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#i have to go to classes but ill be on later
theodorenmyth · 1 day
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Hi, can I request like a part 2 of my previous request? Like Theo and Enzo being pretty much simps for their bf when he do something amazing, and they grab their bf to show how much they love him. Or theo and Enzo hear someone say something bad about their bf, so they confront him, not knowing their bf is there and smiling for how they're defending him 🥰
Simp and Protect
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Pairings : Theodore Nott, Lorenzo Berkshire x M! Reader Summary : Theodore Nott and Lorenzo Berkshire are fiercely devoted to their boyfriend, always ready to support and defend him. Whether it’s showering him with love after he accomplishes something amazing or standing up for him when someone speaks ill of him, Theo and Enzo prove that their love knows no bounds. In this heartfelt story, see their unwavering affection and loyalty from the perspective of their cherished boyfriend. A/n : Enjoy (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠) Warnings) : Nothing! Word count : 700+
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You’ve always known that being with Theodore Nott and Lorenzo Berkshire meant living a life filled with warmth and affection. Both boys had their unique ways of showing love, but one thing they shared in abundance was their dedication to you. Today is just another testament to their unwavering devotion.
You’re seated in the library, finishing an essay you’ve poured your heart into. When you finally set your quill down, you let out a satisfied sigh. It’s one of the best pieces you’ve written, and you can’t wait to show Theo and Enzo. Just as you gather your things, you hear the familiar, hushed footsteps of Theo approaching.
He spots you, and his eyes light up instantly. “Hey, love. How’s the essay going?”
You hand it to him, watching his expression shift as he reads through the lines. His eyebrows raise, and a proud smile spreads across his face. “This is incredible,” he breathes, looking up at you with admiration. “You’ve outdone yourself.”
Before you can respond, Lorenzo appears, a charming grin plastered on his face. “What’s going on here?”
“Theo’s just reading my essay,” you explain, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks under their intense gazes.
Enzo takes the parchment from Theo’s hands and skims through it. He lets out a low whistle. “You’re brilliant, you know that? This is amazing.”
Your heart swells with pride and love. They always know how to make you feel special. In one swift motion, Theo pulls you into a tight embrace, his lips pressing softly against your forehead. “I’m so proud of you,” he murmurs.
Enzo joins the hug, wrapping his arms around both of you. “Absolutely. You’re a genius, and we’re the luckiest guys to have you.”
Their words, their touches, everything about them makes you feel cherished. They stay like this for a while, holding you close, showing you just how much you mean to them.
Later that day, you’re walking to your next class when you overhear a conversation that makes your blood run cold. Two students are talking, and it doesn’t take long to realize they’re talking about you.
“I don’t get what Nott and Berkshire see in him,” one of them sneers. “He’s not even that great.”
You stop in your tracks, feeling a mix of anger and hurt. Before you can decide whether to confront them or walk away, Theo and Enzo appear around the corner. They haven’t seen you yet, but they’ve heard enough of the conversation to understand what’s going on.
“What did you just say?” Theo’s voice is low and dangerous, a stark contrast to the usual warmth you’re used to.
The students look startled, and one of them stammers, “We were just saying—”
“I heard what you were saying,” Enzo interrupts, his tone icy. “And you’re wrong. He’s amazing. He’s smart, kind, and everything we could ever want.”
Theo steps closer to the students, his eyes blazing with fury. “You don’t get to talk about him like that. Ever. Do you understand?”
The students shrink back, clearly intimidated. “We’re sorry,” one of them mutters before they both scurry away.
Theo and Enzo stand there for a moment, watching them go. You can’t help but smile at how fiercely they defended you. It’s then that they notice you, standing a few steps away with a proud smile on your face.
“You heard that, huh?” Theo says, a bit sheepish now that the adrenaline is wearing off.
“I did,” you reply, walking up to them. “And I love you both even more for it.”
Enzo grins and pulls you into a tight hug. “We’ll always have your back, no matter what.”
Theo joins the embrace, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Always,” he echoes.
As the three of you stand there, wrapped up in each other, you feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Not just for their defense of you, but for everything they do to show how much they care. Their love is fierce and unyielding, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
The rest of the day passes in a blur of classes and conversations, but the warmth of Theo and Enzo’s love stays with you, a constant reminder of just how lucky you are. Every glance, every touch, every word they offer is a testament to their unwavering devotion. And as you fall asleep that night, nestled between them, you know that no matter what challenges come your way, you’ll face them together, with love and loyalty to guide you.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 months
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skitskatdacat63 · 8 months
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Boy King AU | Vettonso + Martian | 1.3k
There's something about putting the future emperor of the Holy Realm on his knees like this. About how easily he goes, how willingly, how obediently. What would his adoring public think if they could see him now. If they saw their beloved king pressed down like this, in the cramped space between Fernando's legs. When they realized their little boy king took it like he was a little concubine instead. 
Fernando's bitterness is lifted away in moments like these, like taking off a heavy cloak on a winter's day. It was hard to feel humiliated about his own situation when watching Sebastian debase himself like this. 
He always gives himself up so easily. When Fernando threaded his fingers through his thick curls. When he pulled them, and then when he pressed his face down further down into the vee of his legs.  Sebastian rubbed his cheek into the coarse fabric of Fernando's breeches and blinked up at him. Fernando had to smother an embarrassing sound; he was just like a little cat!
Sebastian quirked his lips up into an odd little smile and slightly rose up on his knees, "What's funny?" Fernando swallowed lightly and schooled his face back into being impassive, "Nothing. As you were." Sebastian simply smirked at him and let himself be pushed back down by the fist clenched in his hair. 
Fernando scoffed internally, there was only so much pleasure in putting the other man in his place when he instead acted like this, this degrading action, was his birthright. He took to ruling and indulging in carnal pleasures as if they were of equal gravity. To be privileged to hold such high station and also let himself be taken apart like this…Fernando felt embarrassed for him.
He is dragged away from his musings when Sebastian moved to settle his hands in Fernando's lap, clutching his hips over the fabric and slightly squeezing; Fernando fought against the urge to shiver. Sebastian pushed up the skirt of Fernando's waistcoat and smoothed his hands over the opening flap of his breeches.
His eyes darted up at Fernando again, a daft smile on his face. Fernando scowled at him, "What?" Seb's grin sharpened, "You could stand to be a little more gracious. This is your future emperor, and future husband might I add, kneeling for you on this dirty, depraved, derelict- ah–" Fernando tugged on his hair again and hissed, "Well then, why don't you show me how eager you are to perform your marital duties?" 
Seb licked his lips, completely unconcerned by Fernando's annoyance, and unbuttoned one side of the closure to Fernando's breeches and moved to open the other–
The door to the carriage flew open, arrival announcement dying on a wheezing breath as the servant took in the image the two kings made. One splayed across the seat, exuding power, the other kneeled, debauched, between the former's legs. 
One would be hard pressed to determine which was higher on the totem of power and titles. 
There was something gratifying about this to Fernando, about being caught. He had been humiliated enough throughout the entire courtship, what was one more thing? And, certainly, what was one more thing if he could drag Sebastian down into the dirt with him. 
"Oh Mark, don't act so abashed! It's nothing you haven't seen before, in fact, we have been in this very position not even a fortnight ago!"
Oh. Yes. That. 
It was hard to be completely pleased when he remembered how Sebastian had already spent years prior to their engagement sampling the palace's ample selection of fellow high-born men. And how all those men seemed to be completely and utterly wrapped around his little finger.
Fernando released his hand from Sebastian's hair as if it had burned him. He did not understand why he felt ashamed with Mark looking in on them like this. Fernando was the one marrying Sebastian, not Mark; Mark was just a lowly courtier who had the esteemed duty of spending practically every waking hour with the brat…something he himself was decidedly not looking forward to. 
Sebastian stayed kneeling, staring impassively up at Mark, still fiddling with the clasp on Fernando's breeches. Fernando gritted his teeth and looked up from where he was watching Sebastian's clever little hands; Mark stared back at him placidly. 
Mark's indifference made the entire situation worse. Fernando now felt as if he was not doing anything unique, not doing anything particularly new. How many other men had Mark caught Seb with in this exact position? Fernando felt like he was just another plaything of the boy king, soon to be boy emperor, except his position was forever, permanent. He was the "Kept King", the king who only kept his throne due to the whims of a boy who doesn't even understand what power is.
Mark coughed, "Well," he says, "Your Majesty, I do believe you have a meeting to attend." Seb pouted at him and whined, "We were just getting to the main course," but still braced himself on Fernando's thighs and got up off the carriage floor. 
Seb pranced down the steps Mark had placed next to the carriage, miming tripping sown the stairs, snickering when his action made Mark reflexively reach out to grab him, and then playfully skipped off the final step. 
Fernando couldn't help but stare as Mark made the weirdest grimace in response, and he inexplicably felt all his mortification seep away from him. Huh. Maybe Mark is-
Seb then turned around and frowned at him, seemingly disappointed, but his eyes are deceivingly sharp, "Fernando, I regret to inform you that I have other duties I must attend to, you will simply have to wait." He then grinned up at Mark next to him and giggled as the other man stiffened when Sebastian looped both of his arms through Mark's. 
He leaned all his weight on the other man, Mark not so much as shifting his weight, "Oh Mark, won't you carry me back to the palace? I'm so very tired after all the horse riding," Seb looked up at him imploringly.
Fernando observed as Mark rolled his eyes and shrugged off the man, though notably not pulling his arm from Seb's grasp, and he got the distinct feeling that this exact scene had been played out countless times before. 
Fernando clenched his jaw as he watched Seb turn and saunter off, Mark trotting alongside him like a loyal dog. Fernando was supposed to be the unaffected one in this partnership, the unflustered one, the unconcerned one. And yet here he stood, in broad daylight, in a foreign kingdom, on the steps of a carriage with his breeches half unbuttoned and his cravat in disarray. 
He heard a cough from beside him, jolted and looked to the side. Sebastian's loyal Horse Master stood there, lounging against the side of the carriage. Fernando had forgotten who had even been driving the carriage in the first place. After Seb has let himself be pushed down, his hair still windswept from their ride together, everything else seemed to fade away. His thoughts were reduced only to how he could mess up the younger man's hair further. 
Jenson grinned at him wolfishly, and casually crossed his legs,  "First time?" he inquired. Fernando glared at him. The other man laughed openly at him, "What? He's a busy man with big prospects. You're not his majesty's only conquest, you know. Now your throne on the other hand…"
Fernando seethed, it was one thing to be humiliated by the future emperor, but to be patronized by the king's horse boy? No. It would simply not do. He closed his eyes in annoyance, pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaled, and prepared a speech about how he was not about to be talked down to by a man who didn't even have a throne to speak of! 
But when he opened his eyes again and opened his mouth to begin his tirade, Jenson was already wandering away to tend to the horses. Dios mío, Fernando was not mentally prepared to spend the rest of his life with all of these impertinent morons. 
#i love how i kept saying to people: no no i shant write any fic for this. only art.#me like two weeks later: hey guys :)#this is just: i was sitting in class and had a drawing idea but then im obv not drawing *this* in class so my brain went into narrative mod#not exactly 'baby's first ficlet!!!' but moreso ive not written in a while so i hope its alright???#but aaahhh this was actually pretty fun!! idk i think it was bcs i was also being brainrotted by the image of seb kneeling....#maybe ill draw it. but it felt like something that needed the context of narrative and not just oo here is a drawing!#anyways you can always ask me for a directors cut-(PLEASE PLEAE BEGGING PLEASE)#see this is why im not cut out for writing fic#its not like i dont think it can speak for itself. more that im just an overly reflective person who wants to explain all my thoughts#if i wrote fic itd really be just: chapter 1. chapter 1.5 chapter 2. chapter 2.5#anyways i think its pretty obvious but this is before their wedding and just like peak bitterness.#well not peak. peak would be the first year- first few months of their marriage#but this is fernando who is only just realizing how naive all his expectations of seb were and getting a glimpse of his future#but mostly: mindgames and power play and: whos actually really winning?#also my god jense is literally the best chara in this au. he is vibing and basically just witnessing ye olde reality tv#mark and fernando are always in a weird powerplay with seb(even if seb isnt even consiously doing so) and jense is just free from it all#hmm now how does one go about tagging fic#vettonso#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1#formula 1#martian#sebmark#also idk why im always so concerned abt tagging when im basically just writing this for my little boy king following i have somehow formed#hahaha! it is art to me!:#catie.art.#boy king au
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iknaenmal · 5 months
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i paid so much attention in english class today
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rapidhighway · 1 year
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I didn’t go to sculpture again……
#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness#I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick#and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up#I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there…….#and I cannot handle repeating a semester#I live in fear#and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful#banging head on the table#I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever#god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the#slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it#everyone’s done it already#I will literally cry if anyone talks to me#the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me#and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive#but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money#pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but#I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly#so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on#them#they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself#uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE#I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever#ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming#but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️#no one look at me#I being sensitive and vulnerable here
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paging-possum · 6 months
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Milwaukees your protocol
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I spent so much time this week being like “ohhhh god I haven’t been working on my comic at all this week, where are the pictures” as if I haven’t been plugging away at the script nonstop. Everyday I wake up and I start writing and then I realize what I’m writing is really weak and then I start rewriting BUT the outline is fairly solid and I’m maybe ⅓ of the way through writing. This will get done and it will be interesting (affirmation) (prayer). 
As previously mentioned, I don't have that much art this week because writing, but I did decide that the characters in this one are going to all get fun unique little outfits because I ADORE putting those together! It’s like designing someone’s room, but you get to see it way more often in the story! Lyssa’s room will show up though, nobody worry, you WILL get to see her space at some point. While doing that I did realize that my roommate and I dress like Lyssa and Terry respectively which is humbling on my behalf but at least I’m in control of his outfits. And speaking of my roommate, the reason I don’t have more characters drawn is because I was going to do that last night but we ended up going through all her dating apps so I could have opinions about all the people she’s talking to and it was a BLAST. It also took 3 hours. But that's what my 14 hours on a bus this week are going to be for (lying to myself) (I will fall asleep immediately).
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Of course he has blue hair and pronouns. Other projects this week! I'm drawing lots of cities so I'm doing lots of city studies! They’re very fun and VERY useful for some current things I'm working on >:] I’m hoping to do more when I go home for break this week and am no longer stuck on campus, but for now I’m working off photos my sister sends me since she lives somewhere way more visually interesting than I do. 
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On the homework front, I made some very cool things this week! I had to make a piece using a rubber duck in ‘an atypical way’ and ended up making a comic I’m really happy with, but it also has a nonzero amount of me bitching about my old friend group being so obsessed with boys so I can’t really post it. But I can post some of it!
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WHAT AM I LISTENING TO THIS WEEK:
Riverdale. Yes it’s a show, yes it’s still been such a core part of this week’s creative process that I just have to put it down. I’m finally getting to season 7 and GOD I love Riverdale everyone watch Riverdale so you can finally understand the triumphs and defeats the epic highs and lows of high school football. 
Too Polite to Fight by Autoheart
Friendly Neighborhood Poltergeist by Rory Webley
Archie’s All American from the hit CW drama Riverdale
Also another blatant plug for my friend who introduced me to devlogs in the first place- she does a radio show on Wednesdays that I always listen to (it’s been running for two weeks but it’s just that good) (if friends or mutuals want to know when/where to listen you can message me and ask) Anyways, she posts the playlists on Spotify afterwards, here’s this weeks if anyone wants to hear it and future sets! a
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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qumiiiquinnquin · 9 days
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i feel like one of the worst people in the world right now. but at least my semester is over
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yo9urt · 2 months
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video games....
#mine#i love my steam deck sooooooooo much im so happy i can actually play games again like a big proper library of them#and everything#everything on steam AND emulators is available to me. do you know how many games that is!#i started a new beegee3 playthrough on the HARDEST DIFFICULTY (!) today. which is also a single-save difficulty#and im in one of the most difficult parts of the game right now (level 4) and kind of nervous lol#but at the same time im really proud of myself for learning the game to the point i feel comfortable challenging myself in it#and im happy i get to at all :D i love you video games#and sooner or later ill come back to stardew valley cause there was that big update and i have some games on my wishlist too#and its not verified yet but i might play that pomeranian making the house dirty game cause it looked cute#oh and yakuza also because my friend got two of the yakuzas for me#YAYYYYY GAMES#also kind of sad though because tomorrow i pack and sunday i go back for babys last quarter of college#and im worried about how busy its going to be with classes and job apps and then of course actually graduating#and moving out and haivng a job and stuff#when all i want is to enjoy being able to play video games again.... sig#sigh*#WHATEVER...future mes problem#oh i almost forgot...one of the best parts of the deck imo is the versatility because with games like beegee3#you can play it in controller mode which has its pros and cons but you can also swap to computer mode#which also has its pros and cons so like. i can adjust as needed#when im just exploring or trying to loot an area etc i go controller#but when im in combat i go computer because the hotbar is REALLY helpful for decision making#its really nice to have the option to choose since no console players have that it seems#and the only pc players who can do that are the ones who have and are willing to connect controllers#and most of them dont seem to be into that#but im really glad to be able to do both#ok done yapping now
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pieofdeath · 1 month
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Watch It All Catch Up To You/Your Payment Is Due???? THATS SUCH A FACINATING TITLE GIMME GIMME PLEASE!!!!!!!
-bob, beepbeepbananabus
I AM GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR BOB. YOU HAVE LANDED ON, QUITE POSSIBLY, MY FAVORITE.
First off, the title song: Debt Collector, by Jhariah! You can listen to it here!
I'm hiding the snippet under a cut because its HUGEE ROTD spoilers and I don't wanna ruin your reading experience- as it's Spiff's pov of chapter eighteen, which is the finale >:D
Kevin looks up at him, slow-moving and ice in his eyes. Spiff’s heart thrums against his ribcage, pressure on his throat. Kevin’s voice is just as cold as his eyes, chips of stormy ocean blue. “I arrived in time for the wedding.”
He hears the subtext- Spiff isn’t needed, isn’t wanted. There will be disastrous consequences for sticking around, he reasons.
(He doesn’t think they include death. Not yet.)
But Lord Spiff Brits is the champion of digging his own grave to lie in, and so his lips twitch into a snarl. He doesn’t run, confident he can hold his ground.
Movement- a pale corpse with limbs made of bone and blue-purple skin dressed in a strikingly familiar wedding dress, slides to Kevin’s side and rests a hand on his shoulder. “You know, Spiff…”
Spiff chokes on air, staring straight into painfully familiar gray eyes. He can’t keep his composure, cold terror replacing the anger flowing through his veins. Of course, the wedding dress is familiar, he killed the man wearing it.
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crow-with-a-pencil · 2 years
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References for my oc in the Salad Family au by @intistone !
Their name is Beetle, they live next to a lake, they have some pet shrimp, and more lore will come when I think of it.
Extra doodles n stuff under the cut
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today is not a good day
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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About Judgment: In short, I think RGGS was intending to continue the series. There were indeed rumors at one point that the series would end at Lost Judgment due to a disagreement with Kimura's agency, Johnny & Associates, about porting the games to PC--I'm unclear on why, there was speculation but I don't think it was ever stated. Obviously the PC ports are out now, so either that wasn't the issue or they moved past it. There's also just general disbelief around there being a third entry simply because there's this idea (joke?) that Kimura never does three of anything, which isn't true at this point. It is true RGGS historically hasn't done three of anything in terms of spinoff series (Kurohyou, Mobile+Kizuna, and arguably Kenzan+Ishin), but it's also true that none of their past spinoffs have been as successful as Judgment, and we're seeing a lot of "firsts" from the studio lately. The fact is that Yokoyama himself said something along the lines of "and of course, we won't forget about Judgment" (not literally, just the closest English expression I can think of that can be misinterpreted in the way I'm about to explain) while talking about future works. But for some reason, people took it as if he meant it "in mourning" rather than an obvious confirmation of more to come, I guess? A TV show was also announced, so I really don't get why they'd invest so much into a series they were going to end. I know Kurohyou got a show too, but this seems different. Anyway, that's the most recent information, but it's from some years ago. There is a major new development, however: J&A talents' contracts are being cancelled left and right as of the last couple of months due to the agency's dogshit handling of and response to an investigation into Johnny Kitagawa's serial abuse of allegedly hundreds of his talents. That's been going on since the man died in 2019, basically, but a lot's happened this year.
This has left the talents with the incredibly tough decision of either remaining at an agency that refuses to even change its name and is rapidly breaking down or leaving. It has historically been very difficult to do the latter. On top of what you'd expect, J&A controls their talents to an insane degree and has leveraged their control of the media to suppress the careers of those who leave.
Broadly, in terms of how media companies have responded so far, I understand not wanting to associate with J&A and that J&A would likely benefit from the contracts more than the talents, but it still feels like the talents are the ones being punished... I have to imagine at least some of them were victims, so to be victims of the blacklist on top of that... That, and some of these companies kept the truth from coming out for decades.
With J&A losing its foothold in the media, though, there may be no better time than now to leave the agency. I don't know if Kimura will--rumors have been circulating ever since his idol group were forced to break up years and years ago, but while they all went independent, he never has--especially because a lot of seniors like him feel a responsibility to stay and change the agency for the better. As of right now, I'm not aware of Kimura's contracts getting cancelled, so I can't say one way or another if that'd have an effect.
I don't know what happens from here. I'm not sure if RGGS will look at it as collaborating with J&A or with Kimura or both, and how they'll factor in what's going on right now into working with him. Hypothetically, it would be possible to continue the series even without Kimura (any of the other mains do or would make great protagonists), but at the same time, Judgment is hugely reliant on Kimura's charisma. That's why people who play the dub (or people who don't like Kimura) often come away with the impression Yagami's kind of a dick or doesn't stand out much.
So... that's the state of Judgment right now. We won't know until we know, I guess.
OHHHHH OK saucy... sucks about J&A- it'd be cool if yk. they could face the consequences of their actions LMAO but that Could involve displacing hella workers now wouldnt it
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pepprs · 9 months
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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roimp · 1 year
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SO TODAY....
(THIS IS ONLY FOR ROSE)
#ok so like we had first 2 classes free ok like literally both the teachers did not come akshsjdh#anyways so like on wednesday 2-3 people in our class were discussing himym and i also joined them because I LOVE HIMYM#(himym is the sitcom how i met your mother)#sp hands guy heard us and was like what show are yall talking about and we told him and he was like okay ill watch#and he is a binge watcher apparently so like when we met today he was like ive watched till ep16 of season1#i was like bro????? how?????#anyways in 2nd free lecture he was like im gonna watch an episode of himym and i was like i wanna watch too#SO he gave me one of his earpods and WE WATCHED THE EPISODE TOGETHER AKSGSJDH#anyways after that hmm okay it was just like normal talking and all#but ya. TALKING.🤭#he is just like me he is also doesnt care about tea or coffee he is a water guy#HE ALSO HAS CAT. AND HE HAS SAME OPINION AND THOUGHTS ABOUT DOGS THAT I HAVE.#and when class was over me and some friends were talking by the shops near our classes ka buliding and hands guy joined later#and then we all group talked timepass for like 30 mins and then we were like its time to go home#so apparently the others all went one direction and me and hands guy were going same direction so we walked#so usually what i do is i walk a bit ahead of my class ka building because i get auto from there#and hands guy lives nearby so he just walks home#so today we were walking and talking and i walked SO much further more than i usually do because we were talking 😄#and thats all. today was nice.#gargi is keysmashing
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mainfaggot · 2 months
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guys i think I found something that makes me want to kill myself LESS oh my god
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