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eywamygoddesswrites · 1 year

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— 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓷𝓽 — (sully family x fem!sully!reader)

pairing: sully family x fem!omatikaya!sully!reader

tags: mourning, getting therapy

warnings: lowercase intended, implied character death, angst

a/n: characters are aged up! this is inspired by that one tiktok audio and then my curiosity got the better of me and turns out, it was a whole youtube series and i was hooked on it. i've been wanting to make a fic based on that audio for a while but didn't know what characters to use. hope you guys enjoy despite it being angst ㅠㅠ

a/n 2: do you want a longer version of this oneshot? look no further because i will be making a short series based on the youtube series called "LUCIDS" and the masterlist can be found here!

word count: 1.1k

+ gif not mine. ctto.

y/n had been keeping herself busy for the past 3 months. she did everything to keep her mind off of everything. weaving baskets and nets like it was a project to give everyone in the clan, fishing for meals that can have her family full for 5 whole months, collecting and discarding every foraged stuff she could get from her endless walks, riding her ilu further and further beyond the reef just to feel something.

being the oldest of the sully kids was tiring but even being a sister wasn't able to make her feel anything. it was much more numbing than it should be. it made her distant from them.

lo'ak couldn't meet y/n in her eyes. it was like if they looked at each other, the walls they both built would crumble the second their gazes meet. it was like strangers being forced to get to know each other after knowing the horrible crimes they both did.

kiri was very concerned for her older sister. y/n exerts her energy beyond her capacity, does dangerous explorations beyond the reef, and sometimes come back with cuts and bruises, and how she would skip meals to finish all the projects she 'needs' to weave. she was overworking herself and in the 3 months y/n was busy, she had fainted countless times eventually norm and max were called when it kept happening.

tuk missed her big sister so much. she missed collecting pearls by the shore and being carried around while exploring the forest. she was scared at how y/n looked now. from once being a bubbly young adult who was curious and eager to learn something new to a drained-out, almost dead-looking na'vi who would kill people if she saw them looking at her weirdly.

if the three were concerned, imagine how her parents feel. it hurt jake and neytiri to see their oldest overwork herself to distract whatever she was feeling. jake knew how it felt like and he wanted to help his daughter badly. but each time he tried to talk to her, y/n would push him away further and further. she even hissed at him to make her point.

neytiri was angry and concerned. why was her daughter pushing her own mother away when all she wanted to do was help? y/n shouldn't push her away because as her mother, neytiri understands her more than y/n knows, or at least that's what she likes to think.

it was like y/n became a stranger that the sully's just allowed to stay in their home.

when y/n was fishing for dinner, her mind had been wandering elsewhere. her eyes stared down at the net she held as dread slowly filled her mind. it was like her sight was enlarging in front of her until she hears a distorted voice call out her name. "y/n."

she pulled away from her trance, eyes widening as her breathing became slightly erratic. y/n breathed in deeply through her nose and out through her mouth before her attention went to ao'nung, or what looked like ao'nung by the shore.

"hey there! just a quick update. tsireya is still swimming with the ikrans, who were gliding through the mountains on their bellies, then they ate an eye of a seaweed. now, the ilus and tulkans are fighting for some reason." ao'nung said, he was far away from y/n but somehow she heard everything clearly.

"oh… wow…" y/n says, clearly not understanding a single thing from what the metkayina had just said.

"how's your existential crisis coming along?" he asked so nonchalantly.

y/n was bewildered to say the least. this was the longest time she had held a conversation for how many months now.

"uh… fine?" she answered back but it sounded more like a question. "good!" ao'nung exclaimed back before turning around to leave when,

"ao'nung!" y/n immediately called for him, who turned back around to look. "can… can dreams also have memories?" that sounded wrong. "i mean, can you still have dreams even when you're dreaming?"

"oh, y/n. what else are memories if not dreams themselves?" ao'nung replies, not making as much sense as the question she asked.

"what–" "alright then, more soon!" ao'nung cuts her off before running off to eywa knows where.

y/n was left once again with her thoughts. she turns back to the net she was holding, only for it to be gone. this confused her and when she turned back to where the shore was, the next thing she knew, she was sitting on a giant rock.

"do you blame yourself?" the same distorted voice that called out her name earlier asked. distress filled her veins as she looked to where she heard the voice.

y/n's eyebrows furrowed. "what?" she asked. she saw herself, an exact copy of herself wearing human clothes that norm and max wear with a pen and paper held in her hands.

"well, it's quite common in this situation for a patient to feel a kind of guilt." her copy said, voice distorting more and more.

y/n's mind was in turmoil. "what situation?" she asked. the same dread she was feeling came into full force. her chest became heavy as it caused her to not breathe well.

her copy had this concerned look but the smallest of a smirk appeared on her lips, the following words leaving the copy's mouth. "the accident."

that's when y/n was transported back to the day neteyam had died.

she was there when he was shot through the chest. she knew the bullet was meant for her but he pushed her away and in turn, the faith of death fell upon him.

while the rest of her family had cried, she didn't. instead, she felt numb and angry. no other emotions filled her body except these two. it had helped her kill some sky people and some avatars when she came back to save kiri with her parents but after that, all y/n felt was numbness.

the heavy routine she placed upon herself became the only thing that made her feel something through the numbness she felt. it wasn't enough but at least it was something.

the same distorted voice came back. "it's very common for people to invent blame or create a causality" then the voice became normal in an abrupt manner, and her surroundings turned to norm's lab where he used his avatar and where they were able to breathe normally. "when in reality, it was completely out of your control." norm's voice was soft as he talked to the young na'vi in front of him, who in turn was staring off through the distance.

the forest where she and neteyam grew up, only for her brother to never come back home.

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poppadom0912 · 2 months

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Excuses

Warnings: Mentions of fainting, diabetes, canon-typical injuries

Summary: You suffer the consequences just because your teacher thought you were making excuses.

A/N: First fic of 2024!!! I had plans that I was going to post weekly in the new year just like last year but things went downhill. This january and february has had its very good but also really bad moments and even writing this was a struggle. I've found myself in a weird place of wanting to write but struggling and all of a sudden not being able to balance my schoolwork and writing. So I took a lil step back to solely focus on my work but looking at everything now, my fic updates will be much less frequent but hopefully just as or if not, more fun to read.

I feel bad for not saying or posting anything since the new year but I'm here now and hopefully will be more alive. I've got lots planned for you beautiful people, several series and way too many fics in my drafts that I cannot wait for you all to read. This wasn't as long or as juicy as I intended but my brain completely failed me so I hope this is good enough. I initially wanted to post this at the beginning of March but I finished the final editing today so here you go!!

Final note before we start, I have general knowledge about diabetes but that's all from my grandma. I have no idea if it's the same for teenagers so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Happy reading!!

Your biology teacher had been on maternity for three weeks now and you were seriously contemplating life.

Because of the crappy rules surrounding maternity leave, when your teacher refused to return before her three months ended, your school had a supply teacher fill in for her till she came back.

Since day one, you knew you hated her.

It was mid lesson and you knew as soon as you started feeling sluggish that your sugar levels were dropping. Your thoughts were only confirmed when your Dexcom receiver let you know of your decreasing glucose.

This wasn't a usual occurrence. Will and Jay always made sure you had eaten enough and you had the means to maintain the needed glucose levels so that nothing happened.

Alas, you were up late revising and you were stressing about keeping up your good grades. Jay was rushing you out the door because he needed to go to a scene he'd just been called to and Will was out walking Kol and hadn't seen you leave.

In conclusion, it'd been a hot minute since you last ate something.

The school were well aware of your diabetes. It was one of the very important things your brothers stressed them about when you first started.

Most students knew about it actually, having seen your Dexcom and not understanding since a diabetic child apparently wasn't common according to them.

So, when you randomly pulled out a snack from your bag mid class, no one questioned it and instead would make sure you were okay. There'd never been a problem before in school and everyone wanted it to stay that way.

However, this new teacher, Mrs Byrne was apparently completely unaware of your medical condition.

"Y/N. You know the rules about eating in class." She said strictly, pulling away all the attention from the board onto you.

She stopped you in the middle of opening the packet of fruit gummies. You frowned, looking at her confused along with your classmates.

"I have diabetes." You said bluntly, continuing to open the packet. "I don't eat this and I'll pass out."

Mrs Byrne only rolled her eyes, smiling at you condescendingly. "I've heard that excuse hundreds of times, give those to me."

You scoffed at the audacity, refusing to hand over what was yours.

It was when she started walking towards your desk with a pep in her step that the entire class got involved. Their raised voices overlapped, some angrier than others over what was happening.

However, you too were Stubborn alike to your brothers so you kept as firm of a grip of the packet. You turned a blind eye to the anger fuelled cover teacher. You continued to smile as she spewed threats of all sorts.

Due to your frustration and annoyance over the teacher who wanted to take your gummies away, you didn't notice how everything started change; how hard it was to move your eyes and lips, your limbs getting heavier and you thoughts slowly getting muddled up.

Lost in a daze, you were no longer able to fight back when she pulled harder, successfully snatching the small packet out of your hands. It was now that the class got furious, your friends were already up and at your side but now they were verbally attacking the teacher.

Fed up with her petty behaviour, you were going to get up and go to the nurses office who would take care of you but getting out your seat was harder said than done.

With one of your friends help, you weren't too sure who was helping you from your hazy sight that cleared when you blinked too many times.

You were wobbly on your feet, taking slow and hesitant steps towards the front of the classroom but before you could leave, you felt your legs give out and everything went black.

*****

It turned out that supposed crime scene that he was imminently needed at was nothing but a prank by a bunch of college boys resulting in a grumpy Hank putting them in cuffs and having them fined for a very reasonable reason.

That's how the rest of the unit found themselves finishing up paperwork, catching up about life in general as they debated what they were getting for lunch.

Jay was smugly sitting back, eyes flickering between Kevin and Adam who were bickering over something trivial when his phone rung, catching everyone's attention.

They were all so bored and normally when one of their phones went off during work hours, it meant something came up and they were needed.

In interest, everyone turned their heads towards Jay and waited for him to tell them they got a crime scene.

Picking up his phone, Jay's brows furrowed at the number, confused as to why your school was calling him in the middle of the day. They'd only call him if two things happened: You'd gotten in trouble or you got hurt.

"Hello. Is this Y/N Halsteads brother Jay?" A voice he couldn't recognised asked, most likely some lady from the main office.

"Yeah, that's me." Jay confirmed, sitting up in preparation for whatever he was going to be told.

"So sorry to interrupt you sir but Y/N collapsed in class." The lady said with guilt laced in her words. "Your other brother didn't pick up the phone. We called to let you know we had to call the paramedics and they've taken her to Chicago Med."

"Uh yeah." Jay said, collecting his jacket and keys. "Yes, thank you."

Not waiting for a reply, Jay hung up and quickly knocked on Hank's office door frame.

"Sarge, I gotta get Y/N-"

"Go get her. We're done here."

*****

Wanting to pull his hair out, Will rubbed his eyes in frustration, glaring at his patients scans that only confused him further. He was tired and was coming to half way through his twenty four hour shift.

"Dr Halstead- Uh, Dr Rhodes in T4." Maggie stumbled, looking down at her brick and making sure she read it correctly.

"What's wrong?" Will asked, confused as to why Maggie changed her mind which she usually never did.

"It's Y/N."

Now fully awake, Will followed Connor towards the ambulance bay where you were being rolled in. You were groggily sitting up on the stretcher, you hair a mess and a few scratches around your face and hands from when you fell.

"Sylvie, what happened?" Will asked the blonde paramedic while looking you over. He desperately wanted to check you over himself but let Connor do his thing. He really did not need Ms Goodwin on his case today.

"Teachers didn't tell us much but her classmates said she collapsed after not being able to eat." Sylvie relayed the minimal information she knew, shrugging her shoulders when the two doctors looked at her weirdly. "No one would tell us anything more."

"Y/N, it's Connor. Can you hear me kid?" Connor said while pulling out his penlight. He was like another brother to you, his concern just as high. "Can you tell me what happened?"

You groaned, mumbling nonsense with your eyes screwed closed. Your words were mostly unintelligible but Will understood them mere seconds later.

Fixing the problem you complained about, Will turned down the lights and let Connor continue fussing over you.

It didn't take long to find out the cause of your collapse, Will sighing at the news when he read the numbers from your tests.

"I thought she was always on top of her sugar levels." Connor said, closing the room door so you could sleep in peace.

And what he said was completely true but they weren't aware of why you couldn't today specifically of all days.

"She is." Will said, rubbing a hand down his face in frustration. "Maybe her dexcom malfunctioned or something."

Connor hummed, agreeing with his friend.

"Hmm, maybe."

*****

Arriving at Med, Will gave Jay a detailed rundown of everything he new about your medical state but also the events pre your hospital arrival.

Getting a good look at you, holding your hand in his and kissing you on your forehead, Jay was more than happy to leave you in your oldest brothers safe hands while he got to the bottom of this entire ordeal.

He noticed Sylvie was still at Med, Foster mentioning they were running low on a few supplies so they needed some stocking up. Jay took this opportunity to interview the two paramedics and try to get further understanding on this situation that wasn't making much sense to him.

Arriving at your school, Jay had some thoughts in mind but they weren't very concrete and his confidence wasn't as strong as he'd like it to be.

Walking into the school, Jay immediately noticed an entire class sitting and standing around in the corridor waiting in front of the principals office.

One of the girls who had been sitting in a chair had caught sight of Jay, her eyes widening before she smiled, gently nudging the girl next to her and pointing in his direction. The girls reaction was the exact same.

This created a sort of domino effect as the boy next to her noticed Jay and everyone was telling the other of his sudden arrival. The once silent corridor was now beginning to fill with murmurs and whispers, all their eyes glued onto his figure that moved down the corridor, their shocked faces quickly changing into smiles and smirks.

It seems that Jay had a reputation of sorts.

"Why are you making so much noise? What did I just say about talking-"

The principal cut himself off from his scolding when he suddenly noticed Jay's presence, his face blanching as all the pieces clicked into place.

"Detective Halstead! What a surprise, we weren't expecting to see you so soon-"

This time Jay cut him off, not too bothered about his lack manners. "My brothers with Y/N at the hospital so I thought there was no other perfect time."

The principal remained silent.

"Now, why don't you explain to me why my sister fainted under your watch?"

The students behind Jay couldn't help but snicker knowingly.

#onechicago #one chicago x reader #one chicago imagine #halstead sister #jay halstead #will halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead oneshot #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x sister!reader #will halstead x reader #will halstead imagine #will halstead x sister!reader

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simplepotatofarmer · 10 months

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Blog Update:

Hi, it's me, Loyal.

I just want to say first and foremost, I really do love (parts of) the fandom and I'm not going anywhere.

I will, however, not be around as much. One, I'm about to enter an all day intensive treatment plan so I'll literally just be on in the evening. Two, as much as I'm going to keep writing and creating, I have no intention of interacting publicly with fandom as much as I have.

I can't. It's actually fucking insane that it's gotten to this point. I made tribute post and because I used lyrics from Dream's song, I got harassed. The people doing this, acting like this, thinking this way are insane.

So in case it's not clear: Based on my personal lived experience and some information that's come to light, I still enjoy Dream's content. You can approach me personally, off anon, if you want to know my reasoning. If you dislike me for this, that's fine. But I'm done trying to walk this fine line just so I don't get people threatening me, my kids, and my pets. Just so people stop sending me the city I live in, so they stop digging up twelve year old tweets, so they stop calling me slurs and suicide baiting me.

That's absolutely insane. It's horrible. It's disgusting and I was honestly just sitting here, taking it, because I'm terrified of upsetting people and losing friends if I say 'yeah, I'm excited for a new manhunt and I also this song helped me and my kids process my grief'. And the worst part is, it's not an unfounded fear. People have done the most vile shit to me. People I thought were friends jumped on me instead of those harassing me.

I just want to post about Techno and c!Rivals duo and not worry about whether or not this post is going to get me hate. I don't want to worry about how random discord servers are talking about me.

Because that's fucking batshit. Not the worrying, but what these people are doing and I'm tired of letting this effect me. I have enough going on in my personal life. My partner of 15 years almost died. We almost lost our house. I should be able to come online and post about the silly minecraft guys I like and their RP and lore without censoring myself out of fear of literally being doxxed and cyber stalked. I should be able to talk about the racism that effects me without being afraid people will make it about cc drama or calling me slurs or erasing my identity as an Ojibwe person.

The people doing this are the problem. It hurts that so many people are part of this, it really does. But I can't keep letting it get to me. I've always done my best to be kind. I haven't been perfect, especially not lately, because all this hate and stress has gotten to me. I've lashed out. I shouldn't have.

And I shouldn't have had to deal with all that shit in the first place. I hope no one else does. It's terrifying and draining and I'm done.

So I intend to post the things I enjoy, I intend to reblog my friends' art, write the Emerald duo and Rivals duo fics I want to. I want to post about the Syndicate and the new manhunt when it comes out. That's what I'm going to do.

Asks are staying off for the moment because people are too happy to make burner blogs but I'll probably turn them back on at some point as I love answering lore and headcanon questions and, again, it's fucked up I can't enjoy an aspect of the site and fandom because people can't just leave me alone.

To those people: Get help. You're harassing someone because you think they deserve it and that's the most fucked up thing.

To everyone else: So so many of you have been amazing. You've been supportive, you've been kind. That kindness and support speaks volumes and I love you all. I genuinely love you. Dreblr, you've been here for me for over a year at this point and I cannot thank you enough. You are the best part of fandom as far as I'm concerned. And to Dtblr, y'all have come to support me countless times and that means the world to me, it really does. As for all my fellow Rivals duo fans, you people are worth your weight in gold for the joy you bring. A special shout-out to @vpofcookies because you've been here since the beginning, practically, and I love you. There's more but you know who you are.

Anyway, I've been carrying this for awhile and I'm tired. I'm no longer going to give any amount of thought to the people determined to drag me down and harass me constantly.

My best advice is stop focusing on the things and people you hate and instead focus on what you love. That's what I plan to do, from here on out.

#I had someone help me write this because it's been a lot but hopefully this makes sense and explains things.#I'm leaving tomorrow. I just had a break because of everything that happened lately. With the car and then missing Techno so much.#Then the sudden onslaught it was like. Wow. This isn't good! I need change.#So I'm changing things. And I do know this is going to get me hate of course.#But I mean. I'm done with caring about that. I have people and things that I love and that's what I care about.#loyal talks about stuff and things #I'm not tagging this as discourse because like this is my literal fandom experience.

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soulerflaire · 12 days

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Wanted to update some reviews I gave of a couple animes, and add a few more reviews of ones I've watched in the past few months. This is gonna be really, really long.

The Apothecary Diaries

First off, I want to apologize because I still don't really care about anyone except Maomao so I don't remember most people's names. I had originally given this one an 8/10 because Maomao was such an excellent character, but I didn't like anyone else. Now that the first season is over, I'm gonna have to downgrade to 7/10. Maomao is still great, but the show had a turning point midway through, and stopped being a "mystery of the week" show that spotlighted Maomao's wit. It began to focus more and more on Maomao and Jinshi's relationship, and I can no longer pretend they aren't going to inevitably end up together. On the upside, Jinshi slowly becomes less of a creep.

The part that I really have thoughts on, though, is Maomao's biological father. It's made pretty clear around the same time as that turning point that the mysterious brilliant military strategist is her biological father, from whom she is intentionally estranged (unwillingly on his part, though). The show makes a big deal of him being a complete asshole and that Maomao hates him, and it becomes the overarching plot that he is trying to force Jinshi to set up a meeting between him and Maomao. There's one particular scene that sticks out, where Jinshi mentions the strategist wanting to meet with her, and we get a brief flash of pure hatred on Maomao's face, before Jinshi quietly apologizes and says he'll make an excuse for her. This is the only time we've ever seen Maomao that angry, and the show makes it very clear how unsettled Jinshi was at seeing that from her.

Except, we eventually find out that the strategist, while admittedly an arrogant asshole, isn't evil or all that terrible, and actually genuinely loves Maomao's mother. He did not intend to get her pregnant, he wasn't trying to reduce her value as a courtesan so he could afford her; he was actually trying to save up the money to buy her out so they could get married. He only found out about Maomao after she was born, and by then the brothel wouldn't let him back in to see her. And we find out that Maomao knew this all along, and actually blamed her mother for it all, believing she intentionally got pregnant so as to reduce her value enough for her biological father to buy her out, and bad luck forced him to stay away too long. Maomao didn't hate her biological father, she just didn't consider him her actual father and didn't want him inserting himself into her life.

And...I don't like that. For one, I enjoyed having this antagonist for Maomao to battle with, trying to foil his plans to force her into his custody, and I liked being able to hate him. And for another, finding out she didn't hate him at all completely undercuts that scene where she gets so angry. When Jinshi questions her about the look, she brushes him off and it's never mentioned again. It was a fake out, and I hate fake outs.

Also, while the scene where he goes to the brothel to buy out a courtesan after losing his bet against Maomao is very touching, I was very confused as to why he didn't know Maomao's mother was still alive. Why did the brothel not demand he buy her out way back when? Why did they let him think she was dead instead of trying to make him take responsibility for what happened? I get being furious with him, but the flashback where he gets thrown out makes it pretty damn clear he was devastated and wanted to make amends. And the fact that the very instant he realizes Maomao's mother is still alive he loses all composure and rushes to her, and weeps for joy at seeing her despite her condition, means he would happily have bought her out back then too.

The whole thing felt like the show was trying to trick us. And that's fine when done well, misdirection can be a lot of fun in a show! But I felt lied to. Maomao's anger scene, and the strategist telling Jinshi to ask about lowering the value of a courtesan, they don't make sense now that we know the truth. They were just lies that get brushed aside after the reveal.

Maomao's still enough to carry the show and I will look out for season 2, but I am not as hyped for this one as i was before. Frieren: Beyond Journey's End

This is another one that didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped. It's down to 8/10 for me. The mage's exam section really stalled out the show; it felt like the whole purpose of that arc, which lasted longer than any other arc this season by far, was to focus on Fern's growth as a mage. And to me, the show is starting to lose its focus. We started out with Frieren's personal growth and how she was changed by her journey with Himmel, but now, it feels more like an origin story for Fern the Legendary Mage. I don't hate Fern, but I just don't find her as compelling a character right now. I wish we'd at least wait until Frieren completes her journey before focusing so much on Fern.

As an aside, I find it hilarious and sad how hard Stark got sidelined in the second half of season 1. Dude has nothing to do at this point and is just kind of There.

Shangri-La Frontier

On the other side of things, Shangri-La Frontier continues to impress. The show just kept putting out excellent episode after excellent episode, and now I can't wait for season 2. I honestly don't have anything new to say about it, just that it's definitely become one of my top animes that I've ever watched, and I hope season 2 doesn't drop the ball.

Now for new (to me) shows:

Solo Leveling

Synopsis: Portals have started appearing all over the world, and if left alone, begin spitting out hordes of fantasy monsters that are immune to conventional weaponry. But random people have been blessed with fantasy powers and can fight the monsters; they become hunters that take out the monsters, enter the portals, and shut them down. Sung Jinwoo was the weakest of all hunters until a near death experience triggers an awakening, where suddenly he gets a video game-like interface that gives him quests and objectives which level him up, boosting his power beyond what normal hunters are capable of.

First off, this show is very graphic and bloody. It also has zero qualms about killing people. But that doesn't mean it takes the deaths lightly. Jinwoo's adventuring party is nearly wiped out in the first two episodes, a few people only making it out because Jinwoo stayed behind, and the show does not just gloss over this. One of the survivors is so traumatized she's close to giving up being a hunter altogether, and several people urge Jinwoo to quit after his unexplained survival, saying he's not gonna be that lucky again. The show addresses dark topics and themes, but does so with the gravity they deserve. It's not bloody for the sake of being bloody, it's bloody to emphasize how dangerous, dirty, and traumatizing being a hunter would be.

But aside from the good writing, I am also fascinated by the game interface concept. He is, as far as we know, in the real world, but the interface refers to him as "the player" and his powers are decidedly video gamey. He gets stat points for completing daily quests, he gets experience points for killing things and levels up, he even has a video game-style inventory where he can summon or dismiss items at will. And yet there are times where it's made clear that this interface is not just a mindless computer. At one point, where several other hunters are planning to kill Jinwoo, an "emergency quest" pops up, saying that "5 people intend to kill the player. Kill people 0/5". When Jinwoo doesn't immediately accept, it updates with "Failure to complete this quest will result in a penalty." Jinwoo still doesn't immediately accept it, and it updates a third time: "Failure to complete this quest will result in the player's heart stopping." Whoever or whatever the interface is, it very much wants Jinwoo to become stronger and is willing to threaten him to do it. It turns out killing other hunters gives a large amount of xp.

And later on, when Jinwoo is trapped in the throne room after completing his job quest, he hallucinates a version of himself before his awakening; this other him taunts him and says he's weak, that he's useless and should just die, which of course makes him angry and gives him the motivation to keep going just out of spite. I'm pretty sure that other him was the interface speaking to him directly, ensuring he doesn't give up and die.

My own pet theory for the show is that we're watching the birth of the eventual villain of the story. Jinwoo has commented multiple times how power reduces empathy, and the he himself has found his emotions being dulled as he levels up. Couple that with him unlocking and picking the Necromancer job, I think if something doesn't come along to snap him out of it, there's a good chance by the end of the show we're going to see him versus all the other major hunters we've been seeing side stories of, possibly with their own awakenings and resulting improved powers. 8/10.

Villainess Level 99: I May Be the Hidden Boss but I'm Not the Demon Lord

Summary: College girl dies in our world and is reborn as Yumiella Dolkness, the hidden boss of a fantasy dating sim that was her favorite game in her previous life. Not wanting to fall prey to the death the plot intends for her, she begins power leveling herself to try and make sure she's strong enough to survive any attack, while also vowing to interact with the plot characters as little as possible to avoid triggering any flags. Unfortunately, once she enters the school where the game takes place, she finds out (as does everyone else) that her power leveling resulted in her reaching level 99. For comparison, the strongest knight in the kingdom is only level 60.

When I first started watching this show, I gave it 9/10. The humor, Yumiella's deadpan delivery of every line, the way other characters reacted to her absurd strength, it was all just so good. I also enjoyed poor Patrick trying so hard to flirt with her and it all going straight over her head. I loved this show right up until episode 11. The last two episodes of season 1 were rushed so much that I feel like they started out the show expecting to have a 25-episode season, and then found out they were only going to have 12 episodes and crammed half the season in to those last two. In a single 23-minute (including opening and closing credits) episode, we get told people are trying to assassinate Yumiella, then it's revealed the assassins were hired by her parents, then she goes and confronts her parents (and rescues her maid's sister), forces her parents to cede their title over to her, offers to adopt Patrick as her heir (much to his chagrin), goes to a party, then has a cute romantic scene with Patrick where he confesses his feelings and they get together. That was one episode. Then the next episode time-skips to the end of the school year when the demon lord has awakened, and has the entire battle against the demon lord, along with a struggle against the plot trying to force Alicia to kill Yumiella, then the denouement, again all in one episode.

It was so rushed, and nothing got the attention it needed. A wholly unsatisfying ending to what was otherwise a fantastic show. And the writing within individual scenes was still good. I loved Patrick confessing his feelings, and Yumiella pretending to lose a game of rock-paper-scissors with him in order to prove that he's "stronger" than she is and thus she likes him, since her go-to excuse to rebuff marriage offers was to claim she only liked guys stronger than her. That was such a good, well-written scene. But it didn't have the build up it needed, and jumping right into "we're off to fight the demon king's army" in the next episode meant we didn't get any time to enjoy them being together, either. I don't know if the manga does this too, or if it was a problem with the show, or what. But it brings my rating down to a 6/10. That might seem harsh, but I don't think I could enjoy a rewatch of it. The show felt like it was really going somewhere the whole time, only to abandon a bunch of plot threads and rush a quick final encounter at the very end. Knowing it's not going somewhere takes a lot of the fun out of the show for me.

Life with an Ordinary Guy Who Reincarnated into a Total Fantasy Knockout

Summary: Childhood friends Tachibana Hinata and Jinguji Tsukasa were living the everyday life of office workers. Then, on the way home from a mixer, they were sent flying into another world by a mysterious being. Once there, Jinguji sees his best friend has been turned into a beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. The adorableness of Tachibana’s female form completely flummoxes them both. But these two are each others’ best friends. To keep their relationship from being destroyed, they must defeat the Demon Lord as quickly as possible and return to their original forms.

From the title and the premise, this sounds like a pretty trashy anime to be honest. I found myself hesitant to watch it, ready to drop it in a heartbeat if it started going south. But it turns out to be a very silly show that also very much questions sexuality and gender. Also in the first 10 minutes it's pretty clear that the two guys were in love with each other prior to the transformation. We get internal thoughts from Tachibana that he basically idolizes Jinguji, while Jinguji's internal thoughts state that Tachibana's presence is like a safe space for him, where he can feel completely comfortable and at ease.

Shortly after arriving in the other world, the two meet the goddess of love, who is responsible for their teleportation and Tachibana's gender swap, and they get mad at her for basically kidnapping them. She huffs and says she'll curse them with something (she won't say what) and if they want the curse removed, they need to defeat the demon king. As the two of them start to sense attraction to each other, they assume the curse was for them to be forced to fall in love with each other. But I suspect the curse is gonna turn out to be completely unrelated, and the two of them are gonna end up realizing they were always in love.

And surprisingly, the show does not devolve into a bunch of sexist tropes revolving around Tachibana. There is a female elf they encounter who does embody a lot of sexist tropes, but she's pretty clearly a parody character and is frequently the butt of the joke in the scenes she's in.

One of my favorite things about it, though, is them figuring out why Jinguji is there. Apparently, goddesses summoning heroes from other worlds is not uncommon, but normally they only summon a single hero, bestow upon them a blessing of some sort, and then give them a weapon of their choice. Tachibana is the hero the goddess of love summoned, and the blessing he received was his female form and magical beauty that causes him to literally charm anyone (male or female) who gets a good look at him. But he has no weapon. Instead, Junguji is there, and he for some reason has superhuman strength, speed, and durability; he's basically superman....as long as he's near Tachibana. Because, as Tachibana realizes later, he sees Jinguji as his protector, and feels safest with him around, and so he unconsciously chose Jinguji as his weapon (literally unconsciously, he was blackout drunk when the goddess teleported them to the new world).

It's a very funny show that parodies a lot of isekai tropes, but it also focuses primarily on the relationship between the two main characters. The last couple episodes have a giant magic robot attacking the castle, but that's mostly background noise for Tachibana and Jinguji to air out some of their feelings about each other, and address some of the turbulence in their friendship. I like that what is the main plot for all the other characters just takes a back seat to our main duo having a real heart to heart. Good show, 8/10, looking forward to more.

#rating anime #I watched a lot of other shows too #but it's late and I'm tired and this post is already 3 times longer than it should be #maybe I'll make another one some other time #shoot I meant to rate Skip and Loafer here too #oh well

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lone-rhapsodist · 9 months

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Some major updates...

I am going to try to sum up the things that have happened in the past few weeks. I am trying to get back on track and move on and I need to get a few things off my chest before I can do that properly.

This post contains major updates about my Classics project, my Discord server, and a few new and upcoming projects. This is definitely a very long post, so I will put a 'Keep reading' below to make it easier on your dashboard. If you do want to read it, please make sure you have a tea or a coffee on the ready. As always, thank you for your patience and support!

First, the 'no' news. I received no reply from Working Classicists. I know I should insist. I know I should probably send a second email before giving up. But the reality is, no one is interested in my project to create an online community for Classics. Not in the way that I intend it, at least. So, I am quitting. Or to put it more positively, I am shelving this particular project for the time being, if not for good. I know I could try reaching out to Asterion and other organisations, but to be honest, I am not convinced. I am not convinced that anyone is really interested in the idea, or willing to work with me to make it happen, or both. The only person who understood what I was talking about and wanted to support me was that ex lecturer of mine from university. She is the best, bless her. But anyone else, whether academic folks or not, has been largely unresponsive. Christ, even the people I started working on this project with abandoned me just after a few months. I have been working on this on and off for years now. What is the point of keeping on banging my head against this wall? I no longer have the drive to keep going. Therefore, I shall stop.

Second, the 'bad' news. I deleted my Discord server, SymForum. I had been thinking about doing it for a while. I was keeping it as an experimental platform, in the hope that things with other organisations would pick up and I would be able to move on from it soonish. In the meantime, it made sense to keep the server as a testing ground for ideas, to see what worked, what didn't, what to keep and what to throw away. Turns out, what to throw away was the whole thing. Because the server was basically dead. And so there was no point keeping it if it was just going to stay dead. I would like to point out, there is no problem whatsoever with that. If anyone on here was on it and they were just lurking, that is absolutely fine. I am lurker number 1 here. I lurk on Facebook. I lurk on Twitter. I lurk on Reddit. I lurk pretty much anywhere but here, and by most Tumblr users' standards, I reckon my activity on here is pretty much lurking anyway. I lurk on Discord too, especially since I've got nothing to contribute to most conversations. When I have something to say, I'll say it, but that ends up being like one time in a million, and then that one time is fine, but it's one in a million, so, it is what it is. Anyway, as a major lurker myself, am I really going to blame people for lurking on my server? Hell no. But am I going to blame myself for it? Hell yes. Because I'm supposed to run the show here. And I hate doing that. I hate being in charge of things. It's the story of my life, and I just can't do that anymore. So I deleted the server. And in my opinion, good riddance. If it was supposed to be a playground for my project, it showed that people are not interested in bringing in their ideas and asking for advice on how to develop them further nearly as much as I thought they would be, and that's fair enough. But if it was supposed to be a Discord server in the traditional sense, then there's already plenty that fit the bill, and I'm happy to recommend them: Classics Central; Miletos; The Cambridge Latin Discord Server; Tychon's Symposium; and for those of you who like hoarding stuff, the Classicists' PDF Society. There are also several subreddits that are valid, such as r/latin, r/ancientgreek, r/classics. I hope you find these useful.

Now, the 'good' news, at least for me, I guess. While I was damning myself with these questions about how to create an online Classics community in any way, shape, or form, something remarkable happened. A local Classics community popped up on my Facebook feed and I was invited to attend an event. Literally 15 mins away from my house. The timing couldn't have been better. While I was in the depths of my struggle, I had at some point contemplated the idea of moving this project of a Classics community from online to physical. I am not going to give away where I am based, but I live in a pretty big place, and it always struck me as odd that, amongst all these very official Classics academic societies, nothing existed that was more open to the general public. I did look into how I could get something like this started, but options seemed limited to using Facebook and word of mouth, and even then, I wasn't quite sure what the actual thing should look like. Online, I always wanted something like a forum, but in real life, what would it be? A monthly meet up? A book club? No idea. So, when this society came up on Facebook and I went to their first event, I was very impressed. The aim of the society is to promote Classics among everyone, through informal meet ups in which we read something in translation and then have a discussion alongside it. It's very chilled, very simple, and to be honest, very enjoyable. Our first meet ups have been about a few Platonic dialogues, and again, I was so happy with them -- we just sat down with tea and biscuits, took turns reading the dialogue, and from time to time had a pause to discuss what we just read and share our thoughts on it. From conversations I've had with the person who started this, it is clear to me that this is intended for anyone with an interest in Classics, with no need for prior learning, which I really appreciate. So, to me, it seems like a no brainer that I should invest more time into the society, and that I should help them develop further. I am currently applying to become part of their committee, and hopefully I will be able to join them soon. But even if for some reason I was unable to, this is a very valid project, and it makes sense that I should try to contribute to it, since it is very local to where I live, and it's perfectly in line with my job, and indeed, if there is any way in which anything even remotely close to my own original project could ever develop, it is through things like this -- grassroots approaches to Classics communities, similar to Working Classicists, grounded in reality, with real people, through real conversations. That's not to say that what happens online isn't real! But it is something I'm noticing, at least for myself, with all this 'online living' that I do, that because of it, sometimes I tend to lose touch with reality, and in turn, I end up not doing things in the real world that I would like to do, as if doing things online could be a replacement for that. Online can complement reality -- indeed, it is an extension of it. But online is online, and reality is reality. It's not easy to articulate, and I still struggle with the concept myself at times, but I do see a nuance, a difference, a distinction etc. I think that me moving the project from online to physical is a positive thing, and I look forward to exploring it further, and this not just for this particular project, but for other ones too.

Of course, technically speaking, the society does not (yet) fully replace the project, and in that sense, there are still some things which I would like to experiment with online, if at all possible, some more in an active way, some more in a passive one. An example of passive project is what I would like to refer to as 'Classics Helpdesk'. You know what a helpdesk is. It's a form of IT or other support desk that you go to or contact to ask questions about a problem that you need help with. That's what I want to do, but for Classics. Basically, the idea is to create a helpdesk where everyone who has any questions about anything Classics related (a text, a topic, a bit of Latin, university, work, you name it) can ask it, and I will respond, and I will try my best to help them with it, and hopefully it will actually help. It's essentially the idea that was at the heart of the project -- to help others develop their ideas about the ancient world -- but stripped to its core and reduced to something like "I'm a Classics person, ask me anything" as a service for anyone to use. I like it, because it requires no real work -- it will probably be just a pinned post at the top of my main blog, inviting people to send me any asks, even anonymously, or just message me, and I will respond, either publicly if it's an ask, or privately if it's a message. The details can be refined as I go, but basically that's the gist of it. Again, it would be good for me because it would require essentially no work, and I could just sit here and mind my own business, and then, whenever someone sends me a request for help, I can info-dump them with whatever they need, and hopefully make them happy, and definitely also make ME happy in the process, because let's face it, this is as much about making me happy as it is about making you happy -- with making you happy being more important by a pretty good margin, but still, it's a win-win. And don't get me wrong, this is not intended to rival or replace the already great number of brilliant people on here who also offer this kind of service. If anything, I would simply like to join their number in a more official fashion, by putting myself out there through my own helpdesk service, and hope that I can actually be of service to anyone. In the past, I've had a couple of people send me asks with questions about Latin stuff or Greek mythology, and it was so fun to sit down and respond to them, and I hope that I may be able to share again that kind of happiness with others in the future. So yeah. Classics Helpdesk. Please watch this space.

As for the more active side of the project, the one specifically about helping people develop their ideas about the ancient world… I think it's about time I faced the fact that the one person who really needed help developing their ideas… is me. So, one of my personal goals with this thing for the upcoming academic year -- yes, I still measure my year goals using the school calendar… I'm a teacher, don't judge me -- is that I should actually start, well, writing. And not give a fuck about it. Like, what it looks like, whether it's good or bad etc. This is an incredibly painful thing for me, and so far I have found it really hard to make the time to make it happen. But I just can't bear to keep not doing this any longer. So, here we are. The great idea to help me make this easier for myself is to do a bit like I'm doing for my Classics project and try to ground it more into reality. One thing I had considered was starting a podcast, because I noticed that when I talk about my ideas out loud with people in my life it's a lot easier to get the words out and make things make sense. However, lately I have been thinking that something that could work well for me instead is writing dialogues. This is something that goes back a long way for me personally, as dialogues were some of the very first original posts I ever wrote on Tumblr -- not on this blog, but on my old one, and in my native tongue. It was a great way to get thoughts out and do some self-critique without being too harsh or lenient on myself. As an informal way to explore my own ideas about the ancient world, I think it could work very well. Not to mention that dialogues are literally THE form of self- and collective reflection from the ancient world par excellence. So yeah, I cannot think of a better way to do this. I could still try other things. Letters are a possibility. Essays too. But first, I need to regain some confidence in my writing. I hope that this will help.

Lastly, I should perhaps mention that, at some point, you might end up seeing some of my own poetry on this blog too. This is mainly because Poetizer, where I first started posting my poetry, is now turning to a subscription-based model -- those bastards… So now I have to consider moving somewhere else. I always thought I would end up on Tumblr with my poetry too anyway, so I suppose this is just the sign that I need to make the move. I don't know when, I don't know how. I don't know whether to make another blog for it. I guess it would make sense. I already have neon-rhapsodies as an archive for my blogging, plus ideally that is where the dialogues would go as well. However, I do think that the poetry should be separate. I think I'll probably stick with the identity I had crafted for myself on Poetizer, but we'll see. In the meantime, it's exciting to think about all the possibilities that might materialise in the future.

Man, this was a long post. Thanks for sticking along for the ride. I am sorry if you were invested in my Classics project as it originally was, and wanted me to keep going with things as they were. I hope you can see why a change was needed, and that you will be happy to keep following any developments in this sense. I am grateful as ever for all your encouragement and support. Thank you, and take care.

#lone-rhapsodist #tagamemnon #personal #classics #project #discord #server #reddit #community #society #helpdesk #writing #dialogues #poetry #thank you

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missmonsters2 · 8 months

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Sharky here again. HII YOU TOO VANNN!! JADKAWEKAWJE YES I KNOW. It was long but not that long! The beach was really really close to the aquarium, and so did the place where we got icecreams, so we walked there, sat down and ate our icecreams and just.. I don't know. Chilled? (no pun intended) It was really nice. We took photos though it mostly was her because my phone is barely surviving at this point and it's camera is already none existant LOLL. (I love jellyfishes too!!!!!)

AND I KNOW. I just. I thought about what you said about food and going to nice places that give us space to talk! and my process of thought literally was: If we're eating, we have to get food and dessert because there's nothing better than getting food and dessert!! and there's also nothing better than icecream! honestly just food alone is enough to make me go feral, imagine having a date and eating in said date as you talk and watch fish and sharks and all kinds of pretty creatures swimming around and being tremendously cute. I ALSO ADORE SUSHI. And hey- she's.. supposed to be completely american, but I just texted her asking and she has an asian grandma?? 😰 VAN WH-

(also hello I also love noodles and soups in all their forms??? it would be so cool if I was asian please but- sadly I do not think so as I am completely latin/hispanic but sTILL INTeRESTING. We shall test this theory!!)

Also.. uh, as a poor somebody who still struggles with some words in english-- what does niche mean? I googled it and it said that it was a synonym for comfortable. Does it mean that.. sharks are comfortable?- and yeah!! she said so. I told her about how they give birth and she said she didn't know that there were so many kinds of sharks and differences between them when it comes to reproduction? said she also never had given so much thought to the fact that sharks are actually fish and not mammals, and the fact that they actually hatch eggs- which led me to explaining that do they not only hatch eggs, but there are certain kinds that are able to keep their eggs inside them for protection without having any direct connection for nutrition like humans do with, for example, an umbilical cord. The egg is perfectly equipped to nurture the lil' baby shark in all ways. But they stay in their egg, inside of their moms till they hatch!! which is really cool if you ask me, like having a backpack where you can put babies inside and it also feeds them while protecting them and you can take it anywhere? yeah, that's how it feels LOL.

vAN PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT I SWEAR I WAS. I WAS FUCKING SHAKING FOR MOMENT PLEASE AMNDWJEWENJAWED. I'm a disaster and this clearly shows JDAKed. Smooth operator, lalalala smoooooooth operator. Yessheis, whatamIgonnadowithmygaynesjeez.

AND YES. I'm so curious!!! I kind of tried to ask her what was she thinking but she only smiled and kept silent and I might or might have not tried to guess- Then I stopped because I actually realised that first, I'd love it to be a surprise, and second, I'm terrible at guessing things-- And.. I'm excited. I know this might sound kinda sad but I can't remember the last time I hanged out with someone. Probably when I was 14 or something, but yeah. It's a nice change of things. A fresh breath of air. It's good to have a.. friend? DJAKWEJMKWKDAJKWEJAWJEKEJKE

Okay can we please talk about how I literally didn't know you're asian and I've been following you for SO long now like please JSJSJSJDJAw.

Awww, Van I'm so ADJWKEJKWAEaw. I'm happy this worked out. I kind of needed this to work out. And yet again I have to thank you for encouraging me. I know it might seem like I'm exaggerating but you gave me that little push I needed!! and I'll be! gay is my full time profession. I'm gay all day, all night, all week and month (I bet you weren't expecting that!!)

Have a good night Van!! rest well, have a good week and I'll update you if anyhthing new happens!! Also I'm loving mirror mirror. It's literally my highlight of the week!

LOL that's so cute tho!! hopefully she sent you the pics <3

Straight up though, there's ALWAYS room for dessert. Dessert is a second stomach.

LMFAOSJDFLKS i just needed to check, you know 😂 she probably thought that was so random KSLDJFLSKD

I mean slay, that's perfect though. I feel like hispanic and asian cultures have a lot of overlaps so we're basically the same i'm js.

Niche in this context basically means your interests are very specifc to you or a small group of people, which is awesome! I honestly think the more niche interests someone has, the more interesting they are :) now i too am learning so many shark facts LOL just watch, this week my tiktok is gonna be about sharks now

just hang onto this sweet feeling bc we're all thriving bc of you. You're really out there winning for us LOL

I hope she plans something for you!! You deserve a nice surprise, esp since this is the first time you're actually excited to hangout with someone. It doesn't sound sad bc i literally only look forward to hanging out with like 3 people MAYBE. To this day, I hate meeting new people LMFAO

I always wonder what people think I am but i think there's a least a few people who know if they catch me posting a selfie at the right time once in a blue moon LOL

Aww i'm seriously so happy for you. I really hope it all works out and I hope you having fun on your next date <3

Can't wait for the next update kdsjflskdjsl i'll be thinking of you two as I write the next mirror mirror chapter <3

#mm: answered #🦈 anon

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deepspacedukat · 8 months

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hey there, i'm a 'long time listener, first time caller' just wanting to send some love and appreciation your way. i really enjoy reading your fics and look forward to all your updates! you sure know how to set a proper thirst trap <3

you actually gave me the kick i needed to binge babylon 5 because it was on my radar for some time. i had just finished ds9 a while back (not my first watch), and i was still jones-ing for some sci-fi. you made some posts about the show and the rest is history lol

after finishing the series a couple of weeks ago, my 'b5 blorbos' are bester, neroon, and g'kar. i have some very specific scenarios that currently play in my head that i'd love for someone as skilled as you to put out into the world. i can't wait until you open fic requests again! ;)

but in the meantime, i'm thoroughly enjoying all the other fics in your impressive catalogue. i came for the garak/reader stories (no pun intended!), but i stayed for the likes of koval, letant, vreenak, solok, vorik, and dukat.

again, kudos on continuing to post these fics, they're really well-written. some explicit material can be very tiresome and/or juvenile, but it's clear you have quality writing experience to back you up, and you have great instincts as to what works and what doesn't. keep up the fantastic work! <3

Aww, thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you like my stories! I'm just gonna come out and say it: I've been hoarding this ask in my inbox and re-reading it every time I needed a pick-me-up, so uh...I apologize for being so late to respond. This ask has just been giving me the very good brain chemicals. 😅

First off, thank you so so much for your kind words and for taking the time to jump into my ask box to say something about it! I really do appreciate your support! 💖

Second, omg you are (I think) the third person I have managed to convince that Babylon 5 is worth a watch! I'm so honored that I was able to give you the lil push you needed to finally try it out. (I'm still on Season 3, because I've been trying to savor new shows instead of unhealthily binging things to the point of sleep deprivation like I've done in the past lol.) I'm so glad you enjoyed the show and have new blorbos!! Bester is very intriguing to me. Neroon is Very Yes™. And G'Kar...OMG G'KAR. 😍 He's my main B5 blorbo, if I'm gonna be completely honest and truthful about the situation. (Hence the lorge, semi-elaborate fic that "Who Reads The Mind-Reader?" is about to become once the SoC challenge is over. 🙈) Andreas Katsulas did such an amazing job in that role that it's almost impossible not to like G'Kar.

As for my requests, when I do eventually re-open them, I will for sure be adding characters from B5 to my list of people I'm willing to write for, so I'm totally open to writing those for you! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying my other fics in the meantime! I've had a lot of fun writing all of them, so I'm always glad to hear that people are still enjoying them!

Thank you again for your super sweet words, my friend! 💖 I may not have any professional writing experience under my belt (yet), but I do have a couple of actual novels I'm working on, so at some point in the future when I've figured out the whole process of becoming a published author, that will hopefully change! Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my humble little fanfics! 🙏💖 Happy reading!! Feel free to drop by any time!

#deepspacedukat asks #mugglebornprincess

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0aurelion-sol0 · 1 year

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So, a bit of an update:

- I've promised a lot of posts (mainly ST posts I'm talking about here, the reviews of various things, for now, are completely abandoned) over the course of this blog yet I have never posted them after that. As you may know or may not know, I have lots of thoughts but so little time and energy to get into it given what happens in my IRL life all the time. I have tried to finish those before certain things started going and certain points of time before but I just never could finish them in time or get myself to do it. So I decided to regroup into one big post everything that I am not going to say and wants to say. I am not going to tell you when it'll drop because, again, I likely won't drop in time. Just know, I'm still working on it but between not liking what I write, the way I write it & not having enough time and energy, it is taking longer than it should be...

*(There will however be a four-part theory posts that I needed to, to develop better what I had in mind. Again not telling when I'll post it but I'm still working on it.)

- Also the fact I disliked a huge part of the story as of late and what this side of the fandom has become, it's hard being 100% invested in what I do for this particular series but it has been the meat of this blog, for almost 3 years now, and I have met lots of wondeful people here that I still love talking to everyday when we can so I'm in a way still compelled with it for the moment as you see. Especially since there's only one season left that could change everything I think about it, make it go back to what I thought it was or stick to what I'm thinking it is now.

- Anyway, I still intend to take a break from social media including Tumblr, (to a lesser degree since I still want to reblog and post stuff I find interesting from time to time & share some thoughts), which started with me deleting various social medias I had over the few months I was less things & do other things than ST plus IRL. I need it for myself, especially to grow, mature and learn.

- I also intended for this blog to be more organized but as you see, I haven't been able to make it work the way I wanted it to. Again, it's still something I want to do so as of now, less batshit, reblog stuff all the time or post stupid stuff just to fill some tags on Tumblr (which I also hope I'll get better at it). It's like a new year resolution that's a little late with many others I need to follow but I really need to follow them and make some efforts myself or it won't work.

- And to finish, let's change the way this blog look since it's been a long time and keep it this way for also a long time. X) I hope you'll like it! Hoping it works and stay that way because Tumblr just always finds a way to f*ck it up somehow...

We will see after that what I'll try to do and what I want to do but until then, this is what we are aiming for; which is already a lot for me. XD

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doodleybugg · 1 year

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i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

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chuuyrr · 1 year

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it is currently two in the morning for me at the moment, but i feel like rambling about my current wips (and requests that i want to work on) + life updates so here it is (´｡• ◡ •｡`) ♡

current wips in my drafts !

scarlet witch! baby fushiguro! reader sees dazai and chuuya fighting for the first time

synopsis: although baby reader sees them for the first time, and it's not the usual kind of bickering between them, and they are fighting because baby reader got injured

thoughts: dazai and chuuya cares for baby reader a lot, especially chuuya even if dazai's always with baby reader. he's a big softie for her so the instant he sees baby reader get hurt, he gets mad real bad at dazai for being irresponsible even though dazai didn't mean for baby reader to get hurt :( low-key angst, but fluff/comfort is prominent for this one. please, i'm so down for soukoku being soft!! it's actually finished already, but it is still a wip because i still intend to rewrite it because rereading it made me realize how i badly wrote it while i was busy, so yeah </3

dazai and chuuya stays with scarlet witch! baby fushiguro! reader because she gets nightmares

synopsis: gojo has sent baby reader to bsd's world for a reason and has dazai and chuuya watch over and take care of her for the time being, they find baby reader getting a nightmare and wanting them stay by her side until she falls asleep

thoughts: im so down for soukoku being soft. i know already said that, but my say still stands. anyway, so i put in a lot of chuuya and dazai being actual responsible older brothers to baby reader for this draft but unlike the first one, this one is actually still in the making. fluff/comfort is the main theme <3

requests i wanna work on soon !

scarlet witch! fushiguro! reader gets caught by gojo dating haitani ran + rindou (separately)

if it's another tokyorev character i love with all of my heart apart from mikey, it's going to be ran, with kakucho and rindou coming in third. i haven't thought of an exact scenario yet, but it will definitely include gojo being teen! reader's dramatic and protective dad again <3

scarlet witch! baby fushiguro! reader accidentally goes to the BEAST! AU of bsd

ok, so like, as soon as i saw this request in my inbox, i had immediately thought of a scenario and although i've already written so many bsd related stuff and want to work on something different, i might just write this one because i actually ended up crying over at how i'm going to write it in the future.

here's tidbits of my idea since i don't wanna spoil ya'll, but BEAST! dazai is slightly a yandere-ish for baby reader and i mean it in a PLATONIC way. slight yandere-ish—okay. just to be clear with that. i am NOT writing a full-blown yandere shit because that actually makes me uncomfortable.

okay. so, now here me out. in the BEAST universe, dazai and odasaku never became friends. in fact, he doesn't have any friends to be exact there unlike when he was in ADA in the canon universe.

BEAST! dazai knew that in all the other worlds that existed where they became friends, odasaku always died and he lived and somehow, in the BEAST universe, at least in this writing lol, there was never a variant of you that existed either unlike in the other worlds where dazai saw and cared for you as his little sibling or little niece—a family.

so let's put you coming into the picture all of a sudden. BEAST! dazai would be so ecstatic and maybe a bit emotional to see you, the kid who's gradually pulling him away from the darkness even after odasaku died in those other worlds. you were here in his world now, and honestly, he wants you to stay with him, or at least, just for a bit longer.

BEAST! dazai wants to be able to experience having a little sibling or a little niece that he'd be fond of caring for and spoiling for once ;(

you are so confused as to why he knows about you while everyone else in the BEAST au you had traveled into doesn't know you, and it's going to break your heart as to why this dazai was willing to sacrifice everyone’s life and happiness here, and as to why he's grimmer and scarily protective of you and maybe a bit more clingy to you compared to ADA! dazai.

he just wants you to stay so bad here with him, especially after odasaku had shunned him out despite his reasons..

he has no one.

you won't shun him out like odasaku did, right? because of all people, you would understand. you should understand.

just like BEAST! dazai, you know about the multiverse, in a much bigger and broader sense compared to him who only has knowledge of the other worlds that are just like his..

also i just realized i said tidbits but ended up writing paragraphs of drabbles about it lol

dazai and chuuya meeting gojo! reader's iconic students, yuuji, nobara, and yuuji (seperately)

still haven't a thought of an exact scenario for this and haven't decided if this will take place in a setting where gojo! reader got sealed or not, but i can just imagine how dazai and chuuya being so shocked at the fact that gojo! reader is a mentor/teacher who turns out to have a soft spot for kids, especially when they find out how gojo! reader helped yuuji and megumi respectively, despite them viewing gojo as annoying and such (basically just like how gojo satoru is in the actual jjk)

also, i think yuuji, nobara, and megumi are gonna be in a surprise too when they find out their gojo! reader-sensei actually has a boyfriend and would definitely see her resemblance to dazai because they act alike. as for chuuya? yeah, he'd agree with them LMAO, but chuuya still loves you of course.

life update !

a lot of things have been going on lately since i'm turning 18 real soon. i'm both excited and nervous, and still in disbelief because i still don't see myself as a soon-to-be-adult yet. like, it's still not getting wrapped up in my head ykyk.

also, i'm nervous as fuck for college. final exams are also coming up, which is why im still nervous as fuck. i've got a lot of stuff to review.

currently though, i am happy that our research proposal defense is over, so at least that's a weight lifted off from my shoulders hehe.

though im kinda restless these days because school is being a pain with tons of activities to do and such, as well as the pressure, your ate chu is still hanging on tight, so no worries !

#— [□] ; chu writes #spoilers for jjk and beast manga of bsd

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lazardotsocial · 2 years

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LAZAR DOT SOCIAL GEN 5: ROTATE

Pre-Launch Essay

It is my intention to start writing about each generation of lazar as I launch, in an attempt to communicate what I was thinking when I made them. In these essays I'll be going over some of the inspirations and intentions that lead me to make this terrible machine. Come along with me!

1. WELCOEM TO MY FUCK HOUSE

For a short period on January 29th 2015, tumblr was the best social media site in history. On that date it reached heights that have never since been approached, let alone surpassed. January 29th is day tumblr pushed an update containing a number of bugs that gave users the ability to style their posts in new ways. Far too many ways and far too powerful ways. Users could, for example, stick their posts to the browsers so they’d stay in place when you tried to scroll away. Or put their posts on top of other posts. Or insert text into the margins of the page. For the few hours before the change was rolled back, tumblr descended into total, beautiful chaos.

Now, the primary reason websites don’t let their users do this sort of thing is it’ll make your site completely unreadable (1). I do not respect this reason. Who said sites should be legible? The social is complete mess, so social media should be the same, so say I. I have been dreaming reenacting the glorious chaos of that winter night for a while and with generation 5 of Lazar, I am taking a stab at it.

2. The Feed

Gen 5 is also about the feed. In your standard feed, the kind you'd see on facebook or twitter, each post acts as an atomic unit. Posts are capable of being related but by default they are not. Each is it’s own universe, with no relationship to the posts above or below it. Or at least that’s the idea - I don’t think people are really capable of reading like that. We create connections between posts placed in proximity automatically, even if those connections aren’t intended or if they get us into trouble.

In Gen 5 posts are allowed to wander away from their proper chronological positioning, making their own decisions about placement in the feed. Posts can block or overlap other posts. The interactions between a post and it’s neighbors becomes very active and impossible to ignore. And why not? Those posts have a relationship and I've decided to make it an undeniable relationship.

Letting users freely pick their angle and offset is an intentionally over the top method of making that point. Every version of Lazar is ridiculous. I’m not interested in making a social media site that works. I’m interested in making a social media site that stimulates the imagination.

3. LA2AR

Gen 4 of Lazar ended in February, so it’s been slumbering for 5 months. During that time I threw away all the code I’ve been using for Lazar up until now and started over from scratch. The old lazar ran on Vue, google firebase, and google cloud functions (2). But I decided firebase has too many opinions about how it delivers data and so it had to go.

The new Lazar is a vanilla rails app. No front end javascript framework, just rails and erb. I want to keep this codebase simple and flexible. I want to be able to develop new and weird features quickly and with minimum fuss. Rails is a framework I already know, so hopefully the amount of time I have to spend learning. We’ll see how it pains out long term.

Making online art is often frustrating to me because of how much time I have to spend struggling with my tools. Every form of art involves some amount of technical skill and some about creative expression – you have to learn how to mix your pigments before you can paint a picture – but with tech art it feels like the technical requirements go on and on forever. At some point though you have to stop casting around for new tools and just make something. I want a set of skills and tools that let me quickly create and deploy new sites while still give me the flexibility to make whatever I want. I don’t I have that yet. But hopefully I'm working towards it.

4. Links

Here’s some stuff I was reading and thinking about while I made gen 6.

No More Pages and Reading Humanized, the blog posts that introduced the world to the idea of the infinite scroll. It's interesting to see what the idea was at the start and compare it how it turned out.

Twitter, The Intimacy Machine by C. Thi Nguyen. I’ve known about context collapse for a while but Nguyen’s insight about how Twitter’s limit character length leads to posts that require high levels of shared context is very interesting.

New_Public and Reboot – both organizations/newsletters focused on improving social media. They're also interested in social media but are doing something different what I'm doing.

Footnotes

1. The other reason websites don’t let their users just style their posts however they like is that some styling can break or attack other people’s computers. I grudgingly respect this reason and that’s why lazar isn’t quite as chaotic as tumblr was. I’d let you just write any CSS you want but I’m afraid you might do crimes with it :( It is possible to give the users styling power while stripping out the dangerous options (cohost is doing very exciting work in this space) but that’s a lot of work and I’m very lazy. Gen 5 represents one compromise between no options and all of them but I’ll likely return to this well with future generations.

2. Shout out again to Kate Compton’s excellent social media speedrun video which I used to build the foundation the first four generations used.

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bluerosesburnblue · 3 years

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I don't suppose you could explain the ending for khux for me?? i've watched it and i've been following the translated storyline for it and this ending just. does not make a ton of sense to me. i can usually figure out kh endings no problem but this time i'm just lost.

Isn't that just the state of the writing for it, where even people familiar with the series are having trouble understanding it. And, of course, the game dies as it lived: screwing over Global so we can't even compare/contrast with an official English version yet to see if it's more clear

Anyway, sure, I'll try to break it down scene by scene (Note: these aren't the actual scene titles, I just needed a way to delineate them so I made titles up)

Scene 1: The Master and Luxu

The update begins with a continuation of the past flashbacks expanding on the Case of Luxu and the Master of Masters' instructions to him. He explains that he knew that Darkness could only truly be defeated in the future, and so he made sure that Keyblade wielders would exist to fight it by recruiting many Keyblade wielders in Daybreak Town (as per the start of KHx) and then using the Dandelions to stall Darkness's takeover and give them time to make sure that the Keyblade legacy would live on. As Luxu turns to leave, though, the Master stops him with one more bit of information that he feels Luxu needs to know

He explains that back when he was younger, the being known as Darkness tried to gain the advantage in their battle by becoming incorporeal and attacking people's hearts instead of their bodies. There were 13 of these original Darkness beings, and because they lack bodies they aim to win by quantity and so created the Heartless as lesser, but more physical versions of themselves. The original 13 still haven't given up their desire to regain a physical form, however, and so they target those with strong hearts to take their bodies for themselves

The Master of Masters, knowing this and knowing that something without a physical body can't be destroyed, came up with a plan. He took in six children, his apprentices, and raised them to be a prison for Darkness. To foster light so strongly within them that Darkness couldn't possibly taint it, and then seal the strongest 7 of the 13 Darknesses within himself and his students, trapping the Darknesses inside their impenetrable hearts of light. Then, he instigated the Keyblade War. This is only my interpretation of the line, but it sounds to me like the purpose was to get the Foretellers killed in the War and the Darkness sealed inside of them along with them. How this relates to them coming back in KH3 is unclear

When Luxu asks if the War and the idea of a traitor were necessary, the Master goes on to say that the purpose of making the Foretellers believe there was a traitor was to instill negative emotions like fear and doubt in them. Darkness feeds on those emotions, and so by making sure that his students would produce them and yet not have their light tainted, he would attract Darkness into their hearts by giving it something to eat, only for it to realize that it was trapped in light that couldn't be consumed. The infighting amongst the Foretellers was bait to lock Darkness in their hearts the entire time

After that, there's only six left and so the Master chose five individuals, the Union Leaders, to be the uncorruptable lights that would house the weaker Darknesses. The final one, he would simply trap in the Data Daybreak Town

At this, Luxu flies into a rage at his master, angrily shouting that he can't possibly accept a plan that sacrifices so many people, but the Master stands up and starts talking over him. He's made it clear that he doesn't see Darkness as human, and he's seen this inhuman thing take countless lives, including people he's cared about. He doesn't believe them to be heroes, and he doesn't care. The entire purpose is just to ensure that in the end, humanity is what survives the war. He knows it's a tragedy, but for one who believes that tragedy can't be fully avoided, this is a solution that will at least save some

Luxu accepts this answer and leaves, but behind his back the Master muses on what Luxu, the traitor, needs to do. Luxu was the traitor from the lost page the entire time, given a role to take him out of the infighting so that his identity as the traitor wouldn't be discovered (or at least, that's how it seems to me considering that he needed the Foretellers to fear and doubt to attract Darkness to them)

Scene 2: Fleeing Daybreak Town

We now cut to the real Daybreak Town in the present, where Lauriam, Elrena, Ventus, and Brain have just emerged from the Data Daybreak Town into the real-world version of the lifeboat room. Daybreak Town is breaking down around them, about to be fully consumed by the aftermath of the Keyblade War which had been temporarily staved off while the Data simulation was running

Brain is attempting to enact his plan to extract all of the Dandelions from Data Daybreak Town and bring them into the real world, but he's worried that there won't be enough time to actually do it before the simulation shuts down and the real Daybreak Town is destroyed. The only thing he has time to do is get their three remaining friends (Ephemer, Skuld, and Player) out to the real world, and the only way that he can think to do this is to send Lauriam, Elrena, and Ven away to the future and to safety and then send the remaining lifeboats back into the datascape so that there's enough for the three trapped in there to use

Brain is willing to stay behind to man this operation, but he wants to ensure that at least one of the true Union Leaders (Lauriam) manages to live on in case things go wrong and save as many of them as he can, so those going to the future must be sent first. Lauriam, etching his mission to finally find Strelitzia (or even just her data) into his heart, departs with Elrena and Ven. Once they're gone, however, Brain notices someone enter the room and turns to find Luxu approaching him

Scene 3: Those Trapped in Data

We now cut to Player, Ephemer, and Skuld in the data version of the lifeboat room, contemplating how the others are doing. Just as they muse about how quiet the end of this world feels, Player turns to find that four of the remaining six Darknesses have entered the room (presumably the other two are the one sealed in Ven and the one that Luxu was fighting in the real world and who helped Maleficent, who seems to be gone by the time Brain and the others end up back in the real world)

The Darknesses, it seems, have come to politely ask the gang to open up a way out of the Data Daybreak Town for them, so that they can spread to other worlds. They don't want to fight, and obviously even if they did they'd win, so just open a gate for them to escape with already. They could always just take over Ephemer's friends and force him to watch as they rip them away until he complies

Ephemer mocks this and moves in to attack, but before he fully commits he whispers his plan to Player: he and Skuld will hold them off to buy time for Player to get into the last pod and run. To his shock, however, Player begins mimicking Darkness's speaking patterns and then goes to attack their friends. It seems that Darkness has done to Player what they did to Ven, taking them over and forcing them to act out. Player is now their bargaining chip; they'll only give Player back if Ephemer opens the gate. And since Darkness can only be defeated if it has a body, their options are to give in or destroy the possessed Player

This initiates the final boss fight against Ephemer and Skuld, Player's dearest friends who have been with them since before the war

And the duo prove no match for the Darkness-possessed Player, who taunts them about not just leaving when they had the chance. Ephemer begs his friend to stop as Player goes in to finish off Skuld, and in his desperation to protect one friend, he opens up the portal to Game Central Station and forces his fallen friend though. As it closes, Ephemer breaks down in tears, muttering apologies to the friend that he was unable to save

Scene 4: Luxu and Brain

We cut back to where we left off in Scene 2, with Luxu confronting Brain in the real lifeboat room. He introduces himself, and Brain is taken aback that one of the missing masters has finally returned. Luxu asks Brain if he's a Union Leader, and when Brain confirms that he is, Luxu then gestures to the missing pods and asks where the others are. Brain tells him that one escaped, and the other two are still trapped in the data. Luxu's confused; there should be five Union Leaders, but Brain only listed four. He asks what happened to the fifth, and Brain confirms that they were struck down

Luxu assumes that Brain is going to make his escape, but Brain denies this. They have a friend who he calls a Dandelion (even though Player did not consider themself one) who is trapped alongside the other two Union Leaders, and he intends to get all three out no matter what. Furthermore, Brain has no intention of using one of the real lifeboats. Rather, he has resigned himself to staying behind in the past and finding some way to survive the end of the world to eventually extract the rest of the Dandelions from the data as well, and wake them from their data sleep

Luxu, however, has some bad news. While normally that would be true, the Data Daybreak Town was designed to lock Darkness away. Once it's locked up, nothing will ever be able to get out of it again. If anything could get out, then Darkness would as well. It was meant to be a grave for an intangible being

Not only that, but Luxu expresses doubt that Brain has properly prepared for his friends who use the lifeboats to awaken in the future. What does Brain plan to use for mediums? Who are the memories going to come from? Brain doesn't have an answer, but he has to do this and he's willing to put his life on the line for it

This seems to earn Luxu's respect

Scene 5: The Two Who Remain

We now resume with Ephemer and Skuld in the data lifeboat room, having just sealed Player away. The two real pods that weren't used yet are digitized and sent to Ephemer and Skuld to use for their escape. Ephemer picks up the weakened Skuld and places her in a lifeboat, then looks forlornly over to the one on the other side of the room. The one meant for Player. Then he reclines back into his own pod and the two leave the Data Daybreak Town

Scene 6: "You're So Gullible"

We now join Player inside of the familiar tunnel that joined the Data Daybreak Town to Game Central Station

The four Darknesses swarm around Player, commending them for goading Ephemer into being desperate enough to open up a gateway for them, implying that Player was at least partially in control by the end of the fight. In a bizarre way, they seem to be trying to help Player as they warn them they must cast off their body if they don't want to be destroyed by the simulation shutting down

Player laughs

They ask if Darkness is always this easy to trick. After all, it can't go anywhere without a Keyblade and without a body it can't use one, either, which is why it needed one of them to open a path for it. Player turns, and locks the end of the pathway that leads to Game Central Station. And since Ephemer sealed the Data Daybreak Town end when he cast Player and the Darknesses through the portal, all five of them are now trapped in this space between worlds on the cusp of shutting down along with Data Daybreak Town. This was Player's plan all along, opening their heart up just enough for the four Darknesses to try and use them as a host and then provoking their friends into sealing them away and taking Darkness with them

Darkness flies into an anger-fueled frenzy but is unable to do anything to escape. Player collapses, and Chirithy appears. Petting them much like they did during the Keyblade War, Player apologizes for forcing Chirithy to be sealed away with them since their hearts are bound. Chirithy shakes their head, signaling that they don't hold it against Player, and the two go in for a final hug and are bathed in light

Scene 7: The Destruction of Daybreak Town

Back in the real lifeboat room again, Ephemer and Skuld emerge and are met with blaring sirens signaling that the world is at its end. The other are gone, including Brain and Luxu, and the two have no idea what happened to them (or that Luxu was involved). They simply hope that they made it out safely, and decide to check outside just to see what's going on

They're met with the destruction of Daybreak Town. Smoke is everywhere, the sky is red, and pieces of debris are being drawn into a swirling dark orb in the sky not unlike the destruction of Destiny Islands from KH1. Ephemer decides that they need to leave, now, and Skuld muses about how it takes a lot of time and effort to build something, but none at all to destroy. The two retreat back into the lifeboat room to make their exit

Scene 8: The Master's Plans

We now cut to our final continuation of the flashback of Master of Masters' talk with Darkness from before he disappeared

Darkness muses that it truly does not understand the Master of Masters at all. The Master asks if it wants to, and Darkness replies with a very clinical, "Yes, understanding your enemy is important." The Master muses if it means all of the Darknesses or just the one who is speaking, and Darkness states that it's speaking for all of them

The Master muses for a bit about how small worlds are easy to control. If this small world simply expands gradually over time, then eventually there will become parts of it that the light can't reach, but Darkness will have free reign over anywhere it pleases (much like real light can only shine so far, and anywhere it doesn't reach is filled with shadow). This skews everything in Darkness's favor when vying for control and is precisely what would happen if the world of the Age of Fairtytales continued to expand

Darkness simply notes that of course it will always be around, that's what "friends" do, but the Master says that sometimes he'd like to be left alone. And so, to get away from Darkness, he plans to flee to a world that Darkness does not know about. One where neither Darkness nor Light can be controlled. Darkness asks what this world is, and the Master says that humanity, even if their lives end, want to believe in a world that exists for them in the future. For him, this is a world of fiction and imagination. This implies that he plans to flee into the world of Quadratum, the fictional world that we learned about in Melody of Memory that exists on the other side of the "real world"

Darkness is clearly lost as it asks if he's talking about the Data World. The Master simply says that even if it started out as fiction, you can make it real. But he won't explain any more. After all, the point is that this is a world that Darkness doesn't know about. It cannot reach it, even if it tried

Of note is that he mimics what the illusory Xehanort remarks about Sora in Melody of Memory by calling this a place where neither your "eyes nor voice" can reach, much like Sora's voice could not reach Kairi in The Final World from Quadratum. His final description of it is as "a world of [symbol]." It's unclear if this is an actual term that is unpronounceable and unspeakable in-universe, or if this is simply done to censor the word for the players

Scene 9: Goodbye

We once again return to the real lifeboat room amidst the destruction of Daybreak Town. As she gets into her pod, Skuld starts sobbing and thanks Ephemer through her tears for staying with her until the end. Ephemer tells her that she can't give up until it's all over. As he goes into his pod, he flashes back to all of the time that he spent with Player, and mutters their name through his tears as their pods close and the room caves in around them

(AND THIS IS WHERE IT SHOULD'VE ENDED BECAUSE IT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD UP TO THIS POINT BUT HERE WE GO)

Scene 10: Where Do Dream Eaters Come From?

Player and Chirithy are floating in a white void alongside all of the other Dandelions that were trapped in the Data Daybreak Town and their Chirithies. Some of them are familiar faces, like the "My friends aren't my power" kid and the squad of four kids that Player had befriended and their ex-teammate. As Player awakens, they watch these sleeping Dandelions revert to the forms of hearts that are then eaten by those Chirithies, transforming them into the Spirits seen in Dream Drop Distance

Player's Chirithy explains that because Chirithies are bonded to their Keyblade wielder's heart, they take on a state to match their wielder. If the wielder dies, so do they. And if the wielder falls into a deep sleep, they take on a stronger form to protect it

Contrary to what the fandom is saying, NO, Spirits aren't dead Keykids. Rather, the Chirithies are simply taking their sleeping hearts into their bodies and transforming into a stronger form to keep them safe. This is only my assumption, but I would assume that this is possible since they don't technically have bodies anyway, having been digitized. Therefore, their body-less hearts would otherwise have been sent directly to sleep with no protection, hence the Chirithies moving in

Now, this still doesn't make sense regarding Dream Drop Distance by overriding the lore that all Dream Eaters are simply the form that Darkness takes in Sleeping Worlds, which made sense from a metaphorical perspective of "you sleep at night which is dark, so dreams are darkness and both good and bad dreams are made of the same stuff." And also you can totally craft Spirits and have them explode if they take too much damage, all with zero indication that a keykid heart was involved in the creation process or released on destruction, but whatever, let's just move on

Player asks if this is what will happen to them and their Chirithy, and Chirithy responds that they have a choice. If Player doesn't want to go to sleep, then their heart will be broken down and reconstructed as an entirely new heart to live a new life

Smash cut to an unfamiliar town where a woman in purple with black hair and silver eyes hand over what is obviously a baby Xehanort to a hunched figure in a blue cloak, holding a cane. She sobs. Cut again to the figure in blue holding baby Xehanort standing on Destiny Islands' play island. Cut once more and Xehanort is now his teenage self from Dark Road on the beach of the play island. The figure in blue is standing on the ledge behind him, and as Xehanort stands up to walk to the shoreline, the figure collapses onto the ground. Xehanort does not notice this. Two more cuts, this time to the day that Xehanort found himself in Scala ad Caelum and a chess match with Eraqus

We return to Player, who closes their eyes peacefully and decided to move on to another life. Chirithy is confused, but goes in for a final hug as both of them dissolve into light, Player's heart flying off into the white void

The implication of all of this being that not only did Player reincarnate as Xehanort, introducing reincarnation into a series that it has never been a part of and overcomplicating the lore even worse, but that Xehanort isn't even from Destiny Islands in the first place, invalidating nearly all of his character motivation from the series

This is so bad that it deserves its own post though, so we're moving on

Credits Roll: Scenes From the Game Play Over It

Post Credits: Aftermath

We find our scene in a vast expanse of water, littered with debris. A lone lifeboat floats amongst the rubble. Some houses from Daybreak Town can be seen partially submerged, setting this after its destruction. The lifeboat comes to a stop and opens up, revealing Ephemer's silhouette. He looks around

It's unclear why Ephemer seems to have landed so far back in the past compared to the others, though some people have noted that he also doesn't appear to have lost his body, so it could be that his pod simply didn't activate (note how we only saw it close, not disappear into light like Lauriam and crew's) and that Ephemer didn't time travel at all but simply rode out the destruction of Daybreak Town inside the lifeboat

We see a rendition of the scene from KH2 where Diablo the raven brings Maleficent's cloak to the three fairies and she revives, showing that this scene was, indeed, her coming back from her time travel adventure

Lauriam wakes up in the field of flowers from Dwarf Woodlands, and looks confused and startled as a white butterfly flits about him. The flowers clearly a nod to his element among the Organization

Elrena is shown still unconscious along the cliffs that lead to Maleficent's castle in Enchanted Dominion. Much like Lauriam, her element is represented in the thunderstorm that rages around her

Ventus is shown unconscious in the Keyblade Graveyard, and a silhouette approaches him. Many believe this to be Xehanort finding him, though as of now the figure's identity is unconfirmed

We cut to a scene of Luxu dragging the black box behind him in the Keyblade Graveyard, much like a certain scene from the end of Back Cover. However, this time the scene continues and he removes his hood to reveal Brain's face. The implication here is that after Scene 4 above, Luxu took Brain's body as the first of many that he would steal to prolong his own life. This is why neither of them are seen when Ephemer and Skuld emerge from the datascape; Luxu has already taken Brain's body for his own and made his escape to survive the destruction of the world with the black box

We get a title card, but are treated to one final scene. Brain wakes up (sans hat) in the same town that we saw baby Xehanort being given away in. A hooded figure in strange garb arrives, holding Brain's hat, and asks if he is Brain. At Brain's confirmation, the figure returns the hat and introduces themself as Sigurd (a Norse mythology name much like the other Scala ad Caelum characters so far). They seem to have been waiting for Brain and report that they found him into an earpiece of sorts

Brain is understandably confused, and Sigurd explains that they know of the Brain who escaped Daybreak Town's destruction and that he would appear in this spot on this day. Brain panics, realizing that he doesn't know where any of his seven other friends are and if they made it to safety. Sigurd tells Brain that he's the only one who made it to this spot. Brain, utterly crushed that all of his friends have seemingly perished, listlessly follows Sigurd as Sigurd leads him to their headquarters

On the way there, however, something catches Brain's eye. He sprints to the fountain and looks up at something that's not in the frame in shock. Sigurd explains that this is a statue of this town, Scala ad Caelum’s founder (so Xehanort's actually from Scala...) and the first ever Keyblade Master, Master Ephemer. The camera pans up to show the statue of Ephemer as we know him holding the Master Keeper Keyblade that he got from Brain

Brain is overcome with emotions, and through his tears states that he knows exactly who that is. That's his best friend, and he's so proud of him for rebuilding

This is just my speculation, but what I believe is going on in the final scene with Brain is that when Luxu took his body, he ejected Brain's heart from it. A lifeboat wasn't used up, so Luxu must have either used time travel on his own to send Brain's heart to the future or simply left Brain's heart stranded and waiting in the ruins of Daybreak Town. This would let Luxu have his body, but Brain's stranded heart could make a new one with the proper resources in the future like the other hearts sent via the pods. That's what I think the focus on the hat is about. Luxu is shown without it after he takes Brain's body, and Sigurd has it. So my assumption would be that the hat was the medium used to bring Brain's body back like Maleficent's cloak was for her. It’s possible that Luxu set this up, but I can’t confirm. As for the memories, I couldn't say

I would also speculate that this scene takes place a decent amount of time before Dark Road, since Eraqus has been implied to be a descendant of Brain due to their similar looks. If Brain is in Scala ad Caelum in the past, then he could easily be the grandfather that Eraqus mentioned

My final bit of speculation is that the reason Sigurd and crew know who Brain is is because Ephemer, the founder of Scala ad Caelum and the inheritor of the Book of Prophecies, likely saw when Brain would emerge and set up a system to take care of him, knowing that he wouldn't survive to see him again

Apologies for the length, the ending was 40 minutes long. But, hopefully, I've made it clear which scenes are connected to which and what is actually happening. If it wasn't actually clear, there's two flashback sequences involving the Master of Masters that take place before KHx, the scenes in the data and real lifeboat rooms are running concurrently with each other (Brain and Luxu are having their conversation at the same time as Player is being possessed by the Darknesses, etc.) and everything else is roughly chronological with the exception of the scenes where Maleficent, Lauriam, Elrena, and Ven are revived after time traveling. Lauriam, Elrena, and Ven's scenes all must take place sometime before or around BBS (Lauriam and Elrena for their ages to match up, Ven because he's in BBS). Maleficent's is at the beginning of KH2

#kingdom hearts #khux #khux spoilers #anon asks #liz answers #between the amount it cuts around and the entirety of scene 10 which is really my only problem area i can see why you'd be confused #i think this would actually be a decent ending without scene 10 but scene 10 is SO BAD #it leaves such a bad taste in your mouth for the ENTIRE FRANCHISE that it ends up bringing literally everything else down with it

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lanshappycorner · 3 years

Text

Deuce Spade facts and fun facts🥳🥳

This is a list of facts and fun facts about Deuce! This list is based on true facts only and any observations I've made, however observations can be subjective, so those will be labeled properly! Let's start off with some facts already in the wiki :)

First Yr, class 1-A, student no.24

Birthday: June 3

Age: at the beginning of the game, Deuce is 16, but currently, he is 17 [his profile in game has not been updated, but as time is proven to flow in game, it is unclear but can be interpreted that the characters do canonly age]

Gemini

173 cm / 5'8" ft

Homeland: Rose kingdom

Family: Mother, Grandmother, it is implied that his father is out of the picture as Deuce states that he is the only man in the family so his father has either left or is dead

Club: Track and Field [alongside Jack]

Best subject: PE

Dominant hand: Right

Fav food: Egg dishes / omurice

Least fav food: Bell peppers

Dislikes: Limited time sales

Hobby: Magical wheel (twst motorcycle I guess but it looks kinda funky)

Talents: Machinery Maintainance [good with fixing gadgets and etc]

Used to be a delinquent before he heard his mother crying on the phone to his grandmother about his behavior. Afterwards he decided to change

Owns a pink leopard printed suit

Cannot do middle school math, he will take a lot of time to solve simple Algebra problems

Gets nervous and stops functioning entirely when talking to women

Onto some fun facts outside of the wiki! These facts have been gathered from various sources (ppl who can read japanese, ppl who have told me abt info in the twst guidebook, twitter, and ofc the main translated story), but I cannot prove 100% authenticity of this, so take it with a gain of salt

Canonly a pretty boy. Deuce is described as the "cool pretty type" in the twst guidebook

Smells like flowers [applies to all students from Rose kingdom]

A romantic, he admired the king and queen of heart's relationship and trey teased him about it

Thought that baby chicks hatch from store bought eggs until the MC and Grim told him the truth

Can cook eggs (he likes them over easy)

Wanted to make a magical wheel club but was rejected so he joined track and field

Bought magical wheel magazines when he was younger and studied it

Wanted to ride his magical wheel in the heartslabyul maze (mentioned he forgets bad things when he rides it so like...it makes him feel better)

Hates limited times sales/shopping but is extremely good at it. He can remember the price of an item, when exactly it sells out, the percentage/probability of when it can sell out, discount prices and pretty much any math that has to do with it [he's extremely good at shopping because his mother brought him out a lot with her to limited time sales]

In addition to the point above, it is implied he can memorize and calculate that for pretty much every item he intends on buying (everything I listed above is in relation to the time he bought 20 limited time puddings which greatly impressed Sebek who wasn't able to grab even 1, but it was later revealed that he also bought 8 bag full of items requested by Trey for baking, as well as the others probably from heartslabyul) so basically Deuce big brain and very good memorization abilities

Hilariously in the instance above, Sebek, who is like...a real fae, has said that what Deuce did was not something a human can do

Flirted with a plant because vil was fucking around with him and told him to

Was ready to fist fight Riddle

Was about to go find Leona to beat him up but Vil was like do u have no fear and Deuce pretty much said that he can get thru to Leona with his muscles

Was about to fight Malleus (jesus christ) but ended up fixing his tamagotchi and came out completely loaded and rich (good for deuce, get that cha ching babey)

Won a Track and Field competition (noted to be rare for a first year)

He is literally a pretty boy, it's been pointed out that he looks good in the ceremonial clothes (but we already know that)

Admires Riddle and sees him as a role model, has called him boss (like...yakuza boss terminology) once

[Observation] Has a pretty good relationship with Jamil as he has asked Jamil to help him practice his Stargazer dance, and mentioned him once again when talking about how Jamil fixed his hat and said that he was a reliable upperclassman

Has said fuck and would not hesitate to say it again 🥺

Has been called honest and cute, was fawned over by kalim and trey. Kalim said Deuce was similar to his younger brothers

During his delinquent phase, he was blamed for many things he didn't do as well, Deuce said that he realized no one believed in him despite what he says, but because a policeman stood up for him, he wanted to become a cop when he grew up

Used intimidation tactics [the equivalent of "u wanna fucking go let's go I'll beat ur ass" to scare off ppl and silver was like hm I will have to try that sometime, to which deuce was pretty much like ahahah no dont

Deuce refers to Yuu as his "mabu", basically calling Yuu his best friend

He can change a lightbulb, and he talks abt hand washing materials and just domestic house stuff in general as if it's common knowledge. In other words it's implied Deuce is really good at housework due to doing a lot for his mother

When he was a kid, he used to cry because he thought there were monsters outside, but it was just hanging laundry

Is more scared of Riddle than ghosts

It's implied that one time (or several times...) he stayed after school with Crewel, and the poor guy had to attempt to explain the same concept over and over again to Deuce for hours until he understood

Ace always cheats in card games with Deuce, so Deuce claims that it's not very fun playing with him

Bad at astrology bc apparently all stars look the same to him

Likes cafe latte

Does tease ppl, he once messed with Yuu and in the process called Ace "Ace-kun" (Ace called him "Deuce-kun" as well). There has been an instance where he's teased Jack about his Niceness TM

Used to have over 30 gang members following him at age 14-15. (You'd think that him being so young would make him like a lackey but no he was the boss)

Has a thing for summoning cauldrons since he was young, but apparently you need to have a large amount of magic capabilities to summon objects, so [observation] deuce may actually be extremely powerful bc he was able to summon things at a young age, but he hasn't refined his powers yet so he still seems weak compared to a lot of the cast

During his delinquent phase, apparently he had a really wild hairstyle and he used his magic on people weaker than him

[Observation] Deuce is actually pretty good at lying. In his Halloween card he was able to put up a good act and deceive some of his ex gang members into following him into the forest before mildly roughing them up (keep in mind that he has not had contact with these ppl for at least a year, yet somehow he was able to assert enough authority to tell them to follow him. Also, he thought of this plan on the spot, and acted malicious enough so that the gang members would believe in him—which proves that he's not only quick witted but a convincing actor, as Jamil actually believed his act for a while)

It's implied that he and Ace are often in leadership positions, as they helped to lead heartslabyul in designing their Halloween booth, but they also mentioned that it was much easier compared to organizing unbirthday parties

[Observation] despite wanting to be an honor student, Deuce is still able to take unjustly means to achieve his goals (EX. Making a deal with Azul to pass his test), in general, deuce doesn't care too much about the method, be it through cheating or violence to get to his goal, but he does value a fair battle

[Observation] a lot of Deuce's strengths are subtle as we are frequently told abt how much of a bad student he is, but if u rly think abt it, deuce is put in leadership positions a lot, he's good a memorization and small technical details, he can be at times quick witted and deceiving, and he has the potential to be extremely powerful in magic. In conclusion Deuce is a menace and once we find out what his unique magic is I'm 100.01% sure he will become a greater menace and I think he should fight a lot of people and win

That will be all for this post! There may be more fun facts/observations that I may have missed, but feel free to add on to this! Anyways thank u for reading and please stan Deuce Spade♠️💙

#please read this i spent hours on it <3 #i am sorry for being a walking deuce encyclopedia #twisted wonderland #deuce spade #twisted wonderland deuce #twst deuce

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

Text

Stay High

Karube Daikichi × Reader

Based off this song

No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)

"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."

_______________________________________

"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.

You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?

"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.

"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.

"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"

"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."

_______________________________________

He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."

You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.

"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."

You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube. For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.

'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'

- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)

You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.

"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.

The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling. The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.

That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.

When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.

He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.

"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.

"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"

2 years later

You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."

Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?

So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.

Forever and ever, no?

Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-

I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.

Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.

#alice in borderland #×reader #spotify #Karube Daikichi #angst?#three am thoughts are hard to deal with #im honestly proud of this one

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cherry-ber · 4 years

Text

Too drunk to fuck (pt 4)

Part 1 | Previous

Inevitably, after random small talks with the boys, your phone rang and when you finally picked it up, you had five missed calls from your parents, and you had to get back home. You said goodbye to the tipsy boys, and promised to hang out with them again soon. Mark gave you his gloves, because suddenly the night became cold, and you both rode back to your place, he'd look back at you every red light, since the wind was making you tremble in cold, he'd laugh nervously every time you put your hands on his pockets to keep them warm.

Upon arriving, you knew your dad was probably waiting in the living room for you, so you didn't let him get close to the front door, and just as you were kissing him goodbye, both your parents opened the door to you holding hands.

“Are you children coming in?” your mom asked, not a hint of her being angry at all, but judging by the time you arrived, you knew she was beyond displeased.

Mark was about to decline, but your dad gave him the look.

“Son, come on in, it's late and you don't want to drive that thing without chatting with us, do you?” That thing, of course, reminded him of his old Harley. Your mom had a thing for bikers, and apparently you did too. Probably, a little bit intimidated by your father, Mark agreed to having a cup of coffee with you inside.

At first it was embarrassing and uncomfortable, because you knew what your parents wanted to hear about your relationship with Mark, but unfortunately there was nothing between you two, and what was actually going on would piss them off, after telling them that those hours that you spent making out, you were in the taking a special Science course. But things got smooth quickly, after your dad learned all the things he had in common with Mark, and after skipping the fact that you were tipsy all the time you were talking, obviously none of you told them you were drinking and smoking an hour away from home.

“I hate to be that kind of dad, Mark, but I have to know, since I don't want my daughter coming at 1 a.m every night, what kind of relationship do you children have?”

You noticed Mark's jaw tightened, his hands also tensed, and he held his breath for a second that felt like hours.

“He's just a good friend, dad, Jaemin couldn't bring me home earlier since he was helping a friend with his car, it ran out of gas, and since it was getting cold, he offered me a lift” You intervened, knowing that you didn't want to hear whatever Mark was planning to reply. You knew you were a good liar, but this one came out so smoothly and naturally that for a moment, Mark himself believed it.

“I see... Is Jaemin the moron that picked you up and didn't bother to say hi?” you nodded “is that your boyfriend?” you shook your head no “that's great, he's banned, I don't want you driving around in that car with him” Mark let out a giggle “then you children should go to sleep”

You stood up, ready to say goodbye but your mom finally talked again after staring at you suspiciously.

“What are you doing? It's late. Mark, bring your bike inside the garage and you can sleep in the couch”

Your parents were always very nice with your friends, but you didn't want that with Mark, you didn't want them to think about him that way, because you knew that it was only about time before he left you.

“I really shouldn't, I don't want to abuse your hospitality”

“Come on, love, it's late, you can stay with Y/N in the living, it could be dangerous outside”

It didn't take long for him to say yes, so you had to stay with him in the couch. You decided you were both sleeping in the floor, so you built a fort and laid next to each other.

“You know, Y/N I never thought you were so much of a liar”

“Huh?”

“Jaemin? Helping someone with their car?”

“Oh, right. Don't be loud, I don't really want them to know it was a lie”

“I mean yeah, but I am impressed... Have you ever lied to me?”

In the dark, you could barely distinguish him from his shadow, he was playing with his hands and breathing slowly, you couldn't see his face but you knew that he was smiling.

“We never speak, how could I ever lie to you, hum?”

Silence. You thought maybe he fell asleep, after all, it was really late.

“Right”

It was your turn to stay quiet. You didn't intend to make him feel bad, in case that was what happened, and this was your chance to get closer to him. I mean, you were sleeping together, how much closer could you get anyway.

“I am indeed a good liar” you started and heard him turn around, so you proceeded “I am also very sensitive, I cry often for the dumbest reasons. I like to be alone, but I crave human interaction sometimes. I don't like the smell of cigarettes, but I've been smoking for a while and of course my parents don't know, don't even ask. I also like to cook, I'm pretty good, I would say”

“Is any of that a lie?”

“Yes. Guess which one.”

He took his time, humming for some minutes

“You don't like to be alone. If you did, you would've never accepted to meet me after class”

“That's wrong. All of those are lies, but I am in fact a good cook”

He laughed and placed his hand on your hip bone

“Let me tell you something, I used to think you were incredibly gorgeous, but upon meeting you, I know now that you are also smart, and funny and I just want to how is it possible that you are so charming”

It was a blessing that it was so dark, because you didn't want him seeing you blushing the way you did.

“What is that supposed to mean anyway?”

You heard sounds coming up from your parents room, and you realized that of course they were trying to listen

“It means we should sleep, it's very late” he turned around again, his back facing you, and you immediately missed his hands on you.

“Goodnight, Mark”

He said nothing, and after some minutes you felt asleep, he noticed you did when your breath became deeper. He turned to face you. In the dark he couldn't really see your face, but he imagined your closed eyes and your nose slightly pink from the heat your body was creating. He imagined caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands, playing with your hair and making you laugh when he was kissing all over your face, but he didn't, he didn't even move a finger, he stayed away, and told himself it was better that way.

In the morning, you forgot where you were, and panicked when you saw Mark's face slightly covered by a blanket. He looked adorable, and you resisted the urge to hug him.

You were thankful you woke up early and immediately went to wash your face and brush your teeth, you went to the kitchen and made pancakes.

You were loud enough to wake him up, so he went looking for you and couldn't help but smile when he saw you.

“How are you up so early?” he scared you but you didn't jump when you heard his voice

“I was hungry”

You ate your breakfast and he told you he should leave already, but you didn't want him to.

“I'll see you tomorrow after class, I swear”

He took his jacket, and went to the garage. You saw him riding away, and you wondered if you made any progress with him.

Sunday, 8:36 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Are you coming with us today?”

Sunday, 8:37 a.m: “where?”

“actually, don't tell me, I don't I'd be able to go”

Sunday, 8:37 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Well we're not taking Mark, but Jeno and I are going somewhere, I thought maybe you'd like to join us”

“«somewhere» means his place, I'm helping him organize his room, he's messy.”

“No drinks or drugs I swear”

“Well unless you want to”

Sunday, 8:39 a.m: “mmmmm k, pick me up in like three hours pls”

Sunday, 8:39 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Will do. See you xox😘”

Sunday 8:40 a.m : “🤢🤢”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A.N: Okay I love this song so much, maybe you can't tell but that's somehow the way Mark feels about Y/N. Talking that, have you been listening to the songs I add? I got a message saying they were and they liked them, that's why I keep attaching them lmao, I hope you don't mind it.

I wanted to thank you again for your feedback and for taking the time to message me or reply or ask, and to like and reblog this, too.

I'm thinking about a new project, involving a horror story and any other nct member, I'm thinking Hyuck or Chenle because I adore them but if you had any suggestions / requests, I'd be happy to read them.

Anyway, I wanted to upload this earlier but of course I didn't, I'm sorry about, I'll work on a schedule for you to know when I'll update if that's easier uwu

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