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kickingitwithkirk · 6 months

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Restless Man -Pt 1

Summary: Beau Arlen finds himself in the middle of a case with more twists than a country road.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x Reina Cetanwakuwa-Stanley

Word Count: 1357

Warnings: cursing, show level violence, derogatory remarks (some in native languages)

Square Filled: @jacklesversebingo -Escaping Their Fate

A/N: The inklings for this started the first time I heard Jensen singing Restless Man. This work is partially from historical information and canon elements from the Big Sky series.

*Set after the series finally 3:13 That Old Feeling.

A/N II: All Native American words/sentences in this part are Lakota resourced from freelang.net and glosbe.com *some algorithmically generated on these sites.

*Translation: lala -grandfather Cetanwakuwa -attacking hawk or to hunt and chase

*divider by @firefly-graphics *no beta -all mistakes are mine

prologue masterlist

“Hoyt slow down!” Arlen grabs the dashboard as the vehicle rounds a sharp curve too fast. “You good? Where’s your head at?”

“Nowhere. I’m all good.”

“All good my ass. You’re still a bad liar, Hoyt, can’t help noticing you white-knuckling that wheel over there. You know I’m here to listen if you want to talk about whatever it is between you and this Rihanna...”

“Her name is Reina and I told you there’s nothing to talk about.” He gives her a look. “Jesus, Beau, you're like a dog with a goddamn bone. Drop it!” The blonde snaps at the handsome man in her passenger seat making him laugh. “Not the first time I've been told that. Okay, I’ll let it go for now. But the offer stands.” Arlen changes the subject yammerin on about his latest video chat with his daughter, reminding Hoyt of their first meeting.

***

Hoyt walked into the Sheriff’s Department already put out before meeting Walter Tubbs' temporary replacement and Cassie’s warning that Arlen was very Texan proved true. Not to mention the man was a never-ending chatterbox. Eventually, as she constantly reminded everyone, the temporary acting sheriff allowed some of that veneer to peel back, exposing a little of the man underneath.

A man who loved too hard and had too many ghosts clinging to him, something Jenny Hoyt was way too familiar with. Her feelings shifted after a few months of working together and she began contemplating what a relationship with the transplanted Texan would be like.

Then things went sideways when Cassie was hired to find a missing hiker.

Her inquiries led to a glamping excursion run by Sunny and Buck Barnes, where coincidentally Arlen's daughter Emily and her stepfather were staying. The case also reopens a decades old unsolved murder and the discovery of fifteen million in stolen Crypto. They all became intertwined revealing Buck as a serial killer who kidnapped Emily and Denise and ended with his, and several others, deaths.

Arlen paid a surprise visit to Hoyt's home in a quandary the night after their rescue tells her that his ex-wife Carla had taken their daughter back to Texas leaving him unsure about staying in Montana. After a few beers, things started getting close to crossing the professional/private line between them. He left saying neither was clear-headed enough to make any rational decisions that would change them from colleagues and occasional confidants.

A week later, Arlen was served court papers stating that he’d allowed their daughter to remain in a place of known danger and Carla was granted primary custody with all communication between them monitored by a court-appointed third party.

Arlen had what Cassie calls his tantrum then sought legal counsel from a lawyer he knew back in Houston. The lawyer advised with his checkered history in law enforcement and at home, to follow the stipulations to the letter if he hoped for a chance in hell of regaining his parental rights before Emily turned eighteen.

***

Arlen felt Hoyt’s skeptical side-eye before she asked. “So how much did Denise tell you?”

“That Reina is the black sheep for not going into family business. And something about the Stanleys being descendants of the Four Georgies?”

“The Four Georgians,” she corrected, pulling into the Jefferson City First National Bank’s Park lot. “In 1864, four prospectors found gold in Last Chance Gulch and agreed to keep it quiet. But a few months later, more miners started arriving.” She finished summarizing Helena’s origins as they entered the bank and were assailed by a harassed-looking bank manager.

Several hours later

Lewis & Clark County Sheriff's Department

Sergeant Madge Crowder greeted the returning duo with, “Got a visitor, sheriff.”

Arlen gestures around the empty waiting area, “There's no one out here,” and she comments, “Was a minute ago.” Before he could ask, Deputy Mo Poppernack popped up nervously glancing between Hoyt and Arlen. “Everything okay, Popcorn? You seem kinda,” Arlen says waving his hand.

“No sir, I mean yes sir...Beau, I’m good. Someone is waiting in your office to see you.” Still eyeing the fidgety deputy, Arlen addresses both, “Let me know if we get anything on the getaway car,” and heads off to meet his mystery guest.

***

Entering his office, Arlen spies the Stetson from that morning sitting upside down on his desk.

“Hello, I’m Sheriff Arlen. What can I,” and something that rarely happens happens when its owner turns, and Arlen loses his voice. The partially open blinds cast his visitor in light and shadow as his chartreuse eyes drink in every accentuated detail, bone structure hinting of being descended from the indigenous peoples but other ancestries contributing to the lighter hueing of skin, eyes, and hair.

“You must be the infamous Reina Stanley.”

“I see my reputation proceeds me,” her voice has the distinctive native Montanan drawl held out her hand, "I would appreciate it if we could keep this matter between us for now Sheriff.” Arlen shakes the offered hand surprised at the firmness of her grip.

“Call me Beau. Please,” he gestures for her to sit as he settles into his chair, “I assume this has to do with earlier?” She raises an eyebrow and he elaborates. “A friend and I caught some of that public performance this morning and said they thought it was you.” An amused smile graces her lush lips reminding him of pink beautyberry fruit.

“I see Denise Brisbane is still the town gossip.” Arlen chuckled, “She does have her ear to the ground. Denise didn’t go into details but mentioned your family has substantial influence in this state.”

“You’re mama brought you up right. Most people aren’t so polite about saying the Stanleys are not to be fucked with.” Arlen couldn’t stop the flash of surprise crossing his features. “Okay then. I'm guessing your visit has something to do with that brouhaha this morning?”

“Yes and no. I’m here on behalf of lala; my grandfather, who requested I give you this,” she handed him a sealed envelope. “I don’t recall meeting any of your kin.” Arlen remarks pulling out a letter with a small key taped to it reads it out loud. “I had a safety deposit box put in your name Beau Arlen and ask you to take my granddaughter with you when examining its contents. You will understand why I had to take these precautions and do what is necessary with the information enclosed. Gerald Centanwakuwa-Stanley” He looked up in surprise.

“Hold on, Gerald was your grandfather? The same Gerald I’d go trout fishing with?”

“Walter Tubb’s said you were quick on the uptake. Lala Gerald chose to use his given name outside of business.” The sheriff tipped his head. “Right, you're a transplant. The Stanley descendent who settled here left a will stipulating that all direct descendants maintain the family surname to keep their inheritance, including any man marrying in.” Reina paused scrutinizing him giving Arlen a fluttering he hadn't felt in years.

“Tubb also said you have a set of huevos for taking the job even after getting an earful about the undersheriff.” Arlen chuckled, “Yeah, Tubb had a few things to say about Hoyt. But she knows to stay between the lines, I’ll have her back.”

“Jenny Hoyt doesn’t know the meaning of staying between the lines. Excuse me,” she fishes out her phone and frowns, “Fuc...fraken lawyers, ‘cuse my language. When will you be free to check out that box?” There was a knock on the door and Poppernack stuck his head in. “Sorry to interrupt sir. We got a call that the First National getaway cars been spotted headin' down I-15.”

“And that's my cue to leave.” Reina gestures to his phone, "May I?” Arlen nodded, “I’m leaving you my personal number,” she hands it back, “Text me when you’re free to deal with that matter for lala.”

Several officers, along with Arlen and Poppernack, appreciatively watch her retreating form. “Please tell me all female Rangers as good looking as her?” Poppernack asks, “‘Cause if they are, I’m booking my next vacation in Texas.” Arlen turns and says...

“I’m sorry..she’s a what?!”

tbc

SPN TAGS: @donnaintx @lyarr24 @flamencodiva @lassie-bird @nancymcl @spnbaby-67 @leigh70

Dean/Jensen: @thoughts-and-funnies @stoneyggirl2 @akshi8278 @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl

@deans-spinster-witch

#beau arlen #sheriff beau arlen #beau arlen x ofc #jenny hoyt #cassie dewell #densie brisbane #mo poppernack #big sky #jensen ackles

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madness-in-the-flesh · 2 years

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Hear you like dark themes huh? Let me rub my hands together mischievously rq as I hand you this. Go as crazy as you want man. Also the Deimos and Gil prompts were peak perfection!

Reader knew Hoffnar for a long time, but was unbeknownst of his hidden obsession over them. But after taking a wellness check on him after the fall of Navada, they learn the hard way of what he's become. Hoffnar Tricky will no longer hide who he is. He only wants one thing right now and one thing only. Now Reader is running for their life through the lost city being chased by something undead, practically eldritch. It's all downhill the moment they took a wrong turn and find nowhere left to run.

Regardless of what you write I can't wait to see more of what you do!

Okay first off thank you !!!!!!! Hoping you enjoy my stuff in future as much as I love making it !!!!! +D and second, I am taking this request. Shoving it in between two slices of bread and eating it. Delicious. Thank you. Also if you mean by taking a wrong turn, You breaking your legs and being unable to escape. yes. wrong turn. Also, maybe got a LITTTLLLLE carried away and this is around 3195 words but shhh it's fine. I also apologize if this wasn't the stuff you wanted? I don't know I just kinda blanked and kept getting ideas. then deleting a part. then coming up with more ideas and re-writing, So eh, Not as happy with this as the other ones but regardless I hope you enjoy ! +)

Categorizing this under fics rather than a drabble. Or maybe all my drabbles class themselves as fics since I feel they're longer than what others consider drabbles? Idk if anyone has advice that would be appreciated <3 !!!!

Tricky - Run Rabbit Run

GENRE - Romantic

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Physical Violence, Gun Violence, Wounds, broken bones, Murder / implied Murder, Mention of controlling behaviour, Descriptions of gore, Heights / falling ( more so falling in this case ) - If you believe I've missed anything please let me know so I can add it

You wandered through the ruins of the once prospering city under the rule of Director Phobos. This place held both fond and lukewarm memories, mixing into a deep sense of nostalgia but that’s not the feeling you came for. No, you had your sights set on something a lot more important.

Ever since the place had fallen to ruin, You’d been hiding out, searching from place to place without contact with any of your old colleagues until setting up your own little home away from everything. You just wanted to live a normal life, which you did. Well, as normal as you could in a place like Nevada. With the occasional Zed’s appearing and some agents here and there: You mostly stuck to yourself from growing your own food ( which was miraculous within itself ) and your limited self defence training, You were set.

It never stopped the empty feeling of misery. You even began to doubt that the quote “ misery loves company ” held up. After all, Could your life be so Gloomy while your social life was so barren? So much so you’d begin talking to yourself as well as the photos that lined your wall. Mostly of your three colleagues. Dr Crackpot: Intense and confident, You couldn’t recall a dull moment with him but you also found it hard to keep up. Especially with his rivalry with Dr. Jebediah Christoff. Another man you grew close with while working with under the Nexus Core. He was but neither of those two were the closest.

Dr Hofnarr. At first, He was timid and the two of you didn’t interact too much. You both stuck to yourselves until you both decided to have lunch with Christoff but according to him, You two would get along and oh boy, did you. After finding a similar interest in clowns: it was almost all the two of you would discuss. From Bozo the Hysterical and Slapstick Stanley: you’d take about anything slightly resulting among the jester-y. However, as things went on you discovered more about each other and the things you enjoyed outside of clowns. Soon enough you’d say the two of you were best friends: Something that you least expected from a job the ones put out by the Nexus Core. You never agreed with the inhumane and horrid things that happened but kept up with it because in the end, it was you or them. Yet when you got a mysterious note from someone during office hours, a day before the city’s destruction telling you to run and never look back. You knew exactly who had sent it from the handwriting and why you needed to leave the city almost immediately and without question. You had put that much trust in Hofnarr.

Sure… he’d act weird sometimes towards you but you had always coughed it up to him either not fully grasping the appropriate social response. Then there was the time he had you transferred to work under him, a measly request but you just assumed he thought you were a good fit to help him with his job. That was all it could be, and it was nice working with a friend. Even if he could be semi-controlling to both you and others around you while working. Then according to Jeb, He never acted this way around other things, only with you. Each time though, you brushed it off, almost developing an equally horrible dependency on each other. But that’s all it was, a friendship ( to you, anyways ) that was nothing more than a mutual bond with no ill intent whatsoever.

Part of you regrets leaving all the same, Maybe you just assumed that you’d encounter each other again whether it be here or the next life. Perhaps even in the other place. Either way, You still longed to be with the people you once saw as your buddies… Especially Hofnarr. You missed having the socially awkward but easily excitable colleague, always anticipating your next conversation but you suppose the next one would never come. You longed to one day hopefully see the way he’d light up as the two of you would meet up for your break. Those were good times…

So much so you decided to throw away the advice he had given you and perform what would make most Nevadans grimace, especially when you had such a good thing going. Return to the city and perform a wellness check. Not that you knew the location of Hoffnar nor any of your old friends but it wouldn't hurt to try.

You had the chance to get those back though and you refused to pass it up. So much so you managed to access a forgotten database. Back in your time with the Nexus core, they had given all the “ important ” employees’ aka the scientists actually working on the distress signals Incase of an emergency which would be loaded onto a database to keep track, this was so that anyone went “ missing '' through their own means or taken hostage. Before leaving, You had removed it from yourself and left it in your office. You suppose it was another way for the director to be in control, Knowing where you were most of the time allowed for him to keep track and snuff out anyone he labelled suspicious. From what you’d read, a signal had been picked up in the city: A signal that you had assumed had been long lost. One that belonged to Hofnarr. The past week, Signals of Dr Hofnarr’s were sent out which read he was still in the. In different locations too which made you almost squirm with delight. Both Crackpot’s and Jeb’s hadn’t been sighted in years.

You had barely been able to get everything together to head to the city to find him. Maybe he knew where the others were? Just as long as you didn’t have to sit and think about the alienation you felt in your own home. It was around a 3 day trip to the city, With rest. You chose to mostly travel at night, In hopes of avoiding the masses that inhabited the Nevadan wasteland and the A.A.H.W. You did! For the most part, You had a run in with some bandits around the border but nothing you couldn’t handle! You were surprised on how the blood and guts didn’t phase you anymore. Maybe if it were your own...

The brains splattered on the ground and all you could think was: “ Wow! I can’t wait to tell Hofnarr about what I’ve been up too”. Maybe if you had kept up-to-date with everything going on around you, rather than becoming a hermit with limited news. You might have even thought twice about stepping back into the city but alas, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The same could be said about the both of you.

Checking the destination you’d marked on the map of the city, Colt 1911 secured in your hip. Your hands were shaky as hysteria ripped through you. Trying to keep yourself contained from all the excitement as you finally rounded the corner. Staring up at the eerily spray painted building. It’s like everything fell quiet when you did hear it

The distant yells from bandits were no longer audible. The ripping of flesh that as Zed’s bit into whatever poor sucker stumbled across them and backed up by the things aching pleas to live. Not even gunshots whirred through the air: Just eerie, well placed silence.

For the first time since you received that signal but not as long as you’d have liked to. Your pondering was cut short when the faint sound of a tune rang through the air. You perked up, looking around, cringing as it crept ever closer. You were in the middle of the street, no cover and hardly supposed you’d find some in the time whatever was making the melody would get here. All you had was the handgun on you. Pulling out the Colt 1911 and shoving the map back into your pocket. You awaited, staring off into the street’s opening.

But the thing never came around the corner. Alternatively, you were greeted by the presence of the music right by your ears and a hot breath on the back of your neck, causing you to dart around.

Your blood ran cold and heart rate quicken, a blanket of trepidation fell over you and did not let go. Bright red eyes stared out at you from the holes of the mask it wore, only inches from your face. Unmoving, and as redder than the Nevadan sky. You didn’t dare move but the grip on the gun grew more strained. Clammy palms clasping for anything to keep you anchored to the situations, You couldn't allow your mind to race in this sort of predicament.

The most haunting thing is those cardinal eyes screamed of familiarity but you swore you’d remember such a sight. His skin was rotting away at the bone, A sign the person in front of you was no longer alive. Nevertheless, he wasn’t attacking you like the traditional Zed would nor making any move to harm you. The thing seemed to be studying you as you did it. Glancing down at the sign in the things hand, bloody. You were also sure you’d spotted pieces of flesh and brain tissue. The most obnoxious thing was the boombox playing what seemed like such a simple fun tune. Just what the fuck was this shit playing at?

You decide you've seen enough, Moving to take a step back but today was just full of surprises. You jolted as an ear piercing. It sounded like someone was scratching a record, Yet it was forming words as easily as you could.

“ CLOWN KNOWS YOU !!! ” It beamed out, seemingly unphased by the fear written all over your face. You quickly decided you wouldn’t be dealing with it any longer, Pulling up the Cole 1911 and shooting it in the torse, almost emptying the ammo cartridge. Your hand was shaky, at least 3 of the 5 hitting: Which left 2 bullets in the chamber. The Red haired being was unphased and still standing, It didn’t even flinch as it was shot, rather, the clown just stared at you, holding your gaze until it looked down at its body. Pressing it’s hand in on the wounds, squirting the blood out of the laceration. Poking and prodding before looking back up at you. The thing began to go from twitching on occasion to convulsing violently with what you could only presume was rage. It leaked from the Zed and into the atmosphere around the two of you, Anger and tension so you wasted no time getting the fuck out of there. AS you turned and zipped around the corner. The music stopped with a thud and another blaring screech.

You wasted no time, pulling the map you’d once shoved into your pocket and running through the empty streets. Even now the only thing you could hear was your footsteps and own breath, heaving as your feet pounded against the pavement. Not daring to look behind you. It’s like all life in the area had gotten the fuck out of there once they realized. You couldn't keep up with your own thoughts since apparently this clown could outrun them too, pulling up your side as the clown’s legs outran your own: Long and almost cartoonishly stretching along the pavement beside you. You didn’t waste time attempting to once more shoot the clown, but both shots missed as the whiplash caused by the gun as it fired caused your aim to fly back too. Without much thought, You smacked the thing square in the head, bashing it’s head and causing it to trip. You huffed as it stared back at you, still running and taking the left as planned. Spinning around the corner and gazing at the apartment building to your right.

You didn’t stop as you turned down the alleyway and rushing up the steps leading to each apartment's patio and then to the roof. You pulled yourself up each one and looked down for a moment to see where the clown was, hoping to have lost the thing by running up the building. Instead, you caught sight of a sign tearing through the ground: The same sign that the clown had been holding. It seemed to pop it’s head out and stare at you from below. You flinched as the clown pointed at you, beginning to screech once again.

“ haha fuck you ” you said to no one in particular but with no haste as you continued upwards and onto the roof of the building. That’s… what sort of thing is able to do that? Nothing you’d known of. Grabbing to take another look towards the map then up, Making the route in your head.

If you jumped a couple buildings over, You’d be able to possibly be able to climb down another’s fire exit and make it to the sewer. Seeing it as a lot safer than travelling on the surface with whatever this thing happened to be on your tale. Sure, You wouldn’t have a clue where you were going but via working of the map: You’d probably be able to decipher where you would roughly be. You didn’t get your degree for nothing, after all.

You couldn’t contemplate the plan for much longer though, as you watched the shadow appear over your head and crawl across your sight from behind: You shoved the map back into your side bag and whipped your head around to see the thing around 6 ft off the ground and above you. You broke into a jog, cursing loudly as you felt yourself stumble as you got to the first ledge. It wasn’t a far jump but falling would definitely result in a nasty injury. One you didn't need right now. You leaped, For a second, You felt yourself falling, arms flying up . No ground keeping you in place, almost floating. But gravity pulled you back down, accompanied by the loud thud.

Stumbling once more, you continued to run across the next rooftop, being careful not to . You made sure not to look behind you: On the verge of a breakdown at how stressed your mind was with all the clown had made, defying every physics was gnawing your brain into possible mush but you had to push forward, You could think about the fact of a flying murder clown later, now all that mattered was how far you could jump between buildings. Skidding onto the side of a ledge and turning, You ran up the side and sprung once more. You continued for another two buildings before there was any comeuppance. You jumped, however upon misjudging just how much air you would have needed to jump, it caused you to land and fall against the building.

You quickly scuffled and gripped onto the building's edge. Clawing at the cornice as you panicked. You held on as tightly as you could, looking around for anything that could help. Only to be greeted by the thing that had been chasing you, Jolting out of shock. It was now above you glancing at your fingers only to look back at you. The colour drained from your face as you knew exactly what this fucker was planning

“ Don’t you FUCKING dare! ” You felt yourself yell at it, Only for it to tilt it’s head innocently. Like a child who’d been plotting a mischievous deed for the day, except this wasn’t innocent in the slightest. The feeling of the clown putting it’s hands on yours, The feeling of it’s skin was cold, deprived from all signs of life but from this angle: You could catch how it looked from under the mask.

From the gore, you could tell it was missing the skin from it’s mouth, Cheeks and lips torn clean off but the teeth weren’t damaged at all. When alive, they were clearly kept in good condition. Something glossy caught your eye before you could fully let the creature help remove all your fingers from the ledge. You froze up, staring in absolute horror as you soon came to realise just who the man before you is… or was… You didn’t think there was a semblance left of him now. Could there be when he’d most likely been alone for so long? Well there was one, unbeknownst you were that one piece. There person with his twisted mind never failed to forget. A root to a problem

“ Hofnarr… buddy? ” You spoke, choosing your words carefully but it was too late. The thing had picked off all your fingers and you began to fall. It felt just like how it had been a split second except now the ground wouldn’t catch you for 1 second more. You couldn’t find the words to scream out of fear. The man you’d missed for what felt like decades, was right in front of you and you didn’t even pick up on it until you were literally dangling of the edge of a fucking building. Staring up at Hofnarr as you felt yourself tearing through the air. Even once you landed, a sickening crack in both your legs and your head slamming back into something hard. The ground wasn’t as fucked as you thought it would be.

Finally finding your lungs as you screeched in pain as the ringing in your head began. You couldn't even think about looking down to where your legs were broken, bone out of place and piercing through the skin and beginning to bleed. The back of your head was already moist with your own plasma and it hurt to think. You shook as well as finding it hard to breathe, your brain partly fuzzy but filled with that pulsating ringing. You couldn’t focus on anything but the pain. Barely registering the fact that the remains of Hoffnar jumped down from the building and was slowly making his way over to you. Humming the tune that was playing earlier to himself. You whimpered and cried, unable to do anything else.

You suppose whatever grunt that had placed so many bin bags filled with rotting rubbish wouldn’t have guessed it would be saving a life, But part of you was glad. Another part of you wished that your brains had been splattered against the concrete. Still, you suppose that maybe he wouldn’t have let you fall if he didn’t know about it. Or would he?

You couldn’t tell but you could hear the soft giggles of your used-to-be friend, Cuddling next to you in the bin pile, snuggling into you. Almost purring into your neck. You didn’t have the strength to fight him off, Just laying and trying to process the pain as well as the fact that the man now cradling you like a baby, was your old pal Hofnarr.

“ Mine… You are MINE!! ” The voice called out, Still scratchy and unbearable to the ears. It only caused the pain to get worse, whimpering as the clown continued to nuzzle and purr into your neck.

You were fucked.

#madness combat #yandere madness combat #madness combat x reader #yandere madness combat x reader #Tricky #dr hofnarr

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mostlysignssomeportents · 9 months

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This day in history

The Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop summer fundraiser is almost over! I am an alum, instructor and volunteer board member for this nonprofit workshop whose alums include Octavia Butler, Kim Stanley Robinson, Bruce Sterling, Nalo Hopkinson, Kameron Hurley, Nnedi Okorafor, Lucius Shepard, and Ted Chiang!

Your donations will help us subsidize tuition for students, making Clarion - and sf/f - more accessible for all kinds of writers.

#20yrsago Verisign will have to pay for sex.com mistake https://web.archive.org/web/20031203030438/http://www.wired.com/news/business/0,1367,59788,00.html

#15yrsago On the absurdity of “maximizing shareholder value” https://crookedtimber.org/2008/07/25/what-obligation-maximise-what/

#15yrsago Jack Womack’s underappreciated masterpiece, “Random Acts of Senseless Violence” https://www.tor.com/2008/07/25/randomacts/

#15yrsago Great opening lines from sf https://gizmodo.com/great-opening-sentences-from-science-fiction-5027128

#10yrsago Limited-edition Makie toys come to Selfridges https://web.archive.org/web/20130730061115/http://makie.me/forum/topic/474-makies-in-selfridges-from-5th-august/

#10yrsago Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year Old Recently https://www.mexicanpictures.com/headingeast/2008/03/lies-ive-told-my-3-year-old-re.html

#10yrsago Which Congresscritters voted for infinite, permanent, all-pervasive NSA spying? https://www.techdirt.com/2013/07/24/217-representatives-who-voted-to-keep-nsa-spying-all-your-data/

#10yrsago Wired Love: a novel from 1880 that could have been written last week https://www.collisiondetection.net/mt/archives/2013/07/wired_love_a_ta.php

#10yrsago Panopticon for royals https://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2013/07/monarchy-versus-the-panopticon.html

#10yrsago ANCHORY: NSA’s 1990s catalog of spook assets https://www.muckrock.com/news/archives/2013/jul/25/anchory-documents-offer-glimpse-90s-era-nsa-intell/

#10yrsago UK Serious Crimes Agency buried evidence of massive criminality by major corporations, rich people — wouldn’t even tell the cops https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/exclusive-bigger-than-phone-hacking-soca-sat-on-bluechip-dirty-tricks-evidence-for-years-8730861.html

#5yrsago Watchdog: UK spies engaged in illegal surveillance from 2001–2012 https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-44936592

#5yrsago Equifax says it’s spent $200m on security since the breach, so everything’s OK now https://www.wired.com/story/equifax-security-overhaul-year-after-breach/

#5yrsago Student blocks deportation of Afghan asylum-seeker by refusing to sit down and let the plane take off https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/25/swedish-student-plane-protest-stops-mans-deportation-afghanistan

#5yrsago Facebook forced to drop “feature” that let advertisers block Black people, old people and women https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/24/17609178/facebook-racial-dicrimination-ad-targeting-washington-state-attorney-general-agreement

#5yrsago A/B testing tools have created a golden age of shitty statistical practices in business https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3204791

#5yrsago Rockstar: a programming language whose code takes the form of power ballads https://github.com/dylanbeattie/rockstar

#5yrsago EFF has published a detailed guide to regulating Facebook without destroying the internet https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/07/facing-facebook-data-portability-and-interoperability-are-anti-monopoly-medicine

#1yrago Sarah Gailey’s “Just Like Home”: A haunted house novel that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#crowder-house

#1yrago Why none of my books are available on Audible: And why Amazon owes me $3,218.55 https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

#pluralistic

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jervis-tetch-my-beloved · 2 years

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Hello, my name is Cassandra. This is my bullshit blog where I post about my bullshit little guys and bullshit little tv shows. I’m, 20 She/They, and actually Jervis’s wife he told me himself.

I post mainly about Gotham but here are my complete fandom list

Fandoms:

Bold = Favorite/ Hyperfixation at the moment

General Batman Media ex: Arkhamverse, Reevesverse, Gotham, The Dark Knight Trilogy, 1989 movies, 1960 movies, Harley Quinn Animated Series, Batman: the Animated Series, The Suicide Squad

Stardew Valley

The Stanley Parable (Ultra Deluxe and original)

My Babysitters a Vampire

Taleblr

Danganronpa

American Mcgee’s Alice/ Alice Madness Returns

Slime Rancher

Insomnis

Resident Evil

Watcher/BFU/ Ghost Files

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Cuphead GAME

Super Mario Bros

Peacemaker

Sander Sides

Yandere Simulator

Doki Doki Literature Club

Amnesia

Detroit: Become Human

Analog Horror - The Mandela Catalogue, The Walten Files, local 58, etc

The Legend of Zelda (particularly botw rn)

BYF:

I don’t have a DNI, I just block people I don’t like. Terfs can kindly fuck off btw

Topics of incest are discussed, not anything like shipping but my favorite character was in a relationship with his sister, so if your sensitive to things like that tread lightly

Gore, violence, nsfw and swearing are things I post/post about often

If you are sensitive to yandere content or obsessive love and you wish to continue following me, I suggest you block the #yanderecore tag. Everything I reblog is tagged under that. Also I don’t actually support harming people and abusive relationships.

Tag Navigation:

.(character) a tag for a character when I wanna sort them but not put it in main tags

Cassandra Tag / Cassandra Maria - My Oc, named Cassandra. Anything that fits under her aesthetic of any variation of her

big brain headcanons - my headcanons tag

.*insert any emojis* a persons tag

.🤍🎩🍰 - My Tag/ My Personal Tag

.💕🌼🐈‍⬛ - @/strange-and-unusual-sasha

.❤️✨🖤(old) OR .🧪⛓️🥀 (new) - @/scaredyjokes

.🏳️‍🌈🔞🌻 @/nsfwitchy

.🐺💕🎶 @/f1zzlests1ickzz

. 💚❔💜 @/finniestoncrane

.🗝️🍒🖤 @/land-of-omoroshi-and-absurdities

.🤠👹🫀 @/kkryboygayman

.🥺☕️🫖 @/march-harringan

.🐀🖤🐁 @/littlemouserat

.✨🍁🐈‍⬛ @/almwud

.🐢💪💜 @/ineffable-user-name

.🫧🪲🎃 @/almond-milk-man

.⚠️🌧️🐢 @/ozymoron

.😵‍💫👾🌌 @/letshaveadepresssionparty

.🍂🌙⚜️ @/capondi

.🏳️‍⚧️🦅🦈 @/eagleflightdraws

.💀👻🧑‍🎤 @/edward-lygma-ballz

.🧪‼️✨ @/mashedpotatosinacup

.🦇⭐️🌙 @/crowscared

.👀☎️📻 @/tiredconcepts

.🦐🫀🥀 @/hinako-supremacy

If your on this list and you want your tags changed just tell me, before I asked people what they wanted I just assigned them tags that I thought fit with their blog :)

All user boxes are by @/sweetpeauserboxes <3

(Don’t mind this)

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vivihrt · 5 months

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welcome to my blog! thank you for reading this before interacting ♡

୨୧ ˚ ₊ ֗ byf and dni ♱𝅼 𝜗𝜚

before you follow : i write dark content such as dubcon, stalking, somnophilia, yandere themes, violence, death, gore, abusive relationships and other topics. i am not writing these themes for my or your entertainment but due to trauma and other factors, so do not follow me or block me if you think that you're going to feel offended.

i am a minor who writes a hefty amount of nsfw & dark content cause of internet access at eight, so if you don't like that don't follow or block me. don't come looking for trouble.

do not interact : racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, -14 or 25+, romanticize abuse, zionist, age up minors for nsfw content.

୨୧ ˚ ₊ ֗ rules ♱𝅼 𝜗𝜚

please be patient with my when requesting! i'm not a machine.

feel free to request characters that are not on the list, either i've forgotten to add them or i don't belong to that fandom! im may still know enough about it though to write your request.

i only write for black, chubby, curvy female reader! anyone is free to read my work, just don't be weird.

i have every right to decline a request.

୨୧ ˚ ₊ ֗ how to request ♱𝅼 𝜗𝜚

i'm only good at long fics LMAO so if you request something else it might not be up to quality, sorry :((

please state the character's name and their respected fandom.

state the type of reader it is. for example: girlfriend reader, wife reader etc.

state the genre you would like! angst, smut fluff and / or dark content.

most importantly, state the plot! things like aus, specific things you want to happen, or specific things you want you / the character to say!

more detailed description = better quality writing!

୨୧ ˚ ₊ ֗ what i write for ♱𝅼 𝜗𝜚

animanga : trigun stampede, devilman crybaby, junji ito collection, prison school, scott pilgrim, attack on titan, jujutsu kaisen. black butler. castlevania and dramatical murder.

celebrities : peter steele and ezra miller.

other: the world of mr plant, marvel, the stanley parable, baldurs gate 3, love death and robots, marvel, ok ko, creepypasta, call of duty, sonic prime, arcane, danganranpa, blue eye samurai, detroit become human, fnaf, the backrooms, genshin impact, rick & morty, hannibal, dream daddy, inside job, moral orel, ranfren, resident evil, sally face, dc, star trek, atsv, the mandela catalog, the arcana, and luxiem.

#vivihrt #anime x female reader #various x female reader #female reader #jjk headcanons #jjk smut #lana del rey aesthetic #girlhood #coquette #hell is a teenage girl #various x black reader #anime x black reader

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dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3 · 7 months

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Draco the Death Eating Cupcake AO3 Fic Master Post

Hey all!

So, this is something I’ve wanted to do for a while but always struggled to find the energy to do it. But I had the will today, so here’s a master post of all my fics! That way, anyone interested can find the fandom they’re interested in and read one of my fics. I’ll also put the year it was written so that all of y’all are aware that older fics might not be as good, as well as if it’s complete or not. Finally, I'm going to put this in a bit of a random order, mostly with fandoms I'm more active with going first, and older fandoms going last. I won't add synopsis, otherwise this would be way too long!

So, without further ado… my fic master post!

Super Mario Bros: Bowser/Luigi

Luigi and the Beast: Words: 136,482. Chapters: 13. Year written: 2023. Rating: T. MOSTLY ABANDONED WIP.

Danganronpa: Kiyotaka/Mondo

The first four are all part of one series, called "The Problem" series.

The Problem with Perfection: Words: 384,025. Chapters: 30. Year written: 2021. Rating: E. COMPLETE. The Problem with Mondo: Words: 396,658. Chapters: 23. Year(s) written: 2021-??? Rating: E. MOSTLY ABANDONED WIP. COMPANION TO TPWP. The Problem with First Dates: Words: 28,482. Chapters: 2. Year written: 2021. Rating: E. COMPLETE. SEQUEL TO TPWP. The Problem with Families: Words: 69,090. Chapters: 6. Year written: 2021. Rating: M. COMPLETE. SECOND SEQUEL TO TPWP. Love Blooms in Unexpected Places: Words: 27,286. Chapters: 1. Year written: 2022. Rating: T. COMPLETE. The Violence of Your Touch: Words: 34,634. Chapters: 2. Year written: 2023. Rating: M. COMPLETE. Another Life: Words: 8,352. Chapters: 1. Year written: 2021. Rating: M. COMPLETE. Light up the Night: Words: 25,924 Chapters: 2. Year written: 2021. Rating: T. COMPLETE. Harry Potter themed. Games and Consequences: Words: 27,515 Chapters: 3. Year written: 2021. Rating: M. COMPLETE.

Supernatural: Dean/Cas

My Big Fake Gay Wedding: Words: 57,377. Chapters: 7. Year written: 2020. Rating: T. COMPLETE. Bravado: Words: 14,213. Chapters: 2. Year written: 2020. Rating: T. COMPLETE. Eyes are the Window to the Soul: Words: 3,757. Chapters: 1/1. Year written: 2014. Rating: G. COMPLETE. This is my first fic posted to AO3. :-)

Avatar the Last Airbender: Lu Ten & Family.

Strangers to Suffering: Words: 43,239. Chapters: 6. Year written: 2020. Rating: T. COMPLETE.

Merlin: Merlin/Arthur

The Warlock Prince: Words: 378,848. Chapters: 38. Year written: 2020. Rating: E. COMPLETE.

Batman: The Tell Tale Series: Batman/John Doe (Joker)

Only Human: Words: 12,442. Chapters: 1. Year written: 2018. Rating: G. COMPLETE.

The Avengers: Tony Stark & Steve Rogers.

The Dance of the Robot: Words: 24,887. Chapters: 2. Year written: 2019. Rating: G. COMPLETE.

Gravity Falls:

~Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines

A Pirate's Life: Words: 118,885. Chapters: 22. Year written: 2015-2016. Rating: T. COMPLETE. A Pirate's End: Words: 2,753 Chapters: 1. Year written: 2017. Rating: T. COMPLETE. SEQUEL TO APL. Compatible: Words: 37,263. Chapters: 7. Year written: 2016. Rating: G. COMPLETE.

~Stanford & Stanley Pines

These are all part of one series.

The Life of Pines: Words: 33,500. Chapters: 12. Year written: 2015. Rating: G. COMPLETE. The Flip Side: Words: 42,381. Chapters: 12. Year written: 2015. Rating: G. COMPLETE. COMPANION TO TLoP. Moments in Time.: Words: 6,953. Chapters: 1. Year written: 2015. Rating: G. COMPLETE. COMPANION TO TLoP. An Old Faded Photograph: Words: 1,620 Chapters: 1. Year written: 2016. Rating: G. COMPLETE. COMPANION TO TLoP.

The Hobbit: Bilbo/Thorin

And Where the Road Then Takes Me.: Words: 43,707. Chapters: 12. Year written: 2015-???? Rating: G. ABANDONDED WIP. Meet Me at Twilight and in Darkness We'll Wander.: Words: 4,281. Chapters: 1. Year written: 2015. Rating: G. COMPLETE.

Detroit: Become Human: Connor/Hank

The Psychology of Loss: Words: 129,992. Chapters: 19. Year written: 2019. Rating: M. COMPLETE.

AAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD done.

Jesus do I have a lot of fics. 😳But that's done with, oof. I'll pin this post so people can see it, especially now that I'm kind of... not really writing again. There's just too much going on in my life to worry about writing and posting fics. Maybe I'll post the Our Flag Means Death fic I've been working on once the second season airs, but for now, I have no real plans. I also might go back and add mini synopses for some of these fics, just like "kid fic AU." or "Role Swap AU" kinda thing, but for now I'm tired.

#My fic #My fics #Master post #Fic master post #I'm not sure if this will help anyone but I kinda like seeing all my fics in one place here on Tumblr #Obviously I have more fics from when I was like... 13-15 hidden on my ff.net account #But they will die with the site. :-)

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bungouchronicles · 6 months

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Introduction

Hi! I'm Aria and my pronouns are She/Her.

I've been on Tumblr for awhile but never really made an official blog for posting but there's just so much I wanna say so I thought "I'm bored on the bus, lets commit to Tumblr".

I don't really know what I'll be posting except that it'll probably be mostly related to bungou stray dogs as it's my current obsession (and has been for the last 3-4 years-). I do like to both write and draw too so I might post some of my work aswell.

Favorite posts of mine:

Soukoku and their views on humanity

Dazai hates going to the doctor, Yosano hates having him there

Dazai and gift giving

Akutagawa and the man dressed in black

Fyodor and what the future might hold

I love to love

Fyobram nonsense

Fyodor and "that man"

-------------------------

Here's some general information about me and what tags I use under the cut ⬇️

Things I like

- Bungou stray dogs (wow you could've never guessed)

- Moriarty the Patriot

- Genshin Impact

- Kamisama Hajimemashita

- My little pony: Friendship is magic

- Anime

- Manga

- Reading

- Writing

- Art

- Music

- Anything creative really

- Philosophy

- Psychology (sometimes)

- Classic Literature

- Theater

- Character/story analysis

- A bunch of other anime series I haven't mentioned

- Honkai star rail (though I haven't gotten that far)

- Just a bunch of things, I love deeply and easily

- Vampires

- The Stanley parable

- Spider-man

- Just super heroes in general

- Goth music

- New wave

- New romantic

- Post-Punk

- Yk just cool 80's synth music

Things I dislike/Hate

- Horror (I like the scary vibes but I can't handle actually scary stuff)

- Gore (I don't mind blood)

- Extreme Violence

- Sharks (big teeth)

- Mirrors (creepy)

- Just general bad things (stuff like racism yk)

- Probably more things but I can't think of anything rn

- Proshippers!!

-----------

I'm happy to receive asks but know that I won't respond if it makes me uncomfortable so yk, be normal.

I might edit this in the future if anything changes or I remember something I should've added but forgot to but until then this is all.

Edit:

Right I use tags! So far these are my tags:

#aria indulges the voices Which is just general stuff like random thought etc, I am planning to take that more organized at some point though.

I also have:

#aria reblogs I don't think I need to explain that one haha

And:

#aria answers asks That one is pretty self explanatory too

#Aria analyses Which is like story and character analyses

Edit 2:

I now also have:

#Aris writes

While I'm at it I'll add another one too since I'll most likely use it in the future:

#Aria does art

And:

#Aria theorises

Bye bye! <3

#introduction #bungou stray dogs #bsd

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it-grrl · 1 year

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Watching John Wick 3 tonight bc apparently I never saw it and the fella wants to see #4 this weekend so we're (and by we I mean me) liveblogging like it's 2009. Snacks: nearby. Disbelief: suspended. Let's go.

10:15p HE IS IN A WEAPON MUSEUM. EXCELLENT START. I have not seen a sillier amount of knives thrown around outside of an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.

10:23 Now he is on a horse with the most beautiful hair in the world. Truly the Keanu Reeves of horses. (Side note: horses naturally have violence in their hearts this makes sense)

1027 fuck yeah Anjelica Houston is running the Department of Tragic Backstory. Oooooh she has Caravaggio's Judith Beheading Holofernes over her mantle. Gentileschi's two versions of Judith Slaying Holofernes were my hyperfixation last fall so I happen to have a coffee table book in front of me with that exact painting in it.

10:36 The Adjudicator is staying in room 217 at the Continental, the room number Stephen King stayed in at the Stanley Hotel and got spooked and wrote a shining.

10:50 Not for nothing but I feel like Anjelica Houston got off a little easy with a punishment that was essentially Double Avocado Slicing Accident. Oh and a lot of her henchfolk got murdered I guess.

10:55 Is the "seek the dog star" reference bc everything is dog themed here or bc. Y'know. Dogstar.

10:57 Retuning to our Dog Revenge roots I see. (Important note: The dog is okay!) Side note: you know there was a long writers' room conversation about making John Wick's new dog a super cool dog assassin and someone was like "no, he doesn't want that life for his dog but I do like the sound of 'dog assassin.'" so they had to make up some new dog characters to be dog assassins.

11:08 Larry Fish is just the best. That is all.

11:14 Jesus Fuck why is every IOU in this universe cashed in with a side of Body Horror?! Also I had always assumed that was his wedding ring on account of John Wick being a Dead Wife Guy. (I have a whole Wife Guy Taxonomy post I'm pecking at btw.)

11:18 Motorcycle Katana Fight. Followed by John Wick literally touching Base to be declared safe in Murder Tag.

11:23 Chekhov's Very Pointy Chess Pieces?

11:25 The thing about these movies is every single actor in it seems to be having a goddamn blast.

11:32: Activate the Emergency Color Changing Rope Lights! Big fancy switch for what nerds do with a smart speaker.

11:43 This series fucking LOVES a Hall Of Mirrors fight. Love how everyone is like "it is an absolute honor to try and murder you sir. Big fan, sir. HUGE fan."

11:48 I'm sure someone has written a solid essay on why John Wick is hot in a tumblrina sort of way, all I have is this wall covered in thumbtacks and red string and scraps of paper with things like "SUIT ACTUALLY FITS" and "PERPETUALLY DAMP" "IS KEANU REEVES" and "BLOOD?" written on them.

11:58 OOF. That was a lot of falls. Baby boy is having such a week.

12:00a LAR. RY. FIIIIIIIIIIISH.

Well dang I guess I was wrong about the Very Pointy Chess Set. I do hope ol' JDubs gets like, 12 hours to a week to catch some sleep and not get shot at between the end of #3 and the beginning of #4.

#john wick #john wick 3 spoilers

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lizallanosborn · 11 months

Note

9,10,12,18, and 16 for the violence ask game

9. worst part of canon

1. The unending white washing of Stanley Osborn. A thousand plagues upon Marvel.

2. The endless stupid retcons that plague spider-man.

3. Going Down Swinging. Unpopular? Opinion but I think everyone in that arc was done dirty and I do mean everyone.

4. Kindred.

5. Most of the bullshit poor Lily Hollister has been through.

10. worst part of fanon

I love Felicia with all my heart but the fact that people make her the unofficial modern day fith member of the coffee bean gang over Liz drives me insane. Her and Harry were/are married. Flash, MJ and Peter are her friends as well like???

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Jason Macendale jr. I don't think anyone else should like him because his stories outside of his Jack O Lantern years and very early as the second Hobgoblin are god awful but he's such a loser it's kind of endearing to me.

Roderick Kingsley (first Hobgoblin) is an extremely funny guy to me because he's not insane or anything, he's literally just in it for the money but still manages to be petty and overly invested in stuff. His and Norman's dynamic is entertaining to me.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Why do you guys sleep on Diana and Barbara Ann (cheetah) so much.. they have it all; Women, betrayal, friends to enemies, love and hate, cannibalism etc

#puzzling posts #asks

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saints-who-never-existed · 10 months

Note

numbers 1,3,7,8,12,24 for the choose violence ask game

1. the character everyone gets wrong

I answered this one in the previous post by, of course, waxing lyrical about dear sweet Ned.

I don't think everyone gets him wrong necessarily, just that the fandom's view of him is often quite limited and there's not always enough understanding or appreciation of his whole character arc.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I’ll not point to any one instance of it but I really hate the take I’ve seen several times on here that can essentially be summed up as “Hur dur isn’t it just so hilarious and fitting that these white colonialist men got their just desserts and died gruesome terrifying deaths? Karma lol” As if – real-life or fictionalised – they don’t deserve sympathy or even the tiniest bit of kindness.

Obviously they aren’t martyrs who should be lionised and obviously colonialism is fucking horrible. No one is saying otherwise, even the show itself isn’t saying otherwise.

But they were real people at the end of the day. Real human beings with rich inner lives, with people who loved them and with a job to do. They weren’t walking up the gangplank rubbing their hands together like supervillains thinking “Fuck yeah lads, can’t wait to snatch up some land and do violence to native peoples!”

I dunno, I just find there’s a really disturbing lack of humanity and compassion in those kinds of takes.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

There aren’t any characters that I actually hate but there are quite a few that I think are often done a disservice by the fandom (just insofar as I’ve seen, obviously everybody is somebody’s special little guy).

I was thinking about Des Voeux the other day, for example, who's an incredibly interesting character whatever way you slice it.

In real life, the dude was like 19, was one of the few who signed the Victory Point note and had the responsibility of commanding men double his age – one has to imagine that he was something pretty special in order to do all that.

In the book, he’s a solid presence from what I remember and is one of the last loyal men standing in the end.

And in the show, he’s pragmatic and ruthless right from the get-go, not to mention that he speaks quite frequently of violence, and yet is trusted specifically by command (namely Fitzjames) right up until Terror Camp. Dude definitely knew how to play the game, at least in some ways.

And yet, all I ever seem to see is him referenced as a horrible little gremlin man with a piss-kink… I’m not saying he can’t also be that but I am saying that he isn’t only that

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I have a confession to make… I’ve never had any bother telling the different characters apart…!

So yeah, my silly answer is any time people are just wildly incorrect in their white-man-in-navy-uniform identification game. Like in that BTS photo of Dundy throwing down shapes at Fitzjames’ funeral where everyone seems to think it’s Little being miserable beside him where it could not more obviously be Jopson.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I am very intrigued by Dr Stanley and I think more people should be.

I know this will be unpopular, but I honestly don’t think he’s going out of his way to be a dick on purpose. I just think he’s a deeply damaged, unhappy man who began shutting himself down long before we ever even got to meet him.

And it breaks my heart, not least because there’s still a person in there!

We see just a few wee glimpses of it. I for one love the way he’s just that tiny bit impressed when Goodsir finally back-sasses him, and that’s to say nothing of his scene with Collins. I mean, it’s just about the only time we get to see him attempt a smile! I honestly don’t think Stanley’s unwilling to help in that scene, I just think he’s so far gone himself that he literally lacks the ability to.

Anyway, people shouldn’t necessarily like him but they should have more feelings about him.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

See, I don’t really have an answer for this one as I don’t think I’ve been involved in much discourse beyond my own ramblings…?

That said, the first thing I thought of was a truly outstanding post I saw a while ago but can now no longer find that involved a chart denoting which characters have milk and how likely they’d be to let you suckle at it because, lemme tell you, that post re-terraformed my brain and slapped me straight in the tits.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of it and find myself disputing character placement and lactation capabilities…

#Ask Game

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super-unpredictable98 · 2 years

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The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 3

Chapter 3: Amish Hospitality

Warning: Strong language, smut (non-graphic), tw for religious trauma?, mention of animal cruelty, abuse, and drugs, a little violence

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

"Good morning, my Schnecke," Klaus squeezed me tighter, the morning sun coming shyly through the blinds. It was true, we were together, we were back home finally. It was almost too good to believe. "How can you look so sexy in the morning?"

"What are you doing up, Klausie? I feel like you're about to ask me something..."

"You know how much I love continental breakfast, but I thought I might get a little treat first," he smirked that devilish smirk I love so much.

He sneaked under the blanket and parted my legs, blindly finding my sensitive spots with his skilled tongue and those soft lips. Yeah, he definitely was about to ask me something, there's no way I did anything to earn such a nice wake-up call.

"Baby," I breathed, arching my back, unable to think straight. "Come on, tell me what you want from me?"

"I want you to cum all over my tongue," he groaned.

"Oh fuck... Please, just tell me so I can relax."

"I know we have wedding stuff to plan and I promise I'll help you with that very very soon, but there's somewhere I wanted to go today," he drawled, not stopping his insistent ministrations. "Like a little road trip, would you come with me, Muschi?"

"Road trip? For what?"

"Ich bin bis über beide Ohren verliebt," he murmured against my sensitive skin and I melted, that bastard knew exactly how to get me to say yes to essentially anything, it was so incredibly unfair how much power he held over me!

"You're head over heels for me?"

"Mmhm," he nodded, making sure to make eye contact with those innocent puppy dog eyes framed by those beautiful lashes... "Please? Please, Muschi."

"Fine, fine, I'll go," I moaned softly, which made my fiancé move more eagerly, easily driving me to the edge, making me come undone under him. "Happy?" I panted, falling back on my pillow with a satisfied exhale.

"Very! Are you? Or do you need more?"

"You can give me more later, we'll be late for breakfast."

To our surprise, a new hotel guest seemed to be causing quite an impression at the buffet. A hyperactive boy who filled his plate with everything he could get his hands on.

During one of his many trips to the main counter, he bumped into me head first and looked up. "Sorry, ma'am, my eyes have a hard time focusing on beautiful women, so I didn't see you-"

"Hey!" Diego quickly got up to slap the kid on the back of the head. "That's your aunt! More respect!"

"Sorry..." he rolled his eyes.

"Wait, what?" I looked at Klaus who seemed just as confused as I was.

"So, allegedly, this is my son Stanley," Diego groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "These are my siblings, your aunt Vicky and your uncle Klaus."

"Oh my God! Hey, Stan," I opened my arms for a hug like every good Brazilian, he hesitated at first but accepted it after a few seconds of consideration. "It's so nice to meet you! Are you sitting with us for breakfast?"

"No, dad said I'm grounded because I took one of his knives."

"Dieguito!" I muttered. "Come on, he's your kid!"

"Allegedly! It'll be good for him, time to reflect on himself," Diego invited us to his table while Stan ate alone in the corner. It was heartbreaking, but the kid didn't really seem to mind.

"That little delinquent is your son?" Klaus laughed "That's so funny!"

"Wait... Who's the mother?" Five asked, joining us after getting his morning cocktail.

"Lila," Diego whispered.

"Excuse me?" Klaus gasped.

"She dropped him off on my lap last night and bolted."

"Never really cared for that one..." Klausie shook his head.

"I told you she was trouble, I told you, Diego!" I cried. "She wasn't good enough, I knew something like this was gonna happen. Well... Not this exactly, but something not good. Who falls in love with a person they met in a nuthouse?"

"You did," Five joked. "Technically she's family."

"She was trying to murder us like yesterday," Klaus argued.

"Like I said, Family! Is she coming back?"

"Well, she better be, because we have more important things to be dealing with right now!" Diego raised his voice, catching the little boy's attention from across the room.

"D! Shut up, it's not his fault!" I smacked him the same way he had done to his son. "He's just a kid who never met his dad, how do you think he feels? Do you wanna be a bad father like ours?"

"Of course not..." he mumbled, not used to being chastised by me, his biggest apologist.

"Then stop treating him like an inconvenience, he's a human being! Actually, I'm gonna go have breakfast with my nephew, no one deserves to be alone. And if stealing your knives was such a punishable offense, Klaus and I would be in jail still."

Before I could leave though, Vanya approached us asking where Luther was, only... it wasn't really the Vanya I knew.

"Love the haircut!" Klaus exclaimed.

"Yeah, it makes your jawline pop, looks great," I agreed.

After the silliest smile, she continued to explain about the night before and meeting with Marcus, the Number One Sparrow, which obviously had us all concerned.

"You can't just go around doing that, Vanya," I warned. "It could be dangerous even for you."

"It's uh- Viktor."

"Who's Viktor?" Diego asked and I gaped, internally mortified for the dead name slip even if I didn't know the new one.

"I am. It's who I've always been," he explained. "Anyone has an issue with that?"

"Um yeah!" I raised my hand and my fiancé nearly choked.

"Really? I thought you and Klaus would be the ones I wouldn't have to worry about" Viktor looked down. "It's still me, you know?"

"I know that, but you stole my name! Come on, man! Couldn't you pick your own name?" I whined. "Now if someone wants to call both of us it's gonna be like that Julie Andrews film."

He looked me in the eye as he processed what I just said and laughed, something I hadn't seen in a long time.

"It's a small tribute actually. I wanted to keep it in the family, I wasn't gonna steal any of the boys' names and there's no male equivalent of Allison. So it's Viktor, and I couldn't think of a better name... You're unapologetically you, you have always been. You are brave and passionate, you always go above and beyond for all of us, and you were there to support me even when I was too sad to realize. I can't remember any happy childhood memories that you are not a part of, so I hope you're not actually mad at me."

I didn't have the voice to say anything else, I simply embraced him, tussling his short hair. "You know I can't be mad at my brothers for long, even when you ended the world I couldn't. I'm so proud of you," I whispered, kissing the top of his head before taking my plate to join Stan, otherwise I would've started to cry and it would've been a whole drama.

"Hey! Who wins the bet?" Klaus called as I left. "No one, right?"

"What bet?" Viktor asked.

"When we were 15, Klausie and I made a bet. I said you were a lesbian, he said you were bi, but if you're a straight guy we both lose," I shrugged, taking my seat next to my new nephew. "Hey, do you mind if we join you?"

"No," Stan tried not to smile, very much like his dad would. Even though they were not physically similar, somehow he reminded me a little bit of young Dieguito, when he still had that stutter and liked to watch telenovelas with me. "Who are they?"

"Those are your uncles Five and Viktor," I pointed.

"Five? Why is his name Five?"

"Because he didn't like Finley," I chuckled. "Our dad gave us all numbers, but our mother picked our names according to the places we were born. He's from Ireland, but he didn't like her pick, so he's Five."

"Oh, yeah, makes sense. I wouldn't wanna be named Finley either. Do you have a number?"

"Yeah, I'm Number Eight," I finally realized at that moment that it didn't bother me anymore to be called Eight. That had always been very triggering for me, but ever since we came back, everything seemed lighter somehow. Maybe it was the weight of being Reginald's kid lifted from my shoulders. "And where were you born, young man? You don't have your mom's British accent."

"I'm- I'm from Berlin."

"That's a coincidence! Uncle Klaus too!" I looked over at the boys, still talking about timeline changes and rendezvous with the Sparrows. "He was born just about a month before the Berlin Wall came down, I still believe those two events are somehow connected," I teased and the boy giggled, filling me with pride.

I, unfortunately, didn't have much time with Stanny, as Klaus stepped in to steal me away for our road trip. Only we weren't going on a romantic road trip, Five was apparently tagging along as well.

Every second I started to suspect more and more- actually no, I knew full well my fiancé was hiding something from me, I just hoped it wasn't the 'let's kill a loan shark who is stalking me' sort of secret.

"Are you sure we can drive the hotel car like that?" I asked, already going insane from Five humming on the back seat.

"Oh yeah, Chet doesn't mind," Klaus assured, stopping at a drive-through to get some food.

"It's on me," Five waved the money in front of me.

"Where did you get that?" I asked, taking it reluctantly. "We couldn't even pay for a hotel room, now everyone has new clothes, take-out money..."

"Allison made a little visit to the bank."

"Oh," I nodded, relieved that at least I didn't have to feel guilty because of my secret stash, my siblings were well off. "How did I not think of that?"

"Because you were too busy with planning your nuptials with Caligula. Now I took the liberty to mark all the best spots to visit from here to Pennsylvania."

"Klausie, not to say I don't love Five to death... He's my little nugget of joy and looking at his face reminds me of our glorious teenage years and the wonderful sneaking out adventures we had, but why did we invite him?" I asked, taking my burger and my fries from the big paper bag on his lap. "Thought this was supposed to be a romantic countryside getaway."

"So roadside attractions were not on your to-do list for this romantic getaway? I share a wall with you two and the beds are squeaky, I know you can't have that much energy. What were you planning for today, Victoria?" Five leaned in between our seats.

"Our little cherub is retired, I thought he could use the distraction," Klaus gave me an apologetic look. "Plus, he's quite stable, isn't he? I felt like we might need the emotional support."

"Emotional support? For what?" I asked.

Klaus fell quiet for a second, the only sound we could hear was his straw as he sipped on his soda. He looked at me through the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. That's when I knew I was in for a treat, I might not like the treat, but I was in for it!

"Don't make that face at me! What are we really doing here?" I exclaimed.

"We are going to Pennsylvania to find... My birth mother! YAAAAY" Klaus tried to cheer me up, but my reaction mirrored Five's: complete disbelief.

"What is your birth mother doing there? Why would she come all the way from Berlin to-"

"Well, as it turns out, a very minor detail, dad's transaction to buy me took place in Pennsylvania and not in Germany as we first thought..."

"KLAUS! You lied to me our whole lives? You told me you were from Berlin!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I didn't know at first, I can explain! I knew if I told you the real reason you wouldn't have come!"

"Damn right we wouldn't," Five groaned. "Because I'm supposed to be retired and relax, Vicky is supposed to be planning a wedding, and you're supposed to be helping her!"

"I know! But it can still be a carefree road trip, babe, I promise..."

"BALL OF TWINE!" our little brother jumped to grab the steering wheel and make the turn. "It's one of the best ones!"

"Five, we're gonna die!" Klaus shouted back.

"No twine, no birth mother!"

The two of them fought over the wheel for a few seconds and I screamed, covering my ears and closing my eyes to avoid the stress. I didn't care if we stopped to see a stupid ball of twine anymore, I just wanted an explanation as to why Klaus lied to me.

We finally made the turn and stopped a few minutes later to look at that stupid ball, it made zero sense to me why anyone would do that and leave it on the side of the road. It wasn't at all entertaining like Five made it seem, but I had to get out of that car and breathe. I was dizzy and starting to feel sick to my stomach which always made me nervous.

"I thought it would be a lot bigger," Klaus murmured.

"It seems pretty big to me," Five countered.

"Yeah, cause you're tiny," I grumbled, leaning against the hood of the car, still refusing to look my fiancé in the eye.

"Come on, Liebling, please just look at me," he took my hands, kissing them repeatedly. "Just listen okay? We all learned our native languages when we were kids, mom taught me German and my name is Klaus, so I assumed I was German!"

"You lied! What else have you been lying about? Is your hair naturally curly or have you been getting perms since we were babies? You're from Pennsylvania? ARGH!" I cried in anger.

"Okay, I get it. I was on the ass end of a two-week bender and I can't tell you the exact date, but Amy Whinehouse was at the top of the charts and you had just told me about your first kiss, so I wanna say... Mid to late aughts? I helped myself into dad's office looking for the key to his safe cause he had Pogo lock up all the stealables," Klaus started and Five turned to listen as well.

"I can't imagine why," I sneered.

"But instead," Klaus ignored my comment. "I found a treasure trove of our family history told in expired check stubs."

I closed my eyes and was able to see that image in my head through his eyes, but I didn't have time to be proud of my achievement in controlling my mind reading power. I was focused on reading what was right in front of me.

"Rachel Herschberger, 89 Old Holland Road... Nine pound infant? Klaus you were nine fucking pounds? You were a pretty heavy baby, what happened?" I opened my eyes. "Three thousand dollars. Wow."

"I was too messed up at the time to do anything, right after that you put me in rehab, I was doing pretty bad. But I always wondered why she sold me for three grand? She couldn't have held out for five? Six?" Klaus chuckled sadly. "And now dad disowned us, Grace is no longer our mom, I'm getting married and I wanted my mom to know about it. I wanted to see her and show her that despite everything, I turned out pretty okay. I'm sorry for lying, I didn't have the heart to tell you after I found out, I mean... You always loved that so much about me, I didn't want you to stop liking me if you knew."

"You think I wouldn't like you if you were not German?" I teared up, brokenhearted that he would think something like that.

"I don't know! I might be, mom might be an immigrant, you saw her last name... I just- I was embarrassed to tell you I lied. Do you forgive me?" he gave me a pitiful look knowing I would say yes.

"Fine, I forgive you!" I huffed, folding my arms. Maybe meeting his mom would clear things up, we would be able to understand this mess.

"Did you see anything about my mother?" Five asked.

"No, sorry..."

"Efa," I blurted out as the image invaded my mind, I was still seeing it through Klaus' eyes, a glimpse of that memory. "She's from Dublin."

"How do you know that?"

"Because Klaus saw it, he just can't remember, but I can watch what he saw. Here's my mom," I sighed. "Maria Fernanda from Rio de Janeiro, I cost seven thousand reais."

"See? Your mom was a better negotiator!" Klaus pointed out, a little offended.

"No, that was a little less than two thousand dollars if you convert it... I'm that cheap."

"Hey, is no one gonna comment on the fact that Victoria can watch your memories? Memories you didn't even know you had that she just fished from your brain, and rewind them like a VHS tape whenever she wants?" Five commented.

"That is pretty cool, isn't it?" I smiled. "I guess I'm getting better at this whole mind reading business. My brain isn't so loud all the time anymore, I can see and hear what I want. For example, now Diego is fighting Alphonso... Wait, why is Diego fighting Alphonso?"

"Because it's Diego," Five tapped my shoulder. "Good job, Vicky, really impressive."

"Shall we go then? I wanna find out who I could've been if I didn't grow up in this stupid family," Klaus opened the door for me, which I can only assume he did out of guilt. "Well, not really a family, more of a..."

"Institute for snarky delinquents," Five joked. "And not a very good one at that."

"You know what? Say what you want, I wouldn't trade my family for anything," I said, getting back in the car. "I love every single one of you! Well, maybe I'd trade Luther, stupid monkey brain narc."

"You're right, I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world," Klaus admitted. "I'm glad you two came along. You're a good sister slash lover, and you're a good brother... Okay, alright, now you say nice things about me!"

Five shook his head in silence, but I had something to say. "You are my favorite person in the whole world!" I said hoping to make up for our little brother's lack of enthusiasm.

"Aww I love you two too!"

——————————————————

As we approached our destination, I started to notice a pattern: lots and lots of cows and lots and lots of fabric. The people were covered from head to toe even though it was very hot out. That's when I had the... unfortunate realization:

"Oh my God! Klaus is Amish? And from Pennsylvania? You're an Amish born in Pennsylvania!" I winced. "You think our family is bad? You were way better off growing up with us being abused by dad than here!"

"If you take everything into consideration you might be right," Klaus parked and took a look at my disgusted face. "Are you less attracted to me now?"

"Not gonna lie, if I wasn't so in love already, that would not help your case," I said completely honestly. "But I do love you and you are very hot, so you're still German to me."

"Thank you, Schnucki."

"Okay, doppelgänger check," Five stepped in front of Klaus as we headed into the community. "Do you feel anything strange? Itching, sweats, gas, anything like that?"

"No, I feel great," he grinned. "Apart from the old rash on the tackle, but what can you do?"

Five gave me a horrified look and I nodded with a grimace. "Good thing I'm indestructible, I guess..." I muttered before following my fiancé.

That place was exactly the way you would expect. It was crowded and creepy, it smelled like cow shit and everyone spoke a language I couldn't even begin to understand.

"Hello there, guten tag, sehr erfreut," Klaus waved, but nobody seemed very pleased to see us. I awkwardly nodded, trying not to make eye contact, until I saw something that made me nearly gag and run the opposite direction.

"She's skinning a rabbit!" I covered my mouth. "It was a rabbit, it was alive, she's taking its skin! That's it, I'm going back to being a vegetarian! I had to stop because of that whole being stranded in Vietnam thing, but I refuse to eat meat after seeing this."

"Vicky, I think this is her..."

"Your mom is a monster!" I whispered.

"Mom," he called without even checking, but it's not like Klaus has been known to think twice before doing anything in his life.

"Nay, English, no mothers here. Only rabbits," the lady offered him a smile.

"Dead ones..." I squeaked.

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for Rachel Herschberger," Klaus asked.

"No Rachel," a man came out of a shed before the lady could answer us.

"Oh, okay, well that's a shame," Klaus watched him warily, by the tone of his voice, he wasn't looking to be friends. "Do you know where I might find her? I'm trying to track her down-"

"I said, there's no Rachel here. Now walk your fancy boots back to town where you belong and leave us be."

"You know Rachel don't you, Sara-Beth?" I looked at the woman, her eyes grew seeing I knew her name. "I can see you know her, you lost her..."

"Maybe you should let the kids speak, Caleb," she murmured, looking at me like I was some sort of witch.

"Yeah, no need to get your knickers in a twist," Klaus tried to joke, but that man wasn't having it.

"You're upsetting the womenfolk, now you're upsetting me..." Caleb took a step forward, giving Klaus a shove that made him fall on his ass.

"Your wife wants to talk to us, asshole," I growled, pushing that prick back. "If you touch my fiancé again I will do to you what she's doing to that rabbit, don't fucking test me, you freak! Womenfolk happen to love him!"

"I am not scared to hit a woman," he threatened.

"And I'm not scared to hit a stupid little bitch," I punched that man without hesitation, drawing blood from his nose. "Don't touch my family!"

"What is the matter with you?" Klaus got up, pulling me away to keep a real fight from happening. "I thought you people were supposed to be nice! You have ruined the Amish for me forever!"

On our way back to the car, I couldn't stop thinking about the look on that woman's face, she wanted to talk to us, she knew something! We have been pushed around our entire lives, now we were letting it happen again!

"We're not leaving until we know where your mother is," I grabbed Klaus' hand and dragged him the other way, following the sound of Sara-Beth's thoughts, getting louder as we got closer to where she was in the middle of the woods.

"Vicky no! We're gonna get killed!" he cried.

"No, I can protect you, we need to know! We just lost so much, it's only fair we get the answer to the most fundamental question that permeated our entire lives," I insisted, finally finding the person we were looking for. "Hey, we need to talk."

"I don't want any trouble!" she backed off, clearly terrified of her husband. How could those people live like that? Always in fear, always in hiding.

"No no, neither do we," Klaus held his hands up. "You know Rachel, right?"

"She's my sister."

"Oh! That's..." he gave my hand a squeeze. "Do you know where I can find her?"

"Young man, she's been dead for over thirty years."

"What? That doesn't make any sense," I shook my head. "How did she die? When?"

"Brain hemorrhage, took her quick, thank the Lord," she frowned. "October 1st, 1989."

"What about her son?" Klaus asked.

"What son?"

"English! The cows are missing!" I heard Caleb's voice and elbowed my fiancé.

"Jump on my back! Come on!" he asked, knowing speed was not my strong suit, so I did. I jumped on his back and he took off just like we did when we were younger. "Wow, you lost a lot of weight the last three years, huh? Let's get you some vegan burgers, okay?"

"I thought that was a good thing!" I gasped.

"I want you to be healthy, not necessarily skinny! Five! Five, start the call would ya?"

"Hurry, Five! Stop doing math and start the car!" I yelled, flipping off the huge mob of Amish assholes following us like that scene from Pirates of the Caribbean when Captain Jack Sparrow is running from the cannibals.

"Why can't you two just get along with people?" Five scolded, hurrying to get the car going. "You get into trouble everywhere!"

"We tried, we really did! The Amish are not as nice as people say," Klaus panted, letting me down.

"Wait! Wait a second, take this," Sara-Beth showed up from the other side of the woods bringing Klaus an old notebook. "Rachel's death was unusual and she wasn't the only one. "You have her eyes, English... Now go!"

"She would be proud of his future wife too, right?" I asked, sticking my head out of the window.

"No time!" Five growled. "Get in, Klaus! You're gonna get yourself killed!"

The angry mob almost reached the car, but we were able to narrowly escape with our little old brother's getaway skills, but Klaus wasn't worried in the least. He was more focused on reading his aunt's notes.

"This timeline is chock-full of riddles, get this," he pointed. "My mom died here before I was even born!"

Hearing those words, Five stepped on the breaks and I nearly flew threw the windshield, ending up between the two of them. "I need to start using a seatbelt, I know I can't get hurt, but that would've been such a mess..."

"Look, she passed on my birthday just a few moments before I was supposed to be born, you know... the 12th hour of the first day of October," Klaus flipped through the pages in frustration. "Oh no, Vicky... Your mom died too. Can you translate this?"

"Jovem estudante do Rio de Janeiro morre na praia de Copacabana após uma aparente hemorragia sem motivo confirmado. Suspeitas de bala perdida foram descartadas, o corpo apresentava sinais de gravidez... It says she died at the beach after a freak hemorrhage, they thought she was hit by a stray bullet, but she wasn't, and she was already pregnant with me."

"Look at her, Liebling, she was so beautiful. Just like you, look at these cute freckles... I'm so sorry, I know how much you thought about her."

"I know this is all very sad, but we have bigger problems here!" Five interrupted.

"I guess we do, if our moms never gave birth to us doesn't that create a paradox?" I asked.

"Bingo, we might've just created the worst paradox we could possibly create... The grandfather paradox."

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