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kentopedia · 4 months

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ WAS I SUCH A FOOL? — NANAMI KENTO

summary . . . two years after breaking up with nanami kento, he shows up at your concert

contents . . . 70s rock band, NSFW 18+, fem!reader, brief discussion of drug and alcohol addiction, exes, singer!reader x drummer!nanami, rival bands, secret relationships, infidelity, reader is in a relationship with toji, smut, piv, creampie, “angry” sex, angst, complicated relationships — 7.5k

notes . . . inspired by many things, including silver springs by fleetwood mac, daisy jones & the six and nana <3 so if you like any of those things and kento, this is for you!

It was the final stretch of your tour.

A finale that led to the conclusion of months spent in nothing but a cloud, one where you lingered only on the outskirts of your memory. Hazy traces of drawn-out celebrations, sweaty sex in the bathrooms during a house party, camera flashes from paparazzi—they were the only glimpses that you got from the weeks that had gone by, images that weren’t quite cohesive.

There had been days where you didn’t quite remember your name, stumbled over the recollections of the night before, the weeks before, but you didn’t mind so much. It would all be fine, as long as you never forgot your lyrics up on the stage, where millions of eyes watched your every move carefully, would judge you for even the most minor slip-up.

You could forgive yourself for almost anything, but you’d rather die than embarrass yourself in front of them, your fans, the only ones whose love you had left.

The list of people you’d disappointed in your life couldn’t be condensed; even those who spared their affection like it was a necessity held some shred of bitterness towards you. They couldn’t be blamed, really. Not when your life was one to scorn, and you were a dying star, burning bright and burning fast.

Still, you couldn’t think of a better way to live life. The warmth of drugs and alcohol and the music spared you from surviving every day in misery.

Of course, singing seemed to do the trick better than anything. It was more of a high than anything else had ever been, and the way you felt on stage was close to the same sort of love you’d felt two years ago. The adoration of fans was innocent enough to fill the void in your gaping heart.

You clasped your hand around the microphone, closing your eyes as you leaned forward, sultrily singing the rhythm before you would come to the crescendo at the end of your song.

Years of work had led up to this—the grandeur of singing to a venue filled to the brim with fans, each of them knowing the words to your creation. Every crack in the audience was taken by a body, one rank with sweat, contributing to the thick air, cloaked in smoke. A crowd of people that seemed undesirable, and yet, they tolerated the smell, the feeling of a stranger pressed up against their backside, just for a few moments of seeing their favorite album played live.

They were here for all of you. A band that was never supposed to make it this far, and yet, held the number one single in the country, a few gold records, and covers on magazines that some could only dream of being in.

Yet, with your ego the size of the sun, and the dreamy haze that you put yourself in, you couldn’t help but feel like the crowd was always rooting for you. Hearts formed in their eyes as they watched you sway behind the microphone, and it brought a smile to your lips, one that always came with the rush of performing.

The words you wrote took you elsewhere, transported you to a place where you could truly spill your soul out, your ink on the page as permanent as the mark you’d leave on the world. You were important, weren’t you? Maybe not in the way you wanted to be, but still in a way that mattered.

The bass played steadily behind you, strumming, deepening, sinking into your veins. Although you focused, it was easy to forget yourself and where you were. The lines and the chords were too familiar from all your late night practices, from the cigarettes you’d shared in bed with Toji Fushiguro, who played the bass like he bled honey.

The lyrics you’d penned from your very own hand, sang deeply from your diaphragm, always led to a flash of memories in your mind like a film screen, each word punctuating another moment in your life that had pushed you into a mess of a woman.

Toji’s name might have been next to yours on the songwriting credits, but this song, the one you belted, belonged to you and you alone. It put you on display, stripped you bare; if anyone really bothered to search deep enough, they’d see you for what you were.

They’d see that, contrary to the opinion of the public, these songs were not about Toji at all.

A tear dripped off your lashes, and you clenched your jaw, refusing to let sadness overpower the anger that you should’ve felt towards the man you’d left behind. For months, you’d blamed yourself—but it had taken two to weave the web of hurt that still ensnared you.

Shaking off the despair, you stared out into the crowd, digging deep into your lungs for the breath that would sustain the powerful note, the punctuation of your song, the climax of the pain and fury you’d never get rid of. The lingering emotion that had you questioning if you’d been the one to ruin the best thing you’d ever had, or if, perhaps, you’d just been bad for each other all along.

You traced your gaze through the faces, soaking in the love in their expressions, the praise that came with their reactions to your lyrics. How that sort of love didn’t make you feel whole, but it certainly put you back together in a way that made you believe you weren’t so broken anymore either.

Then—the world stuttered, momentarily, halting to a screech as brown eyes, just as steadfast and tender as you remembered, stared over dark glasses.

You fell behind in the song, just a note, a pause that lasted less than a second. Your lips turned dry as your heart fell down to the floor, dropping into your stomach, twisting your insides. You almost convinced yourself it was an illusion, until he blinked, shifting, though not uncomfortably, disguised just enough so that no one else in the crowd knew who he was but you.

Nanami Kento, there, right before your very eyes. It was the first time you’d seen him in person since you’d split up two years ago—a breakup that would’ve made the headlines for weeks, if anyone had known about it.

You squeezed the microphone harder, the sound in your voice dripping with emotion, raw and raspy, but in a way that was beautiful. You’d never sang like this before, but the muse of your song, the man you always wrote about, stood before you.

Kento didn’t look much different—but you wouldn’t have noticed the changes anyways. You saw him in the papers constantly, unable to avoid him as much as you were certain he was unable to avoid you.

You sang the few notes of the song; Toji brought you to a crescendo, and your voice nearly cracked from rage, the breath ripped from your lungs as Kento dared to watch you with pity at the mess you’d made of yourself. After all this time, you couldn’t stand to see that sort of compassion on his face.

The lights suddenly seemed too bright, the crowd too wild, Kento’s eyes too deep and sad and unreflective of those around him.

One of your other bandmates closed out your evening, and though the crowd demanded an encore, you refused to get back on the stage, couldn’t do it even if you tried. The contents of your stomach emptied out right as you stepped out of their sight.

“Shit!” one of the stagehands shouted, jumping out of your way as you heaved again, wiping your eyes. There was another round of cursing, and sure, they were used to stars indulging too much in things they shouldn’t, but that wasn’t the only reason for you vomiting all over the floor.

“Hey, hey,” a voice said, calming and steady as a hand traced up your spine, rubbing soothing circles. “Everything okay, baby? Need some water?” Toji was concerned, deep eyes scanning your face for any signs of weakness.

You shook him off, and Toji whispered to another one of the men over his shoulder, telling them to close the final curtain. Even though you wanted to protest, you wiped your mouth, and accepted the water that a dark-haired woman had rushed to you.

“I’m fine, Toji,” you said, breathing heavily, wondering if there was any ounce of truth to your words. Nanami’s appearance had been the last thing you’d expected, and you didn’t want anyone to notice, out of the fear that someone would start digging into your past with him.

You could only hope that your shared glimpse had gone unnoticed, a plethora of emotions spelled out there, ones that you’d been horrible at hiding.

Toji directed the stagehands around, dragging your manager over, even as their conversation fell on your lifeless ears. Everything sounded like static, and you didn’t want to speak, sweaty and hot, a panic rising up in you.

“I’m going to the dressing room,” you said, needing to get away from the shouting, the wave of anxiety that was arising. It was quickly becoming too much; even Toji’s presence was too much. “I’ll meet you back at the hotel.”

“You want me to stay with you?” Toji asked, his eyes flashing with an emotion you couldn’t discern, perhaps possessiveness, perhaps something else. He’d always been more jealous than you would’ve liked, but his presence was a comfort from time to time.

Not now, though.

Shaking your head, you drew away from him, Toji’s large palm falling off the small of your back. “I’m fine, really.” Nothing you said could’ve convinced him completely, and you didn’t bother. Instead, you left the stage without listening to the rest of his protests, climbing down the stairs and disappearing out of view.

Surprisingly, he let you go. After nearly four years of sharing a band, it seemed Toji Fushiguro was starting to understand you.

The truth was, with your shaky hands and the rampant nervousness that seemed to heighten only after a show, you knew you needed something. Toji had forced you to flush everything that you’d kept locked up, but you always kept a back-up, just in case, for times where the music wasn’t enough.

You went to the dressing room, hands shaking at your sides as you tried to regain some control of your breathing, rid the rancid taste from your mouth. There was still a box of cigarettes in your pocket, and you lit one, the smoke easing some of the emotions that spun wild circles in your chest.

As you returned backstage, your bodyguard, Itadori, a young man that you’d hired on the spot, smiled softly, falling away from the door to the dressing room. There had been too many close calls, too many incidents in recent years that you didn’t want a repeat of. Ever since you’d gotten enough money to hire proper security, you’d put it in Itadori’s pocket.

“Anyone try to sneak back here?” you asked; you’d heard horror stories of fans trying to steal items, even trash, things like used tissues with snot dripping off it. It’d been a nightmare of yours since you first started going on tour.

Itadori shook his head, and let you in, released you into a room that wasn’t quite silent, but was better, worlds better, than the blaze of music that had followed you off the stage, bursting your eardrums. Sometimes, you forgot how loud it truly was out there. The ring in your ears and the deafening quiet were the sole reminders of the difference in sound after the shows.

You smoked to the end of the cigarette, filling the room with a cloud as you calmed yourself, rummaging through your bag for the spare bottle of pills that you’d hidden away from Toji. For emergencies only, you’d promised yourself.

And, well, this was certainly one of those times.

Without any water, you swallowed it, feeling a lump in your throat before it slid down, dissolving into your stomach. You’d wait for it to take effect before you left, called a car. Perhaps, you’d be able to forget this evening had ever happened. You’d go back into the studio in a couple weeks, start on your next album, and this would all just be a dream. Surely, you convince yourself of that.

There were just a few weeks left in the year anyways. You’d be able to put it all behind you, and maybe, you’d be a new person in the new year. A stupid idea, but a hopeful one, and one that would propel you through the holidays, the end of the tour, and the rest of your life.

A sound on the other side of the door caught your attention, a conversation taking place that you hadn’t heard at first. Hushed voices, under frustrated breaths. For a moment, you couldn’t register that it was Kento’s words that were rushing through the cracks in the plaster, the wood-paneled door, but it shouldn’t have come as any surprise to you.

He’d been the one to seek you out. Why would he come all this way just to watch you play, without so much as a conversation? You’d been a fool to think otherwise, that you could escape the grasp that the blonde man always seemed to have around you.

“Please, Itadori. I know you remember me. Don’t treat me like a stranger.” Kento sighed heavily, the irritation leaking into his voice as he lowered the tone. “Just let me talk to her.”

“You can’t be back here,” Yuuji answered, but the hesitation in his tone had you wondering if he was contemplating the opposite.

After all, Yuuji had been the only one to know about you and Kento; it was hard to keep it a secret from someone who was around you almost always. It was why you trusted him so sincerely. He’d never spilled the truth to anyone, even when he could’ve made thousands with a story like that.

“I just need to see her.” Desperate, almost. The strain of the syllabus tugged at your chest, and though you willed him away, the other part of you, still rancid with sentimental emotions for your ex-lover, begged him to keep pushing. To stand out there until you couldn’t hide any longer.

“I’m sorry, Nanami. I am, but you’re not authorized. I don’t want to let you in without her permission, and she hasn’t given me that.”

Kento took a long breath, and didn’t say anything for a moment. His voice went even quieter, and you pressed your ear against the door, straining to hear it. Even the slight inflections of the sighs in his chest had something unfurling within your stomach, comforting and familiar. “Fine.” A shuffling, closer to the door, his shoes against the wood, before his words were nearer to your ear. “I’m sure she’s in there listening to every word anyways. Running as usual.”

There was no response from Itadori. You could hear the self-satisfaction in Kento’s voice, and he could probably see your shadow under the door, sense you just inches away, somehow.

You exhaled, and snuffed out the cigarette. Then, you threw the door open.

Even knowing he’d be there, the sight of Kento still caught you off-guard, but this time, you anticipated it, and remained composed. He stood with his arms crossed, the corners of his lips pulling up smugly, like he’d know that snide remark would be enough, because he’d always known you better than anyone.

“What the fuck do you want?” you said, narrowing your eyes, darting them all over his face. Still as handsome as you remembered. “You’re not supposed to be back here.”

“You should fire your security team,” Kento said simply, pushing past Yuuji to barge his way into the dressing room. With judgmental brown eyes, he glanced around it, even though you were certain he’d played at this venue before, knew exactly what secrets hid in this room. “They accepted my bribe way too quickly.”

You stared at him, slammed the door behind you, hopeful that the sounds of the crowd that still rampaged would be enough to drown out your conversation. “Right.” A bitter laugh escaped you, the door rattling on its hinges. “You must feel pretty proud of yourself right now.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.” Kento’s eyebrows raised, and finally, he stopped perusing the room, crossing his arms over his chest to stare at you. “I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, but I haven’t changed much.”

What he meant was that he was still an honest man, despite the backwards practices and corruption of the world the two of you lived in. Nanami Kento was a specimen in the scene of music, someone a bit too perfect, seemingly too straight-laced, serious almost to a fault in front of a crowd. He lost himself in the songs, just as you did, but he held himself with some sort of dignity.

Maybe, for that reason, it never made sense for you to be together, anyways. Not when you were an endearing mess, and he was the leader of your band’s closest competition. The group that Toji hated almost as much as the family he’d run away from.

It should’ve been obvious that the two of you were doomed from the start.

“You can’t just show up, Kento, and demand a conversation. I haven’t talked to you in two years for a reason. Do you really think I want to see you?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes narrowed, matching your anger. “You let me in, didn’t you?”

“Because you’re pissing me off, and you’re a stubborn asshole who won’t leave until you get what you want.” Stalking towards him, you poked your finger in the middle of his chest, the touch doing nothing to move him, so strong and statuesque. “Jesus. Nanami fucking Kento, bribing security members, just to talk to me.” You laughed bitterly, a snort leaving you. “After two years, you really must be desperate.”

There wasn’t any sincerity, and the laugh he returned was hard and mirthless. “I see time has made you kinder.”

“Fuck off.” You were dangerously close to him, your hand splaying across his broad chest, the scent of him as familiar as ever, his mouth so near your own. It was infuriating how comfortable this felt, how you could slip back into time with him in a way you’d never been able to with Toji. “I never wanted to see you again. Don’t come back to ruin my life. I don’t deserve that.”

You shoved at him again, and again he didn’t move, his frame hard beneath your palm.

Kento grabbed your wrist as you tried to pull away, his already deep irises darkening. “Funny. That’s funny.” He searched you for something, and he was sure to find it, even as you schooled your expression into something neutral. It was too hard to hide from him—that’s why you’d run in the first place. “I remember being the one that was left with no explanation. I wanted to marry you, but you disappeared without even a word. Did I deserve that?”

Though his words didn’t crack, they came close to breaking at the end of the sentence. The silence was sharp, deadly, almost as if you could reach out and touch it. But you didn’t. Kento’s soul-searching gaze dissuaded you from any movement.

“That’s what you think?” You shook your head, yanking your wrist free as you took a step back. Laughter bubbled out of you, and the anger made it sound crazed, like something that wasn’t quite your own. “You think it was my fault.”

“Wasn’t it?”

You scoffed once more. “Please. You never would’ve married me. All our time and work would’ve been wasted. Your band means everything to you, and I refused to let either of us drown for something as stupid as love.”

A beat passed as Kento faltered, conflict twisting his expression before the frustration pulled back, tied up with a fiery bow. “Stupid?” He was cornering you, crowding you to the side of the room. You hadn’t registered your feet moving, but in just a few, quick steps, your back had hit the wall with a thump, his breath fanning across your nose. “That’s what you thought it was? Just a waste of time?”

“Maybe.” you spat, raising your voice, pushing at his shoulders. “Maybe I just wanted someone better than you.”

“Well, then, I hope you’ve fucking found it,” Kento’s hands shook at his sides, his eyes twitching with anger. “I hope you’re happy.”

“I am.”

“Good.” Heavy breaths left him. Somehow, he seemed relieved, as if he thought you’d be the one still holding on, when it was him that had shown up unannounced, staring at you with stars in his eyes. “That’s good. You can hate me all you want, but I want you to be happy. I want you to move on.”

“God, Kento,” you said, rolling your eyes. “It’s been two years—”

“I’m getting married.”

The remark slammed against you, the guarded expression dropping from your face to reveal one of utter bewilderment. For a moment, fleeting as it was, you had no protection against Nanami Kento, who caught it smoothly, the stricken glaze of your eyes, the way your lips had parted without any words to dispel.

Semi-satisfaction reflected in his own, finally stripping you bare, allowing him to see the truth for what it was—and it was a truth you weren’t sure you’d even accepted yourself.

“You’re right,” you finally said, and though only a second had passed before you schooled your features back into an impassive position, a second was too long for a man who knew you so sincerely. “I don’t care, Nanami.”

Kento blinked.

Gaining the upper hand, you tried to skirt around him, cowering away from his knowing glare, but you couldn’t go anywhere. Kento pinned his hands to the wall beside your head, looking at you through his lower lashes, as if he’d known you would try to escape him.

Heat bounced between your bodies, the space boiling, passion and rage and a hundred scarlet emotions twisting up in the air you exhaled. Would Toji have been able to read the conflict that manifested between your brows, the way your irises had changed colors, fading into a gradient of listless melancholy?

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that.” Kento said, harsh, cruel, but nothing less than the truth.

“Is that so?” Your face was forced dangerously close to his own once more, inches between you. “You wanted a different reaction?” A glimpse in his guarded features, and you wondered how anyone could say Nanami was stoic man, when he wore a thousand different emotions on his sleeve. “I’m sorry you deluded yourself into thinking I’d still be in love with you.”

“Right.” Kento’s nose brushed against your own, his eyes so dark. Still, there were flecks of gold visible, just barely, only when you were this close. “All those songs on the radio, all those lyrics you’re getting paid millions for… Those aren’t about me?” he demanded, shaking his head, his expression pinched. “You think I’m an idiot? I know. I know, and you can pretend all you want, but you can’t pretend like you’re not the one who fucked it all up.”

You scowled, but neither of you moved. “Get out of here, Kento.”

“No,” he said, breathing heavily, the movement of his tongue over his lip short-circuiting your competence. “Tell me why.”

“Get out,” you said through gritted teeth.

His face was more severe than you’d ever seen it before, cheekbones sharper from his pinched jaw. “No,” he repeated, glowering down at you, speaking slower, punctuating his words. “Tell me why.”

“I—” but you couldn’t think straight with his mouth that close to yours, his eyes penetrating your soul, so angry, but not without their usual sweetness. No one had ever loved you the way Nanami had, and you were a fool, but he deserved better than you. He deserved the love he’d wanted, to not settle for someone who wanted fame more than she wanted him. “I hate you.”

“Funny how, even now, hate still feels a lot like love.”

You blinked up at him, your expression twitching, lips parting with more poisonous words, fingers shaking with the need to slap him away. Yet, when you moved, planning to push him out of your orbit, Kento moved quicker; the strategy sketched in your mind didn’t quite match the one enacted by your hands.

“You’re so naive, Kento.”

His lips were on your own, and you melted instantly, tugging him hard by the lapels in a bruising kiss. It tasted like a familiarity that couldn’t be replicated, tainted by the heavy heat that soaked into you.

Kento’s hands wrapped around your waist, jerking you forward, fingers easily finding the space between your hipbones, tracing them with a tenderness that was equally filled of devastating need. He tasted strongly of alcohol, like he’d drowned in it hours before, if only to fill himself with the bravery he’d need to speak with you after so long.

And you were equally a coward; walking naked into a crowd would be easy compared to the feeling of vulnerability that came from Kento’s sweet mouth on your skin. The way he shoved you further into the wall, fingers brushing along your waist, hateful and loving all at once.

“Stop, Kento,” you said, but it was weak to your own ears, not an ounce of honesty there. His mouth flitted across your neck, warm and tender, and it was different. It was nothing like Toji, who cared about you, maybe even loved you, but had never understood you.

Not like Kento did.

“Say it with a little more conviction.” Kento kissed beneath your jaw, hopefully with enough sense not to leave any marks there. “Tell me you want me to leave. That you never wanted to marry me.”

“I do,” you insisted, but it was breathless, your eyes fluttering closed as his hand drifted up your stomach. “I didn’t.” Kento’s palm was warm, burning a hole though the thin material of your top. Before you could protest further, his fingers traced across your breast, thumb dragging across your nipple.

You shivered, but made no move to push his hand back down.

“Convincing.” Kento smiled. His eyes were melted chocolate, the sort of unmatched comfort you’d never again receive. “Tell me you never loved me.”

A burning itch started in your nose, foreboding the wave of emotions that would succumb you. You sorted through the hostile regret, forcing yourself not to feel such nostalgia from his embrace.

Things were better now, weren’t they? You never would’ve made it as a star, had you not escaped the desperate hold of your love for the blonde drummer.

“It’d be a lie. I loved you once.”

“But not anymore?”

You didn’t let him get much further than that, kissing him without thinking—needing to stop thinking, before you spiraled into the endless cycle of wondering why you’d ever left him at all. The feelings were never-ending, latching on and holding tight, reminding you at inopportune moments of all the mistakes you’d made: him, the worst of all.

Kento groaned into your mouth as you parted his lips, remembering what he tasted like. His hair was longer now, thick between your fingers, bangs falling in straighter strands over his forehead. Had there ever been a place where you felt safer, than when his arms were warm and secured around your waist?

“You didn’t answer my question,” Kento panted into your mouth, his cheeks flushed, skin warmed from the way that your hands roamed all over his chest.

“No more talking.” You pushed him backwards towards the sofa, this one a deep, velvety green, a contrast to the orange hues of the rest of the room. “I’m tired of talking.”

Kento seemed like he wanted to protest, but his anger had melted, and his eyes were soaked in lust, pupils blown wide. Objections about how you never talked, always beat around the bush, erupted, then died. For once, he relented. “Fine.” Kento’s voice had deepened, the irritation coated by whatever semblance of affection he still held for you. “If that’s what you want.”

You tugged at his belt buckle, wishing you could move faster, even as Kento undid the ties that held your loose top together. It fell off your shoulders, and you finally ripped the belt from the loops, unzipping the tight slacks that had paired well with his worn jacket.

His skin was hot beneath the garments, and Kento’s muscles were even more defined from all his years of playing the drums. He’d kept himself healthy as the time had passed, never indulging in anything as often as his bandmates.

You felt sick with need for him, confused as you sorted through how much of your aching chest was love, and how much was a desire that you could’ve felt for anyone.

“Fuck,” Kento muttered against your mouth as you slipped a hand under his shirt, feeling your way across his abdomen. “It’s been so fucking long.”

He was so perfect. How could you ever have forgotten? Not even the magazines with their fancy cameras could do him justice. Kento was a work of art, a masterful creation, and you were jealous of anyone else who had gotten close enough to see it.

“I—” you opened your mouth to say you missed him, or maybe something else, but you bit it back down, not wishing to showcase yourself so openly. Instead, you pulled at the hem of his shirt, frustrated when it wouldn’t come off.

Kento’s knees hit the back of the sofa, and he fell, pulling you onto his lap, gazing up at you with an affection you didn’t deserve. His fingers covered your own, and he helped you jerk the tight shirt off his chest, the material doing little to cover his marbled figure.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he said into your ear, low and husky, his hands slipping down your jeans, shifting you up to ease the material off your thighs. “The whole word knows it; you’re an angel on the covers of all those magazines. Can’t stand it when Satoru and Suguru talk about you,” he grumbled against your mouth, throwing your jeans to the ground as you wiggled out of them.

You laughed, wondering why it was always so easy with Kento, to smile, to shift your palpable anger into something less fragile.

“Yeah?” you muttered against his mouth, his fingers dipping into the waistband of your panties, so cold against your bare skin. “I bet you go home and jerk off to the covers of me, don’t you, Kento?”

Kento grinned against your lips as you traced your fingers against his jaw, somewhat tenderly, and with a possessiveness you’d always struggled to reign in. The bulge in his pants was more than obvious, straining against the tight cloth. “What gave you that idea, sweetheart?”

Your eyes fluttered shut, mouth drifting across his own, tasting the air between you as you tugged his cock free. It was warm and familiar in your palm, and though it wasn’t like fucking Toji, you’d never forget exactly how to touch Nanami Kento.

“I know,” you said, stroking him, feeling the length in your hand, the vein running along it, “because that’s exactly what I do.”

The admittance left you before you could think to refute it, and Kento didn’t let you, kissed you harder, realizing that no matter how far you strayed from one another, there would always be a cord attaching you together.

“Shit,” Kento rasped, his head falling backwards as your thumb grazed over the tip of his cock, your thighs straddling his own. “That sweet mouth of yours always knows just what to say.”

Your cheeks warmed, a smile gracing your expression as you dragged your hips across his thigh, leaning forward to kiss him. It’d been a while since you’d wanted anyone so badly, a craving soaking into every vein of your body, buzzing with desire. Need settled deep in your stomach; your kisses grew sloppy. Your lips were coated and glossed with Kento’s own saliva, puffy from how hard he pressed his hand to the back of your neck.

“Do you think of me when you fuck your fiancée too?” you asked, stroking him without even looking, the movements from memory, his pre-cum glistening on your palm. “Do you look at her and wish it was me instead?”

Kento groaned deeply in the back of his throat, his face flashing with the anger you’d intentionally put back there. Quicker than you’d anticipated, he’d flipped you onto your back, towering over you. His face was pinched as he kissed down your neck, across your collarbones, down your stomach.

You wanted him to regret this, to feel every ounce of the infidelity he was committing. To make him admit to himself that whatever pretty woman was waiting at home would never compare to the one he had never stopped wanting.

“I could ask you the same question,” Kento said, his mouth on your thighs, squeezing his fingertips into the soft skin of your knees. “Fucking Fushiguro. He always wanted you so bad, and I couldn’t stand it.” Genuine hatred dripped off his words as he leaned back over you, his fingers hovering over your clothed cunt, contrasted with the satisfaction of his expression. “Now he has you,” Kento said, dropping his fingertips over your panties, feeling the spot where you were already soaking through the material, “but I still own this pretty pussy.”

You gripped his biceps as his fingers rubbed small circles into your clit, a sideways grin forming onto his dark lips. “Kento,” you breathed, nails digging into his arms. “I want you to fuck me.”

“You make it too easy, baby,” he said softly, even when his cock was painfully hard, leaking between the two of you. “Just have to say a few words and you’re already soaking wet for me.”

Your lips parted as Kento slipped his fingers underneath your panties, and the contact of his hands on your cunt, after so much time, had a sharp exhale leaving your chest.

“N-no, wait—” you stuttered, pushing his hands away as you slipped the lacy material off your hips. “Just fuck me, Ken, I can take it.” You reached for his cock, but his eyes flashed, annoyance sparking in his eyes. “I just want you inside.”

“I’ve got you all to myself finally, and now you want to rush it?” Kento glared, forcing your hands back down beside you. He was so much stronger than you, and though you needed him to touch you, he spread your legs further instead, let nothing but the cool air kiss your bare cunt. “Don’t.”

You whimpered as he released your wrists, leaned down to brush his tongue through your folds. Your eyes fluttered closed, and he gathered the slick up into his lips, tasting you, his nose brushing against your clit.

A deep sigh reverberated in the room as you felt your love for him wash over you, a love that was once hidden away, but not eradicated. It coated you, made your lust only double, and sentimental blabber began to leave your mouth, as Kento forced his tongue deeper into your aching hole.

“I missed you, Ken,” you said, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes as your gripped his blonde hair, hatred for yourself just as strong as adoration for him. You weren’t supposed to be crying, not now, not when this wasn’t supposed to be sex at all, but some sort of hateful fucking that was slowly turning into desperate lovemaking. “I missed you.��

Kento smiled softly against you before pulling away, his mouth soaked from your arousal. “I know, sweetheart,” he said, looking at you tenderly; it made you sick to think that there would be a ring on his finger soon. You’d go back to your hotel room with Toji, and he’d go back to the fiancee that deserved him more than you did. “My pretty girl.”

“Don’t say things, like that.” You steadied your emotions, as, finally Kento pressed the head of his cock against your entrance, the wrinkle between his brow forming as he watched you carefully. “Don’t be sweet to me.”

You’d gotten used to fucking Toji, who was thicker and longer than Kento; and Kento slid right into you like he was meant to be there, your body relaxed and willing. A groan left him, and he laced his fingers with your own, squeezed your hands together against the armrest of the sofa.

“Why?” Kento asked, emotions guarded by curiosity. You swallowed, leaned your head back with a heavy breath as he inched inside of you. “Don’t want to admit you’re still in love with me?”

“I’m not—” But you were cut off, your objections falling flat as Kento’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Fuck, fuck,” he said, drawing out the word like it was more than one syllable, his deep, throaty tone parting your lips. There was a flush on his cheeks, pink, his forehead sweaty as the blonde strands stuck to it.

You’d always loved his hair down—maybe, it was because of you that it became his signature.

“You feel so good,” he said, drawing himself out of you, thrusting back in, pushing further and further until he had bottomed out completely. “God, I don’t remember you ever squeezing me so tight before.”

He sounded drunk on the feeling of you; you couldn’t help the start of a smile that formed on your face as he fucked you, losing his sanity while he succumbed to pleasure. There were sinful sounds between you, and you felt a little outside of yourself, knowing that you still had a hold on one of the most famous drummers in the entire world.

Kento kissed you all over your face, and you lifted your hips to meet him, wishing you could take him deeper, let him soak into your entire body.

“Do you regret it?” Kento whispered, his thrusts growing faster, cock throbbing inside of you. “Or do you just regret me?”

You opened your eyes to meet his dark, sweet irises. A man like him shouldn’t have fallen for someone like you, should never have stooped down to love you. The truth rested on your tongue, but when Kento hit deep a spot within you, dizziness sparked at the back of your mind, and a lie slipped out instead.

“I don’t regret anything, Kento,” you said, smiling lazily, like you didn’t have a care in the world. “Least of all, leaving you.”

To your surprise, Kento laughed, light and carefree, even though it was stuttered, raspy from his need. “You always were a good liar,” he reached between you, brushing his thumb over your clit with a hazy expression. “Much better than me.”

Once again, Kento saw right through you, reminding you of why you’d gone your separate ways. It was dangerous to have someone around that you couldn’t hide from.

“Ken,” you whimpered, gripping his wrists when you realized how close you were. There was anguish interlaced with your arousal, but your orgasm was approaching all the same. You clenched around him a little harder, swallowing, and Kento smirked, his voice husky.

“I know, sweetheart,” he said, his tone dropping, almost commanding, in a way that he knew always had you writhing helpless under him. “Pussy’s clenching me so tight. You gonna cum for me, baby?” he said into your skin, fucking deeper into you. “Let go.”

The instant relief washed over you, and you groaned, loud into the room, coming hard around Kento’s cock, your body shaking as he worked you through the orgasm.

A smile formed as he kissed your mouth, forcing words down your throat. “That’s it,” he hummed. “Always so perfect for me. I missed you, I love you so much,” and his words turned desperate while he dragged himself out of you, forcefully, trying hard not to let himself go.

“It’s okay, Kento,” you said, stupidly, crazily, running your hands all over him. “You can come inside me.”

Kento's mind drew a blank, and he groaned deeply, nearly collapsing on top of you as he came, spilling his thick, hot cum into your cunt. And you were an idiot, a fool, because you’d never let Toji do that, never let him fuck you without a condom, but Toji wasn’t Kento—

and you would’ve let Nanami Kento do anything to you.

Kento held you close to him, squeezing you to his chest as you both breathed heavily, remembering what it was like to be in each other’s arms. His cock grew soft, and his cum spilled out of you, soaking your thighs, ruining the sofa beneath you.

“Did you mean it?” you asked, running your fingers through his blonde hair as he rested his head on your chest, arms warm around your body. “Do you love me?”

The air grew stale, thick with the sins committed in the room. Kento smiled, kissed your neck, and said nothing.

“Do you love her?” you asked, begging for an answer, not knowing who she even was. Not knowing if you cared.

“I do.”

“But not as much as you love me.”

He tipped his chin up on your chest, looking at you with sad, dark eyes. “I don’t know,” he admitted, tracing his fingertips across your stomach. “But I love you enough to do this to her. That must mean something.”

Maybe, you thought, running an analog through your mind of all the reasons that could lead anywhere but affection. You’d both been under a lot of stress recently, times changing as you reached fame. It was nice to think back to a life before all that, when all you’d had was some cash in your pocket, and a dingy nightclub to play to.

Perhaps you reminded each other of that.

You craned your neck, looking up at the ceiling, your hand stilling against his scalp. “What does it mean, Kento?”

The moment passed between you, where things were hollow and empty. You could see a lifetime stretched out in front of you, but it was all in shades of grey, nothing sketched in a thick, black outline. Nothing concrete.

What you knew for sure was that you would break his heart again.

Maybe not soon, but eventually. Toji would hate you when he found out, your bandmates would hate you for lying to them. You and Kento would never live in peace, and instead, you'd spend the rest of your life stalked by the press, flashes blinding you, tabloids written about you, paranoia spiking in your chest as they tried to convince you that he was cheating on you with his bandmate.

It would be a disaster.

It would be even more heartbreaking than saying goodbye.

“It means that if you say you want me, I’ll break it off.” Kento sat up, bringing you with him, suddenly serious. “I can live without you, but I don’t want to. I love you, I’ve always loved you. Just say the words.” He kissed you softly, pleading with you, lips all over your face. “Say that you still love me, and we can get through anything.”

You exhaled a breathy laugh, tracing his features, wondering why that made you feel so sad. It was a good thing, wasn’t it? Kento could live without you, and you wanted him to.

Even if you couldn’t live without him.

“It was good to see you,” you said, letting his hands fall off your face as you slipped away, begging the tears to just stay put, to stay gone until you could get Kento out of the room. “Hard to believe I’ve made a cheater out of you, Nanami Kento.”

His face fell, smile dropping as he stared back, like that was the last thing he’d expected you to say. You turned your back to him, slinking away as you picked your clothes up off the floor, tugging your jeans back on. “Why—”

“Don’t let me ruin your marriage,” you continued, ruffling your hair to put it back into position, plaster a grin on your face despite the agony you felt. “I know I’m pretty, but I’m just not worth it.”

“Stop that,” Kento stood, taking two strides to you, his eyes desperate, wild, but you stopped him, your arm outstretched, keeping your distance. "Don't stay that."

“I meant what I said, Kento. I’m happy with Toji, I’m happy with the band, and you’re happy with your fiancée. I’m not going to let you fuck any of that up.” You pushed him away, and this time he stumbled, didn’t bother to chase after you. “I missed you, but I don’t want to be with you.”

Kento searched your eyes, but you kept your face neutral, hard, emotionless. He couldn’t doubt your sincerity, and for once, he couldn’t spot your lie.

Finally, he sunk back in on himself. Nodded once. “I should go, then.”

"You should," you said firmly. “Take care of yourself.”

Kento licked his lips. He sorted himself back out, jeans zipped, shirt tucked. His hair looked every bit as perfect as it had when he walked in, even if he looked twice as sad.

“I love you,” he tried, once more, pausing with his hand on the door handle.

Sometimes, though, love wasn’t enough.

You smiled, and wrapped an arm around yourself, knowing that, people could call you a lot of things, but they could never call you selfish.

“Please don’t send me an invitation to your wedding, Kento.”

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melminli · 4 months

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my boy - by billie eilish

pairing: young coriolanus x fem. reader

summery - he ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest

word count: 2.5k

contains: angst, slightly dark themes, possessiv but soft coryo, politician coryo, talk about pregnancy and marriage, alcohol consumption

a/n: i have many songs that i think r just so coryo coded, so i thought i would choose one and write something about it. this one is just so him like, every lyric fits him perfectly

You sometimes wondered if there really had been a time when you had truly loved Coriolanus Snow. You didn't want to doubt that you didn't anymore, but the fact that you had any doubts at all said more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

"Don't you want to get dressed?" The voice of the person you were thinking about asked you. As his Fiancée, you should definitely not think about such things. You turned your attention to him and saw him standing in front of the mirror, buttoning the buttons of his expensive waistcoat.

You noticed he was about to tie his black tie next as he reached for it, and you stood up to stop him so you could do it for him. It always looked a little messy when he tied it himself. "I thought maybe I'd stay home this time. I'm a bit tired." You said, concentrating on doing a neat job, even though you probably could do it with your eyes closed by now. Perhaps the reason was more that you were trying to avoid his gaze and also his silence.

He said something back to you as you were pulling the tie tighter around his neck. "I think you should get dressed." Was all he said and ended the discussion with a few words like he always did. It would look bad if I turned up without my fiancée. Though, at the same time - I really need something pretty to look at if I want to get through the evening.

You just sighed softly as Coriolanus walked past you to fix his hair. I think I'd better wear a matching dress then. You went to your closet to look for a black dress and it should be very easy for you to find something suitable since you had a dress for every occasion. Especially since you and Coriolanus had had started to be invited regularly to galas and events.

But you just weren't in the mood. Whatever, this should be fine. You finally decided on one and put it on. However, you had a little trouble zipping up the back, though luckily, your fiancé returned the favor and helped you out. After he finished, he watched your figure in front of the mirror and gave you a gentle kiss on the back of your neck while holding you in his arms. "There you go, my dear, you look beautiful. You should also wear the pearl jewelry I bought you, they would look good on you."

You leaned back into his arms. "Good on me, or good on the wealthy impression you want to give others." You said, already knowing the answer. Coriolanu's gaze sharpened slightly at your words. He didn't like it when you got sassy with him - no matter to what extent. It seemed to be one of your traits that were hard to get rid of, but he hoped that perhaps with time, you would learn to watch your tongue more. I don't think so, but a man can still hope. At least it's not as bad as it used to be.

"Pollux will be there." He announced and sat down on the armchair next to your dressing table while he watched you make yourself pretty for him. One of the reasons why it was there. "But I would argue that one doesn't exclude the other." He came back to your earlier statement.

So, that's what this is about. The name Pollux was not necessarily associated with positive things in your household. Ever since Coriolanus had started getting involved in politics around Panem, the two of them were considered arch enemies, one could say. Both very charming men with sweet words who also each hid a poisonous dagger behind their fake smiles so they could take the other out at the slightest mistake.

"I can't stand that fucking bastard." Coriolanus complained, grimacing as he thought about his face. "If I have to listen to him make one more pun with his name, I'll shoot myself and everyone in the room. Just because your name means crown doesn't mean you're going to get it stupid asshole. I really fucking hate that guy."

Your fiancé rarely swore, at least that's how it used to be. He thought it was bad manners and therefore never did it in public, but well, maybe you secretly just wished that he would show his best side in your presence too and not just to stupid important people.

It didn't suit him. Well, at least from your point of view, it always sounded a bit strange and kind off forced to hear him swear when he hadn't done it for so long. Like he was trying to imitate someone. "You're sounding more and more like your father." You said quietly to yourself, averting your gaze from his hate-filled eyes.

That seemed to cheer him up. "Well, thank you, my dear. Didn't realize you knew so much about him." He said and became curious. He couldn't remember telling you about him. He certainly mentioned him a couple times, but not that much that you could draw that comparison.

It wasn't a compliment. You opened the bottom drawer to pull out the box of pearl earrings and necklace after you finished doing your hair. "I don't know that much. Tigris has only told me a few things from time to time, and that's it."

He hummed as he just shook off his right sleeve a little to look at his watch. "Did she." he replied with his head somewhere else as he abruptly changed the subject to be able to talk about his own interests. "Don't take too long. The Avox should have the car ready by now, and I want to leave soon." He announced and stood up from his seat. He took the necklace from your hand and placed it on your free neck before gracefully pulling the clasp. "What did I tell you, hm? Like a pretty princess." He said in good humor and gently held you by the chin to place a kiss on your lips. My pretty princess. All that's missing is her lonely tower. "I'll go down and see if everything is all right. Just come down when you're ready."

You tried to stay in a good mood too. "Okay, Coriolanus. I'll be right there." you told him, leaving his casual mention of your staff unmentioned. You got tired of talking about how your heart got heavy when you saw the silent workers.

At least you can treat them well while they are working us. Trust me, others would not grant them such luxury. With us, they are better off than most. After all, there is a reason why they are in the position they are now. What kind of luxury? Treating them like ordinary people should not be treated as such, and yet he was right once again. They would be worse off somewhere else, so you should be able to suck it up and do your best to at least give them the dignity of looking them in the eye and enduring their silent nature. After all, they had to do the same.

That's probably what he likes the most about them. You thought to yourself and were pretty sure that your fiancé would approve if you said just as little - to just open your mouth to say what he liked to hear, like a bird that he only let sing when it was his favorite song. Wouldn't he like that? Of course he would. Well, if he wants a quiet good girl then he can fuck off.

"You know, I noticed how you don't really call me Coryo anymore." He briefly stated and left open how he interpreted this.

You continued with your make-up. "Hm? Well, I think it just suits you better now, dear. You're not the same boy you used to be."

He begs to differ. "Don't be like that. I haven't changed that much. I'm still the same Coryo you fell in love with all those years ago." He laughed as he said goodbye to you with one last kiss on your head before leaving the room.

You just sat there with a heavy heart in your lonely room while staring at your silhouette in the mirror. That's what I've been trying to convince myself lately, too.

Thank goodness there's alcohol at these events. As someone who was born and raised in the Capitol and also came from a wealthy family, you were no stranger to popular events.

However, you definitely liked them more when they were considered parties and not some lame adult gathering. You'd give anything to hear the booming music from big speakers now while a few crazy, very drunk people hit the dance floor. It was chaotic, but at least it was real - people weren't hiding behind their pretty dresses and fake smiles like they are now. Whatever, you can't stop getting older, I guess. Maybe it would take a few more years for the Capitol to figure out a way around that, too, but by the time they did, it would have already lost its value.

You started listening again when your name was mentioned. "Now that you're engaged, I suppose the wedding isn't far off, huh?" Mrs. Valentius laughed merrily. If you remembered correctly, she was the wife of the man who had won some important literary prize or something last year. "And we all know that when marriage is near, children are not far away."

You laughed with her, albeit very uncomfortably. I'm not going to elaborate on that. You took another sip of your drink and saw how you just had a little bit left, same goes with your patience, too. I need more of both.

Your eyes looked up again when Coriolanus put an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his side. "Of course. The preparations are a little stressful even if they are going well, but who knows, maybe the first one will be there on our big day. What do you say, my dear?" He replied in your place with his disgustingly charming smile. I think I would like it if she was pregnant with my child on the day of the wedding. Would just have to make a few alterations to her dress, but that can easily be arranged.

Yes, you definitely needed a new drink. "Let's see, Coriolanus. Like you said, things are stressful enough right now, and I'm sure you don't want me to be any harder to handle than I already am, huh?" You joked around and laughed with the couple in front of you. I can't believe what kind of shit I'm saying about myself, but those are the only jokes these two douchebags are laughing at, and I really don't want to talk about this subject anymore. "I'm going to go and freshen up, if that's all right with you." You excuse yourself and make your way to the toilets, but not without grabbing a glass from a tray of a walking waiter.

You shut the door behind you and finally felt like you could breathe properly again since you were no longer surrounded by all these people. Could be worse. We didn't meet Pollux and his wife yet, but it's still pretty bad. "Oh, this is a nightmare." You said, leaning your arms on the sink. "Why don't you tell them when we're fucking so they know that the baby is in the making, huh? Ugh, since when did it become normal to get so personal?" You complained and swallowed the contents of your glass in one gulp, feeling it burn in your throat. It felt good.

You wanted to give yourself a few minutes alone to clear your head and come out re-energized, but the more time you spent in the room, the less you wanted to leave. You preferred to hear the voices muffled through the door, but this thought was interrupted when it opened, and you tried to act unruffled for a moment until you realized who was coming in. "Coriolanus? What are you doing here?" You asked nervously as you watched him enter. "This is a ladies' room, you can't be here!" You whispered aggressively as you stepped closer to him and saw him turn the lock behind his back. I should have fucking done that. My head is all fuzzy.

His eyebrows drew together in slight irritation. "Your breath reeks of alcohol. You've had too much to drink." He stated, making a mental note to pay more attention to your consumption next time so it wouldn't happen again. He ignored your earlier statement and continued. "What's wrong? Are you feeling sick, or why have you been in here so long?" He asked you, slightly concerned, rubbing your arms as you seemed quite drunk

"No, I'm fine." You replied stubbornly, a little annoyed and couldn't quite find the right words, so you just said the first thing that came into your mind. "I just didn't like all this baby talk."

He hummed and continued to speak to you in a calm tone since you seemed upset. "Well, you know I want kids." He said, trying to be a little more understanding. "But I get why you would find it a bit intrusive. Don't let them get to you. That's just the way these people are." He finished, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

Maybe, but that's not the way you have to be. You didn't expect him to apologize for his behavior, but it still didn't hurt any less. "I suppose you're right." You just whispered, trying not to get too emotional under the intoxication.

But you didn't manage to hide it from him. "Oh, my dear. Are you really that upset about it?" Your fiancé cooed as he saw you holding back from bursting into tears. He put his index finger to your chin and lifted your face so you couldn't hide from him. His lips moved to the spot where the first tear fell and left a soft kiss there. "You're too cute. It's really too bad that we still have to wait. A baby would certainly stop the questions, wouldn't it?" He asked you sweetly as he stroked your cheek thoughtfully and lied through his pearly white teeth. "A real shame it is. You should freshen up, I think we can leave a little early tonight since you're not feeling so well."

You just hated that he looked so pretty doing it.

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brigdh · 7 months

Text

I want to talk about Izzy's rant to Ed in episode 10, the one that brings out the Kraken. I've seen a lot of different descriptions of what is going on in this scene – death threat, homophobic slurs, etc – and I don't think either of those are what's actually what's happening.

Let's look at it closely, line by line, and the way Ed reacts, from the very beginning of the scene.

Ed: Well, feels nice to tidy up a little. Can't believe I was living like this. Can you, Iz? Izzy? Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship.

Izzy, cont: This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death.

Okay. So there we've got what some have interpreted as a death threat. But does Ed seem threatened? He's startled, certainly, put on his back foot – literally – but he doesn't look afraid or alarmed to me. He draws in a slow breath, assessing the situation, but overall seems more confused than frightened.

In fact he laughs it off with his next line:

Izzy then escalates the level of aggression in the conversation:

But Ed, again, looks more confused than anything. Check out that furrowed brow, that head tilt! This is a man going "what is your deal?", not a man thinking "uh-oh, you might kill me!".

Extremely noticeably, even when Izzy storms right up into his face, Ed holds steady. He doesn't run, doesn't lean back, doesn't hunch his shoulders or drop eye contact – there is no vulnerability or defensiveness in Ed's body language at all. Ed is in supreme control of this confrontation – look at the slow way he deigns to turn back to the paper Izzy's holding! As though he's making the point that he chooses when to turn, not Izzy:

Then we have the "homophobic slur". But watch closely:

Ed does not react to "namby-pamby", "silk gown", or "pining" at all. He doesn't even blink. He barely seems like he's hearing Izzy. His entire attention is on the picture.

Ed's body language and behavior changes at one word and one word only, and that is "boyfriend". As soon as Izzy says it, Ed's furious:

(It's even easier to notice when you actually watch the scene instead of using gifs, because Izzy really draws out 'piiiiiiining', putting a lot of time between the first half of the sentence and 'boyfriend'.)

Why is the use of the word 'boyfriend' so important?

Well, what has Ed been doing all episode? He's been crying in a blanket fort and singing sad songs, yes, but he's been keeping a careful level of mystique about why he's doing it. Ed often uses distanced circumlocutions instead of directly acknowledging his emotions, but he's doing it in this episode even more so than usual:

Here are the lyrics to his song:

(Version one, with Lucius) Hanging on By a thread Hanging on Shouldn't let go If I let go, all will fall Fingers bleeding down to the bone now Can't let go Nothing makes sense Hold on Hold on Hold... on

(Version two, performed for the whole crew) Just let go Make yourself let go Make it go away Away, away today Life's a hard sad death And then you're Deaaad

Notice something? There is no mention of Stede, or love, or break-ups, or abandonments, or relationships in general. All Ed discusses is a vague life-sucks attitude, which could apply to basically anyone under any circumstances. He seems pretty okay with people knowing that Blackbeard is having some sort of weird emotional breakdown as long as he convinces himself that no one knows it's specifically from having his heart broken

This is true of everything Ed says and does for this entire episode. He never once even mentions Stede's name, unless "Farewell, Bonnet's playthings" at the very end counts. The only thing Ed openly admits to feeling bad about is a fictional character who's having a hard time "holding on" (holding on to what? he never says). There are no allusions to heartbreak or romance anywhere in his dialogue.

Now, Ed's not stupid. I'm sure he knows Izzy and Lucius and the rest of the crew can connect the dots and realize that something bad happened with Stede, even if Ed doesn't fill them in on the details. But Ed is also traumatized, and has a whole host of coping mechanisms set up to help him avoiding thinking about things that he doesn't want to think about. If he's not a murderer because "technically the fire killed those guys", then no one knows he's heartbroken because technically he hasn't acknowledged it.

Until Izzy says the word 'boyfriend'. Suddenly the secret is out, and Ed can't handle it. Izzy knows his weakness. That's why this word effects Ed more than anything else Izzy says in the whole scene.

At the end of the confrontation, he hears the crew calling for another song. Look at Ed here. He looks as haunted, as disturbed, in this moment as he does at any point in Izzy's rant.

This is an important part of the scene, not just a closing note. Because if Izzy (the Caribbean's most emotionally constipated man) can see through him, obviously the whole crew can too.

Obviously Lucius – who advised Ed on his and Stede's relationship, who played along with Ed's 'fictional character' claim, who wrote down Ed's lyrics – can do so most of all.

There's a direct emotional logic to Ed killing Lucius because he had a fight with Izzy, and it doesn't involve Ed having been threatened or hate crime'd at all. Ed doesn't deal well with his own feelings (from Stede), so he chooses to become Blackbeard/the Kraken and gets rid of all the witnesses who saw otherwise.

#meta #our flag means death #I've been thinking about writing this up for a while but finally got motivated to finish it before S2

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seunmong-in · 1 month

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•Midnight sessions & Love Confessions🌙🤍•

Genre: Fluff, best friends to lovers, flirting, slight sass on Chan’s part, cursing (very minimal) Idol!HanxReader

Words: 1.6K

A/N: This is my first time writing again in almost 5 years... Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this as much as I did!! If you guys want to see more of this please reblog/like the post or if you have any feedback please DM me!!

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*

“Okay Y/N, that was good but do you think you can sound like you're actually in love? You know, like how you are in love with Jisung.”

You glare at Chan while you mouth the words “Fuck you” to him. As Chan and Binnie start laughing at you as you simply roll your eyes. The boys have been teasing you about your crush on Jisung, the other 1/3 of the 3racha, for a while now. They accidentally found out about your feelings for him a few months ago during one of your usual movie nights at your place. Since then, they have been either making jokes or pushing you to confess your feelings to him. However, you have always refused, thinking that he doesn't feel the same way and you didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship with him. After all, Jisung has been your best friend for years and you both have been inseparable since you debuted together. You walk out of the booth frustrated and sat on the couch. Chan and Binnie at the same time turned their chairs around to face you. It was already 12:30 AM and you were exhausted.

“Why can’t you give this part to Lee Know or Seungmin, they can sing this better than I can anyway,” you say stubbornly, closing your eyes for a few seconds.

"Because I had you in mind to sing the girl's response to this love song, Y/n. Plus, Bin and I have been wanting you to sing this for the past year now. We've even discussed having you as our featured artist for this album so you really can't back out now princess," Chan responded with a smile.

You couldn't really argue with Chan about this because he brings up a good point. You and the boys have been begging management for a song collaboration for years, and as soon as they agreed, you all teased the collaboration to your respective fanbases. Scrapping it now would be a waste of time and bad from a publicity standpoint. Knowing you had no way out of this session for at least tonight, you groaned as you stood up back up from the couch and walked back into the booth, grabbing on the headphones that rested on the mic. Once you had the headphones situated properly and the lyrics in front of you, you look at Binnie for the next instructions.

“Okay Y/n, start from the top of the second verse until you reach the bridge. Remember, try to sing this as if you're falling in love. Put lots of emotion into this bunny,”

You nod while Chan signals to Binnie to hit the record button. The instrumentals start playing as you take a deep breath, closing your eyes, and trying to mimic the feeling of being in love. Instantly, you pictured Jisung in front of you, smiling ear to ear as he cheers you on from the other side. You couldn’t help but crack open a soft smile as memories of the two of you played in your mind. You start to recall all the times he saved you from bad blind dates and all the all-nighters you both would pull just because you both got heavily attached to some anime series that was 10 years old. You continued to sing into the mic, putting all the emotions you were feeling into it and not missing a beat. This was something you didn’t do in your first couple of recordings. You were so deep into your feelings, channeling that feeling of being in love, that you didn’t even realize you were hitting all of the high notes in the bridge that Chan originally took out because you couldn’t hit them. Once the music starts to fade away, the memories of Jisung and you fade away too. You slowly open your eyes to see not only Chris and Binnie smiling at you, but Jisung was also in the room, staring at you in amazement. He pushes Chris over to the side and speaks into the mic.

“Damn Y/n that was absolutely fucking amazing!! Who knew you had that in you, Angel.”

Angel... He just called you angel. He’s only ever called you Bubba or Bubbles but never Angel... You feel your face turning red as you quickly put the headphones back down on the mic and walk out of the booth.

Ignoring that you are blushing over this new nickname, Jisung attacks you in a hug as he whispers in your ear about how beautiful you sounded in your recording. When did Ji sneak in? Did the boys text him to come sit in as you sang? Did he see you blush when he called you angel? You were so deep into thought trying to figure out what just happened, that you didn’t hear Chan talking to you.

“Earth to Y/nnnn, did you hear anything I just said.”

“Huh, no sorry what did you say Channie?” You let go of Jisung's embrace, and as you turn to face Chan, you see him smirking. Unlike Jisung, he could tell you were clearly blushing over the compliments you were receiving.

“I said I think we finally got our take. If you want, you can go home for the night since I know it’s getting late, and we can play it back first thing in the morning for you.”

Sighing in relief, you agree while you pack up your things. You thank the boys for having to spend/ deal with you the last few hours, telling them you will see them in the morning, and start to walk out of the room when Jisung stops you.

“Y/n wait up!” He grabs you by the arm, spinning you around.

“Here let me take you home, it’s late and cold out.”

“Oh Ji, I don’t want to bother you with that! I was planning to Uber home anyway.”

“Well, luckily you aren’t bothering me with asking since I am also the one offering. Plus it is my civil duty as your best friend, so I am taking you home and that's final. Now come on, Angel.”

He interlocks his hand into yours as you both walk out of the company building and go to his car. You couldn’t help but look down as you try to contain your smile though this is something the both of you usually do consistently. Jisung walks up to the passenger's side of his car and opens it for you, bowing down and signaling for you to hop in. You giggle at his silly gesture as you playfully curtsey back to him and get in. It’s moments like these you can’t help but fall more in love with him. He closes your door and quickly runs over to his side of the car, turning it on. He puts on some random playlist and he puts the car in drive.

“Alrighty, off to your house.”

After 10 minutes of listening to music in silence, you finally arrived at your apartment building. You could see from above your sister’s lights were still on which means she was still up playing video games with Felix and I.N. As you turned to face Jisung, thanking him for the ride home, you noticed he was already facing you, softly smiling.

"I know I said this earlier at the studio in front of the boys, but I really meant it when I said you really killed it with the song, Y/n. I can seriously listen to you sing all day."

That compliment made your heart skip a beat. You couldn't believe what you just heard. Although you are very talented and often hear comments like that from fans, there was something different about hearing it come from Jisung. It made you feel all bubbly inside as if you had butterflies fluttering everywhere.

"I am being 100 percent honest, Y/n. Hearing you sing with such passion and emotion, I would be lying if I said I didn't fall in love with your voice. I mean, I am already in love wit--" Jisung stops speaking as he covers his mouth and quickly looks down.

You look at him, taking a moment to process what was just said. Han Jisung, your best friend and long-time crush, has unintentionally confessed his love for you. Now the car is now truly silent as the music stops playing. With some newfound confidence, you reach over and gently lift his chin. He looks at you with red cheeks, clearly embarrassed, and tries to avoid your eye contact. You couldn’t help but smile as you finally, say the words he's been longing to hear.

“I am in love with you too Ji.”

Jisung grabs your face and kisses you passionately, and within seconds, you feel a rush of sparks running through your body. It's the answer you've been waiting for after years of not knowing. As Jisung pulls away, he places his forehead against yours.

“I've been waiting to do that since we first met, Angel.”

“I’ve been waiting for the same thing Ji.” You smile at him as you kiss him again.

After that night, the two of you officially became a couple. The boys were ecstatic to learn that you both had finally confessed your feelings to each other after almost a year of teasing. You also later find out that Jisung had actually written the song that had become a global #1 hit as a confession of his feelings towards you, not Chan and Binnie as you had initially thought.

So not only do you have the #1 love song trending worldwide, but you also got the best boyfriend by your side.

#straykids smau #straykids fluff #han jisung #han x reader #straykids imagines #stray kids #skz x reader #skz fluff #skz scenarios #skz han #skz 3racha #skz stay #skz imagines #skz fanfic #skz x y/n #stray kids x you

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spopsalt · 3 months

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How to show and how not to show a serious topic, Hazbin Hotel and Rick and Morty comparison.

WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC DECEPTIONS AND DISCUSSIONS OF S//A AND ASSAULT TOWARDS MINORS. IT IS ALL FICTION. IF ANY OF THESE ARE TRIGGERING FEEL FREE TO LEAVE

So I was watching Rick and Morty Meseeks and Destroy and it baffled me how they handled a sensitive subject much better than Hazbin Hotel. Let's start off by Hazbin Hotel's depiction shall we? For context for those who don't know, Angel Dust is a porn star who gets s//a by his boss Val for what seems to be in the regular. This is shown in a song with very suggestive lyrics while he is heavily sexualized. Feels a lot like fetish content.

But that's not even the worst part, there are s//a scenes made by someone who fetishizes s//a. Warning these images are graphic and can be triggering. These are also randomly shown throughout the song, they also give no warning for this so you can't even fully skip the scene since its not one scene.

And they also joke about s//a in a later episode,which I like dark humor,but make it make sense. What do you want people to take seriously?

Now, how does Rick and Morty handle it? They do show a different subject,with Morty nearly getting violated by Mr. Jellybean. You may not need context since this scene did get popular,but Morty made a bet with Rick that they could do a simple, fun adventure. Morty is around 14 while Rick appears to be in his late 50s early 60s.Rick agrees to the bet and they go on the adventure. They do make a joke about r*pe but it is done by Rick which is in character with him being cycincal and this was done before the scene.

Now eventually they are walking down steps and Morty stops by the bathroom. In the bathroom he meets Mr. Jellybean.He appears to be nice which shows how predators aren't obvious. They normally seem nice

Now everything seems fine, but then Mr. Jellybean gets...touchy. Morty gets uncomfortable and attempt to leave but Mr. Jellybean forces him to stay.

Now this is where the triggering scene starts, trigger warning. Nothing happens thank god due to Morty being able to fight him off. And the scene, while triggering can be skipped easily since it's one scene as a whole.

This scene was made to show how horrifying attempted r*pe is. There is a dark joke about how Rick is having a good time but this does fit with the show's dark humor

I do believe they should've put a trigger warning,but that's my only complaint about the scene in general. Morty goes out of the bathroom and begs Rick to just go home, Morty cries for the first time in the series and it's really easy to feel bad for the poor kid who was clearly traumatized.

Rick catches onto what happens and choices to comfort the kid, arguably the biggest piece in the show is nice for the first time here.

This cheers Morty up for the moment until they see Mr Jellybean again and Morty immediately leaves with Rick.

He does eventually get his karma shortly after by getting shot by Rick

Rick and Morty handled this better by not sexualizing their character while spreading awearness, treating the situation seriouslt and showing how horrifying it is, and not getting some who fetishizes r*pe to make the scene. We also get to see the biggest piece of shit in the show be nice for the first time. It shows how predators often come off as nice. This is definitely the darkest I'll ever get with my posts, but I hope you enjoyed reading it and agreed with me.

#anti hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critism #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique

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midnightshade · 8 months

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GojoHime: Evidence and Discussion

Jujutsu Kaisen isn't a romance series. It's a horror action series that focuses more on platonic bonds and camaraderie between its characters. That being said, just as any shounen series, it has its fair share of ships, each with its own assortment of crumbs and small details.

GojoHime is a particularly interesting ship to look at. Being a massive fan of it myself, it's fun to pick through the evidence that supports it. I'd like to share the evidence that I and many other GojoHime fans have found. I'll be starting with the smaller, weaker evidence first and working my way up to the strongest evidence.

Before I start in earnest, I want to clarify that this isn't made to attack any other ship. People can ship whatever they want, and no ship in the series is canon (aside from exceptions like Hakari and Kirara). I like GojoHime so I want to talk about it. That's really it.

With that out of the way, let's begin.

First, let's start with the evidence outside of the manga itself. This one isn't very compelling, but it is cute. In Japan, there is a chip brand called Bakauke. Bakauke has two mascots known as Borin and Barin, who are girlfriend and boyfriend. When Bakauke collabed with Jujutsu Kaisen, Utahime and Gojo were chosen to represent the Borin and Barin respectively, thus being depicted as girlfriend and boyfriend.

Moving on to evidence found within the actual manga, we see that on the splash page for Gojo and Utahime, the print behind them depicts arrows known as a Yagasuri pattern. In Japan, this is a symbol often used for weddings. It's meant for good luck because "a shot arrow does not return," and therefore, a married woman does not (or should not) return to her parents.

We also see depictions of them under an umbrella often used at weddings. Sharing an umbrella is also a common romantic trope in Japan.

Other smaller evidence exists in the form of their phone call. This consists a beeper code, where the number of their call spells out "I like you" in code, and another interesting detail is that Satoru calls Utahime from his recent contacts, implying that he calls her often.

Gojo and Utahime were made to be opposites. Aside from the obvious "opposites attract" trope, it creates a compelling visual story between them. Man and woman, strong and weak, modern and traditional, blue and red. Satoru hates alcohol and loves sweets while Utahime loves alcohol but hates sweets.

Gege said Gojo only puts down his Technique with people he trusts, which we see him do with Utahime. He trusts her enough to have to actively put his Technique back in place after she throws a teacup at him.

Moving on to some of the strongest and most convincing evidence, we have Waka Inoue, Utahime's very own technique, and Gege's past works.

Gojo had a picture of Waka Inoue as his background as a teenager. He clearly finds her attractive, as is common, considering she's a popular model, but the reason why this is important is that Inoue shares a lot of similarities with Utahime.

Both women have noticeable bangs, they're the same height (166cm), and they share a love for alcohol, karaoke, and sports, specifically baseball. Waka is described once as a "competitive crybaby who hates to lose," and as we see in the Anime, Gojo has a way of firing Utahime up and she is also prone to being a bit of a scaredy-cat and a crybaby. We also see her more competitive side come out during the baseball tournament between Kyoto and Tokyo.

Moving on to Utahime's Cursed Technique, as some Japanese fans have pointed out, Utahime's Soro Soro Kinku (Solo Forbidden Area) is based on a real love song about forbidden love with lyrics about a masked lover. The records from the singer, Akina Nakamori, are called Utahime records, and the singer even does Gojo's unlimited void hand sign during her live performances of her song, "Fin."

The most compelling bit of evidence for me is Gege's past works. Two of his three one-shot manga have characters who are very similar to Gojo and Utahime. The male protagonist is usually cocky and teases the female protagonist, while the female protagonist gets annoyed at his antics but is otherwise down to earth and kind.

In Nikai Bongai Barabarujura, the protagonist, Noroma, reminds me of teen Gojo in appearance and behavior. He is "the strongest" who teases Nodoka, the female protagonist, for being weak but has an obvious respect for her drive and inner strength.

In Kamishiro Sosa, we have a similar set-up as before. The male protagonist, Ganji, is very energetic and careless with the female protagonist, Rekko's, feelings, and is seen to have a very similar type of banter as Gojo and Utahime have.

Gege clearly likes that type of pairing, which isn't surprising given the bickering couple and rivals to lovers is a popular trope in romance. It's not unusual for Mangaka to reuse old ideas, and that seems to be what happened with Gojo and Utahime. Even their appearances share similarities.

As you can see, GojoHime has a lot of thought put into it, and it's very interesting to see the little details Gege has put into their dynamic. There's definitely a reason why so many adore this pairing, and I'm glad Gege has paid attention to that.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojohime #gouta #gojo satoru #iori Utahime #forbidden writings #jjk meta

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roo-bastmoon · 7 months

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Thoughts on 3D

So Jungkook's collab with Jack Harlow is out. It is catchy; it will go viral. I have purchased it; I will add it to my new releases playlists--same as I do for all our boys.

But while the dancing was cool and JK's parts are okay (I'm not thrilled that the word "girl" is used literally 20 times, but I get what the western music industry is), I was--I need to be honest here--really taken aback and unhappy with how misogynistic Jack Harlow's rap lyrics were. As far as I'm concerned, he's absolutely unnecessary, and I'll be supporting the alternate version with a lot more enthusiasm.

A deeper look at the lyrics and more of my thoughts are under the cut if you're interested (but by clicking, you're agreeing to keep it respectful in the comments or you'll get banned.)

All my ABG's get cute for me I had one girl (One girl), too boring Two girls (Two girls), that was cool for me Three girls, damn, dude's horny Four girls, okay now you whorin' (Hey, hey, hey) Hey, I'm loose I done put these shrooms to good use

Setting young women up in a line and talking about how sleeping with just one is too boring but sleeping with four is whorish? Yeah, miss me with it.

Then there's this:

You won't regret me (You won't regret me) Champagne confetti (Champagne confetti) I wanna see it In motion In 3D (Show it to me, girl, now, why?)

I was given to understand that "ABG" stands for "Asian Baby Girl" and refers to an Asian party girl who likes clubbing, wearing excessive makeup and tattoos, and revealing clothes, etc.

I also learned from Urban Dictionary—which can be an unreliable site with outdated or incorrect information—that "champagne" has referred to underage girls in the past and "confetti" or nowadays “champagne confetti” refers to orgasm, or sometimes when a group of men or women surround someone, masturbate, and then ejaculate on them.

Not even going to get into the shrooms thing. I'm not in a hyper conservative country with harsh punishments for those type of drugs so... I was a bit taken aback about a song about being fucked right, and now there's lyrics about what amounts to harem girls.

*sigh* Do you know how much I hope I'm reading into things incorrectly? Please correct me if I'm misunderstanding the innuendo, but this is what urban dictionary says. I'm 44 and live in a cave. Maybe I'm wrong.

But in any case, the vibe of Jack's parts in the video was not coming off respectful.

I don't care how many other rap songs objectify and insult women--I won't get behind any content that does. And don't even try to gaslight me or other ARMY into saying we should like this because it's comparatively worse in other rap songs. Don't try to suppress any discourse about it, either--let women discuss how they feel about how they are represented. Don't police women. Don't silence women.

BTS' rap music got so much better once they incorporated feminist feedback, so I'm used to a higher standard and I won't be lowering those standards for anyone. I have no hang ups about sex, but please miss. me. with. misogynistic. bullshit.

Then again, it seems some of the rap hyungs were on board with this.

So I guess industry pros have a different take on stuff like this!

*shrug*

Okay, we have established that I really don't like Jack Harlow's contributions to this song. Which means I'll support the alternative. Thank goodness they had the foresight to provide an alternative!

Now I can work for JK's charts in a way that doesn't aggravate my conscience. All good. Enough said on 3D.

Personally? I really hope JJK1 showcases JK's range of genres, but also has a range of topics besides pursuing girls or being cool.

I just can't vibe with a fuckboy persona; I never liked Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake for that very reason, even if some of their songs sound fine. Now, if Jungkook really admires their style and wants to pursue it, I'm not going to rag on him for it. Of course not. It's his choice and I can respect people's choices without making the same choices myself.

I will always try to support our members as far as I can, even if not everything is my cup of tea.

But I can't help hoping for something personal and authentic and substantive, when it's just Jungkook coming to us without a collab. (And with Scooter at the helm for an all-English EP, I guess I'm not holding my breath. But maybe this is all part of the learning and growing process. Time will tell.)

Please know that I don't expect other people to suit me and my tastes, but neither will I enthusiastically support content with my time and money when they don't suit me at all or actually really turn me off, ya feel me? It's a real and respectful relationship I have with BTS and their music; not performative. I don't follow along quietly out of obligation, but rather a sincere joy to participate.

I love Jungkook deeply. He's a sweet and intelligent and kind-hearted young man. Amazingly talented and humble. Sincere, open to being vulnerable, protective of those whom he loves. He donates to kid's hospitals, for goodness sake. Jeon Jungkook is a good egg.

I guess I'm just sort of feeling a bit whelmed by the type of music that is in vogue these days. JK worked hard, he did well on his parts. I just am hoping his album showcases some of the emotional depth and meaningful thoughts I have seen from him in the past, if I'm being purely honest. *shrug*

Those are my less-than-two cents. Of course, you may have a vastly different perspective and I appreciate that. Just please keep it respectful of all members and each other in the comments here. It's been a long day and I desperately need some real rest now. I'm trusting I can post this and not come back to a warzone.

I've got a Friday Thirst post in the queue for you guys, and then I'll be taking a bit of a break from social media for a few days to work on work deadlines. Please keep voting for Jimin and of course stream and buy for Jungkook and other new releases.

Sending you all so much love!

~Roo

#jungkook #Spotify

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omegalomania · 2 years

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Wait why does everyone hate brendon urie again?

i was tempted to just say "google it" but honestly panic's pr team is working doubletime to sanitize this bastard so here's a quick primer for those who are out of the loop.

this got long so i’m putting it under a cut. as a warning, this is going to have discussions and screenshots of people saying and doing extremely morally reprehensible shit, including racist, homophobic, and transphobic language, sexual harassment of minors, and more. tread with caution.

i'm also going to top this off with the caveat that brendon has a history of saying generally stupid and casually shitty things that a lot of people have noticed and called attention to, but these were largely unremarkable in the sense that they were the sort of things that i was not surprised to hear a privileged cis dude say. so while that's definitely a factor - the guy has said very shitty, openly racist, gross things, etc., numerous times and on numerous platforms and i do not want to overlook that - i also don't want to pretend like that’s the only thing going on here because there is a lot of other heinous shit at work.

i’m also not going to go into the intricacies of song meanings or lyrics and the like aside from a couple touchstone examples. it’s pretty public knowledge by now that i don’t know how but they found me (henceforth referred to as idkhow, fronted by dallon weekes, who worked/toured with panic for a good eight years as its bassist) has quite a few numbers that take implicit and explicit aim at panic, most prominently the video for their single “do it all the time,” which featured dallon setting fire to all the suits he used to wear on tour with the band. it’s an open secret that dallon was not treated very well during his time with panic, but we’ll get to that. the point here is that i don’t want to focus on conjecture of speculation when we have a wealth of very hard evidence at our disposal.

so let’s get into it.

the real Poop started up late 2019 iirc, when numerous panic fans started passing around stories about zack hall, panic's bodyguard and security guy who had been with the band since the fever era. as the only person who had actually been with the band as long as brendon himself, zack had a fair amount of sway with the fans and was notably very very close with brendon. as more and more people spoke up, it became apparent that zack had done a whole lot of things that i would term as "incredibly fucked up" over the years with people being generally afraid to say anything. it’s been pointed out to me that these accusations only picked up traction around that time; fans have been raising flags about zack’s behavior for years without any reaction from panic’s management.

around this time, discussion began circulating that brendon himself had sexually harassed/assaulted multiple fans (many of them minors at the time). some of these accusations, such as his attempt to solicit nudes from fans, have proven to be way muddier to and harder to confirm, seeing as brendon was allegedly not in charge of his socials for some of this time and one of the people using his handles to solicit fans for nudes was reportedly a former stalker of his, chelsey lynn.

i think it is worth noting that brendon has brought up his history with “stage gay” with founding member, guitarist, composer, and lyricist ryan ross and mentioned that brendon’s attempts to get handsy on stage were not always taken kindly (emphasis mine):

For our first headline tour I would go up to Ryan our guitar player, and like kiss him on the neck or kiss him on the mouth and he would be so mad. I was like, I just want to kiss you bro.

(that’s also the interview where brendon tried to both-sides the issue of roseanne being a hideous fucking racist. so, fun stuff.)

in any case, it took brendon four months to respond to any of the accusations leveled at him and zack. he ended up doing so by filming a two-minute apology on his twitch account (which was locked to subscribers only, meaning it was essentially monetized) [twitter thread summary for those who can't stomach it], only to say that he was just too anxious to say anything and that while zack had been removed from his position, he and brendon would remain close friends. he did not respond to any of the allegations against himself, and proceeded to basically go completely radio silent on all social media until reemerging in 2022 to promote viva las vengeance.

(contrast to this to how speedily he fired touring guitarist kenny harris in 2018 when multiple allegations arose that he was soliciting underage girls. he was removed from the tour in less than twenty-four hours. while the expediency of this was praised at the time, it retroactively raises a lot of questions as to how much brendon and/or zack knew about this behavior beforehand and were simply waiting for a good PR call to do something about it.)

brendon seeing no issues with zack’s behavior and only doing something about it when backed into a corner is very much not a good look, and is suggestive of the possibility that he’s complicit in or at the very least tolerant of this kind of fuckery.

but wait. theres more.

beyond the genuine fucked up behavior, brendon also has a history of severely mistreating his bandmates. we could get into the politics of the infamous schism that split founding member ryan ross (along with bassist jon walker) from brendon and the band’s drummer, spencer smith, but that is its own bag of worms and this post is long enough already. that drama is very well-covered. however, i think it’s worth noting that out of every single member of the band that has come through it, both creative contributor and touring member, the only former member to depart the band amiably was spencer, who took his leave because of struggles with alcoholism. he’s the only one who remains on good terms with brendon to this day, but he’s also technically brendon’s boss at this point since he helps manage the label dcd2, of which panic at the disco is a part.

most apparent and well-documented of brendon’s spotty history with his own bandmates is his treatment of dallon weekes and his wife, breezy weekes, while the former was writing and touring with the band. in that little zack hall clusterfuck above you can see places where breezy talked about being repeatedly harassed but electing to keep quiet so that dallon wouldn't risk losing his job. reportedly they both went to panic's management to put a stop to it, but the bad behavior continued, with both zack hall and brendon’s wife, sarah urie, as propagators. there was public outcry as people insisted that dallon and breezy were making this up for attention. however, eventually former touring guitarist (from 2009-2012) ian crawford (along with his sister), both spoke up to corroborate that zack's behavior (and brendon's enabling of it) were very much recurring issues and were part of the reason that ian left panic in the first place. ian's twitter is no longer active, so all i have are screenshots on tumblr for this one.

dallon has not spoken of his time spent with panic with much fondness. he replaced bassist jon walker in 2009 and contributed creatively on both vices and virtues (2011) and too weird to live, too rare to die (2013). for the former, he was responsible for the concept and album art. for the latter, he got writing credit for all but two of the tracks (casual affair and end of all things), and you can even find an early version of "far too young to die" that was originally penned for one of dallon's earlier projects, the brobecks. the controversial track "girls/girls/boys" (as well as “all the boys”) from too weird was written for dallon's wife, breezy, as a celebration for her pansexuality. the finished product would end up being about an alleged threesome brendon had.

in 2015 dallon stated that he would no longer be involved in panic’s writing process but would continue to serve as touring bassist before departing officially in 2017 and focusing all his efforts on the aforementioned idkhow along with former falling in reverse drummer (and former fellow brobecks bandmate) ryan seaman. while dallon has remained relatively cagey about his time with panic (as is entirely within his rights), he has on occasion commented that he often felt bullied and belittled in the workplace, and once referred to zack hall as "the actual worst person [he had] ever met."

breezy has been more frank about what dallon had to deal with during his time with the band and over time, dallon has been more up front about this as well. turns out dallon was underpaid to the point where he had to take up a second job cleaning carpets while touring with panic, and working side jobs and donating plasma for gas money between tours. this continued well into 2010 and possibly for longer. the ratio was reportedly something like $400 a night compared to brendon's $15k paycheck, so take that as you will.

that's most of what i can remember. i tried to sauce everything i could but please let me know if i missed anything. i also tried to embed the images but doing so kept breaking the damn post cause this is a webbed site so you only get links SORRY

tldr brendon urie is self-absorbed prick who hoards credit, mistreats his musicians, shelters predators, and may very well be a predator himself. fuck him.

also, while i definitely don't want to downplay the severity of just how horrendous a lot of this shit is, in the interests of not wrapping this on a totally down note i do want to mention that people were writing brendon and panic out of the "emo trinity" legacy as early as mid-2019 because everyone hated pray for the wicked that fucking much. after having to endure the musical travesty that is high hopes innumerable times during every single 20-minute grocery store run i was ready to chalk up my dislike of him to sheer annoyance so you can imagine my surprise when i learned that not only was this annoyance justified i wasn't actually hating him nearly enough.

#panic at the disco #brendon urie #yeah whatever ill maintag this just in case people arent aware #also yes you can reblog this as a general rule i never put something on this blog im not ok w people reblogging #have fun go wild whatever but people looking to pick a fight WILL be blocked #i was watching a lot of this going down in real time but there arent a lot of useful consolidations of all this information #and i'd like to stress that this is a fraction of a fraction of whats out there #theres also a lot of discussion on tiktok reportedly?? idk i dont have a tiktok and never will #if anyone feels like adding anything feel free but do please source it #i have had to fight off TOO many intrepid discoursers with a pointy stick to deal with unsauced claims currently #askin hours #anon #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG also i have been drinking quite a bit at this point hopefully this is all coherent lol

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jaegersdevil · 10 months

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𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚 - 𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝙟𝙖𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙧

Guitarist!Eren x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sasha invites you to a gig with her new band, which leads to a certain guitarist taking an immediate interest in you.

Warnings: she/her pronouns, a little suggestive (not really), singing (yes, this is a warning).

w/c: 3k

a/n: i took this from my other blog, rewrote it for eren, and here we are. i will admit it was lazy of me, but i love that fic so much i had to have it for eren <3 [images from pinterest].

“I promise you’ll love them. They’re like brothers to me,” Sasha giggled. “This is gonna be awesome!”

You smiled as she spoke over the sound of her Doc Martens slapping the concrete. Sasha carried a tote bag full of what you didn’t know. All you had was your phone and a lip gloss tube, clueless about why Sasha insisted on taking so many belongings to the gig.

Sasha only joined her band as a lead singer last month, and you hadn’t seen them perform yet. After almost failing your mid-terms, you and Sasha met at a study group last semester. You were in different majors, so hang-outs weren’t as frequent, hence why you hadn’t met her other friends yet–save for Jean, who had ploughed into a study session and demanded Sasha’s attention one afternoon and ended with the three of you in a club. Only this semester did you actually share another class with Sasha and Jean, which allowed you to become closer. You had never met the other two original band members – Eren and Armin, and the rest of her friend group – Connie and Mikasa, who both had no musical bones in their bodies.

Sasha had you listen to some demos over the few weeks she had been a part of it all, and you were beyond proud of your friend.

“I think there’ll be a huge turnout tonight. Eren told his college friends, and Armin invited his study group. But Mikasa is visiting her brother and Connie… I assume he’s gonna show up; who knows, though,” Sasha shook her head. “Anyway, I can’t wait to get out there,” She grabbed your arm, a wide grin on her lips. “Aren’t you so excited? I am. I want you to hear these songs so badly.”

Your heart doubled in size as you listened. Sasha was completely enamoured with the band despite only being in it for a short period, and you guessed that’s what made the boys so grateful to have her around—she was just as passionate as they were.

You smiled brightly at her and nodded. “I’m so proud of you, Sash. Soon, I’ll be waiting hours to get front-row at your concerts.” Then you widen your eyes jokingly. “I’ll have to fight teenagers to get tickets!”

Sasha stopped you and turned toward you. She wore a giddy smile and shook her head. “You won’t be in line. You’ll be backstage. Duh.” Then she latched onto your other arm and shook your shoulders, both of you sharing the same elation, laughing together.

“Hey! What’re you girls doing?” A voice called from a car. You didn’t think Sasha’s smile could get any bigger until she peeked around you to wave at her bandmate. Jean sat in his beat-up Subaru on the curb. Sasha grabbed your hand and pulled you along toward the car.

“Just discussing our future success,” She exclaimed, opening the passenger door and sliding in. You got in the backseat and watched Sasha yank the aux cord from Jean’s hand. Jean rolled his eyes and put his foot on the accelerator, pulling away from the sidewalk and back into the traffic.

“Hi, Y/n,” Jean greeted, ignoring Sasha’s rambling about a new song she heard.

You smiled at him in the rearview mirror. “Hey, you ready?”

Jean nodded, wincing at the volume of the music that started playing before he shouted over the music. “Born ready.”

Sasha sang the lyrics to a song you’d never heard before Jean turned it down. “How did your date with Nic go? You never got back to me.”

Sasha instantly reddened. Niccolo was a guy in her food technology class who had asked her out with beef ravioli and roses. “Good…”

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” You laugh. Sasha spun around in her seat, her grin wide.

“Ugh, fine! Since you both want to hear about it so bad,” She teased.

Jean shook his head. “Not really, I was just being nice...” He mumbled.

Sasha ignored him as she spoke. “It was so perfectly incredible! The pasta was mind-blowing, and he brought this wine, and when I tell you, it was perfectly paired with the beef, oh! Everything was so perfect.”

“Perfect, huh?” Your lips were pulled into a side smile at how often she used the word ‘perfect’.

“It’s okay to be jealous, Y/n,” Sasha laughed, then she cupped her mouth playfully so only Jean could hear. “She hasn’t gotten with anyone for months.” Sasha threw you a teasing look and a cheeky smile before returning her gaze to the road.

Your mouth opened and closed after hearing her, no words forming on your lips as Jean laughed. You sighed obnoxiously and turned your attention to your phone. The pair in the front shared a few whispers before Jean spoke.

“We’re sorry, Y/n. I bet there’ll be someone here tonight. There’s a lot of people coming.” He said, no hint of sarcasm in his tone. You met his eyes through the rearview mirror. “But I know Eren needs some, too, jeez!”

Sasha slapped Jean on the shoulder. “No! I will not let him anywhere near my beautiful Y/n.” It was the first time since this morning that you’d heard her voice so serious. “She will not be his rebound.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to be a rebound, Jean. But thanks, though.” You falsely smiled and looked out the window. The sun had started setting a half hour ago, and the sky was painted a deep tangerine.

“Just saying! Ever since he broke up with Historia, he’s been so pissed off. Nearly had my head on a stick because I ordered tomatoes on his sandwich. He’s fucking crazy!”

You had heard stories of Eren, mostly from Sasha. Tall, green-eyed, goofy, and moody. He intrigued you, yet you’d never seen him.

“Okay, Y/n. Jean and I are going backstage for like 20 minutes. Will you be okay on your own? I don’t want to leave you alone, and I know you hate that.” Sasha explained as the car pulled into a parking spot behind the small venue.

You nodded in approval and got out of the car. “Yeah, that’s fine, don’t worry about me. Go be a rockstar.”

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

You stood at the front of the crowd, securing the spot the moment you entered the doors of the building. As expected, the venue was packed. Knowing Sasha was beyond ecstatic, you didn't doubt she was a little nervous.

Your mouth was sticky from the fresh layer of lip gloss you applied not 2 minutes ago, and you moved your lips together to ensure it was evenly coated. You wiped the corners of your mouth with your fingertips, and a short cough rang through the room, indicating one of the band member's microphones was on. You looked up and noticed an unfamiliar set of eyes focused on you. Your gaze quickly darted away to notice Jean already sitting at his place behind the drums and again to see another new face on the other side of the stage. A boy with blonde hair held a bass guitar. All who was missing from the stage was Sasha.

Suddenly, the lights turned a deep purple, and the chords of ‘Monodrama’ started playing through the speakers. You looked back towards the first guy whose hair hung in his eyes as he plucked at his guitar strings, his body hunched over slightly. You watched him in curiosity and confusion. Were they starting without Sasha?

But your question was soon answered when Sasha came running out on stage, a microphone up to her lips as she sang the first line. Your face broke out in a smile. As the song continued, you saw her become more comfortable in front of this many people. She pointed at you and jumped around.

You nodded to the beat, mouthing the lyrics you knew before your eyes drifted to the brunette electric guitarist. Eren. As he played, his eyes met yours again. His dimples indented his face as he smirked, tongue poking his right cheek. You felt your face go warm, and soon, he leaned forward into his mic to join Sasha on the chorus. You were in awe of how well their voices went together. He knew what he was doing and wasn’t afraid to show it.

Eren opened his eyes to see you staring at him after the chorus. Shivers ran down his spine as he watched you sing the words to the song he wrote. Sure, many girls had done exactly what you were doing, but the difference was he knew who you were—Sasha’s best friend. The girl who his bandmate never shut up about, and Eren had been eager to meet you. He continued your minor stare-off, grinning smugly to himself when you broke the eye contact, a smile of your own pulling at your lips.

The lights had turned blue throughout the song, highlighting Eren's high cheekbones and jawline. You had to force your eyes away from him to gain control over yourself.

Once the fourth song ended, Sasha spoke to Eren before she went backstage for a break. Her shoes were killing her. Four songs of jumping around. Four songs of a game of cat and mouse to start between you and Eren. One would look away when the other glanced in their direction, and only thrice had you caught each other staring.

You watched as Eren walked up to the lead microphone, his Converse only feet away from you. Expecting a new song to start, you kept your eyes on the bass drum to stop yourself from looking up at Eren. You didn’t expect him to take a step forward and crouch before you. Your eyebrows raised when he held your gaze, his fingers moving in a lazy come hither motion. When you pushed onto your toes, he leaned down to your ear, his hot breath on your neck. His palm rested on the side of your neck, no doubt feeling your pulse racing.

“Next one’s for you.” He said. His voice was so thick you’d think this throat was lined with honey, golden and sweet, and the crowd around you faded as your ears rang. Eren pulled away from you and used his ring-clad finger to brush the tip of your nose. Your ears went hot, and you took a deep breath to control your racing heart.

Maybe being a rebound wasn't such a bad idea when the culprit looked like him. Sasha would have your neck for even thinking that.

The room turned green, and for a second, you thought you must've fallen into a dream. Eren towered over you, his teeth pulling at his bottom lip as he adjusted the microphone stand, maintaining eye contact with you. It was a sensual moment that should only occur in the depths of the night in a bedroom. His dimples and devilish smile were the cause of the butterflies in your stomach, and you had never felt under such scrutiny. But it was an illusive feeling to be the focal point of his attention.

You knew the song as soon as Eren started playing. Tonight You Are Mine. The sound brought you out of your daze.

“This is a new song I wrote, like, last week,” Eren said before the crowd cut him off. His soft laugh echoed through the room as the noise died, his eyes finding yours again. “We’re gonna play it for you tonight if that’s okay?”

Sasha gave you the demo of this one only four days ago, as she said you needed to hear it before tonight’s show. The song was one she was excited to learn, and who were you to deny her of sharing her passion? So you listened. And you listened and listened and told Sasha it was your favourite yet. And it was. The song was wholly sultry, and you returned to it each time you put your headphones on.

She must’ve passed on the news.

In a sense, I'm such a mess watching you The air is cold, so hard to breathe Still, your breath is all I see

You could hardly breathe when he looked at you like that, played his guitar, and sang intimate lyrics to you. You were utterly entranced by his voice, hands, and smile. He looked ethereal on stage, like he was destined to be on one.

Don't be so naive You know that you are all I see

To your disappointment and relief, he broke eye contact with you only a few times—you weren’t sure how long you could stand under his intimidating and dizzying gaze.

But, it only spurred you on more. It made you believe you also had some power in this uncharted territory. You watched him sing through your eyelashes, the rasp in his voice making you warm.

So let me slip inside your ultraviolet disguise The daylight holds you close But tonight, you are mine

Eren’s eyes were heavy-lidded as he played through the guitar solo. He knew it was inevitable that he would have to face you after the show; sometimes, the thrill of performing made him cocky. He hoped you’d still like him when you discovered he was reserved when he wasn’t in front of a crowd. Yet, none of his insecurities deterred him from wanting you. Because when you looked at him like that, he needed nothing more.

After the song finished, Eren winked at you, and you desperately needed to get out of the crowd, go outside, and fill your lungs with cool, fresh air that would free you from the irrational thoughts in your head. You didn’t know the guy, but still, you wanted him more than anything.

Sasha’s voice brought you back to earth.

“Thank you for coming out tonight, everyone! I hope you had a good night and liked our music enough to return.” She laughed. It was obvious everyone in the room had fallen in love with her personality throughout the night. Sasha carried herself with such self-assurance it was difficult to find why you wouldn’t like her.

The burning on your cheek was the only thing to pull your eyes away from her grand smile. Your eyes flickered to Eren, who stood off to the side with his guitar. His hair was now tied back in a half-up style, and you swore your knees almost buckled.

As everyone filtered out, you remained in your spot. Sasha came bounding over and jumped down to stand with you.

“Did you have a good time?” You could see she was nervous to ask.

“Of course I did! And you played my favourite song,” You replied, grabbing her hand in reassurance. Sasha smiled sheepishly.

“Well, I didn’t play it. Someone else did.”

“Well, someone told the other someone to play it, so.”

Sasha wiggled her eyebrows, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I saw how he was looking at you. I knew he would like you; who wouldn’t?”

You rolled your eyes, heat rushing to your cheeks.

“But, you’re still off-limits. That wouldn't be fair until he gets over his ex,” Sasha rambled before she stopped and straightened up. “And that’s my cue to leave.”

You looked at her hesitantly, unsure why she would be saying that. “What?”

“Bye, Y/n. Hey, Ren." Then she pointed him behind you. "Don't fuck this up." You assumed he made a face at her from behind you because she laughed and walked backstage.

You’d never felt your stomach drop and your heart rate speed up in such synchrony. He was the devil in Converse and a black tee.

“Y/n.” Your name on his lips was something you could get used to.

“Eren.” You said, turning to face him.

“So you do know me.” He was taller than you. A lot taller than you assumed, and it made your legs weak. “I was under the impression that you only knew Jean.”

You shrugged. “Sasha mentioned you a few times, so I had to come and check out these band guys she was hanging around.”

“Final verdict?” Eren’s mouth was pulled into a smile at the corners, his arms outstretched.

You purposefully took your time to make a decision. Taking a step back, you sized him up. He stood still, bringing his arms to cross over his chest as you eyed his tied-back hair. You rubbed your chin in false thought and then nodded.

Feeling bold, you looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, you’re cute. And talented. So, I guessed you’re alright.”

Eren’s cheeks were dusted with pink as he laughed. You smiled proudly, pleased you got the reaction you’d wanted from him.

He then moved closer to you and leaned down so his eyes aligned with yours. “Well, I find you alright too. How’d you feel if I asked you to hang out in about…” He twisted his mouth in thought, his eyes flickering down to your lips. “Half an hour?”

You bit the inside of your lip. “That would depend on what we would be doing.”

Eren stood to his full height with an unconcerned expression as he uncrossed his arms and opened himself to you. “Whatever you want. My treat.”

You tilted your head, studying him. “Tempting.” His lopsided smirk and tired green eyes were too easy to fall for.

“But, yes. I would like that," You said, giving up on the teasing.

His lips slipped into an easy grin, and he nodded, throwing this thumb over his shoulder. “Sweet. I’ll be back here in half an hour to take you on our date.” He winked.

You shook your head, laughing as he stepped up onto the stage. “Not a date!”

Eren didn’t turn back to face you as he replied. “We’ll see!”

Were you in too deep too quick?

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

songs mentioned: - tonight you are mine - the technicolors - monodrama - benches

#eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger imagine #eren yaeger x reader #eren yaeger imagine #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager imagines #eren yeager x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan imagine #rockstar!eren #guitarist!eren #— ann writes!

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flower-boi16 · 26 days

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The Problems With Charlie As The Main Protagonist

I've spoken about my thoughts on Charlie as a character before a few times on this blog, but I think it's finally time to discuss why Charlie isn't exactly the best protagonist. On the surface, there doesn't seem to be much wrong with her, she's likable and endearing enough and she's easy to root for. But...once you look deeper, the problems begin to rear their ugly head.

1. Charlie Never Grows

The first major issue with Charlie as a character is how she never really grows over the course of the first season. The show never really gives her much of an arc...? Like, by the end of the season, what does Charlie really learn by the end? The only thing I can think of is that she was right about sinners being redeemed and...that's it.

And it doesn't really make Charlie that particularly compelling as a character, she's entirely stagnant. She does have a conflict with her father, which, while executed fine, isn't enough to make her a developed character. She only gets small tinges of development and that isn't really enough for me.

Charlie doesn't learn anything or grow as a character, which makes her pretty underdeveloped as a character. The show never really gives her any real character flaws to grow from and become a better person, she's always portrayed as in the right anyway and never challenged once. Speaking of that...

2. Charlie is Always Right

This more or less ties back into the "Charlie never grows" point I've said before and I've talked about this several times before, but it's still an issue with Charlie's character; she is ALWAYS in the right. Charlie's "everyone can be redeemed" mentality is never once challenged by the narrative, and anybody who does oppose Charlie in any way is considered as wrong by the narrative.

The reason why this is a problem is because Hazbin Hotel heavily preaches about being against black-and-white moralities, as seen with Heaven and especially Adam. Heaven is meant to be seen as bad because of its black-and-white mindset of "Sinners can't be redeemed and never will". This is put on full display with Adam, and his song Hell is Forever, to the point it literally includes lyrics like "the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it".

You Didn't Know further pushes this with this line "the rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say and you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again".

So the show wants to push a message of "black and white morals are bad", but...it's rendered moot by the fact that Charlie is purely portrayed as in the right. Charlie is completely correct, everybody can be redeemed, everyone even the most evil people who did the worst possible things can still be good, and anyone who opposes her is wrong cuz she's completely in the right...gee, for a show so heavily against black-and-white moralities...doesn't this all seem very black and white in it of itself?

Charlie's "everyone can be redeemed" mentality is just as black and white as Adam's "nobody can be redeemed", they are both extremes leaning in opposite directions, that are also both wrong in their own ways, yet the show portrays Charlie's extreme as the right one and Adam's as the wrong one.

I've already talked about this before but Adam is a pure straw character; he only exists so Charlie can prove him wrong, he cant have any real character depth beyond being a generic asshole or have a real point because the show is so dead-set on making Charlie purely in the right no matter what; the narrative never challenges her and anyone who opposes her is portrayed as automatically in the wrong.

This is not the only time this happens btw. In episode 5, Lucifer is also portrayed as automatically wrong for opposing his daughter’s goals. He himself says that “Our people are AWFUL. They got gifted free will and look what they did with it!”, and the show…never counters this, despite what Lucifer is saying…being true. The people in Hell ARE awful and it's their own fault, many of them ARE deserving of death because…well, their shitty people.

Charlie is never challenged once throughout the show and its a problem because not only does it fly in the face of the show being so anti black and white, it also wastes an opportunity for the show to develop Charlie as a character; with her learning that some people can't be redeemed because they either are incapable or uninterested in changing.

That would fit more with the show’s anti-black-and-white themes and also have Charlie go through real growth as a character as she learns that not everything is all sunshine and rainbows. But sadly, we can't really have that.

So Charlie's ideals are never challenged by the narrative and thus it not only flies in the face of the show's themes it also wastes an opportunity for Charlie to grow as a character. Now it's best to get into the next issue with her...

3. Charlie is Barely Focused On

Another big issue with Charlie as the show's main protagonist is that the show doesn't really focus on her that much, especially the first half. Now, shows don't need to focus on the main protagonist at all times, obviously giving some screen time to other characters is definitely something shows should do.

But the problem is that Charlie gets very LITTLE focus in the series despite being the main protagonist, and this contributes to the problem of her being underdeveloped. The first half of the show is especially bad at this; episode 1 Is the only episode in the first half that focuses on Charlie, but even then it's overtaken by the B-plot involving the other characters trying to film a commercial.

Episodes 2&3 are entirely dedicated to what characters like Alastor or Angel Dust are doing and episode 4 is completely focused on Angel and his arc. It contributes to the issue of the show not being able to develop Charlie that much as a character because she's constantly being overshadowed by other characters. The second half is better in this regard for focusing more on Charlie but still, for the first half of the show, it feels like Charlie is overshadowed by other characters which is embarrassing because, well, she's the main character, yet she feels like she's barely gotten any actual spotlight.

4. Conclusion

I want to love Charlie as a character. I really do. I mean, she's a part of one of my favorite character archetypes. I always LOVE over joyful optimistic characters because I just find them a joy to watch on screen, but sadly, Charlie doesn't have much depth beyond that archetype. She isn't that developed making her fail to be much of a compelling protagonist, her ideology is never challenged by the narrative wasting an opportunity for her to grow and contradicting the show's themes, and she's heavily overshadowed by other characters despite being the main protagonist.

So ya, that's why Charlie isn't that great of a protagonist...bye.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel criticism

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parkerslatte · 1 year

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Songbird || NINE

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

Warnings: smut (if you are under 18 please do not interact)

Word Count: 3k

Part Summary: Billy and Y/N argue about his song and Eddie and Y/N break the rules they set for themselves.

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•••

TRACK NINE;

BABY SAID

…

Y/N L/N: I never could have imagined how annoyed Billy would be that Daisy changed the lyrics and I couldn’t have imagined the argument he had with me about it.

GRAHAM DUNNE: Billy blew up at Y/N because she knew about the lyric change before he did and didn’t say anything, everything in that house was tense for a while.

…

“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N?” Billy exclaimed, barging into the living room.

“What?” Y/N questioned, looking up from her notebook.

“The song, you knew about the changed lyrics.” Billy said.

Y/N placed her notebook down in front of her, “Yes I did.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me about it?” Billy said, “How long have you known about it?”

“I’ve known about it for two weeks,” Y/N says, “I was at Teddy’s house discussing a few things about my songs and Daisy came in with the changed lyrics.”

“And you thought you’d just what? Let her change my song.” Billy shrugged.

“They were better lyrics Billy,” Y/N says, keeping her voice calm, “She asked my opinion on them.”

“Your opinion,” Billy says, “Y/N, you’re not a songwriter.”

“Not a songwriter?” Y/N says, suddenly feeling angry, “Not a songwriter. Okay Billy, who is the one with a song on the radio which people love, because last time I checked it definitely wasn’t you.”

Y/N stood up from the couch, stepping closer to Billy, “Daisy took your simple and good song and made it complex and frankly, fucking amazing.”

“But it was my song Y/N, she had no right to change it and you had no right to feed into that.” Billy says.

“I didn’t feed into anything, Billy,” Y/N says getting frustrated, “She changed the lyrics, asked me if they’re good, I said yes, that was it. I don’t know why you’re getting angry at me for simply giving Daisy my opinion.”

“Because you can’t write a song, Y/N!” Billy exclaimed, “Your lyrics are always so two dimensional and are always about the same thing. They’re always about wanting to achieve something and being unable to get it.”

“You can’t say anything about my songs, Billy,” Y/N says, “Have you ever even heard your lyrics? ‘I put the grease on the wheel’ What the fuck does that even mean? You call my lyrics two dimensional, at least I’m saying something in mine, not giving a step by step guide.”

Y/N stepped closer to Billy, leaning up to whisper in his ear, her voice low, “ And next time you say something to me about my ability to write a song, just remember that you will never get on the radio without Daisy.”

“What’s going on in here?” Graham questioned, stepping into the room.

“Nothing,” Y/N says, “Absolutely nothing.” Picking up her notebook, Y/N left the room angrily.

Entering her room, Y/N picked up the bottle of wine next to her bed and took a long sip. Sighing she slumped down on her bed.

…

Y/N L/N: I think that was the point where I was fully convinced that I hated Billy Dunne.

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: I never knew what Billy said to her, none of us did, but after that argument they had, she disliked Billy more than me. I tried to talk to her about it but every time she would change the subject. I stopped after a while.

Y/N L/N: Of course I was proud of everyone when they were on the radio, I remember I tried to contact Daisy but I didn’t exactly know where she was and I didn’t have any of her contact information. Nothing could have prepared me for that smug look on Billy’s face when he heard himself on the radio. There was this small unspoken argument between us. Their song knocked me to number two on the charts [laughs] Warren never let me live that down.

BILLY DUNNE: I wrote a song about hope, survival, the perseverance of love. And she turned it into this celebration of doubt, uncertainty. I mean I fucking hated that song, but apparently I was the only one.

…

Y/N strode into the kitchen with Eddie following closely behind her. She picked up a piece of bacon from the plate and began to eat it.

“When’s the last time anyone went through the mail?” Karen questioned aloud.

“I thought that was your job.” Warren commented, sitting on the countertop.

“My job?” Karen exclaimed.

“Also, that pile of stuff in the sink is getting pretty big.”

As Y/N picked up another piece of bacon and put it on her plate, Eddie immediately took it off and began to eat it himself.

“Hey, just because you stole the number one record from me doesn’t mean you can steal my food too.” Y/N says, swatting him lightly on the shoulder.

“For the record,” Eddie says, leaning down so his mouth was next to her ear, “I prefer your song.”

Y/N looked up at him and gave him a small smile, unsure of what to say.

“Uh, guys.” Karen says, causing Y/N’s attention to divert to her.

“What?” Graham questioned.

“Does anyone know what these are?” Karen smiled, holding up five envelopes.

Everyone suddenly scrambled to get their envelope and opened it with haste.

“I’m rich!” Warren yelled in excitement, “I’m rich!”

…

WARREN ROJAS: $600 went a real long way in those days.

BILLY DUNNE: Even though I wrote most of the songs, we split the publishing evenly. I thought, ‘Why not?’ You know? I mean…we were family.

GRAHAM DUNNE: First thing I bought? A surfboard.

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: Couple of amps. Fuzz pedal.

KAREN SIRKO: Stock market, obviously.

WARREN ROJAS: Oh, there was this beautiful fur vest in a shop down in Venice.

Y/N L/N: Except for Karen and Billy, I had never seen people buy such stupid things just for the sake of it. [laughs] I was proud of them though.

…

“How soon does it kick in?” Warren questions.

“Depends on the person.” Karen answers.

Warren suddenly stands to his feet and sways a little, “Now, I feel like, on a molecular level, you know, the me and the canyon, we are…” Warren suddenly claps, “We’re ha! No, we’re the same, man.”

Y/N began to laugh and she couldn’t stop, she leaned slightly closer to Eddie, unable to control her body perfectly.

“Warren and Y/N are feeling it.” Karen comments.

…

GRAHAM DUNNE: How should I put this? With Billy and Camila out of the house, I think we all just felt a little bit, uh, freer.

…

“Oh shit,” Graham says, “I can’t feel my heart.”

Karen places her hand on Graham’s chest, “It’s beating.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.”

“Don’t move your hand.” Graham says.

…

WARREN ROJAS: [laughs] I really miss drugs.

…

The only two left out on the balcony were Y/N and Eddie. Y/N was staring up at the night sky while Eddie was staring directly at Y/N. Eddie had a dopey smile on his face as his eyes continuously scanned over Y/N.

“What are you thinking about?” Y/N questioned.

“What?” Eddie says slowly, not processing the question.

Y/N turned her head to face Eddie, “What are you thinking about?”

“You.” Eddie answers.

“Me?” Y/N questions, “Well I am pretty amazing.”

“You are,” Eddie says, “You are amazing.”

“You’re amazing as well.” Y/N says, shivering from the cold.

Eddie reached out and placed his hand on Y/N’s arm, “You’re cold.”

“I’m not, I’m hot.” Y/N says, laughing.

“You are, but you’re also cold.” Eddie says as he stands to his feet.

Y/N gripped onto his hand pulling him down next to her on the wider chair, “Sit with me and warm me up then.”

Y/N shuffled around on the chair getting comfortable by placing her legs over Eddie’s lap and cuddling up to his side. Wrapping his arm around her with one arm, Eddie caressed her bare thigh with the other.

“You’re pretty.” Y/N mumbled, her hand held his jaw gently tilting his face towards hers.

“Look who’s talking.” Eddie says with a smile.

“Y’know,” Y/N says, “I’ve always loved your smile. It’s-it’s just nice.”

Eddie’s eyes darted from Y/N’s eyes to her lips and back again, he inched closer and his breath fanned her face.

“I know we agreed that it would only be a one time thing, but I want to kiss you.” Eddie mumbled.

“Please…” Y/N muttered.

Wasting no more time, Eddie pressed his lips to Y/N’s. The kiss wasn’t gentle by any means, it was sloppy and rushed. Y/N gripped onto Eddie’s shirt pulling him impossibly closer to her. The kiss was hungry and desperate, their teeth clashed and there was nothing romantic about it, other than the dimly lit setting under the stars. Y/N moved to straddle Eddie’s lap.

“This feels familiar.” Eddie mumbled against Y/N’s lips.

Y/N gripped his hair, “Shut up.”

She pressed her lips against his once again. Eddie’s hands moved to Y/N’s thighs, pushing her skirt higher and higher. Y/N pulled on Eddie’s hair and pulled his head back.

“Let’s go inside.” Y/N breathed out.

Eddie simply placed his hands on the underside of Y/N’s thighs and rose to his feet, his lips never detaching from hers as he walked through the house. He sat her on top of the kitchen table as he began to kiss down her neck. Y/N was pushed back a little by Eddie so she was laying flat on the table.

“Eddie…” Y/N moaned out.

Like last time, her skin was on fire. Eddie’s touch set her skin alight. Y/N didn’t understand it, no one had ever made her feel this way before.

Eddie continued to kiss down her neck and began to unbutton her blouse. He began to kiss further, in the valley of her breasts and further south. As Eddie pulled her skirt down, Y/N raised her hips to allow him to take it off fully. As Eddie found himself in between Y/N’s legs she let out a loud gasp. The pleasure coursing through her veins was unimaginable.

Y/N was breathless as she lay there on the kitchen table. Eddie gripped her thighs tight, keeping them apart, bruises would be left there in the morning. Y/N’s hands tangled in Eddie’s hair, pulling on the ends, making him moan against her.

“Eddie, don’t stop…” Y/N moaned out while her head fell back.

Y/N wasn’t very comfortable on the table but she didn’t care, her back arched as she came, a loud moan escaping her lips. Breathing heavily Y/N took a moment to process before she sat up on the table. Gripping the front of Eddie’s shirt, she pulled him up to her connecting their lips, she could taste herself on him.

Y/N’s hands roamed until they found his belt, she tried her best to undo it but in her haste, she simply failed. Eddie pulled away, chuckling deeply which sent a jolt through Y/N’s body. Eddie undid his belt as Y/N pulled him closer, wrapping her legs around his waist, she could feel him.

Picking her up swiftly, Eddie carried her to his room, laying her down on the bed. Eddie shrugged off his jeans and pulled his shirt over his head, the necklace Y/N had bought him on full display.

Eddie crawled over Y/N and connected their lips, bodies pressed together. As Eddie pushed into her, Y/N gasped. Eddie let out a loud moan as he began to move, the pleasure building quickly.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Eddie says, quickening his pace.

Y/N's legs wrapped around Eddie as she scratched down his back. Everything between them was rough and desperate, Eddie’s pace never faltered not even for a second. Y/N bit down on Eddie’s shoulder trying to keep quiet but it was proving difficult with the combination of the pleasure she was feeling, the sound of Eddie breathless in her ear and the necklace swinging between them.

“Eddie, harder, please…” Y/N breathed out.

Eddie kissed along her jaw before he kissed her lips once again. Y/N felt like she was walking on air, she had never experienced pleasure like it. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was high but she knew that this was a feeling she hadn’t had before.

Eddie’s thrusts became sloppy as his hand came between their bodies, pushing Y/N closer to the edge. The sound of Y/N’s moans were something that would be ingrained in his memory forever.

Continuing his thrusts as he reached his high pushed Y/N over the edge. Calling out his name loudly Y/N arched her back, pressing her completely against Eddie. As Eddie pulled out and laid down next to her, Y/N’s body twitched a little. The two breathed heavily, coming down from their high.

Eddie cupped Y/N’s cheek turning her face towards him and kissed her. This kiss was a lot more gentle than the two had experienced. It made Y/N let out a sigh. Pulling away, Eddie’s hand lingered on her cheek, brushing her hair away.

Y/N rolled closer to Eddie, resting her head on his chest. Eddie’s arm wrapped around her, getting comfortable. Once Y/N’s eyes were shut she was passed out, leaving Eddie staring at the ceiling, unsure of what to think.

…

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: It was a confusing time in my life.

…

When Y/N awoke the next morning, she was confused until she looked over and saw Eddie, whose arm was draped lazily over her waist. Sighing, Y/N slid out from under his arm and stood to her feet, a dull ache in between her thighs from the night’s activities.

Grabbing her shirt from the floor, Y/N buttoned it up before slipping out of Eddie’s room. She could hear laughter coming from the kitchen. As Y/N stepped into her room she quickly grabbed some clothes and got changed. When she looked in the mirror, her hair was a complete mess causing Y/N to sigh.

Attempting to make it look presentable, Y/N tried everything before giving up altogether, opting to just take a shower later in the day. Heading out of her room and to the kitchen, she found Eddie now awake, sitting at the table with the others.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel awkward, despite their agreement, the two had slept together again. She didn’t know how to feel, one one hand she regrets it, knowing that no matter what the two say, it would impact their friendship but on the other hand she was glad it happened but she couldn’t explain why.

Sitting down at the kitchen table Y/N offered everyone a smile but as she looked in Eddie’s direction, her smile faltered as he wasn’t looking at her. Feeling an ache in her chest, Y/N simply grabbed a slice of toast Graham offered to her and ate it in silence.

…

Y/N L/N: I didn’t know what to think.

BILLY DUNNE: I wanted to get back into the studio right away. Cut a new album. Turn the page. You know? But that song wouldn’t quit.

GRAHAM DUNNE: We got asked to join the bill at the Diamond Head Festival in Hawaii. It was our first show, since, um…well…

Y/N L/N: I wasn’t originally going to go to the festival but Teddy told me last minute that they wanted me as well, so I agreed. I mean who wouldn’t want to perform in fucking Hawaii. I got to perform my song and a few songs that people hadn’t heard before, I was reaching a new audience. It was what I’ve always wanted, to be seen.

…

“Hey, Steve Miller Band. The Dead? Shit, these guys are all here?” Warren says.

“Where are we?” Graham asks.

“Right there, brother.” Warren says, pointing to the bottom of the list.

“I’m still above you.” Y/N teased, pointing out her name just above the band’s.

…

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: We were on at one in the afternoon. But, hey, at least we were invited.

…

Y/N stood around with the band just before she was about to go on stage. She was nervous, normally Y/N performed in front of thirty people tops but there was a crowd of at least one-hundred. Gripping onto the bottle of wine, Y/N brought it up to her lips, taking a long drink.

“Hey,” Karen says, “You’re gonna do great.”

“I know,” Y/N says, “Just pre-show nerves kicking in.”

Y/N took one final swig of the wine before placing it down, “I’m gonna be fucking fantastic.”

Just before Y/N walked onto the stage, she caught Eddie’s eye. The two hadn’t really spoken since the night they spent together. It was strange not talking to him as the two were constantly drawn to one another, she did miss him but she knew that spending some time apart for a while was probably best.

Sending a quick wink in Eddie’s direction before walking on stage caused Eddie to smile. The crowd cheered as Y/N appeared on stage. Confidently striding to the microphone, Y/N adjusted it to her height and someone handed her a guitar.

“I’m Y/N L/N and this is my song In the Morning.” Y/N introduced and the crowd cheered.

Y/N began to play.

From the side of the stage, the band watched, proud of their friend all with smiles on their faces. However Eddie had an unreadable expression on his face.

…

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: That was the moment I knew I was falling in love with Y/N L/N.

Taglist:

@itsthegamemaster @pinkdaiisies @atrimmunson @siredstiless @jihyoforlife @accidrainonme

#eddie roundtree #eddie roundtree x reader #eddie loving #eddie loving x reader #daisy jones and the six #daisy jones and the six x reader #josh whitehouse

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eregyrn-falls · 1 year

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Organizing a Stan Twins-centric Multi-Artist Lyric Comic!

There's a song I've always wanted to see as an AMV or a lyric comic for the Stan Twins, and years pass, and I've never been able to tackle a project that big. So, I wanted to try to organize it as a multi-artist lyric comic!

The song is "Trouble", by Avicii. (See below.)

What is a multi-artist lyric comic? One where people sign up, and each artist is assigned a line from the song. Artists will then do 1 page for their line, and at the end, it's all put together. Here is an example from GF fandom in 2018. (Here is a video version that someone put together with the music.)

This song has 28 lines of lyrics, but it also has some instrumental breaks, and I've thought of a way to fill those that would allow more people to participate (particularly if someone was unsure if they could take on a full page).

Here's the song:

youtube

There's a lot of details to go into, so to keep this post from taking up too much dash real estate, I'm going to put more detail below a read-more.

Here is a link to a Google form you can fill out to indicate interest. (But we do urge you to read over the details below!)

The goal would be to complete this in time to make it public on August 31st or Sept. 1st, 2023 -- in line with the actual last days in-story of the show. Therefore, the due date for final art will likely be around August 15th or 20th.

I hope folks will find this intriguing! I think it could be a lot of fun!

@mercury-falls and I are the point-people for this, at the moment!

All right -- the way I've always seen it, the first verse of the song is very Stan-related, and the second verse is very Ford related.

Here is a Google Doc with the lyrics.

My idea for the instrumental breaks was to have people contribute smaller pieces of art that look a bit like Polaroid snapshots. If we can get the lyric comic combined with the music, think of the collection of Polaroids accumulating the way they do at the end of the show's opening credits.

There are two main ways artists can contribute to the project:

For lyrics, full landscape illustrations (which include color, lettering, and a background)

For instrumental breaks, polaroid-style illustrations (smaller, simpler pieces in square format). We will use these in a video edit of the comic and have them accumulate like the show’s intro during the breaks. (We will also figure out a good way to display them in the lyric-comic post itself.)

Your art should be canon-compliant, and can depict any time period of the Stans’ lives (past, present, and near-future)! Do with your art as you best see fit with your lyrics, but keep the focus on the Stans and their relationships with each other and other GF characters. Both original content and screenshot adaptations are welcome!

We also welcome collaborations between artists on full pages! We encourage every artist in the project to help and support each other if they are comfortable. On the interest form, you can tell us if you are interested in volunteering to help others with inking, coloring, or creating backgrounds! Or, you can tell us if you think you will need help.

On the form, you can indicate your preference towards the Stan or Ford verses. But once we have the team of artists doing lyrics chosen, we will randomize the list and then contact people in order, to ask about preferences for lyrics. If you aren't chosen for one of the full pages, we would still like to have you involved for the Polaroids! (And you can indicate willingness to be called on to do a page if others drop out.)

We will have check-in dates through the summer, with goals for people to report on the subject of their piece; to have a sketch or layout ready to show; and to show progress closer to the end.

We will be setting up a Discord server to help share information, and to allow people to post WIPs or just generally discuss things, and keep motivation going. If you really don't use Discord, though, and don't want to sign up for it, that's okay. We will put whatever instructions and details we have in a Google Doc, and will share that link for reference. And we can always communicate via email.

I (Eregyrn speaking!) have been involved in a LOT of fan projects over the years. One of the key things to ask of people who sign up for a project is: communication. That is, if you're having difficulties, just let us know! If you need to drop out, just let us know! Don't feel guilty that you signed up and then had to drop out. The thing that is hardest on organizers of projects like this is when people sign up, but disappear and don't answer DMs or emails. Believe me, I've been in that position where you feel guilty and don't want to admit that you have to drop out -- but it's always much easier on the organizers if you just let them know, instead of keeping them guessing! This is just something to keep in mind when you're signing up -- life happens! It's okay! But please try to let us know if something comes up and you have to bow out.

Here is the link to the Google Form, that you can fill out to indicate interest.

#gravity falls #stanford pines #stanley pines #sea grunks!#lyric comics #trouble lyric comic #multi artist project #multi artist lyric comic

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funhouse-mirror-barbie · 4 months

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I talked a lot about Stella’s appearances previously, but I wanted to talk about her other appearance in season one—this scene:

This scene is interesting to me. I’ve seen some discussion on tumblr debating that this scene was only showing that Stolas felt guilty about cheating on Stella, not that Stolas was actually in the wrong for doing so.

And I find this logic fascinating b/c, yes if you would like to interpret it that way, you can. It’s up to you to decide how you want to interpret or engage with any work.

That said, I don’t think that competent and consistent writing would make the audience try to justify why Stella was there in hindsight. (Conversation continues below cut)

This scene is significant to me because the visual composition and direction of the animation puts Stella at the same level of importance as Octavia.

Which, in my opinion, means that this is one of the few times Helluva Boss did “Show don’t Tell” really well.

Through the visuals, the lyrics of the song, and Stolas’ reaction to Ozzie’s conjured Stella and Via, the audience is told that “these are people Stolas has both failed. He knows he has failed them and fears losing them. But he still hasn’t considered how his actions would impact them, and is now being faced with the idea of that possibility for the first time”

I specifically say that “he’s afraid of losing them” because the illusion of Octavia and Stella both turn their backs on Stolas, leaving him with just Blitzø. It’s extremely clear visual story telling—Stolas wants to be with Blitzø, but in doing so he is neglecting and will potentially lose his relationships with his wife and child.

And, at this point, because it’s before S2E1, the audience has still not been told that Stella is evil and abusive, and have no reason to think that Stolas wouldn’t care if Stella left (and again you can argue that there’s foreshadowing in hindsight but I have already gone over in depth why there isn’t enough information about Stella for the audience to see that coming)

What this part of the song is communicating to us is that Stella has at least some importance in Stolas’ life.

I think you could say that “well obviously Ozzie just didn’t know enough about Stolas’ personal life” but at the same time, what is being depicted in the show is also for the audience’s benefit.

When you are using a visual medium for your story-telling, your compositions and what you physically show the audience is important.

Like this isn’t subtext, it’s not even subtle—in a scene that is depicting Stolas’ shame, guilt, and embarrassment over his affair with Blitzø, Stella is included with Octavia because he knows he wronged her too.

(Also I almost didn’t write “Stolas’ shame, guilt etc.” b/c I was like “well wait, I can’t remember for sure that Stolas was shown as being ashamed or embarrassed about his relationship with Blitzø” so I went back to check and rewatched Ozzie’s and like.. Stolas being ashamed of his affair with Blitzø was shown even more explicitly than I remembered. Like, he straight up tries to ditch Blitzø and then hides his face after Ozzie asks him if he gave up his family to be with Blitzø ????

And Blitzø’s reaction to this shows he’s obviously hurt by this? Like. I know some people have acted like Blitzø is in the wrong for rejecting Stolas after Ozzie’s but I can’t imagine not being hurt by this reaction…)

But anyway, back to the main point—All of these visuals and the character’s reactions to what’s going on around them are meant to illicit emotions within us, but if Stella’s abuse and complete cruelty were always planned and she was always supposed to be hated, the emotional impact this scene is significantly lessened.

I know I’ve already said this, but I just can’t help thinking that the story would have been SO MUCH more interesting if Stolas was held fully accountable and actually had to reflect on his actions. There was so much potential for the plot and deep nuanced character development and change.

At the end of the day though, it’s not my story, and the writers and creative heads of HB get to tell the story they want to tell.

As a final note—I am not trying to nitpick, these are things that occur to me while I am trying to understand the story and engage with it on a deeper level.

But with every new episode, I find myself having more questions about why certain choices were made, and getting more and more confused about why characters behave the way they do. I can’t help thinking that the story was never fully planned out, and I worry that’s only going to become more obvious as time goes on.

#funhouse convo #media criticism #media critique #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #media conversation #writing critique #stella goetia #not tagging st0las cause people will probably send me hate #please don’t send me hate I’m not trying to attack anyone and the show does not have feelings it is just media

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archivalofsins · 5 months

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Mikoto's Advertising Secrets

So, today Star and I are going to talk about Double. Yep, it’s another team up to tackle one of the most difficult characters in Milgram. Today we’ll be discussing the Japanese and English lyrics of Double provided by the staff. Along with some fun facts and observations we’ve made from them.

Preface

This will be going over the use of (MeMe) in the official French and English translations of Double along with the use of and etymology of the term “Newborn”. Due to the focus on these phrases since the release of Double and how the fandom has treated official translations in the past… Star and I believed it only fair to give the same scrutiny given to past translations to Double. It cannot only be a mistranslation when it’s inconvenient to how one personally views the character then absolutely correct and unquestionable when the translation (regardless of how many creative liberties it takes) supports what one personally wants to believe.

If anyone has problems with having these topics scrutinized fully and objectively then this is not the post for them. If anyone is interested in finding out more about linguistics both English and Japanese, MeMe and Double parallels, and a lot of things about Mikoto Kayano then this post might be for you. The way I word things has always been incredibly direct and that won’t be changing over the course of this post.

This post wouldn't be possible without the discussions and help I received from not only @apatchworkstar but @tsuwmya and @doctorbunny.

With all that out of the way- Are you ready?

Okay, well let’s jump into it!

This may have spelling errors and may be edited at a later date to add more context. Just like Mikoto's song lol~

Hi, this is Star here- Starting off this post! Gunsli and I were discussing some of the information floating around about Mikoto- them with more people than me. I was mostly bitching discussing how I found it interesting that people were taking a step away from their habit of brutally eviscerating the official translations of songs to hyper focus on the wording of Double.

Now, Gunsli and myself have been very open about how we both believe the original lyrics and the translations both help add necessary context to all of the songs and that neither is less than the other. However, it is a bit… Irksome for people to just pick and choose what they consider a valid conversion of information. Especially since translating is already something that can be hard to carry nuance over. It also hasn’t escaped my notice what the official English translation is being used to support. Which is also aggravating, with everything else into consideration.

So, I took out my copy of Double and did what fans have been doing for most of trial two- looking at the Japanese lyrics within the cd pamphlet and comparing them to the translation. And boy was that interesting!

Don’t worry~

Mikoto is an honest man, guys~ Come on, would a guy with such tiredness in his eyes lie to us~?

…So, his song's translation has to be the pinnacle of accuracy; all with little to no artistic liberties taken, right? Well- no.

Literally, there wouldn’t be any point of making this as a post if it was.

(Gunsli: Don’t mind the underlined parts in the english lyrics for now. That comes in later.)

Firstly,

“I’m Double (MeMe)”

“Double” is the only line actually said in this statement. “(MeMe)” is never said within the lyrics of Double. However, given that it is in parentheses (something that is meant to add additional context to a statement), “(MeMe)” technically does not have to be said within the song in order to be put into the lyrics in this way. This isn’t a case of the english lyrics being inaccurate per se, but a case of the staff using english language and grammar in order to add context to what is being said. Something that’s not only done with the English translation, but the French one too.

So this is additional context; a rare treat for fans in the west! Now, when Gunsli and I were discussing Mikoto’s second trial CD cover-

Gunsli speculated that they added in (MeMe) to hammer in that there were, in fact, only two of them. Especially given how prevalent trikoto was/is as a theory. However, neither of us thought the staff would go so far as to just present this as something that had been said when it never was just to drive in the point further.

In every other instance during trial two when the prisoners have referenced their previous trial songs, it’s been verbally- i.e. within the lyrics themselves. Anyone can hear it, and the lines are noted in their cd pamphlets + the inside of the cd case, even if they aren’t translated as literally the lines that are said to be there are there.

Mikoto is the only one who’s official translated lyrics reference his first trial song without him verbally referencing it.

Making this a literal instance of, “He did not fucking say that.” Musical edition~

I guess you could say that Mikoto is the creme de la creme- or, to phrase it better an outlier even among other outliers. Which I find amusing as hell, considering how Mikoto is being treated in Milgram currently. Because, despite the fact that he does not verbally reference his previous song in any way throughout his trial two song, the staff still chose to frame it as though Mikoto had within these translations and visuals. Like how are you gonna call yourself an honest man, then be a bigger liar than Kazui Mukuhara! At least the text that comes up in Cat is actually sung by him!

But this is something that adeptly draws attention to Mikoto’s previously stated skills and hobbies-

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?

Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

Q.07 What are your hobbies?

Mikoto: shopping / darts / photography / cycling

Q.08 What’s the most rewarding part of your current job?

Mikoto: I mean, it’s the top advertising agency in the industry? Anyone would be proud to be a part of it. I put a lot of work in just to get here, too.

Design, photography, and advertising. All things that require people to know, not only how to conduct and present themselves, but how to present others and concepts to people in a way that will be favorable and hopefully increase revenue and sales.

So, why wouldn’t Mikoto pull out all the stops to present himself in a way that would get him a more favorable response after the train wreck that was his first trial?

To be fair, when we were first discussing it, I didn’t really understand how tacking on (MeMe) after Double would make Mikoto look any better. Then Gunsli stated that outside of the meta viewpoint, we’d tackled already (which I had to bring to her attention)- That there was a second thing that made this translation decision interesting.

The fact that it served to connect Mikoto back to the song at all. As though Mikoto is trying to haphazardly put his name or presence on someone else’s work. Gunsli put it best,

“It’s a great visual example of Mikoto tacking himself onto John’s pain. Connecting himself to his suffering in order to justify his actions and avoid taking accountability. Really homing in on one of the core questions Milgram as a facility and project has continued to pose to those that participate in it- Is one’s anger justifiable when they are getting angry at something that did not happen to them. Or is it simply a case of know-it-alls not being able to mind their own business? Or in the words of Mikoto from MeMe, “This isn’t too much is it?”. At what point does defending another person become too much? Can it really be considered protecting yourself if the self you’re protecting is their own person in their own right? Or is this just a new layer of self-justification that Mikoto has created in order to downplay how much agency he had over the situation. “I’m probably not to blame, it’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon.”.”

“All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY?”

(Gunsli here- This line isn’t even the only one they do this with when it comes to the translations. They also do it again with the word us at the start of the Double. “Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us).” Once again using parentheses to give further context or emphasize unstated things.)

Now, I’m gonna leave the second half of this to Gunsli-

Secondly,

"The “newborn” other you."

Gunsli here and-

Man, I really didn’t think we’d be taking the metaphorical as literal. Especially after all the fuss around the visuals of I Love You but- I guess things are only metaphorical or literal based on how convenient it is for things to be that in the moment. If we took every instance that the word baby is used in any song as literally as newborn is being taken here music would be rather complicated to say the least.

Yet, I guess since this is a Japanese phrase it’s a bit more specific than that. That this phrase is only applicable when discussing newly born beings and nothing else. Well, not exactly. Regardless of how specific a language is there are still instances where words and phrases will have different meanings based on the context they are said in. A good deal of people like to poke fun at English for being a mutt language and incredibly indirect, but every language has room for miscommunications or misunderstandings to occur.

Because every language is the sum of a culture's collective history. All languages are always building off of themselves and evolving and certain terms that meant one thing to the last generation can mean an entirely different thing to the next. This is true in the instance of not only the Japanese phrasing of this line but the English one as well.

So, let’s start with the English one.

“Me, the newborn other you, I’ll take it all on.”

Firstly, me in this instance is ore in Japanese. In the context of Milgram we know ore is used when John is referring to themselves. At least this is the pattern that has been presented. However, it is not always the case. Ore and boku can be used to refer to each of them respectively and collectively. However, for the sake of this example, let’s say it refers to John.

Me (John), the newborn-

Okay, we’ve gotten to the main offender in this sentence. Newborn. In English newborn is no longer contextually used to refer to a baby/infant or someone who was just born. Also, it never only referred to that to begin with and has not been colloquially used in this way for some time unless one is referring to someone they know very little about having a child.

For example,

“Where’s Janice from accounting? I haven’t seen her in a good while.” “Oh, you didn’t hear? She had a newborn. So, she’s on maternity leave.”

Even then this is still rather formal and outdated. An interaction like this is more likely to go.

“Where’s Janice from accounting? I haven’t seen her around in a while.” “Oh, you haven’t heard she just had a baby. She’s on maternity leave.”

Alright but they’re translating from Japanese to English and using baby or infant in the context of the sentence presented would be odd. Yeah, that’s right, it would be odd. That’s why in the beginning, I found it strange to even look into this line in this context as though it could in some way even tangentially be related to birth or children.

If it would be odd to add the word baby in this context, chances are that this probably has nothing to do with them or birth in the conventional organic sense of the word.

But born is in the word.

Okay, let’s do what we did with Neoplasm. Because, clearly the internet only taught some people one meaning of these words.

So, bear witness to this real quick-

Bear: To support or hold up.

Gif made by Star

Double: ““No, I need to do more…”, say what? You’re gonna break. Me, the newborn other you, I’ll take it all on.”

This is rather self-explanatory. To say that one will take it all on is to state their intentions to take on the burdens, issues, or stressors of another person or of a specific event. For example to take blame and face punishment for a crime one did not commit in order to protect another. Mikoto is also shown in Double using the bat for support.

Bear Down: Proceed forcefully toward.

Gif made by Star

While making the gifs Star pointed out that the word next to the three arrows pointing at the assailant here is "Savior" in sloppy English. This is emphasized by having "Save you" appear next to the figure as they continue to walk forward. Showing that (whichever one of them this is) believes themselves to be their savior and that what we see them doing here isn't an attack or them hunting the other down but them going to save the other. Adding more meaning behind these lines, "Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good." - "Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, so why?"

Alright, all of that is very interesting Gunsli. However, bear is not the word that we’re here to discuss today. The word is “Newborn”. What possible bearing could this word have on that? That’s a good question. It just so happens that one of the root words of “Newborn” comes from bear.

Since the word comes from both New and Born.

New (Old English Niwian, Neowian)

Fourth Definition: Bring forth.

MeMe

“Why?”

““I” will save “me”.”

“Switch, shake up that brain.”

“Why am I here? It must be a mistake right? Take a good look at me until you find me.”

Double

“I’ve got you, leave it to me!”

““He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?”

“Hey, I just wanted to save you, so why did it come to this? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, so why. I don’t remember a thing, it couldn’t be helped, I’m DOUBLE (MeMe). I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard.”

This is not self-explanatory. So, I’m going to take the time to explain what was going on in my mind when I decided to highlight these lyrics. I was interpreting bring forth in the context of switching. Mikoto is shown throughout MeMe to be looking for himself. Throughout the lyrics and the visuals. This is something reiterated through Double in a more chilling way. As it starts with what seems to be John being forced to the forefront due to Mikoto becoming too stressed. Something we see occur in Mikoto’s first and second voice dramas.

John even making it clear from the beginning that he’s not out because he wants to be yelling,

“AaaAAAGH! Fuck… Fuck… STOP PISSING ME OFF!” While audibly stomping around and possibly messing up his hair the same way we see him do in Double. Basically, throwing a tantrum.

Couple this with his first cover song expressly stating that feeling ashamed which can cause stress and anxiety will open a role for an idiot to play (something we’ll go into after this) gives us a good understanding of what occurred in response to Mikoto's verdict.

Something that if we didn’t catch onto John was more than happy to bluntly state to us in their second voice drama.

Neoplasm Voice Drama

“I (boku) might be trying to disappear.”

“Evidently, the time I (ore) have been fronting has been getting longer, so this “me” has been able to stabilize. Isn’t that the reason we can talk properly?”

The mental stress caused to Mikoto due to his previous verdict has led to him not being able to properly cope with the circumstances and drawing inward more as a result. Now fronting less and less as John (the one portrayed as being more used to stressful circumstances and better at holding things down) takes the forefront.

MeMe

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?”

Double

““No, I need to do more…”, say what? You’re gonna break.”

Neoplasm Voice Drama

“Yeah. I… probably come out to ease the stress Boku experiences. The fact that I come out for longer just means that Boku is constantly under extreme stress.”

"The fact that you judged against forgiving Boku is causing a lot of stress.”

Depending on which of them has memories of the crime this could be a good thing.

"That’s why he’s entrusting me with his heart."

This leads well into the next definition-

Ninth Definition: Substitute.

Double: “Leave it to me.”- “I’ll take it all on.”-”Relieved, aren’t you?”-“I’ll protect you (us).”

These are again things I find self-explanatory, but I’ll explain for the sake of clarity. These are all things one says when taking on another’s responsibilities or substituting for them. Usually someone is given a substitute when they cannot fulfill their duties for one reason or another. How John describes the current circumstances in Neoplasm makes it sound as though he is substituting for Mikoto because as he said in his second cd trailer,

“I can’t take it anymore…”

Monopoisoner: “As for who is acting strangely, look here, it’s already been decided that I’m the normal one, OK?”- “Do you have a preference for plundering? Because what’s being stolen away right now is your life. “How’s this? How’s this? What do you think?” Even though the outcome was understood from the start… The foolish you is already done for “nothing to see here, move on, pay no heed”.”- ““Please, bring to an end this world today” but that hole opens up a role for me to play. “Please, feel ashamed of this self from today” but that hole opens up a role for an idiot to play.”

gif made by @apatchworkstar

“You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken. But if you persist, I guess it’s my job to keep things on an even keel. Me, the other you, I’ll take it all on.”

In my opinion the Milgram staff could not make it clearer who the actual killer is at this point outside of the third trial just blatantly telling us if Mikoto gets as cocky as Mu did in response to his Innocent verdict. (Remember those underlined parts from the beginning of this post? Yeah, that comes in now.)

Literally each time he says the other you in this song Me comes before it. Plus like Star established earlier the staff literally choose to shove (MeMe) in here when again it is not said to further highlight this more subtle aspect to oversea viewers.

They basically made it so if you line up every time this phrase is said you just get-

“Me, the newborn other you, I’ll take it all on.”

“Me, the other you, I’ll take it all on.”

The title of the first trial song and they only put this phrase in twice within the lyrics to give this effect. Like this isn’t even a stretch at this point. They’ve gone above and beyond to highlight that Mikoto did that shit but we’re focusing on “newborn” right now. Moment of appreciation for the best translated lyrics of trial two. Like honestly the amount of information they had to shove directly into this man's lyrics due to his rather disjointed mv (that they still managed to get a lot of information in as well by the way) and still managed to get in is impressive.

It’s actually jaw dropping when one takes the time to look into it.

So, now that we have a bit of the history of the word “Newborn” how does it apply to this sentence,

“Me, the newborn other you, I’ll take it all on.”

Well given the etymology of Newborn we’ve learned a few things. One of them being that newborn is not only used to refer to recently born things but newly discovered concepts. Yet to reduce my own point a great deal we only need one source and one source only Merriam-Webster. Well, that and an understanding of English grammar.

Are you getting it yet? Well, if not here’s an English refresher in a form most Milgram fans should be used to music-

Now, I'm assuming you’ve watched both of those great videos. So, how is “newborn” being used here exactly?

“Me, the newborn other you, I’ll take it all on.”

That’s right baby, that word is being used in its adjective form not its noun form. Newborn is being used to describe the Me in this sentence the newborn other you. That is what the pronoun me is being described as in this sentence. So, what does that mean folks? Well, it means that Me in this context is not a newborn individual but instead a recently born or born anew construct or in this case self. Definitively showcasing that the newborn being referred to here cannot and never could in this sentence be defined as a newborn individual. At least that would not be the only meaning in its adjective state.

There’s a difference between referring to a newborn and describing someone as a newborn. Be it oneself or another person. I know this is very confusing. I’m sorry and it doesn’t get any easier going into the Japanese. Something that even I am going to need help with and luckily can get help with.

That’s later though all one needs to know for now is yes, the adjective state of the word may be used to refer to things that are not infants or newly born. Think of it like the word discovered. You know in the sense that Christopher Columbus “discovered” America. The word is kind of like that. Yeah, that’s the type of shit we’re getting into later. Yet, for now let’s keep things simple.

A better way to explain this is by showing the synonyms and example sentences for the adjective state of this word,

Know who the adjective form of newborn perfectly describes out of the two? Could it be the tired, bags under the eyes, lethargic John or Mikoto Hypnos’ favorite human?

Man, is it “I’ve slept for twelve restful hours” Mikoto or John the one displayed as being soooo tired he passes out on public transport. Literally one of the most dangerous things a person can do.

I wonder who it could be…

If only we had a clue or a hint? (Or a bed for John.)

Ah well too bad. There’s nothing like that… I guess we’ll never solve this conundrum. It’s not as though newborn can be used to describe someone who has been reinvigorated or has come across a new sense of purpose or direction. It’d be incredibly awkward if that were the case. Because even ignoring everything else that would be a very nice and subtle way, still open enough to be interpreted a myriad of ways, for this series to highlight even further that Mikoto did that shit without blatantly saying he did.

Luckily that English word only refers to organisms that have just been born and nothing else and no one will find any sources stating otherwise ever. So, it’s best to not look and we should all just do what Mikoto- I mean John said,

“Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down.”

Okay, but what about the Japanese lyrics?

“産声を上げたもうひとりの俺が、全部背負うから”/ Ubugoe wo ageta mou hitori no ore ga, zenbu seou kara.

One rough interpretation of the phrase in english could be,

“Born again, I (ore) alone will take responsibility for everything.”

So, why use newborn instead of born again?

As we discussed before, no language is that easy to grasp. There are multiple ways for various translators to interpret this phrase. Not all of them will give the same exact perspective on a phrase and their translations are prone to be influenced by not only their own personal experiences but their relationship with the work being translated. For example I had DoctorBunny help me out when it came to getting a grasp of the Japanese in this instance.

During the process he said this,

“Trust me this is a very newborn invoking line. It's a saying basically used synonymously with being born. A favourite of foetus musician Mao Sasagawa.”

However, the example he gave was musical. This isn’t problematic or anything but it’s kind of easy to form a rebuttal against it. Something I’ll illustrate now- while answering that question I posed earlier with this song.

Born again in the west has a very religious connotation and even though the word savior is used within Double the staff probably didn’t want to tie Mikoto’s character that heavily to religion. Because as Mikoto has stated repeatedly he views himself as his on “Savior” and-

Q.19 Do you believe god exists?

Mikoto: I don’t believe, no. I don’t feel so strongly that I’m gonna deny the possibility but- Like, what do I gain from believing?

Taking into consideration how synonymous with religion the term born again is and Mikoto’s characterization thus far, would it really be contextually appropriate for them to translate it in that way for a western audience?

Definitely not.

Especially considering the timing of his second song's release. Ya know- Being right after the most religiously involved character in the franchise. Those are the type of things a staff has to take into consideration when translating information into other languages for vastly different cultures. Again, the consideration and care put into the translation of Double in particular, is apparent in every line, every word said or not that they added in order to make sure regardless of the language one spoke everyone was getting not only a unique but as accurate as possible experience.

Personally, I believe that the effort put in in this instance should not only be respected but lauded. For now though let’s give the Japanese lyrics some much due attention. Because they are just as good.

Believe it or not that idiomatic expression is what led to this entire post. When I saw this I couldn’t help but think of a phrase in English that is the exact opposite of the one highlighted.

“This will never see the light of day.”

To see the light of day is a common phrase that on top of being another synonym for being born means, To come to existence or be made known.

It’s a rather colloquial way of describing something becoming known or one's desire to let something be known. Like in the example I previously provided. This is what caused the idiomatic definition to catch my interest.

So, what is an idiomatic expression, well it’s a colloquialism basically.

Idiomatic means to use, denote, or contain expressions that would be natural to native speakers. Meaning that to first see the light of day is a common way of using this expression to native-speakers.

Yet, the technical use of the word is still related to the first cry or children.

As a native English speaker when I say,

“Things I hope never see the light of day again.” “Man, I hope someone sheds light on your actions one day.”

I and other native English speakers know I am not hoping for someone to get a light and shine it on that person or their actions but instead I want what they’ve done to either be known or ignored. This song is a perfect example of the concept.

Now, what made this way of viewing the information even more interesting is how Mikoto’s second trial mv plays with light in general. Double does this through its day and night cycles. Unlike MeMe that takes place during the night only and displays Mikoto sleeping through the day in Double, we see John up during the day and taking a backseat at night.

As Mikoto is shown to literally be committing these attacks at night again through the dark lighting on his side of the train. The visuals go out of the way to show his side of the train remaining unlit while John’s has light during the very first attack.

Double quite literally doubles down on playing around with lighting as a visual storytelling method. Perfectly illustrating to us that there’s something Mikoto did that he never wants to let see the light of day. Yet, it does see the light of as you can see from above. What was once happening in the dark comes closer and closer to light until the two are basically overlapping.

As though looking in a mirror

Light becomes dark then Dark becomes light and eventually inevitably the two overlap-

As we see them face each other at the climax. One facing the reality of what they’ve done while the other isn’t even capable of facing themselves fully let alone their role in this.

“I’m probably not to blame, it’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon. Why am I here? It must be a mistake right? Take a good look at me. Until you find me- Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found.” - ““He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why? All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down.”

Then there’s these meanings for the phrase as well (which should seem pretty familiar after all this)

2. To be burdened with; to take responsibility for.

So, remember Bear? If not, here are some of the meanings for it applicable with this definition here.

Bear: To carry. To endure without resistance. To support, hold up. Carry a burden.

3. To have (something) in the background; to be in front of something.

Bear: Bring; bring forth.

With this we’ve gone full circle. Yet, that’s not the only interesting thing about this meaning. Applying the third meaning to Mikoto’s characters specifically could make this sentence a very artistic way of describing fronting. As we discussed before with Bear. (Can't believe I've got to quote myself from earlier in this post right now.)

“I was interpreting bring forth in the context of switching. Mikoto is shown throughout MeMe to be looking for himself. Throughout the lyrics and the visuals. This is something reiterated through Double in a more chilling way. As it starts with what seems to be John being forced to the forefront due to Mikoto becoming too stressed. Something we see occur in Mikoto’s first and second voice dramas.”

That’s it we’ve done it that’s everything that’s a full fucking language loop. So, hopefully from this we’ve all learned a bit more about not only Mikoto but language in general. My hope with this is that it gives people a newfound appreciation for not only linguistics but the tremendous effort the Milgram staff have put in over the course of trial two. Now, with all that out of the way. I can finally say (in my opinion)-

This case is closed.

Also, John in Double be like-

second gif edited by Star

Well, that's all if you made it through all of this congrats. Hopefully you've learned some new interesting things.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #kayano mikoto

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