#i remember more but ill stop for now

[noven-warsh]

stuff i remember about the qsmp before purgatory? (not in chronological order)

-> Spreen singing an apology song to Wilbur to which the latter flees because the former said "disputa" (it was probably the first thing I reblogged about it)

-> QUACKITEEEEEEE! WILBURRRRRRR!

-> Wilbur adopting Tallulah for the first time. I remember them picking names together- He thought about calling her "Sacapuntas", she mentioned how her favorite word was "Wednesday" and how "Tallulah" sounded like a pretty musical note.

-> Roier and Vegetta pulling up to a strip club and poledancing and doing sus stuff (as part of a plan to get Quackity to drop some huge stuff while drunk)

-> "All the eggs are going to die" or smth idk

-> Slime going on a killing spree targeting all the eggs and trying to brute-force his way into Chayanne's room

-> Philza, Chayanne and Tallulah encounter the Nightmare Stalker resulting in the biggest angst of the week

-> Cellbit coming to the qsmp and then slowly starting a feud with cucurucho

-> Cucurucho attacking Cellbit with a chainsaw

-> Slimecicle's trial for Juanaflippa's revival

-> Forever coming up and then immediately latching on to Philza and demanding that the poor birdman be his sugar daddy and then saying some line that spawned the whole yandere!forever whump phase

-> That one pic of 4halo

-> Quackity starting a school for the eggs with the intention of eliminating them (and then wanting to talk to Tallulah afterclass and Chayanne obviously protecting her)

-> Tallulah and Chayanne coming back home bruised, and then Quackity coming to Philza's home and begging him to hand over Tallulah

-> Something about Jaiden and Bobby venturing out and finding a space ship

-> Bobby dying

-> Jaiden giving Cucurucho orange juice(?)

-> Cellbit going on a whole ass villain arc where he betrayed his friends and family to get to the bottom of the federation

-> The Guapoduo wedding

-> When Cellbit confirmed he was a neko who would meow when he was nervous (i think?)

-> Roier threatening Wilbur by telling him he was gonna come to his house and kiss him

-> When it was confirmed that Jack was supposed to be invited to the QSMP (I still have some ideas about him brooo)

-> Hatsune Soot/Wilbur Miku/Miku Wilbur

-> Quackity making wedding preparations for him and Wilbur

-> Elquackity watching a kid (egg a1) jump into lava and die

-> Forever threatening to stab Leonarda

-> Philza vs the code eggs

-> Tallulah's first death (which if you didn't know slightly parallels Wilbur's death in the dsmp)

#that's it #i remember more but ill stop for now #maybe ill make another list but this'll do #qsmp #qsmp eggs

[thebrainrotsreal]

I. NEED HELP--

YOU ARE A VERY GOOD ARTIST WHO HAS DRAWN MARK MANY TIMES. HOW DO YOU DRAW HIS HAIR

I've been trying for SO LONG but I just can't??? Why's it built like that

Okay, look, I got very excited on making a tutorial that this kinda got,,, long. I promise I tried to make it succinct. I rlly hope this helps!!! I included how to draw him Mask On, How I Do IT, and The Canon Way.

Yeah, uh, I went a little ham. This was very fun, though. I like his character a totally normal amount (<- lies, I only draw this mf.)

#local artist reveals (surprising no one) she is not normal about his fav character #ANYWYS TYSM FOR THE ASK I LOVE YAPPING #asks #invincible rotating in my mind #invincible series #mark grayson #also made me remember i have a ??? tumblr sona??? i suppose?? it's my icon creature #rare sona/icon creature spotting shocking i know #mark grayson fan first and human second i think? #the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡ #if RARE CHANCE: any real artist on the show are on here please look away i am trying my best and also hi big fan ur so cool ok ill stop now #FORGOT TO MENTION: canon usually has one big curl that sticks out!! it goes in the same direction as the rest but it sticks out a lil more #than the rest!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

thinking abt kenny and his anti-neet agenda

#it’s soooo funny how he was constantly like. Fuck Tengen In Particular #but it’s also such an interesting aspect of his character it floors me all the time …. #the fact that what he hates more than anything is. the kind of person who gives up without trying. that learned helplessness #he hates tengen because they hid themselves away for all their centuries of living. chose to look away from the world of curses #while kenjaku has lived in that world for thousands of years now and continues to interact with it… and the people in it….. #and it’s also so obvious when you remember the characters kenjaku is most positive towards in the manga. he likes takaba. he likes yuki. #yuji too….. #all people who refuse to give up even when they’ve been knocked down a hundred times #yuki who uses her last strenght to create a fucking black hole… takaba who vows to make kenjaku laugh even after losing faith in himself #and yuji who never stops coming back from the dead. from the brink of insanity. yuji who tries again and again and again #i think kenjaku loves human resilience more than anything #hhhh. he really is my favorite…… gege ill never forgive u for fumbling him pls remember that . #ari noises ✩

[punbeam]

Not to assign cartoon characters mental illnesses like some sort of Youtube Clickbaiter, but the way Simon is treated in Fionna and Cake feels specifically reminiscent of how our society is hypocritical about bipolar/manic depressive people.

I don't think this is controversial to say, but in the original Adventure Time Simon-as-Ice-King just felt like a general mental illness allegory. Not to say it was executed perfectly, since again it was a generalized allegory and often focused on the people around Simon VS him, but it did manage to cover a fair amount of nuances: acknowledging when Ice King's behavior was a reflection of the mental illness Crown and not Simon; the conflicting dynamic of growing up with a mentally ill Magically Cursed parental figure; Treat People Who Are Mentally Ill Cursed As People.

But in Fionna and Cake where Simon isn't Ice King anymore? And everyone is going on about how cooler and more fun and more creative Ice King was compared to Simon? It just seems like the fantasy equivalent to people fetishizing manic depression in creatives and saying stuff like "The pills will kill your creativity" and "What if Van Gogh wasn't depressed, wouldn't his art be so much worse?"

And in the show we see Simon internalize all these comments! Over and over again people are saying he's pathetic as Simon and can't do anything special as Simon, unlike Ice King. So between all of that and his own warped nostalgia of the past, he uses the slimmest opportunity to volunteer to be Ice King again, even if it hurts him!

The worst part is we know that rn Simon is damned either way. Depressed as Simon, the people of Ooo avoid him and don't try to connect with him, and he is too afraid of being a burden and reaching out to Marcy for help. And if he relapses turns fully back into Ice King? They'll treat him like a party toy for a while before discarding him when he gets "too crazy" and the novelty wears off, and he'll probably lose his only support network.

That being said at this point (Episode 4) it's hard to tell which direction all of this will go. Tom Kenny has mentioned how this show features the most emotional VA work he's ever done, so it's fair to say that whatever happens next in the series with Simon will be intense and even heavier than it already has been.

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time #at #Like I said #the original show's allegory isn't perfect. Mental illnesses are complex and can't just be cleanly wiped away #and there's a lot more nuance that I'm not equipped to fully discuss #(specifically regarding medication; reasons why someone might not medicate/seek treatment ; etc) #and honestly I haven't watched every episode of AT so I don't clearly remember how happy Ice King was when people stopped beating him up #like I remember the dinner with him Marcy and PB where he internally seemed unhappy as Ice King and still wanted to be free #though I also remember the episode where he and Magic Betty went on a date but clashed bc she was angry he was Ice King/not neurotypical #which partially feels like a big downfall to Betty with her not being willing to cope with who Simon/Ice King was now

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[olliecoded]

summer is going to be so hard for me because like if i wear long sleeves and long pants all summer my mom is going to get suspicious but it's not even going to be because i'm self harming it's going to be because i'm not at a point where i can allow my body to be seen in summer clothes

#like i AM self harming yeah but it's not even going to be the reason i can't wear short sleeves which makes me SOOOO bitter. #my dysmorphia was actually so much better for a really long time and then it got sooooo bad again all at once #and it's going to be CRAZY compounded when i go back home #because of course there's my mother who makes me hate my body more than anyone i have ever known but also ****** who ljke. does not care if #i have an ed and has proven historically that she will say whatever she wants about peoples bodies. #sorry i literally promised i would stop posting shit like this i am just feeling genuinely ill right now. #cw ed #tw sh #sorry i dont remember what tags i typically use for this stuff guys i am feeling. INSANE right now. i should smoke #hello world

[todayisafridaynight]

ik a mention rgg nerfing ttm's features when modelin sawashiro every five minutes but they really had to cause aint no way in hell would a been intimated by this bruv if they didnt

#snap chats #oh im fucked i really put 'a' instead of 'i'. whatever thats how i pronounce it we goin phonetic baby #did ou know i remember abolutely nothing about the ending of drive. i watched it while drinking two soju #DO NOT RECOMMEND by responsible #to totally contradict myself im drinkin nigori i bought . i didnt know alcohol cold frreeze and i accidentally froze it ☠️☠️☠️ #iiii ALOMST knocked my cup over ohmy gd #moving on. legality to say soem BULLSHIT noowt ho #anyway n o lsien to me ttm's 38 in this movie and sawashiro's 38 in 2000. probably. i cant do math rn Or Ever point is About Same Age #this IS from drive. great movie. and this is one of his cuter/sillier roles imo so awkward comp but ill still speak #main text got me lying i was out of pocket seeing bro frame 1 anyways but it woulda been a diff vibe this route lsten to me #hes just too cute bro . bye. fymhes an antagonist hes too cte for that <- his filmography prves otherwise #gon try to start an argument with me what you gon do mate kiss me ??? enough. #i like how ttm just has A Vibe to him. Apparently. he always playin awkward mates.... back then anyway.. #postman blues did him so dirty bein all 'slender-framed mates are more prone to socipathy' LKE LEAVE HIM ALONNNE #wehhh i wish they mocapped his facial expressions more accuraltey in rgg. and his teeth. his smle still cute to me.. #i sound lke my mom when she talks bout lee joongi whenever i talk bout ttm ew lke bye. stop #ok im going bak to playing mincraft now bye #oh my gd when did it become 2AM literally suck my ween

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[dullahandyke]

the thing is even as my version of the ace attorney universe is heavily modified to fit the themes of the characters within it, idk if thats even the right choice for the place to put them in bcos its not quite working. but also sooo much of it plays on aa status quo that id have to entirely reinvent parts if i wanted to preserve that effect

#like ive been playing dgs and i read a Really good oc insert kh fic recently #and im like holy shit these r so good... n then my ocverse is kind of incoherant and not cohesive #and logically i know that the only way to get to it being good is to work on it #but thats haaard and these characters have literal years of baggage in my mind that i cant divorce them from #+ if i were to ever actually write their story itd have to Feel like ace attorney with like cases and banter n shit #and theres parts of my changed worldbuilding that would actively make that difficult to work with #let alone my lack of faith in my ability to emulate aa stuff #sigh. ok first ill move the puzzle pieces around in my head a bit more and try to get it all working #first stop is working more on ames bcos even tho shes the protagonist shes so underdeveloped... #like i remember a time when occult yamamoto (yes that used to be her name i was 13) was my favourite ever ever she was all i drew #there are pictures of her onmy bedroom walls i threw her and her twin sister an irl birthday party #and now the tone of the post has switched to mourning the loss of passion i used to have for ocs and stuff. great #maybe i need to get into oc roleplay again. fangan discords were my old hunting grounds so mayhaps... #tho that would necessitate like. messaging and stuff. and im bad at that (friday seven im Sorry i see your dms ill get back to u soon) #shrug idk... ANYWHOOOO ill thonk on it

[terrorbirb]

This weekend started off fine but somehow I have ruined my life

#totes bro #just uhm #taking in the consequences of my own actions #sometimes i have to reckon with my mental illnesses being more than just depression #i just need to clean approximately 12 projects and crafts up in my room #because next week i have big doll thing and also starting my new job #so I need bandwidth for that #but ive also been getting back into drawing #but ive also still been knitting #and with the doll coming i should probably fix up my sets #and i have to clean up from the birds #and.......i have to do laundry #and i probably will spend time playing bg because i cannot stop my brain #overall the mood is 'cannot stop my brain' #im taking antianxiety meds all of tomorrow #just now am i feeling actual anxiety and not just hmm jittery and distracted #i am so strong and i can figure this out without a therapist to hold my hand #i also cleaned today #if youre like 'this is an overreaction to a messy room' you've identified the problem #remember when i used to have panic attacks because there were dirty dishes #? well I've improved somewhat but im still the same person #i need to print papers #i got out my professional person bag and did all my laundry for the best clothes so now i have to line up my outfits #i need to iron all thr pants #i need to do doll research #i am going to probably borrow my wife's ipad for that

[ghostzzy]

FINE. i’ll say it. i think i am a proficient enough (and determined enough) writer to lead a moderately successful career as a YA author.

#LITERALLY the only thing stopping me is my various illnesses. #IF I COULD JUST GET HEALTHY AND STABLE. i could do it. i believe i could. #but i’m remembering now how i want to write more than anything ever. it is my first and truest passion. #and once i am Able To. i am gonna be an unstoppable storytelling machine. #izzy.txt

[picrewer]

Is there like another website like picrew where i could upload a dress up game because picrew is lowkey too hard for me to understand

#hey whats up im back and yes i still really wanna make a picrew #only thing stopping me is how insufferable using the website is #literally would have made one by now if picrew had like an official english version with a good tutorial #i could not follow any of the ones on youtube im too stupid ;-; #text #picrew #im also gonna post some more picrews after this and fix my icon but maybe ill actually upload one like ive been wanting to for years #ive got the skill but i do not have the brains #also do not expect me to remember tags because i dont lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[sootonthecarpet]

can't tell if I wanna shave my head again or if i'm just being bipolar GWAH

#I love having long hair but I also love having short hair and I also love watching my hair grow out #and I'm starting to get bored with my current undercut which I've had for a WHILE; I kind of thrive on variety #but also it's been really fun to have ass length hair and if I shave it right now and let it grow out I won't again until I'm like 31 #and we're coming up on winter when it'll be comfortable to wear my hair down a lot more often #so idk.... I don't wanna let FOMO stop me from getting a good haircut but I also don't wanna end up dysphoric if i shave and don't like it #hey I just remembered some ppl say bipolar to mean indecisive. no I just mean the mental illness that I have

[arsenicflame]

'im doing great!!!' <- had to read through old messages from their [????] to remind themselves that was a legitimate thing that happened and not just a delusion

#tw for tags- allusions to kidnapping and abuse and grooming and various sentiments around that. a vent. #genuinely had myself questioning if it actually occurred or if it was all in my head like the recurring kidnap Thoughts #i dont honestly remember much that occured around that time so #retraumatise urself a little to remind yourself how fucked up that was #i put ??? because i honestly. dont know what to call him. now stalker; then? abuser? groomer? #i honestly struggle w words because i struggle to give myself the grace about what happened. #but i spent some time with [removed because they could see this + Who holds no relevance] and i just. it really clicked here #what the fuck i was a child. i look at them and i see a baby and they remind me so much of myself and i was a child #and they are older than i was!! what the fuck #i struggle to give myself the grace because i know i made a lot of mistakes and i was stupid and i knew better but also what the fuck #sorry syrry. looking at them and thinking who would ever. fucked me up #and then i started questioning if it even happened or if i made it uo #and im deeply upset now rereading all of this and theres more than i remember becuase i went looking to find something with another person #acknowledging it happened and i. i dont remember it and i dont know why i did it and hes still following me and i want him to STOP #i want to feel safe again #i want my actions as a 15 y/o to not be held against me until he dies #im fucked up #but i think i needed to say these things. to put them out into the world. i feel a little better. ill probably delete this later #nyxtalks #jesus this is a swing from my last post sorry guys #ik nobody read this far but i feel the need to say it. this is not the kind of person i want to be online

[caffeinatedopossum]

The workout I've been managing to do the last three times takes me about 20 minutes and I'm honestly really happy that I can complete that because that's a lot for me.

I think my next goal is going to be to do that workout twice a day so I'll get a total of 40 minutes everyday which brings me infinitely closer to my 1 hour a day goal :D

I'll still have to see how it effects my body though because even with the amount of trial and error I've already been going through for years to find out what exercises I can and can't do with my ehlers danlos, it's still really unclear to me what's hurting me and what's helping

#im focusing on ab workouts with minimal range of motion atm #because that strengthens my core which should theoretically strengthen/stabilize everything else in turn #since your core is your core its like the focal point of stability. probably more so your back than your abs #but im hoping my back gets strong enough to do back exercises along the way (it isnt right now 😅) #i think the biggest problems im facing right now are 1) muscle spasms after i exercise #2) injury during exercise (its VERY hard for me to control and im not even sure what specific injuries are happening) #im not conscious of how everything in my body feels- only the worst 2 or 3 sensations get through to my awareness- #so if something is hurting me i often dont know. and because of that i also dont know what pain means STOP and what doesnt #theres also my problems with balance and proprioception so like. even if i do know a movement is wrong and know where i need to adjust to #(which is rare but still) i often hurt myself trying to fix it because i dont know where my body parts are essentially #its a real pain in the ass (or a pain in my legs. lol kinda hard to tell) #theres was a third problem too but i forgot 😅 ill probably talk about it later when i remember