#i know some people might be mad that im 'ruining the joke' by explaining it

[cemeterything]

the goncharov stuff was on my dash, have no idea what it is (still dont) and i just started reblogging with the mindset of “i’m sure i’ll figure out what it is in a bit”

goncharov context

#i know some people might be mad that im 'ruining the joke' by explaining it #but as someone who has both been gaslighted and has delusions and memory issues i dont want other people to #go through that because of me. theres nothing funny about it. #goncharov is funny though dont get me wrong. id argue its actually funnier with the original context. #goncharov #unreality #🐉

[nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix]

now that school has allowed face to face, my thoughts are more reorganized, and im not spiraling into the same cycles in the comfort of my own bed. Now, ive met some people who were able to help me settle in the normal every day interactions and activities.

It makes things easier for me to get a ground of where im currently at, and evaluate my current state of mind and im able to grasp my thoughts and explain them in an understandable way. I don't talk in blurs anymore and dont speak in incomprehensible frenzy of emotions and mental breakdowns. Mentally, and psychologically. Physical doesnt matter to me anymore.

Speaking of physical, ever since i left my relatives and went back to staying home, the impact of my stay there severely affected me. I remember constant reminders of how i look. The shape of my body, my hygiene, my figure. It was a daily comment. Maybe to them, it was innocent. Maybe because they already said it to each other on the daily and weren't affected by it, they thought it was okay to joke about mine as well. I dont know. All i know that for once in my life i started caring about the thing i saw whenever i passed by the mirror. I couldnt bear to look at my face anymore knowing it was me. It was painful knowing that this was the body i lived in. I couldnt even skip meals to make me feel even just a little bit better, and avoid them, because theyd always start accusing me of acting emotional, being bitter, being immature, emo, moody, whatever words an adult can throw at a developing teenager. I wanted to die.

I had little to no privacy, sharing a room with someone, bunk bed, in a cramped stuffy room, no door to block out anything. The only personal space i had was my own bed, which even people liked to occasionally drag me from. I had issues with school at the time, that's why i was living with them. But they weren't helping. All they did was scold me about why i couldnt solve it on my own. They said that they were my age when they could already supervise their own school files, and that i should know it too. They shouldnt be doing stuff for me, they said. Im old enough, they said. But i dont know how to do it. I cant do it. They say im weird because im always scared to talk to people to ask to people. They get mad when i couldnt buy eggs because i was scared. I didn't know where the store is and even though they gave instructions. It was already hard for me to go out and buy normally. whatever.

Im so tired. I have to deal with everything that comes my way and i just want to scream and kick and cry.

But what if i do? Nothing will happen. Nothing will change. Ill just look more stupid. I might do something that will make more issues for me. I cant risk it, itll ruin my already peaceful situation.

I hate sundays. Its when my parents decide to stay home for the day and get mad at some point eventually. Usually, its about the messy state of our house. About how we should clean. Always so messy, they said.

Im tired. I dont want to live like this anymore. Ive changed. Thank goodness. I dont want to die anymore. I dont think ive ever wanted to die. I just wanted to stop existing to people. I want to stay as a spectator forever. All i do is watch from the sidelines. I dont want to be acknowledged, or known, or even seen.

Whatever.

Im tired. I want to cry. But i cant. Whatll it do? Nothing. It does nothing. It just makes me look more stupid. It will give me a cold. Itll have people aksing why im crying. Stupid dumbfucks. I wish theyd go somwhere else. I hate it when people ask if im okay. I want to bash their brains in. They should be shutting up. Sht the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up bitch. Dead dead adead die die die die die die die die. Im tired. Maybe i should start smoking. But they said its painful. What should i do? Self harm? I cant do slits. Too showy. People will notice. They might even report me. Embarassing, theyll ask bulldhit questions at the office. What the fuck. I need something. Ah. Starving. I can. I should stop eating. Dad said i was growing weaker. I regret eating today. I wish i ddint eat. I wish i didny ask for anythibg. I wish i starved starve starve

[atlabeth]

fever - sokka x reader

this has been sitting in my drafts half finished for 3 weeks so i thot it was prime time i actually finished it

this is kinda based off the song w dua lipa and angele so you can listen to that if you want

summary: sokka's convinced there's a mystery illness keeping you from focusing, but somehow he's completely oblivious that the only 'sick' you are is lovesick, and he's the reason you can't focus.

a/n: i have never written a sickfic. but this is like. a fake sick fic. its an idiots in love fic. i mean this is coming from mr "is he taller than me? is he better looking?" himself so. it makes sense. as usual, this is not proofread bc im a lazy mf

also im sorry for being vague with the calc but i was NOT about to do math during summer who do you think i am? ??

wc: 1.7k

warning(s): mentions of being sick and 🤢calculus 🤮 but otherwise tooth rotting fluff

-

How could the smartest man you knew be so, so incredibly stupid?

You thought that you were being obvious, so obviously that you were sure he knew. It was embarrassing how obvious you were.

You had met Sokka in your calculus class at the start of the new semester after you ended up sitting next to each other, and it wasn’t a stretch to say that you were immediately smitten. With eyes like the ocean and a face that had to have been crafted by the gods, you were almost too distracted to respond when he asked you for a pencil. But when he winked at you after giving his thanks, it only solidified what you had already suspected: you had known this man for all of five minutes, and you already had a crush on him.

Little did you know, it was going to turn into the most infuriating crush you had ever experienced.

You and Sokka became fast friends even though calculus was the only class you had together. Unfortunately, it was also something that you completely sucked at. Bad news, it was required for your major. Good news, Sokka was some sort of genius and offered to tutor you — Wednesdays in the library turned into a weekly occasion, and served as an opening for your calculus skills, your feelings for Sokka, and your exasperation to all grow stronger.

You normally weren’t someone to beat around the bush. If you started to like someone, you told them and dealt with whatever happened after, but something about Sokka just kept you from spilling your feelings outright. You knew that if he didn’t feel the same way, your relationship likely wouldn’t change, but there was still that tiny voice that said it’s better to stay like this in case things do go wrong — and this was the first time you listened to that voice. You simply valued your friendship too much.

But that didn’t mean you were going to be completely quiet about it — you hoped that if you did enough, he would be able to realize you liked him and do the whole process for you. A bit of a dim hope, but crushes make people do stupid things.

Things like bringing an extra coffee to every session, laughing at all his jokes (even the bad ones), sitting a little closer to him than usual, not dropping out of this wretched class so you could spend time together (it might’ve been required, but you still counted it). He didn’t make a point to object to anything, so you knew you weren’t making him uncomfortable — but you had concluded after nearly a whole semester of working and studying together that he was the most oblivious person in all of Ba Sing Se. He could teach you all kinds of formulas, but had no idea that you liked him. Grand.

Today was arguably the most important session out of any of them, seeing as your next class was the final, so it was only fitting that Sokka unknowingly made himself more interesting than any material you could’ve been working with. His arms were going to be the death of both you and your calc grade. You swore that the heat rushing to your cheeks was actually emanating off of you.

“Hey, Y/N!” Sokka grinned as he saw you and raised a hand in greeting, a sentiment you would’ve returned had it not been for the coffee cups in your hands. You settled for mirroring his grin and settled down in the seat across from him. You slid his coffee cup over, set your own down, then shrugged your bag off all before taking a seat.

“You ready to study ‘till your eyes bleed?” he asked, prompting a nervous laugh from you.

“You jest, but my eyes might actually start bleeding depending on how long we go,” you sighed. “There’s a reason I got an extra shot of espresso today.”

“Come on — by now you should know that you have nothing to worry about! I am the best teacher there is, and you got me all to yourself.”

Your eyes widened momentarily and you coughed, purposefully averting your gaze to give yourself some time to recover. Okay, he was going to make it really hard to focus today. “Let’s just get into it.”

He nodded and flipped open his notebook, beginning to talk as he rifled through his bag for a few extra things. “Okay, we’re just gonna start with going over the basics, then we’ll work our way up. There’s a couple practice problems on that page, so you can go ahead and answer those as a warmup.

You slid the notebook over in front of you and after approximately five seconds of looking at the first problem, found yourself studying Sokka rather than the material. Who could blame you? In the battle of cute tutor boy versus calculus, he was going to win every time.

He turned around and you immediately averted your eyes once again, trying to appear extremely involved, but you found that your mind was empty on anything to do with math. “Hey, uh— how do you do this first one? I’m totally blanking here.”

“We use limits in everything — this is actually something you’re really good at!” He studied you intensely and frowned. “Are you okay? Like, you’re not sick or anything, are you? You seem kinda out of it.”

You choked out a laugh and shook your head. “No, no — I’m fine. I guess I’m just a little tired.” As if to demonstrate your lie, you took a sip from your coffee and cringed internally. Love had turned you into an idiot.

He seemed to buy it as he nodded and picked up the pencil, scribbling a couple of notes as he explained the first problem to you. “Does that make sense?” You nodded and he handed the pencil back to you. “Okay — the other ones follow the same kind of process. It should be easy enough.”

You managed to get a little further in the second problem, but your lovestruck mind would not stop focusing back on Sokka every time you tried to do, well, anything. Curse him and his perfect arms, and eyes, and hairstyle, and everything.

You shook your head and set the pencil down once more, letting loose a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Yes, you did. “I just can’t focus at all.” Because of you. You picked up your cup once more and took a sip, hoping it would do something to get you back into the math state of mind.

Sokka frowned once more as he put the back of his hand against your forehead. “God, you’re hot.” You nearly choked on your coffee as your eyes practically bulged out of their sockets — he had to know what he was doing by now — how could he not? “Like, you’re completely burning up. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I swear— I just…” you set your cup down on the table and heaved a sigh that was a touch more exasperated than necessary. “Are you telling me you seriously haven’t noticed? Like, not a single thing this whole year?”

“I’ve noticed a lot of things this year,” he chuckled. “It’s kind of our whole job, so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific.”

You finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Sokka, I’m not— I’m not sick! Haven’t you noticed that I’m only ever flustered, or running into things, or forgetting info, or— or just a complete idiot when I’m around you? I like you, like, a lot, and I have for an embarrassingly long time! The reason I can’t focus is because I am hopelessly attracted to you in every single way.”

His brows creased for a moment and you clamped your mouth shut, worried that you had just ruined everything. It was only after a pause that felt like a century that he finally responded, the hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Well, why didn’t you just say something?”

You stared at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in pure surprise before the annoyance set in. You set your jaw as your brows furrowed and you hit him lightly on the side of his arm with the back of your palm. “You can’t be serious! You— you’ve gotta be messing with me by now. I really can’t believe that you can be that smart but this oblivious!”

He finally let the grin play across his lips in full force and he shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I don’t know how you don’t expect me to mess with you when you scrunch up your face all cute like that every time you get mad. Besides, I started liking you after that fifth class; I offered to help you out so I could spend more time with you! I didn’t realize you felt the same way. I kinda just enjoyed the free coffee and getting to look at you all the time.”

“I can’t believe you!” you cried as you hit his other arm. “You’re telling me that I had to deal with this- this mental turmoil about whether you liked me back, while you were just enjoying the free eye candy and coffee the whole time?”

“You have nothing to worry about! I enjoyed the company far more than the coffee,” he joked, a certain twinkle in his eye. “But, you are probably out a couple twenties after all of that. So, what do you say about this Saturday, the cafe by the shoe store? My treat.”

“Damn right it’s your treat,” you shot back, though you couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. “You owe me a lot — you have to make up for those coffees and all the emotional distress you caused.”

“Oh, I think I’ll have plenty of time to make up for lost time. After all, we do have a lot of coffee dates to get through.” And when he winked at you just like that first day, you remembered just how impossible it was to be angry at Sokka. “But first, we kinda have to get through this study date. The final’s still happening tomorrow.”

You responded with a raised brow. “This is a study date?”

Sokka shrugged and grinned. “They’ve all been study dates. You just didn’t know it.”

-

idiots in love idiots in love idiots In LOVe

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla: @marianne1806

#sokka x reader #sokka x you #sokka x y/n #sokka fic #atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender fic #avatar x reader #reader insert #sadie writes

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

One Too Many Times

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Former Damon Salvatore x Reader

Word Count: 2.6K (I COULDN”T KEEP IT UNDER AND IM NOT SORRY! Plus Heather said I have no rules so....)

Warnings: Angsty arguments, heart break, but that’s about it in this one. 

Author’s Note: Heres the second post for today! I hope you guys enjoy. This is for @idkhaylijah ‘s 3k Follower Celebration. Again I was waiting until the last minute to get this one done, but I figured lets use this to help kick off May Madness. I had selected Exile by Taylor swift along with the prompt: “How much of that did you hear?” Of course the prompt is in bold and the lyrics are italicized. Enjoy!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

Even though Damon had every reason to be there, it didn’t mean he wanted to be there. He didn’t want to have to deal with the people that he was going to have to see. He didn’t want to deal with the fact that he’d go to this party and he’d see her there. It wasn’t the fact that she’d be there that turned him off from going. It was the fact that she wasn’t going to be there on her own that made a twinge of pain and even jealousy pull at his heart. 

He knew how the night was going to play out. He was going to have to watch the woman he loved with someone else. He’d have to watch as she looked at another man with the stars in her eyes just as she had once done with him. The laughter that would be pulled from her lips wouldn’t be because of the things Damon had said. He wouldn’t be the one to cause the heat to build in her cheeks at the things he would whisper in her ear. 

The thoughts themselves had made him angry. He hadn’t even seen them yet and his blood was already bubbling away. And that itself was a warning that he should have stayed away. But Damon knew better. He knew he needed to be there. He needed to be there to mingle in with the party goers before they all put their well thought out plan into action. A plan to take down a witch who believed to be holding all the cards in his favor. That didn’t mean Damon had to enjoy it. 

I can see you standin', honey

With his arms around your body

Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all

Damon had found himself a spot in the back of the room that gave him a view of the whole room. His eyes scanning over the crowd of people every few minutes. Across the room, Stefan had found another spot, doing the same thing. Both of them keep their eyes out for anything that might ruin their plans. They were only a few hours into the night and so far there had been nothing that told them things were going to take a turn. It was as Damon brought his glass of bourbon up to his lips that his eyes landed on Y/N for the first time tonight. 

She looked stunning as she walked through the crowd and made her way towards the bar. His eyes were on her and her alone that he hadn’t even registered the man that was close behind her. At least that was until she came to a stop and his hand came to rest on the small of her back. 

He watched as she turned towards him, a smile on her face as they began speaking as if nothing was going on around them. That there was no lurking danger that would be thrown upon them. Y/N didn’t even know the plan that the Salvatores and the others had put together. She wanted out. She wanted to be as far away from the supernatural world as possible. 

That is where Y/N and Damon butted heads the most. She no longer wanted to be entangled in the world she had found herself with her friends and the Salvatores. For as many times as she had been almost killed in the process of saving Elena, she couldn’t handle it any more. 

She loved Damon. It was proven several times where she went out of her way just to prove that she was there for him and needed him to know that. It wasn’t until things started to change that Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She tried getting Damon to understand, but it seemed pointless. 

When Y/N said she was done with it all, Damon tried to fight to keep her there. He wanted her to stay but it had already been too late. While she still wanted the memories of everything, including the training she learned over the years, she just didn’t want to be a part of it any more. She wanted to be left alone without the fear that her association with the group would get her killed. And she left. 

There was nothing Damon could say or do to change her mind. He watched her from afar and always kept anything from happening to her. But this he couldn’t control, as much as he wanted to. She had been with the man beside her for a little over a month and Damon never bothered to remember his name. Even when he ‘bumped’ into them while out in the town, Y/N had introduced him and he didn’t care to listen. 

Just as he feared, Damon watched as Y/N’s head tossed back as she laughed. The laughter that filled the air had made him turn his head away for a moment. The amber liquid in his glass no longer appealing to him as he set it down beside him on the side table. He’d never understand how she had changed her mind so quickly. 

His jaw clenched as she looked up at them once more. He could see the way he was leaning into her as he spoke, the way a soft smile pulled at her lips at them. There was a voice inside of him that knew he should walk right over to them and easily pull his heart out. But he knew better. Having Y/N as a distant friend was better than nothing. And if he killed her date, he’d lose her completely. 

I can see you starin', honey

Like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

From the moment that Y/N had entered the house, Elena had stopped right in front of her. The woman’s brown eyes worried for Y/N before she pulled her over to the side. Y/n looked back over her shoulder at her date, giving a quick apology.  

“What is it?” Y/N asked the moment they were alone. 

“You should know what’s going on if you are going to be here.” Elena offered. Elena knew Y/N for so long that she was happy that the woman wanted nothing more to do with vampires. But even then Elena wanted her safe. 

“No.” Y/N said shaking her head quickly. “I don’t want or need to know. Ignorance is bliss and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Y/N-” Elena began before Y/N stopped her. 

“I don’t want to know.” Y/N shook her head. “There could be a target on my back and still wouldn’t want to know.”

Elena nodded her head a moment later. That allowed Y/N to go back to her date without another word on the subject. 

“I need a drink.” She said before making a beeline for the bar. Liam’s chuckle came from behind her before he began following her over. 

“What was that all about?” He asked as he placed his hand on the small of her back as he came to a stop beside her at the bar. 

“The usual girl talk.” She lied before she ordered a drink. Liam definitely needed to be dragged into things. Especially if she herself was trying to get out of it herself. 

Y/N felt that as long as they didn’t stick around for long, they’d be okay. That the two of them would leave the moment she felt that things might change. She could easily put it as if she was ready to leave the place. Anything to keep herself out of it and not a part of it at the same time. 

“While I may not know what girl talk entails, but there was that very obvious feeling that something was wrong.” Liam said as he removed his hand from her back and grabbed the drink that had been placed in front of him. “Your friends seem to care.”

She laughed. It wasn’t an authentic laugh as she looked over at him. “They do care. But sometimes friends grow apart and when that happens, it mostly feels like strangers.”

“And what of your ex?” He asked with a slight raise of his brow. “Because by the looks of things, he’s looked this way a few times.”

It was then that Y/N had looked around at her surroundings. She followed Liam’s line of sight that led straight to Damon. There was a moment where their eyes met briefly before he turned to look away.  She bit on the inside of her cheek as she took in the way he looked before he had. 

She hadn’t missed the way his jaw ticked. Or the way that his eyes had darkened as he looked at the two of them from across the room. She knew his eyes well enough to know when there was guilt and anger swarming within them. It was the way his fist had clenched at his sides as he turned his attention away from her. Yet, no matter how much she had believed what she was doing was the best, there was that part of her that still loved the vampire. 

But she knew that this was what she wanted. This was how she was going to survive.This was how she was going to live a long enough life without the fear of someone coming after her. 

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury

It was as Y/N had excused herself some time later that Damon managed to pull her to the side. The annoyed look on Y/N’s face had told Damon that she wasn’t looking forward to hearing anything that he had to say. But he needed to try something, anything to ensure that Y/N was safe. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” He said the moment they were alone. 

She laughed and shook her head. “Not be at the party that I’ve been invited to?��

“Elena told me she tried explaining things to you and you didn’t listen.” His voice was calm, but Y/N could easily begin to pick up the slight tones of anger within them. 

“You guys don’t get to tell me how I can live my life.” Her eyes met his. “We’ve done this, Damon. Time and time again. I would listen to what you and Stefan had to say about things and I still got hurt in the process.”

She wasn’t wrong and Damon knew that. For as many times as they had faced enemies with in the town, Y/N was end up in the crossfire. May it have been from attempting to keep Elena safe or even Damon. She hated that no matter how many times they believed they had won and could leave peacefully, it would never last. 

“You still need to be somewhere else before things go down. Go to his place or wherever it is that you feel like going, but just don’t be here.” It was the way that his eyes softened at his words that made a familiar feeling stir within Y/N’s chest. 

This was how he pulled her in. One moment she could be pissed at him for his actions and all he had to do was give her the look he was now and she’d begin to comply. Compulsion was never necessary with her. Not when she cared enough. 

Her head shook again. “The point of me doing this is to make sure that I am living the life that I want. Not going by things that you need or Elena needs. This is about me now. “

I think I've seen this film before

“You think you aren’t doing things.” Damon began. “But who do you think has been helping out to keep you safe? Who’s been the one to ensure you haven’t ended up dead twice since you decided to leave.”

“I never asked you to!” Her voice raised slightly as she shook her head. “If I am supposed to die, then let it happen. I needed to feel like my human self. I needed the space to be able to breathe again. I couldn’t do that any more. Why are you being so difficult about letting me go?”

Damon ran his hand along his face. “So I’m supposed to live with the fact that you would willingly die even if you were given a warning?”

“Yes.” She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You will live with it. Because I’m not changing my mind on this.”

“I can’t let you do that.” He hated the words but they were already out there. 

She chuckled. “Do you even hear yourself? This is the exact conversation that we’ve had plenty of times before. I can’t continue to do this when you only listen to what you want.”

“You know I listen-”

“Stop.” she cut him off. “You didn’t. I said and showed every reason why I no longer wanted to do this. Before the Mikaelsons, after the Travelers, I wanted an out. I wanted to feel like my life wasn’t in someone’s control. And yet at every turn when I felt that I should go and I would tell you, you gave me some kind of reason to stay and do it all over again.”

Damon tried to piece the things she was talking about together. Hazy memories would come to mind of their fights. And in the mix of them yelling at each other, there were the moments where Y/N had told Damon she was leaving. Each time he somehow convinced her to stay. But the hurt that was in her eyes remained until finally one day she left without telling anyone. 

He took a step towards her and she raised her hand up to stop him. He opened his mouth to say something, anything. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. A silent conversation between them. One that was familiar. One that was comfortable. At least that was until Y/N turned and looked away, tears beginning to fill her eyes as she took a step back.

“I still love you Damon.” She said after a moment before looking back at him. “But I can’t. I can’t keep this life.” That was the last thing she said before walking away from him. 

Damon stood there for a few moments after she walked away. His hand ran down his face once more. When he turned to leave, he stopped in his tracks at who was standing at the door. Caroline had her hands behind her back, a guilty look on her face. 

“How much of that did you hear?” He asked, slightly annoyed. 

“Most of us heard it from the party.” She said with a slight shrug. “Those of us that were vampires, at least. A particular human though, heard the end of it. Elena is compelling him so that when he gets back to Y/N, he won't remember the argument you two had.”

“Should have just let him go.” Damon said no longer looking at the blonde. 

Caroline sighed. “Believe it or not, she’s happier without us interfering in her life. If you care about her at all, you should let her go.”

Damon’s head snapped back towards her. There was disbelief on his face. Everyone else had simply agreed to let her go. After years of them being in her life, they were willing to throw it all away. 

Damon didn’t think it was possible to do it. And after numerous times of getting her to stay, this time he couldn’t do it. Damon knew that he had lost Y/N. 

And I didn't like the ending

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[dreamifics]

Left my Heart in the Past:

James Potter x Reader

Part 13:

The smell of books and wood was all Y/N could smell, this was her favorite place in the world.. The library was quiet some students were talking, some were whispering and some are sleeping..

But this was the first time Y/N was uncomfortable in the library and it's just all because of James Potter.. No one dared to break the eerie silence between the two of them.. She calmed down, no longer angry at James.. They were still doing their potion's assignment, getting the ingredients was going to be hard but good thing Y/N knows exactly where to get the ingredients..

James Potter was deep in his thoughts, questions flooding his mind.. Why was Y/N mad at him? He steals a glance at   Y/N who was writing on her paper.. Her endearing face was showing agitation..

"Are you mad?You look mad.." James broke the silence, she looks up..

"Im not mad.." She answers, gaze falling back to the table..

James frowns, why is she like this? Sometimes she's laughing with him, joking and teasing him but there are other times where she's like this.. Cold and distant..

"Your face looks screwed up like you're mad.." He points out, Y/N's face soften up suddenly feeling insecure at how she looks..

"Im pertubed, not mad.. Just pertubed.." She explains, he just gave her a nod and they both went back to writing..

A couple minutes of silent, James looks up again and sees  Y/N 'pertubed' face..

"You still look mad.." He breaks the silence, a intese glare was instanly sent at James..

"Im not MAD!But im almost there!" She yelp at the charming guy infront of her..

"Blimey, no need to get MAD.." He emphasize the word 'mad', Y/N just rolled her eyes at him..

"Just study Potter.." Y/N closed her eye, she can feel all the stress on her body flows through her veins..

"Fine, im almost done anyway..What about you?" James asks..

"Im done, just doing some final touches.." She answers never looking up from her paper.. James just mumbles an 'okay', he was quite surprised that she was already done.. He didn't knew that she was so smart.. He was getting lost and lost in her..

Y/N was now finally done, her eyes trailing her paper, a proud smile showed on her face.. James who was staring at the smiling girl felt his world stops..

But a shiny thing wrapped in Y/N's neck caught his attention, it was a locket.. Curiousity filled his mind, he knows that she was not wearing that for the past few days she was here.. It was a locket, who was inside the locket? Is it her boyfriend?

"What's that?" He asks, his question dripping with curiousity and mostly jealousy.. She stares at James confused and dazed..

"What are you talking about?" She asks and James just grabs the locket, he couldn't control himself..

"Hey!Be careful with that!" She was about to yank back the locket when James opened it.. Y/N's world stopped, what if he recognizes Harry? What if he sees the oddly similarity between the two.. Y/N's body was in a shock state, every strength on her body was gone..

The picture in the locket made James heart stop, he sees Y/N with three other people.. But he was just focused on Y/N, the way her hair was a little messy.. And the way Y/N's dress hugged every fiber of her body.. James wanted Y/N and he was sure of it..

James eyes trail on Y/N's arm who was wrapped in a boy's arm, Y/N and the boy's arm were interlocking, like in a date..

But there was something about this raven-haired boy that oddly looks familiar to James..

Y/N was pulled back to reality, she snatch the locket away.. James looked at her in surprise, a viscious smirk forming in his face..

"You look beautiful in that picture, i would definitely steal that photo.." He jokes, a crimson red showed on Y/N's face..

Why was she blushing? This was stupid, her cheeks burning up and James seems to notice it..

"Oh my!Did--no yeah you did blush!" He jumps from his seat and did a victory dance.. The red tint in Y/N cheeks were now gone because of James actions.. He was doing a victory dance, but he was not very good.. It looks like he has two left feet..

"What in Godric's name are you doing?" She questions James with glaring daggers.. James slowly stopped when he sees  Y/N's dagger glares at him..

"D-Doing a victory dance?" James smiled sheepishly at Y/N, a loud laugh erupted from her mouth..

"You--Oh my dear--You ca-can't dance!" She said in between laughs, this was music to James ears..

"Wow!Way to kick a man down.." He playfully pouts at Y/N but she just wince at James..

"Shut up!Are you done?" She asks, crossing her arms in her chest.. James gave her a nod, Y/N takes a deep breath and lay her head in the table, burying herself in the pile of papers in the table..

"Great, you can go now, if you want..." She felt a tinged of pain in her heart.. She heard a chair moves, Y/N hears footsteps.. James left and Y/N was now all alone.. A sigh can be heard from her lips..

Y/N closed her eyes shut, she wanted James to stay.. But he sure had other plans.. She heard the chair infront of her move, looks like someone occupied the chair James used to sit in, and the next thing she knows..

Someone was holding her hand, and the one who was holding her hand and was humming a song.. Y/N's body stiffened up, she knows exactly who this person is..

But she wanted to make sure that she was right.. She wanted to be sure..

Slowly looking up, Y/N sees James Potter holding her hand, and his head was laying in the table.. He was humming to one of the Queen's song called 'Good old-fashioned Lover Boy'..

Y/N smiles at her view, he was handsome and Y/N knew deep inside her that this was no crush or infatuation.. She love the way his eyes shine when he jokes and how his smile was bejeweled, he was even more attractive because they always a riot behind his heartmelting smile..

James was just perfect, he's extremely bright and funny, and it makes her wonder if he was real.. James was also charming, he knows how to make people fall inlove with him..

Intentional or not, he makes people fall in love him without even knowing it..

Y/N tilts her head admiring the guy infront of him, James was a diamond, he shines with inner and even outer beauty.. Maybe that's why Y/N was attracted to James, he has the shine and sparkles nobody could ever take away..

James was just feeling happy, holding Y/N's hand was one of the happiest moment of his life, the rush that flows through his heart.. He was just happy, so happy that he was humming 'Good old-fashioned Lover Boy' by Queen's..

Y/N was feeling everything for James but she didn't know what it was, she never felt this way before.. She never felt attraction before, Y/N never felt fluttered, she never felt this rush in her before.. And it bothered her but she was loving every part of it, the sweet smile that she had falters when thousand negative thoughts flooded her mind..

James Potter was getting attached to Y/N and she knows this is trouble.. She have to push James away, because if not she may ruin the present and the future..

As the realization hits her, she untangled her hands away from James.. He looks up and disappointment was painted all over his face..

"I-I have to go.." She mumbles, frantically packing her things back to her bag..

"Hey-What--Are you okay?" He asks, worries dripping in his tone.. But all Y/N could think about was Harry and Lily.. She starts feeling guilty and she doesn't know the reason why.. Well maybe it's because she was holding hands with her bestfriend's father..

"It's Harry--I meant nothing!" She looks at James, she started to feel more guilty again.. James face was full with sadness and shock, a pang of guilt rushed in her veins..

"Im sorry.." She dashes out and ran far away from the library.. Y/N heard James calls from behind her, but she didn't bother to turn around..

James was left heartbroken and confused, doubts and unanswered questions run through his mind.. He was feeling happy when he held Y/N's hand, but the way you rushed out and left him was so heartbreaking..

He lets out a deep sigh, James pick up his things and left the library.. James wanted to know the reason Y/N left him in such a rush.. He wanted to barge in Y/N's room and demand answers but it was too straightforward..

Did he do something wrong? This feeling unfair, Y/N's making him anxious while she's going to sit there perfectly fine..

Also this is the dress your wearing in the yule ball, just pick one these were all beautiful!I saw this on pinterest and i swear i will buy one when i stop being a broke ass student..Anyways sorry for the late updates, and our wifi will be down for a few days i might not update for a day or so..

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#james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james+potter+x+reader #marauders #imagines #hogwarts #james potter #no voldemort au

[hu4ngs]

anything for yuta please! he is so hot in the latest comeback i cRI

im having a break currently and BOY im so happy to write for you!!! +++ i’d like to take this opportunity to ask you all to stay safe and healthy!

yall know what’s gonna happen. yes you’ve guessed it right i’m doing a strangers to lovers au

so let’s assume you look like your twin bc well…. you’re twins

BUT your twin is the popular twin, and you’re mediocre. AND you two go to separate schools

you’re going to an all-girls’ science school because your life is already hectic you don’t wanna make it anymore hectic with men

your sister goes to a nearby art school. so you know what that means; f r a t  b o y s.

also you’ve been knew that your sister is a bit of a player herself

like you’ve had boys coming to your house, crying, begging for your sister to take him back

nonetheless, though, you still love each other and depend on each other a lot

like, whenever you feel like getting a boyfriend, she’d help you out (even though your relationship ends up in flames about 3 months later because the boys you dated are all fratboys that couldn’t appreciate you enough). and in return you’d help her a lot with getting ready for dates or with her studies

so one day

you were in your school, watching a bunch of girls do a practice match of volleyball with another school because you were bored

then you got a text from your sister saying that she needed help and that it was a level-10 threat

i mean,,,, LEVEL 10? that has to be serious

so you dashed tf out of your school

by a few minutes, you’d arrived to your school

your first instinct was to go to her classroom

so you did

and then you saw a bunch of men hogging around your sister’s desk

so you were like?? wtf is going on

“what are you guys doi-”

before you could even finish your sentence, one of them yelled, “there she is!”

and another yelled, “get her!”

you were freaked??? first of all, you actually put in efforts in how you look today, you’re not about to let some crazy men ruin it for you

so you ran for your life

as you were running you wonder what your sister had done for these men to decide to kill her

thanks to your teacher for forcing you to join tons of cross-country runs, you managed to get away from them

you ran into a room and in the midst of panic you knocked onto something, and it all fell apart

you cupped your mouth

from what you can see, you probably knocked over some arts student’s sculpture

there wasn’t anyone, though, so you started looking around to hide before any art student walks in

as you were running towards what looked like a storage room, someone stepped out

he had blonde hair, and was just crazily handsome

but that wasn’t the point

he saw you, and then looked over behind you

“what the- hey! did you do that?” he asked

you weren’t sure if he was angry, or if that’s just his normal face, but eitherway he was really handsome

you looked behind you to the broken sculpture again,  and shrugged hesitantly

“may…..be…..?” your voice squeaked at the end

he gave you a look, before walking past you, “if you haven’t noticed i had been working on this for a very long time, asshole.”

his intonation wasn’t angry, but it still left a sting when he said that

you felt guilty

“i’m sor-”

“oh shut it, yuna, save that sorry for my friends that you’ve fucked.” he scoffed as he started cleaning up your mess

you were confused for a second, before everything clicked

he must’ve mistook you for your sister

you laughed awkwardly

“um, i’m y/n, not yuna” you said

he stopped sweeping, and then shot you a confused glance

“since when did you have a whole identity change?” he asked sarcastically again

you’re usually annoyed when people gave you an attitude, but you weren’t this time. maybe because you deserved it……?

“oh no, yuna is yuna. i’m her twin!” you smiled.

he stopped again, and looked at you

he clicked his tongue, and then stared at you from your head to your toe

“well…. you do have a better fashion sense than your sister.” he said

you didn’t know why, but you felt supeeeeeer happy when he said that

“i didn’t know yuna had a twin?”

“oh i go to the all-girls’ school a few miles away from here.” you told him

by now, he was done cleaning up the mess and was working on another sculpture

you wonder why he wasn’t SO mad at the fact that you literally broke a what seemed like months of hardwork

you walked over to the blonde, but he didn’t give you any reaction

“why aren’t you throwing a tantrum that i broke your masterpiece?” you asked

he gave you a glance before going back to his new sculpture

he shrugged, “i felt like it was ugly anyways.” he casually said

you nodded, and then just watched him work on his clay in silence

“so why are you here?” he asked, breaking the silence

you chuckled, “some boys are chasing my sister. i guess this is what she meant when she was having a level-10 threat.”

the guy chuckled too

“aren’t you gonna help your sister?” he asked

you shook your head, “she can handle this on her own. i’m sure her new jock boyfriend will help her out.”

“oh yea, i’m sure johnny will. everyone’s scared of him” he agrees

“you’re not so bad, y/n. i’m yuta.” he held out his hand - that had so many clay on it

it seems like he knew exactly what he was doing as he gave you a smirk to see if you were gonna shake hands or not

you took this as a friendship test - or something - so you took his hand

he made a playful look of disgust, “ew, can’t believe you took my hand like that.” he laughed

you’re pretty sure that was the first time that you saw him properly smile, and he had a really pretty smile too.

“your smile is so pretty….. i wish mine was like yours. when i smile i look like a goat.” you said as you simultaneously rested your face onto your clay-ed hand

“oh GOD!” you yelled, and made yuta laugh

“dumbass!” he claimed happily, before wiping a finger onto your nose

“HEY!” you yelled, and wiped some onto his face

yuta didn’t flinch, instead he was simply laughing

after a moment of laughter, he sighed softly, and then looked at you

“just between the two of us, you’re the better twin, y/n” he confessed, and  you giggled

he smiled again, and went on with his work

“how do i get these off my face by the way?”

he chuckled again, “you can’t” he joked

but your dumbass, who has never had experience with arts, believed him

so you were panicking

“what the- um… shouldn’t we get these off our faces?” you asked, nudging him

he shook his head, “i like it on mine. it’s a concept of van gogh’s.”

your heart was really gonna sink in your stomach, he didn’t have as much clay on his face as you did!

“that’s nice, but we should get it off our faces”

you said, nudging him even more

then, he burst out laughing again.

“you’re so funny” he told you

“you can’t be this clueless. of course the clay can be removed. just wash it with water later, idiot” he said, and shook his head

“oh” you said, a little bit embarrassed

then, you got a call

you fished your phone out just to see your sister calling

you signaled yuta to be quiet and he nodded

yuta didn’t have to hear your sister’s voice to know that she was furious at you

“wow! thank god, right? hope you don’t break his heart too.” you said sarcastically

yuta laughed at your snarky attitude

“yes i’m at your school, but a bunch of boys started chasing me thinking i was you.” you explained

“you know what? don’t come home if you’re gonna stay angry!”

you ended the call and turned back to yuta

“well, she’s mad.” you told him, and he nodded

“i love her and all, but she’s the most annoying, irritating, picky, selfish person ever when she’s mad.” you scoffed

“you can always sleep in the streets tonight” he joked

you gave him a look, and he looked away, still thinking it was a decent joke

“just lock her out,” he suggested

“i can’t, she has a spare key.”

“that’s tragic”

you nodded in agreement

“you can come over to my house if you’re comfortable enough” he winked when you looked at him

“but i bet you won’t do it, you look like you don’t have the balls to stay a night with a boy” he shrugged casually as he kept his eyes onto his sculpture

“bet.” you said, and he genuinely looked shocked

“what the hell, are- are you serious?” he stammered, which you found funny

“i mean, sure, why not?”

“aren’t you worried that i might be a serial killer?” he asked

you shrugged as you leaned onto the table in front of him

“so you’re my own version of joe goldberg? sign me up” you joked

he laughed, “you’re brave”

you let out a peace sign as a respond

“we should order in some pizzas tonight then, my treat!” he happily exclaimed

you had been staring at his face for so long - since you first met him

and you can’t help but call him handsome in your mind each time too

you weren’t really that much of a believer in love at first sight but come on, now. yuta has the looks, the talents, the personality, the respect, the humour. and to top all of that he’s got a bit of an attitude. he was screaming boyfriend material into your ears at this point

when he realised you weren’t giving out a response to a pizza night, he froze

“are you on a- um- are you on a diet? do you wanna eat something with low calories instead or-”

taken aback you immediately refuse, “oh my god, no, no! pizza is fine for tonight.” you told him

he let out a sigh of relief

“my ex used to freak out whenever i pick something to eat and it’s not up to her standards, sorry.” he explained

you rolled your eyes at the thought, “that’s plain annoying.”

he nodded in agreement, “it’s a different story if she had something to eat in mind, but no. she lets me decide and then throws a tantrum when i suggest something simple, or some shit like that.” he grunted

you chuckled seeing him annoyed

“hey, what time is it, by the way?” he asked

you opened your phone, and showed it to him, it read 7:48 PM.

“you wanna get going? talking about food is making me hungry.” he explained

you nodded, “me too.”

he started cleaning up his desk, and you helped him out

afterwards, the two of you went to wash the clay out of your hands and faces, yuta not forgetting to splash some water onto you while you were at it

the campus was dark and half-empty by then, some students were giving you looks for splashing water at each other, and you had to admit it was a bit embarrassing

“my house is kinda close to the campus, do you wanna walk or do you wanna take the bus?” he asked

you took a while to think, “since we’re gonna get fat tonight, let’s do some exercise beforehand.” you suggested, and he was fine with it

so you two started walking together

it all felt ethereal to you

the weather was great, it was windy in the right ways, the sky still had a hint of purple and pink to it

you had asked yuta a question that had probably excite yuta, because he was talking with full enthusiasts, and you were enjoying yourself seeing him so passionate about something

then, he absentmindedly swung an arm around your shoulder

and you’re just there like ‘OwO’

but you didn’t want to ruin the moment since he was still talking so passionately

so you acted like you didn’t notice it and carried on with the conversation

plus, you were lowkey (or highkey) enjoying his warmth. he’s a very warm person >:(

then, you two reached his apartment, which looked really nice

when you entered his apartment, it was a bit messy, but it was still pretty

you came to a conclusion yuta was a man of STYLE!!!!

“sorry if my place doesn’t live up to your expectations” he said, but you immediately disagree

“this is a really nice place!” you assured

he kinda gave off a playful look before sitting next to you on the sofa, “so if i were to bring you here on a date, would you like it?” he asked

you were taken aback by the question, but that doesn’t mean a smile wasn’t going to form onto your face

you immediately looked away, still having a hard time removing the grin off of your face

“i don’t know, you haven’t asked me on a date to your house yet.” you told him

he laughed, before poking his head onto your shoulder to see your reaction, “so you want me to ask you out on a lazy date?” he asked

you pushed him away, completely embarrassed, “bro like, shut the fuck up” you said playfully, which made yuta burst out laughing

“your reactions to everything are just so cute.” he told you before softly letting a sigh out

“thanks, we’ve been knew that i’m cute.” you joked

yuta made a disgusted face jokingly too, which made you laugh out of embarrassment

both of you took a really long time to finish off your meals becuase both of you were busy criticizing the shitty netflix series that you were watching

by the time both of you were tired, it was already 4 in the morning

neither you nor yuta could believe that both of you had been talking for that long

but it was undeniable that both of you were enjoying each other’s companies so much

at this point you were ready to propose to this man

but OBVIOUSLY you didn’t wtf

also, by now, you were both cuddled up by the sofa while tall girl was playing on the tv

“do you wanna watch another movie after this?” he asked, you nodded absentmindedly even though you were falling asleep

“how are we gonna get to school tomorrow?” you mumbled groggily

yuta was silent for a while and then he said, “let’s just skip tomorrow!” he suggested

you were falling asleep, yes, but the thought of skipping school excites you

you didn’t always skip school, but you wouldn’t turn down an opportunity either

“that’d be great,” you told him, before laying your head back onto his shoulder

“you know what, y/n?” he asked, you hummed as a response

“let’s go out on a date tomorrow.” he whispered, and then lied his head onto yours

#yuta #nakamoto yuta #nct yuta #nct 127 #nct scenario #NCT #nct 127 yuta #nct scenarios #nct imagine #nct x reader #yuta x reader #nct imagines #nct fic #nct fanfic #nct u #nct blurbs #nct kick it #nct taeyong #nct yuta au #nct yuta scenario #nct yuta imagine #strangers to lovers #yuta imagines #yuta scenarios #yuta au

[billlybutcher]

i finished season 2 of tuatv and im confident in saying it did not change my overall opinion of this show (: the sad part is even things i liked about it are constantly undercut by everything i hate and the things i hate typically overshadow the things i love. spoilers -

where do i start? with allison because it’s on my mind. i almost thought for a moment i would be wrong about her naturally healing vocal chords and that maybe there would be a point to it all but of course, there wasn’t. her voice really does just come back on its own!!! and her dilemma throughout the season (at least early parts) of whether or not she should use her powers/the moral or ethical impacts of it are literally just. the same as s1. you’re telling me she gets her throat cut, almost dies, has her literal voice taken away by a white woman, just to immediately forgive her and have the whole entire thing swept under the run with literally ZERO LASTING IMPACT WHATSOEVER???????????? THEN WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT OF CUTTING HER GODDAMN THROAT IF YOU WEREN’T GOING TO INCLUDE HER IN THE ASSASSINATION PLOT OR EVEN DO THE BARE MINIMUM WITH IT? EVEN HAVE HER FUCKING /REFLECT/ ON WHAT HAPPENED TO HER????????? this is a big big big big big huge problem i have with this show.

and what about vanya lmao. what was that shit with harlan. the way they just project whatever the hell they want onto her powers doesn’t make a lick of sense i’m sorry. so she can suck the life from people and she can apparently breathe life into people and also transfer her powers and also take those powers away? am i just delusional or isn’t that what happened? is there something more to harlan was it supposed to be implied that he is also one of the “extraordinary babies” and if so how the fuck does that work? i can’t tell if this is purposefully ambiguous or if its just really shitty writing because it seems par for the course ESPECIALLY in the ways they handle vanya’s seemingly magical and ever changing fucking abilities.

the “climax” of the finale with harlan didn’t make any sense to me and it really felt like they were just trying to suck up screen time it was resolved so quickly and easily and felt literally pointless. but more so than that, they really introduced this autistic child as a prop (at best) and some kind of vessel for another character (at worst)?

OH. AND THE BIGGEST FUCKING JOKE IS THAT THEY TEASED CARMICHAEL IN THE TRAILER ONLY FOR THE HANDLER TO MAGICALLY SURVIVE A BULLET TO THE HEAD???? SO THE /ONE/ REDEEMING FACTOR OF S2 WAS A LIE AND THEN LIKE SALT IN THE WOUND THEY GIVE ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC SCENES TO HER STUPID ASS INSTEAD OF FIVE??? this was almost it for me, this was almost when i just rage quit the whole season. i hate the handler, she is indicative of one of my biggest tuatv issues which is quirky aesthetics used in place of actual originality and that ~weirdness they try to market themselves with. but worse than that the antisemitic stereotyping is so ugly and ruins the entire concept of the commission for me.

also i know i made a small post about this earlier but the fact that they had to explain allison and luther’s incest to vanya in a ~cute or ~funny scene and then defaulted to the “oh we aren’t BIOLOGICALLY RELATED SO ITS OKAY” argument is disgusting to me.

then this thing with diego’s power which is apparently just some kind of blatant telekinesis he pulls out of his ass which i guess???? its the only way to explain how he can curve what he throws but its so stupid and i’m never not going to be mad about the way they chop up the characters and rewrite whatever they want to such an exhaustive degree. i hate it. i hate it so much.

there WERE some things i enjoyed--a lot of the sibling interaction was nice, some of the stuff with diego. i think the only time i felt genuine joy was watching luther and the fives together. the tiny five second part at the end where vanya and diego lean on each other, both grappling with losing their loved ones in one way or another, made me pretty emo ngl, but it won’t make up for the way they erased that dynamic. anyway.

the fact that the show gets to introduce sparrow academy and steve gets to tell more of the story before the actual source material upsets me to such a degree i cannot explain. it almost feels like they’re going to skip over hotel oblivion entirely. i don’t even care anymore, i have to accept the fact that this show drains and exhausts me more than it gives me any kind of joy, and that i may not be tuning in for another season though considering how deeply it looks like they’ve diverted now it might be easier to accept as it’s own entity (but probably not). i hate thinking about what all in this season might have been pulled from future comics. i hate knowing that those storylines will be ripped apart and spoiled before they get a chance to flourish on their own.

simply put, it does not spark joy.

#the umbrella academy #tua spoilers

[takerfoxx]

When trying to write a big balloon of good feelings with the EXPRESS INTENTION of bursting it... how big is too big before it's just cruel?

A very good question, and it comes down to purpose, execution, and follow-through.

Now, given my history and reputation, those sorts of situations are something of my forte, and I’ve had a lot of experience and trial and error to work things out, so here’s how you get maximum impact out of your dark, cruel plot-twists.

First, ask yourself why are you doing this? Is it purely for shock value, or does it serve some greater purpose for the plot and characters? If it’s the second, then go ahead and skip to the next section. If it’s the first, then go ahead and put that idea back in the oven because it’s totally not ready yet.

Look, as a writer, I get the appeal of shock value. Shock value got Imperfect Metamorphosis on the map. Shock value is in my blood. But if all you have is that shock and nothing else, then it’s shock value for shock value’s sake, which is just shallow and useless. You want to shock and disturb, yes, but you also want your audience to keep going to find out what happens next! Dangle that emotional catharsis in front of them! Give them some measure of hope that this is leading somewhere satisfying! Even stories like Chinatown and The Mist, which ended with the protagonists losing in horrible ways despite all their efforts, still felt like they were saying something bigger about the human existence and didn’t feel like they were cheating the audience.

For example: Marisa’s death in IM. I’ll freely admit, the idea first occurred to me and became part of the plan for the shock value, a way to throw down the gauntlet and show that no one is safe. But since the idea came to me early in IM’s run, I had literal years to refine the idea, build towards it, and map out how the fallout would go down, so that by the time it came around, it had turned into an essential part of the plot, from which the rest of the story would lead.

See, here’s the thing you need to understand about dark plot twists: they follow the same rule as edgy humor that breaks societal taboo. And that is this: the twist is not the payoff; the twist is the set-up. Think of the difference of between a rookie “comedian” who thinks that saying shocking things that you’re not supposed to say constitutes as “funny” and those who are offended just don’t have a sense of humor, and a genuine master like George Carlin, who used edge subject matter and taboo breaking not as the punchline, but as the set-up to the bigger joke and thus earn the big laughs when he managed to land the punchline and say something bigger about the topic at hand. It’s a wire act without a net, something that is spectacular if you can pull it off and lead to something greater, but will end in disaster if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Now, let’s move onto the next part: execution. Here you have to be careful, because while it’s perfectly acceptable (and in fact encouraged) to break the rules and conventions of the story’s genre, you still have to ensure that it’s keeping with your story’s internal consistency and rules, and that it makes sense! You want such-and-such a character to betray their friends and turn bad guy? Okay, but it has to make sense and be consistent with their backstory and motivations. You want to pull the rug out from under the heroes and ruin everything they had been working toward? Okay, but it has to be consistent with the rules that you had set up.

I’ll give you a few examples. Now, Game of Thrones might be in the doghouse due the dumpsterfire of a final season, but there was a time when it was upheld as the gold standard of dark plot twists, with the two big examples being Ned Stark’s execution and the Red Wedding. The reason why those moments were so shocking and effective wasn’t because they came out of nowhere, but because they broke the conventional rules of storytelling. OF COURSE the main character would survive! They even gave him an out by having him sentence to the Wall where his bastard son was, where they would no doubt reunite and plan their next steps! Ned’s the hero, after all! Except no, this isn’t that kind of story, Joffrey is still a sociopathic narcissist, doing what sociopathic narcissists do.

And the Red Wedding? OF COURSE it would work! Walder Frey had accepted the compromise, and we’ve put a lot of time and investment in Rob and Cate and their retainers. Rob was practically the new main character, and the driving force against the Lannisters. What was more, he was winning, and he was going to keep winning, even with his one or two slip-ups...except no, he wasn’t, because he had been warned about Walder Frey’s easily bruised ego, he had broken his word, so there was going to be consequences when the Frey’s cut a deal with the Lannisters, so welcome to Medieval-style skullduggery!

Hell, you can have some real fun with this too! And if I may toot my own horn, let’s look at the most recent dark twist from IM: the return of the Shadow Youkai.

Now, I know what my reputation is, and what people expect from me. As such, I can use those expectations to play a sort of follow-the-cup game with the plot. Everyone knew that the Shadow Youkai wasn’t gone for good; the epilogue of Fires of the Sun pretty much showed that. But no one knew when she’d be back, and that let’s me play with expectations a bit.

So I put together a big beach trip, where Rin takes all of her friends, new and old, out into public. And since this is Rin’s story, everyone expects it to go wrong. She expects it to go wrong. Because things always go wrong for Rin!

Sure enough, here comes Hong Meiling and Koakuma, two people with reasons to ruin Rin’s life! Surely they’ll catch and bust her! In fact, it turns out that Koakuma is Elis’s cousin, so surely that would mean she would...except no, they have a short chat, Koakuma doesn’t expose them, and they all go their separate ways. Nothing happens.

Oh shit, here comes Reimu! Not only does she know Rin, she also knows everyone in Team Nineball, and has fought most of the other girls as well! This isn’t good, how will Rin wriggle out of this (no pun intended)...except she doesn’t need to. Reimu and Rin’s various friends walk right past each other over and over without noticing, she chitchats with Hong Meiling and Koakuma for a bit, and then she’s called away to the next chapter’s plot. Rin never even so much as realizes that Reimu was there. Nothing happens.

But wait! Flandre is still a problem, and Seija’s still loose out there! And there she is, taking advantage of Rin’s absence to trigger Flandre’s madness! Surely THIS is the big disaster that’ll...except no, Kogasa quickly gets Seija to piss off and Wriggle coaxes Flandre back to sleep. Nothing happens.

Wait, the beach party was...a success? Nothing bad happened? Everyone had fun and made friends like they were supposed to? And it ends with Rin actually saving a stranger’s life and getting praised for it? Which story was I reading again?

Oh hey, there’s Minoriko, someone who hasn’t been seen a long time, and she says that Hina successfully devoured the Shadow Youkai’s essence, so there’s nothing to worry about. Well, that’s a relief! Strange though that a little curse goddess could handle something of the Shadow Youkai’s caliber, seeing how Sariel already mentioned how unsafe it is to use anything other than the original sword to do so, and how Rhapsody of Subconscious Desire already established that the Shadow Youkai is capable of taking over a secondary host, provided that she had access to their subconscious, and-

Click.

Boom.

So if you’re going to do it, make sure you set up believable reasons why it would happen in advance, even if the audience doesn’t notice them at first. Otherwise, you get Vince Russo’s booking of late-90′s WCW, where everyone was switching allegiances on a dime left and right just for the sake of having a SHOCKING SWERVE! Remember: it’s a highwire act without a net. Know what you’re doing.

Also, for the love of God, if you’re going to have a bad guy do a really bad, shocking thing in one part of the story but later join the good guys later on, don’t just sweep said bad thing under the rug. If Cain the Bloodspiller butchers little Timmy in book one but becomes Cammy the Bloodsaver in book five, then don’t let little Timmy be forgotten. Make sure that there’s still consequences.

And finally, the follow-through. Justify this shocking twist. Have it mean something. Take your time to explore the consequences. Show how it affects the characters. Dig deep into their psyches and make it feel real. The reason people STILL talk about Aeris’s death in Final Fantasy 7 is that the gameplay itself was designed to make you feel her loss, both from the viewpoint of the characters and you, the player.

One of my favorite dark twists is Mami’s death in PMMM, because it follows all of these conditions and does so spectacularly. It sets up how dangerous fighting witches is and explains that someone could really die while doing it, while tricking us into not expecting that to happen by already showing us how Mami kicks ass and establishing her as a main character with a promise to form a lasting bond with Madoka right before pulling the trigger. And afterward, it takes the time to really dig into the consequences of her death, from Madoka’s depression to Sayaka’s increased recklessness to being the catalyst that brought Kyoko into the story in the first place. Everything that happens after does so as a result of that moment.

So yeah, by all means, do that shocking thing, but make sure you put in the work to both earn and justify it.

#writing advice #game of thrones #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm

[imaginariumrpc]

okay so the lovely @imbicilite​ / @whitrph​ and i were talking and it gave me the idea and we thought it was a great idea to spread it around so here’s how it goes: when talking with someone about pretty much anything tbh, but especially for something that could potentially be triggering, communicate with color codes based on city traffic lights ! GREEN means it’s good to talk about these things and you’re not feeling triggered by the topic, YELLOW means to slow down or stop talking about the topic at for now while RED means to stop the conversation about the topic immediately until green again where the conversation can divert into another topic or they feel safe to talk about it again !! this is EXTREMELY important, because it’s a way to alert others that you’re going to be talking about something that could possibly upset someone because of the subject matter, especially for those who may get triggered by a certain topic - even without you realizing it because squicks and triggers can honestly be anything, it could be different words or phrases or certain topics - and can cause severe anxiety in those affected, even panic attacks or flashbacks, and because we want to be considerate and respectful towards one another, it’s important that we use these to help our friends and fellow rpers know that we’re going to be posting or talking about something they might not want to see or talk about, and it’s of utmost importance to make them feel safe, it’s best to use this to be a more supportive friend and a member of the rpc!!

on a sidenote, i’m also here to tell you about tone indicators !! keep in mind that i didn’t come up with nor invent the concept of tone tags itself, but it was being spread around for a while now and i’d figured i’d talk about it !! essentially, tone indicators are used to indicate if the person is joking, being serious, etc., neurodivergent people often have trouble conveying and understanding emotion and tone through written text, using tone indicators is really helpful for neurodivergent people to make it easier for them to read/convey, it is also very helpful for people with anxiety. i encourage anyone who reads this to also type the meaning of the tone tag ( i.e: i love you !! /p for platonic ), so it is more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled people, like those who use screen readers.

“why should we use tone tags?” one might ask, but as an autistic, disabled and otherwise neurodivergent person myself, sometimes i don’t always get my friends and fellow mutual’s tones by their message but when they use tone indicators, it helps me understand and, not to mention that it can be really helpful and avoid misunderstandings. i would also like to note that NOT ALL neurodivergent people want you to use tone indicators on them, so if they don’t want you to use tone tags on them, please respect their wishes.

“i don’t like tone tags!” one might add, well, okay... but don’t make fun of the people that use them, it’s not a big deal, and if you’re a neurotypical who insists on not using tone tags when a neurodivergent person clearly asked you to, get your head out of your ass.

“using /j at the end of a joke ruins it!!” one might bitch, and okay but... it might be ruined for you, but it still makes me laugh, personally, so please try and get used to it, and not to mention, what’s more important: making sure you’re clear with your tone so that there’s no misunderstandings or throwing a fit just because the joke’s ruined for you?

additionally, some other things to keep in mind !! please do not mock the use of tone tags, you may not need them but some people do, not everyone can tell when something is a joke, when someone’s either being platonic, romantic or sexual in intentions, etc.,, especially when there’s no visual cues or tones of voice to help us, just be nice about it, it’s... really not hard, man. if you don’t use a tone tag and someone reads the tone of your statement incorrectly, do not get upset with them or laugh at them for not getting it - that is perpetuating ableism and/or sanism, whether you intentionally intend it or not. just kindly clarify and next time, keep in mind that tone tags are very helpful for neurodivergent, disabled and people with anxiety disorders. using a tone tag isn’t an excuse to be mean either, you can’t just say something mean or not cool and then put /j ( “joking” ) after it to get away with it, don’t be an ass. if you’re saying something that could be anxiety inducing for others, i would highly recommend putting the tone tags at not only the end but also the beginning of that post. do not intentionally use tone tags incorrectly “as a joke”, to confuse people, etc., the entire point of tone tags is to clarify, not confuse people, if you intentionally use them incorrectly, you’re an ass. keep in mind that no one has to use all the tone tags, use what you’d like, respect others who use what they would like, use them however feels rights to you. for me personally, sometimes i use multiple, sometimes only one, or sometimes none at all, just do what feels right, depending on who i’m talking to and how long i’ve known this person or group of people i’m speaking to, it’ll be fine, and if someone asks for clarification on what you mean, that’s okay, kindly clarify for them. additionally, please be patient if people don’t know what tone tags are, someone might not even be aware of what they are and that’s not their fault, just patiently explain it to them or link them to a source !! education always helps !! please don’t use “/srs or serious” as a joke, some neurodivergent and/or disabled people don’t need you to use three tone tags, and in my case, i’m presuming you’re neurotypical if you’re doing that when conversing with me, but what i’m trying to say is it looks like you’re babying us neurodivergents / disabled folx, so try to use only two tags ( that is, if that person is okay with it !! ), because some people don’t need you to use three tags.

please note that the following aren’t every single example out there and there are different terminologies in different languages, but they are important, a few examples of these are: 

“/j = joking / used when saying something in a joking manner, “so im pretty much the president of oreos /j”, 

“/hj = half joking / used when saying something that’s kind of a joke but kind of serious / “well,,,,, im usually right /hj” / 

“/s or /sarc / refers to the opposite of what you really want to say / “i just [clenches fists] love...... being sad..... /s”, 

“/srs / used when saying something you really mean / “i really appreciate you /srs””, 

“/nsrs = not serious / used when saying something not too seriously / “you’re the worst /nsrs”, 

“/lh = lighthearted = used when something’s said lightheartedly / “hEY LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS /lh” / i’d say something like this when me and my friends would get into a silly argument and they’re trying to ask my opinion on a topic”, 

“/ij = referring to something that’s only understood by people with special knowledge about something, typically only a small group of friends or a group of people would be aware of, those outside of the group would most likely be confused by it or not find it funny in the same way people within in the group would / “aAAAAAAAAA MY NUGGIES!!!!! /ij””, 

“/ref = a reference to media, usually movies, tv, music, etc., “yOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSSSS /ref”, 

“/t = teasing, use when teasing someone or provoking someone, often playfully, “aiight sure mx idk wtf im doin /t”, 

“nm = not mad, to indicate you’re not actually mad or upset about something / “ow... i felt that /nm”, 

“lu = a little upset / used when about about something or someone, but not too upset / “oh... that sucks /lu”, 

“/nbh = “nobody here” = often used when talking about something vague to ensure your friends it’s not indirectly to or about them / “sometimes i just wanna..... tell someone to shut the fuck up /nbh”, 

“/nay = not at you / used when saying something but not meaning it at the person you’re responding to / “god i can’t stand lame people /nay”, 

“/ay = “at you”, make the person aware you’re addressing them”, 

“/g or /gen = used when saying or asking something for real / “i’m proud of you /g” or “have you watched the news?? /gen”, 

“/th = threat, used when giving a genuine threat / “if you don’t stop, i’ll block you /th”, 

“/p = platonic, a friendship type of love, used when saying something with platonic intentions / “i love you /p”, 

“/r = romantic intentions, typically of partners when saying something with romantic intentions / “i love you /r””, 

“/a = alterous, an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being at all or entirely platonic and/or romantic, used when saying with alterous intentions / “i love you /a””

“/m = metaphor / used when saying something metaphorically / “god you’re a shining star /m””

“/li = literal / used when saying something literally / “i hate pears /li””

“/rh = rhetorical / a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer / used when saying or asking something rhetorically / “who cares? /rh””

“/hyp = hyperbole, exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally ; “i have a million things to do today”

“/sx = sexual intent, used when meaning something in a sexual way”, 

“/nsx = nonsexual intent, used when meaning something in a not sexual way”, 

“/pos = positive / used when saying something and meaning it in a positive way / “omg im gonna cry /pos”, implied they’re crying for a happy reason”, 

“/neg = negative / used when saying something and meaning it in a negative way / “omg im gonna cry /neg”, implied they’re crying for an upsetting reason”, and 

“/neu = neutral / used to show that what you’re saying is neutral or that you feel indifferent about it / “yeah i don’t care man do what you want /neu”, you don’t care about something but not in a mean or a negative way, you’re just indifferent”.

on a final note, HERE is a list of tone tags both in english and in other languages ( namely italian, spanish, portuguese, french, polish, german, lithuanian, serbian, dutch, indonesian, romanian, bulgarian, russian, hebrew, japanese, mandarin and korean !! ) and HERE are the list of sources about the content of tone tags !! i wish everyone reading this a lovely day !!

#** blog; mod angie. #** blog; mod post. #** blog; okay to reblog. #tw; long post #tw; sex mention

[alchemist-shizun]

About that Carry On Prinxiety AU

For now I laid out a bit of the plot, if you want to share some ideas just hit me up~

This is going to be a LOT to take on my shoulders but I will try and probably fail BUT TRYING IS KEYWORD (i really do believe in myself don't I? Everything under the cut!)

Since they all have their peculiarities, I'm gonna say that yes Virgil might be the Baz and Roman could be the Simon of this story, but I think either would fit for different reasons so they just have the same energy and will keep their own characterization. (If I'm able to not go ooc on this one wish me luck)

If I'm creative enough I'll try making an American school that is located in Florida, so that the characters know nothing much about what's happening in Watford and I can still make references without chronological contradictions.

Thomas could probably be the head mage too. I'm imagining him being very interested in the Normal culture and dressing like a Normal adult instead of the head of a great magical school, his "obsession" (kind of like Arthur Weasley's, if you will) is not really well-liked by most of the mages (especially the Old Fams), some believe that the students should have a better example instead of a man that always seems on the verge of leaving the magic world behind. The students, on the other hand, love him very much thank you. (yes even the ones whose parents insult him)

Oh my god I just had an epiphany: imagine Thomas obviously being in love with Disney and maybe Roman is very close to him so like he's talking about Virgil and Thomas just STRAIGHT UP STARTS SINGING SMTH LIKE THE MUSES' PARTS IN WON'T SAY IM IN LOVE OR LIKE THAT LION KING ONE AAAAAAAA and Roman is like ssss t o p but in the end joins in because he's w e a k (same)

Anyway for the main bois what I was thinking was that, with the prophecies about the Chosen One being there for a long time and them not knowing about Simon or anything, (this is becoming like Skam, there are many Snowbaz in the world) they just so happen to find in Roman an extraordinary amount of magic

Everybody is convinced Roman might be the Greatest Mage, the info flies out into the magical world of America but they decide to not share the info with other states. Roman gets very excited about this and works hard and trains himself in preparation for the big moment where he was going to have his big fight.

Virgil is his roommate (oh my god they were roommates), and of course, they can't stand each other at all. Virgil is definitely fed up with this story about the Chosen One, which Roman brings out in any possible conversation, so he uses it against him to tease him. Just imagine Roman bragging about something and Virgil being like "yeah but for a Greatest Mage you still haven't done anything so Great", or like Roman is having trouble with a spell or a subject? "Aren't you the chosen one?", Virgil only brings it up to make him mad and loves his flustered face. (keyword "loves" *wink*)

As much as I'm hopelessly in love with the idea of Vamp!Virgil (which would fit if he had Baz's role), I just had an angsty idea so I'm saving it for later c:

Hey how about a half-elf Virgil??? Anyone? Sorry I love elves

As for the time they spend together, they do the same thing as Simon and Baz, they avoid each other, spend time out of their room if the other's in there, make up different routines so they don't have to share anything and only really stay in the same room if they have to sleep. (idk why i said "if" like they don't need sleep)

Let me remind you that the beds are very close.

One time Roman woke up in the middle of the night and screamed in fear upon seeing a figure on the window.

It was just Virgil and he almost fell out, he would have probably smacked his head if it wasn't for the roommates' anathema or whatever it is called in english.

Virgil said he just couldn't sleep but he will never admit it was because of a pretty violent nightmare.

Roman does really think that he doesn't sleep at all and just uses his magic to stay awake judging by the dark circles under his eyes.

idk about you but I like the idea of Logan being something similar to Penelope, so Logan is Roman's best friend, they had met in the first year and Logan seemed one of the only ones who didn't approach Roman only because of his fame about being the Chosen One. Logan is simply amazing and brilliant at all subjects and surprises everyone since he's said to come from a family with weak powers.

Roman finds in him a very valid studying companion and he has to admit a lot of his best spells come from practicing/learning them from Logan. Also Logan loves explaining the stuff he's learnt, while Roman has this insatiable will to know everything to be able to defeat whatever bad guy will present in front of him. They basically become inseparable, despite having some friendly fights that are always solved with a snack break.

They !! deeply !! care !! for !! each other !!

Out of the other characters idk if Patton would fit anybody entirely, but I'm going to keep the 3v3 groups, so Pat will most likely be hanging out with Roman and Logan, he's actually very good friends with Virgil (none can escape Patton's friendliness) and tries to reason with Roman when he's mad about something Virge might have said. He's probably the reason why he hasn't killed Virgil yet. Patton doesn't come from a big family and lives with his grandmother when he's out of school. (I still have to develop this)

Forget about Dev and Niall and get ready for Deceit and Remus. I don't wanna give a headcanon name to Deceit bc I don't have one so he's gonna be a mysterious boy and everyone will call him Dee since it's the nickname I use for him. Both of them are two chaotic messes in their own ways. Dee, despite still being composed most of the times, is VERY fixated on his society discourses and arguments, he could come up to you one day out of the blue being like "so about the plan to overthrow the government" and you probably never even heard of it in the first place

JUST GIVE ME PASSIONATE DECEIT

Remus, on the other hand, messes a LOT with spells and you can see him traveling to the weirdest places. One day he was found trying to make the water creatures do a circus bit for him. People don't know how he's able to make his way through tests, but it's actually because he loves bugging Dee since he doesn't give the slightest shit about the weird things he suggests and they often end up studying together.

(I had the wildest thought thinking about Remus as Trixie)

Virgil, Deceit and Remus are what people call the "Untouchable trio", only because they come from the highest and oldest of the Old Families. They had been friends ever since kids since their Families met quite often, they never really fell apart despite being very different from one another. They're actually pretty chill people, it is only their surnames that make some people wary of them. They're not generally approached by anyone.

Idk if I wanna bring Emile and Remy in this, but I am tempted™, I'll think about it

So, Roman, am I right? Forgot to say he comes from a pretty big fam of hunters, they're the types of people that are lovable but won't hesitate to kill a bitch if needed.

But Purp, where's our creativitwins content? Thing is, yes they're actually brothers, but they were separated ever since kids for reasons none really knows? They never talk about it, even if asked to. They were given to two different families. They're aware of each other, but none has ever seen them interact. (I might find some angsty backstory on this just you wait)

Up until here Roman has always believed himself to be destined to the greater good, he's the chosen one, his destiny is the one to be the protagonist of the magic world and its hero.

At least that's what he thought until the fifth year.

One day during the fifth year, Virgil was doing homework on his room's table when Roman bursts in, louder than usual, and throws himself face-first on the bed, uncaring about ruining his hair or his clothes. That was an unusual sight since he never came into the room before evening or even before dinner. Virgil immediately knew something was wrong, but he didn't realize how serious the thing was.

So of course, he teases him a bit trying to get some info from him but only makes the situation worse. When Virgil calls him Greatest Mage as a joke, that's when Roman finally snaps at him in a way that Virge would have never expected. Roman really is enraged, yells at him and throws his pillow across the room since he can't hit him. He storms out of the room when he feels tears forming in his eyes, but can't really hide his sobbing as he goes away.

Virgil is just standing there, aware that he had just made Roman cry for the first time in his life and hated the sight with his whole being.

Roman had just learnt that he wasn't, in fact, the Chosen One, nor the Greatest Mage. Just an ordinary mage, like anybody else, who, in his opinion, had no other destiny than to finish school, find a job and just ... live?

So he's destroyed, all those dreams revealed themselves to be castles built in the air.

School is ending and Roman is just a bit numb, he's not really failing his classes but he's not as bright as ever. He barely leaves his room and doesn't talk to his friends as often, who are very concerned. Even Virgil tries to talk to him at some point. Thomas visits him when he has time and tries to work through the issue with him, but for the rest of the fifth year, there's nothing much to do to cheer him up.

Things seem to go back to normal as years pass and he's not in the spotlight anymore, none really talks about the Greatest Mage anymore and mages just carry on with their studies as they've always done. Everything's fine and normal.

And Roman hates it. But he's working in the shadow, so none notices his discomfort.

It only happens when he reaches the eighth year. It's impossible for Virgil to not recognize that Roman is slipping away at night and only comes back after some hours, either with dirty clothes or things tangled in his hair, he always came back different from when he left, meaning he definitely was wandering off outside.

One night he really can't stop thinking about how worried he is that Roman might get in trouble by himself, while he could probably prevent that, so he decides to follow him. Apparently, Roman is trying to find some kind of important and scary adventure to prove to himself that he's not as useless as he thinks himself to be, but Virgil still doesn't know this.

Virgil doesn't know what to do about the situation and decides to talk to Patton about it, in the end, the two of them decide to make a plan to talk to Roman with Logan, too.

On the other hand, Roman had been seen hanging out with Deceit or Remus, or both at the same time, trying to pry out information from them about how to get to certain forbidden spots of the school if he ever needed to. Surprisingly they don't ask many questions.

Chaos ensues when one night everything goes horribly wrong.

SO YEAH these are a bunch of things that I got right off the bat, I still have to think about the entire plot but don't want to spoil anything, basically the story would begin on the eighth year, just like Carry On, when Roman starts sneaking out. There might be things I need to fix but still I repeat that this is just a draft or a bunch of ideas that I got together somehow.

Tags: @soul-of-a-vixen & @flowersheep who wanted to know more about it~ (I'll write it as soon as I can!!)

#sanders sides #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #prinxiety #sanders sides fanfiction #prinxiety fic #sanders sides au #carry on #snowbaz #penny bunce #agatha wellbelove #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #basilton pitch #character thomas #deceit mention #remus the duke #ts duke #ts patton #ts roman #ts deceit #ts logan #ts virgil #prinxiety au #carry on au

[lesbian-octoling]

Hey guys, Xeno drama ((you know, about the banner and hate and whatnot)) below the cut if you don’t wanna see it!!! 

@mrkamabo--co Hello! I don’t know if you’re ever going to see this, but. It’s here.

First of all, yes, it’s me! lesbian-octoling, rhi-draws-things, whatever you wanna call me. I’m making this because I’ve heard through a friend of mine that I trust that you are a relatively good person, and while I don’t agree with everything you’ve done, I figured i might as well try to clear things up between us.

First off-

I’m sorry.

This is a 100% genuine, formal apology. I am sorry your medical issues are acting up, I understand completely. I had and almost identical use (albeit with chemical imbalances making me throw up, instead of breathing/heart issues, but both caused by stress), so I get it.

I’m not here to stress you further. In fact, I’m here to try and resolve the issue. I don’t want you to feel the way you do, and I don’t want to start more drama. I should know, i’ve been receiving nasty shit for a while. If you don’t want to read this- that’s okay! Don’t stress yourself, dude.

I just feel like this is important, because we never actually talked- and lack of communication often leads to violence.

But there are a few thing I wanted to address- first and foremost, the ‘xeno free zone’ banner, and the tags.

#‘you’re a coward cuz u wanna draw them with t^ddy’#i don’t do that in the first place lmao#and if you’re going to say:#'its actually scientifically accurate!’#nope it really isn’t #why?#why would squids/octopi evolve to have digigrades/muzzles/claws on their hands?#why would they look like goats with their eyes and muzzles?#they would have flat fish face!#have squid/octo hat heads!#like the third stage in their canon evolution!#exaggerate that if you want scientifically accurate squidlings/octolings/inklings!#otherwise.. yall just makin them into furries tbh#note: i have a surplus of fursonas#k peace

Ah, I hope you don’t mind me going off a bit, but I did want to say things!!!

Muzzles: Inkling beaks, IRL, are very long! they just look flat because.. well, squids are long! But if you put that into something shaped like a human head, they need a bit more room to stretch out.

Claws: they’re not actually claws, they’re hooks! Just like real deep-sea squids have hooks made of chitin that can retract back into their tentacles, which is why i made them like that. As you can see when they go back into heir squid forms, their arms and legs ARE just evolved tentacles!

Here’s a cool example of the hooks, as compared to some of my squid hands:

‘goat noses’: This is because… it’s not a nose! A real squid breathes through it’s siphon, which is one, large hole. That’s why their nose is like that- it’s not two nostrils, it’s one hole, but flattened down so it’s not just a big ol’ hole in their face. If it was, things might get into it, like dirt or bugs or.. i dunno.

Digigrades: admittedly, this is just because it’s fun, and theres no reason they shouldn’t. Any other similarities to cats is just… coincidental, really, as cats and squids have a lot of similarities (liking the sun, chasing lights, etc).

Eyes: Actually, this was a mistake. When i FIRST started getting into splatoon i was like ‘wait squids have horizontal pupils right’ and only found out later that no.. that’s octopi! But oh well, it was a bit late, eh? live and learn.

I’m not saying its fully scientifically accurate- hell, course it’s not! But its more biologically accurate than having them being made of ink. Mostly, I just think it’s fun, cus I’m a budding biologist and I think it’s cool to explore these concepts.

Ok! Thats all I gotta say. I just wanted a chance to explain myself, s’all! As for the banner itself… while it may have been joking in nature, I do think it was a bit rude. Kinda like swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest, yeah..? Like you said- “but yknow tumblr be tumblr, and i honestly expected This™”… you gotta watch out what you say sometimes. You could’ve made it more obvious that you were joking- putting ‘XENO FREE ZONE’ with bit red X’s and ‘feel free to reblog :)’ just has.. a very mean tone to it, and it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, regardless of your intentions. It really didn’t sound like a joke, to a lot of people, including me.

Though, maybe, we’re all just a bit wary- I’ve been receiving asks telling me to- quite literally- kill myself, multiple times, over this. I also know several friends who have gotten the same messages (a few of which don't even draw xeno, but simply because they are my friends). I think me (and other xeno artists, though I cannot speak for them) have a right to be wary, when we’re so used to being bashed. A lot of people are scared, and it doesn’t make what some people said right, I’m just… telling you why that massive backlash happened.

And by ‘massive backlash’…. if I’m being honest- and I don’t mean to make it sound trivial- a lot of the responses to those posts weren’t truly mean. Some people sent a clown meme, a lot of people responded with ‘why are you hating us, were just having fun’. A few were pretty mean, yes, but I could count them on one hand. These were light hearted in nature, and nothing like some of the truly nasty things that could’ve been said. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve received in my inbox…

I think a lot of this could’ve been avoided if your post right after had simply been an apology. Instead of playing the victim card, simply say ‘ah, that last post was a joke- i sincerely apologize, and I might’ve worded it poorly’. That’s it. And it could have been avoided if you said, in the tags ‘this is a joke post don't take it seriously’. But instead, you went on the criticize xeno aspects. Not saying you’re wrong, but pointing out why so many people took it the wrong way.

But.. the main thing I wanted to address was this post.

I.. can’t say I’m in the right, but I can’t say you are, either. I probably shouldn’t have made that post- but it was meant more as an off-hand joke. I didn’t mention you at all, as I didn’t want anyone to hate on you. It’s more of a running joke for my blog of ‘sexy tartar’, which is why it was funny enough that I brought it up.

#can’t feel safe#when i put an opinion out there#its easy.. to ignore a post yknow…? It’s also easy not to make a joke like that. Again- maybe you intended it as a joke, but it’s like one of those shitty april fools pranks where you tell somebody something bad happened. We got scared. Doesn’t make it right of us, but it doesn’t make it right of you, either.

But the ONLY thing I’m truly angry about- if you saying that ‘you, a minor, don’t feel safe because you’re being shat on by an adult’. The reason this makes me mad is because… I’m 18. Barely. And you’re 17. I’m… not even a full year older than you. I’m still in high school. The way you worded it made it sound like i’m a 32 year old getting off on sending hate to a 13 year old- and that’s not even close to the case. That is not cool, dude.

Anyway. Sorry about that, though I hope you can see why I’m.. unhappy with the wording. I’m trying to solve things here, not make them worse, ha…

And.. yes, I did block you. But not so you wouldn’t find out. You can still see my blog; i know this. I blocked you because I’ve been getting hate anons for the past few weeks, and I can’t be too careful with who I block. I’m tired of people telling me im ‘ruining the fandom’, so I tend to block at leisure, or when I have suspicion. And a big ‘ANTI XENO’ banner is reasonable suspicion, yes…?

Again, I apologize for that post, but i was not doing to to spite you, just because I found it funny. I didn’t contribute to the spreading of hate to you in any way- I am very anti-hate messaging, and very pro ‘block and ignore if you don’t like them’. Which is.. what I was trying to do, but I didn’t want to leave us on that sour note. I did not encourage anyone to ridicule you on your post, or send you any sort of messages and asks.The only people I complained to were my girlfriend and a select few close friends, who i KNOW would not participate in any sort of hate spreading.

I’m not asking you to be friends with me. I’m simply trying to clear off any misconceptions- I’m fully welcome to hearing what you have to say back. But…

All in all, I think the gist of what im trying to say is that we all made mistakes, and we should both own up to them. I’m very sorry about your heart condition- I sincerely, 100% hope you get better. And I’m hoping that by talking it out, we can clear things up and not let it stew..? I know that sometimes these things tend to eat at me until I fix them, and that is all I’m trying to do.

I’ve unblocked you for as long as it takes for us to resolve this issue, if you would like to move to DMs, or to discord. Either works. Or.. don’t respond at all, if you don’t want.

Have a nice night, and I hope you feel better!

#drama #please don't reblog this unless you're @mrkamabo--co #im tired and don't wanna fight; dudes

[caps-clever-girl]

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

#thanos might have snapped first but now its my turn #endgame spoilers #marvel #avengers #thor #bruce banner #tony stark #squeak.txt #rant #avengers 4 #captain marvel #iron man

[the-kipsabian]

coughedfeathers replied to your post: *rolls o v e r* I want angst for UpbeatDreams:...

Can I throw my hat into the proverbial ring and suggest that Ayu’s able to get *something* out of him about natemare? Not much, but that he gets amnesia during the times he’s more visually… Not himself during October?? And that he’s not really himself Bc Ayu would have been there during the d&d session where natemare kicked in, as well as Mads’s party probably? So he kinda owes Ayu an explanation at this point, and Kit’s too drained to demand one.

im gonna take this ball and run with it watCH ME @coughedfeathers @shinrijeu have some upbeatdreams yo <3

It was getting closer to Christmas, slowly but steadily. November was over, they had turned to December, and life at the academy was finally steadying itself back on tracks with everything that had gone down the past three months.

And honestly, it was making Ayu very nervous.

Everything had been going smoothly. Honestly, if you asked Ayu, almost too smoothly. Things with Nate had calmed down and he seemed to be behaving like himself again since the two of them had made peace and started to spend more time together again, Nate making sure to fit in a little shows of affection here and there as if he thought Ayu wouldn’t notice.

Holding hands.

Leaving him notes on homework assignments.

Good morning and good night texts.

Sending Ayu playlists of stuff he knew he liked.

Little forehead kisses and kisses planted in his hair as if Nate thought Ayu wouldn’t realize what they meant.

But something about that was still making him uneasy, and maybe it was very unfortunate, but Ayu was able to actually put his finger on it this time too. After the disaster with him that had been October, and having to help Kit through November, Nate had gone back to being himself, and it was almost too weird.

Like the calm before the storm.

What worried him the most, was that Christmas was approaching, and Kit was lighting up again and getting very excited about the holiday. They were constantly rambling at Ayu about the gifts they had gotten for people, asking him what would be appropriate for someone, showing the cute wrapping paper and decorations they had gotten, and so forth. Occasionally Nate would be around when Ayu got messages from Kit and he would glance over Ayu’s shoulder at the cute things Kit had gotten, commenting on everything he thought looked nice.

And that’s what was worrying Ayu about all of this.

Before the October nightmare, Nate had been acting all fine and dandy. Sure he possessed some qualities that Ayu wasn’t extreme fond of, like skipping class and breaking the school rules in general, but that was still normal to him.

October he was occasionally just very different – at Mads’ birthday party he had started to raise havoc, Ayu remembered him making a mess and trying to steal the presents among other things, sending Kit into a whirl of anxiety as this behavior was never explained and it nearly ruined everything.

They had a small D&D session in the dorm at one point, and Nate had been invited – he absolutely threw the game and basically ruined the game for everyone for the night, forcing them to cut it short really early as Kit couldn’t handle him being that way and making it terrible for everyone else.

And then… Well, the Halloween party. Where Nate had straight up put Ayu on the spot and made fun of him and embarrassed him – thankfully not in public in front of others, but it was still terrible enough that some people saw Ayu leave the party crying – with this supposed love confession.

Among other incidents that Ayu hadn’t been present for, but had heard from various classmates and other friends since they had happened.

After October he calmed down again. Nate made peace with Kit, and eventually with Ayu as well. He seemed to return to normal, with no real explanation what was going on with him. Every time Ayu asked about all this, Nate didn’t remember anything. He claimed amnesia. The story never changed, there was never any added details, so Ayu believed him.

But it didn’t make the feeling that someone was still wrong go away.

And with Christmas fast approaching, Ayu was just honestly worried that Nate was going to flip his lid again for no reason and make things difficult for everyone again.

Especially for Kit. And Ayu wasn’t going to let that happen.

He was honestly nervous about texting Nate and asking to meet him at the recording studio. Ayu didn’t specify that he wanted to talk, usually when he invited Nate over it was to listen to him play, and he was kind of hoping that Nate would take it as that kind of an invitation again and wouldn’t ask questions. Thankfully the text he got back was just Nate saying he was on his way – it only freaking Ayu out a little as he was suddenly having to prepare his words much faster than he originally thought.

Ayu was sitting in the studio, sketching the stray kittens into his sketchbook when Nate walked in. The boy was beaming at the sight of Ayu, but raised a brow as he noticed the lack of the violin case he was used to see him carry around with him.

“I thought you were going to play?”

Ayu shook his head as he put the sketchpad aside, watching as Nate took a seat across the table from him. One thing that Ayu was grateful about Nate, was how good he was reading the air around people, so it was obvious even without words that something was up. Something they really needed to talk about.

“I’m… Worried.”

It was just better to get it out straight away, to be honest. Nate’s brows furrowed a little, but he nodded, remaining silent.

“Christmas is coming.”

“We don’t have to get gifts.”

“That’s not it.”

While Ayu was glad to hear this response too, it wasn’t the conversation topic he was after. Besides, he had already gotten Nate a gift, so that wrapped that part up.

“I don’t want you to ruin this for Kit too.”

Nate looked back at him over the table, clearly confused. Ayu sighed, sounding somewhat impatient.

“I don’t want what happened at October to happen again, Nathan.”

The raven-haired boy seemed to perk up at the mention of his whole name, much to Ayu’s satisfaction, as it was a clear mark that at least now he was fully paying attention.

“They need this to go well, they need the nice things. So please… Whatever happened in October, please don’t repeat that again.”

“I can promise you it’s not happening. I promise.”

Could he really believe that though, that was the question in Ayu’s mind. Sure Nate seemed sincere about that, looking him straight into the eye and saying those words, making a promise, it had to be worth of at least something, right?

…Right?

“Ayu, you can trust me. I promise. It’s behind me for now.”

…For now?

“Nathan –”

“I went to see the Nurse a little while ago.”

Ayu went silent. This was a topic they hadn’t talked about, but he knew that Kit had been trying to get Nate to see the Nurse about his amnesia problems, like Nate had tried to get them to go because of their feather coughing issues. Ayu didn’t really think Nate was complying to any of that though, as every time it had come up, he had just laughed it off.

But apparently he was actually really trying to better himself here?

“And?”

“While he didn’t really know what was going on, he said it might have something to do with the Halloween time, as the amnesia spells seem to only happen in October.”

So… This wasn’t the first time this had happened? The way Nate formed his sentences were making Ayu think of it, but he couldn’t confirm anything as this was the first time they had really talked about the issue after Nate’s initial apology about a month ago.

“He suspected full moons at first, but I can confirm I’m not a werewolf though as I do remember the full moon from last week, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Ayu knew he was joking but nodded with a completely serious face anyways.

“He had my medical records from my previous schools, and, well… Everything shows more nurse visits and odd behavior, amnesia and exhaustion around the time of October, and never else.”

Nate brushed a hand through his hair as he leaned back on his chair, letting out a sigh.

“Every single October, for every single school. And nobody knows why, and I can’t remember any of that.”

He shrugged, looking back at Ayu who was still trying to process the information, even though there wasn’t really much info to take in here, other than what they all already knew – that Nate didn’t remember anything.

“The Nurse suggested it was due to stress or me pushing myself too hard or something similar, but I feel the same around the year and do the same things, so it doesn’t make sense. He suggested further examinations later, especially if it is happening again, but… I’m feeling fine now. Haven’t forgotten a day since November begun again. Just same as before October came around.”

It was true though, Ayu could confirm that. Since then Nate had gotten back to his old self, the honestly somewhat terrifying aura he had been carrying with him through October was gone, he looked normal again, acted normal, felt normal…

And yet Ayu still couldn’t help but to worry that this was going to happen again just when Kit was picking up being bright and bubbly again.

“I don’t do it on purpose.”

“I believe that.”

Because Nate wouldn’t. And Ayu knew that.

Nate nodded a little.

“You just… Have to trust me on this one, okay? I promise it’s not going to happen. It’s done now.”

“Until next October?”

Nate inhaled deeply, shrugging.

“I hope not, but… Maybe. It seems to be the pattern.”

It was Ayu’s turn to nod, before he leaned over the table towards Nate a little.

“Just promise me that whatever it is that’s happening with you, it’s not coming back any time soon. And if it does return for October, well… We kick it together, okay?”

Nate smiled at him, nodding his head again.

“Of course. I promise.”

#coughedfeathers #this got long askdnasjkbdkjabs #asagao!ayu #asagao!nate #upbeatdreams #asagao!kit #bffnate #i mean. it still doesnt fully explain everything cause at this point even i dont know whats up LMAO #but its established as a a thing that happens only in october. its been in his life for a while now. comes with amnesia and fatigue #hes not a werewolf confirmed lol #but yeah take this for now at least! #god it feels so good to write stuff mmmm #(also i still stand by that nate's october nightmare aka natemare thing cause im hilarious lbr lol) #mads writes #i keep forgetting to tag these things LOL

[big-bang-holmes-blog]

On this day, July 31:

After I came out my.mom didn't believe it at first, after I said "I'm not joking" about 15 times and her yelling at me saying that "that shit isn't funny" I think my message went through. That was my mom

My dad was different, I videoed it without him knowing and I was crying the whole time, I said "I'm queer" as my way of coming out and all he asked me to explain it so I did, he was calm. He was mad though, he started to get on to me because I didn't tell him sooner and because it's "unnatural" and I had all this on tape. He started to tell me about "fag drag" and how people around here drag fags along the orad on a car. Also "gay bashing" he said it's where gay people get their heads bashed my baseball bats. Always great when your dad supports you

I talked to each of my parents separate when I came out but this all just happened in like 20 minutes

So naturally I get called to their room. I get interrogated, "why are you this way?" "Where did I failed as a parent?" "You don't deserve to be accepted" "This is just a phase" "pansexuality isn't even real, it's bisexuals who want to be special" then I said, "Fine then!! I'm bi!!" Then they started yelling about how that's not any better, after that I got the "you're going to hell" speech. My mom didn't even look at me...

The whole time, I'm crying. They're still mad after me getting yelled at for maybe an hour, they get so worked up they call my sister to come over.

My sister and I were close, we told each other everything. I came out to her 3 weeks before i did my parents. They start to interrogate her and this is where I learned that you can't trust people you're close to all the time...

They asked her if she knew, She said yes, they got mad she didn't out me. they asked her right in front of me if she thought I was gonna go to hell or not, she tried to play in between sides and said "I PERSONALLY haven't studied but from what I'm told by people that DO study, that it's a sin..." this didn't help my case. They told me to go grab my phone because it "infected my mind" and come right back, so I did...

Then they ask her what my phone's password was... My phone, the only thing allowing me to feel safe, the only way I could talk to the one and only person that accepted me, the only thing I found some happiness in. If I lost that then I'd lose my will to live because it was all I had... She knew it. She tried to cover it up by saying "she might have changed it-" "tell me the last password you remember" is why my dad said to cut her off, she was reluctant but she said it out loud... As soon as she told them my password I said her name out of shock and by talking I was crying even more if that was possible, I wasn't even gonna try to hide it at this point but she even looked like she was gonna cry..

Now that they had access to the only thing that made me happy they told us to leave so they could go through my phone without me looking. Me and my sister were just standing in the kitchen, Im still crying because I don't even see how I'm gonna make it to next week and shes looking at me with sadness and pity. "I'm really sorr-" she started, I cut her off with "just leave" because that one action made me feel worse then I thought it could, it was the last thing I had left. So I go to my room and try to cry myself to sleep

I was sleeping on the floor because I didn't have a bed so I just curled up on my floor, i was worried about if they would find the messages between me and the girl that accepts me or if they'd see my internet history that was filled with LGBT content

Of course I couldn't worry in peace though, every 5-10 minutes my mom would come in and yell at me until she didn't know what to say, I didn't even respond but I just listened to her words feeling numb. She still didn't even look at me.. she just yelled at what she now called her failure. She did this until it was past midnight, after she stopped coming to my room I was successful in crying myself to sleep after my second or third panic attack of the day, my last one was about 20 minutes long and the seconds dragged on for what felt like hours

I don't think I'll ever forget waking up the next morning, I was woke up by the sun and as soon as I opened my eyes they were burning a lot, they were red and puffy like I'd been crying all night, I was confused about why I'd be crying? Because I never cry, at all? Ever?

Then I remembered what happened last night and I started to cry again, I felt so weak. my dad came Into my room and I was visibly scared of him and he said "what's wrong?" After everything that happened to me that's all he said, after him calling me a failure, after my mom saying the same and refusing to look at me, after them seeing me so distressed and not caring. After telling me my sexuality was ruining their life. After saying I don't deserve love.

The next day they took me out if the school I was enrolled in Because "I don't need to be in a place I'm accepted" so of course i don't learn anything and I'm trapped home with two parents who keep their failure at home.

The next year: so that day SUCKED a lot... but I got my phone back after a week and I was so upset I deleted the video of my dad when I came out.

That whole time was awful so was the next month but they cooled off after so long, throughout the year every time anything gay came up they'd get mad again, I've been cut off from LGBT friends, my sister wasn't allowed to see her cousin because she was queer and we were friends.

I went and bought a sticker that had a rainbow on it and I was told to remove it from my door, I was told id never be allowed to date a girl, I was also told to never date anyone black so yeah I was pissed. I joked about getting a black girlfriend to rebel.

My mom threatened me after I mentioned her taking me out of school, she said "it was because we had some 'issues' that's not gonna happen again Is it?" Issues meaning my sexuality and that last part was her telling me that if I acted gay again things would go back to all the verbal abuse and controlling behavior...

I can mention my sexuality to my dad when my mom isn't around because whenever he's around her all he does is take her side no matter what, I've asked if I could ever date a girl, "I'll think about it". I can't even be open with who I am and who I'm with around my parents and that kills me but I can't do that again

I didn't realize until recently how abusive this was. Emotional abuse includes:

Threats of physical harm

Constant criticism ✓

Spiteful comments✓

Public shaming

Belittling✓

Ridicule✓

Making fun of appearance or ability✓

Labeling✓

Repeatedly pointing out mistakes

Put-downs disguised as jokes✓

Teasing✓

Name calling✓

Blame shifting✓

Fault finding✓

Gossiping✓

Lashing out✓

Yelling✓

Humiliating✓

Insulting✓

Hostile looks✓

Sarcasm✓

Giving the "silent treatment"✓

Snide remarks✓

Withholding affection/Emotional support✓

Picking fights

Lying✓

Refusing to talk/listen✓

Angry attacks✓

Dismissing ones ideas/opinions✓

Unflattering nicknames✓

Ignoring✓

Rejection✓

Betrayl✓

Emotional abandonment✓

Isolating from supportive friends/family✓

Making one feel inferior "not good enough" worthless✓

They've only not done three if these? Out of 36. All the ones I checked were their behavior towards my sexuality.

#i'm an idiot #gay #lgbt #coming out of the closet #coming out #liz in her feels

[ffuuuuuuuck]

september 24, 2019

Today was such a bad day my thoughts kept pulling me in different directions- all of them bad

ended up skipping class today, thought about dropping out of school entirely like a lot

like, i know im capable of it and it’s not even hard, it’s just the looming fear of failing again like i did in my first highschool. I’m falling into the same patterns, it’s getting harder to maintain a positive mentality. it sucks because i was doing so good and then one thing sets me off and im back on my bullshit. 

somehow writing it out makes me feel a little better, makes it feel like the thoughts aren’t all just stuck in my head. 

my family helped today- my mom sang one direction with me in the car because i think she could tell I was on the verge of crying lol. That’s what she used to do with me in middle school and felt bad about the way i looked- it was cheesy and dorky but nice. she also took me to meet my baby cousin for the first time since she’d been born-5 months old and shes fat as fuck but also cute as fuck

i think i might just go back to spending time with my family again- it was easier than having to deal with friends. I love them, but i don’t feel the same with them anymore. it was different when i was into the same shit- smoking weed, doing drugs, doing nothing but walking around all the time. but now i’ve got school and work and actual responsibilities, and none of them seem to get that. Some of them even get mad because i cant spend as much time with them. I understand being upset, but it just makes me feel worse because i already feel worn thin. Plus, we dont really have anything in common anymore other than weed. Even that i’ve been trying to quit, but that’s all they ever wanna do and my lungs are all burnt out. And frankly, i like the feeling of being sober better than being high now. 

I guess that’s the only thing me and Maurice had in common. When we first became friends,  i was so happy to have someone like me. Into musicals, into anime, into all these dorky things my other friends weren’t into. but now its nothing but weed or talking about her ex boyfriend, or our friend bianca. I’m really glad her and bianca get along so well- i knew they would, i would always try getting all of us to hangout so they could get to know eachother more. But now it just feels like im on the outside. Whenever im with them they always just go off in their own space, talk about their own things that i can’t contribute because i wasnt there or not in on their inside jokes. I tried for awhile to just get used to it, because i shouldve been just happy that they were happy. But then they started hanging out without me all the time, and yeah, it makes me a little sad but no biggie it’s not like theyre my only friends. it feels like im not allowed to feel anything, like anything negative that i feel is just a sign that im getting bad again. But it hurts, like a lot. Bianca is always going on about stuff she told maurice, how maurice said that and that her and maurice always do this, and how great maurice is. Maurice is always saying how amazing bianca is and how much she loves her, how’re theyre gonna go do this and that. lately they started inviting me to hangout with them, but at this point it just feels more like pity than anything. Even when we’re all together, it’s like im intruding on their space. It just sucks. Like it’s not like i want to break them apart or anything, or for them to include me more. I don’t really want anything to happen, like im happy they get along. I just feel shitty about it. Even today, i found out something new about Bianca and yeah it was cool learning that about her but she threw in “really you didnt know? Maurice knows” and i dont know why but it stung. Probably because i was already feeling shitty today. 

Maurice had asked me earlier in the day to hangout with them tomorrow- but it was only because it had come up in the conversation because i had told her about something concerning bianca. and honestly, i felt like i couldnt go on pretending anymore to be ok. so i told her that i didnt mean to sound like a dick but i didnt really like hanging out with the two of them together- but i still liked hanging out with them seperately. which, typing this out now i realize i really went the wrong way about this. It’s different when its just me and maurice and me and bianca, its not much different and nice. but when theyre together i just feel really crummy. i wanted to try to tell her that but she just told me “okay whatever i dont even wanna ask why.” and hasnt talked to me since. my mom said if they cared theyd understand, but im not sure i even went about it the right way, if there is a right way to tell your friends that. I told her what happened and she said that bianca would talk to me about it because my mom said that she definitely cares. 

But when i told bianca about it, about maurice being upset with me and what i had said, all she said was how did they exclude me. That we played cards together that one time. That we had gone to go get hair dye that one time. I explained to her that yeah, when we went to go get hair dye it felt better because i was actually apart of their conversation. but the other times i just didnt feel like i belonged there with them. She wasnt upset about it like maurice was, but she seemed... i dunno, annoyed? not annoyed but like it was just me back on my bullshit. like it was all in my head. I think she did say it was all in my head. And after we left school a guy we knew was supposed to come with us, and she said “What, are you gonna feel excluded because Robbys coming?” in a really sarcastic voice. I just put in my headphones after that and actually did my homework. Because im supposed to be the chill one- im supposed to be the emotionless one, the one who doesnt let anything bother them because if i acknowledge that im hurt, then that means i could be getting unhealthy again. But fuck dude it did hurt. I barely tell my friends what I feel, and to be shot down like that, to be treated like i was just acting dumb again really hurt. especially because it wasnt like i was asking for anything to be different, other than me not wanting to hang out anymore. also especially coming from bianca. Out of all the people, i felt like i could count on her the most. I guess i was wrong again. Which sucks because its not like my brain goes to “ok they were a dick that time whatever”. When im not feeling good (aka when im not drugged out), my brain immedietely goes to wow what a dumbass trusting people again. 

It didnt help that Quenten came to hangout today. I normally love seeing her, and everytime i see her she vents about her problems and i support her because i know she has a lot on her plate all the time. But today it just made things worse. She vented like usual and i tried to support her the best i could, but when i tried to talk about something that was bothering me she kinda just shut me down. Cut me off, started talking about her problems again. Usually she does that, but today it hurt because i really needed someone to talk to, and i thought we were that person for eachother. 

Some shit went down with this Guy one time, and its kind of fucked me up. For awhile i tried my best not to let it get to me, tried staying friends with him and making the best of a situation because everyone told me that it wasnt that big of a deal. Not directly, but through their body language, the way they just change the subject, so i just believed that. Tried letting it go till eventually it built up inside me and blew up and left me feeling ruined. The other night i saw the Guy, and i had been doing so good, had been feeling happy and safe and just better. But he walked past me and it was like all of that just fell apart, i felt terrified again and unsafe and it was that feeling all over again, of not getting a choice, of not getting to have control, of putting my complete trust in someone only for it to be ruined. Anyways, its been leaving me fucked up for the past couple of days, and i just needed someone to talk to that wouldnt brush me aside. Im not sure why i thought that though. Quentin still thought highly of the Guy, still cared about his opinion i guess. its not like they were friends, but still. I shouldve known she wouldve blown me off when i tried talking about that situation. 

I might need to see a counselor about it, because theres no one that i can even really talk to about it. I tried with this one girl, and she really helped me. But then it turned into a shit show because she outed the guy when i asked her not to, and one of my ex good friends came to me, and basically said i was making it up. when before we stopped being friends she believed me and understood why i got scared around the Guy. I guess that situation fucked me up too lol. But theres no one i can talk to, no one i can even bounce my thoughts off of. I wish i could talk to my mom about this. Sometimes she’s really good with this shit. But i know telling her about this will just make my life worse. Ill go to being looked at like some broken pitiful thing. Im not. I might be broken but im strong and i dont want to be pitied or someone to get mad in my place. I think some part of her already knows.

I think im done talking for today. Guess spilling my guts is too much too.