#i’m just thinking abt the fact that i don’t think anyone i know irl is going to remember to even send a text. or call or whatever.

[nerdsandbabyteeth]

Constantly trapped between I can’t wait to live away from my family and spend more time alone because I feel like my thoughts will have time to settle and I will lose my mind if I live alone because I am starting to lose a sense of self this week simply because two of my friends are away and I don’t speak to anyone much in school.

#noggin time #I also cannot stand the fact that people I know follow me online or people I respect even #because I have a constant nagging feeling I’m completely and utterly embarrassing I see people posting abt things in their life and like #venting or whatever and I could never do that I think bc so many people follow me that I see face to face #I mean I’m doing this right now but tumblr is it’s own beast I have like one person I know irl on here I think #also it’s not like I have no friends I still talk to teachers and other people but it’s my best friend who I meet every morning and my new #friend I made this year who is in all the same free periods as me and also likes talking about tv shows so it’s like two people I talktomost #if this were a therapy session which it now is I would trace back my feeling of pure unfiltered embarrassment at simply being online back to #when I used framecast when I was like 9 and I drew a character inspired by someone’s oc and they vague posted quite civil abt it like please #don’t copy my ocs guys and I cried about it for hours and hours and I’ve never been the same since not to sound dramatic but it’s true #I delete Instagram every 3 days because it starts to make me feel physically unwell and then I re-download it because I miss everyone #I didnr consider i might have some sort of mental issues other than autism until recently because I just convinced myself this isn’t a prope #r issue I should just get over it but at this point it’s violently affecting my moods when I’m not immediately talking to anyone

[liannelara-dracula]

Shu Sakamaki in Real Life HCS

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Prompt

Requests are open

Rules

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

🎻I probably won’t have much to say because I find his character to be ugh sometimes but I can’t imagine not creating hcs abt this mf.

🎻But it is difficult to come up with things about him, ngl.

🎻Anyhow, if you guys have seen these irl hcs before you’ll know I’m mostly sharing with you my general thoughts, and formulated opinions on this character so here we go!

🎻Okay, so I’m sure we all know he’s the heir and a prince of the vampire kingdom (I know its weird.) And I just have to say this because I don’t say it enough, I really feel like he acts differently in the demon world because he knows his dad will be mad.

🎻So you can expect Shu to be much more expressive as he is the heir, he represents his father and so he needs to be “lively”.

🎻 That being said, he attends gatherings, banquets, and many other events that his father may want him to.

🎻I will say that when he is in the demon world it is much different as he doesn’t act like himself.

🎻Apart from him is still the same in the sense that he is still a pervert.

🎻I mean we know he’ll be with low-ranking vampires or whatever just to get some.

🎻 After all, he has somewhat of an ego even if he doesn’t show it.

🎻So you know he most definitely does believe that because he is the heir he can move from one girl to the next with no strings attached.

🎻All for his advantage of course.

🎻Also speaking of his royalty life I really want to mention the fact that he is very annoyed by all the attention the girls give him.

🎻He literally can’t wait till he goes back to the human world where it's much quieter.

🎻However as a royal he does enjoy the theatre because he can hear classical music.

🎻In fact, he loves it most when he can watch the ballet performances.

🎻If there’s one thing he loves most it’s watching girls do ballet.

🎻He loves watching them practice especially because you know he’s a thigh guy. Apart from being an ass man.

🎻This is honestly where he might take an interest in a girl who's probably a dancer.

🎻I’ve literally made an aesthetic about this here.

🎻And you can read a lot about how he is at school in the demon world here. 

🎻Oh btw he sleeps in only his underwear, that’s just how I see it. (and it's actually canon, I was laughing when I found out I was right.)

🎻I will say that he doesn’t laugh very often, he’ll just have a chuckle that makes anyone uncomfortable but when he full-on laughs it's so fucking rare.

🎻And it freaks out almost anyone, it even got Yui.

🎻He is such an ass I feel like he trolls anyone in, anyway, he can.

🎻His hair is so tangled and I bet he doesn’t wash it that often because he’s lazy

🎻He smells like cotton/linen and a bit of dust.

🎻The best actor to play him would be Toby Regbo.

🎻However the model I found on Pinterest is also a great representation of what he’d look like.

🎻In terms of attitude he really reminds me of Robert Pattinson because he trolls so much. 

🎻The best way to bribe him is with steak, I swear it works every time. 

🎻And I bet my entire ass that Reiji uses it for when he needs big favors.

🎻He loves to be comfortable so I feel like American Eagle, Hollister, Old Navy, and H&M are his go to.

🎻I know he loves cardigans so much so he’s probably extremely picky about the kind he buys.

🎻That’s why he only has three, this is actually canon, I believe it was in one of the game translations in Reiji’s route where he was looking for his jacket and asked Reiji. And Reiji told him it can’t be that hard to find since he has only three, lol.

🎻And idk why but I just feel like he miss places them all around the house.

🎻I also think he keeps so much junk under his bed.

🎻“Huh, I don’t remember that being there.”

🎻If he gets really hot, he just throws his cardigan under the bed.

🎻He once owned a cat, it's not that he went out of his way and bought one. It sorta followed him and so he started to take care of it a little. It lived outside mostly because Reiji wouldn’t tolerate it, but occasionally Shu kept the cat in his room.

🎻He has no idea where the cat went and whether or not it's alive since he hardly kept watch of it.

🎻Although he sometimes wonders where it went, and I think he liked the cat since she sometimes got into Reiji’s things. It was amusing to say the least.

🎻Forgets he puts his music sheets on his bed and ends up sitting on them.

🎻That’s why they’re always somewhat crumbled and folded.

🎻Never makes his bed, he just throws the blanket on and thanks to the butler the room is kept clean.

🎻Otherwise it’d end up like Ayato’s room, to which the butler can never keep up with.

🎻Because he loves music he has vinyl records, and countless CDs in some boxes he keeps under his bed.

🎻He keeps a couple of his favorite books which are in Latin.

🎻Something also tells me if he had a journal, he’d write only Latin because none of his brothers can.

🎻Because he used to be a cashier, he still has his name tag from then and his worker vest.

🎻He keeps in hidden in a corner of his closet.

🎻Speaking of which his closet is so empty and he literally has repeats of the same pants and shirts.

🎻It’s mostly because they were on a good sale.

🎻He will wear the same clothes for like three days or more and not even change out of them.

🎻Doesn’t brush his hair, just goes to school with bed head.

🎻Keeps his door locked so triplets don’t think about pranking him with some clown-related things since he has a fear of them. It's mostly because he’s learned that the hard way.

🎻It's also because he fears they may bring in a caterpillar.

🎻I could totally see Yui trying to feed a caterpillar and he’d flip out in panic and leave immediately. 

🎻He never will admit to his fears and covers them up quite well because he wants no one to know that, especially a girl. lol.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ˏˋ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 ˎˊ˗ ©𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟔~Present

#diabolik lovers #anime #diabolik lovers headcanons #anime headcanons #dialovers #diahell #anime requests #shu sakamaki #sakamaki shuu #shuu sakamaki #diabolik lovers shuu #shu sakamaki moodboard #shu sakamaki aesthetic #diabolik lovers shu #sakamaki shu #dia lovers

[jaegerisim]

Hey El! I was just wondering, are you out to people in ur life irl (like ur parents, friends, ect)? If so, what was your process of coming out to them, and how did you deal with people who were a little homophobic or even a lot? If not, do you ever think you will, and why? I’ve been in the closet irl for almost a year and a half now because of homophobic parents, so I’d really like to hear ur story 🙂

Hi nonny! Well, I’ve officially come out to my mom, my brothers, my bff, my fiancé and a couple of other close friends. They know I’m bi, but they don’t know I’m a demigirl, and honestly, they never will. I don’t feel comfortable telling them that, tbh. I don’t rlly fancy the idea of me telling them that, especially when the concept of “gender” is something pretty difficult for many Asians to grasp (at least in my experience, don’t come at me, ok? 😭😭😭😭😭)

ok so I came out to my mom one day when I was still a teen. We were talking about one of my closest friends, at the time, my mom told me the girl had very pretty eyes and I went on this ramble about all the beautiful things things the girl had. My mom was just kinda staring at me like “😯”. So I just straight up went and said “Mom, I like girls as well as boys. I’m bisexual” and my mom (who I knew wouldn’t be homophobic abt it) said “cool, now go clean the dishes! 🥰 or ur lazy ass gonna get whooped” (typical Asian mom, smh). I never told my dad cuz his family is much more conservative and my halmeoni from his side think “gay” is synonymous to “mental illness”. I think my dad kinda guessed it, he’s never said anything about it, tho. My older brother came out as pan a few years before me, when he introduced his bf. Then a few years after me, my twin came out as aroace. They preferred to come out to my dad and I preferred my mom. That’s just how shit is. U tell who u wanna tell, and if ur parents are homophobic then they can go fuck themselves tbh. u can tell whoever u want to ok, nonny? And despite what the str8 media tells u about ur parents needing to be the first to know, it doesn’t have to be like that if u don’t want to. Your friends can be the first to know and ur parents could be the last. Your parents don’t even have to know if u don’t want to.

I came out to my friends and while all of them weren’t homophobic to my face or in that moment, many of them showed their true colors with time.

When you come out, you never really know how they’re gonna react. So you gotta learn to not gaf abt their say on this bc they don’t get one. Plus, at the end of the day, this is about u not them, don’t let them twist you’re coming out into something about them. You don’t have to even tell them and if u do tell them, u r doing it for u, not them. You don’t own anyone anything.

If you wanna know, I‘ve never really learned how to deal w the homophobia and I don’t think I ever will. Homophobia, is not something u assume and it doesn’t always present itself in the same way. Sometimes it’s a comment abt how bi ppl are sluts, other times it’s “joking” comment about being able to have as many threesomes as I want, another time it can be someone straight up calling u a slur. You never know, when or how or from whom the homophobia may come and personally I can’t live with having my guard constantly up. So sometimes I fight back, other times I feel like just ignoring them and maybe a couple of times I break down and cry about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes the most “innocent” comment can be my breaking point while some days and don’t even mind them. Honestly? I find pretty scary the fact that sometimes I realize that I have assumed receiving homophobia and slurs to a very deep level.

Anyway, nonny, I hope this ramble answered ur question! 💕🌈

#queer woc #queer #bisexual #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lbgtqcommunity #bi pride

[a4wsome4fu0ck]

Sheesh. Well this is gonna be rambly but I wanna get this out so:

I don’t think 🍉 is a horrible person, I think she needs help and therapy (and needed it from the beginning) to learn how to properly deal with her complex feelings toward her relationship/relationships. You’d expect a 12yr old to react the way she did to the situations she was in and the feelings she felt, the key is to have someone(or social experiences) there to properly guide her to deal with the situations and express how she felt/feels in a healthy way, which she didn’t have, instead her behavior was enabled and the unhealthy tactics she used worked, which is why she hasn’t gotten any better at dealing with the situation throughout the years, acting the same all the way to her being an adult.

This situation honestly just sucks ass, we all already know 🍉 has been isolated to the internet for a while(of her own choice obviously), the girl doesn’t go to school, and we’ve never seen her speak abt having friends irl so imma assume her social life lives mostly through the internet. The things that isolation and lack of actual human interaction does to a person, I swear, humans are social beings, isolation isn’t good for any person. All that basically to say rather than mad I feel more so bad for everyone involved including 🍉 and I genuinely hope she gets the help and break from the internet she needs.

I feel bad that the victims like 🍊 didn’t have proper guidance to recognize the signs and leave, leading them to go through what the went through for years. I think if all these minors properly knew how to set HARD boundaries and deal with conflicting feelings of anger and hormones and everything else, this could have been avoided, but that’s not what happened, now 🍉 is a full blown Narc and it doesn’t look like she’s gonna take the proper steps to come back from her behaviors.

As for supporting her, I still like her art and animations and I want to continue watching them but as for actual community and creator interactions, like discord server, streams, ect, it’s gonna have to be a no from me. She’s currently the same age as me(2-3month gap), and the lack of remorse she’s showing, deleting comments as well as kicking people from her server just puts a sour taste in my mouth, and that’s no one I can see myself actually interacting with or giving the leeway to influence me.

I don’t think 🍉 I a horrible person, but she’s definitely not good either, she reacts on anger and with spite because that’s what has worked for her, she hasn’t been ever reprimanded, and when she has been reprimanded she reacts with anger and the people she treated like trash stayed silent. I think she genuinely thought of herself as a complete victim(and that she was genuinely coping with the things she drew) and didn’t see anything wrong with the things she said/did out of anger because people told her she was a victim and therefore justified. I think if she decides to get help, it’s gonna be behavior hard to come back from but I think if she takes the proper steps she’ll get better.

I’m still going to wait on her response ya know, see what she has to say but afterwards, I’m gonna take a step back, leave her discord, turn off notifys all that stuff.

Thank you for speaking up Anon. Your voice is heard.

Some believe Mel is in fact horrible, however in the document, even if it’s an exposure we wanted to make it clear that we do not want to portray Quartelz as a irredeemable person. It is why the document is meant to stay as neutral and reasonable as possible, and why most of the situations that happened when Quartelz was young was not put into the document. It is up to you and her community to decide what YOU think.

We agree Mel has been guided wrongfully. Barely anyone, if anyone other than Orange, attempted to telling her otherwise. It makes sense why she does not see an issue in the way she is behaving, because no one has really told her it was wrong to begin with. (Not including other personal parties, this is referring more to her audience supporting her behavior.)

Like Anon stated before, this relationship was built on when they were children. Expecting kids to know an abusive relationship when they’re just hitting puberty is unrealistic. It explains why it had got so bad to this point, especially since the relationship was online, the two had completely opposite times, and on a large fanbase would drastically change the twos attitude.

The document is up for you to decide what you’d like to do. You can always enjoy the content, and not support the creator; it is completely your decision, just be aware of what Quartelz has done.

Thank you for this message Anon.

[munamania]

ok abby i HAVE 2 ask ... who is this she/her youve been speaking of as of late gimme the DETAILS 👀✨

oh em gee sia ily for entertaining this <3 esp since i’ve been keeping up on your he/him for so long… UHM! i do have this post that’s basically a summary rant of things that happened that made me insane. but i’ll rehash some other stuff because i see her again soon and i’m really not prepared for that fact lol.

basically i saw her on zoom and was like oh she’s cute :3 (btw i think she’s also a marketing/business major) and so we followed each other and then she volunteered to be my assistant in our first in person (film) class and when i saw her irl i was like. god idk i’ve never had that. instant attraction before? and that would be one thing but we clicked SO well. like ofc it was a little awkward at first and i was so so nervous but we eased into a silly banter and any time we spoke the energy was just very !!!!!! like. like we were all eye contact and teasing and it’s just one of those situations where something feels really right yk… not to be corny. but LIKE yeah she chose to sit by me when she could and we’d easily talk and joke around and during our last few classes i had her laughing across the room face down head in hands more than once so i was fr like was that funny babygirl…

ugh and during our last class we sat together and we talked. So much and she went red in the face bc i leaned into her to talk to someone else and she kept saying she wished she had spent more time with our crew and then we all went to get ice cream and i find out. SHE HAS A BF. and again i have a little bit abt what happened with him in that post but basically i was nice…. but also he Clearly saw me as a threat bc as much as i was trying to be chill she was being a fucking FREAK!!!!! (she was talking to me a Lot and stuttering and then he called us ‘besties’ and we were silent. yikes) and then i had to approach them while they were hanging out on campus bc she wasn’t answering anyone about smth that had to do with our class and he was so pissed he refused to say hi and just glared at me lol it was SO awkward but like. it was basically my Job for the class whatever and then shortly after i was blocked from viewing her story and stuff but she still looks at mine and i’m just like. why don’t you just block ME.

anyway we’re going to basically be neighbors and she already invited me over but that was pre-bf meeting so i have no idea if we’ll uh. talk. but we have one shared class and potentially two if i get off a waitlist (which she was Very enthusiastic about) and i’m sort of friends with her best friend now??? so she must not hate me. and there are just a lot of silly coincidences that happened along the way that made me feel like. im supposed to know her. and ik that sounds goofy. anyway i don’t want to pursue someone that’s taken but well. ig i’m a horrible person and it Was a new relationship and yk. i just haven’t ever felt that way before and i think i confused her too lol. so im just chilling thinking about how to handle this year, i think i’ll see if she talks to me or ignores me in class and one way or another try to approach her and just ask what happened... lol

#hi wasnt ignoring this i couldnt get to a computer and well. u see how much i rambled </3 #lol TY for asking!!!!!!! feeling freshly bonkers now. but well. whatever #idk im looking forward to seeing her again but even just pictures have me like. UGGHh yk. i wish i didnt like her stupid face sm. #and we just... talked so easily like without missing a beat about silly things and our classes and lives and passions #while also being like. insane energy wise and stumbling over what we were saying like we were in our own little bubble.. wonky! #and then im like is it just me was i just swayed by being attracted to her. but several ppl from class asked me like #how long we knew each other and sort of expected that i was in contact w her outside of class and stuff #when in reality. it was months of me looking forward to the little spurts of conversation wed have in class #and then those few days at the end of the semester that really uh. sealed the deal to me lol #asks #mutual tag

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

What do you think about (in fics) the whole having sex without dating like not talking about the relationship or about if it’s a fwb situation etc thing? I’ve read a few where they’re friends and they have sex and it’s like what are they I need details 😭 they don’t talk about it and it’s crazy to me. Irl I either have one night stands or I date (I’ve tried friends with benefits and it’s not my thing) so it’s wild to me that the relationship isn’t talked abt by the ppl having sex lmfao like that’s crazy I’d be stressed tf out what do you mean they haven’t communicated what they are I’m going insane! Also I hate those fics where they’re friends then one of them fucks someone else and it leads to feelings being revealed and they get together like 😂 damn that’s crazy you have feelings for me and still had sex with someone else…but that’s just me! I guess I’m very? particular (for lack of a better term) with my relationships and who I have sex with but I also wonder how much life experience some fic writers have. Also I saw that one post of yours about Eddie being a virgin and I agree…I’ve noticed a lot of people making the reader be a virgin and Eddie’s experienced and that just pisses me off tbh like ok write whatever I respect that but damn 💀 can we just be a whore this time and not some innocent little thing 😂 and he’s some 20 year old guy too not a professional dom or whatever I’ve seen those too 🙄🫢 anyway this has been a vent bc I would sound crazy talking to anyone else abt this 😭😂

No, I totally understand wanting to be able to at least define what kind of relationship your in - be with FWB or one night stand. I know in movies, shows, fics etc there is a lot of just hooking up on the fly - but in my personal experience (I’m pretty experience, not bragging just stating facts) I’ve never just hooked up with a friend out of nowhere. I have had one night hook ups and have been FWB with two people before - but there had been things leading to that point. Flirtation, talking, etc. I’ve never really dated someone, mostly hooked up until I met my husband. It does seem kinda crazy to just fuck your friend but most cases, I think there is a build up. When I write fics, I try to make that build up apparent but I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of just having characters randomly hook up but there’s always a conversation afterwards. I don’t think the real work works like that fully. When it comes to not realizing your feelings and hooking up with someone else, only to realize said feelings - not a fan of that in writing either. I get it though for plot reasons, but I think there are better ways to convey that.

Now when it comes to Eddie being a virgin. Originally post is here - wasn’t my OG post, just added my opinion. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a virgin. Having truly know an Eddie in high school, I was completely in love with my friend Jeremy who was a metal head - Megadeth was his band, I can truly believe Eddie was a virgin. Maybe he got to second base, but no home run for him. My friend Jeremy, we had this thing going on for years and I ended up taking his virginity. Before that he was a total dud with girls. He was also a 19 year old kid. So it makes sense.

Lastly, I love venting! Thank you!

#anon ask #Eddie Munson is a virgin

[vonkarma2]

4 + 14 + 23 + 27 + 34?!

4. How did you find the name for a certain character?

I have the same process pretty much all the time I feel bad bc this is such a fun question or it would be 😞 no ones named after anyone or like has their name chosen based on the meaning actively I just like look up names for the place and time period and pick whichever I think fit the character or I already have a name in mind when I make them. I’m like wondering if there were any exceptions. Oh I did want my character Adam’s name to sound like a pseudonym instead of a regular name right bc he’s an SCP agent type like mysterious or whatever. So I used a stage name generator to find out his last name (Adam I just liked how it sounded + the fact that it was biblical). I also like the last name King bc he is also in a position of authority over the other characters at times so it makes sense I guess. 

14.Which OC/s do you relate to the most?

Kind of embarrassing to answer lol like this has to be at least a little personal. I like actively try to make OCs different from myself so I’m not just projecting onto them yk. Like that would be first of all embarrassing LMAO but second of all it it wouldn’t be very interesting to explore I feel like. In my opinion it’s better to start with something you can understand, but like have layers of complexity that you don’t relate to at all or whatever. I don’t really know. But to answer the question I think I relate to like the 3 main OCs of Rocio Angel and Cirillo the most :P maybe Lucia as well. 

23. Have you ever seen something/someone that looks like one of your characters IRL? What was it like?

I actually haven’t that I can remember like not particularly. I have seen some people sometime where I was like ok I should draw a character’s hair or eyes or etc more like them. Like bc I was trying to draw them a certain way but wasn’t 100 sure how but I’d see someone who looked like them irl and I was like ok ok like that. Ofc Ive seen people with some shared traits, but no one who really looked exactly the same, no one where like I was like omg it’s like seeing them irl yk. 

In terms of seeing people irl that remind me of them though like vibes wise what I have seen is people whose clothing really reminded me of like certain characters. Like not that they would actually wear the same thing because I don’t live in a fantasy world in the 1940s but like that remind me of their personality like that they would wear it yk. One time I was like walking around in a city and saw like 10 people with really nice outfits trying to memorize them all to write them down and draw ocs in them later. I ended up doing one of them but I didn’t like how it turned out 😔

27. What's the nicest thing someone has ever said about an OC/OCs?

This question is so embarrassing I have to admit I remember specific nice things people have said about OCs. I do remember specific nice things people have said though. It is hard to pick like 1 nicest thing. You saying Rocio had autism swag is up there. My irl cousin said a bunch of REALLY nice stuff a while ago she likes reading so it was nice to see her reaction. But like every time anyone has said anything like they like a character’s personality or design or storyline or anything it’s really nice I definitely appreciate it and I will remember it forever <3 

34. What scene that you've written/imagined is your favorite?

That’s a good question. I literally don’t know at all. Bc I don’t have like all the details down for most of the scenes I’m thinking so all the ones I’ve like thought abt vividly just have a cool visual to go with them and that’s abt it. That makes it sound shallow it’s not that it’s just like I like the emotion of the scene and the idea behind it but not really any of the specifics you know. So I feel like if I tried to pick one it wouldn’t be like a nuanced pick it wouldn’t be like because it develops the character in this way yk it’d be like bc it’s the climactic scene where this character almost dies and it’s so cool or something like that. Does that even make sense. 

Ok time to actually answer the question. I wish I had thought of more scenes that like show the dynamics between characters that I like bc my plan with that was to write it in wherever it felt intuitive yk. Like check up on the chastcters’ emotional states to see how they’re reacting to plot events. I just realized as writing this I think I want to have Tiago live for longer. Ok ignore that thats not important ummm I think the only scene I’ve really thought much about along those lines is the one where Cirillo and Laura meet again after a long time. I like the conflict there I like the characters a lot and I think it has the potential to be a very satisfying scene <3. Also maybe like denouement stuff where Rocio is like hi getting back from thr underworld was so annoying anyway sorry for almost ruining your lives and getting you killed. As you can see I haven’t really developed that part of the story yet but I think it’d be cool to see as well

#Im going to have to change Gawain’s name #because I have an active investment in like the knight of the round table gawain now 😞 #<Im not actually going to #also this reminded me I need to start putting my art into a folder #I always have to re export them from procreate I can never find the ones I need 😭 #also I might write something with Rocio and Yiming of all people lol #I think it’d be an interesting change of pace #also also maybe develop the plot line with the assassins in a little more depth? #my main thoughts rn are to make everything more complex #+ just have there be more going on #Lucia and Joanna subplot as well esp since it’s been like revamped #I like it though I think it gives Lucia more to do #only problem is figuring out her character development 😔 #well whatever I’ll get to it for sure #wow thats a lot ok anyway thanks again for sending this in :) #my ocs

[unproduciblesmackdown]

furthermore it’s something that quant kid 2 was supposedly written as “guy who sucks who we never see again” (which, underwhelming execution of that lmao even hypothetically just on paper) & then there’s will roland’s interpretation, with will never really mentioning like yeah i decided to try to put a spin on it, or anyone else really providing more specifics rather than they Liked his live & in person je ne sais quoi & acted performance. and idk, just said Je Ne Sais Quoi & the presumed approach of Acting In Earnest rather than that the character being a joke is something that the actor is inviting the audience in on. acting like “this is how it’d be if this was a person.” no character has Real internality the way a real person does but we can interpret it As If They Did anyways, a whole conceit of art imitating life imitating art and narratives / stories / media as an interpretation of life experiences / realities....winston’s autistic. writers doing caricatures of autistic people they’ve unknowingly encountered, with the assumption in life carried over to the assumption as a creator of fictionalized versions of Guys Like That which is that well i guess those weird nerd mathy computer guys are grating losers who annoy us b/c they do that on purpose, like an asshole. and they’re like really good at some specific thing sometimes, but actually that’s Sad even if it’s useful, so it’s also just kind of annoying & wrong of them. done. winston’s autistic, and that also autistic people hardly always know they’re autistic and everything can be a blend of “idk, this isn’t how it is for everyone?” and “i guess things must be my fault on account of being a guy who sucks b/c of whatever’s wrong with me & all” like, for winston to work with taylor he has to say “yeah i suck” before he gets to again mention he’s super good as his shit though, which is apparently also something that sucks of him. ok. it will never be more decipherable, except that it’s indecipherable in the very same way Being Autistic Irl is lmfao. he’s autistic. he’s also autistic b/c a) i think he is, and b) does anyone care otherwise. like who would even truly give a shit about their “winston is some guy i think. idk” interpretion enough to argue for it. or even “yeah winston is some guy who is like a cringe loser to me, idc” like is it important to you. thinking about winston as [autistic character] and secret cassandra (general secret weapon in other ways) for it as well is like, idfk, the alternative is just what most people surely do which is taking the face value “jokes boy who gets dunked on” context and not a step further. okay. i hope to god this is all rhetorical like, if anyone Is out there like “i’ll join this conversation and devil’s advocate about why it’s important for winston to be allistic” it’s like, first of all, already for that b/c the counterarguments to the counterargument are beyond [well ig at the end of the day it’s just all our interpretations =) lol like yeah no shit. anyways] include stuff again like how ppl can be autistic without even their themselves knowing it and the fact of like, irl you don’t need to go “oh it’s okay for people to do [xyz] if they’re autistic =)” like it’s way most likely to be okay whether they’re autistic or not and certainly whether you Know it or not. like, i’m monologuing out here. idc abt any other opinions lmfao like hello?? mine are more than good enough

anyways like the only discussions possible like hmm david levien maybe i have some questions but if you don’t have good answers i’ll just throw it out, idc, i wouldn’t necessarily say i trust this writing or any of you involved in it half as far as i can throw it, just inquiries for fun. i’d discuss it with will roland’s mother, or him himself. like here you can also be given [honorarily autistic] by me if you want at this rate. anyhow send post. i can’t say [winston billions autistic character] enough

#as already sprawling as this is i excised plenty to Only be saying [overly long paragraph] [brief like somewhat related conclusion that's #also just kind of an addendum] #i can't say it enough b/c i'm just rotating it in my mind always. the default funny little guy. accidental autistic character of all time #completely took out stuff about [more arguments about why i also think it's Not objectively epic & correct that ppl give him shit always] #which like yeah sure no guarantee the show thinks so either but they're sure having it both ways in the meantime. to the inherent greater #validation / support for the ''no yeah it's epic & correct & he brings it upon himself'' argument really #marinating on it all last night i had like a mental powerpoint w/a slide ft ''wow these are the same to me'' antifascism diagram lol #would say they're tangents but eh not even. it's relevant but sprawling but here's me just getting some of it out w/the usual #the usual being: posting ''winston billions autistic character like. omg'' #winston billions

[monumentalslutt]

i’m about to start crying over y ex wtf i’m too stoned for this rn .⁉️ but literally feel like he will never ever realise how much the shit he did hurt me and the fact that he always just acted like he never fucking cared. but it’s not his fault, it’s probably just an experience that was meant to happen for me i guess 😂😂 universe wanted to really make sure i end up turnin like jade or something anyways. i still care about him and i think i always will, i just wish he knew how the things made me feel too, and it hurts my feelings he didn’t care enough to even try fix things he was just like ok well i never have to see u again anyways stupid cunt and ur hot friends are still here so win win 😜😜😜😜 he didn’t say that but i bet u that’s like the train of thought anyways, i still care about him obviously. i think i always will like no matter what he does or how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other i’ll always care about him, but i will just like make sure he’s okay from a very far away, i check if he’s still following me on pinterest every once and a while to make sure he doesn’t fully not give a fuck abt me because then i will be sad because i still care about him and would like help him if he ever needed idk imagine like an emergency situation sorry i’m really stoned and am just really enjoying typing but it’s really hard to stay focused on trying to write down my thoughts and feelings and yassss i’m actually so excited for tomorrow i’ve never been to a guys house other than my ex. that also makes me mad bcs how come he gets so many bitches and i get none like where are the hoes at am i right like, i need him to give me some pointers or like tips on how to talk to new people i hate having to meet new people it’s awful and i’m just painfully awkward most the time it’s literally shameful ugh anyways yasss my first hoe but i’m very nervous because ive literally never even had a conversation with him like hes literally never even been like hey how are you ????? but it’s fine i know what he looks like and where he lives and. i know he’s not a 40 year old man ok don’t fret but i’m really scared hes gonna wanna fuck bcs i’m late for my period bcs eatin disorders am i right i habe no idea when it will come back anyways YEAH so i’m not around ovulation bcs i have kinda temporarily fucked all that up ANYWQYS yeah so bro better have lube and condoms kiddinf i am not fucking a random guy sorry and no matter who i fuck or how long i’ve known them lights off ❌❌❌❌❌❌ i’m literally a virgin but for if it happen, actually i feel weirdly insecure about being a virgin because like i don’t know i feel like a nun but also the fact i’ve never done it makes me nervous and i really don’t like the idea of having to be naked with somebody else sorry i literally cannot stand my limbs and i also feel like i would somehow have an ugly fanny so nobody is EVER seeing my fanny, never ever letting anyone eat me out sorry that actually sounds awful bcs brutha WHAT IF I SMELT VAD OR TASTED FUNNY or what if i had a hairy but crack??? or a no what if my flaps are too small or too big like no absolutely not anyways sorry idk why i just started talking ahout all of that i’m still fretting ahout what to wear i’m literally just going to his house so i feel like purple shorts would work BUT i fucking hate my legs and what if he is like jump scared by how i look irl and what if he didn’t realise i had such funny looking body oh my lord 🙈🙈🙈🙉🙈🙈 what the freak bro anywys i’m getting doordash hungry jacks is supposed to be here and i’m trying to eat a bit this evening because i’m fuckin constipated and i really cant be constipated tomorrow afternoon bcs ?!!!! no absolutely not now i’m really scared that i have head lice bcs today i nit treated my friends hair bcs she got nits from a 2 year old literally stay away from all children’s heads and also i literally am at a daycare two days a week and i swear to god i can feel shit crawling omg wtf is happening ok no nevermind i do not have head lice i was geekin anyways new chains same shackles is so good mwah

[heavenlymemoir]

Sigma Memories

Virtue’s Last Reward spoilers ahead!

TW: Brief mentions of s//cide (due to an illness called RAD-6.)

We were not on Mars like the game suggests. I very vividly remember being on the moon and being fascinated with the fact that I was there. I remember looking out from my bunker window, and watching the faint twinkle of the stars and the comets/meteorites that flew by.

My memories are really similar to canon, but very different in some areas. Instead of RAD-9 wiping the whole population, it only got about 2-3 billion. I know it’s a lot still. What was remaining of humanity was put on other planets. We were religiously screened daily to make sure that we had no traces of having RAD-9, and when we were clear, they put us on shuttles that had a preset pathway to whatever habitable planet they could find. I was one of the few colonies sent to the Moon.

Ever since the beginning of the Nonary Game, something about K kept bugging me so badly. His name rung a bell, but I couldn’t remember much before I awoke in the elevator. Then it hit me later in game; K is my son. Even while playing VLR as myself (meaning me IRL); I knew. I knew what would happen, who K was, everything. And I didn’t piece it together until the ending of the game.

My field of work was in…genetic testing. I was in charge of the cloning department. I had cloned K. Who was his donor, I don’t know. But, K grew to resent me as he got older. I should’ve realized sooner. I was fascinated by my work and all the possibilities that I neglected him, and in turn, made him hate me. I remember he asked for a mom, and I had made an android to be the “mom role model”. He didn’t like it. He wanted an actual mom. And that’s where Akane stepped in. Why Akane was in the colony with us, when she’s supposed to be on Earth with Junpei is unknown to me. Akane was interested in my research and offered to help, and her condition was that I would have to spend time with her and K.

So I did. But…it all went wrong. Everything just went wrong. I don’t remember what happened but remember the stench of smoke. I remember screaming for Akane and K.

In the game, K goes on to state everything I just said. How he hated me, but loved Akane. Eventually, Akane stated she was willing to sacrifice her life for my research. Saying she had to. K didn’t like that and tried to argue with us. Neither of us budged, so he pleaded with her. Begged her not to.

In the events of the Nonary Game in VLR, K suffered from Generalized Amnesia. He didn’t remember me, nor anything. Barely even recalled his own past, and even then, he could only remember what I just said. I didn’t know it was my son at first, since we couldn’t see his face. He was…locked in that suit. The only way he could get out was if you had the key and unlocked the port on the back of the mask.

I was an esper. Like Clover. Snake. Akane. Junpei. Santa. I was one. That’s how I fucking knew K was Kyle; my son.

I had literally gone through the morphogenic field and saw every possible outcome. Doing so resulted in seeing every fucking ending. Clover’s; where RAD-9 took a hold of all of us. K-no, Kyle’s; where he killed Dio and I saved Phi with the Neostigmine, and I saw Kyle’s face. And then Dio’s; where me, him, and Phi escaped. Where we figured out who he was and what his mission was.

This is exactly how I fucking knew. How I knew the codes, the escape route, the neostigmine, why RAD-9 had gotten to Quark and Alice. Because they’re not Espers. RAD-9 causes your brain to absorb a shit ton of info, all at once. It impairs your brain‘s ability to think, and act.

Espers have an innate defense against the extreme suicide aspect, as our brains are conditioned to absorbing large doses of sudden info (the reason Radical 6 causes suicidal tendencies).

This would explain why I clearly fell under the effects of R6 in Luna's path, but never tried to kill myself or anyone else. Because I’m one.

I had cybernetic arms. Metal exoskeleton, with ABT. Artificial Biological Tissue. Fake nerves. I had fucking robotic arms, with fake nerves that went back to my actual skeletal system. I just knew. I…as in Stygian. Or Sigma. I don’t know. I just knew. I didn’t even fucking get that ending at the time I figured it out. I just knew and I don’t know how.

Luna was indeed a GAULEM.

The First Law of Robotics ; “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.”

The Second Law of Robotics ; “A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.”

The Third Law of Robotics ; “A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.”

The 0th Law of Robotics ; “A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.”

That’s why she always voted “ally”. And would never choose “betray”. Why RAD-6 didn’t seem to infect her. Why she’d get pissed if you chose to betray. Why she just “knew” certain medical things. Why she knew about RAD-6. This explains everything.

#sigma ; kin memories

[goblinselfshippr]

Fern, Bouquet, Crunchy Leaf, & Cactus for Vergil ~ rebeccaselfships

Hihi Rebecca!! Hehe thank you for the chance to ramble abt my favorite blue man

🌿 Fern 🌿 - How where you introduced to your f/o(s)? Irl: in the first game he’s a mini boss and I thought he was really cool (bc his sword is pink and blue), then he drops an amulet and it implies that he’s the main character’s brother. And I was like 😭😭 we gotta fight our brother?? And then when he appears again in the third game I got the biggest heart eyes bc what do you mean he’s pretty and his mommy issues are the same as mine—

In the Lore: He’s looking for a cursed book and I slip it to him bc he’s cute and in my library.

💐 Bouquet 💐 - In what ways do your f/o(s) show their love? (ex: giving gifts, hugs, etc.) Vergil is… funny about showing love. His main love language is Acts of Service, and physical touch is a close second as long as no one else is around. Often he insists on doing most of the chores because he’s bored and can get them done faster. I used to get upset and think it’s because he thought I was incompetent, but the longer we’ve been together it really is because he gets restless him and Dante are card carrying members of the ADHD leg bounce club and likes my reaction when I come home and realize I get to just take a nap on his lap❤️ When we’re alone he’s clingy and acts like he’ll die if he doesn’t get cuddles, but in front of other people he keeps his distance(but will still look at me like a hurt puppy if I don’t sit next to him). It’s a little funny because everyone knows we’re literally married and sleep in the same bed. By now he’s caught on to the fact that the best way to appease me is with food. If he feels particularly guilty about running off for a decade or so that day, or if he notices I’m in a bad mood he’ll order a massive amount of food from one of our favorite spots. Usually enough for two meals and a snack for each of us. And then he’ll turn on the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice because he knows it’s my favorite while we eat. If Dante should come home while we’re snuggled on the couch, Vergil will just pretend like he can’t see his brother. Anyone else gets a death glare.

🍂 Crunchy Leaf 🍂 - What is your f/o(s) favorite season? Seasons are weird for him, after being away from the human world for so long they take some getting used to. Spring seems more his favorite because he likes the rain. He turns the ac down to freezing and reads the entire afternoon when it rains. Will not say no if I slide under the covers next to him and ask him to read to me. Somehow this man is immune to pollen, and will visit Amaimon when all his plants are blooming. Wants no part in actually gardening and getting dirty, but will admire Amaimon’s work and help me make jams/pickles/etc.

🌵 Cactus 🌵 - Is there any pet peeves that your f/o(s) have? If so, what? Vergil is kind of irritable in general, most things probably irritate him, but he lets them go bc if he doesn’t he will go insane. A short list would be people who stop in the walkway of a store to chat with someone else, the high pitched noises shitty electronics make (same), people who blast tiktoks or music from their phones in public spaces, and the noise car brakes make when they’re worn down.

#goblinanswers #❤️[A Thousand Years]

[tobesobri]

all of the ppl hating on u for ur RIGHT TAKE. ok… so this is like the whole reason i don’t call myself a “harrie”. i’ve never cared abt who harry dates or his relationships because THEY ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS. just like u wouldn’t want someone shitting on your s/o with every move they make. i’ve been around since x factor days, i remember watching the auditions come out and have been following ever since. every. single. relationship. harry’s partner is ALWAYS ridiculed just for being close to him. and don’t lie to yourselves and think u never noticed. ur not a 12 year old imagining u and harry are together anymore. seriously, take a step back and just imagine that ur partner was treated the way all his partners have been treated. that is shit. no one deserves death threats and judgement for being a single mom. it is so easy to ignore her if u don’t like her than to send her hate. yes, i (personally) don’t like some of the things she’s said/done in the past and some of the things she’s said recently i don’t particularly care for. but i’m not taking time out of my day to shit on her. i KNOW that the same ppl sending her hate and shit are the same ones that struggle with mental illness and know exactly what it’s like to want to end everything. i have been in at that place so many times in my life, i know how that feels, so why would i or u EVER want to inflict even the notion of that on someone else. if u wouldn’t do that shit to someone on the street, face to face, why would u ever do it to a stranger online? when something comes out abt her, i move on with my life because not everything revolves around their relationship. it is NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. when u take away the fame, they. are. fucking. people. u would never do that shit to a family member or ur neighbor, so everyone needs to grow up. they are delusional if they think harry would EVER like them or even want to be friends with them if he knew how toxic they are.

yes exactly like they do this to every single person he's been in a relationship with. they dig things up and never let go of it and use those things as validators to send hateful shit. like i've said, no one is forcing anyone to like certain people and i myself am indifferent about her but coming online and spreading a whole ass hate campaign out of jealousy is just crazy! no other celeb fanbase does that. literally ruining his reputation by bashing/spreading lies about dwd all bc they dont like her.

i have an irl friend who has been through some shit with her family accusing her of cheating and then more recently her extended family calling her a bad mom and it's just so fucked up when you don't even know what's going on with them and are just making outside judgments based on what you think is real and insisting your beliefs are fact like it genuinely blows my mind.

but anyway yeah like they talk all this shit and then go on to fantasize about harry and what not like?? he's never gonna be with you or like you or even know you exist please get over it already.

[strawberri]

thinking abt sexuality again and i don’t know who i am anymore 😁

#my friends kinda just label me as lesbian and ig it’s been a joke bc i’ve never dated someone and i always talk abt girls #but i’ve never finalized a label for myself...like idk.. i don’t know if it’s that i’m not attracted to guys bc #i’ve never been actually attracted to a guy irl and idk if it’s bc i just don’t like men or it’s bc in general i don’t interact with guys #i think throughout my life i’ve had only 3 guy friends one i don’t talk to anymore 1 who’s my best friend and the other i hardly see #bc he lives in a diff city now i miss him tho </3 #but i’ve never had a boyfriend or even a proper crush #but i put all that on the fact that i’ve never had the opportunity to develop those feelings bc i just haven’t had the interactions for it?? #also w being a attracted to girls..i really do see myself drawn to them omg..i’ve had a couple hard crushes and :( #i’m rlly stuck w all this and i want to talk to someone abt this stuff sososo bad but i don’t wanna burden anyone? #or make it an awkward situation bc they don’t know what to say... #i rlly just come on here to vent abt all this sorry:// but also not bc it’s my blog lmao anyways

[aroaceconfessions]

Idk wtf I want from relationships tbh. I very rarely crush. If I do it’s like I only like them. And then I’ll feel pressured or I did as a kid to have crushes a lot. I’m 22 and never been in a relationship. Which Ik not dating or “being a ‘late bloomer’” doesn’t mean you *are* asexual. But Ik even with someone I’d like I’d be iffy about sexual interactions.

I’m a trans guy and I’ve only known I’m bi since i was 16 n then the rest of my identity has been a long time of deciphering the mess in my head n going thru labels n trying to see who tf I am vs what it seems other people want me to be.

And I don’t always see myself married when I picture my future or if I do I feel like I’d want to be old like 50 it’s nice to think about. Even tho rn feels like a rush and idk how life will turn out I want to continue living and falling in love in old age. Idk if that’s an ace thing but it’s like…I have to think of things like that to make myself feel better.

And I want to date but I can’t. I feel like so icky and uncomfortable considering trying to start dating apps again or when ppl have thought they could “set me up” or when other people have a crush on me…I can’t freaking handle it…I feel obligation or pressure even if no one says anything.

And I hear people talking abt guys they like that they’re just having sex with and trying to get to break up with their gfs and hooking up off and on with different people. And I don’t have a problem with that I just don’t know how they do it? How they handle it? And like how their emotions don’t get in the way of the sex/casual dynamic?

And honestly I haven’t ever been on a date or kissed anyone and I’m not necessarily losing hope I just don’t know whether I even want to do that I’m not interested in anyone except one person who’s a v good friend but prob not interested and idk maybe I don’t like them as much as my head makes it seem bc we don’t even see each other irl. And it’s just. Who cares.

And my self esteem feels centered around relationships my whole fucking life despite the fact I’ve never been in one.

#dating #relationships #asexual #ace #trans #transgender #transmasculine #transmasc #ftm #trans guy #trans man #transgender man #transgender guy

[dexpairs-blog]

hi!!! i hope you’re doing well!!! could i please request the obey me ! boyfies ((belphie, levi & mammon)) with an s/o who is like tall (i never really see content for tall chubby readers & i’ve been feeling upset abt this like all day lol) & chubby ? they get insecure about it (like being tall + chubby) and really are body-insecure to the point it’s like super frustrating too bc they want to express themselves through their outfits but absolutely hate clothes shopping and will break down bc of the amount of people, the clothing sizes, and being upset after trying things on... sorry this got kinda personal lol i just really am in need some comfort and would appreciate this!! thank you so much!!

BRO I RELATE- is it ok for me to call you that? :) Lemme know ok?^^

Sorry i'm so late... Adhd lol.

Mammon, Belphie and Levi with a chubby and tall MC

Mammon

Ok so i already said that i hc demons to be hella tall and generally bigger than humans, so this man literally doesn't care and sees you as everybody else.

He likes the fact that you're tall!! You're not as tall as him but he still loves It!

He likes when you hold him, it makes him feel safe💕

This man is supportive of everything you do, if you ever feel self conscious he's quick to pull you in a tight hug.

"ya dumb human, you look amazing!"

Now he's blushy AAAAAAA-

The Devildom clothes are too big for a human so he forces Solomon to use magic to make them the size you prefer. Same goes with human world clothes.

When he finds you crying you can literally hear his heart break, he's immediately by your side telling you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you.

"i love ya MC, don't you dare forget that!"

Belphie

Doesn't get it.

He thinks you're the most beautiful being in all three realms so he doesn't get why you don't love yourself.

When you feel self-conscious he'll drag you to his room and cuddle you.

He's 100% gonna point out that you're GORGEOUS ...and his favourite pillow.

"why do you feel so insecure MC? You're stunning you idiot!"

If you wear oversize clothes (which is kinda often since demons are huge) he's 100% gonna steal them from you.

When going shopping if there's something wrong with any piece of clothing you don't feel comfortable with he's gonna trash the store.

"That's what they get for not making clothes that valorize your beauty." That's what he says lol.

Forces asks Asmo to make a clothing line dedicated to you and you only.

If he sees you crying he's going to pepper your face with kisses while telling you how much you mean to him!!

Levi

Relates.

He doesn't know how to comfort people but he'll try his best.

If you're feeling insecure he'll sit you down in his room and cuddle while watching your favourite anime.

He'll get very flustered when complimenting you."

"y-youre amazing M-MC!! Don't let a-anyone t-tell you otherwhise!!!"

Flustered Levi is best Levi.

If you don't feel comfortable shopping IRL he's got you! Online shopping is the best alternative!

He literally bursts into your room excited asf with a list of online shops he think you'll like.

"okay! So there's this shop that sells really cool anime themed clothes and i think you might like it!! Let's go check it out togheter, i saw a very cool shirt with..." Cue Levi rambling about a Ruri-chan themed shirt.

If he sees you crying he's going to shily ask you if you wanna cuddle to feel better.

He also brings you your comfort food and extra blankets.

Thinks you're the coolest human in the world! You're his Henry after all!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #leviathan obey me #obey me leviathan x reader #belphie obey me #belphegor obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me mammon x reader #obey me belphie x reader #obey me x reader #obey me x you #obey me x y/n

[firelxdykatara]

tfw you find out that one of your close irl friends from your group has a girlfriend now, and you want so desperately to be happy for him, but you’re also bitterly jealous and kind of angry and upset bc like

we were having sex for a long ass time. like a year and a half before i finally broke it off because a series of events culminated in me realizing that a) he was never going to have feelings for me like i did for him and b) pretending that it didn’t bother me that he didn’t want to actually be with me was only doing more harm than good and it wasn’t fair to either of us since i was growing increasingly upset abt the fact that he wasn’t just changing his mind and growing feelings even though he never promised to. because the thing is, i knew going in that he didn’t, it was just a casual arrangement, and i recognize that it was entirely my own stupid fault for thinking that i could handle the relationship as it was, it’s not a case of him stringing me on or anything.

but at the same time, like... he’s got a girlfriend now. after years of saying he didn’t do relationships which is why he only wanted a casual one with me. and they’re super serious, and he’s happy, and like... i want to be happy for him! so badly! but why wasn’t i good enough????

i struggled with this for a long time while we were sleeping together, wondering why i was good enough to fuck but not good enough to love, and i think somewhere in the back of my mind i was counting on him to just be perpetually single so that i wouldn’t feel so bad about my own shitty romantic life even after we stopped having sex and now it’s like... turns out he does do relationships. just not with me. because i wasn’t good enough. and i don’t know why. and it’s tearing me up inside because i’m so fucking lonely and i’ve wanted love for so long but it feels like i’ll never have it and now even someone who i thought would always just be There is... taken too and i just feel more alone than ever, and this fucking pandemic hasn’t helped because it’s not like i can go out and meet new people in the middle of a goddamn modern plague and i just want to know why i wasn’t good enough for him because i don’t fucking understand and it hurts like hell

and i feel like a shitty friend because i should just be happy that he’s happy but instead i just fucking resent it and find myself thinking i hate his gf even though i’ve never even met her and that’s not fair to ANYONE i’m just so angry and hurt and i have no one i can even talk to about it because everyone in my irl friend group is also his friend and i don’t want any of them to feel put in the middle and i don’t want him to feel bad about being happy but i don’t know what to do with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to just curl up in a hole and die lmfao

#personal #gods i'm sorry ignore this word vomit i'm just... really upset #about rl shit lol #im a shitty friend and i wish i could be better bc they all deserve it but im just stewing in resentment and hurt feelings instead #real life shit #do/ not/ reblog