#i really wish this wouldve been localized :(

[komashurabiggestfan]

Sangokushi gave us wayy too cool of Yokai armor designs for 80% of the fandom to forget it's existence tbh

#yokai watch #yo kai watch #yo-kai watch #armor #jibanyan #komasan #pls play this game its so underrated #i really wish this wouldve been localized :( #3ds

[akirameta84]

...huh I did do Monk twice but yeah I meant Saint could be the same Scug. In all their mushroom naming god and desire for waffle fries glory (don't ask why I associate those two memes with Saint I just do). Now I'm going to wonder how I mixed their names up.

Also going to let you know, but I had the random mental image of Saiko being the kid of the Chieftain Scavenger Mera went after and killed. After that he gathered up as many Scavengers that were willing to leave with him, and did just that. Creating one of the nomadic tribes of Scavengers in the process. He's not really involved in anything unless the Scugs encounter his tribe or they go to live in Saiki's collapsed structure for a short while before leaving after seeing Scugs hanging around it. They're just there, out in the world. And very much doing their best to avoid pissing off any Scugs.

Chiyo, Hii, Rifuta, Kongou, Takahashi and Satou are various Scugs in Teruhashi and Kaidou's previous colony. They're currently living in the Outer Expanse because there's food, shelter, and in case Kaidou and Teruhashi ever come back they want to be there to greet them. Kongou was also the leader of their colony, and currently their very effective protector because he is a responsible adult. Other than that, they're just living their best lives.

Also funny thought. Teruhashi and Kaidou more often than not go to collect Neurons for Saiki despite already giving him plenty. They're doing it partially out of spite towards Kuusuke because, via use of charades and Nendou already having a vague idea about what happened, they know Kuusuke is responsible for Saiki's current state. That and he's just a jerk in general. Saiki is unsure if he should convince them to stop, or let them do their thing to avoid wasting any effort.

pffft amazing. and those two memes resonate very well with saint. i also think of the "blows up pancakes with mind" meme as saint haha.

saiko being a scav is very interesting! but it makes a lot of sense because of their interest in pearls :o

hopefully none of the scugs to visit kusuo have ever eaten his neurons...they can eat kuusukes all they like, he has hundreds of thousands. but poor kusuo has so little, just like moon :[

i agree with your points and dont have more to comment on them, but i have a new idea too: maybe one of the purposed scugs was sent with an outfit for kusuo, or one of them found one, just like how you can find LttM's tattered robe as some of the slugcats in rain world. cause the collapse definitely wouldve washed away his fancy iterator outfit, and nendou wouldnt have been the scug to bring one because revival was moat important, since kusuo was very much not functional in the slightest. and hes still barely functional until akechi is sent to steal a rarefaction cell

i got rambly lol. i have mild ideas for all the iterators in this au and i wish i could draw </3 also: i wonder if kuusuke would end up with the rot at all. maybe instead of a forced broadcast causing him to mess up, since he shut down all communications and unlike 5P, kuusuke is the administrator of the local group, and so kusuo couldnt force a broadcast, he gives himself the rot via his own hubris. he just straight up messes up the process by himself, if he does have the rot in this au

ty for the asks <3 sorry yet again for lackluster replies cause i just agree to much with the au youve practically built for me >//<

#iterator saiki #saiki k #saiki kusuo no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k. #rain world #rainworld

[gayemeralds]

hi! ive liked the project shadow is sonic theory for a while, (mostly bc of your posts) not necessarily believing in it but i DO think its interesting but one things been bugging me about it is shadows memory of marias wish/promise (localization errors.). because like. i dont think gerald wouldve given him that memory? it has no benefit to him, it actively undermines his goal and i dont think shadows brain would just make it up. while hes dead set on revenge. do you hacve an explanation for it?

disclaimer: i don’t think they ever intended for “project shadow” to be sonic’s actual backstory other than maybe a fun “what if?” and i wouldn’t ever want it canonized but i think about it so much

okie dokie ive got three theories here bc this is also something i wonder about.

gerald wasn’t originally going to make shadow a weapon: gerald was going to re-create project shadow under g.u.n., with the same intention of helping the world and being a good guy, until he saw the list of people killed in the raid and found maria amongst them. gerald, who had already given shadow his memories and maria’s soul (a la sonic battle), then altered them to fit his decent into madness, which is why shadow was able to remember

shadow was given maria’s soul/however sonic battle explains it: this innate connection allowed him to remember marias true wish, just as it keeps emerl good, until the very end.

shadow just has a fucking breakdown: shadow didn’t agree with destroying the planet, but that’s what his memories tell him to do, that’s the purpose gerald gives him, so shadow goes through with it. but the worlds about to end and the ark is about to crash into the planet and shadow doesn’t WANT that to happen- he doesn’t really want to destroy the world, despite it all, because gerald still made him a living, conscious, human person despite also being a wmd. so shadow’s brain configured a new memory- to justify his actions of saving the world.

im partial to the first- that g.u.n. lied to gerald about the events of the ark, that maria was held somewhere, perhaps as a hostage to keep him going, so gerald decides to make the second ultimate lifeform prorotype similar to sonic- hoping to create a hero to right his wrongs. but then gerald finds a list of those killed, and his hate for humanity takes hold, and gerald gives shadow black arms dna and alters his memory until he creates the shadow we know today. and instead of righting gerald’s wrongs… he’s going to right all of humanity’s wrongs, by acting as judge, jury, and executioner.

#PONDERING…….. #master emerald brothel

[hopeheartfilia]

i believe libraries are important and good. i do not emotionally care for them

Ive been having trouble thinking today, or rather expressing sentiments in accordance with an essay structure

At some point i gave up and watched a sj the x video. that helped imensly s in i can now make logical atatements again. however i am not really thinking and making connections im just sitting here like hello yes i have thoughts

And like i can see how i could write an essay on themes of estetics and the subjective and objective merits of art in relation to my theme, Should we close public libraries, but it wont change the fact that my answer is no deeper then a simple "no, are you an idiot"

and i have reasons ans back up but its just a liat of articles i could point someone towards, like hello this is research i found on the positive impacts of libraries on communities. please think of how someone would apply to a job in the current landscape of online applications if they dont have acess to a home or the internet. the answer may be libraries.

also librarians exist and libraries have other communal funtions. like reading to children. supporting local charities in various ways. serving as a social environment.

I have all the building blogs of yes one could make an essay out of theese parts

but i do t have the connective tissue. im missing the fucks given to explain. it probably wouldve helped if ive ever argued with someone over this but frankly im having a hard time actually making genuine contraaruments about Yes we should close public libraries, without making a pseudo strawman, like hello if you genuenly think we should close public libraries you eirher have no clue what youre talking about or your intentions are like. evil. whcih isnt. its not accurate. it doesnt make for a good essay

Id rather write several essays about me trying to write this essay then the actual essay

the theme decided i dont wanna fuck with it and now im here. wishing i spent the last 5 hours doing a little gouache painting instead of trying to turn my beain on and off aga-

maybe sleep would help. didnt help the last 2 times i tried to fic this "i dont wanna start this essay" problem, but at this point ive done that and moved to I dont actually wanna write it

.. i should probably talk this out with someone. as in ask them what reasons do you think someone could have for closing a library?

Also look up essay structures again. i hate doing that i prefer just reading and listening to essays and seeing where what i consider a logical train of thought goes, but im very stuck and if you cant make something you like, make something very technical

#this is about the essay i have due 6 hours ago #making something very technical sounds so boring but tjis whole essay is #which it shouldnt be #libraries are inherently interesting because they have books and shelves #theres architecture and historical significense to some #but like i dunno ive always felt my local libraries so seperated from what i hear of other libraries around the worls #and i never emotionally connected with one #if in even one of the bookstores you can actually sit down in around me there was a library with the same amoutn of books i could sit in i #frankly dont know if i wouldve gotten emotionally attached to it but it feels more likely #yes ive spent years of my childhood wanting to visit the national library #no i havent done it now that i can #its just laziness and also the front doors are giant and intimidating and sometimes im small pathethic trash

[insertdisc5]

Hey, if you're still willing to make it, I'd be interested in the RPGmaker MV tutorial (please)! (Always been curious to use it, but I know absolutely nothing about game dev...)

OK OK OK SO.

This tutorial technically applies to all RPGmaker versions, but I’m using MV so maybe it doesnt apply 1 to 1. I have MV because I got it when it was on sale, but as a rule I think you should get the newest one (right now it’s MZ)!

RPGmaker actually has a tutorial that’s inside the software itself! I highly recommend going through it and making a test project to remember the different things... But mostly imo as long as you understand switches and variables you’re all good. This tutorial will probably make WAY more sense if you went thru the tutorial already.

(also this is... less a tutorial and more “things i wish someone wouldve written down in an easier spot to find” lol)

P L U G I N S. USE THEM. THEY WILL SAVE YOU SO MUCH TIME.

Plugins are pretty much little bits of programming that you can add to your project to change your game. It’s pretty useful if you know how to program, but if you’re like me, it is REALLY USEFUL because there’s a lot of really talented people doing some great plugins out there. (iirc rpgmaker ace uses “scripts” instead of plugins.) Plugins in MV are .js files! To add them to your game, drop the js file into your project’s folder>js, and then in rpgmaker go to tools>plugin manager, and select the file through here. I am writing this down because it took me a good long while to find out.

As for great plugins, i CANNOT recommend yanfly’s enough. They have a bundle of their whole library for 30$ and imo it is a MUST BUY. Other notable plugin makers are GALV, Himeworks and moghunter. Also if you got rpgmaker’s dlc there’s plugins in your rpgmaker local folder. Took me months to even realize.

A few more things about plugins:

-if you use a plugin, CREDIT THE MAKER!!! I recommend making a list of the plugins youre using along with the creator’s terms of use-- some might be fine with just being credited, but some might ask for you to contact them first. Some of those plugins might be a few years old and you might not be able to contact the creator-- on my end I tried to leave a comment somewhere on their website at least.

-some dont play nice with one another and might create bugs! Sometimes it’s just a matter of reordering them in the plugin manager (higher plugins take priority or smg? usually plugins tell you where to place them, like “put this one at the top so it doesnt break stuff”).

-usually if i had like something i wanted to do in rpgmaker (like... having a visible hp bar for enemies) i’d just type “hp bar enemies rpgmaker” on google and it usually did the trick. rpgmakercentral is a great ressource

-If you get a bug theres a 90% chance it’s because of your plugins. In that case the fastest way to find out which one is to turn off all your plugins and turn them on one by one until the bug happens. then you have found The Culprit and can act appropriately

MEMORY

Um when youre maybe 40% done you should play your game with the task manager open so you can see how much memory your game uses. As a reference I think mine runs around 300-500MB, which is fine and works on most computers. (i think omori is 600MB?) You should do this just in case because you might find out your game runs at upwards of, uh, 3 gigabites of memory or something. It is absolutely not something that happened to me. No siree. It definitely hasnt happened because I added a glitch animation effect to every single torch in the game and it caused the game to leak memory like crazy. anyway. check the memory at some point

PIXEL ART

pixel art and tilesets in rpgmaker is hell i have blocked it out. Look it up yourself and struggle along. Using the already existing tilesets as a base was very useful. Or just buy some tilesets online and save yourself time

SKILLS AND GAME BALANCING AND REFERENCES STUFF

heres a few ressources i found useful~

-damage formulas 101

-skills: what you’re doing wrong

-making a balanced game

-how to balance an RPG: or, how to not make your game feel completely broken, unless that's how you want it to feel

-yanfly’s “let’s make a game” comics

-studio zevere’s map design timelapse

-another map design timelapse

-the rpgmaker forums and rpgmaker subreddit have saved my bacon more than once if you get stuck on something! also google, CANNOT praise google enough. just ask google questions.

CREDITING

Credit every ressource that isn’t yours. Can be from icons you found on itchio to plugins to sound effects you found on a website. The standard seems to be credits inside the game (whether as a choice in the menu or at the end), and a credits text file inside your game folder. I personally added each person’s website so if you need ressources just look there lol

EXPORTING THE GAME

dont fucking export as mac don’t do it it’s hell if you have a mac and its actually  impossible to export to mac if you have a pc. I got lucky enough to have a friend who both possessed a mac AND rpgmaker MV. But it still has problems and even some industry ppl told me “lmao you made a mac version I would NEVER” so just save yourself time and don’t export to mac. Exporting to PC is pretty self explanatory

A QUICK EXPLANATION ON SWITCHES AND VARIABLES

Those are very important to make a game and it took me a while to understand so heres a little section about it lol. maybe it’ll help

To take START AGAIN as an example, when you use a crest and the tears disappear, using the crest makes the “Tears1Gone” switch go from OFF to ON. The tears themselves have a second page where if Tears1Gone is ON, then the tears aren’t here anymore.

For variables, they can be anything but i only used them as numbers. So for the barrels, every loop the “BarrelCheck” variable starts at 0, and every time you check a barrel the “BarrelCheck” variable goes up by one. If you check barrels a lot there’s different events, like siffrin thinking that the people of the house must rly like nuts, right? For that, I have a conditional branch that pretty much goes “if BarrelCheck=5, then event is “wow they rly like nuts”“, “if BarrelCheck=12 then another event happens”, “else just the usual dialogue.”

Here’s a tiny bit of how it looks like in practice! The tutorial might explain it better. It took me a little bit to understand how to even use it lol

as for event pages also: REMEMBER PAGE PRIORITY GOES FROM LEFT (least priority) TO RIGHT (the prioritest). So if an event you’ve added doesn’t start it may be because the page order you made is wrong.

THE CREATOR BRAIN ZONE

Making a game is hard. But it can also be extremely fun. But also it’s haaaaaard!!! How do I even make a gaaaaaame!!!

Play games that you love again. Take notes. Notice the very small parts about a game that make it incredibly easier to play. Add that to your game. As an example: i played the great ace attorney as I was making the prologue. AND. did you know the dialogue in ace attorney has a very slight pause at every comma or semi colon, and a longer pause after periods or exclamation points and stuff. Did you notice. Are you losing your goshdarn mind over it now. Well someone made a plugin to reproduce that so go say thanks

also you WILL hate your game at some point. and at that point you gotta push through it and tell yourself “well. if i hate it. maybe i should just. make it better” and add like a cheesy scene about people eating snacks. works every time

anyway in general just analyze why you love/hate video games and add that to your game. just be extremely annoying about it. Like i just LOVE flavor text in games so I added it EVERYWHERE. Did i get worried it was gonna get annoying? Yes. Did a lot of people really like the flavor text anyway? Also yes. Make a game you’d love to play and it might click with people. Also what would be the point of making a game you don’t like to play??? NONE!!! SO BE AS SELF-INDULGENT AS POSSIBLE, GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!

also make a devlog post every two weeks with what you did in the last few days so you can see how far you’ve come later lol

thats it thank you i hope this was somewhat useful

#ask tag #tutorial #rpgmaker #rpgmaker mv #game dev #i might add to all of this sometime... #Anonymous #reference

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

#wow i was so sappy ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ihdsajhkjsdhjkd #2020 follow forever

[companionship]

okay one big post to get the finale out of my system! it's been lovely reading all of your analyses and reactions, and looking at all your amazing gifs and edits :')

fair warning: this is going to be so stinking long omfg

the things i enjoyed:

vincenzo remaining an anti-hero through and through, especially the fact that he didn't hold back at all when it came to myunghee and hanseok's death. he gave them a taste of their own medicine and then some forreal, their deaths were brutal but oddly satisfying, and i'm saying this as someone who usually hates violence/gore. throughout the show, they've always hinted at what he was Truly Capable Of and boy did we get to see it

vincenzo fumbling in hanseok's house and not being his usual self – a lot of people thought it was ooc, which i understand! i felt like that was the Point, to show that for once, he's not the invincible mafia consigliere that everyone thinks he is. what he did to the man who killed his mother and the army of security guards was a reaction, but this is the first time he's flustered, caught at a disadvantage, and faced with the very real possibility that he might lose somebody incredibly important to him. idk it made him more human to me

vincenzo literally not hesitating for even 0.1 seconds to fold his entire body around hers when he thought hanseok was going to shoot again – yeah that whole bit made my heart clench i feel like a crazy person i won't get over it

the chayenzo hospital scene... my god it was so tender my heart broke. the laugh they both shared, out of sheer relief that she's okay. the little joke about paying for the private room. the way not much was being said, but everything was being said at once. the way they looked at each other, as if it wouldnt ever be enough :( the quiet acceptance that this is their last night together, and that he's going to have to kill a bunch of people after this, but for now they have this. for however brief.

chayoung being chayoung – her big ass personality at the courtroom at the end after winning ms oh's case. her hopping around in those heels, looking elegant and sleek, mocking the hell out of rich conglomorates. she's in her element again and it made me so, so happy to see. i absolutely adore her, she's everything really. after all that loss and the whole ordeal, i'm glad she's able to return to what she does best: putting capitalists back in their place

mr lee being Very Much Not Dead – idk how i wouldve been able to handle it after witnessing hanseo's death like im glad he got the chance to be a dad

the kiss – my god....

the things i didn't like:

hanseo's death – lmao is it even a surprise... say what you will about his death being foreshadowed, but i really just hated hated it. i hate that hanseok won this one. i hate that hanseo worked so hard to redeem himself, only to lose it all. i hate that he was given a taste of what a real family was like, and then having it taken away so cruelly. even though i said above that i didn't mind that vincenzo was ooc at the mansion, i was still screaming at the screen because there were plenty of opportunities for the situation to be reversed. i don't necessarily blame vincenzo for hanseo's death, but i do wish that they had a funeral scene for him. i wish they acknowledged his sacrifice, and how pivotal he was in turning the tables. if not for hanseo, vincenzo really couldn't have pulled any of this off, from the interpol tipoff to the tracking device in the watch. idc idc hanseo is in malta rn, enjoying the sun and the beach, going to therapy, and teaching the local kids how to play hockey even though there's no ice :(

chayoung being bedridden the whole finale – like... NAH lmao this aint it chief... if things went my way, she wouldve gotten out of the hospital depite her injury and dealt with myunghee before handing her off to vincenzo. i loved their animosity for each other, and i wanted chayoung to be the one at myunghee's apartment waiting for her, rubbing it into her face. i wanted chayoung to verbally finish myunghee with that sharp ass tongue of hers and really dump a load of salt on her wounds. then vincenzo could do whatever the hell he wanted. you could argue that the show is called Vincenzo but i really dont care lmao it started with chayoung avenging her dad and she should've been able to strike the final blow. also what was her big second party? are we really just going to ignore her capacity for evil? after all that moral work done, after that time she spent coming to terms with using evil to combat evil, we're just going to... keep her bedridden? park jaebum u will pay for this

vincenzo losing his family – besides hanseo's death, i think this was what i hated the most from the ending. the start of the show showed us vincenzo's departure from the mafia with the very clear intention of Not Returning. the capo died, his loyalties lie with no one, paolo can suck it. throughout the show, we see him repeat over and over that he wants to get the gold and skip off to malta to enjoy a peaceful life there, while reflecting/repenting for the things he's done. vincenzo was gearing up for a lifetime of solitude. the whole point of the show was for him to find a real family and have a real chance at happiness. park jaebum really said FUCK THAT! we're gonna have him ditch the family that he built from scratch with the love of his life and then make him return to the family that tried to kill him AND make him the capo... pjb said we're gonna separate vincenzo from the family that accepts his past and sees it as a strength and not a weakness. the family that was formed out of solidarity, the family that he fought for and fought alongside with blood, sweat and tears. not to mention the goddaughter of his? sorry i would laugh if it didn't actually rile me up so bad

vincenzo not being able to come back to korea – i've said this in another post of mine, but given that he is The Vincenzo Cassano with all those resources at his disposal (guillotine file, mr ahn/mr cho/the chief etc.), the fact that he isnt even able to stay in korea for 30 fuckin minutes after finishing hanseok was ridiculous. the whole police chase was dumb as hell considering that the show has managed to stop politicians and mf presidential candidates from going after him like ? huh LMAO park jaebum had an on-demand pigeon army in this show and Yet he can't stop like 10 suddenly-righteous policemen. another big ass HUH

chayenzo (here we go...):

NOPE! i've reflected on the ending and decided that i'm going to be petty and salty for a while more before coming to terms with it

i can rationalise and try to be positive and tell myself that their love is enduring can transcend space and time and that in due time, they will find their way back to each other, and i have no doubt that they will because they're one soul in two bodies. it's quite literally canon that they're soulmates.

but let me wallow for a second

here we have two people who have done questionable and terrible things in their past coming together, growing together, grieving together, fighting together... you get the gist of it. you have two people who have found a home in each other. two people who, for all intents and purposes, were about to live in a whole lot of bitterness and solitude if not for each other and the life they built together (chayoung didn't have friends like that, and her family is gone too). to separate them like that at the very end is cruel. i know chayoung and vincenzo are mature and incredible and will be able to function without the other next to them. i know that they will still excel as lawyers and will defeat evil with their underhand methods the way they do so well but my god are they going to feel the absence and miss each other

my point is that they shouldn't have to. from what i could tell, they can't even communicate on a regular basis bc he'll be tracked and whatnot, hence the postcards. a postcard every month is a poor substitute for all those nights they stayed up drinking makgeolli and celebrating their wins. its a shitty replacement for coffee dates and fist bumps and all the moments in between. after everything they've been through, after literally fighting to death for their family, they don't deserve this. they don't deserve to meet up once a year for a couple of hours. they don't deserve pockets of time in malta or korea, their life in a perpetual countdown to when they're going to see each other next

they both deserve love and some semblance of peace (finally finally). they both deserve to have someone to come home to after a hard day of work, because doing what they do cannot be easy. they both deserve a family, deserve to have someone next to them that accepts their past and would embrace their future. they both deserve a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. i know they will still be It for each other despite the distance, i just wish the distance didn't even exist in the first place bc its stupid and cruel and their love shouldnt have to be proven or tested with time and space. let them stay together. let them grow together. let them be.

side note: song joongki and jeon yeobeen need another project together idc take it up with god

tl;dr: park jaebum u will be paying for my therapy bills

#vincenzo #tvn vincenzo #this was cathartic #if u made it to the end here's ur kiss #this is more for archival purposes than anything #also this is what happens when my best friends arent caught up yet and i have no outlet

[teamjacobthot]

I would have cut bella off too tbh, she did use Jacob as a way if getting over Edward for the time being and never did think about how Jacob felt about it-i mean she was heartbroken but still

(ok yall im about to rant about canon jacob/drag bella/drag eclipse/drag smeyer so KEEP mf scrolling)

i wouldnt have cut bella off for that exactly bc she WAS in a vulnerable place in new moon, but the moment she broke jacob’s heart in order to save the guy who broke HER heart??? issa wrap. jacob deeply needed to understand from that point on that bella was NAWT fuckin with him anymore!!! i get that he mistook her vulnerability for romance (and in the book they always held hands so there was the physical aspect) but i wish someone (probably billy) sat him down and said “....your lil crush is over. find yourself a bad bitch.” then again, smeyer’s dumb racist ass wrote jacob to literally flip flop personalities and become unnecessarily hardheaded in eclipse. he was probably trying to force himself to imprint on bella/already feeling the imprint from her egg that would become resume, but you know. i really dont fuck with the dumpster fire that’s eclipse, but i digress.

actually NO im not done with eclipse yet!!! im not ranting at YOU bc your ask is valid and i love ALL my anons sm <333 but now you got me thinkin! (i’ll spare yall and insert a “keep reading” tab tho)

everything surrounding eclipse w jacob and bella was SO unnecessarily painful. maybe it’s just the scorpio in me jumping out but EYE would’ve cut my losses! EYE wouldnt have waited until someone got half the bones in their body fucked up to finally say goodbye! like, eclipse was about goodbyes right??? bella and jacob should’ve said goodbye to each other much much MUCH sooner, before he went on his real clown boy shit. but smeyer needed enough ~drama~ to fill 600 pages.

i get that bella’s goodbye to jacob wouldnt have been the most concrete as long as the colonizing ass cullens were still living in the la push/forks area, since jacob HAD to stay and help protect his community so he couldnt even like run off anywhere for very long. but remaining friends w her didn’t help, and bella remaining friends w him sure as hell didn’t help either, esp when they both knew she used him as an emotional crutch back when she was super sad. 

she felt bad, but the way i see it, she didnt need jacob around anymore once she got edward back and she didnt want to admit it bc of their history. it was also clear that edward wouldnt leave her again. i don’t think she shouldve felt bad for picking edward, but she shouldve felt bad for handling the jacob situation poorly. she shouldve stepped tf up and cut her losses way earlier bc he consistently failed to and THEN gaslit her the entire fucking time and for WHAT. in a perfect world, smeyer wouldnt have made him do a 180 and turned him into a total JACKASS to make edward look better. if i were smeyer i would have simply made edward a fleshed out character.

bella should’ve focused on her unhealthy attachment to edward over the course of eclipse. she shouldve focused on her friendship with alice and saying her goodbyes to her human life. AND even though she fucked over jacob, she shouldve been the woke ally this fandom paints her as and tried to convince the cullens to move away, employing loads of white guilt. it would have been a hell of a lot easier on jacob and the rest of the tribe if she did. the cullens should have used their endless wealth to move tf AWAY from the quileute land. they could’ve lived in literally any other town in the world that didnt get a lot of sunshine without making a bunch of local native teens start turning into werewolves. if bella was really bout it, she and the cullens wouldve paid their reparations and left. but what do i know, im just a wolf pack stan account 

#jacob #bella #eclipse #i simply do not vibe with eclipse #anon #rip to anybody who read the whole thing thi

[miraimisu]

You Got Mail or Room 404? owo

coming right up babe

Answers below the read more because this is annoyingly long I'm so sorry b! (Yes, I am answering to both)

You Got Mail: this is a Story of Seasons AU (Trio of Towns-based) I was really excited about at the time, but irl issues got in the way and I lost motivation by the time I was at chapter uhhh 15-20, somewhere in that ballpark.

The story is about Moon deciding to move out of her home and go against her family's wishes. She comes from a very strict line of lawyers and a very bossy mom who throws a fit at the thought of her daughter becoming a farmer, of all things, but Moon goes ahead and moves away with her little pet owl, which is very unrealistic BUT PET ROWLET IS TOO CUTE

Moon starts as a very preppy 'I don't want to get dirty' kind of girl who has to learn the consequences of her decision and embrace the tough life, while also meeting new people and making friends (and some enemies here and there). These friends include but are not limited to:

- Lillie, the doctor of the town, very friendly but also very quiet and shy

- Kukui, the Bro Uncle

- Gladion, obviously, a very grumpy postman, which sounds like an oxymoron, but it worked better than I expected jhfjdiks, he has His Reasons To Be a Postman and, like Lillie, he deals with family problems (Lusamine being a bitch AHEM). Cue to Moon and Gladion growing out of their stiff personas and evolving........ and falling in love ofc

- Hau as the cheery jack-of-all-trades, everyone's heartthrob and local sweetheart

- Guzma and Plumeria with their dwindling beach bar business because being rude to customers while having bomb smoothies is very counterproductive, WHO WOULDVE THUNK IT

- Hapu as the big sister and a very experienced farmer

- Other features I can't remember because I'm sleepy zzzzz

So the story goes over how Moon makes friends, kind of escapes the clutches of her ma trying to manipulate her into coming back and becomes a successful farmer. In hindsight, the story would make a lot more sense with Gladion as a protag, but Gladion as a farmer sounds so odd for some reason VHGBHDNJSK can't imagine him caring for animals and plants and all that stuff AHAHAHA

so that's all on that

Room 404: aaaah the fad that was this kdrama in my life, a very uncanny AU for me to tackle but it was FUN because it's SUPERNATURAL and I LOVE SUPERNATURAL THINGS

The story has spoilers for Hotel del Luna! just a warning

Moon was a warrior fighting in [no name] war, but she was caught by a deity trying to escape her crimes and was punished by being tied to this mystical tree that is linked to a place called Hotel del Luna. This hotel is where spirits/ghosts of the dead come to rest before they part to the afterlife, and here, they can ask for whatever they want: they can idk spend an entire week in the mountains or take revenge on those who killed them.

The hotel is made to fit whatever suits the wishes of the dead, and the employees of the hotel (including Moon, the boss of the facility) need to leave satisfied. They leave flowers that the hotel exchanges with the gods to get resources, but the hotel also gets money from the spirits if the occasion arises, especially when the spirits want someone to be eliminated, which often comes from Moon's hands as spirits cannot taint their hands, or else they'll reincarnate into sth nasty, e.g. a pineapple pizza or sth

By the time the story begins, Moon has been living for MILENIA. Her hotel is very prosperous and she's MONEY HUNGRY. The gods tied her to the tree, and she can only be freed from the tree and the hotel when the tree grows flowers and the flowers inevitably fall. The tree is a metaphor for Moon's heart, and when she grows as a person and has thus 'redeemed herself for her crimes by being a better person' (a kind of weird take on redeeming people but I liked it at the time), she can go on into the afterlife herself

so..... introduce Gladion, and more specifically, his family

Mohn and Lusamine are poor when the story starts, and Mohn dies one day in an accident. He wanders into the Hotel del Luna, which can be seen only by spirits (and more, but that's another story), and he stumbles with Moon's tree, which is very special to her and she Does Not Like Strangers Wandering in Her BUSINESS. He plucks a flower (placed there by the gods) from the tree to give to Lusamine, and Moon is very angry and confronts him. Moon wants to punish him by sending him to the afterlife directly, but Mohn pleads her not to as he has children to take care of.

Moon agrees to this so long as his oldest son comes to her when he's x age (I do not remember now, but iirc it's 20 years old). Moon sends him back to his body in the hospital and sends his family a very big sum of money so they can educate Gladion and be a better family. Thus, they become rich.

Fast-forward to uhhhh when Gladion is 20 years old, and he has been running away from Alola because he feared what Mohn told him about Moon. However, he ended up dismissing his worries and went back to Alola (great mistake) and filling in for a job in Lusamine's company. Meanwhile, Moon is seeking him out, and ends up meeting him and giving him the power to see ghosts. You know. How you flirt with people.

The story goes over how Gladion and Moon work together to satisfy the ghosts of many people. The employees include but are not limited to:

- Moon: the boss of the hotel. Very rich, loves clothes, good food, and is the epitome of Rich Bitch, but she has a kind heart inside. She regrets hiring Gladion as his manager because he's annoying, but she grows fond of him as time passes

- Gladion: the manager that is initially horrified by the ghosts (some can be pretty violent-looking, as they look EXACTLY as they did before they died) but then grows quite intrigued by them. He hates Moon's lifestyle and acts as a moral compass for her. He's trying to balance his work in Lusamine's company during the day (eventually quits) and his work in the hotel. Obvs eventually falls for her as she does for him (great decision 2)

- Ilima: the bartender of the hotel. Gives advice to ghosts and, most importantly, Gladion. Unlike in other reiterations of him in my past stories, he is NOT Moon's love interest and is not a cocky bastard. He's cocky, yes, but not an asshole. He is a spirit that Moon took in millennia ago. He, as well as the guest spirits of the hotel, has a wish to fulfill, and will not part to the afterlife until it's seen through.

- Acerola: works the entrance of the hotel and leads guests into the hotel proper. She died not very long ago, and works in the hotel because she has someone she needs to see again.

- Wicke: customer service of the hotel. By far the most mature person (ghost lol) in the hotel. She comforts ghosts, gives them food, and makes sure the service they receive is up to their tastes. She acts like a mom of sorts for Moon and is very much aware of not only the budding relationship between Moon and Gladion, but the tree growing and dying, which marks the growth and end of the hotel.

- Guzma: the bouncer of sorts for the hotel. He's a separate pseudo-deity on his own right: he leads people to the afterlife and works with conflictive spirits. He has a very hit-and-miss alliance with Moon and they don't always get along, but when they do, they work very well together.

Now, outside the hotel:

- Lusamine: the evident villain of the story with convoluted intentions. All you need to know is that 1. she knows of Moon's existence and is trying to find her and 2. she is rich and a scientist and EVIL

- Lillie: baby sister little girl cute girl I love her

- Hau: Lillie's boyfriend, another cutie

This is long enough so I won't say anything else, but does the story have a happy ending?

.... yesn't

and that's all I've gotta say about both AUs LMAO

#ask #thank you for asking and I apologize for the word vomit ghhjska

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

#holy fuck im so sorry <3 #shut up cereal #asks #long post #spn critical #hate tagging my posts as that bc i dont wanna b one of ~Those~ but i dont want ppl coming after me 4 this #theres probably like 100000 things i forgot!!! feel free to add ur own!!!! #there are some seasons i only ever watched once very very long ago.... #and tbh classic spn is the freshest in my mind so im focusing on her #spn #supernatural

[lycanthrology]

deneb, arcturus, vega, orion

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?

I’ve been to France a couple of times. I live fairly close to the Eurotunnel and the school i went to had a few French educational enrichment (?) trips supported by a local charity for areas with low literacy levels

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness?

I cried in happiness when I first brought Anthony home I was so so happy to finally have him. I’d wanted a cat for so so long, and we had to jump through so many hoops to actually adopt him <3

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t?

I was having trouble sleeping (it was during one of the France trips I mentioned earlier actually) and overheard my ‘friend’ whispering to another person in our tent. Instead of ignoring them and getting to bed, I listened in and heard them plotting to smother me with a pillow in my sleep and all the violence theyd do to my dead body. They thought I was asleep, so when I told them that I had heard everything, they screamed that I’d deceived them. Basically, every bit of my trust in them had gone immediately, but I had to go through the rest of the trip (it was right at the beginning so about a week) in a different country, with no way of contacting home, no adults that were taking me seriously, and no other friends to support me, with a person that had plotted to murder me 100% seriously + i was recently bereaved too. They later tried to hold me underwater to drown me lmao. honestly if I hadn’t listened in.. ugh ignorance is bliss idk if it wouldve been as bad if i never said anything/didnt know (they later wrote me a poem to apologise but it was actually their mandatory homework assignment that they changed to put my name in. so i burned it)

Orion: Favourite month?

I used to really like April and some of the colder early year months but recently I’ve been excited for July because of all the colours and longer days

#sorry for the melodramatic answer to vega its the only thing i could think of #answers #thanks for the ask gemma <3 #ask to tag #longpost #jv tag

[everettalbert]

[ nolan gerard funk, thirty-two, cismale, he/him ] ━ hey, I just saw [ everett albert ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ six months ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ athletic trainer ]. I hear they’re known to be [ disciplined & charming ] and [ a pushover & self-critical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ boxing gloves, encouraging text messages, golden retrievers, 80s pop music, sunrises at the beach, bomber jackets ].

it’s a-me!!!! b!!!! back at it again with the no impulse control. here is my fourth and last babe, everett. the baby brother to harrison and meredith albert, the “golden child,” the friendliest jock, and the gayest gay to ever uhhhh gay!!!!! feel free to LIKE THIS POST if u want me to slide into those dm’s to plot <3

tw for implied internal (and brief external) homophobia 

everett albert was born and raised in los angeles, california with his two other siblings, harrison and meredith. being the middle child, he was quite determined to be noticed and praised by their parents for his obedience and loyalty 

he never really understood why their parents raised them the way they did, but everett hardly questioned it, especially when his accomplishments would be pitted against his siblings’ so he always did his absolute best to make them proud 

he was the “man’s man” that their father wanted, being the popular jock in high school, playing on the baseball and soccer teams, boxing during his free time. their father shaped everett into a person he never wanted to be, but he didn’t want to rebel like his older brother had 

everett was 15 when harrison was kicked out, which only worsened his fears to go against their parents’ wishes, especially when he was deep, deep in the closet at the time 

he continued to grit his teeth and smile through the pain, pleasing their parents in any way he could. he attended california state university in sacramento to specialize in sports medicine and athletic training for his b.a. and then m.a.

during his time in college, he had a fake girlfriend to keep his parents from finding out he was gay. the relationship had gotten serious, and shortly after his graduation for his m.a., his father started to pressure him about marriage 

his fake girlfriend had no problem with a fake proposal, since everett’s family was well-off, so she started to bug him about a wedding as well. she promised him that he could date whoever, as long as she lived a luxurious life with his family’s money 

everett proposed to her during a dinner party in front of his parents. they were extremely pleased about the whole thing and the wedding planning began almost immediately so that they would wed by the new year 

what no one knew, however, was that everett had been speaking to another man who lived in savannah, georgia through a gay dating app. they fell in love after texting each other for months. being nearly 30, everett was questioning his life decisions and his loyalty to his family. he didn’t want to upset his parents, but he couldn’t be this person anymore. he wanted to find himself and be with the man he loved

the day of the wedding, everett decided to get on the first plane out of california, heading straight to georgia. his parents called him and were furious, of course. everett came out to them, admitting that he was going to live with the man he had been speaking to. that was the last time he'd spoken to his parents

life was good for everett for a while. he was living with his boyfriend, figuring out that he could still keep parts of himself while taking on new things that his parents would’ve disapproved of. however, at 32, things only came crashing down when his boyfriend confessed to cheating on him 

everett moved out of his boyfriend’s house. hearing about a nearby town called crownsville, he decided to find a small apartment there, getting a job as a trainer at the local gym 

everett is now reconnecting with his siblings in crownsville, georgia. he hasn’t heard from their parents or his almost-wife, and although he still feels guilty for betraying them, he also feels free. he feels like he could really be himself and make an entire new life in this small town 

#crownsvilleintro #( about. ) #homophobia tw

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

#talking abt being nervous abt it has made me a bit more nervous abt it...im trying to simmer down...dont have to die just yet...But You Know #also i could.

[zaptap]

heres my full thoughts on the nintendo direct since ive only posted reactions mostly

splatoon 3 having salmon run is kind of confusing due to the story (the story mode definitely seems ANTI salmon run and grizz). not sure how that works but ok. it’s my favorite mode from splatoon 2 so i have no complaints in terms of gameplay. wish they showed more of the game though. definitely getting a splatoon 3 direct later. also i called the release window. may was splatoon 1, june was octo expansion, july was splatoon 2... maybe august is splatoon 3?

never played wii sports (i dont even think i tried the demo they automatically downloaded onto everyones wii u’s) so i dont really have an opinion about switch sports. im relieved whenever i see new games i dont care about at this point

ive wanted mario kart 8 deluxe dlc for years but that was mainly along the lines of bringing in new characters (such as octoling or pauline) than courses. theyd better add waluigi pinball though, ive wanted that since 2014

i love xenoblade, but the games are so huge and take so long to digest that lately i’d kind of been thinking that after i eventually finish xcx and eventually EVENTUALLY play and finish xc2 (and probably its dlc) then i might just leave it at that and pass on whatever comes later. but... xc3 looks really good. like really really good. looking forward to playing it hopefully within the next decade

in august 2011 i visited my cousins and they introduced me to portal (and minecraft and atla incidentally). i played it for a bit but struggled with one of the early puzzles, even when they told me what i had to do. im better at video games now so maybe i could try it again once it hits switch? idk

kirby’s mouthful mode just makes me concerned for his health tbh. why are things getting stuck in his mouth? i need to play the game so i can take him to see a doctor

im glad theyve finally added the only nes game i care about and one of the few snes games i care about to the switch. got too many games i havent played before to play instead though. and as ive said i dont think i care if they localize mother 3 anymore, for one thing they should change “ma***sies” to something that doesnt include a slur and i dont think most people would even realize it needs to be changed currently so i dont see nintendo doing anything about it unless that changes

as ive said, metroid dread easy mode wouldve been nice before id cheated my way through. also i dont even know if it wouldve helped since it specifies boss damage and not overall damage. and that doesnt even cover the issues dealing with emmi (being able to cheat to autocounter made those sections much less stressful)

fire emblem warriors is another game im relieved to not have to care about! something weird i’ve noticed about warriors games is i’ll play them and they’ll be fun and then suddenly i dont want to play them at all. happened with hyrule warriors on wii u and then again on age of calamity. i wouldnt really call it getting burned out, feels different. happened in the postgame both times, so maybe the postgame gameplay just isnt as rewarding to me? idk. anyway i cant even begin to care about three hopes as i’m still working through my first route of three houses after 2 years. hate the calendar. you give me control over the passage of time and expect me to move it forward at a reasonable rate? this was your mistake. i’ll spend 2 hours figuring out how to best use the month i’m on and when i get to the next month and have to do it all over again i quit for a few more real life months. the battles are fun though

live a live sounds like it might be good but good luck getting me to play anything else new in 2022. maybe eventually though

weird how they released a version of kingdom hearts specifically “for cloud.” does he even have a switch? i havent played final fantasy vii

#nintendo direct

[pinkwatchblueshoes]

Garvez Fluff

Just a little quick fluff that I desperately need to see but wont. Margaritas and Mix Ups Penelope Garcia told herself not again. After an intense but platonic relationship with her best friend Derek Morgan, she knew she couldnt care so deeply for another person when they could, and eventually would, just up leave her. Penelope often beat herself up for feeling this way because she loved Savannah and little Hank but her heart could only take so much after all the losses the team had gone through. She already had enough worry for her family and team as is. Newbie was trying his hardest to chip away at her "fluffy armor" as he called it. What killed Garcia was that she found everything he tried so endearing but she always stopped herself before she got in over her head. On top of everything SSA Luke Alvez was another gorgeous strong superhero, just like Derek, yet totally different. His smile knocked her off kilter, but a man like that would never look at a woman like her she lamented. After a particularly hard case Garcia was staying late to finish paperwork so she could spend the entire weekend focused on de-stressing and relaxing, NOT thinking about the young women of this case. She was pulled away from her computer screen with a knock on her lair door. "Still here?" A familiar deep voice asked. "Obviously." She snarked back but Luke only smirked at the feisty blonde. "I would ask if I could join you but you'd just say no so I'll just take a seat anyway." Penelope only snorted knowing he was just as stubborn as she was. When she finally finished up and shut down her computer and its many screens she found him intensely studying one side of her office that held pictures of friends and family, even hand drawn pictures from Henry. Garcia could see the sadness behind his dark eyes. Was this case just as bad for him? Or was he missing someone, his family? The offer flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself. "Do you want to go get a drink?" Luke turned to her surprised. "Really? I-I would love that." "Good lets go." Penelope grabbed her purse and Luke followed closely to the elevators. As they descended to the garage level in the elevator Luke's stomach growled loudly. "I'm sorry about that." He said embarrassed. "Do you think we could go somewhere with food also?" "Soo needy Newbie." Penelope groaned but smiled letting him know she was kidding. Little did he know she was starving as well. "Well lucky for you I know a little Mexican joint with the best margaritas and they serve dinner late." When they arrived the hostess recognized Penelope right away. "Oh Miss Penny!! So good to see you. Your table is available." Penelope blushed. "Come here often?" Luke chuckled quietly. Once seated the server arrived right away. "Your usual Miss Penny? Peach Margarita and the veggie fajitas?" Penelope's face got even redder but nodded yes anyway. The server turned to Luke expectantly. "You know what? That sounds delicious. I'll have the same." Luke turned to see Penelope's shocked face. "Hey it must be good if you come here often and have a usual. I trust you." Penelope couldnt stop the warmth that the statement "I trust you" put through her, even if it was just a food choice. Plus she knew Luke ate meat and drank beer so he was going outside his comfort zone for her. "So how is miss Roxy?" Penelope started with a subject she loved. "She's good. I'm leaving her at the sitter's tonight since its so late. She misses you though. I swear she knows who the dog cookies are from when I give them to her." "Well as long as she enjoys them I'll keep making them." Penelope said with a smile. There was a silence but Luke was just smiling at her, then the food arrived breaking the moment. The conversation was surprisingly easy and comfortable for Penelope. She laughed hard when Luke told her about helping out a older neighbor with some chores who then came on to him. Being the nice guy Luke was he was stuck dodging her advances until all the chores were done. "I think I like Mrs. Corgin." "Of course you would. You'd love anyone who gave me a hard time." "True." The teasing was light and fun. Penelope appreciated his sense of humor. But what really touched her was when they accidentally got on the topic of work and this last case, he listened patiently as she described having to go through the victim's lives intimately to only see them dead in the crime scene photos feeling like a failure for not saving them. Luke reached over and held her hand as she wiped her tears with her other hand. "Its never easy when we lose victims but I know those women will be remembered because of you Garcia. You are the most caring person I know and the heart of the team. You keep us going time and time again." Penelope just stared at him with awe. After a few minutes she realized they were still holding hands and oddly she didnt want to let go. As it got later the pair reluctantly parted ways. She left him with a quick hug because if she held on longer she might not let go. Penelope spent the rest of the weekend replaying the night and actually looking forward to Monday morning. When she arrived at work she put down her purse and coat in her office and headed to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. She saw Luke talking to JJ and Spencer but as she approached with a smile Luke's eyes grew wide. Even before Penelope could say good morning Luke mumbled gotta go and quickly left. Penelope visibly deflated but quickly recovered so JJ and Spencer wouldnt ask. The snuff hurt her more than she cared to admit. "How was your guys' weekend?" JJ told her about Henry's soccer game and Spencer rambled on about a new book he read and wrote a paper on for fun. Later that morning JJ visited Penelope in her office, she leaned against Penelope's desk and asked how she was. "Fine." "Uh huh." JJ wasnt convinced. "And how was your weekend? You left before I could ask." "Fine." "Okay spill." "Its nothing." "Its not nothing." "Oh yes it is. Clearly from Luke's reaction this morning, the completely meaningless dinner we had together was nothing." "Oh sweetheart." "Please dont oh sweetheart me JJ. I know. I know that I got my hopes up and I knew it was stupid to do so yet here I am again. A guy like that would never be interested in a girl like me. Dont worry JJ, I'll be fine." "You need to talk to Luke." Before Penelope could respond her computers and her phone chimed indicating a case. Penelope gave the team the details of the case. Prominent local figures were being kidnapped, killed, and left in public areas in Phoenix, Arizona. Penelope managed to ignore Luke, even when he asked a question she answered addressing the group rather than him. Prentiss closed the meeting with the traditional order of 'Wheels up in 30'. Penelope quickly headed back to her lair but with the high heels she was wearing Luke easily tracked her down. "Hey can I talk to you real quick?" "You're on limited time Newbie." She replied not looking him. "Garcia stop. Stop please." Luke gently put his hand on her elbow halting her. "Please listen. I want to apologize for this morning." "Why? Nothing happened." "Penelope look at me." Penelope did but showed no emotion except annoyance. "I, uh, well I just wanted to say." Luke stumbled over his words and rubbed the back of his neck. "Damnit I wanted to do this better." Penelope was now confused. "Luke its fine. You better get to the jet." "No its not fine. Let me explain. I ducked out this morning because you walked in on me talking to JJ and Spencer about our date." "Our date?" "Yeah well, no I mean it wasnt a date per se but I was wondering if we could go on one? Together I mean. A date." Penelope's confusion faded away to giddiness. She'd never seen Luke Alvez so inarticulate and it was because of her! "Are you asking me out, Newbie?" "Yes." Prentiss appeared down the hall. "Alvez, let's go." Luke looked bummed but moved towards the elevators. "Dont answer yet, just think about it." Penelope was sure she looked like a fish with her mouth gaping open. Later in the day after the team landed in Phoenix she got a text from JJ. -Told you. What are you going to say? -I'm so confused. -Why? Dont you like him? -Well yes but what was going on this morning? -Penelope you're a smart girl. He was embarrassed, nervous to talk to you. Now call him and tell him you'll go out with him when we get back. Even though Penelope had trouble believing that Luke Alvez was nervous around her she took JJ's advice, well sort of. She didnt call him, but he called her pertaining to the case. After she finished answering his questions about the victims' backgrounds she stopped him from hanging up. "Wait Luke." "What no newbie?" Luke chuckled nervously. "Were you serious?" "Very serious Penelope. Why do you think I've been trying so hard to get you to like me? I loved spending time with you just us Friday night. I have to admit I wish I wouldve been much more smoother with it all." Penelope finally let out a breath and laughed. "Well that was pretty bad." She teased. "Yes it was, but I'm glad you know now. Anyway I better get back to the team." "Hey Luke." "Yeah?" "I can't wait till you get back." Penelope couldnt contain her smile. "Is that a yes?" "See you soon Luke Alvez." "See you soon Penelope Garcia."

#garvez #criminal minds #penelope garcia #luke alvez #garcia x alvez #penelope garcia x luke alvez #fluff

[roseceles]

#2 (12/30/19)

I want to say i feel you all around but i rarely do. My agnosticism has never shown so hard, lol. Did you see all the crap thats been coming out these past days? I dont think you've missed anything too important. Maybe the good place finale but we dont know yet if its worth living a few more months just for that.

Do you think its weird that im being friends with *******? Theyre cool but definetly not someone i guess id have met or asked to hang out with on my own. I know theyre really important for you though, and more so than by myself, i feel your spirit around them and that fills me with calm. I'm not there yet. I'm writing this trying to better understand how it is im supposed to experience you now that you arent physically here.

Id do so much for you. I wish i could have a long list of things you wished you could've done so i feel less lost. All i want is to do whatever wouldve made you happy, and not knowing completly what that that would be is what makes me tear up the most. I might as well what i guess those things could be so far.

-Take care of the ones you loved and have left behind, including your parents, *******, ********, ******, ***** (and maybe myself???) OH AND ***.

-Try to keep you humor alive. Perhaps ****_**** 2.0?

-Your art. We are keepsaking it for us right now, but i wonder how much you liked sharing outside your local group. You were always trying to hustle so i dont think you'll mind if we do it for good intentions and share your art with others.

-Your writtings. We can keep most of those private. Maybe share some with *********? ********? others that knew and roleplayed with you?

I dont know if you dint want to worry anybody with your health outlook. I still wish i had talk to you one last time before it happened. I feel good knowing you were with those close to you and in calm. I hope somehow you're happier than you ever were. I'll always love you.