#i have treatment resistant depression

[saltedbreadstick]

#tw drugs #legal drugs tho #context is important #i have treatment resistant depression #hence the #legal #legal drug #shitpost #klance #voltron #vld #i hope this flops #flop era post

[pansyfemme]

i am so fucking done with living like a depressed person. i cant make the mental illness go away but i want to stop living like i am mentally ill dear god

#i cant keep living in messy depression rooms and eating one meal a day i literally cannot go on but everytime i try to quit once the mania #dies down and i stop cleaning and taking care of myself and being regular with my meds the cycle starts again and suddenly im back where i #started. im so sick of this #having severe treatment resistant depression is less of a mental illness and more of a curse to make everyone in your life find you at least #slightly disgusting forever. sick of it

[not-poignant]

Hi! You absolutely don't need to answer this, I just wanted to stop by and say that depression definitely sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it — I hope you feel better soon 💛

Absolutely no rush on posting, please don't feel like you need to stick to any particular schedule for posting or replying to comments. Especially for fic, which should be fun!

Take care — I adore your stories, I think they're incredible, but I'm always happy to wait for them (and I suspect the vast majority of your readers feel the same way 💛)

Ahhh thank you anon this is so kind <3333

My depressive episodes are always pretty heavy, I've been taking the mornings off the past few days to just watch some TV and do cross-stitch and zone out (normally I sit down and get to work immediately, like, 'sit at my computer eating breakfast getting to work.') It's been great to kind of chill out, though I never really stop thinking about the characters or the stories, but I'm more than okay with that.

I'm definitely going to be able to keep to the schedule, it's the 'socialising' side of things that can get harder. But sometimes just little breaks here and there make all the difference. Sometimes even just telling everyone I need a break, ironically takes a lot of pressure off me and then I need less of a break. I guess in a way, that means just communicating helps a lot, which seems really obvious in retrospect!

But you know, it's kind of 'frowned upon' in many professional circles. Tumblr is a weird space, where it honestly feels more natural to be open and authentic, instead of button up my personality and just present a 'WAHEY LET'S READ SOME WRITINGGGG' - I mean I know I do that too sometimes, but honestly, sometimes my vibe is also like 'hi I am pressure cleaning objects in this video game and tired and a bit sore in my brain how's everyone else doing.'

We all get sore in our brains sometimes sdlkfja

The fic is still fun! I love replying to comments. I just do need to take breaks sometimes, especially during times that are supposed to be breaks. I have some particular internal red flags that are like 'oh shit, you're depressed, get offline now' which I never see coming, but once they're there it's like... easier to listen to.

Tomorrow morning and the next morning I'll probably do more of the same - watch TV, do cross-stitch, think about what I'll do for the rest of the day. Honestly that serves as a bit of an internet break too, and frankly I have really needed to just check out a bit more, even for a few hours, but I'm sure many folks know sometimes that's really hard to do until you start making yourself <3333

#asks and answers #personal #i've had major depressive disorder and severe treatment resistant PTSD for like 20 years #so i do have practice with self-management #sometimes it's also just realising i can't do everything i want to do #but right now it's adding in more time away from the internet #vs. cutting back #it's been helping a lot #and my mind is already a bit more even keel #not quite there yet #but feeling less like i'm actively drowning #and more like i might be looking for a piece of driftwood to float on #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

[altairrr]

Hey hello hi, it's been a few years I think.

We found out the reason why the last couple years have been very hard! What with the constant vertigo, seizure like symptoms, memory issues, untreatable psychosis, body parts locking up or just straight up moving incorrectly n not the way i instructed, and what I was hoping was the worst DID relapse. It's lucky I have known how to mask these symtpoms for the most part, otherwise things would be worse off. Unfortunately that did mean that no one listened/remembered/took it seriously when I'd ask for help or explain some symptoms. I felt like a woman being diagnosed with hysteria and gaslit to hell and back, so I'm glad to finally have Some kind of step forward with this that isn't just "You're a monster and should just work and do as told and Do More because youre built different" rehashed in a polite way.

Oh ALSO I found out I had had endometriosis just like I thought, and it had spread in a way that it was fusing organs together n tearing them apart and that's why I was in a lot of pain there all the time. Also had several hemorrhages that I had no choice but to tough out through. I finally got spayed, so that helped A Lot. Still pains here and there, but it's much much better in that regard.

Anyway, brain shit.

They thought it was a brain tumor in my frontal lobe- there seems to be a Thing There and brain matter has atrophied a bit towards it. Contrast didn't highlight it, though, so now we're looking at other options

Got one more test to do, and then I'll be able to get a referral for a neuroscientist of some kind. Im real lucky to be in California And at the poverty line because so far the state has been covering all the costs. But it means any second opinion outside of Kaiser is going to have to be completely out of pocket.

#me #i dont remember my personal information tag so here wr are #aint that the way #i also found out that i technically have untreated/treatment resistant depression bc not doing The Happening isnt considered treated I GUESS #anyway i still have to work. which is also cool and good and predictable

[anotherpapercut]

something I always forget to mention w psychedelics bc I take it for granted as a given is the afterglow. idk if this is common knowledge but most people report feeling a continuation of the happiness they feel on drugs like LSD/psilocybin/MDMA/ketamine for weeks or even months after a dose which is part of why these drugs have all been used therapeutically, for some since they were first synthesized

#like i always feel tired and drained the day after using acid or smth bc it lasts a long time and makes it hard for me to sleep #but theres a distinct calmness in my brain for a couple months after #some people feel it 6 months to a year. with proper therapeutic administration these have been proven to fully cure ptsd and addictions #as well as treatment resistant depression and anxiety! #drug ed

[music-for-them-asses]

The pharmacy said my new medication would be $628 for a 30-day supply. So now I have to download GoodRX or contact my insurance and ask them why the fuck this medicine will be over $600

#personal #IF I WEREN'T RADICALIZED BEFORE... #I get it there's no generic for this stupid medication BUT THIS IS INSANE #it's not my fault I have treatment resistant depression and nothing is working. Shit like this is making it worse

[astriiformes]

Have been in the absolute mental health trenches for a few days and it turns out it was (partly) because I performed an accidental human experiment on myself after running out of my new-ish antidepressant, a culprit I did not even think to blame for my mental health tanking because I have not, and I cannot stress this enough, in a literal decade of searching and 14 or 15 different dead ends, ever had an antidepressant that actually worked for me.

So like, cons: Wanted to die for several days and only made it to one class yesterday after a good hour of crying on the floor, feat. bonus SNRI withdrawal

Pros: Actual proof that my new best friend desvenlafaxine makes my brain work more, which I was deeply skeptical of even though I've been doing noticably better this last month since we first upped my dosage

Time to inch back upwards towards the sun (which I mean in an Icarus way, not a soft gentle plant metaphor way, you people know me)

#treatment-resistant depression who #(ignoring that for a ten years i had literally no way of treating my depression) #i mean. therapy i guess. but i have not had a lot of luck in that area lately #so this is huge actually

[pallanophblargh]

Had an extremely eventful day: had a phone appointment with psychiatrist (finally!), was given a prescription for medication to manage my raging depression (at last!), made follow up appointment, and filled prescription with minimal event. While I was making the follow-up appointment, I inquired about their ADHD screening/diagnostic services and they put me down for the earliest appointment, in December. I don’t even mind. I’m just happy to finally be doing something about this.

I don’t know what other issues (if any?) may be lurking under the cloak of dark that is depression, but I’ve fought with this my entire life. I desperately want to know who I am without it, and hope that this medication can finally help me begin managing it!

#april rambles #mental health #depression #I have dumb reasons that I didn't get to this earlier (see depression) #and I know that if I start getting better I'll be furious and mourn my lost years #my other fears is that I'd have horrific side effects that would exacerbate the depression #should have gone on meds as a teen but that was never going to happen with my family being the way they are #i was always told to just suck it up and try harder #funny thing about that is you eventually hit a wall you can't get through and then it Gets Way Worse #I just hope I can learn to enjoy art again and become a proper human #crossing fingers that my brand of depression isn't treatment resistant

[daz4i]

sucks that mental health isn't like physical health in a sense that knowing what the problem is doesn't mean shit. with physical health there's at least a CHANCE you can make the problem go away with the right treatment even if it takes time (not for all issues, but many of them). with mental health it's like. yeah i already know everything you're gonna tell me. there's no actual treatment bc the only cure for not wanting to live is to want to live

#yeah i have treatment resistant depression how did you guess #my 2024 new year's resolution is killing myself 🖤 #preferably before my birthday too. but tbf that's my goal every year and as you can see that hasn't worked out yet #suicide // #negative // #ask to tag #Doing Bad. #i'm literally getting worse as time goes by 🥲 amazing. who knew it was possible #i don't think getting out of bed counts when i look at everything around me with 'hmm how could i kms with this'

[ham-burgy]

I am running low on whimsy these days

#I have had treatment resistant depression since I was 15 idk

[ryebreadlord]

just had to come out as trans to my psychiatrist killing myself killing myself killing myself

#it’s bc he was like you have treatment resistant depression…could there be an underlying issue #and i had to be like ! yes there is #tmi time

[mtndewbajablast]

tms took away most of my depressive symptoms. I am realizing. Bc I don’t think I’ve had full blown depressive episode in years it’s usually mixed episodes. no real mania at this point bc I’m medicated

#if u have bp or treatment resistant depression and u can get a psych to refer you/get insurance to cover it. I do recommend it. really #the one side effect was headaches but I have a lot of headaches to begin with

[mymarifae]

i may be angry about needing 534976934743 hours of sleep after every ketamine infusion BUT!! i think... i can say that they’re starting to make a difference :’) which is very relieving and very exciting

#if u didn't know i have Very Bad Very Extremely treatment resistant depression sooooo we decided to try something new! ketamine infusions #i was suuuuuuuuuper nervous about them at first but it turns out they're not too terrible.. and i think!!!!!! i'm starting to do better #more energy..i'm noticing i'm not as prone to sleeping all day. head feels a little clearer #idk. i'm glad i'm not getting horse tranquilizers for no reasonagbdjfbfkjnbfdj and also that there's like.. hope for me and my brain #i was scared of this not working and it just being like. well you have to be impossibly miserable forever or die. sorry. #anyway... 🍦 for u if u read this far

[neonpigeons]

just finished my last session of TMS therapy. I can now confidently say I don't think it did anything lmao but other than the initial $15 and having to come into the office nearly every day since june 2nd, it didn't cost me anything so. it was worth the try

#no more zapping my brain with electromagnets #i clearly have what the kids call ''treatment resistant depression'' 😎 #it is what it is #good thing i have decent state insurance that paid for most of it or i would've been really mad #ari speaks

[natasharomanoff]

okay holy fuck. so i started ketamine therapy yesterday and i can’t even describe accurately just how insightful it was. and honestly i’m not even gonna try right now, what happened last night is for me and me alone. maybe as i keep going i’ll find the language but im content right now just knowing that what happened last night is the start of something profound

#harmony yells #drug mention #also did you know ketamine has been used since the 60s in hospitals #im using a legal program btw it’s called nue.life #and it’s legit so don’t worry about me lol #my treatment resistive depression ain’t gonna be resistive much longer #holy fuck last night i have a feeling is a catalyst for so much change in my life #10/10 experience

[cruelsister-moved2]

genuinely if im ever sad i just think about lesbians and i get so happy i love lesbians and lesbianology sooooo much for real 

#thinking of masc lesbians.....have they trialled this as a cure for treatment resistant depression yet #thinking of like a historical lesbian and despite our differences the deep understanding we share and how i can read a story from someone #200 years ago and feel this deep sense of peace and comfort from how much i understand them.....wahhhhh