You light up what once was tragic And I know that I will miss you when you're gone I could never have imagined All the heavens pour with passion   But I know that I will miss you when you're gone

    Johnny had been right about one thing tonight; it was indeed a family affair. What felt like just about everyone Mark was close to, was dispersed throughout Yuta's house. The parents had all congregated in the kitchen, about five too many bottles of wine left empty on the side for the number of people - the chatter and laughter rang in Mark's ears.

God, he hated being drunk. The smallest of sounds seemed to echo in his ears but at the same time it felt like he was hearing things underwater, his head was spinning and he was about six too many drinks in and he'd barely been there two hours. The air around him feels thick, muggy from too many people being crowded into the various rooms.

    Jisung had somehow managed to get out of the whole ordeal, arguing with their mum about how it would be inappropriate for someone who is (even more so than the others) underage to be surrounded by drunk people and the possibility of him therefore partaking in said underage drinking would be increased and that's not good for his health. Johnny had called him a pussy under his breath and had promptly earned a slap to his stomach from their mum and a stern "watch your language John" who then turned to Jisung (whose face was now adorning the slight pout and puppy dog eyed look - aka how to get their mum to do whatever they wanted look), her face relaxing into a gentle smile before kissing the top of his head (on her tiptoes which made her pout) and telling him to rest well and not stay up too late studying or engrossed in whatever novel he was currently working his way through. Mark stuck his tongue out on the way out the door - the kid could get away with everything, he and Johnny had dubbed it the youngest child effect. Johnny was pretty upset that he'd wasted good chocolate milk and now Yuta was going to get to drink it.

    Mark had been dancing around since he'd first arrived, back and forth between rooms in hopes of avoiding Donghyuck. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to avoid him, the younger was probably doing the exact same thing though since the lack of communication between the two since way back to Mark's birthday. Mark had spent some time pining and was okay about the whole situation now (as okay as he could be on the surface anyhow). Mark had been so busy with school - even with only being a month and a half in - he'd been spending lunches in the library, study periods with his tutor to talk about his personal statement and what felt like every second of his free time was spent pouring over his textbooks, homework and whatever else he could get his hands on. The only breath of fresh air was when he finally submitted his uni applications, nudging the whole ordeal to the back of his mind rather than playing the waiting game to see if he'd get accepted or not. He'd drifted apart from everyone in a sense but with Donghyuck it was weird. When he passed the others in the hallways, they'd spare a second to flash a smile or give a quick wave, things were normal, but with Donghyuck it felt like he purposefully averted his eyes every time, maybe Mark's mind was playing tricks on him, maybe it wasn't.

Renjun had ranted to him over facetime at three am one night about how Donghyuck seemed to squash any and all rumours quite quickly about whether or not he was gay, Heejin and him had made up somehow apparently and Renjun had seen the two of them spending time together - what for, Mark didn't know, nor did he want to. Renjun had said it was probably some sort of ploy due to Hyuck's parents. They all knew the story and they weren't the worst, but when Hyuck's older brother, Taeyong, had come out they just seemed to ignore it - they pretended like it hadn't happened and they never brought up dating around Taeyong ever again until Taeyong had gotten quite sick of it and had decided to bring his boyfriend (although he hadn't introduced him as his boyfriend, it was quite clear by the two's body language that Taeil very much was) to their annual family Christmas party. Not his proudest moment he has admitted on multiple occasions but, to Mark and the others it was quite the scandal, particularly as lovely as Donghyuck's parents were, they just seemed to not realise the number of people around them that were gay, much to the amusement of the majority of their friends. Just about everyone was gay, bisexual or pan between Mark and Johnny's friends, as well as a copious amount of people attending their school alone were part of the LGBTQ+ community and openly expressed their support of it and how the Lee's were yet to realise it no one would ever know, as well as how they've managed to live in their surprisingly accepting small town where political and social 'issues' weren't taboo. Taeyong had moved out the moment he was accepted into uni and promised that he wouldn't end their relationship for the sake of Hyuck, even if it meant the only time he spoke to his parents these days was when 'required' to at family events and the occasional birthday phone call. Mark and Donghyuck had grown distant over the last two months and Mark couldn't help but feel like it was to do with the rumours. Mark knew Donghyuck's parents wouldn't be happy about him being gay, if he was (Mark was still confused as to whether or not he'd come out to him that day) they would just pretend like it wasn't happening, make up a girl that he was supposedly dating to rely it to the family - it had happened before and it would more than likely happen again. But alas, Mark was far too drunk for him to be able to work up the emotional capacity to act like the best friend, if he could even call himself that anymore, he should be too Donghyuck.

- - - -

    "Jaehyun, please stop, I'm too drunk for this-"

"Being drunk is the perfect time young padawan! As the expert on all thing’s soulmates, please remember I have known mine since I was a mere five years of age, I am the most qualified to educate you here."

"You're probably more drunk than I am right now-"

"I probably am, okay, I definitely am but, doesn't stop me from being happy and in love and married to the best person in the world."

"You aren't married?"

"That's what you think."

"Jaehyun, what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just because I may not be legally married, yet, that doesn't mean I won't be anytime soon. I just need to pick a ring and then ask him but it's not like he's going to say no right? Having a soulmate, you are bound to that person for the rest of your life, that's the whole idea of marriage, is it not? Oh look, there's Doyoung, see you later Mark!" Mark was flabbergasted, apparently Jaehyun had turned into some kind of Tumblr drabble reciting robot when drunk off the dubious substance in his cup, although if you asked him he'd probably just say it's what happens when you're in love and then flash you the famous Jung smile - dimpled and gummy.

"Wait!" Even when he raised his voice himself it made his head pound, "You didn't give me your advice?"

"Oh yeah," Jaehyun could barely stand straight, gently swaying as he paused in his steps half turned to Mark, “Just confess already. The pining isn't doing you any good and there's no other way to find out if he's your soulmate or not unless he tells you he's the one who caused your tattoo. Right now, you're only hurting yourself, stop feeling guilty all the time and be a little selfish for once, not that telling someone how you feel is selfish. You'll only make yourself sick, literally, either way and yes it could end up worst case scenario but you could also end up happy. You deserve to be happy Mark, you've spent so long doing things for everyone else because you felt like you had to, do something for yourself." Mark let his weight sink to the floor, his back pressed against the cold wall of the hallway.

Maybe it's what he needed to be able to let go?

    "Mark, hey," Jungwoo turned the corner, finding Mark still cuddled up against the wall where Jaehyun had left him earlier, "I was looking for you, you disappeared on everyone."

"Jungwoo... I want to apologise again about what happened at my birthday. I was drunk, wasn't thinking straight. What I did was wrong, so wrong and I'm so sorry for it and for upsetting you and-"

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm okay? Taeyong introduced me to this older friend of his anyway, very cute, very mature so no risk of him doing any classic teenage pining. Besides, neither of us were exactly thinking straight Mark. You and Haechannie will figure things out soon enough."

"Jaehyun told me to confess, that's why I'm here, debating whether that would be easier than yeeting myself off a cliff." Mark couldn't look at Jungwoo, he still felt guilty, sure they'd both been drunk and neither were exactly hoping to start anything in the future but it felt sucky, Mark never wanted to hurt someone else and in that moment he did, whether Jungwoo was okay now or not.

"Maybe you should, get everything out in the open rather than keeping all those emotions bottled up. You never know, maybe good things will come from it."

"Thank you, Woo, I know what I did was super shitty and I really hope you know how sorry I am."

"Shut up Mark, it never happened."

"Right, it never happened."

For the first time in a while, an actual smile threatened to appear on Mark's face. "Come on, lets re-join the party! Winwin got everyone dancing, even Johnny," Jungwoo grabbed his hand to pull him up from the floor, "let’s have some fun."

    As Jungwoo and Mark joined the makeshift dance floor of Yuta's living room, more drinks were pushed into their hands as their friends whooped and cheered that they were back, all far too drunk to remember any of their actions come morning. Jaehyun and Doyoung were cooped up in a corner, speaking in hushed voices to one another, both of their eyes filled with complete adoration for one another. Lucas was twirling Yuqi, the two of them bursting into fits of giggles whenever they made eye contact, it was endearing, Mark thought. Yuta and Winwin seemed to no longer be hiding their relationship status when Sicheng was not-so-subtle, sitting on Yuta's lap, the two leaning in for an R-rated kiss that Mark swiftly looked away from. Jaemin's head was resting on Renjun's thigh as they sat down on the sofa, evidently Jaemin had drunk more than he could handle and Renjun's hands gently cascaded through the younger's hair. Mark liked seeing his friends together, it made him realise just what having one’s soulmate can do, how it can make you feel. But he couldn't help the pang in his chest at the thought, he was alone, his eyes somehow having found Donghyuck among the copious amounts of people dancing. Mark couldn't take his eyes off of him, he gravitated towards him, dancing with some girls from his class who dragged Mark to join them - pushing him towards Donghyuck.

    The younger's head snapped up at the mention of Mark's name, no longer focused on perfecting the choreography to whatever song was playing with Yeri and Irene. Before Donghyuck could escape, Mark clasped his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes. Now or never, now or never.

Donghyuck freed himself, flashing Mark a disgusted look before walking out of the room as fast as he could without drawing attention to them, Mark close behind.

"Hyuck, wait up please!"

"Leave me alone Mark."

"Come on Hyuck, at least let me speak," Mark's shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, attempting to build up his courage, now or never. "J-just let me say this and then you can scream, yell, runaway or whatever it is you want to do," Donghyuck's resistance against Mark pulling his arm again relaxed, "just, please let me speak."

"Fine. What do you so desperately have to say?" His voice was wobbly, Donghyuck was telling himself that it was because of the cold October air and not his emotions getting the better of him. Donghyuck doesn’t even remember at what point they’d made it outside – nor does he see the audience of one they’ve gathered.

"Okay, right, here we go."

"I don't have all night Mark."

"Right, sorry. Of course, I just need a second." Was the air getting thicker or was Mark just having trouble breathing?

"Here goes nothing," Mark took one last deep breath and closed his eyes, he had this speech engraved in his mind ready to use it at any moment, "I like you Hyuck. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and I'm also fairly certain that you're my soulmate.

I know that we're young and I'm definitely dumb and you aren't even eighteen yet but, I know that I'm in love with you and I trust that the universe made us meet that day in the library because you are my soulmate. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up next to anyone else. I can't imagine kissing someone else, holding someone else in my arms, running my hands through their hair, listening to them hum along to the radio. It's always you, in my daydreams and my nightmares, whether I'm asleep or awake you're always by my side.

Believe me when I say I tried to stop, I tried to convince myself that you're not the one. I spent so long crying myself to sleep, begging the universe to let me stop loving you, I tried, I really, really tried... but, I'm always going to love you. I think I've known that since the day we first met and I need you to know that, I'm always going to love you. No matter what. I've imagined me saying this to you hundreds of thousands of times and I was never going to say anything but I can't keep doing this. I can't fake another smile, I can't fake like everything’s alright all of the time, I can't fake that I'm alright. I love you Donghyuck."

"Mark," Donghyuck inhaled sharply, "I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Say you feel the same, say you can feel your soulmate mark showing up, whatever," the pleading in Mark's words was clear by his breathlessness, "Hyuckie, please, I know you can feel it too."

"I'm sorry Mark, I really am," his shoulders slumped and he couldn't meet Mark's eyes, Mark's pleading gaze, "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I don't feel the same, I'm not in love with you Mark. You're hurting someone else by doing this, please get over me and stop - I know you won't be able to handle the guilt. I can't let you hurt someone else, I can't hurt you by lying like that. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

And with that he turned away, leaving Mark behind, hiccupping in attempts to breathe while he sobbed uncontrollably. A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling Mark into a warm chest, a gentle hand patting his head and muttering "it's okay" over and over again.

    Mark had never felt more sober than he did in that moment. Dizziness overtook him, the walls if the hallway felt like they were closing in around him, getting closer and closer, suffocating him. He sobbed and sobbed until he didn't have a single tear left to cry, his body spasming as he tried to catch his breath, hiccupping into the comfort of Johnny's arms.

Mark had never wanted to get drunk more in his life.

- - - - -

    Donghyuck is peacefully absorbed in his history textbook when his attention is snapped away from medieval medical treatments and to Jaemin quite literally plonking himself in the chair over the other side of the table to Donghyuck, letting out an exasperated sigh as he does so, backpack discarded on the floor by his feet as his eyes meet Donghyuck's - they're inquisitive and Donghyuck feels himself shrink in on himself a little, out of apprehension, fear or embarrassment, Donghyuck isn't sure.

"What happened with you and Mark?"

There was a slight bite to Jaemin's voice, no traces of any gentleness or subtly. Jaemin wasn't for softness when it came to life generally, particularly when someone’s upset, he approaches situations with the grace of a herd of elephants.

"Nothing."

Jaemin tuts, rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh, clearly not satisfied with Donghyuck's answer - or rather lack thereof.

"Oh, that’s not what I heard?"

Donghyuck can't tell if Jaemin drew the short straw and is the one tasked with interrogating him over the events of the weekend or if he's genuinely doing it for himself. Maybe Mark is keeping quiet about the events of that night, however even with how good the two are at avoiding one another it is clear Mark hasn't been in school the last few days, they aren't that good at not having crossed paths remotely once. Donghyuck couldn't help the pang of guilt. Donghyuck also knows that Jaemin isn't giving up, he's tapping his fingers against the desk as if he's hoping that'll prompt Donghyuck to talk. Jaemin is nonchalant about most things in life (aside from anything Renjun related), yet he doesn't back down and is evidently undaunted when it comes to getting what he wants.

"Well, nothing happened."

"Bullshit." Jaemin counters, without missing a beat.

Donghyuck is taken back by the harshness of his voice. Honestly, Donghyuck thought they would drag this out for longer, more like he was hoping he could keep up his charade of 'nothing happened' for longer, staying in his little bubble where he could pretend like everything was okay - like that night hadn't happened and he hadn't broken his best friends heart. Jaemin was the type to bug you to just the right level of being ridiculously annoying to get what he wanted out of you - driving you to insanity bit by bit was more his style unlike the current look of utter despair lacing his usually kind features.

"That's utter bullshit and you know it. Whatever fantasy charade you're keeping up by pretending everything’s okay is ending right now. You keep sighing in lessons, I can practically feel the anguish radiating off of you from the other side of town and here you are straight up lying to my face and just about everyone else, including yourself."

"Why do you care so much?" Hyuck didn't mean to sound so cold, it was just a second-nature defence mechanism at this point as well as being caught off-guard by Jaemin's sudden outburst.

Jaemin looks at him again, staring dead into Hyuck's eyes like he's searching for Donghyuck's last remaining brain cell, jokes on him though because it's not there. "Because Haechannie, I actually care about you and want to make sure you're okay as well as Mark. The tension between you two is downright depressing and I thought all the melodrama ended when Renjun and I got together but clearly, I was wrong, the two of you are so much worse. Both with permanent pouts on their faces, avoiding talking about whatever happened so no one can do anything to help which again, is just," Jaemin let out some disgruntled sound in lieu of an adjective but laced with the same disgust he was attempting to convey, "you see? Everyone has been here before, we're not all Jaehyun and Doyoung, you're more like Johnny and Ten and the utter mess that was the start of their best-friends-to-boyfriends transition. We all care about you; we all want to make sure that you're coping and not making yourself sick." Jaemin's now looking at him with one eyebrow raised as if Donghyuck's now supposed to magically understand whatever Jaemin's word vomit was actually implying.

Donghyuck lets his eyes wander over Jaemin's appearance, his hand griping his hair in anticipation of Hyuck's reply, pupils blown, wide and gazing at Donghyuck's face for any hint of emotion, looking slightly manic. Donghyuck evaluates his current position and with a deep breath he feels calmer, his muscles have relaxed, a smirk graces his face and-

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how are Johnny and Ten?"

6 NEW MESSAGES FROM RENJUN

I don't know what you did but you broke Jaemin

I've been trying to get him to shut up for years and you did it in less than half an hour

teach me your ways

he hasn't said anything since he got back, he's just sat there staring out the window with his mouth hanging open

Jisung and Chenle are seeing how many blueberries they can get in his mouth until he snaps out of it

they're up to nine

let me know how many they get up too

and tell Jaemin I'm sorry and that I'll

talk when I'm ready.

Donghyuck smiles, its only small but it’s his first genuine smile in a while.

- - - - -

     The rain is bouncing off the ground as he walks home, splashing his ankles and soaking the ends of his jeans. The temperature seems to have dropped by a million degrees since this morning and he's wishing he checked the weather app and put a warmer coat on. He's at the point where the harsh October air feels like it’s getting in his bones, just about every inch of him is freezing and just when he thinks things can't get any worse, as he turns the corner to his house he's met by a tall figure sat on the steps leading up to his door.

The rain is the last thing on his mind as he lets his umbrella drop to his side, tilting his head as if that would help him get a better look at the boy that's slouched over, flicking his phone between his hands.

Upon hearing Donghyuck let out a pathetic attempt at a cough in hopes of gaining the others attention, the mop of blonde hair moves until Hyuck is met with a heart-warming, lopsided smile he could recognise anywhere.

"Hey, Haechannie."

"Hello, what can I help you with?"

"I think you know why I'm here."

#cznnent #nct #markhyuck #nct fic #markhyuck fic #nct 127 #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct mark #dojae #nct donghyuck #johnten #luqi #renmin #yuwin

[nathaniacolver]

The mormon church did not let poc become full members until 1978, endorsed conversation "therapy" and still opposes queer relationships. Why do you have any desire to be a part of it?

hey, fantastic question! sorry for just now getting to this. we do have a sometimes-questionable history, but i mean, which group of people doesn't? which PERSON doesn't? i think for a lot of this stuff, the members at that time just didn't know.

yeah, i actually don't know a whole ton ab the Church's endorsement of conversion therapy, so if you could enlighten me, that'd be awesome! maybe an article or 2? but whatever happened, lol, Jesus never wanted that. it sucks that so many of those members had these hard prejudices against minority/disadvantaged groups, because like, did they not read the New Testament??? did they not literally see Jesus spend all his time with ALL the people who were disadvantaged/shunned/ostracized/disabled??????¿?

and i would hope that members of Jesus Christ's Church wouldn't treat queer people any different anymore. if they do.....................they are NOT living His standards, haha. the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8) LITERALLY TEACHES US that we have no right to judge each other, because we all have sin. like. i am a sinner. the whole point is if you didn't have ANY sin, you would not still be alive on earth haha. so idk why people judge or oppress. they clearly do NOT know Jesus as well as they profess to. (another note ab the "woman caught in adultery" - everyone assumes she was with a guy, but like - isn't that the heteronormative view of the situation? 😂 point is, she coulda been gay, & we wouldn't know. either way, Jesus literally said He didn't condemn her at all, "go and sin no more." small note from my pov!)

the joseph smith comment as well - again, i don't know a whole lot about this, but the best thing is - my religion, my faith is NOT founded in Joseph Smith. it's founded in Jesus Christ. i've had "spiritual" experiences ("spiritual" might translate into "supernatural" or "inexplicable" situations for you) where it's like........there HAS to be some all-powerful being, non-mortal, that supports me & understands my situation. and that's the number 1 reason I believe in Jesus Christ - because He's shown me that he knows stuff that L I T E R A L L Y no other human could know about me, bc i never shared it with anyone. this is why we're not the Mormon church - our belief is not founded on Mormon. he just happens to be the historian who assembled this book in 410-420 AD, and that's why it's named after him. kinda like pythagoras' theorem, or newton's law of physics. they don't OWN those concepts, they just assembled & condensed them.

point is - i have a spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ, & He's shown me that this Church is His. this Church gives me the resources to learn more about Jesus Christ, to experience His power - that's why i'm a member. i'm a member because i trust Jesus Christ, that He shows me the best way to become the best possible version of myself. There's been way too many times where I just act on a feeling to talk to someone or to shoot them a text or to validate them in some way, and those people have come up to me afterwards & said "i don't know how you knew to say that......i NEEDED to hear that today." and like. my belief in Jesus gives me the power to do so. that's why I believe - i literally feel like I have more power to be a good person if I try to replicate Jesus Christ's life.

sorry for the rant 😅😅 happy to clarify anything if needed!

[qqueenofhades]

Friend! Out of curiosity, as Resident Historian, do you have any thoughts on historical ableism and acceptance/non-acceptance of disability? (Ideally especially during the Golden Age of Piracy but I'm also generally fascinated)

Hehe. Of course I have Thoughts. When do I not have Thoughts.

Medieval disability studies have started to become a considerable trend in just the past 10 years or so, and that link above provides a brief overview and several selections for further reading. The medieval era is obviously the one I know most about, and there was – if no form of institutionalized or regularized medical care for the disabled and ill – not total ignorance of it either. Almshouses (essentially charity homes for the sick and disabled) and leper hospitals were increasingly common in Europe from the eleventh century on. Leprosy was associated with the crusades, and the founding of hospitals for them was viewed as both a social necessity, to segregate those with a highly visible, contagious, and debilitating disease from others, and as a charitable duty for the care of holy people (crusaders) who had achieved some virtue by their actions. There was considerable influence in ideas about the holiness of suffering, and that those who did so were closer to God. In fact, medieval care of the disabled was strongly influenced by classical Christian ideas of piety: care for the sick, feed the hungry, etc, and there were orders of monks and nuns dedicated to it. 

As ever, your class was the strongest determining factor of the care you received: if you were wealthy, you could pay for servants to tend your needs, and live fairly comfortably in your own home. Disability and illness was not a disqualifying factor from attaining high office (as you might expect in a world without modern medical care – everyone would be subject to the same things), and there are many representations of disability in medieval manuscripts. But if you were poor, you were reliant on whatever care your family could or wanted to provide for you, or had to hope you could get a place at an almshouse or similar institution. There were superstitions around disability, and if you had to work for your living in any way (aka everyone below the nobility), this seriously disadvantaged you. But the disabled lived fairly freely in their communities, including in positions of power, weren’t an uncommon or unexpected sight by any means, and had some basic (if doubtless not particularly comfortable) system set up for their care, based on religious charity and individual piety.

As leprosy, a visibly disfiguring physical disease, mostly disappeared from Western Europe around 1500, a new focus on mental disability appeared instead, centered especially on the imagery of the “Ship of Fools.” Michel Foucault talks about this in Madness and Civilization, but it was a particular theme in literature and art, based around the 1494 epic poem “Das Narrenschiff” by the humanist Sebastian Brant. It was, once again, a moral commentary on both humanity and, particularly, the corrupt Catholic Church. The “fools” were placed on a ship and ostracized (symbolically) from the body politic; madness was a concerning and troubling political feature among several monarchs (such as with Joanna “the Mad” of Castile and Charles VI of France, as well as Henry VI of England) and it began to be viewed more negatively than it necessarily had been in the medieval era. Aka: as ever, physical disability was easier to understand and to care for, but mental disabilities got the shaft.

In regard to the Golden Age of Piracy (1650-1726, or thereabouts) pirates were, as ever, radical in their social organization and mores. We already know that they were hella queer, had their own form of gay marriage (often shared in a threesome with a woman) and in general were socially liberal, egalitarian, and democratic (honestly, Black Sails is incredibly accurate in capturing the spirit of the historical pirates’ republic and lifestyle, and it was conceived specifically in response to the brutality and oppression of the Navy, which many of them had fled). This extended to their treatment of disability, though medical care and disability had obviously been common to seamen long before pirates. However, while a debilitating injury often meant that a merchant or Navy sailor was turned out with not much option for future employment, pirates established basic workman’s comp and social insurance for everyone aboard a ship. Pirate articles often included specific provisions for disability and loss of limb; Henry Morgan’s in 1671 spell out various sums for the loss of a leg, arm, or eye. Furthermore, disability payments could sometimes continue indefinitely. So a pirate with a peg leg or a hook for a hand or an eyepatch (or all the other pirate trappings, many of which were popularized by Stevenson in Treasure Island) would actually be uncommon. If they got severely or traumatically injured in the line of duty, they could retire with enough money to support themselves, and not need to hazard the dangerous and difficult life of an amputee aboard a traditional sailing ship. (Incidentally, the popular image of a pirate is often how disability began to be represented in the media.)

The excavation and recovery of the Queen Anne’s Revenge has yielded nearly a full kit of medical supplies, and Blackbeard reportedly forced the three surgeons to stay aboard the ship when he captured it. There is some debate about how the image of the “disabled pirate” – Stevenson’s Long John Silver and Blind Pew, Barrie’s Captain Hook, etc – began to be common, and the answer is probably tied to the attitudes of the late 18th and overall 19th centuries, which were absolutely disastrous for disabled people. The rise of the asylums began around now, including the notorious Bethlem Royal Hospital (from where we get the word “bedlam.”) Workhouses were built en masse, where the destitute poor and the actually disabled alike were shoved in indiscriminately and treated abominably, and “asylum tourism,” aka go to the madhouse to admire the architecture (and gape at the patients) was a real and horrifying thing. Thus, disability became tied to immorality, weakness, deficiency, and the need to be publically segregated from society (until then, the disabled had been cared for at home – there were a small number of patients in a few private charity hospitals in 1800, and by 1900, there were almost 100,000 in countless workhouses/asylums/general pits of misery). You have Capitalism! (take a shot) and the Industrial Revolution to thank for that. If you couldn’t work in a factory, and you couldn’t earn a wage, and you were a burden on your family who now would be expected to work for an income to support themselves, yep, it was the madhouse for you. And of course, plenty of totally non-mad people got shipped off as well. As I said. Disastrous.

In fact, we have Nellie Bly (aka Elizabeth Jane Cochran, a reporter at the New York World, who I wrote about in my first Timeless historical companion piece) to thank for starting a conversation around asylum reform. In 1887, in a groundbreaking piece of undercover journalism, she got herself committed to Blackwell’s Island asylum in New York and then wrote Ten Days in a Mad-House, revealing both the nightmarish conditions and how every doctor who examined her instantly declared her insane with no hope for recovery. It caused such an uproar that there finally started to be some attempt at oversight and reform for mental hospitals (although there is obviously still a long way to go, yeah – the nineteenth century was The Worst for this.)

So yes. As ever, that was probably more than anyone wanted to know, but the Golden Age of Piracy was particularly focused on social and financial care for members of its community who became disabled, paid pensions, and actually would not have needed to have too many walking wounded seamen/sailors, because there was no incentive to have to keep earning a wage by physical labor when you would be supported from the communal treasure chest. Aka yes, the pirates’ republic of the 17th and 18th centuries was light years more politically and culturally progressive than 21st century America (/stares at the latest Trumpcare bill/Obamacare repeal up in the Senate) and it ain’t close.

#history #medieval history #history of disability #golden age of piracy #extasiswings #ask