#i just love dirk? i’m mentally ill. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autistic-katara · 11 months

Text

ok finally making that writing post-

hi! i’m Ryan, or Raines_Adopted_Son on AO3. i write fanfic (mainly angst) and my inbox/dms/ao3 comments r always open for requests, here are some guidelines:

fandoms i will write for: (keep in mind i join new fandoms all the time so if theres a fandom u want me to write that isnt here that u think i like just ask, i probably forgot to update it // will say next to the fandom if ive written for it before or not)

Stranger Things (written for it before)

The Spiderverse Movies (written for it before)

The Owl House (written for it before)

Nimona (haven’t written before)

PJO/Riordanverse (including mcga and tkc // written for it before)

ATLA (including lok/the kyoshi novels // written for it before)

Heartstopper/Osemanverse (haven’t written before)

Jackson’s Diary (written for it before)

Bungou Stray Dogs (haven’t written before)

The Dragon Prince (have written but never posted)

Derry Girls (haven’t written before)

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (haven’t written before)

Good Omens (haven’t written before)

stuff i enjoy writing/specialise in:

shortish one-shots (1k-2.5k words // i would like to write longer and/or multichapter stuff, this is just my current level)

angst

hurt/comfort

heavier topics relating to mental health stuff (depression, eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal characters, etc.)

queer (specifically trans) stuff

stuff i feel uncomfortable writing/am unsure if i’m able to write it but wanna push my boundaries on: (aka send me requests but theres less of a chance i’ll write it)

nsfw stuff/smut

depictions of abuse (non-romanticised obv)

depictions of SA (specifically just the recovery tho, i am NOT writing non-con)

longer fics

multichapter fics

pure fluff (idk if i’m able to write smthn w/o angst 😭)

stuff i will not write: (do not ask me to write this stuff :))

nsfw/smut of characters under the age of 15 (that being my current age // still kinda iffy abt characters 15-17 but yk)

stuff that romanticises things like SA or abuse

any ships where both a) at least one of the characters is a minor and b) the age gap is canonically 3 years or more (emphasis on canonically, looking at u punkflower antis)

incest

other stuff i wasn’t sure how to fit in:

when it comes to depicting types bigotry or hate or whatever theres some stuff i feel comfortable including and some stuff i dont (obviously in a non-romanticised way as just like part of what a character experiences):

homo/transphobia, i’m fine with including this, i am queer + trans and feel like i could sensitively depict those topics.

racism/xenophobia, i dont rlly feel comfortable writing abt this stuff given that i’m white i rlly dont think id be able to write that stuff properly like at all.

ableism/saneism, depends on the type tbh, maybe subtle ableism to an autistic character (i am autistic) and casual ableism to a chronically ill character (i am chronically ill) but other than that ehhhh

antisemitism, while i am Jewish and have experienced it myself, for personal reasons i’m not comfortable writing stuff including it, even if its subtle and not a big thing (other kinds of religious discrimination i wont write simply cause idk enough about allat and dont wanna be insensitive abt it)

thats all i could think of for that one but next thing: i dont like AUs. its not like i hate them or anything, and if i time traveled to the future and found out i learned to love them i would be ecstatic since thats more fics for me, but for some reason i just don’t enjoy reading/writing them (excluding canon divergence, i wouldn’t mind writing a fic with canon divergence // didn’t wanna put this in the hard-no section cause again its not like they’re smthn i hate or am disgusted by or anything, i just don’t find them appealing)

also if u dont know what i ship/what ships id be ok w/ writing just ask, a couple of them should be clear based on what i rb/post tho lmao (still if u gotta ask, ask)

anyways yeah thats all i could think of for now, i probably forgot smthn important so i might edit this later + lmk if u have any questions srsly id love to answer :)

17 notes · View notes

auto-correct · 1 year

Text

Lemme tell you about TROLL HAL*

(*from here on out I’m just gonna refer to him as halwyr because that’s his name (it sounds like. halware. like malware. this pun was funnier the first time i said it i think))

anyways way back when i made a whole lore post about him & his backstory so i’m just gonna drop random thoughts about him here

he’s intersex that’s a thing that’s recently been added to his lore :) (there was a brief period when he was just a wee grub where he was female-presenting, but he also was a shut in for most of his early life so once he was older troll society just kinda went ‘a male fuchsiablood????? gasp!!!’ because no one really remembers him ever identifying as anything but male and also i like to think that at the very very minimum troll society by and large respects how trolls identify (sorry for going on another tirade but. there’s theoretically a troll out there giving everyone top surgery and i think that’s hilarious) )

back in the old days there was gonna be a whole thing with halwyr having to helm a ship to escape (that happened still. they went to earth where the condesce just so happens to be *cough cough* mind control fuckery involved with the helming *cough cough*) and being a little uhhhh. extra computery because of that. i was grasping at straws for how to make him resemble his canon self personality wise so he ended up being a psionic he has technopathy so that’s cool he doesn’t have to type with his longass claws what was i saying oh yeah anyways that was going to cause him and deirik (troll dirk) to have a more strained relationship and halwyr was going to be bitter about the whole ‘product of genetic experimentation’ thing and also the fact that he ended up being the one used as a living battery but uh. sorry not sorry that didn’t happen deirik and halwyr are moirails now & they care for each other canon is my sandbox and I’m using it to make glass fight me (i couldn’t think of any other reason why they’d have an even remotely brotherly relationship given that siblings aren’t a thing in troll society but i remembered that the mspa wiki page for moirallegiance said it was closest to the greek (roman?) concept of brotherly love so they’re moirails now tada)

*clears my throat* anyways at this point hal and dirk are merely inspiration for halwyr and deirik canon is out the window it hit the ground shattered into a million pieces the best of which i am now using to make a mosaic

halwyr is REALLY fuckin protective of his moirail and friends (except for jaeyke (troll jake) who is his kismesis plus That One Time Deirik Died (And Got Better) halwyr still totally blames jaeyke for that (and jaeyke blames halwyr. isn’t death and resurrection fun 😊 ) also it’s totally jaeyke’s fault don’t even get me started) uhh so basically he’s just protective of deirik roxxan and troll jane who’s name i can’t remember how to spell (jaehna???)

(deirik is jaeyke and halwyr‘s auspice he thinks they’re both idiots)

also he totally uses his status as heir for his peeps’ benefit also also he has brutally murdered a bunch of people for hurting deirik but i think i mentioned that in the lore post (the telekinetic bone-snatching) (at this point idk what i’ve said in the lore post that i might just be repeating)

also also also halwyr is exactly as mentally ill as i am which is to say quite except he doesn’t have social anxiety good for him (no, instead the social anxiety got projected onto ac but that’s a whole nother story)

so he’s very uh. *glances at the fact that i basically just confessed halwyr has the same mental illnesses that i do* let’s just say his mood instability doesn’t mix well with the capital-r Rage that accompanies the higher bloodcastes (hence the brutal murdering, which for legal reasons i must specify did not come directly from me)

unrelated but deirik is a goldblood but he’s offshade just barely enough to be noticeable without getting culled by the drones which is a big reason why halwyr is so protective of him alternia is lethal as fuck especially to the lower castes especially especially to those with even minor mutations

(in the unnamed fun side timeline deirik accidentally murders halwyr and somehow ends up surviving to adulthood and is forced to helm the condesce‘s ship both out of punishment for killing her heir (that she didn’t even like in the first place smh 🙄) and just because he’s ridiculously fuckin op psionics-wise but it’s ok! ghost halwyr ends up in the dream bubbles (there’s no game in this so it’s really just a Because I Said So situation again. if it makes you feel better maybe his lusus got him special afterlife privileges) and the two of them manage to connect over Trollian…. after like 4 sweeps of misery for the both of them💀)

(unrelated they’re both neurodivergent as fuck did i mention that yet)

yknow i get the feeling more people would care about this au if i focused exclusively on deirik instead and also if dave was also a troll but nope. you get halwyr and deirik being joint main characters of the au and distinctly-human alpha dave adopting some traumatized alien teenagers

(deirik belongs to @whydontwebegin btw that’s part of the reason i only ever post about halwyr i don’t think i could characterize deirik accurately)

anyways if anyone reads this far halwyr‘s pesterchum handle is thoroughTechnologist (i was in a hurry coming up with it at the time and it’s long since too late now so don’t @ me) so if you’re ever in the mood for rp I’m online sometimes (I’m afk a lot though so i might not respond)

i'm sleep deprived as fuck sorry if this makes zero sense or if i contradicted myself i wrote this in two sittings

#troll hal #moirails tag #troll dirk #trollstuck #long post

12 notes · View notes

dirk-rider · 8 months

Text

TT: I just can’t believe you’ve never experienced the pleasures of fast food.

TT: Like, not figuratively. I literally cannot believe you have never once in your entire life sat down and shoved a big mac into that bucktoothed mouth of yours.

GT: Well a mans got to keep himself in tip top shape if he wants anything to do with the ladies!

TT: I eat fast food. You still fuckin’ drool over me like a goddamn dog.

GT: Pshhhh.

GT: No i dont!

TT: …

GT: And even if i did you yourself arent a LADY! Lovely as that would be : )

TT: Oh, I bet.

GT: If you really are so insistent though i haven’t had dinner yet…

TT: Well my shift’s almost over, so if you’re serious you better get here fast.

GT: Oh right on! You dont need to worry my good bro! Im getting in the car as we speak!

TT: Don’t text and drive man.

GT: Ive got my trusty skulltop!

GT: And anyway with that logic you shouldnt be texting on the job! Im sure you’ve got other things to tend to.

TT: Not really. That’s why I’m heading out early.

GT: Oh! I guess i should have put that together haha.

GT: How early exactly?

TT: Like right about now.

GT: Well golly Dirk you could wait for me at the very least : (

TT: You’re right, I could.

TT: But I could also go home and play video games.

GT: : (

GT: Half the reason i decided to come over anyway was to see my good bro!

TT: Well it’s too late, I’m already in the car.

GT: But that means ill be missing out on seeing the real you!

TT: How about I call you. Then we can talk usin’ our voices and shit. Maybe that’ll help up the realism factor.

GT: Well i GUESS that would be close enough…

TT: Sweet.

So that’s how Dirk Strider ended up on the phone with his good buddy pal Jake English while he ordered his first ever fast food meal.

“So you’re gonna want to try the chicken nuggets, first off, because our chicken nuggets are the absolute shit,” Dirk explained, pulling into his driveway. “And I’d also order the fuckin… uhhh…. the double stack burger, since you like lettuce, and that shit has a lotta lettuce. Oh, and get one of the large fountain drinks, too, I just cleaned the machine today so there shouldn’t be any fuckin’ maggots infesting that shit or whatever.”

“Eww, Dirk, that’s gross! I’m going to lose my appetite before I even get there at this rate!” Jake replied, and Dirk could practically hear him wrinkle his nose. He chuckled lightly.

“Don’t worry bro I��m joking,” he assured him. “Mostly.”

Jake sighed deeply. “Well, I’m next in line, so anything else that’d get you off?”

Dirk blushed a bit. Jake was joking, obviously, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Dirk shut the car door and started walking inside as he replied, “If you REALLY wanna get me off, double that shit.”

“Heheh, alright bro, as you wish!” Jake replied, giggling a bit. Dirk smiled to himself at that. Obviously Jake wouldn’t be doing that, but it was still a thought he enjoyed. There was a silence for a moment as he reflected on this mental image, storing it away for later as he flopped down on his bed, when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Alright, Dirk, now how do I order? I ask the metal robot box for food, right?”

Dirk came back to himself, and then remembered how much of a self sheltered dumbass his crush was.

“Yeah, roll down your window and when they say some shit like, ‘hello, welcome to [fast food place], I’ll take your order whenever you’re ready!’, you gotta say what you want.” He put on an admittedly obnoxious high pitched tone as he imitated his coworkers - he wasn’t really a big fan of some of them.

“Alright! Then that I will do! One moment!”

And so Dirk sat back and listened while Jake ordered, nodding approvingly as he did so. Jake ordered a double decker bacon burger, a six piece of chicken nuggets with honey barbeque sauce (just weird enough to be a totally Jake English thing), and a coke. All totally good, some of the best stuff on the menu.

And then he said “Oh, and double that order! I’d like two of everything, if you would!”

And Dirk practically melted into his bed.

He stayed quiet as Jake exchanged money with the cashier (Dirk’s manager), Jake joking about how “it only got busy when I got here”, which was honestly probably true. People DID seem to gravitate towards Jake English.

Eventually, he got to pull forward. As he was handed the bags, he gave an honest thank you, before a sound of confusion came from the speakers in Dirk’s earbuds.

“What’s wrong, bro?” Dirk asked.

“Oh! Well, I guess now that I think about it, I should have figured this would happen, but ordering two of everything seemed to include two drinks as well..?”

“Well yeah man, unless you specify that you only want one drink, they’re gonna think ‘double everything’ includes that shit.”

Maybe he was coming off as rude, and maybe his speech was becoming sloppy, but he was currently more focused on taking down the small tent in his pants than he was on explaining the proper way to order food.

“Well yes, I guess so, but… golly, what should I do with the second one? I already can’t drink an entire bottle on it’s own normally, and I was planning on saving the one I ordered for later-“

“I dare you to chug it,” Dirk replied, only realizing he wasn’t just thinking that after the words escaped his mouth.

Luckily, Jake stayed oblivious as always as he replied, “we’ll see if I have enough room left later,” laughing a bit. God he didn’t know how much that turned Dirk on.

“Right. Well, sweet. You got your food, you got your drinks, now what? Should I hang up or something? I can hang up if you want me to.”

“Oh no no no, dickens no! Dirk, I rarely if ever get to call you, I want to hear more of your voice!” Jake replied quickly.

“Wow, so you are absolutely desperate to listen to my voice, aren’t you? Not drooling over me my ASS.”

Jake chuckled a bit. “It’s normal to want to talk to your best bro for at least a little bit each day! And besides, I don’t know if there’s some proper form or whatnot to eating this food. Need I remind you, there’s a first time for everything!”

“Yeah, there is. But what really could be so different about fast food? You just kind of… eat it.”

“Well, maybe there is some proper order or such I need to follow. I don’t know, man!”

“Nah, it’s pretty simple. Take a bit of the burger, then wash it down with that coca cola shit, then follow it by dunkin’ your nugs in that soda like it’s some kinda sauce, really get it all sopping wet so you can eat it all good and soggy.”

A moment of silence followed, before Jake said, “no offense my good pal, but that shit sounds absolutely foul.”

Dirk chuckled a bit. “Nah, nah man, you have to try it. That’s the only true way to eat chicken nuggets. Everyone knows that.”

“Well, thank you for your advice, but I am afraid I won’t be doing that,” Jake replied, laughing along with him.

The two boys proceeded to make dumb suggestions and jokes the rest of the way to Jake’s home, until eventually Jake exclaimed, “Home at last!”

“Cool. Can’t wait for you to go inside and start shoving that shit in your mouth. Make sure to put on a show for me, alright?”

“Heheh, right-o!”

Dirk heard a door shut, then heard Jake yell, “Anybody home? No? Alrighty then!” and then heard another door shut.

“Jade’s not there tonight?” Dirk asked.

“It doesn’t appear so! Probably out gardening or volunteering or something.”

“Huh. Well that’s cool,” Dirk said, trying to tone down his excitement. “Maybe you can like, I dunno. Let loose now or some shit.”

Man was he good at hiding what he was thinking.

“Sure can! I can do almost anything I want tonight, and you’re going to bear prime witness to it all!”

Dirk smiled. “No, I’m not WITNESSING shit, man. I can only hear you, remember?”

“Well sure, that is true, but that’s all a matter of semantics. Who knows, we really should hang out soon anyways!”

“With or without food?” Dirk asked, rolling over in his bed.

“It depends on if this is really all you cracked it up to be! And there is really only one way to find out!”

Dirk could hear the familiar crinkle of fast food bags being opened and unwrapped, then the sound of chewing, then the sound of a hearty swallow, and then,

“ZOUNDS, Dirk! You were absolutely, positively right about this! Dear lord, this is amazing!”

Dirk could only imagine the face Jake was making. It sounded like he was making that face he made when he was super excited about something, the one where his eyes shot wide open, sparkled, but still somehow crinkled at the edges with his smile. Dirk buried his face into a pillow to muffle the sounds threatening to escape him.

Luckily, without needing any further comment from him, Jake continued eating, and the way his mic was set up was right against his throat, so Dirk got to hear every little noise that came from him. And god damn if they weren’t good sounds.

Jake surely wasn’t aware of this, and he’d most definitely move it if Dirk said something, so instead Dirk chose to maintain a comfortable silence on his end as he listened to Jake English absolutely devour a burger. Usually the sounds of eating made him slightly uncomfortable, but picturing JAKE making those noises? That was another story entirely. And those moans of satisfaction? Pure aphrodisiac. After only a few moments though Jake had already finished.

“Mm, gah, I need something to drink!” Jake exclaimed. “That was good, but absolutely parching, heh!”

“You got soda, don’t you?”

“Well yes,” Jake said, “that is true! I’ll go grab it!”

“From where man?” Dirk asked, admittedly somewhat disappointed that the display was already on pause.

“Oh, I set it down on my bedside table,” Jake explained, his voice surrounded by the sounds of a microphone that’s set a little bit too sensitive. “My hands were full.”

“Ah.” So Dirk waited in anticipation till he heard Jake plop back down in his spinny desk chair.

“Alright, here goes! Cheers!” Jake exclaimed. When Dirk didn’t reply, though, he repeated himself, albeit a bit less enthusiastically. “Um, cheers, bro? You have to say it back,” he chuckled.

“Nobody says weird shit like that but you.”

“Well then, I’ll instead say: bottoms up!”

“You do you.” Dirk then quickly tensed again as he heard the almost annoyingly close sound of a bubbling liquid making it’s way down Jake’s throat, and man was he swallowing fast. Eventually though the noises slowed, and Dirk heard a short breath out, followed by a short gurgly burp that seemed to surprise Jake just as much as it did Dirk.

“Hah, excuse me, Dirk! Wasn’t - wasn’t expecting THAT, heh,” Jake said, his voice rising a bit.

“No, it’s cool, man. I really don’t care.” And what a lie that was.

“Al-right, if you say so, bro,” Jake chuckled. “What next, though..?”

“You should try the chicken nuggets. That shit is fuckin’ bomb,” Dirk told him.

“Well then, guess I will! If they’re anything like those patty sandwiches, I’m sure they’re positively delightful!”

“Yeah. Whatever the fuck a patty sandwich is.”

Jake either didn’t hear or didn’t care to respond to that, instead digging around his bag for the small packets of honey barbeque sauce. When he found it, he made a sort of triumphant sound. And as he began eating these, Dirk’s thoughts were only getting hotter and hotter.

Every sound of delight, every smacking of the lips, every pause for a drink just left Dirk hungrier and hungrier, but he had to keep his cool. Even if the mental image of your best bro/biggest crush eating fast food was the exact opposite of “cool”. Jacking off while on the phone certainly wasn’t cool either, and so instead he just clenched his jaw and squeezed his poor pillow harder. Jake would occasionally make comments of course, unable to bask in his own sound as Dirk was, but Dirk would simply give his usual noncommittal reply of “yeah” or “huh”. It was easier that way for him really.

After what felt like quite a bit too short, though, Jake finally gave a somewhat disheartening “aw”, and now Dirk was the one sparking conversation.

“What’s wrong, man?”

“Oh, nothing really! Just finished the box quite a bit quickly, aha!”

“Oh yeah.”

“…”

“Well, you still got a whole other bag of this stuff, too, y’know,” Dirk pointed out. “Not like you’re out of food for a while.”

“Oh I guess that is true..! Here, let me grab the other-“

But it was now or never, and Dirk knew his hormonal high wouldn’t be lasting too much longer if he didn’t do something about it, so he did.

“Hold on a second, you promised me a show, remember? We’re not gonna look back and laugh at your first time eating fast food otherwise. We need some excitement and shit to really add stakes.”

“What do you mean? What would you want me to do to… make a show of things?”

“Uhh.” Dirk paused a moment, hoping it’d make it seem like a spur of the moment recollection and not a nightly fantasy. “Remember when you said you’d chug that soda? Do that shit I dunno.”

Jake went quiet a moment, seemingly thinking, before eventually replying, “Well I can’t seem to think of a reason not to!”

“Hell yeah. Chug chug motherfucker!”

“Heheh, alright!” Jake replied, unscrewing the cap of the second one. And Dirk most definitely noticed that this was a new bottle, the slight click of the seal being broken telling him just that. And he also most definitely was not upset by this. He heard a sharp fizzing noise, then a somewhat shaky breath on the other end, and then the sound of Jake English gulping down a bottle of soda.

Dirk wanted to say something, ANYTHING to distract from how absolutely amazing an experience this was for him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak. The sound of swallowing liquid was just so mesmerizing to him, he couldn’t turn his attention to anything else.

Soon though, Jake’s lips parted from the bottle, and as they did so a low, breathy belch came out of him. This time, though, he did not excuse himself, rather just exclaimed, “Hn - gosh, Dirk, all that and it’s still not done!”

Dirk inhaled sharply.

“W-well then, keep going man,” he replied, his own voice shaking with a hideous combination of arousal and nerves. “I’ve chugged lots of drinks, I’m sure you can too, heh.”

“Well of course I CAN, Dirk,” Jake said, making it sound like the concept was obvious, “but it’s a matter of how FAST I can. You yourself never even have any - ahem - eructations, which is honestly something I envy! Especially seeing how quickly you can down a whole bottle-“

“Yeah but this isn’t about me, man. I can do that any old time. I dared YOU to, remember? So uh- hurry up, man!“

Dirk was becoming antsy, the bulge in his pants becoming hotter, more painful by the moment. He knew he had to go soon, he had to do something about THIS. But he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet, he had to experience just a bit more.

“Well, alrighty then! I can’t leave a good dare hanging!” And so he continued gulping down the drink, this time each swallow seeming much more forceful, more liquid going into his throat than was going all the way down. And, as the bottle began crinkling, a sign it was finally empty, Jake threw it down on the table triumphantly.

“Ya-hoo! I did it, Dirk! Did you hear that? Drank an entire bottle on my own-!” a gurgling noise made itself known in Jake’s throat. “Oh, one moment.”

Dirk heard a thumping sound, like Jake was banging on his chest, and he could just imagine so perfectly Jake holding one finger up as he did so, in an “i’ll get back to you” sort of way. And then the gurgling noise got higher and higher, and then the noises ceased for one split second of silence-

And an explosive belch came from the speakers in Dirk’s earbuds.

The mic clipped as the eructation was happening, and Dirk’s heart was going faster than it ever had. He had to bite his cheek hard to keep himself from moaning, tensing his body with all of his might. And when it was over, Jake’s chair creaked as he leaned back and sighed.

“Oh, MAN, Dirk, that felt - that felt good,” he said.

Dirk had to agree.

Rather than saying that, though, he instead ended up stuttering out, “I- uh, I have to mute myself real quick, you can - keep doin’ your thing, though. Uh, yeah.” He then quickly muted himself and began unzipping his jeans.

“Oh, alright Dirk! Will you be back soon?” Jake asked, sounding almost disappointed.

Dirk grimaced as he reached back up to unmute himself. “Unh, yeah. Yeah, man.”

“Oh, good! I’ll be waiting!”

Dirk nodded as though Jake could see him and muted himself again before struggling to pull his pants off and throw them to the floor. Finally clad in just his boxers and tee though, he reached under his waistband and inhaled sharply, involuntarily gripping his dick as he heard Jake unwrapping the other burger.

Shit, he’d forgotten about that.

When Jake continued eating, now that he seemed to think Dirk was gone, he ate much less tactfully. He moaned a bit more at the new flavors, took longer drinks, allowed himself to let out short burps between bites…

It was better than any shitty prno Dirk had ever watched, and he couldn’t even see this guy. He could only imagine though, the look of ecstasy on his face as he took large bites, tearing his meal to shreds. It gave Dirk more than enough push as he got himself off, the sounds of Jake’s ecstasy mixing with Dirk’s pleasure to create a beautiful, horrible noise.

After only a few short moments (though they seemed very long to Dirk) he had his own cum smeared across the head of his boxers, and he was left gasping for air, body limp as Jake simply continued on, completely oblivious to what his friend was doing on the other line.

As Dirk’s mind was fogged over, he began feeling disgusted with himself for the way he had acted, and he wanted to get mad, punch himself square in the face. But he also felt a deep sense of relief and ecstasy, the kind one can only get from having his fantasies played out in front of him.

Finally, Jake leaned back and let out a belch that he muffled with his fist. Dirk could her the sound of him slapping something like a beach ball, but he knew from experience that it was actually the sound of an overstuffed stomach, and it almost made him want a round two. He sighed and shook his head, though. That could wait for later, at least until he was off the line.

So he reached back up and unmuted himself, and the short “bing!” sound alerted Jake to his presence.

“Oh, Dirk! You’re back! Is everything alright?”

Dirk breathed deeply before answering.

“Yeah, Dave needed some help. With uh, his computer. Dude can’t understand computers for shit, always needs help with some update or whatever. And I didn’t want to - embarrass him, so I muted so you couldn’t hear his cries of fuckin’ agony as he realized all he had to do was turn the thing off and on again. Heh.”

Dirk grinned at how well he was able to bullshit that response.

“Oh, alright! That would make a lot more sense than what I was- no, never mind that. Um, I ended up finishing everything without you, sorry! I know you missed the ‘show’ and whatnot, I just couldn’t help myself!”

Dirk’s heart jumped a bit at that.

“Nah, it’s alright. Totally cool. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said simply. Such an understatement.

“Yes, I absolutely did enjoy it! Y’know, I really should have come on over as soon as you started working there. I missed out on some premium meals!”

“Yeah you did. But there’s always a spot in the to-go line for you. Or, hell, even in the regular line. I’d get to see more of you that way,” he smiled. Was he flirting? He honestly didn’t know.

“Oh, yes, I’d love that! I quite enjoy seeing your face, too, you know!” Jake smiled back at him. And he was definitely flirting. “In fact, before you go, could you please turn on your camera? I never did get to see you.”

Dirk blushed a bit, though it was hardly noticeable against his post-cum flush.

“Only if you do too, man,” he said, if only to buy himself time as he got up to walk half naked to his bathroom to grab a washcloth. Or a towel, if you’re a one of those fans.

“Ah, fine, if you insist,” he heard Jake chuckle as Dirk was wetting the rag. “Let me open the call on my husktop quickly… let’s see here…”

In the amount of time it took for Jake to boot up his computer and connect the call to it, Dirk had cooled himself down enough to look presentable. He quickly walked back to his bedroom and put his glasses back on before he turned on his phone camera, angling it upwards a bit to a) make himself look cooler and b) hide the fact that he wasn’t wearing pants.

“Oh, Dirk! Looking gorgeous as ever, I see!” Jake said when he finally noticed.

“Yeah man, looking and feeling like fifty bucks.” He couldn’t hide the small grin on his face.

“Well here, one moment… and- there we go! Camera is on- oh!”

Jake must’ve only then realized how much his stomach was pushing out.

It was quite a sight, really, his face and shirt coated in crumbs and grease as his shirt rode up on his stomach, unable to hide the massive excess he had indulged in.

Dirk’s eyebrows raised and he quickly took a screenshot before Jake could fix this.

“You’re looking good too, man,” Dirk said, hoping it came off as another joke, thoigh he couldn’t hide how impressed he was. “Reeaall good.”

Jake pushed his computer screen up so the camera wasn’t on his stomach anymore, only really capturing his upper chest, face and ceiling now. He then made an attempt to pull his shirt back over his stomach.

“Oh stop, haha,” he said, blushing a bit. “Sorry you had to see that!”

“No no, it’s cool,” Dirk smiled. “I do gotta get goin’ though, much as I love staring at you,” he chuckled.

“Aw alright, so soon? I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jake asked, looking hopeful.

“Yeah man. I’m not missing school if you’re there.”

Jake grinned. “Sweet! Fistbump for good luck!”

Dirk chuckled and raised a fist to the screen and the two fistbumped, Jake then pulling back and imitating an explosion.

“See ya, man,” Dirk smiled.

“Goodbyeee!!” Jake replied, and the screen went dark as he hung up.

Dirk quickly swiped up to his photo gallery, pulling up the screenshot he had just taken.

Now he had jack-off material for at least two months.

3 notes · View notes

ottiliere · 2 years

Note

Hey I’m kinda nervous to say this so I’m on anon but,, I wanna say I love ur hospital Dirk au it’s honestly v refreshing to see someone posting abt mental illnesses and not romanticizing it?? Ur explanations n stuff about the au are so down to earth and genuine and it feels so real aaaaa just thank you. So much. I love ur Dirk so much and I want to hold him and be his friend and take him away from bro and give him a big wardrobe and feed him really good homemade meals every night and be there for him emotionally and do all his chores,,

-N

is this the first time someone has used the word "romanticizing" in an ask... I don't think so but I had to google it rn because I always forget the definition. like, I guess it wasn't even an option for me to romanticize what he's going through because the whole point is for this to be a psychoanalytical deep dive into his trauma in ways that reflect canon in SOME fashion and to explore the emotions it brings about. like. as some background information I do this kind of thing with every character I've ever fixated on. I did this with karkat when I was 12 and my knowledge of such things was much more limited. dirk is just the most recent... and the only one I've ever been public with (zero public accounts with longevity until February pretty much). I've had years and years of practice, I guess, of doing things in this vein, and so I'm always... shocked? to hear that this kind of thing doesn't exist publicly or that it's hard for people to find things like this. because it's just the way my brain is set. it's one of the main things I talk about with friends. I just think about and make things like this in my free time even if I haven't shared any of it for years.

BUT ANYWAY. THANK YOU... he would be very opposed and uncomfortable to you doing this but I as lucy am smiling at you. in fact I've talked about how much he would hate dave's wealth and overcompensation after they meet up before I'm pretty sure...? I'll try and dig those convos up later.

#ask #hospital dirk #:-)#thank you for the lovely ask i hope you have a good day/night/etc.

28 notes · View notes

4lph4kidz · 2 years

Text

oh yeah you’re new here huh. anyway i’m flattered that you ask but i absolutely will not be able to provide you a concise or coherent reply here. i have too many thoughts. and i can’t be objective about this character, despite Wanting to be analytical. i’m emotionally invested in a way that surely clouds my judgement. anyway. rambling under the cut.

look. there are just so many things that drive me completely fucking nuts about dirk specifically - his thematic substance and narrative role / utilisation, the way his portrayal reflects HS’s ideas about masculinity and toxic masculinity and sexuality (wowww dirk is just so masculine and rational and doesnt use labels, not like the other silly effeminite and emotional gays), the way he embodies the relationship between creator and creation.. the meta stuff, the philosophical stuff, postmodernist themes, the weighty existentialism, the moral quandaries, the ocean imagery, the isolation... there’s whole a lot for me to dig into, analytically speaking, a whole range of ideas i personally find compelling all packaged up in one extremely fucking weird boy. a boy who i like on the surface/story level, also. i think his brand of dry humour is funny, he’s a fun combo of rose and dave’s personalities, and i like his rapport with his friends, despite their conflicts and communication problems - he has some genuinely sweet moments. he’s pretty badass, which is cool. he’s also kind of incredibly fucking tragic. assigned self destructive @ skaia. i can’t read him as anything but tragic, same as any of the alphas, which is why i love them. they’re all fatally flawed, but i feel for them, and would like them to overcome those flaws.

i was going to get into the ways the character is flawed / morally gray / a problematic fave but i really ran out of steam and don’t feel like trying to recreate the d*rkscourse that happens in my brain on a weekly basis. just know i think the ways he is flawed and the question of responsibility wrt his splinters and the harm they cause is also absolutely fascinating, and i’m willing to indulge some critical takes on the character because i like to punish myself for enjoying things i think seeing what this guy is like at his worst is sort of... integral to what i perceive to be the core of the character? the tension between his worse traits / selves and what i see as fundamentally good aspirations... essentially big-brother-style protectiveness, warped by a less than healthy attitude / shitty ideals wrt to heroism and masculinity, as well as communication issues partially related to a commitment to self-aggrandising and insincere cooldude posturing. i think as a defence mechanism if the breakdown on the roof is anything to go by. i’m not sure if i’m correct in that read, but it’s what made sense to me. i’m going to re-read soon though, maybe this will change?

like... essentially, in homestuck proper - he’s not a villain but he really, really could be. he is, if you want to look at hal that way. the things dirk thinks are heroic (masculine/stoic/powerful/martyrdom) ideals are very much being deconstructed by homestuck as a work, that’s more what dave’s arc is about but it goes for dirk too. those ideas, especially as handled by “villainboy diva” prince dirk, are in some ways flawed and harmful and could be putting him into villain territory if he takes them too far... idk. the tension between dirk’s multiple selves embodying his worse qualities, vs his own genuine desire to do good, do better, despite what he comes to perceive as his own totally innate and inescapable flaws... ugh, maybe i’m just also a self absorbed and mentally ill piece of shit, but jesus christ that is fascinating to me? like... it’s really hard for me to not connect some of my own personal feelings and struggles to that conflict, even if the circumstances are Obviously not even remotely similar and i don’t want to project :/ (i totally do though)

well. that was a lot of words. have fun trying to make sense of this, i guess

#replies #my friends call this mindset the washing machine #i am stuck in it #dirkposting #sighhh what am i talking about

17 notes · View notes

ardenttheories · 4 years

Note

i think to me one of the worst things about epilogues davekat is that in context it makes them both seem like horribly self-absorbed creeps. their lack of visiting their extremely depressed and isolated BEST FRIEND, john, is played as a joke at the start of candy, but like... that’s terrible? candy dave regrets not dating karkat more than his brother’s suicide (that he could have prevented and chose not to?) fucked UP

The Epilogues make light of every damn mental illness there is, and it’s deeply frustrating, especially when you consider how many of these kids are mentally ill or have trauma.

Like, an interesting point of depressed John could have been the reasoning behind why people didn’t go to check in on him.

Why would Dave, someone who was stifled for years and kept inside a very small apartment filled with traps and danger, not want to spend more time outside with his friends? Why would he, who only spent time with one person for 13 whole years, not want to experience life with other people? Why would Dave, who repressed his own trauma so much that he was more concerned about Jade seeing his dead body than he was with touching it, completely blank that the same thing is happening in someone else? Why would Dave, who understands the importance of being able to open up to someone about your struggles and have them validated, not immediately check in on someone who clearly struggles post-game?

Does he just want to spend some time for himself? Is he being selfish because he was never allowed to be before? Is he hesitant or even scared to face what he never acknowledged while in the game, and talking to John would make him have to face that? Is he unwilling to see his childhood hero at his worst? Or does he just genuinely think that John can’t be struggling, because John never struggles, and his own impression of John is blinding him?

Like, there’s so many things that could have made Dave’s lack of interest in John’s welbeing interesting - or having Dave go to visit John in and of itself would’ve been amazing to see. They’re fucking friends. If one of your friends doesn’t come out for a few months, you don’t just not check on them, or take their “I’m okay!” at face value.

And I think a lot of this is what I mean when I say that they lose a lot of their individuality when they get together. Dave, for some reason... stops being Dave. He stops existing outside of Karkat. They become weirdly reclusive, existing only with each other, like none of the people around them really matter. They spend so much of their time trying to get people to leave in the Epilogues? It’s actually pretty bad, all things considered. That’s not what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s not even what a healthy friendship looks like.

It’s also frustrating how little Dirk’s suicide is actually acknowledged in the characters who loved him most. Dirk dies, and that’s just sort of it. I get that it’s Candy, and that things are made irrelevant all the time, but Dave literally gets one speech to mourn Dirk and it pretty much never comes up again.

People don’t just get over loved ones. Even to this day, ten years after my granddad died, I can still remember one of his favourite poems and sometimes cry thinking about it. Four years after I lost a good friend of mine, I still break down over how unfair it is that they got taken from me. It’s not easy to just accept that someone is dead. It’s not easy even years later to be okay with it.

You definitely don’t just move right the fuck on after a funeral with little to no other thoughts on it. Like. Geeze. What a way to be insensitive to the people who’ve lost those to suicide and to suicidal people who saw how few people cared about Dirk when he was dead. But also, just how infuriatingly unrealistic that depiction is?

Do they really think that out of everything, Dave's biggest regret would be Karkat? Someone who’s still alive and who he can actively chase after and mend things with? That he’d think of Karkat over his own brother who he actively went to seek help from, who he felt actively lost without the guidance of? Like. You can regret things at equal capacities. If nothing else, they could’ve had Dave regret losing both Karkat and Dirk. Loss does that to you!! If you lose one person, losing another stacks on top! It doesn’t override it, especially if the second person is still alive!

DaveKat shouldn’t overwrite everything else that Dave and Karkat live for or have going for them in life. DaveKat shouldn’t stop them from spending time with their friends, shouldn’t make them recluses, shouldn’t erase their own friendships for each other. It shouldn’t stop Dave from caring as much about Dirk as he clearly does.

It’s frustrating and I completely agree with you. They just lose so much of who they are for this weird unity that they become, I assume because the writers can’t be arsed to write a good, healthy MLM relationship for once.

(On a side note, and going back to John for a sec, because man does it frustrate me: Even Rose was shit at this. Rose, who only calls John when she actively needs him, despite being a Seer and likely Knowing that he’s struggling. Rose, who is struggling herself, and didn’t think to tell John that she’s sick, despite him being her friend. Rose, who is into psychology, and probably would have known that John was struggling to reach out. Did they just forget everything about her character, or?).

#long post//#homestuck^2 critical #ardenttheories #amityli

152 notes · View notes

vagabond-sun · 3 years

Text

ego timaeus

this was also posted on my pillowfort.

this is an essay about ego death, selfshaping, and taboo mental illnesses. it’s not really a direct response to any of the voluntary identity discourses flying around on tumblr right now, but mention of ‘ego alteration’ did make me think i’ve never really talked about this all in one place. so i hope it’s a useful exploration of both voluntary identity and the idea of becoming someone that you weren’t always.

in march of 2019, something happened to me.

i’d like to think that I’ve never been actively malicious. i never burned ants with a magnifying glass or any of that stereotypical shit. but in high school i was completely insensitive, i was beyond arrogant, i was incessantly critical. i didn’t have friends and i didn’t speak to anyone and i liked it that way. i would lie in bed at night and fume about how life was so unfair and everyone else was stupid. i was never intentionally cruel, but i had an incredibly poor understanding of how easily i could hurt people and not a single care about changing that. i was starting to develop what i only just this year figured out was antisocial personality disorder.

in the years immediately prior to 2019, when i started doing the whole median thing, for whatever reason, all the asshole traits got compacted into one specific facet. and i think it was the contrast between that and other facets that weren’t complete shitwads that put the first cracks in the foundation.

the second thing was alt+h. if there’s one thing I’ve learned from alt+h and from the general interest in activism and anarchism it’s propelled me towards, it’s that forming real, meaningful connections with people is the single most necessary thing for achieving personal freedom. that’s been a hard pill to swallow. i’m still working on it (and on figuring out to what extent i just have strong boundaries and how it’s ‘acceptable’ to hold those).

the third was that i met people who consistently showed up for me. who looked at me, warts and all, and said ‘i love you’ but also ‘you really need to stop acting like this’. and stood with me, over and over again, on that hard line of real acceptance, between apologia and abjuration, no matter how many times i fucked up and hurt them. i probably deserved less chances than they gave me. but they really cared about me, and i really cared about them. and when you have ASPD, it’s really, really hard to care about literally anything. this was a critical hit straight to the heart.

(if you’re reading this, you know who you are. i love you.)

in march of 2019, i suddenly wasn’t that person any more. i had been moved enough that i didn’t consider being an asshole my entire fucking personality. but all the bad traits didn’t magically vanish. it doesn’t work like that. they just became unmoored, floating around the mordspace. and when wei weren’t strongly phased to a specific facet who actually had a personality to stand on, i felt like a ghost.

i felt like that for weeks to months. i don't really remember. the thing that mystics don’t tell you about ego death is that most of the time, if you don’t have a new and improved something else to move onto, you either have to swim back to the shore or drown. i also don’t remember how it made its way to me, but my life ring was reading detective pony.

death of the author? check. excessive rumination about the nature of meaning? check. author-cum-protagonist who feels burdened with glorious purpose, craves control and struggles with hurting the people who care about him? check, check and check. it’s a tough, emotionally draining read. but it’s cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.

(without a shred of irony, detective pony is one of the most fantastic pieces of metafiction that exists. you don't have to have read homestuck to a appreciate it. i can’t recommend it enough.)

i had the perfect template for my new self. or should i say i was the perfect template? who ‘i’ is gets difficult here even putting the median shit aside. i’ve described myself as a walk-in, which is confusing, because that means something different in plural circles, but i’m talking about the new age sense of the word:

“[...] souls are said to "walk in" during a period of intense personal problems on the part of the departing soul, or during or because of an accident or trauma. […] The walk-in being/individual retains the memories of the original personality, but does not have emotions associated with the memories. As they integrate they bring their own mental, emotional, spiritual consciousness and evolve the life to resonate with their purpose and intentions.” - x

for me it’s not as… well, new-age-y as that. i don’t believe i came ‘from’ anywhere, i don’t have a past. i am a weird bundle of arcs and tropes and ideas that somehow became sentient. i am, y’know, a fictional character. and i feel like i mean that in a very different way than most fictionfolk (that could be its own post, honestly).

so that didn’t magically solve the problem either. it just provided a trajectory. dirk strider is a person who starts bad, and gets better, kind of (epilogues and hs^2 do not @ me). i still needed to take ownership of all the shitty traits my predecessor had left behind and Do The Work on them, too.

and i have worked my ass off over the past year-and-a-bit on improving myself. a lot of it has been with plain old CBT and self-help workbooks (shoutout to pretty much everything by dr faith harper), but a lot of it has also been narrative identity and personal mythology kinds of stuff. it’s been communing with gods and magic ritual kinds of stuff. i’ve been doing ABC exercises right along with binging tvtropes and researching comparative indo-european mythology and designing worldbuilding and lore that tells a highly metaphorical story about how i get from A to B, emotionally speaking.

it runs into the same problem a lot of selfshaping stuff does in that a lot of it is so intensely personal that it’s difficult to talk about. also in my case a good handful of this work has been done under a magical apprenticeship that i’m literally sworn to secrecy about so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i think these broad strokes are sufficient for telling my story at this level right now. the point being, i am not the kind of person who can get all the way with just regular secular materialist mental health shit.

which is to say, the work is still far from over! in fact, i feel like the selfshapey parts are only just picking up for me, now i’ve run the course of what the aforementioned secular materialist mental health shit is actually capable of doing. i have made massive strides in my mental health and interpersonal functioning already, but i’m not a perfectly healthy person. i’m not going to be dis-identifying with the ASPD label any time soon (or ever? that could be its own post too). and, even so, selfshaping could provide a pathway not just for survival, but excellence.

i am going to be my best self, and at some point in the past i decided that self is going to be dirk motherfucking strider.

#alterhuman #otherlink #copinglink #selfshaping #voluntary identity #ego alteration #fictionfolk #squawking #💔

13 notes · View notes

tierstuck-aesthetic · 4 years

Text

Requesting? Start here!

This is not a kin blog, but I’m happy to do things for the god tiers of the characters involved in any kin-oriented requests! DON’T: “Can I get a Dirk Strider moodboard?” DO: “Can I get a Prince of Heart moodboard with some Dirk Strider themes?”

Your requests can have 18+ themes, but they will be marked with the “adult” tag so anyone unwilling can filter them out! I’m 20, so I don’t have any problems with that kinda stuff! If your request has to do with r*pe, inc*st, or p*dophillia, I will refuse the request; just letting you know not to waste your time trying for it. (This also means that if it has to do with a pairing from a separate fandom, I will be looking up the characters to make sure!!!)

I’m one person who struggles with some mental illnesses, so please be patient with me if it ends up taking a while to get to your requests!

For stimboards and self cares, I’ll try to remember to give credit for everything and provide links to my sources, but for moodboards I’m generally just grabbing things off of google. I will be trying to avoid most drawing types of art, but if you either find your images here or find an image you wanna find for yourself, shoot me a message! I’m also willing to accommodate for a new image if you don’t want me to use yours! If you see something I use and you know that the source person doesn’t like their work reposted/would rather have credit given, the same thing applies! I’m willing to cooperate so there isn’t a need to get hostile.

I will not be opening any mod applications. I’ve had bad experiences in the past that I’d rather not repeat. This is my blog and it will only ever be my blog. If that means I end up with a billion things in the inbox, so be it. I work from the oldest request up, so everything will be done eventually.

If you need me to tag anything (trypophobia, slime, hands, etc.) just let me know in either an ask or through private messages! I have problems with trypophobia and misophonia myself so I totally understand it!

Please keep things to one request per ask! I don’t mind you flooding my inbox with a bunch of requests if it means I can clearly understand one thing from another and thus make sure I can make what you want me to!

If I reply to your request saying that I can’t do it for whatever lack of information (not specifying what you want, giving me a fanon classpect, etc), please resend the entire ask with the added information I need! I work from the bottom of the ask box up and, usually, by the time I get to your second ask, the old one was buried under the ones I did between the answer and the new ask. It makes it easier on me to keep things going smooth and quick if I don’t have to search for your previous ask!

You guys can call me Nova! I’m a prospitbound, tealblood Prince of Space and I love making people smile with my work! My pronouns are they/them!

DISCLAIMER: You may notice on my Spotify when I do playlists that I already have a lot of them, and that my style for moodboards are the same as Mod Zeros from the fairly popular blog god-tier-aesthetics (not tagging for personal reasons). I’ll admit that, yes, I am Zeros. I don’t want to be associated with Mod Spacey anymore, so I left that blog to get away from faer. If you’re one of the other mods from that blog, feel free to interact! But I don’t want anything to do with Spacey anymore and thus I made this blog to continue doing what I love to do. And to anyone coming here from that blog that may find the transition from Zeros to Nova challenging: I’ll respond to either one just fine. I’m going by Nova here to help reduce the connection to god-tier-aesthetics for new people to my blog.

Links!!

What can I do?

Classpect Analysis Masterpost - NO LONGER IN SERVICE

Stim & Mood Board Guildlines

Discord Server

Where I get most of* my sprites

*Page sprites are not from here. For some reason people don’t like keeping a mass collection of the Tavros or Jake sprites for the Page god tier, so I had to scavenge around a lot of blogs and websites to get a hold of all 12 aspects. Lord and Muse sprites are from here!

#rules #info #intro #homestuck #homestuck aesthetic #homestuck moodboard #homestuck stimboard #homestuck sprite edit #homestuck playlist #homestuck god tier #homestuck analysis #homestuck icon #homestuck self care

25 notes · View notes

luminous-homestuck-kins · 4 years

Text

MOD DAVE INTRO

This will include all my info, will do’s and won’t do’s, etc! Please read onward under the cut!

Yo yo! It’s me, adrien. i’ll be mod dave on this account. i’m your captain and i think i’ll be in control of the narrative, here.

some things about me! my highest kins are karkat, dave, and mituna. comfort kins being dirk, roxy, and kanaya. my true sign is sagiries, sign of the revolutionary. however, i prefer jadeblood due to rainbow drinker things, meaning id be viries, sign of the parent. that being said, i’m a derse knight of time. basically dave irl, its sad. okay! let’s move onto my rules:

Please don’t send anything creepy. As in NSFW. I am a MINOR!!! I don’t got time for that.

Don’t overload a request. It’ll make me less motivated to do that.

While I accept any pronouns, I would kindly prefer if you sway away from she/her.

Do NOT come venting to me in the inbox!! I am already mentally unwell, and this blog is to have fun.

Don’t attack me for things I don’t understand or know, I will cry.

I simply cannot do anything involving Dirkjake or Davekat.

I do kidswap and bloodswaps!

that’s out the way, then~! those are some basic things i personally ask of you. respect those, and i can respect you! simple as that. next, we can move onto what i will be doing for the account:

CANON CALLS

I’d love to help you find your timeline friends! In order to do this, send in an ask of what your timeline was like. Next, list who you’re asking for, and what you two were like. Then, add a way you can be messaged if anyone recognizes you! We will post and boost it on the account.

KINFESSIONS

Things you wanna confess about kinnies, but do keep it respectful! I’ll give you my opinion on the matter as well. Disrespectful kinfessions will be deleted!! Do not be purposefully harm others with your kinfession, or they will not be posted!!!

PENDULUMS

I do pendulums!! Make sure it is a yes or no question. Examples being: Do I kin (character/s)? Did I have a quadrant with (character)? Am I a (God tier/s)? Is my dream moon (Moon)? Those types of things!!! Try to keep them shorter, thank you.

ICONS

There’s no guarantee these will be quality, but I can definitely try! Just list what character and what aesthetic you want.

PLAYLISTS

I will put together a few songs that fit your vibe! For example: A playlist for a Karkat who lost his team, I like (bands). I will list about five songs, maybe seven! But be patient!!!

SHUFFLEMANCIES

Once again, give me a scenario and I will get a song to help your memories flow! Like example: What was my (kin timeline) like? What was my (kin) timeline like with (character)? Simple!

SHORT GOD TIER ANALYSIS

These won’t be very big, but I can still tell you what I think of a god tier’s powers.

SBURB/SGRUB SESSION ANALYSIS

Give me up to 8 god tiers and I’ll add my two cents on how your session might go!

That’s about all! As for my DNI real quick: DNI IF: P*dophiles/MAPs, racists in general, cop defenders, Trump supporters, fascists/alt-righters/n*zis, homophobes, anti choicers, TERFs/TEHMs, truscum/transmeds, and REGs/(ace/aro/pan/bi) exclusionists, vriska apologists, or pro-shipper.

thats all, my dears! ill be signing my posts as mod dave from now on. i hope you enjoy!

-mod dave

#homestuck help #homestuck #god tier analysis #god tier #homestuck kin #hiveswap kin #mod dave

12 notes · View notes

moviesrotbrains · 3 years

Text

DANIEL ISN’T REAL... but I’m so very glad this film exists.

After dealing with increasing anxiety and fearing a grip on reality, a college freshman turns to his childhood imaginary friend for comfort and confidence boosting… only to realize that his much cooler and carefree pretend buddy has an unsettling violent darkness about him. Could Daniel possibly be something more than a figment of his imagination?

youtube

DANIEL ISN’T REAL is an utterly surreal fever dream, channeling the best in cosmic horror, body horror, and psychological horror while also taking a bold look at deeper issues. It comes from Elijah Wood’s SpectreVision imprint, the same company that gave us such gems as MANDY, A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT, and COLOR OUT OF SPACE... and this one’s right up there with those modern classics. And you can watch it now on SHUDDER!

Full review and some seriously kickass poster art below:

Directed by Adam Egypt Mortimer (and based on Brian DeLeeuw’s book, In This Way I Was Saved), DANIEL ISN’T REAL is a wonderfully fantastical ride through fucked up subject matter. It tackles mental illness, trauma, dual nature, identity, male toxicity, and empathy… with a good amount of Lovecraftian madness and trippy, yet terrifically disgusting Cronenberg-esque visuals thrown in for good measure.

It’s an engaging story too, about a young man, Luke, overwhelmed with life as his mother’s mental health condition worsens. He’s dealing with that on top of everything else college kids go through, lack of confidence, anxiety, etc. There’s also a fear of his own sanity. He keeps hallucinating and blanking out. His therapist suggests that maybe he should try to tap into that creativity he had as a child, where he’d regularly play for hours on end with his imaginary friend, “Daniel”. Only things got very weird and unsettling the last time he played pretend with his fictional playmate.

Once Daniel re-enters his life, things start to change. Luke’s mother issues get better. Luke suddenly feels more confident in life. Luke is finally doing well with girls. Luke’s getting creative again with photography... and all of his problems seem to go away… Only Daniel seems to want more credit and recognition. And Daniel seems to be getting angrier. And that’s when things get really fucking messed up.

This film is wonderfully acted by a mix of up-and-comers and veterans of the scene. Luke is played by Miles Robbins (HALLOWEEN 2018) and gives that immediate likeable and kind, yet also meek, portrayal that perfectly conveys what kind of a person that Luke is. There’s a lot of range in emotion in this performance, from hurt and confused to confident, to something else entirely. I always get a kick at seeing an actor completely flip their performance and style midway and totally embody something else, and this film has that and more.

Contrasting that likability and meekness is Daniel (played by Patrick Schwarzenegger, SCREAM QUEENS), the titular imaginary friend who’s pure Freudian Id. He’s cool, slick, charismatic, and always knows the right thing that Luke should say, or do, to get ahead. He’s helpful… when he wants to be… but he also has a lot of darkness. A scary darkness that seems to stem from… something else. Patrick excels when he taps into this dark alias. He’s evil as fuck. There’s a sinister glee in his manner. Epitome of “Chaotic Evil”. He’s such a great asshole. He really kicks it into gear when the audience fully know what we’re dealing with…

Yet even then, nothing is over explained. And that’s the beauty of this film. There is no expository dialogue or wasted scene. Everything is laid out there and the actors just bring it. This film lives in a world of it’s own and the audience is a passenger for the unholy ride. It’s a very slick flick full of world building and the kind of outstanding performances that really make everything shine.

Rounding out the supporting cast is Luke’s troubled mother (veteran Mary Stuart Masterson, who powerfully played a similar and memorable role in BENNY & JUNE), Sasha Lane (HELLBOY) as the love interest, artist, and really, the heart and soul of the film, and Hannah Marks (DIRK GENTLY) as the other girl faced with Luke’s dark side. again, all perfectly played and perfectly cast, giving a much needed balance in this heavy film.

And it’s a very heavy film. The story was a deeply personal one for Mortimer (as he explained to us in 2019, when he brought the film to the Montreal FANTASIA film fest). The director drew from his own experiences from his youth, when a friend was similarly dealing with mental health issues. Mortimer had to help him, because his friend was “falling off the rails”, with no one around really helping him out, “not friends or professionals”. He talked of his friend’s life being in ruins, and how it just “spiraled off into mania”.

That experience deeply impacted Mortimer. It was from this that Mortimer wanted to make a film about empathy and compassion for people going through severe mental illness issues. While Luke’s troubles stem from something more, the parallels are still there to people in real life going through non-otherworldy issues. The overall sense of helplessness, and a desire to be understood and taken seriously, is still there, and still a universal theme. Especially right now.

This film also tackles a lot more than just matters of wellness. Mortimer also wanted the film to deal with the “increasing danger” young men are in these days. “The Dangers they face and the danger many are to themselves”.

Mortimer talked about them, “Living in a world where men have been driven insane by society. A society where many men are both the product and the villain of it.” A lot of this is seen on film when Luke battles for control with Daniel. Daniel representing that alpha and that Id. Luke grasping for control and trying to be that voice of compassion and reason. It’s a wonderful character study that is only heightened by the horror elements that come into play.

And yes, it’s an absolute horror fan’s delight and it’s visually stunning to boot, mixing psychological & psychedelic horror together. It felt like I was watching HELLRAISER again for the first time, but if that film was shoved in a blender with FIGHT CLUB, JACOB’S LADDER, and copious amounts of mind altering drugs. But comparing it to anything else does no justice to the wholly original eye-gasmic feast set before us. I keep saying this, but it truly is an utterly wonderful surreal fever dream. It’s so very layered and out there.

It’s refreshing to see new films like this come about with something to say and looking as great as it does. Yes, this film looks very different from most things that are currently out there, with it’s violet texture throughout, and otherworldly feel. Mortimer, who came from a music video background, wanted his second feature to have a distinct look to it, saying that the “violet hue throughout had a very futuristic and contemporary colour about it”. He wanted to create the feeling of a manic episode, and overwhelm the viewer with colours and density.

And he totally does. It’s such a beautiful looking film, and one you’ll definitely go back to just to soak in the wonderful hypnotic visuals. Much like MANDY, from the year before, DANIEL is a cinematic treat for your eyeballs.

And there’s also some deeply messed up visuals that mix in with that beauty. The FX on a whole are amazingly bizarre. There are visuals that are so jaw-droppingly good that you’ll permanently have them etched in your brain. It’s the kind of film where you’re watching and you immediately want to rewind and see that scene again.

From faces being merged into each other in a pink tentacled mess of VIDEODROME-esque flesh, to other visages literally being mangled like putty! Pure body terror. People crawling into other people’s mouths– I could go on, but I don’t want to spoil it. It’s icky and wonderful all at once.

And I can’t go on about the FX without mentioning the nightmarish and hellish creature design by Martin Astles (who also worked on the brutal and classic nightmare fuel that is EVENT HORIZON). The creature FX are so fucking out there, each very distinct and very memorable. The kind of things that if you confronted them in real life you’d be quick to claw them out your own eyes.

One beast looks like a hellish death beast with a fleshy castle for a head-- an absolute architectural artifice. Mortimer said they attempted to convey that a whole universe was in its face, and it existed outside space and time. Another Face looking like piercing bullets poking through the flesh and protruding from his cheeks, like a moment frozen in time. They’re all so freakishly creative and disturbing. I can’t even describe them right. I’m not sure I want to, but they’re seared into my mind. Body Horror and Cosmic Horror at their best.

In addition to the visuals, this film also brings it on the sound design and score front. It’s got an incredible score by Warp Records act Clark. It contains synthy goodness along with manipulations of actual orchestral pieces. And it was Clark’s first time working on a film score, something Mortimer preferred.

He wanted someone that wasn’t used to working on horror films, or films in general, so they’d throw everything they had into it from the get go. Mortimer told Clark to make it sound like Bernard Herrmann got stuck in some horrible industrial accident. A relentless sonic assault that tries to capture that same feel that Clint Mansell did with REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. The results are a superb original work of music that completely enhances and already spectacular looking film.

I was a fan of Mortimer’s SOME KIND OF HATE when I caught it six years ago at FANTASIA FEST, but DANIEL is an entirely different beast and next level filmmaking. He’s easily grown as a filmmaker and I’m totally on board to see more. I can’t wait to see what he tackles next, because DANIEL was easily one of my top Fantasia picks for 2019.

DANIEL ISN’T REAL is one of those dark films that will most likely be seen as a cult classic in a few years, right up there with DONNIE DARKO and movies of a similar ilk. It’s full of so much imagination and gusto, all while tackling important issues and core themes. All that and it remains highly watchable and engaging. It’ll satisfy any horror junkie while also winning over fans of thought provoking art. Daniel isn’t real, but I’m glad it exists.

-Theo Radomski, Movies Rot Brains

Seriously how fucking awesome are these posters? Why can’t more horror films hire the people that made these posters? Why can’t film in general hire these people to make better promo art?

This article was previously seen on Mobtreal.com

6 notes · View notes

cinemavariety · 4 years

Text

The Director’s Series: Paul Thomas Anderson

The director series will consist of me concentrating on the filmography of all my favorite directors. I will rank each of their films according to my personal taste. I hope this project will provide everyone with quality recommendations and insight into films that they might not have known about. Today’s director in spotlight is Paul Thomas Anderson

#8 - Hard Eight (1998) Runtime: 1 hr 42 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

John has lost all his money. He sits outside a diner in the desert when Sydney happens along, buys him coffee, then takes him to Reno and shows him how to get a free room without losing much money. Under Sydney's fatherly tutelage, John becomes a successful small-time professional gambler, and all is well, until he falls for Clementine, a cocktail waitress and sometimes hooker.

Verdict: One of the most impressive feature film debuts ever blessed to American cinema. Paul Thomas Anderson was only 25 years old when he broke into the scene and directed this (almost three years younger than me now, how depressing). While it is consistently thrilling and entertaining, Hard Eight oftentimes wears its influences on its sleeve too much. You can see how much inspiration Paul got from Tarantino with this film and it’s one of the 90s best independent movies. The star studded cast doesn’t hurt either.

#7 - Phantom Thread (2017) Runtime: 2 hr 10 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Renowned British dressmaker Reynolds Woodcock comes across Alma, a young, strong-willed woman, who soon becomes a fixture in his life as his muse and lover. Verdict: It’s safe to say that Phantom Thread is PTA’s most lavish and decadent film. It feels like a piece of ancient Hollywood golden-era cinema brought back to life. Johnny Greenwood’s orchestral score is the best sound work he’s ever done, it sweeps you off your feet when it goes along with Anderson’s signature arresting imagery. I’m in the minority who places this near the bottom of Anderson’s filmography, simply because Daniel Day Lewis’s character is so insufferable that it was hard for me to empathize in many ways. It still manages to be one of the most beautiful pieces of modern cinema.

#6 - Inherent Vice (2014) Runtime: 2 hr 28 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

In Los Angeles at the turn of the 1970s, drug-fueled detective Larry “Doc” Sportello investigates the disappearance of an ex-girlfriend.

Verdict: Inherent Vice is Paul Thomas Anderson’s most underrated gem. I’ll admit, when I first saw this film, I didn’t really dig it that much and immediately cast it aside as his weakest effort. However, after some maturity, a few more viewings, and also not 100% adoring Phantom Thread, I have developed an immense appreciation for this nonsensical Thomas Pynchon adaptation. Pynchon as a writer is known as being basically unadaptable, but PTA revels in the absurdity of the film’s labyrinth of a plot. It also brings PTA back to his former glory days of ensemble casts and stoner drug fueled mayhem.

#5 - Punch-Drunk Love (2002) Runtime: 1 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A psychologically troubled novelty supplier is nudged towards a romance with an English woman, all the while being extorted by a phone-sex line run by a crooked mattress salesman, and purchasing stunning amounts of pudding.

Verdict: Punch-Drunk Love plays out like a symphony of color, texture, and absolutely off-putting social interactions. I understand that Adam Sandler had his comeback last year with Uncut Gems, but this film is actually without a doubt the best performance he’s ever pulled off. And I credit that largely in part to the brilliance of Paul who was working behind him. It’s what I would say one of the most unconventional romantic comedies of all time. It’s nerve wracking, a little sad, super awkward - but also somehow manages to be endearing as well. The percussion heavy score brings manic energy to the whole film. Punch-Drunk Love is also a powerful statement on loneliness, unchecked mental illness, and the power of human connection.

#4 - Boogie Nights (1997) Runtime: 2 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 & 1.66 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Adult film director Jack Horner is always on the lookout for new talent and it's only by chance that he meets Eddie Adams who is working as a busboy in a restaurant. Eddie is young, good looking and plenty of libido to spare. Using the screen name Dirk Diggler, he quickly rises to the top of his industry winning awards year after year. Drugs and ego however come between Dirk and those around him and he soon finds that fame is fleeting.

Verdict: How this film possibly came from a director who is my age now is almost hard to believe. Boogie Nights is one of the quintessential 90s films. It has one of PTA’s best ensemble casts. Anderson’s sophomore effort was a result of the auteur finding his footing and his directorial voice that went on to enthrall audiences over several decades. PTA’s early visual motifs were lengthy and expertly choreographed tracking shots. Please refer to the scenes in the disco as well as the pool party scene pictured above for some of the best camera operation every committed to celluloid. Boogie Nights could possibly be hailed as PTA’s most consistently entertaining and audience friendly works. It’s a great story of the rise and fall of stardom.

#3 - There Will Be Blood (2007) Runtime: 2 hr 38 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A story of family, religion, hatred, oil and madness, focusing on a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business.

Verdict: Most critics and audiences would agree that There Will Be Blood is the director’s most impressive masterpiece (but who’s counting?). On a storytelling and technical level, I do have to agree that this is probably Paul Thomas Anderson’s best achievement, even if it isn’t exactly my personal favorite. This is the film where PTA really matured with his directorial vision. He abandoned a lot of his earlier flashy work with large casts and a constantly moving camera for something more grounded and more of a character study. There Will be Blood is the story of America in many ways. It’s the story of Capitalism. And how this system leads to so much bloodshed, greed, and hatred as man and man compete to have the most and be the best. This movie will surely stand the test of time and is a shining example of how groundbreaking modern American cinema can be.

#2 - Magnolia (1999) Runtime: 3 hr 8 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

An epic mosaic of interrelated characters in search of love, forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley.

Verdict: Paul Thomas Anderson’s third film found the director taking everything he had learned on his previous two, and expanding on that knowledge and developing more layers to his characters who have never felt so fully realized. Magnolia is the director’s magnum opus. It is epic in its length - clocking in at a little over three hours, making it his longest film by far. It is ambitious in its storytelling approach. Many films utilize the style of a variety of seemingly unrelated characters who connect to each other, oftentimes in a synchronistic fashion as they go about the trials and tribulations of their lives. However Magnolia is one of the few that did it first, did it the best, and set the bar for all of the subpar imitations that would soon follow. It’s also profoundly beautiful in the statements that PTA was trying to make. Paul, just barely 30 years old at the time when this was released, most definitely had an emotional and intellectual maturity that is rarely seen within a director of that age range. Magnolia is about redemption, loss, forgiveness, love, and trying to keep your head above water as frogs rain down on your head.

#1 - The Master (2012) Runtime: 2 hr 18 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm & 70mm

Freddie, a volatile, heavy-drinking veteran who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, finds some semblance of a family when he stumbles onto the ship of Lancaster Dodd, the charismatic leader of a new “religion” he forms after World War II.

Verdict: I’ve always been drawn to films about cults. Something about social behavior and social roles within a cult organization is a really interesting study on a sociological, psychological and anthropological level. The Master takes the cult formula and turns it on its head in many ways, never once foraying into the territory of exploitation or tropes. It instead takes a wholly original approach to the story. I mean, it is Paul Thomas Anderson that we’re talking about here. Joaquin Phoenix delivers his most unhinged, and certainly his most impressive, performance of his career as a mentally damaged alcoholic war veteran with pretty severe PTSD. The Master is also in many ways the story of the founding father of Scientology - L. Ron Hubbard. However, let’s just say it is a Scientology movie “in disguise” as no real historical names are ever spoke, the word “Scientology” is never uttered once, and even the director himself refuses to admit that’s what it is about (I mean who can blame him? He once had to work with Tom Cruise). It is one of the most fascinating character studies I’ve ever seen. Not to mention, it is PTA’s most beautifully shot film in my opinion and Johnny Greenwood’s musical contributions to the score elevate this film to ultimate masterpiece status. By the end, I felt like I had just undergone a transcendent experience of sorts. I hope one day PTA can make a film that “wows” me ever more than this one does.

23 notes · View notes

silvanils · 4 years

Note

Oh damn, these are good!! Have fun!! 😁 For you: 2, 5, 7 (this one takes a bit of work so feel free to skip it if you prefer), 8 (ditto), 18, 26

unique writing asks

2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?

The romantic b-plots being used as drama fuel. Love triangles are the worst version of this, but... I want more stories where the romance serves as a peaceful get-away FROM the drama.

I’m also a bit tired of how much “gritty realism” stories have been implementing since Game of Thrones got super popular, but hopefully that’ll die out. I enjoy high stakes and dark moments, but you can have those and still tell a hopeful story. I avoid writing overly tragic stuff.

I want my heroes to win, even if victory comes at a great price.

5. Would you rather write a happy ending that soothes the soul or a tragic ending that hurts the heart?

My above answer sort of answered this, but I prefer happy endings. They can still hurt, though. The heroes winning doesn’t always mean everyone survived, and sometimes victory is a bit hollow. I think the best endings are a bit of both.

7. Favorite description in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

He swallowed and felt his stomach twist up. He tried to picture the girl his father had described — eyes like emeralds, hair as fine as gold, arms strong and muscled from years working in the forge, always smelling like sweat, leather, and iron… hands rough and calloused from working his craft. His voice was probably deep and gravelly, too.

(I’ve shared this before on this blog, but I love the way the description transitions naturally from Dirk’s attempt to think fondly of a girl and just... not being able to.)

8. Favorite dialogue in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

“Mm,” Dirk hummed, unable to say much more around the bite of oatmeal he’d just taken. His father’s timing was impeccable.

(This has happened to me so many times. LOL.)

18. What writers have inspired you with their use of language? What are some of your favorite quotes?

This is actually a hard one, because the people I consider my favorite authors have very different writing styles from each other and I appreciate different aspects of how they write.

Brandon Sanderson writes clearly, giving enough details to tell the reader what they need to know. I still think about the opening to Mistborn a lot.

Peter S. Beagle has a very poetic way with words, which I fully realized when I read The Last Unicorn aloud to my sister. He’s fond of alliteration and calling attention to interesting, poignant details. His style has probably influenced mine a LOT.

Diana Wynne Jones also uses interesting details and a sort of sardonic sense of humor, which is very in-line with my own. I find myself chuckling at the turns of phrase she works into her stuff while I read her books. My absolute favorite of her books is Howl’s Moving Castle.

I could go on and also give quotes, but there’s TOO MANY.

26. What do you feel like you need to work on as a growing writer? How can you improve?

I mainly need to work on writing more often, more consistently, and sticking with a project until I’ve seen it through. I lose steam and get distracted easily. Some of this is due to outside factors and mental illness, but I need to push forward regardless. I have so many stories I want to tell, so I need to “show up” and actually get them on a page.

#curiousartemis #;knight things

2 notes · View notes

laurasauras · 5 years

Note

What do you think Homestuck believes in?

g, i love you, your interest in me infodumping is honestly such a delight. i can sometimes feel like i’m talking way too much, but you always make me feel special, it’s lovely!

this is long, so i’m going to use a cut. i’m so sorry, mobile users. blame tumblr. tl;dr? i think homestuck believes in love, hope, and fighting even when the stakes seem insurmountable.

so there’s a lot of like “core themes” in homestuck, but “what homestuck believes in” is such a lovely and specific way to phrase it, so i’m gonna go with what i think the most important ones are.

firstly: love. and more specifically, all love.

look, there are romantic parts of homestuck. and they’re often show-stopping.

(also homestuck does visual callbacks very well, there’s a reason that these two scenes are composed the same way.)

but the core of the story is these four kids, all of them starting from a state of isolation. they don't have "real friends", they feel disconnected from their guardians, they feel disconnected from everyone in the world they walk around in, but they go online and they have each other. and they're constantly joking and making fun of each other, but they're also checking in almost every time they achieve something, as if grounding their friends in their real life.

the story keeps progressing and getting more and more complicated, but it can never quite overshadow the beauty of the pesterlog conversations between friends.

i think that's a large part of what the audience of homestuck connects with—that feeling of connection online and the support that the characters give each other.

i also think that a lot of the time, the friendships and familial relationships in homestuck were given the same—if not more—importance as the romantic relationships, which is fucking uncommon to see in media! almost every character has to come to terms with how their upbringing shaped them, and you know what? that's the same of almost every person.

the conversation between dirk and dave before the final battle is one of the most important and touching moments of the whole story! two of the characters most concerned with their adherence to masculinity and appearing Too Cool For Emotions talk about their feelings and trauma before hugging it out. and it doesn't further the plot, it isn't part of the hero's romantic arc, but it's vital.

the second big thing i think homestuck believes in is the importance of doing what is right. in being a hero.

homestuck positions john and his friends as the main characters selected by the universe to play sburb and literally ascends them to god status.

they're empowered by destiny! they're going to beat the game, conquer the worst villain ever and bring humanity and trollkind back from extinction AND their new world isn't going to be under the tyranny of a genocidal fish alien!

but that empowerment is also a disempowerment.

look at how frequently dave falls into the reluctant hero trope. fate fucking kicks them around. when they are so destined to do all that stuff, can they really be said to have free will? and when they do seem to make a wrong choice in relation to their destiny, it's either something that furthers the plot OR it creates a doomed timeline and they're usually killed horribly.

and it's a story that is constantly reminding us that it's a story! you can definitely lose yourself in homestuck, you can zone into it and accept the rules and just read it as if it's a reasonable reality, but i don't think it was ever written that way, or when it is, i think that that's a result of hussie accidentally getting into the story as well!

like okay, we start off with this:

that's fucking bonkers. he's 13 and he doesn't have a name? but of course it's bullshit, it’s just a cool homestuck thing. because we never get a conversation that goes:

TG: so the big 13

TG: you get a name yet

EB: yup! let me formally introduce myself as john!

TG: i give that name 4/5 hats

no, dave just immediately calls john by his name. and likewise, until we're introduced to the other characters and learn their names, they're referred to by their handle abbreviations, but the second they're introduced it's first name basis time. because it's a story and our perception is what matters most.

then we have the ridiculous intermission, that starts out as what dave sees when he goes to mspa.com and which resembles problem sleuth enough that i almost thought it was just that, but then seemed to be an entirely new adventure, and then became a pretty vital subplot!

and then we have the author literally climbing into the story and we watch him type it. Don't Forget This Is All Written By Me!

the website changes format, there are the meta jokes, there's the way that caliborn raises the same complaints to hussie about the story being too long and confusing that some members of the fandom were. there's the way that pantskat happened! or they drastic changes in artstyle, often because someone else was drawing a panel!

so like, we've got these characters who seem to have goals that they've developed of their own volition and who seem to have their own ways of going about achieving them, who at times even act contrarily to how hussie says he wants them to act (remember how he attempted to propose to/revive vriska and how both she and caliborn at different times type into the narrative prompt "instead of" hussie) but of course ultimately! he wrote every word!

they don't have free will, they don't even exist! but on a different level, which any writer can understand, once you as an author have established a character, you trap yourself into writing them consistently, which can mean that while something might be best for the plot, the character metaphorically crosses their arms in your head and goes "i would literally never do that."

some characters of homestuck become aware that they are and we know they are, but most of them don't think that, they think that they're just living the life they have.

how the fuck are his characters supposed to go about their days when their author finds it funny to block their path with a giant bust of snoop dogg? and when they work for pages and pages and pages to get around whatever asinine thing andrew fucking hussie (or worse! his fans!) has come up with, there's another obstacle and maybe there's not even a point anyway!

how do you not just dismiss it as something like "hes just being weird/an asshole/etc”?

yeah, look, he might just be having a laugh. but so to might god.

sometimes you're walking along and something really stupid happens and it makes you for a second want to believe in god so that you can stare at the sky and say "really." :|

think about why detective stories are so popular. they give the illusion that if you're clever enough, if you collect the right data and link it together, you can trace back exactly what happened and solve impossible riddles and make sense of the world. you meet a man who has dust on his knees and you can deduce that he's been sneaking down to the basement of the shop he works at to tunnel into the bank next door. there's nothing magic about it, watson, it's just good detective work.

and we neeeeed that lie! but you know how it works in the real world? in the real world, police are baffled at a crime scene until a decade later someone discovers the fingerprints belonged to a fucking KOALA! that's more ridiculous than a snoop dogg bust in a hallway, or most of the other things hussie has written.

i think like that's a huge message behind the epilogues too, because john figures out he's in a story in candy and everything feels pointless.

but if that's the world he lives in, that's the world he fucking lives in. there's nothing pointless about living.

and i think that clicks for him towards the end when he talks to roxy and then rose. rose actually thanks him for choosing a path that allowed her to have the life she had, because she loves her wife and daughter. like it's insane, but she's happy, that's the life she lived and she doesn't want a more sensible one.

so what happens to us when we get that feeling like the world is pointless?

(which is A Major Fucking Side Effect Of Depression BTW and i still stand by my interpretation that ALL of john's shit can be put down to his depression, which is what makes it interesting)

for a generation with fucking terrifying levels of mental illness, when we start feeling like the world is too crazy and the odds are too high, and there's fucking war happening and our friends aren't even guaranteed to be on our side?

we just fucking fight anyway.

because we live in the world we live in and we just have to be grateful that we are who we are because of that.

every character in homestuck chooses this, again and again, so i have to read that as hopeful. alpha dave and rose knowing who hic is and that their kids are so far away? still gonna fucking fight and fight LOUDLY even though they know it won't change things. (on top of the fucking white house, in case the political allegory was too subtle lmao.)

there are so many messages in homestuck and honestly i feel like i’ve barely scraped the surface of them. but what does homestuck believe in? i feel that in my heart. homestuck believes in love and in doing what is right, even when it’s hard to figure out what right is, even when you might not make a difference.

homestuck is good, actually.

#long post #homestuck #my post

75 notes · View notes