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#i think in the first season there was logic in terms of where it chose to linger and where it didn't
rawbones · 2 years
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didn’t want to say this in the tags of the last rb but re: mdzs this is one of the reasons why cql fails where the donghua succeeds. it’s not how much of the plot itself is adapted (although the former makes changes to a degree that’s way overboard barring a few key episodes that are, ironically, adapted almost word-for-word from the novel) but how certain themes and aspects of the characters and their world are conveyed. there’s also the matter of tone, which imo is more present and palpable in the donghua than it is in cql, and this is the main reason why i prefer the donghua over it
the manhua meanwhile is a closer adaptation of the novel than the other two but in my opinion fails utterly in terms of preserving the tone of it, opting to make a lot of serious moments comedic instead, plus i have..... reservations about the art style and composition in the sense that neither are consistent and are sometimes actually quite bad (imo the panel layout is atrocious at times but i’m not an expert on comics), and given the medium, this is a critical flaw
the audio drama basically IS the novel and doesn’t offer too much by way of anything new and to many this is the reason why it’s the “best” adaptation, and i do like some aspects of it (and think that there are a few things it actually does a bit better than the novel itself), but it’s a little inaccessible to me personally due to the lack of visuals, and i think a lot of people are the same way, which is why despite its accuracy, it’s hard to get anyone into it
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literallyzooble · 2 months
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The Amazing Digital Marching Band: Beta Designs
WHAT THE HEEEEELLLLLLL OH MY GAWD NO WAYAYAYAYAYAY
Hi hello hi!! I finally got around to designing some beta layouts for my Digital Circus AU! Please tell me what you think and reblog if you can! If I continue to expand upon this AU, I might just make its own blog for it! Just depends when and if I have time :)
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Okay under the cut is me infodumping about each design so feel free to like skip allat if you don’t want to read it
Gangle: Color Guard -I wanted to still follow Gangle’s ribbon motif in her design, this is probably the most personalized outfit out of all of them. -The ribbon the makes up her body now continues down and spirals around her legs, sort of to make a “skeleton” of a dress. -I added a bit more flare to her arms, adding extra ribbons that don’t act as limbs, and more as sleeves or decoration. -The bow on her head kind of just ties it all together, again fitting with the ribbon motif that I was going for. -In terms of the first point, the reason why I say “personalized” is that I’m still not sure what I’m going for in terms of outfits. I don’t know if I want them all to be uniform and the same, like a true marching band (in this case, I would have to change Gangle’s outfit), or if I’d like each uniform to have more of a personal style to it (in this case I would keep Gangle’s outfit, and change uniforms to echo the original character’s designs (i.e. changing Ragatha’s uniform to be a bit more dress like).
Pomni: Drum Major -I’m still deciding on the hat, I wanted to try to make a shako with a jester hat motif, but I’ll have to work it out over time. -Her uniform borrows from modern marching uniforms (Stanbury for inspiration) and circus jester clothes (hence the fringe around the waist). -Gloves are the same size as her original gloves, except they’re white. -Pants are classic bibber pants, shoes are classic marching shoes (both black).
Zooble: Snare (Battery) -One of their antennae is a snare stick. I came up with this gimmick that Zooble basically pulls out sticks from everywhere: their head, their arm, their leg, they always have a spare. -I decided to give Zooble two wings for stability, since you don’t want to be tilted to one side while marching, especially for battery. -Their right (looking at the drawing it’s their left) arm has this mechanism where you can easily insert sticks, it’s sort of like one of those things that can extend your pencil when it’s short? It uses the same logic. -I kinda went the craziest on Zooble’s design because I am so normal about them (I am not) -I CHOSE ZOOBLE AS A SNARE BEFORE GOOSE SAID THAT THEY PLAY DRUMS MY BRAIN IS MASSIVE
Ragatha: Flute -Adding on from what I yapped about in Gangle’s tidbit, I had this idea to make the uniforms a bit more personalized to each character, for example giving Ragatha’s uniform a bit more of a “dress” look to math her original design. Of course, this conflicted with my knowledge of marching bands and why everyone has such similar uniforms, so to go with the dress-like design or not, as well as personalizing each of the character’s designs more, is still up in the air. -Woodwinds have gloves that have the fingertips cut off, so their fingers can be more technical. Ragatha’s gloves are black. -The woodwind and brass uniforms are mostly the same, the shakos (color wise) are the only things that differentiate the two. -Classic marching bibber and shoes. -Yes I am self projecting by making Ragatha a flute and BEFORE YOU GO SAYING “erm achchually Ragatha plays Cello-“ FIRSTLY there are no cellos in marching band and SECONDLY within this AU she plays flute for marching season and play cello in the orchestra for concert season :)
Jax: Trumpet -His ears go inside his shako, I’m just too lazy to edit/erase them. -Brass have gloves that have no alterations made to them. Jax’s gloves are also black. -Classic marching bibber and shoes. -Jax gives me “typical crackhead trumpet” energy and I don’t know why. Anyways there’s my reason for putting him on trumpet.
Kinger: Bass Drum And Gong (Pit/Auxiliary) -I want Kinger in this AU to give “How TF Did I Get Dragged Into This” Vibes -Pit percussion members don’t wear shakos, which is sort of cool so we can still recognize the chess piece form. -Since Kinger doesn’t have any legs, his “marching bibber” is more of just a black skirt that surrounds his body. -Pit percussion members don’t wear gloves. Which is a problem. Because Kinger is always wearing gloves. And I do not want to draw whatever is underneath those gloves. Scawy.
Stay tuned for more!! Maybe!! In the near future??? ALSO ALL SHIPS ARE ALLOWED!!! YOU MAY SHIP WHOEVER WITH WHOMEVER!!! AS LONG AS YOU’RE NOT A CREEP!!! YAHOO!!!
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ravendruidreads · 3 months
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A Shadow Crown - Review
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Author: Melissa Blair Saga: The Halfling Saga (#2) Date Read: February 15, 2024 - February 19, 2024 Format: Physical Pages: 480
Characters: 9/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Writing: 8/10 Plot: 9/10 Intrigue: 9/10 Logic: 8/10 Enjoyment: 9/10 Rating: 8.5/10 (4 stars) Spice Level: 3/5
The review is hidden below due to spoilers.
What changed/improved from the first book:
I enjoyed the writing in this book a bit more, and the plot thickened very well with a few twists and turns I wasn't expecting, but also a few that I was already foreshadowing.
In terms of world building, I feel like there was big improvement, especially with the explanation of the story of the Light and Dark Fae towards the middle/end of the book.
Where the first book had my favorite tropes, this book disappointed me slightly with the potential love triangle between Killian, Keera and Riven. I'm not a fan of love triangles, so when I started to notice one forming, I almost wanted to skip those parts (the kiss made me roll my eyes).
Theories:
I wasn't surprised when the author introduced the concept of miskwithir as I was already expecting some form of 'fated mates' bond between Keera and Riven, but I was excited to read that miskwithir can chose to become friends, lovers or enemies, which is a breath of fresh air in the Fantasy genre, where fated mates are almost always lovers.
I loved the suspense of Keera figuring out the only way to unlock the power of the Fae is if she kills the Aemon with her blade, only for him to be killed by Damien. I can't wait to see where this goes in the third book, although I have a theory that perhaps the lock on the power is connected to the King of Elverath, not necessarily Aemon himself.
I gasped and did a little happy dance when it was confirmed that Keera was older than 60. Although I don't feel like it has been totally explained, I think she was put into a sleep for the years after the Light Fae disappeared until she was found on the rift. I still want to learn more about that. Did she woke up because the magic was draining?
Throughout the book I started noticing some foreshadowing. For example, from the first mention of a mole, I immediately thought it would be Tarvelle or Collin, especially after Keera confessed to having killed Collin's family.
Another foreshadow was Keera mentioning an Elf that had been in the dungeons with her. I was expecting it to be Riven's mother, but it turning out to be Nikolai's was so much better.
A quote that stayed:
Trees, like grief, go through seasons. Their leaves change colors just as our feelings continue to churn and change. Sometimes the leaves fall to the ground entirely, leaving us cold and bare, draining us of hope that the warmth of summer will ever come. But it will.
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where-theres-smoak-2 · 7 months
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For me, it would have been very easy to achieve a Darklina endgame, even after season 1.
Malina fans argue that since their relationship has been introduced and established throughout the season, and the Darkling betrayed Alina, they are the logical way to go. The obvious endgame.
To this I answer:
No.
Throughout the season, it is shown that Alina being with Mal restrained her in her abilities and who she really was. After episode 4, she had agreed to detach herself from him, erasing the scar she had made to pit the test, and thus bury who she really was for Mal. While he, on the contrary, kept this scar he had made by defending her (also) without his knowledge, in addition to claiming that Alina was his true north. Something Alina also did BUT in the episode before, while there, now, well she let Mal go after finally figuring out that her relationship with him had basically gotten in the way of who she really was and could potentially hold her back. . So there, basically, Malina was no longer on the same page. Then Episode 5 reinforces that fact, in addition to finally making it clear that Malina has in fact never been on the same page at all, with Alina saying that Mal wants a farm, but Alina doesn't like firm and would instead like to travel. Basically, we are shown during the first 5 episodes that despite their love, well they are very different. Mal didn't allow Alina to move on, and she doesn't even want the same things he does in life in general. Worse, he's mortal, and she's immortal, as Aleks points out in Episode 7. It's basically a relationship, realistically doomed.
Without forgetting that this conversation of the Darkling and Mal takes place just before that of Darklina. Mal having told the Darkling that Alina chose him over him. Then, we hear Alina say later that she and Aleks could have had it all together if he had told her the truth. Without forgetting that when he leaves the tent, Alina hesitates to call him back to her. So the dialogue, as well as this whole situation basically proves that no, Alina didn't choose Evil in there, he's wrong. On the contrary, it becomes the default choice. The second choice. Simply because the future she imagined as clearly as possible… It was with Aleks. In fact, when Alina ran away from Aleks, she wasn't even thinking about Mal. I recall that she had essentially put it aside. So when Alina ran away from Aleks, it wasn't for Mal, it was for herself. Finding Mal was essentially a coincidence, not something she sought to cause. And when Alina spoke of the future by involving Mal in the series, it was to say that she wanted to travel, and he, to have a firm idea that she never liked. (Even one of my friends who doesn't like Darklina at all, recognizes this aspect of the story where Mal appears as a second choice when she wanted to build a future with the Darkling. She also likes the relationship and the Malina link, but finds her straining in romantic terms)
Then, next to Mal as a character, we have Aleks, the other most powerful grisha in existence apart from Alina, literally her natural complement, the darkness of her light. The one who encourages her to be who she really is. I'll add that since he's immortal, he must have traveled well elsewhere and could basically show the world to Alina.
People think the necklace case is irretrievable. It's bullshit. The Darkling had specific reasons for doing what he did and for an essentially noble and righteous purpose. Without forgetting that Alina very quickly regained control of her powers.
Let's also not forget the fact that she didn't know about Zlatan, about Marie, or even the whole truth about the creation of the Fold. Sorry, but Bagrah barely told him the tip of the iceberg.
If Alina learned all these things, it is impossible for her to remain in her black and white vision to consider the Darkling purely as an enemy.
A clever story would have Alina learn all of these things to make her reconsider the situation and potentially forgive Aleks later. It's fucking completely doable!
Hell, I literally read a trilogy (The Kinder of Poison) where Kasta (main male protagonist, coded as symbolically having darkness within him) stabbed Zahru (the heroine of the story, coded as a symbolic source of light), choosing the magic he would reap from this sacrifice, even as she begged him to choose her and they grew closer during the book, developing feelings for each other . And yet, he chose to stab her in the heart! The only reason Zahru survived is because Kasta's brother's companions rescued him inextremist! And yet in the last volume, Zahru forgives her, and they get married, ending up more in love than ever! If forgiveness is possible there, why wouldn't it be for Darklina with this fucking necklace story?!
Beyond that, we are still talking about an antagonist who has been fighting for a minority who has been orpified for centuries against a monarchy corrupt to the bone and trying to maintain a country that is fucking on the way to extinction. Aleks is not and never was the real bad guy in this mess. A cleverly written story would have unquestionably brought Darklina together against Ravka's true enemies, and Mal would have become a love of the past, no more and no less. We would reinforce their differences and incompatibility. Damn that scar should have come out! How could Mal not ask about this in season 2?! Also, although I hate those ridiculous prairie scenes, since we were given one at the end of the last episode of season 1, it would be good to put some back on but much less idealize than those we saw in season 1, to make the pon with the deterioration of their relationship and that everything remains fluid and connected. And we could very well have kept this good energy and special bond that they had from season 1, by making it / making it more fraternal, knowing that it is already the feelings that they send back to most spectators, and even generally in the story. Malina is family. Darklina is the lovers. (even Jessie Mei Li said it) To say, Malina after season 1 had ended up in the top of the most forced couples…
Sorry to say, but this is all the natural path for the story to follow from the end of season 1. (And even the end of volume 1, I feel like saying. Anything was still possible after this first volume. Alina could have had a meteoric evolution, just like the story. But we know that's not what we got…)
Yet Alina will never learn the truth about the Fold. She will never learn of Marie's death a little caused by Kaz all the same huh, but not considering that it is necessary to show that Alina and Inej get along for the fan service… She will not learn either the plans of Zlatan which consisted in having everyone on board the skiff killed once it arrived, as well as his plan to kill her which led to the death of Marie. Whether it's by herself or through Zoya, for example, Alina will never know.
And of course, all this is very practical and allows Alina to remain ignorant and not evolve. Except that it creates a huge dissonance between the spectators and the characters. The viewer is not supposed to be the only one to know such important and crucial information. At least not indefinitely. The logical way is that the heroine also learns them at some point.
Except that if she learned them, the logical path would be for her to go to the Darkling, except since this is a path that the writers refuse to take, they prevent the logical progression of their story and their heroine.
There's also been no conversation where Mal basically tells Alina that she's immortal, or even Alina shown to actually think about it in a deep way on her own. It's always the Darkling talking about it, while she avoids the subject. (at least until episode 5 of season 2) Like… a child who refuses to face the truth in fact, and it is frustrating.
I do think it would have made for a much more interesting story to have darklina come back together and for them to work together to save the grisha and Ravka. They just have too much symbolism for me not to ship them, the whole sunlight/shadow, light/dark, yin/yang of it all. They just have such an interesting and complex relationship and such great chemistry with each other.
I also agree with you that it would be possible to have Alina forgive Aleks for the collar. I've always said that there is nothing you can't bring a character back from so long as you take the time and care to write it properly and I will always stand by that belief.
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Moment that hurt the most.
This moment: 
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{Image: Iroh laying on his back after getting shot by Azula and Zuko kneeling down next to him with his wrists covering his eyes as he bows his head.}
(The Chase, Book 2)
Because the fact that Iroh is hurt by itself is hard enough, but it’s the context that makes it more heartbreaking.
Up until this point, we’ve seen how much of a positive influence Iroh is on Zuko. He’s been the only one there for Zuko at all times. He’s the one who’s protected Zuko and given him unconditional love. And Zuko’s been angry and difficult, we’ve seen that. And in most series where there’s a clear villain, you’d expect it to be framed like ‘Iroh is way too nice to Zuko, who is a huge asshole.’ But it isn’t. Instead, as we get the context of Zuko’s banishment and as we see how Iroh treats Zuko in season 1, Iroh and Zuko’s relationship becomes clear to us as full of unconditional love, but with barriers that make it difficult for them to communicate that love. Through the series, we see those barriers get knocked down. 
In the first episodes, we see Zuko yell at Iroh and generally act like a brat, but it’s also clear that Iroh is the one person that Zuko is comfortable around. Iroh’s the one person who vouches for Zuko and is genuinely rooting for this kid. But it’s clear that he’s not rooting for Zuko to capture the Avatar necessarily, instead, he’s rooting for Zuko to stop hating himself and to stop endangering his own life.
But the thing is, Zuko doesn’t know how to accept it. At all. He’s convinced himself that he doesn’t deserve Iroh’s unconditional love. Zuko was conditioned by his father to believe that in order to be loved, he had to be worthy. 
Zuko is consistently surprised whenever Iroh is proud of him or whenever Iroh shows up to protect him. In The Southern Air Temple, when Iroh protects Zuko from Zhao’s illegal hit after the Agni Kai ended and said “disgraceful, even in exile my nephew is more honorable than you”. Zuko’s still surprised that after Zhao did an objectively dishonorable thing after the match, Iroh openly chose Zuko’s side and stood up for him.
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“Did you really mean that Uncle?” 
Zuko’s used to people pushing him away. He’s used to having to prove his worth. He’s used to there being a bar for him to have to reach and then when he finally does, the bar just gets moved up higher. Iroh doesn’t have a bar for Zuko. He doesn’t want Zuko to improve himself to meet a standard, rather, he wants Zuko to improve himself in order to be happy and to find self-realization. 
There’s the more obvious moment at the end of season 1 with the “ever since I lost my son, I think of you as my own”. 
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“You don’t have to say it, Uncle” 
This scene has already been talked about before, but let’s look at it again. Iroh tells Zuko that he needs to be safe when he goes down to the water and says “ever since I lost my son... I think of you as my own.” This is the first time in the series it’s mentioned that Iroh had a son. That detail itself gives us more insight into Iroh’s motivations. We can look at his actions in the context of ‘he couldn’t protect Lu Ten, so he’s going to do everything in his power to keep Zuko safe’. But it’s also clear that Iroh doesn’t expect or want Zuko to be Lu Ten. It is clear, and it has been clear for the entirety of season one, that Iroh unconditionally loves Zuko. Iroh’s followed Zuko across the world, accepted him for his faults while still wanting him to improve, and is the only person we’ve seen show genuine affection for him. 
This scene confirms that unconditional love, but it also reveals that Zuko doesn’t know how to accept it. We already know that Zuko cares about Iroh (mainly from the episode where Zuko forgoes chasing Aang in favor of rescuing Iroh from the earthbenders, which is one of the first truly selfless acts we see Zuko do), but this scene reveals that the reason Zuko pushes away from Iroh isn’t that he doesn’t want his Uncle’s love, but because Zuko thinks he doesn’t deserve it. Zuko says “you don’t have to say it” because he thinks that it’s something that’s harder for Iroh to say rather than something hard for him to hear. Iroh believes it. He loves Zuko and wants him to be safe, but Zuko doesn’t think Iroh has a reason to and can’t wrap his head around it. So he bows as a sign of respect and tells Iroh that they’ll meet again “after [he] finds the Avatar” because Zuko’s convinced that in order to earn love, he has to prove himself. Finding the Avatar is the task he was dealt to earn love, so he focuses on that when met with affection. Iroh hugs him and Zuko just doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t think he’s earned it. 
In season 2, the first episode dives a little deeper into this block that Zuko has. When Azula lies to them about Ozai wanting Zuko back, Iroh is able to look at the situation objectively whereas Zuko can only focus on the ‘my father doesn’t think I’m worthless after all’ smoke and mirrors. Iroh sees the situation for what it is: Ozai was needlessly cruel to Zuko and if Zuko returns, that’s what he’s going to be met with. For season 1, Iroh went along with Zuko on his Avatar hunt to make sure he didn’t make stupid, life-threatening decisions and to emotionally support him, but capturing the Avatar was never Iroh’s goal. He didn’t want Zuko to return to the father that scarred him and banished him for not wanting to fight. 
So when Zuko is going to take Azula’s offer to return home, Iroh’s protective instincts kick in, but he has to be explicit about it. He has to say the hard truth in order to keep his kid safe.  
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“Father’s realized how important family is to him. He cares about me.” 
“I care about you! I mean, if Ozai wants you back, well, I think it might not be for the reasons you imagine.” 
Iroh all but explicitly says “Zuko, Ozai mistreated you and doesn’t care about you. If you return, he’s going to hurt you.” But he has to say it, because after three years Zuko still doesn’t want to believe it and is now making a decision that could endanger his life. 
And Zuko still rejects this. He lashes out and insults Iroh, accusing him of being jealous of his more successful younger brother. Zuko tells Iroh “you don’t know what my father thinks of me. You don’t know anything.” He’s still holding onto the notion that Ozai’s ‘love’ is something he can win, one way or another. Iroh is the one to recognize the fault in that logic and all he can do it be by Zuko’s side to protect him when shit goes down (which it does). 
When the fact that Ozai doesn’t care about Zuko becomes harder to ignore after Zuko finds out that Azula was going to take them as prisoners and his “father considers [him] a miserable failure”, he’s still not ready to accept unconditional love. That fact becomes clear in The Swamp and Avatar Day. 
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“Do you like your new tea set?” 
The scene where Zuko gets mad about begging escalates when Iroh is publically humiliated in order to get them a gold piece. Zuko can’t firebend and the man’s dual swords are taunting him. Those are his weapons and he’s helpless to do anything for Iroh in this situation. Iroh dances as the man swipes knives at his feet and all Zuko can do is watch. What he was raised on was the mentality that he had to prove his parental figures his worth. Zuko was convinced that Iroh providing for him wasn’t how it should be and hates the situation. So he overcompensates: he goes on a crime spree and doesn’t just steal food, he steals gold in order to buy Iroh a fancy tea set. 
Iroh tells Zuko that he doesn’t need things to be happy and Zuko gets stuck. He doesn't see a clear way to prove his worth to Iroh anymore and he still doesn’t know how to just accept love without working for it. So he leaves. Zuko decides that “they no longer have anything to gain by traveling together” not because he doesn’t want to be with his Uncle, but because Zuko no longer sees how he is useful to Iroh. Zuko would rather be alone than be a burden, emotionally or otherwise. 
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And in The Chase, we find out that Iroh has been following Zuko this whole time. Iroh knows that Zuko needs space to figure himself out, but is always going to be there to keep him physically safe. 
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Despite the fact that he left Iroh, despite everything, Iroh was still there. Zuko didn’t really have time to grasp this fact, but Iroh showing up when he got knocked out showed Zuko that yes, this love is unconditional. Iroh’s just going to be there for him and that’s that. Zuko isn’t past the ‘love must be earned’ mentality, but this gesture means so much to him after he felt alone and directionless for weeks. 
Then Iroh gets shot by Azula as he’s standing right next to Zuko. 
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And what’s going through Zuko’s head right now is something along these lines:
He knows his Uncle was there to protect him even when Zuko left 
He’s convinced himself that he’s been a burden on his Uncle, just like his dad treated him as 
He didn’t have time to thank Iroh for being there anyway 
Iroh got hit because he followed Zuko and acted as his protector
Zuko wasn’t able to protect Iroh 
So now this person, the one person who was there for him and who always believed in him despite everything is hurt and for all he knows, might not survive, is on the ground and unconscious because Zuko couldn’t protect his Uncle the way his Uncle protected him. And Zuko regrets everything at this moment. He regrets the fact that he left. He regrets not taking Iroh’s advice. He regrets not being a more skilled firebending. He regrets not being able to give back what Iroh gave him in terms of protection. 
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And he’s convinced that he’s failed his Uncle. He looks at this situation and is terrified that Iroh won’t be okay, but he’s also convinced that it was his fault. Zuko thinks that because Iroh decided to side with him from the beginning, his life has been ruined. If Iroh had stayed in the Fire Nation instead of gone with Zuko on his banishment, Iroh wouldn't have spent years at sea, he wouldn’t have been branded a traitor, he wouldn’t be on the run, he wouldn’t have had to beg for coins on the street, and he wouldn’t have been shot in the chest by Azula. 
Zuko can’t wrap his head around why Iroh decided to go with him. After all, he’s the banished and disgraceful ex-prince. He’s scarred and untalented and he spends years desperately trying to prove that he’s worth something. Zuko’s been conditioned to think that in order to be worth anyone’s time or affection, he has to prove himself. He has to be useful. And to be the reason Iroh is hurt (which he isn’t but that’s what he thinks is the case), that just means he has to prove himself further. 
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And for the rest of the season, he doesn’t leave Iroh’s side. He knows what it feels like to almost lose his Uncle and can’t risk that again. He takes Iroh’s advice and goes with him to Ba Sing Se. He takes care of Iroh when he’s unconscious, makes him tea, patiently learns lighting redirection (there’s a clear difference in how Zuko listens to Iroh as a teacher from the first episode of season 1 to Bitter Work), guards Iroh from the Rough Rhinos, and tries his best to stay quiet serving tea. 
This moment in The Chase is such a pivotal moment for Zuko. For the first half of the series, Iroh has been the parental figure Zuko needed and deserved, but Zuko didn’t understand that. In the moment where he almost loses Iroh, something clicks. Zuko starts to understand what was missing before. He starts to accept that this relationship is something he needs in his life. Zuko realizes that Iroh has been there and he’s going to keep being there and that’s something he isn’t ready to lose. There’s so much shame in the idea that Iroh would be hurt for him and he spends the rest of the season trying to make it up. 
And we know that it ends up not being enough to break Zuko away from wanting Ozai’s approval, but this moment reveals just how fractured Zuko’s self-image is, just how much he needs Iroh, and just how much he feels he doesn’t deserve unconditional love. This moment is pure vulnerability as the one person who stuck by Zuko’s side through injury and banishment is hurt. 
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Zuko is convinced that it’s his fault and if Iroh hadn’t decided to be by his side, this wouldn’t have happened. 
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maxbernini · 2 years
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why do you think they chose to go the “i don’t love you anymore” route instead of “i don’t believe that you love me” ? idk i just feel like lola flat out saying that she doesn’t love maya anymore was so much to have to come back from too late in this season… are we now expecting this show to have them fall back in love with each other? idk if this made any sense i haven’t slept since that clip so forgive me for my ramblings and thank you for being my only sense of hope for mayla endgame
okay first idk your timezone or how long you've been up but please get some rest as soon if you can <3 the clip came out @ 3:30am and i didn't sleep until 7:30am and it was hell but after sleeping i'm even more convinced of an endgame and happy ending tbh. you’ll feel much better mentally and physically after resting i promise ❤️ anyways some endgame truthism under the cut
secondly, re: “so much to have to come back from too late in this season… are we now expecting this show to have them fall back in love with each other?” the thing is: this show has never had good pacing, especially when it comes to sticking the landing. the first half sets up good stuff, the second half demolishes it before hastily gluing some of the pieces together again. i still believe they’re endgame, but unless it happens in a specific way (which i’m still mulling over), it’ll likely be rushed and feel “unearned”. accepting the rushed-ness helps a little tbh. like, it massively sucks, but it means not having to worry about “ugh there’s no time left” in the meantime. jolal were literally arguing in ep10 and still got their rom-com ending. it’s happened before!!
howeverrrr, related to the “unearned” point: maya is an incredibly traumatized person with years of shit to unpack. even if it was well written, the season was never going to end with her being magically healed and 100% fine, bc that’s not how it works, and she doesn’t need to be for her arc to be complete anyways. accepting that also helps re: worrying about a rushed ending. she just needs to be at a point where she’s committed to growing, opening up, putting in work, expressing herself, etc. and we’re seeing her get there! re: the endgame feeling “unearned”: unlike jolal, i think we’ll actually see them talk in ep9/10 and have a calm heart to heart; they deliberately used eliott as a voice of reason who imo the audience is meant to trust (unlike jo, whose advice might seem less serious and forever changing), and that’s what he suggested needs to happen if they want the relationship to work. and that convo hasn’t happened yet. i think when it does, it’ll be both of them apologizing and opening up. i think they went with “i don’t love you anymore” over “i don’t believe that you love me” / “i just can’t trust you” because they love drama tbh, but i can see lola’s logic. i wish they’d gone with the trust thing bc this seems very concrete and final and honestly a little unclear? but my interpretation is she’s numb, overwhelmed, distrustful, confused, flawed, and coming to terms with realizing that she fell for the most stunted and traumatized girl in france and what that means (whereas maya has known who lola is at her worst since s6, maya’s issues are only now super apparent). i’m kinda glad they’re both narratively in the wrong for lack of better term, bc it means it’s not *just* maya who has to apologize and work on things. highly rec scrolling thru liz’s tag bc she’s got lots of good interpretations of that clip/the season and is also an endgame truther, and here and here are why i think they’re still endgame too <3
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bonesingerofyme-loc · 3 years
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You will turn back, sweet krill of hope. You will chose the Sky instead
In the Season of Arrivals the Darkness spoke with us, while Savathun tried to intervene. In Beyond Light, the Darkness granted Guardians with Stasis, giving access to it's powers as an argument to the Sky - if the Sky posits that given the chance, individuals will choose goodness and decency, the Darkness gave the active avatars of the Light the chance to prove the Darkness' thesis. That, when the going gets tough, all things turn to the logic of the blade.
The Dark Future is the conclusion of the Darkness' argument against the Light. It is proof that the chosen of the Light, Guardians, will, like all life, turn to the brutal and simple logic of the Deep and become conquerors and butchers. It was quite a move on the board by the Deep, by giving Guardians Stasis. As far as we know, no other species has been directly blessed by the Light in the same was as Humanity. We know the Ammonite were aided by the Traveler through 'paracausal weapons' and that the Traveler indirectly blessed the Harmony through it's manipulation of gravity and spacetime, but until Earth and Humans, there had not been, as far as we know, direct wielders of the Light.
So the Darkness reached out to the direct avatars of the Light and gave them a nugget of it's power. A power move.
Now - with Witch Queen, we see that Savathun has a ghost, has the light, and more - so does her brood. The phrasing around it is couched in terms of 'stealing the light' or in some way wresting control of it, but that's through biased voices like Ikora. I suppose we may see for sure this season, depending on the conclusion, but that remains in the future.
However. Consider Savathun. She was the first adopter of the worms. She led Aurash and Xi Ro to the worm gods beneath Fundament. She threw herself fully into the deal with the worms. In time, Oryx may have surpassed her as the truest, and closest adherent to the Deep, as seen by his actions, his theories and the Touch of Malice, but Savathun was the first.
What greater weapons of the Darkness were there than the Hive? This trio for a billion - billions? - of years have enacted the will of the Deep across the universe. Untold species, unimaginable complexity, all of it cut away by the sword.
But then Savathun started to question. She started to wonder. She started to buck the tenets of the Deep. She doubted her worm, and she had from long ago in the Books of Sorrow. She sought ways around it, loopholes - she betrayed the Darkness. Oryx never questioned his role or his position. He embraced the prospect of death, faithful that whoever slew him was merely doing the work of the Deep and helping the universe to it's final, brutal shape. If he died - he was meant to, as the Deep teaches. Savathun never accepted this.
And now, at long last, she turned her sight on the Light. Savathun wants to live at all costs. At all costs. This has been her driving force since she was a little krill all those eons ago.
But if one wants to live at all costs, is not the answer the Deep? After all, to become the Final Shape is to become synonymous with existence, to be the last man standing at the end of all things. No better immortality, right? But Savathun doubts that, despite being so steeped in the Darkness for so long. One who should be completely dedicated to this, but she questions. She isn't like Oryx, or even Xivu Arath as it seems.
So we return to a conversation, spoken by an agent of the Sky to three wayward krill.
—Quick-breeding krill people, I tell you++
++For eons I have watched your struggle—
—Clinging to the sharp edge of survival++
++Balanced between the Deep and the Sky.—
—FOR THIS IS THE DEEP CLAIM—
++Existence is the struggle to exist—
—When the struggle seems lost++
++when the safe place crumbles—
—everything turns to the Deep to survive++
++I REJECT THE DEEP CLAIM++
—You will turn back, sweet krill of hope.±±
++You will choose the Sky instead.—
"Existence is the struggle to exist. When the struggle seems lost, when the safe place crumbles, everything turns to the Deep to survive."
Emphasis mine. From the Leviathan of Fundament, this is the Deep claim. This is the position of the Darkness, which has been proven over and over again.
Savathun has turned on the Deep claim. She has rejected it. She is at the bitter end, when the struggle seems lost, when the safe place crumbles - she has fled her throne. She has left her brood. She is hunted by her own sister, with her brother slain. Her worm's hunger is insatiable. All of her plots and infinite plans have failed. Her murder battery failed. Her Taken were useless. IMBARU is IMBARN'T.
And at the bitter, deadly edge of this desperation, where did Savathun turn? Not to the Deep. She turned to the Light.
Oh, I'm sure she can dress it up however she wants, as sardonic or skeptical or cynical as she likes. But the fact remains that when the cards came down, she abandoned the Deep.
She rejected the Deep claim.
And she chose the Light.
What better retort to the Deep could the Sky possibly supply other than to bless Savathun with the Light? To take one of the fiercest, oldest, deadliest agents of the Darkness and give her the Light? To give her the chance to prove, like all life, that the Deep is not the answer. That there is more than just the mindless struggle of slaughter. This is the Traveler and the Sky's rebuttal to the argument made in Beyond Light. If the Darkness wants to try to tempt Guardians - the Sky can and will prove that nothing is beyond realizing the allure of the gentle nation, ringed by spears.
I hope that this is what occurs, that there is no deception, no stealing, no necromantic trickery. That the Traveler blesses Savathun and her brood with the Light because in the eschatological debate between these two forces, such a move brings the Sky closer to checkmate.
Final thought - but why would we fight Savathun? Why not? The Light doesn't demand, doesn't act, doesn't direct. That's the blessing of the Sky. Freedom of will, of choice, of being. Lightbearers have done atrocities in the past, during the age of warlords. Some do even now. That is part of life, there is good and there is evil. What matters is what you choose. Savathun has spent aeons practicing violence, she's not going to change overnight. But! The question is if she can. If she can prove the thesis of the Sky.
I think that killing Savathun and her brood, in this case, might be the worst possible outcome for the Light.
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buddielove · 3 years
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Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.
Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....
So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.
Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.
I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).
As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;
(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)
When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.
They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.
I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??
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pedroalonso · 3 years
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it’s so funny to me how the fandom is so divided about palermo’s development there is no middle ground in any of the arguments i’ve seen so far
Martín has always been a divisive character from the start and I honestly love that for him. lmao. But yeah, In truth, I can’t scroll through the LCDP tag without seeing someone ranting about Palermo, either negatively or positively regarding his arc this season.
And after thinking about it for a while, I realize that a large chunk of people’s arguments (my own included) are deeply rooted in personal interpretation and biases. We all have our own takes on a character. We project either our likes or dislikes on them, depending on our own life experiences and beliefs. It’s not wrong to do so, it’s literally a normal thing humans do. To personalize a story in a way that resonates with them.
But at the end of the day, characters are not sentient beings. They are narrative tools to tell a story and move the plot forward. While we can get a gauge of the “basics” of a character from the stuff we are presented with in canon, we can never really be certain about “who they are” because they aren’t real. Their development is dependent on what kind of story is being told, and writers will always adjust their characters to fit the current narrative.
In terms of Volume 1, the writers have always hinted that they wanted to make the final season “an explosive one”, meaning they wanted to make it more action heavy. And looking back on it now, they succeeded in doing what they set out to do. The new season was like an action movie. Lots of gunfire. Explosions. It’s easy to brush it off as LCDP mimicking another Hollywood blockbuster to increase viewership, but I think it made sense. It showed us how dire their situation is in the bank. How much deep shit they were in that the military was willing to bomb the building and inadvertently kill hostages just to catch them. And the first volume ended with the MAIN CHARACTER getting killed off. Like the stakes were so high not even the goddamn narrator survived. The show is literally telling us how fucked things are for the band.
So with that said, the characters adjusted to this “action” movie vibe the writers wanted to go with. And I think they all acted accordingly. There was less conflict within the group because they worked together to beat a common enemy, setting aside their personal issues to get the job done and survive. And while it’s true that some character arcs (Palermo’s especially) had to be set aside, it was because they HAD to in order to move the plot forward. How much sense would it make if Martín kept raving on about the gold when the Bank was literally exploding around him? He’s a chaotic asshole, yeah. But give him more credit than that, he’s not an idiot. The gold can wait. He needs to survive NOW.
And again, narrative wise, who he is in Part 5 directly connects to his last scene in Part 4. He made a promise to do better and they followed it through in literally the first episode of Volume 1, where he’s shown to be more remorseful for his actions. If he just went back to being an angry asshole, it wouldn’t have made sense because otherwise, what was his last scene in Part 4 supposed to be for?? Just for funsies?? No, of course not. They were already foreshadowing where his arc was heading in Part 5.
And I know LCDP sucks at maintaining continuity. There are a lot of plotholes that haven’t been addressed because they probably forgot about it or deemed it unnecessary. (Like me, for example, wondering if Martín knows it was Helsinki who blew up the tunnel that resulted in Andrés death??? Like I want that angst PLEASE).
But, hear me out. What LCDP fails in continuity, they make up for emotional terrorism. Not only are they more than capable of killing off likable characters (NAAAAIROBI), they are also very good at making unlikeable characters… not always loveable. But understandable, in a way. More empathetic. For example: Berlin was 100% a disgusting dipshit in the Mint, yes, but in the end when he sacrifices himself to save the gang and you find out he and the Professor were brothers this whole time? That was a twist. Maybe you didn’t end up liking Berlin, but you felt pain for Sergio for losing someone so obviously dear to him. They made you feel sorry for seeing this asshole go.
Which brings me to my final point. Characters are used to convey a theme. What do they represent in the story? Berlin’s thematic arc in the first two seasons, for example, was him going from a villain to an anti-hero. From the moment we find out about his terminal illness, we knew he was going to die either way. You can see him grappling with his mortality — about the inevitability of his death. And it seemed like he was planning to live out his last remaining years being an asshole surrounded by a shitload of money, until he ultimately dies from his illness.
But then, he sacrifices himself. Not only does he escape the “humiliating” decline that was to befall him when he escapes, he also gave meaning to his death. He, the heartless evil bastard, made himself the hero in the end. How rude!
So, when it comes to Martín, we have to think: What is his purpose in this story? What is the theme he’s trying to convey? Is it the tragedy of an unrequited love? Or is it learning to let it go?
Because looking back in episode two of Part 3, Sergio recruits Martín in a dirty flat in Palermo, littered with empty liquor bottles and Martín himself looking like a mess. When he broaches the topic of the heist, Martín can barely mention Andrés without his voice cracking. And when he and Sergio do discuss Andrés, he screams and gets angry and cries. He was obviously still mourning Andrés, who at this point, died FIVE YEARS AGO. That is not… a normal grieving period. May it be due to the lack of a support system after Andrés’s death (since I doubt Sergio visited), or the lack of real closure between him and Andrés, or something else, the point is… Martín Berrote was not okay. He was still clinging to Andrés in some way. Still unable to move on.
So when Sergio proposes to do the Bank of Spain heist and Martín accepts, his thematic arc began. He is introduced as Andrés’s long suffering best friend who was in love with him for years until he was eventually discarded. A lot of his moments in the show discuss and convey this dynamic. From him telling Sergio he loved the plan as much as he loved Andrés, to Nairobi confronting him about Berlin, to Martín himself telling Helsinki how Andrés leaving him made him the “asshole” he is today.
His theme is not just about his love for Andrés, but his grief and suffering because of it. Where the show will eventually take it is still debate-able, and we’ll have to wait for Volume 2 for that. But viewing Martín’s whole arc in this way, through the scenes they chose to put about him, and the way they connect it to the main plot — his development this season did not come out of the blue. It made logical and narrative sense. It all connects! This was the kind of story they wanted for him from the start.
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Text
Fairy Ranmaru character profiles
No one seems to have tried to do more than Google Translate on these character profiles (as far as I know), so...might as well do it?
See the original profiles here. (They’re comprised of several images, so to be fast about it, I just indicated what colour each character is.)
Note:
May contain errors, as always.
Terms or entire chunks of these translations may be proven wrong as more is revealed about the series.
Ranmaru Ai (purple)
“Release the misfortune! Love! In full bloom! Saint of calamity from the clan of light Ranmaru, descending!”
Voiced by: Shogo Sakata
The saint of calamity from the clan of light.
Normally an absent-minded high school student.
It's not even known if he’s attending class.
Generally weak to darkness and suddenly disappears [...when in contact with darkness...? Hard to tell until we see it for sure, but ふらっと, which is translated as “suddenly” here, can also be translated as “aimlessly”, so he could just be wandering off without thinking much about it].
Absent-minded, but the number 1 saint of calamity from the clan of light from the world of the saints of calamity.
However, he doesn’t seem to have any recollection of being so.
T/N: Ai (愛) means love, but Ranmaru’s surname is made of different characters to that. He’s purple because the ran means “orchid”.
T/N 2: Literally, the first word in Ranmaru’s transformation phrase is 禁忌 (kinki, taboo). As you’ll see, this part is shared by the other fairies.
T/N 3: “Saint of calamity” and “fairy” are both yousei, but with different characters.
T/N 4: 降臨 (kourin) can mean the arrival of an important person or the descent of a god. I chose to tweak the latter a bit.
////
“Release the misfortune! Love! Burning up! Saint of calamity from the clan of fire Homura, descending!”
Homura Hoterase (orange)
Voiced by: Kohsuke Tanabe
The saint of calamity from the clan of fire.
An aggressive high school student. 
Frequently fights with Uruu, who is his direct opposite.
He’s a guy who is as passionate as he looks.
T/N: 爆燃 (bakunen) means “deflagration”.
T/N 2: Hoterase includes the character for “to shine”.
T/N 3: In comparison to Boueibu’s Ryuu’s 炎 (honoo), Homura’s is 火焔 (kaen). Homura means “flame”, too.
T/N 4: オラオラ系 (oraora-kei) is either pushy, overbearing, self-assured or aggressive...so while I picked the latter, it could potentially be every meaning of this word.
////
“Release the misfortune! Love! In abundance! Saint of calamity from the clan of water Uruu, descending!”
Uruu Seiren (blue)
Voiced by: Yutaka Balletta
The saint of calamity from the clan of water.
The gentle-mannered student council president. Excels at everything.
Is always thinking of what should be right.
T/N: You’ll notice 潤沢 (juntaku, abundant, voluptuous, glossy) has 2 characters with the same radical (those marks on their left). That’s the water radical.
T/N 2: Apparently, 閏 (うるう/uruu) is an “embolation” or an “intercalation”. This is used to mark the phases of the moon or seasons. The tides are controlled by the moon, so...Also, if you take the water radical from 潤 (from 潤沢), you get 閏.
T/N 3: Seiren (セイレン) = siren...the mythological creature, often depicted as a mermaid. His surname is, again, made of different characters to this.
T/N 4: There’s a bit of wiggle room for 正しい (tadashii, translated as “right”) - like English, it can mean “just/lawful” or “correct”.
////
“Release the misfortune! Love! In profusion! Saint of calamity from the clan of nature, Juka, descending!”
Juka Mutsuoka (green)
Voiced by: Taichi Kusano
The saint of calamity from the clan of nature.
A little-brother-type high school student. Hates being called “cute”.
Wants to be called “cool”, instead of “cute”.
T/N: 繚乱 (ryouran) specifically tends to refer to flowers blooming profusely.
T/N 2: 卉樹 doesn’t seem to mean anything when put together, but the characters mean “grass” and “tree” individually and that with the “flower” connotation of ryouran was why I picked “nature” as a translation...It could just be “plants”, though.
T/N 3: Mutsu = earth (it can also be read “Riku”, like Idolish7′s Riku), oka = hill/knoll, ju = tree, ka = fruit.
////
“Release the misfortune! Love! Dazzling! Saint of calamity from the clan of metal, Takara, descending!”
Takara Utashiro (brown)
Voiced by: Akihiro Hori
The saint of calamity from the clan of metal.
The master of Bar “F”. Loves money.
Takes care of the others by making curry (every time).
(He can only make curry?)
T/N: The Japanese word for “money” also means “metal” or “gold” in certain contexts. Where it’s translated as “metal”, the character 鋼 (meaning “steel”) accompanies it.
T/N 2: Takara means “treasure”.
Update: Added a more logical explanation for how うるう was reached.
Update 2: Changed Homura’s phrase to better reflect the intended nuance.
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chuuyagum · 3 years
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Here's a writing process question - you have been writing WGYTR with regular updates for like 3 months now and you said you had the overall plot planned out beforehand, so what I'm wondering is how long did it take to make the outline for the whole fic/basically how much prep work did you do before posting the first chapter. Did it take a long time to decide on everything that will happen? Not just WGYTR, the other fics too, and are there some fics that are easier to plan out and then some that are harder because the plot doesn't come as easily? Thank you so much for your wonderful fics and good luck with whatever personal things you have going on🤗💓
thanks so much for this question!! to be honest, i do very little prep before posting my first chapter! clearly this is all in relation to writing multi-chapter fics, as i haven't tried my hand at one shots lately. in that situation i think my process would be different, so keep that in mind!
i like to let my first chapter dictate the tone for the fic, so i tend to start writing it as if it's a one-shot then make sure i end it in a way that gives me room to keep writing. then my second chapter is where i do my real plotting and create my solid outline for the overall fic so the process tends to go like this;
[the explanation below does have mild spoilers for WGYTR however it's nothing specific, only vague plot elements]
come up with an idea - can be very specific or just a vague concept
ex: "Mecha Senku and the magic of lying" just came about because i saw several fics where Gen is Senku's robot and i wanted to try the inverse
decide on tone - will it be fluff, angst, ect?
write the first chapter! i just type this out quickly and with little care for details, its a rough draft so it's just meant as a mental starting point. overall i spend maybe 1 hour total on this draft - i type furiously and just let whatever comes out flow onto the page
outline! now that i have an idea of where i want to go, i can lay out my plot points. but first i jot down overall vibes in no particular order - it can be specific lines of dialog i want to use, specific scenarios or events.
ex: WGYTR - the title itself, "Who gave you the right?" i wanted this one line to define the character interactions. ultimately it's Senku who says the line, but in my outline it was originally Gen! but when i got to the chapter it made more sense for Senku to say it. this fic is all about the characters opening up to one another and allowing themselves to be seen as they are. so, in a sense, Gen was only able to fall in love with Senku because Senku allowed himself to be seen for his true self. and the same applies to Gen. Senku only fell in love with him for the same reason, Gen allowing himself to be seen in turn
plot! this is the easiest part for me in terms of outline, but my explanation may seem kinda daunting. first i lay out a general order of events. this is easier when the fic is canon compliant like WGYTR, but much harder when it's an AU like Mecha Senku. with events i always like to consider what actions logically lead into one another.
ex: WGYTR was quick for me to plot events since it's canon compliant. i chose where in canon it would start, and where it would end, then filled in the rest.
my overall outline looked like this;
- Gen joins the KoS
- Gen plots how to manipulate Senku for everyones benefit
- Senku largely tries to ignore Gen, too focused on his work
- it's still storm season, they get trapped indoors, forcing them to spend time together
- Gen makes a game to play (hadn't decided what game)
- Senku starts to relax as they spend more time together
- Gen develops a crush on Kohaku at the same time he develops a crush on Senku. deliberately squashes the feelings for Senku down
- Winter prep aspects
- Senku accepts Gen as a friend
- Gen accepts his feelings for Senku
- Senku faces his trauma
- Senku accepts his feelings for Gen
- Christmas
- Observatory & Gen's confession
- Finish the phone, fake Lilian
- Chrome is captured & the car
- Stone Wars
- ends just after Stone Wars
start writing chapter 2! now that i have a general idea of where i'm going, i go ahead and write my second chapter. here is where i make any necessary corrections to the direction of events to better fit my general outline
go back and edit chapter 1! nows the time to fix any problems in consistency, tone, direction, ect!
after i have my general points and have started writing, i break it down even further! this is where i start looking for symbols i can use to further my plot, and do research on more specific topics i plan to touch on
ex: WGYTR takes place largely within a huge time skip in canon. they literally jump from late Summer directly to Christmas of all things. so i thought about everything they had to do to get from Summer > Winter. they do show us some of what they did in between in canon, but they really gloss over it quickly, so for my fic i buckled down on the winter prep aspects that took the entire Fall to get done. from there, i broke it down further. if you look at each invention, it follows a process.
- Gen remembers paper is a thing
- Senku sets him up for the process
- the process brings Gen closer to some of the villagers (Ruby, Garnet, Sapphire)
- Gen starts fooling around with the paper and makes pinwheels for the children
- this action signifies to Senku how kind Gen genuinely is
- Gen makes a log book for Senku and a notebook for himself
- Gen uses his notebook to help Ruri and later to do the math for calculating Senku's birthday
if you follow that process linearly, you can link it to three upcoming canon events related to the paper making which tie it all together. since this chain of events begins with Gen, it'll end with Senku. can you guess what he's going to do with the paper next to wrap up this up? ;)
continue writing! i always have one buffer chapter, so i'll have chapter 11 written before i edit and post chapter 10.
now to answer some of your other questions;
did this take long? not really! this whole process, minus the last two steps....takes me maybe 1 day to 1 week total. WGYTR took me 2 days. by day 3 i had my first two chapters ready and the first one was posted! but those last two steps? i do those as i go along! which probably sounds insane now that i think about it lmao
as for fics that are harder to plan - any type of modern AU is much harder for me! im not sure why, but i struggle with it a lot. my soulmark AU, although i haven't felt inspired to write for it lately, was easy for me to plot out since it fits within the larger canon events. so was my short TsukaSenGen AU. but for a modern AU to make sense, there's a lot of elements to consider that aren't provided by canon, like professions and events and existing dialog, which is why i haven't worked on Mecha Senku in months rip
thanks again for your questions, anon! i hope i did well answering them all!! ♡
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ttttaehyungie · 4 years
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sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 2
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sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader
☘  genre | angst, exes au
☘  summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?
☘  word count | 5.6k
☘  rating | PG-13
☘  warnings | none
☘  a/n | ngl this update is coming later than i intended 🙈🙈 life has been pretty demanding on me lately butttt here we go!! chapter 2 😌 as always, thank you all you lovelies for reading, and let me know what you think 💕
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The blare of the alarm pierces straight through the pleasantry of slumber and has you fumbling blindly for your phone. It’s right there on the bedside table. You refuse to open your eyes to the morning light that streams into your apartment. Finally, your searching hand finds the coolness of the device that's vibrating away angrily where it sits. Within a few attempts, swiping with your eyes still stubbornly closed, you get it to shut up. Rolling over, you snuggle further down under the covers, basking in the cozy warmth.
Beep. Beep.
Of course the moment of peace is not meant to last. The five-minute snooze duration on your alarm provides but a temporary respite. You groan.
But you kick the covers off, letting the cold morning air be what shocks you into alertness. Remaining in bed is really tempting, sure.
Thank god you love your job enough to overcome the daily inertia of getting up.
You shiver a little as your bare feet hit the chilly floor. Pulling the oversized shirt that is your staple sleepwear closer to you in an attempt to retain some body heat, the thought of purchasing a fluffy robe is beginning to look less and less impulsive and more and more justifiable as a necessity. With the lack of said fluffy robe, you rush to the bathroom in search of the comfort that's found in standing under the warm spray of the shower.
Your daily morning shower always gets you sufficiently awake, or enough for you to at least be in the right state of mind to make your cup of coffee that will wake you up entirely. The coffee machine had been a splurge at the time of purchase. But it’s established itself well enough within your morning routine to be considered an investment at this point. Sipping your coffee- with cream and no sugar- in between your daily make-up routine has your insides all toasty and warm.
The hot beverage exponentially increases in importance on rainy mornings like these. It’s nothing too drastic, just a light drizzle. But it makes the concrete jungle that you live in feel extra cold, and in more ways than just in temperature. The lack of lush greenery and the stiff silence of the people rushing about to get on with their hectic daily lives often leaves the city atmosphere feeling gray and dreary.
But you can’t complain.
Not when you’re one of the exceptional cases that gets to do what you truly love. In fact, being surrounded by the robotic throngs that drag themselves to the towering skyscrapers that house these big fancy corporations of blah only makes you even more aware that what you have is something coveted.
Working as a museum curator definitely wasn’t your childhood dream. But your college days had awakened the deep passion for art history that had laid dormant in you for years.
And now, here you are. Living in the big city and working for a prestigious museum. Who would have imagined that small-town you would have achieved all of this?
You absolutely love it. This little space in the world you’ve carved out is yours. You’re chasing after your own dream and living out your passion.
Maybe that’s one thing you should be thankful for from the breakup. Being thrust into singleness had left you helplessly untethered at first what with the abrupt upheaval of all the plans you’d initially laid out.
But perhaps it was what you needed. You needed to be an individual. You needed to know what that individuality meant. And your self-exploration, free from just chasing his shadow, brought you to discover your interest in curatorial work.
Which, in turn, brought you to the city.
The very same city that the breakup had happened in.
The fates truly have a sense of humor, pulling you back to the place which was once the site of heartbreak and tragedy, but is now the launchpad for your ambitions and self-actualization.
Or, much more plausibly, it was not the fates but a matter of practicality and statistics. It’s a big city, housing multiple big-name museums. It’s only natural that the city would become the base for you to build up your career once you completed your post-grad studies.
Once upon a time, when things were still a little too raw, you’d sworn off this place entirely. The city was simply too filled with memories, both good and bad, of him.
But that line of thought simply couldn’t hold up for too long. After all, by that same logic, your own hometown would have had to be boycotted as well.
Through your extended reverie, your hands- well-seasoned to the movements they execute daily- had finished your simple make-up routine. One final spritz of setting spray, and you release your now damp hair from where it sat bundled in the towel atop your head. As you absentmindedly blow dry your hair, your thoughts wander off on their own once again.
Your decision to move out to the city was one that was made in full knowledge that Namjoon was still here. This city is not affectionately termed the city of dreams for nothing. As an aspiring writer and a boy with a city soul, it was the most natural progression of events that he chose to remain in the city after graduating from college. Living in the city made it convenient for him to meet up with his editor and publishing company.
Or so you’ve heard from Hoseok. It’s been years since your break up and neither of you have reached out to close that awkward distance that rifted between you. Anyway, when you were moving out here, you figured that in a city as big as this with such a dense population, there’s little chance that you’ll actually bump into him.
Okay. You apologize to whatever deity it is out there for your earlier dismissal of the fates. Now that you think about it, they truly exist, and boy do they have a sense of humor.
Who would think that even in a city as large as yours, you’d still manage to run into him? And not just once, but a number of times now.
The first time, it was in a diner just two streets down from the museum that you had planned to go to for lunch. That is, until you spotted him through the window, chatting with a companion, his tanned skin and dimpled smile the same as always. Suffice to say, your lunch plans changed.
Then on a quiet afternoon in the museum, your little workplace trio had slipped out together for a coffee break under Yeri’s insistence. Apparently, the new cafe down the road served an oat milk latte that was to die for, or at least good enough to drag you and Soo-eun out for.
Turns out the cafe’s reputation had reached Namjoon’s ears too, because there he was, seated by the window with a mess of papers filled with his scrawly handwriting. The choice of seating was so… Joon. He’d always justified his fascination with people-watching by claiming it to be an essential part of his creative process.
Thankfully, this creative process seemed to be going well for him and took his full attention, allowing you to slip into the cafe unnoticed. A true feat, really, considering how animated Yeri gets when she’s chatty. With your oat milk latte in hand- also this damn drink better be so good it brings you to your knees on the first sip given the things you’ve had to endure to obtain it- you’re ready to make your swift escape from this risky situation.
As Soo-eun pushes the door open, you steal a leftwards glance. Your heart stills for a second. A pair of familiar, striking eyes is trained on you, and they widen just a fraction upon being caught. You can feel your own features making their own reflex reaction as the shock runs electric through you.
The awkward eye contact is forcibly broken as you follow after your friends, refusing to acknowledge the moment the two of you just shared. That was all it was- a moment- but it felt like time came to a standstill the moment your eyes met.
This freezing of time seems to be recurrent in your run-ins with Namjoon. The next time you see him is when you’re riding the subway home. Your pubescent years had seen Namjoon shooting up in height. You can’t forget the countless times he’d had to stoop down for you so you could press a chaste goodbye kiss to his cheek. What an inconvenience it’d been.
But what a convenience it is in this scenario. His head, though bent over a book, towers over the rush hour crowd squeezed into the carriage. With his height, you’d spotted his presence within mere seconds of him boarding the train.
The shock that had jolted through you had you dropping your eye gaze and ducking your head, letting your hair fall as a shield to conceal you. And it was a pretty effective one, as your surreptitious monitoring revealed that he was none the wiser to your presence.
However your next challenge comes when it’s your stop next and he’s standing right by the exit. As the train pulls into the station, you pray hard that he returns to his book and remains sufficiently engrossed in it for you to make your escape. Keeping your gaze on the ground, you worm your way around the crowd, mumbling out ‘pardon me’s.
Perhaps that was your downfall, was what alerted him to your presence. You’re stepping out of the carriage and so close to sweet, sweet relief.
But something brushes your arm just as you’re passing by him- a hand maybe? Your breath catches. Time halts. You steel your nerves. Ignore it. Just keep walking.
As the whirring of the blow dryer switches off, so does your unrestrained recalling come to an end. Downing the last of your coffee- now barely warm- you bring it to the kitchen to wash away the dredges the same way you wash away the thoughts of Namjoon.
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"One more week, everyone!" Yeri cheers, as she turns her chair, swapping her cushy flats out for some black heels. That can only mean one thing- she’s headed for a night out.
"Have fun, Yeri," you say.
"Fun? What is that? At this point in our timeline, all I know is the hustle, babe."
You glance meaningfully at her shoes.
"Happy hour drinks with one of our patrons so I can secure the loan on this piece that you listed as absolutely essential," she explains in response to your pointed look.
"Ok, ok. Go work your magic."
She smirks. "That’s right, trust me to be your resident miracle worker."
"Just make sure it comes on time, please. The exhibition spatial plotting on this one looks intense," Soo-eun pipes up quietly.
"Hey, where’s the vote of confidence in our heavenly trio?" Yeri says.
"I mean, we’re good at what we do, but exhibition design never gets any less stressful."
"Don’t worry, Soo-eun, we’ll deliver an excellent exhibition as per usual," you say, instilling in them the confidence that you genuinely feel when working with this team. "With Yeri’s charisma in securing the loans on the pieces we need, coupled with your eye in exhibition design, it’ll be great as per usual."
Ever since that first exhibition you’d all been thrown together for, the synergy between the three of you was undeniable, both to yourselves and to your other coworkers who were mere witnesses of it.
"And not forgetting your taste in selection of pieces too, ____. See, there’s the vote of confidence I was looking for," Yeri says. She applies a fresh coat of her merlot red lipstick and inspects her appearance in her compact mirror. Deeming herself presentable, she gets up from her desk, handbag casually and stylishly slung on her forearm. "Ok, I’m off. TGIF, everyone! Don’t stay too late working on those descriptions, ____."
You hum in response, your eyes glued to said descriptions that were only half-written at this point. Maybe a weekend working overtime is in order.
"Oh! Don’t forget, we’ve got brunch with Dong-In tomorrow. He really enjoyed your company the last time," Yeri says, as if she read your mind. There goes your overtime plans for the weekend that you were mentally pencilling in.
"Right. You make sure that you don’t get too wasted and miss brunch tomorrow."
"Hey, it’s a strictly professional drinking session tonight."
"Mmhm, but I’m sure you’ll find a group of friends for drinks after the meeting. When have you ever missed a night out on the town on a Friday?"
"Touche."
You smirk when she concedes. You love Yeri with all your being, but she’s a party girl at heart and you know her well. "Text me when you’re up tomorrow."
"Will do, babe. I’ve really got to run now or I’ll be late and lose you your art piece."
"All the best, Yeri!" Soo-eun calls after her.
"Thanks, and all the best, Yeri!" you echo.
Sinking back in the plush of your desk chair, you return to the write-ups and sigh.
"Just one more week, ____. Like you said, we’ve got this," Soo-eun encourages.
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The next day begins much like the previous, with you fumbling for your alarm in your sleep-addled state and groaning when the five minute snooze duration passes way quicker than what five minutes feels like.
You go through your usual morning routine- shower, coffee, make-up, hair- but can afford to chill out with nowhere to rush to. Weekend mornings are to be savored for their unhurried pace. Getting up is a pain, but you relish the quiet, unbroken serenity of the mornings enough to haul yourself out of bed, even if you don’t have work to head out for.
To be frank, you’re enjoying the peacefulness of your morning so immensely that when 10am rolls around and there’s still no sign from Yeri that she’s awake- you’ve done your due diligence, you’ve dropped her at least five texts and multiple calls to check if she’s alive- the temptation to just ditch your brunch plans grows harder to fight.
Well technically, it’s Yeri’s brunch plans… So if she doesn’t wake up for them then it’s not really your fault, is it?
Dialling her number one last time brings you to her voicemail- Hey, it’s Yeri! If you’re hearing this, it either means I’m busy, asleep, or ignoring you. Just leave your message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Unless I’m ignoring you, in which case, … *beep*- and you smile as you find your scapegoat.
[10.07am] ____: hey dong in, mornnn, i don’t think yeri’s awake
[10.07am] ____: soooo i don’t think she’ll be making it to brunch at this rate
[10.08am] ____: should we take a rain check on this?
Your phone buzzes a little while later.
[10.11am] Dong-In: oh damn, ok then.
[10.13am] Dong-In: catch you another time?
You know that you should feel bad, but you can’t help the joy that washes through you at the prospect of being able to just stay home. Homebody tendencies die hard. Being conscious not to sound too happy, you type a reply quickly, letting Dong-In know you’ll check with Yeri when she’s free next.
The sudden freeing up of your day has you giddy with excitement. With your hair up in a bun and hitting play on your favorite Broadway musicals spotify playlist, you set about tidying your apartment as you sing to yourself. The mess in your apartment has been steadily accumulating in your neglect as a result of the busy schedules at work. But it’s gotten to a point where even you can’t stand it. And more importantly, Hoseok, with his particularity on cleanliness, is coming to visit next week.
When your apartment’s sufficiently clean, you make breakfast with whatever leftovers you can muster from your depleting food supplies. Consuming your pathetically pulled together breakfast omelette that consists of the last egg in the fridge and an overripe, almost-mush tomato cements the next item on your agenda. It’s time to go grocery shopping.
You’re midway to the grocery store when your phone buzzes in your pocket in quick succession as if provoked.
[12.18pm] Yeri: BINCH did you not go to brunch??
[12.18pm] Yeri: duDE
[12.18pm] Yeri: !!!!!!!!
[12.18pm] Yeri: ____ i s2g
[12.18pm] ____: well good morning to you too
[12.19pm] ____: you were dead to the world
[12.19pm] ____: i called you at least eight times and dropped you multiple texts
[12.19pm] ____: why are you coming at me this way huh
[12.19pm] ____: anyway i told dong in to postpone
[12.19pm] Yeri: ok oK too much shouting for this hungover bij
[12.19pm] ____: yeri it’s all over text…
[12.20pm] Yeri: typing in caps makes it shout in my head alrite
Yeri’s drama queen antics are truly one of a kind. It has you rolling your eyes, but you smile. Well now that she’s awake, you figured lunch and a hangout could substitute for your cancelled brunch plans. And of course, hungover Yeri is always in need of tender loving care. Your grocery shopping plans can always wait.
[12.20pm] ____: anyway your personal postmates is on its way to you so ‘hungover bij’ had better be grateful
[12.20pm] ____: see you in 20
[12.20pm] Yeri: ok i take it all back I LOVE YOU YOU’RE THE BEST
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You get to Yeri’s place and it’s unexpected but not surprising that Soo-eun’s the one who opens the door to let you in. It makes sense, a weekend hangout would simply be incomplete without her. Plus, the task of nursing your hungover friend is not something to be taken on alone.
"Soo-eun!" You wrap an arm around her in greeting, which she returns.
"Hey, ____," she responds. "Yeri’s in the shower but she should be out soon."
"How bad is it?" you ask, releasing her and heading to the kitchen.
Soo-eun trails after you. "It’s been worse. And food will make her hangover better."
"It’s a good thing you’re here. We need your voice of reason to mediate the dumbass squabbles hungover Yeri and my impatient ass will undoubtedly get into."
Soo-eun simply laughs at your antics, shaking her head. She's well-accustomed to her role as peacemaker by now.
Another voice rings through the kitchen area where you stand with Soo-eun. "Wow, the disrespect! Breaking and entering into my house to gossip about me?"
Yeri enters, her usual bouncy ringlets now hang limp and wet, creating a damp spot over her chest where it sticks to her oversized t-shirt. In contrast to her usual self, hungover Yeri forgoes style for comfort.
"Case in point," you say. Before Yeri can bite back a response, you interject with a raise of the takeout bag in your hand.
"Hmph. I will forgive you this time. But only because you come bearing peace offerings."
"Only because you think with your stomach, you mean."
"Okay my hungover brain doesn’t want to argue anymore. Just want food."
With that, the three of you are crashing on the couch while Yeri takes liberal bites of her burger. The fries get split amongst you, picked at sporadically between your playful gossiping.
The upcoming exhibition- that's opening in a week, wow, where did all that time go?- is a pretty big one, and the three of you have been slogging it out for months now. At this stage of the project, having a weekend to kick back and relax has become a true rarity. It makes you treasure the time together even more.
But in that vengeful manner that time seems to get when you're enjoying yourselves, the afternoon slips by when it feels like it's barely even begun. Outside the looming windows of Yeri’s loft apartment, the sun is beginning to set. The tv is playing but it’s the equivalent of a murmur, just ambient noise as the three of you soak in the coziness of physical closeness.
None of you wants to shatter the quiet calm that has settled in like a blanket over you, but someone has to. And that someone is you.
You lift your head from where it rests on Soo-eun’s shoulder. Your light jostling causes Yeri to lift her head from where it lays on your lap.
You sigh. "I’ve procrastinated grocery shopping for the entire day. And the fridge isn't getting any fuller the longer I stay."
Yeri whines and plops her head back down onto your lap, pressing down forcefully to keep you from getting up.
"Or we could all go to the store together," Soo-eun says. Yeri's head pops up at the suggestion.
"Idea! Let's go!" she says, scrambling up from her reclined position across the couch. "You brought me Arby’s, it’s only fair I do groceries with you."
You turn to Soo-eun, but she’s replying before you can even ask. "I suggested it, of course I’m ok with it."
"Fine," you huff, but they both know it’s feigned annoyance. All three of you are as clingy to each other as the next is. "You can come along. But we’re only buying the necessities. Only. Necessities."
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Your basket is full of non-necessities thrown in by Yeri. You really should have made a shopping list.
While Yeri is busy perusing the next aisle, Soo-eun removes the bags of chips Yeri had thrown in (because ‘this is a necessity! You never have any snacks when we crash at your place, I’m just thinking ahead for our future hangouts!’) and places them back on the shelf it came from. You smile at her gratefully.
Yeri returns with another armful of snacks.
"Yeri," you groan. "I came for fresh produce, not this. I already had an overripe tomato for breakfast. I’m not up for eating junk food as sustenance for the rest of the week."
"Well you could have had a nice fresh meal if you didn’t skip out on brunch. Poor Dong-In, I can’t believe you cancelled brunch with him."
"Hm," you say, walking ahead down the grocery aisle, "if you feel so bad for Dong-In, maybe you shouldn’t have overslept on us then."
Yeri chases after you to dump the snacks in your basket. "You could have just gone without me. He’s a nice guy, y’know."
"No way, that would be too awkward. What would we even talk about? We’re so different."
"You’ve only met him twice. Who knows? Maybe he belts out Broadway songs in the shower just like you and you can finally find the Phantom to your… Opera."
Walking just behind the two of you, Soo-eun’s laughter, though hastily masked by a cough, could be heard.
"It’s Christine. And if you’d watched the musical, you would know not to wish Phantom on anyone," you say.
"Whatever! I’m just saying, it takes more than two meetings to know someone. Give him a chance, ____."
"Wait." You freeze mid-step. You turn to Yeri. "Are you trying to set me up with Dong-In?!"
Yeri’s eyes roll in exaggerated exasperation. When she’s done, she folds her arms and her body language sends a loud and clear, "Duh."
You frantically pull your phone out from where it sits in the pocket of your jeans. Swiping quickly to read your text conversations with Dong-In in the light of this new information, you’re absolutely mortified by your lack of awareness and worried if you’ve come off as brash in your ignorance.
"Does he know? Am I the only one who’s unaware?!"
This time, it’s Soo-eun that pitches in. "Even as a third party, it was pretty obvious Yeri was trying to matchmake you two. So… sorry, ____, but it’s just you."
You sputter.
"It’s alright. Your obliviousness is part of your charm," Yeri says.
"And," Soo-eun cuts in before you can retort, "you have no obligation to feel anything for Dong-In. So if you’re not interested in him that way, you just aren’t."
Yeri huffs, but agrees. "She’s right. But- now that you’re finally aware- give him a chance alright?"
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As it turns out, you never get to give Dong-In that chance. With the exhibition launching in less than a week, it's a crazy sprint to the finish-line, and your days are simply too packed to think about anything other than preparing for the exhibition.
The exhibition itself has a short lifespan- it'll be open to the public for a relatively short period of six months.
But accompanying it is a series of open lectures meant for public education of the arts. Yeri, who is simply amazing at patron relations, managed to rope in guest lecturers for the next few months. But the museum thought it would be an excellent idea to have one of their own resident curators to helm the first of the series of lectures.
And it was an excellent idea. Just not for the curator who had to take it on. And that curator would be you.
Sitting in the first row of seats in the auditorium, you try your best to refrain from looking back. You can hear the buzz of the audience behind you as they stream in. It sounds like a sizable amount of people. Looking back would only spook you out further, so you focus your attention on the index cards in your hands, running through your main points again and again.
You take a deep breath in, and heave it out in an attempt to release the anxiety built up in your chest. A warm hand gently pries your right hand’s nervous grip off your index cards.
"____," Soo-eun says. She's smiling assuredly at you when you look up at her. "You'll be great."
From your left, Yeri gives your shoulder a light shove. "Yeah. You've got this, girl!"
"We've seen the amount of effort you've put into this. It'll pay off," Soo-eun says.
Their words breathe a deep sense of confidence in you. After all, they're the ones who had to bear with your stress and they're the witnesses to consecutive late nights you've pulled in the office to get your script and slides done. This particular iteration of the script was a product of not just your work, but their benevolence and hard work too at editing and proofreading.
Squeezing Soo-eun's hand in yours in a bid to get rid of the jitters, you nod at them.
"We've got this," you say.
The clock hits time and you walk on stage, focusing on keeping one foot in front of the other and focusing on not- oh god forbid- tripping over your heels. The nerves are still present as you take your place at the podium, but you ignore the way your hands tremble ever so slightly.
You greet the audience, capturing their attention, and begin your presentation. And as you begin talking about your subject matter- the topic you've spent months researching and studying- the nerves melt away and your passion begins to take center-stage in your mind instead.
You're so immersed in the topic that you're just going and going, and soon enough you've reached the end of your script and the ‘Q&A’ slide is up on screen. Applause fills the auditorium, and you smile, genuinely pleased that people seem to have enjoyed your presentation. In the corner of your eye, you see Yeri cheering, and Soo-eun shoots you two thumbs-up.
"Thank you." You bow slightly. "I'll open the time up to the floor. If anyone has any questions, you may feel free to ask them now."
You scan across the auditorium, looking out for questions, when-
Time freezes in that way it always seems to whenever your eyes meet. Seated somewhere in one of the middle aisles but off to the right of the auditorium, long limbs crossed one over the other in his black slacks, Namjoon's eyes are wide as yours catch on him as if encountering a snag.
Oh. My. God. What is he doing here?
Peeling your eyes off him, you skim across the room again. Thankfully, a few hands are raised now and you take their questions, offering yourself a means of escape. But your attention is split and it takes intentional effort as you forcibly will yourself to look at anything but him.
"Okay, I'm afraid that's all the questions we have time for. But I'll be around with some of the other curators for a couple more minutes if anyone has any other questions about the exhibition," you say, gesturing to Yeri and Soo-eun, who wave at the public.
As the audience disperses, you walk off stage, hoping he'll just quietly leave.
No such luck, apparently. From your peripheral vision, you see him coming over as a few other members of the public come up to you to thank you for your lecture.
"Hey," he says, and the familiarity of his warm tone hits you like a punch in the gut, "um, you did a really good job today."
As if your break up hadn't happened the way it did, as if the numerous awkward encounters hadn't taken place, as if it didn't hurt you right now just seeing his face properly after all these years, you put up a front. You smile at him diplomatically.
"Thanks," you say. Your tone is kept even, professional. "How did you find it?"
"It was great, really. I've come to a couple of the museum's exhibitions, but this is the first lecture I've attended."
"Yeah, it's a new thing we decided to introduce for this particular exhibition."
"It's great, yeah. Gives more depth and insight to the art pieces and really makes the whole thing come alive when you see it from the curator's perspective."
You nod. "Nice. That was our intention."
"Anyway," he pauses and runs a hand through his hair self-consciously, "how have you been? It's been a long time."
You bite back the scathing remark that sits on the tip of your tongue. It's almost too enticing to finally let him have it after the years of torment he'd caused you after your break up. The torment that still lives in you, muted under layers of numbness that you've buried it under. Did he even feel the pain in the same measure that you did?
"I'm good." You're tempted to leave it at that. But there's just something in his eyes, something... like a plea? that makes it impossible for you to be cold to him the way your past self imagined you would be. "I've been living in the city for a couple of years now. I'm working in the museum as a curator, as you can see, and yeah, life has been good for me."
Before you can stop yourself, you find yourself reciprocating his question. Ultimately, you can't deny your burning curiosity at what he's been up to. "What about you? How have things been for you?"
"I finally got published a few years back," he says, and you nod as if this is new information to you. Truth is, on your summer break back home that year, your eavesdropping ways had brought the news to you as you heard Hoseok congratulating him on his breakthrough. He laughs lightly. "My life has kind of just revolved around writing, getting inspiration from different sources to write, then writing more. If it sounds really mundane, it's because it is."
"No way." You shake your head. "You're living your dream, Namjoon. Wasn't it always your ambition to be a published author?"
You regret it almost immediately, bringing up the past. Anything to do with the past is dangerous territory. Hell, having a conversation with him that's more than just polite small talk about cursory topics devoid of personal details and emotions (i.e. a conversation like this one) is dangerous territory.
He murmurs something, and you’re certain you mishear him. "You remember."
"Pardon?"
"No, I was agreeing with you. Yeah, it is."
In the background, your slides click off, and it pulls you out of your conversation with Namjoon.
"I think I've gotta go," you say, pointing to the podium where Soo-eun collects your belongings. "My friends are waiting for me."
"Oh!" Namjoon says, turning to look at where you're pointing. "Yeah, don't wanna hold you up any longer. Thanks for your time today."
He turns to go, and you can't help the nagging discomfort at the way things are left hanging between the two of you.
"Hey!" you call. He turns back. "Do you want to do dinner? Hoseok is coming out for the weekend, so do you want to hang out, the three of us? We're going to the diner two streets down from here."
Funny. Didn’t you avoid this diner to avoid Namjoon the last time? Again, it seems the fates truly have a sense of humor.
Namjoon's eyebrows raise in surprise, but it's momentary and quickly replaced as his features soften into a grateful smile. His dimples appear and you hate how, even after all these years, it still has the power to wring your heart out.
"That sounds really nice, actually," he says.
"Is seven ok for you?"
"Seven’s good. I'll see you and Hoseok then."
"See you," you say and he nods. This time, he turns to go for real.
As you watch his retreating figure, you wonder if you really made the right choice, opening the door for him to re-enter your life after all these years.
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soranis-sunshadow · 4 years
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Why Hordak didn’t become a good law abiding citizen once he got stranded on Etheria
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A lot of people argue that once on Etheria, Hordak was free and as such, he could have chosen to not be a warmongering tyrant. To that I would argue that he was never free of the brainwashing and indoctrination that had been literally programmed into him and that dictated that his only purpose in life is to serve Prime, like a good little clone.
Hordak’s conquest of Etheria was what Hordak thought Prime would want from him. He thought that by doing this for Prime, he would be seen as worthy of being kept alive despite being defective. It wasn’t as much of an actual choice as it was following his pervious programming to the only logical conclusion: Bring things into Prime’s Light. It was a mechanism to reinforce the conditioning, not cope with it or to free himself from it. Hordak never coped with any of the abuse that was heaped on him.
 If Hordak had ever wanted to conquer the planet and be the leader of a military dictatorship for the power and glory of it, then why was he so ardent to give it all up and return to Prime where he was essentially powerless? Why return to  the side of a being that sees you as livestock? Hordak seems more interested in building his portal and going home than he is in running the Horde or its military operations. Even when physically away from Prime, Hordak is still devout. His physical separation didn’t instantly make him an atheist. The reason for which he was thrown out to begin with further accentuated his zealotry. He needed to prove himself to his god, Etheria was merely a trial, a chance at repentance. All of the suffering he submitted himself to was a trial so that he may become pure, according to Prime’s doctrine.
He had been looking for a way off Etheria and out of Despondos for decades. That’s how much he cared about ruling the planet. So much so that whenever Light Hope opened any portal, for any reason, he went to investigate. That’s how he stumbled upon baby Adora.
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 He had thought Prime had come for him and opened a portal form the other side. Hordak had been investigating the opening portals on the planet’s surface. Eventually he figured that Prime couldn’t come for him (he never considered that Prime wouldn’t) so he would build a portal and opened it from his side. He desperately wanted to go back home, back to Prime’s Light. (to the horrific life he had before as a brainwashed acolyte of Prime)
As far as making the choice not to hurt others, @cruelfeline wrote about it better than i ever could she also expanded on his lack of choice here.
If I were to put it in my own words, I’d say that Hordak lacks the moral framework to see his actions as wrong. Conquest and hurting the natives of planets are things Prime has always condoned and demanded, to him, these things are good. I know it sounds like I’m condoning his actions, which I am definitely not and why on insist on reparations for redemption, but Hordak didn’t really have the moral framework to understand that his actions are evil.
 He was never taught any moral framework other than Horde Prime=good, everything else=“must suffer to become pure”, (including little brothers).
Within the moral framework in which he was created to serve and  his understanding of how the world worked, Hordak was a “morally good” person.
As bizarre as this notion is for us to consider from our human point of view because he’s a warmongering religious zealot leading a military dictatorship, but according to the rules of the world he had lived in and the Galactic Horde society, Hordak was being good. He was worshipping and serving Prime, taking territory in his name and doing everything that, in terms of the society that Prime had created and Hordak was created in, made him a good clone. He was even overzealous in proving  that his defect does not take away his ability to serve Prime, that though he had sinned by being made broken, he can still repent and be good. As far as the only morality he has ever know stands, Hordak is “morally good” and an upstanding servant of Prime.
In a world without Prime, Hordak has no motivation to hurt anyone.
He doesn’t need to chose to be good, he needs to be taught what good is to begin with (with lots of therapy and support and companionship). This is a long process that in actuality might take years. Unlearning Prime’s moral framework and learning a new and ethical from a human standpoint one is not something that could’ve believably happened onscreen in the small amount of screentime he had in season 5 (2 minutes tops’). In all likelihood, Hordak will have to undergo rehabilitation after a lifetime of trauma, abuse and slavery-from-birth. What has been done to him and what he has done in the name of his god will always be things that mark him.
I think that after the series he is finally in a place to start this rehabilitation, and as far as willingness is concerned, he had always been willing to let people in. So long as those people were the ones to approach him first - he doesn’t actually know how to initiate any sort of relationship (friendship or otherwise), again, this is not something Prime taught any of his clones.
 He is willing to make the step and to change, and he is willing to learn from Entrapta. He has been presented to be willing to follow whomever showed him even a modicum of kindness and companionship, even after kicking his ass, ripping away his prosthetic armor’s power source,  humiliating him then threatening him with Prime displeasure upon arrival, he still let Catra in. 
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That is how willing he is to let people in. That is how desperate his actually is for any form of companionship.
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bestworstcase · 4 years
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a comprehensive guide to zhan tiri’s lore or, it’s not that confusing or contradictory, i promise
first things first: if you are somebody who pays attention to creator interviews and you are interested in canonical zhan tiri lore, i want you to gather up everything you’ve ever heard chris say about zhan tiri and erase it from of your brain. i know he’s made statements regarding his interpretation of her backstory but this post was made by death of the author gang and we are interested ONLY in what is stated and shown in the text itself. meaning belongs to the viewers, and creator interpretation is irrelevant. 
ready? let’s go!
who or what is zhan tiri?
zhan tiri’s first appearance in coronan history occurred thousands of years ago; in plus est en vous, rapunzel specifies two thousand, but every other mention of zhan tiri as a historical figure is “eons” or “millennia,” and the most objective source we have—the plus est flashback—is marked “thousands of years ago.”  
there is no direct evidence to suggest that she existed prior to this, but i think there is enough circumstantial support for this theory to conclude that she did: namely, the existence of idols and other religious iconography associated with her name. my reasoning here is as follows: 
the plus est en vous flashback shows demanitus banishing zhan tiri to the lost realm. this makes it—give or take a few years—the last point in time when zhan tiri would have been free and thus able to make any lasting cultural impact.
it follows that any relevant historical artifacts we see must predate the plus est flashback, as they represent a time when zhan tiri had a significant enough cultural impact to fuel their creation.
moreover, though sugracha and tromus are the only disciples of zhan tiri who directly appear in the series, it is implied that there are many more: 
Lord Demanitus was in a constant battle with Zhan Tiri and his brethren. Over the years, Demanitus captured many of the evil spirits and held them prisoner in that chamber. (S1, Painter’s Block)
much of the coronan folklore concerning the demanitus-zhan tiri relationship is... wrong, but due to sugracha’s verifiable imprisonment in the demanitus chamber, i feel it reasonable to conclude that this tidbit is correct in that there are, or at least were, other disciples held inside the demanitus chamber. and, as with the historical artifacts associated with zhan tiri, it is logical to conclude that whatever cult produced these disciples predated the plus est flashback. 
so, we’ve established the historical artifacts and iconography associated with zhan tiri came before the plus est flashback, but what exactly does that entail, and what does it tell us about zhan tiri’s true nature?
icons of zhan tiri: an overview
#1: janus point
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janus point is a henge, and based on the iconography—the ram’s head symbol is plastered all over the jardinière and the henge pillars—it appears to be a site dedicated specifically to zhan tiri. the same symbol also appears on the seal in which sugracha’s spirit was trapped inside the demanitus chamber and is unique in that the muzzle appears to corkscrew.
the appearance of the henge evokes a quasi-religious flavor, and in who’s afraid of the big bad wolf, rapunzel refers to the site as a “mystical ground.” at the very least, this is a ritual site that was heavily associated with zhan tiri, and it would not be much of a stretch to conclude she was outright worshipped here.
#2: the spire idol
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this artifact appears in both the keeper of the spire and race to the spire. it’s a small stone idol kept in the spire’s... gatehouse, for lack of a better term, and it depicts the basic ram-headed hulking demon zhan tiri. nothing is said about it in either episode. 
#3: the tree of zhan tiri
there is zhan tiri iconography all over this tree.
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the stone ram’s head over the entrance...
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...the bas-relief in the first chamber...
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...more ram’s heads over all the interior archways and the scroll shelves...
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...and a return of the corkscrew-snouted ram’s head from janus point on the altar for this glorious oversized flytrap.
#4: the shell house
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tromus’s shrine gives us yet another variation on the ram’s head symbol as well as another full-body idol and also, though i didn’t get a screenshot of it because it’s hard to see with the way tumblr resizes images, a little ram’s head symbol on the clasp of his robes. 
so where did this imagery come from?
with the exception of the spire idol, there is evidence to suggest that zhan tiri herself had direct influence over the design of all this iconography. 
janus point seems to have held some importance to zhan tiri herself; when she appears to varian in cassandra’s revenge, she surrounds herself with pieces of it and superimposes her own head on top of the tree. 
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further, the corkscrew-snouted ram’s head reoccurs at the great tree, which is unique among the sites associated with her in that we know zhan tiri actually resided there for what sounds like a significant amount of time; according to the legend adira shares, the great tree was zhan tiri’s “stronghold.”
this means that it’s plausible that either (a) zhan tiri herself shaped the symbols on display in the tree, or (b) they were modeled after her by her contemporaries. the interesting thing about this, there are four distinct variations on the ram’s head symbol inside the tree: 1) long, thick snout with elongated horns; 2) angular, no snout, short horns, 3) corkscrew-snouted, and 4) humanlike skull with ram horns. 
and likewise, the iconography inside the shell house was created by someone we know to have been a contemporary of zhan tiri’s; tromus was one of the students of demanitus who turned against him to join zhan tiri instead, and it is logical to assume that he did, in fact, see zhan tiri in the flesh at some point—and his ram’s head design is yet again different.
this begs the question: if all five of these designs were modeled on zhan tiri herself, why is there such variety in the basic shape? i believe this is a strong point in favor of considering zhan tiri a shapeshifter who chose and stuck with a single general form for long periods of time but casually and frequently modified the smaller details. and in fact, we do see her do this in season three, with the most notable occurrence being. this: 
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so, we have concluded that: 
zhan tiri’s historical iconography predates the plus est flashback, and
accurately represented her physical appearance from that time
from this, the only reasonable conclusion is that zhan tiri is a shapeshifter, who spent a considerable amount of time in the giant, ram-headed demon form depicted in all of her pre-demanitus iconography. 
but she’s human in the plus est flashback!
in the series, human characters are designed with a wide diversity of shapes and sizes, but their color palettes stay within the range of realism, with natural skin tones and eye/hair colors. zhan tiri is... not like that.
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she may be human-shaped, but her color palette sits drastically outside the norms the series has established for human characters; her skin is dead white, her hair is a dull lilac color, her eyes are bright purple with a circle of gold around the pupils. none of these are natural human colors.
there is precedent in the series for marked changes in appearance and coloration as a result of meddling with magical forces: when cassandra claims the moonstone, it turns her hair and eyes bright blue and gives her an unhealthy-looking pallor. rapunzel’s hair, likewise, turns gold due to the sundrop’s influence. thus, taking this in isolation, it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility to conclude that zhan tiri, too, has had her appearance altered by whatever magical nonsense she’s been mucking around with.
however, if we look at this design in the context of the conclusions we’ve already drawn about her historical iconography and what that tells us about her true nature, i think a much simpler and more plausible explanation is that zhan tiri, being a shapeshifter, donned this humanlike form in order to get closer to demanitus. there could be any number of reasons for doing so—considering demanitus’s fixation on seeking the drops for the right reasons, i would imagine creating some distance from the malevolent monster form in order to gain his trust would have played a role in this decision.
five final points in favor of shapeshifting
#1: zhan tiri in the lost realm
we see in plus est en vous that the lost realm causes absurd magical mutations in people who are trapped there. varian theorizes that these mutations could become irreversible if they stay in the lost realm for long enough, but given that they are all freed shortly thereafter and the changes revert, there is no concrete evidence for or against this theory.
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still, this raises an interesting question: if the lost realm mutates anyone who enters it, and if these changes become irreversible after long periods of time what would happen if a shapeshifter was trapped there for thousands of years?
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when zhan tiri escapes from the lost realm, she isn’t all that different in appearance from when she entered it. she’s much smaller. her hairstyle has changed a bit. she lost the bag at some point. but that’s... really it. it’s a much less drastic alteration than we see happening with the coronans, who are shown transforming into objects and animals, with their bodies distorted, or with pieces of themselves becoming detached and floating away. and these changes also serve her manipulation of cass by making her appear small, weak, and harmless, so it isn’t out of the realm of possibility for zhan tiri to have chosen this form for herself.
i think it is reasonable to assume that zhan tiri, being a shapeshifter herself, was able to, if not outright resist whatever magic in the lost realm causes these mutations, at least “fix” them as they happened. her brief appearance in painter’s block supports the idea that she retained the ability to shapeshift while inside the lost realm, since she appears there as the ram-headed demon.
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#2: her shapeshifting disciples
both tromus and sugracha are able to appear human, and sugracha states that she can take “many forms” in painter’s block. though it’s never explained where they got this power, it is reasonable to conclude that they received it from zhan tiri—she is their master, and the implication very much seems to be that it was she who gave them their creepy green spirit form of immortality.
and, if zhan tiri is handing out powers of shapeshifting to her minions, it follows that she must be capable of shapeshifting herself, too. 
#3: gremlin zhan tiri’s demonic shadow
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this shows up in cassandra’s revenge and plus est en vous and seems to straightforwardly suggest that zhan tiri’s true nature is closer to the ram-headed demon, with the humanlike form being more of a disguise.
#4: we see her shapeshift in plus est en vous.
she briefly loses her grip on the humanlike nature of the gremlin form when rapunzel blasts her with the sundrop, as i noted above. and later—once she has the drops in hand and the gremlin form has no further use to her—she sheds it altogether to return to yet another variation on the ram-headed demon, albeit one that looks more... monkey than ram: 
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#5: and finally, zhan tiri herself says so
in race to the spire: 
I believe Cassandra promised us a proper introduction, but she failed to deliver, didn’t she? Frankly, I’m surprised you hadn’t guessed who I am—seeing as how we’ve already met, in a way. You see, over the centuries, I’ve taken the form of whatever suits my needs: a warlock, a demon... even a blizzard. 
she also portrays herself as the ram-headed demon in the vision she gives to cassandra in once a handmaiden:
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now... zhan tiri is a liar, and if these were statements given in isolation of any supporting evidence, i would be skeptical. however, when all the evidence in the text points toward zhan tiri being a shapeshifting entity as the most logical explanation for everything we see of her throughout the series, i’m inclined to take her corroborating statements as a factual confirmation. 
in conclusion: zhan tiri is, and has always been, a shapeshifter. if she has a “true” form, the evidence points toward it being the large, ram-headed, tentacled demon, while the humanlike shape(s) we see in season three are forms she assumed to ingratiate herself to demanitus and, later, cassandra. 
what’s the timeline with her and  lord demanitus?
time in this series is fuzzy. this applies not only to zhan tiri and demanitus, but to every historical event discussed by the characters and the timespans covered by each season, where the only time markers are the lantern festivals that celebrate rapunzel’s nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first birthdays and a few throwaway lines about the passage of months. thus, there is no way to say with absolute certainly when any specific event in zhan tiri’s backstory occurred chronologically. we have to do our best to arrange the events we know about in an order that is logical. 
this is complicated by the fact that we know demanitus fudged some of the details to make himself look better to rapunzel and eugene: he obscured the fact that he and zhan tiri were working partners for an unknown length of time. this verifiable lie of omission casts a patina of doubt over everything else he says regarding their shared past, but it also accounts for discrepancies between what we see and what we’re told. 
as always in unreliable narrator situations, what we see has far more weight than what we’re told. with this in mind, there are three tiers of trustworthiness in the information we are given about zhan tiri’s past: most trustworthy are the flashbacks and things we see with our own eyes; in the middle are the accounts of zhan tiri’s contemporaries—demanitus and the disciples; and at the bottom are the folk legends recounted by xavier and adira. 
so what do we see?
#1: zhan tiri and demanitus searched for the drops together
just how this arrangement came to be is unclear, but i think we can glean some interesting information from the plus est flashback.
DEMANITUS: Zhan Tiri! This is your last warning! Give up this foolish quest for power.
ZHAN TIRI: This quest for the sundrop and moonstone was both of ours.
DEMANITUS: It was, until you made it about something darker. You made it all about gaining power for yourself! You turned your back on what was right!
ZHAN TIRI: And you turned your back on me. As long as I live, I will never stop until I have that power!
DEMANITUS: I know.
[He activates the portal to the Lost Realm.]
ZHAN TIRI: This is far from over! I will have that power, and when I do, I will destroy your beloved Corona! I promise you!
[The portal closes.]
DEMANITUS: I had no choice, Vigor. I had to send her to the Lost Realm.
this suggests a couple things.
first, the working relationship between demanitus and zhan tiri broke down because her selfish desire for power clashed with his idealism. demanitus didn’t want the power of the combined sundrop and moonstone for himself; he wanted to reunite them in the service of a cause he believed to be right. zhan tiri, by contrast, was interested solely in acquiring that power for herself—but given how demanitus reacted when he learned this, it seems obvious that he didn’t know that about zhan tiri until later in their relationship.
in other words, there was some level of deceit on her part involved with their partnership from the very beginning. she hid her true motives from him; she may also have hidden her true nature from him. i think there is support both for and against the latter point: in the present day, demanitus describes zhan tiri as “a warlock”—a word zhan tiri uses as an example of her duplicitous shapeshifting—but he also describes her as being “from another realm”—suggesting he knew her to be something otherworldly or inhuman. 
i tend to fall on the side of demanitus knowing her basic nature while they were contemporaries, but believing she shared his more noble motivations at first, but i think a strong argument could be made in favor of him believing her to be human from the start and only discovering her true nature later. 
second, demanitus appears to have cared for zhan tiri far more than she cared for him. in the flashback, she’s angry at his betrayal, but her focus is on her desire for the power of the sundrop and moonstone. by contrast, demanitus gives her plenty of warning and chances to turn away from her dark path, pleads with her to “give up” her selfish motivations, and expresses clear regret after her refusal forces him to banish her to the lost realm. 
this, again, supports the interpretation that zhan tiri manipulated or used  demanitus to further her own goals, just as she would later do with cassandra, rather than this being a true partnership that broke down as a result of differing goals. she doesn’t care about him any more than she cared about cass.
#2: zhan tiri’s behavior in season three
season three firmly establishes zhan tiri as a skilled manipulator who does not care about anyone or anything besides herself and her pursuit of her own power. i won’t get into the weeds with this—if you want to read a breakdown of (some) of zhan tiri’s manipulation of cass in season three, i wrote a post about once a handmaiden here—because for our purposes, we just need to understand that the basic character of zhan tiri as we see her in the present should inform our interpretation of her behavior in the past. 
in other words, i think it is safe to assume that zhan tiri applied similar techniques and principles of manipulation to demanitus as we see her do to cassandra in the present; to wit, she would have sought to make him emotionally dependent on her by exploiting whatever vulnerabilities she could find and presenting herself to him as a trustworthy friend and kindred spirit. 
#3: she is not close to her disciples
once she is freed, zhan tiri never so much as mentions tromus or sugracha again. moreover, it is unclear how much personal information they actually know about her: in painter’s block, sugracha refers to zhan tiri as “he,” which could indicate one of several things: 
zhan tiri is female, but her disciples don’t know her well enough for assumptions they made about her gender based on the appearance of the ram-headed demon form to have been corrected, or
zhan tiri doesn’t subscribe to human conceptualizations of gender, and both “she” and “he” are acceptable pronouns because the gendered connotations of both are equally irrelevant.
i, personally, prefer the second explanation, but the first is tenuously supported by how little zhan tiri cares for her disciples.
what do her contemporaries say?
lord demanitus’s telling of his conflict with zhan tiri is as follows: 
Millennia ago, a mysterious event in the heavens divided an ancient power in two. The sundrop and moonstone fell to the earth. Three of my pupils and I researched the legend of the sundrop and moonstone, two elements that longed to reunite. We searched, but alas could not find them.
Unfortunately, we were not the only ones looking. My pupils betrayed me, and summoned my old nemesis, Zhan Tiri: a warlock from another realm, bent on destruction. It took all of my powers to banish the evil from our world.
I knew the research I had written about the sundrop and moonstone was valuable. Dangerous, in evil hands. So I tore the scroll and hid the pieces...
this exposition also shows us the identities of the three pupils who turned against demanitus and joined zhan tiri instead: sugracha, tromus, and gothel.
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their identities are all confirmed outside of this sequence: sugracha and tromus appear as loyal servants of zhan tiri, and in a tale of two sisters, rapunzel and cassandra discover gothel’s research on the sundrop flower, including a piece that is an obvious attempt to recreate the demanitus scroll, indicating that gothel was indeed his student at one time: 
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though it appears that gothel abandoned zhan tiri as well once she found the sundrop flower, as she hoarded its power for herself rather than seeking to use it to free her former master from the lost realm. 
now... because demanitus leaves out the part of this story that would involve admitting he worked with zhan tiri before she became his “nemesis,” we can’t say with any certainty when this business with his traitorous pupils freeing her happened—or, indeed, if it actually happened that way at all. it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that the three disciples could have been pupils of both demanitus and zhan tiri, who stuck with zhan tiri after demanitus betrayed her and banished her to the lost realm. 
my personal belief is that demanitus gathered his pupils to help him continue the search for the sundrop and moonstone after the flashback in plus est, only for them to be lured away by zhan tiri (perhaps via communication in dreams or visions, as cassandra’s revenge establishes that she’s capable of entering people’s dreams whilst trapped in the lost realm) and free her by reactivating the portal—thus shifting demanitus’s focus from “find the sundrop and moonstone” to “put the demon back in her prison and clean up this mess.” 
however, this is all very up for personal interpretation, because demanitus’s version of events is verifiably deceptive and thus cannot be taken as hard fact.
and what do the folk legends say?
#1: the blizzard
Eons ago, an evil warlock, Zhan Tiri, had a deep hatred for Corona, and cast a spell which caused a blizzard to sweep across the land. The storm destroyed everything in its path. All would have been lost, had it not been for the ancient engineer and inventor, Lord Demanitus. 
Using both magic and science, Demanitus built a massive subterranean machine deep in the Coronan mountains. This mighty device had the ability to change the direction of the wind, and it pushed the flurries out to the sea. The day was saved. Zhan Tiri had indeed been defeated. But some say the curse of the storm lives on, and is simply waiting to strike again...
we know that the basic event described here really happened, because the demanitus device does exist in the location indicated by the legend and works just as described. the details may have been glossed over or elaborated on over the centuries, but we know it is accurate in the essentials.
until recently, i put the events described in this legend immediately before the plus est flashback, to account for the snow on the ground during the flashback, but over the course of writing this post i have actually changed my own mind, and i now think that zhan tiri’s blizzard occurred when the disciples freed her from the lost realm for the first time. why? well, the imagery used to illustrate xavier’s telling of the blizzard legend is directly echoed by the imagery used to illustrate zhan tiri’s release in demanitus’s account in lost and found: 
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queen for a day.
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and lost and found. 
the color palettes here are identical, and in both, zhan tiri is depicted as the ram-headed demon, in almost the same pose, rising out of the mountains—which fits with both the location of the demanitus device and the possibility that she created (or became) the blizzard immediately after being released from the portal in the coronan mountains. moreover, her hatred of corona is based on her hatred of demanitus and her vengeful desire to destroy everything he loves, which would logically be stronger after he successfully imprisoned her once. 
#2: the great tree
Millennia ago, this tree was once a sentient being, a force for good. But it was corrupted by the evil sorcerer [Zhan Tiri] to destroy any who approached it. It was Zhan Tiri’s stronghold. Inside it, he was invincible. But Lord Demanitus put a stop to the tree’s magic using an enchanted spear. 
as with xavier’s blizzard legend, the fact of the spear’s existence and the behavior of the great tree itself once the spear is removed proves the basic accuracy of this legend. 
the difficulty hear lies with pinpointing when all this occurred. unlike the blizzard, there are no contextual clues to suggest where this conflict at the great tree may lie in the general timeline, so any conclusions we draw must be based on speculation. the only thing we know for sure is that zhan tiri’s residence in the great tree ended during demanitus’s lifetime, which puts a hard stop in it at about two thousand years ago.
my theory is that zhan tiri corrupted and resided in the great tree long before demanitus’s time. adira calls it her stronghold, and as discussed in the first section, the great tree has the greatest variety and frequency of zhan tiri iconography of any location in the series. one of the symbols inside the great tree is even found thousands of miles away at janus point—the corkscrew-snouted ram’s head—which draws a possible line of influence from the tree to janus point. taken together, all of this suggests a long period of time during which the great tree was zhan tiri’s tree.
and as for when it entered into the conflict between demanitus and zhan tiri, i believe there are two possibilities: 
demanitus knew of zhan tiri’s use of the great tree as a fortress, and she allowed him inside while they were collaborating in their search for the drops. she likely hid the violent nature of its defenses from him for a while; then she either let her guard down and allowed him to glimpse more of the truth, or the tree as attacked and he inadvertently witnessed a brutal massacre. either way, this is what clued him in to her ulterior motives, and he crafted the spear to destroy the tree’s magic—and it is this betrayal that zhan tiri references in the plus est flashback when she says “you turned your back on me.” 
zhan tiri had been using the great tree as a home for many years without the aggressive kill-anyone-who-enters security measures, allowing it to function as a library or house of research. this may have been how she and demanitus encountered each other in the first place, and would go a long way to explaining why demanitus trusted her initially. it wasn’t until demanitus turned against her and imprisoned her in the lost realm, and her subsequent release by his pupils, that she became enraged and turned the great tree into an indiscriminate killing machine and demanitus forged his magical spear to stop her.
i think both options are equally plausible, and since there isn’t any direct evidence one way or another, this is another case for personal interpretation and preference to really come into play.
so, to sum up...
at some point around two thousand years ago, lord demanitus encountered zhan tiri, and she persuaded him to trust her and work with her to find the mythical sundrop and moonstone. she was most likely just using him the whole time, while he grew to care for her but became so uncomfortable with her violent methods and selfish motivations that he felt he had no choice to imprison her in the lost realm. 
his pupils—whom he either once shared with zhan tiri, or gathered after the breakdown of his relationship with zhan tiri—turned against him, and either took her side in the conflict, or successfully freed her from the lost realm. i think the latter explanation(s) fit better with the information we are given. 
the blizzard discussed in queen for a day most likely happened after the plus est flashback and her subsequent release by the disciples. 
the conflict at the great tree most likely occurred either right before or at some point after the plus est flashback and her subsequent release, but it is plausible to assume that by this point she had been residing in the great tree for a considerable amount of time prior to working with demanitus. 
demanitus defeated zhan tiri and her disciples, imprisoned her in the lost realm, imprisoned most if not all of her disciples in the demanitus chamber, destroyed the portal to the lost realm so she couldn’t easily be brought back, and transferred his soul into the immortal body of a monkey so he could spend the next two thousand years as a... watchman of sorts, over the drops, probably with the hope that he could step in to prevent zhan tiri’s release if necessary.
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theredhairedmonkey · 4 years
Text
Why Callum chose to go home
While we’re all loving the “Through the Moon” leaks, I noticed that there’s a small minority of fans who seem to be a little fussy about the fact that both Rayla and Callum decided to travel back to Katolis rather than remain in Xadia. 
I think many people (myself included, for a time) presumed that the duo would stay on the Storm Spire so that Rayla could be a Dragonguard while Callum could learn magic from Ibis. I’ve already addressed here why Rayla going to live in Katolis is actually a very good thing for her; she’d be in a better place, emotionally speaking, a more nuturing environment with Callum and Ezran.
But the question as to why Callum chose to return to Katolis is a bit more complicated. It seems, at first glance at least, that Xadia is where he belongs. Being a prince was an awkward fit for him, but being a mage seemed to come much more naturally. One of the first TDP metas I ever read (by @raayllum​ no less) made a pretty compelling case for why Callum was going to choose to live in Xadia:
And as Callum’s interest and desire for magic only grew stronger throughout the season(s), it only strengthened the foundation this [boat] scene put down: these two, post war, living in Xadia together, and reminding each other of how incredible the life they’ve built together really is.
And shortly after S3, raayllum reaffirmed her theory that Callum will choose to remain in Xadia, both to learn Sky magic and to stay with Rayla.
This was, and is, a very convincing argument for me. Indeed, for the longest time, until Callum’s Spellbook was released (I’ll get to why that matters below), I took it for granted that Callum would stay in Xadia, focusing his efforts entirely on learning magic, and above all, to build a life with Rayla.
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So, why didn’t he? 
To put it another way, why does Callum decide to return to Katolis and learn to be a prince as well as a mage?
The reason, I think, comes down to a fundamental misunderstanding of what Callum’s character arc truly is. A misunderstanding that I had, and one I suspect many fans do as well.
Here’s the typical interpretation of Callum’s arc: Callum doesn’t fit in as a prince. He’s terrible at everything he tries and doesn’t know how to interact with his stepfather. But then he discovers he’s a natural at magic, and so he’s now supposed to become a mage, rather than a prince.
And that’s not a bad interpretation. Indeed, in S1 that’s what it seemed like Callum’s arc was leading to.
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All we see in those first three episodes is Callum struggling at just about everything...and then he tries magic and suddenly he discovers he has a talent for it.
He even spells this out himself:
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Callum: Look...Rayla. Princes are supposed to be good at things. Sword-fighting, leadership, riding horses. But I’ve always been kind of bad at, well, everything. So when I tried that spell, I was sure I’d end up on fire or covered in spiders. But it worked. And then you called me a mage, and that felt...right.
So, again, in the context of S1, thinking that Callum is a terrible prince who learns he’s a great mage seems to make sense. Callum himself thinks this way too.
But that’s not where his story was headed. Which is why beginning in S2, Callum’s worldview begins to crumble. 
Upon learning that humans can’t do magic, Callum is determined to prove otherwise. But when he tries to give Lujanne the same speech he gave to Rayla, he hits a snag.
Callum: Growing up I was supposed to learn horseback riding, sword-fighting, achery, battle tactics, but I was so bad at everything.
Lujanne: But then, you didn’t give up? And you got good?
Callum: ...well, no, I gave those up.
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Callum may brush this off for the moment, but the point Lujanne makes should be well-taken. It raises a logical inconsistency in Callum’s reasoning, questioning why he wasn’t this determined to pursue other skills. Why did Callum give up on being a prince, but persist at becoming a mage?
Because, according to him, it was because he was immediately good at magic. He thinks that, because magic seemed to come easily to him, that becoming a mage was something he was always supposed to do.
For this reason, he presses on. He will become a mage, come hell or high water.
Callum: [Lujanne] said that you had to connect to the Primal and that magical creatures or born with a connection. But I don’t see why I can’t make my own connection.
But 2x04 marks Callum’s  “the moment of grace.” The midpoint of the story, where he looks inside and sees the truth about himself.
The truth he realizes is that there is no magic inside him. That he has no special spark that will let him be immediately and readily talented at magic, and that if he is ever to become a mage, it will take patience and determination to do it.
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He hits his lowest moment, which opens him up to accepting the real lesson he needed to learn all arc long:
Harrow: Callum, you are free. Free from both the past and the future. Nothing is set in stone. Fate is a lie. You are free!
And this was Callum’s real arc. He always believed he was terrible at all princely skills because he’s merely a “step-prince.” He wasn’t born royalty, and so he thinks he doesn’t have that innate talent that would let him be anything like his father or brother.
He discovers the same problem with magic; he wasn’t born with an Arcanum, and therefore can’t do magic like Lujanne can. Only this time, something clicks with Callum. The pieces come together and, inspired by his stepfather’s words, he realizes there isn’t anything he’s supposed to be. All there is, is who he chooses to be.
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And once he connects to the Sky Arcanum, Callum writes this final lesson in his spellbook:
“My tip to anyone trying to learn something hard: Sometime there can be so much that it feels overwhelming, frustrating, and impossible. My advice is to try to be patient, and breathe, and trust that eventually you will get it!”
He takes his own lesson to heart. Once in Xadia, Callum’s new worldview is tested. He’s forced to scale an incredibly tall tree, ride a hard-to-tame Moonstrider, climb an Ambler, and help Zym’s defenders organize a battle plan.
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Much of this happens to line up fairly closely to the so-called “princely” duties Callum was expected to learn in Katolis-- leadership, horseback riding, battle tactics. In fact, what he does in Xadia is probably harder than anything he would have been expected to learn back in Katolis.
And this is why it makes perfect sense that Callum goes home. Callum is not turning his back on his duties as a prince. Of course, just as with magic, he’ll probably learn how to be a prince on his own terms, combining all the subjects he’ll study with what he learns in Xadia, about magic or otherwise.
He realizes learning all of this would be hard. Perhaps overwhelmingly so.
But Callum is different now. He knows that, this time, as long as he keeps being patient and never gives up, he can do it.
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Because destiny is a book you write yourself.
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queenbirbs · 4 years
Text
distracted art appreciation | Ethan Ramsey x MC
Summary: It takes him fifty-six days in the jungle to get over her. Or, well, so he thought.
WC: 3k+
Warnings: N*FW
She’s been staring at the same painting for the past fourteen minutes.
Though, she uses the term ‘painting’ loosely -- whatever she’s looking at is made of twisted straw wrappers and crumbled pages of an IKEA manual. The placard next to the work features phrases like ‘a work of action’ and ‘an introspection into rampant consumerism.’ To her (admittedly untrained) eye, it looks like someone dumped a trashcan over a canvas and spray-painted it with viscera and glitter. Taking another sip of her wine, she glances down at her phone to see that only another minute has passed.
“Two more hours,” Sloane mutters to herself, hopelessly wishing again for time to speed up.
It’s not that she isn’t happy for Kyra, who started out with painting tutorials on YouTube and worked up to a modest following in Boston’s art community, which led her here to her first gallery show. She was excited for the first hour, sticking close to her friend as Kyra chatted with fellow artists about mediums and superatism and juxtaposition and a hundred other terms Sloane didn’t understand. But as conversations flowed, Kyra’s nerves settled down, and she waved Sloane off to go get some air and peruse the other artwork.
Which is how she came to standing in front of The Shopper’s Sediment, waiting for the event to end so she can help Kyra haul her paintings back down the block to her car.
The pleas for company that Sloane sent to the group chat have gone unanswered; they’re probably all still out at the new fantasy-themed bar that she skipped on to be a good friend who keeps her promises.
She’s so concentrated on the ugly artwork that she doesn’t realize there’s a person standing beside her. In fact, she only realizes they’re even there when she lifts her wine glass and ends up whacking them in the side with her elbow.
“Oh, my god! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there, I--” she swallows back the rest of her panicked apology.
Ethan smirks down at her. His hand is clasped around her offending elbow.
“It’s all right. I won’t be pressing charges.”
“Thanks,” she says around the dumb grin on her face.
She admires the cut of the jacket he’s wearing; it’s some sort of tweed fabric with patches on the elbows, as if he’s just stepped down from behind a podium at Boston U. For a long moment, they stare at each other, and then down at his hand, still wrapped around her arm. He yanks his hand back as if he’s been burned; the dumb grin falls from her face.
“Um,” she hides the wince that wants to form, “why are… sorry, what are you doing here?”
“I missed out on a few First Fridays while I was away,” he explains. “Besides, Les Mis is running through the fourteenth, and I’ve seen enough of it for a lifetime. I thought I’d peruse the galleries tonight instead.” Taking a drink from the glass in his other hand, he glances about the room. “And you?”
Sloane tips her head in Kyra’s direction, explaining her role as both a social crutch and moving help. An awkward silence follows her words; she switches her glass from one hand to the other, mentally cursing at herself for fidgeting.
She’s a grown-ass woman! There’s no need for her to fold like a goddamn lawn chair around the man next to her. They’re both adults. They can interact in a public place without acting like idiots.
“Well,” Ethan starts, and then pauses to clear his throat. “You heard all about what I was doing down in Colombia, but I’m… curious. What did you do for the two months I was gone? Besides breaking up bar fights for Reggie.”
“Worked,” she answers with a smile. “And worried, of course.”
He quirks an eyebrow up at her response. “About you,” she clarifies.
“You didn’t need to.”
“I know. But I did anyway.” A smile flickers across his face at her admission. “I kept a close eye on the weather conditions down there. You were there during one of the wettest seasons on record. And now I find out that you were wearing a leather jacket the entire time for protection? Something about that just doesn’t add up. And you know what I think? I think you bought it in Bogota before your return flight, so you could come back with some new… down-to-earth vibe.”
That small smile of his grows; the sight of it makes something flutter in her throat.
“You’re not considering the bigger picture,” he says.
“Which is?”
“How I look in it.”
“Are you fishing for compliments?”
“Only when they’re yours.”  
Sloane makes a show of taking a drink, if only to hide the blush that’s likely (most definitely) coloring her cheeks. She’s bedded the man twice, yet he can turn her into a mess with a minute of flirting. If hope is the thing with feathers, as Dickinson wrote, it’s flown well beyond her reach now.
“In the interest of continuing our, for a lack of a better term, in vino veritas,” he says, “I… worried about you, too.”
The admission causes her to perk up.
“What for?”
“I chose a poor time to leave. Everything was in an upheaval, with Naveen and Harper and I moving positions, and you having won your trial, and then you were awarded the position on the team, and…” he trails off, brow furrowing as he attempts to corral his rambling. “Naveen told me about Doctor Olsen, about how he tried to sabotage your standing.” At his side, his hand clenches into a fist. “And if you let that slide by, what else were you holding back from me?”
“I’ve dealt with bigger snakes than him. You don’t need to worry about--”
“But I did,” he cuts her off. “The entire time I was gone. All fifty-six days.” His eyes drop from hers, going instead to his glass and feigning interest in it. “Some reset, hmm?”
She should walk away; bid her goodbyes and return to Kyra’s side, let him walk out the door and move onto the next gallery. Let him have his reset. But, then again, she’s never been able to leave well enough alone.  
So, instead, she tucks her arm up into his. Her offending elbow nudges his side.
“Come on. I’m tired of staring at this.”
Ethan gives the piece a look over his shoulder as they continue into the space. “It is a rather… visually-challenging take on mixed media.”
“See? I’ve circled this place four times and don’t understand what I’m supposed to be looking at. You’re just the man I need.”
“Then, by all means, lead on.”  
+
By the near-end of their excursion through the gallery, Sloane learns more art terms than she did in the one art history class she mistakenly took in undergrad. The one that she barely passed, though she doesn’t mention that particular detail when Ethan asks.
Art is something she appreciates as one would appreciate good food -- she doesn’t have to know every ingredient in it to enjoy the taste. Ethan, as he is inclined to do, argues against her logic, claiming that knowledge behind every brush stroke (and, thus, every pinch of minced garlic, if we’re using food as a comparison, he added with a sigh) makes the artwork that much more meaningful (and, thus, tastier).  
“It’s a moving piece that calls back to the Impressionist period,” he tells her, as if the third time’s the charm, and suddenly she’ll be awestruck by the boring landscape before them.
“It looks like something that would be bolted above the bed at a Best Western.”
He barks out a laugh at her comment, quickly smothering it when it draws attention from the other art patrons. They move away from the Monet copycat and down a long hallway, where a selection of lackluster acrylic paintings hang in a row. Sloane can feel her eyes glaze over as she examines them.
It’s no wonder that there’s no one near this end of the gallery. The conversations that reach them are muffled, just the droning buzz of voices. Not even the contemporary jazz music is piped down this far, leaving only the creaking floorboards and their own footsteps to accompany them. They reach the end of the hall, where a little table holds a handful of empty plates and glasses, abandoned by those that came before them.
Above the table is a painting of a woman. Draped around her shoulders is a red robe, patterned with messy strokes of amber-colored flowers. Her short, dark curls are pinned back, showing off the strong line of her jaw and the soft contour of her lips. Her right hand is raised, her fingers curled towards herself, as if beckoning to someone out of frame. Her eyes are closed, her head tilted up as she waits for her kiss.    
“She’s hot,” Sloane blurts out.
Ethan raises an eyebrow at her blunt summary of the artwork, though he concedes with a nod. “She is rather lovely.”
“It’s kind of weird, though,” she steps closer and scans the woman’s face. “She reminds me of a woman I went on a date with.”
“Oh. When?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“Oh,” he repeats, but his tone is different this time.
Sloane looks him over, unable to suppress her grin. “Are you jealous?”
“No,” he says, then grimaces. “Maybe. Yes. Of course I am.”
“You shouldn’t be. Her name is Reese -- she’s a pediatric surgeon over at Children’s. Very attractive, great work ethic, good kisser, cute dog.”
“I fail to see how you reciting all of her best qualities is preventing me from feeling jeal--”
“Simple,” she interrupts. “No spark.”
“Not one?”
Sloane tips her head from side to side, pursing her lips as she considers. “Okay, maybe a little one. Not enough for a fire, though.”
The quiet of the hallway hovers between them as they gaze up at the painting. The placard hanging next to it lists the artist and the artwork’s title: la voglia.
“Is that Italian?”  
“It means ‘the wanting.’” He tips back his glass and swallows the last of his wine. Liquid courage, and all that. “What about… us?”
“Hmm?” The question pulls her from her study of the painting.  
“What was our ‘spark’ level?”
“Oh, we were a bonfire.”
“I see,” he says, his eyes blazing as he watches her. Sloane bites down on her bottom lip. His gaze flickers down to watch the movement; the flame that’s been simmering in her stomach all evening ignites under the attention.    
“Did you want to kiss me?” she asks. “The other night at Donahue’s?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to kiss me now?”
“Yes.”
“I wish you would.”
The loud clink of his glass meeting the table is lost under the sound of his footsteps crossing the few feet between them. His hands come up to frame her face and his lips crash against hers. Her glass smacks against the table from where she hastily drops it; wine sloshes and drips down onto the floor. Sloane ignores the mess in favor of grabbing any part of him she can reach and pulling him close. Ethan breaks the kiss to surface for air, moving his hands to her waist; she adjusts her grip to his tie and yanks him down for another kiss, tilting her head to deepen it. Pleasure hums through her as she teases his lips to open for her, sweeping her tongue against his own.
Her back hits the wall; funny, because she doesn’t recall moving at all. The rough brick catches at her blouse and hair as she tilts her head up and arches her back, offering more of herself for him to explore.    
“Sloane,” he hisses, trailing Syrah-soaked kisses along her throat and up behind her ear. He nips at the soft skin there, the marks hidden behind the curtain of her hair that he wraps around his hand and tugs. The moan tumbles out of her before she can swallow it down. “I can’t decide what I missed more,” he says with a smirk. “Your touch, or those sweet noises you make for me.”
“Can I tell you what I missed most?”
He pulls back to look down at her, blue eyes alight with arousal. “I’m all ears.”
Flashing a smug grin, she shifts to put her leg between both of his and brings it up as high as her skirt will allow. She rubs her knee against his thigh, and then higher, smirking when he growls out her name.
“That,” she tells him.
Ethan shakes his head at her as he grabs the offending leg and wraps it around his hip. She retaliates by hauling him closer and rolling her hips up to tease him.
“Sloane--”
“Yes?”
“We can’t… not here. Someone could come down the hallway any moment.”
“I know,” she purrs, running her nails through his beard, pleased at his sharp inhale. “We should go somewhere more private.”
“We… my apartment, it’s not too--”
“I’m not sitting through that forty-minute taxi ride you call a commute. I can’t wait.” She brings her hand down and presses it against the swell of his visible arousal. He emits a helpless groan at her touch. “And neither can you.”
“What do you have in mind, then?”
Her only response is another grin that he meets with a look of worried confusion. She decides that she likes the look, especially when she gets to watch the understanding dawn on his face as she guides him to the open door of a nearby stockroom.
Sloane kicks the door closed and locks it behind them, smacking Ethan’s hand away from the lightswitch. Warm light from the street lamps outside pours down out of a high window, diffused with the multicolored strobes of the nightclub across the alley. Shelves of cleaning supplies crowd in next to a pile of stanchions and a stack of easels. The bass from next door thrums along the brick walls, rattling the glassware that’s tucked away in the cabinets. The countertop underneath them glows red from the club lights.      
Ethan picks her up easily and sets her on the counter. The laminate is cool under her heated skin, causing a shiver to course through her. His hand curves around her throat, his thumb brushing along her bottom lip. His breath turns ragged when Sloane turns her head in his hold and takes his thumb into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the digit before releasing him with a wet pop.
“Fuck,” he curses. “Let me see more of you.”
She reaches down and untucks her blouse while he attacks the pearl buttons, popping them open and pushing the cloth from her shoulders, chuckling at her threat of injury should he ruin her shirt. The cool air of the stockroom is soon replaced by his warm breath as he drags kisses down her chest; unhurried and uncaring of her complaints as he takes his sweet time.
“Ethan--” the rest of her complaint is lost to time as his mouth closes over the lacey fabric of her bra. His tongue traces the peak of her nipple, over one breast and then the other. She drags her nails through his hair and grips the strands tight, begging him to never stop kissing her.
In true fashion, he does stop and flashes her a self-satisfied smirk before dropping to his knees. Hauling her closer, he shoves her skirt up, the fabric bunching around her waist. She waits with bated breath, trembling slightly with anticipation, so sure that he won’t bother to tease her now, not when she’s--
“You bastard,” she croaks out when he starts further south than she wants.
That smarmy chuckle of his is somehow deeper than the nightclub’s bass; he ignores her insult and continues tracing wet kisses along the curve of her leg. His beard scratches at her knee as he makes his way up, higher and higher, until he’s so close that the puff of his breath is nearly enough to set her off.  
“You’re one to talk,” he says, tilting his chin to let his beard scrape at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “If I’d known you weren’t wearing anything under this skirt, we would have been here hours ago.”
She opens her mouth to serve him something snarky right back, but he chooses then to press the flat of his tongue against her and lick a long stripe up her sex. The noise that escapes her isn’t anything close to the English language. With one hand holding her leg up to keep them spread, he uses his other to slide two fingers into her wet heat. The pace he sets is punishing; Sloane barely manages to reach up and grab at the cabinet handles behind her head, holding on for dear life. The warm heat in her belly flows outward into her limbs, burning through her veins; her hips make aborted little thrusts into his mouth as his tongue works her open.
“Oh, god, oh -- god, Ethan!” she cries out. Then his thumb finds her clit and she’s a goner. Her legs snap closed, holding him there as she rides out the wave of her orgasm. Escaping from her hold, he gets to his feet and steps between her splayed legs. He cups her chin and coaxes her up to meet him for a kiss.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs.
Sloane works at his belt buckle, the leather creaking under her grip as she yanks it from the loops and throws it to the ground.
“I don’t think you needed to--”
“Shut up,” she orders, covering her mouth with his. For once, he listens, kissing the fuck out of her while she pops the button on his pants and dips her hand inside his underwear. His breath catches and his head drops to her bare shoulder, his hips thrusting up into her touch. Heady pants sound against her ear, spurring her on.
The hand not splayed against the cabinet above her head disappears between her legs and palms her sex, rubbing circles against her there. “Yes,” she whispers, her voice hoarse, “god, touch me.”
“Do I…” he starts, then stops, choking back a groan as her wrist gives a little twist. “Do we need…?”
Through the thick fog of oxytocin clouding her brain, Sloane catches on to his fumbling attempts. To give him the chance to form a coherent thought, she lets go of his cock, busying her hands by skimming them up his body and underneath the button-down he still wears.  
“I presume you got every test in the book before being let back into the country,” she says. “And my IUD is still in working order. And, besides that, I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
He shifts to look down into her eyes. By the primal glaze covering his own, it’s obvious to her that the notion pleases him.
“Not even with the surgeon with the great work ethic and the cute dog?”
Stretching up, she captures his lips with her own -- mostly to shut him up again, having found the technique rather effective.
“Like I told you: no spark. Now, if you can get over your jealous streak and--”
“I’m not jealous,” he protests while still grabbing her knees and tugging her that much closer.
“You so totally are,” she laughs as she wraps her legs around his hips. Her knuckles scrape against the cabinet when he forces her hands up beside her head; she links her fingers through his, holding him there.
“Not anymore.” A wolfish grin spreads across his face before he drives into her.
Any chance of continuing their banter is lost to the heat between them. His hips crash down into hers; her legs quake around his. Their chests heave with every breath, their kisses little more than frenzied brushes as the flare of pleasure grows and grows, burning white-hot under their skin.
Ethan drops one hand to where they’re joined and passes once, then twice over her sensitive bundle of nerves. Her body arches as the delicious, surprising heat of her orgasm courses through her. Unable to withstand the rhythmic clenching of her, he follows, muffling his shout by burying his face against her throat.  
“How was that?” he asks once the ability of speech returns. Despite the sweaty mess of each other they’ve made, he nuzzles close, sighing when she wraps her arms around him.
“A house fire.”
Though it defies all laws of medicine and the universe, she can somehow hear the frown of consideration he wears.
“I was thinking forest.”
“Okay,” she concedes. “That works too.”
From somewhere in the dark room comes a buzzing sound. Before she can seriously consider whether or not her orgasm did knock her hearing out-of-whack, Ethan scoops her phone up from the floor.
A stack of missed texts from Kyra fills up her screen:
6:28 pm: come back there’s a hot girl I want you to see
6:28 pm: she’s a sculptor and welds and has tattoos please i’m weak
6:43 pm: where did you gooo
7:02 pm: if you left because of the creepo photographer let me know and I’ll kick his ass
7:04 pm: creepo says he never saw you which i DO NOT believe considering how hot you look tonight
7:39 pm: Lmao nvm
7:39 pm: you are the least subtle person i know but no worries i’ve got your back
7:40 pm: I trust that doctor ramsey can take care of your front ;)
8:24 pm: Devon the hot welder you missed out on meeting is going to help me w paintings and then take me out for a drink. make good choices!! text if you need anything love you  
“What are those little pictographs next to her name?”
Sloane glances down at the tiny flexing bicep and pink heart next to Kyra’s name and rolls her eyes.
“This grumpy, outdated persona of yours can only go on for so long, you know. You did grow up during the birth of AOL and AIM. You’re not a Luddite.” She hops down from the counter and taps out a reply to her friend before buttoning up her blouse. “Besides, you know it’s rude to look at people’s messages, right?”
A red flush returns to his cheeks, though he tries to hide it by crossing the room to switch on the light and searching for his belt.
“Well, I had to make sure it wasn’t the pediatric surgeon, offering to take you out again.”
Sloane lets out a snort, her attention on her reflection in the mirror propped up against the back wall. “We both know by now that there’s only one persistent, albeit indecisive and general pain-in-the-ass doctor that has my attention.”
Ethan, having finished putting himself together, approaches her from behind. His hands slip in underneath her hair to fix her collar. She catches his eye in their reflection; he drops a kiss against her temple.
“Come home with me.”
“That would go against all of those parameters you set up,” she reminds him.
“I know. So did this.” If his tone is a little lost, a little unsure, she doesn’t mention it. “Come home with me,” he repeats.
“Okay.”
+
Author’s notes and what-have-yous:  
Hello, and welcome back to the sin bin.
Please no art lectures. Everything in this was either prior knowledge, googled to the best of my ability, or from recalling friends who were art majors in college bitch about said major. The painting of the woman they discuss is based off of Albert von Keller’s Anticipation. (Sloane’s right; she’s hot.)
Also, if anyone can tell me if I used the correct ‘desire’ in Italian, please let me know. I couldn’t find anything that said I should use la brama instead of la voglia, so I used the latter. (special thank you to @uncagedwings for the vocab assist!)
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