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allycryz · 3 years

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WOL Challenge #3: You

[Prompt List Here]

[Filled Prompt List Here]

Haurchefant x Nerys, set immediately after Ardent [Ao3 Link]

Heavensward, right after Inquisition trial and before “Keeping the Flame Alive”

Rating: T for off-screen sex, sex talk

~*This is 2K words, most of it is fluff and I revel in it*~

The Fortemps library is a grand one. Haurchefant is not certain how it compares–he has only been in Haillenarte's with Francel–but imagines it is the finest in Ishgard. His father is a man of letters, a true believer in the power of words. And one who expected his sons to follow suit.

His education differed greatly from his brothers’ the day he became a knight’s page. Even still, his lord father sent him monthly parcels of books. He was expected to read them all and send detailed reports on the contents. Had he ever kept up his thaumaturgy studies, he would have been hard-pressed to find the time.

As it was, he’d stayed up often to fit in the poetry and novels not on the list. Count Edmont was a modern man and his syllabus reflected this–vetted popular authors and poets made it into the parcels. Never in the quantity Haurchefant would have liked. And never some of the one-gil books he bought in The Pillars.

When he was a boy, there were songs for sale about body functions and noises; exaggerated tales of heroes fighting all manner of beasts and foes. As a youth, these became long, violent epics of battles and bravery. As a young man: lurid poems and explicit romance novels. Some as grand and sweeping as the classical romances his Father promoted. Some were not.

He has managed to introduce some contemporary poets into the collection. Not all. Edmont’s tastes in poetry run more traditional. Some of the rising stars of the field are roundly rejected.

Haurchefant is working on that.

Today, he feels romantic in both classic and literal senses. And as his Father has ordered him to stay for a day and night, indulging in a novel sounds just the thing. It seems that getting trapped in a blizzard–even if things had gone fine, more than fine–means your noble father turns to such decrees.

At least, that is what it means now they are growing close, as they never had been. Another miracle Nerys has wrought with her coming. And as Haurchefant has full faith in Corentiaux and the rest...he allows himself to be thus ordered.

Someone else is in the library. He can sense it soon as he enters. A soldier learns to tell when others are near, even in safe environs such as this. Haurchefant softens his footfalls, peering about the shelves. There, in the alcove reserved for study, he finds the source of today’s romantic mood.

Nerys looks up, eyes turning soft. His heart swells in his chest, his mouth cannot help but smile. It’s unstoppable and he does not ever want it to cease. Was it really only yesterday? That she told me my love was returned?

It seems a dream now, albeit the sweetest one he has ever had.

Her hands sweep at the papers she has laid out, pulling them into a stack. Flips over the one on top. “Hello.”

“Hello, my dear.” How nice to call her that. “I thought you were on a shopping expedition with Emmanellain?”

“I was.” She touches her neckline. So caught up in her eyes, he hadn’t noticed the gown she wore.

Scarlet as the unicorn on his shield, set off with dangling garnets in her ears. The heart-shaped neckline shows off her elegant neck and collar bones. The sleeves are slashed to reveal white fabric beneath and the cuffs have delicate pearls. “I found this. For when I’m here at the manor and not about to fight Inquisitors or dragons.”

“You are breathtaking in it.” He circles the table to take her hand. Bows over it before pressing his mouth to her knuckles. Etiquette demands he should kiss the air above it but surely exceptions are made for lovers.

She is my lover now, he thinks in wonder. Her cheeks stain with a fetching indigo shade. “My lord is kind.”

Haurchefant drops to one knee before his lady and turns her hand. Her palm is just as lovely to kiss. “Your lord means everything he says. But if you require further proof of my ardor…”

Nerys darts a glance about before tilting up his chin. Her kiss is sweet and soft and not a little heated. Would that he might lay her upon the table in this temple of learning and know her better.

Alas, Nerys has asked for discretion. Time to better acquaint themselves as lovers before declaring themselves. They are still friends–always will be, if he has anything to do with it–but this dynamic is new and strange. Haurchefant can understand why the most public figure in Eorzea might want some measure of privacy.

Though, he reflects as he parts from her. Half the fun would be keeping quiet and avoiding discovery.

“I know that look,” she says. “You’re thinking of something lascivious.”

“When I had this look before I confessed, what did you think it meant?”

“The same,” she admits. “But that your love of innuendo was good-natured teasing.”

He heaves a sigh. Either he is not as obvious as Estinien always accuses him or she’d been in deep, deep denial. “Dearest love, how-”

The library doors bang open and the culprit whistles as he walks inside. Haurchefant rises, knowing exactly who it is before he comes into view.

“Old Girl! Old Man!” Emmanellain grins. “You didn’t tell me we were having a party in the library.”

“Impetuous Youth,” Haurchefant shoots back. “What if one of us was deep in study?”

“Oh I don’t deal in ‘what-ifs’. You two are having a conversation, not studying; ergo all is well.”

“He has a point. I think,” says Nerys. “By the by, if Haurchefant is ‘Old Man’, what do you call your eldest brother?”

The two men exchange looks. Smile. Say in unison, “Artoirel.”

Nerys groans and flaps both hands at them in dismissal. “Go fetch whatever you two were looking for. I am actually working on something.”

“Am I to be banished for my baby brother’s crimes?” Haurchefant presses a hand to his heart. “Mistress Eluned, you wound me.”

“If I must be quiet and meek like a mouse, so must you. After all, I am the true leader of our brotherly trio.”

“You are right of course. I could never compare to you.” Haurchefant shakes his head. “Very well, Impetuous Youth. As mice scurry to cheese, let us go to the books we seek.”

“Ordered to seek,” Emmanellian mutters. “I’m to review Ymbelet’s Theorem of Command and deliver a report. As if we hadn’t put our schooling well behind us.”

Haurchefant does his best to soothe his brother. They quiet down at last: the younger man taking his volume off to his chambers, the elder settling into an armchair within eyesight of Nerys. (Far enough away that she may stop hiding her work.)

His novel is a work of popular fiction he’d garnered approval to stock here. No erotic scenes, but romantic enough. Should he ever get his eyes to stay on the page.

Alas, the white-haired sorcerer-king and his beloved princess and his soul-eating sword are no match for the Warrior of Light. The curve of her cheek. The braided coronet of purple and white hair, crowning her while the rest of her curls are a lovely raiment over her shoulders. The quirk to her dark, sweet lips.

She lifts those golden eyes, meeting him. If he were not already lovestruck and bedazzled, that gaze would ensnare him. He smiles and lifts his shoulders in a helpless shrug. Haurchefant isn’t sorry for lingering before a sunset; and that natural wonder is naught in comparison.

“My lord,” says Nerys, her voice carrying. “May I help you?”

“Nay, Mistress.” He shakes his head. “Simply exist as you are and I am satisfied.”

That is when Alphinaud bursts in, looking drawn and pale. If Haurchefant is annoyed at another interruption, that vanishes at the sight. He jumps to his feet. “My lad! Are you alright?”

The youth shakes his head. “Nerys. Tataru has grave news about General Aldynn. We must be off at once.”

She rises, hurrying over in a rush of white and red silk. In an instant she has changed from playfulness to resolute determination. Always ready to become The Warrior, his Nerys.

“Do you require anything?” He asks them. “You know my sword is yours, as is any resource at our disposal.”

Alphnaud shakes his head. “No one must see us enter Thanalan or leave. As soon as we cross back into Coerthas, we’ll send word.”

“I thank you. If you needs must bring the General somewhere safe, Camp Dragonhead’s doors are open to you.” If he must return to his command rather than fight at her side, at least he might be of some use to her. He loves–truly loves–his role but lately, his dearest wish is to be a shield at her back and a sword in her arsenal.

Ah, well, even Sorcerer-Kings do not get all they want. Why should he?

He dips into a sweeping bow to them both. Alphinaud returns it before rushing out, every emotion writ upon his usually perfect diplomat’s mask. Should the General die, the youth will carry it as he does everything else that occurred with the Braves. Haurchefant sends a prayer to Halone, asking for mercy on him.

Nerys takes his hand. Squeezes it. He squeezes it back. She smiles before picking up her skirts and rushing afterward.

It proves impossible to focus after that, even more than before. For a moment he entertains armoring up and following. This isn’t Dragonhead and so none of the knights with orders to keep him safe are here. (That time with Iceheart, Corentiaux had actually sat upon him.)

But they have asked he stay behind. So he will.

Haurchefant can take care of Nerys’ papers for her. He means to pointedly not look at the contents. He truly does. But he sees a piece of paper with his name on top, another with his last name, and his resolve crumbles.

The first piece of paper is titled “Minako” in large, neat letters. Beneath are names like Mamoru, Umino, Motoki. Her Yellow Chocobo is named Minako. Therefore, this is for…

The next sheet of paper confirms his suspicions. Under the heading “Black Chocobo” are the names Endymion, Starlight, Twilight, Onyx. Below that, a subheading “Elegance” with virtue monikers: Noble, Dignity, Charming.

And so, when he arrives to the last three papers (titled “Haurchefant”, “Greystone”, and “Fortemps”), he cannot contain his joy. The little note scribbled atop “Haurchefant” tickles him further. He gave you the Chocobo and you adore him. Will he be offended? He might be offended.

Haurchefant is certainly not offended.

He delights in the candidates, even some of the ones she crossed out. Sadly, there is no option for “Haurchefant” or “Haurchefant II.” I suppose that might get confusing.

Grinning, he picks up her leather folio and tucks her work inside. Hopefully, she will forgive his snooping because he has some ideas about this.

The Lord Commander’s bed at Camp Dragonhead may be the most comfortable place in Eorzea.

Nerys should get up to clean, brush her teeth, all the little nighttime rituals. But she is so pleasantly exhausted and the blankets are so soft and warm. She stretches, luxuriating in the feel of them against her skin. It has been a harrowing few days since her abrupt departure from Ishgard. But all is well and now, she feels nothing but comfort.

The bed could be warmer with her companion. But then she wouldn’t get to see his bare bottom as he slips into the bathroom. Halone must adore him to bless him with such a lovely rear.

“My love,” he calls after a while. “I have a confession to make.”

“Oh? Should I be worried?”

“I hope not.” He returns with a washcloth, his black silk robe barely closed against the cold. The fireplace sends flickers of light across his sculpted chest. “I may be overstepping but...I must say that I truly adore the name Grey. Though Tempsy is charming. Also, may I suggest Haurchon?”

What does he...oh. Oh! Nerys groans and buries her face in a pillow. She had been in such haste to rescue Raubahn–rightfully so!–that she had left all her papers there. All face up, all in the open.

The mattress dips as Haurchefant sits beside her. One hand strokes her hair, gentle and sweet. “I should not have pried but Nerys–my dearest one–I am utterly and truly touched by the idea. Though of course, if you pick a different name I will not be offended.”

“I only...well, I wouldn’t have him if not for you,” she mutters into the pillow, heat filling her face. “And if not for him, we wouldn’t have been in Coerthas that day.”

“So we owe him a great honor, for bringing us together at last.” His lips press against her bare shoulder. “Of course, the truest honor would be to name him after yourself-”

She turns then, mortification at last leaving her. Cups his face in her hands. “I am not playing this game where we go on for hours about who is better. Let’s agree it’s you and end it there.”

“Oh my love,” he sighs, bending down to her. “Though you are wrong, I must obey if it proves to you the depth of my regard.”

“I know another way you could prove it,” she says, pulling him atop her.

Grey likes his name.

#seaswolchallenge #nerys eluned #haurchefant greystone #haurchefant x wol #emmanellain de fortemps #Alphinaud Leveilleur #they're cute!#I love them #I love writing him when he's in love #and he is so often in love #:3 #ally writes

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orionseyes · 3 years

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Questions & Answers About Reading

Last week my offspring Tara asked me to read a picture book and videotape it for her class of second and third graders. After the students saw the video of me reading the book they had several questions for me. These are my answers to their questions.

1. What genre of books do you like the most?

I like fiction, preferably stories that take me to another time and place. I don’t get to travel much so reading is a way for me to travel in space and in time.

2. When did you start reading?

I don’t remember starting reading so I must have been doing it for a very long time. My parents were immigrants and they did not speak or read English very well. So we did not have a lot of books around the apartment when I was young. I remember reading cereal boxes, the phonebook, and any magazines or books that were around the house. The first book I remember was a book by L Frank Baum called The Magic of Oz. It is one of the books he wrote about the marvelous land of Oz. I still have that book.

3. What is your favorite series? (when you were a kid and as an adult)

As a child my favorite series was the Oz books by L Frank Baum. Being written at the end of the 19th and the beginning of the 20th centuries, these were old books when I started reading in the middle of the 20th century.

I am not currently reading a series of books. One recent series that I enjoyed is a set of nine crime novels by Qiu Xiaolong who was born in Shanghai in 1953 and is now living in St. Louis. Wikipedia says the “books follow Shanghai Chief Inspector Chen Cao, a poetry-quoting cop who writes poems himself. Alongside the plot, the major concern in the books is modern China itself. Each book features quotes from ancient and modern poets, Confucius, insights into Chinese cuisine, architecture, history, politics, herbology and philosophy as well as criminal procedure.

4. What was your favorite book when you were in 2nd and 3rd Grade?

I was in the second and third grade in 1955 and 56. That was a long time ago. My favorite book at that time was called McWhinney’s Jaunt and was written and illustrated by a fairly famous children’s author named Robert Lawson. This was one of his lesser works. The publisher describes it in this way, “McWhinney’s Jaunt is the amazing tale of an eccentric professor who accidentally creates Z gas, an almost magical substance that allows him to pedal his bicycle up into the air. He sets off on a journey all over the United States of America and has many adventures.”

I liked it at the time because, as a child of poor immigrants living in the South Bronx, this was as close as I was going to get to seeing America. It seems strangely prophetic today because I loved bicycling my whole life and I spent over 40 years as a librarian to eccentric engineering professors.

5. What is your favorite book now?

Having been a librarian for over 50 years, this is a very difficult question to pin down to one book. It might be like asking a retired school teacher who was your favorite student. I imagine the teacher would eventually have to settle on the student who had the greatest impact in life, because there were so many who were favorites for many different reasons. Using that criteria, I would say that my favorite book is The Kingdom of God is Within You by Leo Tolstoy. This is the foundational book on Christian nonviolence in western literature. It provides a history of non-violence thinking in the West and formed the thinking of many of the current century’s nonviolent leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Lither King Jr.

6. What do you find interesting in a book?

Novelty, new information presented in an interesting and clear manner, a story well told. Characters who come to life for me. Places I have never been described in ways that make me feel like I am there.

7. When you were a child what was your favorite library?

This is an easy question to answer. When I was your age living in the South Bronx I had no idea what a library was. When my parents moved to Highland Falls, NY, the town library became my favorite library because it was the only library in town. It was my home away from home. We owe a great deal to small town librarians who bring books and information to rural communities.

8. What is your favorite library now?

My favorite library is The Internet Archive, an online collection of books, magazines, movies, and pictures. I can download items to my computer, tablet, or smart phone without leaving home.

But I think you may have been asking about my favorite library building, a physical space that provides access to information resources. I have a fondness for the library I worked at for 36 years, but it is a university library so it specializes and serves a limited audience. My favorite library is the Seattle Public Library. It provides excellent services and collections in a spectacular space that is inspiring and available to all. My thanks to Tara for introducing me to this library.

9. What time of day do you read?

My favorite times to read are: The newspaper at breakfast, Outdoors in the sun (or the shade in the hot summer) in the middle of the day, and in the middle of the night when I wake up and the house is quiet.

10. How often do you read?

I read books less than I used to, but that is because I am reading screens of print almost all day long.

11. If you were an author, what genre would you want to write?

If I was an author I would like to write poetry. But I am not an author and I am certainly not a poet. What writing I have done has mostly been nonfiction, explaining how things work or who people were.

12. Who encouraged you to read?

My mother encouraged me to read. She bought encyclopedias that sat on shelves in our living room. I think those were the first books that we had as a home library.

13. What type of books did you read when you were a child?

I don’t think I read any particular type of books when I was a child. I did love comic books. DC comics were big at that time And Marvel comics were just starting out. I used to go to the public library and scan the shelves in the children’s room picking out any book that interested me.

14.Would you prefer to read with an e-reader or a paper book?

As far as reading goes, I don’t have a preference for which medium I use. I like that I can make the print larger or smaller on an E reader. But I like that I can share a paper book with others and give it to friends. Since I always have my smart phone with me, I like having a book on my phone so I can read it anytime, anywhere.

My thanks to Ms Pozo’s students at Thoreau Elementary School for the thought provoking questions. I’ve had to think long and hard about some of these answers, and I may have talked more than you expected. I hope I didn’t bore you with my answers.

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basscannonjack · 4 years

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1-100 SPEED RUN

Ama. How could you do this to me

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Lactose intolerant, only eat cereal dry

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

yes, but not for too long

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

i just try to remember lmao

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

don’t like coffee, drink tea plain or with some sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

not as much as I used to be!

6: do you keep plants?

I have one (1) cactus that I haven’t killed in the 9 years I’ve had it

7: do you name your plants?

sometimes!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

music or writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

ALWAYS

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I generally fall asleep on my stomach and wake up on my back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

I HAVE YOU NOW

12: what's your favorite planet?

Neptune, probably!

13: what's something that made you smile today?

my SON asking me ALL THE QUESTIONS

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

oh god, probably a bit of a mess

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

the ISS was launched on the day of my birth, so it’s been in space *literally* my entire life

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

just plain ol’ chicken alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

keeping it silver baybeee

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh man, there are so many, but i’ll go with the time that Roman got coke to fizz through my nose by making me laugh too hard

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

no journal, only very similar looking notebooks to doodle and write in

20: what's your favorite eye color?

hazel!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my Bag of Holding! snapped the clasp on it a few years back though

22: are you a morning person?

not at all!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Ashe, of course

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

I had to break into my own safe at my old job, does that count?

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

I’d say my boots, but I just got a new set, so the older ones

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Spearmint or wintergreen

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

I just love seeing my friends blush

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

yes, I won’t go into detail

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS I used to collect weird socks, now I just have a bunch of fun dress socks lmao

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

driving everyone home at 4 am and seeing other people on the road and going “you should be in bed!” at them

33: what's your fave pastry?

lemon meringue pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Teddy a winnie the pooh bear that I still have!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I adore new pens

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

uhhhh I’ve been listening to a lot of Rise Against and ABBA lmao

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

nearly anything my brother does

39: what color do you wear the most?

black or blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

my claddagh ring from my grandmother, i don’t have much else from her

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

not the last book but there was one about a girl having a single dragon finger that I remember reading so many times that I unfortunately don’t know the name of, or the Tamora Pierce Lioness series

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

Don’t like coffee!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

James <3

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I do not :’)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

not as much as I probably should

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’ve been changing my username to a different halloween themed pun for all of October, I’m all burnt out

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Balut, it icks me out

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

heights, and yes :’)

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I got a record player fairly recently, I have some P!atD ones, Foo Fighters, and Imagine Dragons

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

rocks

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Bitch by Meredith Brooks for my eldest sister

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

the ones we’ve made in our server

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

all of the above except Pulp Fiction, I’m not really a movie person but I *am* a musical person

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my dad

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

Cotton Eyed Joe in six inch heels

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

honesty and passion in an interest

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I just vibe and belt, y’know

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

can they both be me

59: what's your favorite myth?

the soup with a rock in it!

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Where the Sidewalk Ends was always a good one

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

a coffee cup drinking horn for my dad, and some painted rocks from my brother

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

it would be apple juice if I did

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

not at all

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

greyish, the sun is just about to rise

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

My eldest sister

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

ROSES

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

give them to me, I love them

68: what's winter like where you live?

COLD

69: what are your favorite board games?

Monopoly and LIFE

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

no thanks

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

raspberry or orange for fruit and mint

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

no, but I do write things down anyways

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I lose things all the time

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

STARDUST SOULMATE

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a Min Pin named Lily

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Sleeping

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

*insert ick emoji*

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

decorated my band locker to celebrate my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

beige, but I hung up a bunch of posters!

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

when the sun hits very rich dirt where a tree used to be

82: are/were you good in school?

best in class in math with a 101.8 but I also rarely did homework so uh

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Dragon on the shoulder blade, roses on the left arm, Exalt on the right

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

webcomics! Barbarous, currently

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

:? not sure what that means

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

TREASURE PLANET

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

nope!

89: are you close to your parents?

my dad!

90: talk about your one of your favorite cities.

don’t really have a favorite, in all honesty

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

I was supposed to go see Ashe for their birthday but maybe next year!

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

uhhh it’s usually short enough to do nothing lmao

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

I have a friend’s bday tomorrow!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

WORK

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

bit of both

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INTP, Scorpio, Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

last year? maybe the one before? I did! but my heart didn’t

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

How Far We’ve Come, Matchbox Twenty

The Call, Backstreet Boys

I2I, from the Goofy Movie Soundtrack (lmao)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

the future! I’ve had my time in the past, no changing it now

#ama i love and care about you so much darlin'#but this pains me #my dear sunchild

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24hour-blues · 3 years

Note

all the ones you haven't answered yet? i'm sorry you're sad💙

thank you, that's very sweet. i hope you're doing alright 💛

1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - more milk. i always end up putting too much.

2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? - yes

3. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - library receipts, post-its, junk mail, pencils

5. are you self-conscious of your smile? - i think it’s one of the few things i’m not self-conscious about, actually. i like my smile.

8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - writing, often poetry but sometimes prose. i like creating playlists, too, and singing.

9. do you like singing/humming to yourself? - yeah, i sing to myself all the time. whatever song i have stuck in my head at the moment.

10. do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - side, but very occasionally my stomach.

12. what’s your favorite planet? - jupiter

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - lots of pillows and blankets of all types. succulents and cacti on the windowsills. wooden utensils and dark cabinets in the kitchen. a breakfast bar with stools that don’t match. rugs with funky patterns. a big, soft couch in a bright color that you can sink into. a small balcony with fold-out chairs. rows of mugs and barely any plates. the bathroom crowded with makeup and skin products, writing on the mirror in blue marker. beds never made. a guitar in the corner of the sitting room.

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - there are more trees on earth than stars in the milky way

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish? - angel hair pasta with puttanesca sauce

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - i can’t think of anything...

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? - everything. sometimes it’s big things, sometimes small. my fears and what i’m in love with. regrets. shame. hope.

20. what’s your favorite eye color? - grey

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - idk if it’s really my favorite, but my current backpack took me all through college and it’s good for storing stuff or using as an overnight bag. it’s from timberland and is a nice earthy brown with a flap over the top. lots of pockets.

22. are you a morning person? - i can be

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - make breakfast and tea. read or watch a movie that makes me rethink everything

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - a school, i think?

26. what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - i haven’t had them forever, but i wear my doc martens with everything. i used to wear plain white keds with everything.

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - winter green

28. sunrise or sunset? - sunrise

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - yes

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - i like soft, fluffy socks and ones with fun patterns. i love hiking socks. i don’t wear them to sleep tho.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - i went to a waffle house at 5am with a friend and some friends of hers i’d just met on her birthday. we were all really drunk, the food took forever, and it tasted awful, but we were happy and laughing.

33. what’s your fave pastry? - probably a cinnamon roll

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - i like a good calligraphy pen and new notebooks. i don’t use them often; i feel like i don’t have anything important enough to write.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - it’s usually clean unless i’m not feeling well. sometimes i get disorganized.

38. tell us about your pet peeves! - overlapping conversations. people interrupting others. loud mouth noises, like chewing or licking. people criticizing my driving. nitpicky comments on my clothes or how i look. being talked about.

39. what color do you wear the most? - black, probably.

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - how it feels to float by helena fox

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - nope

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - i’m not sure

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - i can’t remember

45. do you trust your instincts a lot? - not really

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of. - i can’t remember it but something about pigeons and being coo-l

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - bacon. i just wanna make people angry.

48. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - my dad told me a story once, about when i was a kid. he said that he and i were walking together near the lake in the neighborhood across from mine. i was holding his hand, and i said to him that this was the happiest time in my life because i wouldn't be the same when i grew out of being a child. i think i have the same fear now--that i'll never be that happy again.

49 do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

- i like records but i only have one. it's an album by ccr. i really like them

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?

- beer bottle caps

52. what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

- maybe those "girl..." text posts that just say stupid shit

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

- watched them all but pulp fiction. i don't really remember heathers at all

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

- lets not talk about that

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

- not in the mood sorry

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bri is wine mom. quincy and i are vodka aunt.

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

- yes but i rarely remember favorites. i read so much and feel it then forget all the words

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

- someone gave me a rock once. i get too nervous to give stupid gifts

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

- orange or cranberry

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

- i'm more fussy about music than books, but i do like my books organized. i like them worn in and well-read tho, not in perfect shape.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?

- a fuzzy, light blue-grey. it's snowing

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

- a few

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?

- lots of green leaves in all different shapes and sizes. tiny white and blue flowers.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

- isolated and insignificant. safe

68. what’s winter like where you live?

- cold, grey, snowy.

69. what are your favorite board games?

- idk if i really too many board games. maybe cranium. i like puzzles more

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?

- honey vanilla chamomile

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

- yea and even then i forget.

73. what are some of your worst habits?

- i give up too easily

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

- excitable. emotional. so very smart. creative as all hell. self-conscious where they shouldn't be. never runs out of words in the best way. loves to share.

75. tell us about your pets!

- my dog shiver is turning into a little old man, but he still acts like a puppy. he likes attention and whines to communicate. he'll greet you at the door and put his front paws on your thighs to say hi. follows you all around the house. loves to cuddle.

- my pigeon spirit is young and vocal. she coos for attention. when i go to sleep, she grunts every time i move to ask where i am and if i'm okay. i take showers with her and sit on the tile; she puffs up right into my side and sticks her wings out for me to splash water on her. she likes to be close to me to get neck scritches and push her head into my neck and preen every bit of me she can.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

- a lot probably

77. pink or yellow lemonade?

- limeade

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

- i dunno they're cute

80. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

- it's white wallpaper with pink roses along the top and ribbons of pink and green striped vertically. my mom chose it before i was born.

81. describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

- they sort of remind me of dark water where everything is reflected back in it--not just the sky but the trees and people walking--and they make you want to look closer because you know there's something in there, it's not just a reflection, like flat glass. but it's hidden until you dio your hand in the pictures broken.

82. are/were you good in school?

- pretty good

83. what’s some of your favorite album art?

- i don't look at albums

85. do you read comics? what are your faves?

- not really, but watchmen is one of my favorites.

86. do you like concept albums? which ones?

- dunno

88. are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

- um. idrk. i like whatever monet was doing.

91. where do you plan on traveling this year?

- maybe michigan

92. are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

- i like cheese

93. what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

- i just kind of. let it do whatever.

94. who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

- my uncle

95. what are your plans for this weekend?

- honestly have no clue

96. do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

- put them off until windows tells me it's restarting the computer in five minutes

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

- mb

98. when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

- in college with jacob, although i wouldn't really call it joking. we just walked through a state park. it was beautiful.

100. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

- idk. i feel like i'd make the same mistakes if i went back, but the future scares me.

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bad-at-bullet-journaling · 4 years

Text

Here’s my current collection of journals and notebooks! The minty one on the top left was actually my first journal/to do list notebook that I used in college (it’s hard to read, but the cover says “I am very busy”). I was having a hard time remembering assignments and keeping track of school work, so in 2017 (the spring semester of my junior year) I started writing down what assignments I had from each class every day and when they were due, which dramatically decreased the amount of time I spent crunching to finish a forgotten paper or workbook.

Then the small pink one it the middle of the top row was my first actual Bullet Journal. My flute professor had been using the technique, and she reccommended it to me when I mentioned that I had to write down everything or I would forget it. It was a cheap quality notebook, because the article I read suggested using a cheaper notebook for your first project so that if you ended up not liking it, you hadn’t wasted a nicer notebook. That little journal carried me all the way through the rest of college and when I got my first teaching position the fall after I graduated, I started using it to plan my classes before I realized that A) I was out of space and B) I should upgrade to a sturdier journal.

The black journal on top was my second bullet journal, that I attempted to use during my first year of teaching. It quickly devolved into more of a doodle/scribble book, though I did use it a fair amount during the wedding planning process that I was also doing in the fall 2018/spring 2019 timeframe.

The big pink notebook on the top right is barely used, but it was intended to be an archive of original characters and settings that I come up with, and I like it too much to get rid of.

The pink one on the bottom left, which reads “Don’t forget, you are awesome,” was my attempt at the start of this school year to get back into bullet journaling as a method of planning things out. And while there were some nicely functioning things about it, overall the book was just a bit too big and bulky to be used easily and I had difficulty using it in my every day life. It does have perferrated, detachable pages though, so even though I’ve abandoned it as a journal, I still get a lot of use out of it as stationary for things like shopping lists and recipie cards.

The owl cover book is a journal my dad got me for my birthday in high school, and I decided all the way back then that it would exclusively be a poetry journal. There are poems from as far back as 2012 in that thing, and I love it (it’s also the icon for this blog!).

And finally, the two notebooks on the bottom are what I am currently using everyday! On the far right is a simple, store bought 2020 calendar/day planner that I bought during the first week of January, planning to try and get control of my life (I’d say “again” but idk if I’ve ever had stellar, blogworthy control over my life XD), and then the purple journal is my current bullet journal, which I bought the next week after being A) unable to resist a new moleskin dotted notebook and B) wanting to try bullet journaling again this year.

This isn’t even counting my sketchbooks, which I have....four of, I think? XD I can’t help it, I’m a notebook fiend. They just bring me joy <3 How many notebooks do you guys have?

#notebooks #my notebooks #bad at bullet journaling #bullet journaling #bullet journal #my bujo

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freedomartspress · 4 years

Text

Three Poems — Tongo Eisen Martin

Kick Drum Only

All street life to a certain extent starts fair

Sometimes with a spiritual memory even

Predawn soul-clap/ your father dying even

Maybe I’ve pushed the city too far

My sensitivities to landfill districting and minstrel whistles/

White supremacist graffiti on westbound rail guards

-all overcome and reauthored

The garbage is growing voices

Condensed Marxism

modal gangsterism for a warrior-depressive

Underpass in my pocket

because I am a deity

or decent bid on the Panther name

revolutionary violence that chose its own protagonists

or muted stage of genius

A merciful Marxism

Disquieted home life

Or metaphor for relaxing next to a person

Who is relaxing next to a gun

I stare at my father for a few seconds

Then return to my upbringing

Return to the souls of Ohio Black folks

Revolution is damn near pagan at this point

You know what the clown wants? The respect of the ant.

Wants a pen cap full of bullets

Wants to see their ancestors in broad daylight

I am not tired of these rooms; just tired of the world that give them a relativity

My only change of clothes prosecuted

The government has finally learned how to write poems

shoot-outs that briefly align…

that make up a parable

white bodies are paid well, I posit

do white men actually even have leaders?

all white people are white men

white men will only ever be metaphors

all I do is practice, Lord

A rat pictures a river

Can almost taste the racial divide

Can almost roll a family member’s head into a city hall legislative chamber

Knows who in this good book will fly

I have decided not to talk out of anger ever again, Lord

Met my wife at the same time I met new audience members for our pain

We passed each other cigarettes and watched cops win

A city gone uniquely linear

Harlem of the West due a true universe

“I will always remember you in fancy clothes,” my wife said

so here I sit… twisting in silk ideation

My rifle made of tar

My targets made of an honest language

This San Francisco poetry is how God knows that it is me whining

Writing among the lesser-respected wolves

Lesser-observed militarization

Dixie-less prison bookkeeping/I mean the California gray-coats are coming

lynch mob gossip and bourgeois debt collection

I mean, it’s tempting to change professions mid-poem

in a Chicago briefing, a white sergeant saying, “blank slate for all of us after this Black organizer is dead.”

standard academics toasting two-buck wine at the tank parade

bay of nothing, Lord

nuclear cobblestones, gunline athleticism

and the last of the inherited asthma

children given white dolls to play with and fear

facial expressions borrowed from rich people’s shoe strings

I can hear hate

And teach hate

And call tools by people names

And name people dead to themselves

no one getting naturalized except federal agents soon

carving the equator into throats soon

I’m sorry to make you relive all of this, Lord

pre-dawn monarchy

friends putting up politician posters then snorting the remainder of the paste

minstrel scripts shoveled into the walls by their elders

my children sharpening quarters on the city’s edge

For these audiences

I project myself into a ghost like state

For these gangsters, I do the same

every now and then, we take a nervous look east

Sleep becomes Christ

Sleep starts growing a racial identity

do you ever spiral, Lord?

has the gang-age betrayed us?

be patient with my poems, Lord

So much pain

there is a point to crime…

There has to be if race traitors come with it

Lord, is that my revolver in your hand?

Better presidents than these have yawned at cages

Have called us holy slaves

Filled the school libraries with cop documentaries

Baby, I don’t have money for food

I have no present moment at all

I Do Not Know the Spelling of Money

I go to the railroad tracks

And follow them to the station of my enemies

A cobalt-toothed man pitches pennies at my mugshot negative

All over the united states, there are

Toddlers in the rock

I see why everyone out here got in the big cosmic basket

And why blood agreements mean a lot

And why I get shot back at

I understand the psycho-spiritual refusal to write white history or take the glass freeway

White skin tattooed on my right forearm

Ricochet sewage near where I collapsed

into a rat-infested manhood

My new existence as living graffiti

In the kitchen with

a lot of gun cylinders to hack up

House of God in part

No cops in part

My body brings down the Christmas

The new bullets pray over blankets made from old bullets

Pray over the 28th hour’s next beauty mark

Extrajudicial confederate statue restoration

the waist band before the next protest poster

By the way,

Time is not an illusion, your honor

I will return in a few whirlwinds

I will save your desk for last

You are witty, your honor

You’re moving money again, your honor

It is only raining one thing: non-white cops

And prison guard shadows

Reminding me of

Spoiled milk floating on an oil spill

A neighborhood making a lot of fuss over its demise

A new lake for a Black Panther Party

Malcom X’s ballroom jacket slung over my son’s shoulders

Pharmacy doors mid-slide

The figment of village

a noon noose to a new white preacher

Wiretaps in the discount kitchen tile

-All in an abstract painting of a president

Bought slavers some time, didn’t it?

The tantric screeches of military bolts and Election-Tuesday cars

A cold-blooded study in leg irons

Leg irons in tornado shelters

Leg irons inside your body

Proof that some white people have actually fondled nooses

That sundown couples

made their vows of love over

opaque peach plastic

and bolt action audiences

Man, the Medgar Evers-second is definitely my favorite law of science

Fondled news clippings and primitive Methodists

My arm changes imperialisms

Simple policing vs. Structural frenzies

Elementary school script vs. Even whiter white spectrums

Artless bleeding and

the challenge of watching civilians think

“terrible rituals they have around the corner. They let their elders beg for public mercy…beg for settler polity”

“I am going to go ahead and sharpen these kids’ heads into arrows myself and see how much gravy spills out of family crests.”

Modern fans of war

What with their t-shirt poems

And t-shirt guilt

And me, having on the cheapest pair of shoes on the bus,

I have no choice but to read the city walls for signs of my life

The Chicago Prairie Fire

First, I must apologize to the souls of the house

I am wearing the cheek bones of the mask only

Pill bottle, my name is yours

Name tagged on the side of a factory of wrists

Teeth of the mask now

Back of the head of the mask now

New phase of anti-anthropomorphism fending for real faces

Stuck with one of those cultures that believes I chose this family

I am not creative

Just the silliest of the revolutionaries

My blood drying on

my only jacket

just as God got playful

the police state’s psychic middlemen

Evangelizing for the creation of an un-masses

An un-Medgar

Blood of a lamb less racialized

or awesome prison sentence

Good God

Elder-abuse hired for the low

dog eat genius

Right angle made between a point

On a Louisiana plantation

And 5-year old’s rubber ball

3 feet high and falling

like a deportee plane

to complete my interpretation

(of garden variety genocide)

I am small talk

about loving your enemies

A little more realistically

About paper tigers

And also gold…

I need my left hand back

I broke my neck on the piano keys

Found paradise in a fistfight

Maybe I should check into the Cuba line

Watching the universe’s last metronomes

some call Black Jacobins

Just wait…

These religions will start resigning in a decade or two

Some colorfully

Some transactional-ly

In a cotton gothic society

Class betrayal gone glassless/ I mean ironically/ my window started fogging over too

Wondering which Haiti will get me through this winter

Which poem houses souls

Which socialist breakthroughs

Breakthroughs like ten steps back

Then finally stillness

Stillness

Then stillness among families

a John Brown biography takes a bow

I’m up next to introduce Prosser to Monk

I remember childhood

Remember the word “Childhood” being a beginning

Scribbling on an amazing grace

I rented this body from some circumference of slavery

Remember being kicked out of the Midwest

Strange fruit theater

Lithium and circuses

Likeminded stomachs

The ruling class blessing their blank checks with levy foam…

with opioid tea

Sentient dollar bills yelling to each other pocket to pocket

Cello stands in the precinct for accompanying counterrevolutionaries

My mother raised me with a simple pain

A poet loses his mind, you know, like the room has weather

Or first-girlfriend gravity

Police-knock gravity

Mind-game gravity

Or revolution languishing behind

The sugar in my good friend’s mind

“The difference between me and you

Is that the madness

Wants me forever”

A pair of apartments

Defining both my family

And political composure

Books behind my back

Bail money paved into the streets

Playing:

Euphoria

Cliché

Bracing for the medicine’s recoil

Sharing a dirty deli sandwich with my friends

Black Jacobins

Underground topography

Or grandmother’s hands

Psychology of the mask now

Teeth of the mask again

—

Originally from San Francisco, Tongo Eisen-Martin is a movement worker and educator who has organized against mass incarceration and extra-judicial killing of Black people throughout the United States. His latest curriculum on extrajudicial killing of Black people, We Charge Genocide Again, has been used as an educational and organizing tool throughout the country. His book of poems, Someone’s Dead Already was nominated for a California Book Award.

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selfdeprecating-narcissist · 4 years

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This is late, but i answered these questions at the end of 2018 so wanted to do it again for 2019

what did you learn about yourself this year? How i am destined for a life of depression and disappointment bcos my morals and mindset will never align with our capitalist, racist, sexist, homophobic society and don't see how i will ever feel fulfilled in a job but we have to make money to survive so... and how crucial it is to be a feminist fucking killjoy and spread the feminist queer agenda, but how I'm way too shy to actually speak up on the spot almost always lol best moment of the year? Idk.. like time spent in nature?? I feel like looking back all my happiest moment this year were when i was surrounded by plants. Also my birthday was really nice but i was too drunk to really remember a lot of the evening worst moment of the year? Moving to Mark's, finishing my masters, shit with ex what was the biggest change you experienced this year? moving out of my house i lived in for like 10 years (still not really processed that that isn't my home anymore?), spending some time living at my dad's again for the first time in 10 years (not exactly desirable) best song of the year? I really loved gone by charli xcx & Christine & the queens best album of the year? It didn't come out in 2019, but BY FAR my most listened to were camp cope's 2 albums, I'm OBSESSED what’s one thing that happened this year that you want to change? Not move, not have my ex be a suicidal low key alcoholic, not finish my masters bcos i miss it so much, not have stayed in my shitty retail job for so long bcos it was honestly so shit best book/book series of the year? Against Memoir by michelle tea was amaaziiinggg. I still haven't read a fiction book in THE LONGEST time, I've read some nice poetry? And read so so so much increbidle feminist theory, favs are probz an archive of feelings, and depression a public feeling both by ann cvetcovich, the cultural politics of emotion by sara ahmed, whipping girl and excluded both by julia serano, gut feminism by elizabeth wilson, sister outsider by audre lorde and any essay i read by ulrika dahl best television series? accidentally got hooked on love island in the summer oops. Tuca and bertie was good, last series of broad city wasn't as good as the others but great way to end it, THAT SERIES OF OITNB WAS AMAZE, idk i haven't had much time for tv or got really into anything how was your love life this year? um, so i was with jay all year until he moved back to america in the middle of September... it was um.. interesting? eventful, stressful, but had its nice parts too?? there wasn't much sex, and when there was he was mostly drunk and forceful which wasn't nice, but he also had a lot of dysphoria and a lot of reliance on and problems with alcohol, ummm he got on with all my friends and family, that always felt very easy and natural, but there were so many communication issues, he wouldn't be open with me about his mental health, i felt obliged to stay with him bcos he didn't really have anyone else in the whole bloody country, i felt a lot more like i was responsible for him and looking after him. Since he moved back i guess I've just spent time reflecting and healing? what made you cry the most this year? I probably cried maybe like 5 times? Idk i don't cry bcos i don't go to therapy anymore ha biggest regret of the year? Maybe not being confrontational enough with jay about issues but also i always knew he was gonna move back to america so i thought it was more hassle than it was worth bcos like it always had an expiry date? And i guess i regret not making better friends with other people on my course bcos out of people on my course, i only really saw jay outside of uni best movie of the year? It chapter 2 maybe? Or frozen 2 😂 favourite place you travelled this year? Idk that i went anywhere new...but best trip was Edinburgh did you make any new friends? Linden & Dean from the theatre i work(ed) at, i actually love them, they're fab did you learn anything about your sexuality this year? maybe i could be with a cis guy??? Idk. I don't think i want to be. And i felt and still feel really uncomfortable calling jay my (ex) boyfriend bcos it's read as a straight relationship and I'm often read as straight but i just want to be like I'M SUPER QUEER BTW but then is that invalidating his gender maybe idk???? Against memoir had a good but kind of problematic essay in it on dating trans men as a queer woman bcos like your relationship inherently is not straight and is inherently queer but you're read as straight and it's uncomfortable and confusing and not something you ever really have the space to talk about and not something people really understand. And a few of the people I've dated or had a thing for have since come out as trans men or non binary and like why am i never attracted to binary 'normal' people, and am i fetishising othered genders? It's complicated init. what are some hobbies that you developed? I sort of learnt how to crochet but I'm not very good what surprised you the most this year? how unhappy people can be who appear so fine from the outside, how well i can tolerate people having a breakdown and trying to hurt/maybe wanting to kill themselves... nice. do you look different from the beginning of the year? more prominent frown lines. Worse hair bcos the fucking shower broke so I've spent 3 months only washing it with a jug how did this year treat you in general? Ups and downs. Mostly happy to absorb myself in knowledge and learning. Now stuck in another boring arse job bcos how does one make any money out of non commerical art and feminist academia!? what message would you give yourself at the beginning of the year? watch out, look after yourself, love your support system has your fashion style changed this year? I bought the best 2 cat jumpers and i love them dearly and wear them a lot one of the best meals you’ve had this year? A trip to blacks burgers with massive flip pot milkshakes i went to with joe stands out who has made the biggest impact in your life this year? Jay what’s one thing that you hope will continue next year? I need to stay in academic feminist circles, I've been out of uni for nearly 5 months now (oh fuck) and feel so deflated again bcos it's just so irrelevant to the real world... but it's not bcos it's all this theory about how much the real world sucks, but what i mean is like it's impossible to change anything and it's really disheartening. Like someone wrote into work complaining about the lack of diversity in the collection, and someone else wrote about how the talk on fanny eaton wasn't marketed towards the afro carribean community at all, and part of my job is to respond to emails and i wanted to be like YAAASS LET ME GUSH ALL OVER HOW RIGHT U ARE AND HOW SHIT INSTITUTIONS ARE but like, I'm speaking on behalf of these institutions and have to make this basic formulaic bullshit response and it's HORRENDOUS

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literatelove-blog1 · 5 years

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Top 10 Anticipated LGBT Reads of 2019

1. Willa & Hesper by Amy Feltman

Release Date: February 5th

What It’s About: Two women, Willa and Hesper fall in love in a whirlwind romance. However, when the romance begins to fall apart they turn to their roots for comfort. For Hesper, this means returning to her grandfather’s home of Tbilisi, Georgia and trying to fill in the gaps of her family history. Willa joins a Jewish group to visit some of the Holocaust sights in Germany and Poland. Through looking to their pasts, both women find a way to look towards their future.

Why I’m Interested: Jewish!! Lesbians!! Beyond that, I’m interested in the complicated relationship between the women and the way they explore their relationships with each other as well as their past and culture. It sounds beautiful and heartbreaking I can’t wait to read it!

2. Real Queer America by Samantha Allen

Release Date: March 1st

What It’s About: Samantha Allen, a once Mormon missionary now turned Daily Beast reporter and happily married to a woman, has always had a deep love for the ‘Red States’ in America and the American South. In this novel she takes a road-trip of sorts to introduce us to real life LGBT people in said states in order to give them a voice and chance to tell their stories.

Why I’m Interested: This is a collection of true stories about LGBT people in the Bible Belt written and compiled by an ex-Mormon trans woman and I’m a lesbian who grew up Mormon and now lives in Utah, so there’s definitely a personal connection for me here. Beyond that, I love getting to see/hear the voices and stories of actual LGBT people because it’s just such a comforting reminder that there are so many LGBT people out there.

3. The Parting Glass by Gina Marie Guadagnino

Release Date: March 5th

What It’s About: It’s the 19th century in New York and Mary Ballard is a ladies’ maid to wealthy socialite, Charlotte Walden. Little known to Charlotte, Mary is actually Irish immigrant Marie O’Farren whose feelings for her go far beyond the platonic. Meanwhile, Mary’s brother, a stable groom, is also enamored with Charlotte. Between Mary’s night escapades in New York and the class-breaking love her brother holds for Charlotte, The Parting Glass explores class, race, and sexuality in 19th century America in a way that feels new and fresh.

Why I’m Interested: The summary of this reminds me a lot of a Sarah Waters novel, who is like the queen of lesbian historical fiction. I love complicated relationships, vintage gay ladies, and drama and this book promises to have it all! I recently bought a copy of it so now it’s all just a matter of actually reading it!

4. Crossing by Pajtim Statovci (trans. David Hackston)

Release Date: April 2nd

What It’s About: Bujar and Agim, two friends growing up in the shadow of post-communist Albania decide to move past their individual hardships and struggles by moving to Italy. However, Italy poses its own difficulties for each boy as they explore their connections to home and history as they search to forge new identities and find belonging.

Why I’m Interested: This is the first of two translations on this list and I honestly can’t tell you how happy I am to get some more foreign LGBT literature. I don’t think I’ve ever read a novel about Albanian characters, which is thrilling enough but there are LGBT Albanian characters?! Sign me up! It sounds like it’s going to be hopeful and maybe a little heartbreaking and I’m here for it all.

5. Courting Mr. Lincoln by Louis Bayard

Release Date: April 23rd

What It’s About: Told in alternating voices between the two people who knew and loved him most, Louis Bayard paints a portrait of the famed president that few have seen before. When Mary Todd, a quick-witted debutant, meets potential presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln, mutual love and appreciation between the two grow rapidly. Watching in the middle of it all is Joseph Steed, Abraham’s roommate and closest friend, who also cares deeply for the soon-to-be president. A warm, meticulously researched novel that introduces the reader to the lesser known aspects of Lincoln’s life and the people who loved him.

Why I’m Interested: I must confess, I don’t actually know how gay this is going to be. However, the summary does mention that it will be exploring Steed’s perspective as well, and addressing the complicated nature of his and Lincoln’s friendship. Hopefully, we’ll get a glimpse of something more than just platonic in terms of feelings between them, whether those feelings are acted upon or not. Either way, I’ve heard the perspective of Mary is super well written and I really want to see that. It’ll be an interesting read and I’m excited to get my hands on it!

6. Lie With Me by Philippe Besson (trans. Molly Ringwald)

Release Date: April 30th

What It’s About: A chance encounter with a man outside a hotel causes our narrator, Philippe, to turn to the past to remember his first love, Thomas. The relationship began and blossomed their senior year in 1984, hidden in the shadows due to the nature of the time. However, their passionate, stolen moments continue to haunt Philippe to this day. Well loved and critically acclaimed in France, Molly Ringwald brings the story of first love to life for American audiences for the first time.

Why I’m Interested: Yes, it is translated by that Molly Ringwald and if that’s not intriguing enough, the plot sounds right up my alley: a (potentially) tragic love story, set in a different time period, and in a foreign country. This novel was very well received in Besson’s home country, France, and it’s definitely on the top of my hype list!

7. Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

Release Date: June 4th

What It’s About: The suicide of Jessa’s taxidermist father hits her family pretty hard. Jessa is left to keep the family business afloat, her mother keeps making sexual art with the taxidermied animals, her brother withdraws from the family after his wife, who Jessa has secretly been in love with, bails. Mostly Dead Things is a darkly funny exploration of family and loss and one of the most anticipated debuts of 2019.

Why I’m Interested: The lead is a lesbian taxidermist - how can I say no to that? I’ve also heard this is wildly weird and charming and honestly there’s not quite enough LGBT novels that are just bonkers to read so thank god we’re getting some weird gay literature! This has gotten a lot of early hype and I’m hoping it will follow through for me!

8. On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

Release Date: June 4th

What It’s About: Little Dog, a man in his late 20’s, writes a letter to his mother who cannot read. In it he describes the history of his family and their connections to Vietnam. Poetic and tender, Vuong explores the complicated love between mothers and sons and the connections to the past as well as presenting a deep, timely discussion of masculinity and race.

Why I’m Interested: I own Ocean Vuong’s poetry collection Night Sky With Exit Wounds and while I haven’t finished it quite yet the poems I have read are beautiful and dreamlike. Hopefully this will translate well into his first foray into prose and I cannot wait to read it!

9. Cantoras: A Novel by Carolina de Robertis

Release Date: September 30th

What It’s About: Beginning in Uruguay in 1977, Cantoras traces the history of five women who discover a hidden cape, Cabo Polonio, that becomes a sanctuary for the women in a time of political dissent and turmoil. Throughout the next 35 years their lives shift and change in radical ways, but they all inevitably find themselves drawn towards the cape as they move through life and the challenges it brings.

Why I’m Interested: This checks two of my favorite boxes: a historical setting and a foreign country. Also, the summary makes it sound like it’s exploring the relationship between multiple women. I’m thrilled that so many 2019 novels are about exploring relationships between women, and this book adding wlw voices into the conversation is such a great bonus. De Robertis’s last novel, The Gods of Tango, dealt with similar themes and was extremely well received so fingers crossed this is this same!

10. On Swift Horses by Shannon Pufahl

Release Date: November 5th

What It’s About: In postwar America Muriel, a newlywed, moves with her husband from Kansas to San Diego, where she grows lonely and misses home, her mother who died before she turned 19, and her brother-in-law Julien. Julien, a thief and a free spirit, has taken to Las Vegas, where he works as a dealer, and falls in love with Henry, a devious card cheat. To escape the crushing realities of her new life Muriel begins visiting her local racetrack as Julian explores the Tijuana nightlife after Henry is run out of town.

Why I’m Interested: This sounds like a wild and exciting historical epic of sorts. We’re talking about thieves, Vegas, betting on horses, and extended family relationships and I really don’t know what’s not to love about this novel so far. This will be an exciting read, already compared to great western writers like Cormac McCarthy and Annie Proulx, and November frankly is starting to seem like too far away.

+1 Leading Men by Christopher Castellani

Release Date: February 12th

What It’s About: It’s July, 1953 when Tennessee Williams and his lover, Frank Merlo, first meet Anja Blomgren. Even in the glamour of Truman Capote’s Italian party, the (fictional) Swedish actress makes a lasting impression on the famed playwright and their chance encounter will drastically change the rest of their lives. Ten years later Frank is dying and Anja now lives as a recluse but both of them each have strong connections to that summer that they cannot let go.

Why I’m Interested: I’m a deep lover of Tennessee Williams and his work; I have been ever since I saw the film adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire when I was a young girl. I’m intrigued to see how Castellani explores the life of and loves of a great artist, especially because while I love Tennessee I don’t actually know much about his life, as well as seeing how well he mixes both fact and fiction. This has already been released and has gotten great reviews so far, so needless to say I’m excited!

#anticipated releases #lgbt literature #queer literature

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chloesinkpen · 5 years

Photo

Welcome!

Welcome to anyone reading this! My name is Chloë and that’s me in Japan, looking out at lake Biwa in Hikone (Shiga prefecture) not too long ago. It was winter 2017, but still warm like Autumn there. I bought a tiny notebook that was on clearance at the 7-11 (Japan and 7-11s is a story i’ll save for another time.) and took it with me to the lake every time I went. And somehow, like magic, I wrote something every time I visited the lake with my little, green, 7-11 clearance notebook. That’s not where my writing life took off by a long shot, but its an inspirational time I like to look back on now and remember how good it felt to finally find the words to get out so much I had wanted to say for a long time. So, this is my brand-spanking-new “writing blog.” I’ll be using it, not just to follow other blogs I think may inspire, encourage and motivate me to keep writing, but to share what i’m working on or thinking of. Before collecting all my poetry together and organizing it into a self-published amazon thing, I need to locate some interested people who think its worth the 99 cents for an ebook or paper back so they can read more! I hope you can see, i’m just starting small. Self publishing some poetry on amazon is not my big dream... and my writing spans far, far beyond poetry as I continue to discover new genres to fall in love with and try my hand at, while also currently working on a fiction novel that seems like its been in me my whole life just waiting to be written, and i think I finally know how! So again, welcome. :3 You’ll find poems, excerpts of various writings of mine and ideas,blurbs, thoughts, questions concerning my new life: the one where I tell people “I am an author.” I’m excited to explore this new world where I don’t just dream and think about the real possibility for my generation’s artists of not paying off my debt until I retire, but actually live my life with the career I want! I am writing and have a feeling inside, emotional and physical all at once, that’s telling me the words I write were never meant for just my own eyes alone. I want this to be a learning experience too, so PLEASE interact. Comment, share, message...don’t be shy! We’r all friends here with this lovely screen between us. TTFN. Catch you all on the other side of the page!

#Writing #creativewriting #novel #poetry #fiction #author #newauthor #japan #hikone #lakebiwa #shiga #selfie #personal #intro #youngauthor

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incandescent-justice · 6 years

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Every 5th question for the book ask :)

😆 You don’t ask for much…I love it!

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?Hmm, the issue with this is that all my favourites that have been turned into films/tv series have almost always been ruined in the doing (see, for example, The Little White Horse fiasco/Voyage of the Dawn Treader). So, with the caveat that I would only like to see this happen if I were the sodding producer (and Director?) - Violent Needham’s Stormy Petrel series. I remember @girlonabridge and I dreamcast it once, but i am struggling to remember who we cast asides from Gary Sinise as Far Away Moses, and the Fiennes child who played young Tom Riddle as Dick (although at the age he was then…) Thinking on it now, I reckon Jemma Redgrave would make a delightful Wych Hazel, and Mark Strong would be a good Black Mask. Gary Oldman as Count Jasper, maybe?

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?Oooh, there’s a few of these. I have various of EBD’s Chalet School books in duplicate, partly because @girlonabridge and i consolidated our collections, partly because Granny just picked up copies when she found them (we have 3 hardbacks of Princess, for ex, and at least one paperback). Technically i have two Midnight Folk by John Masefield, because I cannot and will not throw out the remnants of the very battered paperback that Granddad gave me of it, despite having a full identical copy. I also have two copies of the Pope’s encyclical Evangelii Gaudium, because I bought one, and then a friend bought me one too. Oh, and I have the french Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, and the german Prisoner of Azkaban (as well as the english, obvs.), bought at various times when I was trying to improve my fluency in both those languages.

15. What book made you cry?Many and various! But the most memorable are Gay from China at the Chalet School (I’m sure you know why) and (when I first read) The Last Battle by CS Lewis, many moons ago. Now I utterly love it, and while I may get a little teary, it’s nothing like the grief when I was 7!

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?Hmm. There have been many series I haven’t - yet - finished. Technically, I haven’t finished the Chalet School! But one comes to mind, and that’s GP Taylor’s Shadowmancer series, and that’s because they’re the most woefully awful books ever. I can’t quite credit that I finished one. Also Robin Jarvis’ Whitby Witches series, because they scared the living daylights out of me, and I still occasionally have nightmares 20 years later.

25. How many books do you own?Haaaaaaaaaaaha. I was kinda hoping someone would ask this… So. Um. We have 70 (mostly longer than average, sometimes deeper) bookshelves *stuffed* and sometimes double layered, plus various piles of books as well. Spread across 14 bookcases, if you were wondering. When we moved into the flat, I took great delight in organising everything by subject/topic/general area, so they are at least organised. Sort of. If you squint at the piles, and one of the newer bookcases which just got the overflow. But I didn’t count, and even if I had that was 7 years ago, and we are incorrigible book buyers.

30. What book are you planning on buying next?On that note…. 😂 I have a list of books on my phone that are potential presents for @girlonabridge, so obviously can’t put them here! Probably some more law books tbh. I have a book voucher for No Alibis in Belfast, and they’re the official stockist of my uni, as well as being a crime and thriller specialist. But I’m not normally a planner outside of law and presents, so, who knows! Whatever takes my fancy….

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?Well, I have now - finally - completed one of them! (it is nearly September, I’ve had the book since last October) - Hidden Nature by Alys Fowler - 10/10 would recommend. Her journey of kayaking Birmingham’s canals for a year, whilst she came to terms with being a lesbian, who had been married to a man for 15 or so years. Part naturalist observations, part coming-out autobiography, it’s fabulous.) Asides from that, I’m actually really looking forward to re-reading Good Omens, because it’s a delight. And I’d really like to read Lies we tell ourselves by Robin Talley, because I read bits of it over @girlonabridge‘s shoulder and it sounds great.

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?I really don’t know how to answer this tbh. Weird in what way? I suppose most Jeanette Winterson books might count as weird to the uninitiated, but I love her style dearly, so they don’t seem weird to me… Maybe reading a Viz annual when I was, idk, 9, was pretty damn weird? (I mean, I thought it was weird at the time, and haven’t ever gone back to see if my childhood self was correct in this theory.)

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?We have a variety. Only a few of them are specifically mine tho. I *ahem* stole my copy of Seamus Heaney’s Opened Ground (his collected works) after AS Level English Lit, because buying a new copy would have meant losing all my precious notes - and my favourite in that is probably Bogland. I also somehow mysteriously ended up with A Choice of Poets - my GCSE Eng Lit anthology, of which Thomas Hardy’s Woman Much Missed was always my favourite. More recently, I bought a copy of Poems for Refugees, edited by Pippa Haywood after 9/11 and the ensuing wars. It’s a fantastic anthology, and I’m hard-pressed to pick just one poem out of it, because they’re all superb. Many old favourites, a few lesser known. I’ve just picked one at random - This above all is precious and remarkable - by John Wain (1925-94), selected by Judi Dench. (Interestingly, when i put the title into ecosia, to search for a link, the first link that comes up is from a Mercy website I get weekly emails from, and the recommendation is made by a Sister I have met in the past! Small world.)

50. What book got you into reading?I think it must have been The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by CS Lewis. I can remember Granny reading me the beautiful A4 unabridged illustrated (by Pauline Baynes, naturally) version when I was about 4 or 5, and I wanted more… That or the Orlando books by the artist Kathleen Hale, again, I’d have read those when I was *very* young - after having had Granny read them to me.

💜

#asked and answered #book ask

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cherry-o-piggy · 3 years

Text

And old slew

posted 3/7/2021

I think my number one requirement is that you keep up, which only the mentally ill do.

What does it say about me that all my friends are ADHD?

The black boys, they pass and bob and chat to rap like it’s beat poetry in the 1960s. Here with them I am in a modern historical moment of art discovering my aesthetic and true calling. I see this after a bias worry on repeat, looking back it was not a real fear, just a humorous societal conception, and who have I ever been to subscribe to society. Me and my white girl friend out smoked them in their own home and my friend, I hugged him in front of his friends, and he walked us out of his house like a true gentleman. It was truly the part of my soul that I wanted to share in a social setting.

“You’re not in charge of me, T[redacted] is.”

It’s 10 degrees in the dark and it’s just me and my skin wrapped in tight black fabric flying up the powdered hill like I was never meant to touch the ground in the first place. It is still 10 degrees and I’m replaying everything that has ever happened like maybe I’ll get a second chance that I don’t need, but want still. The 10 degrees rummage around in my bones and all the pain this new year brought, the pain of becoming women, intertwines itself with my heart so there is no difference. The 10 degrees keep me warm, from the pit of my stomach to my chest and red cheeks. It’s enough right now.

The concept of solidarity flowed from Budimir’s lips along with sweeties and engagement, and I truly think it is the first concept I ever truly understood. I do not know respect or love or good. But I know solidarity, I know solidarity deep down in my bones and my blood and my soul. And it just goes to show, it was never me, I just never met a good teacher.

My lust still rides with you, for safe keeping.

I don’t remember what your voice sounds like anymore, I used to be able to hear it in my head.

Every man both looks like you and the man who wanted me dead.

Sometimes I am hollowed out enough that the only feeling I have is my hands and they don’t seem to bare my heart’s intentions. But it is a much deeper part of my being they represent, one I wish someone worse would fulfill for me. Pity I am the only beautiful thing.

Part of my soul is an iris in the wind.

A wealthy woman in the glass, a thesis sustaining the validity of age regression in design and mini-practice, and collections combatting change in order to hold on to something.

There was a few moments of my life where I was obsessed with the devil in the woods by the ocean and the magic I would be allowed if I could just exist somewhere beautiful to be a little odd in peace with equally passionate companionship. While the other burn outs dream of fantasy I dream of psudeo-realistic peace because I could never get there by myself, let alone with the chaos of another sentiment being.

You wouldn’t like me anymore. I’m an existentialist bc I am completely and totally unsure of myself as a concept. And it makes it immensely easier to flow along with the process of getting what I want.

In the dark the voice pokes at suicide in the highest of highest and I drown out the noise with the hope that in that grainy moment 5 guys ago you flicked away my perfect tears with your tongue and I was too intimate and vulnerable to fully feel it.

With a face this expressively cute and a brain this overwhelmingly neat I deserve a man to compliment my abundance completely.

I bet no one thinks about me at all. But that would be naive and hopeful.

If he is only supplying money as his position in your life, as soon as the money stops he no longer needs to be taken into consideration when making decisions because he is no longer a part of your life. If the only value you have is the provision of the bare necessities and no emotional connection you have no purpose after you no longer supply the means of survival because you made the decision and only did a quarter of the work needed to take responsibility for that decision.

Time isn’t who she used to be. Time used to drag and suffocate and strangle. Now Time is broad watercolor strokes to blurry, cotton eyes. I live the same day over and over with the same amount of nothing but I still do not feel the suffocation of monotonous repetition, not like I used to when I was young. I feel unfulfilled still, empty still. But it is not overwhelming. And this nothing that happens, the absolute repetition of activity happens so quickly now. Not like it used to. I feel like I’m always playing catch up. There’s never enough time, or maybe I am newly blind to her movement? Whatever the case, Time and I are strangers now, which is such a shame because I used to know her intricately, anxiously so.

Sometimes I dissolve into words, I think that’s why everything moves so fast.

I’m going to force my oddity on man and disregard everyone that has anything at all to say. I always said I was crazy, which drew extensive attention, but I no longer think that is fitting for me and who I aspire to become. I think I desire much more to be odd than to be mad. Eccentric.

A man bought me six and a half hours (after tax) worth of stuffed animals. And I haven’t even had sex with him. Fuck, that kind of feels like debt. Can I like hang out w him and like “drop” $50 somewhere he’ll eventually notice. I’ve never had to do that before, but I am willing to go that far. Actually, I did that to my GM last break (and I shouldn’t have, I deserve better compensation for my labor, but I refuse to be rude ever).

Why would I want a man that smells like wood?

Hanging out w me is like just me saying “no babies” over and over in different voices.

The feeling drips like sunflower blue syrup down my back. It feels too sharp to be harmless, but too quick to enjoy. And it leaves my chest hollow after it’s appearance. My limbs are heavy and my head is worried about the fluttering around that happened inside my chest last night, I wasn’t sure if it was death or symptoms of suffocation. My lungs just filled and I grasped my body from within my soul and when it was sufficient and neat, I dove back into the harmful thoughts of lust and the gripping behavior caused by being lonesome. This feeling doesn’t flow, it’s too stuck, it remains mine. So instead it drips.

I want to scream that I am good at what I do because a piece of me always felt that you doubted me. I am good enough that I read a love poem out loud to my high school class with the girl in the class and I didn’t get bullied for it, it didn’t scare her away, and my teacher complimented me about it. I was known by the whole high school as a writer and it wasn’t in a bad way. I used to write and edit peoples papers and I was an English tutor for middle school. My English 101 professor told me I should Publish my paper based on the three paragraphs that I wrote in twenty minutes right in front of him. I have not read a full book since sophomore year of high school and I am able to break down structures and themes of books by picking through about 30 pages, and from that I can developed a thesis, a five paragraph outline, research questions, and eventually a 6 page paper from 30 pages of a novel. I hung out with someone, read then my poetry and they were surprised that it was not cringe. Every English teacher I’ve ever had has loved me. I was already so familiar with the English language and the concept of grammar rules and their functions that I could speak in limited vocabulary sentences in Spanish when I was taking Spanish 2 (did I cry every single day, yes, but did I get an A, also yes). When I tell you I am a writer, I mean that it is my soul. It is the only reason I am alive. When I tell you I am good at what I do I mean I’m already published. Twice. I am good at what I do. So yeah, I know what a fucking genre is, bitch.

Even my abusers will tell you I’m good at what I do.

I need someone to press their soul into mine so that I am sure I have one.

Good morning honey bun 💛 I hope you have a wonderful day today and I’ll be sending good thoughts your way all day :) love you ❤️❤️

8 year old me would think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember how critical I was of other women, I remember the way I used to pick them apart in my head about all their imperfects. It’s bc I only heard those things about myself. And I’m not proud, but I was a child and I am completely different now. I remember my favorite parts about women too. I remember how I used to melt for long hair and belly button piercings and being unashamed. I am tall and wealthy and have a million expressions. 8 year old me would stare at me in the store and hope to be her, 8 year old me would love to be 17 year old me. It’s all she ever wanted. I am everything I ever wanted. I am gorgeous.

Sometimes it’s claymation filter and my body is yellow and I am ugly and when I laugh my teeth are bucked. I get so clear that I am ugly. I get so outside of my own perspective that I have never uttered my own name.

I am so self aware and violently gone and ridiculous. And I’ve been wanting this. That I thank god for planning and hard work.

I’m a slut. :) beep

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ask-bohemian-ilse · 6 years

Note

answer all of them!

11. what’s an inside joke you have with your friends?* there’s far too many to pick just one, honestly.

12. what’s your favorite planet?* saturn!

13. what’s something that made you smile today?* first, stanley anderson let me copy his math homework. then, @ask-melchior-gabor gave me some of his favorite pirate literature that i haven’t read yet during study hall. and then i got burgers with @ask-max-von-trenk and @ask-the-reformatory! (having normal food was SO great.)

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?* a huge mess. seriously! at least my section would. it’d probably be decorated pretty clashingly, because we all have different interests. it’d definitely be covered in flowers. and it would have lots of books! (for melchior)

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!* mercury is shrinking!!!

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish?* fettuccine alfredo…yum!

17. what color do you really want to dye your hair?* i don’t have any desire to dye my hair at the moment, honestly.

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between between you and your friends and is always brought up.* @ask-moritz-stiefel exposed that i stabbed him with scissors once because i thought he was possessed. nobody wants to let it go!

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?* i do! when i feel really out of my head, i either ramble just to get everything off my mind, or draw some pretty strange stuff. it’s very useful.

20. what’s your favorite eye color?* green!

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.* my trusty “in case of sudden escape” bag has seen me through everything. it’s always full of necessities, and it is immune to being torn apart! it’s very sturdy, small enough that i can wear it without feeling weighed down, easy to travel with, and still covered in paint. it’s been there for me through so much. love you, bag.

22. are you a morning person?* most of the time!

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?* go down to the creek, lay out in the sun, listen to some music, and just relax.

24. is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?* i’m too ashamed to tell anybody ALL of my secrets — but in the matter of trust, i’d have no qualms placing my faith in max, melchior, and @ask-hanschen-rilow these guys are locked boxes.

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?* one night, a group of us (the phallustics and some other models) were so drunk that we managed to get ourselves into a yacht that DEFINITELY didn’t belong to us. most of the passengers were pretty drunk too. i’ve also broken into a lighthouse…that was fun.

26. what are the shoes you’ve had forever and wear with every single outfit?* i have these killer sandles that are very ancient greece-like. they’re my favorites!

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?* motitas banana gum!

28. sunrise or sunset?* sunrise

29. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?* moritz does this adorable thing where his nose wrinkles when he thinks you’ve said something especially funny/outrageous. it’s so cute! i love it!

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared?* yes.

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.* i have a love-hate relationship with socks. as most of you know, i’m happiest barefoot. however, i love crazy/weird socks! especially knee-high ones! they’re so fun to play around with! i do not sleep in socks, though.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3 AM when you were with friends.* this one time, melchi and i were ridiculously high and we tried to order food. it went REALLY badly. he kept trying to not have to pay for food by psychoanalyzing the poor worker, and then i stood on a table, and we couldn’t stop laughing, and it was overall very chaotic and he’ll kill me for bringing it up again at some point. (love you, melchi!)

33. what’s your fave pastry?* OH! THERE’S SO MANY GREAT ONES TO CHOOSE FROM! i love sfogliatelle so much. i’ll go with that!

34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what did it look like? do you still keep it?* i wasn’t allowed to have one.

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?* yes and yes!

36. which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?* misterwives.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean?* M E S S Y

38. tell us about your pet peeves!* people invading my personal space, being talked over, the sound of a fork scraping someone’s teeth, people who grab me without warning.

39. what color do you wear the most?* hmm…probably green!

40. think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s its story? does it mean anything to you?* the piercing in my collarbone? the one that keeps getting infected? i did it because i was really angry at the time — the night before i left. i was so, so tired of the way i had to live to keep modeling and to keep being pretty and all of that. it’s my freedom, baby!

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? * it was a collection of h.p lovecraft’s works.

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!* it’s small, but it’s always warm and it smells like vanilla. the people who work there are insanely friendly. it’s a bit dark, but in the cozy way. they always remember my name there.

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?* moritz.

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?* there was this one night where @ask-georg-zirschnitz and i were chilling on the roof. it was so quiet, and so warm, and i felt so safe. that was the end of last summer.

45. do you trust your instincts a lot?* incredibly so, yes.

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe?* at the moment, fish.

48. do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?* yes! i just bought a duran-duran cd…no shame!

49. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?* my father. no.

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?* georg says my collection of old letters written during the wars is weird.

51. think of a person. what song do you associate with them?* “baby’s on fire” by die antwoord.

52. what are your favorite memes of this year so far?* keanu reactions.

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?* I HAVE THE RHPS MEMORIZED IN ITS ENTIRETY. MY DREAM IS TO DO ONE OF THE REENACTMENTS AS COLOMBIA. heathers is good, but hits a bit too close for me to watch comfortably. beetlejuice is a halloween classic! pulp fiction is also a classic i love.

54. who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?* i looked in a mirror. KIDDING! KIDDING! actually, stan the man did seem kinda sad today.

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?* chugged nearly a whole bottle of benadryl. DON’T DO THAT.

56. what are some things you find endearing in people?* when they talk about things they love and their faces get all glowy. when they laugh.

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?* shocked at how high freddie mercury’s voice can go. no, but i did start dancing.

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?* i’m the wine mom, max is the vodka aunt. it just fits.

59. what’s your favorite myth?* the myth of arachne!

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?* i adore poetry! the book “new american best friend” by olivia gatwood is full of all my favorites.

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever been given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?* i don’t believe in stupid gifts!

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?* orange juice!

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or leave them be?* no! i leave them be, makes it easier for my siblings/friends to grab them when they want to.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?* black.

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d like to hang out with?* @ask-bobby-maler

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?* full of baby’s breath and orchids! very big.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?* miserable. terrible. sad and alone.

68. what’s winter like where you live?* cold and bitter and awful.

69. what are your favorite board games?* clue!

70. have you ever used a ouija board?* yes

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?* chai tea and bubble tea!

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?* depends on my state of mind

73. what are some of your worst habits?* addiction and clinginess

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.* very easygoing. lots of piercings. naggy about my personal health but throws caution to the wind with theirs. very handsome. a fantastic listener. an even better friend.

75. tell us about your pets!* hellbeasts.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?* homework.

77. pink or yellow lemonade?* pink!

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?* the what?

79. what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?* one time, reinhold picked me up from school and he had this playlist full of music he thought i’d like and it was one of the sweetest things in the world.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? • i have white walls! i didn’t, but georg’s mom lets me draw on them :) 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. • luminous!  82: are/were you good in school? • i…don’t think my grades indicate my understanding of what we’re being taught. 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? • david bowie has cool covers! 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? • i have one! i don’t want another at this moment, but maybe later… 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? • teen titans is a fun read 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? • THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST!!! 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? • black swan. the rocky horror picture show. moulin rouge.  88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? • tons! i go too in-depth, though.  89: are you close to your parents?* no. 90: talk about one of your favorite cities. • novosibirsk. so cool.  91: where do you plan on traveling this year? • i don’t know yet! 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? • DROWN IT 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? • i like putting flowers in my hair. i leave it down!  94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? • wiebke from lit class! 95: what are your plans for this weekend? • i don’t know yet. get really fucking high? maybe leave town. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? • depends 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? • i don’t know. taurus. i don’t know. 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? • last weekend! it was lovely! 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. • vagabond by misterwives, homeless by marina kaye, rootless by marina and the diamonds 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?* neither. i don’t want to risk that.

#ilse neumann #ask

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theintuitivewildflower · 6 years

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How to embrace your authentic self:

An Intuitive Wildflower’s Story of Becoming

April 2018, will mark a big life event for me; my one year anniversary of the beginning of this Blog! It has been a life changing endeavor for me and I’ve been asked to share some of my story. Upon giving some thought to how I learned to embrace and love my authentic self, unconditionally I came up with a list; this made me realize how much work I’ve done on my own self over the past two years. This blog has helped hold me accountable to my personal development goals. I am so very thankful and proud that I didn’t let anyone talk me out of this dream because I made it a reality. It’s empowering to be able to say that I went against the grain and didn’t give up. Here I am, at 41, still growing; and while starting to write my story recently, I discovered that there are 10 main ways that I was able to embrace being myself. This is my story.

A lot of family members, obviously unsure of where I was going with this ‘blog thing’, as many of them call it, wanted to know just how I had determined that I am, in fact, a Wildflower. “What’s this Wildflower stuff all about?” they’d ask. I think a few even phoned my mother about it, possibly hoping she might shut it down; I’m guessing they were worried about how it might reflect on the family. However, mom, knowing me best, knew that would only fuel the fire. When I started this blog, I was smack dab in the middle of my awakening to purpose, the fire was already burning hot!

Sadly but gladly, I have learned that family isn’t always the most inspiring support team. I’ve discovered that sometimes family is who you need to prove wrong, declutter from your life and if often who you needs to be inspired the most. If it weren’t for my mother’s unconditional love I probably would have quit blogging within the first month. However, her acceptance of me is what allowed me to push forward when I wanted to quit; when it was scary and uncomfortable to be putting myself out there. The lack of understanding and support from others caused me to really put some thought into the following questions:

“How long have I been this intuitive wildflower?” I wondered.

When I consciously try to think back into my childhood and try to remember as far back as I can; I ask myself “how long have I been feeling this way; feeling like I understand most human being’s; often more than they know or understand of themselves but to personally feel very misunderstood by most people.

“When and where did I first begin to notice that in a field full of pink roses; I was a Wildflower?”

I blended well with the roses and fit in just fine socially but there was something just a little different about myself; I noticed this as early as first and second grade. I always wondered why my classmates didn’t care so deeply about things like me. I would ask questions and they would ask me why I cared or why it mattered to me. I couldn’t answer that; I just knew that everything mattered to me.

When thinking of myself as a child and how I was perceived by those around me these are the thoughts that come to mind. I was the youngest child, a daughter with an older brother, a daddy’s girl, a tom-boy, an athlete, inquisitive, bright and full of energy. That would be me, as a kid, described in a nutshell. However, when I try to think as far back as I can about my own perception of myself as a child, I remember much more. This is some of what I remember:

…..you could find me as a school-age child, outside, climbing trees with the neighborhood kids on my block in Grandview, Missouri. I could usually be found playing kickball, collecting bugs, having lemonade stands or playing cops and robbers! You might also find me playing Barbie or using my imagination to play games such as; “teacher”, featuring myself playing teacher to my Strawberry Shortcake figurines (my class). I vividly remember that I liked to delegate tasks and tell people what to do, my friends usually. I feel this was because I was the youngest child and was usually the one being delegated to and bossed around at home. I was also competitive from the jump with my cousins and friends; I remember being very fond of contests and competitions and not just in sports or school. Where ever my friends and I were headed I would be the first to say “let’s race”….and off we’d go. If we were doing cartwheels, I was challenging everyone to see who can do the MOST; if jumping rope, I was announcing that we were timing who jumped the longest. I feel this competitive edge was something conditioned in me early on by my families traditions, beliefs and high focus on competitive sports. This brings me to the start of my list of ways I embraced my authentic self.

1. I realized that this very characteristic, being “bossy”, that might have been annoying to others when I was younger, is now, the very thing that allows me to help others find their own purpose. Learning to encourage and coach rather than boss and delegate has allowed me to be an accountability partner to others. It is precisely the way in which I am able to inspire, empower and push others to their personal limits while being true to who they are. This gift was always there it just takes time to sharpen our skills and gifts sometimes. I was aligned with my purpose before anyone ever had an opinion; I believe this to be true for us all.

For much of my childhood and into my awkward adolescent years, then, through high school and into college; I was playing some kind of sport, competitively. There were times, growing up, when I felt like my value to the family was directly related to my performance or achievements in competitive sports. I was a good kid and I did what I thought all kids did; obey your parents. However, even though I could play several sports very well, my favorite thing to do as a child, teen, young adult was to write. Still to this day, my favorite past time is to creatively write. As a young girl, I carried pens, pencils, notepaper, coloring books, markers and loose leaf paper with me almost everywhere; to church, to visit family and in the car on trips. Writing is what I was doing on a rainy, boring Saturday; poetry, song lyrics, lists, brainstorming, practicing my signature or writing a story of some kind. Creative writing was “my thing” but I wasn’t really encouraged to do it; but it was allowed. Any chance I got to put the glove, bat, balls, cleats or kicks away and replace them with some poetry, a story or a picture to give someone else; I took it.

2. I kept this love for writing from childhood to now and it has been my life line more than once. When I found myself in a toxic relationship after a divorce, writing was what kept me sane. As isolated as I was, writing kept me grounded somehow. It seemed to keep me tethered to my soul even when the tether rope seemed more like a frayed tiny thread about to break; it kept me hanging on; proving to me again that writing is aligned with my purpose.

After my son Noah was born in 1998, I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. This is when I discovered my passion for gardening; more specifically wildflowers. I wanted to have my own field to let wildflower’s grow wild on. When Noah was 5 years old, we bought a five and a half acre, mini farm and transplanted all my plants from Grandview to the farm yard and watched over the years as they spread by seed, becoming larger patches of color in the yard each year. I was amazed to learn how wildflower’s spread by seed and each year there are more to enjoy or share. I have this obsession with daisies, cosmos, primroses, sunflowers and just about any perennial plant. I love seeing a field next to a highway that has been taken over by wildflower’s during the Spring or early Summer, in Missouri. That is truly a beautiful sight to me; I will drive around on a lazy Sunday just to find some to admire! As I have gotten older it has been so cool to visit friends and family that got starts from my first house years ago and they can now, years later, give me starts back to begin in a new yard. When I got divorced and was starting over I was able to go get starts from friends who had started their own patches of wildflower’s from starts I had given them! It is residual beauty; proof that planting one seed can start a whole garden and then many more gardens; even more amazing is that, one wildflower can spread many seeds!

3. I never wanted the perfect potted plants lined up neatly. I wanted the messy, colorful wildflowers in my garden. I liken Wildflowers to people. I don’t want to know people just like me; that think like me, dress like me and share opinions with me. I see beauty in diversity and always have. I do no not understand judgment of others. I believe one of the best ways to learn who we are, is to know and have relationships with people that are different from us. Again, it became clear to me that Wildflower’s don’t care where they grow and that this too shows I am aligned with my purpose.

In 2006, my daughter Abi was born and she is my miracle baby. Her father and I experienced 5 miscarriages between our two children. When she arrived we were so happy to have a healthy baby girl. She is my baby wildflower, no doubt. She is opinionated and inquisitive like her mother. She amazes me with the way she thinks every day! Late one winter night, when she was sick, we watched my favorite Disney movie, Alice in Wonderland. Anyone remember the snotty roses that were whispering and judging Alice for being different? "Do you suppose she is a Wildflower?” they said. The wildflower connection resonated with me again! I realized, I’m Alice, so-to-speak. It was here I really started to embrace that was a human wildflower. I had been through some painful experiences and those seem to make you a little more empowered to be true to yourself. You start realizing that you have been your very own best friend a lot; you start to appreciate yourself for it.

WHO WANTS TO BE IN THE STUFFY THORNY ROSE GARDEN TIED UP TO POSTS OR A TRELLIS AND CONDITIONED IN HOW AND WHERE TO GO?? NOT I!

I prefer to grow old being wild, free, still learning and raising hell when I want to. I try to always stay mindful about being aligned with my purpose, helping others; I can do that just about anywhere. I’m about as battered and bruised from the strong winds of change that one wildflower could be but apparently God made me super resilient. I’ve loved hard, gotten hurt; even caused some pain of my own. I had to learn to let go of my own guilt and shame that I was carrying and then, forgive myself. Only then, could I forgive anyone else. Finally releasing negativity that I’d been holding inside until it was toxicity flowing through my veins, allowed me to move forward and feel worthy of fulfilling my purpose. The negative self-talk had to go for me to get where I needed to go.

4. Learning from our past rather than living in it, is one of the best ways to apply lessons we learn along the way to our authentic self. I had to forgive myself before I could truly forgive anyone else.

I always loved music from my parent’s generation. As a teen, I felt they wasted their lives by missing Woodstock. They shake their heads when I mention this, as that is so not their style. If reincarnation happens I am pretty sure I was there dancing somewhere in the crowd with a sundress and tambourine. I have always done things differently than my family has. I have no problem thinking outside the box especially now that I have embraced my authentic self. Wildflower would have been my hippie name at Woodstock and for that reason and the others that I am sharing with you today, it became my social media name for my blog as well.

Today I am 40. I still don’t fit in but I don’t want to. I kind cringe at the thought of it now. I’m not one to worry a lot about what people think of me because I’m usually worrying about someone else. New people I meet do not know what to think of me. I think much deeper into things than most; typical of an INFJ personality type. Less than two percent of the population are INFJ, which explains why we feel so misunderstood all the time. We try to see every side and angle and for an INFJ personality type there are at least 8 sides to everything; INFJ’s will entertain each and every one.

5. When no one seems to understand me or where I’m coming from, music always does. I love and express gratitude for it on a daily basis. Music has kept me going when no one else cared or even knew I had a need. Music has a healing power to it and I have always related to various artists and genres. Just like people, my taste in music is diverse. Music connects people, music touches the soul, speaks in frequency and word; MUSIC HEALS!

At 40, I discovered I am an empath after being in a relationship with a narcissistic personality type. I finally understood why strangers want to tell me their life stories and why my intuitions are so strong and annoyingly accurate. I can often feel a person’s vibe right away; their pain, sorrow, joy and love. When there is hate in the room I can feel that too; it has a strong energy. A lot of folks just need someone to be there and the empath friend is usually that person. We get drained carrying our energy around plus yours and whoever else we walk by at Wal-Mart or church or anywhere else. However, once I began to see it for the gift that it is I began to express gratitude for it and I began to use it to fulfill my purpose. When I discovered this about myself I also became a sponge for information about this gift and what it means to have it.

6. I’ve been able to gain strength in knowing that my purpose it to help people. I have just had to learn the hard way that you cannot push a rope uphill. You are no help to someone who rejects your help, won’t help themselves, meet you halfway or is focused on what they can TAKE from you. I have had to face the fact that I am NOT Jesus and everyone is not meant to be saved by me.

Another reason it seemed natural to refer to myself as a Wildflower in my blog or to write as #theintuitivewildflower is that I have been saying since about 1995 that I belong among the Wildflower’s thanks to a Tom Petty song, Wildflowers. It just touched my soul in a way that I don’t think any song ever had before or has again to this very day. I always felt just like the song says, still do

“You belong among the wildflowers,

you belong in a boat out at sea.

Sail away, kill off the hours;

you belong somewhere you feel free….”

It resonated very deeply with me as a Senior in High School, I was making big decisions about my future, my career and my life within my own head. Meanwhile, my folks were also making their own plans for me. Eighteen is that age when you are ready to execute your independence and leave home but you are still a little uncertain about your ability and the opinions of those who love you most, still play a big part in your decision making.

7. I wanted to declare at 18, that I knew who I was but I hadn’t yet embraced my authentic self. I also realize if I had, that I wouldn’t have been ready to fulfill my purpose the way I am meant to. I would not have had the many life lessons that prepared me for my calling. My purpose was literally born from my pain, mistakes and hurt. Therefore, when I finally mustered up the strength and courage to start sharing my story at 40, I had to get really comfortable with being uncomfortable. When I realized that my message, my story and my pain were all part of my purpose; amazing things began to happen in my life! Empowerment came to me when I embraced the fact that there was a purpose to my pain and so I began to write about it and my healing process.

The original blog title was ‘Where the Wildflower’s Grow’ and was started partly to hold myself accountable to my personal growth after ending a toxic relationship; to keep my promise to myself that I would not go backwards in my life anymore! It was a way for me to help heal myself, to get my voice back, to stay no contact with the ex and to help other women in similar situations begin to heal too. I had been held down emotionally for several years. I recognized the fact that I was in no way a model, public persona or public speaker. I knew that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and thankfully, the empowered me, dove in head first; knowing it was now or never! I’ve discovered that the more I write and meet people through my blog; there are so many people in need of empowerment, inspiration, love and healing. They have a variety of hurts that I want to help or encourage to heal, then, find and fulfill their purpose. I can’t limit it to just one group or one type of trauma; I just know my purpose is to help people when needed in some kind of way and that is my “WHY” for continuing my Adventures of a Wildflower blog.

8. Self-belief and recognizing that my story mattered was the result of choosing to focus on personal growth and healing! I stopped noticing my flaws and noticed this new empowered woman I had become. When I decided other people and their healing were more important than my frizzy hair, adult acne, crow’s feet and past; I evolved. I got closer to my authentic self and I started to shine! I knew that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and the empowered me dove in, head first; knowing it was now or never! This started to empower others.

It was the most major and empowering milestone move of personal growth, the day I started this blog experience! What I realize now, at 41 years of age, is this; growing up, it wasn’t that I was so different in anyone else’s eyes, I was the average, active, sporty type and participated in the usual activities youth are usually offered to choose from. I felt different within myself because I was always thinking so deeply and feeling so deeply everything around me. I asked questions about everything and remember thinking, as young as 8 or 9 years old, that my friends were just plain wrong for thinking “I don’t know” was an acceptable answer to anything I wanted to learn more about. I wondered why things that mattered to me didn’t seem to matter to anyone else. I was pretty confident and I’ll praise my parents for that. I wasn’t really an introvert early on, I was fairly outgoing and often comical if comfortable enough in the crowd around me.

9. KNOW THYSELF- C.G. JUNG…. To be committed to learning and knowing who I am was the best advice I ever took. A good friend told me to do this the year we both turned 40, as we discussed our birthdays and the feeling that there was something that changed for us both then; we felt as if we wanted to chase whatever was missing! He recommended I take the Meyer’s-Briggs personality test to begin the process. Now, knowing I am an intuitive empath and an INFJ, the rarest of personality types; it all makes sense! I now understand why I grew up feeling like the black sheep of the family or the big yellow daisy in the middle of all the dainty pink roses. Had I not discovered these traits about myself I may have mistaken them for anxiety or OCD or another mental health issue. On the contrary, I learned that I had been gifted these traits and they were directly aligned with my purpose and calling! I would never want to numb them.

Lastly, my blog was created to prevent suicide and raise awareness for the need of empathy, compassion, understanding and acceptance regarding Mental Health Issues and Disabilities; to provide education, inspiration and a place to discuss these topics peacefully.

On my facebook page, you will see that I offer my time. I know what it feels like to feel different, misunderstood, judged or taken for granted, to be mentally drained from feeling so deeply and caring so much; also to fail more than once. My time is for you: the other wildflowers that are always out there spreading sunshine and planting seeds of love in a hateful world. You are so strong but on weak day there is no one to give you sunshine or water to grow. It’s not because they do not love you. They don’t understand the depth of your love and kindness. So whether you are drained empath in need of boost or an empath unaware that just read this and thought, maybe I’m an empath too. Maybe you are an eccentric free-spirited Wildflower in need of some sun; if you feel alone come here. You are always welcome and I promise to have something posted up to uplift, motivate, encourage or empower you to keep going every time you visit.

10. Putting a plan to purpose! It doesn’t matter how or where you start putting a plan to your purpose. Once you discover it, you will feel obligated to start practicing things towards fulfilling it. That’s just what you see me doing here! I know what it is like to be so strong that no one would believe you could be weak! I know you need the kind of friend for YOU that you are to everyone else. I feel you friend, I do. If you need to reach out and just don’t know where to go…….come here! If my shoulder or words are not enough I will personally assist you in finding a resource that provides just what you need!

In the blog, I discuss the importance of positivity, self-development, business, healing, mental health and the healing power of music. As an amazon affiliate I share this link with you and you can find some of my very favorite resources, books and music pertaining to topics such as this! https://amzn.to/2DQKVc2my

I hope you will follow along with me on these Adventures of a Wildflower as I just totally put myself out there in hopes to find some other wildflowers that need a garden to grow in; a safe place to come and recharge or relax so you can remember:

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE AND YOU HAVE A PURPOSE JUST AS SPECIAL; IN FACT, YOU WERE MADE FOR IT!

Peace, good vibes and One Love,

Karyn Dee #theintuitivewildflower

Dedicated in honor of John Michael Dutcher

who was, without a doubt, a very strong and most beautiful wildflower with the most precious soul!

#theintuitivewildflower : tumblr, pinterest, G+, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and linkedin

#theintuitivewildflower FEED YOUR HEAD!! (with help from Amazon)

In my blog, Adventures of a Wildflower, I discuss often the lack of readers we have in the world today. As an adult, I have had people say they haven’t opened a book since high school. That needs to change. Rediscover something good for you today. Feed your head with Amazon’s kindleunlimited package. https://amzn.to/2DQKVc2my

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sadpottedplant · 6 years

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1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? whatever paper is lying around

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i take tea w honey

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? actually no

6: do you keep plants? i try

7: do you name your plants? no

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? pen and pencil

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? NANA?

12: what’s your favorite planet? saturn or neptune

13: what’s something that made you smile today? being able to talk with nina on the way home from school

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots of windows and plants and books and bedding! also rlly high up!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there are more suns in our galaxy than there are grains of sand on earth

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? whole wheat angel hair with butter and parmesan

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? blue

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one time ioffered to sub for this guy i didnt relly know and i said “hashtag helpful” out loud and he as so disgusted ug

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I want to ! And I want to write about thhings i like and draw lil doodles and paint in it!

20: what’s your favorite eye color? BROWN

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. well i dont really love my bag but i had this purple backback all throughout elementary and middle school

22: are you a morning person? no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? look up things to draw and play mindless games

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? i dont think so. i wish though

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? in 8th grade i had to break into my own house

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? maybe my old converse

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? watermelon

28: sunrise or sunset? i wish sunrise but reaistically sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? one of my friends always leans forward whenever I break when I drive my car. And another one gets really excited bout numbers and its adorable

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes one time i thought my house was getting broken into and another time i thought i was lost int he woods

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like socks that have cute patterns and are warm

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

33: what’s your fave pastry? brownies

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i did but that shit expensive

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean bu its always mesy

38: tell us about your pet peeves! broken nails anpying and people wo are ompetetive about everything and make you feel bad about yourself

39: what color do you wear the most? blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a sun necklacce that my sister gave my mom from mexico that i “borrow”

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect beads

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the transcending brain meme

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? no but i want to

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? slept in the attic to rove i should have a bedroom there

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? being funny and optimistic and talkative

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? excited and yes

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? rache is the wine mom and ella is the vodka aunt

59: what’s your favorite myth?

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? i gave a set of lobster claw gloves. I received an eraser.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i leav them be

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? ella, or shana

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

68: what’s winter like where you live? pretty at first but cold and oo slushy and gross at the end

69: what are your favorite board games?clue and rack-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?no

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? lemon

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? kin of

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastination

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they always strive to be the best and they are quiet when you first meet them but loud and funny and competetive once they are comfortable with you

75: tell us about your pets! i have a guinea pig who is paralyzed

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? my pyschology paper

77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? taken me out to cheesecake factory for my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? cream color but i hate the color and i wish i had chose blue i am really indecisive

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

82: are/were you good in school? i am pretty good in school

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? calvin and hobbes!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

89: are you close to your parents? yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love the vibe o san fransisco, everything is so pretty. i also love new ork city because there is so much going on

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? im goign to the galapagos islands in 10 days (im nervouse)

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drowns

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? ponytail

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

95: what are your plans for this weekend? draw and pack for an upcoming trip and do homework

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it depends

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk, cancer, hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? past, because i have a lot of regrets and i reallly would like to fix them

#me #bc why not #no one else has to see this

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