#i gotta do it to grow though

[blkjackalz]

hiding in the tags and thinking abt feelings. scroll on past if you so want!

#day rants #day texts #loneliness can be such a fucking demon sometimes.... like im ok being alone rn but sometimes that demon sneaks up on me #i can be relaxing and doing the most mundane thing when it strikes; making me miss the simple things about loving someone romantically #like its always the stupidiest things too; nothing you'd expect for someone to say such as wanting to be held or sex or anything. #when i get lonely i miss the way that you can know someone so intimately that you know the differences in their smiles and laughs. #its missing how easily conversation can flow; even over the stupidest things in the world... just because you wanna hear them talk #its being so connected and attuned to another person that you just KNOW them. as much as they let you #its missing someones absent-minded touch on your skin when you get distracted or entranced in something #idk for me its all these stupid little things along with the bigger and more common ones #i love being single; dont get me wrong. however i dont like feeling so alone and disconnected from others #i also want someone to feel that way about me yk? #like if im gonna date i dont wanna date just to date i want it to mean something. i wanna mean something to them. #idk just been thinking. about somethings; about someone #life is mad scary though... and i hate doing shit i find scary #i gotta do it to grow though

[coolnonsenseworld]

Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰

linktr.ee/Mezzy

#klance #can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn #anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!! #baking seems like a hyperfixation #like i know you said you baked once but then look at me #...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing #its a joke its a joke #i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water #anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december? #once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man #at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened #and she recommended light therapy lamp #im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month #it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts? #but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can #ive got winter wonderland comic coming though #i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight #i hope its going to be a nice thing!! #wow thats a long set of tags

[smallest-moon]

here it is the master post for all my soul eater!au ideas (here are posts 1 and 2 + vashwood as souls), where I'll be periodically rebloging it whenever i think of something new! feel free to dm if you wanna talk about it and give me more ideas :) or point out any dumb contradictions but anyways lets go:

vash is the meister and wolfwood is the death scythe

wolfwood's original partner was livio but due to events livio is now presumed dead/missing, leaving wolfwood without a partner for a long time

livio is however very much alive and eventually he'll return with his new weapon who is razlo (how does it work? basically imagine razlo as ragnarok)

wolfwood scythe form is his giant machine gun (still thinking if he should be like tsubaki is able to change forms so that when he finally accepts vash as his partner he changes into vash's gun instead of always being a machine gun..... and can later transform into that wicked weapon vash's angel arm changes into)

vash himself is death (i suppose.. though nobody knows... yet) and he still brings chaos wherever he goes. he has been without a partner for a very very long time

due to walking around without a scythe, he has a lot of scars thanks to the fights he cannot avoid and his immense desire to save everyone

meryl and milly are naturally around and they are meister and weapon

they are currently looking for a chaotic meister that leaves a trail of destruction behind

when vash and wolfwood first start working together as partners, wolfwood makes his scythe self heavier just to see vash struggle as much as possible whenever they arent in combat because really what the fuck is up with this dude hating to kill?? you ARE literally death incarnate grow up

completelyyy unrelated to that is that people hear and tell many different versions of the same story: of a great battle many many many years ago that brought great destruction. despite names changing many times most seem to agree that one of the beings was called knives millions and that his heart only knew destruction. the ending differs for a lot of people, most agree there were no survivors but some believe there was only one because how else would the story exist ("ain't nobody surviving that, its just a story" an old man shook his head "but if someone did survive, they are either death or the devil itself")

so thus far no one has found out that vash is that "one" survivor nor have they found out that knives didnt actually die but instead he is trapped as vash refused to kill him then

but how long will he stay trapped? how long until he breaks free again?

#this is longer than i expected and it will continue to grow i hope #gotta admit dont quite like how i worded that last part with the story of a great battle but I'll figure it out how to do that better #i promise i will make a story out of this i need it for myself #also im sorryyy about the link above tumblr isnt letting me add multiple links so you just get the one where the art is #but that one has the 2 posts linked so yay i guess #though you probably have seen those if youre here rn #trigun #nicholas wolfwood #vash stampede #knives millions #vashwood #milly thompson #meryl stryfe #trigun livio #trigun razlo #soul eater #trigun maximum spoilers #trigun maximum #does it count as spoilers since i mention vash's arm? well better safe than sorry

[s1mpl3sp0ng3]

species swap doodle bc hey why not

#dumb ocs #doodles #perry's species is pretty sexually dimorphic #females grow manes but luna shaves hers #they also have poison stingers on their tails and are bigger and stronger in general #their horns are also bigger and sharper #they can't breathe fire though only males can do that #i based her off of a cougar because it was funny lmao #perry is a pitbull that's all i gotta say

[iinmysights]

must not be as rusty as i thought bc this is just shy of 3 hours of work. anyway here’s caedes :3

#Ravage.txt #Ravage’s work #moondust #star wars #star wars art #oc #star wars oc #sw oc #sw #sw art #togruta #togruta oc #normally i’d crosspost to the blog that i hold all xier posted info on but cheebeehaitch i’m more concerned abt my fictional boys than that #this was a lotta fun! i’m gonna need to do some studies (probs traditional) to make sure i beat down any growing habits of tracing refs tho. #having a head in this position was great for getting the proportions right (w minor changes where i saw fit) but i also gotta like. actually #learn proportions now that i’m dragging my ass back into art 😭 #one thing at a time though! that’ll be the next project’s problem

[my-current-obsession]

Dunno if it's a hot take, but I think the "platonic" path for Chihiro (as in making the "wrong" choices early on so she doesn't even confess, not just rejecting her when she does) was actually WAY better than her romantic rank 9.

Instead of getting insanely jealous of the thought of Mitsuru and MC spending time together (for the sake of HELPING HER), she's actually totally fine with that and begins to leave before stopping because she's upset AT HERSELF for continuing to rely on others. Her motivation to confront the teacher is entirely about taking action herself rather than it being centered on a desperate attempt to fix things quickly to keep the guy she likes away from another girl.

The way she celebrates with MC on the rooftop afterwards is really cute too. She acknowledges her growth in being able to confront an adult male by herself while also recognizing she still has a ways to go and this is kind of just the beginning. It's just really good character development and very wholesome, how her FRIENDSHIP with MC helped her become more confident and capable. Meanwhile her romance has that character "development" tied entirely to her being very jealous/possessive. She was only able to confront the teacher because she was terrified to let MC be alone with Mitsuru. That's not really growth, and it's certainly not a healthy foundation for romance.

#persona #p3 #persona 3 reload #for the record i LIKE chihiro as a character and even find her appealing romantically. but her actual romance arc is... bad. #honestly when she came on strong in this version at rank 5 i swerved IMMEDIATELY towards 'she's jumping to conclusions' #because it just feels true? she BARELY knows you at this point. it's way too soon to say she's in love IMO. #and narratively i think this ended up being more satisfying. she was quick to agree that it probably WASN'T love. and that was that. #after that we had a very wholesome and lovely friendship and she learned to stand up for herself #WITHOUT needing the motivation of potentially 'losing' her crush to another guy. but rather just because she WANTED to grow & change. #anyway sidenote i'm like 2 days away from january and despite my best efforts i'm not going to max every social link #i might've been able to do it if not for the 2 weeks of winter vacation too. brutal. #i'll be close though! only two links undone - keisuke and either mitsuru or aigis. thinking i'll leave mitsuru. #i've no intention of dating mitsuru so gotta try and max aigis since she's so... relevant to the ending. as it were.

[theykage]

I started Fool Night today and this is the only other manga series I’ve read so far besides Chainsaw Man where the genre highlights how absurdly difficult it is to even attempt to escape poverty. Does a really good job at using exaggerated dark fantasy circumstances to portray how harrowing that struggle is

#I’m on chapter 9 or something. underrated #it’s also really pretty…I wanna do pen work like that #gotta give the characters more time to grow on me though #csm characters were instantly endearing to me idk #fool night #non nart

[antisolararc]

📚 for Meridian and/or 🎭 for Citra ?

📚 Your OC has to improvise a 10 minute lecture about a topic of their choosing. What do they choose?

Meridian would be beyond mortified at this prospect.

The lecture ends up following a loose theme of functionality and ornamentation in different fashion styles. Not particularly shocking - everyone knows that Mery is something of a dandy. It's quite disjointed and includes more than a few lengthy asides. As much as they try to keep it objective, it becomes increasingly clear that Meridian is very opinionated on this. They may not discriminate by style (different things suit different people, after all), but by god if they had it their way every person on the planet would be accessorizing.

Without any actual materials in front of them, Mery spends a nontrivial amount of the lecture with their eyes closed, presumably imagining them instead. Or maybe they just don't want to make eye contact.

🎭 What is the one thing your OC regrets most? Would they undo it, considering how their life turned out?

OHHHH this is. hard to answer without spoilers. but I will try to be as vague as possible. but you can probably figure out what I'm alluding to.

Citra spend most of her life hyperfocused on making one particular thing, but of course it didn't turn out how she wanted. Now that she's alone, she agonizes over it very regularly. Still, she can't quite bring herself to say she'd undo her life's work. In the end, she never enjoyed her life much at all, save for a few special memories, but the thought of erasing it all makes her feel... empty.

What Citra wanted never really mattered, though, or at least that's the conclusion she's come to. After all, if it did, it wouldn't have happened like this.

#ask #marscats37 #headcanons #meridian sunyo #citramasih #ooough im still being slow here but i gotta get back to this blog #fun fact meridian has a hand in choosing every outfit that tjong wears after his first one (lian made the first one) #i wouldnt be shocked if theres times when they do other characters outfits too #some of these fits will NOT be subtle though. i just know the valonvyr oufit they choose for tjong will be ridiculous #and more than once mery puts a fake horn in their hair bc its a popular style in some places based on reliquaries horns #but like??? BOY JUST GROW YOUR OWN

[hyaciiintho]

🌸｡*ﾟ+. gently contemplates on making a ns//f//w sideblog for interactions and musings in that category... Would of course include the darker stuff (bloot, g//o//re, etc) but uhh... also the spicy stuff that rarely comes up on occasion but has become more abundant after adopting very specific muses -stares into the camera like he's on The Office- Not mentioning any names. You know who you are.

Just to like. Spare this poor blog from potentially being blacklisted on tumblr because of something stupid dfhjksdf I'm the most tame and vanilla person out there in regards to these things, but I know the STUPIDEST mention in a musing is gonna slap me with a oh ho ho too spicy for the masses, let's softblock you across the board. I'll think about it...

#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ #Me talking about sideblogs when I haven't even FINISHED with THIS one-- though in my defense #there would hardly be anything extra special about it LOL just a plain mobile theme and nothing else #I swear I'm almost done with my carrd dfghujdf just making graphics and finishing the last couple bios #I gotta transfer headcanons and make relationship pages but. Y'know. In due time shdrfkuji #but yeah just something I've been thinking about because it's becoming a growing Problem(tm) LOL #But I need to head to bed. I'll sleep on it. Not that I do MUCH anyways but. Just to have it as. An OPTION? I guess? #And to keep it away from people who really do not care about it without worrying about tagging LOL #ANYWAYS NIGHT Y'ALL

[shadowedvales-a]

THINGS ARE STARTING TO COME BACK TO YOU, AND YOU'RE CURIOUS. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. › FROM ELIZABETH MARCH. @embodies

She still sensed it, the universe spinning around with no ending or beginning; the way her blood curdled a horrid gurgle, even if it no longer pumped to her brain. She haunted marble walls on silent feet. The place a fusion of malevolence and beauty, and Jane, despite her hollowed flesh and often unseeing eyes, couldn't help but find a strange sort of enticement within said walls, all perfectly draped and painted. She knew quite little of its happenings, bizarre spirits of muddled eras all sharing one patch of land; although the mind became a hazy thing due to submittance of the final years of her life, she was no fool. Isolated company was merely favoured, a lithe black cat scampering against corners, gaze finding deathly endurances but never remaining long enough to understand reasoning behind vile acts. Sitting, feeling, unthinking.

Where there was rot, there was Jane Ives. Stuck in the jaws of a hellish beast, taker of lives, but leaving the soul to crumble. Oftentimes she wondered what she was actually doing here; inner workings utterly vandalised by a madman's execution for warped world-peace. The toxicity resting in her bloodstream confused old memories, scorched her past-life: all she remembered of her mother entailed a whiff of perfume and a few phrases of a lullaby she used to sing. One day she'll uncover truths, the ugly and pure— but for now, the body only yearns for kindred consideration, perhaps something to call her own. Three decades would rear its date in a handful of months, and a spark had begun to litter in her mind's eye.

“Yes. I am curious.” The very first time Jane saw Elizabeth, she was positive she had moved to a better destination; swore she bore witness to an angel welcoming her to heaven's palace. (Oh Saint Peter let me in, you must know where I've been! Won't you tell me at last who I am?) Ever quickly, the hand she wished to hold, she realised, was sharp, a creature's claw; fascination did not dwindle but fear ushered the child away. It's clear the woman saw everything happening inside her hotel, including frizzled recollections resurfacing, taunting innocence of youth and marking it for horror. “I remember... things.” Honesty possessed no hesitation, as the words spilled it felt good to speak them aloud. To relieve herself. “There is a block. A... something foggy. It stops me remembering.” Frustration threatened its course, as one might perceive through her jaw tightening, lifeless pallor nearly gaining a flash of colour.

This is your story, written and rewritten, scratched out, burned and buried. “Did I... Was I always... this?” Is it foretold that I haunt the head of a girl graced for much more than her destiny provided? Chin cants, shoulders purposely squared like trying to light a guise of confidence. “Bee - cause I do not think I was always in this place.”

#⅋. [ ✦ ] ﹕ we are all just prisoners here of our own device ‚ american horror story: hotel . #embodies. #okay okay okay i gotta properly write this verse up but!! #in very simple terms: terry dies. brenner is actually a relation of jane (terry's half-brother or a distant kind of sibling relationship.) #so when terry dies jane is sent to live w him. jane is around seven at the time. #brenner is a surgeon who dedicated his life trying to come up with vaccines for diseases such as cancer and polio. #he felt that animal testing didn't give him accurate results. #so as soon as he got custody of jane. she became the subject of his experiments. #he was once a well acclaimed doctor but over the years became obsessed with trying to find cures for these diseases and his methods became #very. very unethical. so he was eventually fired from his job etc etc did his own animal testing. #jane is submitted to a range of testing and grows very weak and frail because of it. #brenner believes he finally makes a breakthrough. but knows it could kill jane and doesn't want any evidence of her left in / near #his house. so he books a room at the hotel (where so much shady shit happens anyway) and conducts his experiment. she does die and #brenner flees the scene. and in doing so makes it look like jane had an overdose. he booked the room under her name too. #he was very prepared for her dying and made it all look really nice and neat. an easy case for any cops to solve. #a ratty. skinny little girl who probably had no chance in life. her oversized clothes / short hair / grubby face indicated homelessness. #so there's not a lot of investigation. #so! yeah. they are the basics <333 #if u dont vibe with it though we can totally plot out something together if you like! #also jane doesnt remember much of her past life for the first thirty years or so of being in the hotel! the countless drugs used and #implemented into her body makes her head incredibly fuzzy. #especially because it's how she died. her brain just. stays in that fuzzy mindset for a long time. #but she does eventually begin to remember. it just takes a while!

[sleepvines]

orcs orcs orcs

#just wanted to draw some orcs #thank you smok for inspiring me to draw orcs! #my art #2022 #gotta post more sketches n stuff! #i might do an art dump….. #90% of what i draw these days though is either personal stuff like imbued and the fur hires (personal cause its headcanon stuff) #or the characters from growing pains which i can’t post for spoilers sakeee #and the other 10% is anything that wanders across my brain

[syncrovoid-presents]

Does anyone want to hear about the nightmare I had last night I promise you it is entertaining and has much Plot and Lore @:'))

#syncrovoid.txt #dream journal #it was. so strange. i met a version of god though and why they gotta be like that?? #haunting but i also like to study my own dreams like i am mine own experiment haha #i wonder if being called a guinea pig and test subject whatnot growing up did that to me @:P #also the nightmare is existential horror themed it has nothing to do with my personal life

[arcadiandeath]

it feels like i am reliving it everyday

#sick to my stomach all the time. heart racing #all my nerves tingling and every organ flipping #and the dreams #last night i was trying to tell my mother in our old family home that there was a fire spreading in the kitchen #but i was too quiet #no matter how close i got i was too quiet #the night before that it was just like Back Then and i wake up thinking i was dying #how do you do it??? how do you carry all the things that accumulate in the cracks? #i feel like i am coated in it. like everyone can see it on me except for me. like it is coming out of my pores. #eugh. and ive lost so much hair. #but i will get thru it #it can grow back. and december will come. and everything will pass. and life will move on. #need to figure out if theyre making things easier tomorrow or not. i gotta. i will keep going. i will keep going. #i am alright though! just having a rough go of it and need to just. keep my sights set on that flight home. #it's hard when youre so paranoid but you KNOW it's an internal issue #like im so sorry random person im sure youre very nice but im Terrified of you

[ghostlyfoliage]

I'm so proud that these are both seed grown and now living in 3.5in pots. You've done so well, my friends.

#plantblr #plants #houseplants #succulents #Aloe #I only know what one of these is which is the second one is a Coral Aloe #i gave most of their siblings away because i was pretty sure they were the same varieties #i do have two that i gotta wait for them to grow up to figure out what they are though cus they're too small to even hypothesize

[alltimefail-sims]

Everyone creating banger OC pages makes me want to create character pages for my Strangerville OCs... thinking thoughts

#it's not a guarantee but like... a very strong possibility #it's on the ever-growing to-do list #It looks difficult though. I'm sure it's not but still gotta figure out logistics first #some people make things look easy but I'm special because I make easy things look hard ❤❤❤ #personal