#i just want to go to sleep forever

[heartorbit]

i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU #project sekai #emunene #emu otori #nene kusanagi #pjsk #prsk #proseka #wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!! #i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever #Gyaaaa #Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven #Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me #wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right #i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways #Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day #For the next month. #my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks.. #wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH #WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me. #why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!! #wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons I wrote instead of sleeping

Sometimes the boys forget that Nimona isn’t human 

Like they’re used to the shifting into animals aspect of Nimona because she does it as often as she breathes

But sometimes she’ll do some really creepy shit like make her arms longer to reach something when she’s too lazy to get up

One time they shifted just their neck to be like an owl so they could turn their head 180 degrees instead of just turning around cause that was “too boring” 

Or he’ll mimic people’s voices without realizing it 

Sometimes he’ll tell a story and suddenly he’s using Bal’s voice 

The first time she did this Bal searched the whole house cause he was convinced that Todd has snuck in

Or she’ll grow an extra arm to hold more shit and they take a moment to realize “oh yeah we adopted a little weirdo” 

They get used to it after a while and the arguments surrounding it are always funny because both the boys will complain and say “I don’t sound like that” and they have to be told “No love you do you really do” 

You know those videos of babies reacting to their parents shaving their facial hair or putting on glasses 

That’s Nimona's reaction every single time the boys change their appearance even the smallest bit they cant shave or wear their reading glasses because if they do he freaks out 

Talking some “help me Nemesis I heard bosses voice but I can’t find him” while Bal was standing right in front of them 

It was the first time he shaved his face in years and he’s never doing it again 

Mostly cause Ambrosius kept telling him he looked like a teenager and it was freaking him out 

I feel like Bal and Ambrosius are those kinds of people who will tell people about the little injuries but neglect the big ones 

Like Bal mentioned that he thinks he sprained his ankle during the fight at the institute but he won’t mention that he’s pretty sure he got a concussion 

(BECAUSE THIS MAN HEAD-BUTTED TWO PEOPLE WHEN HE HAS A METAL ARM) 

(I’m bout to wrap this man in bubble wrap and give him a helmet because wtf) 

Ambrosius will complain the whole day about the fact that he has a paper cut

But will completely neglect to inform his doctors “Oh yeah I can’t move my left arm higher than my waist without pain and I can’t see that well out of my left eye or hear that well out of my left ear do you think that’ll be a problem?” 

It isn’t until Nimona makes an off handed comment about how this super weird that the laser did basically nothing to him that he told both of them

They literally dragged him to the ER because “Who thinks those symptoms are normal Nemesis what is wrong in that pretty little head of yours!!” 

When Bal tells Nimona she’s being a bit of a hypocrite (cause who refers to an arrow as a splinter?) she turns to him and says “I know you’re not saying something Mr. Human battering ram” 

It took literally everything in Ambrosius not to break down laughing

After that she forces them to have frequent checkups with the doctor because these dorks wouldn’t go otherwise

Honestly I'm fully convinced that some people in the kingdom don't know who Nimona is and are constantly confused why they let this little weirdo follow them around 

And finally the curiosity will eat away at them and they’ll finally ask 

Sometimes the boys will give some “normal” answers like “Oh that’s Nimona” and they won’t elaborate at all

Sometimes they’ll give funnier answers like “Oh that’s a raccoon we found in the garage who turned into a person one day” “I don’t know they just showed up in our living room” and their personal best “You see her too?” 

And their favorite that they only started using a couple of years down the line “Oh that’s our kid”

#nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #I just know these accident-prone dorks don't go to the doctor #which i respect because neither do I #Ambrosius would rather memorize the eye chart than admit he needs glasses #and that is a hill I will die on #I feel like NImona freaks out at changes in appearance because it reminds her that things don't stay the same forever #she's immortal the boys arent #she forces them into frequent checkups because she doesn’t want to find out too late that something is wrong #she wants to know that they did everything in their power as soon as they could of something does come up #and best case scenario they live very long happy lives #but I like to believe that they get reincarnated and find each other in every life #because I'm sappy like that #excuse my sleep deprived rambling #I’ve found so many issues with this post

[mattodore]

playing with dionte's hair bc i'm procrastinating

#river dipping #dionte duval #lykos #ts4 #i do really love how dionte and nicholas kinda have a b4b (bald for bald) thing going on.... but that first hair........ #he looks so good... the urge to keep it is gonna make me develop a twitch under my eye... #i love the shadows the locs add btw like i personally loveee when hair creators add shading #like the DRAMAAA it adds!!! #also don't look too closely at him here bc i actually haven't updated him yet hence no proper edit of him (tho i probably won't change much #i'm really just supposed to be cleaning out the hundreds!! of duplicate households in my library dkhjnkfgh i just. get so distracted #i also have to fix mattodore's households bc i think i accidentally deleted the updated version of them at 20... #like there are multiple other saves?? but they're all with matthias's old chin??? like literally WHERE did the updated version go #so i need to clean out my library from the top down and fix their sims #i really messed my sleep schedule up the day before yesterday when i was working on those edits of delphi btw #but i did enjoy rewatching secretary and watching charade while staying up all night to do them <3 #also listened to the first two chapters of freedom is a constant struggle! editing may take me forever but i do do other things as i do it #...........talking a lot in these tags bc i'm seriously procrastinating jdkhnf i do NOT ! want to clean through my library it's a mess #OH. ALSO GOOD MORNING I FORGOT TO SAY THAT ‼️ #seeing this again two days later and seeing the amount of notes....... y'all weren't meant to reblog this kjhdkfjhndkjgnh #now i'm like damn... is there any reason to make his intro edit like i did for ria and delphi 😭😭😭😭😭

[not-with-you-but-of-you]

JESS MARIANO + 😴💤

#jess mariano #gilmore girls #milo ventimiglia #jessmarianoedit #gilmoregirlsedit #my gifs #* #that’s it that’s the post #I just wanted all his scenes sleeping compiled in a little post #this has been in my drafts forever and *Rory’s voice* #I just need to… let it go

[crystalflygeo]

Sweet torture ft. Zhongli + fem!reader

cw/tags: bondage/shibari, muzzle, oral sex (m!receiver), dom/sub dynamics, reader doms in this one ayyy, sub!zhongli, TEASING lots of it, masturbation, sex toy, improper use of geo (lmao).

notes: What did I just write?? We just don't know. I am sorry I saw one (1) fanart of Zhongli wearing a muzzle and went b a l l i s c t i c. Also.... dom!reader hella. This is so filthy and I'm so sleepy.....

It was torture. You were torturing him.

Zhongli groans, muscles tense as he feels your fingers gently stroking his member. The sudden touch makes him jerk, but the intricate ropework laced around his arms holds him nicely to prevent any more movements and instead keeping them tied at his back.

He couldn't touch you, kiss you, hold you...

A sweet yet deliciously devilish laughter comes out of your lips.

And then you lean down and start giving small kitten licks to his dripping cockhead before your hot, wet mouth starts slowly enveloping him, bobbing your head with lewd wet noises and purposefully drooling all over him. Messy. Obscene. Painfully driving him mad with lust.

“Darling, please.” He moans hoarsely.

You pull back with a smirk “Hmm? Are you about to break your own contract? My dearest Zhongli?”

He huffs and growls, shaking his head.

As easily as he could break out of these ‘restrains’ he had made a deal with you, so all he could do was toss his head back and endure.

And oh… you could definitely see the appeal of being the one in control.

The lord of Geo. The mighty Prime of the Adepti. Bound and muzzled like a feral beast. Squirming under your touch.

You kiss down along the side of his impressive cock, lightly tracing a vein with your tongue and making it twitch. “Hmmm… seems like you’re all ready for me.” Zhongli gasps as your fingers follow the fine trail of hair from his bellybutton down, teasingly. “It’s my turn.”

For a moment he thinks the torture is over and you’re satisfied with your small game. You’ll release his arms, or at least take off the horrible muzzle (“no biting tonight, dearest.”) and allow him to eat you out to his heart’s content.

How wrong he was.

Zhongli’s eyes widen then he scowls and jerks into his restrains again, shuffling on the bed when he sees you pull out one of your toys. He glares at you. You wouldn’t.

You smirk in response. Watch me.

“Relax…” You smile, sickly sweet. Leaning back onto a pillow and spreading your legs. “Just enjoy the show, darling.”

You start by teasing your entrance, gently, slowly. Caressing and pinching at your clit and slowly easing the oiled tip of the object into you. A rather special geo construct of Zhongli’s own creation. Sweet irony.

“Hmmmm…Ah…”

He snarls, glaring at the offending object as you slowly feed the fake cock into your pussy, inch by inch stuffing you as you let out a quiet moan. He knows you wouldn’t be satisfied with such a… crude and lacking replacement, no. He knows you ached for him, his warmth and thickness that could fill you so much more, satisfy you so much better.

You bite your lip and whine as it bottoms out.

“This one is… hah… rather accurate huh? … hng!” You mewl, squeezing your eyes shut as you start pulling it out only to push back in. “A-ah- fu-!”

He tries to keep calm. By Celestia, he tries. But the sight of you, naked and sweaty, presenting yourself so freely and displaying your pleasure, makes it excruciatingly difficult. You rock your hips and moan his name, high-pitched. Getting more and more used to the intrusion and thus increasing the speed.

“Z-Zhongli, baobei” You keen. “Wouldn’t you be a dear and apply a bit of resonance?”

A growl. “I would rather have you myself, my love.”

You let out a breathless chuckle. “Of course. But don’t you want to see me come undone first? We do have a contract and for now you have to do as I sa-a-y Ah! Oh fuck-!”

You bite your lip, whining, eyes rolling back and hips moving on their own when the geo construct indeed starts buzzing low on your hand and inside your pussy. The sensation drives you up to the edge of that high, delicious simmering heat all over your body and pooling at your navel. Feel so good, so good-

“Zhongli, Zhongli, Zhongli-”   

You come with a cry of his name as your body arches away from the mattress, high-strung with pleasure, free hand clawing at the sheets. For a few seconds you lie there basking in the afterglow, chest falling and rising rapidly until you sit up and slowly pull the toy out, shuddering at the wet squelch.

Your gaze sets on the man in front of you, looking absolutely pent-up with sexual frustration. Cock pressed up hard against his abs and smearing tacky precum everywhere.

You scoot up to him with a playful smile, eyes half-lidded as you sit upon his lap. You brush your hand down before bringing it back to run a slick-covered finger over the muzzle, the metal turning shiny and no doubt getting impregnated with the scent of your arousal. You see him open his mouth and pant slightly, sharp fangs on display, nostrils flared, eyes half-lidded and pupils brown wide as he chases the path your finger makes.

Oh, he is absolutely drunk on you.

You place your hands at his shoulders for leverage and this time (finally!) slowly envelop his cock with your warm pussy.

 “Now’s your turn…”

#genshin smut #zhongli smut #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact smut #crys writes #fem reader #dom reader #I guess?? #sub zhongli #god what a tag #pls don't look at me do not perceive me #I just wanted to write this man being treated like a feral animal with a muzzle and tied up //pokes fingers together shyly #I sure have fun with geo constructs don't I? #bless the lord of geo #bye imma go hide forever (sleep actually) bc what is this

[crucefix]

kendall embracing roman while pushing his cuts against his shoulder to split them open, offering him both comfort and punishment (and for roman they’re the same thing), roman hating ken and being comforted by it at the same time, kendall knowing it’s what roman ‘needs’ and also using it as a means to put roman in his place, making him subservient and small, roman letting out that groan of relief because he can’t deal with internal pain and emotions so he needs it to be translated into physical pain instead. sick

#ok last post i have to sleep . im going to cry about this scene <3 #being a roman girl is just like being shot with many nail guns #succession #succession spoilers #ugh vomit inducing #it’s what roman knows.. what he’s comfortable with because he’s always been taught it is what he deserves #from the dog cage to logan hitting him for ordering the wrong meal to logan backhanding him and knocking a tooth out to gerri #ugh roman. i want to put him in a safe warm room forever and ever

[destinywillowleaf]

one of a kind living in a world gone plastic

baby you're so classic

@most-tragic-character-tournament

(all my thoughts in the tags)

#anyway i found their theme song and lost my mind #tragedyshipping #lloyd garmadon #ninjago #antigone #tagamemnon #pollshipping #i'm gonna be thinking about this for the next hour before i go to sleep #i just wanted to make a playlist for them i didn't think i would find a perfect fit #they have taken over many of my braincells and i can't even complain this is the enrichment i needed #all i'm saying is the idea of a movie trailer for these two is taking shape more and more and this should 100% be the accompanying song #not even a full trailer because that would take forever but like. a 30 second TV spot. family drama. them not really getting along at first #(e.g. glaring at each other while being forced to dance or something) #but then warming up to each other on the road because road trips have my soul when it comes to movies ok #i want them to stargaze in the bed of a hotwired pickup truck while on the run from people who demand bloodshed (a poll winner) #the slow(?) burn of not wanting to be in this mess to actually enjoying spending time together to something more #(trailer/commercial ends on or just after “baby you're so classic” with the cut to the title and in theaters date) #maybe most of the tv spot is them arguing and making life hell for one another but it's hard to deny there's something more brewing #(one of the reviews is just ''A modern classic'' because i think i'm funny) #i really want the title to be a play off of them meeting through the tragic tournament but it's completely different from the tone i want #''tragedy: null and void'' is a fun one #i've never been the greatest at titles if they don't hit me like a truck #anyway hi folks i'm sorry if you have no idea what's happening and see this in your tags

[sfsolstice]

i often wonder who the You is in a love poem, or in a few of someone's honeyed half-words or fully honed pieces;

who are, or were, they, and what sparked flames so intense to inspire such aureate— how do they take their coffee? what do they look like under twilight? what words do they spin to captivate the hearts they so have?

those are the places where we find who they might be, what fantasy may exist, because those are often the places where we tend to fall in love, i think;

so i want to search those places— to see the degree of the burn left, or the overflowing cup that some pour for their lovers;

not to fulfill some divine plan, or to fuel the jealous beast in me— only simply to understand, because if you had written for such a love, then it will always be worth understanding;

#poets community #poets of tumblr #poets on tumblr #prose poetry #prose poem #original poem #poetry #poem #sfsolstice #if they are to live forever in your words #why wouldn't i want to know about them #idk if this makes sense (im like half conscious rn lol) #just wanted to get a thought out before going back to sleep ahdjdf

[rebouks]

Darien: You’ve got two options; a shitty flight that’ll take over twenty-four hours with two stops, paid for by yourself, or I’ll pay the difference for an eleven hour one. Brynn: The shitty one. Darien: Alright… Brynn: I not think I have enough money yet. Darien: You just didn’t know where to look. Brynn: Thank you. Darien: It’s fine-.. are you excited? Brynn: Not really. Darien: About the baby…

Brynn: Oh, yes! I always think about having babies one day. Darien: With Wyatt? Brynn: Not in the beginning, maybe. Darien: I’m sorry-.. for everything. Brynn: Is okay, I have also trodden on other people to get ahead sometimes. Darien: You seem pretty understanding about it all. Brynn: Life is too short for grudges and regret, no? People change. Darien: I suppose you’re right. Brynn: You know he is called Kaito now? Darien: I know, where’d you think he got his paperwork from?

Brynn: Ohh, you are very clever. Darien: It’s who you know, not what. Brynn: That is true. Darien: Okay, your flight’s booked for tomorrow night at eleven thirty-four. Brynn: Is already tomorrow. Darien: Tonight, then. Brynn: Ough, I am nervous now! Darien: He might take it.. okay-ish? I feel like I don’t know him as well as I used to. Brynn: In a good way though, yes? Darien: Yeah, I think so.

Previous // Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #brynn franz #darien moore #i had more dialogue than i did screenies so weeeee #why did she think he meant she'd be excited about that god awful flight skdjjs brynn pls 😆 #did we expect darien to save the day? maaybe.. #love how firm he is abt it tho #like.. eat ur food take a bath get some sleep.. i've done everything for u now go! #👏👏 #chop chop #still.. he managed to find a plane ticket cheap enough for her to have paid for it herself #so she achieved what she wanted in the end! #just needed a lil help #🤗 #i was also super extra and worked out how many hours she'd worked over abt 6 weeks and figured how much she could save #then looked to see if she could afford a hypothetical plane ticket from the uk to japan for an idea of distance.. n she just abt could #with the worst/longest flight imaginable #skdsjkds #lmao #what am i doin with my time #😂 #okok enough rambling

[jacketpotatoo]

Hey @thehomelybadger , thank you for breaking my heart

#the way I picked up my iPad and started drawing angst #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #piltover’s finest #caitvi #arcane #fanart #jacketsketch #(this was scheduled before chap 32 came out - I need to sleep so I haven’t read it yet but oh boy) #but I also want to say before I do - thank you. #thank you so much for telling this story. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it got me through a lot these past few months #it fueled my inspiration it calmed me down on bad days when I was beating myself up with stress it gave me something to grasp onto #I love your characters - every quirk and trait you’ve gave them and this world you’ve fleshed out #I hadn’t seen a second of ice hockey and now I’m looking up reference photos and trying to get the jerseys down #i love these guys and it pains me to be letting them go already - I can’t imagine how it’s like for you - but I’m forever grateful for this #wonderful thing you’ve created out of just the pure love for the characters and for hockey #I went into this thinking ‘hey what a lovely bedtime story’ #and I’m heading to its end forever changed and impacted by it for the better #so thank you badger - see you when I read the next chap

[jade-of-mourning]

If you are taking art request I think a knitting Edvin would be adorable <3

@juicingbeetles @reine-du-sourire i got two sequential asks for this so,,, well what else was i supposed to do? (i have an edvin bias if you weren't aware) (and also an ulf and wulf bias possibly)

i was gonna draw him with a perpetually tired expression but then i realized no! no he deserves a little bit of peace on this ship for once u know. edvin gets to be HAPPY enjoying knitting without being bullied or stressed! nyway i hope u guys enjoy :)

OH ALSO WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ENVYING THE TEXTURE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S ART THE BRUSH WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME??? AND I JUST FOUND OUT????? ANyway

#brotherband #brotherband chronicles #edvin brotherband #lychee's trash art #lychee acquires and answers asks #guys i need to confess something and tha'ts that #i'm the sort of person who screams about poor instrument illustration (internally ofc) #except i go around and do the exact flaming to knitting sobbb #i just want edvin to be happy man;;; #the guy needs sleep and a very large fluffy blanket to keep him warm forever tbh #btw i finished all the stuff in my inbox so it's still open lolololl #but i have a couple ideas i wanna draw so who knows #this is probably a drawing spree that won't last but i'm having fun #brotherband fanart

[mattodore]

not many people online atm so i figured i’d show off theo’s freshly customized moles :) i'll post a proper close up of his face moles later because i'm obsessed, but for now here’s the full thing.

also this is how this background looks with the character page (this isn't the pic i'll be using, i was just testing things out). i'll probably alter the code to match the background rather than editing the background’s color, i think.

#the cas background was much closer to the page’s color before i turned my preset on </3 #river dipping #theodore doe #echthroi #ts4 #i might delete this later... we shall see #i just don't like posting theo when he's showing a lot of skin idk why... #ig it's bc i know how theo feels abt his body and everything so eyeeee am just like. everyone close your eyes. #but i want to show his moles off because they took me forever to place where i wanted #he has four!!! moles on his left palm that i love so bad and no one is ever gonna see them kjfdhnkfdjhn #i imagine matthias kisses theo's palm there all the time #…jotting this pose idea down expeditiously ✍️ #i’m laying down for bed now so hopefully i get at least four hours tonight 🧎 #also i only took test shots today while in cas so tomorrow i have to hop back in there to actually take the pics i want for the oc page #i want to do everyone’s but i just know i should just keep it simple with mattodore first #oh—also! downloaded a ton of clutter cc yesterday and today so i’m hoping i might actually get to that in-my-bag tag game soon #but yeah . . . nothing else to say and my eyes are watering from yawning so i’m going to sleep 🚶 #everyone watch over theo for me while i sleep 🔫 #gn!!!! <3

[thebirdandhersong]

It is some consolation that one day this will not make me bristle

#i am aware that im v tired and sleep deprived and about to be on my period so take everything i say with a grain of salt #also i hate being awake at 1am and i have a bajillion things i need to do that i havent started yet #and im planning 2 birthday things tomorrow #and i have 5 birthday dorm cards to write for tomorrow which is going to take foreber #forever #and hours of class to slog through #and i just want to curl up in a ball and weep!!!! #dont dangle the confounded treat in front of my eyes and then stomp it into crumbs while i watch! #dont make me think im loved and then Do This! #i am so tired! even though i know theres so much to be thankful for! #i am planning two birthday parties because i love you guys #but when MY birthday rolls around i am locking myself in my room i am leaving this place i am not going to tell anyone #i am Not going to sit around like a little girl with such sickeningly high hopes #and watch them be crushed AGAIN! #I will go OUT and not come back to the dorm until evening because i cannot STAND to be disappointed again #just like every other time! THIS MAKES ME SICK #my heart is so tired :) esp after the boy thing

[achairwithapandaonit]

anywayyyy i loved the toymaker i hope people write gay ass fanfic of him and the doctor

#doctor who #i did watch the original toymaker serial (in all it's reconstructed still image glory) but that was over 5 years ago so i don't remember #anything except teenage me was enamoured with steven's hair and there were clowns #i was really impressed by the new version of the toymaker tho. he was so freaky and as much as i know it would be terrible to bring him bac #again and again like a regular villain i want to see more of him ): like nooo doctor don't banish him forever. i like him ): funny toymaker #i'm gonna be so disappointed when they innevitably bring the master back out now cause i'll just be like rip you are not the toymaker #okay silly ranting done. i'm gonna go to sleep now (lying probably) #dw spoilers

[bleaksqueak]

(okay, I don't want this website to stay broken and struggle under big daddy apple's boots, so I thought i'd see if they had any goodies for decorating my blog that I liked... and oh my god the moon badge is neat and the little bone guy is so cute. I guess i'll finally retire the funny checkmarks because they ruin THE VIBE of moonbones)

#I am a sucker for cute decoration so yeah i'll buy that #I do wish we could have animated avatars again (again right?) #i'm not losing my mind they used to be able to animate right? #that could be a tumblr sub perk tho #do it kinda like discord nitro I guess #I really recall being able to have an animated icon but maybe i'm thinking of deviant art #I had my pixel chibi that painted bees made for me as my main blog icon forever and recall it animating #anyway i'd have (NAME REDACTED FOX) animate if I could #maybe discord nitro's sub plan is something worth looking at idk #anyway I just wanted to say MOONBONES is cute #I will go draw now #i've got a couple of asks in my inbox too #will get to them shortly #I already flipped my sleep schedule back around #be proud of me I work so hard to make my sleep behave

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator #i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much #but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday #forever and ever drawing #but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal #literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i #chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms #bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys #the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so #long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from #everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is #warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable #but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head #hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor #for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b #i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am #but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the #past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria #unrelated