#i know i have them written SOMEWHERE but idk where rn

[burstinn]

THE EVERY GAY MANS DREAM READER

TALL, BUFF, BIG BOOBS AND ASS everything

Can't find no good pic for this so..

This post includes:Ghost, Graves, Price, Soap, Nikto, Riptide, Krueger, Konig, Alejandro, Rudy, Gaz, Horangi, Makarov, Velikan, Keegan, Roach. In that order

Yes I wrote all those, yes because I haven't written in a while

Notes:

- NSFW and SFW (Bottom male and top male reader mentioned)

-since y'all like the big buff n' tall male reader, made him bigger and taller basically mixed everything I wrote about male reader, tall, big buff, big cake, big boobs it's like a package in one this will probably be the last of this type of reader since running out ideas. It was hard making original headcanons 💔💔.

-Omg I haven't written in a while so like this might get idk boring?

- Yes again headcanons,you're favs

- strictly MALE READER not Gn rn

- readers age is ambiguous but if you can't think and want an age for reader my thinking is somewhere near late 30s or early 40s

- Some of the HCS have where y'all ain't in a relationship some HCS have y'all r in a relationship

- these headcanons definitely are mischaracterized but let me pretend for a bit 💔💔

- Tiktok got to me now I have brainrot language, so Trigger warning wooohh braiinroot

- can't believe this post was long enough to make my phone lag just a lil bit

- When he first saw you of course he was 😦😧😮

GHOST

- Like okay overkill, like you're taller, buffer and probably have a huger cock??? (Something he can investigate.. For purposes..)

Like you also got smoobs?? A plumpy ass??

Like save some for the rest Jesus 😒😒

- Nonstop staring secretly ofc, You be like in a room then you feel someone staring just to see Ghost somewhere in the corner of the room. You can't tell if he's staring or not but being that you are in an empty room.. Yknow it's kind of obv--

- BUT if you are not in an empty room you will not shake off the staring I mean holy shit look at you like 😨😨🍑✋

- You can literally hear him breathing heavily under his mask like how can he control himself when HE a person who is supposed to be looked up to literally and figuratively now has to look up at YOU?? do you know what does to a person??

-That's right it makes them freaky..

-Probably jerks off to you too

- I mean who doesn't want to get railed by a 7 ft tall man? Especially ESPECIALLY when you've been the supposed dominant person your whole life??

- OMG immediately Cumming to the thought

- I mean he won't mind topping you it also drives his own ego seeing a dominant man get absolutely wrecked, imagine the begging and whining

- plus he won't mind being the person who feels protected not always doing the protecting like 💔💔 he wants to feel protected too 😞

GRAVES

- Immediate gay awakening

- thinks making his western accent more prominent would make you think he sounds more hot

- Will dress up as a cowboy and will will ask (beg) you to do it as well

- because you know.. Hat thing.. Riding.. Graves grabs your hat puts it on his head or Graves grabs his hat puts it on your head, either way one of you is riding something and it ain't a horse

- because of the amazing quote on who ever came up w/ that is "save a horse ride a cowboy"

- Graves is obviously the type of guy to look at your ass and whistle maybe slap it, nah definitely slap it

PRICE

- He thinks of you like a bear

- like You're soo- big and cuddly? Definitely intimidating

- I mean you're near the same age bracket so it's not bad to have some.. Thoughts right?

- You're definitely hairy underneath or not but pls be he wants pubes to tickle his nose

- if you don't have a beard for reader then he would KILL to see have a beard like aughh perfect bear look, if you have a beard immediately cumming(/j) or (not /j)

- Like imagine you and price who are basically like bears like parent bears and and you the other 141 boys are like your children 🥺🥺

SOAP

- DEFINITELY became more gayer

- errrmmm.. Like his eyes are BASICALLY near like chest height

- bumping into you and his face touches your chest like omgg.. Such an accident 💔💔

- Obviously flirting about going to pound town

- like imagine You and Him? In a relationship? Having the most feral sex??? Like it's obv jokes (it's not)

- He would also do anything to see a big man whimper like a little bicth slut, who wouldn't want to see a demon of a man roll his eyes back and whine like a wheoeororoe❤, I mean if he tops I'd imagine him saying "cmon you're a big boy ain't cha'? You can handle a few more inches". While you are also getting the malevolent backshots.

- He would also want a big strong arm to man handle him as he takes the most vigorous backshots known to man

- Have you ever thought or seen a very tall wall like 10 or 11 ft high and you being you, Soap asks (demands) for you to carry him on your shoulder because he wants to see what's over the wall

NIKTO

- intimidating guy and intimidating guy typa relationship but your not in a relationship.. Yet.

- watch him watch you

- shows off his knife collection to you, yes I think he has a knife collection and he will show it to people that he wants to impress (he wants to get freaky with you)

- I like to think if he strips off the gear he gives the most desperate kind of touchy hug, to those he feels close with of course which is you

- lucky you

RIPTIDE

- Offers to teach you how to swim yknow just in case

- there is none, he wants to see you wet

- tells you to wear a white shirt and shorts because its Essential for training, it's a lie he wants to see the water wet your clothes making it stick to your body.. Yknow the white shirt showing whats underneath and the shorts outlining what package you've been hiding even though you weren't really hiding it

- He gets too distracted, the others are too, he forgets how to teach you

KRUEGER

- indefinite eye contact while your doing it

- likes staring into them, if you get shy and look away he will grab your jaw and make you have eye contact with him

- angry fierce ahh eyes

- he's an emotional grumpy guy, rip off his mask and aggressively kiss his face

- He wants the after sex laying on the chest while the other is rubbing their head, goes both ways.

- trace his tattoos and compliment them the bedroom will be locked the whole day, trust 🙏

KÖNIG

- The same as Ghosts

- Imagine being the one to get carried instead of the one carrying

- König would definitely come up to you and ask to be carried while you kiss his face multiple times❤❤

- Imagine how hard he gets because you have to look down at him to talk like HNGRHRRGGGRGRRR

- Definitely likes giving you homemade arts and crafts gear because you know.. The headcanon where König makes his own gear and what if he does it for other people too as gifts💔

- likes seeing you wear his mask it makes him imagine what people see when they see König definitely a change of perspective. He can see how intimidating you are and he gets hard.

ALEJANDRO

- will definitely compliment you in Spanish when talking about you with other people even when you're in front or behind him.

- I mean you don't understand Spanish right?

- if you don't, you're oblivious and only just watch curiously on what he's talking about. Buuut but but if you do understand you don't tell him you undeestrand this thing literally feeds your ego like Alejandro thinks of you this way? 🥺🥺

- Thigh riding type of guy idc who thigh riding

RUDY

- everytime I look at him he looks like a soft vanilla type

- I know he's a strong guy but look at him

- He wants soft sex 😞😞

- He also likes being complimented if you whisper a praise to him when he's doing ANYTHING. Imagine the babies you'd both have together.

- He likes toddlers and babies and if you do too a plus for him,makes him fall even more 💯💯

GAZ

- One time he Got injured and was sitting on the floor and then He saw you running towards him he simultaneously screamed in fear and how hard he got

- Likes to style your clothes, If he was off the military right now he really really likes fashion and if he sees you.. You can't fashion and he sees you wearing.. That, He's appalled, horrified, mortified I'm over exaggerating. But he is now in charge of your fashion now, But if you do know how to style you both will share tips with eachother. You can share different tips too ❤❤

- drags you in his barracks and strips you of your clothes except shorts.. And he's telling you this because he wants to "style" you.

- We both know damn well that's an excuse to get the boombayah freaky on.. He's just to shy to tell you upfront or he thinks it's fun to tease you like that before you get freaky

HORANGI

- gets freaky..

- Like he understands the women who get all giggly and nervous when they see a big man who can destroy them (ignore König 💔)

- is definitely not above thigh crushing, boob crushing, face sitting he'd do all at as long as it's you

- Like one time he pretended he broke his leg and won't let anyone else carry him until you came, acting all princessy and shit as you carry him bridal style to the medics

- He felt like a prince omg

- will definitely get on you and treat your real life size anime men boobs as a squishy toy

- How long is it and will he be able to take it??? Who knows he will find out!! Basically searched how long can someone's cock be if they are built like a god and is 7ft tall in Google

- someone gotta tell me Horangi's height and basic Google searching ain't doing it for me I'm too lazy to search for one line of a spicy headcanon line mb

MAKAROV

- You're basically ascary dog he owns

- You're tall and intimidating

- You can get information out of people quickly

- And he's not above telling you to torture anyone with a strength and body like yours

- most of the time you get the info done and folded

- Makarov uses you for intimidation and strength buuttt if you ever THINK of betraying him he already has a plan to get rid of someone like you

- Can and will turn you into one of those supersoldiers

- Will make you murder people right in front of him for entertainment and will rewward you!

- you know what reward it will be, Because when he asked what reward you wanted you got a bit to freaky you thought you be dead rn but nah he agreed actually he seems to enjoy it more than you do..

VELIKAN

- He's the dog in this one have you heard his voice?? Rough as hell imagine hearing him grunt

- Sounds cocky as hieeeellll too

- Would definitely like showing off to you since he wants to look cool in front of you

- Like you seen velikans skins?? Definitely wears the best ones to show you he can not only be a trained assassin But can also dress cool as hell

- If you compliment him it like makes his day, will not stop thinking about it

- Like a cool person complimenting a cool person like him? Ego boost (It's him feeling gay)

- This guys definitely a smoker (headcanon!!) Because voice sounds like he smoked 100 packs in 1 day and doesn't drink an ounce of water /jk I love him he's so hot.

- So if you want a smoke he purposely hides the lighter saying.. 'Oh no I asked someone elses lighter.. I don't have mine right now' or like 'my lighter ran out of fuel ohh

- So you have to put the cigarette in your mouth as you touch it with his cigarette to light ur own that type of trope 💫💫

- If you're not a smoker he will try his best to not smoke in front of you will use fresh mints to hide his breath of smoke

- after sex he will want a smoke, outside he goes or you both share the one cigarette

KEEGAN

- is it wrong to want to be choked by a big buff meaty arm?

- yknow the tiktok thing where girls put a ribbon on their boyfriends arm and the girls just put their face in the middle as their faces get squished??

- Yeah he wants that but gay

- will try to compare dick sizes even though yours is OBVIOUSLY the superior one!!

- Heads or tails on who's bottoming tonight

- Would like to be wrapped around your arms if you are hugging or sleeping keeps him warm

- Especially when it's snowing will force you to hug with him. ESPECIALLY when your in a mission and your in the tents he will definitely force you to hug it out with him

ROACH

- remember the other tall HC where the reader wasn't taller than König

- yes roach does the same thing here.. He's crawling on you like a tree

- If he wants a kiss instead of asking he crawls up to you and kisses you

- definitely likes to sit on your shoulders as you walk around, he feels tall like that

- this is like a distance relationship 💔💔

- Likes it when you bend over to talk to him also when you bend over when youre doing sum since it's slappable opportunity

- because bent over = double D cake will be slapped

- How will it fit? By the power of friendship of course!!

- probably more of say gex desperation but you get it

- Obviously switch switch

#gay #call of duty x male reader #call of duty modern warfare x male reader #cod mw2 x male reader #cod x male reader #x male reader #krueger x male reader #cod #könig x male reader #roach x male reader #soap x male reader #johnny mactavish x male reader #captain john price x male reader #price x male reader #cod horangi x male reader #horangi x male reader #makarov x male reader #velikan x male reader #keegan x male reader #alejandro vargas x male reader #rudy x male reader #cod nikto x male reader #nikto x male reader #riptide x male reader #kyle gaz garrick x male reader #gaz x male reader #mlm #bottom male reader #top male reader #graves x male reader

[sim-ply-the-best]

#simblr #sims 4 #the sims 4 #ts4 #mine #{Tiggs} #{Elliot McCoy} #{Lehan Gupta} #{Jules Addams} #{Shreya Gupta} #{Kyle} #{Erik Malinowski} #i forgot tiggs and kyle's surnames #i know i have them written SOMEWHERE but idk where rn #i'll come back and edit later #sims 4 simblr

[lightasthesun]

pain aside I think the worst thing about it all is how incredibly stupid and incompetent I must seem to the people around me irl and because I am so forgetful that it severely impacts everything I do. If I'm out somewhere while getting an important phone call and don't have my little booklet with me where I've written everything down I'm...useless. I don't fucking know what's going on. I pretend to recognise who is calling me and run through possible issues or scenarios they could be connected to and if I'm lucky I somehow figure out what's going on and if not I have to ask them to call me back or tell them I will reach out again because I am 'busy' rn. Fact is that I am very rarely busy but I am overwhelmed and afraid of messing something up I can't recall being important in any way and so I bail.

Of course I could tell them I don't recall why they're calling me and why but that's embarrassing and most of the time the people get offended and snap at me or I can just hear the degrading tone in their voice.

And my friends too! I'm sorry I'm so forgetful. I try my best. I make notes and I've got a calendar and I set alarms and everything but thing is!! Sometimes I forget to do that! Or my phone or some app makes an update while I'm out and then I realise something changed but idk what and it makes me seem so incredibly unreliable and uncaring and I swear I'm not. I'm really really not.

I just can't remember. I'm not unreliable. I'm not stupid... I'm not.

#neurological disability #chiari malformation #disability #internalized ableism #:((((((((

[angy-mouse]

Puck Bunny Part 3

5.7k, no smut but definite M-rated banter and important plot (unless you're just here for the foursomes in which case you can skip this chapter ig but its pretty integral for the finale)

<previous next>

do you wanna go on a date?

Read 5 Minutes Ago

You stared at the message, sent directly instead of through the group chat. As if that wasn't weird enough, you'd just gone on a date (with heavy air quotes) with the three of them and you had yet to get your panties back, thank you very much. You started drifting down memory lane and forced yourself to snap out of it. This was not lecture appropriate thinking.

You get another text.

with me, idk if that was obvious lol. sap + sam are stuck running drills all afternoon bc they suck

Okay, so not a group thing. That was good, at least. You might be able to walk after all. Except…

Honestly, you don't feel like sex. Not even mind-blowing, four-orgasms-in-a-row, written-by-a-woman sex. You were tired, and still sore, and really craving something fruity but also sweet? Maybe a chocolate orange. Point being you did not feel sexy and imagining a naked man only stirred thoughts of needing to buy lotion.

i was thinking shopping and dinner - my treat ofc - but whatever you want is cool too x

Fuck, you do need a sweater. Damn changing seasons making your sundress collection obsolete. 

You flipped your phone over and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and rolling your shoulders back. Fuck the rest of the lecture hall, you were aceing this class anyway and you needed to check in.

Do you want to see Punz today?

You didn't even have to think about it. Of course you did, you wanted to see all three of them and maybe shove your face in their perfectly perky pecs, but so far seeing them entailed sex, which you were not up for. You didn't think for a second that Punz wouldn't accept a no, but you were 50/50 on whether you would cave at the first touch just to experience that intimacy.

Call yourself a slut, but it was kinda hard to deny a man who acted like you were a literal goddess. 

Next question: do you want to go on a date today?

As long as it was a date-date and not their last idea of a date, that would actually be nice. You were past the awkward small talk stage with Punz, so no fumbling or awkward silences should happen. Plus you already knew he would compliment you to the high heavens, which certainly couldn't hurt your mood.

So what were you waiting for?

You thought, but you couldn't find an answer. A handsome, fit guy who treated you amazing and was great in bed wanted to take you shopping and treat you to dinner. You'd have to be a fucking idiot not to.

You flipped your phone back over and found another text.

no pressure ofc, but id be a fucking idiot not to try spending time with you without the peanut gallery

You snorted, thumbs gliding over the screen to save him from his nerves. Even if he was cute when he rambled.

tbh shopping and dinner sounds exactly what I need rn

A beat where you thought too much and got lost for just a moment. You bit the bullet, putting a heart on the end and hitting send. Then, as an afterthought:

should I change?

what are you wearing?

For a moment you considered telling him you forgot about a lecture you can't miss, and you actually can't go and you're so sorry but maybe next time-

omg wait not like THAT

i just mean last two times i saw you you were wearing a cute asf dress and then that nice shirt with big sleeves and the black skirt so as far as im concerned anything you wear is perfect

He's talking about your lantern sleeve blouse. Something about the way he fumbles, not knowing anything about what things are called and only knowing that he liked them enough to remember makes you just melt.

oh lol well thank you. Did you wanna meet somewhere or…

The response is instant.

ill come pick you up! whens your last class get out?

You tell him and get a thumbs up and heart emoji pairing, then a gif of snoopy doing his happy dance that makes you laugh under your breath.

"Stop sexting in class,"

You flinch and clutch your phone to your chest before recognition kicks in and you glare at Niki. "I'm not sexting," you hiss. "Punz is picking me up for a date." She rolls her eyes. "An actual date." You didn't know why you needed her to be happy for you so badly. Maybe with both your long term best friend and slightly less long term boyfriend both kicked out of your life, you were just craving companionship. It would certainly explain your current disaster of a dating life. 

"Okay," she says but it doesn't sound like she means it. "Just so you know, I only have one romcom binge weekend in me a year, so if this harem breaks your heart, too, you're on your own." 

"I appreciated that, you know." She blinks like she wasn't expecting anything less than snark, but you meant it. You came into your dorm with eyes so full of tears you didn't even realize she was there until she was coaxing you into your PJs and shoving a carton of Ben & Jerry's into your lap. Suddenly your mysterious roommate you only saw once in a blue moon when your schedules rarely overlapped was the shoulder you were crying on, voice ringing through your ears promising you were still the baddest bitch and he was the loser here.

"It's no big deal," she finally decided. "You need to learn people don't deserve praise for not treating you like crap." 

You didn't have a comeback for that, so you finished class in silence.

"Do I get to meet this one, too?"

You can't fight your smile. "You want to?"

"Gotta make sure you're not dropping your standards. Again." 

"I changed my mind: fuck off." She curled her hands into a heart with a grin before you turned away, hearing her chase after you. 'Chase' very loosely translated to 'took four quick steps to easily catch up because she's a lot fitter than you.' Damn skinny people.

"If he just pulls up and honks, you are not getting in the car. Date ends there."

"Any particular reason?"

"A man who can't wait to get out of the car to greet you can't wait long enough for you to come."

You grinned over your shoulder as you walked into the afternoon sun. "Oh, believe me: not a concern."

"Ew,"

"You started it."

"And I'm finishing it." 

Tires screeching on pavement caught your attention, just in time to watch two students nearly get run over by a cherry red Challenger. You bit your cheek. "You don't think…" 

The car came to a stop right in front of the stairs (only because it was physically incapable of climbing them, you were sure) showing off the VAL-U sticker on the back window.

"I do think," Niki said solemnly. A single honk came from the car. "Oh, fuck no-"

"Niki, please," you begged as you watched Punz climb out of the driver's seat in a crisp collared shirt, buttoned only enough to be appropriate in public. You practically melted as he gave you that sparkling grin, running a hand through his blond locks as he climbed the stairs two at a time to join you. 

"I had one rule for you-"

"Sorry," Punz breathed out, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek, close enough you could feel the faint heat rushing through his face. "I slammed my elbow on the horn trying to unplug my phone."

You'd be embarrassed by the loud snort that left you if you weren't so grateful it drowned out Niki's, "you're lucky, valley."

"You look beautiful." It was hard to believe when you'd just sounded like a literal pig. At least, it would be if he wasn't looking at you like you hung the stars, hands sliding back on either side of your waist until he was holding you gently against him. His lips ghosted over yours. "I missed you, bunny."

You missed him, too. “You saw me two days ago,” you say instead, but you let your hands link against the nape of his neck as he gives you a soft kiss. Something more than a peck, but nothing you were embarrassed to do in front of Niki. Something just right.

“And it was painful,” he announced, squeezing you tighter against him like he knew it would make you giggle into his neck. “Forty-eight hours with Big and Rich for company.”

“Are you ever going to run out of demeaning nicknames for them?”

“Haven’t yet. Hi-” It takes you a second to realize he’s talking to Niki over your head. “Friend?”

That one was directed at you, so you hum an affirmative and gently peel yourself away to run through introductions. Punz only lets you get out of one arm, the other moving to hang over your shoulders with a squeeze that clearly said ‘that one stays.’ “This is my roommate, Niki. Niki-”

“Punz,” she mused, offering her hand. “I know all about you.”

“Is this a shovel talk?”

“No. I don’t talk before shoveling.”

“Niki,” you beg, but Punz gives her a firm shake.

“Big fan of that,” he declared with a grin. “I’ve got a buddy with a truck, we should get you two in contact.”

She nodded solemnly. “Alright,” she directed at you, “you can go on the date.”

“Niki!”

She took your keys off your bag. “I’ll take your car back to the dorm. Don’t get pregnant.”

“NIKI!”

“Bye, Niki,” Punz cheered with a cackle, arm around your shoulders keeping you from chasing after her to commit some mild manslaughter. “Nice to meet you!”

“Don’t say, ‘nice to meet you,’ when she’s humiliating me.” You got a kiss pressed to the side of your head instead of an apology as he started down the steps, dragging you along with. The gentle pressure of his arm on your neck solidified your feeling like a yappy chihuahua being tugged along by the leash. It all felt a stark difference to the usual sultry air that followed you around these three. This actually felt like a… date. Not a sex on the nearest surface date, but a proper meet the parents soon date. 

You tried not to think about how scary that was.

Instead, you thanked Punz as he held open your door, your hand in his as he helped you climb in. You held in a giggle as he shut the door behind you and raced around the hood like he was worried you’d leave without him. “What are we shopping for,” he asked as he threw himself into his seat, but you were distracted.

“Why do you have a suicide knob?”

He grinned, wide and toothy, tongue poking out as he used the knob to wiggle the steering wheel. “Because it’s fun.”

You buckled your seatbelt. 

“Oh, come on,” he huffed, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’ve never gotten into so much as a fender bender with this car.”

“This car?”

“Don’t say it like that! I haven’t gotten into an accident since I was a teenager, is that better?” 

“Yeah, and what are you now, twenty?”

“Twenty-five,”

“Oh my god, you’re old.”

You regretted it as soon as you said it. You were so not at the stage where you could make fun of each other and especially not something as potentially sensitive as his age and why he's still at University-

"Well, you're a brat, so I thought we made a good pair." There's a beat where your mind races, but Punz reaches over to take your hand off your lap and cuts it short. "That was a joke. I know you're not a brat." 

"Only a little bit," you admit, and squeeze him back, a little promise that you didn't take it harshly. "If you were serious about taking me shopping, I could use some warm clothes for fall.”

The car pulled to a smooth stop at the light, and he fixed you with a look like you’ve accused him of secretly kicking puppies. “Dead serious. I love shopping.”

“You’re clearly very passionate about this.” 

He took his stare off you to pull through the light, bringing your joined hands up to his lips. “Well, I have an addictive personality, a great credit score, and excellent fashion sense.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Hey, what’s with the doubt?!”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you promise, using your joined hands to gesture to his open shirt, “today’s pirate-with-no-inhibitions look is super sexy, and I’m a big fan of the pleather pants, but every other time I’ve seen you, you wore a hoodie and basketball shorts.”

“That’s not fair: you always see me after practice! I can't squeeze into these pants while I’m still sweaty.”

“Well, I’m very appreciative of your sacrifice.” You wait until he’s looking at you to pointedly eye up his thick thighs, practically seran-wrapped in black fabric. “Very appreciative.”

“Bunny’s secretly a pervert,” he accused, “God, I’m not a slab of meat.”

“Really?”

He finally broke, laughing so hard he hit the rumble strips and had to swerve back into the lane. “You’re such a little shit! You’re lucky it makes you lovable instead of annoying.”

“You three practically snap me in half every time I see you: I’m allowed some eye candy!”

“I’ll be your eye candy,” he promised, and flicked open another button on his shirt. “Boom.”

“Whoa, now,”

“Too hot?”

“I nearly creamed.”

“I hate you,” he wheezed, shoving the gearshift into park. “Get the fuck out of my car.”

“Rudeness!”

His hand snatched yours when you reached for the door. “Wait, I wasn’t serious!”

“I’m getting out!”

“No, wait for me!”

“I’m getting out, and I’m telling Sam you let me open my own door!”

“No, he’ll kill me!”

“Good!” Despite the snap, you can’t pry the smile off your face and you find yourself staying perfectly still in your seat as Punz races around the hood again. “Oh, Merci,” you chirped, taking his offered hand as you stepped out.

“De nada, my little bunny." 

His arm laid across your shoulders again like you were boyfriend-girlfriend on an average date. He even reached out to open the door for you as you walked into the mall. But you weren't boyfriend-girlfriend, you were a puck bunny brat. "Every time I think you're kinda sweet, you call me that." 

"It's a talent of mine: making an ass of myself. Where do you wanna look first?" 

“I usually go to Salvation Army.”

Punz started walking towards the Aeropostale, dragging you along with. “I’m offended you think I’d offer to take you shopping and take you to Salvation Army.” 

You started struggling, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to try and curb him. Your heels tried to find purchase on the tile, but he slid you across the floor like dragging a sled. “I’m a college student! And so are you, for that! I’m not letting you spend your food cash for the week on clothes for me- Jesus Christ, how are you this strong?!”

He stopped, but it had nothing to do with your attempts. He spun you in his arms as if you were nothing more than a doll to him, something he could carry with him and arrange however he wanted. The thought made you feel equal parts small and bratty, but his hands on your hips made you bite your tongue as he held you close. His eyes were stern, a slight tremble in his features betraying his nerves.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

Oh, you were totally going to freak out.

“I didn’t want to say this so soon because it totally changes how people think of me, but you’re clearly going to fight me on this, so here it is.” He took a deep breath, eyes screwed shut in a wince. “I’m a trust fund kid. My parents are loaded.”

It didn’t click at first. Not until you blinked. “... oh my god?”

He nodded solemnly. “I know.”

It was a shock, the same way any new information about someone you knew was a shock: mild brain buffer as your mental file was updated. Other than that, though… You couldn’t seem to care. Other than, of course, another chance to mouth off. “Oh my god,” you performed, shaking his shoulders. “Eat the rich, Punz!”

“I’m not into butt stuff,”

“I hate you,” you lied, trying to push away. “I hate you and your gated mansion community-”

“I live in the frat house, it’s practically a homeless shelter.”

“You and your diamond studded underwear-”

“Where are you getting your information on rich people: Richie Rich?”

“You’re an old rich guy, too!” You gasped, clapping your hands on either of his cheeks. He gave a minor wince from the impact, but it was swept away just as quickly by rapt attention as you pressed your forehead to his. “Am I a sugar baby?” 

“Well, you haven’t actually let me buy you anything yet-”

“Wrong answer.”

He shook his head between your hands, essentially making you slap him repeatedly. “No, bunny, you’re not a sugar baby, not in the slightest. Now, can I buy you more clothes than you can ever wear?”

Your gaze narrowed, but it probably wasn’t as intimidating as you hoped when you had to cross your eyes to look at him. “You swear your wallet won’t feel it?”

“May lightning strike me down.”

It took a moment, but with not even a rumble of thunder, you supposed you had to believe him. “Alright,” you conceded, “but we’re going somewhere that actually carries my size.”

<3E>

“I’ve never been in a Torrid,” Punz admits to you as you walk in.

“Really? You don’t lurk in the lingerie section hunting for big women?”

“There’s a lingerie section?” He’s too excited at the prospect to entertain your sass, but evidently not too excited to take the pants you were looking at right out of your hands. “You’ll have to try everything on for me. Even though I’m adamantly opposed to anything that covers your legs.” 

You tried to take them back and he casually moved out of reach, adding a blazer to his haul. “Just because I’m built like an elephant seal doesn’t mean I’m actually insulated-”

“Hey-” You jump at the sudden appearance of a sales associate, a beautiful woman with an undercut and dangly earrings, and flush at the reminder that you were in public. She points an empty hanger at you sternly. “We don’t do self deprecation in here.” The hanger tip shifted over to Punz. “Are you not telling her how beautiful she is enough?”

You can feel your face turning purple as Punz claims, "I can't: I need to eat and sleep sometimes," and starts plucking one of everything off the racks without bothering to check sizes. 

"Wha- Punz! Stop that! I don't need-"

"What you need is to let me love you!"

Undercut woman has a giant grin as she turns to walk away. "I'll get a dressing room open for you. Name for the door?"

"I don't need-"

If Punz wasn't trying to smother you in twisted affection, you might've started to get pissed off at the way he interrupted you again. "Bunny!"

"You're gonna get a foot up your ass in a minute here!" 

"She don't bite," he insists, wrapping a thick arm around your neck to yank you against him. He starts pressing fat kisses to your hair, the kind where he just puckers his lips ridiculously and smacks them against you. The first few are gross. The next annoying. Then he starts cooing about she's just a sweet little thing and your attitude crumbles like a wall, entire body melting against him like a stray that's finally caving into affection. 

You can feel his lips curl into a wide grin against your head, but you can't make yourself rebuild that wall when he's nosing your hair away from your ear so he can whisper, "are we done being a brat, baby?" 

“...yeah,”

His finger crooked under your chin, gently lifting your lips to his for a soft kiss. “Yeah? My sweet girl’s gonna let me dress her up?” 

My girl.

You stole another kiss, dropping one on Punz’s jaw as you pulled away for good measure. “At least grab the right size, you big lug.” 

You may as well have promised him a puppy. His grin stretched wide across his face, bottom lip pulled between his teeth before he ducked his head, hiding from you. He nuzzled into your neck, puckering his lips so they just barely grazed your jugular, feeling your pulse race. “Yay,” he murmured, arm around your shoulders sliding down your back until he could grip your soft waist. “Because as hot as you look in this dress, I don’t approve of how the leggings hide away our tummy.”

“You mean my tummy?”

“I’m filing for joint custody. You don’t appreciate her enough.”

“I appreciate her just fine. It- fuck me, now I’m doing it! Give me something to put on!” 

He cackled, tugging your collar aside to check the tag and leaving you to rifle through the racks. “I’m gonna build you some outfits,” he promised, flicking through some camisoles to add to his armful. “And I wanna see every single one.” 

“I thought you wanted to make it to dinner at some point.” 

He found one in your size and handed you the completed stack. “Then you’d better run that cute ass into a stall for me. Ooh, swimsuit sale!” 

You huffed and rolled your eyes all the way to the back of the store and all the way into the dressing room until the door was shut behind you. You only allowed yourself the time it took to strip and redress to think about how warm you felt inside. How nice it felt to have someone who wanted to drape you in silks and pouted when you made him settle for overpriced plus-size fashion. Someone who was ready to watch you try on one of everything, knowing full well how long it’d take.

You settled the blazer over your shoulders and turned to the mirror, lips pressing together.

By no means were you ashamed of your body… but you leaned more towards ‘screw the world I don’t owe it to you to fit your beauty standards’ and less towards ‘I’m fat and fuckable.’ 

The flared pants sat just too low to tuck away your muffin top. No matter how you tugged on the camisole, it couldn’t cover that inch of skin- unless you wanted to walk around with your bra out.

“Shoppin’ for my baby!” Your gaze snapped to the door, hearing the rhythmic shuffle of feet. “Shoppin’ for my bunny!” You slapped a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing- if he heard you, he might stop singing. “Shop ‘til you drop! Bop-bop-bop! Gonna get a crop- top! Yeah, I could’a been a rapper. Fuckin’ missed my calling.”

“You so did,” you called out, threading the buttons on your blazer as you bumped the door open. “What would your rapper name be?”

“Lil’ Pucky,” he called back without hesitation as he turned. Blood rushed through your ears as his jaw dropped open, eyes cruising up and down your form so intensely you worried you’d forgotten to put clothes on at all. “Hello, bunny.”

“Hi,” you giggled. You gave a twirl and laughed when a swoon of “oh, ass,” passed his lips. “You like?”

“I love.” He groped for your waist, pulling you into his chest until you could feel his heartbeat through your right tit. “I changed my mind: you can wear pants, but only these.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yup.”

“These are better than the leggings?”

“Leggings are too tight. Anything that delays me from getting in your guts for more than six seconds is going in the bonfire.” 

Your hand came down on his shoulder and he pretended it hurt, stumbling into one of the plush chairs. “That’s why you wanted to take me shopping! You figure if you buy me enough, you can get rid of everything you don’t like!”

He couldn’t even pretend to feel guilty, a grin wider than a fucking canyon stretching across his face. “It’s gonna be short dresses and tight pants if I have my way.”

“And what makes you think you’ll get your way?”

He held out his hand, a silky two-piece bathing suit with a halter strap top and a skirt layered with frills dangling from his fingers. “Because I found this in your size-” his other hand revealed a mesh shopping bag half full, “and enough panties for Sam to steal as many as he wants.” 

You accepted the swimsuit to try on, but gave an apologetic smile. “I’m very picky about my underwear: I don’t want you to be upset if I don’t wear what you pick out for me, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m working off a reference.”

There’s two beats where you process his words before you’re beating him with the swimsuit. “You’re the one who ended up with my panties?!” 

Punz didn’t even move to block your hits, hand coming up to lay over his heart. “I pledge my allegiance every morning, first thing.” 

“Where did you hang them?!”

<3E>

“I can carry something, you know.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Punz piled the bags all onto one arm as if he took your offer as a personal offense to his strength and very manhood, looping the other around your waist. “Taking a fine lady out and making her carry her own bags- who do you think I am?”

You’re getting used to his dramatics: you barely acknowledge him as a stall catches your eye. “Ooh, boba!”

His arm doesn’t budge around you, but it doesn’t keep you in place like you’ve experienced before. Your path shifts towards the drink shop and his elbow pulls straight for barely a second before he shifts right with you, letting you lead him wherever you desired. “That milky stuff with the gross balls?”

“Yes, but no.” There’s laminated menus on the tables so you pick one up and scan the flavors. “You’re thinking milk tea with tapioca pearls. I get fruity tea with popping pearls.”

“You’re really cute, but I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I’m gonna blow your mind right now.” You slipped your card out of your purse as you walked up to the counter to make sure Punz knew you were buying this time. “Hi, can I get a large strawberry fruit tea with green apple pearls?” 

He barely gets out the total and asks for a name for the order before Punz slaps his card on the machine from the side. "'Punz': exactly how it sounds, but with a 'Z'."

"I was gonna pay for it, asshole!" The only response you get from him is his signature on the pad- which is nothing more than a colon and a 'P'. You stuck your tongue out right back, skipping out of reach to snatch up a straw from the pick-up counter. "You're gonna let your guard down sooner or later." 

"You make it sound like you're gonna kill me." You drag the straw across your throat. "Wow," he snorted, pecking the tip of your nose, "total savage." 

“I know. I’m totawy scawy.”

“Fwightening.” 

“You’re a dork,” you informed him with a huff of laughter, stabbing your drink as soon as it arrived. “Poison check,” you claimed, taking the first sip. You skewered a pearl for him before handing it over. “Alright, taste that thang.” 

You waited eagerly as the straw passed his soft lips, on the edge of your nonexistent seat as he took his first sip.

He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s alright.”

You rescued your drink before smacking his arm. “No taste!” 

“It’s about as good as fruit can get, but it still tastes like fruit. Give me a burger any day.” 

“I’ve never met such a dumb man,” you huffed, sipping for yourself.… Okay, so it had too much ice, but it was still delicious!

“Liar,” Punz accused as you started your walk again. “You’ve met Sapnap.”

You bumped into him with purpose. “Yeah, but it’s cute on him.”

“Ouch, you’re really wounding my pride there, bunny,” he drawled, making sure his sarcasm seeped through every word. “As if I could be jealous of Sappy.” 

You could feel your lips curling into an evil grin around your fat straw before the thought of what to say even formed. “I don’t know: he’s cute, and strong, and a gentleman, and he’s great with his tongue-”

“Alright, you’re pushing it!” A cry left your lips as he snatched your cheek, pinching only hard enough to pull it around a bit. “Talking about another freaking guy this much, even if he is my teammate-” 

“Leggo uh meee!”

He gave another yank before releasing you with a huff. “Such a little brat…”

His tone changed. It was slight, but there was a definite change- enough to make you stop and backtrack. Did you push too far? Was he actually insecure and being compared to Sapnap was a jab in the gut? Or maybe he was just getting sick of your attitude when he was treating you like a princess. 

“I’m sorry.” Punz let out a small noise from the back of his throat that you took as prompting to continue. “I don’t know why I even said that, but I’ll try not to be such a- such a brat.”

“It’s okay,”

“It’s not-”

“Why are you upset?” He turned to look at you properly, pulling you to a stop once he saw your expression. 

You huffed, frustrated that you had to say it out loud, but more frustrated at yourself. “Because you’re wonderful to me-” His hand came up to your cheek, warm and soft, and suddenly your eyes were clouding up. “And you don’t deserve all the snapping I do-” There’s a lump growing in your throat. “And I don’t even know why I say that kind of shit because I’m having a great time with you-”

“Oh, honey bunny.” You caught a glimpse of his handsome face twisted into concern before he was pulling you into a nook for some semblance of privacy, setting your bags on the floor before hauling you tight against his chest. “Oh, you’ve really worked yourself up over this, huh?” You know it’s not really a question, but you find you’re nodding into his shoulder anyway. You don’t even feel like you’re crying: there are tears streaming out of your eyes, but that’s it. Almost like someone’s left the faucet on and forgot about it. 

Punz’s lips press firmly against your head, hands rubbing circles against the tense muscles in your back, like he was trying to find the button that would make it all better. “Can I tell you something, bunny?” His lips briefly twitch into a tiny smile when you nod mindlessly against his shirt. “I know you’re having a good time. And I am, too. And I know you just like chatting shit. Makes you feel strong, huh? Like you’re big and in charge?” You didn’t even realize it before he put it into words, but he was exactly right, earning another nod. “And you wanna know something else?

“I like chatting shit, too.” You pull back as you realize the tears have stopped, and he only lets you go a few inches before he’s holding you still with warm hands on your waist. “The boys told me all about your drive before our movie night. You know how Sammy threw his little tantrum over your seatbelt?” His choice of words pulls a throaty laugh from you that makes him grin. “We all want different things when we’re with you, bunny. Sam wants to make sure you’re taken care of, so when you brat, he’s gonna nod and take it until you run out of steam and ask him nicely, then he’ll give you anything you want.

“But I kinda like to fight, bunny. Nothing mean, but when you poke me, I wanna poke back. I think it’s fun just like you do, and I think we could have a good time pushing each other to the limit to see who gives.” His lips twitched. “Now, Sappy: I think that boy just wants to die under a big woman, so you gotta watch out for him, make sure he’s still breathing when you sit on him-” 

You try to smother your laughter because this is serious, but then you’re imagining a headline that says, ‘Local Man Attempts Suicide By Pussy,’ and you break into manic giggles that send you right back into Punz’s chest as he laughs with you. His hand rubbed up and down your back, slow and soft, melting your form against his. 

You turned your head once the giggles calmed down, taking a deep breath of his cologne while you listened to his heart. “I still feel bad,” you admitted. “Like I pushed too far.”

“I promise you didn’t, baby.” The speed of his answer makes you melt just a bit more. “I get being worried about it, though, because I do, too…” He hummed as he thought. “Sappy said you guys decided on a safe word?”

You nodded against him. “Pineapple,”

“Pineapple. Okay, so how about we both promise that if the other crosses a line, we say ‘pineapple.’ Then we know it’s an actual ‘no’ and not just more playing. How’s that sound?” You give another nod that he returns with a squeeze. “You want me to take you home, baby?” You’re shaking your head without a second thought, pressing yourself deeper against him. You get another squeeze in response, a silent, ‘I won’t leave you.’ “You wanna get some dinner?”

You forced yourself to pull away, his fingertips trailing over your body as long as they can until they hook onto yours. You beamed at him. “That sounds really nice, old man.”

Punz laughed. “Let’s go, then, brat.”

#angymouse #puckbunny #punnysqueaks #minors dni #mcyt smut

[olderthannetfic]

Want to just put my grain of sand about the deleting fics situation because... IDK it's been rubbing me the wrong way since it started but I exactly didn't know what was causing that. And after seeing the responses of the post where you make the film comparison the reason just snapped at me and it's more anecdotal than factual.

I'm both a writer and a reader. My first fics were poorly written because I was a dumb teenager who saw excessively amounts of popular BL OVAs. After two years of writing in Amor Yaoi I felt... not ashamed, but I didn't want to be associated with the most poorly written fics I did. So I deleted them. No reader came to me asking for them (I actually thought about my readers because it was a tiny rarepair fandom I wrote for —and I feel the "I don't think of the readers" happens in the big fandoms only TBH) so I was at ease.

Ellipse, hiatus were I didn't write shit, I discovered AO3 and started being more interested about archiving and fandom history.

It wasn't 'til last year that my brain clicked and said to me "biiiiiiiiiiitch archive your fics on AO3 what the hell are you waiting for". I opened my Amor Yaoi account and started copy-pasting everything (unfortunately AO3 does the import thing really bad with this damn php site) and something felt off. It wasn't 'til I discovered someone on Wattpad uploaded two of my deleted fics there that I realized what the off feeling was. I don't only feel bad for all the readers that magically found me in recents years and told me "your fics were my faves!!", I don't only feel bad for the archiving fandom history aspect, I also feel bad for myself. I lost record of my own development because I was dumb-dumb enough to not made a offline copy of them (and if I did my computer died without repair nor salvation so yeih! That's a possibility). That and the fact I'd love to make fun of my own shit, I read the ones I imported to AO3 and I was laughing horribly, good job past me.

TBH I suspect I'm not the only one who realized after years what a big oopsie-doo was to delete own fics.

And like... I don't know if it's me (probs are) as I'm really bad reading tones in English, but a lot of responses to the just-sad anons felt... unnecessarily aggressive. Yes, y'all entitled to delete your fics if you want (specially if the reason behind it is harassment but TBH I didn't feel this was the reason people were arguing of) as well as the anon is entitled to feel sad (and somewhat judgy) about the deletion, but the "good thing the fic got deleted just to piss you off anon" alike responses... Man. No, thanks. If I read some parts of the discussion wrong I'd happily accept the corrections since I don't keep track of everything, but some of those responses came off as if the author's point of view is The Truly True Truth of Truths™. I suspect a lot of people didn't have that intention in mind while writing the responses, but that was how I (and probs other) felt them.

IDK, I don't have any conclusions besides the "if you delete your fic you do you, but as a concept and action I'm super against of it (as a reader, as a writer and as someone interested in fandom history who will fight to make a little course at university if possible surrounding the topic) and I'd be better if you orphan them, anonymize them in your own Anonymous collection or put them on a shady hard-to-find website only the Hackers™ will find like some Chinese dōujinshi translators do —it'd also be good to keep this suggestion in consideration: if you put somewhere 'hey I deleted this thing if y'all want a copy just ask me Somewhere™ and I'll pass it to you no problemo' as I've seen it isn't a new way to deal with this situation" one because I'm tired RN.

I expect insults for this ask, so feel free y'all. Oh, and also this is the most interesting (for me at least) discussion that had happened on this blog since the disposable plates one.

--

[starry-lemonaid]

Hiiiii so this ended up so so much longer than I meant it to and I didn’t even write most of them 😭 Sorry im physically unwell about your au lol. Some are definitely only your au specific others are really any teenager au :>>>>>

Team Bolas would carry around a tamagotchi and pass it off every so often. Rn Carre has it >:3

Since you have it canonized that Pac and Mike are neighbors in this, and in canon they were in an orphanage: Adopted and fostercare pac and Mike. (Pac eventually adopted by his foster dad and mom — who happens to be pals with Cellbit’s mom — and Mike still in foster care, but more in a permanent sense)

Like. Have you seen Alexa and Katie? That’s how I picture the two of them with being neighbors. 

Team Bolas will go to roller skating rinks with the sluttiest and most fabulous outfits known to man

I don’t know the status of Skeppy in this story but he’s the kid that everyone on the team (soulfire) knows about without ever having actually met him because of Bbh

Like in canon, Carre almost never talks in the gc (despite being present a ton of the time), but when he does it’s a fucking *hit* (aka he’s amazing) (aka holding out for a Carre mention in either fic /j /lh /t)

One time all of Bolas’ spirit days for their respective schools lined up and they all collaborated to wear gas masks. They do this for Halloween too. 

(I’m a scare actor) Team Bolas goes to Haunted Attractions together every Autumn and each of them are little babies about it in different ways (I have ideas about what types of customers they’d be for the scare actors omg)  

In the Bolas Minecraft server they have builds that relate to Jrwi and Ordem Paranormal (like Cellbit’s castle in canon) (I have no idea how that’d work with Bagi) 

BBQ’s with Foolish and his big family just. Are chaos incarnate 

Slime and Baghera once got really really into karaoke at a hotel and got a noise complaint 

Somewhere in his lore: Child actor slime who used to work with Niki (as well as a buncha other people). The two of them got extremely screwed over by the company — Showfall. (Like, them exploiting Slime’s hypermobility to the point where it genuinely hurts him, or scaring Niki with gunshots just because she’d sit there and take it so’s not to ruin her “nice” cover with skating) (genloss)

I’m still not quite over BAGI AND MIKE being the two to see Cellbit and PAC first after their fight. The two people who care the most about them being the ones to see each other bloody and sobbing and Jesus Christ. Not really a headcanon but. Omg. Trauma? 

TW PARANOIA: Cellbit gets really really bad psychosis and paranoia sometimes that his friends have learned to help him down out of (you’ve written him so so ocd. It’s lovely — not for him, but for us) 

Bpd q!cellbit 🤝 Bipolar q!Pac (in your au) (someday I’ll go into depth about this. That day it’s over for the rest of y’all)

Adore that Tazercraft prankwarring each other is canon in at least one of your series’ fics. I don’t know how their mind link would translate in this buttttttt I think it fits them very well

I also think they’d have a little collection of crap they’ve stolen from different rinks they’ve traveled to 

The seven of bolas have matching friendship bracelets 

(Sorry most of these are just Tazercraft and Bolas. I’m so insanely unwell about them in your au) 

i’m literally right about to go to bed so i apologize if this isn’t coherent but i love all of these so much!

-in thr chat fic Bolas actually has smth like that! it’s name is iris (like their creature from purgatory) and you’re correct in the fact rn carre has it in the irl fic! :D

-that’s how i imagine it to be in the chat fic au! idk how it translates into irl one but in my mind it’s a similar situation!!

-you’re so right for this actually i will be drawing this

-skeppy lore! he’s a hockey skater at the soul fire rink :) i might make a one shot about him and bad soon :)

-THERES A CARRE MENTION IN THE NEXT TO CHAPTERS I SWEAR (/lh)

-i see your head cannon and raise you: they made their own gas masks one year out of monster cans because Phil raised the point if “our actual ones risk breaking if we wear them to school” (i made my own bolas mask out of monster cans lmaooo)

-(that’s so cool omg?) the way i would read the hell outta that- (i’m such baby when it comes to those things so i’ve never actually gone but i’ve always wanted to participate in it)

-BOLAS MINECRAFT SERVER!!! IRONICALLY THATS CANNON!!!!

-Foolish and Phil’s families at fourth of july BBQs? the fireworks are crazy

-lmao i almost put that in the 10th chapter and then didn’t 😭

-I FORGOT ABOUT GENLOSS LORE OMG *notes that down to use later*

:P no regerts (i had to tone it down when i was writing it )

i feel like the fact i’ve written him ocd when i wrote him similar to me says smth…(my psychiatrist said i have ocd tendencies lmaoooo)

im so intrigued about this because i didn’t realize they lined up with that- ngl they’re just me if i got to go feral a little more when i was 11

you know those online friends that you message like every sing,e thing about your day to? like you liveblog your life to them? that’s how pac and mike are! :D

its cannon to the irl!!! if not stated otherwise all oneshots are irl universe (i’ll say what chapter it correlates to if it’s a chat fic one) and they absolutely have stolen things- especially cuz for a while people would bring tradables to comp so the two of them absolutely stole each others trandeables when they were younger

THEY DO!!!! they have multiple!!! rn they all have hand made beaded ones that say “BOLAS” on ‘‘em!

(you’re so right tho i love them and i didn’t even write abiut them that much

#new chapter tomorrow btw! #mooshifcs #ao3 #writing #i love answering asks #theyrr so fun #i’m in love with yiu op have i ever said thst #ok goodnight fr nie #too sweet qsmp

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

KJHBSFDCKHJBFVBFHJKSFDSKBJDF I WANT TO SCREAM SO BAD

(I think I should read the perks of being a wallflower)

(also I can't think of a good idea for my art project where I have to CARVE A CARICATURE ONTO CLAY???? UM I CANT EVEN DRAW PEOPLE im supposed to CARVE THEM NOW????? and like A CHARACTER?? WHAT?? this is so hard dshjfcbsdfjhefjhsdf)

(anyways I tried raspberry tea today I think it tastes the same as strawberry tbh but it has a different scent? I LOVE RASPBERRY what's your favourite fruit btw?)

(how many days has passed? ARE YOU STUDYINGGGG IM SENDING YOU A BURST OF ENERGY RN)

(also in frankenstein, victor frankenstein marrying his cousin is so weird like ???? his best friend henry clerval is RIGHT THERE)

(RIGHT THERE)

(they should have had a best friends to lovers story line with some real angst going on when he dies and there should have been a kiss scene somewhere)

(/hj the book is so beautifully written but omg victor is so sdfhdfhkjsdhjsfdhbesja like why???? his logic just??? disappeared???? but also there's this one really small part where he mentions bringing people back from the dead and the thought that he might have did all this to bring his mom back to life is ejkssjknsdfjnkfsd :(( )

(also mary shelley had a really sad life idk I hope she didn't feel heartbroken every day)

(I MISS YOU CAN YOU COME BACK????)

(SENDING YOU A PIECE OF METAPHORICAL ENERGY INFUSED CHOCOLATE BAR RN REMUS LUPIN STYLE)

You shoulddd and then you should tell me how it was and convince me to read it by telling me your fav quotes too

Snsodmsjdnskdn now I wanna know what you ended up making

My fruit is papaya or mango hehe and oooh I've never had strawberry tea I want to give it a try

Pffft I haven't read Frankenstein yet lmao but I'm sure I'll agree with you once I've read it

She probably did feel heartbroken everyday. Maybe that's what made her a phenomenal writer...

#kat 🌻����

[simpjaes]

I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT, YOU’RE AWESOME😭🫶

Since we’re kind of on the topic of writing, can I ask a question?

Have you ever had that thing where you have so many ideas and WIPs, but you don’t know where to start or which one to continue? Like there’s just so much creativity and shit overflowing in your brain? I’m kind of having that problem rn and idk how to handle it😕

oh, i constantly have that problem. what i do is prioritize by who i'm thinking about and what sounds best for me tbh. i tend to fixate on specific ideas and once i've written it, ill end up fixating on another,

like if you saw my notes in my phone filled to the brim with single sentence ideas, some marked out bc i've written them, others waiting to be written....man....

it's not easy to have a one track mind though, i use polls here a lot to help me decide if i have too many i actively want to write! like rn??? i rly wanna write jay, but i promised sunghoon night-shift part two. im fixated on them both in their own little way tho so i know as soon as i finish with sunghoon, i can hop into my jay doc and go insane c: it's like a lil treat

other things you can do tho:

- i already mentioned polls - i do this thing before bed where i write in my head. whichever fic comes to mind first is usually the one ill fixate on. - write down all of your ideas somewhere, find the one that strikes some type of imagery in your head first.

that's rly all i got for u ;-; im v messy when i write, can't lie about that. but i hope it helps!!

#ask #anon #tips

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

pjo ep 6 thoughts: bitchy edition because i’m still in a mood

everyone going “i wish they’d played poker face :(” annoys me so much, like they were obviously not going to play poker face. like come on stfu.

(additional note unrelated to the ep itself, but rick riordan responding to people wanting poker face with “normalise bad movie erasure” rubbed me the wrong way sooo much. like i don’t think the movies are good! and i think he’s correct by not wanting any movie callbacks! but you’re not going to do yourself any favours by criticising one of the only scenes that the book fans enjoyed? and also he says it as if he has never written anything that is worth criticising at all and everything he does is perfect. like sir, get off your high horse because the only thing i thought when you said that was “okay so you’re being a dick”. okay thank you.)

lin manuel miranda as hermes is actually very good casting. i said what i said. some of y’all need to chill out.

them knowing about the lotus casino’s effects before going inside didn’t really work for me. like i didn’t mind that same change with medusa because the way they changed that story felt a lot more fresh and interesting. but with this one, where they didn’t change the twists that much at all? idk i think there would have been more suspense if they’d let the characters (and the audience) figure that out as they spent more time in the casino.

i love love love grover so much and one of the changes i like the most is him getting a little bit more attention from the story! but when an episode is only half an hour long, i really don’t think we needed that much of it dedicated to him with that augustus guy. like i don’t care about that rn tbh. and i know the point of augustus is to show the memory loss from the casino, but i feel like that could have been done in a more interesting way (especially if, like i said, they let us figure that out as we went! like let them talk to some people from the 1800s and figure out that time works different and affects their memories.)

why name the episode “we take a zebra to vegas” if you don’t even show us the goddamn zebra? like okay then.

luke’s “old married couple” comment just felt really weird to me. like i enjoy the percabeth content we’ve been getting, but this one felt like they were just trying to spoon-feed us. let their relationship grow and develop over (hopefully) five seasons! we don’t need that at this point in the story come on now.

luke’s “how do you know” reaction to them saying they know who the lightning thief is was hilarious lmao. the boy was sweating.

i don’t think may castellan’s story needed introducing during this episode. like i didn’t mind hermes being there, and i don’t mind them alluding to later plot points a little earlier. but once again, the episode was only half an hour long, and that conversation felt like it was needlessly taking up time that could be better spent somewhere else. if you’re going to be giving us additional lore that we don’t need, then you need to either make the episodes longer or add more of them, because i feel like there was so much more we could have had in the lotus casino.

everyone’s kinda shitting themselves over percy getting four pearls instead of three, but of the plot changes, that was the one that concerned me the least? like they’re just trying to show that poseidon cares about sally, which i don’t mind. and i don’t think they’re going to just let sally escape the underworld easily, because that would be a stupid decision for the writers to make, and although there have been some things i have questioned, i don’t think they’re going to mess that up. i’m guessing they’ll lose one of the pearls when the shoes try to drag them into tartarus. dangling hope then pulling it away yknow. i don’t think the four pearls is something we should be concerned about. (if next week’s ep airs and i was wrong and they do mess it up, feel free to bring this back and laugh in my face, but i’m fairly confident.)

now you know which plot change does confuse me? making the summer solstice already have passed. like that’s a strange decision. and i understand why they’ve done it (trying to raise the stakes even more) but i feel like it was unnecessary and confusing and doesn’t add much. like i’m fine with them making changes, just as long as it brings something new to the table, but i don’t think this does, because the stakes were already high, so it just feels like changing something for the sake of it.

i wanted to say that percy not being able to drive is so relatable to me, but he’s 12 and i’m almost 18 so i feel like he’s got a lot more excuses than me.

justice for george and martha? where were they?

so many people have already said this, but the shows two biggest problems in my eyes are the pacing (why are some bits so rushed and we get no action, and then other bits so slow and clunky. like what’s going on) and also just telling us the information instead of showing us (like you’re getting the chance to use a visual medium to retell this story!!! use it!!!)

the preview for the next ep kinda spoiling the ares fight is so stupid lmaooo like can you wait for the plot twist before you go around showing us that please?

anyway i can’t tell if this episode is weaker than the others or if i just feel that way because i’m in a bad mood, so i’ll get back on that in 3-5 business days.

#literally don’t know why i’m in my hater era rn #but since i am i might as well make it everyone else’s problem #pjo spoilers

[victimized-martyr]

1, 3, 8, 15, 26

1. where do you fall on the kyman scale? mountain, tie, or pine?

uhhh I’m assuming this is fandom-jargon for top/bottom?? or who’s taller?? more dominant ?? actually lol I still have no idea what these mean sorry, I’m a baby in this fandom. sorry i can’t answer this, idk 😭

3. where/when/why/how do they get together?

lol thats a whole ass fic just begging to be written. My opinion will probably change, and these two are so unpredictable fr so WHO KNOWS how they’ll end up together, if they ever do. Will be an absolute miracle fr. But here’s my attempt:

Where- somewhere private, just them two. Could be either of their rooms, stark’s pond, the woods, hell maybe @ a U-store it.

When- the EARLIEST I can see them get together, is their last years of high school. Otherwise, sometime after college. Not during college… I think the boys’ career paths will divulge and all 4 of them won’t be able to hang as often. They adjust from the definition of friendship from childhood to adulthood lol. So, it makes the most sense to me they get together as adults. I’m talkin, they’re in their early thirties.

why-follow up to above^ Kyle and Cartman are doing… fine in their lives. Bills are being paid, they each have a job, but Kyle stays in south park because firstly, growing up with the debt of the entire city fucks up Kyle’s credit, and also he stays out of obligation to his family (and hey! he doesn’t have to worry about buying a house), and on a deeper level… he doesn’t know what to do with himself. with the boys out of south park, he’s never learned how to live outside those relationships. What are his hobbies? Who is he? What does he want? Cartman, meanwhile, is a wild card. He could be in another country, maybe he’s working in denver as a freelance photographer, maybe he went to los ángeles to do something with his talent, maybe he got stuck in South Park too, taking care of Liane and feeling trapped because she doesn’t have anyone else in south park and damnit Cartman’s a moma’s boy through and through. No matter what Cartman does though, he feels hollow.

Kyle and Cartman learn from their time apart that outside of their fights, they value each other’s company. There’s a mutual intensity, a fierce competitiveness that stimulates their brains, a deep bond that they can’t shake off. They’ve been obsessed with each other since they were in diapers…. they don’t have a choice in staying together in SOME proximity to function. It’s vital to their survival.

how- it’s NOT over a peaceful dinner or a lazy day of hangin with the bros that’s for sure lol. It’s south park. They can’t get a moment’s peace and nothing will ever be mundane. I imagine that it takes a large scale event, laden with toilet jokes or a matter of politics, or some wacky hijinks, where they nearly lose each other.

Kyle has a realization he agonizes over for days on end “holy shit I need this motherfucker in my life like goddamn oxygen, no way, no fucking way, HIM???”

with Cartman, things just kinda click. It’s painful acceptance of what’s been there probably since the beginning. It’s a lot to handle. Prolly to the point he actually develops a fever over it and whines like a diva. “Oh.. all those sexual fantasies of Kyle make so much sense… I’m never going after anyone else that’s not Kyle. Kyle Kyle Kyle!!! Oh god, I want Kyle! It’s always been Kyle!”

8. who is the breadmaker? (follow-up question, who’s the stay-home dad?)

hm… their futures are very muddy to me rn. To paraphrase Kyle in Mexican Joker, the decisions the characters make *right now* affect the future…Post Covid and Future Me’s endings support this idea, that the slightest decision can like, alter an entire career path and character development.

With the direction Matt and Trey are taking Cartman and Kyle as of Streaming Wars, Kyle would definitely be the bread maker. not that Cartman’s lazy (he is, but Kyle would NOT let him be), but because his ambitions change from day to day. As a result his career path will likely not be as conventional (so in Kyle eyes, unstable lol). Cartman, as he’s acting right now, would be absolutely content as a stay at home dad. He’d get to tap into that hedonism left over from childhood “I hardly have to lift a finger! If I want the newest X-box, my hubby Kahl will get it for me 💞”

no matter what role Cartman will take though, he WILL want to be in a position of authority. Be it a Ceo, or director, head detective..even as a stay at home dad, he WILL fight the Becky’s and Karen’s to be THE director of HOA in his town. He WILL be obnoxious about it too and probably integrate aspects of that job into his personality like he did being a rabbi in PC jfjfkgk (seriously who on earth screams about their love of abraham while having sex. Fuckin Werido. He might’ve changed for the better but Cartman definitely let it go to his head hhfhfh he integrates his interests into every aspect of himself, even foreplay. like goddamn Mattrey u made a freak fr)

15. headcanon heights and body types?

basically what we have in canon!

Kyle is the tallest (6’2) and the skinniest, no matter how much he eats. his jersey side keeps him from ever appearing lanky. I imagine he’s got very nice toned legs.

I do believe on some level Cartman IS big boned, so no matter what he might do to lose weight, he’ll always appear “big”. But of course, Cartman is nothing without his blubber, so he’s fat forever in my eyes. I think Cartman’s got a pear shaped body where a lot of his fat just goes to his mid section and ass (indeed, there is truth in his moniker), but was graced with the cherubic looks of his mom, so as he grows up, not a lot of fat goes to his chin. In fact, he’s got a well defined face. Any trace of chub is stored in is his cheeks. He’s a short lil guy (5’6)

26. why do you ship kyman?

Oh god… this is such a loaded question 😭 where do I begin?

in part, I truly can’t see them with anyone else. Does that make sense? Like, heiman arc and Cartman Finds Love showed us that Cartman and Kyle will sabotage each other’s romantic relationships and make it about each other. The gf becomes white noise, or worse, a prop in their fight. I pity any woman that dares come between them.

I also ship them because they have such an electric, rich and iconic dynamic. It’s one of the pillars of the show. There’s literally never a dull moment with them, all their interactions, be it simply playing a game and smiling at each other, teasing each other on the playground, running washington redskins, playing airsoft as a broship, is such a delight to watch.

As I said in the Why section of the ask, they complete each other in ways they might never come to terms with, but is super obvious to the audience nonetheless. They stimulate each other, there’s no one else that can bring out like, every single human emotion as intensely as kyle and cartman do with each other.

also, I ship kyman bc canon dumptrucked all this cosmic shit. They saved each other’s lives unknowingly, they’re the only ones in town to share the same fuckin blood type and kidney, like broh this shit is writing itself I’m just here for the ride.

#kyman #south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #talk tag #thanks for the ask!!! #yeah someone let me know what the hell the pine mountain thing is abt I don’t understanddddd waaaaaa #asks

[methaim]

Got tagged by @coulson-is-an-avenger to participate in a WIP game. Rules: post the barebones plot of your wips and let people send you an ask with the title that intrigues them the most and then post a snippet/tell them something about it! then, tag as many people as you have wips!

I don't know how to write I haven't written a lot but here's a handful of WIPs that I've at least started:

"Untitled" - Coldstrangenation fic where the boys (Adam, Vincent, and Indrid) take a trip to the aquarium

"I kissed my best friend" - Short poem about queerplatonic love, might flesh it out into a short Coldstrangenation fic

"There's a metaphor here somewhere maybe idk" - Kind of spicy Vindrid (Vincent and Indrid) ficlet where they make out it's supposed to be about intimacy and vulnerability but idk can't two guys just kiss?

"It Takes A Village" - Uhhh this is my novel but rn I'm working on a few scenes if you're curious: a. Indrid teaching Daniel magic b. Daniel meeting his uncle Attacus for the first time c. Daniel learning the hard way that emotions affect his magic (actually really cute bc he realizes he has a crush on Cameron)

Uhhh idk too many writers out there so if you see this and want to share your WIPs, go crazy!

#tag game #writing #dani's ocs #as you can see i'm obsessed with blorbos from my brain

[xx-riffraff-xx]

hello tumblr im writing a novel. as one does right. it’s vaguely a slice-of-life maybe??? idk there’s probably a plot but rn it’s just the characters being characters and occasionally i put my guys in a Situation or two. you’re gonna love it, trust. so there’s this 17 year old trans guy right his name is jax. it was cloud for a while but dw about it, he’s jax now. he’s got some Issues but it’s fine. he’s got a little sister (she’s 6) and he takes care of her and also has a job to pay for groceries and also his mom works like 60 hours a week probably idk, so she’s kinda gone a lot but it’s chill he’s thriving. (he’s not.) he’s a very caring individual, mature and has no problems whatsoever he swears (ignoring the fact that his grades are dropping and he Needs those to get scholarships for college and one of his jobs fell through and also his childhood best friend is back in his life and he’s being an ASSHOLE now but it’s fine he’s got no issues.) btw his dad is gone, he might come back, he probably comes back, idk why he left in the first place yet. we’ll see.

SO. this childhood best friend right. his name is harley. he’s a horse girl and his parents are divorcing and he is so sad and so angry all the time right. he wonders a lot what it would be like to have wings. he wears jackets even in the summer bc they make him feel bigger and his favorite jacket is his letterman. he’s also smart! like really smart. and he’s good at taking notes and his teachers like to volun-tell him to be a tutor sometimes. he’s got siblings too, he’s not close with them. they fight all the time. he might have an ex idk yet, i think he might. he potentially also has a girlfriend but idk about that yet either. he’s also got a toyota corolla i think. ANYWAY BACK TO THE PLOT PART OF THIS. jax moved away just before middle school and lost contact just after starting middle school so harley’s kinda pissed at him for that. but now jax is back and it’s killing him slowly from the inside so he’ll just do what he always does and mask his feelings of longing with anger and hate. but wHAT’S THIS!?!??!?!???? JAX’S GRADES DROP SO FAR THAT NOW HARLEY HAS BEEN VOLUN-TOLD TO TUTOR HIM!?!? omg who could’ve foreseen this happening. this goes about as well as you’d expect when you have two traumatized teens with poor emotional communication skills and history in a room together every week for a couple hours at a time.

and ALSO!!! floating around here somewhere im not sure where she fits yet possibly harley’s ex definitely jax’s friend, is josslyn!!! she’s a hotheaded wrestler girl with an affinity for red lipstick. she’s also perpetually angry, just in a different way. more cocky and daring than sad and mean. she’s got a VERY strong sense of justice and would like to kill all public figures. i think she wears skirts idk yet, she’d def also wear tank tops and cargo pants but who knows not me. she wants to go to college parties. she does, once. she drags jax along with her and it ends terribly. she gets very in over her head very quickly and doesnt know when to quit. if you tell her not to do something or that she cant do something, she WILL be doing that something and she WILL be in your face about it as well. she’s possibly also a lesbian.

about that party, fun fact harley was also there and it’s kind of important actually. i’ve got some more stuff in the middle but if this is interesting check back in like idk a year. i might have it written. the brainrot definitely hasnt gone away. i’ve just gotta get through the middle. if i get through the middle i will win.

#writeblr #is this anything #the guys in my brain have playlists in my phone too #except josslyn i haven’t made hers yet #in case you couldn’t tell all of these people are me #i will probably be posting this story if it ever gets finished #on my ao3!

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary118

1/9-10/2024

tuesday - wednesday

listening to some no-wave right now.

athletic automaton - the small ball game.

it's a good song, really fucked up nonsense riff spiraling out.

anyway today w/ music, i did not do what i wanted, i thought i'd get to 2 bigger remixes and 1 smaller correction, but i only did the small thing. i think this is partially because the next two big things are daunting, as in idk if i'll be able to get them right really, at least on this like, whatever-eth pass. but eventually. it's all iterative, and it's okay if it's slow, as long as i am learning.

i did do something good today though, re: productivity in art, i wrote a bit, or not a bit, a good chunk, something to fit into somewhere that maybe seemed thin, fleshing out multiple things, i think. and then a bit of narration right for the end came to me, in the shower. i really am happy with these two additions, they feel very strong.

otherwise today i did something i don't do a lot, i played 2 video games.

i'll talk about the like, artsy, game first.

i played 'he fucked the girl out of me' today, and i found it mostly good, i think, i guess i have to reflect on that more. i think maybe i just wish some parts where you are spending a long time walking, you moved faster. i don't know why though. i know those parts are supposed to make you feel stuck and miserable. it's also just that feeling of being stuck and miserable while walking, there's usually more than just that, there's an uncomfortable resonance w/ the environment, there's some kind of detail there making it all more lurid. or something. i dunno. that's a critique that's almost like 'missing the point' but it did come to me. i love the screen the game ends on, with the planet and the big mountains on it, i found that very pretty. i think maybe i also wish the game were written slightly differently but i don't know how, i really don't, i guess it just felt like it was maybe too caught up on itself, a lot of digressions w/ the audience. maybe i am just too eager to think 'fuck them' in those kinds of situations. but the more i talk about it, the more i think i basically like it because of how nostalgic it makes me, not even for stuff i necessarily like, but that whole first boom of queer games being made, that i remember, like that one game dys4ia (bad, basically, but fond memories of it), i remember playing that stuff as a kid, and through the years, into hs, seeing interesting queer indie games, often with that pixel art style, sometimes not, a big one i recall like that was that game anatomy by kitty horrorshow, who i wonder about. does she still make stuff?

it looks like maybe, she seems to kind of appear/disappear but she has an update on her patreon from 2023, so it seems like, maybe positive. i hope she's good rn. i really liked her games. cryptworlds was another huge one, for me, that game is kind of a freakish digital fort thunder feeling thing almost. there were others, as well, i remember porpentine's stuff, anyway, this game really connected to that period for me, the messiness of it, i do like that about these things, that's something that in hs inspired me to write, the relative rawness/emotionality of it all. i still think being able to go there is important but i also think now there's something to grow past in that, i guess it's the sense that if you're just emotionally raw all the time, you don't get anywhere, confessing 100% of the time doesn't get to the tension of being a person i think, there's things we don't ever even disclose to ourselves, maybe we think we do, there's a degree of distance at times, and then there's times we exceed (i don't want to use the word transcend as it suggests you become superior to/jump over that original confessional rawness) that and jump into something else, visions, ecstasy, explosions/disruption, in short i guess there's a way in which these confessional works fail to escape being monological, seeking to speak directly, they ensure a kind of total division / creation of the reading subject. it is not as it is in maurice blanchot's thomas the obscure, where thomas is reading and losing himself in the text, but instead there's a level of conversation, but you cannot necessarily respond. but idk, that's only some of these works, i don't think i can really level that at he fucked the girl out of me, the game elements make you participate in a way where you are writing/unwriting the text, so the way it's read is different. i guess more there in the critical thinking, i am thinking of something like dys4ia. i also do value vulnerability, a ton, i don't want it to seem like i don't or something, just that vulnerability is more complex/difficult than the most confessional work we see presents it. it, in certain cases, does truly require one to go beyond normal sociality and engage in a ways that seem wrong, speak incorrectly, cruelly, hysterically, whatever, speaking along the outer limits of acceptability. i think he fucked the girl out of me gets there, but i do also think its digressions to the player, moments where she says 'i can't explain this, this is a game, here's the short version,' and so on, that stuff gets in the way almost. this makes me sound really awful i guess, i'm being too hard almost? i dunno. the more i talk about it the more i admire it, because i think basically all games of this type kind of struggle with this, kitty horrorshow doesn't but she was making horror and her games were very light on this kind of particular writing, lilithofthezone was so abstract as well, the games weren't unemotional but the laughter of the carnivalesque was permitted, or that particular mode of feeling/sensing, under the weight of all that severity and so on, the boundary between tears of laughter and pain blurred totally. i think he fucked the girl out of me definitely marks a step towards getting closer to this in these kinds of games.

i also think the person that made it, taylor mccue, seems admirable, to me at least.

the other game i played today, was minecraft. i have to play with cube shaped objects to soothe my mind sometimes i guess. it is nice to play the game. my computer is so bad that my render distance is like, 3 chunks large. it's fucked but i am happy playing it. it really does soothe me. that says things about the kind of brain i have that i need this kind of thing sometimes like i need #### ### (censored) other times, and then other times i just need to write or whatever.

still feeling nostalgia for that early queer game wave, idek if it really was a wave or not, or if i was just too immersed or something. it's funny how much i liked all that and insisted on my being "normal" at the time. when i was like 8 years old, i swear, 8 or 12?? before 12, definitely. my cousin said to me:

you're going to be one of those people that gets their penis cut off and grows boobs.

and i said:

i don't know.

i'm definitely no the type to want bottom surgery. it's funny he didn't see that in me at all when i was living with him/my aunt, though. maybe he did and just didn't say anything.

tomorrow i definitely have to at least get that drum idea down, i hope i can continue to remember it, i'm sure it's mutant by now but the idea is still there, i can hear it, really. i love when i can hear ideas. it's just very hard to translate a lot of the time.

anyways i am like falling asleep on the ground so i just need to go to bed,

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gayboymanifesto]

homecoming!

first post!! ive never really blogged before so this is exciting but I really just want a place to scream into the ether and tal about whatever I want.... I used to keep a journal but id only write in it every three months or so and I haven't written in it in at least a year and I'm afraid to read it now.... anyway

as sophomore year has began for me I have been experiencing a lot of emotions (which isn't entirely out of the norm but at the same time it is) and I never really open up to people so I want somewhere to talk about things rather than bottling it up since im no longer in therapy

omfg grammarly is smothering my entire text page

anyway! homecoming was tonight and it was a disaster!!! well not entirely but I thoroughly did not enjoy it.... I got to the before at O's house* and I didn't want to talk to anyone when I got this like sharp pain in my abdomen and my first thought was like..... oh fuck I have appendicitis! which is so scary and annoying bc I'm going to ALL THINGS GO tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to attend if I had fucking appendicitis.. so I sat around for a little and then I sat in the car for a but, then my mom took me home where I had so much fucking diahreahha... like there was actual liquid coming out of my ass.. idk why but I think it was the combination of all the coffee nd shit I had and then the food plus my nerves. I made it back in time before we left and then we went to the dance where it was just so fucking bad like I hate dances so much I cant even rlly get into that but I had so many awkward interactions.

then we went to paiges and it was chill at first until people started getting drinks out, and HP wouldn't give me a drink... which is like whatever but she had said before that she would. I don't want to act like she was obligated too bc that. bitchy but in the moment it was annoying, I don't blame her it was js confusing... then I venmod O again, who I had decided before that I wasn't even speaking to for reasons that I said I would write about later... and she kept avoiding me which isn't out of character for her lately and then later when I told her again that I nemod her she acted like she hadnt ever told me she was gonna give me a drink and sent the money back at least. HR also told me she would give me a drink but she was SO FUCKING WEIRD ab it too like she always is. Anyway everybody at that party was being annoying as fuck and it was also just bad... and I know I'm not above these parties, I'm literally so irrelevant but I'm still aware of how ass that was.. I went home afterward I don't think anybody gaf. Im trying not to sound like super selfish or unaware of how dumb I sound rn but like I'm tired af and I'm just writing to express how I feel I'm not trying to say anyone in this case is morally in the wrong I'm just upset so shut the fuck up if future me is like omggg I was so annoying why was I complaining about that

I wish I had different friends but I know mine are the best I can do and that I'm lucky to have them and I like them all as people but most of them treat me like shit or a joke and I just don't want to deal with that

I just wish I was drunk idk I think ill be an alchoholic at some point idgafffff anything to not deal

*nts make a name list for reference

#sophomore slump

[songbirdtana]

Tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

Tagged by: @vaelerius Thanks so much lovely💙

• relationship status: I’m single and super content with it! I get so much meaning from the platonic relationships in my life instead and I love that🥰 (I’m at a point where I’m not avoiding one but I’m also not interested in chasing after one - whatever happens will happen and that’s fine with me!)

• favourite colour: I love red, blue, yellow and purple!

• favourite food: Spaghetti bolognese or pizza from that one chippy near my house lmao

• song stuck in my head: I’ve had As it Was by Harry Styles stuck in my head cause my friends got tickets for us to his show on my birthday next year🥰 also I have Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac stuck in my head, it just feels like the absolute Vibe rn🥰

• time: 22:21

• dream trip: I loved to travel somewhere I can see the northern lights! Also Rome, Paris, and NYC🥰

• last book I read: The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun

• last book I enjoyed reading:  The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun! It genuinely might be the best book I have ever read I swear! Can’t recommend it enough

• last book I hated reading: Okay I didn’t hate it but I tried to read Loveless by Alice Oseman (because we love ace representation!) but I just don’t think it was written in the right tone for me, really struggled to get into it, and I was so sad because I really wanted to love it😪

bonus

• favourite thing to cook/ bake: I make a really great trifle ngl, also love making butterfly cakes - both my grans recipes

• favourite craft to do in my free time: I recently got super into embroidery and I’ve been loving it so so much!

• most niche dislike: I absolutely cannot stand those tiktoks that are like ‘use this sound if you want X thing to happen’ ‘you have to like/share/comment to claim this or it won’t happen/you’ll get bad luck’ - shit like that! It really annoys me because it’s really harmful to people with like OCD and stuff because it feeds into a lot of peoples need for compulsions to control their lives, idk if I’m making sense here? But it just pisses me off😤

• opinion(s) on circuses: Just don’t exploit animals or people and then I have no opinion on them whatsoever!

• do you have a sense of direction: in life or generally? Because both are so so very poor😅

Tagging: whoever wants to hop on this and do it💙💙

#personal #love doing these💙

[drabbles-mc]

Overwhelmed

Kozik x F!Reader

Request by Anon: so I am not having a good time of it rn, shit has got me really down, sensory issues are soaring up and I am really struggling with my temper atm, too. Been so close to a meltdown, and just lashing out and going at it. So glad I have that under control, though sometimes it feels so stifling. Any near thing, I just want to hit or lob somewhere. Anywho, was wondering if I could get a Kozik fic, where he helps you box those feelings out to help, instead of bottling up and BOOM, ya know, idk

Warnings: language

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, let alone written for Kozik. But I hope that this is sort of what you had in mind!

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From the second he walked through the front door, he could feel the tension in the air. Even from the other side of the house, he could hear you stomping between the rooms. He assumed that you were angry-cleaning, but he didn’t know what you were mad about. He was just hoping that it wasn’t him this time.

“Hey,” he poked his head into the bedroom and saw you angrily stuffing clothes down into the hamper, “Everything…everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” you snapped, shaking your head.

Obviously, you weren’t. He knew that much, what he didn’t know was what to say to try and help without frustrating you more in the process. He left some distance between the two of you as he stepped into the room, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

He kept his voice soft, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head, still not making eye contact with him as you proceeded to pick a few more stray items of clothing off the floor, wadding them up and chucking them towards the hamper for all you were worth, “There’s nothing to talk about,” you paused, eyes burning holes into the carpet, “Everything is just…it’s all so fucking much,” your tone was angry but you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes as you spoke, “I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin and I just,” you clenched your fists, fighting the urge to slam it on the dresser or into the wall, “I fucking hate it, Kozik. I hate all of this!”

He nodded, wanting so badly to hug you but knowing that that was the last thing you needed right now, “I know,” he stood up and walked a little closer, still not reaching out to try and hold you or touch you at all, “Can I…can I try to help?”

You let out a deep sigh, running your hands down your face, “I’ll try anything at this point.”

He nodded and gestured for you to follow him, “C’mon.”

You couldn’t even try to fathom where his head was at—your brain was already too loud trying to deal with your own thoughts, let alone trying to account for what his might be. You trailed him through the house, taking note of the fact that he shrugged off his kutte and tossed it onto the couch as the two of you passed through the living room.

He opened the door to the garage and held it for you to walk through. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion but you did as he wanted. He walked in behind you and shut the door, reaching over to flip on the light.

The garage had always been Kozik’s space. He let you turn the basement into your own little hangout spot and personal cave, so he got to have the garage. You never really needed to go out there for much of anything, and it wasn’t until that moment that you realized you never got to see what he did with the space, which was apparently turn it into half gym, half mechanic shop.

You didn’t get time to really think much about it, though, as he tossed you a pair of gloves, “Try these on.”

You caught them, looking over them for a moment. They looked new, and like they might’ve possibly been purchased with you in mind. You looked up at him as you tugged them onto your hands, fixing the Velcro into place as you clenched your fists a few times. He watched you with anticipation written all over his features.  You knew that he boxed, and you knew that he always meant to get around to teaching you, but you never thought that it would be in a moment like this.

“I think this’ll help,” he nodded earnestly as he waved you closer to the heavy bag.

“Kozik, I really don’t—”

“It’s better than breaking dishes or slamming drawers, right?” he offered you a soft smile, “You’ll be fine. Just do what I do.”

You watched him closely as he got into his stance. He explained things a little, but he knew that you weren’t in the headspace for a lengthy breakdown of the finer points of boxing. All the details could wait for a later time, this was just about you being able to hit something without it backfiring terribly.

You copied his stance, and when he stepped away you looked over at him, as if to ask if this was really all there was to it. He gave you a nod of encouragement and you threw a straight right hand, making the chain rattle that was holding the bag to the ceiling. It felt good—better than you thought it was going to. You rolled your shoulders and got ready to throw another punch. Kozik silently stepped back a little bit, content to just watch you figure things out for yourself. He could immediately see the tension slowly melting out of your body with each punch that you threw.

When you finally tapped back into reality, you turned to find Kozik. He was sitting on the steps leading back to the house, watching you with a small smile on his face. Obviously, he hated seeing you so upset and overwhelmed, but he was glad to know that there was a way that he could try and help you. You had no idea how long you’d been at it, but he seemed like he’d had the time to make himself pretty comfortable sitting and watching you.

“Feel any better?” he asked, still sitting on the steps.

You nodded, taking the gloves off and setting them at the base of the bag, “Much,” you walked over, standing between his legs. You reach down and gently raked your fingers through his hair, “Thank you,” you let your fingers slide down and caress his cheek, “Sorry for snapping at you when you got home.”

He shook his head, “You don’t need to be sorry,” he stood up, smiling as he thumbed a bead of sweat off of your forehead, “You can come out here whenever, you know. Any time you feel like you gotta hit something.”

You laughed, nodding, “Good to know, thank you.”

“And, if you want,” a smirk was tugging at the edges of his mouth, “I can give you some real lessons.”

“You want me to be able to kick your ass?” you chuckled.

“It’d be kinda hot,” he smiled.

You had to return the gesture as you shook your head, “Remember that you said that.”

“I love you.”

You reached out and cupped the side of his face in your hand, “I love you too. Thank you for this. Seriously, I feel so much better already.”

“Good,” he took your hand from his cheek and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, “Why don’t you go shower and I’ll figure out dinner.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded, still smiling, “Whatever you need.”

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