#i just put it all on google drive lmao i could barely see what I was doing
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Attention writers !!!
(Or anyone who uses google docs lol)
So for a while now I’ve been trying to find a new app to use because I literally have so many wips (around 160 JUST for cillian💀) and it gets overwhelming when I’m trying to look and see what I’m in the mood to write. Google drive helps organize them a little bit, but it’s not really enough imo.
So I came across an app called Obsidian. It’s a little tough to figure out honestly, but once you get the hang of it, it’s super easy. However, my little neurodivergent brain doesn’t like change lmao so I was really hesitant to switch over to that app completely because I like using Google docs for writing (Also Obsidian doesn’t have an underline option??? Lol). BUT I really really liked that you could have folders AND tags. But at the same time, you have to pay to use it across devices so I couldn’t transfer everything on my laptop from docs like I did when I tried using word. And also it did that thing where when you copy and paste from docs into somewhere else, the spacing between paragraphs gets fucked up and as I said before, I have 160+ fics… I’m not fucking going through each one and fixing the spacing😭 So I was about to just accept defeat and keep using docs, but then I literally came up with the best idea in the entire world🤭
TLDR: I don’t like google docs with how many wips I have and I needed an app with better organization than just what google drive offers. I finally found one and figured out a way to have it all organized and easy to find, but still let me write in docs (cause I don’t like change lmao)
Now I’m gonna explain how I use it lol
It has an option for “vaults.” So far I’ve made one for my cillian fics and one for all my c.ai bot stuff. I’m also gonna make one for dc stuff eventually lol but you get the idea
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In those vaults, you can have folders that the notes go in. Mine are just the characters I write for
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So what I did was I made the note title whatever the doc was titled, added the tags, and then added the link to the original doc so when I click it, it opens it in the google docs app. (To add the link, open docs and stay on the “home page” don’t go in a specific document. Click the three dots next to the title and then click copy link and that’s it lol)
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Also when you click on “files” above all of the folders, it takes you to this
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Clicking on “tags” shows all of the tags you’ve used and you can click on one to find a fic. So if I’m in the mood to write angst, I’ll click the angst tag and it’ll show me all of my wips that have angst
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You can also change the appearance to light/dark mode (I made it dark so you could see the contrast of the screen shot on this post but I’m just now realizing that ppl probably have tumblr in dark mode lmao. Whatever) and change the accent color to whatever you want.
You can also rearrange the order of the toolbar (above the keyboard). So I put the ones I use the most (tag, undo, redo, etc) in the front so I don’t have to scroll. You should explore the app too because there are a lot of things you can customize.
Anyway that’s pretty much it. I really recommend this method if you’re someone who has a lot of documents. It takes a while putting the existing docs in, but after that you just have to add them as you create new ones which barely takes any time at all
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as a very wise man once said: i don't have think.
no but actually what the fuck? first of all, he's drop dead gorgeous, but like we all knew that. i couldn't see much of the outfits, but what i could see.. yeah, let's not talk about it lmao
and also, the way he has been saying it for months (since this was shot last year) how he wants to show a raw side of his? and we have no idea what to expect?? and now you reblogged that post with Freud's theory?? i googled it (and this is like a 2 minute research so yeah), but not only is it part of the mind that contains sexual drives, but it also deals with meeting the basic needs (like it seeks gratification for our wants and needs, which could be sexual but also could be just like 'i'm hungry'), so i have no clue what to expect from him?? there are references to artemis too, goddess of moon and hunting (hence the deer antlers)?? this teaser has so MANY LAYERS ALREADY and we have barely seen anything.
i'm honestly terrified of his album because in my opinion there is only so much you can do during a photoshoot but with songs and lyrics, and a music video you can do so much more... i don't think we are ready for anything he wants to show us but i'm so excited for when his album comes. his older songs are already so different from each other, imagine what he could do with new ones. he said in the festa dinner that they couldn't show us everything, and that's a sad thing (but understandable and necessary), but he said it so many times that he wants to show more of himself. i'm very curious of the jimin he wants us to see.
i wanted to say he is in his dom/bdsm era but after listening to his explanation i will no longer say this also tae has been very quiet since the video dropped lmao the tannies probably have all seen each other's photos already, but still. i know he's clutching his phone at home
-🦋
he put so much thought into this it makes my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrr. he keeps saying its his raw side and the concept is his inner self and its his original self .. im just so in awe. i really wish i had better words 😭 his thought process and his visualization is so deep and he’s so damn intelligent and knowledgeable. he’s kind of, i think, getting a little bolder (for the lack of a better word) in terms of what he wants to show and it is setting my brain on fire because yeah we have no idea what to expect from him, even music wise and not just for this particular shoot. and like you said, JUST the teaser has dropped and it has so many layers already 😭😭😭 jimin has put so much thought into this god. and yes yes I agree! thats the thing we have no idea what to expect from his music either because jimin has a lot of range i think bc promise and christmas love and friends are such different sounds and so are his solos in the albums. he said in the LV vlive (when they were talking about with you) that he wants to try a lot of different things. im so excited to see what he does in the future. honestly even if its something simple, im excited to hear it anyway because it will be ‘jimin’. i hope you get what im trying to say hdjfhdj. AND PLSDHJDHJ i read that on twitter too after just the picture teasers were out from the scans 😭 also omg that look (from the scans) the leather pants and the antlers, that was nowhere to be seen in the teaser 😳 please i need everything soon i can’t wait 😭😭 AND PLS LMAOOOOOO TAE LEFT AS SOON AS THE VIDEO DROPPED ur so right tho tae is just like us: whipped for jimin <3
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Somehow I'd never actually backed up all my music so i had to transfer it from my old laptop who looks like this:
#fun and cool activity#i just put it all on google drive lmao i could barely see what I was doing#so i was just relying on muscle memory to know where everything was lol
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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - final
SUMMARY: when you were ten, taehyung adopted you and gave you a home. now that you’re eighteen, the sudden change in your scent perplexes and confounds him.
PAIRING: wolf hybrid!tae x human!reader (all bts members are hybrids)
WARNINGS: talk of ownership (reader is tae’s pet human) | daddy long legs syndrome | angst | suicide attempt | smut (finally!) | heat sex | unhealthy relationships
WORD COUNT: 20.5k (lmfao)
RATING: explicit
A/N: yay this massive fic is finally done!! when i first started this i thought it would be like a 15k oneshot and now it’s a g i a n t. thank you to everyone who read this, left lovely comments and feedback, and cheered me on! not quite sure what i’m going to work on next, but nevertheless I hope to have your support for future projects too. :)
also, shoutout to my wonderful betas @knjkitten and @xoxrinaxox for going over this for me! yall are the greatest 💕
btw the last part of this isn’t betaed because google docs sucks and doesn’t sync reliably most of the time lmao. i’ll work on finding a better solution but in the meantime i hope there aren’t glaring mistakes.
series index
“The only recorded cases where a hybrid was able to move on from an imprint… is when the object of the imprint passed away.”
When the object of the imprint passed away.
You blinked at Namjoon in shock, unsure how to react. You certainly hadn’t been expecting such an extreme solution, and you hesitated audibly.
“Not that I’m suggesting that, of course,” he hastily reassured you. You nodded slowly, your mind still playing catch up. “We’ll figure out another way to manage it, all right? Don’t do anything crazy.”
“Okay.” You agreed, nodding robotically. It felt like your mind had short-circuited when he said that. You didn’t want to die. After all that had happened to you, you just wanted to live normally, safe and secure in your home.
Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about what Namjoon had said. Spring turned to summer, and then to fall, and it almost seemed as though you could forget about it entirely. Things were going well at home – you and Taehyung had settled into a new routine that was, if not ideal, comfortable enough, and you thought that he was coping fairly well with the imprint.
Now that everything was out in the open, it felt like an oppressive air had been lifted from the apartment. You understood now why Taehyung had done that to you, and while you still weren’t thrilled, at least you knew why. He was relentless in his attempts to show you his remorse, too, doting over you almost obsessively.
Gradually, you eased up around him, too. He was always respectful of your need for space. After the first night where you stayed in his room, you’d returned to your own room to think about how you wanted to proceed. All his cards were on the table now, and it was only fair that you figure yourself out. You still weren’t really comfortable being as close to him physically as you’d been before, and you were definitely leery of any sexual contact, both because of your traumatic experiences on the street as well as because of what Taehyung had done.
He handled your attempts to put more distance between the two of you with grace. You didn’t quite know whether he’d hoped to pick up where you’d left off, but you weren’t ready or willing to do that, and he didn’t push. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t acutely aware of the way his eyes would follow you around sometimes, almost predatorily, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Sometimes you could hear him sigh when you went into your own bedroom at night instead of his.
Still, he never made a move, and you understood probably better than anyone else that having an urge and acting on it were two different things. He couldn’t help the way he looked at you, wanted you, but he held it in as best he could to avoid making you uncomfortable. You saw, and you appreciated his effort. Even though he probably didn’t see it, you were trying too, to move past everything that had happened.
For Taehyung, though, this was like purgatory. Having you so close, just out of reach, unable to touch you, was driving him insane. It hadn’t been so bad at first, because his wolf could sense the sour notes of your fear and reacted accordingly, wanting to provide for you and comfort you. It was difficult maintaining his distance even then, of course, since his instincts demanded that he wrap himself around you to keep you warm and protect you from any threats. His wolf had never been the smartest, of course, failing to realize that it was Taehyung who was the threat.
As you started to ease up around him, though, was when the trouble truly began. When you looked at him and smiled, or didn’t flinch away when he accidentally touched you… every sign that you were finally starting to let your guard down around him, no matter how insignificant it seemed, was a win for Taehyung. He celebrated internally every time he noted a milestone, charting your progress silently. The unpleasant scent of your discomfort was slowly replaced by your natural, happy, fruity scent, the one his wolf found so alluring. Which, of course, meant that he was having a hard time keeping his instincts at bay.
If this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, it was going to be torture. He could handle it, though. He was determined to, for your sake – he would grit his teeth and bear anything you threw at him. He would not, under any circumstances, let his imprint ruin his relationship with you more than it already had.
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Last year, when you were still happy and carefree, you’d noticed immediately when Taehyung went into pre-heat. It had been clear as day to you when you were attuned to him and paying attention – the increased neediness, the voracious appetite, how moody he had been. You’d broken up so many silly arguments between him and the boys, picked purely because Taehyung was in a bad mood.
This year, however, was different. Even though you’d started getting better with time, and Taehyung’s conscientious, careful treatment of you, it was clear you were still affected by your time on the streets. You sometimes avoided Taehyung’s gaze, ate as quickly as you could because you still remembered what it was like to be hungry, and slipped away from the table as soon as you were done with your meal. It was still difficult for you to sit quietly with Taehyung, since it required a level of comfort with him that you hadn’t managed to get back.
Even when you were with him, you were hunched over on yourself, cautious, trying not to do or say anything to anger him. Even though he’d explained why he’d kicked you out and took pains to assure you that it would never happen again, you couldn’t forget the memory of him grabbing your arm and dragging you out of his apartment, throwing you out like garbage. It made sitting with him a far more difficult and uncomfortable endeavor than it had been in the past.
When Taehyung started going into preheat, the boys were on tour, which meant you were too. It was an East Asian tour – a short one, just six weeks, kind of a warm up before the global tour that was going to start next spring. The tour had been, to say the least, stressful. Before, they’d been great fun. Who wouldn’t love the opportunity to travel around the world, getting to eat different things and be spoiled by the boys and their entire crew? While everyone had to work, your life had basically been one giant vacation.
Now, though, things were different. As awkward as you felt around Taehyung, you’d had to act normally in front of all the cameras that were perennially trained on you. That meant giggling, smiling, cuddling up to all the boys, especially Taehyung, and never letting your guard down. Because of the boys’ social media presence, even the hotel rooms weren’t always safe, and it had been exhausting.
Taehyung was equally stressed out, trying to act nonchalant in front of the cameras when you clung onto him and plopped yourself into his lap for cuddles every day the way you used to. He quickly became an expert at shifting you around to avoid making you uncomfortable when his body reacted instinctively, and on not overreacting to your proximity. No stiffening (ha), no sharp inhales, or wide eyes, or anything else that would tip off the fans, who were basically detectives.
Knowing his heat was coming didn’t make dealing with the symptoms of it as it approached easier. This was already shaping up to be the worst heat he’d ever had, and it hadn’t even started yet. His increased sensitivity to scent made it all the more difficult to pretend like he wasn’t affected by you, and as the tour dragged on (and his preheat symptoms intensified) he could also see you withdrawing, the stress of pretending like everything okay evidently too much for you.
When the tour finally ended and you were back at your apartment, you immediately made a beeline for your bedroom and shut the door after you, desperate for time to yourself after spending weeks on end surrounded by the boys. Humans didn’t get their own hotel rooms, after all. It just wasn’t in the budget.
You’d think that spending so much time basically glued to his side would have made it easy for you to realise that he was going into heat, but that wasn’t the case at all. The more time you spent without a break with him and everyone in the crew having to keep up the act, the more it took out of you, until you were barely able to take in anything from being so stressed out all the time. Being so occupied with controlling your own reactions to being so close to Taehyung meant that all your attention was focused on yourself, instead of on your surroundings, and the fact that he was acting weird barely blipped on your radar.
Taehyung looked sadly at the closed door separating the two of you and sighed. Even though things had slowly started to improve, you were still clearly holding yourself away from him, and as much as he understood why and wanted to respect your need for space, his impending heat was making things difficult, bringing his animal side to the forefront and making it harder for him to resist his impulses.
As embarrassing as it was, he steeled himself to have an awkward conversation with you about it tomorrow morning. It was, somewhat surprisingly, the first time he’d ever had to tell you that he was going into heat. In the earlier years that you’d been his pet, all the boys had worked together to keep you from being too exposed to that aspect of their unique biology, and the only difference you noted during his heat was that Taehyung spent a lot of time shut in his own room while the other boys took turns playing with you.
Later on, you figured out fairly quickly what was up, and cottoned on to the symptoms that his heat was approaching easily. By the time you were fifteen, you had established a comfortable pattern and he’d never had to explain to you in words that his heat was coming – you just always knew, based on how differently he acted and the time of year.
It was almost tempting to go back to the way they’d dealt with his heats when you were a child – pawning you off onto his brothers and struggling through it alone without having to have an overly intimate conversation was probably the last painful option. In light of last year’s disastrous heat, though, he figured it was only fair that he let you know what was going on.
He scrubbed his hands down his face with a groan. Why had things gotten so complicated? All he’d wanted had been some companionship, and now there was this huge problem staring the both of you in the face that no one had asked for. Not for the first time since finding out about the imprint, he wished that he hadn’t been born a hybrid.
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You woke up in the morning in your own bed, relieved to be back in your own space after having to share a hotel room with Taehyung for six weeks straight. You hadn’t shared his bedroom since that night, months ago, when he told you everything, and he never pushed, a fact for which you were grateful.
Still, morning meant you had to get up and prepare breakfast, since Taehyung was all but useless until noon. Feeling rejuvenated from the best night of sleep you’d had in weeks, you pushed the covers away and headed for the bathroom. You’d established a new morning routine with Taehyung now that you weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore, that gave you a little more space in the mornings. You’d use the bathroom and prepare breakfast while he got ready, then he’d eat while you got ready.
Today, however, was different. You’d placed his breakfast on the counter and were going back to your room to get your clothes when Taehyung cleared his throat.
You stopped short right as you were about to round the counter and leave the kitchen, your eyes darting towards Taehyung. Had he made that noise on purpose or was he doing that stupid sleepy grunting thing he did when he didn’t feel like getting up?
He stared back at you, and you couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Damn. So he’d made the noise on purpose then to get your attention, then.
“Y/n, I have to tell you something.”
That sounded serious. You moved back to where you were so that you were standing directly across the counter from him. “What is it?” you asked curiously.
Cue some more awkward throat-clearing and avoiding eye contact.
“Uhhh… you know it’s autumn now, right?” Taehyung started.
You raised your brow. “Uh, yes…?” Did he just want to talk to you about the weather? That seemed very unlike him, especially this early in the morning.
“So… winter is coming soon?”
“Yes… that is what autumn usually means.” You didn’t mean to get snippy with him, but his wishy-washy attitude was starting to grate on your nerves.
“Right, so, um… I’m going into heat…?” Taehyung mumbled his words directly into his plate, his shoulders hunched over as he cringed, not quite daring to look up and see your expression.
Your mind was racing, panic threatening to overwhelm you when you remembered what had happened during his last heat. You’d almost lost control then and let him have his way with you, and it was what had started this whole thing anyway. As you were freaking out, your heart rate picked up rapidly, and Taehyung could hear it even if he wasn’t looking at you.
“Hey, whoa, what’s happening?” Taehyung asked, holding his hands out placatingly. You took a deep breath and refocused on him.
“Are you okay?” his brow furrowed as he watched an array of emotions cross your face in quick succession.
“Yeah,” you said, though your voice was a little choked. “I’m fine. What do you want to do about your heat?” you asked, trying to calm your racing heart. Wild panic was definitely not the best way to go here.
Still eyeing you suspiciously, Taehyung told you, “Well, I’m sure Suga-hyung wouldn’t mind it if you stayed with him for a week or so…”
The suggestion was so unexpected that it completely wiped out your distress, replacing it with shock instead. You gaped at him, unable to find the words to ask him the question you wanted to ask.
Thankfully, despite everything that had happened between you Taehyung was still fairly good at reading you, and he hurried to reassure you. “Oh, don’t worry about all of that,” he said, referring to the imprint and the fact that during his last heat he’d basically gone feral for you. “I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”
You could see on his face though that even he didn’t believe his own words. Even though you appreciated his attempt to smile and muscle through it for you, you couldn’t help but remember how miserable and out of it he’d been during his last heat when you refused him, and your heart squeezed at the thought of him going through it again.
Seeing your clear doubt, Taehyung smiled at you, though it was a little strained and didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”
“I- I’m not,” you immediately denied, your voice shaky and unconvincing.
“Okay,” Taehyung accepted easily, not believing you for a second. “Go get ready.”
You hesitated then. “Actually… I think I might stay home today.”
“Oh… okay,” Taehyung said, this time slightly dejectedly.
“I just started a new book,” you offered, a lame excuse to try and spare his feelings. He nodded, acknowledging your effort, but it was clear the conversation was over.
“Well… have a good day at work then,” you said, before escaping back into your room.
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As much as you wished you could say you’d taken on the role of martyr quickly and decisively, the truth couldn’t be any more different. It took days of agonizing over the decision, days in which you stayed mostly alone in your room, pacing up and down despite Taehyung’s repeated pleas from right outside your door to come out and tell him what was bothering you.
You ignored him, knowing there was no way you could tell him. You didn’t know if Namjoon had told Taehyung about the rather radical solution that he’d found to the imprint, but you didn’t want to hear anything Taehyung said about it. The best case scenario would be that he told you insincerely that he didn’t want you to do anything rash, that he could live with it, even though you could see in his eyes and every fiber of his being that he just wanted to be free of the imprint. The worst-case scenario… you shuddered to think about it.
No, this was a decision you had to make alone.
On the one hand, you really didn’t want to die. After everything you’d already been through, why did you have to make the ultimate sacrifice for Taehyung? The injustice made you want to scream in anger at the sky, roll around and pound your fists against the ground. You’d never asked for any of this. All you’d ever wanted was to be a good pet, to love and be loved by your owner.
Then again – Taehyung hadn’t asked for any of it either. He’d gone into all of this with the same hopes as you, just wanting companionship and a cute pet. Instead he’d gotten arguably the short end of the stick, far more affected by the imprint than you were. After all he’d given you over the past nine years, was this the best way you could pay him back? By setting him free?
Even if you stayed alive, what kind of life would this be? Stuck in this uncomfortable situation without any way out, living indefinitely with Taehyung? It was torture for the both of you. Even though he tried to hide it, to show you a brave, unaffected face, and never made you feel bad about anything, you knew he was suffering. You could feel the way his eyes sometimes followed you around hungrily, even if he himself was unaware of the way he was looking at you. During the tour, whenever you’d glomp him in front of the cameras to play the role of an adoring pet human, you could feel him stiffen ever so slightly and hold his breath to avoid inhaling your scent. Was this really the way you wanted to spend the rest of your life, pretending to be a devoted and adorable pet when neither of you enjoyed it?
You’d never felt so trapped before. There were no other options for you – you were too old to be adopted again since everyone wanted babies, and in any case, you were sure Taehyung wouldn’t let you go. Having you somewhere in the world but away from him would be torturous for him given the nature of the imprint, and even in your darkest moments, when you resented him and wanted him to suffer the way you had and were continuing to, you wouldn’t wish that on him.
Why were your only options staying put or death? The unfairness of it all, the feeling that you’d been wronged by the universe, twisted your insides. You wanted to cry, but you’d cried so much over the past few days that your eyes hurt and you didn’t think you had any more tears in you.
The worst part was that you knew this was difficult for Taehyung too. He’d barely left the apartment in the days since his announcement, when he came back from the studio on the first day and found you in your room. Despite your best attempts to cry quietly, his keen hybrid ears picked up the sounds of your muffled sobs and sniffles and he’d been camped outside your bedroom door ever since, begging you to let him in, to tell him what was going on and let him help you.
His heartfelt pleas tore at your heart, and you found yourself sitting on the ground with your back against the door to be close to him even though you needed to be alone, in the same position you’d found yourself in almost a year ago – Taehyung begging to be let in, and you in tears as you refused, for his own good. The irony was not lost on you.
Ultimately, though, you knew the choice had always been clear. Between setting the both of you free and staying trapped in this purgatory, you’d always choose the former.
It didn’t make going through with it any easier, though. Even though you knew rationally that this was the best option, your instincts urged you to cling to life. You could always go back to the streets, hitch a ride out of Seoul and try to eke out an existence by yourself in the countryside. You knew how to grow fruits and vegetables from living with Taehyung’s parents, and you wouldn’t starve. As you lay in bed on what you’d decided would be the last night of your life, you allowed yourself the comfort of dreaming about what such a life might be like. One where you didn’t need to worry about where your next meal was going to come from, or pleasing someone else, where you could live independently, just you and your little garden.
You fell into a restless sleep that night, the tears you’d thought you didn’t have any more streaking your face.
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When you opened your bedroom door the next morning, Taehyung, who’d been leaning against the door while he slept, fell backwards into your room. He jolted awake before he hit the floor and managed to catch himself, leaving you impressed, as always, with his superior hybrid reflexes.
“Good morning,” you murmured as he blinked up at you sluggishly.
“Y/n…” he said softly, his mind still foggy from sleep. “Good morning,” he replied reflexively.
“Did you stay out here all night?” you asked, squatting to bring your face closer to his.
He cleared his throat and nodded, and your heart squeezed from how cute he was when he’d just woken up. You wished you’d gotten to see more of it, and maybe in a different world, you’d have gotten a shot at a happy ending. Thinking about it too much kind of made you want to cry, so you started to stand up to go brush your teeth.
Quick as a dart, his hand snaked out to capture yours, and you looked down at him in surprise. He rarely initiated physical contact anymore, after learning about your trauma, but since he was still half-asleep, old habits came back to the surface. “What is it, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, kneeling back down.
“I have to go to the studio today,” he rasped in his deep, early morning voice. You suppressed a shiver – as difficult as you found it to be around him sometimes, your body had never forgotten the initial attraction you’d had towards him a year ago, and when he was sleepy and pliant like this he almost seemed like a different person from the cruel man who’d forced you onto the streets.
“Okay,” you accepted easily. In truth, you didn’t understand why he was telling you this – you knew he had to go in. They were already preparing for the world tour next spring, and you were surprised that he’d spent the last two days camped outside your bedroom door when he should really be at work with the rest of the boys. “I’ll go get your breakfast ready,” you said, looking pointedly down at your hand still enveloped in his. He needed to let go if you were going to help him get ready.
“Wait,” he said, blinking the last of the sleep out of his eyes. Yesterday Namjoon had called him to ream him out for not turning up for practice for two days in a row, and even though he’d been understanding about the whole situation with you, knowing that Taehyung was always worried about you now, he’d still told Taehyung in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t just shirk his responsibilities to his bandmates and fans like he’d been doing for the past few days. Taehyung had wanted to stay home with you because you were so clearly upset about something, but he’d been neglecting his duties at work long enough.
“I- I know you’re upset about something,” Taehyung began haltingly. He didn’t know exactly what it was, since you’d refused to tell him, but since it had started right after he told you about his heat, he could pretty much guess that it was related to that. Approaching it, however, was difficult since he didn’t know how to go about it tactfully, especially in the mornings, since it took so damn long for him to get his act together. He really should have written this down last night.
“Y/n…” He stopped, swallowed, then started again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
That caught your attention, and you froze, staring at him with wide eyes.
“I know you hate this imprint,” he choked out, and the words felt like sand leaving his mouth because of how difficult it was to express thoughts that went so directly against his instincts. “I don’t like it either, and I promise you that I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, okay? You’re safe here.” Even though he meant well and was trying to reassure you, his admission that he didn’t want the imprint either made you all the more certain of your decision.
“I understand,” you said, reaching out to pet his ears soothingly. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay,” he accepted. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Promise. Even if it’s about the imprint.” His gaze searched yours imploringly, like he didn’t quite know how to reassure you of his sincerity.
“I know,” you agreed. You really didn’t agree with that, but you’d say anything to get that hangdog expression off his face.
He stared at you for a couple more seconds, then let you go with a nod. “All right, then,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed as you fled to the bathroom.
You blinked back tears as you made his breakfast for the last time, feeling Taehyung’s gaze boring into the back of your head from where he sat at the counter waiting for you to finish. He was still worried about you, you knew, though he wouldn’t pry anymore since you’d shut him down. You both loved and hated him for that.
When you set his plate down in front of him, you tried not to look at him because you were barely keeping it together as it was. Then you realized that this was probably the last time you would have the opportunity to and swung your gaze from the countertop to his face, taking it all in greedily.
Taehyung was still looking at you, and when you looked back, your eyes met, which you were completely unprepared for. Your jaw dropped slightly in surprise as he stared intently at you, and in that moment, you felt stripped bare for him, like he was looking effortlessly into your soul. It was too much for you, and you averted your gaze out of embarrassment, hating how vulnerable he could make you feel. Before, you hadn’t minded it, had thought it was a sign of your affection and trust for each other, but after your security in this home had been stripped away, it just scared you.
“Do you want to come with me to the studio today?” Taehyung asked. He was still watching you with that unsettling, piercing gaze, and you shook your head without looking back at him.
“Are you sure, Y/n-ie?” Something was off, Taehyung could feel it, and his instincts were ordering him to keep you by his side. Imprinting wasn’t magic, but it meant he was always hyper-attuned to you. With his hybrid senses, he could hear the erratic beating of your heart, smell the salt of the tears you tried so hard to keep at bay, see the distress written clearly across your face. There was clearly something bothering you, and it killed him to know that he was the cause of it and that he’d ruined the trust between the two of you so much that you were too afraid to talk to him about it. He’d always been there for you, and the fact that you weren’t letting him in now cut him up inside.
“Yeah,” you said, forcing a smile as you looked back at him.
His brow furrowed in concern. “Okay, I’ll call Namjoon and tell him that I can’t come in today either then.” He reached for his phone, sitting next to his plate on the counter.
“What? No,” you protested, snatching the phone before he could grab it. “You need to go to work; I know Namjoon-oppa will be mad if you skip again.”
Taehyung’s frown deepened. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re like this,” he objected.
“Tae-oppa, I’m fine. Please just go to work,” you begged, using the old nickname you had for him for good measure. You hadn’t called him that since before he kicked you out, and you could see him softening in front of you.
“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning forward slightly to get a better look at you – not that he needed it, with his enhanced wolf vision.
“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling tremulously at him.
“Okay. I’ll see you when I get home then.” Taehyung got up and got ready to leave, and you followed him to the front door. As he was putting his coat on, you sidled up to him and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, the first one you’d voluntarily given him since he’d found you at Hangang Park.
“What’s all this?” he asked, bemused, even as his arms wrapped around you. His wolf just couldn’t resist, and you were so cute, nuzzling into the hollow between his collarbones like you were scenting him. Humming with pleasure, he dropped his head to the top of yours, sniffing your hair.
“Nothing,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. You pulled back a little so you could look up at him, and for a second, your faces were so close that he could have just dipped his head slightly to kiss you. The temptation was overwhelming, especially since you’d initiated the hug, but Taehyung held it together – just barely. You squeezed him a little tighter and it took everything in him to stay still, praying that you wouldn’t notice the erection starting to form in his pants.
Obviously, you did notice it, since it was pressed into your belly, but you graciously ignored it, knowing that he couldn’t help it. Knowledge of your impending mortality made such things seem less significant, anyway.
When you finally released him and took a step back, he blinked for a moment, slightly bereft. Without your warmth pressed against him he felt a little cold, even though he knew it was ridiculous. Still, he had to leave, so he brushed your hair behind your shoulder fondly and asked, “Are you sure you’ll be okay at home?” one last time.
“Yes,” you stressed, pushing him gently out the door. “I’ll be fine, I promise, Tae-oppa.” He still looked a little dubious, but you’d distracted him by calling him that again, and he left with a small smile on his face.
With the door firmly shut behind Taehyung, you leaned against it and sank onto the ground. Just getting him out of the house had been exhausting, and you didn’t know if you actually had the strength to end your own life. Your breath shuddered out of your lungs and you tipped your head back against the door.
Even though you were now alone, you were afraid to give in to your emotions because you didn’t know if you would have the courage to go through with it if you let the fear take over. Instead, you mechanically got on with your morning routine, washing the dishes and tidying up. You avoided the bathroom because you knew what was there.
Since Taehyung had been having trouble sleeping without you in his bed, he’d gotten a prescription for sleeping pills which he kept in the bathroom cabinet. He didn’t use them all the time, you knew, just the nights that were particularly bad. If you thought hard enough, it would be easy to connect the times when he couldn’t sleep to your ovulation cycle, but you were determined to ignore that.
It wasn’t until hours later that you opened the bathroom cabinet and found the pills. You reached into the cabinet, your hands trembling, and closed your fingers around the small bottle. Your legs wouldn’t work properly when you went back to your room and shut the door, and it felt like every muscle in your body was already stiff.
Looking down at the bottle in your palm, you bit your lip to prevent tears from leaking out again. You rolled the container back and forth a little, looking at the sticker with Taehyung’s name on it. The recommended dose was half a pill to one.
Breathing out heavily, you steeled yourself to open the bottle, but you couldn’t do it. With a sigh, you placed it down on your bedside table, staring at it. The little orange bottle with a white cap sat innocently where you’d left it, like it was mocking you.
-----------------------------
Something had been off all day, Taehyung could feel it. Obviously, there was no supernatural aspect to the imprint, but he’d been living with you for almost ten years now, and you weren’t as good at hiding your emotions as you thought you were. Worrying about you consumed almost all of his focus, and he was a complete mess during dance practice – even Namjoon was doing better than he was.
After the third time Hoseok had stopped practice to yell at him, Namjoon intervened, taking Taehyung aside to talk to him in the hallway.
“Tae, what’s been going on with you recently? You skip out on practice for two days, and now it’s like you’re not even here when you are.”
Taehyung shrugged, averting eye contact. He was ashamed of how he was acting, because he knew it was stressing his brothers out too when they were already freaking out over the comeback tour, but he just couldn’t get you out of his mind. “I’m sorry, hyung. Y/n’s been acting a little strange recently, and I’m just worried about leaving her alone,” he explained.
Namjoon’s expression softened. “Do you need to talk about it?” he offered.
“I don’t know. She’s been acting a little strange since the tour ended, and after I told her that my heat is coming up…” he blushed. Hybrids weren’t shy when talking about their heats – it was a normal bodily function for them, after all – but since Taehyung had the imprint, any mention of the heat implied that he couldn’t stop thinking about the way his pet human smelled and tasted. Even though he was coming to accept that the imprint, and by extension, his desires, were not his fault, it was still awkward and embarrassing for him to talk about it. He hadn’t told anyone about it other than you, so only Namjoon knew.
“Yeah? What’s been going on? Maybe she’s just stressed out about it,” Namjoon tried to reassure his brother. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know…” Taehyung pursed his lips in thought. “She spent the last couple of days locked up in her room and I kept hearing her crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, though.”
Namjoon was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was this related to the conversation he’d had with you so many months ago?
“And she was really weird today, too. You know she gave me a hug?” Try as he might, Taehyung couldn’t stop the dreamy note from entering his voice. As uncharacteristic as it had been for you, he’d missed your physical affection so much that he couldn’t bring himself to complain about it.
“That sounds nice. Why are you worried then?” Namjoon prompted.
“I don’t know. She just seemed really upset even though she was trying to hide it.” Taehyung frowned. “I even offered to stay home again to keep her company, but she basically forced me to leave the house.”
His jaw tightening, Namjoon’s mind raced. “You should go back to check on her if you’re worried,” he told Taehyung.
“What? But practice and everything, I can’t just abandon you guys-” he protested.
“Please, as if you’re helping us out in your current state.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Go, I’ll cover for you with the others.”
“Okay. Thank you, hyung,” he said gratefully before running down the hall to the elevator.
------------------------------------
You picked up the bottle again, shaking it a little and hearing the noise as the pills rattled against the container. “Okay, now or never,” you psyched yourself up with a deep breath. Of course, you’d rather it be never, but you pushed that thought out of your mind. This was for Taehyung, you reminded yourself.
The bottle cap had a child lock on it, which was truly ridiculous when you stopped to think about it, because adult humans were definitely more able to open a stupid bottle cap than a hybrid child was. If they were going to restrict access to prescription medication, a human-proof lock would be better.
Then again, you mused sardonically, most humans were smart enough to know not to break into medicine cabinets and eat whatever they saw, so it was probably seen as redundant.
Opening the bottle easily, you turned it over and emptied the contents into your hand. You dropped the bottle onto the covers next to where you were sitting and reached for the glass of water you’d prepared on your nightstand. Your hand trembled so much, though, that you had to work extra hard to get a good grip on the glass, and even then, you spilled a bit on the bed.
Slowly, you unclenched your hand and stared at the pills. Closing your eyes, you tossed them all into your mouth, then brought the glass of water to your lips. Come on, you thought to yourself. It would all be over soon – all the suffering that you’d experienced in the last year. Just a couple of minutes, and you would slip into blissful sleep. No more nightmares, no more trauma…
Now that you’d decided on this path, the knowledge that you wouldn’t need to continue living such a painful existence was almost a relief to you. Finally, you tipped the glass a little so water filled your mouth and swallowed. You finished the water before setting the glass back on the bedside table, then stretched out so you were lying on your side, facing the door.
Although it was too soon to feel the effects of the sleeping pills, you felt an incredible wave of peace wash over you, and you closed your eyes. Soon, all of this would be over. You’d be free, setting down all your burdens.
Right before you faded out of consciousness, you vaguely registered your phone vibrating against the bedside table, but your eyelids were too heavy to lift, and it felt impossible to raise your hand to pick it up to see who was calling.
----------------------------------------
The sense of dread and discomfort Taehyung felt brewing in the pit of his stomach only intensified as he drove back home, and by the time he parked his car, the unease bordered on panic. He’d been attempting to call you the whole time, but you hadn’t picked up, which was strange for you – you’d not been far from your phone ever since you’d gotten your first. It was just lucky that he hadn’t been pulled over or gotten into an accident from how poorly he’d been driving, his gaze constantly flicking from the road to his phone.
He raced up to his apartment as quickly as possible, bursting through the door like a madman. Every second felt like life or death, and he’d almost broken the elevator buttons from pressing on it so hard so many times. “Y/n?” he called, his voice echoing through the apartment the moment he stepped through the door.
There was no response to break the ominous silence, only the deafening sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Kicking off his shoes, Taehyung walked quickly through the corridor, peeking into the kitchen and living room as he passed them to make sure you weren’t in either of those rooms.
“Y/n?” he called again, his voice starting to sound slightly manic. He hoped more than anything that you would appear from around the corner and laugh at him for getting so worked up over nothing, but there was no sound or movement. Your bedroom door was shut, so he knew you hadn’t left the apartment, because you never shut it after you.
Stopping in front of your room, he knocked on the door. “Y/n, are you there? Can you let me in, please?”
Silence.
“Y/n?” He knocked again, a little more insistently.
When there was still no response, he opened the door hesitantly and peeked in. “Y/n?” When he saw you lying on your bed, he relaxed for a moment, thinking that you were just taking a nap. In fact, you looked so peaceful like that, with all the lines in your face from that tense expression you always wore around him smoothed out.
He stepped into the room and realized only then that something was wrong. You were breathing too slowly, and your heart rate was sluggish. Looking closer, he saw the empty pill bottle lying on its side next to you and his panic rocketed through the roof.
“Fuck!” he exclaimed, rushing to you. “Y/n? Y/n!” he tried to shake you awake, to no avail.
“Shit,” he hissed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to prop you up. Your head lolled listlessly. “Y/n, please,” he begged, tears pricking at his eyes that he tried to blink away. He had to keep it together, or you wouldn’t make it.
Setting you back down on the bed, he called the ambulance hotline. The moment he heard the click that meant someone had picked up, he started explaining what had happened, the words spilling out of him in his urgency. “My human, she’s swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I don’t know what to do, I—” His voice broke on a sob.
“Sir? Please remain calm. I’ll send an ambulance; can you provide your address?” The person manning the hotline’s soothing voice helped Taehyung, and he took a deep breath as he told her the address.
“An ambulance will be there ASAP. In the meantime, it would be helpful if you could induce vomiting to start removing the drug from her system.”
Taehyung tossed his phone onto the covers and pushed his sleeves past his elbows. “Induce vomiting…” he muttered to himself, his hands hovering uncertainly over your face. “Uhhh…”
Gingerly, he slid one hand under your neck to hold your head off the mattress slightly and winced as he stuck two fingers in your mouth, gently probing at the opening of your throat. No response.
“Fuck, come on…” he said, voice strained as he pushed a little harder and felt you gag. Encouraged, he did it again, and it felt like your whole body convulsed as you started throwing up.
“Gross,” he cried, unable to retract his hand fast enough. He tilted your head so you didn’t choke on your own vomit, and it fell onto the floor instead. He wrinkled his nose – the smell was awful, especially to his enhanced hybrid senses – but he could see the pills lying among the mess, and he sagged in relief, bracing his arms against the bed on either side of your prone form as he bowed his head, his forehead just barely touching your stomach.
And then the paramedics arrived, and everything was a blur of motion that Taehyung could barely keep up with. You were lifted onto a stretcher and someone was wiping off his hand, then he was following the paramedics out while answering their questions about you. Turns out, he didn’t know a lot about what you’d been doing before you decided to do this.
On the way to the hospital, he sat in the ambulance clutching your hand, hovering anxiously above you and watching your face for any sign of discomfort or pain. There was none, of course. You were still out cold, but watching you made him feel useful, and reassured him that you were still breathing and okay. His wolf was frantic, and it was difficult to keep his baser instincts under wraps when his control was so frayed by his emotional state, but he had to, for your sake.
It became almost a mantra for him during the traumatic hours when they wheeled you off into the hospital, pumped your stomach and gave you other drugs to get the sleeping pills out of your system. He reminded himself sternly that he could not give in to his animal instincts, rip into the doctors and nurses who were causing you pain and growl at everyone to leave you the fuck alone. It had been easier staying in control of his animal side when there was a task at hand that he needed to focus on to help you, but now that there was nothing to do but sit around, he felt like he was going crazy, the two sides of his psyche at war with each other.
He sat in the corridor right outside the room you were in, listening to the sounds coming from within: the beeping, the yelling from the doctor and nurses as they tried to save your life, and worst of all, the revolting sounds that came with you having your stomach pumped. You regained consciousness briefly during that time, and your cries of distress and pain were agonizing to listen to. Unaware that there was nothing he could do, his wolf side snarled and begged for him to help, to snatch you away from the people who were torturing you. He bowed his head, sat on his hands and cried along with you.
It wasn’t until you were safely in your own room in the hospital, cleaned up and asleep in your bed with an IV drip in, that Taehyung could finally relax, knowing you would be all right. He texted Namjoon to tell him what had happened, then just sat with you, waiting for you to wake up.
---------------------------------------
The room was dark, you noted sluggishly. The door was open, and some light spilled in from the hallway, but the ceiling was barely lit with a dim yellow. It was kind of soothing, you thought as your eyes slid shut again. Everything felt heavy and ached, so you didn’t bother trying to move. It was easier to just go back to sleep.
The next time you woke up, the room was bright again, and when you tried to lift your hand to your face to block out the light, you found that you couldn’t. This was concerning until you turned to see Taehyung, slumped on the bed with his cheek resting against your hand.
You wriggled your fingers a little, just to check that you still could, and the motion woke him up. He blinked slowly, his vision blurry for a second, until he realized where he was and jolted upright. It was probably the fastest you’d ever seen him wake up, and you wanted to make a dig at his expense about it, but when you tried to speak, you realized how dry your throat was.
“Water,” you croaked, and Taehyung leapt to do your bidding, bringing you a paper cup filled with water. You reached out to take the cup from him, but he refused to hand it over, helping you sit up with one arm while feeding you the water with the other. When the cool liquid touched your lips, you sucked it down eagerly, unaware until that moment how very thirsty you actually were.
“Slowly,” Taehyung cautioned. Ignoring him, you drained the cup and asked for more.
When you’d had three whole cups of water, he helped you find the remote control for the bed so that you could sit up comfortably. The blanket pooled around your hips and Taehyung continued fussing over you, making sure you were comfortable.
“I’m fine, oppa,” you said, batting his hands away gently. He looked up at you, his face so close to yours, and the anguish you saw in his eyes took your breath away. “Oppa… are you okay?” you asked, cradling his face with your hand. You swept your thumb across his cheek as his eyes closed. He was supposed to be okay… that was the whole point.
“I should be asking you that question,” he forced out, his voice thick with emotion as he sat back down heavily. “Y/n… why did you do it?”
Swallowing hard, you looked away from him and refused to say anything.
“Y/n, please…” he begged. “I want to help you. That’s all I want.” He leaned forward, trying to meet your eyes, but you slid your gaze away again. “If you won’t talk to me, will you talk to a psychologist or a therapist?”
Your eyes widened in panic and you turned back to face him so fast he thought he might have heard your neck crack. “I can’t talk to anyone else about this!” you cried out. “You know we can’t tell anyone about the… the…” As you realized what you’d almost blurted out, you clammed up, clutching at your blanket in distress as you lowered your gaze.
“Is this… about the imprint?” Taehyung asked, his voice shaky now. You didn’t reply, but the damage was already done. “Y/n, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice choked. He sniffled and blinked away tears. “I know this has been difficult and unfair for you,” he continued. “If you want to leave me, you only have to ask, okay?”
Fuck. This had never been the plan. Now he thought there was something wrong with you and wanted to get rid of you. Of course he did – who wanted a defective pet who tried to commit suicide? “You want me to go?” you asked in a small voice. “Where- where would I go?”
“Will you be happier if you leave? I just want you to be happy, baby. You can go live with my parents, or I’ll get you your own apartment somewhere, or if you want--” He gulped. “I can see if anyone else wants to adopt you. You’re so cute and pretty, I’m sure lots of hybrids want to adopt a human like you.” The words felt like ground glass, but he was sincere in his offer. If it would help you, he would give you up entirely, despite the personal cost to him. Even saying the words had his wolf going crazy, begging and whining for you to stay, but he remained resolute, refusing to give voice to his feelings. This was about you, and it would remain about you.
Would you be happier if you left? Honestly, you didn’t know. You looked up at him and bit your lip thoughtfully. The imprint had been difficult for you to deal with, yes, and he’d ruined your trust in him by kicking you out. But he’d been trying to make up for it ever since, and it had been about eight months of him reining in his instincts and being patient and kind. You were more than aware that his insomnia was caused by you, and it probably wasn’t the only problem that you were causing in his life, yet he’d never made you feel bad.
And—most importantly, he’d saved you. You were sitting in this hospital bed, well and alive, because of him, and he was still trying to help you. Would you ever find somebody who cared about you as much as Taehyung? Who else would go to the same lengths to make sure that you were safe and happy?
Even now, you could see how difficult it was for him to make you that offer. Taehyung was notoriously bad at hiding his feelings, after all, especially from someone as familiar with him as you were, but even without seeing his distress from his body language, you knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him if you left his life. Yet he’d offered, and he was being sincere about it.
Taehyung was one in a million, and you’d lucked out by having him as your owner. He’d been exemplary other than his one slip, and as awful as that had been, you could sort of understand why he’d done it. Besides, hadn’t he made up for it?
Before you knew it, you were shaking your head. Slowly at first, then increasingly vehemently. You didn’t want to leave him, you realized now. Yes, things had been difficult recently, but he’d done his best to make up for it, was truly remorseful about his mistake, and you could feel how much he cared for you with everything he did. For the most part, you really liked being his pet, and you would miss him if you left.
“I don’t want to leave,” you said in a small voice.
Taehyung sagged in relief. “Okay, baby,” he said, reaching out to stroke your hair. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Trust me. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”
His promise made you feel like everything was going to be all right, because you knew Taehyung would move heaven and earth for you.
------------------------------
When you were discharged from the hospital a few days later, Taehyung was right there to pick you up, wheeling you out in your wheelchair – despite your protests that you could walk, thank you very much – and attempting to help you into the car. Although you slapped his hands away and got into the car unaided, you couldn’t stop the small smile that stole across your face at how eager he was to coddle you.
Taehyung had barely left your side during the time you’d been in the hospital, and they’d given him special permission to stay past visiting hours because he was your owner. He’d only gone home to shower and change, and to bring you some proper clothes to change into when you were discharged. Your near-death experience had changed your entire outlook on the situation you were in, and you were more open with him now than you’d been in the past months, ever since he rescued you from the streets. Taehyung, for his part, reveled in your new, easier relationship with him, smiling so much at you that you wondered how his cheeks didn’t ache.
You were glad to be home, honestly. Hospital food sucked and you craved the comfort of being back in familiar surroundings. Taehyung looked over at you after pressing the button for the elevator, and you smiled back at him. “You doing okay?” he asked, just to be sure. He’d been doing that a lot over the past couple of days – asking after you periodically, like he just had to make sure that you were still okay.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” you told him, squeezing his arm. You knew it had scared him when you suddenly – or so it seemed to him – decided to take your own life, with very little warning. Since you didn’t have any plans to tell him why you’d done it, not being willing to throw Namjoon under the bus when you knew he’d meant well, you’d made up your mind to reassure him that you didn’t have any plans to try again. You were quite happy being among the living.
When Taehyung opened the front door and let you in, you about leapt out of your skin when you saw the other boys standing in the entrance. “Y/n-ie!” Jimin cried, rushing to give you a hug. Confused, you stood still and let him rub his cheek against your temple, staring with wide eyes at the boys over his shoulder.
“Guys, what are you doing here?” Taehyung grumped, trying to sound irritated but not entirely succeeding.
Hoseok shrugged. “We wanted to come welcome Y/n back,” he explained. “We brought lots of food, too.”
“Aww, thank you guys,” you giggled.
It was easy to not overthink when you were with all seven of the boys. They were rowdy and noisy, as always, yelling at each other and hamming it up to make you laugh. You didn’t need to do much to feel comfortable with them, sliding into old, familiar patterns of interaction as you sat at the table and ate the food they’d brought, giggling at their antics.
Even Taehyung seemed to relax around them, losing the tension you’d seen him carry in his shoulders and the lines around his mouth. As he smiled and laughed with Jungkook and Jimin, you couldn’t help but feel warm inside. This was what you had chosen, and you were happy with your decision.
None of the boys mentioned why you’d been in the hospital to begin with, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but from the way Namjoon kept staring at you, you knew Taehyung had definitely told at least him. You tried your best to avoid his gaze, feeling awkward, but you could feel his eyes drilling holes into the back of your head.
After lunch, you excused yourself to use the restroom while the others started clearing up. As you were washing your hands, you stared into the mirror as the memory of what had transpired the last time you were in this room happened. Right behind the mirror was the cabinet, and you couldn’t help but recall reaching in to grab the bottle of pills.
Shaken, you quickly dried off your hands and exited the room – only to run into Namjoon, who was leaning against the wall by the bathroom door.
“Oppa,” you greeted him, making to skirt around him and return to the living room, where the rest of the boys had migrated.
“Y/n,” he said urgently, and you looked up at him, surprised. You’d thought he just wanted to use the bathroom too, but apparently you were wrong.
“What is it, oppa?” you asked politely, not wanting to make a scene.
“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking down shamefully.
Your eyes widened. This hadn’t really been what you were expecting. “What for?” you asked cautiously.
“For suggesting that you should… you know,” he gestured at you with his hands, unable to say the words.
“Oh… don’t be sorry. You didn’t force me or anything,” you said, patting his arm.
“Still, I shouldn’t have told you about it,” he persisted. “That was wrong of me, I realise now. It’s not your responsibility to break the imprint.”
“Oppa…” you sighed. “It’s really not your fault, okay? I was the one who made the decision, and I was the one who asked you for the information. I know you were just trying to help.”
He raised his anguished gaze to meet yours, and you were surprised by how truly miserable he looked. This whole time, you’d thought that he only tolerated you, that he resented you because of what you’d done to Taehyung. His attitude towards you had shifted so drastically after finding out about the imprint that you’d gotten whiplash, and it was a huge part of why you ultimately accepted that the imprint was mostly your fault. Seeing him so cut up about your suicide attempt was jarring, to say the least.
“No, it was wrong of me,” he insisted. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I realise now that it isn’t your fault all of this happened, and I should have known better than to tell you when you were still recovering from your traumatic experience.”
“What did you tell her?” Taehyung’s voice cut rudely into the discussion you were having with Namjoon, and you both whipped around, eyes wide. It would have been almost comical if Taehyung hadn’t been so furious.
“Taehyung-ah—”
“Tae-oppa—”
Both of you tried to placate Taehyung, but he wasn’t having it. “What. Did. You. Tell. Her?” he asked, louder and more forcefully this time.
You wanted to facepalm. You’d been so careful about not letting it slip to Taehyung, trying to prevent this very situation from happening, and he’d caught you at the earliest possible moment.
“Tae-oppa, please—” You ran towards him, grabbing his shirt with your hands and trying to stop him from advancing on Namjoon. “It was nothing, please just let it go,” you begged.
When he looked down tenderly at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek in a manner that was very reminiscent of the way you’d done the same to him in the hospital, you relaxed a little, thinking he was going to do as you asked. Then he looked up at Namjoon over your head, and you sighed. Oh well, you thought. It would have been too easy if you’d been able to defuse the situation just like that.
Namjoon, for his part, wasn’t doing anything to defend himself, standing with his head bowed and hands clasped in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, knowing that Taehyung would be able to hear him anyway.
It didn’t help. Taehyung pushed you out of the way gently and you stared, wide-eyed, as he stalked towards the taller hybrid. Namjoon could probably defend himself if he wanted to, but he didn’t bother, letting Taehyung deck him so hard he fell onto the ground. Unsatisfied, Taehyung straddled him and continued hitting him repeatedly, so hard you could see Namjoon’s eye already swelling shut as blood spattered on the ground.
“Stop, stop!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your knees behind the and wrapping your arms around Taehyung’s waist. “Stop, please…” you started sobbing, burying your face in his back. The violence reminded you of being out on the streets, watching the various gang fights between the humans that would take place on a near-daily basis.
The commotion had the other boys rushing to see what was going on, gathering in the hallway as they gawked at the scene in front of them. Hoseok was the first one to snap out of it, running forward to haul Taehyung off Namjoon. The fox hybrid wasn’t strong enough to control the incensed wolf, but Jin and Jungkook quickly stepped in to help, and together they managed to separate the two.
Jimin darted forward to fuss over Namjoon, helping him up while Taehyung strained against his brothers and continued yelling and swearing.
“Tae-oppa, please,” you begged, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Please stop.”
The proximity to you seemed to help, as he relaxed slightly in your hold. “You’d better go,” you said to Namjoon, and he nodded. The rest of the boys filed out with him, leaving you alone with your owner.
“Tae-oppa, are you okay?” you asked worriedly once the door closed behind the others. You pulled away from him and grabbed his hands, examining them to make sure he hadn’t hurt himself.
“Is that why you did it?” he asked. He didn’t sound like himself, and you looked up at him with concern. His bangs hung over his eyes, which were still sparking with rage. He’d never seemed more like an animal than in that moment, and this was including the last time he’d been in heat.
“Taehyung-oppa…” You didn’t know what to say.
“Is it?!” he raised his voice, and you jumped in fright. Your nerves were already shot to hell from the bathroom and then the confrontation with Namjoon, and you broke down in tears.
“I’m sorry,” you blubbered between sobs. “He said it was the only way to break the imprint, and then you said you didn’t want it, and I thought—”
“Hey, hey.” Your distress snapped Taehyung out of his anger, and he immediately turned his attention to comforting you. “I wasn’t blaming you, please don’t cry,” he said, his tone a lot softer now as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. “You don’t need to apologize, ever, okay? It was my fault for being thoughtless,” he said, ducking a little so he could look you in the eye when you were stubbornly looking downward.
“I don’t ever want you to think that the imprint is a problem for you to solve, okay? It’s not your fault, and I should never have made you think that you had any obligation to seek out a solution, especially one like that.” The strength and conviction with which he spoke the words made it difficult to do anything other than nod, and you finally felt the weight you’d been carrying on your shoulders ever since Namjoon told you about what he thought was the only way to break the bond.
“And I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighed as you hugged him, wrapping his own arms around you and stroking your hair as you sobbed into his shirtfront. “Next time, if you have any problems, I don’t want you to think you have to hide them from me, okay? Even if they’re about us.” He might have imprinted on you, but he was still your owner and he was still responsible for you. He’d been paying for his slip-up for almost a year now, and he was determined to be more mindful from now on. The image of your body, looking so small and fragile, in your bed still haunted him.
------------------------------------
Being back in your room was difficult, you realized once you’d washed up and gotten ready for bed. Even getting into bed made you think of your suicide attempt, and there was also that ugly stain on the carpet from where you’d thrown up. Taehyung had tried to clean it, but he hadn’t been able to get the stain out, and looking at it bothered you.
There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep in the room, so you hesitantly walked over to Taehyung’s intending to bunk in with him. However, the moment you reached the door, you chickened out and paused with your fist raised. Would it be okay if you slept with him tonight? Taehyung would never say no, but you knew it would probably be difficult for him to get any rest with you in his bed. The last time you’d slept in the same room with him had been the night he found out about your experience on the street, and you still remembered waking up to his hard-on pressing into your back.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought. You could always stay on the couch tonight, you decided and turned to do just that. Before you could take a step, however, the bedroom door opened behind you and you turned back around to see Taehyung standing in front of you wearing just pajama pants.
“H-hey,” you said awkwardly.
“Do you want to come in?” he asked. You didn’t ask how he knew you were there – of course he heard you coming down the hall. You bit your lip uncertainly, but sleeping with him did sound like a much better option than the couch, so you said yes and scurried into his room, climbing back into your side of the bed and burrowing under the sheets.
“Are you all right?” Taehyung asked as he got back into bed.
You hummed noncommittally. “I guess,” you said cagily, and he turned onto his side to look at you more fully. The intimacy of this position made your heart race, and you weren’t sure if it was discomfort or something else. His quirked brow was all it took to make you come clean. “Being in my room reminds me of… you know,” you mumbled, feeling guilty for some reason.
“It’s okay,” Taehyung soothed, though he didn’t initiate any physical contact. “You can stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can go stay with my parents for a while, okay? Would you like that?”
Your eyes lit up at the prospect. “We can visit Yeontan?” you asked, your voice lilting with delight.
“Of course we can,” Taehyung said, smiling at you. Your affection for the little dog knew no bounds, and he really should have done this sooner, he realized as he watched you snuggle more deeply into the sheets and shut your eyes. You were asleep within minutes, which he envied, knowing it would probably be a sleepless night for him.
Thankfully, he was wrong, although he thought maybe it would have been better if he’d stayed awake when he woke up and realized that he was wrapped around you again. He was really working on remembering to limit physical contact with you, but it was difficult not to give in to habit (and his wolf instincts) when you seemed more open and comfortable around him than you had in months. Your brush with death had really changed your attitude towards him, it seemed, and though he didn’t really understand why, he was just pleased that you didn’t seem to shy away from his touch as much anymore.
Carefully disentangling himself from you, he slipped out of bed with his phone in his hand and hobbled awkwardly towards the bathroom. Sharing a bed with his imprint was hard (pun intended). Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he called his parents to ask if it was okay if the two of you stayed with them for a little while. They were more than pleased to have you.
The next call he made was considerably harder. Since he wasn’t exactly on talking terms with Namjoon, he called Hoseok to let him know that he would be taking a couple of weeks off to spend time with you and his family. He felt bad about it, and apologized repeatedly, but right now he had to make you his priority.
Hoseok was understanding enough, explaining that he too thought it was best if Taehyung and Namjoon didn’t see each other for a little bit. They were already going to have to push promotions back by a couple of weeks because Namjoon’s face was messed up, so it would be fine if he skipped practice.
When he hung up the phone, he took a moment to bury his face in his hands. God, everything was a mess, but at least you were healthy and seemed to be in high spirits. Shaken up by your near brush with death, sure, but overall doing way better than expected. Thank God for small blessings, he supposed. And big blessings too, like that he’d decided to come home early and found you before it was too late.
You woke up to an empty bed, but that didn’t really faze you. When you peeked out the bedroom door, you saw the bathroom door was closed, and figured Taehyung was in there. Shrugging, you skipped over to your room to start packing. You couldn’t be more excited about going back to Geochang and seeing Yeontan and Kai and everyone else.
---------------------------------------
Being back on the farm was great, you thought. Yeontan came running up to the car as soon as it pulled up in front of the house, and you leapt out to pick up your furry little friend. “I missed you so much,” you cooed, rubbing your face in his fur as he wriggled around excitedly, trying to lick your face. Taehyung’s parents came out to greet you, hugging their son and then you. Yeontan was now panting happily from his perch in your arms, and you cuddled him as Taehyung brought your bags in.
Distractions abounded on the farm, and you kept yourself well-entertained with Taehyung’s siblings, nephews and nieces, and hanging out with your old friends. It made it easy to avoid thinking about everything that had transpired, and every night when it was time for bed, you were so exhausted that you weren’t able to lie there thinking and worrying, falling asleep almost immediately.
Taehyung was enjoying the break too. He loved the city and his work, but being back in the countryside, with the clean air and the family he rarely got to see was a welcome respite. He spent his days mostly in the house, hanging out with his family while you ran around doing whatever. It was nice to see you happy again, he thought one afternoon as you took a nap on the couch, snuggled up with Yeontan. He was still a baby, but he was getting on in age and wasn’t as spry as he once was, something you didn’t mind as you carried him around so he wouldn’t strain his little joints walking.
Still, you could only distract yourself for so long before everything caught up with you, and you found yourself huddled in a shed late one morning crying over everything you’d lost. As healing as being on the farm was, it reminded you of the last time you’d lived here, while Taehyung had been serving in the military. It had been so much easier, everything uncomplicated and simple. You hadn’t had to battle these complicated feelings for Taehyung, knowing that he was struggling with his own turmoil – you’d just been secure in the fact that he loved you the way he should love a pet.
Yeontan, concerned, propped his front paws on your knees and tried to lick your tears away, but you just pulled him close as you continued to sob. Why had everything become so difficult? What had you done to deserve all of this?
As you were having your little breakdown, Taehyung was looking for you. It was almost lunchtime, which you were never late for because you loved his mom’s cooking, so he got concerned when you didn’t pop up with Yeontan in tow. It seemed like the dog liked you better than everyone else, including Taehyung himself, which didn’t seem fair, but he’d gotten over sulking about it when he saw how happy you two made each other.
“Mom, have you seen Y/n? She’s usually never late for lunch, I’m getting worried,” Taehyung finally asked after checking every room in the house and the spots around the farm he thought she’d be.
“Oh, try looking in that old shed on the far corner of the orchard, sweetie,” his mother replied carelessly, plating up the dishes. “She likes to hang out there for quiet time; thinks we don’t know about it.”
With that helpful tip, Taehyung jogged through the orchard to the shed in question, knowing he’d hit the jackpot even before opening the door because of the sound of your sobs coming through the door.
“Y/n?” he called, knocking on the door. “You in there?”
Sniffling, you hastily tried to wipe away your tears with the sleeve of your shirt. “Yeah,” you called out.
“Hey,” he greeted you as he walked in, coming to take a seat next to you. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” you said, looking down at your hands, half-covered by your oversized sleeves. Only your fingers peeked out, making you look smaller and more vulnerable than usual.
“Come on,” Taehyung coaxed, knocking his shoulder into yours gently. “You know you can trust me with anything, right? I’ll always support you.”
You clenched your hands into fists, hiding them in your sleeves. Yeontan hopped from your lap to Taehyung’s, and you felt the loss of his warm little body immediately, curling closer into Taehyung in response.
“It’s just… it’s a lot,” you said vaguely, unsure of how to put your thoughts into words.
Thankfully, Taehyung understood without you needing to say anything. “I’m sure it is,” he empathized quietly. His giant frame radiated heat that you soaked up eagerly. As a human, you weren’t quite as resistant to the cold as he was. “If you want to talk about it, though, I’m always here for you, okay? It can be now or any time.”
“I know.” You nodded. Taehyung had definitely demonstrated his commitment to you. Whether it was because he was a responsible pet owner or because of the imprint you weren’t sure, but you knew now that there was no stronger force on this earth than Taehyung’s determination to keep you safe.
It was that sense of security that had you opening up to him. Resting your head on his shoulder, you started speaking. “Being here just reminded me of a simpler time, is all.”
“I get that,” Taehyung said quietly, leaning his head against yours. “Being here reminds me of my childhood too.” He ignored the way his heart seemed to skip at your proximity, determined to be there for you. You’d always enjoyed physical comfort in the past, and it wasn’t anything more than that. What kind of owner would he be if he couldn’t even cuddle his pet?
He looked down at Yeontan, sitting on his lap and panting up at him happily. That’s right, he tried to convince himself. You were just like Yeontan. Pesky imprint aside, he shouldn’t see or treat you any differently.
Thankfully, you didn’t notice any of his inner turmoil since you were so absorbed in your own thoughts. Looping your arm around his, you continued speaking, feeling like now that the dam had been broken the words were spilling out of you almost too fast, without any control. “I know none of this is your fault – well, except for kicking me out, that most definitely was—” Taehyung nodded, accepting your censure with grace, “—but it just feels like a lot of pressure, you know?”
Taehyung stiffened. “If I’ve ever made you feel obligated to do anything—” he began, but you cut him off, shaking your head.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Your brow furrowed as you thought about the best way to phrase it. “It’s just that…” you paused to think for a moment, before continuing. “Knowing how much you’re struggling makes me feel like I should be doing more to help you,” you explained.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to, really, you shouldn’t worry about this at all,” he stressed, and meant it.
“That’s not how caring about someone works, Tae-oppa,” you countered. “Besides, isn’t your heat coming up soon? If we don’t go back soon you’re going to have to go through it here and it’ll be super awkward and—” You stopped when Taehyung abruptly lifted his head off yours and stared down at you.
“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Oppa? You okay?”
“My heat,” he murmured. “I forgot about that.”
Your face scrunched up in confusion. “You forgot? How is that even possible?” The symptoms of his preheat were so disruptive that all his daily activities were affected by them.
“I don’t know, the symptoms just… disappeared.”
Blinking at him, you tried to put the pieces together. “Okaaaay…” you said slowly. “When did this happen?” If there was a problem with his health, you had to go back to Seoul ASAP so he could see a doctor. You’d never heard of this happening before, although granted, you’d never been seeking this information out.
“Uhh, I remember eating way more than usual for breakfast the morning that you, uh…” he paused awkwardly, then continued, skipping over any mention of your suicide attempt altogether. “Then you were in the hospital and I was so worried I was barely eating, so I guess it was then?”
You frowned. That didn’t make sense – his heat cycle had never been disrupted by stress before. Even when there’d been deaths in his family his heat had still passed without incident. Yet it had to be that, since the timing lined up so perfectly.
Taehyung’s lips pressed together to avoid smiling at how cute you were when you were deep in thought, trying to figure the puzzle out. “Come on,” he said, standing up and dusting his pants off. “It’s lunchtime.”
“Oh, okay,” you said quietly, jolted out of your train of thought, as you let him help you up. By the time you got back to the house, lunch was almost over and as you exclaimed your disappointment over your favourite stew being gone, you forgot entirely about the strange mystery of Taehyung’s heat.
--------------------------------------
Being back in Geochang meant hanging out with Kai again. Your reunion with your ex-boyfriend was something you’d been looking forward to since Taehyung even floated the idea of going back to visit his parents. You hadn’t broken up because you were incompatible in any way, of course, but because it was just impossible to be together, since your life was with Taehyung’s in Seoul, and Kai’s family was very happy living in the countryside.
Still, when you went to visit him, his owners just let you into the house, telling you that Kai was upstairs in his room. After thanking them politely, you ran up to his bedroom, bursting in and jumping on his bed, where he was still sleeping.
“Kai! Wake up, you lazy sack!” you giggled as you shook him awake.
He batted you away irritably. “I haven’t seen you in over a year and you’re still just as annoying as ever,” he grumbled, but since he glomped you while he was saying it, you ignored his annoying whining.
You bullied him into going to brush his teeth and sat on the edge of the bathtub watching him as he did so. He was just as handsome as ever, if not more so, but somehow you didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Was it because of the time you’d spent on the streets? Oh God, what if you didn’t like men anymore? Or sex in general? That would be a real tragedy, you thought, pressing your lips together.
Despite your confusion about Kai, the two of you still had a good time together, riding bikes around the countryside the way you used to. It was cold now, since it was winter, but you didn’t let that stop the two of you, even though you were both freezing with red drippy noses. Eventually you ended up in the community greenhouse, setting up a picnic in a cozy corner and shucking your coats. Being with Kai was easy and familiar, and you found yourself slipping into a younger state of mind, feeling lighter and happier. Still no lust, though.
Kai, on the other hand, seemed to have no such compunction – you felt his hand sliding along your lower back, clearly trying to get under your shirt, and you bit back a smile. Even if you didn’t reciprocate, there was something so therapeutic about the predictability of your ex-boyfriend trying to hit on you after all the chaos in your life over the past year.
“Kai,” you rebuked, brushing his hand away from you.
“No?” he asked, pouting at you.
Instead of answering verbally, you just shook your head with a smile.
“Okay,” he accepted, lying back. “I had my doubts anyway.”
“Yeah?” You turned onto your stomach and lay down next to him, propping yourself up with your elbows so you could look down at him easily. “How come?”
He shrugged. “Your whole vibe just seems different,” he said vaguely. “Can you move over a little, please? The sun is getting in my eyes.”
You rolled your eyes but acquiesced so that your shadow blocked out the sun. “What do you mean by that, though?”
“You seem… quieter, and your eyes are different. Like you’re keeping secrets, or you have a burden.”
Well, that much was certainly true, you thought as you hummed in acknowledgement.
“You’re still hot, though,” was his conclusion. You rolled your eyes as you laughed. Kai would be Kai, you supposed.
“Don’t worry, everything’s going to work out,” he said unexpectedly, and you looked at him with wide eyes. He’d always been perceptive, so you shouldn’t have been surprised though. He just smiled sweetly at you in response, and your heart squeezed with affection for him.
“Kai,” you sighed, snuggling close to him and resting your head on his chest. His arm came up around you, and it was nice and secure and warm. Still, you couldn’t shake the thought that Taehyung gave warmer hugs and was altogether better at making you feel like nothing in this world could touch you.
The both of you fell asleep in the greenhouse and only woke up when the sun was starting to set. Kai dropped you off at your place, just like old times, and you smiled fondly at his departing figure on his bicycle before turning around to enter the house.
You almost tripped over Taehyung on your way back into the house.
“Where were you all day?” he demanded.
“Jeez, oppa!” you screamed, pressing your hand over your pounding heart. “I was hanging out with Kai today, don’t worry,” you said dismissively, walking into the house. “Mom, I’m home!” you called out, unwinding your scarf and shucking your coat.
Taehyung came in after you, right on your heels. “You smell just like him,” he grumbled.
“Yeah, we fell asleep after lunch,” you explained with a shrug. This wasn’t necessarily uncommon behavior – even when you were just hanging around the house, you often napped in the afternoon.
His face still looked like a thundercloud, though. “What’s wrong, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, your brow starting to furrow in concern. Had you missed something important today?
“Nothing,” he sulked. “You just really smell like him,” he repeated.
“All right,” you accepted, though you gave him another strange look before going to the dining room.
Jealousy was inappropriate and ridiculous, Taehyung reminded himself sternly as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced towards the dining room where you’d gone, and tugged on the fluffy strands hard, hoping the pain would help him ground himself. You’d done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this weird attitude from him.
Still, he had to admit that he absolutely hated having to smell another man’s scent on you, especially because Kai was human. He knew that you hadn’t done anything with Kai, but still, even if you had, who could blame you? Certainly not his mother, who was asking you about your day with your fellow human.
He needed to get a grip, he decided as he went to rejoin his family. This silly possessiveness over you was because of the imprint. He’d promised you that the imprint wasn’t going to be a problem because he could control it, and he intended to keep that promise.
Although, he thought as he looked over at you again, helping his mother set the table, these days he wasn’t quite sure where he ended and the imprint began.
-------------------------------------------
By the time you headed back to Seoul with Taehyung two weeks later, your relationship with him was much stronger, and you were happier than you’d been since before his last heat. Being in Geochang was like magic for you, the change in your surroundings making it so much easier to talk to Taehyung about all the doubts and insecurities that you’d been battling with for the past year. You’d even confessed your long-held guilt about taking advantage of him during his last heat, which he’d been horrified by.
Taehyung was driving, and he thought you were asleep in the front seat, so you took the opportunity to open your eyes just a crack to peek at him. He looked so good today, his large hands handling the steering wheel with ease, and you never felt safer than you did with him at the wheel.
“Tae-oppa?” you asked hesitantly as he got into the other side of the bed.
He hummed in acknowledgement, letting you know he was listening.
“About your heat…”
At that, he turned around to face you more fully, showing that you had his full attention.
“Can you go through your heat with another woman?”
“Uhhh…” Taehyung blinked at you. The question had come out of nowhere, and it took him a few seconds to digest it. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s not like there’s a manual for the imprint. It was thought to be obsolete technology, remember?”
You scooched further down into the sheets as you contemplated your response. “So what happened during your last heat… will it happen again?” It was kind of embarrassing talking about this, but you needed to be prepared. You weren’t going to end up in the same position as last year, caught off guard and unable to protect Taehyung from himself and you.
Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung was thinking the same thing. “It won’t,” he rushed to reassure you. “Now that I know what’s going to happen, we can make preparations, okay? You’ll stay with Yoongi or one of the others during my heat. You don’t have to worry that I’ll, uh…” He didn’t want to use the word ‘attack’, but that was what came to mind. “Anyway, yeah,” he concluded lamely.
“But you’ll be miserable, won’t you?” you asked, your eyes filled with concern.
“You don’t have to worry about that, sweetie,” he reassured you. “I can handle myself.”
“But I already feel bad about what I let happen last year,” you protested. “Are you sure you can’t go through your heat with someone else?”
His nose wrinkled in distaste at the mere thought of another woman, but he was more focused on what you’d accidentally let slip. “What do you mean what you let happen?” he asked.
Oops. You hadn’t really meant to say that. “You know,” you equivocated, gesturing helplessly with your hands. “You were clearly indisposed,” you tiptoed around it delicately, “and I should have known better than to reciprocate.” God, this was embarrassing. Your hands itched to bring the duvet up over your head.
“Y/n… what are you talking about?” Taehyung, completely flummoxed, had nothing else to say.
Okay, screw this. You burrowed further under the sheets, hiding your head under the covers. You were officially leaving this conversation.
“Y/n, what happened wasn’t your fault at all,” Taehyung said strongly, patting the head-shaped lump under the covers. “I basically attacked you like an animal, and you were the one who stopped it from getting out of hand. Thank you for that, by the way.”
Your head popped back out. “’Thank you’?” you echoed disbelievingly.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen, especially when we hadn’t talked about it before. You took charge when I wasn’t able to control myself, and I know it was difficult for you.”
Your eyes started to sting, and you willed your tears away. The relief of knowing, after all this time, that he didn’t blame you and you didn’t need to keep carrying this burden silently was overwhelming, making your throat close. You couldn’t have said anything in response to him, and Taehyung didn’t push you, just smiling down at you before he turned over and went to sleep, leaving you with your own emotions.
You’d thought about that night almost obsessively since, and you were replaying the events that had occurred in your mind again. Ever since then, you couldn’t stop the way your heart sped up a little when Taehyung was around, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it. He just made you feel so safe and cherished, and he’d so easily helped you set down all the emotional baggage you’d been accumulating for the past year. Was it gratitude or was it something more?
You opened your eyes fully and blinked at Taehyung, and he took his eyes off the road for just a second to smile at you. “Did you have a good nap?” he asked, returning his gaze to the front.
“Yeah,” you replied, smiling back at him. It was true – ever since you’d told him everything, you’d been sleeping so much easier. You still had occasional nightmares about your time on the streets, but Taehyung was always there when you woke up to comfort you, and you were starting to move past it.
“That’s good,” he said, the sincerity radiating off him.
Yeah, you thought to yourself. It was good.
---------------------------------
The return of his preheat symptoms didn’t particularly surprise Taehyung, but it definitely complicated things a little. Now that you were less distracted by everything and getting the space you needed from being home, without cameras constantly trained on you, you noticed almost immediately, increasing the amount of groceries you bought and making other small adjustments to make it easier for him.
These days you accompanied him to the studio more often than not, and somewhat ironically, it was Namjoon who was the most grateful to see you there. Even though you still seemed a little uncomfortable around him, refusing to make eye contact and getting jumpy whenever he walked past your chair or came too close, you were also careful to keep an eye on Taehyung, intervening whenever it looked like Taehyung was getting too hostile. Without your presence, he was sure that the comeback prep would have fallen apart ages ago. It wasn’t the first time you’d mediated fights between the boys, but Taehyung had never been so angry for so long before.
As Taehyung stormed out of the studio where they were practicing the choreography, citing his frustration with Namjoon’s inability to get the dance moves right as the reason he needed a break, you winced as you stood up and bowed deeply to the others in apology. “His preheat is making him irritable,” you explained. “I’m so sorry, I’ll talk to him after his heat passes and he’s more level-headed.”
The others made various noises of assent and/or irritation, but they all accepted that Taehyung’s behavior was just going to get more irrational until his heat was over. As hybrids themselves, they were more than familiar with the havoc that the heat wreaked on their emotions.
Turning, you ran after Taehyung, finally finding him in the empty recording booth. He was seated on the couch, his elbows propped on his thighs and his face buried in his hands. When he heard you come in, he didn’t even react.
“Hey,” you said softly, coming to sit next to him. “You doing okay there?”
“No,” Taehyung grumped. “And you probably shouldn’t sit this close to me, either.” Your scent had been distracting him all day, and the sexual frustration added to his existing anger towards Namjoon. He probably shouldn’t have snapped, but he was still so angry at the older man for meddling.
Ignoring him, you rubbed his back soothingly. You’d gotten a lot better about physical contact, and while he was grateful that you seemed to be moving past your trauma quite well, it really wasn’t helping. One consequence of the delayed heat seemed to be that the heat symptoms were coming on a lot faster and more intense, and he didn’t really trust himself around you anymore. Even your comforting touch was making heat coil in his belly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” you suggested.
“I’m just mad at Namjoon-hyung, that’s all,” Taehyung explained sulkily. “I don’t know why you aren’t more upset with him. He literally told you to kill yourself.”
“Okay, first of all, no he didn’t,” you said firmly. “He just said that was the only way he’d found to break the imprint, and he told me explicitly not to do it.” You might not be pleased with Namjoon for what he’d said to you when you were in a fragile state, but still, you didn’t want Taehyung to get the wrong idea. Namjoon had meant well, after all, and besides, Taehyung still had to work with him, and they were brothers.
“Secondly, I was the one who sought him out and asked him. And you know he’s just looking out for you. You weren’t happy about the imprint either and he thought he was being helpful.”
“I guess,” Taehyung grunted. He hated how much sense you were making. He still wanted to be angry with Namjoon, especially since it was giving him another outlet for all the nervous, pent-up energy he had inside him.
“Besides, he gave you information when you asked for it, right? It would have been unfair for him to not tell me when I asked too.” Seeing him start to cave, you snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I’m not saying you have to forgive him or anything. You’re allowed to feel how you want to feel. Just be a little more patient with him, okay? He was just trying to look out for you, and he made a mistake. It happens to all of us.”
With your scent in his head and your body pressed up against his, Taehyung lost all sense of reason as he turned his head, caught your chin in his hand, and kissed you. His lips were soft as they moved against yours, but you were completely frozen, your mind blanking at the unexpected kiss. It was only when Taehyung brought his other hand up to cradle your face as he started to deepen the kiss that you regained your senses, pushing him away by his shoulders.
You stared at each other for a second, neither of you sure of what to say. You were sure the shock was written across your face clearly, while Taehyung just looked slightly confused, his eyes still heavy-lidded. Then you could see the awareness trickle back into Taehyung’s gaze and his ears started turning red.
“Fuck!” he exploded, standing up. “Fuck, Y/n, I’m so sorry, I—” For a second longer, he just stood there, then he made an abrupt turn and ran out of the room.
Damn. You ran your fingers over your lower lip thoughtfully. You hadn’t been kissed for a long time – the Big Bang boys hadn’t been big on that – and it seemed you’d missed it. There’d been some initial anxiety when he kissed you, and your mind had short-circuited for a second, but right before you pushed him away… you’d started to enjoy it, just a little.
Huh.
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“Hey, Y/n?” Taehyung said suddenly, breaking the silence that the two of you had been stuck in since leaving the studio. That had been one of the most awkward car rides you’d ever experienced, but every time you wanted to say something, you looked over at Taehyung and his troubled frown stopped you. He really was awful at hiding his feelings.
You looked up from your dinner, happy that he was finally talking to you again. “Yeah?”
“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go stay with Yoongi until my heat is over,” Taehyung said, fiddling with his stew and refusing to look up at you. He’d been castigating himself about what he’d allowed to happen ever since he left you behind in the recording booth, and feeling lower and lower the more he thought about it. This was the only way to make sure you were safe from him, he figured. He’d promised to protect you, and that included from himself.
You frowned. “But your heat isn’t here yet, is it?”
Some awkward throat-clearing and foot-shuffling later, he admitted, “It’s coming on really strong this time, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry about earlier, but I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again if you stay here.”
Here it was. You swallowed and put down your chopsticks, lining them up with your thumb on the edge to buy some time. You’d been thinking about this ever since he left, and you weren’t quite sure whether this was the right decision to make, but you wanted to anyway. Taehyung had been there for you every step of the way, not just throughout this whole year-long nightmare, but before that too, and remembering how amazing he’d been throughout it all, even though it had to have hurt him to know how much trouble you were having because of him made something flutter in your tummy.
“I don’t want to go.” Now that the words were out in the open, you looked up through your lashes, sneaking a peek at Taehyung’s reaction. Would he be happy? Excited? Turned on? The anticipation made your stomach clench.
“Y/n…” Taehyung sounded slightly irritated now, and that wasn’t what you’d been hoping for. “Thank you for your trust in my restraint, but please go. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want,” he begged.
“Maybe… I do want it,” you suggested. Your voice was barely a whisper and the words had come out so fast a normal human would never have been able to make it out, but you knew Taehyung would have no problem with that.
As he gaped helplessly at you, you felt a thrill of satisfaction. There it was, the reaction you’d been hoping for. “A-are you sure?” he asked, and you felt a pang of fondness for him. He was always doing his best to look out for you, even at his own expense. If anything, it made you more certain of your decision.
“I’m sure, Tae-oppa.” Then you realized that he might not be willing to do this with a human and quickly backtracked. “I mean, only if you want to too! If you don’t want to be with a human—”
“No,” Taehyung interrupted. “I do, I…” Emotion seemed to overwhelm him for a second, before he composed himself. “Do you know what you’re agreeing to?” he asked, just to be sure. He didn’t think he would be able to restrain himself if you were here with him during his heat.
You smiled at him and reached across the table to scratch his ears. “I do,” you told him with a soft smile, as his eyes closed in enjoyment. He’d always enjoyed this, you thought fondly, and he was so handsome like this, with his features relaxed. He’d spent a lot of time frowning in the past year.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and when he opened his eyes, you saw such profound gratefulness shining in them. You wondered if he saw the same thing in your gaze.
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Now that he had permission, it was like a switch had flipped in Taehyung. He insisted on helping you do the dishes that night, which was usual, but he decided that he absolutely had to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in front of the sink, helping you rinse the dishes and place them on the drying rack after you’d scrubbed them with dishwashing liquid. When you were done, he stood behind you as you rinsed your hands off and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his nose in your hair.
When you went to bed with him, he snuggled up to you like he used to before everything happened, dragging his nose across the pulse point in your neck to scent you as he wrapped himself around you. It didn’t take you long to realise just how restrained he’d been in terms of physical contact, letting you initiate more often than not and only touching you casually and fleetingly when he did reach out to you.
Still, you could tell that he was holding himself back, not wanting to overwhelm you with the sheer extent of his heat-driven desire for you. In the mornings, though you could feel his boner pressing into your ass, he just rolled away when he woke up without you saying anything. Neither of you quite talked about the inevitability of his approaching heat and what it meant that you’d agreed to spend it with him, but the tension between you was thick enough to cut with a knife. Taehyung still tried his best to be respectful of your need for distance, though, keeping all physical contact – well, if not platonic, at least affectionate more than overtly sexual.
You could tell it was taking a toll on him, though, and now that you were aware and looking out for the signs, you wondered how it was that you’d been so oblivious last year when he’d been struggling through his preheat. You had to stop going to the studio with him because he was having a hard time focusing on anything when you were around and would often just stare at you instead, which had earned him a few questioning looks from the other boys.
Now that you’d agreed to spend his heat with him, Taehyung’s wolf was finally satisfied after over a year of being in conflict with his rational side, and it felt indescribably good, like puzzle pieces falling into place. He hadn’t even realized how agonizing it had been to hold himself apart from you, like trying to tear the two halves of his psyche apart. His wolf reveled in every touch, every flirtatious look and smile that you sent his way, puffing up proudly every time he saw you. It was a little embarrassing, since Taehyung knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it. Now that he didn’t have to fight the imprint, it settled into place in his chest warmly, making him feel like he could take on the world. For the first time in years, he actually found himself looking forward to his heat.
As his heat drew ever closer, Taehyung, ruled by his baser instincts, allowed himself to indulge in you. Casual cuddling on the couch while watching TV turned into lazy makeout sessions, which inevitably ended with him lying on top of you, your tongues sliding against each other lewdly while he tried his best not to grind against you. More than once, he’d had to excuse himself abruptly while you lay, dazed and flushed, on the couch, trying to recover and feeling bereft from the loss of his warmth.
This time, Taehyung was well-prepared for his heat, taking time off instead of going to work like a fool like he had last year, so when he woke up one morning and felt the familiar full-body ache that meant his heat was coming, he didn’t have to do anything but pull you closer to him. He knew you were awake from the sharp intake of breath you’d taken when you felt his erection rubbing against your ass, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel all that embarrassed about the way he was basically grinding against you.
“Y/n…” he groaned, his hands sliding up your shirt greedily to feel you up.
“Tae-oppa,” you gasped, and he made a noise low in his throat in response. He liked that, he decided. In his heat-addled state, he wasn’t capable of much complex thought, but he was definitely more than capable of making you scream his name.
However, your priorities were very different from Taehyung’s. As you gradually gained consciousness to Taehyung manhandling you, it occurred to you how nasty your breath was – and how bad his was as well, probably. Knowing that you might not have a chance to brush your teeth for hours if you let him start now, you tried your best to wriggle away from him to get to the bathroom.
“No,” he whined against your neck. “What are you doing?”
“I wanna brush my teeth,” you complained. Thankfully, his heat had just started and he hadn’t lost all sense of reason yet, so he let you go, though he was sulky when you turned back to look at him.
“Come on,” you coaxed with your hand out for him to take, rolling your eyes at his pouty expression. He looked just like a child that had had his favourite toy taken away. Still, he was pliant and obedient, and you even managed to convince him to brush his own teeth too.
“Do you want breakfast?” you asked as Taehyung was rinsing his mouth out. The bathroom door was open, and you were leaning against the wall right outside the door. He wasn’t very vocal this morning, but then he usually wasn’t a morning person anyway, so you didn’t think too much of it.
At your question, his entire demeanor changed. “No,” he growled. “I don’t want fucking breakfast.” He took the couple of steps to you, his long legs eating up the distance, then he was on you, pushing you back into the wall as his mouth descended on yours.
You’d been kissed like this only once before, a year ago during Taehyung’s last heat. He was ravenous, one hand cupping your cheek as his other gripped your hip urgently, sliding around your back to press you closer to him. As his tongue slid against your bottom lip, you let out a small moan as heat rushed through your lower belly. The sound only spurred him to deepen the kiss further. All those makeout sessions on the couch had nothing on this.
Taehyung’s urgency was contagious, and you hooked your fingers in his pajama pants to pull his hips closer to you, reveling in the feel of his erection prodding at your belly. He started grinding it against you, detaching his lips from yours to pant. “Fuck,” he gasped, shuddering. “You smell so fucking good.” Then his lips were back on yours again, his hand diving into your pants.
As much as you were enjoying this, you didn’t particularly want to be fucked against a wall, at least not for your first time. (You decided to put a pin in it to revisit later.) “Tae-oppa,” you gasped as his fingers ghosted over your clit through your panties. “We should go back to the bedroom.”
He pulled back, clearly displeased with the idea of any more delays, but couldn’t fault your logic, so he lifted you off the ground and carried you back to his room. The casual display of strength was more arousing than you could have imagined, and you felt the wetness slipping out of you as you wrapped your legs around his waist.
“Fuck,” Taehyung said again, gripping you more tightly. He couldn’t get back to the bed fast enough now, and one hand slid down to your ass to hold you close to him as he sped up.
Unwilling to part from you for even a second, he fell with you onto the bed, almost crushing you beneath his weight as he kissed you again, a filthy mess of lips and tongues that made both of you moan. He separated from you for just long enough to pull your camisole over your head, although you definitely heard it rip – not that you were overly concerned about it, however, when he was sliding his big hands over your body to grope your tits.
In retaliation, you stuck your hand down his pants. He wasn’t wearing underwear, which was very typical of him, and you smiled against his lips as you wrapped your hand around his dick and he shuddered in response. It felt so good to finally have a cock in your hand again, all warm and hard and throbbing.
Bracing his knees on the bed on either side of your hips, Taehyung lifted himself off you to tug your remaining clothes off, taking your panties and sweatpants in one fell swoop. You continued jerking him off almost lazily, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes.
With you now naked, the scent of your arousal permeated the air, driving Taehyung crazy. He had to have more of it, and it was that thought that guided him to shift so that he was between your legs, pushing them further apart to reveal your soft, wet pussy, all shiny from how turned on you were. It made his mouth water and his cock throb between his legs.
“Shit,” he breathed quietly, his eyes completely fixated on what lay between your legs. His unabashed scrutiny was starting to make you feel a little self-conscious, and you started to bring your legs together, but he stopped you with his hands on your inner thighs and a warning look.
“Tae-oppa,” you whined, throwing an arm over your eyes to hide. “Stop staring.”
“Okay,” he agreed absently. It wasn’t a difficult promise to make, he thought as he lowered his head. There was so much more he wanted to do to you.
The first swipe of his tongue across your slit had you shivering. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he groaned before he dove back in with gusto, using broad strokes of his tongue to scoop up all the juices leaking from you before circling your clit. He teased you with light, kittenish licks that you honestly wouldn’t have expected from someone clearly so wrecked, and he moaned like you were doing him a favour by letting him eat you out.
It was all too easy for him to build you up to the brink of orgasm, his heightened senses allowing him to take note of every sigh, whimper and moan that you emitted as he found all your best spots. With his fingers in you rubbing against your g-spot and his lips suckling on your clit, it wasn’t long before you were lifting your hips off the bed, thrashing as you came ever closer to the edge.
“Please, Tae, pleasepleaseplease—” you moaned, cutting yourself off with a choked cry as you felt the tension in your lower belly snap beautifully. You clenched hard on his fingers as you came, your slick dripping out of you and down his hand. When the waves of pleasure buffeting your entire system stopped, you opened your eyes and blinked at him lazily with a small smile.
Taehyung, on the other hand, stared down at you with intense bedroom eyes as he lifted his hand – the one that just been inside you – to his mouth and cleaned your juices off with his tongue, keeping eye contact the entire time. You couldn’t help but feel a frisson of arousal snake through your core again at the clear intent in his gaze.
“Tae…” you held your arms out for him invitingly, and he groaned as he bent to kiss you, one hand planted into the mattress next to your head for balance while he worked his way out of his pajama pants with the other. Too impatient to take them off fully, he left them bunched around his knees as he shuffled closer to you, stroking his erection with his hand.
“’m gonna fuck you now,” he mumbled against your lips as he lined the tip of his cock up with your folds. You held your breath in anticipation – despite everything that had happened, including your brief dalliance earlier this year, the two of you had never actually done this before. You found yourself tensing up as he started pushing his way into you, making him groan at the increased tightness and friction.
“Relax for me, love,” he mumbled, his breath washing against your temple. You whimpered, locking your arms and legs around him and clinging on for dear life. Slowly, biting your lip, you concentrated on doing what he said, and he huffed in pleasure as he sank further into you. You were wet enough that even though you were tight around him, it didn’t really burn, the stretch and fullness teetering on the edge between pleasure and pain.
“Good girl, such a good girl for me,” Taehyung praised, stopping to kiss you. Compared to what you were currently in the midst of, this kiss was gentle and chaste, intended to comfort you. It was somewhat surprising – based on what he’d told you and what you’d observed, you’d expected him to be out of control, unable to focus on anything other than his own pleasure. This considerate, gentle side of Taehyung wasn’t one you’d expected to see until the initial wave had subsided and he could think more coherently.
That wasn’t to say, of course, that you didn’t notice the strain this slow pace was taking on him – he was sucking marks almost viciously into your neck, his teeth catching on your skin almost threateningly, and his whole frame was wound so tight that he was almost trembling. You felt the tension in his shoulders and back, and you stroked his side soothingly, although from the way the muscles under your hand jumped, he didn’t appreciate the meaning behind the gesture.
When he finally bottomed out, you let out the breath you’d been holding as he groaned, holding himself painfully still. He could feel every ripple as you clenched and fidgeted under him, trying to get used to having him inside of you, and it was sorely testing his control. “Y/n, please,” he finally groaned. “Please stay still.”
Instead of doing as he said, you clenched as hard as you could around him, delighting in the shaky groan he let out as he dropped his head, his forehead brushing against your collarbone. “Fuck,” he huffed, reaching down to hook his arms behind your thighs and draping your legs over his shoulders. “I tried to be nice,” he grumbled as he pulled his hips back.
“Fuck being nice,” you purred as you hooked your arms around his neck, one hand finding its way into his hair.
That was the last straw, and all the impressive control Taehyung had been showing up till now shattered spectacularly as he started a brisk pace with his hips, folding you almost in half with his frame. You really didn’t have any clue just how much he was holding back until he stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it as he plowed into you with everything he had.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he huffed, his breath making the baby hairs by your temple flutter. The bedsprings were creaking and the headboard thumping against the wall, but neither of you could bring yourself to care. All of Taehyung’s energy was being channeled into fucking you as hard and as fast as he could, his mind solely focused on the race to the finish. He was going to fill you up so good, you’d be dripping with his cum for days, finally getting those vile human men’s scent out of you…
The thought was endlessly titillating to him, and when he looked down to where you were joined, putting a visual image to the filthy thoughts swirling in his head, he bared his teeth in a snarl. The sight of his cock splitting you in half, shiny from your juices was almost too much for him, but he couldn’t look away.
Taehyung had never looked more like an animal than he did right now, completely focused on fucking your brains out, but instead of being afraid, his fucked out expression sent a shiver through you – the good kind, of course. You wanted to cum with him, but in his current state, he wasn’t focusing on your pleasure, so you snuck a hand between your joined bodies to rub at your clit.
As close as he was to orgasm, the sight of you pleasuring yourself filled him with irrational fury. His wolf howled, demanding that he take care of his mate, and completely under its sway now, he batted your hand away with a growl. “You’re mine,” he snapped as he took over, rubbing your clit with the rough pad of his thumb.
“Cum with me,” he groaned into your ear before he kissed you. He was too far gone to do it properly, of course, basically just pressing his open mouth against yours in a filthy imitation of a kiss, but he still managed to retain the presence of mind to tilt his hips slightly to adjust the angle with which he was pounding into you so that he could brush against your g-spot. The increased stimulation made you wail as you tried your best to move with him despite your limited leverage.
“Fuck, Taehyung,” you huffed, trying to warn him as your hips jerked slightly, pressing your clit harder against his thumb to get that little bit more that you needed to cum. And then it was happening, your mind blanking out as you squeezed his cock tightly, clenching rhythmically as you worked through the waves of your orgasm.
As he heard and felt you cum around him, Taehyung groaned like he was dying and redoubled his efforts, his hips now basically a blur with how fast and hard he was thrusting into you. “Fuck, Y/n, yes,” he groaned breathlessly as he finally came, pushing himself as deep as he could and grinding against you for that extra bit of friction to make his orgasm last just a little longer.
When it was over, he slumped down over your body, letting go of your legs so that you could wriggle them out from under him to wrap them around his hips, a far more comfortable position for you. He felt boneless, so utterly satisfied that he would never need anything again, although he knew that was definitely not true. In about ten minutes, he’d be ready to go again.
For now, though, he was happy to just fuss over you, nuzzling into your cheek and brushing your sweaty, matted hair away from your face. “You’re so pretty,” he sighed blissfully, bracing himself over you with his elbows as he leaned down to kiss you. The urgency was temporarily gone now, and he traded soft, slow kisses with you, feeling so happy his heart could burst.
“I love you,” he blurted out unintentionally, and your eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know where it had come from either, but now that it was out there, he realized that he meant it. No one had ever made him feel so good – not just physically, of course, but so at peace with the world. When he was with you, everything felt so right, so perfect, like you’d been made for him and he’d been made for you. If that wasn’t love, what was?
You raised your hand to cup his face, brushing your thumb across his lips. The way he looked at you, searching, hopeful, made your heart clench. Taehyung always made you feel so safe, so protected, like nothing could ever touch you. Being with him felt like being free from the difficulties of life that lay outside his bubble of protection. If that wasn’t love, what was?
Smiling back at him, you told him, “I love you too.”
#btswritingcafe#bangtanarmynet#plotsofpastel#btsghostie#kwritersworldnet#ur-net#smutcentralnet#magicshopnet#btswriterscollective#bangtanhq#ksmutclub#kim taehyung#bts smut#taehyung smut#bts scenarios#bts fic#hybrid bts#hybrid taehyung#dont ask dont tell
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✏️ ⏱ 💋💕 for the meme <3
✏️ What is your fave fic from another writer?
ahshhsdf anon you have NO idea how difficult this one was to answer. I honestly can’t pick one, and I’m confident that there’s dozens more I’m not thinking of right now, but these are the first few I thought of that had serious emotional impacts on me, so:
So Wise We Grow, by Deastar (Star Trek AOS, Kirk/Spock) - I dream of writing this well someday
Well-Versed Replacement, by sElkieNight60 (Batfam, mostly Tim & Bruce centric) - honestly most of @selkienight60 works could probably be on my list of favorites, but this one is a true work of art. Genuinely left a little aching piece of itself in my soul in the very best way
Lagavulin and Guinness, by Snarfle (Kingsman, Harry Hart/Eggsy) - I think I went like a week after finishing this one without reading anything else, because this one was such a gut punch of a story that nothing else was satisfying until my brain had some time to recover
Honorary mention for Namesake Necklace, by @wiceba (Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Severus Snape) - this one is an honorary mention only because I never finished it. It was still being written when I started it, and I eagerly was following along, and then at some point I drifted out of the fandom and I never got back to it, even though I still mean to someday. But the half or so that I read was incredibly well-written and satisfying, and still holds a special place in my heart. part of me might be putting off finishing it just because I don’t want to say goodbye lmao.
⏱ What’s the fic you spent the most time on? (Was it worth it lol)
Probably The Long Journey Home!! I spent AGES fussing over this one, and yes, I do think it was worth it :) I feel like my writing has improved since then, like I don’t think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, but it is still one of my favorites. Always Another Blood Spilled, Another Blood Shared also gets a shoutout because I hand wrote all 7k words of it before typing it out. It was like 15 notebook pages, front and back 🙃
💋 Fuck marry kill 3 of your own fics (asker’s choice of fics).
You didn’t specify which fics so I’m choosing for you >:D
Fuck: Like Real People Do (hell yeah give me that sexy, sexy exploration of death and the stages of grief through magical realism that I wrote in a manic haze after not sleeping for almost 48 hours. I like this one a lot because I barely remember writing it, it just appeared on my ao3 the next morning like a gift from exhausted me)
Marry: The Long Journey Home (for the romance <333)
Kill: The Age of Miscommunication (why is this my most popular fic?? guys. it’s not that good. I only finished it out of spite because I wanted it out of my Google drive so badly)
💕 What is the WIP that you are most excited about?
Right now? Probably the one I started last night because someone in the server said they wanted to see Jason stress baking while Tim is missing, which took immediate root in my brain. Longer term? The Days of Theft (No More). Chapter 4 is fighting me a bit but my joy has yet to die out, and I’m so excited to get to where I know it’s going.
Thank you so much for sending in an ask!!! You’re a gem and ily 💕💋
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Victon Falling for their Childhood Friend
Summary: He’s known you since you were kids and because fate moves in mysterious ways you have never been apart from each other for long.
Genre: Fluff! // Crack if you squint
-> Seungwoo. He is very career oriented. Because he loves what he is doing. It plays a very important role in his life. Well, it actually is his life more or less. But that also means that he barely ever gets to see his parents and therefore hasn’t seen you in ages. But when he did one Christmas Day he was so surprised about how much you changed. Not just physically but also mentally. The two of you met at the grocery store where your mother had send you to get more ingredients for dinner and he bumps into you in the frozen aisle. At first you didn’t recognise him but then you start to chat like in the old days. Of course you had heard about his career but when you tell him that you never found the time to check it out or google it he gets a little sulky. But you clear it up quickly: “Its not that I am not interested! Your job sounds so interesting! Its just that I have been insanely busy ever since I graduated … you know we are launching this new collection next spring and I am still up our suppliers .. well you know-“, you sigh. “I will definitely go and check it out once I find the time somehow!” After listening to you carefully and reassuring you that he fully understands how it is not having time for anything he asks you if you like your job and your eyes suddenly sparkle. “I do! Yes, I really do. It is very different from what I thought I would be doing but its very interesting and every day is different. There are so many things to learn and to take care of, I really feel needed, you know?” Even though the frozen peas in his hands start to melt he would let you go on and on about it because he suddenly realises that you are just like him. In love with your job. Something he never thought he would see on someone else. That exhilarating passion. Being 100% committed. Then suddenly he notices all these other little things about you. He truly started to see you in a different light.
-> Byungchan. One day he sits on the porch of his parents’ house, having ice cream like a grown-up. He’s home because of a huge birthday in his family. Just sitting there and watching the neighbours getting some gardening done, as suddenly an actually pricey car pulls up in the drive way next door. Some woman gets out and he Is fully taken aback to the point where he forgets about his ice cream. It is like this scene in movies. The protagonist sees someone special and their breath is completely taken away. Except that’s no. movie, Byungchan is no protagonist and that person he is looking at is you. Which he notices himself the second you take off your sunglasses and wave at him.
“Byungchan! You’re home?”
You walk over and up the path to his house in your office work clothes and Byungchan has to gather all his remaining brain cells to form a: “Y/N? Is that you?” You nod and pull him into a hug as you reached him. Like you always did when you were kids. “Yes of course! Oh my god you got so tall what did they feed you in college?” His heart dropped as you wrapped your arms around his neck and he laughed nervously.
What was he supposed to reply?? All he could think about was how gorgeous you had become. How independent you looked. Not to mention how impressed he was by that car lmao.
-> Seungsik. Since he was your neighbour all the way back, you have seen each other growing up. But more importantly: Seungsik has seen your error and trial progress of learning how to cook. Its not that you invited him over to cook for him but as teenagers he would randomly come over and by chance witness some of your great failures.
But now you were living in different cities, not being neighbours anymore but still close friends. One night he calls you, asking if he could come visit you next week since he was in town for a meeting. Of course you happily agree, promising him to cook dinner. After hanging up and the entire following days Seungsik was anticipating his visit, curiously awaiting to get to experience your now probably very good cooking skills.
Eventually he arrived at your place 20 minutes early because there was less traffic that he was calculating with. And when he rang at your door you just bolted there to open it, quickly gave him a hug and ran back into the kitchen. Because there was smoke everywhere.
“What’S going on?” He asked following you but all you replied was: “Can you take the batteries out of the smoke alarm? I don’t need the fire department to show up at my door again.”
“Again??” He did what he was told and eventually the two of you stood in the kitchen, eying a briquette like something int the casserole.
“I am so sorry. I really tried my best this time. I wanted to impress you. But we can absolutely order something! My treat.” You say and chuckle completely embarrassed. But Seungsik waved it off. “Don’t worry. I can make something?” Even though you insist on ordering in he sat you down on your own sofa and somehow magically created something very home made to eat for the two of you within 15 minutes.
Who are we kidding? This is not how Seungsik notices he likes you but you notice that you like him.
-> Sejun. I don’t know how to put this into many words because it is very simple: Even after graduating high school and only seeing each other a couple of times a year in your home town - you’re still kicking his ass like you used to too. But now you’re hot. It’s as easy as that. During elementary and middle school - even in high school - the two of you were best friends who never ever thought about having feelings for each other. Of course some of his friends asked you out occasionally and most of the girls in class envied you for your relationship with him and the other boys but you never thought much of it and neither did he. But now that you’re in you 20s and still act around him like you used to things begin to change for him. Especially since you fought in your parent’s kitchen over the last piece of honeycomb your mother made. You held him headlock and he was not just turning red because the blood was rushing to his head but also because he was smothered by your boobs (that he now had to acknowledge). When you led go of him he was out of breath because of your awesome headlock technique. And because he now looked at you teasing him about the honeycomb and he, for the first time ever, noticed saw you as a woman. Not just as his friend.
-> Heochan. It had probably been 4 years since you last saw each other at the high school graduation. And you were close friends back then. Maybe not best friends but very close. And he probably always had a thing for you but either a) Never admitted it to himself or b) never went after it.
But when he saw you at the pre-school he knew he had to. Because you somehow transformed into his ideal type. He stopped by the pre-school to surprise pick up his nephew. And he never thought he would meet you there overseeing the pick up of your students.
“You became a teacher?” He asked you before even greeting and as you turned around your eyes lit up. “Heochan! Oh my god I has been so long.” You chat for a bit and he explains why he’s there. Eventually you were still at work and busy but you agree on meeting that weekend for coffee. So you got back to work but Heochan didn’t actually leave right away but observed you talking to the kids and the parents until his nephew begged him to finally go home.
In the car his nephew went on and on about his day and what sort of dirt he ate at the playground but instead of being worried about his nephew, his thoughts were still caught up with you. He was thinking about the clothes you wore and how the dress and cardigan was making your whole appearance look very soft and calm… Yes he was definitely love struck.
-> Hanse. You see each other frequently. At least once a week meeting for coffee at a local non-chain coffee shop became your tradition. It was shier luck you entered the same college and therefore never lived far apart from each other. You both equally valued and cherished the possibility to talk to and vent with someone you have known for a long time and who knows you very well. One thing you always did was venting about your job. And Hanse loved hearing about it because the way you talked about your boss or some other issue was always very direct and comically. So he enjoyed it a lot. He would listen to you all smiley and snickering. And one day he noticed how much the topic of your bickering had changed. Back in the day it would be about how unfair your shifts were and how much you had to do. Lately it was more about how your male colleagues treated you at work and how sexist it was. You tend to notice more subtle and passive aggressive behaviours of them and tell Hanse about it. Which made him notice how mature you became.
“I am telling you, and this is no joke, he came to work and walked by the window of my office. And the first thing he did was ask me how I was doing and as I said ‘fine’ he gave me this look. This Are-you-really-fine-or-are-you-becoming-an-emtional-stress-mess. I swear to god one day I will end him. Also the other day one of the guys at the ware house actually asked me if I was down spending an hour or two with him with this smug look on his face.”
Hanse raised a brow: “What did you tell him?”
You shrug and take your cup, knowing well what effect your next words will have on him: “I told him even if I was down spending the with him he wouldn’t be able to afford me.”
He just loves how sassy and mature you got and how well you handle difficult situations.
-> Subin. For Subin it would take a while to notice his feelings for you because it is very subtle and simple. Both of you didn’t enter college so long ago and even though you weren’t freshmen or sophomores anymore college still was confusing. At least for him. He likes his major and the field of study he is in but he can’t say the same about his class mates. To be quite frankly: He gets along with them well for the time being but they aren’t his friends. In fact he doesn’t have that many friends in the first place. At the end of the day he would always rely on you for sensible topics or when he needs advice. He can talk to comfortably and even after all those years you have known each other you still get him in a way no one else does. Eventually he realises how he does not have that many friends because all he needs is right here with him. It’s you. He isn’t looking for anything in other people because he already has it.
Taglist
@jeonghanmoon @soleilsuhh @kpopsnowball @purplepsycho03 @himitsu-luna
Masterlist
#victon#victon scenario#victon imagine#victon scenarios#victon imagines#victon seungwoo#victon byungchan#victon heochan#victon chan#victon subin#victon hanse#hanse#subin#heochan#chan#byungchan#seungsik#victon seungsik#sejun#victon sejun
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I just can't get enough it seems, time to start the next Baki the Grappler book!
It seems that this one will take on the saga i saw on the anime (at least by the end) so that's exciting
Chapter 1
First off quality is SHIT lmao
Yesss i remember this. I still think that shit about everyone trembling is a lil... Mmmm bullshit.
Baki be like <:] but in a smug way
Look at Tokugawa my man
OH RIGHT HE LEFT THE TOURNAMENT WITH A CAST
This feels so random
Oh right the synchronicity shit
Baki is so -_- in this manga
Look at the old timer go
YEAH FR TOKUGAWA JUST BROUGHT EXPLOSIVES TO A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN TO MAKE A SHITTY ANALOGY SHSHWKWGGE FREAK OLD MAN
Chapter 2
Ahegao
Epic grandpa
HO NICE
Mf really swam thru the Pacific ocean
Chapter 3
Huh i thought he was Scottish
This random guy was pretty interesting looking, the one executing Doyle
Fucked up shit how they still do this stuff
King, i can somehow still remember his voice in particular fsr
Also since no one reads this i will say it: Doyle does NOT look white ahagdbafhsdbc
I like that he didn't bother killing the doctor
Is that Strydum? 🥺👉👈
Chapter 4
Shagddjd i was going to say that, this dude could have easily taken a different path from violence
GAARN? MY MAN? MY BELOVED GARLAND? IS HE ALIVE STILL?!
FFS NOT FOR LONG HHH LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY...
I mean it's fair, Sirkosky uses weapons, but man, Garland... :'/
This all hits so different once you know the characters :]]]
Chapter 5
That pic is still so brutal
What an absolute troll shsshwgxgd
Also fun fact when i watched the anime i didn't pay much attention at first so I assumed the Russian was Spec (i didn't even know Sirkosky's name)
I love how that was unnecessary shagdhsr
ADAGDFAGAFAD this guy was also great
Spec was fucking insane man aggsggahsfg
I love he's full of tattoos
The absolutely king
OH RIGHT Spec is sus *laugh track*
Chapter 6
Oh hell yeah, grandpa's ex
Baki tf you doing there in the cover you madlad
...bottom storage.
THEY ARE SO MEAN LEAVE HIS SHORT ASS ALONE SHSGJSGS
He's my size btw
Was there a motive for him to be naked or was he just a freak btw?
I love the shape of his eyes ngl
I love how scared the guards are while he just calmly rambles
I don't wanna call yanagi my grandpa because i think yanagi can get it and it would be like calling him daddy but the Gilf™ is Dorian man life is so hard when you are me
I love Yanagi's face lol he's handsome
Chapter 7
Poor Baki lmao he just got better from the maximum tournament and now this
Lmao Baki has a point
Unnecessary, Doyle
Chapter 8
I love how they were recruiting dangerous mfs to beat up this random guy bc his vibes are fucked up
This guy looked a lot like jack
You gotta be brave to shove a knife that sharp into your pants
I love how Baki literally did nothing to em
Baki's face just looks wrong this isn't my beloved child
Imagine you are about to fight this mf and he just shoves his hand inside his pants
Chapter 9
This dude really looks like, fully japanese jack hanma
JWGWKEGWKSGE I LOVE HIM
I love how Spec just showed up dressed up as a fucking monk or something
Chapter 10
You guys know, Dorian reminds me of my now dead great grandfather, with the moustache look even more.
Not impressed, 15 yo Hanayama did the same when throwing a tantrum
He's so insane i luv him
Okay but look at the cut of that outfit look at how well it hugs his chest and waist but flows bellow... Spec my dude you could have been a mad good model 😐 he's even giving me gender envy! 🥺
I love how Baki used both his hands for the handshake
Chapter 11
Ho, speak of the devil, i was just talking of this fucker with Blood
Mf got so old
I like how there was no motive for him to be naked he literally is just Like That
Also it's from here that he got that wasp waist lmao
Mf just flexing at this point lmao
GRANDPA!! <3
Yanagi got cake
That's so unnecessary rude, obsessed. Also, as if you weren't old Yanagi. I see why they broke up now ;/
Chapter 12
11 and 12 are the same fsr
Chapter 13
I honestly wonder where these prisoners got their clothes, like, aside from Doyle that one time everyone else is never shown shopping or even owning money
Also i love the fact that on a daily basis i dress the same as Spec, that definitely says something bout me jagsjsgwhwfwg 😭
To be honest, considering the size of Spec's body, they should definitely feed him more
He didn't wash his hands 😢
Dick and balls too strong ajgshsgsg
I love how fucking, polite he is.
Oh i see, i thought he might have stolen a wallet or something but nah
Btw i genuinely don't remember shit JAGSKSGWJGS even if it watched the anime i forgot most of this
Chapter 14
GOD the way the anime butchered Katsumi, he's so handsome in the manga in comparison 😐
Also i like how they aren't explaining this like, Katsumi was the one who lost, did he wait until Retsu was okay to fight again in HIS ("") dojo?!
RETSU STOP DOING THESE SORT OF TRICKS THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AJDGSJSG
HE'S JUST BUILT DIFFERENT
Okay he actually explained, oddly nice of Retsu to accept tho
Hoho this scene hits different now that i know and like Katsumi
Also I'm not even gonna question where Doppo is, dude is never just around skdgksgd
Chapter 15
I love this genre of cover
WHITE BOY SJDGSJGSHS-
I love that retsu is just watching, he's still an asshole QJGSJSGWH
If i didn't know Katsumi I would say he died
I did actually think he had died when watching the anime
Retsu still has his thicc ass i see
Chapter 16
See all this makes sense now that i know retsu and the shit he has seen and been thru!
Angry lad, lucky his hair didn't burn
I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HE EXTINGUISHED THE FIRE WITH HIS SCREAM
Chapter 17
Ahegao in the cover
I'm looking at the pages and I'm obsessed with Doppo being described as a "bold, badass karate master", it's so accurate <3
Also Igari being called eccentric, and the mention he defeated Mount Toba!! <3
Baki is slowly looking more like Baki
"my mother is dying"
Tasks keep failing successfully
Chapter 18
mAh boy...
That happens and it's the worst
Musashi you good boy 🥺
Chapter 19
Igari <33
That's insane
Chapter 20
I love that Igari looks legitimately worried and sad, not sweating tho
I love how he didn't have any serious damage until the punches like, okay.
Poor Igari tho
DID HE CHEW EM OFF OR SOMETHING? SHSHWGEGCH
Was anybody going to tell me is Sikorsky and not Sirkosky?
Also i love how legitimately scared Tokugawa is, probably more than when Yujiro picked him up
Chapter 21
The heights are so off in this saga
Oh my fucking god i didn't know Spec was 221
Either heights are all over the place or Yanagi is not 160
Either way HOW CAN YOU BE THAT SMALL? 🤣
GAFSFWEAD Tokugawa like "i own this place 😐"
Doyle is still the most decent one of the bunch
URSURSUTSUSTSRU
LOOK AT YANAGI DORIAN AND SIKORSKY ALREADY GETTING THEIR HANDS READY SBDGSHW
I googled how big Andreas from the tournament was and like, 2.40 😦
LET'S GOOOOO EVEN WITH A BEARD OMFG 😳😳😳
I see Hanayama descended into alcoholism after losing in the tournament. Also tf is with that bag? Was he hiking or something?
Jsgsjsgd Shibukawa is so excited too
I think this is chronically the first time Doppo appears with fully casual clothes, usually he either was in a suit or in his karate uniform
I'm straight up simping to the public now sgsjsgwhw
Chapter 22
LOOK AT THESE DUDES..... 💞
FUCK I WAS GONNA SAY THERE WERE MORE BAD THAN GOOD GUYS THEN LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED THAT NO, SHIBUKAWA WAS JUST NEARLY OUT OF FRAME 😭
They all look so upset about that information
SIKORSKY NAME GOT SPELLED AS SILCOSKI...
Looking at them drives me insane i developed such a bond with all these fighters
I haven't seen Doppo this excited since last time his wife showed up
BAKI SWEARING?! 😰
How did Tokugawa grab Baki's shoulder?
ALSO WHY TF IS BAKI SO SURPRISED AS IF HE DIDNT GO AROUND BEATING UP PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 13...
Don't worry Baki y'all will, Tokyo is not that big it seems
Shibukawa swearing 😨
"Imagine being mid but and Spec pulls up on you" "imagine having sex and she takes the mask and it's fucking Spec"
To be fair i would fuck a 2.21 muscular lady without going "hmmm this doesn't seem like a good idea..." in any moment
Chapter 23
I love how Dorian is just looking up
ACTUALLY ALL THEIR STANCES, Yanagi making dead eye contact with Gouki, Sikorsky with a firm pose just as Hanayama, Doyle with hiss chest up but eyes down giving a sense of pride, and, well, then there's Spec being Spec.
I like seeing Sikorsky having fun
I love Spec he played so smart SGSGSGS
😳 love wins!
Oh i had already forgotten about the dojo
Old man Dorian just has that effect on people
Threesome i see /j
He really was just fucking hiking i would love if they ever explained that ough 🥺
Did his facial hair just disappear?? STSGSFSD
BWHEKEGWJG THEY REALLY JUST FORGOT TO ADD IT FOR ONE PANEL IM OBSESSED
Such a good kick tho
The relationship these men can have is so oddly nice like not Doppo and Retsu specifically but all of the fighters in general. Like many of them barely know each other, but they all know their fighting styles and respect each other, plus have no reason to be in bad terms with one another and specially not now that they are all fighting for the same cause. It's just so nice to see em idk JAGSHS
Hey Igari.
Chapter 24
Thank God Doppo went <3 again it had been so long
Babe are you okay? You hadn't put a lil heart in your speech bubble for a while...
King really punched the fire
I will chose to believe that's true bc it's impressive 😍
You know it's funny like, Katsumi is mad good but he doesn't has as much experience as his dad and that leaves him in disvantage
Hehe i remember that guy
The manga is so much better than the anime ffs
I love that he didn't even realize
Chapter 25
Manga i don't think that's science
Also Baki just chilling with some doves lmao
I'm looking thru old messages see how my og reaction to this was
Huh i found nothing, that's odd. Well my reaction would have probably been like NOOOOO anyway so, y'all can imagine it
You left my dilf handless you fucking asshole good thing he has a wife
Imagine this dude cuts your hand and then just flexes his knowledge about science or whatever
HSSGGSFS THEY FIXED THE NO BEARD ERROR
Illiterate king <3
A guy did this to me once btw!!! Obviously in way smaller scale but he just touched something and the bleeding soon stopped!!!!
Honestly that's the most huge dick energy thing Doppo has ever done
Pfff I'm starting to remember why i liked Doppo so much 🥴
Bitches confused over him running away, tf was he supposed to do? He played it smart since there are no rules
Though yeah an eye and NOW a hand, insane
Chapter 26
Sjshhdhsn tanuki?
Oh, fox, he was calling him slick
Manga is pretty faster than the anime
Chapter 27
Where's your honor, Igari...
He is right sadly enough 😔
Oh i keep forgetting Igari's nature, he was probably trying to pull his silly little tricks again
This is just brutal honestly
Hehe this time i didn't get scared ☺️
I like that at least I'm not the only one who needs their mind off the gutter
Chapter 28
Love seeing em datin <3
He's so aggressive accidentally i love these dorks sm 😍🥺💞
SPEC FFS SJGDHWGW
Chapter 29
SPEC FOR FUCKS SAKE SJSVSJWGSH
Hanayama is such a real bro man
I LOVE THAT HE WAS JUST STALKING BAKI TOO BTW SJDGJDGDHSBDGDGS
To think i will still love hanayama but for entirely different reasons 😌
Chapter 30
Kaoru looks different but idk how
What the fuck is Spec even saying?
The fact that that makes no sense, i still love it a lot tho.
ALSO I ADORE HOW QUIET HANAYAMA IS WHEN FIGHTING
Okay Spec really has a point it really is beautiful
GOD I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH I NEED HELP AJDGSJSGSHS 😭
But it's beautiful in the sense like, look how built he is! Look at all those scars!!! It IS beautiful it's a masterpiece!!!!!!!
"i choose to believe this is how hanayama always undresses" KSHSKDGSJ THE AMOUNT OF SUITS THIS MAN DESTROYS.. OBSESSED
Though yeah Hanayama in general is also beautiful isn't he?
Chapter 31
I would sob man look at him. Look at Shiba.
NO ONE RISKS HIS LIFE MORE THAN SHIBA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I STILL HOLD A LOT OF RESPECT FOR HIM!
A BENCH...
I really don't get why he's letting himself get hit, is he just flexing?
I cannot way to see him do his Technique ™
Chapter 32
Manga is so much superior to the anime, like, i haven't complained about Spec even once bc he isn't annoying anyone, in the anime he was so infuriating!!
I love when they just steal their standing poses sjsgjssgsh
That distortion effect so good
Chapter 33
I still think it's weird they used humans and not machines, though it was effective
I love how Spec managed to punch that statue without calling the attention of much people that's impressive
And i love that he keeps saying man he sounds like me with bro
Hanayama my beloved
Chapter 34
Yeah I'm not reading all that 😐
Oh this explains the holes in his clothes
#luly talks#btg#having a shitton of fun#the anime is NOTHING compared to the manga#the only good thing about the anime is the voice acting which is just on point#but everything else SUCKS man#they made me hate my man Spec and now im seeing he wasnt as nearly as annoying as in the anime#AND THEY BUTCHERED SO MANY FACES... EVERYONE WAS SO FUCKING UGLY#HANAYAMA... KATSUMI... EVEN BAKI WAS MAD UGLY 😭😭#but everything is better now ☺️#also i hit the limit of letters again 🥴#baki liveblog
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Number 73
~Part 2!!! Read Part 1 first please!!!~
Requested: By many of you
Pairing: Axl Rose x Female Reader
Description: A continuation of part 1!! This fic takes place over the course of about two months. (It’s most likely unrealistic, but when is fanfiction ever real? This also has 2,634 words!!!! I got so carried away lmao ENJOY.)
Warning: Some cursing and mentions of sex (no smut...yet)
A/N: R E B L O G :)
*GIF is NOT mine. Found it on Google, so credit goes to the owner!*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I knew he was an asshole, but fuck that’s cold.”
Nodding at your best friend, you bend down to take a sip of your lukewarm coffee, shrugging. It’s been two days since you last saw Axl. The douchebag was all you could think about; Not even the sex you’d had.
You couldn’t fully place the blame on him. You were naive to think you’d mean anything to him, changing anything between the two of you. Like he said, you were just number seventy-three.
“Was it good at least?”
You grin, fighting the urge to spill all the details. “Hate sex is always good, Y/B/F, but hate sex with Axl? Unbeatable.”
She chuckles. “How many girls do you think he’s fucked since you?”
You think for a moment. “Well, I was seventy-three, so I’d say he’s probably at about seventy-eight now. I’m not mad that he has a lot of sex. I’m pissed off that I let myself be used by a man that doesn’t care about me. I wish other girls could see that, too.”
Commitment wasn’t in Axl’s vocabulary. He simply couldn’t bring himself to be loyal. In the years that you’d known the Guns N’ Roses singer, he’d never been in a relationship. Girls were simply his playthings. They served no purpose to him other than pleasure.
Still, even with his mood swings and deplorable attitude, you couldn’t deny your attraction. But you’d think twice about letting the redhead anywhere near you or your body. You wouldn’t be vulnerable. Not again.
On the way home to your house, you drop off Y/B/F. Before she exits the car, she turns to you, the corners of her mouth raised in a smirk. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“About what?” You ask, fixing your sunglasses in the rearview mirror.
She gives you a look. “Duh, about Axl. He humiliated you. He fucked you and threw you aside like you were nothing. If I were you, I’d give him a taste of his own medicine.”
You drum your fingers on the steering wheel, gears turning in your head. She had a point. “What, like, I should get even?”
Y/B/F shakes her head, eyes wild, and smiles wide. “Oh no, honey. You’re not just going to get even. You’re going to beat him at his own damn game.”
~~~
“Y/N?” Steven yawns, scratching his head as you push past him into the GNR apartment. Glass bottles and cigarettes litter the floor from last night’s party, and the place reeks of alcohol, smoke, and sweat. “What are you doing here?” He follows your eyes to the floor, wincing. “Sorry, I actually just woke up. Axl and Duff started cleaning but they went out to get pizza for lunch.”
“That’s actually perfect,” You’ve been over the apartment plenty of times before, almost as if it’s your own. The boys needed to find their own respective places, though, as four out of the five were ready to settle down. Grabbing a trash bag, you help Steven clean up the rest of the mess. “Look, I need your help. I trust you the most.”
Steven snickers. “Oh, no. Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m not the most reliable.”
“Maybe not,” you say, hands firm on your hips. “But I trust you to keep your mouth shut.”
Steven groans, taking a deep breath before situating himself on the couch. He waves his hand, “Proceed.”
“You all know Axl and I can’t stand each other,” Steven laughs heartily and you shoot him a hard look. “And after a long few days of thinking, I decided that what I hate, even more than Axl, is being used.”
“Yeah, he told me about your little uh…” He makes a face. “I know you had sex, let’s put it that way. You were number seventy-three, he wrote it down.”
“I’m sure I was the topic of--wait,” You furrow your brows, unsure if you’d heard him correctly. “Did you say he wrote it down?”
Steven nods. “Of course he wrote it down. How else would he keep track of all the girls he’s fucked? All the names are in a little brown book under his bed.” Steven’s eyes go wide, realizing his mistake. “I definitely shouldn’t have said that.”
Before Steven can react, you run down the hall and into Axl’s room, rummaging under his bed before your fingers graze a leather cover. You pull it out and flip to the most recent page, and there scribbled in black ink is your name, along with seven other girls’ names from the previous weekend.
“Son of a bitch,” you whisper, thumbing through the other pages. “Shelly Neilson, Diana Fox, Cait Burke, Jade Nichols, Ruby Thompson…”
“Wait a minute,” Steven says, peering over your shoulder. His jaw clenches as he rereads the last name. “Ruby Thompson?”
“What? She an ex or something?” You ask, skimming the first few pages, eyes bulging at the dates. “This book goes back seven years ago. Jesus, Axl.”
You feel Steven’s body tense beside you. You turn, and his face is stone-like. “Ruby Thompson is my goddamn cousin.” Mouth agape, you watch as Steven runs a hand over his face. “That fucking bastard. No wonder he never let any of us see this book.”
“Uh, what’s going on?”
You turn toward the doorway where Slash and his wife stand, eyeing you suspiciously. You give Steven a sympathetic look before turning back toward the door. “I need to find a way to get back at Axl for treating me like shit.”
“Look, I’m not defending him,” Slash begins, earning a warning look from his wife. “But you knew his track record and you still let him fuck you?”
“Okay, technically, because I rode him, I fucked him,” Slash and Steven snicker. “And yes, it was stupid, I realize that now. Having sex with him wasn’t going to fix any animosity between us. But he knows me personally, and he fucking hurt me. I won’t let him get away with it. Not this time.”
“So what’s your plan?” asks Steven.
“That’s why I came here,” you sigh, clutching the book to your chest. “I need your help.”
Slash thinks for a moment. “What does Axl hate more than anything in the world?”
Steven chuckles, shoving his hands in his pockets. “A lot of things. Competition. Second place. Being used,” Steven shoots you a wink. “And Y/N.”
“Exactly. Axl prides himself on having the most sex out of his whole friend group, right?,” Slash says, and his wife grins wickedly when she catches on.
“If we can keep Axl from having sex for a few weeks, that will give you a chance to reach his body count. He hates when others are good at something he’s good at. ” She says. Slash offers an impressive look. “Y/N, what’s your count?”
Your face flushes, and the two men glance at you expectantly. “Seventeen.”
Steven grimaces. “Seriously? We’re going to need at least a month, maybe more.”
“Hey,” Steven cowers when Slash’s wife pins him with a look. “In this house, we don’t shame women for liking sex and having sex just as much as men do. And compared to some men, seventeen is nothing.”
You send her a smile as a thank you. She nods back, grinning proudly.
“Alright, look,” Steven says, lips curling back in a quick smile. “I have three cousins who would love to help you get back at Axl. He crashed the first one’s car, stole money from the second, and slept with the third’s girlfriend. Come to think of it, she might actually be in here,” Steven reads through the book until he stops on a name. “Yep. Here she is. Misty Evans,” he snaps the book closed. “That motherfucker.”
“I have a brother you can use,” Slash’s wife grins. “And he has a lot of friends.” She wiggles her eyebrows excitedly.
“Okay, okay, hold on,” Slash holds up his hands. “It’s a good plan and all, but how in the hell are we going to stop Axl from having sex?”
~~~
73.
For two months, he was stuck at number 73.
Which was, by far, the best sex of his life.
And it just so happens it was with the person he hated most in the world.
Axl couldn’t get it out of his head. The way your eyes looked him up and down, daring him to leave and begging him to stay at the same time. Your soft lips that he was desperate to kiss again and feel on his skin. The breathy moans that were music to his ears. He’d be breaking his rule if he slept with you again, but Axl’s craving for your body had him considering wiping out the rule altogether.
His attempts to get you off his mind continued to fail as more and more women began to reject his advances. One minute he’d strike up a conversation, and the girls would be all for it, but as he returned from the bathroom or from a quick smoke break or the bar with another drink, they avoided him. Shot him dirty looks. Pretended they weren’t just all over him a few minutes prior. He didn’t understand, and it was driving him crazy.
Little does he know, whenever he leaves, you take his place, quickly showing the girls Axl’s book that hides in your purse, before urging them to stay away. So far, every girl that he’s tried to woo into his bed has shunned him. Many of the girls recognize their own friends in Axl’s book, and they promise you to stay away from him. It was dirty, it was evil, but no one ever wins by playing a fair game.
While he was constantly facing rejection, you were thriving. Axl noticed that whenever you came out with the group, men flocked to you instantly, more than they had before. You’d barely said three words to him since the night you’d slept together, and hadn’t even looked him in the eye.
He’d buy you drinks, only for you to mutter a quick thanks without returning the favor. Despite not being the best dancer, he’d offer you his hand at the clubs, only to be met with laughter from his bandmates as you accepted another man’s offer. And what blew his mind? Many of the guys looked...familiar.
From his seat at the booth, Axl could see a man shamelessly flirting with you at the bar. He grit his teeth, hand clenching around the bottle in front of him.
“Uh, dude?” Duff signals to the beer. “If you want to practice your chokehold, I’m sure there are plenty of chicks in here who would be more than willing to help you out, if you know what I mean.”
Axl’s eyes never left you. “What the hell is going on with Y/N?”
“What do you mean?” Steven asks innocently, shooting Slash a sly grin. “She’s having a drink at the bar.”
Axl turns to Steven, narrowing his eyes. “I can see that, you dumbass. I mean, why the hell hasn’t she spoken to me?”
“The hell do you care?” Izzy answers, taking a swig of his tequila. “You hate each other anyway.”
“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen her so...relaxed.” Axl remarks, bringing his beer to his lips.
“I mean, I’d be too if I was having as much sex as she was,” Slash grins, dropping a teasing wink in his wife’s direction.
Axl pauses, brows drawn together. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Hesitantly, Slash’s wife clears her throat, chiming into the conversation for the first time that night. “Alright, look, this does not leave the table, hear me?” When everyone nods, she continues. “I promised I’d keep this to myself, but Y/N’s had sex with twenty guys in the past five days.”
Axl’s eyes nearly roll out of his head when the table laughs. He seems to have missed what was funny.
“No shit!” Duff laughs, clapping his hands together.
“That’s fucking impressive,” Izzy smirks.
“So what does that bring her count to total?” Steven asks, fully aware of Axl’s bright red face. He laughs to himself. The singer was hopeless, making it way too easy for the group to fuck with him.
“Seventy bodies,” Slash’s wife cocks her head to the side. Something about her words, her gesture, is taunting. “How many did you say you had again, Axl?”
“Seventy-three,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Wait,” Izzy and Slash say together, “You haven’t fucked anyone since Y/N?”
“Dude, that was over two months ago,” Duff says in a teasing manner.
“It’s not like I haven’t fucking tried!” Axl exclaims, slamming his palm down on the table. He takes a deep breath, finding his composure, and lowers his voice. “I keep getting rejected and I don’t fucking know why.”
“Oh, the horror,” Izzy says, rolling his eyes. “All will be right in the world when Axl finds some random chick to bang.”
Slash and his wife snicker and share a look. Axl shakes his head. He senses something is wrong, but he can’t call anyone out without proof.
Something about you having almost the same amount of bodies as him didn’t sit right. No one in his life even came close. Then again, no one was so obsessed with sex like Axl was. No one was so open about their sex life.
Against his better judgment, Axl finds himself striding toward the bar, visibly irritated as the man next to you rests his palm right above your ass. Axl grabs the man’s wrist and pulls it from your body, pushing him away from you. He ignores the man’s protests, throws back the rest of whatever piss warm beer the dude had been drinking, flips him off, before turning back to you.
The shock on your face is evident. “There is something seriously wrong with you. What the hell, Axl?”
“Seventy bodies?” Axl says, voice condescending. “Some prostitutes don’t even have that many.”
Your blood boils and you swear to yourself you see red. The audacity of this man to shame you. “I see you’re still a dick. What the hell does it matter to you, huh? What’s your problem?”
“My problem?” Axl’s laugh is light, breathy, as he restrains himself from screaming. “My problem is that I haven’t fucked something in two months. I’m going fucking feral.”
“Seems like a you problem,” you retort, puckering your lips before taking a drink. Axl’s book suddenly feels heavy in your purse. You sneak a look to make sure the purse is properly zipped before glancing back to the fuming redhead. “What would you like me to do about it?”
It all comes out in a rush. “I don’t know! Suck my dick, ride me, do something!” Axl cringes when you giggle, face heating. Holy fucking desperate.
“Are you...is Axl Rose...begging?”
He throws his head back in annoyance. This wasn’t going as planned. “I--no. Fuck. Ignore that. Can’t we just go back to my place or something?”
“I thought you didn’t fuck the same girl twice?” You remind him of his words, and you can tell by his face he regrets saying them.
But he remains cool, standing up straight, all the while contradicting his previous statement. “I don’t.”
Finishing your drink, you set it to the side. Batting your lashes, you step forward, a mere centimeter apart from Axl’s face. His breath is raggedy, lips parted, and you see it coming. He leans forward to kiss you, but you’re too quick. Brushing your lips against his ear, palm flat against his chest, you utter the words as confidence floods your veins. “If you don’t want the same pussy twice, then what makes you think I want the same dick twice?”
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I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.
I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.
#1) Related to my ex, heart break
Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao.
I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao
First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.
Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC
few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.
Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.
I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.
I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best.
It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao
Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see.
so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear.
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the original link is this, and I did this with google translator and didn't check it twice LMAO
There was a knock on the door, but he didn't look away from the tests he was correcting. With a vague "Come in" he invited his visitor to pass.
The person who walked in stared at him, regretting having to be there.
"Professor Snape, I come to do my punishment," Draco said coldly, angry with his godfather for punishing him. It had been Potter's fault! He had provoked her! If I didn't say those things about him ...
"Don't speak to me in that tone, Draco," the master hissed. You know very well why you are being punished.
The door slammed shut and Severus soundproofed the room. He wasn't willing to let them hear his argument, because he knew it would end up, they would argue, because Draco was stubborn and because Severus cared about him.
"It was Potter who provoked me, that's why I did it," the annoyed blonde defended himself.
.-Yes, but it was your fault for following him. Also, don't you know more curses? I remind you that you used one of the dark arts, Draco. Everyone knows that these curses are only used by Death Eaters.
-And what did you want me to do? the boy said in an even louder voice. I'm not going to let anyone make fun of me. Never.
"It's fine with me that you don't allow it Draco," the professor reasoned, "but you should know that Dumbledore adores Potter; As soon as the damn kid tells him what you've done, he'll kick you out of school. And then you will no longer be able to serve the Dark Lord, you will be worth nothing. You will have to live and earn a living as just another Muggle because you can be sure that your father will not even want to see you.
.-I don't care, do you understand? For once he could teach Potter a lesson ...
. -And you do not care if your wand is broken? Do you care to be disowned by your own family and friends? Do you care about everything you have fought for? the adult reproached, softly, but in an icy voice.
The boy didn't answer, he just looked him hard in the eyes and changed the subject immediately.
.-What does my punishment consist of? he asked, drawled.
"I want you to clean the whole classroom, and without making the slightest noise, I have to work," Severus ordered immediately.
The boy knew without the need for words that he should do it without magic and without protest, although inside he was cursing with all his desire. He set about serving the punishment, wanting to finish soon and get rid of Snape once and for all.
And the professor began to correct the exams but, having a Malfoy so close to him, he came to mind what had happened to him with Lucius.
All that night he had gone wrong; First, Lucius hadn't wanted to sleep with Severus, and when Severus had finally succeeded and the blonde was putting his entire erection in his mouth, he could only think of Draco. And when he had said the name of his godson inadvertently, he stopped feeling Lucius's mouth on his penis. Malfoy was frowning at him, arms folded, kneeling dignifiedly at the foot of the bed.
-Can you know why the hell you stop? the dark-haired man had asked, without realizing what he had said. Lucius narrowed his eyes and pouted his lips, on the verge of bursting.
"Well Sev," he had said in a dangerously soft voice, "it may be that I don't like it much that, while I'm doing this," she pointed to his penis, moistened with her saliva, "you say my son's name."
The dark-haired man had widened his eyes, surprised. And then the eldest of the Malfoys had dressed and left the bedroom, with his eternal and pride of him, without needing to say that their relationship was over.
He looked at the boy, he still had a lot to clean up. His blond hair was damp with sweat, he had removed his tunic and his hands were working quickly, cleaning cauldrons, vials and tables without stopping.
With a wave of the teacher's wand, the rest of the class was completely clean in seconds. The blonde stopped when he saw that what he was rubbing did not have any stains and looked at his godfather, who returned his gaze. Draco asked a question with his eyes and the adult shrugged.
"It was too much to clean," he said as the only explanation.
-Yes, but I deserved it, right? I shouldn't have cast a spell on Potter, ”he drawled.
"Enough Draco," he said, starting to get angry at the boy's behaviour.
The blonde looked at him, still annoyed with his teacher for having punished him, but he didn't say anything; he only stared at him for a few moments, and Severus stared back, intently, waiting for Draco to look away. But he didn't, and they kept looking at each other, not taking their eyes off each other, trying to make the other give in.
Slowly, Snape approached his godson and, when his bodies were barely an inch apart, he kissed her. Like this, suddenly. At first, gently, expecting Draco to pull away at any moment, but contrary to what he had thought, Draco dug his hands into his black hair and pulled him even closer, completely pressing their bodies together, and the teacher circled the boy's waist and he pressed him against him, kissing him more intensely now.
"Sev ..." Draco whispered as they parted for air; The man did not answer, he was too busy licking and kissing the skin on the neck of his godson, who was breathing hard next to his ear.
And he kissed her on the lips again, exploring the offered mouth with his tongue, lowering her hands to his buttocks to clench them tightly and lift him into the air. The boy wrapped his legs around the narrow waist of his master, making his limbs brush against each other, causing the erections to arouse quickly. Severus groaned, bringing his hips even closer to his pupil's, hoping his hardness wouldn't lose contact.
Without stopping kissing him, the man approached the wall and imprisoned Draco between it and his body, to then caress his sides and put his hands under the young man's shirt, caressing the boy's soft skin.
Draco quickly unbuttoned the buttons on his godfather's robe, exasperated at how many there were.
When he managed to undo them all, finally making use of his wand, he observed the perfect torso of his mistress. Beneath the robe, she was wearing soft black pants, and Draco was surprised how the hell could she wear so many clothes?
The professor seemed to read his thoughts, as he answered his silent question.
.-You should know that in the dungeons it is very cold and I spend most of the day here.
And Draco said nothing, just indulged in a new kiss, allowing the man to explore the inside of his mouth again.
They parted many minutes later, anxiously searching for some air, as the eager kiss had taken it away. Draco then uncoiled himself from his teacher's waist and kissed his neck, slowly moving down to his nipples.
He slid down to her belly, and as he unbuttoned the man's pants, he kissed and licked her belly button, drawing gasps from his lover, discovering that contact drove his godfather crazy.
He slid the pants down his legs, running the palms of his hands over the burning skin, kissing the bulge that was guessed inside the boxer shorts.
Severus made him rise to his level again and kissed him, unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, driving the blonde crazy, that he was crying out for him to undress him completely.
And then it was his turn to kiss the length of his godson's body, starting at his neck, kissing and licking softly, increasing the intensity and force of the kisses as Draco moaned, faster and more agitated...
As he sucked on the neck, leaving a quite visible purple mark, he was unbuttoning the pants of the uniform and sliding them down to the ankles, leaving them abandoned until later.
He lowered himself to her nipples and bit and sucked hard, being careful not to hurt her at any point. And Draco cupped his cheeks lovingly and lifted him up to kiss him.
Severus answered the hungry kiss on his lover's lips, taking her by the waist, hitting his body and kissing him more hard, almost furiously. And he felt his godson detach his boxer shorts, leaving him completely naked.
He undressed him, as he was pulling her underwear down he slid down. when the boxer joined the pants on the floor and the man had his member in front of him, he shoved it into his mouth. And he began to lick, suck, and then nibble gently. The blond began to moan and gasp madly, gradually increasing the volume of his crazed moans. He grabbed his godfather's head, guiding him in the suction and thrusting against his mouth.
When he sensed that he was about to arrive, Severus stopped, pulling away slightly to look at him. Her blond hair tousled and damp with sweat, her veiled eyes and dilated pupils, her lips parted and let her breath out in heavy gasps, her body beaded with sweat, her chest rising and falling in agitation, her hands clenched into fists ...
He seemed beautiful to her. He approached him and stroked his hair gently, causing the boy to close his eyes in satisfaction.
Then he kissed him, and it was a kiss so deep that Draco's knees trembled and Severus had to gently hold his waist, making the blonde wrap his legs around the body of his godfather, positioning himself in the previous position.
And then Draco felt a finger dig inside him, and he hoped he wasn't the only one to do it. That intruder began to move slowly, in circles, and soon after to enter and leave his body, always delicately, trying not to harm him in any way.
He rippled his hips crying out for more contact, and his godfather did not disappoint. He inserted one more finger and began to move them almost instantly, in turn stroking Draco's buttocks with his other hand.
"Come on Sev ... do it," the boy whispered, with laboured breathing, into his teacher's ear.
And he couldn't wait any longer. Taking his fingers out of the inside his godson, penetrated him. Gently and carefully, stroking the blonde's sides and whispering loving words to him. The blonde winced at the feel of him inside him but, in a matter of seconds - what it took Severus to brush against his prostate - it turned into a moan of deep pleasure.
"God ..." the man moaned as he felt caught by the boy's soft interior walls. He shifted slightly, slipping out of the inside of him, then back in, very careful not to damage her more than necessary. Draco squirmed against him, feeling a surge of pleasure rush through his body, and then he squeezed his teacher's hips even tighter.
"Ah ... Sev ..." he murmured when the man came out again, almost completely this time, and then impaled him again, faster than before. The boy bit down on his neck and sucked the spot, leaving a quite visible purple mark, and then moved his hips to impale himself deeper.
And Severus couldn't keep his self-control from him. He began to get out and into the young body with an almost maddening movement for the blonde, who was moaning and gasping without being able to breathe, but that didn't seem to matter to him. He dug his nails into his godfather's shoulders, making him feel more pleasure than pain and move even harder.
The thrusts increased in intensity, the moans echoing off the classroom walls as their entwined bodies slammed against the wall they leaned against.
A hand from Severus sought out the manhood of his young ward and caressed her in time with his thrusts, making her moan even more crazily than before.
Draco felt his orgasm so close and so intense that he couldn't help crying out in advance, burying his face into his godfather's neck.
And he came too, squeezing the hips of his godson so hard that he knew there would be marks left, and drowning his moans in the boy's mouth, who offered himself gladly when he could stop moaning his brutal orgasm...
And they fell to the ground, sweaty and with arms and legs tangled together, still panting.
"I love you," the grim professor whispered then, panting and still trembling from the intensity of his previous orgasm, as they lay down, very close to each other, on the floor.
"I love you too," the blonde replied, gently kissing his lips and then leaning back on his chest.
😃
the use of the word godfather just creeped me out tho- LMAOJASB
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Oh, and I’m her girlfriend (Tammy Gregorio x Reader)
•• This is almost three full pages on my google docs LMAO I hope you all enjoy some Tammy action! ••
Tammy’s past was no secret. Everyone that had ever looked up New Orleans online had read about Ethan McKinley and how he'd embezzled over $80 million dollars from the relief fund for hurricane Katrina. Most of the communities within the city could still use that money. Tammy has put so much space between her and McKinley that only a few people ever remembered she was married to the thieving bastard. So, when you spotted him sipping on a martini at the other end of Prides bar, you stormed through the crowd, leaving Tammy with the rest of the team. You grabbed Ethan by the shoulder. He almost spilled his drink.
“What are you doing here!” You tried to yell over the band.
“I need to talk to Tammy!” You barely heard back. You motioned for him to follow you as you headed outside the bar onto the street.
“Talk to her about what?” You crossed your arms, leaning up against the building. “You shouldn't even be in New Orleans.” He sighed. His shoulders dropping. When he brought his head up you could see the desperation in his eyes.
“I didn't know where else to go.”
“What happened?” You asked. “I thought you worked out a deal with the prison?” He nodded.
“I did, but now the people I embezzled the money with are trying to kill me.” You rolled your eyes.
“Of course they are. It's always something with you!” He blinked.
“What's that supposed to mean?” He put a hand on his chest and waved his other hand out towards the city. “I only came back here to warn Tammy before-!” Tires squealed as a van turned the corner and sped down the street. The side door opened and your eyes widened at the street lights reflecting off the tip of an AK47. You manage to push Ethan to the ground just as the bullets started to fly. One of the windows of the bar shatters. People inside the bar scream. Tires squeal again as the van drives off. Pride is the first to come rushing out with his gun drawn. He sighs seeing you aren't hurt, only to tense again at the sight of Ethan. Tammy comes running out beside him. You smile.
“Surprise?” Once NOLA PD showed up on scene Ethan was put into protective custody and driven off. Hopefully, you thought, out of Louisiana entirely.
“So, Ethan came here only to tell me to watch out for the idiots he squealed on?” Tammy said, coming up to stand next to you as you watched the last patrons walk out of Prides bar. You nodded.
“That's what he said.” Pride came in from the kitchen area. He was wiping a glass off with a rag.
“It's getting late, you two.” He stated. “Go home and get some sleep, and don't worry about tomorrow, I'm giving you both the day off.” You smiled. Your eyes suddenly became heavy.
“Thanks, Pride.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
You and Tammy managed to get home and collapse into bed within the hour and you weren't the least bit surprised that the next time you woke up the sun was high in the sky and your alarm clock said 2:00 pm. You turned over to Tammy's side of the bed with a smile, only to be met by cold sheets. The smell of bacon suddenly hit your nose and you sat up. You rubbed your eyes. That's where Tammy was then, huh? Cooking breakfast in the kitchen? You slowly made your way to the kitchen. Tammy smirked as she flipped the bacon in the pan.
“I thought this might get you up.” You leaned on the counter and sighed.
“How long have you been up?”
“Only for an hour.” She turned off the stove and plated the bacon next to some bagels. “Gave me enough time to cook breakfast.” She sat down at the counter across from you. You sat down and snorted.
“It took you that long to stick the bagels in the toaster?” She shrugged.
“I had to have a couple of cups of coffee first.” She took a bite of her bagel. “NOLA PD had a car parked out front.”
“Really?” She nodded.
“They just left to change shifts. Another one should be here in less than half an hour.” You smirked.
“You wanna get out of here before anyone notices?” She smiled.
“I thought we could go for a walk in the park.” You blinked.
“You? Want to walk in the park?” She blushed and twirled a finger through her hair.
“I've always wanted to...but I always thought it was stupid and girly.” She chuckled. “Until you showed me doing girly things don't make me stupid.” You reached across the counter and took her hand.
“We better hurry then, if we're gonna make it out of here before the next shift gets here.”
As soon as you and Tammy got out of the apartment building you both ran to the closest park, laughing and shoving each other the whole way.
“So,” You elbowed her in her shade as you headed down a path by the water. “Is taking a walk in the park all you imagined it would be?”
“I have to admit it, this is pretty nice. I didn't think it would be this secluded.” She laughed. “Can't hear a musician or any construction.” A loud twig snap made you jump. Tammy pulled you back by your shirt collar as three men jumped out of the tree line. The leader smirked. Your heart was racing.
“I don't need to hurt you, sweetheart. Just give us your friend.” You scowled. You two were outnumbered by one man and three guns. Today wasn't the day to have left your weapons at home. You clenched your hands into fists, and you couldn't see Tammy behind you, but you could bet she was doing the same.
“I'd like to see you try.” You said, before lunging for him. You tackled him to the ground while Tammy went for the other two.
“And I'm her girlfriend, dill weeds!” You managed to wrestle the gun away from the one you were fighting, but he kicked it out of your hand. You kicked him where the sun didn't shine and he tried to headbutt you. His head made contact with your collarbone and you winced. It didn't break, but it definitely did something. You finally got your hands around his head and slammed it into the ground, rendering him unconscious. You huffed.
“Finally.” You looked over at Tammy and where she was fighting. One man was on the ground unconscious. Tammy had the other one on the run. You got up and ran after her as she got out of sight.
“Tammy!” You called after her. A gunshot rang out. “TAMMY!” You screamed, forcing yourself to run faster. You rounded a corner and saw Tammy curled up in a ball on the ground. “Tammy!” You collapsed onto the ground beside her. She groaned as you tried to roll her over. “Come on, Tammy, I gotta see where you were shot.” You stated and she chuckled, with a wince.
“It's just my shoulder.” She sat up and gripped her hand around the wound. “I'll be fine. We better call Pride.” You sighed through your nose before smiling.
“We're calling an ambulance first.”
Tammy was admitted for her shoulder. The bullet went straight through, so at least she wouldn't have to have surgery. You were just sitting beside her bed, watching some daytime soap opera when your phone went off in your pocket.
“Pride?” You asked as you answered.
“Hey, how's Tammy doing?” You smirked as you watched her sip on her water.
“She's good.” You could see Pride's shoulders relax from here.
“Good, good. Well, just got a call from NOLA PD, they picked up the man that shot Tammy.” It was your turn for your shoulders to relax.
“Thank god.”
“He crumbled once they got him in the interrogation. McKinley's associates will be going away for a long time.”
“Thanks, Pride. I'll let her know.”
“Let me know what?”
“They caught the guy that shot you. This should be all over now.” Tammy smiled and laid her head back on her pillow.
“Good. Now I just hope I never see Ethan again.” A knock came from the door. Tammy groaned. “ETHAN, WHY ARE YOU HERE?” You chuckled as Tammy rose her voice. She pulled her bed sheet over her face. Ethan took a step into the room.
“I wanted to apologize before I got shipped off to some small town in the middle of nowhere until this trial is over.”
“Ethan,” You state calmly. “If you want to make it to that small town in one piece I suggest you leave.” Your stare turned cold. “Now.” Ethan didn't stick around, and in normal Ethan fashion, hightailed it out of there. Tammy snorted.
“Leave. Now.” She laughed. “So intimidating.”
“Shut up.” You chided, smiling. You were glad he didn't know what he had when he had it. If not for his stupidity who knows what would have happened to you and Tammy.
Tag list: @stanathanxoox, @nikkiwierden , @malindacath , @havlindzk , @countrygal17a , @memyselfandmaddox , @octobersmog , @mizzezm , @diaryofafan17 , @emmitheacefangirl, @smolpersonbigworld, @a-sad-excuse-of-everything, @tammy-gregorio
#tammy gregorio x reader#tammy gregorio imagine#tammy gregorio#ncis nola#ncis nola imagine#ncis nola x reader#ncis new orleans imagine#ncis new orleans x reader#ncis new orleans
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Hey! I hope November is treating you better than October! (Other than the first tuesday. It lasted like a whole week! Crazy!) Do you have any branching stories of your AU? Like would Izuku’s birthday phone call have happened in the original universe? What if Aizawa had a password from Nedzu so he could approach him early? That the time travel aspect of your fic was so ... ill-prepared? is absolutely fascinating. Finally, yours is so good that I’m even recounting it to Datemate! Ihopethismakesit!
first off plz tell your datemate that i said hi because that’s so fucking cute and i hope they’re enjoying the recounting
second off november is going MILES better than october thank you so much for the well-wishes <3
third off thank you??? for your kind words???? seriously appreciate it so much <3
okay onto the fun stuff - i don’t have anything written that’s branching off from the AU, but i have Ideas if you’re interested in hearing them!! (i’m gonna try not to spoil future things in my fic and not give too much away but i’m also Dumb so read at your own risk lmao)
izuku and his dad - AU vs OU
in general, the way i view a lot of the stuff with izuku’s dad is that if izuku had been even a teensy-bit more genuine with his dad in the Original Universe, his relationship with his dad would be way different than the Original Universe. i see the OU relationship between them as unmatured - Hisashi cared about izuku in the OU as well, but he never looked deeper into izuku’s life other than a cursory “oh he’s doing well, his grades are good, he’s healthy, he made it into the high school he wanted.”
and that’s because in the OU, izuku only had all might and his mom as role models. Inko gave him kindness and strength and determination. all might gave him hope and something to aspire towards.
all of that makes the wonderful being that is Canon Deku and i do adore that boy, but Hisashi does Not Like All Might and he wouldn’t be able to handle a tiny deku’s gushing over the hero that destroyed his quality of life. and deku hadn’t been socialized enough to talk about anything EXCEPT all might or heroes - a consequence of having no friends except your busy working mom.
so even if izuku had been open in the OU to a relationship with hisashi (which i don’t think he was, because i think without aizawa there to help him be confident, he would default to protecting himself and hiding and he wouldn’t have the safety of aizawa’s love/support to shield him from if hisashi had rejected him in any way - better to stay away than risk getting hurt and rejected by the only other adult that was semi-obligated to give a damn about him) - i don’t think hisashi would’ve been open to it himself
(i think i said this in an A/N somewhere but i have literally no idea of when AFO and all might had their Big Blowout Fight in canon, so for my purposes, it happened pre-fic when izuku was 6 lmao)
Hisashi has some amount of trauma from that fight - who wouldn’t after losing their sight and most of their face? - the same that all might does, even if we don’t see all might explore that very much. and as someone who has her own trauma, i know i go into “AVOID!!!! AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!” mode when i come across any kind of trigger.
multiply that by 100x because it’s Your Son who You Adore More Than Anything Even If You Don’t Know Him That Well Because You Also Have Family Trauma - yeah, i can’t imagine hisashi being comfortable with more than the bare minimum kind of relationship with his all might fanboy son.
SO THAT WAS A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING: yes, the phone call would’ve happened, but it would have been:
“hey happy birthday”
“thanks”
“how’s school”
“it’s fine. how’s america”
“it’s fine. americans, ya know.”
*awkward silence*
“okay talk to you next year.”
regarding nedzu and aizawa
honestly that’s one of those things i hadn’t even considered when writing this fic if i’m being honest. like the whole reason i started thinking about writing this fic was “how can i give aizawa a tiny izuku to protect and care for without killing inko or making her a Terrible Mother” because that was most of the fics i was seeing (which are all still fun to read don’t get me wrong but i like inko and i like writing women and i am a lesbian who Loves Women!!!!) and i just started writing and THEN made the plot and actual details fit with the first 5 chapters i wrote lmao
i think, though, that nedzu is such a wildcard. like i haven’t read the manga so maybe he’s more understandable in that, but it seems to me like his motivations aren’t very clear. he’s not really a dumbledore-type figure in my eyes - he’s not the general of the battle against the LOV, even if he has authority and has a position and has the intelligence, ya know?
he’s very inscrutable to me, and he has his own bias and own motivations that are intriguing to consider - but i can’t imagine aizawa trusting a past-version of nedzu to work towards the same goals he’s working towards.
like, aizawa thinks he’s logical. but at the end of the day, i write him as a “loved ones comes first, the world comes second” character. and whether he can admit it to himself or not, he knows that nedzu would put the world first.
and it would scare him that nedzu might see izuku (or any of his students, or hizashi, or nemuri) as expendable if that means avoiding the future aizawa came from. with nedzu being as smart as he is and as inscrutable as he is, aizawa could end up as his pawn towards whatever *nedzu* thinks is the best course of action, even if he was completely honest with nedzu.
this is something that i don’t think has come up yet, but aizawa *knows* he’s not the smartest guy. like he knows he’s not an idiot, but he knows that hizashi is WAY smarter than him, and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to beat nedzu in a game of checkers, let alone a life-size game of war.
i could see a version where aizawa gets all might’s help and has some sort of “i know this thing that you never told anyone else, i’m from the future, help” type of password, or i could see him doing it with just about any other pro-hero or any of his students, but i really can’t see a version where he would enlist nedzu first. i think he would want to set some of his plans in motion that even with all of his intelligence, nedzu wouldn’t be able to stop.
(does aizawa even have plans? no he doesn’t, which means he would wait to involve nedzu until he came up with a plan, but he can’t come up with a plan b/c he is Not a Strategic Thinker, so he keeps fixing small problems and saying that when he comes up with a plan he’ll call nedzu, and then he’s fighting the LOV singlehandedly because he’s a moron.)
aizawa isn’t a big picture guy, to me. he’s the best and worst person to send back in time because of it lmao - he’s the best because he is smart and sneaky and (if he had all of the right information) he would find the easiest, quickest solution. he’s the worst because he would be the guy who, given the chance to go back in time and stop someone from destroying the world, he would go “okay i’ll just kill that guy before he becomes a Big Huge Villain” and then not realize “oh wait that just means someone else will step in a fill the void and now i don’t know who that guy is so that’ll be harder and all of my future knowledge is For Nothing” (cough CHISAKI cough)
WOW THIS IS SO LONG i hope if you read it all the way to the end you enjoyed my babbling or at least didn’t hate it enough that you won’t ever open my fic ever again~
in all seriousness, thank you for your ask and thank you for giving me a chance to babble about some of this stuff because i have BIG OPINIONS and a lot of thought has gone into this AU and what the OU of my AU (that is in and of itself a canon divergence/AU of canon lmao) would look like. it was really fun to dive into this onto a medium that isn’t just another document on my google drive~
i hope you’re having a lovely november and if you do anything for the holiday season, you have fun with it~! (also plz feel free to stop in and chat more/ask more if you want to!!! i’m trying to be better about being on tumblr more often lol)
#shmoo92#starlight fandom#starlight ask#starlight personal#you are a sweetheart and i had so much fun writing this ngl#hope this actually answered your questions i didn't really check to see if i stayed on prompt lmaooo#i could talk about aizawa all day tbh i Love This Tired Man
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Survey #410
“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye.
Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No.
What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao.
What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch.
Do you like bagels? Yep.
Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that.
Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes.
Are you any good at HTML? Noooo.
When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally.
What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture.
Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits.
Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes.
What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though.
Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody.
Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful.
Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy.
Have you ever been to a different country? No.
When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid.
Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel."
When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One.
Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now.
Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE.
Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom.
Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no.
How many different schools have you gone to? Six.
Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated.
Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it.
Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No.
Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom.
In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting.
Is there anyone who hates you? Probably.
Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything.
Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated.
Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first.
Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions.
What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear.
Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song.
Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always.
Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah.
What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far.
Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably.
When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night.
Did you hug one of your parents today? No.
Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period.
Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts.
Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond.
If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it.
Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross.
Have you ever crashed a car? No.
Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No.
Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals.
Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol.
Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something.
As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad.
Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it.
Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long.
If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy.
Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people.
Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no.
What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL
Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently.
Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning.
Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did.
What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire.
When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno.
Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation.
What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either.
What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter.
When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something.
If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all.
What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend.
How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit.
Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone.
What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to.
What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something.
What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met.
Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised.
Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places.
Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid.
Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao.
Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No.
What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need.
What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :')
Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.
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in case anyone wants to know how my interview went yesterday:
so basically they had me drive a half hour out there just to tell me they didn’t think i was qualified lmao. like you could’ve just told me that over the fucking phone instead of wasting my time lmao! but like even before that i was realizing i absolutely did not want this job. i was supposed to call the guy i was interviewing with when i got there and i literally had to call him 3 times before he picked up(and ofc he had no voicemail either) so like, red flag number one. then the moment i walked through the doors into the actual bakery i started having like war flashbacks to my old job and i was just like ‘oh my god i do not want to go through this again’. THEN the actual interview started and just fyi for those who have never worked in a bakery/restaurant kitchen/etc they are really fucking loud. and this man was barely speaking above a whisper. so ofc i could hardly even hear his questions. it lasted less than five minutes and at the end he told me verbatim ‘based on your resume, your experience is not enough, so we will not be moving forward with your application’ LIKE YOU’VE LITERALLY HAD MY RESUME THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME SO WHY’D YOU EVEN CALL ME OUT HERE GENIUS??? so i was just like, ‘well, thank you for your time’ and then i got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.
and then here’s where the REALLY fun part comes in. i was literally less than ten minutes away from my airbnb when i got into a crash that totaled my car. my car which is still filled with boxes and boxes of stuff i was keeping in there until i move out of my airbnb and into more permanent housing. i was mostly uninjured except for a cut on my leg and some scuffed up fingers from the airbag deploying(basically i was t-boned on the passenger side so my car took the brunt of the impact) but my car was beyond repair. i still don’t know if/to what extent all the stuff i had in the back was damaged. a ceramic travel mug that was in the passenger side cupholder survived the impact but the plug part of my phone charger(which was plugged into the center console) did not. the fire department got there first, then the cops. they took down the information(but apparently the other driver and i have to actually go online and file the report ourselves due to some recent law change) then asked if i had a ride/anybody i could call to come pick me up. i was like, ‘no, i don’t, i’m from south carolina, my family is 2500 miles away, i’ve been here for 3 days and i literally know nobody.’ the cop was like, ‘well, i can either impound your car and you can come pick up your belongings and pay the fee later or you can have the tow truck guy tow your car and go with him, but either way it won’t be cheap.’ i was basically hysterical at this point and i was like ‘it doesn’t matter just do whatever’ and she was like ‘ma’am i can’t just do whatever you have to make the decision yourself.’ so i ended up calling my dad to get his opinion and the tow truck guy talked to him directly and we ended up going with that option.
so i rode to the collision center with the tow truck guy then called geico to file a claim(which according to the collision center guy was a much faster way to get a rental than using the app), then ended up being on the phone with the geico guy for about an hour. by the time it was all said and done with my phone battery was about 40%, and by the time i was in the rental car it was down to 26%. but here comes the kicker: not even ten minutes after i left the rental car place i was involved in ANOTHER collision. fortunately this time it was super minor and the police didn’t need to be called; i just exchanged information with the guy and he drove off. but i was thoroughly shaken at this point and i was like ‘i am never driving again for the rest of my life’. also my phone was down to 13% by now. so i called the rental car place and explained what happened, and they said i could either bring the car back or have it towed back. well obviously i did not want to drive that car back to the rental place(plus, as i noticed later, i had gotten a flat tire at some point before/during/after the collision) so i called the tow truck guy, who said he was towing another car but he would get there as soon as he could. my phone was at 5% during this conversation, which quickly became 1% and essentially rendered me unable to use it for fear of it dying completely and leaving me with no way to get back to my airbnb. i wound up standing there waiting for about an hour and at one point this man literally pulled his car over to the side of the road and got out so he could hand me his business card ‘in case i ever wanted to hang out’. like thanks dude good to know i’m hot i guess but can you not see that i am literally in the middle of a crisis right now? fortunately though that guy wasn’t the only one who pulled over and the other guy was actually sane and stood there waiting with me so i didn’t have to wait alone, which i really appreciated.
anyway the tow truck guy finally got there a little while later and i rode with him back to the rental place, where he tried to convince me to get another rental and i was just like ‘nope, i’m never driving again’. they wound up putting the rental on hold so i could come back and get one if i changed my mind but like. i’m not changing my mind lmao i’m not getting behind the wheel again until i’m familiar enough with the area that i don’t have to rely on google. which is most definitely going to take longer than the week that a rental car would be covered by my insurance. so i rode around and talked with the tow truck guy for a while before he eventually brought me back to my airbnb, where i proceeded to stand in the kitchen in my underwear and eat ricotta cheese straight out of the tub and then cry in the shower and in bed for at least an hour. it was like 9:30am when i left my airbnb and 8:00 in the evening when i finally made it back. i fell asleep close to 11 then woke up at 2, tried for an hour to fall back asleep then gave up, called my mom(thank god for time differences) and talked for like 90 minutes, then eventually managed to get a few more hours of sleep.
so yeah, my life basically got turned upside down yesterday. i’m out at least $550 for the rental car, and my stuff is still sitting in my totaled car at the collision center. i think i’m gonna end up renting a storage unit for it bc i don’t want myself or anyone else to have to deal with lugging my 100+ pound rock collection up and then down all the stairs at my airbnb. on the bright side my anustart vanity plate is still in perfect condition but on the downside the front bumper of my car basically fell off and is now inside my car on top of all my belongings. and i’m stuck using uber or public transportation for the foreseeable future and basically when i transition from the airbnb to wherever i end up living i’m gonna have to fly my dad out to help me move, which is gonna be another large chunk out of my savings. and all because that fucking bakery couldn’t just tell me over the phone that they didn’t think i was qualified.
#car crash mention //#i'm taking this as positively as i can though and the tow truck guy and i may or may not be best friends now#but like this settles it: i am NEVER working in a bakery ever again#i straight-up deleted my entire indeed account last night out of spite#and also so those people have no way to contact me when they inevitably end up crawling back#bc like. if you're so desperate for workers that you'd call in somebody you already think has no chance for an interview#then clearly either a)your workplace is a shithole where no one wants to work b) your standards are way too high or c)both#and i'm thinking it's probably c#so long story short i really dodged a bullet but my poor car did not
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hi meg!! i know you did a lot of planning for road trip cake (and dreaded research). can you talk about how much of the final product was part of your initial plan, or if there were areas where your path changed once you actually got in to write? what was the most interesting thing to research vs the most boring thing? was scene was the most fun to write? love you!! - 💜molly
hiiii molly! ok ok the monster that is road trip cake dream makes the sounds (that carry me so far away) here we go
so YES so much planning. i started by writing the 4k of them meeting in one sitting, but then i realised what a job it was going to be and begrudgingly opened a planning doc. i used various different “recommended road trips through cali” articles to build a vague plan, with a number of nights in each place, a map, some durations, along with a list of plot points i knew i wanted to happen e.g. calum pulling someone in LA, them sleeping together in vegas but it was all very bare bones because i’ll be honest my characters drive plot more than me 9 times out of 10. (e.g. i did not know they were going to kiss on that rock at yosemite until they did) But actually nothing massive changed in terms of the route/places they went to, i just had to make a couple of adjustments to stay an extra night in LA or whatever so it would fit the overall timeline. all this to say the overall plan didn’t change very much but the plot was kind of loose until i got to those parts!
the most interesting thing to research was probably the actual places themselves like i did so much of “things to do in...” or just looking at photos of the places to get the vibe right, like looking at beautiful places and seeing all the fun things to do there? my heart aches to be able to travel again but it genuinely felt like researching my own holiday lmao. the worst part of research was definitely the fucking logistics of it all in terms of location, figuring out how long it would take to get to different places, what the road would be like, whether it was realistic to get from this place to this place in a city, actually looking at airbnbs and of course the aforementioned losing my mind over whether the sunset would be visible from where i put them on a map. i had the same issue again and was poring over google maps of lake tahoe and from which side they could feasibly be sat on to see the sunrise over the mountains
my favourite scenes to write hmmm... ok well there’s this tiny bit right at the beginning when they’re in that starbucks and they just share a little moment that sets them up for the rest of the trip and calum drinks some of his drink, i don’t know why really but i loved writing that moment of connection so much. the other bit i had the most fun with is the LA scene when they go to the bar and then the gig because as i keep saying i love sexual tension and flirty dialogue and the little actions that come along with it it is just so fun to write!!! OH and this is so small it doesn’t count but the bit where they argue about Tim Tam’s vs Penguins because i was making myself laugh
#molly#ask#static sounds#fic talk#directors cut chat#road trip cake still feels like a fever dream tbh#love u molly!!!
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1051
Are you between the ages of 30 & 40?
I still have to get through nearly another decade to get to that decade.
What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up?
My favorites were The Wild Thornberrys and Little Bill, both on Nickelodeon. My sister and I also enjoyed this wacky show called The Upside Down Show but it wasn’t a cartoon.
What was your favorite toy as a child?
I liked any toy that had a lot of buttons or features within it - dollhouses, kitchen sets, cash registers, toy phones, anything that could make me test how much it could do.
In High School did you wear acid washed jeans?
No. It’s not a style I would be drawn to, then and now.
How much was a gallon of gasoline when you first started driving?
I don’t know; I never paid much attention to gas prices, honestly.
What was your first car?
It’s a 2014 (or 2015?) Mitsubishi Mirage I’m still using today, though it was my dad who paid for it and he’s the one who takes it out for oil changes and stuff.
Who taught you how to drive?
My dad taught me a few times around the neighborhood, but he also enrolled me for like three classes in a driving school so that I got to learn how to drive in a highway.
What was your high school mascot?
Both of my schools didn’t have any. My university does have a nickname for our varsity teams, but we’re simply just ‘Maroons’ and not an animal like what I usually see.
Did you go to your Senior Prom?
We had a junior prom, nothing for senior year. I was invited to go to the senior ball in another school by Mike, though. That feels like ages ago; everything is so different now.
What did you do after graduation?
After my high school graduation I went straight to college like most kids here. After graduating college, I immediately started looking for jobs; I landed an internship after a month and got absorbed into the company two months after.
What was your first job?
I’m currently working as an associate at a public relations agency. This is my first job and for now, I’m content in staying in this career. This is where I set out to be when I was in college and I don’t feel the need to change paths any time soon.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be an astronaut more than anything else, but I remember also wanting to be a firefighter or a vet.
Any posters on your bedroom walls growing up?
I had a handful of wrestling posters that my mom was never a fan of. It was never her business since it’s my room, but she always made it the case.
Do you remember the first time you drank a beer?
It may have been at Marielle’s debut, five Julys ago. She served beer at the afterparty of her 18th birthday party, and I think I had taken my first sip then.
Did you ever try cigarettes?
Yeah, I started this year actually. I’m about to reach my first anniversary of trying my first cigarette :/ I don’t have a lot of them though and I haven’t smoked since like February or March, I think.
How did you spend your summers growing up?
At home. My parents were always busy with work, so I had no choice but to myself occupied at home. Luckily I had siblings and cousins, so we were always playing with each other. My summers were never productive until I was in college, when I started making the effort to go out more.
If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you?
Ahh idk man I wish I wouldn’t have spent as much time by the computer as I did, and maybe hang out with friends or something instead. < Yeah this hits the bullseye pretty much. I was a very introverted teenager. Not to mention the internet and social media started to blow up during my tween/early teenage years, so I was hooked to my laptop and kept people away as a result. I didn’t start feeling like a teenager until I was 16, when I gained friends and got invited to more stuff.
Do you remember your first time?
Yeah, it was during one of my 18th birthday celebrations and she was around.
Ever look back and wish some things were still the same?
I do it a lot these days. I do try to stop, because I don’t know what I can gain out of doing so anymore, and because there’s always the danger of being left behind from looking back too much; but most days I can’t help it.
After high school - straight to college or straight to work?
University, because you kinda need that credential where I live. It’s unfair, but it’s our reality.
How much did you make per hour at your first job?
We don’t really calculate that here...I’ll try to do math for y’all lmao aka Google it, which says I make $2.34 an hour. Wow when you put it that way, it really does not sound high :/ I’m honestly okay with my pay though. I live with my parents so I contribute to the bills and stuff now, but even then there’s more than enough left for me.
Favorite home-cooked meal growing up?
My grandma’s kare-kare. It was/is always reserved for special occasions; and out of all her grandchildren I was also the one who got attached to the dish especially as I got older, so eventually kare-kare also became the family’s ‘Robyn is coming over so we better prepare this’ dish. I think I’m her only grandchild that she has an allotted dish for, so that makes me feel special :)
Favorite place to eat out growing up?
The local Burger King, back when it had a play place for kids.
Did your parents live in a different country before you were born?:
No, they have always lived in the Philippines. My mom has always wanted to migrate but my dad shoots it down every time.
Do you have a preferred coffee brand?:
When it comes to coffee, no. I wanna try out everything. But when it comes to coffee shop ambience, Starbucks all the way.
Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money?:
No. I remember Gab as always being very cautious, responsible, and conscious about money. Her parents sustained her debit card and I’m pretty sure they always gave her a little bit extra, but she never took more than her weekly allowance from the ATM.
If so, how did it affect the relationship?:
Money was never an issue, mostly because the money we received during the course of our relationship wasn’t even ours lol; we both received set allowances from our parents. If one of us was running out of cash, we never hesitated to cover for each other first, and we never pressured one another to pay back immediately.
How often do you paint your nails?:
Never.
Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader?:
Yeah, I went to high school with a relative of Duterte. She’s super secretive about it, which is pretty understandable. I’m friends with/went to classes with people who are grandchildren of senators and other politicians as well.
Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional?:
...I have no idea how to do that...I always just assumed it’s already taken care of when a part of my salary is deducted lol. I may have to ask my parents about this, whoops.
What is something you don't have any natural talent for?:
Anything to do with music. Reading it, playing it, singing, writing songs, etc. Also art and anything to do with creativity.
Did you watch this year's Eurovision?:
Ah, my favorite time of the year to mute all my overseas mutuals on Twitter at one point lmao. No, I never caugtht up with it.
Have there been any periods in your life that could be described as being chaotic?:
Senior year was a big chaotic war zone. The death of my grandpa and my first breakup coincided with all the crucial college entrance exams. Speaking of college, it was also a period of a lot of heavy decision-making due to me having to make choices of what course I wanted to take in every school I applied to. I barely cried during those few months and it still shocks me to this day how I did it. That was the most I’ve been on autopilot.
What is something you frequently forget?:
Where I place my car keys and/or glasses last.
If I looked in your fridge right now, what would I find?:
Bread, eggs, a bunch of condiments, butter cheese, vegetables, leftovers, and the grazing box I received from my workplace yesterday. I’m sure there’s more, but I haven’t really stopped and stared at our fridge for a while now.
How do you feel about your body?:
I used to feel fairly confident about it; like it was never an issue with me. But truthfully, after being dumped, I’ve started to feel insecure over everything about me.
Who is someone you would like to get to know better?:
My teammates at work, Bea and Ysa. They both seem like cool and funny people both in and out of work, and I’d love to get to hang out with them.
If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?:
Idk, just somewhere with a lot of opportunities to try new things and meet new people.
Have you ever traveled on a double-decker train?:
Nope. I’ve never been on anything double-decker, if I remember correctly.
What's your opinion on assisted suicide?:
[trigger warning] I’ve looked into it, but it’s a dead end where I live. That’s all I’ll say, as I don’t want to give others ideas.
At what point do you consider a relationship to be 'long-term?':
Fuck if I know anymore. We reached six years and it was a point where I was comfortable and didn’t feel the need to doubt anymore; everything turned out to be a lie in the end. I don’t know anymore. I don’t think about these things anymore.
What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up?:
My dad has always been a chef, so he went through all the ranks throughout my childhood until he finally got an executive position when I was in high school. I remember my mom being a receptionist.
Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired?:
My dad is still in that career path but he doesn’t cook in the kitchen anymore, or at least as much as he used to. He does all the menu planning, evaluating, etc. My mom has shifted to becoming an executive secretary, but she’s still in the hotel industry.
Do you own any winter sports equipment?:
I don’t. There’s no reason for me to have any.
Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan?:
Prepaid.
Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race?
I can definitely see my mom reacting, but I know she knows I won’t let her get away with saying anything mildly offensive. My dad would just go on with his life and will care more about the fact that I’m seeing someone, lol.
Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly?
No. Schedule it ahead and let me know. I’m not always mentally okay and them showing up as a surprise might just make me more stressed than grateful.
Where are the following people and what are they doing: mom, dad, sibling(s), best friend, significant other, ex, and last person you kissed?
My entire family is under the same roof in their bedrooms, either sleeping or having just woken up. Angela is in Parañaque, probably at a cousin’s place; no significant other; I have no idea where my ex, and also the last person I kissed, is. She doesn’t really have anything to do with me anymore.
How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed?
They’re there. I’d still take a bullet for them if it comes down to it, the usual shit. Let’s move on.
What was the last thing someone else bought for you?
My workplace gave me a grazing box as the company Christmas gift.
If your parents looked in your purse/book bag would they find anything you don’t want them to see? What about your bedroom? Do you have anything hidden in there?
My vape pens. I came home from Starbucks last weekend and my mom thought my breath smelled like cigarettes and she almost got super pissed until I was able to convince her the only thing I put in my mouth was coffee, so I know my 22 year old, employed, self-earning ass would for sure still get in trouble if I was discovered to be vaping.
How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them?
It was the first time I met them and they are also my bosses, so I can’t exactly be my complete self around them yet. I had to act super reserved and to essentially make a good impression first before I start whipping out my jokes or whatever.
If you decided to call your ex right now, do you think he/she would answer? How would the conversation go?
No, she’d reject it and tell me to text instead. If she was feeling snappy she would also tell me I’m no longer in the place to contact her that way. Sigh. Who is she anymore and why is she so different from the person I was with?
Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with?
No.
Is music a daily part of your life?
It’s not. Videos, more like.
Yellow nail polish: yes or no?
Bright or neon yellow is a no, but I suppose more muted shades like mustard yellow can work for me.
What do you think of country music?
Eh, not a fan. I would skip it in a second, and I never think about it.
Have you ever ended a relationship but wish you could’ve kept it a little longer?
I’ve never ended a relationship.
Did you go to your high school’s graduation?
Yes...that’s not an event I would’ve wanted to miss out on lol. That was a nice day. My grandparents came to watch me, and we had dinner at a revolving restaurant after.
If you could live the last three months over again, is there anything you’d change?
Everything went to shit exactly three months ago, so this hits home very hard for me. Yes, I would change a lot of things for life not to have gone the way it has.
Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you?
My mom. I would be creeped out and tell my dad immediately.
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Melancholic.
Who was the first person you talked to today? What did you talk about?
I haven’t talked to anyone yet today. I was thinking of replying to Aliyah’s comment on my Facebook post, but in the end I didn’t think a response was necessary.
When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order?
I don’t wear makeup.
Did you do anything sexual last night?
No.
Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin?
She has three children, me included.
Did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? If so, did you feel pressured to do the same?
I don’t think my friends did, but I probably know other people who did. My baby asexual ass definitely didn’t feel the pressure. I was even scared shitless for my first kiss when it came time for it and I had kept putting it off that night.
Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile today?
No.
Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes?
With my previous relationship, it did in the beginning; eventually I just stopped caring.
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I think it may have been Andrew.
Do you like where you are in life right now?
No. I don’t know if a new year would make it better, or if it would help give me a healthier mindset. I just have to wait and see.
Do you hate it when there is a fly around you?
Very much.
Is your mom overbearing?
She can be.
Is there snow where you live?
Never.
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