You Saved Me - Derek Hale x fem!reader part 27
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"So it's safe now?" I asked into the phone, a little less enthusiastic as I would have been four years ago. Four. Years. In those four years, I had moved out of Castle McLeod, gotten my own little cottage on the mainland, and Nicholas has been taking Gaelic classes to prepare him for school next year. But it seemed that they were unnecessary now.
"Yeah, now it's finally safe." Scott said, nervously.
"Scott, have you looked at a calendar?"
“A lot of stuff has happened!”
“I’m well aware of that. Including stuff I should have been there for.” Nothing like hearing your best friend was possessed by a Nogitsune. I sighed, happy at least that I could come home. I had the paperwork done for months, it took almost four years to get the paperwork for Nicholas’ citizenship. It’s almost as if the United States was making it harder and harder for people to enter the country.
“Alright, I’ll pick up Michael from work and get Nicholas in the car.”
“You’re bringing Michael?”
“Yeah, I have to. He’s my bodyguard.”
“Derek’s not gonna like that.”
“Yeah well, I wouldn’t know that would I?” I snapped. Derek had become a touchy subject in the house. Considering that I hadn’t heard from him in three years.
“Okay, okay, but Derek said-”
“I don’t care what Derek said. I don’t.” I put on a smile when I saw Nicholas walk in, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hung up before he could continue. I slid my phone in my back pocket and grinned down at my son.
“Guess what, sweetie.”
“Wha?” He asked, his green eyes wide. His long, dark hair in his eyes. He picked up an accent from living here, mostly from Lachlan who had become his favorite person.
Bending down, I swept the hair away from his eyes, “We’re gonna move to America. We get to see mama’s family.”
“Really?!” He started bouncing up and down.
“Yeah!” I picked him up in my arms and held him close, “Uncle Stiles and Grandpa Noah and Uncle Scott.” I paused, trying to figure out how to add his other family in without him asking questions, “All of them.”
“Yay!” He cheered. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I carried him into his room and started to pack his bag.
-
"Hey, darlin'." Michael sat down in the passenger seat of my rental car, pressing a kiss to my cheek before looking back, "Sin mo bhalach! (There’s my boy)." I really wasn’t a fan of these but he was trying to keep up appearances for the locals that we were just a little family.
"Bidh thu a ’sabaid ris na droch ghillean, Mikey?(You fight the bad guys?)" Nicholas was almost fluent in Scottish Gaelic. Sometimes, he spoke words that I didn’t even know yet.
"I sure did, bud!" He smiled and then looked back at me, "You wouldn't believe what we went through today. Rouge teenage werewolf pack, no alpha. Major power struggle. We put them in detainment and we're looking into a pack that'll take them in."
"Yeah sounds... Fun." He was in his maroon uniform that Lachlan created for all Lunar Circle bodyguards; it looked like a cross between the Green Berets and navy camo. On his breast pocket was a bronze and gold wolf-print medal.
"What's wrong, darlin?" He asked. I looked behind and pressed the screen icon on the touch screen on the dash.
"Hey, honey.” I looked back at Nicholas in the rearview mirror, “Why don't you watch a movie? Yeah?" He nodded with a grin, putting on his blue earmuffs with built in sound protection and happily started watching whatever movie I had put in the DVD player, Strange Magic I think.
“What is it?"
"Well, first: you don’t have to call me darlin when we’re alone.” I glanced at him and then the road, Two, Scott called. It's safe to go back home." I looked back at Nicholas in the mirror, he looked so peaceful. Just humming along to whatever was playing.
"And I want to see Uncle Noah and Stiles."
Michael stared out the window, "And Derek too, I'm assuming.” He said grimly, “(Y/N), I thought you were over him. I thought we were finally moving on with our lives. Are you playing with my emotions-"
"Do you think this is a game? I love my life here, but I need to see my family. I want him to know his family outside of a computer screen. And if that means he sees Derek, then he will."
"Alright, alright, fine. Let's go back. I gotta pack-"
"Oh, already did that. Clothes packed, Lachlan’s having the rest shipped on his freighter.”
He chuckled, "Figured. You're always prepared." Michael smiled, looking back at Nicholas who was halfway asleep, struggling not to drop his sippy cup.
"What are we going to do about Derek?" He asked.
Sighing, my shoulders slumped, "I don't know, Mikey. I really don't."
-
Lachlan met us at the airport to see us off. Well, more to see Nicholas off. Since he was born, Lachlan had gone above and beyond for the little boy. From boat rides, to swimming in Loch Ness, to whatever toy his little heart desired. The Praetor spoiled him for sure.
“He’s got everything?” Lachlan asked nervously, “All his clothes? Does he have puppy dog because you know he can’t sleep without it-”
“Lachlan, relax.” I held onto his shoulders, “Nicholas has everything he needs.”
“I’m just nervous.” Lachlan said, looking over as Nicholas slept on Michael’s lap, “I don’t know what we’ll do without him.”
“You mean you don’t know what you’ll do?” I lightly punched his shoulder.
He sighed, “I just... You two are family to me. The family that I never got to have.” He looked back at me, “Maybe I should come with you. I’ve never been to America before. Plus, our ground team of security has already been dispatched to Beacon Hills.”
“We’ll be safe. It’s finally safe back there.” I smiled. Lachlan sighed loudly, combing his hair back from his face when the overhead voice called for us to board our flight.
“Okay.” He mumbled, walking over to sleeping Nicholas and taking him into his arms.
“I’ll see you soon, kiddo.” He kissed the top of his head. Nicholas mumbled something in his sleep, tightening his grip on his wolf plush - puppy dog.
-
"There she is!" Uncle Noah walked out of the house, arms wide. I squealed, running up the driveway and into his arms. He squeezed me tight, swaying us from side to side. Uncle Noah smelled like home, something that I had missed for so long. He sniffled a little, pulling away to look down at me.
"Awh sweetheart..." He held my cheeks, wiping away happy tears.
"Happy tears, happy tears." I hiccupped, looking back at Michael who got a sleepy Nicholas out of his car seat.
"Stiles off being an FBI man?" I chuckled.
"You bet, but he's gonna be home soon."
Once Nicholas rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, they opened wide when he saw Uncle Noah.
"Grandpa!" He ran up, replacing me in Uncle Noah's arms.
"Look how big you are!" He said through a grin, "Oh I have waited for so long to hug on you." He startled tickling the little boy, causing a fit of giggles.
"Let's get you guys inside, I bet you're starving." He led us inside, Nicholas talking his ear off.
Dinner was good, but anything would be good since we had been eating Scottish cuisine for the last four years. Not that I didn't like the food there, it's just that nothing beat the tastes of home.
After dinner, Nicholas had crashed in the middle of the living room floor. Even after a cross-continental flight, he had enough energy to stay up way past his bedtime back home to talk and place with all the toys that Grandpa had bought him. Oddly enough, it was around that he would go to bed time-wise. Lachlan said that werewolves had an internal clock and always knew when to wake up and when to sleep. Yeah, tell that to all the sleepless nights in the first few months of his life.
Michael patted my hand and stood up, going into the living room and oh so carefully picked up the sleeping boy and took him upstairs to my old room. Leaving Uncle Noah and I with our coffee.
"Still nothing from Derek, huh?"
"Nada. Nicholas has never really asked."
"Does he think Michael's his dad?" He said over a sip from his mug.
"Oh absolutely not. As far as he knows, his dad is off having great adventures. That's what he's come up with."
"I thought you said Derek was going to be a part of his life."
"He was." I sipped my now cold coffee, "He tried for a while. He used to video call us for a couple months."
"There's daddy." I held the four month old in front of the camera as soon as Derek's face filled the screen. Nicholas made a cooing noise and reached for the screen with little grabby hands. Derek grinned brightly, the special twinkle in his eye that made my soul want to melt.
"There's my boy." His eyes searched the screen, "He still has so much hair."
I nodded, "Yeap. All thanks to you, Sasquatch." I sat the baby boy on my lap and kissed the top of his head. My attention was brought back to Derek where he was just staring at us with so much love and adoration that I wanted nothing more than to fly back to Beacon Hills.
"Did you get my package?" He asked, referring to the large box full of toys, clothes, pictures and random items that he was completely spoiling our child with.
"If you mean all the toys, yeah, we got it." I smiled, "He's in love with that little wolf plush. He can't sleep without it." As if on cue, Nicholas started whining until he was given the toy which was beside us on the bed. When I gave it he promptly started gumming on the ear.
"Yeah, I thought he might." He leaned on his hand and watched him, "Cora said that it was cliché but I don't care." Then he sat up like he had thought of something.
"What about your gift?" He leaned in towards the screen.
I shook my head and smiled, "I'm wearing it, aren't I?" I tugged at the hem of the shirt I was wearing. It was one of his black t-shirts, one that hadn't been torn or soiled with blood. It smelled just like him and I had been wearing it at night to sleep.
"Has he started showing any signs?"
I looked down at my baby, "Not that I can think of. But he's only a couple months old. Lachlan said that if he hasn't shown signs now, he may have the dormant gene. Since I was a werewolf when he was conceived he should more than likely be one. But no dice, he sleeps all night during the full moon. Or, that's what Michael tells me." He scoffed.
"What?"
"I guess Michael's the expert now."
"Derek, we're not doing this again." Michael was a touchy subject.
"You know what?" He said, "I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow." The video call ended.
~
"And that's the last time I heard from him." I got up and poured my cold coffee in the sink and started rinsing out the mug.
"That doesn't sound like Derek." He looked back at me, "But... It will be nice having people in the house again. With Stiles being gone all the time. Nicholas is great." He grinned, "A little rambunctious, but he's pretty great."
"You're telling me." I leaned against the counter after I turned off the sink, "His first word was momma. After that he started getting better and better. Talking all the time. He's almost fluent in Gaelic." I added, "Lachlan basically started a preschool program for the other kids after he was born. And while he's at preschool, I am leading their research team on the negative effects of the Wolf Eclipse spell and the intergenerational trauma that comes from it."
"Well look at that, my little girl, head of the research team." He stood up and walked to the sink, rinsing his cup and leaving it there.
"Just no big deal." I smirked.
"So when is Derek coming?" He asked, leaning against the counter.
I inhaled through my teeth and shrugged, "He doesn't know we're here. I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him since we got on the plane."
"Oh..." Uncle Noah grimaced, "Cause ya see, Stiles is working with Derek on something. And Derek's been staying here."
My eyes widened in shock, and my head whipped around just in time for the door to open. Stiles stood in the doorway, dressed in a collared shirt, tie, black slacks and dress shoes. I had not seen him this dressed up in a decade. But my focus was on the werewolf standing behind him, staring right back at me. He hadn't changed a bit, not that I expected him to look so different. But I hadn't heard from him in so long that he almost felt like a different person. Not even our connection could travel that far so seeing him now was strange. The connection we had was back again, my heart felt full after feeling half empty for so long. I was back where we started four years ago, the familiar strangers.
"God dammit." I whispered to myself before smiling awkwardly, "Uh... Surprise?"
"(Y/N)... Hey..." Stiles said in his Stiles fashion of being incredibly awkward. He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes darting from me to Derek.
Derek had not taken his eyes off of me, just kept on staring on in confusion. It was like he couldn't fathom that I was actually standing in the kitchen.
"Where is he?" He asked softly.
“I-...” I had come up with some many things to say to him. I had even written them down. But they went poof out of my memory.
"Where is he?" His eyes changed color, but his eyes weren't alpha red, no. They were beta yellow again. He had lost his alpha status... But how. And how come they weren’t blue anymore? Obviously, Scott and Stiles had missed a few details. His eyes scanned the room and locked on Nicholas’ dinosaur sippy cup that he left on the table. That was all he needed before he started for the stairs. I blocked his path to the stairs, flashing my red eyes at him to show dominance. He couldn’t go past me, I was the alpha here.
Or, at least, that’s what I thought. When it came to his child, Derek Hale would stop at nothing to get to him. I would admire that if he wasn’t trying to get around me to get upstairs. He grabbed me by the arms, throwing me back towards the living room, storming up the stairs. I scrambled to follow, Stiles and Uncle Noah behind me, calling for him to stop.
When I made it up the stairs, I found him staring into the open doorway of my bedroom. He had an expression I couldn’t read, but his emotions came flooding out in anger and betrayal. Since he was distracted, I grabbed him by the back of his neck and threw him to the ground. He pulled me with him, flipping us so that he was on top, roaring down at me.
“Why did you keep him from me?!”
“You kept him from yourself!” I roared back.
“Mommy!” We both looked towards the doorway where Nicholas stood. He was wearing little footie pajamas, clutching onto his wolf. He was trembling at what he was witnessing.
Derek growled, sitting up quickly. I grabbed his arm, trying to get up. He had caught me so off guard that I was scrambling to keep up. He glared back, shoving me into the wall and walking towards the door. Nicholas screamed, running back into the room.
“YOU’RE SCARING HIM!” I screamed, reaching out. In his rage, I don’t think he realized what he was doing.
Then there was a pop and Derek fell on his back, a tranquillizer dart in his neck. I looked up, seeing Michael with the gun in one hand and crying Nicholas in the other. I stood up quickly, taking Nicholas in my arms, holding him close.
“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s here. Everything’s alright.” I tried to sound reassuring, but it was hard too when I was looking down at my child’s father on the floor.
-
"It took a while but Nicholas went down. I was with him until he fell asleep." I slumped down on the couch next to Stiles. Stiles wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I missed moments like this.
“I should have killed him.” Michael grumbled, pacing in front of us. Derek was tied up and sat against the wall. He was still passed out, he would be for a while. In the meantime, we need to figure out what we were going to do with him.
“Alright, cool it, dude.” Stiles narrowed his eyes up at him. He said that he still didn’t like Michael. Truth is, I didn’t either. A lot of things were still unclear, even now.
“We all just need to calm down and figure out what we’re doing.” Uncle Noah said, leaning forward in his recliner chair.
“Look, we just need to let him wake up and...” I sighed and leaned my head on Stiles’ shoulder, “I just need to talk to him, figure out what happened.”
Uncle Noah looked between Michael and I, “He told us that he-”
“It doesn’t matter what he told you.” Michael snapped. I looked up at him, narrowing my eyes.
“Watch your tone.” I said sternly. Michael sighed, sitting on the couch beside me, putting a hand on my knee. Stiles and I stared at his hand. I grabbed his hand and put it on his own knee.
"What?" He asked in an exasperated way.
"Please, we can't do that right now." It wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. But I don't really care about that. All I know is that we need to talk to Derek in a controlled environment. Which, unfortunately, was the last place I wanted to be.
"We need to bring him to the bunker in the Hale House.” Michael said.
I winced, "Do we have to? It's just..." I thought back to the day where I thought Derek and I were going to die. I thought our last moments together would be pain and ache from seeing each other die.
“(Y/N), he just traumatized Nicholas. I don't give a shit if he has PTSD. He's not under the protection of the Lunar Circle, his safety and well-being is not my priority." He stood and walked to Derek, ready to grab him.
“Wait a minute.” Michael stopped at my voice, his eyes darting from me to the sheriff, “Uncle Noah.” I turned towards him, “What did Derek say?”
“That doesn’t matter.” Michael said quickly.
“She isn't talking to you.” Stiles said, standing up and moving between Michael and I. I looked at Uncle Noah.
“What did he say?” I asked calmly.
Uncle Noah sat back in his recliner, “Well...” He rolled his shoulders back, “Derek said that he was frustrated that he couldn’t get ahold of you. And when he tried to go through Michael, he said not to call because you didn’t want to talk to him.” I smiled to myself, clicking my tongue. I turned to Michael, my smile falling and my eyes burning red.
“Did I?” I chuckled, “I had no idea.” I stood up and stalked forward, shoving Michael, “You kept him from calling us, didn’t you?”
Michael raised his hands in surrender, “You just seemed so angry with him after that call, I thought-”
“No, you didn’t think.” I interrupted, “You selfish son of a bitch.”
“I am doing what’s best for Nicholas.” He shot back.
“Whoa whoa.” Uncle Noah got between the two of us, “Put the claws away.” Stiles pulled me away from the situation, leading me outside. He brought me to the backyard, the cool night air felt nice against the hot anger I felt.
“Thanks for taking me out of there.” I smiled, “I probably would have killed him.”
“Trust me, the thought crossed my mind.” Stiles shoved his hands in his pockets, “I mean,” He shrugged, “It wouldn’t be so horrible if ended up in a ditch somewhere. He’s a murderer on the run for four years, I feel like it would be fine.”
I laughed, pulling him close into a tight hug, “I missed you.”
He smiled, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, “I missed you too.”
-
The next morning, Stiles, Scott, and I met outside the Hale House cellar. Michael was already there, having taken Derek down already to ‘secure’ him.
“Well, if it isn’t Scott McCall.” I said, spotting the alpha. The computer screen didn’t do him justice. He had grown so much in four years. He had a new energy about him, he wasn’t a curly haired boy anymore.
“(Y/N).” He grinned, pulling me into a quick hug, “I was gonna visit yesterday to surprise you but Stiles said it was a bad idea.”
“Very bad idea.” I looked towards the entrance of the cellar. Going back in there was going to bring up memories, I could almost feel the phantom pains from the acid on my legs.
“You okay?” Stiles asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“I got this.” I smiled back at both of them, “I got my boys with me.”
Walking through the tunnels to the cellar was more than enough to give me nightmares for a long time. But Michael was right about one thing: we needed to tell Derek what was going on in a controlled environment.
By the time we got down to the main area, Michael was putting the handcuffs on Derek, leaving him chained to the wall surrounded by mountain ash.
“You brought back up, huh?” Michael asked, shoving the bottle of mountain ash in his pocket.
“I brought my friends. Derek will feel more comfortable around people he trusts. I would be one of them, no thanks to you.” I looked back at Derek, "He'll be awake soon?"
Michael only nodded.
"Will he be okay? This won't hurt him, right?" He turned to me and glared.
"You're still in love with this asshole, aren't you?" He growled, "After everything he's done to you? After everything we," He motioned between us, "Have been through? After I have spent four years of our lives taking care of our child? You still care about this sack of garbage." Scott and Stiles stepped forward, I stretched my arms out to keep them from moving.
I narrowed my eyes at him, “Michael-”
"No, you're going to listen to me!" He shouted, "I can't believe you. You went through all his shit and you still love him? You still love that stupid son of a bitch. You see this?" He motioned to Derek, "You see this asshole? Who scared the shit out of our baby? You didn't see what I saw. He was screaming and crying out for me, begging me to save you, begging his father to save you from the bad man. Even he can tell who loves him, who his real father is!"
“The.." We all looked at Derek, who was just starting to wake up, "The hell do you mean," He began to growl, beginning to shift, "His father?" Derek stood up, a little wobbly at first but he stood strong. He had also shifted form. “Nicholas is my son! My flesh and blood! My family! You kept him from me, you kept both of them from me!" He roared and stood, pulling at the chains.
"You left them behind because of all your jealousy. I took care of him! I've protected him from everything, and for the rest of my life, I will protect him from you!" Michael pointed, barking his words harshly.
Suddenly, Derek broke his chains, "I'll kill you!" He pushed against the mountain ash barrier. Scott rushed forward to keep Derek at bay while Stiles started a shouting match with Michael. All of this shouting began to overload my senses. I hadn’t felt like this since the spell broke all those years ago. I had to do something, and I had to do it now.
"ENOUGH!" I roared, making the walls shake and thankfully bringing their attention to me, "No more talking, I'm talking now." They all shut up and looked up at me.
“Michael, I’m not even going to get started with you since this whole situation is your goddamn fault.” I rubbed at my temples, “The only reason that I am even still entertaining you being here is because of my son. Mine. Not yours.” I looked at Derek, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that Michael had cut off our communication.”
“So he told you?” Derek continued to glare at Michael.
“No, I had to figure it out for myself.” I walked towards the barrier, my heart beat rising, “You deserved to be a part of his life from the beginning. I should have fought more.” I took a deep breath, “I should have fought for us.”
“It’s not your fault.” He said softly. Stiles walked towards us, breaking the barrier with his shoe.
The force of Derek’s arms wrapping around me nearly knocked me over. His strong arms held me tightly against his chest. I could feel his heart pumping against his chest. One arm was wrapped around my wait, his other hand cradling the back of my head like I would break. I wrapped my arms around him with the same force, if not more. He was so warm, I could almost feel his heat melting away the sadness I had felt for four years. Honestly, I wanted the whole world to fall away at that moment, it felt like I was falling in love with him all over again starting from the time we were teenagers.
The game was in its final minutes, we were behind by two points. One shot from the three point line and they would win. After the toss up, the opposing team got the ball, leading to our hoop. Derek's teammate quickly weaved through the other players, intercepting the ball and passing it to Derek. I stood up with the rest of the crowd, my whole body tensing up as the clock ticked down. He shot the ball.
Watching Derek play basketball was almost as nerve wracking as being on the lacrosse field. It took everything in me not to make call outs to him. I was bouncing my feet instead of my usual finger twiddling since my arm had been torn up yesterday. Laura had to practically hold me in my seat from her spot besides me. It was a training incident that had gone wrong. Derek had his claws out while I had our training shield. I had gotten distracted and Derek scratched me by accident. My parents were pissed.
Three...
Two...
One...
The ball rolled around the rim and then fell through the basket.
I cheered, raising my arms in the air, ignoring the pain from my cuts. The team surrounded him, jumping up and down in excitement. Derek looked up at the stands, pointing towards, realistically both of us but I felt like it was right at me. My heart fluttered a bit and I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt. My cheeks burned hot.
“You blushing, (Y/N/N)?” Laura smirked, looking down at me.
“What?” My eyes widened, “No.” I started rubbing my cheeks in circles, but Laura stopped me by grabbing my hands and carefully putting them to my sides. Which was helpful since it was starting to hurt my arm.
“Chill out.” She smiled, nodding her head towards the exit, “Let’s go see the big winner.” I nodded, focusing more on hiding my blush than walking so Laura helped me off the bleachers and outside.
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No time to die - part 1/2
->part 2
author's note: so this is a piece I started writing when I got bored in a family gathering like two years ago, and I rewrote it recently. This is the first part and I haven't finished editing the rest but I estimate that there would be one or two more parts. The story is about two high school friends that meet after five years of having no contact with each other and their confrontation. Also the name is inspired by the song with the same name by Billie Eilish 'cause I was listening to it while writing a part of this and the song really suits the relationship between the characters.
~1800 words
I’m feeling a burning ache in my abdomen, and my mind is full of different scenarios that this could lead to, one worse that the other. What if I call an ambulance? I answer myself within a fraction of a second that it wouldn’t lead to pleasant things though the alternative which is bleeding to death isn’t ideal either. So just when I’ve finally convinced myself to pick up the phone and call an ambulance before I pass out, a name crosses my mind. It’s the best and the worst thing that I can do at the same time, but well sometimes your survival instincts would take over your overthinking abilities, no matter how strong they are. And despite all my hesitation, I know the number by heart.
She picks up the phone after few rings, “Hello?”, I’m a bit thrown off by how her voice is the same but her tone is different from the last time I’ve heard her, “Hi”, my voice shakes and I don’t know if it’s from the injury or hearing her voice again. “Riley? Is that you?”, somehow she could recognize me from just that one word and at least her tone is less formal now. “Yeah it’s me, listen I wanted to ask if you could come here now if you can, but it’s totally fine if you can’t make it.” Maybe it’s the shock of hearing someone from your past, or my shaky voice that she agrees to come without any other questions and I tell her my address in the calmest pace I can.
Until she arrives I spend my time overthinking on how bad of an idea it was to call her, and why would she even bother herself with my problems anymore, like who in their right mind would hurry in the middle of the night to heal someone from their past that they tried so hard to abandon. But careful knocks on the door save me from my thoughts. I open the door and for a moment think that the option of bleeding to death at least could’ve saved me from the awkwardness of this, before I manage to say “Thank you so much for coming, I really didn’t want to trouble you”, she replies “Not that I love getting surprise calls at midnight but what’s the occasion?” and then she takes a look at me with her perfect hazel eyes and sees it, the blood soaking my shirt and says “holy fuck Ri, what did… what happen- it doesn’t matter now”
It takes her only few moments to get into her other sleeve, the doctor she was trained to be, giving orders and analyzing the situation, only stopping once to curse me under her breath that I should’ve told her to bring her medical stuff and that I’m a lucky bastard that she didn’t come totally unprepared. Then her inner doctor takes charge completely. I tell myself maybe outer, you know it’s who she is now, heal first talk later that’s what she does.
“Take your shirt off”, I obey without making a snarky comment because even I can tell it would be inappropriate. I can’t really describe the process of her stitching me up, because I’ve never been a big fan of surgeries to the point I even skip them when they come up in movies, and maybe beside how pain makes everything hazy, I can’t wrap my head around the idea of her hands on me.
When it’s done she gives me some final instructions and tells me to don’t move from where I’m sitting for at least half an hour. Then standing in front of me without taking a step, she looks at her watch and her gaze lingers to the door and I know she’s thinking about leaving, but decides against it, at least for now.
“So are you gonna tell me how this happened?”, she asks gesturing towards my wound that is now stitched and bandaged. I guess I’m too exhausted for anything but the truth so I say “I was working on a case, and it didn’t end well.” She glares at me, “Well I can see that clearly, but how did it turn that way?”, “my client was a small business going to court against a big company, I had some dirty things on them but they weren’t enough proof so I was looking for more and they sent someone to scare me off I think, but um I tried to resist and it escalated quickly and I got a nice killer knife wound.” “It wasn’t fatal,” she says, “What?” I reply a bit shocked, “I said it wasn’t fatal, the knife didn’t go that deep, what? You thought I could fix a fatal cut with couple of stiches?” to that I mumble that I really trust her abilities and she rolls her eyes. I think at this point we’re past the formal greetings and small talks and now that the crisis is over she seems done with my shit so she continues “So you’ve finally fulfilled your dreams and became the woman you’ve always aspired to be, a detective/lawyer hunting down bad guys and giving them what they deserve” she doesn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her voice, and so if we’re going there now, I won’t try to hide it from mine either, “And you’ve became a doctor, a life you have dreamed of from the beginning, never even thinking to be anything else.”
She sighs and drops to the couch in front of me, “So this is the time that you’ve finally decided to talk about it.” It doesn’t sound like a question, more like a statement. Maybe being in pain and exhausted sharpens your edges and makes the things you’ve hidden carefully to snap free because I can’t hold back when I say: “Says the one who just abandoned me overnight and decided to part ways forever without even a heads up.” The thing is I’ve imagined having this conversation so many times in so many different situations, that it actually happening doesn’t feel real, it feels like another one of those fantasies in my head except she is really here now, and my pulse is betraying me by beating so damn fast.
“I didn’t abandon you, If I had you’d still be bleeding.” And a part of me wants to just accept that and move on and embrace her, because I’ve missed her, hell I’ve missed her so much I want to hug her and never let go, and we have a lot to catch up on too, five years worth of memories. Five years that we were no more than outside observers in each other's lives, but the stronger part, the part that’s been hurting ever since wants to have this conversation, needs to have this conversation or else I would never stop imagining it in my head.
“Well maybe our definition of abandonment is a bit different, ‘cause changing your life course and treating me like a stranger and pretending like all our planning and dreaming for future never happened sure as hell fits in mine.”
“I never treated you like a stranger, you were the one who decided to not talk to me and have anything to do with me anymore and cut contact completely”
“Because I couldn’t do it like that anymore, like I was just another one in your new class, as if we didn’t have history, like what we had wasn’t something more. We used to joke about how disconnected we felt from them, not because we hated them because we were different, or at least I thought you were.”
“People change Riley.”
And for a few moments neither of us backfires anything else to the other, and my mind finds time to wonder for the thousandth time why we didn’t even call each other all these years. But well one of the things that made us close at first was how stubborn we were. I remember clearly when there was a debate competition in school and we were a team and crashed the whole thing. Beside our passion for the matter we were unstoppable, to the point that each match ended to the other team being like “dear god just let it go it’s over”, and remembering those days even now in the midst of this makes me a little calmer.
I can’t help but ask, “Was it because I tried to-“ before letting me finish she says “God no, you think I could transfer in a day? And for what? Not everything is about you, or what you do or what you want, I thought five years would be enough time to learn that”, and well I’ve always known that it was a coincidence that those two things happened successively. But deep down I couldn’t shove the idea away that it was all because she wanted to get away from me, that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done it after all. I know that doubt has led me to be selfish, and to give up on trying to fix it, and to suffer more, and I don’t know how to defend it (or if I even should). Throughout all these years I’ve also imagined getting the answer to this question countless times, and how I’ll finally be at peace if I got this answer, but now I don’t feel relived as much as I wanted to.
“So you thought of me in those years?” I say in a hopeful tone still desperately clenching to this conversation, as if all this could be solved just if we have this talk. “Way to avoid my point right? You haven’t changed a bit, reckless and careless and always holding on to things that don’t matter much to the extent that you nearly got yourself killed,” but she says this in a kinder tone than the previous one, maybe even with a hint of worry in her voice. I finally give up on trying to get this conversation to fix it all, and decide that we’re too tired now, so I reply “I thought you said it wasn’t fatal.” A pause then, “It’s really late, are you going to leave now?” I hope that she can hear the silent ‘stay’ in what I just said. “I don’t think I can get a taxi now, can I? considering the time, and I don’t have the energy to explain all this to someone and wake them to pick me up”, “you can stay if you want?” and for all we’ve been through, I’m relieved when she agrees.
//end of part 1
->part 2
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