#i made it hurt way more by doing that

[rise-my-angel]

"i bet on losing dogs" by mitski is absolutely hotgw reader and robbs song and it makes me sick

...........me looking at chapter 11....

WHOOPS THAT LINE ACCIDENTALLY TRANSLATED INTO MY FIC IN THE WORST WAY DIDNT IT

#its my fault i specifically wrote it in robbs pov so that it was clear that robb watches the reader die first #i made it hurt way more by doing that #like i know that line isnt literal but oof buddy #like robb looking over the reader as she's dying is literally the last visual memory she has before she died #but also like their relationship was doomed from the start and even re reading my own chapters i get to chapter 11 #and as soon as they arrive at the twina im like WOW SHORT CHAPTER MOVING ON

[bixels]

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

#personal #my art #Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears. #do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse #to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!” #and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them #i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair #every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW #NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS #people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money #my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.

[diurnalvl]

seven years ago, they used to be friends. almost.

1 / 2 / ?

#diurna draws #vox #alastor #staticradio #radiostatic #radiosilence #onewaybroadcast #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #gosh i love doing more complex shading to make fake screencaps it's so satisfying. #sorry for using my personal vox design this is purely self indulgent. hey maybe vox only starts wearing bowties after this #anyways part two is going to be uploaded in a bit my doves <3 #vox made his way through the trapdoor that's why he's initially on his knees #...not any other reason... #he's so danger unaware to alastor going haywire #thing is i feel that during their friendship vox was long used to alastor hurting other people in front of him that it just... #doesn't occur to him that alastor would've ever hurt him in that way. #shame #because it never occured to alastor that vox would cross that line and ruin their friendship. #alastor is somehow desperately angry and desperately sad #and angrier still that vox gets to make him feel that way. #suddenly #alastor feels a pearl of absolute hatred form inside of him #he's never felt so strongly about something in his entire afterlife #if only my shitty little aces could communicate and stop being insane for one second. sigh.

[turtleblogatlast]

Mentioned this before but as much as I adore the medic Leo headcanon, my favorite type of it is when it’s basically just Leo knowing the most surface level of stuff and carrying around a super basic first-aid kit in his pack. So he knows how to use gauze, and he’s got a ton of Jupiter Jim branded bandaids, and if you really needed it then he can hit you up with some ibuprofen but other than that? Nothing.

But. I love the idea that that changes post-invasion.

They’re pretty sturdy, all of them, so they can take more than one beating and really only need a bandaid for the fun of it. But the invasion hit harder than ice packs and “lots of rest” would help with, and I can bet that a post being beaten to a pulp Leo would have a lot of time on his hands to reflect and, maybe, learn a thing or two as he waits to get better.

It’s nothing excessive, not at first, but he watches veterinary videos, and live surgeries, and other videos in that same realm (because the books are, uh, a bit too jargon-y for him) multiple times over. Just so he knows. Just in case he needs to know.

In his pack, there’s a first-aid kit. With the use of a mini portal for extra space, the kit has grown to include everything from scalpels to butterfly stitches to sutures to even fiberglass patches.

And obviously the Jupiter Jim brand bandaids stay too.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #medic leo #I especially like the idea that his want to learn more medical stuff is also pushed by him actually wanting to be a better hero too #like if they gotta rescue squishy humans then it’s probably good for them to know how to do basic care just in case! #Leo’s portals would come in clutch for easy access to necessary medical tools #I doubt Leo would be AMAZING at it especially not so young and inexperienced and without proper teaching #but idk I like the idea that the bro who wields the only weapon specially made for killing is the one who is the medic #it’s interesting to me! #and tbh I bet all the bros learn basic first aid too #April DEFINITELY knows it #splinter absolutely knows #but yeah I just really like the hc that Leo holds the bandaids and that’s about as much medical knowledge he’s got and LATER he learns more #like the idea that little Leo desperate to figure out how to contribute wanted to be a medic but then he came to the realization #that he and his family were all WAY TOO STURDY and never really got hurt 💀 #most of the time his bandaids went to Mikey who wasn’t ever hurt he just likes colorful stickers and at that point that’s all bandaids were

[lovesickeros]

☆ thrice the bell tolls

{☆} characters neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, villain au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings minor angst {☆} word count 0.9k

"Get in the water."

There is no trepidation in the voice of the Sovereign as he speaks, only pure contempt that bleeds into the very air until it chills their lungs – there will be no penance here. No redemption. He stands before them with apathetic indifference, and with his hands he shall draw judgement upon sinners without a shred of mercy, so heavy his gaze they cannot move. This land shall become the grave of gods – no, not gods, Archons. Transcendent..and fallible.

Horribly, humanly fallible.

What a cruel thing to be – neither god nor mortal, in the end. Their Authority a stolen, coveted thing, so easily taken in a blaze of fury that singes them to the bone, in winds so harsh it tears the breath from their lungs from the sheer pressure, in the way their hairs stand on end as if lightning shall smite them for their arrogance. Judgement has come for them, in the end, and no plea nor bargain can save them from it's justice – they shall be judged and they shall be sentenced.

"..I was willing to put aside your past transgressions – forgive your thievery of the Authority that is not your own – to see Their vision of harmony come to reality." He speaks with nothing but clarity and calmness that unsettles – as gentle as the serene pond illuminated by gentle sunlight, ducks drifting across its pristine surface and creating faint, brief ripples. Calm as the tide as it recedes from the shoreline. His eyes speak of the tempest – the raging winds and the harsh waves that will crash and break and ravage. There is a fury so turbulent it makes the wind go still, the earth erode and the water recede. "You do not deserve repentance when Their body bears the marks of your transgressions," There will be no mercy. They try to plead, to beg and bargain but they cannot speak – their cries go unheard just as Theirs were ignored. A horrifying irony.

"Self proclaimed Acolytes, all, yet you bathe in Their most divine blood and call yourselves Saints," He breathes in, taps his cane against the hardened earth, and holds his head high as he meets their eyes unflinching. Mercy, they think, for we are innocent – we did not know. "Sinners, to the very last. You tear at the flesh of the most Divine like wild dogs to sate your own hunger, for you know nothing else."

His voice is the toll – it echoes like the ringing of a bell, calling them to the water like a siren. It beckons, it demands, and it will not wait. The water recedes and he stands like a beacon among the shores – a bastion of light where it has been snuffed out.

His eyes witness their sins – heavy a burden he bears as he witnesses that which they must atone for. The cruel hand of an Archon as it spills the Divine blood of the very earth beneath their feet. He sees Their agony, feels it to the last. Every bolt of wind, every jagged rock, every bolt of lightning. Every single one he feels until he weeps – for Them, he weeps.

His left hand renders judgement – guilty. Their transgressions are grave, and no redemption can be found for such horrors they have inflicted upon the mortal vessel of the Divine. They have felt their sorrow, have felt Their pain, and he has found them guilty.

And with his right hand..he enacts justice.

"Let your sins be your anchor – let your sins weigh heavy upon your shoulders so that you may feel a brief flicker of the agony you have inflicted upon Them," He lifts his cane with a solemn resolve, tears staining the scales upon his cheeks. "I shall weep for you, too, for no other shall do so in my stead. Return, wretched beasts, to the earth and let it nourish Them where you did not."

And at his call, the waves devour.

Entire cities, entire nations – those who bear the sin shall drown in it's wake, dragged to the lowest depths where even the sun cannot breach. It takes and takes, claws and tears and rips at the bodies of the damned – it devours the world, impartial and unrelenting in it's judgement.

And Neuvillette alone weeps.

◇

"Neuvillette? Are you..crying?" Their voices makes him startle back to awareness, the briefest flicker of shame welling up in the empty space of his chest as he wipes away the tears that roll down his cheeks like drops of rain.

"It..appears so. Forgive me, most Divine, it seems I had a brief lapse in focus." He clears his throat, straightens his back, tries to ignore the pit in his stomach as he watches Their lips pull into a smile all too happy. He..he should be happy too, shouldn't he? He should. If They are happy, so should he be. His lips curl into a smile that doesn't feel like it fits on his face, but he delights in the way They smile wider when he does.

They approve, and that's all that matters, isn't it?

"It won't happen again, I assure you."

Their approval is all that matters.

So why does his chest ache so badly? He did as They commanded, he removed the stain upon Teyvat and ensured Their safety.

So why does he feel such sorrow?

The thought gnaws at him like the tides erode at stone, yet he cannot bear to burden his Creator with such..nonsense.

He will bear this weight alone until the day the waves come to claim him, too.

"Shall we visit the gardens today, Divine One?"

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #neuvillete #claws my way out of my hiatus again hiiiiiiii #starts gnawing on neuvi and putting him thru the worst things imaginable #basically what if reader was a little fucked up and asked neuvi very nicely 2 do a fontaine on everyone in teyvat :] #only the ppl who didnt hurt reader dont get dissolved #but neuvillette is in the middle of a crisis anyway bc what did he. just do. #local dragon man caught between being loyal 2 his creator and judging the ppl who hurt them and being like What the Fuck #i was gonna make this so much longer but ough.............its fine #maybe ill expand on this idea another time #also like. minor angst is there for a REASON ur favs r DEAD and NEUVI is having a HORRIBLE time just a warning in advance #neuvi looking at villain!reader like a kicked puppy while he drowns like half of teyvat #putting zl and neuvi thru the wringer. they can handle it its fine #what peer pressure (villain reader) does to a man (a 6'4 ft tall sopping wet cat dragon) #need more reader just being a horrible person. they r just a little creature #realistically i would never do this but i do like bullying my favs in fics sooooooooo #difference between neuvi & tsaritsa bc the tsaritsa would be having the time of her LIFE #*extreme over simplification of her character cough cough but #villain reader and tsaritsa is meant 2 go together and FUCK #I MADE IT ABT THE TSARITSA AGAIN #someone bonk me i need 2 be put down #anyway. leaves for like 3 months. comes back randomly just 2 put my fav thru literal actual hell #shakes neuvi around like a dog toy

[salemontrial]

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

#no im so pissed about that. #dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful #and just #walk away scot free #last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month. #that might just be the bpd tho #but still #quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself #and then she makes her her vice?????????? #she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip #sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around #which as she should #but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL #in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist #like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider #i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it #and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe' #THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????. #also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis #with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions #and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore #and then victimizing herself!!!!!!! #like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is #idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner #anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page. #heartbreak high #heartbreak high season 2 #quinni gallagher jones #sasha so #missy beckett

[starry-bi-sky]

i made a rough timeline for the clone^2 au, just for my own convenience sake when dating things. some things might be out of order from the episode date, and thats also for my convenience.

September 3rd: Danny, age 14, has the accident in the lab that turns him liminal

September 10th: Danny is discharged from the hospital and given two weeks leave from school

September 24th: his sick leave ends, and Danny returns to school

October 14th: Danny sneaks into his parents' basement and releases the ghosts they have trapped in cages. Official birth of the vigilante, Phantom

November 27th: Danny fights Pariah Dark, and wins

December 24th: the Ghost Writer torments Danny

February 12th: Danny's 15th birthday

March 3rd: its been six months since Danny's accident

March 7th: Danny fights his evil future self

May 8th: Danny meets Ellie [age 15] and they become twins

December 14th: Danny finds out from his parents that he's a clone

February 12th: Danny's 16th birthday

Early-Mid April: Danny meets Damian [age 6] :)

Mid-Late April: Damian runs off for the first time, damages Danny's hands the first time

May: Damian runs off two more times in the span of three weeks, he damages Danny's hands both times.

Early June: Damian runs off one more time, damages Danny's hands again, resulting in permanent nerve damage.

Mid-Late June: Damian finally gives up on the League coming to get him and joins the Fenton Family.

July: Damian finally coaxes Danny into letting him come along with him on patrol: Wraith is born.

#danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #clone^2 #danny fenton is a clone #this only focuses on the earlier parts of the au because those are most important imo. figuring out when danny's accident was. when he #became phantom. when he met damian. etc. is all pretty important stuff and helps me figure out ages beyond '10 year gap' #not super important stuff to much anyone else i think but its nice to have it written down as reference #i usually put danny's accident as happening at the beginning of the school year. tis convenient that way #me: hmmm when do i make danny find out he's a clone. beginning of the school year makes the most sense right??? #me:....or.... i could ruin his christmas again :) #thought about increasing the amount of times damian runs off but... thats a LOT of time he's run off and i didnt want to go overboard #same thing with danny's hands. thought about hurting him more frequently but honestly taking a blade to the hand is already damaging enough #on its own. catch a blade with his hands four times would be enough to cause permanent nerve damage and also he would have learned his #lesson if it happened more frequently. #so damian runs off 4 times in the span of essentially 2 months #and four times danny catches his blade. three times he got cut. one time he needed stitches #anyways thats the timeline for now. made totally for convenience sake and no other reason #totally dont look at my google docs there’s nothing there but half forgotten wips and cfau master doc

[insufferablemod]

probably wont be posting much for the rest of the month or so o7

#cus of health and vacation #my left hands been hurting last few days and got pretty bad yesterday #i later realized it got so bad cus i was having a whole body flare up which made the hand stuff extra bad #so its not As scary since those go away But it was a sign that i should be resting like........... way more... #and typing n drawing r a big part of it...... #finding shit u can do with 0 hands is... really hard #luckily ill be forced 2 rest more soon cus of vacation n not having a puter there v_v #but yea just wanted 2 give a lil update #rambles #and i was so close 2 finishing the next aip post....... pain orz

[arcticwaters]

something something reckless dangerous decisions something something confronting mortality

#critical role #cr spoilers #ashton greymoore #laudna #laudmoore #my art #critter role #i drew this right after ep77 but the parallels i saw between them got more confirmed for me in 78 #i spent the ep trying to figure out why laudna was so upset (betrayed was such a strong word for something that had little to do with her) #(like yeah the shard was important but like it wasn't hers it wasn't imogen's it was his journey not theirs. i get being upset but THAT?) #''why didn't they learn my lesson'' was very telling to me and all but confirmed my theory that she saw herself in him #she made a choice to kill bor'dor in a way that risked waking up dalilah but did it anyway because she needed it; a sense of control #the same day she learned that dalilah had become extremely strong and could not die without /her/ dying she watches #ashton make a choice that they knew risked everything but did it anyway for a sense of control. and he dies. #he dies right after she realizes she may have to die to protect her loved ones but it will HURT #and it does hurt; fearne gets hurt they all get hurt #''why did they break her rock?'' #ANYWAY it's like i said in another post: 'they are a child' she says as she cuddles a toy and asks an older woman to hold her #also so sorry i'm shit at effects

[henrybelly]

honestly when i tried to figure out why some fans are so mad at ivypool these days i was looking through avos and. the scene where ivypool apologises to twigpaw for not supporting sending a patrol for skyclan is genuinely very sweet??

i actually saw someone characterize this as "ivypool forcing twigpaw to forgive her". is it crack you smoke. is that what you smoke. you smoke crack?

#she apologises THREE SEPARATE TIMES #she acknowledges that dovewing and tigerheart's situation made her ignore twigpaw's feelings #she reassures twigpaw that this is the right thing for the clans. she tells her she's proud of her & tc is lucky to have her #you guys do understand that to apologise you have to Do Something Wrong?? or is that the part that's so unforgivable? #i am fASCINATED by the treatment of dove and ivy by the fans in recent years #i'm still pondering it but i think there are a few root causes #1) I think a lot of people read oots as kids and hated dove & identified with ivy because of the underdog storyline #maybe this fandom worship of dovewing is kinda part of that? wanting to feel like you've grown out of fandom misogyny? #but i also feel like 2) tigerdove has really increased dovewing's popularity #and i think because ivypool is so staunchly opposed to their relationship people then have to villainise ivypool #3) is maybe too spicy of a take but to be honest #i think people are subconsciously way more comfortable with a woman whose story ends in heterosexual marriage and childrearing #dovewing's mom role in TBC to shadowsight probably helped her popularity #so ivypool whose relationship w Fernsong & her kits is much less of a focus. and is mUCH less maternal #and who still exhibits Ugly Female Emotions like anger and hurt #and who God Forbid now holds a position of authority... #is too complicated to fit into :) she's such a good mom :) she's such a good mate #dovewing is easier to like because she tends to be a victim of circumstances (🤫 and often lacks agency in her storylines) #since ivypool regularly uses her agency to Fuck Up #fans revert to idealising dovewing because not only is she too good to do bad things. she also doesn't do Things in general #never mind that ivypool is the one who sacrifices and apologises #anyway <3 i think if i made a full analysis of ivy and dove post OOTS i would get too many spicy anons so i will cower in the tags

[vynnyal]

Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂

#rain world #comic #rw chasing wind #sunlit Trail #Hunter #Art #Chasing wind spoilers #I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks #ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made. #So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti. #For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut! #Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles #before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah #Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game. #Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files #Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want #As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff. #In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3 #Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in #Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald. #Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy #But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill. #Still bad tho! #Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud'' #And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt #I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me #to see how far I get before they catch on 😜 #Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time #Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!

[michi-chelle-draws]

that one scene from taku’s route 👀

#slow damage #slow damage towa #fanart #my attempt at a manga interpretation of towa's rare moment of vulnerability in front of taku #everyone say thank you toono for at least giving towa and taku time to get down #lmaooo he literally spiked towa w h/orny juice dropped him off for taku only to kidnap him later that same night?? like what lol #anyway i finished taku’s route! it was so sweet taku really cares about towa so much it hurts #made me appreciate taku way more despite his flaws and complexities #still haven't seen his bad end tho...might do that before moving on to bag rei

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

#i dont even know what im talking about anymore #but i hope i made sense #as an aroace i feel the need of being extra cautious about how people think of my relationship with them #because I dont want them to like me romantically #i want friendship #because its so uncomfortablr #not #love #so this Chil here is basically me trying to figure out if saying certain things could be considered flirting or not by the other #i shouldnt care #it isnt my fault if they do fall in love with me #but i would be happier if they didnt #to know someone is in love wirh you #and that you dont love him back #but youre still friends #so youre friends but the other wants to be more than that #and to avoid that i gotta measure every interaction #maybe im a bit paranoid #but it has happened to me to have friends fall in love with me #and i dont want to hurt their feelongs but i definitely dont lovs rhem bacj #because i care abkut them in a friendly way #and i don't want them to suffer because of me. but I dont want to suffer because of them either #its all way to complicated? yes bit thing is that chil here represents me interacting with my friends #but in my case the hearts would be romantic #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #my shit

[good-beans]

I know most of our focus goes (rightfully) to the trial songs, but I genuinely believe Baptism of Fire is equally a masterpiece of meaningful writing and intense vocal acting

Incoming tag rant because I need to yell about this, feel free to yell back

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #like the other vds have good writing about the character and whatever social issue their crime focuses on #but this one is very pointedly about YOU #its about the audience. its about the milgram project. its about self reflection. its about self-appointed roles. its about you #even if you didnt vote t1 or anything the whole things is calling on you to reflect on your own judgements of others #how you treat people who come off rougher. how you treat people who have made a (bad but) common mistake. #do you also find entertainment in seeing people dragged down and suffering because it would 'serve them right?' #but es always remains in control of the situation. the drama doesnt end with 'and fuuta was right - you guys suck!' #its clarified that situations are different and have nuance. we are reminded to look at things with nuance. #then we are smoothly re-immersed in the story #and then!! the acting itself!!! #arthur lounsbery put his whole fussy into that performance (<- fuuta pussy) and i am in his debt every day for it #in both his vds hes just super expressive and fun to listen to #i dont understand japanese but he packs so much interesting intonation and emotion into every word -- im obsessed listening to him #he nails all the subtle emotions fuuta has: the pouts and outrage as well as underlying fear grief insecurity and immaturity #and then baptism of fire hes just... Wailing #like mahiru has her innocent and pathetic cries of pain in her sweet voice that works for her character but fuutas pain feels much more raw #the way hes practically sobbing at the end -- his voice cracking and screeching throughout -- the whimper of pain #its so unbearably intense!! it hurts!! and its supposed to!! but hes just so raw with it #and dont even get me started on his pained hysteric laughter omg.... #its just. a masterpiece. #i always appreciate the vds but i dont think ive enjoyed/relistened to one as much as this one #okay WAIT im back to add one more thing because im obsessed with ths idea of intentions #specifically in milgram i think the intention behind the murders are very important to consider #so i love love love the huge focus on 'i didnt expect/mean for this to happen' #plus as a general theme in fiction i think its sooo juicy when good intentions get fucked up #so i loved the repetition of that #fuuta is such a special case because he genuinely had no desire or expectation for his victim to die #(maybe kazui too? but he doesn't say so in his vd like fuuta does)

[ride-a-dromedary]

the darkest of nights, in truth, still dazzles.

a halsin fanmix  [listen]

01. Heart of Spring - david arkenstone | 02. Cé Hé Mise Le Ulaingt? / The Two Trees - loreena mckennit | 03. Pussywillows, Cat-tails - gordon lightfoot | 04. Maybe Tomorrow - f&m | 05. Don't Stop Me Now - queen | 06. I Was Born Under a Wand'rin' Star  - bryn terfel  | 07. A Tenuous Bond - derek duke | 08. Closer - nine inch nails | 09.  Into the Darkness - jeremy soule  | 10.  Colorblind - counting crows | 11. Natural Light - ludovico einaudi | 12. Under the Greenwood Tree - royal shakespeare company | 13. The Grove - bear mccreary | 14. Blood Upon the Snow - hozier & bear mccreary | 15. A Quiet Darkness - houses | 16. Spellplague - alderfall | 17. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - jonathan antoine | 18. Only Everyone Can Judge Me - crywank | 19. Blue Skies - kathryn calder | 20. The Buzzard - old blind dogs | 21. Constant Craving - k.d. lang | 22. The Cave - mumford and sons | 23. Jim Cain - bill callahan | 24. I Won't Back Down - johnny cash | 25. The Ash Grove - laura wright | 26. The Wind - yusuf/cat stevens | 27. To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuarithe) - hozier | 28. The Logical Song - supertramp | 29. Tapestry - don mclean | 30. Big Yellow Taxi - joni mitchell | 31. Eat Your Young (Bekon's Choral Version) - hozier | 32. The Flock - david maxxim micic | 33. Changes - david bowie | 34. Ri Na Cruinne - clanaad | 35. The Moments of Happiness - ken page | 36. My Back Pages - the byrds | 37. If This Journey - tom hanford | 38. Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season) - Live - pete seeger

#BG3 Musing #BG3 Fanmix #Halsin BG3 #Halsin #Halsin Posting #my fanmix #i give up this is about as done as it will ever be - i've been talking about this enough i need to get it away from me #i could have made at least one or two other playlists with the number of songs i cut from this #there were some things that hurt me to cut but i figured others had them in their playlists so they're out there #(the impossible dream you will always be famous i am so sorry :(() #i had three goals with this 1. make it more of a timeline in that it follows a narrative order (which hopefully is easy enough to follow) #(it makes sense to me about as much as it is ever going to lol) #2. try to avoid using songs that other individuals have used in their playlists (with a handful of exceptions - i highly encourage you also #take a listen to the others around! lots of good stuff and i figured if you were missing it from this one you can find another with it) #(and if i did use one the context might be different #'closer here is being used in a different way than i usually see it - it's putting more emphasis on the 'you can have my isolation' bit use #in context of the matron and patron for example) #and 3. focus as much as possible on non-romance path elements of halsin's character - i.e. again that's a topic that is highly explored #in other fanmixes to great success - this one is about the childhood he references and the adventures and the capture in the underdark #and the shadow curse and the burying of people he loved and the uptaking of the archdruid position and the healing he did #and possibly did not do #and the radicalization he comes into when his goals are met and he's faced with injustices #and the struggle he has of redefining himself and figuring out who he is after all of it #hopefully the 'eras' are clearly defined but hey it's all gravy from here #honestly if there is one song to listen to that encapsulates halsin for me it's tapestry - highly recommend that #anyway i am blabbing - let the lyrics and such talk for themselves jemi please #but if fanmixes aren't your speed have a kinda nice edit i guess #edit: now with bonus song i just had to add after shamefully forgetting it

[lover-of-mine]

Fuck it Friday!

I was tagged by @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @daffi-990 @dangerpronebuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings thank you.

It's barely still friday for me, but I've been writing the Buck proposes to Natalia and picks a fight with Eddie fic, and I kinda wanna share this snippet so I will lol prev snippet.

“Can you pretend you're not mad at me for a second?” Buck begs, and Eddie gives him a disbelief look. “What do you want from me, Buck? Because I’m not a good enough friend for you, so what are you doing?” “I deserved that,” he mumbles, looking down, and Eddie huffs.  “Yeah, but I didn't!”  “Eddie,” Buck tries, but he shakes his head. “No, okay? I needed a minute to get on board the stupidity of you wanting to marry someone you’ve known for six months, who left you before, and I didn’t deserve you accusing me of being a bad friend.” “I didn’t get why you needed time to get on board,” Buck mumbles, voice as small as he feels under his gaze and he just looks at him like he's crazy. “Because I’m in love with you, jackass,” Eddie snaps, breathing heavily.

No pressure tagging 🩷, everyone please consider yourselves tagged for inspiration Saturday if you did this already: @eddiebabygirldiaz @bucks118 @honestlyeddie @try-set-me-on-fire @watchyourbuck @housewifebuck @wildlife4life @giddyupbuck and you if you have something to share 💜

#writing #911 wip #buddie wip #anon made me do it fic #fuck it friday #i love this this fight so much you dont understand #balancing the way that Eddie is defensive because he's physically hurt #and the way he's defensive because Buck hurt him #but he doesn't want to be mad he just doesn't trust Buck all that much at the moment #has been soooooooooooooooo fun #even more considering I'm on Buck's pov #so to have Buck figure that out #ugh #i wanna finish this fic so bad