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acnelli · 3 years

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Coming Home

This is my little story for the HPRomione Discord Popcorn. @remedial-potions gave me the prompt “You can’t just keep pretending things are fine!” and I originally wanted to write some HBP angst, but then changed my mind and wrote this.

Up next is @dot-adsty and I give you the prompt “Flying higher than ever before”.

I also opened my Ask Box and accept prompts from this Prompt List.

Prompt: “You can’t just keep pretending things are fine!”

Ron comes home from a long Auror mission, and Hermione’s plans for the night don’t quite go as she imagined.

You can also read this story on AO3 and FFN.

*** *** *** ***

She had it all planned out.

Every little detail, every single thing Hermione needed to buy or prepare for tonight had been neatly written down in handy list form, categorized and sorted.

Around noon it actually looked like everything would be ready when Ron would come home from his Auror mission this late afternoon. Behind half of the points on said list, Hermione had added a green checkmark. The sight of her lists, especially when some of her tasks on it had been checked off already, always had something oddly satisfying.

To have enough time to prepare everything, she left work early today, stopping by the grocery store on her way back home to buy the last of the ingredients she needed for the roast she planned to make for dinner.

Cooking wasn’t really Hermione’s forte. When Ron was home and didn’t have to work ridiculous hours, the flat was always filled with the scent of some delicious meal or another, and on weekends they often enjoyed a cake or some cookies fresh out of the oven. In the last two months, she sure did cook for herself every now and then but she got to admit that these meals mostly consisted of pasta and sandwiches.

When she planned this day she first considered going with take-away, which she was sure, Ron would’ve been more than fine with. But then she quickly dismissed the idea, figuring that following the instructions of Mrs Weasley’s cookbook couldn’t be that hard. It might not win a contest but she was sure to manage something eatable, at least.

Before she went into the kitchen to start preparing the roast, Hermione observed their living room, mentally going through her list again.

On their couch table Hermione had set up the brand new chess set she bought last week while shopping with her mother. Hermione had discovered the set in the display window of a small, cosy shop she would’ve completely missed it if weren’t for the unusually bright colours catching her attention when she walked by. As soon as she had seen the chess set, she made her way inside the shop right away because it practically screamed Ron Weasley. While not exactly the same bright colour of the Chudley Cannons, the usually white squares and wooden game pieces were painted orange. If she wouldn’t have purchased it from a Muggle, it could’ve been easily merchandise of Ron’s favourite Quidditch team.

Hermione walked over to the couch table and placed two tickets for the next Chudley Cannons game this upcoming weekend onto the chessboard. A smile split her face when she thought about his reaction later. Over the past six months the Cannons actually showed some kind of potential to not end up at the bottom of the league at the end of the season, resulting in the tickets to have gotten a little harder to come by. At least, for top games and derbies.

She knew it was probably a little over the top, considering they had been separated for much longer than eight weeks over the last years, but the constant worry and the almost non-existent possibility to talk or write to him during these missions, increased her excitement for Ron to come home ten-fold.

Yes, Hermione definitely felt slightly ridiculous when she placed a giant red bow around the TV and put the fancy Muggle beer into the fridge, but Ron’s absence caused a restlessness she had to overcome somehow. It also didn’t help that the few letters she got from him made Ron sound mentally and physically exhausted. Even though she knew next to nothing about this mission, she could tell it affected him more than usual.

That’s why today was all about distracting Ron from work, and what would hopefully be the start of a long, stress-free weekend.

But, of course, it would have just been too perfect if anything went according to plan. Because one hour before Ron was due to arrive at home, everything started to blow up in Hermione’s face. Literally and figuratively.

While she tried to research a way how to fix overcooked meat, Hermione cursed herself numerous times for not doing a test run first. Hermione had plans for everything but when it came to cooking she was obviously rubbish.

I should have just ordered Pizza. Ron loves Pizza.

Giving up on the meat’s consistency she quickly decided that spices and a good sauce could somehow safe this. Just as she was about to add all kinds of spices, she heard the fireplace roaring to life.

Ron was here. And he was early.

Forgetting all about the roast, she bolted out of the kitchen and into the living room, almost tripping over one of the loosened bindings of Ron’s ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron she borrowed. And there he stood, shaking the floo powder out of his hair and off the Auror uniform.

When he looked up at her she didn’t waste another second and jumped into his arms. Something between a sob and a laugh escaped her when Ron hugged her close and she felt him kiss the top of her head.

Pulling back, Hermione took Ron’s face between her hands and tugged him down for a kiss. She waited far too long for this.

When they finally broke apart to come up for air again, Ron softly kissed her forehead. “Fuck, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” Hermione said, “And I have a surprise for you!”

“So, you cooking isn’t the surprise?” Ron grinned at her.

“Oh, shut up!”

“Do I have time for a quick shower before dinner?” Ron asked as he shrugged out of his cloak.

“You do. And please take your time.”

*** *** *** ***

Ron couldn’t decide if he was more amused or felt more sorry for Hermione as the 3-course-dinner turned into a small disaster.

With the soup, it had been rather easy. It was incredibly salty and he probably dehydrated this very second, but with a good amount of bread and large swigs from his beer, he was able to pretend he liked it quite easily.

But then Hermione served the main course. As soon as Ron took the first bite he wanted to spit it out right away. It was absolutely inedible and he wondered how he could pretend to eat something which wasn’t tasting like the sole of his trainers.

Very slowly he reached for his beer, figuring it would be easier if he swallowed the bite without chewing. Just as he was about to take a swig, Hermione gave up all pretence.

“Oh my God, this is a complete disaster,” she whined, spitting the piece of meat into a hand towel, “Ron, you can give up the act now.”

As he too spit the overcooked shoe sole out of his mouth, he couldn’t stop the chuckle escaping him, and reached for Hermione’s hand.

“Not all is lost,” he reasoned, a little bit surprised about her being so upset about this dinner. Hermione’s attempts to cook or bake usually made for a lot of entertainment for both of them. “There’s still dessert, isn’t it?”

“Yes, right! Dessert!” She jumped up from her seat and ran into the kitchen with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

“NO,” Ron heard Hermione cry from the kitchen and he immediately jumped up to join her, “No, Pig! No, no, no, no, no!”

As Ron got into the kitchen he saw Pig sitting in a bowl full of what looked like vanilla cream, happily hooting at Hermione who appeared to be on the verge of tears now. Of course, Pig chose this very moment to finish his bath in their pudding as he flew out of the bowl with wildly flapping wings, coating both Hermione and Ron with a good amount of vanilla cream; Hermione’s hair getting the worst of it.

Ron slowly lifted a finger and swiped some cream from his cheek, licking it off as he was wearing a thoughtful look. “That is pretty good, actually.”

“Oh, stop it!” Hermione let out a resigned sigh. “You can’t just keep pretending things are fine! You have some terrible weeks behind you, and then you come home to your girlfriend serving you food that makes you probably crave the tasteless snacks they feed you with on these missions. I should’ve just-“

“Oi!” Ron interrupted her, not quite being able to hide his amusement. “Stop the rambling, barmy woman.” He took her face in his hands and leaned down, so he was at eye level with her. “All I wanted for today was finally seeing you again, Hermione. You never before got upset about bollocking up some cooking. What’s the matter?”

“I- I just wanted to distract you from this mission and make this evening somewhat special, and by now, Pig most likely decorated the whole living room with our pudding.”

Ron simply kissed her. His hands went from her cheeks inside her curly hair, changing their angle a bit to deepen the kiss. As Hermione let her hands wander from his chest back to his shoulders blades and down to the hem of his shirt, Ron decided to make it very clear to Hermione that everything he really needed to feel better, was her. This mission forced Ron to see things he’ll have nightmares about forever, and the only reason he was able to power through all of it, was the prospect of coming home to Hermione. To her touch, to her kisses, to her ramblings about work, to the simple comfort of just having her beside him.

With one swift motion, he swooped her up in his arms. “For such a smart woman, you can be very daft sometimes, love,” Ron said as he walked out of the kitchen.

“I know,” Hermione sighed as she took advantage of her position in Ron’s arms, and left open kisses along the side of his neck and his throat.

Without bothering to clean up the mess in the kitchen and living room, Ron walked them straight to the bedroom, leaving behind a merrily hooting Pigwidgeon who hopped and danced on top of Ron’s new chessboard, coating it with the only eatable dish Hermione produced today.

#hpromione discord #romione #romione drabble #romione fanfic #romione fanfiction #drabble chain #ron weasley #hermione granger #hp #hp fanfic #harry potter #hermione and ron #ron and hermione #ron x hermione #hermione x ron #ronmione #my stories #my fics

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heyitssmiller · 4 years

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Chop It Like It’s Hot

Chapter 9: We Brie-long Together

The boys finally talk.

To everyone who has shared their ideas for this story, I love and appreciate every last one of you! I tried to include as many ideas as I could in this chapter. This one’s for y’all! <3

Tag List: @peanut-in-the-goal @whataboutmyfries @raxelle-nite-in-gale @heyoitslysso @spookydiyharrypotterbat

Chop It Like It’s Hot Masterlist

@lumosinlove

Excerpt from Chapter 8 (If you don’t recognize this I would really recommend reading the last chapter!)

“We’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Logan asked, green eyes hopeful. “At the game?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” The bus driver honked the horn, clearly fed-up with waiting. “You’d better go before they leave you behind.”

Logan and Finn gave one last wave before heading towards the door while Leo began making his way back to the kitchen.

“Hey!” Logan called suddenly. Leo turned back around to look at them. “Can we take you out to dinner tomorrow? After the game?”

Leo’s stomach churned at the wording. He gathered up all his courage, took a deep breath, and asked, “Is this a date?”

Finn and Logan beamed. Leo’s heart skipped a beat.

“I sure hope so.”

Leo smiled hesitantly at Finn’s words. “You’re serious?”

“Of course we’re – ” Logan was cut off by the horn of the bus again. He whipped around to shoot it a glare. “One second.”

He fished out his phone from his pocket and quickly sent a text to the team. Don’t wait for us. Harzy and I are going to take a cab back. He then proceeded to turn his phone off. “Finn, you might want to silence your phone.”

Then they both turned to look at Leo again.

His heart skipping a beat had now turned into a full-on arrythmia.

“I honestly can’t believe you didn’t pick up on this sooner.” Finn said, still smiling. “I mean, we weren’t exactly subtle.”

Leo finally closed the distance between them, hyperaware of the two pairs of eyes following his every move. “I had my suspicions. I was just…” He sighed, looking down. “Every possible outcome seemed so terrible and I was so scared that I was going to ruin all of this.”

He reached out to grab Finn’s hand, then looked up at Logan and gently cradled his neck in his hand, thumb brushing against his pulse point. “Guess that was kinda dumb, huh?”

Logan groaned and surged forward to capture Leo’s lips with his own.

Oh.

Leo exhaled in a sigh and kissed back, moving his hand slightly so that his fingers tangled in soft brown hair. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening, holy shit. He had no idea how he’d become so lucky, but he definitely wasn’t about to question it. Logan stood up on his tiptoes, grabbed Leo’s shirt for balance, and tilted his head for a better angle.

“Oh my god, I love my life.” Finn whispered as he watched the two them. Leo smiled and broke away from Logan in order to kiss Finn with equal enthusiasm. With a muddled brain, Leo tried to sort through all the emotions he couldn’t put into words before Logan moved to kiss his neck, causing the blond to gasp. All previous train of thoughts had officially left the station.

“We – we should probably talk about this.” Leo managed to say in between kisses, his grip on Finn’s hand tightening.

“Kiss now, talk later.” Finn mumbled back. Logan hummed in agreement.

Leo couldn’t really find a flaw in their argument.

That arrythmia was quickly morphing into cardiac arrest.

After an undiscernible amount of time, though, he reluctantly had to lean back in order to breathe. Both boys looked up at him, pupils blown, and Leo smiled.

What on earth had he done to deserve this?

“As much as I’d love to stay here,” He said as he pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead. “I know y’all probably have to get back to the hotel. You’ve got morning skate, right?”

“No…” Finn whined, pressing closer to his boys.

“I already overfed your entire team the night before a game. I’m not going to be responsible for two of their wingers being tired all day tomorrow.”

“But it’s still early. Maybe we could just walk back to the hotel?” Logan suggested. “I’m not ready to say goodnight yet.”

“It’s November.” Leo countered, then sighed when Finn and Logan just sent him blank looks. He sighed. “Northerners. I will be a freezing, miserable mess if we walk around New York City all night in weather like this.”

Logan pouted, which proved to be very distracting because Leo couldn’t stop staring at those full lips.

“We could always go back to my place for a little while.” He finally conceded, watching the other two perk up. “It’s not too far of a walk. You guys can call a cab whenever you need to leave.”

“Yes.” Finn blurted, leading the way towards the door and dragging Leo and Logan along with him. “Let’s do that.”

“Hold on – Finn,” Leo laughed, trying to pull his hand free with little success. “I need my keys.”

Finn reluctantly let go of his hand, only to immediately grab it again when Leo came back with his keys. Leo arched an eyebrow as they stepped outside into the cold. “You know I still have to lock the door behind us, right?”

The redhead sighed dramatically and released his hand again. Logan smiled and said something in French about drama queens as he stared at Finn in adoration.

It didn’t make Leo’s heart ache anymore. Instead he just felt giddy – like he would never be able to sleep tonight.

How had this become his life?

Leo quickly locked the doors to the restaurant and then laced his fingers with Finn’s again. “Ready?”

“Lead the way, Peanut.”

So they began the walk back to Leo’s apartment, side by side. Leo and Finn shared stories about the places they passed as they walked – a strange combination of childhood stories from Finn and food recommendations from Leo but Logan soaked up every word, wanting to learn as much about his boys’ city as he could.

Finn was playing with Leo’s hand when he brushed his thumb across a thick, raised scar on one finger. He held it up to inspect and pressed a gentle kiss to it. “What’s this from?”

Leo looked down at it. “Oh, I almost took that finger off in culinary school.”

“You did what?”

“We were learning how to properly butcher a cow and it didn’t end well.”

Finn looked a little green. “Oh my god, baby.”

Leo tripped over his feet and looked over at Finn, who didn’t even seem to realize what he’d said.

Leo’s heart would never recover from tonight.

“Oh, Fish, show him that one scar you got sophomore year of college. The one from that asshole who played center at Brown?”

“Oh yeah! Nut, you’ve gotta look at this one.” Finn said excitedly, dropping Leo’s hand to roll up his coat and the shirtsleeve underneath it. “So it’s the third period, we’re tied one to one. I was on a break away, right? And then...”

They continued to share stories as they walked, although Logan was finding it harder and harder to focus on anything else but the rising spots of color on both of their cheeks and Leo’s nose, god it was too cute. The three of them finally reached an apartment building and hurried inside to get out of the cold.

Leo led them to his apartment and unlocked the door before welcoming them inside with a sheepish grimace. “Sorry about the mess, I’ve been making a lot of pasta and didn’t have time to clean it up before I left.” His stomach growled loudly. “Didn’t have time to eat, either, so I’m going to make a snack too. Make yourselves at home.”

Logan looked at the kitchen that was covered in flour, cooking utensils, and several different pasta cutters. He smiled softly at the sight, although he felt a little guilty. “You really went through a lot of trouble for tonight, huh?” Finn stood by his side and wrapped an arm around his waist. Logan leaned into him slightly as they both watched Leo preheat the oven and grab a wheel of brie and fresh raspberries from the fridge. Next came honey and crackers from the pantry.

“It wasn’t too bad.” Leo said as the oven beeped to signal that it had reached the right temperature. He put the brie in a pan, drizzled it with honey, and set it in the oven. “I enjoyed it. It’s been a while since I made pasta from scratch.”

Leo led the way to the living room where they all sat down on the couch, getting as close to each other as they could. Logan finally got to kiss the pink of Leo’s cheek, which earned him a soft smile.

“We still should probably talk about this.” The blond said, snuggling close to them. “I mean, how is this going to work? We all travel all the time. I’m based in New York and y’all are in Gryffindor. That’s a lot of long distance.”

Finn sighed, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. “I’m not going to lie to you, the season is going to be hectic. It always is. But we can visit as much as we can, and then there’s the offseason.” He smiled and poked Leo in the side. “You’ll be lucky to get rid of us then.”

“And you aren’t constantly recording new shows, are you?” Logan asked. “You could always visit or tag along to away games if you wanted.”

“I do a lot of videos from home, too. If you don’t mind me commandeering your kitchen every once in a while, I could always record them from there.”

“Peanut, literally nothing could make us happier than you taking over our kitchen.” Logan grinned at the thought, remembering the week Leo had spent in their apartment. He wanted to have that every day.

“Oh my god, we’re going to eat so much good food.” Finn sighed happily, resting his chin on Leo’s shoulder.

The timer for the brie went off. Leo rose to his feet to head back to the kitchen, shooting his boys a look as he went. “Your nutritionist is going to kill me.”

“Nah. You’ll be fine.” Finn reassured, giving Logan a lovestruck smile. He sent a similar smile back. “I’m sure you can run faster than him, anyways.”

“That’s not exactly comforting.” Leo called over his shoulder, taking the brie out of the oven and setting it on a plate with the raspberries, crackers, and more honey.

“I can’t believe a giant like you is afraid of a five-foot-nothing nutritionist.” Logan teased.

“If you’d seen the way he was glaring at me for all the pasta I cooked tonight, you’d be scared too.” Leo sat back down on the couch and picked up a cracker, scooping some warm brie onto it and adding some honey and a raspberry on top. “Now I know you’re probably full, but y’all have to try this.”

***

Logan looked over at Finn as the elevator began to slow down. “You ready for this?”

“Not at all.” He replied, but he was still smiling.

The elevator doors opened with a ding! and Logan and Finn stepped out. Their entire team was waiting for them in the hotel lobby with matching smug, teasing looks on their faces.

“You took a cab home, huh?” Talker chirped with a wicked grin.

The rest of the team erupted in cheers and whistles and cat calls, talking over each other in order to keep the teasing going.

“We signed up for this, didn’t we?” Logan asked, rolling his eyes.

Finn just kept smiling. He was going to be smiling for weeks after the events of last night. “Yep. And it’s definitely worth it.” Then he raised his voice for the rest of the team to hear, “Keep laughing while you can! We’re going to be soft, squishy romantics for at least the next month and you guys are going to have to deal with us. You’re going to be so sick of it, I can guarantee it.”

The team gave them uncertain looks.

“Now, get ready! I’m about to talk about our sweet ray of Louisiana sunshine the entire way to the stadium. I sure hope there’s a lot of traffic, because I have a lot to say.”

“Oh god. What have we done?”

“Blame Dumo - he’s the one who signed them up for that show.”

“Hey!”

***

The Gryffindor Lions Talk Show: Hosted by Butts and Kinzy

Longbottom: Looks like we’ve got a special guest in attendance tonight, folks! For those of you who don’t know, two of our finest went on a Food Network cooking competition during the offseason, and it looks like they’ve made a friend.

McKinnon: That’s chef Leo Knut. He was one of their instructors on the show. It’s nice to see that they still keep in touch. *clears her throat* There’s a link on all of our social media pages where you can watch Harzy and Tremzy be absolute disasters in the kitchen. Go check it out if you haven’t already! Now for our starting lineups!

#lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #leo knut #o'knutzy #chop it like it's hot

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babyboibucky · 3 years

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Tag Game: 20 Questions

Thanks so much for the tag @bubbly-moonwarrior!!! I didn’t want to clog y’alls dashes so I just started a new post lmfao

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise? Bee! Or Ate Bee for my younger Pinay babies, or Aunt Bee lmfaoooo

2. When is your birthday? April 6

3. Where do you live? Philippines!

4. Three things that you're doing right now? Spotify, chatting with a friend and responding to asks

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest? MCU, TWD (I stopped watching when it got shitty though), GoT but the final season really sucked ajsnckasjcna, B99

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? Despite the decline of my mental health since this pandemic began (all thanks to how PH govt is handling it) I would say I’m still sane najsnakjcna been working from home since March last year and it’s just even more exhausting and I haven’t gone out since like December so yeah, I don’t even know what it’s like outside anymore lmao

7. A song you can't stop listening to? Easily by Bruno Major because it’s a huge inspo for a future part of The Match woopsie

8. Recommend a movie! UUHHHH We’re The Millers for a ton of laughs lmao

9. How old are you? 28 skskks

10. school, uni, occupation or other? An assistant brand manager for several beauty brands ajscnkajsca which is why I am always in meetings if any of y’all are wondering lol

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? Uhhhh heat when I’m at the beach and cold when it’s summer because summer time in this country is just anckjanckaj it’s like living in a fucking oven

12. Name one fact others might not know about you. UHHHHHHH I’m a virgin with lots of experiences lmfaooooo

13. Are you shy? I MEAN LOOK AT MY BLOG LMFAO but I identify more as an ambivert so there are times when I’m outgoing and just having zoomies answering messages but I need to recharge too

14. Preferred pronouns? She/Her

15. Biggest pet peeves? Oh god I can’t think of anything else right now but uhh being seriously passive aggressive like if you want to say something, just say it lol

16. What is your favorite "dere" type? BAKADERE LMFAO College!Bucky...need I say more???

17. Rate your life from 1-10. I would say 7 to 8, I’m grateful for what I currently have. My family and friends are healthy, I still have a job, we have pets!!! My tumblr family is awesome!!!

18. What's your main blog? Now? This lmao

19. List your side blogs: Not a side blog but like an old blog where I used to be super active writing fics and all that shit, until I went MIA lol it’s a TWD/Negan blog so if any of you are huge Negan or JDM fans in general, I have plenty of smut over at @dixonsbait (which I cannot tag)

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET LMAO. I have no filter, I have no boundaries and I’m an open book. So whatever you see or read on my blog, how I interact and the thots I have...that’s me as a person. But also I suck at replying sometimes so uhh I hope you’d understand if I don’t reply to DMs immediately or as often

Tagging the following lovelies (also y’all are not obligated to do this too) @bitchassbucky @whoth3hellisbucky @borikenlove @sarge-barnes-sir @lokiscollar @uncensored-steve-the-platypus @uncensored-steve-the-platypus @aquahogcodes @scarlet-natasha89 and anyone else who would like to do this!!!!

#bbb tag game

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inkedstarlight · 3 years

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Bittersweet: Chapter Twelve

Summary: With the New Year comes new changes: Azriel and Elain are now together, Nesta and Cassian have a moment, and someone new enters the mix. Notes: This was the longest I've gone without posting new content, but I'm back in the groove. I'm officially making Sundays my upload day, so look out for that! There will be a new chapter every week. I already have the next couple chapters written, and it will be a lot more consistent now. Read it here on AO3! Warnings: very brief mentions of PTSD and sexual assault Bittersweet Masterlist

January

It was the third week of the desolate, grey month of January. The snow arrived quickly and ruthlessly. The city of Boulder was coated in a thick layer of knee-deep snow, its surface glittering under the sun enough to blind a passerby. Nesta embraced the winter, but there was nothing more she hated than a frozen ground paired with a sunny sky. Going outside bundled in multiple layers only to return home a sweaty mess. It was a suffocating feeling, to be wearing a heavy coat under sunshine.

No, Nesta preferred the unforgiving version of the coldest season. She knew how to dress; she knew what to expect when she stepped outside. It was predictable. Easy.

With the New Year came new changes. To start, Elain and Azriel were now dating, which came as a surprise to no one. When Elain sidled up next to Nesta in the kitchen on New Year’s Day and bashfully told her that she and Azriel were officially together, Nesta just levelled her a look as if to say, No shit, Sherlock.

As much as she despised the fact that their lives were becoming inextricably connected with Feyre's little group, however, Nesta was happy for her sister. Azriel treated Elain like she walked on water. of course, in Nesta's mind, no one would ever be good enough for her sister. Azriel was just managing to wiggle his way over Nesta's impossibly high standards for Elain, the bastard.

He had been spending time at their apartment quite a bit. At first, he and Nesta didn’t speak much. They would both stare at their phones in silence when Elain went to the bathroom or checked on whatever was in the oven at the time.

It wasn’t until the day that Nesta returned home from work to see Azriel playing with Minx in the living room did they 'bond.' When Nesta made her way into the apartment, Azriel explained to her that Elain was switching over the laundry in the complex’s basement. She merely nodded, her piercing stare falling to Azriel's ankles where Minx was rubbing against. She could hear his purrs from where she stood. The fucking traitor.

Nesta watched them play before they began to talk about animals, which turned into shitting on Cassian (Azriel was most certainly joking, but Nesta’s jabs were 100% genuine), which then turned into complaining about the frequency of their little family dinners. Turns out Azriel isn't exactly a social butterfly but Nesta figured that out pretty quickly. When Elain returned with laundry basket in hand, she found Nesta showing off the tricks she’d taught Minx to Azriel, the latter of whom was quite impressed. And that’s how Nesta realized that she and Azriel had more in common than she would've guessed. They both preferred to be in the background, not drawing too much attention to themselves. To Nesta's delight, she also realized Azriel had just as sharp a tongue as she did. The only difference was he knew how to control himself. Although Nesta would never admit it, she could learn a thing or two from Azriel.

But all this was heavily dampened by the fact that Cassian kept worming his way into her life. She supposed it was normal to run into your neighbors, but she had a sneaking suspicion the man somehow memorized her entire schedule. Wherever she turned, he seemed to be there. The elevator was like their rendezvous spot. Nesta was tempted to take the staircase just to avoid him, but her stubborn ass refused to change a thing for him. Even if it was just two flights of stairs.

Cassian had caught her several times in the past weeks. She thought back to a few run-ins that she hadn’t managed to stop thinking about.

“It’s full,” Nesta said dryly, not bothering to look up from her phone. She knew who it was. Who else would go out of their way to enjoy her warm and welcoming presence?

Nesta was just getting back from a short shift she'd picked up at Rita’s. The elevator doors had been closing when Cassian’s foot shot out to stop them.

Cassian looked around at the empty elevator, his eyes finally landing on Nesta. “I think I can squeeze in.”

Nesta looked up from her phone to glare at him. He was wearing a maroon crew neck and medium wash jeans that were rolled up at the ankles. She spied a golden chain around his neck that just slightly peaked out of the sweater. She wondered if it was a cross. Was he religious?

Nesta caught herself before she could think more about it. She didn’t care; she had no interest in getting to know this man. And she knew the feeling was mutual.

She just cleared her throat and looked down at her phone once again, determined to ignore his presence.

Unfortunately, Cassian was just as determined to make his presence known.

Eyes glued to her screen, Nesta did her best to stay as still as possible as she felt Cassian walk into the elevator. She was standing at the back corner, practically a part of the wall herself. Instead of stopping where there was plenty of room, however, he kept walking until he was right next to her. He leaned back against the wall, and Nesta caught a whiff of his cologne. It was warm and fresh and purely male.

She clenched her fist. He smelled good.

She hated that he smelled good.

"Calculating something?" he asked quietly. Nesta detected the amusement in his voice and restrained herself from putting him in a chokehold.

But she followed his gaze that was looking at her phone screen. Brows furrowed, she too looked at the screen.

Fuck.

Nesta hadn't even realized she'd been staring at the calculator app this entire time. When Cassian had gotten into the elevator, she'd opened a random app, a last-ditch attempt at looking busy so he wouldn’t bother her. That plan had clearly failed.

And with her shit luck, she opened the fucking calculator app.

"Yep," she cleared her throat again, scrambling for something to say. "Just figuring out how much it would cost to hire a bodyguard. You see, I have this stalker -"

"Is he handsome?" Cassian feigned ignorance, his lips twitching upward.

Nesta gritted her teeth at his interruption. "No, he's actually - "

"Charming, rugged, good-looking?" Cassian ran his eyes up and down her body and whistled in astonishment. "Wow, you must really like this guy."

She was going to punch him in the gods-damn throat. “You’re an asshole.”

He just stood there smiling at himself, eyes sparkling with mischief. His dark hair was loose, falling at his shoulders. It looked as though he’d been running his hands through it all day. Nesta’s fingers twitched.

She could acknowledge that Cassian was a good-looking man. She wasn't blind, though she would never admit that to him. His head was big enough as is. That being said, there was no appeal beyond his thick hair and fit body. It was a shame, really. Not to mention that Nesta was unable to look at a man with anything other than cynicism after everything that happened with Tomas.

Nesta stopped herself. She didn't need to think about that right now.

Coming back to reality, Nesta realized she'd been blatantly staring at Cassian this entire time, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. He chuckled deeply and angled his body so he was fully facing her. “See something you like, sweetheart?”

Nesta crossed her arms and snorted. Classy.

“Unfortunately for you, my appetite for arrogant meatheads dissipated during college.”

“Oh?” Cassian repeated with a smirk that Nesta wanted to slap right off. “And pray tell, what’s on your menu now?”

“Just the sweet satisfaction of destroying a man’s masculinity.”

Cassian stared at her for a moment before throwing his head back with laughter. Nesta rolled her eyes just as the elevator dinged. She took the opportunity and quickly raced for the doors.

He was still laughing when the doors closed.

Nesta inwardly groaned at the memory. She’d acted like a dolt, but at least she’d gotten the last word in.

The next time they bumped into each other, however, things weren’t quite as playful.

Nesta couldn’t sleep. She’d been tossing and turning for hours, Minx shooting her glares every time she moved. But sleep refused to come.

With a frustrated groan, she rolled to the side of the bed and checked her phone that was charging on her nightstand.

3:38am.

Fucking ridiculous.

Nesta couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a good night’s sleep. She’d been having nightmares nearly every night for the past few weeks, only managing to get about four hours of sleep at most. It was enough that she could function during the day and go to work without passing out. Nevertheless, it was exhausting.

She did her best to untangle herself from the comforter and get up without waking Minx. He was sleeping at the foot of the bed, his entire body stretched out like dough. As she got up, she gave him some love. He didn’t even budge; he was a heavy sleeper.

Nesta couldn’t help but feel jealous.

Rubbing her face, she padded out to the kitchen slowly and poured herself a glass of water. She drank it slowly as she leaned against the counter.

After fifteen of staring into space, Nesta made her way to the fridge and opened it, the soft light glowing on her face.

She stared into the fridge for another ten minutes.

With a resigned sigh, Nesta slowly padded back to her room and closed the door behind her. She lazily pulled her long hair into a messy updo. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her laundry bin. It was overflowing.

She checked the time again. 4:17am.

Fuck it, she thought to herself as she bent down to pick up the laundry basket.

Nesta heaved it into her arms, grabbed the detergent, and made her way down to the complex’s basement where the laundry room was. She was wearing a grey sweater that completely swallowed her body and baggy sweatpants. Her slippers were cat themed. She couldn't care less.

After dumping her dirty clothes into the washing machine and starting it, Nesta sat on top of the empty machine to the left of it. She crossed her legs in her lap and put her hands in her face.

Gods, when was this going to end?

She would almost prefer a nightmare over this. It was the silence that was insufferable. With nightmares, she woke up, stayed awake for a couple hours, and finally fell asleep once her body calmed. But this? She didn’t trust herself to be alone with her thoughts for the entire night. It was never a good thing.

She was just sick of it. The exhaustion, the darkness, the loneliness. Her father’s death still gnawed at her every day. She hadn’t summoned the bravery to read those damn journals. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t know if she’d ever be.

And then Tomas. That horrible memory still surfaced several times a day. She couldn’t shake it; she never felt safe, even when she was in her bedroom. She hated it. Hated the lack of control, the loss of strength. She felt powerless. And without that, what did she even have?

The sound of footsteps disrupted her from her thoughts. Her head shot up as a body filled the doorway to the laundry room. It was Cassian.

He, too, looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. He looked comfortable in his Nine Inch Nails t-shirt and dark joggers. In his hand was a dryer sheet.

He stared at her. She stared back.

Neither of them said anything as he walked over to the washing machine to the right of the one her clothes were in. Nesta watched with half-lidded eyes as Cassian switched over his load of laundry to the dryer, swiping his card to pay for the cycle.

Once his clothes were tumbling around in the dryer, he straightened and faced her where she sat.

Nesta couldn't put her finger on it, but he seemed different. Not because it was the middle of the night and he was tired. No, there was something else. She just didn't know what.

“Can’t sleep?” he broke the silence, voice rough with exhaustion.

Nesta pursed her lips and nodded, looking away. She expelled a shaky breath. “You?”

Cassian seemed slightly taken aback by her question, but he hid it well. He took a few steps closer. There were still a couple feet between them, but now he was standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets.

“Me neither," he murmured, his hazel eyes capturing her grey ones. "Sometimes I don't even bother trying anymore."

They both got quiet. Nesta didn’t know what to say; his vulnerability scared her.

It was strange. To have a conversation with Cassian without banter, without insults being thrown back and forth. Nesta didn’t know what to think of it.

"I could be deported any day," he admitted, so quietly that Nesta almost didn't hear. Then he added, his voice breaking slightly, "I don't want to go."

Nesta watched him as he looked to the dirty tiles of the laundry room floor. Her lips parted slightly and before she realized what she was doing, she was talking.

"I have nightmares every night. Today was the first time in two months I haven't had one. A strange part of me would rather have horrible dreams instead of this silence... and that scares me."

Cassian was staring at her now, his eyes flaring. He looked like he wanted to move closer, but he remained where he stood. He simply nodded at the piece of herself she'd just shared with him.

I see you, is what he seemed to wordlessly say to her.

A strange feeling of deja vu washed over Nesta as they looked at each other. She couldn't place it, but this - talking with Cassian - felt familiar, like it had happened -

The washing machine next to Nesta dinged, signaling that her clothes had finished. She pulled her gaze from Cassian's and hopped off to switch her clothes over.

Cassian merely watched. Then, they both waited in a comfortable silence until their laundry finished drying. Cassian's finished first, but he waited until Nesta's did to walk her back up. They didn't share a word, but something intangible transpired between them.

And even though Nesta still wasn't able to fall asleep, the silence felt a bit less scary the rest of the night.

---------------------------

“Are you excited for the semester to start next week?”

Nesta froze from where she stood washing the dishes when Elain posed the question.

Next week? That couldn’t be right. Nesta counted off the days in her head.

To her horror, Elain was correct.

It was nearing the end of January. She knew she’d had to return to Pryth U after winter break, but Nesta thought she’d have longer. Longer to get over what had happened, to figure out how exactly to avoid him on campus. She thought by now… she thought she wouldn’t be scared anymore.

She was wrong.

“Nesta?”

Nesta peeled her eyes away from the soapy knife that she was clutching tightly in her hand to find Elain peering over at her with a concerned look.

“Yeah,” Nesta forced out, despite every fiber of her body screaming otherwise. “Can’t wait.”

She continued throughout the morning as normal as she could be, even though she was shaking. When noon hit, Nesta called out to Elain who was lounging in the living room waiting for Azriel to come over.

"I'm think I’m going to go to the gym." She willed her voice not to shake.

"Okay, have fun!" Elain exclaimed from the other room.

Nesta had purchased a gym membership to Illyria last week, a pathetic effort at getting out of the apartment more often. She hadn't gone once yet. And either way, her only real plan was to use the hot tub. She couldn't remember the last time she exercised, and she had no intention of changing that.

After getting dressed and grabbing her bag, Nesta headed out.

The drive was quick; the gym was only a couple miles away. Once Nesta parked, she made her way inside the complex.

She forced a tight smile as she approached the woman who was working the front desk, scanning her membership card and continuing forward. Her mind was racing, and she prayed that there wouldn't be many people there. It was a Tuesday afternoon. She doubted it.

Nesta was weaving her way past the space dedicated to boxing to get to the locker rooms when she heard a familiar voice ahead of her.

She instinctively turned her head to see who it was, only to find Cassian standing next to a punching bag, his face breaking out into a grin as he talked to a very beautiful woman.

She was small, several inches shorter than Nesta. Her copper chestnut hair was pulled back into an elegant ponytail, and her hands were on her hips as she attentively listened to Cassian speak. She seemed captivated by whatever he was saying, probably some bullshit meant to charm her.

Nesta didn't think twice as she discreetly did a 180 and started walking the opposite way, desperate to avoid him especially after the night in the laundry room. That'd been the last time she'd seen him, and she didn't want to talk about it. Not with him or anyone else. Even though she'd opened up to him, that didn't mean they were friendly. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She was determined to keep him at arm's length now. Nesta had cursed herself the morning after those events had transpired. She was so stupid to tell him what she did. It was just because she had been severely sleep-deprived, and she had felt bad for him. It wouldn't happen again.

So, she slowly slinked away, praying to the Gods that he didn't notice her.

Her plan was going smoothly until she heard her name.

"Nesta?"

Her shoulders stiffened. Fuck.

She brought herself to a painstaking stop and turned around to see Cassian jogging over to her.

"Hey," he greeted as he approached. He seemed cautious, like he didn't want to scare her off. "I didn't realize you went to Illyria."

"I don't," Nesta replied quickly. He waited for her to say more, but she just blinked up at him.

"Well," he drawled, looking back at the woman he had been talking with. "I'm just about to start a training session." Ah, he works here. She wondered what he did in his free time. "Do you want to join? The first session is free."

Nesta looked to where the woman was methodically wrapping her hands in what looked like Ace bandages. She was more stunning than Nesta originally thought. She wouldn't be at all surprised if Cassian hooked up with his trainees. Especially if they looked like that.

"No, I'm - "

But Cassian wasn't having it. "Gwyn!" he called out, gesturing her to come to where they stood.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nesta hissed, her heart rate spiking as she watched the woman, Gwyn, make her way toward them.

Cassian ignored her, continuing to smile. The bastard.

As Gwyn made her way over, Nesta did her best to put on a friendly face. She was pretty sure she was just grimacing.

"Hi! I'm Gwyn," she introduced herself with a bubbly voice. She looked Nesta up and down. "You must be Nesta. I've heard a lot about you."

Nesta threw Cassian a sideway glare. He'd been talking about her? No doubt complaining about her horrible attitude.

Cassian winked at the look she gave him before turning to Gwyn. "Gwyn, why don't you tell Nesta a little bit about what we do while I go get some equipment from the back? Then we can get started."

Nesta opened her mouth to object, but Cassian was gone before she could even blink. Groaning inwardly, she reluctantly faced Gwyn who was smiling softly at her.

"Well, I assume you know that Cassian is a trainer," she started with an awkward laugh.

Nesta stared at her.

Gwyn continued to smile despite Nesta's coldness. "He actually created this program, Wings of Resilience, a couple years ago. He offers discounted training lessons for people who deal with PTSD. It's helped a lot of people. Cassian mainly teaches kickboxing, but in the past he's taken in some older veterans who aren't really able to do high cardio activities, so he guides them through yoga practices. Everyone here adores him," Gwyn giggles and leans in. "Especially the older ladies who come in every week for their exercise class."

She kept talking, but Nesta was no longer listening. The room suddenly felt tiny, the air stifling. What Gwyn told her triggered her fight or flight instincts. She didn’t know why, she just knew she couldn’t breathe, and if she didn’t leave now, she was going to have a full-blown panic attack in the middle of a room full of people.

“Are you okay?”

Nesta’s eyes shot up from her shaking hands to see Gwyn take a cautious step forward, her eyes wide with something that resembled concern. Nesta nearly let out a hysterical laugh. Gwyn and Cassian - they were such good people. How did they even pretend to give a shit about someone like Nesta?

"I-I need to go,” Nesta blurted, eyes scanning the room for the nearest exit.

"I know it's a lot to consider," Gwyn said quietly. She looked down at her feet. "But it's really helped me."

No, no, no.

Nesta didn't even realize she had started running until her lungs were burning from the exertion of energy. She ran and didn’t stop. She caught a flash of someone – Cassian’s – face as she sprinted past the lobby and outside, but she didn't look back. She couldn't.

The cold air was harsh against her lungs. She welcomed the burning sensation, gasping for more oxygen. Before Nesta could comprehend what was happening, she was spilling her guts on the sidewalk until she was dry heaving.

Passersby looked at her with disgust as they walked past, but Nesta couldn’t bring herself to care.

When there was nothing more to come out, Nesta wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and straightened herself. Every muscle in her body screamed. How she was able to stand, she had no idea. Nesta beelined to her car, locked the door, and speeded out of the parking lot before anyone could run after her.

------------------------------

That night, Nesta received a text from an unknown number.

Nesta, I asked Cassian for your phone number. I hope I didn’t overstep your boundaries. I just wanted to let you know that there will be a spot here if you want it. Please think about it. Gwyn

Her first instinct was to delete the text, cancel her membership to Illyria, and never face Gwyn - or Cassian for that matter - again. There was no way she was going to show her face in that gym again.

But despite everything, Nesta found herself saving Gwyn’s number into her contacts before she fell asleep.

------------------------------

tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed):

@sjmships @sleeping-and-books @sirgwaines @books-for-sure @blowing-mikey @b00kworm @wineywitch202 @drielecarla @liquifyme @gisellefigue08 @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @loysydark @stardelia @sayosdreams @maastrash @superspiritfestival @courtofjurdan @ireallyshouldsleeprn @thewayshedreamed @booksstorm @laylaameer01 @rainbowcheetah512

#nessian #bittersweet #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acomaf #acosf #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #my writing

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thadelightfulone · 3 years

Text

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 4

November 21st - Part 1

DeeDee stretched out her arms, hitting another warm body. Startled, she jumped up and almost fell out of the bed. She looked over to see Phyllis and Beverly laid askew on her bed still in their club clothes. She glanced down and saw that she was smart enough to take her jeans off. Rubbing her eyes, she headed to the bathroom to clean up.

When she came out, neither one of them had moved. Just dead to the world, she shook her head. DeeDee really loved her girls, but remembered that this is why she rarely went out with them anymore. More often than not, she never remembered what happened, her body hurt the next day, or both. She threw on a tank top and some sweats, then pulled her long curls up into a messy bun.

She walked into her living room and decided to make some tea. As the water boiled, she stepped out of the small kitchen to do a few stretches and release the tension in her body. DeeDee stood with her legs shoulder width apart, then leaned over and just let her body hang down with the tips of her fingers brushing the floor. She swayed side-to-side before slowly rolling back up as soon as the kettle whistled.

DeeDee chose her favorite ginger and lavender loose leaf tea, added the tea ball to her mug, then poured the water over it. Since she was working on autopilot, she recited her morning affirmations. With her cup of tea prepared, she went out onto her patio and set it down. She popped back inside to grab her laptop from her desk.

After her temporary work space was set up, DeeDee sat back on her wooden chaise lounger, then grabbed her mug and inhaled the calming aroma. She booted up her laptop and sipped on her tea. The blinking email icon drew her attention.

DeeDee opened the application and saw a few emails regarding her inquiries into other tenure-track positions. When she saw the latest email to arrive, she inhaled too deeply and started to choke as the hot tea coated her throat. She set the mug down on the small table and waved her hands as she tried to catch her breath and allow cool air into her mouth. Once settled, DeeDee looked into her apartment to see if she woke Phyllis and Beverly and whether they were nearby.

“Oh my god, he wrote back.” She whispered out and pulled the computer into her lap.

DeeDee clicked on the link, took a deep breath and read his email.

“Awww, so he remembers what he wrote all those years ago -- that’s so sweet. Wait, what!?! He wishes that kind of love for me?” DeeDee smiled and closed her eyes at that. “Oooop, okay why did he just say what Phyll said?” She chuckled at the thought.

“Who said what I did?” Phyllis slowly made her way over to DeeDee, who immediately slammed the laptop close.

“No one. I was just reading a story.” She grabbed her tea to occupy her hands.

“Liar, what you hiding?” Beverly walked around and grabbed the computer from DeeDee’s lap.

She sat at the end of the chaise and opened the laptop. Beverly waved Phyllis over and patted the area to the left of her. Phyllis looked over at DeeDee and smirked.

“He really wrote you back?”

“Now that is a story.” Phyllis laughed, “Oh, he thought he sounded like a lame little virgin, too? Good to know.

“So, what are you writing back?” Beverly asked.

DeeDee sipped her tea, “Ummm --”

“You may want to ask about him skipping over the biggest part of your original email.” Phyllis interjected.

“I missed that. Do you think maybe he’s married?” Bev looked between the both of them.

“Hey, can I just answer the man’s question first before asking about his personal relationships?” DeeDee put her tea back on the table.

“Fine, what are you gonna say?”

“Phyll, just stop.” DeeDee leaned forward and snatched the laptop. “I don’t know yet. Why are you so worried about it?”

Phyllis put her hands up, “Okay, my bad. Sorry.” She turned to Beverly, “I got work in a few hours. Do you need a ride home?”

“Yeah, let me grab my stuff.” Beverly ran back into the apartment.

“Be careful, Dee. You know nothing about this man, and he could tell you anything.”

“I know, Phylly Phyll. It’s harmless, so I’ll be fine.” DeeDee shrugged at her. “I promise. I can handle it.”

Beverly came back out, “Gimme love. We gotta go.”

DeeDee stood up, gave out hugs and walked them to the door.

When they left, she walked back onto her patio and stood at the end of the chaise. She knew Phyllis was right to warn her. But DeeDee figured if he did not acknowledge finding his parents’ love, then he already had it. Knowing that, there was nothing for her to be worried about, especially since she was never gonna meet him. She was gonna send him a response and call the whole thing done.

DeeDee paced around her chaise while she thought over how to answer his question. When it finally came to her, she sat down and picked up the computer and started to type.

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Hi Dr. Stevens,

To answer your question -- I am kind of nosey. After finding the note, I was curious about the kind of person who would write about finding a love like that. I just never expected to find out that the note predated my arrival to Southern. GO JAGUARS!!!

Anyways, I guess I could ask you the same question -- why would you respond to some random stranger sending you an email about a long-forgotten note?

Thank you. I hope you enjoy your weekend as well.

DeeDee

---

Erik usually ran 3 miles in the mornings before the sun rose, but decided to enjoy a lazy morning. It was Saturday and for once, he was not expected in the office. When he finally got up at 9, he changed into a compression tank and some workout shorts. He decided to go to the park up the block and run a few laps around the track since he knew it would be open by now.

As Erik passed by the basketball courts, he saw a group of teenagers chilling on the benches.

“Yo, Mr. E!” A voice called out.

He recognized most of them from the Center, when he actually ran some of the afterschool programs. Erik slowed up his pace and headed towards the courts. A couple of them looked up as he came over. He dapped them all up.

“What up, Jax?”

“You want to play some ball?” The tallest kid in the group spoke up again.

Erik looked at his watch, “Yeah, I got some time to run a few games.”

It was early afternoon when Erik parted ways with the neighborhood boys, who all promised to drop by the Center. As he made his way back onto his street, he jogged backwards and waved towards his neighbors as he made his way back to the house.

Erik went to the kitchen to grab some water. While he was drinking, the chime on his tablet went off. He walked to where it laid on his counter and then remembered that Marquis was supposed to send him the details for the Retirement party. He could look at it later, so he went upstairs to wash up.

After coming back downstairs in a hoodie and some sweats, Erik went to his fridge to figure out what to eat for lunch. He pulled out some chicken breasts, zucchini, squash, carrots and some red bell peppers. He went to his cabinets to get some penne. Roasted Pasta Primavera was calling his name.

Erik started boiling the pasta and set everything else on the counter. He then turned on his favorite Spotify list before he chopped up and seasoned all the chicken and vegetables. He hummed along to Meshell Ndegeocello, and pulled out both a saute and sheet pan. Erik dropped the chicken into the hot pan, threw the vegetables in the oven and checked on the pasta when the music was interrupted by a text message coming through.

Quis: Check your email. I just sent you the details.

Erik picked up the tablet and noticed he had 15 unread emails. Marquis’ email was on top, just sent within the last 10 minutes. He sat down at the counter, and noticed most were from work. He would look at those later. Before Erik set the tablet back down, he saw the now familiar subject line from DeeDee. He opened it to see how she responded to his question.

Erik smiled when she owned up to her nosiness. But he couldn’t blame her, it was the same reason he sent her a response. That and loneliness, but it’s not like he has to share that part.

“Oh, that’s cute.” He chuckled when she cheered for Southern. “And she got me.”

He stared at the last part of her email and then set the tablet down. Erik needed a moment to figure out how to address the question she asked. He turned around to continue cooking.

Erik checked on the pasta, chicken, and vegetables. He flipped the chicken and took the pasta off the burner to drain. He grabbed a big bowl and added the pasta to it. The veggies needed a few more minutes, so he pulled out butter to build the sauce.

With the chicken done, Erik added the butter, some fresh parsley and basil into the saute pan. He mixed everything together with the chicken and vegetables, and then added it to the pasta. He left everything to settle in the bowl.

Erik returned to where the tablet was on his island and began typing out his response. Happy with what he wrote, he sent the email and went to make a plate.

---

DeeDee just finished folding up her laundry when she heard a familiar chime. She went to her desk to see which device had an alert. She was waiting for her pizza to be delivered since didn’t feel like cooking. Nothing appeared on her phone, so she looked over at her computer.

“Well, that was quick.” She smiled and brought the laptop to the couch. She sat down and read Erik’s latest email.

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Good afternoon DeeDee,

Well, it can’t possibly be a long-forgotten note if I remember it and where I left it, right?

But to answer your question - I was just as curious about the person who found my note and actually deciphered the key phrases I had randomly placed on the page. It says a lot about you.

Something tells me that besides tricking others into thinking that you read one of my articles, you must be a Chemistry or Biochemistry major.

And now that you know who I am. If you actually ever need some help, I am a great resource.

Oh, and please call me Erik. I haven’t been called Dr. Stevens in years.

Just as DeeDee finished reading the email, her doorbell rang. She put the computer down and jumped up to answer the door. She put the pizza on her coffee table and went to the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and a chilled bottle of wine.

She popped the cork and poured her first glass. DeeDee took a sip before she looked back at the email.

“Call you Erik, huh?” Taking another sip, she set the glass down and picked up her laptop. “Well, Erik, it’s nice to meet you.” She giggled and tapped out her response.

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Good evening Erik,

You have a point. We would not be chatting now if you didn’t know what I was talking about.

And you are correct. I am actually a doctoral student focusing on Environmental Toxicology. So, I know why I needed the book, but what about you? That seems a little advanced for a Computer Science major.

Actually, there is something that you can help me with. Why did you leave the note in the book? And you never did say whether you found what you were looking for?

Sincerely,

Curious DeeDee

DeeDee read it over and hit ‘send.’ She opened up the pizza and pulled a piece out. She took a big bite and moaned around it. Her night is off to a great start.

Taglist: @teakturn @ghostfacekill-monger @shaekingshitup @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @woahitslucyylu @ladymac82 @bugngiz @eyeknowmywrites @ajspencer1892 @arafatih @issimplyaamazinggg @tchallasbabymama

#25 days of christmas challenge #erik killmonger x oc #black panther fanfiction #bp christmas #all i want #thadelightfulone

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xilamoc · 2 years

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I love that Season 3 has as a whole a "Female Empowerment" undertone and fixes some of the stuff the show messed up in the first 2 seasons while simultaneously having Sophie, a one dimensional villain with mysogynistic undertones and Bella, A Manic Pixie Dream Girl whose sole purpose is to help Will realize he doesn't need to be Sophie's dog, i think Will even verbally says Bella is not like any other girl he's met in one episode. How it teaches in Episode 3 to not be creepy and cross boundaries on women while simultaneosly giving Will a free pass for doing so and victim blaming Bella for something Will did. I swear, sometimes i feel Season 3 was written by two different writing teams. There are even conflicting tones throughout the season (this isn't a problem until the late-season (after e19)) where the inmense build-up and work that was done so that the audience got comfortable with a more serious tone was dropped with silly S1-like episodes???? E20 23 and 24 are just so tonally jarring?? The entire season was getting progressively more and more serious and now they sneak in silly episodes?

#h2o just add water #h2o season 3 #i still love season 3 but my god it needed more time in the oven

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jinned · 4 years

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ornamental | namjoon | m

snippet: “So, how is this a tradition? Are we going to be making sex ornaments every Christmas?”

pairing: namjoon x female reader

genre: smut/pwp, fluff

au: domestic, married couple, slice of life, christmas time yeeyee

rating: explicit

word count: 6.6k

warnings: namjoon falls into the ocean at one point, very brief mentions of being drunk?, they’re really cute with their traditions and grossly in love lmao i hate them, implied: reader has longer hair

sexual warnings: unprotected sex, rough sex, dom/sub dynamics, sir kink, dirty talk, marking, sexual polaroids, mentions of oral (male receiving), photographing during sex, pussy slapping, Namjoon calls y/n a slut, degradation, slight body worship, orgasm denial, teasing, hair pulling, belt whipping/ass whipping, punishment receiving, a belt is used to choke y/n with, mentions of predetermined sex rules, erotic asphyxiation(EA), reader is dizzy from the EA

a/n: this is a part of the 25 days of christmas collab! collab masterlist is here! I had so much fun being a part of this! thank you so much for letting me be a part of this :)

One of the best things about being newly married is creating new traditions.

Technically, you and Namjoon have lived in the same house for two years now, but, being married makes everything feel...different. New, refreshing, something about it feels like falling in love all over again. Admittingly, you did go a little nuts on the redecorating to celebrate the new chapter in your lives. You practically bought out the entire home and furniture store within the first week of living in the new home. Namjoon definitely thought it was silly and maybe a tad bit ridiculous. Yet, he never let on. He was always right there with you, ready to give his honest and caring input. Hell, he even offered to repaint the living room that ghastly tangerine orange color. Offered.

Don’t worry. Eventually you came to your senses and opted for a more practical color: sky blue.

Sometimes you feel a little bad for Namjoon. You know you can get a little crazy and you know that your sappy ideas of love and romance were something Namjoon had to learn from. And boy, was he ever so patient and willing to adapt. Not to say you haven't adapted for him too of course.

As the seasons grew colder, the excitement between you and your new husband flourished further. When you were engaged and even dating, you would both get giddy with the first color change of fall. Because that meant Halloween was quickly approaching. And after Halloween? Thanksgiving. And after Thanksgiving is the best of them all: Christmas.

Decorations for every holiday are kept nicely in their perspective boxes, tucked carefully away in the garage which, at this point, can't even fit a car inside it anymore.

Christmas is fast approaching and although you're more than excited already, this year is going to be different. This excitement has been elevated ten fold because you and Namjoon have decided to create new Christmas traditions. And, now that you think about it, creating a new tradition every year has become its own tradition. The first Christmas you and Namjoon started dating, your tradition was to make gingerbread houses. The second year, you each bought a new Christmas themed movie and watched them on Christmas Eve. The third year, Namjoon came up with the idea to exchange favorite memories of the past year. The fourth year, you both finally broke down and found matching pajamas and finally, the fifth year, tacky Christmas card photos to send to your friends and family. Each year gains new traditions and soon you won’t have enough time in the day to do them all!

This year, you took the more mysterious route. And so did Namjoon.

When you both sat down for dinner a few days after Thanksgiving, you proposed your new Christmas tradition: personalized stockings. The idea was that you would decorate a stocking for Namjoon and fill it with his favorite things like candy, movies, and little trinkets. And he would do the same for you. Namjoon was thrilled with the idea, claiming to already have just the things he'd want to stuff your stocking with. You had thought that was that. That was the new tradition.

But, after a few more mouthfuls of food at dinner, Namjoon pitched his idea.

"I want to make personalized ornaments."

Oh, your heart fluttered right there on the spot. Namjoon has been more shy to romantic gestures, letting you lead the way. If there was something you wanted, he’d get it. If you wanted flowers every Monday, then he’d do it. But every girl knows that telling your man what you want all the time just takes the spontaneity out of things.

For him to share this comfortably and with confidence was a huge step.

Fast forward a couple of days and that's when you married the man of your dreams. On December 1st, your fairy tale came to life.

Normally, the average couple wants to have their wedding in the spring or summertime. Weather is less unpredictable, people are more able to RSVP, etc. You and Namjoon were not the average couple. Instead, you both opted for a winter wedding. The holiday season is both your favorite time of the year and being able to add your wedding anniversary into the mix? Neither of you had to really think on that one too much.

The wedding was one for the books as fluffy white snowflakes danced down to the ground, Namjoon’s rosey dimpled cheeks smiling at you as you walked down the aisle. Everyone around you blurred. He was the only thing you could see clearly.

Now fast forward a couple more weeks and it's Christmas Eve. The day you look forward to every year. The day before Christmas.

The tacky Christmas cards were sent last week, all the shopping has been done. It's time to get cozy with your husband.

A lot of magic gets put into the weeks, days, and even hours before Christmas Eve. Decorating almost becomes a part time job for you. Everything needs to be perfect.

Namjoon woke you up early to help him prep the Christmas Eve dinner which included turkey, mashed potatoes, homemade cornbread, and enough green beans to feed a village. You let Namjoon lead and became his assistant; grabbing all the utensils he needed to get that turkey perfectly prepped.

When the turkey is in the oven, there's still no time to rest. You sneak off into the spare bedroom to gather up Namjoon's presents. Pride swells deep in your stomach as you look at the collection of assorted gifts and trinkets wrapped to perfection in an array of holiday wrapping paper. This year was the year you tried extra hard to not give him any presents early or accidentally hint at what you've gotten him. Just one more night...you can last for one more night. You put them back in their hiding place, denying every cell in your body that’s telling you that one gift won’t hurt!

Maintaining your self control, you walk out of the room and rejoin your husband.

The day passes by all too quickly. Before you know it, you're bringing your empty plate to the sink, wobbling as you acclimate to your now bloated belly.

"You've outdone yourself this year, Joon," you sigh with content as you sink into the couch cushions. "I don't think I'll be able to fit into my work pants on Monday."

Namjoon chuckles from the kitchen as he rinses the plates, drying his hands with a small towel as he emerges into the living room and joins you on the couch.

"The chef enjoys your compliments." He tosses the towel towards the hallway where he will absolutely forget it's existence and slip on it later tonight. It's happened more than once now.

"The chef," you cheekily lean in closer to him, smiling wide and bright before you kiss the base of his neck, "is too good to his customer." You kiss his neck again and he sighs, pulling you closer to his body.

The sun starts to go down and the air grows crisper, pinks and oranges cascade into the living room and mingle with the abundance of Christmas lights you have hanging around the room and the tree. You bounce around with excitement as it comes time to give your husband his stocking. Per tradition, of course.

"Sit down by the fire!" You giggle, squealing away as you run into the spare bedroom to your secret stashing place, pulling out the forest green stocking you've stuffed to the brim with things for Namjoon. For a moment, you contemplate getting out the rest of his presents. Both of you decided many years ago to not pre put Christmas presents under the tree because 1. you're a terrible secret keeper and 2. you're terrible at waiting and 3. last year you got way too drunk and accidently stepped on one of the gifts you were going to give to Namjoon. Deeming you both a clumsy mess, Namjoon presented the idea of putting presents under the tree the morning of Christmas. That way you could still get your cute photos and open presents only minutes later.

You hold Namjoon's stocking behind your back, careful to not let anything slip out from the top, and sit in front of Namjoon. The fire warms your back, instantly heating up your flannel pajamas, as your knees touch Namjoon's. A sly grin is painted on his face as he too holds his arms behind his back.

"Ready?" You're practically springing up and down with excitement.

"Go!" Namjoon laughs as he pulls out what he's been hiding and you do the same. You both quickly pass each other the stockings you've made.

"Oh my god, Namjoon there's like thirty bags of Swedish Fish in here!" You hunch over as you laugh, pulling out bag after bag and pile them into your lap.

"Those better last you all week! I don't want another 'Joonie'," he clasps his hands together and widens his eyes comically, pouting his lips and raising the pitch of his voice higher, "'on your way home from woorrrkkk can you stop and get me my fishies?'"

You smack him playfully on the thigh, the sound echoing in the living room. "I don't sound like that!" You laugh along with him, but already your mouth is drooling, the sweet-savory taste of Swedish Fish already dancing on your tongue.

"Oh, cool!" Namjoon pulls something out of his stocking and holds it closer to his eyes. "I've been wanting to see this movie! Thanks, babe!"

You smile as he continues to dig through his stocking. Stockings are a very traditional part of Christmas, but you wanted to go the extra step. Not only did you hand pick the fabric of the stocking, but you also sewed it together. Deep, soft green flannel accessorized with a plush, fuzzy grey trim really didn't take that long to put together. Overall, the best part was getting that sparkly silver glitter glue and putting that big 'N' on the front. It turned out just how you wanted it, and watching Namjoon hold it delicately in his hands gives you a sense of accomplishment.

He definitely tried with your stocking, that's for sure. Namjoon also sewed together his own fabrics, which actually surprises you because, let's be real, most guys would just go out and buy a premade stocking and stick your name on the front and call it good. But Namjoon isn't most guys and he proves that to you as much as he can. Although slightly wonky, you can tell he took his time and put forth his best effort with this gift. The stitches are definitely not going the same way, but they're consistent.

Going the complete opposite of Christmas themed, Namjoon opted for a bright neon orange fabric that kinda hurts your eyes if you stare at it too long. Bright pink and yellow pom poms are scattered all around the fabric and you're lowkey afraid your husband murdered a clown to make you this.

"It's a sunset."

You look up to see Namjoon smiling at you proudly, the stocking you made him hugged loosely to his chest. His dimples are deeply set as the tips of his cheeks redden.

You stare at the stocking with a new sort of fondness and it's hard to fight the brimming tears quickly forming.

"It's beautiful, Joon. I love it." Carefully setting it aside, you lean forward and pucker your lips. Namjoon meets you halfway and you resist the urge to sigh as his lips meet yours. All too soon, he pulls away.

The next couple minutes go by leisurely as you both continue to dig up the little treasures hidden in the stockings and once you're done, Namjoon starts to fidget.

"Excited?" You tease, already surrounded by Swedish Fish candy wrappers.

Namjoon looks back and winks at you playfully. "Very."

Laughing, you wait as he pulls out his next gift. Namjoon's tradition idea to make personalized ornaments is one you can't believe you haven't thought of sooner. He reaches far back behind the Christmas tree, a few pine needles escaping their branches and planting themselves into Namjoon's pajamas.

He shakes his head, sprinkling pine needles onto the hardwood floor as he holds a loosely wrapped gift.

"Before I give you this, I want you to show me yours first."

Puzzled, you reach under the couch and fish out your own gift. "I thought the idea was whoever came up with the idea presents first?"

"Yes. But this time is different." There's something coy to the way he's talking, like he's trying to mask a smile, but his cheeks are still tinged red. He's got something more up his sleeve than just a unique Christmas ornament, that's for sure.

Tingling with curiosity, you push it aside as you hand your gift over to Namjoon. Opting for a small bag instead of wrapping paper, Namjoon flips the bag upside down and catches the ornament in his hand.

Smiling, he looks closer at it to see you've filled it with a shit ton (and you’re not exaggerating) of sparkly blue glitter. There's a tiny cutout picture of Namjoon from your vacation to the beach last year inside and his facial expression is definitely not one you can look at while keeping a straight face.

Present Namjoon bursts out laughing, nearly dropping the gift.

"Is this-? Did you-?" He can barely talk in-between aggressive ‘ha ha's’, his free hand covering up his mouth as he does so. Namjoon's deep brown eyes sparkle as he recalls the memory of how he tripped and fell into the ocean. Not from a pier or anything, no. The two of you were walking hand in hand along the beach when Namjoon tripped sideways and went shoulder first into the shallow shores, nearly taking you down with him.

At first you were concerned, but then you saw as Namjoon continued to flip backwards, going further and further out into the water. Then fear overcame you. You rushed in after him, fully prepared to save the nearly drowning fiancée of yours.

After a lifeguard and several kind pedestrians determined Namjoon was more than okay, you couldn't hold back the laughter bubbling quickly from your chest. From the ground, Namjoon laughed with you, claiming he couldn’t even walk right anymore.

Although scary in the moment, it's a memory the both of you love to laugh about.

Namjoon wipes a finger under his eyes as his laughter diminishes, sitting up to place the ornament in the center of the tree on full display for everyone to see.

"That was amazing, babe. Thank you." He sits back down and picks up what has to be your ornament resting by his knee. You can only imagine what he could have possibly placed in there. There's so many inside jokes between you two that you're having a hard time thinking of a specific one. Namjoon can be brutal when it comes to inside jokes. But he can also be really sweet...and seeing as it's your first Christmas together as a married couple, there's definitely a chance that he's put in something romantic.

As you unwrap your gift, you almost drop it as you gasp. Namjoon looks at you with a smug expression on his face and something hidden behind those deep brown eyes of his.

In your palms you hold what appears to be a handmade ornament. It's clear with black and grey glitter poured into it. And sitting on top is a picture.

But it's no ordinary picture.

You try to swallow but your throat feels alarmingly dry.

"Namjoon..." your tongue tastes funny as you say his name slowly, almost like old water that’s been sitting out in the living room for a couple of days.

He raises his eyebrows suggestively, resting his arm on his knee as he tries to appear nonchalant. "You said you wanted us to create our own traditions. Something unique to the both of us. What's more unique and special than this?"

The ornament feels hot in your hand and it's frustratingly hard to make yourself not look at it. Heat continues to flicker from your palms and grows through your arms and swallows itself down into your stomach. But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. You feel this heat down in-

"So, how is this a tradition? Are we going to be making sex ornaments every Christmas?" It's not so easy to keep your tone nice and steady. You don't know if you should laugh, be turned on, angry- oh who are you kidding? You're definitely turned on. The photo in the ornament is one worthy enough for the tumblr porn page aesthetics. In the photo it's you on your knees with Namjoon's cock halfway down your throat. Mascara tears dribble down your cheeks as they hallowed around his member.

"The tradition," Namjoon's voice is silkier than silk itself and the low grumble in his throat is enough to shoot an intense wave of arousal throughout your body, "is that we fuck and take a polaroid, and put the polaroid into a clear see through ornament to commemorate the experience."

You've gotta admit, this is sexy as fuck.

Namjoon licks his bottom lip as he tries to read your body language. He's looking sexier than ever in his bright red Christmas pajamas that you both picked out last month. Matching pajamas, another Christmas tradition you've both adopted.

Speaking of pajamas, you don't want to have yours on any longer, no matter how cute and comfortable they are.

Leaning forward slightly, you grip the base of your shirt and slowly start to pull it over your head. You hear Namjoon's breath hitch in his throat as your shirt rises over your chest, exposing your unsupported breasts to him.

Once the shirt is fully over your head, you toss it at the side wall, giving Namjoon a wink as you do so.

"For a little while, I wasn't sure how you would take this whole explicit ornament idea, but holy fuck am I glad I decided to go with it." Namjoon seems stuck in place, completely in awe as his eyes roam over your half naked body.

"Oh!" You start, scaring Namjoon slightly. "It's so cold!" You look at your husband innocently as you take one of your fingers and start rubbing your left nipple. "Look how hard my nipples are." You pretend to pout, loving how wide Namjoon's eyes are as he continues to watch you play with yourself. He looks like a man who's just won the lottery and you wouldn't be surprised if he started jumping up and down for joy.

"I think I'm gonna go back to the bedroom." You stand up and look over your shoulder, winking at him once more as you slyly shimmy your pants off, bending all the way over to free the garment off your ankles.

With an open mouth and wide eyes, Namjoon slowly lifts up the polaroid camera and snaps a picture, eyes unwavering from where he was looking.

Sauntering down the hallway, you pause to see if Namjoon is following you, but he remains frozen in place.

"Pity," you sigh, "I was hoping you would come keep me warm."

Confused, Namjoon's eyebrow raises as his eyes finally meet yours. "You really wanna snuggle? Now?"

Annoyed, you drop the act and turn towards your dumbass husband. "Namjoon, you just showed me a sexy polaroid and I just stripped in front of you. Get your ass in that bedroom and come fuck me like the beast you are."

He didn't need to be told that twice.

You squeal as he quickly stands up. His shirt and pajama pants are discarded in record speed as he runs after you. Catching up to you easily, Namjoon tackles you onto the bed, pinning his legs on either side of your hips.

And there it is, in all its glory: Namjoon's hardened cock staring you right in the eyes, hidden by the thin lining of his boxers. Despite the obvious piece of male anatomy blocking your vision, you find yourself looking up into Namjoon's eyes, your mind slipping away from the present moment. It's one of those surreal moments that only happens in the movies and you never would have imagined it could happen to you. Just a few weeks ago, you were walking down the aisle, eyes searching for that comfort in Namjoon's. Smiling goes a lot further to Namjoon than just using your mouth. When he smiles, his whole face lights up. From the lines by his eyes to the way his nose scrunches, Namjoon smiles with everything he has. It's one of those smiles that makes you want to run into his arms, bury your face in his chest, and just relax, let go of every stress and worry you've had built up.

"Hey. Where you at?" Namjoon chuckles above you.

Grinning softly, you shake your head from side to side. "Sorry. I'm here."

You look up at him and there's a moment of softness at the edges of his eyes. And then they wander down, his gaze caressing your body and that softness turns into dilated pupils, a deep, pain invoking hunger settles in. You're more than ready for him to just eat you up.

Namjoon licks his lips tauntingly before diving in towards your own lips. And like a fish taking the bait, you’re hooked. He tastes like gingerbread cookies and peppermint; a mixture you didn’t realize could be so addictive until this moment. Your tongues roll together as you move your heads from side to side, tasting each other, neither particularly fighting for dominance.

Like water, you both flow together as Namjoon guides you on top of him. Demanding to be acknowledged, Namjoon’s cock twitches angrily against your thigh, and like any sane person would do (or insane, let’s be real), you swivel your hips and grind against his growing, hardening length. Wincing beneath you, Namjoon’s face starts to redden. From the stuffiness of the room or from trenchant nature of your movements, you’re not sure.

You slow down your movements and pin Namjoon’s arms at his sides, not allowing him to touch your body at all.

“Y/n,” he warns, the veins in his forearms beginning to thicken.

Ignoring him, you continue to grind on him with stripper level intensity. It has always been a personal goal to make your husband come in his pants. Something about getting him off without even physically removing his cock from his underwear is oh so motivating.

Namjoon, on the other hand, thinks differently.

Lowly growling, he uses the strength from his thigh muscles to trap you in place, winking at you before he flips you on your side, and ultimately gaining the upper hand. Now it’s him who’s pinning your wrists on either side of your face. Holding his gaze, you try to appear unfazed by his graceful assertion of dominance, so it’s all the more frustrating that he chooses to not only disconnect your glares, but to proceed to fist his cock sloppily, hardening himself even more: he clearly does not see you as a dominant competitor today.

When Namjoon is feeling particularly more feral than normal, he runs the bedroom like a potentate; what he says goes, and you better obey quickly unless you want to be punished. Mercilessly. On some occasions, you're the good girl who listens well and obeys commands perfectly. On other days (most days), you love poking the bear just to see how far his punishments will really go.

Today is definitely one of those days.

Namjoon releases your wrist, leaning back on his knees as he wordlessly motions for you to flip over. He gets off the bed, one hand still gripping his cock tightly, as he goes to where he put the polaroid down. Now, on your hands and knees, you move your hips from side to side, slowly wiggling your ass tauntingly in front of him as he attempts to put more film into the polaroid camera. "Namjoooooon," you pout, lips pursed as you whine to your husband. "Don't you want to spank me? Put your big, strong hands all over my body. I think I need to be reminded about who I belong to." Unable to contain your pout, you smirk as Namjoon narrows his eyes. You know exactly what he's contemplating: should he reward you or punish you for your explicit neediness.

Suddenly, your head is forced up until you're looking at the ceiling and your stomach tumbles with joy.

Punishment it is.

Namjoon releases your ponytail, your head collapsing back between your arms that are still holding up your body. Your heart races as you try to catch your breath, eagerly anticipating Namjoon's next move.

The bed creaks as Namjoon goes and opens the closet door. Sneaking a peek over your shoulder, you see him opening up his sock drawer. Momentarily confused, it all makes sense when he pulls out his black leather belt.

Instantly, chills shiver their way through your body. Yes, you wanted him to spank you. But you meant with his hands.

Namjoon holds the belt between both hands as he turns back to you, snapping the leather against itself as he tests the product before then slapping it across his own palm. A sinister smile paints that gorgeous face of his and you've never been happier to be in love with an actual demon.

Clasping your hands together tightly, you brace for what's to come, knowing you're going to orgasm so hard later.

"Count," Namjoon commands and without a moment's hesitation, you hear the crack of the belt on your skin before you feel the stinging hot pain. Gasping loudly, all you can think about is how you can't wait to see the bruised redness on your ass afterwards. Something about having markings leftover from any sexcapade leaves you feeling accomplished and slightly dirty.

"I said count," he grits through his teeth, but he waits until he hears you to continue.

"One!" You squeeze your eyes tightly and wait for the second hit.

"Two!" You cry. Wetness oozes from between your legs and you're wondering how many Namjoon is going to administer. You just want his cock in you already. Almost like a stomach growling when delicious food is near, that's how you feel right now. But it isn't food that will satisfy this hunger.

Five more whips later and you start to shake at your elbows, grasping the sheets tightly between your fingers and biting down on the pillow in front of you. The sting on your ass feels so good and you're honestly surprised that last smack didn't send you straight into an orgasm. Namjoon knows his way around that belt, hitting each spot perfectly and with enough force where it doesn't necessarily hurt. It's all pleasure.

Namjoon discards the belt and takes hold of your ponytail, wrapping your hair around his knuckles before pulling. It's a little rougher than usual, tears brimming your eyes as you wince. To anyone else, they probably wouldn't have been able to handle the neck cramp, or the stinging on your scalp. But it only turns you on more. You bite your bottom lip as he gives your ponytail another yank, this time to the side so you're able to see him out of your peripheral. It's animalistic how he looks at you; a low growl festering deep within his throat, his mouth practically watering as he looks at you.

"So beautiful," he mutters as he hand grips your hair tighter. His other hand moves over the curvature of your ass, the lightness of his touch giving you goosebumps. Arousal is about to start dripping out of you any second. Namjoon knows how sensitive you are with your senses. He gives your ass a hard squeeze before resuming his light touches.

"Are you ready, baby?" he whispers fondly from behind you. His hand is hovering over your clit, you can sense it.

"Yes, sir."

With the sound of his respected name, Namjoon slaps your cunt harshly with approval, making you cry out in pain and surprise. Focusing all your energy on keeping yourself upright, you can’t help but tremble more as you grip the sheets tighter and tighter. You can feel his hand take away some of your slick as he pulls away from you. Hiding your face in the crook of your arm, you wait for your punishment for being too turned on so quickly.

You chance a look behind you, his grip on your hair loosening enough for it to tumble away from his fingers. He's staring at his other hand, your arousal glimmering in the faint room light, like small spider webs woven between his fingers. Namjoon's thick eyebrows furrow as he continues to contemplate the slickness on his hand. You swallow hard, afraid to speak up.

Wordlessly, Namjoon wipes the remanence of your juices onto his thighs, his jaw set tightly as his mouth forms a thin line.

“Sir?” You croak out, “What’s wrong?”

There’s a moments pause before he finally speaks.

“Only sluts get that wet that quickly.”

You turn back to face the headboard, hiding your gleeful smile as his authoritative tone vibrates throughout your body. It’s been a while since he’s called you a slut in the bedroom. In fact, if you recall correctly, the last time he called you a slut was after he took that polaroid of you a few months ago. The same polaroid that he put in his Christmas ornament.

Dripping more than a loose faucet, all you want is for him to plug you up, to fill you completely.

Which he easily complies to.

Tingling with anticipation, you let out a soft moan as you feel Namjoon slide the tip of his cock up and down your folds. You shiver as if there’s a slight chill in the room, but really, you feel burning hot.

"Are you a good girl? Hmm? A good little slut?" He asks from behind you, hips unmoving as he rests his member deep within your cunt.

"I'm a very good girl, sir."

You fight every urge, every nerve in your body that screams to move, to get some sort of friction going from your body to his. But, like you said, you're a good girl. So, you grip tightly to whatever self control you have left.

"But not a good slut?" He massages the mounds of your ass, delicately running his fingers across your skin. Goosebumps spread across your body from the sensational touch as he continues his motions almost thoughtlessly.

So he's playing a game, you decide. Always trying to exercise that brain of his no matter the setting, that's Namjoon for ya.

"Oh, I'm the worst slut, sir," you play along, "I feel so bad for you, stuck with a broken play thing like me." You jut out your bottom lip to help enunciate the deep pout you're going for.

Namjoon growls in response, hips twitching as he refrains from moving still.

"What's wrong?" You consciously clench around him. "Having a hard time...focusing?" You roll your hips backwards, milking out a delicious moan from your husband’s lips. His hands grip your ass so tight that you wince. But it's totally worth it.

"Only," he pants, "I can talk about you like that."

Grabbing the belt from the side of the bed, he quickly and flawlessly wraps the leather around your throat, just below your chin and above your windpipe. Namjoon pulls back, momentarily cutting off your airways. He loosens it after counting to ten, a rule you both placed years ago when it comes to rough choking like this. The restricted air leaves you feeling lightheaded in all the best ways. It's a form of high unexplainable and unattainable through any other forms. And right when Namjoon pulls himself out just to slam back inside of you, he pulls on the belt once again so that when his cock hits the back of your walls you're more than sky high.

Thrusting slow, Namjoon works up a steady momentum that includes restricting your breath every so often. In a way, it's almost like orgasm denial every time he loosens his grip and lets you breathe properly again.

"Now," Namjoon's breath is raggedy after continuing to maintain his flawless control over his urges to pound you through the mattress, "Are you a good slut or a bad slut?"

"I'm a good slut, sir!" Your voice is faint against the belt. Namjoon has loosened his hold on it so that you could speak without too much struggle. But he quickly tightens it again, your eyes rolling backwards as he hits your sensitive spot over and over again. Namjoon guides your head back until you feel his chest against your back. His breath his hot against your ear as he growls through gritted teeth, his thrusts becoming sloppy and inconsistent.

"You're mine."

Suddenly, the belt is tossed aside and Namjoon flips you onto your back. Air seems to be nowhere near your lungs as you gasp, your husband moving too quickly for your lightheaded brain to process.

He spreads your legs open, getting a clear look at your core. Cock twitching, Namjoon moans and fists himself as he stares at your naked body.

"It is so hard to keep my self control when you're around."

"I'm around all the time," you reply, watching him closely as he continues to attend to his weeping red member.

"That's the problem."

Nothing more needs to be said. He pounces like a predator on its prey. His hands grip your shoulders, using them as leverage as he buries his cock between your legs. It happens so fast you barely have time to appreciate the feeling of his head pushing past your walls, stretching you so perfectly it leaves you breathless.

Namjoon grips your thighs tightly as he thrusts deeper and deeper into you. Nails raking against your skin leaves hot burning lines that make you gasp and moan. Whenever he shifts his weight on your thighs, it’s like a direct tingling line of sensation that shoots right to your core.

Namjoon’s bangs stick to his forehead with sweat, little dewdrops threatening to fall over your chest as he continues to thrust in and out of you. The rawness of his cock against you is gone, you’re so wet that he easily slides in and out of you. When you get this wet, as in...wetter than a fucking ocean, Namjoon likes to play a little game. He’ll slow down his thrusts, agonizingly inching his cock out of your hole and waits a few moments before pushing himself back in, bottoming out and slowly pressing against your sweet spots. Part of you thinks he does it to control the intensity of your flow, but the other part of you is nearly certain that he does it because he’s actually Satan himself and gets off on torturing you to no end.

And that's exactly what he starts to do.

Protesting will get you nowhere, you've learned that over the years of being with him sexually. Namjoon's self control is out of this world, even when he has his moments of weakness. You swear that man could go months without an orgasm if it meant teasing you into insanity.

"No!" It doesn't hurt to try to protest every now and then does it? "Namjoon please. No teasing. Fuck me like you mean it!"

Wordlessly, Namjoon picks up the polaroid camera from the side of the bed, his cock still buried deep inside you. "Let's make some magic, baby."

Pulling out of you slightly, Namjoon brings the camera to one of his eyes, squeezing the other eye tightly shut as he focuses the camera down at your private areas. Bright light flashes in the dimly lit room without warning, dazing you as you hear the whir of the camera spitting out the image it just captured. Dark colors litter your vision every time you blink, your eyes not adjusting as quickly as you would hope.

Carelessly, Namjoon tosses the polaroid to the left of the bed and removes his cock completely from your aching pussy.

"Turn around," he commands. "No, not like that." He groans as you position yourself on your hands and knees. You turn to look at him and ask what he means, but his large hand pushes the back of your head down until your cheek is squished against a pillow. Namjoon grabs your hips roughly, adjusting them back until your ass is as high up in the air as possible.

"Perfect," he mumbles. The tip of his cock greets your folds once again. They remain teasingly on your lips. Light flashes again followed by the loud whir. "Your ass looks amazing in this."

"You can't even see the photo yet." Grumbling against the pillow, you try to distract yourself from the ever growing ache within your cunt. This slow, unintentional teasing can only go on for so long.

"I know." You can hear the smile in his voice as he lovingly pets your right ass cheek. As you're about to reply, your walls are being stretched once again. Snarky reply forgotten, you moan out his name as he bottoms out inside you, not even wasting a moment before he pulls out and slams back inside.

Namjoon continues to snap his hips back and forth against you, the back of your thighs tingling with each thrust.

"Fuck!" he yells out, his pace quickening. "You feel so fucking good! I should have gotten a picture with that belt around your throat!"

You whimper your response, enjoying his cock too much to even form words.

"You're right," Namjoon's smirk is visible even in the dimly lit light. "We'll just have to do it next time."

The polaroid light flashes right as your orgasm takes over your body. Eyes rolled back, mouth wide open, it's a photo worthy enough to be the star on the Christmas tree. There might even be a hint of drool on your chin.

Before thoughts can even begin to form in your head, Namjoon's hands are on your waist once again, flipping you onto your back. The camera is in one hand as he aggressively pleasures himself to completion. White hot come paints your skin from the divots of your collar bone all the way down to your hip bones.

Panting loudly, Namjoon steadies himself as he stands over you, shaking hands raise up the camera, pointing directly at your cum covered self.

"Beautiful." Breathlessly, the picture is taken and your husband lays down besides you.

"I love our little sexmas tree." You smile brightly as you lean into Namjoon's arms as you both gaze at your now very not-safe-for-work Christmas tree, decorated entirely with the new polaroid photos you took less than an hour ago.

"Me too." He squeezes you tightly before freezing up. "We should probably take them down before you're parents come over tomorrow."

Clinging to Namjoon as you laugh, for a moment it feels like time slows. Your laugh sounds far away and you feel your body move as if it were underwater. It isn't a scary or unsettling feeling, no. In this moment you feel on top of the world. No one can knock you down.

All too quickly, things go back to normal.

"God, I would hate to see that reaction. But for now, let's leave them up."

Namjoon leans down and kisses you lightly on your left temple, guiding you back to the bedroom to get some well earned sleep.

𝓂𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

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skamamoroma · 4 years

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WTFOCK Season 3 Analysis- Touch and Distance - (Sander focused)

First of all, this will be long. As in, VERY long. If you know me and you followed me at ALL for Skam Italia or WTFOCK ‘analysis’ posts (which I WILL finish) then you’ll know the length to expect… so if you get even half way, you deserve a medal.

So, I have been promising this for a LONG time. I think I first said I’d write this when the reunion clip was released and I just… haven’t but seeing as we’re all in quarantine and I’m doing anything and everything to stay sane in my flat alone and we could all do with stuff to cheer us up, I’m offering this to fandom and I hope it makes you smile.

I think the reason I fell in love with Skam, the format and the intense character focus is because I love just that. I have always had an obsession with strong character driven TV shows/movies and even when I was tiny, I wrote an essay about Mary Poppins because I found her so mysterious and amazing. Shows like Skam and its remakes, when they’re GOOD they’re really really bloody amazing, mainly because they hone in on character detail and really use it for that perfect Skam-esque “show not tell” format. I’ve always found that kind of stuff so interesting and over the years have held this little collection of couples/characters/friendships from allsorts of shows/movies/theatre dear because they celebrate nuance… and Skam just spoils me!!

I have been MASSIVELY impressed with WTFOCK have done with Sander. He feels so fleshed out and dynamic as a character and in SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS too. I think one of the things I was so giddy about was the way they still managed to keep the mystery there while also making it seem like we knew him so well. And we do. But I think that’s the reason it’s so cool because a lot of the things we know about Sander, he hasn’t really TOLD us. We’ve learned it through his actions or from reading into his words, from his reactions to people and the way he lives his life. That, to me, is like crack hahaha. I live for that stuff and for analysing a character and so I became a bit fixated on the way they used touch in season 3.

Now, it’s not just with Sander but with Robbe too. Touch was an ENORMOUS part of the season and we never really EVER had either of them talk about it. Robbe never really expressed verbal discomfort with touch early on but we saw it and Sander never expressed how important touch was to him but we witnessed it...and now we’re watching wtfockdown with Sander specifically struggling with lack of touch. Safe to say, I knew I had to write this eventually and after quite a few messages (you lovely lot), I am doing this for you. Enjoy!

SANDER FIRST...

SANDER.

When it comes to Sander, I feel like I have SO MUCH TO SAY but I think, the most important thing, is that touch is a cornerstone of character in terms of what calms him, what makes him happy, what makes him feel connected, what soothes him, how he expresses love, how he wants to show love, how he flirts… ALL OF IT, and distance is what plagues him.

I re-watched each clip in turn and I’m still obsessed with how they layered his character with this idea. No other Even and not even Even himself has this element so strongly emphasised. Yes, they all like touch and some of the parallels have specific things that form part of their character like Eliott and Lucas and the whole touch of skin thing and Cris/Joana with the hair/cheeks thing and Even always loved to ground himself in touching Isak ETC… but with Sander, it’s such a narrative and it’s woven in so beautifully. ABOVE ALL, what makes me smile and what is so meaningful is that as Robbe grows and opens up and learns about touch himself (see my Robbe post to come), we see that Sander is gifted this really sweet boy who LOVES to touch and who is incredibly affectionate and finds himself learning that he is INCREDIBLY good at providing comfort. So their love story also becomes a story of touch and navigating distance from those perspectives.

I guess writing it out helps to see it so I’ll go chronologically.

The first time we see Sander use touch is when he’s in the kitchen with Robbe. The entire scene is practically choreographed it’s so fluid but the lack of space, the shuffling around each other and the general ‘oh my god this person makes me feel things’ vibe makes the fact that when Sander purposefully touches Robbe for the first time, it’s a THING… that hand on his back. They do kind of brush up against each other a few times but that little linger of the camera on Sander’s hand on Robbe’s back makes me GIDDY because it’s all so intentional. It’s Robbe’s face that does me in. You don’t need his words because he does this sort of glance behind him and a bashful sort of dazed stumble… it’s so obvious that being touched like that by Sander got to him in an overwhelming way. It’s all electricity and that kind of giddy new love thing in the kitchen but that moment KILLS me because it’s touch that Robbe WANTS but doesn’t feel able to have… but Sander gives it because he’s SANDER. He’s demonstrable and purposeful (I will use that word a lot!) with touch.

Sander does stuff in a way that’s bold and purposeful (told you) and touch is part of that. ALL THE WAY OR NO WAY - right? So many times, you can see Sander decide and then act immediately. SO MANY TIMES. In the supermarket, feeding Robbe, in the bar when he decides to take Robbe off on an adventure, at the swimming pool ETC. SO MANY. And touch is a thing all wrapped up in that sense of purpose and spontaneity. His actions are mostly not overbearing or unwanted though which is so key. People seem to feel comfortable with him even if he is a little forward and NOBODY more than Robbe. Robbe doesn’t recoil, he lets it happen and not in the passive way we see him do early on but in the OH WOW HE TOUCHED ME way that can only come with attraction and early feelings. BUT THEY HAD KNOWN EACH OTHER HOURS. Hours, and Robbe was fine with it.

Sander and flirting... HE IS SO OBVIOUS and touch is part of it every single time. That whole ‘oops I rolled into you in the sand’ is just textbook, man! Hahaha. I laugh at him early on because he is genuinely adorable with how obvious he is. Same can be said for the “oops I just need to grab this bottle that just happens to be right next to you which means I need to stand so close to you and wrap my arms around you’ - hahahaha. Not to mention the ‘oh let me teach you to turn on the oven and lightly touch our fingers’. Purposeful.

Then you get the first time they’re together alone for their bike ride. I mean, we all know Sander is giddy. It’s what makes it so sweet to watch because he’s just SO HAPPY to have Robbe by himself and to go off on this adventure together. I LOVE the way he holds Robbe’s hand after they high five…. BOY. He takes advantage of stuff while he can. But when they get to the pool, it’s obviously an Even move and we all know how it goes but the first time he touches Robbe is to kiss him. We know it’s all he wanted, we know it was his plan, we know he’s been wanting to do it a long time but I LOVE that they kept in the recoil from Robbe because it is absolutely NOT a gradual progression for Robbe when it comes to Sander… it’s ALL IN and scary and overwhelming and Robbe’s instincts kick in but the second Robbe kisses Sander back, we get the start of seeing Sander and touch being a HUGE DEAL. Robbe is still learning and faced with the way Sander acts first, thinks later, the differences between them in this moment are STARK. It’s why it all goes so catastrophically wrong afterwards but why I understood what Robbe did even if it was so very wrong.

Sander is SUCH an Even and I’ve always said he reminds me of Even the most of all the parallels but especially when he kisses. He’s a passionate dude! He kisses with meaning and with all he has and it’s little wonder Robbe described it as his head exploding… poor guy! You get that first glimpse of Sander acting on his feelings and he’s overwhelming. In that pool, he grasps and holds on and Robbe’s hair becomes a total THING for him.

For me, I get most interested in touch from Chernobyl onwards. THAT CLIP. The stuff in it that’s so subtle but AMAZING when it comes to Sander makes me roll around in it, in the way it MEANS so much and says a lot about who he is. The DISTANCE he keeps from Robbe is not something we’ve seen from him yet. It’s clearly not comfortable for him but he deserves to keep it until he feels comfortable and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he only moves closer but DOESN’T touch Robbe yet. And this next moment is what sparked my obsession…. The “i’m going to nearly kiss you and then not kiss you” moment. He uses touch to make a point. Purposeful. He stands close but they don’t touch and then he teases with it… tests Robbe’s response with it to see what he’d do. Robbe doesn’t move and allows it. He then clarifies how Robbe feels about stuff now and the second he gets his answer … fuck all of that noise and fuck all the issues I had in my head (a sentiment we KNOW Sander understands and grasps onto eventually - Chernobyl being the way he himself describes the effects of his bipolar disorder) he goes all in and closes the distance. KILLS ME. That use of touch to make a point is Sander ALLOVER. Never without purpose.

They don’t STOP touching AT ALL… until it’s used AGAIN. This time, this huge focus on pulling apart. It’s gradual. They disconnect from their bodies then they disconnect from lips and then that lingering shot on their hands and the whole holding on until the very last second…COME ON. It’s so perfect. So intentional and so meaningful. The fact that Sander holds on purposefully for so long until he absolutely can’t anymore, it makes him STUMBLE…. If that’s not a whole metaphor for who he is as a character then I don’t know what is! He WON’T allow that distance until he absolutely has to… and that fact characterises their ENTIRE story right up until wtfockdown!

Onto the cuddle scene and again, from Chernobyl, it’s full of poignant moments. It’s an overload in terms of seeing Sander respond to touch. There’s a lot of touching in this clip, a lot of playful stuff and kisses and cuddles but I think there are a few specifics that are in there for a reason that say so much. The first is the hair stroking. Now, we know Robbe and Sander LOVE touching each other’s hair and there’s a fair amount of pulling involved too… haha… but it’s so telling the way that Sander relaxes under Robbe’s touch. He spends most of that scene with his eyes closed. It relaxes him, makes him sleepy and comfortable and Robbe clearly realises it because when Sander seems distressed, Robbe goes straight to do it again. It’s all part of Robbe’s journey wrapped up in there too, learning how his touch can be soothing.I love that Sander barely moves from his position upside down on the bed. He allows Robbe the ability to do ANYTHING. He lets Robbs move around him, lets Robbe touch him and climb on top of him. He just basks in it and please go rewatch it and watch his eyes even when Robbe is talking… he closes them constantly like it’s making him fall asleep. He’s so comforted by it. When Robbe climbs on him, his eyes are even closed! He’s just VERY VERY happy allowing Robbe anything when it comes to moving around him and in his space. He lets Robbe koala himself on his back without a flinch, is so comfortable with the affection and clearly soaking it all in. I think the other moment is when Sander realises Robbe’s jealousy/upset and goes to very purposefully lie down against him to tuck his head under Robbe’s chin. The purpose in it, at the time, seemed kinda sheepish but we know better now. We KNOW Sander had tried to distance himself from Britt but she wasn’t allowing it and this is Sander purposefully closing that distance, taking it back and seeking Robbe’s touch again. It’s like he’s had that comforting touch now and, without it, it doesn’t feel right so he closes the distance the VERY SECOND he can. He does this a few times from here on out too… that lack of ability to stay apart from Robbe, the wish to keep that comfort coming.

There’s this struggle we see from him AGAIN and AGAIN. When stuff with Robbe suffers because Sander’s truth gets in the way (with Britt texting in the cuddle scene, with their distance before the reunion where Sander tried to leave Robbe behind etc)... he CANNOT wait to remove the distance as quickly as he possibly can. The only exception is when they’ve been apart post hotel and Sander is unwell… but we know he’s frightened, embarrassed, worried about hurting Robbe and we know that he’s trying to keep Robbe at arm’s length to protect him but… and I’ll get onto it later but it’s PERFECT to me that the second he has touch back, the second Robbe kisses him, he crumbles. It means THAT MUCH to him. It’s such a pattern with him and it starts here, with Sander crawling across the bed, not allowing Robbe to be too far away while he still has him.

For me, it epitomises that idea of “i don’t know if I’ll find someone like that, at least not someone who loves me”. Because, for Sander, he WANTS so badly. He wants to be in love and to find someone special and be able to show love but he’s terrified. For such a purposeful person, someone who acts on instinct, that is clearly so hard for him. He WANTS but he has to force himself NOT TO for all of the reasons he gives and for all of the reasons we can read from his behaviour. Those moments he stays away - aka post assault, post hotel - are all for a good reason and yet the second he realises that the worries that lead to his belief that he can’t HAVE are unfounded or resolved, he closes any and all distance and holds on for dear life. “I’m never ever letting go of you”. ALL THE WAY OR NO WAY. He either allows himself everything and that ‘all in’ sense of falling head over heels and clinging on for dear life or he cuts and runs… and the cutting/running part honestly must have hurt so badly for him. We know how much Robbe means to him and how much touch and comfort he gets from their relationship… to leave that behind when he can’t remain over the other side of the bed from Robbe normally must have been so hard for him.

ANYWAY. The date. I’ve talked about this endlessly but the first minute or so of this clip is some of the best chemistry I’ve seen in the SCU and, in general, to be honest. It hit me like a freight train when I first saw it. For LGBT+ folks, seeing stuff like this is impactful. Mainly because it’s shown as so natural and normal and given the same respect and focus on desire and sweetness and simplicity as hetero love stories have been given for millenia!

They touch constantly throughout this clip but I just LOVE the focus on it. The camera lingers. Every shot is there for a reason. Sander’s touch goes from playful to casually affectionate to passionate to suggestive within seconds and he drowns in it! It’s mesmerising to watch. Again, it almost feels choreographed. The moment that kills me is Sander just running one finger across Robbe’s collar bone. WHOEVER decided to include that --- director or writer or even actor --- it’s just perfect. It’s so Sander. He doesn’t stop touching and that little focus on the fact that he always wants to show how he feels through touching Robbe...the fact that it is on his skin when Robbe is wearing a full on sweatshirt shows how much Sander seeks intimacy out. It’s so purposeful once again and yet so simple… but the main thing is that Sander uses touch to keep that connection going. The music change at that exact moment is what does it for me. It’s dream-like, swoony and mesmerising. You can feel the dazed sense of love and adoration, the intimacy of the fact that Sander can’t help but hold onto Robbe’s hair again and even when he’s whispering to him, can’t help but chase it with kisses. Sander uses every thought and feeling he has inside and translates it directly into touch. He communicates with it!

Which leads pretty nicely onto the reunion… because the next time we have Sander able to reach out physically is SO MUCH LATER. The assault, the distance Robbe enforces (for good reason because of what he believes happened at the party) and then the confusion about the mural creates SO MUCH DISTANCE.

The start of the reunion clip is one of my all time favourite SCU moments from any remake. The acting is near perfection. I’ve posted tons about it before but GOD. I love that, to this point, after that intense, hazy kind of love they were starting in the bar… everything was torn away from them. As I said before, Sander is either ALL IN or not at all. When he’s in, he’s REALLY in and touch is fundamental.

So it KILLLLLLSSSSSS MEEEEEEE (Yes, I am being dramatic but GOD) that the first thing he does when he walks in the foyer of Robbe’s building, without explanation and after so long apart and so much mess existing between them is… close the distance between them physically.

This scene reminds me of the La Grotta scene from Skam It s2. Every touch and movement in that scene with Marti and Nico is a form of communication and it’s the same here. I guess it’s why I love both scenes so much because ‘show not tell’ is precious and intelligent and so so much more meaningful for a viewer. The way Sander just stands there and then without words, kisses Robbe and tries to do what he can normally do so easily and communicate through his touches is heartbreaking. But too much has gone on. It’s not possible to communicate that way after so much hurt and confusion.

Then that forehead touch. GOD. I remember watching it and being so bowled over without how much was SAID by both of them. The way that Sander leans into it like he KNOWS he can’t use kisses to sort it all out but just NEEDS comfort and Robbe’s touch… and the way Robbe lets himself have it for a moment but then makes genuine crying noises of frustration to get Sander to stop. The “I want this so much but stop, it’s not fair what you’re doing” is so obvious in his actions. It’s all because it’s how they communicate. BECAUSE touch is their love language, the fact that they can’t give into it is PHYSICALLY painful for them both. They both just stand there with their eyes closed. Sander looks exhausted, devastated but also so deeply comforted by Robbe’s presence and the fact that he can be close to him again in equal measure. Robbe lets out this big sigh and it screams “I know, I feel the same, this feels so right and I miss you so much but I can’t let you forget everything that happened” - YET THEY DON’T STOP TOUCHING. I love that regardless, they stay connected and cannot physically part themselves. It’s written all over Sander’s face how much it means to have Robbe so close and Robbe’s little nose rub is plain adorable. They are literally standing there comforting each other while at the same time trying to communicate through nothing but touch… and the RELIEF in those touches too.

It’s little wonder that what happens next happens in the way it does. Those few words from Sander and the touches between them are enough for them to just KNOW. Their connection is so fundamental that it’s worth fighting through and relying on that gut instinct for them.

Sander is then able to do what he’s good at and be purposeful, firm and to throw himself into it. ALL THE WAY. Once he knows he is ok again, that he has permission and is allowed to let his heart go, he just falls into it and it’s ALL TOUCHING from then on. Every kiss is so meaningful and there are a few specific moments that are really meaningful to me.

The first one is Sander’s smile when he lands on the bed. He is never happier than when he’s able to be free like this. He revels in the ability to throw himself into his feelings. He’s ridiculously enviable tbh. The next moment is the whole clawing, clinging thing he does. Yet again, poor Robbe’s hair gets yanked every which way but I love that we get that glimpse of ‘never letting you go’ mentality he has to keep Robbe as close as physically possible and the way he closes his eyes, smiles and loses himself in those moments. They’re so close to Sander POV it’s crazy. It reminds me of during the cuddle scene when he closed his eyes. Touch grounds him in the most astounding way! I LOVE that the lyrics during this as “take it how you want it, take all my love”. PERFECT, man. That idea of give and take is SO IMPORTANT for them, for Sander especially. The ALL THE WAY mentality he has means that he could only EVER fall in love with someone who is able to counter it, someone who is able to GIVE IN to Sander the way he needs and lose themself too the way he likes. He could only ever fall in love with someone as willing to give and take the way that he is with comfort… and Robbe fits the bill, which is obviously as much of a surprise to him too! I think that’s where their connection comes in. That spark between them and the way they feel for each other is one of contentment so they’re quite happy taking what they need from the other person because the other is SO GIVING. Robbe is so affectionate which is what Sander craves and Sander is so purposeful and bold in his ways which is what Robbe needs. The last moment is the hand holding. Again, Sander is grounded by that physical connection. He clings and holds on and receives so much comfort from it. The knowledge that they’re in something together is clearly huge for them both.

The morning after scene is most meaningful in terms of touch when they get into Robbe’s room. I LOVE how natural it all is. Sander is very happy letting Robbe do what he wants again and it’s almost seamless for Robbe just to sit on his lap. But he’s completely incapable of reigning himself in. The purposeful side of Sander comes out in full distraction mode with Sander genuinely incapable of keeping his hands to himself. The whole playful kind of sexy “I’ll throw you around” thing is not only them at peak comfort with each other but Sander’s way of physically showing he’s not going anywhere, of reminding Robbe that he’s all Sander’s attention is on and all he cares about and that he can DO this now, just toss Robbe onto the bed and crawl all over him - hahahaha. He treats Robbe like he’s precious and completely focused on but also treats Robbe perhaps the way HE wants to be treated… those promises followed by touching with a little possessiveness, that reminder that he won’t be left alone. He gives it all to Robbe and in true Sander style, tries to communicate through touch as much as he possibly can because words mean honesty and they mean a risk of losing it all.

The next notable moment is YET AGAIN, Sander playing with touch when he arrives at the flat. The “nope, Robbe, you’re not getting what you want until we do this fun thing I want to do with you to create a tradition”. He does it twice, playing with denying Robbe touch and physical contact. He has a task to do and he needs Robbe focused on it so he uses touch to keep that focus sharp… and then the fact that the VERY SECOND that task is done, Sander literally walks straight into Robbe’s arms and kinda carries him off towards Robbe’s room makes me laugh. He’s like “ok touching is allowed right this instant” … he knows himself. If he’d have allowed them to touch before he did his task, there’d have been ABSOLUTELY NO SHOE PUT OUT! He’s self aware ;)

Then the hotel… and oh my heart breaks and is soothed in equal measure because this evening was HANDS DOWN one of my most favourite Skam watching experiences. It is gut wrenching in real time and so beautifully acted, I can’t handle it, especially from Willem DS. That kid can act rings around most professional Hollywood actors. They both can. Yet another Skam remake showcasing young talent at its most special and honest. Anyway, I digress!

The shower scene has to be talked about. The show runners etc explained why they included it where the original didn’t (although planned to!) and I get why some found it a little too much but, for them, it worked. I mean, I’m not the person to talk about sex scenes but I definitely CAN talk tons about them when they’re MEANINGFUL and layered and this one is. It’s complete and utter trust. I love so much of the camera work here because you can see they tried to be as respectful as possible while also getting the meaning across and it worked so well… especially as the stuff that clicks for me is Sander’s behaviour. He’s so lost in it. Again, he’s someone who acts on instinct and needs someone who will respond to him with understanding. If someone’s not on the same page then he’s THROWN (and this is why the whole cyber sex things is killing me with its meaning for him!). Again with Robbe’s hair being pulled all over the place but Sander allows himself take and be taken and it’s so important to who he is that it’s ALL THE WAY kind of love and that he’s allowed to be both in control and also completely vulnerable.

The way they segue into the shot of the bed and sander is completely wrapped up in Robbe’s arms kills me. There’s no one right way for them. Touch comes to Sander in his ability to be DEMONSTRABLE and also to RECEIVE. In these moments, he just snuggles into Robbe and takes and takes and takes and takes… but only because Robbe is so perfectly willing to provide. It’s why they work. That balance is what is so key about their relationship. Sander feels ok to suddenly go from firm and handsy to extremely vulnerable and the shot when the camera closes in on his face so serene and at ease, happy to be kissed repeatedly on the forehead by Robbe is just incredibly meaningful and emotional. He is allowed to be himself and to fall into it without worry even when he’s at his most vulnerable. He basks in it and it’s so comforting to watch. I love that he plays with Robbe’s necklace because not only is it him looking at a guardian angel around Robbe’s neck but it’s like a tick to ground him and comfort him right back. A touch to something so fundamentally Robbe.

The segue into the second clip where Sander is even MORE wrapped up in Robbe’s arms breaks my heart. I remember seeing the og Skam cuddle clip all those years back and realising that my god, I’d never seen affection from an LGBT+ couple before in that innocent, gentle, normal way! It’s sad that this was the case but it’s why Skam got under my skin and why the s3 storyline is always so precious to me. This is yet another example but throw in the respect shown to mental illness in a really human and raw way and I’m gone. I love that Sander is able to be so cuddly and open without worry. He’s going through it, struggling and when this clip aired I remember almost every post in the tag was about his eyes, the frantic eyes showing that so much is going on inside his head while he lies there still, soaking up the comfort Robbe is willing to provide. The antithesis is insane but works so well. Robbe has no idea that he’s effectively holding Sander together. He’s clinging on. He’s doing what he always said he would and never letting Robbe go.

The night time switch into Sander’s struggles hurts because he’s still trying so hard not to let go but his brain is struggling, he’s panicking, he’s not in control of himself and he’s scared. You can see it all over his face, in his eyes and body language that he WANTS to stay with Robbe and when Robbe asks him to come back, tries to pull him back to cuddle, Sander goes because he ALWAYS DOES. He tries so so hard till he can’t try anymore and that distance is forced upon him. It was devastating to watch in real time because we all KNEW what was going to happen (we’d seen it all before) but, for some reason, the way Sander was and what we’d learned about him made him being separated from Robbe in this vulnerable state really upsetting. He was so happy in Robbe’s arms, so comforted and then all of sudden it was gone.

The fact that the cycle happens again to lead us into the next time we see Sander physically WITH Robbe is just crazy meaningful because this time, Sander’s truth is not able to be hidden. He can’t use touch to distract and to ignore his thoughts and reality. Everything about the way he acts is out of shame and embarrassment and fear of not being loved for who he is - flaws and all. When I eventually finish my analysis posts, I have SO MUCH to say about this but my goodness, Sander is the only Even aside from Eliott who doesn’t reach out and they both have that same feeling of shame in common. The difference is that Sander actively tries to hide away, to push Robbe away and ACTS on what the other Evens said aka I’ll hurt you, it won’t work, I should leave… he physically does that. The thing that makes me a little misty eyed is the fact that he also provides Robbe with information to help find him. He desperately wants Robbe to be the only one to find him while also simultaneously wanting him as far away from him as possible. He’s done it before with the mural, that “I love you and I need to show you but I can’t be with you”. It’s that desperate pull they have that just ends in mess but at the core has such love and comfort. Sander has run away from everyone, hasn’t reached out to any of them except Robbe and it’s his way of closing that distance even if he’s so sure Robbe is better off without him. Why else would he send Robbe that message, effectively using their history and experience to suggest where he is. Robbe was all he wanted, was all that comforted him (hence the drawings all over the walls) and the fact that when Sander is found, he kept pushing and pushing and pushing and resisting and falling apart through grief and pain and shame and every other negative feeling that overwhelms him… but STILL follows when Robbe asks. He’s trying so hard for the NO WAY of it all but it was never going to work. The fact that when Robbe properly touches him, he falls apart is just about the most obvious thing for me. Robbe is comfort and safety. He may not have all of the answers but just being close is so clearly and viscerally affecting for Sander that he collapses and lets Robbe take the weight of him both literally and metaphorically. That touch is all he needs to fall back into ALL THE WAY and let himself believe.

The fact that the next scene starts with Sander, completely wrapped around Robbe, their skin touching and Robbe stroking Sander’s hand just goes to show how much he allowed himself to use that touch again not only as comfort but as belief that he doesn’t need to mask things anymore. He doesn’t need to pretend and hide his reality, he can be open and vulnerable and also have the ALL THE WAY too. Robbe is that solid warm weight and reassurance. The purposeful Sander is still buried there, it’s just the vulnerability is too overwhelming and so he relies so much on Robbe here to provide what he needs. And god BLESS Robbe’s enormous affectionate heart because he’s perfect with him. Sander clearly meant the words from the day before, signifying he really expected Robbe to change his mind in the morning...those really quiet questions in the dark to Robbe are just heartbreaking because he needs reassurance. Robbe closes the distance to him, gets so close, kisses him multiple times, presses their foreheads together and doesn’t judge… and Sander is completely comforted enough to be able to fall asleep.

THEN… one of my ultimate favourite moments of Sander and touch. It’s like a culmination of EVERYTHING we’ve learned about Sander (and also it’s the same for Robbe but I’ll leave that for my Robbe post!!). He’s still vulnerable but getting back to his usual self a little playing games with Milan and you can see the spark in his eyes, the way he uses his words again to assert how he feels but, above all, it’s that contrast between him asking for a kiss and leaning back into Robbe in this purposeful way that’s perfectly softened by the fact it’s him receiving and seeking comfort too. It’s then that both sides of Sander come together and the fact he’s found what he seeks it in one person is so special. Robbe is EVERYWHERE. He’s all hands in Sander’s hair, legs either side of him, resting his chest against Sander’s back, holding his head gently, kissing everything he can get his lips on (mouth, nose, head, hair) and then settling with his arms around Sander’s neck. It’s EVERYTHING. Sander has shown from the start in most things he does how much touch is important in terms of asserting himself, seeking comfort and showing love and in this tiny little scene it has ALL THREE and is why they are both so dear to me as a pair. It’s INCREDIBLY romantic and very reassuring for anyone who has ever struggled in the way Robbe or Sander has… because it confirms that it is possible for people with specific needs and people who have been shaped by their experiences and come out of it with certain needs and vulnerabilities are able to be loved completely without judgement.

“In good time, you’ll come to know, when you release, when you let go, you can find yourself where you belong”

The best thing though is the way that Sander responds in this moment. He shakes his head and smiles to himself like he’s coming out of a trance. That little ‘yeah’ is adorable. That moment is enough to say all there is about what touch means to Sander as a human being and a partner. For a moment, Robbe helps him forget, sends him a little dizzy with love, gives Sander overwhelming comfort that Sander disappears into it and, as cheesy as it sounds, they fit. It’s exactly what all of the Even and Isak parallels had, that ‘i save you, you save me right back’ love story. They all did it in different ways but with these two, I was stunned with how much they put into the unspoken, especially with Sander. We don’t see him as much, we don’t get inside his head like Robbe’s but we still understand him, possibly more than any other Even parallel by the end of season 3 and this is the season closest to the original for unanswered questions! It’s why I don’t at all mind questions left unanswered and a lack of exposition and clean cut resolution because if the emotion is there and the nuance is there then it does half of it for you.

I love that the final scene of the season, for Sander purposes, is him wrapped in Robbe’s arms! It’s kinda poetic.

I love his character so much. He’s insanely expressive and complex and he’s fascinating to me and to have WTFOCKDOWN is a total gift...because not only does it give us insights we’d never have gotten otherwise, we get this continuation of Robbe and Sander’s relationship and what is it about…. TOUCH. Hahaha. I mean, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect topic for exploration of who they are together as a starter for ten, not to mention it’s so Sander focused too!

When it comes to Wtfockdown, we get to see Sander operating in enforced distance. We KNOW that when distance has been a thing in the past, he has tried everything he can to make up for it (murals, drawings, reaching out to Robbe cryptically). That compensation for the distance never ever worked. It always made it so that when Sander eventually had Robbe close again, he threw himself back in head first and touch was HUGE when it came to that. Now, Sander has Robbe completely and vice versa and no doubt knows fully what it is like to have that comfort and touch all of the time… but now it has been taken away. For Robbe, he’s an affectionate koala of a human but his relationship with touch has been a journey of discovery and of self but he doesn’t depend on it like Sander does. He communicates with it but, for Sander, it’s a vital part of who he is. I love that the first clip has Sander asking to meet up… hahaha. I remember being so giddy reading that because OF COURSE. He’s trying everything he can again. Then he broke my heart because this time, his form of compensation is to take Robbe with him on his walks. It’s yet ANOTHER form of compensation to try to fill that void where touch once was!

Clip 2 starts their face to face journey and GUYS. I mean, Sander flat out saying that the thing he misses most about Robbe is his touch just about broke my heart and made me giddy once again! They really did that. He’s so happy to see Robbe, to spend time with him but over and over again he’s repeating ways to stop the distance like swapping places with Robbe’s mamma…! Bless his heart. The fact that he says “there’s nothing better than you”, he REALLY does mean it. We’ve seen a whole season of why that’s the truth! We’ve seen him reach that conclusion! Also, that compensation once again on dreams and daydreaming… ANY WAY HE CAN to stop the distance. He breaks my heart.

Clip 3...ONCE AGAIN. “The endlessness of this tunnel symbolises the physical distance between them”. He cannot cope with it. This one made me a bit emotional when I first saw it. They’re not just words for his fairytale; he means them. The distance is DIFFICULT for him. You can see it on his face when he says those words, he frowns. He’s speaking the truth even if he’s making it seem a little light hearted. Then that little private moment where it says he just wants to be with Robbe. It’s genuinely incredibly hard for him to not have Robbe nearby. For someone who thrives and depends so much on touch, the distance is painful and a genuine loss. It’s not just ‘i miss my boyfriend’ because there’s a real nuance there, a real part of who Sander is that prioritises touch and closeness so significantly.

Clip 4. It took me FAR too long to get through this clip the first time around because I SHOULD NOT BE SEEING THIS but hey ho. I watched it again for you, dudes. Sander’s on the quest for compensation for the distance again, this time trying something new and yea, it’s a risk but he means it. It’s something he wants to try because it’s Robbe and it’s fun and he loves him and misses him and feels like it’s another way to feel like the distance isn’t so vast. The moment Robbe tells him he’s not into it, Sander looks a little crushed but immediately understands and lies down. Now, for me, I might be reading so much into it but because we have seen what touch means, as a stand in for it, and Sander now feeling so comfortable with Robbe, that moment of ‘I’ve gone too far’, ‘we’re not on the same page’ is huge for them. Sander can’t find what he’s looking for during the distance and you can see he feels so embarrassed but the moment he laughs at himself, tells Robbe that just lying together is enough and respects Robbe, you can see him trying to get back on that even plane. He loves Robbe so much and would never want to make him feel uncomfortable but for that split second, the comfort they have built wavered and Sander’s ability to be completely vulnerable was questioned… until it wasn’t and all was well for the moment because they talk and love and try. I love that they did that. I love that Sander’s inherent need for closeness was brought to light and Robbe’s need to GIVE affection was shown to be so true… only in person. Robbe thrives off that honest touch whereas Sander is grounded by it, comforted by it and finds it necessary...so without it is left floundering. THE LAYERS, guys. Rolling around in them!!!!

Clip 5 and we see Sander questioning himself. Sander still hasn’t quite felt ok since the other night and he’s letting it affect him. That questioning himself is the same stuff we saw pre-final reunion where he allows his issues to cloud his judgement and he spirals a little when left to his own devices. It’s that insecurity that Robbe managed to settle in him, that push and pull they have but Sander is human and he’s struggling and Robbe’s not there to provide that settlement. He doesn’t RELY on Robbe so much as WANT him because he makes things better. The fact that all the while, Robbe is learning how far his own ability to provide affection and closeness from afar is able to go by seeking advice from Milan makes me want to weep… because the writing is perfect! Of course he is. Everything we know about him tells us he’d do this!

So we’re in present day and I can’t wait to see what they do next. The way they write these two separately and together shows so much understanding of who the characters are, what they mean to each other and this great respect for honouring what they’ve created with so much gentle nuance and emotion. If the past 50000000000 words didn’t suggest it clearly enough - I love what they’re doing so much!

If you’re still awake after all that, you’re super human. Thank you for reading and this post is LONG overdue but it’s here and as rambly as you’d expect. Robbe’s specific post will be along soon! <3

#wtfock

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eviearie · 3 years

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All I Want for Christmas is to Not Be Poisoned By Your Cooking

Happy Holidays (and happy new year) @stormypaint ! This is a gift for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange, in which the sides are fluffy idiots and I think I accidentally roast myself. I had a lot of fun writing this. Hope you enjoy! (Additional note: I got 2 of the wishes down. I tried to put angst in here but—it did not work. At all).

Pairings: Platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 2574

Warnings: lots of bickering, 1 swear word, it looks like Remus might accidentally kill someone at one point but it’s all good

Summary: It’s the solstice, and the sides are finally getting around to getting in the Christmas spirit. Decorating, baking, gift exchanging, and of course, playful bickering— what more could Janus ask for?

Read on Ao3 here

-- -- --

Janus lounged on a chair in the common room, sipping his… soup as the other sides worked around him. Roman was hanging stockings above the fireplace, Logan was putting ornaments on the tree, and Virgil was sitting on top of the couch with a cup of hot cocoa made by Patton, who was in the kitchen with Remus. The outcome of that should prove to be interesting.

Janus got up off the chair and walked to the kitchen, the sounds of playful bickering and crackling fire lightening the area behind him. He walked into the kitchen, bracing internally for whatever horrible sight he was about to see.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t actually too bad.

Patton was kneeling down by the oven, watching whatever abomination was surrounded by the warm yellow light illuminating it. Remus was— well, it looked like he was attempting to stir something in a pot, but it wasn’t going very well.

“Do you need some help?” Janus asked, raising a brow as he approached Remus, who was covered in chocolate.

Remus exhaled, “No duh, Snakespeare,” he said. “I’m fudging the fudge!”

Patton giggled from the oven. Janus looked unimpressed.

“Don’t give me that,” he said, taking the pot from the other side and vigorously mixing the glossy chocolate in the pot with ease.

“Damn Jan, those snake arm muscles are buff,” Remus commented as he recovered.

“Hours in the kitchen with Patton will do that to you, especially when those first batches are always in perfect condition,” Janus said with a glace over at Patton.

The oven alarm went off with a little tune. “Cookies are ready!” Patton exclaimed, grabbing a pair of oven mitts from the counter and opening the oven. Janus was surprised to find that the smell wafting from it was actually pleasant.

"Yes!" Remus cheered, skipping over to bask in the presence of those cookies. "Can we eat them now?"

"They do look good," Janus commented with faux surprise in his voice. Patton gave him the Dad Look™. You know, the one with the oven-mitted hands on hips and the (quote-unquote) disappointment in the eyes. That one.

“Of course they do, kiddo,” Patton chided. Janus just lifted a cookie off the still-hot tray, biting into the soft warm dough. It’s okay, Remus already had already stuffed several in his mouth.

Wow. “Not bad.”

“Whoo! We did it pops! We got props from the second harshest critic here!” Remus exclaimed, holding a hand up to Patton for a high five, which would have been accepted if not for the fact that the latter was still holding the hot pan of cookies.

“Third,” Janus corrected. “As long as one’s own work counts, Roman goes before me.”

“I heard that!” Came a call from the other room.

“Hey! Don’t eat all of them!” Patton scolded Remus, holding the pan up to get it out of the other side’s radius and holding back a smile from his face. “They’ve got to be frosted first.”

“Oh, joy,” Janus said while Remus cheered. “This better be a repeat of the Easter fiasco.”

“I think we all learned from that,” Patton said as he set the pan down.

Janus wasn’t convinced, but he let it slide anyway. Tis the season, right?

“But first, we should probably clean up,” the moral side continued.

“Yes, because it looks terrible in here—” Janus started, before Patton nodded behind him. Janus turned around.

“Oh.” Yep, that was terrible indeed. Remus must have gone full rat mode in the flour, or something. Janus really hoped that was food coloring, too, and not blood.

“I’m gonna leave you two to that,” Janus said, backing away slowly, “and make sure Virgil doesn’t come in here.”

“Thanks Jan, love ya kiddo!” Patton called before Janus closed the kitchen door with a small sigh.

“Janus. We need your help,” Roman said with a very serious tone in his voice.

"What is it?" Janus asked with a sigh.

"Roman thinks that—"

"I think that," Roman started, interrupting Logan, “we shouldn’t hang the mistletoe ornament up on the tree, and instead hang it over the doorway.”

“First of all, I’ve already told him this is holly, not mistletoe—”

“It’s what it’s supposed to be!”

“Mistletoe is white!” Logan near screeched.

“It’s true, mistletoe isn’t white,” Janus added.

“I’ll just change it then!” Roman exclaimed with an exasperated tone as he waved a hand, the berries on the holly in Logan’s hand changing from a bright red to a hazy white.

Logan looked satisfied. “Second, it’s an ornament for the tree. It should go on the tree. You can conjure up a real mistletoe if you wanted, although the whole idea of hanging one up for romantic purposes is rather silly.”

Roman harrumphed. “But what’s the point of having it on the tree?”

“There is no point, it’s for decoration. Did you not hear what I just said about the purpose being quite—”

“It’s romantic, Logan!” Roman said with a dramatic flair, spinning around and fake fainting towards Logan. The dark blue side quickly

caught him with his free arm.

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Janus commented.

“I could,” Logan retaliated.

“Oh my god guys, just hang the damn mistletoe up,” Virgil groaned from the couch.

"But we haven't resolved-"

"Roman. Make a new mistletoe. Like this," Virgil said, leaning forward to show a picture of a rounded ball of mistletoe.

Roman pouted his lips but conjured up something.

"Great. Now hang it up in the kitchen doorway like you wanted," continued Virgil.

Roman did so.

"Now it's resolved," said Virgil, relaxing again.

"Terrible job Virgil," said Janus. The anxious side just rolled his eyes.

Soon Patton and Remus came walking out of the kitchen, Remus kicking something from his fingers and Patton dusting off flour from the bottom of his shirt.

Roman perked up from his place on the couch, where he had sat. "Hah! You two are under the mistletoe!" He exclaimed.

"Aww, you hung up mistletoe, that's sweet," Patton commented before giving Remus an honorary kiss on the forehead.

"Is it sweet-?" Logan started.

"Shut your yap Sherlock," Remus cut in.

Janus patted Logan's head as the latter crossed his arms.

"Are the cookies ready?" asked Roman.

"-And are they intact, not soggy, not burnt, not poisoned, and do they actually taste good?" asked Virgil.

"Yep!" Patton chimed, walking up and plopping himself down on the floor near the tree.

Virgil didn't look convinced.

"Do worry Virgil, I've seen them and they look absolutely horrible," said Janus. Virgil looked horrified only for a split second before understanding, immediately seeming much more relaxed and relieved.

"Did you follow the recipe I gave you?" Logan asked.

"We did!" replied Remus, who was draped over the coach next to Virgil. "At least the third time we made them."

"Trust me, these cookies are gonna be dadlicious," Patton said.

"That one wasn't even good."

"I'm not on my b—a—ke game today."

"Oh god."

"Either way, these ginger-dad cookies are going to be a gift to us all."

"Really? Dad again?"

Patton shrugged, smiling.

"Speaking of gifts—" Janus started, "I have a question for you all."

"What's the question?" asked Patton.

"That is the question," added Virgil.

"'That' is not a question,” said Logan. “‘That' is a word used most commonly to refer to an object or idea."

Roman sat up. "Oh, it's not just used to refer to an object! I refer to Remus as 'that' too.”

(Remus was unfazed, as to be expected).

“The question,” Janus started, again, “is when you all want to do gift exchanges this year.”

“Let’s do it now!” Patton exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Patton, it’s December 21st. While I do agree that the solstice is a beautiful thing to celebrate, Christmas isn’t for 4 days.”

“3 days,” chorused Virgil, Remus, and Roman simultaneously.

“Don’t question my counting methods.”

“Well, we can do some now, right? We’ve done so much work today, decorating and baking, it would be a fun treat!”

“I can’t argue with that,” said Janus.

Judging from the lack of bickering, it didn’t seem like anyone else could either.

"Yay!" Patton exclaimed. "Let's do our secret Santa gifts. I'll go first!"

The group had decided to do a secret gift exchange between all of them that year-- but some sides (Patton especially) wanted to give gifts to everyone anyways. So there would be more gifts coming on Christmas day.

"I had Logan," said Patton, passing a gift to the logical side, "so I got him a book!"

"A book, how practical of you-" Logan started, although he cut off as soon as he saw what book it was."

"A book of dad jokes!" Patton said, beaming.

Logan sighed to himself as he opened the book up. "An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. They go out into the hallway and see a fire, so they fill a trash can from his room with water and douse the fire. They go back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. They walk down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etcetera, they extinguish the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed."

"Why did you pick the longest joke you could find?" Virgil complained.

"I'm just hearing a bunch of math words," said Remus.

"Later," Logan continues without a glance up, "the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. They go into the hall, see the fire, and the fire hose. They think for a moment, then exclaim, 'Ah, a solution exists!'. Then they go back to bed."

Silence. Only silence was in the room.

"That was actually really funny," said Logan, closing the book.

"Gimme that," said Remus, stretching over the top of the couch to snatch the book from Logan.

"Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3s and 5s?" read Remus, who then looked around for a response.

"I don't know, why?" asked Patton.

"Because they can't even."

Virgil snickered at that. From the others came "That was a pretty good joke" and "yeah that makes sense" and another laugh.

"Oh, there's also a gift card in there for you," added Patton.

Logan lifted up the Amazon gift card. "Thank you, Patton," he said, before setting his gifts aside. "I had Janus as my giftee."

"Oh goodie," said Janus. It was unclear even to him if he was being sarcastic or not. (He wasn't).

"I got you a book as well. Marcus Aurelius," Logan said as Janus opened his gift.

"Is that the 'breed quails for fighting' guy?" Remus asked excitedly.

Logan put his hand against his head. "Yes, but he also made many other significant points-"

"I want to breed quails for fighting."

"Actually Marcus Aurelius suggested against that—"

"Thank you, Logan, This will be a great addition to my collection. And that's the truth," said Janus, putting another argument on hold.

Logan smiled, because yes, it was.

"Well, I had Virgil," Janus said, glancing over at the anxious side.

"Let's get this over with," said Virgil, reaching for his gift.

"I got you a new pair of headphones, since your old ones broke-"

"Sorry about that again," said the twins at the same time.

"-And I also got you some new eyeshadow. You're welcome."

"Thank you," said Virgil, just a hint of surprise in his voice as he looked down at his gifts.

"Et toi?"

"Uh, I had Roman. Here, take your gift," said Virgil, handing a bag to Roman, who accepted it graciously. "I got you some makeup and slippers. Nothing much."

"Oh my gosh Virgil I love them!!! They're so on brand!" Roman exclaimed, his voice ringing with life throughout the mindscape. Virgil cringed, but smiled back with a thumbs-up as he recovered.

“Sadly, I had Remus,” Roman says, although his smile was still prominent as he set his gift to the side.

“Oooh goodie,” Remus replies with a grin, picking up his own gift.

“How dare you steal the phrase I just used,” Janus commented.

“Just open the thing already,” Roman said to Remus.

Remus did so. “Gasp, a sword! With holographic green and an octopus hilt??”

“I know, it’s great,” Roman started. Janus could hear Virgil whisper “How did he pull that whole thing out of that tiny bag?” to Logan.

“Thanks bro!” Remus exclaimed. Virgil leaned over from his spot on the couch and held on to the closest side he could find—Janus—in order to avoid Remus’ slashing radius.

“Okay, take it easy on the sword swinging,” Janus said, putting a careful hand on Remus’ shoulder.

Remus lowered his sword with an apologetic grin. “And I got you, pops!” he said, looking over at Patton. “Your gift is there. Even though our amazing cooking is a gift in itself!”

“It is,” Patton says whilst picking up his gift, opening the box it was wrapped in.

The moral side peered into the box. “Oh my gosh!!” he squealed.

“It’s a puppy!” Remus exclaimed.

“Oh no,” Logan, Virgil, and Janus said simultaneously.

The dark grey and curly-furred puppy looked up at Patton with adorable eyes, and Patton started it down with adoration. “I. Love. You.”

“I love you too Pat,” said Remus.

“I think he was talking to the puppy,” Roman cut in, although he was also looking adoringly at the small dog.

“Yes. But I also love you, Remus!” Patton said, beaming as the dog jumped into his arms.

“Well, that was enjoyable,” Janus commented as Logan tried to talk Patton out of whatever adorable thing he was trying to do with this puppy that would probably miraculously disappear tomorrow. Give it a week, at most.

"Yeah— this year has been rough. And I don't even know what year it is!" said Roman, who was putting his slippers from Virgil on.

“I love you guys,” said Virgil, so casually it would have shaken the room in any situation where Patton and Remus weren’t occupied with lovingly staring down an adorable puppy and the rest of them weren’t occupied with watching them.

“I love you too!” replied Roman, which was then followed by an “And I as well” from Logan, and a “Not me” from Janus himself, and “Same” chorusing from Patton and Remus, still occupied with the puppy.

“You should really do something with that puppy, though,” Janus said at Patton. “Before he ruins anything.”

“You think an angel with this face would destroy?” Patton asked with a coo, holding up the puppy for Janus to see.

“It is Remus’ creation, so, yes,” Janus said.

“That’s fair,” replied Remus, right as the puppy jumped out of Patton’s arms and bounded over to the tree (scarily, as Virgil would say).

“I’ll go put him in my room,” the dad side said before any disaster could strike, scooping the puppy in his arms and sinking out, returning soon after. “Should we frost cookies then?” he asked, smiling at the group with a—not signature, because this one was real—grin.

“Oh no,” said Logan and Virgil simultaneously.

“Oh yes,” the twins chimed together.

So with a trip to the kitchen, as well as many creative ways of avoiding the newly-hanged mistletoe, the sides frosted their Christmas cookies. And, well—

It may not have been as much of a fiasco as Easter, but it wasn’t pretty either.

It’s the Sanders sides. What would you expect?

#still need a writing tag aslfahgljas #sanders sides #thomas sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #platonic dlampr #christmas fic

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aggressivedean · 4 years

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Suptober20: Day 27: Banquet

wc: 1700

It’s going to be the burger to end all burgers. It’s going to be the burger to RULE all burgers. He’s the King of Burgers; it was meant to be.

Dean hadn’t been able to focus on his classes all day because he was too preoccupied with plans for a cook-off that he had somehow let himself be roped into. As a college kid, he prided himself on his excellent cooking skills, especially since most of the guys around his age tended to live off of microwave meals 5 days a week and takeout on the weekends. Like really? They were seniors in college, time to learn how to use a stove and if you’re lucky enough to be renting a house like Dean is, maybe even a grill!

Dean knew he excelled at grilling, He used to watch his dad tend to burgers, hot dogs, ribs, anything. He was all too eager to learn once he hit high school and his dad finally trusted him to not burn the house back deck while grilling a patty.

That was why Dean was going to absolutely demolish Benny at their cook-off.

Dean was sharing a rental house with Benny, Castiel, and some random lucky freshman who got randomly assigned to their empty bedroom. Thankfully, Jack was a good kid, if a bit weird. Hell, Cas was weird too and that hadn't stopped them from being fast friends since freshman year. He met Benny at a summer job the summer before sophomore year and they made plans to live together soon after.

Also among the audience were Charlie and Jo, two of the best gals Dean ever had the luck of meeting.

Dean’s eyes flicked to the clock and saw the minute hand tick over to 3:00. Class was finally over! He bolted for the door and all but ran to his car parked halfway across campus. He had to get to the store asap to make sure he had time to gather all his ingredients.

An hour later and Dean was back at his house, ingredients stowed in the fridge, just waiting to be used. Dinner would be served right at 6:00, so he was planning on starting around 5:30--that way the burgers would still be nice and hot. Benny was already working in the kitchen; his meal of choice was a southern gumbo. Kind of cliche really. But who was he to talk, name something more American than a burger. Dean rolled his eyes at himself.

After finishing up some homework, the time had finally come to cook. He threw on his apron, it said “Mr. Good Lookin is Cookin” and had been a bit of a gag gift from Charlie last Christmas, but he loved it. Dean prepared 6 perfect patties and set out for the grill. Medium rare was the only valid way to eat a burger, everybody knew that. Dean couldn't help grinning with joy at hearing the sizzle of the meat first hit the grill. Benny doesn’t even know what's coming for him, Dean thought to himself.

Charlie and Jo came around the corner into the backyard just as Dean was flipping the patties.

“What up bitch!” Charlie yelled as she threw up a peace sign. Dean gave a big smile.

“Hello ladies!”

The girls laughed and came up the stairs, trying to peek at the grill and steal his spatula. He chuckled when he grabbed his trusty spatula back from Charlie. “Hey hey I need that! It’s my magic weapon.” He flourished the spatula in front of the grill with a cheeky smile and an exaggerated wink.

Jo groaned and dragged Charlie towards the door to the house, “Ugh, c’mon Charlie, before he starts talking about grill temperatures or something.” Dean watched as the girls disappeared inside, surely headed to give Benny an equally playful greeting. He shook his head and turned back to his burgers, thinking that tonight would be a proper banquet among friends. Well, without any frilly outfits, Dean thought. That made it even better.

6:00 arrived. Time for the showdown.

Dean and Benny were leaning against the opposite countertops in the kitchen, 6 arranged dishes sitting next to each. Dean gave Benny a smug look. “I’m gonna blow your gumbo all the way back to Louisiana.”

Benny rolled his eyes. “Oh you wish brother. I’ll have them all convinced to come move down south after just one sweet sweet bite.”

Dean tried his best to give a menacing look but it was tough while still wearing a silly apron, which he gathered from the snort Benny gave.

“All right!” Came a voice from the dining table-Jo. “Order up!” Dean heard excited voices break out, and could pick out the low rumbles of Cas’ voice. Dean hadn’t even seen him come in, apparently.

Dean picked up as many plates as he could carry (4, thankfully, one for each actual guest) and put on his most dazzling smile to head to the dining table. “Whoooooo’s hungry?” He called, and was greeting with the drumming of hands on the wooden table. He carefully set a plate in front of Charlie, Jo, Jack, and finally, Cas. Taking extra care at the end. Cas glanced up at him with a soft smile and a quiet “Thank you.”

Benny entered at the next moment, with a large tray to hold all four bowls of gumbo. “You all are about to taste Louisiana heaven,” he drawled. There was more pounding on the table and smiles once everyone had each dish in front of them. Dean and Benny served themselves last and finally sat at either end of the table. Cas was to Dean’s right and he had a great view of his profile. Cas suddenly turned to him.

“So Dean,” he began, “can you tell us what you’ve prepared for us today?” Dean didn’t want to look away from that piercing blue but was drawn by the eyes of the table turning to him. He cleared his throat.

“What you have is a perfect medium rare high quality beef burger, topped with cheese, bacon, a fried egg, and lettuce and tomato for you to eat at your discretion.” The condiments were already on the table and he could see Jo eying the hot sauce for some reason. “How about you, Benny?

The southerner leaned back in his seat. “Well, ladies and gents, there is so much goin’ on in this gumbo I’d be here all day telling you what's in it, but I already spent all day cookin’ it, so let’s just eat.” He finished with a slow smile and was met by whoops from the girls and a few claps from Jack.

Dean took a moment to watch everyone else enjoy their first bites. Jo and Jack started with the gumbo, Charlie and Cas went for the burger. As soon as the first bites hit tastebuds the whole table seemed to let out a groan of satisfaction. Dean beamed at that, and felt that content feeling in his chest at treating his friends right (and soon to be proving burgers are better than gumbo). His eyes landed on Cas and followed the journey of Cas’ thumb as he wiped a bit of ketchup off his lip. Dean wondered how he managed to make a ketchup smudge look good. He tuned back in to Charlie slapping a hand on his arm.

“Dean. Oh my god. This burger is changing my life. I might just kiss you.” Her eyes sparkled and Dean laughed.

“Please don’t, that'll just be uncomfortable for all of us!” They shared a laugh and Dean returned his focus to the two options in front of him. Well, he already knew the burger was amazing, but he didn’t know about the gumbo yet. He set up a nice hefty spoonful of the stuff and down it went.

Wow. Okay, Dean had to admit Benny knew his way around a gumbo. An explosion of seasonings, chicken AND shrimp, and a hefty amount of spice to boot? Dean really couldn’t complain. He caught Benny’s eye from across the table and gave him a smirk. “It’s alright.”

Benny threw his head back in a laugh. “Brother, by the look on your face I know its better than alright.” There was a chorus of “oooo”s from the table and Dean shook his head. What was this, middle school? The feeling didn’t last too long as soon enough everyone had tried both dishes and both cooks were being heaped with praise from the four guests. Dean ate nearly as much as he could stomach but wished he had more room just so he could keep tasting such an excellent meal.

The conversation flowed and eventually everyone had eaten their fill. They each had leftovers, that was for sure. There was a lull in conversation and Cas spoke up.

“Before we pick our favorite chef for the night, we actually have one more entry to consider.” He stood up from the table and Dean tried to catch his eye to ask what the hell but he only saw a mischievous glint and Cas was gone. He looked around the table and everyone else seemed just as confused as he was.

“I thought just you two were cooking tonight.” Jack said, and tilted his head to look between Dean and Benny. Dean just shrugged in response. He had no idea what was going on here. Neither did Benny, by the raised eyebrow he was shooting Dean’s way.

Cas came back from the kitchen holding something in a round dish covered by a towel. He set it down and removed the towel with a flourish. “Ta-daa! A final entry of one apple pie.” Dean’s jaw dropped as he stared at a pie that looked absolutely heavenly. He gazed with awe at Cas, who seemed very smug with himself.

“Dude. When did you do this?” Dean asked, and everyone echoed his statement. Cas raised a hand for quiet.

“I made it at my brothers apartment today. I wanted to keep is a surprise so I knew I couldn't make it here. I kept it in the oven really low for a bit so it would still be warm after dinner.” Cas met Dean’s gaze almost shyly. “So...enjoy!”

Dean couldn't help but feel like the words were directed at him and his stomach gave a small flutter. Could pie make him fall for Cas?

Benny was the first one to cut a slice, everyone else quickly followed suit. Before Dean could cut himself a piece, Cas slide a plate in front of him, full of a lovely slice of pie.”Thanks, man.” Cas nodded and got another slice for himself.

The first bite hitting Dean’s tongue was incredible. He knew pies could taste good but not this good. He couldn't help the groan he let out, and he heard Charlie utter “same. This is crazy good Cas.”

Jo nodded a few times in agreement, her mouth too full to respond. Benny gave an admiring whistle. “You sure know your way around an apple pie Cas; never thought you were the type.”

Cas accepted the praise with a shy smile. “I just thought it might be fun to make one. I’m glad you’re all enjoying it.”

“Buddy,” Dean said, “enjoying it is an understatement.”

That made Cas break into a full-blown smile.

So the night went that they were all full of burger and gumbo and the most excellent pie. And it turns out with a three way tie between who made the best dish, turns out they would have to have another round a different time to narrow it down; with new dishes this time. Except Cas, it was agreed, Cas absolutely had to make the pie again.

#suptober20 #banquet #a bit of. a variation #I actually started this w few weeks ago #but now I got to finish it at the behest of a prompt #I just love pals having a good time #I did not proof read this so please be nice to my mistakes #I can edit in the morning #my writing #my words

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freetoadloverpanda · 3 years

Text

THIS IS NOTHING BUT FLUFF!

You and Hawks have been dating for a good while now. You cant believe all the amazing times he has brought to your life and you cant wait to surprise him today.

Hawks being Hakws has something called a rut or mating season, you remeber the first time he told you about it, and the first time you helped him through it. For a good 4 years you've helped him through his ruts and now something has come to the light because of it.

You have always wanted a family, so has your boyfriend, and now you were going to have one! It took you a good 3 hours after you found out from the pregnancy tests that it hit you. You were carrying a child. You couldnt stop the tears pouring from your eyes. You were happy at first then scared.

Your family was very disfunctional, especially your relationship with your mother. You were never physically abused or hit but the sneaky mental abuse caused you to never want to be a mom in fear of becoming like yours. It took Hawks a good 2 years of your relationship to get you out of that mindset.

You shake your head and walk out the the apartment now was not the time to reminisce, you had planned this out throuroughly for your boyfriend. Hawks was currently on duty working his butt off saving people or doing paperwork which gave you all day to set this up. The first thing on your list was of course KFC, your boyfriends favorite food.

You knew the manager of the building and asked him to dye the inside of the chicken with edible food dye. It was pink and blue since you dont know the gender of the child. You picked up the special chicken and made your way to the party store across town. You picked up a gift bag, some decorations, and some of hawks favorite sweets. Evrything was going smooth until you reached your car.

A sudden whosh and arms were encircling your waist. You froze not expecting this outcome. "Surprised to see you out and about baby bird."

You spin around in Hawks arms blocking his vision of the things you just got in the back of your car. "Had to get some things pretty bird. Are you patrolling this area?"

"No, but I could smell your scent and decided to drop in on ya! Plus I kinda missed you, we didnt get to have our usual morning cuddles this morning." The last part was a whisper.

You smile as you watch your boyfriends cheeks start to redden. "Well pretty bird I guess I'll see you when you get home then."

You kiss your boyfriend on the cheek and start to get in your car when you were suddenly pulled back into your boyfriends embrace. Before you could scold him he smashed his lips against yours. You pulled away trying to regain the breathe stolen from your lungs glaring up into golden eyes.

"Did ya really think that I would let you get away with just a peck on the cheek baby bird?"

He smiled cheekily and before you could take a swing at his head he flew off. You huff in irritation and get back in your car driving to the apartment to get the surpise ready.

It took you two whole hours to set up everything. The KFC was on the counter and the gift bag hidden in the oven right next to a bun, for a little added effect you thought. You had some colourful strings attached to the chair in front of the KFC and a note underneath the container. You patiently waited for your boyfriend to come home watching countless shows on the tv to pass the time.

When the front door of your apartment opened and closed you couldnt help the small smile that appeared on your face. You walked over to your boyfriend and hugged him. "Got a little surprise for you in the kitchen pretty bird."

"Oh?"

Hawks picked you up and walked to the kitchen. He squealed a little seeing the chicken and sat down placing you on his lap. "Baby you shouldnt have!"

Eagerly opening the box and taking a bite of the chicken. His eyes widen and he dropped it like it was on fire. "What the hell! It..... It....."

He pointed st the chicken and looked to you in confusion. Tears were streaming down your face from laughing to hard. "What did you do to the chicken!"

Hawks was pouting while silently waiting for your answer. " I aksed thrm to dye the meat with edible dyes."

A gleam appeared in Hawks eyes. "Well since I am not eating the chicken I might as well eat you right?"

"Oh no you dont! Not yet you still have to find it!"

At that Hawks froze "find what?"

You pouted a little and crossed your arms over your chest. "If I told you it would ruin the surprise."

"Can I have a hint then baby bird?"

"Look under the KFC box. That all you get outta me!"

Hawks eagerly lifted the box and picked up the note. 'if you are feeling hungry and there's food you need to make use this to roast a chicken or some cookies you can bake.'

Hawks looks at you in confusion. "Does it mean the oven?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "Fine then dont help me y/n."

Hawks stood up and walked over to the oven. As he opens it he grabs the bag and the bun. "Okay... What is this baby bird? Is everything ok?"

You shake your head chuckling to yourself. "Just open the bag birdie."

Hawks opens the bag ang his eyes widen. He looks back up to you and then back into the bag. He did this a couple more times before he ran over to you. He picked you up and spun you a couple of times in the air.

"Oh my god! BABY BIRD WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!!!"

You couldnt help the smile that broke out as you saw happy tears streaming down Hawks face. He gently set you down and walked back over to the bun. "Baby bird you really know how to set up surprises dont you."

You just smirk at him. "It would have probably clicked faster if you were a little smarter pretty bird."

Hawks shrugs and starts to walk towards you when he freezes. "You went outside when you are pregnant! What if you were attacked by a villan or fell or yo-"

"Hawks baby stop." You interupt his rant and make you way towards him. You grab his face in your hands and stare him dead in the eyes. "I love you. You know I am a cautious person. I dont like taking chances at all."

Hawks nods and pulls you close. "I am so totally goving you one of those emergency buttons to hit."

You wiggle your way out of your boyfriends arms and start backing away slowly. "Yeah you can if you can catch me that is."

You take off running towards your bedroom, boyfriend close behind you.

The End

#hawks x female reader

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trashforhockeyguys · 5 years

Text

Don’t Hold Me -1- Carter Hart

A/N: So, I talked about writing this a long time ago. And @oven-chicken-blog and I started talking about Carter a while back, so Carter miniseries is a go. As always, angst. Lots of angst ahead. Also, new chapters for this will probably be slow. There are also going to be some content warnings to go along with this. Including mentions of different types of abuse, panic disorders, and PTSD.

You loved living in Philadelphia. You loved U Penn. You’d never really thought about what would happen if you landed in a city full of people that you knew. To be honest, you didn’t think you’d end up in a place with several people you knew, not when you were going out of state for school. But when you landed in Philly and you received a text from someone you’d known for quite a few years, you were more than shocked.

Yet, you liked it. Because you now had someone to look after you during the school year. You more than appreciated that you had someone, especially someone you trusted and someone you knew would take care of you.

You already made several calls to him during the first semester of your freshman year, especially when you needed someone. He was the closest thing you had to family on this side of the coast. The fact that he’d known you since you were a child definitely helped.

“Where are you?”

“I’m outside of the hockey house, off campus,” You quickly explained, “I- I need you to come get me. Please. I need to get out of here.”

He must’ve sensed the fact that you were close to tears, because the next thing you knew, you could hear him getting up and telling whoever else was with him to move their ass. He kept talking to you, making sure you were still there, as he moved.

“I need you to tell me the address, sweetheart,” He begged, “I promise, I’m on my way, I just need to know where I’m going.”

You looked around you, trying to find a street sign and a house number. You could still hear the music playing behind you, and the sound of everyone inside cheering over something. You felt sick. You weren’t entirely sure that you wouldn’t throw up right there on the street. You took a few deep breaths before being able to focus enough to ramble off what seemed like the right address to him.

“Patty, did you get that?” he called to someone else in the car.

“Yeah, we should be there in twenty,” the other guy replied.

“Keep talking to me, okay? We’ll be there soon.”

You curled up on the curb, instantly regretting the short skirt and crop top you’d worn to the party. Maybe you should’ve listened to your brother, who tried to tell you not to go near the hockey guys. He was stupidly protective over you, but he seemed to be right this time.

You were shaking and starting to freeze. You wished you would’ve out on more clothes, or just stayed in your dorm room. There was a lot about tonight that you were already regretting. You should’ve listened. You shouldn’t have gone, you shouldn’t have started to drink. You should’ve been more careful.

“Y/N!”

Without even thinking, you found yourself running into his arms. He was warm and safe. You knew, much like your actual brother, that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, so long as he was there to stop them.

“What happened? Huh?”

“I just want to get out of here, please, Trav,” You begged him.

“Okay. Here, take this, you’re fucking freezing,” Travis hastily took off his jacket and put it around you, “Patty, can you drive so I can sit in the back with her?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“I’m sorry Nol.”

He laughed and gave you a quick side hug, “I’m just offended that you don’t have me on speed dial yet.”

“Not now Patty.”

You mustered as much of a smile as you could, “You’re Brother #3 in my phone, not quite on speed dial, but pretty close.”

“C’mon, I’m assuming your roommate is at that party?” Travis asked you, to which you nodded, “Alright, you can crash with us.”

Travis helped you into the car before running to the other side. Nolan climbed into the driver’s side and started up the car. You got situated and then ripped off your stupid high heels. They were another thing you regretted about tonight.

“I promise, I don’t always look like a cheap hooker,” You joked, noticing Nolan looking at you through the mirror.

“Never said you did.”

“I thought you promised E that you weren’t going to party,” Travis mentioned a few minutes later.

“He’s not my mother, I’m legally an adult, I can do whatever the hell I want,” You grumbled.

“Just because you can, Y/N, doesn’t mean that you should.”

You rolled your eyes. He sounded like your big brother, maybe because they were best friends and you knew Travis felt responsible for you. Either way, they didn’t control you. Even if they were right, they didn’t dictate your life.

You were capable of making your own decisions and you could deal with the repercussions of them. You were old enough, you were in college, that was the time to make mistakes. And the time to fuck up. Yet you knew tonight was a bad idea from the start, but you wanted to feel normal again.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Travis finally asked.

“Drunk hockey players,” you shrugged, “One of them just saw a short skirt, and nothing else. That’s all. I just didn’t want to stay.”

“Do we need to turn around so I can beat the shit out of him?” Travis asked.

“No, he’s not worth it Trav.”

“No. But you are.”

You woke up on his couch the next morning, with little memory of what happened the night before. Patty was moving around in the kitchen, you hoped he was making coffee. God, you needed coffee. Your head was pounding. You probably shouldn’t have said yes to a glass of whatever was in that damned bucket.

You groaned and rolled over. The sunlight was too much. Didn’t TK have any damned blinds in this place? Surely he got paid enough to afford some damned blinds, or maybe even curtains. Something to keep the sun from killing you.

“Here.” Travis was the one to bring me the coffee.

A mug was placed down on the table in front of you, followed by Aspirin, and another blanket was draped over you. You smiled before snuggling deeper into the couch. At least Travis got a comfortable couch.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like an elephant sat on my head,” You groaned.

He laughed and sat on the edge of the couch. He started rubbing your back, slowly, just like he did a few years ago, back when he played with your brother. You groaned again and buried your head deeper into the pillows.

You tried not to think about what happened last night. You knew the party was a bad idea. You’d known that from the instant your roommate invited you. Hockey players were normally something you tried to stay away from, unless it was Travis and Nolan. You knew you could trust them, but that was as far as it went for you.

College hockey players were something that you tried to avoid at all costs. You Knew what they were like, you knew all too well. Nothing about them was good. Yet, when she’d asked you to go, you didn’t say no. Instead you pulled out your shortest skirt and a low cut top.

“Are you okay? You were pretty shaken up last night.”

“I’m fine Trav,” you assured him, “It was a pretty stupid idea. But I’m fine.”

He gave your shoulder a squeeze. You couldn’t even begin to thank him enough for rescuing you last night, and all the other times that you’d called him before that. You used to call him instead of your brother, Ethan, because Travis asked fewer questions and could keep a secret.

He was good at picking you up, and giving you space, all while loving you in the way that you needed at the time. He made you feel safe and protected, all like Ethan did, just without asking why he was needed.

“Do you want to talk more about it?”

“Nope. I want to drink my coffee, and keep your sweats on, because they’re comfy.”

“I won’t be getting those back will I?” He questioned.

“Nope you play for the team You can get more.”

He laughed. He knew you’d never give them back anyway. You always took his and your brother’s. Any chance you got, they’d always become yours. Truth be hold, he should be lucky that you hadn’t taken any yet this season.

“Hey! I made eggs, since TK actually went to the store yesterday and bought shit!”

“C’mon, eggs and toast, good hangover cure.”

You cracked a smile. How many times have you made that very thing for him over the years? That was always your go to for everyone. You wondered if Patty remembered the last time you made it for him and Travis.

“Oh, Carter is coming over,” Patty reminded Trav.

“Shit, I forgot,” He looked over at me and tried to crack a smile, “Guess you’ll get to meet Carter, unless you want me to take you home?”

“No, because she’ll probably have someone in her bed and the room is going to smell like sex, and probably vomit, knowing her,” You explained, “So, I guess I’ll just stay? If that’s okay?”

They both shrugged, “He’s your age, maybe you two could be good for each other? Since you seem to be tired of Patty.”

“You are not setting me up with your teammate,” You snapped, “You know how I feel about other hockey players.”

“If I didn’t already know you, I’d probably take offense to that,” Patty warned, “But, having known you for over a year now, and fighting to actually get you to like me, I understand.”

“You’re lucky I can still stand to be around you.”

“Wow, I love you too, Kiddo!”

“Nolan! You’re a year older than me, shut up.”

Travis laughed and shoved Nolan’s shoulder. You loved the two of them in a way you didn’t realize you could. You’d been so cut off for so long and they seemed to slowly bring you back enough. You still weren’t 100%, there were still parts of you that weren’t fully glued back together. But you were okay.

You didn’t know what you’d do without either of them to be completely honest. They’d become the family that you didn’t have while you were at school. They went far beyond just picking you up outside of parties, or rescuing you from your roommate and her constant visitors.

You depended on both of them in a way. Sure, Travis was as good as family, that was a no brainer, but Nolan was too. He’d been there for you since the day Travis first reached back out to you. You loved them both. But that didn’t mean you wanted to meet someone else.

“I think I might just go climb into your bed Trav. My whole body is feeling it today, and you actually have blinds in your room.”

“Y/N! C’mon, it’s Hart. You even said you liked watching him in goal.”

“Just because I like to watch him play, doesn’t mean I actually want to meet him. I’m not in the mood today Travis,” You hoped he wouldn’t keep pushing you on it.

You hoped he wouldn’t make you beg. You didn’t want to see anyone else. Your little circle of friends was enough. You couldn’t handle another guy in your life. Last night was a mistake, brought on by hours of your roommate bugging you to go. You were tired of always hiding out, but you also couldn’t handle everything that came with going out.

“Okay. We’ll try and be quiet out here,” he sighed and kissed your forehead, he was one of the only people that you’d ever let do that, “Go back to sleep. I’ll check on you in a while.”

You tried not to think about the fact that you were running from someone you didn’t even know. Travis wouldn’t try to get you to meet anyone who wasn’t worth it, you knew that. But at the same time, after last night, you weren’t ready for any other surprises.

You tried your best to ignore the sounds that followed the arrival of the young goalie. However, despite Travis’ promise, they weren’t quiet. You buried yourself under the blanket and closed your eyes. You’d been able to fall asleep during parties before, surely you could sleep through three guys practically screaming in the living room.

You were just starting to finally doze off when the bedroom door slammed open. You practically jumped out of the bed, not expecting any of them to come bursting in like that. Standing in the doorway was the person you were trying to avoid.

“Oh, shit,” His cheeks instantly turned red, “Sorry, I’ll just um-”

He backed out and shut the door. You could hear him chuckle as he made his way back down the hall, “TK, man you should’ve told me you had a girl over. I would’ve left you alone.”

You couldn’t help the anger that bubbled up as you threw off the covers. All you wanted to do was get some sleep, and then hang out with the boys that you consider to be your family. You didn’t want to meet anyone, you didn’t ask for Carter Hart to join you. You certainly didn’t exactly want him to think you were something that you weren’t.

So, you found yourself throwing open the door and marching into the living room. Nolan already looked panicked when he saw you. Travis was trying to explain to Carter who you were. But suddenly all you felt like doing was yelling at all of them.

“What the hell? Seriously, what part of I wanted to sleep didn’t you understand Travis?”

Travis sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning back to Carter, “Cart, this is Y/N, my unofficial little sister. She crashed here because her roommate is...a little too friendly with some guys on campus.”

“Wait, you’re Y/N?” Carter whipped around to face you, pure shock on his face.

“Well, I’m certainly not someone just warming Travis’s bed,” You snapped back, “I think I’m going to head out now.”

You turned and reached for the gym bag Travis gave you last night to put your clothes in. The walls were starting to close in on you, all you wanted to do was run. But when you started to make your way to the door, a hand reached out and grabbed your shoulder. Somehow you instantly knew it wasn’t Travis and you froze.

“Hey, c’mon you don’t have to leave.”

Before even thinking you spun back around, and slapped his hand away from you, “Don’t touch me.”

You didn’t have to look at Travis to know that he was starting to panic. So was Nolan. They knew what your boundaries were. You couldn’t fully be mad at the young man in front of you, because he didn’t know. He didn’t know you, or what you could and couldn’t handle. It wasn’t his fault.

“Don’t touch me.”

Your voice was smaller now. You sounded mousy. You hated that feeling that came along with this. You backed away from all three of them. You needed air. You knew Travis and Nolan would never do anything that you weren’t comfortable with, but Carter made you nervous. You knew he was harmless, Travis wouldn’t let him near you if he wasn’t. But still, he made you uneasy in ways that you couldn’t understand.

“At least let me drive you back to campus,” Travis begged.

“Trust me, I need to walk.”

“Y/N-”

“I love you Trav. I’ll call you later.”

You shouldn’t be running. You knew that. You should be able to stand your ground and meet Travis’s friends, his hockey family. They were more than important to him, yet the only one you could handle being around was Nolan. It had nothing to do with the rest of the guys and everything to do with you.

You couldn’t expect any of them to understand why you were the way that you were. Travis knew because he was there during everything. Nolan knew because Nolan had witnessed bits and pieces. But there wasn’t an easy way for you to explain it to anyone else. So you hid. And you’d keep hiding because that’s what you were good at.

#Carter Hart #carter hart imagines #carter hart imagine #Carter hart fanfic #Carter hart fan fiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfic #hockey fanfiction #nicolewritesthings

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