Soudam Week 2023 - Day 7: Loneliness
A/N: The dawn of the final day! I had Day’s 1 and 7 were written both on the same day and were written as parallels for the boys. Like bookends. I loved looking at all the submissions people did - they were so well done and cute!
Enough rambling from me lol Please enjoy!
CW: kids mentioned and slight canon divergence that I want to day share with you guys
Day 7: Loneliness
Loneliness was something Gundham was intimately familiar with.
Growing up in a single household, with a mother who was working more than she was at home, he learned to fend for himself pretty quickly. He never resented his mother for being gone so long, he understood that she was doing all she could to ensure he was provided for.
But sometimes, the feeling of betrayal and guilt would rear, because he was for a time jealous of his middle school classmates who had both parents love. And then he would remember his mother’s exhausted face and cramping fingers and feel shame at the thought.
And then, at 12, she was gone. Gundham was now truly alone, aside from his beautiful animals and his love for the dark arts. He did side jobs to ensure none were the wiser of his orphan status, for his mother’s maternal home was all he had to remember her by and he refused to let it go so easily.
Then, at 16, he was recognized as the Ultimate Breeder, and soon found himself surrounded by other ‘unique’ people. With his class, he found himself surrounded and even befriended, but he still felt alone. Even among the unusual, Gundham still managed to stand out; a beacon of otherness that even those who grew close to him still could not fathom.
Until Kazuichi actually looked at him for the first time. And oh, how it felt to be seen.
A coward who still poked and taunted a demon with a caviler flair that made it just enticing enough to keep it entertaining. The taunting turned to mutual respect and soon the mechanic became something more to him.
He never expected for the feelings to be recuperated, and will never be more grateful that not only were they reciprocated, but also that Kazuichi was the one to kiss him first. It felt like something awakened within him, as though it had been waiting for the neon mechanic.
He felt whole for the first time since losing his mother, only to soon lose it as both the mechanic and Chiaki were lost to them due to the ravings of a demented blonde.
Then, he spent nearly two years wandering the rapidly growing wasteland of Japan, Despair coloring his every perception of the world. He kept himself away from everyone, even his friend and disciple. For what was the world without his beloved?
He felt nothing, enjoyed nothing and let the sweet poison of despair wrap him in a cocoon. It was a hollow existence, when a flash of familiar neon pink raced pass.
And then the cocoon cracked.
—
The night was particularly humid, the very air suffocatingly wet with heat. It made even the light grey tank he was wearing was sticking to him like a second skin. But the heat was more preferable than the cold - the wretched, bone cracking, burning cold that was made his skin feel like it was blackening and peeling back from his flesh.
He had awoken in a cold sweat, memories as Remnant of Beasts Despair assaulting his mind and drowning him in frozen waters that felt unnatural.
It was a tainted cold, one made by her and was not welcomed. So he sought refuge in Jabborwock’s heat. It seemed to be the only thing to chase the cold away.
“Gun?”
Well…not exactly the only thing. He amended, hearing the other’s reason approaching steps over the sounds of crashing waves.
A hand, - a welcoming warmth he gladly accepted - cupped his cheek and Gundham blinked opened his eyes and looked down to find Kazuichi looking up at him. Full pink lips were pulled into a frown and the taller man couldn’t help running a thumb across the lower lip.
“What are doing out here?” Kazuichi whispered. He pulled away only to use his other hand to gently hold Gundham’s.
The feeling of a calloused tracing the back of his hand ground him and brought Gundham more into the here and now. The screams of the past lowered to whimpering whispers.
“Do not worry, Cara Mia. I had simply needed fresh air to calm my aura.”
By the way he scrunched up his face, Gundham could tell that Kazuichi didn’t completely believe him. They both knew why he would leave their cabin in the middle of the night. But, as usual, the shorter man let it go with a quiet hum and the hand on his cheek sliding to gently hold the nap of his neck.
“I thought we agreed that you’d wake me up for these walks? You don’t need to be alone after a nightmare.”
“You had been so busy with the girls,” He sighed, leaning down to press their foreheads together. “I did not want to disturb your well earned slumber.”
The scoff the other gave was exasperated, but it fondness colored it in that way that made Gundham’s lips twitch to a small smile. He brought their joined hands up to cover it in a tender kiss.
“You know I’m basically an insomniac, right?”
“It still doesn’t mean you should lose more sleep due to my weakness.”
“What you went through isn’t a weakness so stop saying that!” Pink eyes narrowed before they softened and he breathed in their mingled breath.
“You don’t have to be alone,” he repeated, bumping their noses together.
Emotions swelled and formed a lump in Gundham’s throat and made the corner of his eyes sting. Swallowing, he unclasped their hands so that he could cradled the others face and leaned down to kiss him. He made sure to pour all that he felt in it, feeling the shiver than ran through his love and the sigh that escaped when he pulled away.
“I am grateful to have you on my path.” He croaked and now those jewel colored eyes were shiny and wet with unshed tears. “You are the light that keeps my darkness at bay.”
“Fuck I forgot how sappy you get when you don’t get enough sleep,” Kazuichi sniffed, rubbing his eyes. “Come on, Hamster Boy. Let’s try to get a couple more hours before our girls wake up. They’re gonna want to visit Sonia and Chiaki first thing and knowing you, you’re gonna want to feed all the farm animals first.”
As Kazuichi led him away from the beach and towards their cabin, Gundham fleetingly wondered if his mother was watching and approved of how his life unfolded. He wondered if she saw him surrounded by love and acceptance, and found peace in the heavenly realms.
He hoped that, when they all reunited, that their new realm would continue to bless them with the warmth and light to combat the loneliness that tried so hard to break him as a child.
Gundham thought all these things, looked as Kazuichi stepped through the threshold and go to check on their daughters and couldn’t help but wonder at the peace he’s somehow managed to carve in this wretched world.
And the remnants of the ice melts away.
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because i'm a sucker for a fake dating AU, 7 & soudam? or kuzuhina? or any DR ship your heart desires babe
Kuzuhina cause I love you Bryn
(Btw this is NOT a short fic hahaha, I ended up writing 2288 words)
He’s My Boyfriend, Yeah That’s it..
#7 Fake dating
Summary: Fuyuhiko needs a plus one
“Why?” Hajime felt like the yakuza was pulling his leg.
Did Fuyuhiko seriously ask him to hang out? More importantly, did he just ask him on a date?
“Listen bastard this isn’t exactly an ideal for me either.” The shorter male growled, “I hate attending these family functions alone.”
“Why don’t you just go with your girlfriend?” Hajime asked
“PEKO IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!” Fuyuhiko snapped, “I mean! Fuck! One she’s like my sister, we’re just close! Two she’s busy! I’m fucking proud she has her own plans rather then hovering over me! And I’m sure as hell not going to ruin that by asking her to come with me!” he explained
“Ok but why me? Aren’t you and Kaz really close?”
“Please that pink hair bastard won’t last a minute in a room full of yauzkas”
“Uhhhh….Nagito?”
“Is that a joke?”
Hajime sighed, guessing he really was Fuyuhiko’s most reliable option, “Ok fine, I guess it gives me an excuse to get out of the house.”
“Good, come on, we're going shopping.”
“I have a suit a home” Hajime protested
“No offense but I'm a hundred percent certain your suit is not suited for a yakuza gathering. Consider this as my thank you for dragging you to my shit family function.”
Before Hajime could protest further, Fuyuhiko grabbed his wrist and dragged him out. Despite the size difference, Fuyuhiko was surprisingly strong. Hajime sighed, he knew there was no point in protesting.
Hajime felt as if he tried on the whole store at this point. Every time he saw the price tag, he felt like he wanted to die. He felt a little bad for allowing Fuyuhiko to spend this much on him for a suit for a one time use.
Stepping out of the dressing room with the last outfit on, “Are we done yet?” Hajime groaned.
Fuyuhiko looked up from his phone and froze. Hajime for sure could pass for a common yakuza. Fuyuhiko cleared his throat and walked towards him.
“It’s missing something.” Fuyuhiko grabbed a red tie and applied it to the taller male.
Hajime felt tense with how close Fuyuhiko was. He watched as the shorter male took his time adjusting the tie.
“Umm..there..” Fuyuhiko turned him around to the mirror “You look good, better then nothing I guess.”
“Why do I feel like a sugar baby?” Hajime jokes.
“Oh shut the fuck up tall bastard.” Fuyuhiko handed his card to the retailer, “He’ll be wearing this out.”
“What are you going to wear?”
“I already have something picked out at home. I'll change when we get there.”
The retailer returned Fuyuhiko’s card, “Thank you for shopping with us.”
“Yeah thanks for the help.” He nodded, “Let’s go Hajime.” the yakuza walked out.
Hajime grabbed his bag and started to follow, but was stopped by the retailer.
“I just wanted to say, you and your boyfriend are super cute together.” She smiled.
“Boyfriend?” Hajime was taken back.
Did they seriously get mistaken for boyfriends? Did they act like boyfriends? Who else thought it? Should he correct her?
Hajime stared at the retailer who had a big smile on her face.
“....Thanks, yeah my boyfriend and I appreciate your help.”
“Shop with us again soon!” she waved him bye as he left.
Trying to catch up to Fuyuhiko, he felt his mind racing. Why didn’t she correct her? Why did it not bother him? Hajime shook his head. No, it was just easier to just say yes cause they have somewhere to be, no time to explain, yeah that’s it. Better she told Hajime and not Fuyuhiko.
The two arrived at the Kuzuryu manor. Fuyuhiko led Hajime inside, there were already a few guests.
“Just stay here.” Fuyuhiko sat him at a table, “I’ll be back in a second.”
Hajime looked around, it was hard to believe these were the people Fuyuhiko hung around with daily. Awkwardly he fidgeted with his hands, he was thirsty. There was a mini bar across the room, he just needed water. It wouldn’t hurt to get up for a few seconds for water.
Hajime made his way over the minibar. The bartender glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Who are you with?”
“Oh I’m just here with Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, I just wanted water.” Hajime explained.
The bartender sided with Hajime as he got the boy a glass of water.
“What are your relations to him?” Was this an interrogation?
Hajime hesitated “I’m...here as...his plus one…”
“A date?”
“Yes...date...he’s my...boy..friend.” Hajime drugged out. Shit he did it again.
“Boyfriend? Huh. Well guess you never know huh? Enjoy your evening.” The bartender turned to help another guest.
Hajime shuddered and took his water back to the table. Why did he say boyfriend? He could have just said friend. This was different from the store, the bartender will most likely tell Fuyuhiko something. Shit.
As Hajime’s mind was racing, he was pulled out from a tap on the shoulder.
“Hey.” Natsumi sat next to him.
“Oh, hey Natsumi '' Hajime sighed in relief, at least there was one more person there he knew.
“Did my dipshit brother drag you to this?” She asked.
“Well he needed a plus one, and I needed an excuse to get out of the house. So I sort of agreed to this.”
“I see, speaking of that asshole, where is he?”
“He said he needed to change real quick. I think he should be back soon.”
“Bastard! Leaving you here all alone! Sorry my brother dragged you on a sucky date. Come on, you’re coming with me.”
Before Hajime could protest, Natsumi was already dragging him away. How is it that he's been dragged by both Kuzuryu today?
Fuyuhiko returned to the table, dressed in a more fancy suit for the occasion. Real quick he noticed Hajime was gone.
“That fucking bastard!”
Fuyuhiko started to walk around looking for him. Deep down he was worried, he shouldn’t have left Hajime alone in a room full of people like this. God knows who he’s with. Scanning the room, Fuyuhiko’s eyes finally landed on Hajime, but his blood boiled.
Hajime is wrapped up in a group of Natsumi’s friends. A guy resting his hand on Hajime’s shoulder. It was clear the male was trying to flirt with Hajime.
Fuyuhiko stormed up to them, “Hey.” Just as the guy turned around, Fuyuhiko struck him in the jaw.
“Jesus Christ bro!” Natsumi yelled “Seriously?! Why are you attacking my friends?!”
“Well tell your fucking “friend” to keep his hands to himself!!” Fuyuhiko snapped.
Hajime flinched, shit he felt like this was a little bit of his fault.
“Why do you care so much?! Hajime is just trying to enjoy himself!”
“I care because-” wait, why did Fuyuhiko care so much? “Because…..” he grabbed Hajime’s arm and pulled him towards him “isn’t it obvious? I brought him as my date! Cause! We’re dating! Yeah! That’s it!” Fuyuhiko proclaimed, the heat rising on his cheeks.
Hajime felt his whole face turn red, did he hear him right? Natsumi looked between the two, studying both their faces.
“Oh. My bad bro I didn’t know!” She smirked at Hajime, “I’m surprised you didn’t mention you’re dating my brother.”
“Oh well...it’s..” hajime looked at Fuyuhiko “We just recently started dating!”
“Yeah!” Fuyuhiko chimed in, “We..started dating...this past week!”
“Yeah..uhhh, Fuyuhiko asked me out.” Hajime smirked a bit “I seriously never seen him so flushed, he was all so shy and nervous. Had a letter and everything. It was just so cute.”
“HUH?!” Fuyuhiko glared at him “I think you’re remembering things wrong! Yeah I asked you out but YOU were the one who was all shy! You guys should have seen him! The bastard was practically sobbing because he was so flustered.”
Natsumi smirked watching the two, “Please tell us more!”
“Yeah please do!” another person chimed in
“Where did he confess?”
“How long have you liked him?”
“Have you two gone on any dates yet?”
“So is he like your eye candy?”
“Wait, the boss likes men?”
Hajime and Fuyuhiko were bombarded with questions. The two looked at each other, well there was no turning back now.
The supposed yuzuka gathering turned into a hearing of Hajime and Fuyuhiko's love story, everyone was invested. The two tried to bounce off of each other’s stories, but also both tried to embarrass the other in some way.
“If I remembered correctly, you were the one staring at me in the locker rooms.” Hajime smirked
“Like hell I was! You’re one to talk! You’re not slick, you were practically drooling over me in there. Now that I think about it, you did tell Nagito that you liked me.” Fuyuhiko chuckled.
“Oh...well I do guess saying I like chihuahuas is the same thing.”
“THE FUCK YOU SAY?!”
The room busted out in laughter.
“Awww you two are just two cute.” Natsumi smiled, “I didn’t know bro was such a romantic!”
“Shut the fuck up you bitch.” Fuyuhiko growled.
Natsumi just smiled, “I have to say it was such an interesting story, but I think we’re all tired of hearing about your love life.”
Thank god, both of them sighed in relief.
“We want to see! So give us a kiss!”
“WHAT?!” Both of them yelled at her.
“Yeah, kiss him!”
“Kiss!”
“Come on!”
The whole room was chanting for them to kiss.
“I mean it’s natural for you two. YOU DID SAY your first kiss was in your classroom late at the end of a school day.” Natsumi snickered, “So is a simple kiss a problem?”
The two males looked at each other, feeling their cheeks turn red.
“Ok…” Hajime said
“No problem, no problem at all....” Fuyuhiko mumbled.
The two awkwardly faced each other. They fumbled with their hands not knowing where to place them. Fuyuhiko grumbled and rested his hand on Hajime’s waist. Awkwardly, Hajime draped his arms over Fuyuhiko’s shoulders. Hajime looked down at him, he never saw Fuyuhiko so nervous.
“Everyone is staring…” Hajime whispered.
“yeah...I know...can’t really turn back now..” Fuyhukio tried to avoid eye contact.
Hajime slowly leaded down, he felt Fuyuhiko’s grip tighten a bit around his waist. Testing the waters, Hajime brushed his lips against the yakuza, giving him one last chance to back out. Even though their lips were barely apart, the shorter one mumbled something the taller one could not pick up. Hajime was taken back when Fuyuhiko actually closed the gap.
Their lips felt awkward at first, smooshed against each other, but they worked with it. Hajime felt himself lean in deeper, as Fuyuhiko brought a hand up to cup Hajime’s cheek, trying to pull the taller male closer against him. The two almost forgot they were in a room filled with people watching him. Almost.
They quickly broke the kiss when they heard a flash of a camera. Fuyuhiko head shot around to see Natsumi holding her phone up with a shit eating grin.
“DELETE THAT!!!” Fuyuhiko screamed
“No thank you!” Natsumi ran off laughing.
Before he chased her, Fuyuhiko turned his attention to the crowd “WHAT?! You got what you wanted! Now fuck off!” He then ran off screaming at Natsumi to delete the picture.
The rest of the night is uneventful. Some people came up to congratulate Hajime and Fuyuhiko on their couple status.
Hajime could not stop thinking about the kiss though. He looked over at Fuyuhiko who was chatting with someone. It didn’t seem like the kiss was getting to him as much as it was to Hajime.
Hajime felt his heart tug a bit. He guessed the kiss did not mean much to Fuyuhiko. I mean why would it? They weren’t even dating. But also, what now? Were they going to stage some big breakup or something?
As the party ended, Fuyuhiko walked Hajime out to the car he had arranged to take Hajime home.
“So….that was something..” Fuyuhiko said.
“Yeah...sure it was..” Hajime looked down at his feet.
“Sorry..for forcing you into that silly narrivate.”
“Oh it’s nothing..I mean it was kind of fun...well I mean..I played along so yeah..” Hajime nervously chuckled.
“yeah ...yeah…”
“You know...funny enough, earlier that retail lady said you and I were cute..heh she thought we were boyfriends, and ummm, I didn’t correct her..” he explained.
“Is that so…?” Fuyuhiko said.
“Yeah...so haha. Anyways I guess we can stage a breakup or something like that.”
“Yeah we can..or we can do something else rather than lie again..”
Hajime looked up to meet Fuyuhiko’s gaze, the shorter male had taken a few steps closer.
“We can make those previous lies true..I mean like...the story about our first date. I honestly..umm fuck...I mean if the park and dinner is an good ideal for you as a..first date..” Fuyuhiko's gaze focused on Hajime’s tie.
Hajime felt his heart race, did Fuyuhiko just ask him on a date?
“I…” Hajime grabbed Fuyuhiko’s hand, the shorter male looking up to meet his gaze, “I would really enjoy that..”
Fuyuhiko blushed and nodded. He let go of Hajime’s hand and opened the car door for him.
“Text me when you get home.”
“Yeah I will.” Hajime got into the car.
“hajime ..”
“yeah ?”
Fuyuhiko grabbed his hand again, and kissed his palm “despite what happened, I..really enjoyed tonight.”
“Yeah me too,” Hajime smiled.
The two waved goodbye and Fuyuhiko closed the car door. He waited on the side of the crib until the car was out of sight. Fuyuhiko rubbed his face, mumbling, feeling his face become flushed again.
“Fuck.”
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