#i genuinely dont see myself living past maybe 40

[chyarnoe]

The goal I set for myself when I was suicidal as a teen was 30, and yknow. There's still time.

#horrible day at work that became a horrible night at home #and im also sick #tw suicide #i genuinely dont see myself living past maybe 40 #as i see my family get older i realize i dont want to know their deaths or live in a world without them #im really afraid that whoever dies next is going to propel me into suicide #or even if they get gravely ill #because sometimes a support system isnt enough #im tired and sick and my job threatened to fire me #and my boyfriend ignored me for no fucking reason #the goal is still 30 #5 years is simultaneously a long and short time. #it never fucking ends

[feralgoblinchild]

I really love how modern tech ology nakes it SO EASY to go and learn how someone else views a part of the world. One example: I'm white, amd usually on the fairer side but not ghostly so unless its dead of winter and i park in a parking garage. I can usually find a pretty decent shade that works for foundation, concealer, even bronzers and blushes i don't have to worry about finding something that works. Nyma tang (forgive me if im misspelling im going off memory here) on youtube has the most BEAUTIFUL deep, deep, richly pigmented dark skin. Her videos of darkest foundstions, etc really ahow me just how limited a lot of lines are. Probably most lines really. And bronzers for dark skin? A joke. She found MAYBE 2 she might use to set her undereyes. I never would have thought about that. And i get to learn about this through someone else i can see because of modern technology.

I'm not trans at all. I can take to the internet, find support groups, blogs from people who are, youtubers who document their journey, and learn about some of the similarities, but also how individual and unique it is to each person. I never would have understood trans at all if we didnt come this far. I'm FAR from an expert, but i have a basic grasp of the idea. I know its unique to each trans person too. That no two trans journeys are the same journey.

Found vlogs from people with cystic fibrosis on a medication helping to treat the cause of their symptoms, being estatic about 73% lung function. Something i thought still had a life expectancy below 40 in almost everyone. And now there's potential for a real future, happy, relstively healthy, and who knows what all can happen wit this medication.

I look at how many viewpoints I've been able to see, how many people let the world into their lives, how much I've learned just in the past 10 years even. There eas a time i thought all trans people were either conpletely madculine or feminine and all eventually got surgery and hormones and the whole shebang. There was a time i didn't realize that some black people are just as easily sunburnt as a lot of very fair people. There was a time until extremely recently i didn't even realize how drastically lacking the makeup market is for complexion products for the truly deepest darkest shades (and honestly just anything beyond tanned white girl shades). And that's ok. That's now in the past. I've learned. I've had people kindly inform me i was wrong. Or come across posts or youtube videos that show me an entirely different view of the world. Because of modern technology, I'm able to almost immediately find some little insight into just about anything. Sure theres false information you have to sift out, but there's so much to learn, and so much rifht at our fingertips.

Modern technology is uniting us. If we let it unite, we don't let politicians push us away from each other, we can all learn SO MUCH about what it's like to live someone else's life. There's so many things you don't realize you don't know yet. And so many amazing things to learn. And so many amazing people demanding change whose voices are amplified through platforms of modern technology. And we all have a duty to try our best to understand the people around us. I don't need to know how to do box braids for someone, but it's nice to have a basic understanding that my suoer fine, straight hair has vastly different needs than someone with super coily kinky curls. That its entirely different hair types and needs entirely different treatment. I dont have to personally buy the darkest shade of foundation or bronzer, but to know how much of a problem it really is, and to be able to speak out with the ones who cant find thenself represented is great.

Don't automatically jump down someone's throat for being misinformed. If they're not say a nazi or clearly intentionally being derogatory, ask if they know it's offensive, or politely explain why it's actually wrong. I've learned far more from "well my experience has been..." and "no, that actually happens to me to" and "this phrase/word actually comes from this origin and is really not ok to use for that reason" than i ever have from someone yelking "you're just worshiping cops" or "you have no idea you're racist becsuse you didnt side with this person when limited evidence was made public" or "i cant believe you think that you're awful". If they seem like they genuinely just dont know or dont realize, try compassion first. If they're clearly coming from a place of hatred, I'm not gonna stop you from face kicking a nazi. But try to approach people with the mindset of "they haven't tbiught about this, or they just have never been informed". The instructional, factual, kind and compassionate approach to correcting false beliefs is what's worked for me. I'm far from perfect. There's still plenty i don't know. There's still plenty I'll never experience myself firsthand, and just have to take the words of someome who's been through it. But I'm willing to learn when I'm wrong. I'm willing to listen to someone who's experienced it. In willing to be informed, and help take a stand with those who may have meen marginalized in some way. Just approach it with kindness if I'm wrong. I'm never trying to hurt someone or any group (except say nazis, flat out intentional racism, KKK, the obvious these people deserve whats coming to 'em). I always try to come from a place of compassion. And i dont always succeed. I mess up. When i do, please don't beat me down. Talk to me. Explain what I'm not seeing, what i hadn't thought about. Tell me why. tell me your experience. Help me understand.

[notquitesoft]

damn, these are so good !!! 3 - 6 - 16 - 17 - 21 - 26 - 34 - 40 - HAVE FUN FOR THE NEXT HOUR OR TWO LOL ILY ♡

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

i believe id be either the witch or the prince on a quest! possibly a combination of the two. and also, if that’s a thing, the woman that disguises herself as a man.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

i spend over an hour looking for quotes for this and im genuinely angry. ive found maybe one. it takes a longer text to actually make me feel.

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

a white prince/pirate/vampire shirt, dark brown leather pants, dark (medieval) boots, and the main piece: a long cloak. from the back its made of the same leather as the pants, however on the inside it is made from dark green silk and carefully placed gold elements. it has a this metal gold piece at the top? which reaches my neck and when its closed you can’t see the opening and it reaches my neck. it is covered in tiny opals and im also wearing a matching signet. all complete with the first crown from the previous ask!

17. of all the fantasy races to ever exist, which one would you be?

i think a mermaid or possibly an elf? i have had quite a few (ekhm) mermaid past lives, so i think that matches more, but in most fantasy games i make myself an elf~

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

the evening, definitely! the other options both sound… rather suspicious, hah

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

to be honest, im not sure. i don’t really experience things like that, unfortunately ///

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

i think… perhaps a beautiful chalice. when filled with clear water, it would grant strength, clarity and, if supported by a certain incantation, wishes. any divination done with it would be perfectly accurate and any spell or ritual involving it much more powerful. its presence in the room alone would make everyone somehow… quieter, more thoughtful, but id never have it on display. id pass it to my dearest friends daughter and make it a family heirloom.

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

i dont think any, tbh! im a gay masculine woman, and they dont typically work with that, lmao.

#thank you so much for asking noony dearest!!! <3 <3 <3 #ask game #answered

[boosamayla-blog]

Fifty Facts About Me.

I was challenged by a dear friend to list the 50 facts about me that would entice my reader (singular, coz i only have one reader and bet she was the who challenged me. HARHAR! ) . Anyway, whoever read this stuff and wanted to know me more. Pm is the key. And oh! By the way. Im not selling myself. The objective of this is pure genuine at the same time spreading awareness of being so true in social media. I may not disclosing everything here due to the limitation of 50 but what you have read is pure facts about me. So lets categorize to what I believed in down to what I like and so on. Because you are reading this, you have no choice but to read all. You dont want to feel lacking right? Hahaha. Kidding! So lets start!

1. I am a dreamer and a believer.

2. I believe I can make my life beautiful.

3. I believe in Law of attraction, that the universe will conspire because I believe. Thus, I always believed in devine timing.

4. I believe that I am not perfect and need of constant grow.

5. I believe that God has an exciting vision for my life.

6. I believe in growing in wisdom each day. The reason why I really love to talk to people who are already living my dreams.

7. I believe in daily prayer.

8. I believe in LOVE. Love is the most powerful force and the universal language that everyone can understand. And the true purpose of wealth is love.

9. I believe that to prosper my life is to serve people with purpose because for me relationship defined success.

10. I believe that God created me in his Image.

11. I am a sinner. I wont deny that. Haha

12. I am an insensitive person. Unless you let me aware what you want and your emotions.

13. I am subclinically narcisistic. Hahaha. Okay. I love myself more than anything else. Ill save myself first. Its not selfish its self love.

14. I am not physically gifted but I always believed that I am beautiful.

15. Im not a rice eater, Filipinos are rice eater but not this princess. 😌

16. I am so friendly, clingy and touchy, if you are always with me and you're a guy? Probably you interpret the whole action thing into something romance. Aw. Hahaha

17. I am always with the boys because boys are less drama. But that doesn't mean we do not talk, we just dont talk crappy things like girls do.

18. I am a slow eater. Give me plenty of time to eat if youre with me. 😂

19. I love to take risk especially if I am certain to the consequences. So that means I am so careful with my actions. 😜

20. But this risk taker is afraid of unknown. Weird right? Anyway, sometimes we are driven by fear. Fear exist because we are human.

21. I am a life coach and a mental health advocate. One of the reasons of keeping myself on grounds.

22. I am very explorative. I explore things even if it is under the sun. Aw. Hahaha

23. I love nature. I am inclined to nature. I love misty greens.

24. And oh, i love to be on top always. Im talking about mountains. But I like what you are thinking. Hahahaha.

25. I am against of same sex marriage. But I am not against of same sex couple. No prejudice action to that. To whatever opinions/ facts you are feeding me just to say Yes. My answer is still the same. I have my reasons for that. 😛

26. I dont know how to express my anger. All i know is silent. So if I am silent because of your action then thats it.

27. My fave sport is soccer. Im a soccer player when I was in college. By the way, Im the star player. 😉

28. I am Psychology graduate, now currently taking my masters. And its worth the penny. A good investment.

29. My deepest desire is to write a book. Crossfinger to that. Maybe about mental health. 🤞

30. I am the only one who graduated in college among my five sibs. So fucking proud of it.

31. I am not single but not yet married. Hoping to be single

Aw hahaha. I will regret this statement for sure. But thats actually my want right now. This might be a temporary thoughts of mine.

32. I never had a chance to experience on being alone after I graduated high school. I met my boyfriend like after my graduation. So, we're dugay na. I love him but i wanted to try and feel whats being in a single mode.

33. My comfort foods are pizza and fries but I deprived myself on eating fastfood nowadays. Sadly, they are part of it. 😭

35. I love cardio. I love running, walking and hiking.

36. Mountains are my frenemy. 😂😂.

37. I love surplus clothes. They call it ukay2x. The good thing about is your clothes are rare to find. Hahah so you dont have the same style. 😂 Just make sure you wash it properly.

38. I rarely buy stuff from shopping malls. But i love to do window shopping. The feeling of touching stuff you like is very satisfying. My therapy by the way. Haha.

39. I am attracted to a guys who is very intellectual and have a sense and not awkward to talk to.

40. Physically, I am attracted to tall and neat guys.

41. I love watches. I dont know why. So if you want to give something special to me. Then watch is reccommended. Hahhahaha. Watch! Watch!

42. I am a learned woman. Before I am confused and bullshit.

43. Petpeeve: seeing rice morsel anywhere in your mouth area. Oh my God! Im gonna die. Like i feel uneasy and irritated. Why would a guy/ gal eat that way? Writing this down feels like my nerves are burning. 🤮😖😤😢😵😱😠 these emoji will explain my emotions right now.

44. Im starting my side hustle right now. Business business! I sell water and perfume. So buy na. 😜😜

44. I watch FRIENDS series for like 12 times. Im so fucking obsess with it. The vibes brought by the team is inexplicable.

45. Second to my fave is Game of thrones. Still Robb Stark is my favorite. Although he died early in the show. Poor Robb Stark.

46. My favorite past time aside hustling my phone is reading books. Ill make sure all my books will be read. Hahaha. Im halfway of my books.

47. And oh. I dont like long hair. I like maintaining my short hair.

48. Driven: a project to be realize with my friend. Another cross finger. 🤞🙏🙏

49. I am once in love and broken. 😭😭😭😭 Hugs!

50. I am now living with the four agreement of life: I always make sure that I am impeccable with my words, i dont take anything personally, I dont make assumptions and I always do my best.

So thats it. Thats me. Some arent mention due to privacy purposes. Its okay to disclose things in social media just make sure that in every stuff youve shared is being process and you are certain. Thank you. Hope ya like it. Id love to read yours too!

-Emilyworlds-stuff/ May2019

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Yall know i love this survey shit<3

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

-finish 5 books

-lose 20 lbs

-produce more art

-travel out of the state & country

-heal my heart and love myself a lil more

2. What color are your pants?

not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote.

damn, there’s A L O T. prob something simple and to the point. I like “proud, but never satisfied” and “the distance between your dreams and reality is called action”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

yesterday; got a new french press for christmas<3

5. What was the last thing you ate?

lmao the weirdest shit. hot cheetos, some hummus, and a bar

6. Favorite animal.

soo many; always been fascinated by sharks. Elephants are up there too.

7. Favorite song.

currently anything Kid Cudi - he soothes my soul

8. Last movie you watched?

National Lampoon family vacation I think?

9. Any turn ons?

of course; im one of those gay people who gets turned on by having an emotional connection first and foremost; but if were strictly talking physical shit - any neck action is sexy af. or just taking breaks to make eye contact.

10. Any turn offs?

bad breath lol and just being a dick in general or inconsiderate

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

cognizant; superfluous; compelling; anguished

12. What are some meaningful movies?

First ones that come to my mind that left an impact or a meaningful message are Shawshank Redemption, Avatar, Wall-E (lol), Forest Gump

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

Myself honestly 

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Find a desk, order a blender, and form a morning routine

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Currently reading Michelle Obama’s -Becoming; before that I read the Alchemist and it was good

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Pollo, Hayls

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Viva la Juicy, but honestly all of them - been sticking to essential oils or all natural shit lately - anything with Amber is good.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

yes<3

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

lol shower? I dont really do anything special i dont think?

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

“Becoming” lol because I feel like I am always growing and changing and adapting and learning and ill never just be one thing

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Recently - christmas time

23. Are you a shopaholic?

no - but i just got an amazon prime account and thats game changer fa real

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Love - Kid Cudi, 

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Sitting in the tub (otherwise that shit is too crowded lmao)

Reading a good book

Masturbating prob?

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Tropical island

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

cuddles and soft music (prob reggae) and if i aint got shit to do a bluntttt fam

28. How was your day? What did you do?

it was ok - fighting some inner demons lately and feeling really low :/ but i got a little bit done so im giving myself a break

29. What did your last text message say?

“bye”

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

depends on who it is lol

31. Who was the last person you called?

my mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

i wanna learn another language

I wish to be able to see more things change for the better in our world

i wish to skydive

i wish to live in another country for a while

and i wish to love myself

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

maybe being a host of a talk show lol

34. Winter or summer?

both

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

empathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

my inner white girl and materialistic ass says shoes - but idk i think it would also be cool to have a collection of books or photographs - ya know that sentimental shit i be on

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

wow so much - a lot of reflecting honestly about who i have been and how i’ve treated others and how i am trying to change myself - so ironically enough, i’ve also been thinking about the future and trying to focus on who i want to be and where i want to be

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

taking it day by day im sure

39. What are some phrases you say often?

“nice” lol to my clients a lot

40. Favorite food?

lately its been asian - like thai and vietnamese. fuck now i want some dumplings and curry and egg rollllz

41. List 3 wishes.

already fuckin diiiiiddd fam

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

memory loss, dying, losing others

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

idk whats app prob

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? 

machu picchu

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? 

LOVE

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends

47. Do you like to travel?

Do you know me lol

48. Any regrets?

yeah always, but i try to live my life without any and honestly id never go back and change em

49. Do you like rain?

obsessed; fav weather actually

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

past bc im a sentimental person; future is exciting and i like surprises and the unknown and dreaming about that shit - id rather not know.

52. Favorite clothing store?

depends - urban outfitters is my style but i like goodwill just as much

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

this too shall pass

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

honestly not often enough, i try not to over think things or it tends to give me anxiety. why worry about things that are far out of our control? I just take shit day by day

55. What angers you the most?

ignorance. and rude ass people. when someone isnt being genuine

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

yesterday

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

today

58. Are you good at lying?

im sure everyone is to some degree

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

spanish

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

just one - semi fluent in spanish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

lol 

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

not sure! I have a couple but we shall see

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

yes i try to - its my fav meal

64. Tell us a secret.

then it wouldnt be a secret

65. How many concerts have you been to?

a few

66. Last hug?

wasnt long enough

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

myself

68. Baths or showers?

ooooooh damn, depends

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

i could be a little more

70. What song is stuck in your head?

lmaooo wake up in the sky by gucci mane and bruno - thats been my shit lately

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Peru, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Caymans, Philippines

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication and laughter

73. What helps you to sleep better?

putting my got dang phone away from me

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

prob like 2 grand or some shit

75. What makes you nervous?

when i over book myself or take too much on and have a lot on my plate - so time management i suppose

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

to live in the present moment; and to take care of myself 

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive for sure - i dont really ever forget

78. First mobile phone?

ayyy a flip phone and it was see thru and lit up and had a walkie talkie!

79. Strangest dream?

lmao ew no im so ashamed

80. Best dream?

flying or something

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

my grandpa it seems

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

idk

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

very much, always

84. Who do you love? Why?

everyone, because life is too damn short for hate

85. Do you like sharing?

yeah lol bc i expect ppl to share w me in return

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

idk actually

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

yeah id like to think so

88. Favorite genre of music?

i was raised on hip hop so i feel like that is my go to but honestly i love reggae, alternative, a lil bit of electro chill shit, R&B, oldies, jazz, anything 

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Understanding

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

roller coaster. fun. emotional. loving. growth.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

crazy. beautiful. strong. vast.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

skinny dip?

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

cocaine model - zhu

is this love - bob marley

tadow - masego

94. Are you more creative or logical?

def without a doubt 100% creative/emotional/empath/sensative/does things based on feelings rather than reason type person lmao

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

truth always

96. What are you most proud of?

my ability to communicate and understand people

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

strength/humility 

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

smoking a fat ass blunt doing yoga on a sunny day while its 68 degrees out and im on a beach 

#survey #ask me anything #ask #questionaire #questions #haylee #get to know me

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

#g0bbleb0ners #that took 90 minutes #also i got kinda real here.... ://////// #whatever no one reads these things anyway

[hazcoms]

A little info and backstory on Hazcom DILF, my crush, who I tag as M.

He is a safety instructor, now exclusively for wind energy students it seems, at the tech school I go to. He was one of the two guys who gave us our class on hazcom and fire safety in nursing school (which was in 2018), probably the best day of school I had in that class. I had so much fun in that class, and it didnt help that I like M a lot.

When I first saw him, I knew I was going to have a problem bc this guy was my type. Dark hair with a bit of grey, scruffy facial hair, attractive outfit, and just the energy he possessed. His voice was interesting, one of the girls in class compared it to Steve O, but he also had a southern-ish accent so that made things funnier with that comparison.

He and the other instructor, we'll call him "Fire Guy" or "S," were hilarious. Not only as people themselves, but also as a team. They took jabs at each other and us as well. Although, M seemed to be a little less...I dont know, not mean, but rather...teasing? When he talked. I really dont know how to describe it. But S teased us far more than M did.

M and S both know my father, apparently, and that made me feel even more awkward about my growing attraction to M. Other than asking me about him and asking me a question about smoke during a slideshow, they did not really call me out. I was still pretty shy and quiet at that point, but if I had the class now I'm sure I would have been louder and participated more.

Anyways, the class started with one of our nursing teachers guiding us to the building where we had the class. It's detached from the main building, and to get to it you have to climb up a little hill made of big gravel and go past a weird object that S called "a rocket ship." It's a big cylindrical thing and I have no clue what it actually is and I havent had the courage to ask anybody what it is in all my years at this school.

Walking past the rocket ship, we were dive bombed by a flock of pigeons that apparently live inside the thing, and it scared all of us and it felt like resident evil. You know, the crows in 1 and 0 that come at you for breathing wrong? That's how it felt. So we ran the rest of the way.

In the building, it was freezing. Like 40 degrees. It was a good thing I wore a jacket, but others were not so lucky and they had to occasionally go outside to get warm. Later on in the class if we complained about how cold it was, they would turn down the temperature even more to make it colder. Funny, but irritating. We all sat down, and since none of us really knew each other, we sat sporadically at different tables. Some of us, including myself, were by ourselves. I was happy with that.

The first teacher to come in was S. M came in a few minutes later, but I didnt know he was M, his name was said by my teacher to be our instructor but since S was more talkative and acted like he was the teacher, I assumed he was M. But he wasnt, obviously.

As the two instructors prepared to teach us or whatever, they played a video of like...fail compilations for whatever reason. And that changed to a more safety focused thing when the video they played was a fail compilation themed around people setting themselves on fire. As a huge Jackass fan, I found this hilarious. Then they played the fire safety scene from the Office, and then a video known as Highway to Hazmat Hell (Watch here). If you don't want to watch it, it's basically a truck carrying cylinders under pressure which start falling off and a bunch of explosions and crashes happen while Highway to Hell by AC/DC plays. Great video.

After the video was done, M came to the front of the room and put his backpack down on the table, then sat/leaned on it. S went to the podium and began introducing himself and what the class would be about. I watched M the whole time, entranced by how attractive he is. The teacher really had to be hot and me get a crush? I thought I left that shit in middle school. But apparently not.

After S told us about himself, then he introduced M as "6'3, 170 lbs, and single" (still not sure that the first two are true although he is rather tall) and a few other things. When he said he was single, I felt myself turn all warm. I avoided looking at him. And it was true that he was single, because M had gotten divorced recently and said that he preferred being single. I didnt really care though considering I have no chance with him and I'm already in a lifelong relationship. Even if I wasnt, he knows my father and is old enough to BE my father. I wouldnt date him but I admit I would hook up with him had I been single myself and the circumstance occurred.

Anyways, he told us his life story, and then we got to introduce ourselves. This was where I found out they know my dad, because I said my last name and M looked at me and smirked and said "oh, shes (dads name) kid!" And S was like "oh yeah" and something else I didnt pay attention to because my face was on fire from M even paying attention to me and I became all shy.

After we all introduced ourselves, the slideshow on fire safety began. The first question S asked was, "what elements are needed to start a fire?" A girl in my class, one of the funniest, said, "uhh...fire?" I get where shes coming from, fire is an element in the four elements sense, but he meant like..chemicals or whatever.

So we all had a good laugh at her, and she happens to be from Texas so they would attribute her "stupidity" to that. S told us what is actually needed for a fire to start, and talked more about that. Then came to the subject of smoke, and S asked us what smoke is. Texas girl said "its smoke." We all laughed again, and S was just rolling his eyes and laughing. I dont think he genuinely thought she was stupid, because she isnt, but he wanted to laugh at her being "dumb."

The lecture continued and eventually we noticed this windowed room beyond a glass door attached to this room was beginning to look hazy. We pointed it out in concern, thinking that maybe they were testing us, but S was like "oh it's just humidity" and we went on with the lecture. Eventually the haze got super super noticeable and M and S called us out on it, asked us why we didn't do anything about the smoke, but it ended up that it was a smoke machine they were using to fuck with us. Which was, admittedly, pretty funny.

Later on, S told us we were going down to the shop to practice using a real fire extinguisher. Not the powder ones, just a water one, since powder would make a mess and fuck with the oxygen. So we all went to climb down that gravel hill, only to realize there was a sidewalk that went up it and M was like "you guys can go that way but I'll walk on the sidewalk like a normal person" which made me laugh and also annoyed at myself for choosing the gravel hill, because it slides down when you walk on it and I almost fell like multiple times.

So we got to the shop and there was this little box thing connected to a propane tank, it looked almost like part of a grill. M explained that it can be controlled to light on fire, similarly to a grill, and the fire can be put out using the same controls or a fire extinguisher. It's used specifically for fire extinguisher training apparently.

S went and filled up the fire extinguishers with water, as they were empty, then brought them out and showed us how to use them. But honestly, me and Texas girl and another girl we will call F were all paying attention to M. More on that later. Anyways, S asked why we were distracted and one girl was like "Texas girl is trying to get M's snapchat" which was a joke, I don't think he even had one.

Next came our time to use the fire extinguishers- we ALL had to do it and it was in front of everyone. Less than half of the class got to put out the fire on the magic training box, which was controlled by M, before it started raining. Like a literal downpour of rain, right out of nowhere. Along with the rain getting us wet (no pun intended irt M) it kept putting out the fire training box, PLUS there was some kind of problem with the gas and the fire training box.

So S sent us with M back to the building so he could figure out what was wrong with the fire training box. M then taught us the hazcom lessons- bloodborne pathogens, PPE, hazmat procedure, MSDS, placards and their meanings, etc. Then he got into the storytelling phase, which was the most entertaining thing.

First he told this story about a guy he either knew or someone he knew knew, who died from rat poison. Then he talked a bit about his time in the oilfield before moving to wind energy, and he told us about how one time they had this bottle of methanol in what looked like a water bottle, and one of his coworkers came in and just started drinking it. Like, he didn't notice it was in fact NOT water and WAS methanol, and just kept drinking it. M did not elaborate on the fate of this guy, but I can't imagine it was good.

Now came the best story. Liquid Fire. Liquid Fire is an infamous drain cleaning chemical that if you Google it, will show results of news about bad things happening with it. But they do still sell it, I found some in a hardware store and took a selfie with it which I intend to show to M if I ever see him again. Anyways, the story began with M's bath/shower drain being clogged for seemingly no reason, until he found out it was because his kids kept shoving their bath toys down the drain. M tried traditional drain cleaners and other methods, but none worked, so he went to this local hardware place (which my mom has a vendetta against because the people who work there are apparently real cunts) and found a product called Liquid Fire. He claimed that seeing it had a skull and crossbones on it made him sure it would work well.

One of the employees warned M that Liquid Fire was strong, and to only use a certain amount each time. But M said that he was stupid because he's a man and ignored this advice, using much more Liquid Fire than necessary. But the stuff worked, it unclogged the drain, so he continued to use it. Until one day, his bathroom started smelling weird, and he couldn't figure out why. So he hired a plumber, and the plumber looked at the drain.

The plumber then told M that the smell was because his shower water was draining directly under the house and stagnating. M asked why. Plumber explained that his pipes? Gone. Disappeared. Not there. After some investigation, they discovered that it was the Liquid Fire which destroyed the PVC pipes completely, it is THAT corrosive and he used THAT much of it. The reason it worked so well on the bath toy problem was because it was literally dissolving the plastic toys, and when it got done with them, it moved on to the pipes.

After M told the story he paused for laughter, which we did a lot of, and from then on Liquid Fire became a running joke between me and F, and a story I'd reference all the time, even to people who weren't there. We then went over a bit more stuff that I don't remember exactly, and S came back in saying the rain had stopped and the fire box was working again.

Well, part of that was true. The fire box wasn't working again, but using some kind of gas and a cigarette lighter from one of my classmates, S got it working again. The class then got to continue putting out the fire, and guess who was dead last? Yeah, me. Back then, I was a scrawny little thing. I'm 5'1, and then I was a size 00 XS who weighed 90 pounds and carried all that weight in her breasts (still where most of my weight is btw). So yeah, I had some trouble picking up the fire extinguisher. They're heavier than you think. S had to literally stand behind me and help me hold the damn thing- it was embarrassing enough being last, but being the only girl in class who could hold the extinguisher herself? Even worse.

I can only imagine how flustered I would've been if M had been the one holding me and the extinguisher. I may have just passed out. Anyways, I get to finally use the extinguisher!! By then, it was in a downpour again, but we couldn't delay anymore because lunch break was coming up and we didn't have time to delay.

So I'm in the pouring rain, held by S, extinguishing a controlled fire. But as soon as I got it out the first time, my celebration was cut short because M TURNED IT BACK ON. And the funny thing? HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND SMIRKED AS HE DID IT. HE LAUGHED THE SECOND TIME. That's right, there was a second time, because he turned it back on after I extinguished it FOUR TIMES!!!!

Now I don't know why he did this to me in particular, or why he found it so funny, but at the time I was irritated. Later on I thought about it and was like oh. Wait. He was teasing me, that's kinda cute. So anyways after the fourth time of tormenting me in the pouring rain, I got the fire out and it was lunch time, so me and the class bid S and M goodbye.

Later, after we all got back from lunch, Texas girl called M a dilf. And oh my God did I feel relieved that I wasn't the only one who thought so. F also was attracted to him, while the girl who sat next to me was weirded out bc apparently he looks like her dad. We discussed M for a bit before the teachers got back.

From that day on, M was on my brain CONSTANTLY. I'd see him occasionally (check out my diary tag for M incidents) around the school and freak out each time. I still, to this day in 2021, have feelings for M. And they're strange feelings, because Im obviously in love with my boyfriend and we are getting married asap and I'd never leave him, but I talked over my situation with M with my therapist and she said it was fine.

Anyways, that's the story of M. Check out my diary or M tags for more stories and feelings about him. If you actually read this, thanks, and I hope you enjoy my blog.

#m #diary #s #who is m?

[freckliedan]

For the ask; everything that has a “4” in it. Festive, right? I hope you’re having a wonderful night ⭐️

happy 4th, anon!! & ty for the ask! i’ve been having a lonely night n this def made it loads better

(under the cut bc this got long)

4. What is your favorite word?oh.. maybe, home? but in sign language. it’s not the most beautiful or delightful word i know, in english or sign language, but it’s the one that makes me feel the warmest. (i’ve taken all 4 ASL classes offered at my college, and on one of the only days i was late during my last semester my teacher signed “welcome home” to me when i finally got to class and it’s one of my happiest memories. i’m also very gay for the idea of a home with my found family, so home is just one of my favorite words). 

14. What is your current desktop picture? i literally dont’ know how to find that on this computer because it was my best friend’s before they got a new one and gave it to me (because my old computer was very , very badly broken) but anyways i have no idea where to get the pic they have as the desktop from! so. rip

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. i’m going to assume this means one sandwich right now, rather than for the rest of my life, because that’s a very cruel punishment to wreak upon a taurus with a gf who’s going to culinary school, 

right now i’d make myself a sandwich on nice homemade bread with mayo on one side and that nice fig spread you can buy at fred meyers on the other slice, melt some cheese on the fig slice, add bacon, tomato, lettuce, and avocado, and possibly an egg because i know how to live my LIFE

34. What was your last dream about?i don’t know but some of my friends were in it

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?this is skewed because i’m alaskan but sunsets in the summer and sunrises in the winter. summer sunsets are so nice to chase when the days are long and it never gets darker than twilight (genuinely i haven’t seen the stars since april or early may) and going to an outdoors ocean front park and watching the sun set behind the mountains is GORGEOUS and wonderful but in the winter we have so much darkness that every sunrise is a blessing and every sunset is the worst thing ever. in high school there’d be days where the sun both rose after i got to school and set before i went home at night so when the light shows up in the winter. i’m happy.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i’m lactose intolerant so it SHOULD be none of them but this bitch loves dairy YEET anyways it’s strawberry @ places that don’t have a lot of flavors and at places with wider ranges i still usually stick to fruit flavors! cherry is good.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i’m a lesbian

43. Do you have any scars?i have a chickenpox scar on my eyelid & on the upper limits of what could be considered my left tit it’s like, practically chest at that point, what’s a body,,, i also have a piece of gravel in my left knee from falling & refusing to let anyone take care of it in 2nd or grade, a scar on my left foot from doing dumb stunts as a 7 year old, and a nearly invisible scar beneath my right nostril from falling as a 2 year old ! im clumsy as Fuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i want to work for a nonprofit that helps lgbtq+ teens! i don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like but it’s really important to me to help lgbtq+ youth who don’t have supportive families, and those who might be facing homelessness. i’m going to have a fairly generalist skillset when i graduate, so i don’t know exactly what role i’m going to play, but i know that i’m going to help kids that never got the unconditional love and support that they needed & deserved from family. i also am going to be a storyteller thru various mediums! written & multimedia & possibly podcasts. i’m working on that.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i’d take away whatever current physical health thing i’m dealing with that i haven’t been able to get help for yet and that’s making me grow facial hair and have less energy & more apathy & doing a Lot (i think it’s PCOS and hormonal imbalances). it’s recent and it’s causing me a lot of troubles but other than that i’m so happy and so at peace with myself that i wouldn’t change anything about me, not my weight not my ADHD & depression not a Damn Thing. 

46. Are you reliable? yes!!! i’m  the kind of person that burns myself out showing up for others. if it’s not an important thing it sometimes slips my mind bc of my adhd but when it matters, i am always there. across time zones, even. if i give my word about something? i make it happen. im the reason they invented the phrase immovable object.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?I wouldn’t change my past, and my future self probably wouldn’t, either. I’d just ask them to tell me about their happiness, I think. It would give me a tangible reason to keep working towards the dreams I have. 

48. Do you hold grudges?i’m a taurus. i don’t hold grudges over stupid things and i’m not petty for the most part and i don’t act like a dickhead when i have a grudge but it’s like, my dad missed the one and only choir concert i ever had when i was in the 10th grade for really stupid reasons when he said he’d be there, and that was in 2011, and it took me like 6 years to get to the point where i was completely past that. i wasn’t acting on the grudge but it was a grudge and it did affect like. how willing i was to trust my dad and ask him for things and how i felt about him for a really long time? so like. yeah. i hold grudges. i’m very willing to excuse people’s behavior up to a certain point but once a line is crossed someone has to work really hard to make up for the ways they’ve hurt me or loved ones of mine. my gf can usually talk me out of Forming grudges though bc she’s a virgo libra cusp and so good at being less intense than me w some situations.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?mammals with bird wings :c make the catwings book real.. cats whom can fly w soft lovely bird wings. i love cats and also flight

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? yes!!!! i’ve baked like box cakes obvi but last year for my gf’s birthday me & our best friend made a really cool coffee flavored alternative frosting cake for my gf & she really liked it & i’m like :’) 

64. What do you think about babies?i’ve been like........ yelling all night to @freckliephil about how much i want to have kids w my gf and how i can’t wait to be a mom. i think babies are very small and breakable and i’m not ready to have one right NOW at all but i am so, so excited to be a parent someday and to give a kid everything they need no matter what, like, babies are so cute and my cousin had a son this year and when i got to hold him for the first time i nearly cried thinking about being a mom someday. i’m cutting this short because i’m really, really emo abt babies right now but GOD. i want a baby. i want painting a nursery w my gf once we’re wives, and i want a rocking chair, and lullabies. i wanna watch the baby grow up to have me and my gf’s facial expressions and i can’t wait to see that baby grow into a person with likes and dislikes and an entire personality :c god. i just. i really, really love my gf and can’t wait to have a family with her. & we’re probably also going to foster but like! also. babies.

#sorry to get so longwinded & EMO! #anon #den replies

[raefill]

I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!

4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always

6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable 

8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?

10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!

16: Are you tired?exhausted

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born

18: Are they a relative?my mother!

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad 

25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day

26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh

27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes

29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!

38: What do your friends call you?rae ?

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee

42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why

48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face

50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!

52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning

55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep

57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes

62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times

70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure

71: How many fingers do you have?ten

72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent

73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~

74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha

87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily

91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer

92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope

94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t

97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ? 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly

#this took forever #but i definitely feel more tired now #rae answers #xenophonspeaks

[critical--veins]

Answer all the get to know me questions :)

oh jeez tht’s so many I’m sorry u all have to scroll past this but I’ll do it for u anon 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I genuinely don’t even remember my hands r lonely

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SO SHY3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my familyyyy & best friend when I go home for spring break :)4. Are you easy to get along with?

yah man I’m chill with everyone5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes ! (I hope)6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I like ppl who are genuine & kind!7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nooooo (I wish but no)8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this boy I’ve been talking to on & off cause he wants to see me when I come home :)) 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not usually I guess it depends who it’s with tho10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend paulina last night at 2am after getting back from a party lol11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“yah girl what’s up”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

quixoticelixer- red hot chili peppers

hello euphoria- turnover

all my friends- knocked loose

hurt- trophy eyes

control- citizen 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

UH HUHHH 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I mean this is an interesting question bc in the universe things happen that seem lucky or miraculous but are just due to chance so in a way yes, but NO15. What good thing happened this summer?

I met my family in honduras for the first time & they were so amazing16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ooooh this questions fun idk maybe!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

ABSOLUTELY18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope19. Do you like bubble baths?

hell yah soak me up 20. Do you like your neighbors?

my across the hall neighbors in my dorm building are mean21. What are you bad habits?

NEVER LEAVING MY BED22. Where would you like to travel?

alaskaaaaa I wanna hike around denali 23. Do you have trust issues?

a little24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all26. What do you do when you wake up?

sigh rlly dramatically27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I wish I had pretty pale skin, but I like being tan too! so both28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my little sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope30. Do you ever want to get married?

OH YES SO BAD31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Harry Styles for sure, Awsten Knight from waterparks is also v dreamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

L.JCYH (mood) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to be a cheerleader !! (I competed so miss me with that not a sport shit) 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

OH YES37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t break awkward silences bc IM AWKWARD38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone smart! also just someone who can be chill all the time I hate fights & pettiness so like idk just be chill39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I luv going into furniture & decor shops like home goods or kirklands lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

 I’m in college rn studying to be a conservation biologist!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no some people are genuinely bad42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

usually nothing bc I’m always quiet lol43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah sometimes!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space 100%, I wanna see the earth from outer space I think that would be the most life changing experience!!45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fuckin class I need to earn my degree46. What are you paranoid about?

never finding the love of my life 47. Have you ever been high?

yah like once lol48. Have you ever been drunk?

oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

every FUCKING day52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

one thing?53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont rlly have one! but I guess I use a lot of it cosmetics 54. Favourite store?

there’s this record store called the sound garden & I used to go to it in baltimore all the time cause I live like an hour from there, THEN I FOUND OUR THEIR OTHER LOCATION IS IN SYRACUSE WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL so like idk I love that store cause it’s my lil home connection

55. Favourite blog?

too many! ily all56. Favourite colour?

green :)57. Favourite food? 

MAC & CHEESE TILL I DIE58. Last thing you ate?

toaster waffles I didn’t even toast I just microwaved bc I’m lazy59. First thing you ate this morning?

the toaster waffles60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yeah I’ve won a photography contest & a poetry contest, and I got second in an art show for my dorm lol61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in the 6th grade for telling a boy I wanted to punch him in the face lmaoooo 62. Been arrested? For what?

nooo63. Ever been in love? 

I don’t think so 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

fucking awful cause it was new years eve so I knew it was coming but I didn’t rlly want to, so the nerves just built & built the whole night so yeah not good not good at all65. Are you hungry right now?

nahh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

ya’ll don’t talk to me (the ones that do I luv u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

both!69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

maddie & brandon71. Craving something? What?

affection always72. What colour are your towels?

blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I don’t think I have any anymore75. Favourite animal?

BEARS I WANT A BEAR TATTOOED ON ME RN76. What colour is your underwear?

dark grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough every time79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black 80. What colour pants?

no pants! all day long!81. Favourite tv show?

friends is one of my faves, but I also rlly love rick & morty which is a lil embarrassing but it’s the best

82. Favourite movie?

ya know I don’t rlly have a fav movie83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the goth bitch janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush the sea turtle is the best character87. First person you talked to today?

a BOYyyyy who I’m rlly into 88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend paulina!89. Name a person you hate?

lol this girl me & my friend just started going out with, she’s so awful & we’re trying to figure out how to cut her off without being mean :/ 90. Name a person you love?

my parents91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself?92. In a fight with someone?

nope93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I have like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANy95. Last movie you watched?

I watched nerve but I didn’t rlly like it lol96. Favourite actress?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯97. Favourite actor?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯98. Do you tan a lot?

not rlly but I tan easily so I don’t have to99. Have any pets?

I HAVE 3 CATS & THEY’RE ANGELS100. How are you feeling?

sleepyyyy101. Do you type fast?

yah 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes103. Can you spell well?

I tell myself I can but actually probably not104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah my friend from last year who I kinda drifted apart from I miss her a lot105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes whoops 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

YEAH I LOVE TRAIL RIDES 108. What should you be doing?

writing my speech for my public presentations class & studying lol109. Is something irritating you right now?

no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah 111. Do you have trust issues?

a little112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I mean my friend emily but I was laugh crying113. What was your childhood nickname?

 my friends in middle school called me Lulu lmaooo 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah I go to school out of state!115. Do you play the Wii?

no I used to tho116. Are you listening to music right now?

yah dude listening to being as an ocean rn 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yup118. Do you like Chinese food?

I fuckin LOVEEE chinese

119. Favourite book?

idk I haven’t read for pleasure in a rlly long time 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes lol121. Are you mean?

no I try to be kind as fuck122. Is cheating ever okay?

noooOoOooo123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nOOOOOOO124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

NOOOOOOOOOO125. Do you believe in true love?

yah I want to126. Are you currently bored?

yesssss127. What makes you happy?

sunday phone calls with my parents128. Would you change your name?

nah my names pretty unique I’ve never rlly met another Lucy 129. What your zodiac sign?

leo!130. Do you like subway?

yah subways dank131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhhhhh idk that’d be weird132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend Paulina 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”when I sit alone come get a little known but I need more than myself this time”

snow by rhcp is like one of my fav songs of all time & I just love that line idk 134. Can you count to one million?

who would ever135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I DON’T LIE TO PPL BITCH136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed ew wtf who sleeps with their door open137. How tall are you?

4′10138. Curly or Straight hair?

curlyyyy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer absolutely141. Night or Day?

BOTH 142. Favourite month?

I like may cause the weather is nice & also I get to go homeee143. Are you a vegetarian?

no I’ve given up meat for a while tho & it wasn’t bad! also I eat vegan some days just bc I like doing it but I love mac & cheese too much for that shit (I know vegan mac & cheese exists but easy mac) 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

I didn’t leave my bed so yah147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

anything carl sagan has said ever I fucking love him but one of my faves is from pale blue dot that says

”The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

idk I’ve never had a ghost experience but I like the idea of it so sure150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The plant cell typically consists of a more or less rigid cellwall and a protoplast.”

It’s the textbook for my plant evolution class lmaooo 

tht deadass just took me so long lol thanks for occupying me for like an hour

[exoticcal]

1-150 on the get to know you ask......I DARE YOU

Challenge accepted. 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My friend, whos a dude, only cause we was crying together lol2. Are you outgoing or shy? Even though it seems like I'm 'outgoing', I'm really shy.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? I don't really have many friends so... no one?4. Are you easy to get along with? If you're an asshole, no I'm the worst to get along with. If you're just kind and respond to me, I'm pretty easy to get along with lol.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Since I really don't have a crush on anyone atm, no?6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Nice people who arent cocky and aren't mean to family (depends lol), animals or kids lol?7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Probably not, knowing myself.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Ben Cook9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends. I can talk about it online easily, in person I can talk about it but it overwhelms me quicker 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My dude friend from the first question 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "Dont lol itll be fine"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I cant pick aaaahhhh13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES OH MY GOSH14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Kinda?15. What good thing happened this summer? I lived in Hawaii for a month!!16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I've never been kissed soooo17. Do you think there is life on other planets? YES.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? My first crush dates back to 1st grade, I've moved away since then so no.19. Do you like bubble baths? L O V E20. Do you like your neighbors? In my dorm, HELL NAH. In my home home? Eh. I love my neighbors across the street cause they're too nice to us and bring us tamales and blueberries because we lend them our lawn mower 21. What are you bad habits? I chew the insides of my cheeks and my lips, I ruin the cuffs of crewnecks, I tap my foot often22. Where would you like to travel? I'd love to go back to Hawaii tbh23. Do you have trust issues? Yes.24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My body26. What do you do when you wake up? Go on my phone27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? lighter so my expensive foundation will match28. Who are you most comfortable around? I don't even know anymore29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? I've never been in a relationship.30. Do you ever want to get married? Yess31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? hahahaha no32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? No comment.33. Spell your name with your chin. ashlynn ----- oh shit whaddup boi i got skilll34. Do you play sports? What sports? Played sports. Basketbacl for 6 years and volleyball for 3.35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? ALL. THE. TIME.37. What do you say during awkward silences? "weeeelll then," or "anyyywayyy"38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Don't really have one tbh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Rue 21, H&M 40. What do you want to do after high school? I'm in college lol,,,, Act.41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depends tbh42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm usually quiet, but extremely? I'm sad, mentally beating myself up or something43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes!!!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Bottom of ocean 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Hunger46. What are you paranoid about? Every. Thing. (((Hi im constantly paranoid about anything and everything!!1!)47. Have you ever been high? Yes.48. Have you ever been drunk? Tipsy.49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No?50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? All the time.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Everytime.53. Favourite makeup brand? Benefit or ABH orrrr NYX54. Favourite store? Target55. Favourite blog? I love all the blogs I follow.56. Favourite colour? Lavender 57. Favourite food? Sushi58. Last thing you ate? KitKat59. First thing you ate this morning? A chocolate peppermint muffin top from DB60. Ever won a competition? For what? Nooope61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I'm a child of god62. Been arrested? For what? Nooo63. Ever been in love? Noope64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Never been kissed65. Are you hungry right now? Of course66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I love them all equally.67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope,,, I'm watching youtube?70. Names of your bestfriends? Court, Vero and Mads (alll nicknames lol)71. Craving something? What? That sweet sweet NUT(ty buddy)72. What colour are your towels? They're all different colors72. How many pillows do you sleep with? A big body pillow and then one normal pillow73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A little hedgehog named Douglas74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Over 5 (packed away)75. Favourite animal? Panda or fox76. What colour is your underwear? baby blue, coral and white77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookie Dough or strawberry cheesecake79. What colour shirt are you wearing? White long sleeved turtleneck with mistletoes scattered all over. 80. What colour pants? blue jean81. Favourite tv show? Don't have any82. Favourite movie? Pitch Perfect movies83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? OG Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21JS85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Janis86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? The one who screams bubbles87. First person you talked to today? My brother88. Last person you talked to today? Probs my dad89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate anyone----- DONALD TRUMP90. Name a person you love? My momma91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? DONALD TRUMP92. In a fight with someone? No?93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2.94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many95. Last movie you watched? Newsies96. Favourite actress? Oh fuk,,, I really like A.J Cook for TV. Then for theatre I genuinely love Rachel Bay Jones 97. Favourite actor? Soft spot for Tom Holland and all the ST boys98. Do you tan a lot? Rarely.99. Have any pets? yes, 3. All dogs.100. How are you feeling? Eh.101. Do you type fast? I guess.102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes. Everything103. Can you spell well? Sometimes104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes.105. Ever been to a bonfire party? I wish106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Don't know107. Have you ever been on a horse? No.108. What should you be doing? Sleeping maybe lol109. Is something irritating you right now? My hip.110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Fuck,,,, yeah111. Do you have trust issues? this was already asked, but yes.112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? The dude from question number 1 113. What was your childhood nickname? Ash or ashiipooh114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.115. Do you play the Wii? Nope.116. Are you listening to music right now? Nah,,117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't eat meat.118. Do you like Chinese food? I'm a pescatarian so the seafood option chinese food i love119. Favourite book? Milk and Honey120. Are you afraid of the dark? No.121. Are you mean? Sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay? Hell. No.123. Can you keep white shoes clean? hahaha no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no idea tbh125. Do you believe in true love? I'd like to.126. Are you currently bored? Yeah.127. What makes you happy? Acting128. Would you change your name? No.129. What your zodiac sign? Aries130. Do you like subway? Use to.131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Yikes lol stay friends132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Same dude from #1133. Favourite lyrics right now? Dont have any134. Can you count to one million? Yeah?135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i don't remember136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed137. How tall are you? 5'4''138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavey139. Brunette or Blonde? Blonde140. Summer or Winter? Winter141. Night or Day? Night142. Favourite month? April143. Are you a vegetarian? Technically yeah cause fish options arent always avaliable.144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark145. Tea or Coffee? Sweeet coffee146. Was today a good day? I guess147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? Don't have any149. Do you believe in ghosts? Eh.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Literally no books are in site.

[s-nnyd]

hey. all of the qs from the ask meme that apply to you. have fun

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

oh boy well with my dad most certainly not theres a lot situations where its been made obvious that im not the son he wanted but he’ll still use me as an example to show to my lil bro and also like theres a lot of cockiness too and with my mom i love her and i know she loves and supports me but a lot of that is because im her daughter  and id say id have a decent relationship with my mom and i do love her

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

lmao it was you

03: Do you regret anything?

oooooooooooooooooo boi man i been thinking and like ive thought about if ive regretted ever being friends with angie and id like to say that i dont cause shes done a lot and shes given a lot to me whether it be good or bad and ive grown a lot from it and i think that if i completely erased that then i wouldnt be able to work through the things i have and like in other aspects i regret not saying “i think youre cute” to movie girl and knott’s info boy like my goodness they were both so damn cute and i really shoulda said something

04: Are you insecure?

hell yeah i am

05: What is your relationship status?

single right now and i do want to eventually date someone and have that sort of closeness and that sort of relationship where i can feel at peace and rely on someone but i honest to goodness don’t think there’s anyone for me just yet and i don’t think im in a place really to be dating anyone cause i need to resolve things before i try to start something new

06: How do you want to die?

oh man duuude okay so when we read granny weatherall i legit like had a breakdown and i started panicking cause i started thinking about death all of a sudden and like there are situations where ive considered suicide and all but like there are also the times where it feels like its looming over me so much and like i get so so scared like im scared to walk down the pier at the beach at night because it so dark and the point where you look out onto the horizon and the horizon no longer exists and and its just a void and its so dark and like i think thats how i wanna die just im walking out on the pier at midnight and just im swallowed up because i think in the last moments i think i should just confront it

07: What did you last eat?

i had these hawaiian shortbread cookies that are so dang good like mmmmmmmmmmmm

08: Played any sports?

man i used to do tennis and swimming and i would love to go back to it

09: Do you bite your nails?

nah

10: When was your last physical fight?

like one where someone was genuinely hurt? like an hour ago and it was with the ground cause i got flung off my skateboard but for real i think my last physical fight was like kinder

11: Do you like someone?

skdjashjdkashd i doooo and i should noottttt and theres a lot of things i already know that its kinda like the crush is coming from the fact that there was a lot of support and general niceness and a whooollle lot of other reasons why i should not and im looking forward to the day when this goes away

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

my goodness i have and i died

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

hmm i do but i forgot who it was

14: Do you miss someone?

yeah i kinda miss my old self but for real i really miss my cousin lynnette like i havent seen her for like two years and i really needa hang out with her eventually

15: Have any pets?

dang i wish

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

at the moment? p distressed and very in my own head like i really need a break from a lot of other things but i also need a break from myself oh! ill show you my art project that were doing later when i finish it cause like we ended up havign to do an extreme emotion self portrait of how we feel at this point in time and like its hilarious cause ppl pass by it and theyre like “dude are you okay like just looking at that makes me feel bad”

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

dkjasdh i have not but i lowkey wanna just cause

18: Are you scared of spiders?

uH YEAh

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

i would i would and if it was to relive a memory definitely if it was to redo something over differently most definitely if it was to reexperience something wihtout changing something then uh no

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

hhhhhhh oh my goodness lowkey embarrassed to say it cause weve talked about places to snog a while ago and like the last time i did was like in the bushes in the sculpture garden

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

maybe working on the death of a salesman project maybe just getting some rest im really not sure im literally living day to day at this point

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

pfft man i do not wanna have any kids like at all

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i got two but theyve closed up already since i dont use em

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

art, a bit of dabbling in math, and then also psych like i lvoed the fuck outta that class

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

oh yeah definitely and i think about her a lot i definitely miss meleana and sometimes ill go out and theres a souvenir shop and ill look at the best friend necklaces cause she always got one for us and like i have a box just full of all the halved best friend necklaces and i wonder a lot what would have happened had we still kept contact she was a big gateway to a lot of things in my life 

26: What are you craving right now?

mmm some damn relief but for real tho i want someone to run their hands through my hair and pet it and all like any of the daydreams i have are usually centered around my new haircut

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i? dont? think? so? theres like only one of two people i know of who like ever liked me and that was jolin (the other one is this sophomore from my art class last year)

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

lol no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

wish i could even get a date

30: What’s irritating you right now?

well i brought up the other ones in our chat and those are the main ones currently so

31: Does somebody love you?

yeah and i think in a lot of situations whether theyre friends or fam im being put on the weird pedestal

32: What is your favourite color?

OH OH OH ITS CERULEAN BLUE LIKE I KNOW ITS REAL SPECIFIC BUT LIKE THAT THAT BLUE IS SO GOOD LIKE EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN PUBLIC MY CHEST SWELLS UP AND MY LUNGS FEEL SO COLD AND THE AIR FEELS REALLY NICE AND LIKE MAN I LOVE THAT BLUE

33: Do you have trust issues?

lol yeah and in the process ive lied a lot and ive gotten so good at lying that sometimes i forget i am lying and the lines between whats truth or not get all blurry (i legit did not mean for that to come off as tumblr-esque as it did)

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

it was me just kinda floating in random space and then i was in a white room with no walls no doors no windows and i just walked around in this open blank space

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hhhh mrs quiggle

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

sometimes i think i do

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

haH hAH HAH haaa.......no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

uh i believe 13 oh wait no scratch that i was like 8

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i needed to get the laundry so...

51: Favourite food?

prolly ramen oh or loco moco cause its so good

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

mmm i think id say i do

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

i was working on my entry for the lawyer firm art contest

54: Is cheating ever okay?

hell no

55: Are you mean?

i think so cruel even just cause i know so much and i think people who know and understand and think so much are in general dangerous cause they calculate their actions and sometimes that scares me cause i cant tell if im doing it on purpose or not but just in general yeah im mean like too many shits are just not given

56: How many people have you fist fought?

like? uh? i think maybe two and both times were when i was like 8 or 9

57: Do you believe in true love?

mmm i do i do and i think a lot of that true love stems from a relationship based on communication, honesty, trust, and a really good friendship as a foundation

58: Favourite weather?

oooOOOOOO okay so do you remember that one time it was raining hard as fuck like sophomore year like i know its real vague but it was legit pouring and like it was actually so bad that everyone adn i mean everyone went into the library to get some form of shelter and there were people who were soaked to the bone and peoples umbrellas were getting broken cause it was so cold rainy and windy like that that kinda weather is my fave

59: Do you like the snow?

uh i think i do?

60: Do you wanna get married?

hell yeah

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

mmmm i get a lil weird on that but i think some of my favorite ones are like being called “love” like “whats going on love” or “you look good today love” like mmm i eat that shit up

62: What makes you happy?

man legend of zelda is makign me so damn happy rn like it legit means so damn much to me adn like theres so much i lvoe about it and i just lvoe talking about it and anything about it in general and like also skateboarding has been making me real happy lately like ive never loved getting hurt more and like that sounds really bad and like my left knee’s nerves are totally shot cause i fell straight on it and messed it up cause i was skating but like theres just soemthing about feeling more within my own body because im gettin some form of physical activity adn im getting hurt adn its like its a reality in its own way and like i really love it and i super love when i get to cruise like it feels so damn esp with my hair now and also what makes me happy is the ppl i find cute every now and then like its genuinely such a nice experience and oh oh i just wanted to talk about it jsut cause but like whenever i get a crush i get real excited and real happy cause like i love getting them gifts and seeing the surprise and the happiness on their faces cause its like oh you thought of me and oh its somehting i really love and like it makes them happy for that glimpse of a moment and like i love talking to them and like when they tell me about things they like or their passionate about its so nice to hear cause its like yes yes yes i support you and i love you i love seeing you happy and like just seeing your brightens my day and like even if i do confess and i do get rejected ive been mroe than lucky cause its like the people i have confessed to have been so gentle with the rejection and so kind with it and its like oh no!! like yes im sad that we couldnt be more but like thank you!!! thank you so much for letting me love you adn letting me give you so much thank you for brightening my days up and lettign me see your smiles and hear your laughs like thank you so much im so glad i could crush on you and like thats another thing that makes me happy and like theres probably a lot more that i could talk about but i think ill leave at that for now

63: Would you change your name?

i been actually thinking about it for a while adn in the times that i have considered it i usually use a game with the customizable name to try it out and like at some point i used Elle and then i tried Lynn and like i dunno im really not too sure and maybe if other names come in the future ill test those out cause truly it doesnt feel like my name is my own

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

mm yeah id think so cause theres stuff we were supposed to talk about that we didnt and uhh yeah

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

say “thanks im really flattered but i really dont think im in a place right now where i should get into a relationship”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

lmao no

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

uhh the guy at the receptionist desk when i went in to submit my entry for the art contest

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

lol if what we talked about wasnt deep and it wasnt you then itd be mrs quiggle

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

fuck yeah

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i dont think so like i wouldnt even die for myself

#thanks jae #this really was a good breather and it made a lot of things feel better #sickinthesoul

[welllbeing]

extreme tw

okay so I have noticed that my depression/anxiety has kind of morphed into something different over the years

when I was 14/15/16 my depression kind of triggered my anxiety in a way. like I would get really really sad and I’d overthink everything and that would trigger the crying and the gasping and pressure from crying would trigger the panic attacks and then I’d end up cutting because it seemed to relieve some stress. like I’d end up being this crying, bleeding, scared mess. when I was suicidal it was like a panic attack that never fully set in, I felt like I was going to have one but it never happened and although I was suicidal and wanted to hurt myself I was terrified of dying.

then at 17/18 there were a lot of manic days where I did stupid shit that put myself at risk. but it morphed into a fuckton of anger and self hatred so any time I was depressed I was more likely to snap at people and destroy things but if I did it always resulted in crying, self harm became way more destructive to the point of stabbing and beating myself instead of cutting, and when I was suicidal the thought was always messy. I wanted to destroy myself, not just end my life, but I was still afraid of trying it for the simple fact that I could possibly fail and then be stuck hating myself more for not even being able to kill myself right.

but then at 19 to now its much more… calm. eerily so. I don’t have anxiety attacks anymore, theres no fear of dying, I don’t care too much about things anymore, I wouldnt say that I truly hate myself, not all of the time anyway. I still get angry but its in a different way, it’s silent and if I get to the point where I need to say something then its handled by spitting out some choice words and walking away rather than screaming at someone else. I dont self harm but I’ve started taking drugs so maybe I still do. I put my life at risk as often as I can because I’m no longer afraid of dying, but in more subtle ways like driving without a seatbelt, or not worrying about taking pills with alcohol, or smoking cigarettes, or taking drugs. and I still do those things sometimes simply for the rush but I actually want to die now. Not right this minute or in an ‘I hate myself and I deserve it’ way but more like 'I’m gonna die anyway so whats the point’. I mean I’m not planning to kill myself tonight or tomorrow or even next month but.. I will eventually. because I have a checklist. all of the things that I want to do in my life and I’ve decided that once that’s done then I’ll figure out how I’m going to go. if it takes me a year to complete it then thats when, if it takes me 10 years then I guess I’m going to die at 30. I just dont see the appeal in living for another 40/50/60/70 years if its just to eventually watch myself get old and sick. I dont want to be 45 years old, bored with my life, and not sure what to do next because I’ve done everything that I wanted. I’ve never been able to picture a future for myself. ever. I never named my future kids or planned my wedding or came up with a dream job or dream house, I’m never able to answer any questions pertaining to what I want to do with my future because I just dont see myself having one. And I’m okay with that. it’s like my depression is no longer a sadness that causes me stress and panic, its something that I’ve accepted and have almost molded with if that makes sense. now yes, I have good days, great days even, and theyre quite frequent but theres always that underlying feeling of 'enjoy this now because when the time comes I’ll look back on it’ if that makes sense. like I’ll be happy because I’m doing something that I love but then its also just another thing to check off of my list.. and on the really bad days, I do think about saying fuck it to the list and just getting it over with but even then, I don’t cry about it. Its actually a lot worse than my bad days in the past because now I calmly plan it out and have even tried to od a couple of times, it could probably seem scary to other people how accepting I am of death in those moments… my bad days are less frequent but I feel like theyre on a much deeper level because before, self harm did the trick. I could cut or beat myself or purge or get fucked up on drugs and the urge would be gone because at least I hurt myself. but just hurting myself isnt enough anymore, it doesnt do shit. as dark as this sounds, the best that I have felt was the other week when I took enough drugs that probably could have caused me to od and thought that I was dying. I genuinely thought I was dying because my vision kept blacking out but I could still hear, my breathing slowed to the point where I felt like I was suffocating, I got really cold, thought I saw some sort of.. being? it was like I was going to fall asleep but.. better.. darker. I was at peace with myself and with the idea of it being my time in that moment and I’ve craved that feeling ever since then.

its like my depression doesnt even feel like depression anymore, it just feels like being content with dying.

#tw #rambling

[quinnznos]

Get to know me tag

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

Tagged by: @captisaac

LAST:

1. Drink: Coffee bc i recently got re-addicted to caffeine. help


2. Phone call: Some random person who dialed my number idk

3. Text message: to @captisaac about something, probably


4. Song you listen to: The Art School Kids by Slow Hollows 

5. Time you cried: like three days ago, man

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: thats a Hard No


7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes.

8. Been cheated on: yes


9. Lost someone special: yep

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i have a high tolerance so, no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: sky blue, dark red, and pale yellow

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes!

16. Fallen out of love: yes multiple times


17. Laughed until you cried: yes thankfully


18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah man my highschool friends for the most part were shitty and mean to me


20. Found out who your friends are: yeah, again, read the above statement

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: two of them i believe

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like 70 percent of them

23. Do you have any pets: i am living with heather so do i count her dog and cat? sure.


24. Do you want to change your name: um, hell yes. 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had a crazy fuckin party and met up with my ldr boyfriend at the time and made out a bunch it was really fun also all the people at that party were amazing and i love them all??!!

26. What time do you wake up: 7:30 usually but on days i have off like... 10?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: um, probably smoking weed or falling asleep at my friends house idfk

28. Name something you can’t wait for: living in an apartment and going to college and seeing my super cute and wonderful friends

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? 6/6

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: how paranoid and depressed i get and how all of my romantic relationships ended 

31. What are you listening to right now: nothin


32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not that.. im aware of


33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not much currently, just myself tbh

34. Most visited website: instagram


35. Moles: ye 

36. Marks: like 30+ bc i had like 10 major surgeries on my leg throughout my life

37. Childhood dream: being the president

38. Hair color: brownish/blackish

39. Long or short hair: lil past my shoulders


40. Do you have a crush on someone: when do i NOT have a crush on someone. (lowkey a girl im goin to college with bc shes punk rock and cool shh)

41. What do you like about yourself: lol..... i think im cute sometimes i guess, and i like my eyes/eyebrows a lot. i like how people perceive me? i like how people genuinely appreciate me even though all their kind words might never sink in


42. Piercings: nope

43. Blood type: AB pos i think

44. Nicknames? Quinny (some ppl call me that sometimes), Hart, idk

45. Relationship status: single


46. Zodiac: virgo

47. Pronouns: they/them

48. Favorite TV Show: Parks and rec


50. Right or left hand: right


51. Surgery: femur bone/tumor removal

52. Hair dyed in different color: nope but ive seriously considered blue before

53. Sport: volleyball!

55. Vacation: anywhere in europe, or washington

56. Pair of trainers: adidas/converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i like lunch bc its easy


58. Drinking: sparkling water and gingerale

59. I’m about to: maybe go to a friends local punk band concert but idk


62. Want: to feel worth it


63. Get married: not ‘till after college at least


64. Career: film-maker/director/writer


65. Hugs or kisses: hugs


66. Lips or eyes: eyes


67. Shorter or taller: i dont.. know

68. Older or younger: either is chill


70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont care

71. Sensitive or loud: i like both


72. Hook up or relationship: hook ups are alright tbh i never get over relationships or hookups so regardless im fucked lmao

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: both. always

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nope

75. Drank hard liquor: yes


76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i have good vision so, no

77. Turned someone down: yeah.... i felt really bad about it tho


78. Sex on the first date: nah i gotta be close to the person emotionally first


79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah...


80. Had your heart broken: HAH yeah


81. Been arrested: no


82. Cried when someone died: i bawled when my grandpa passed away


83. Fallen for a friend: yes, its common issue

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


84: Yourself: sometimes


85. Miracles: yeah


86. Love at first sight: sometimes?

87. Santa Claus: no


88. Kiss on the first date: ive done it before

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: joe or heather


91. Eye color: green

92. Favorite movie: Scott Pilgrim vs the World, or La La Land

#quinn speaks #about me #ask

[therealestatesparkblog]

No, You Are NOT Going Too Far in Pursuit of Financial Independence

I was talking to my buddy and co-worker Craig Curelop recently. It was about 7:00 p.m., and we were having one of our not-infrequent discussions about financial freedom late after work. As usual, Craig was cooking dinner at the office after his workout. I suspect that he was cooking here in an effort to save money on electricity that hed otherwise have to use to cook at home (I cant even tell if Im joking about that or not). I was just here late, trying to catch up on emails. For some time, wed been having a debate about his approach to attaining early financial freedom. I was claiming that Craig goes too far in his pursuit of financial freedom. Craig was politely dismissing my claim and insisting that he was perfectly happy with his situation. Craigs Obsession with Financial Freedom Now, I think I have some good reasons to think that Craig is going pretty hardcore in pursuit of early financial freedom. He does a LOT. Craig house hacksin a house that is eerily similar to the property I first bought back in 2014my first house hack. His home is just a few blocks away from my property, but a bit newer and nicer. Craig, however, gets a far better financial return from his investment than I did and will likely do better with his investment than me over time, even though I bought an investment that has better numbers as a traditional rental property. How does he do this? Simplehe rents out his bedroom on Airbnb and sleeps on the futon in the living room! Craig bikes to workevery day. Thirty degrees and snowing like it is on the day I write this? Craig is still on his bike. Craig rents out his car on Turo, netting positive every month on vehicle expenses. Craig does not eat sugar. Craig does not consume alcohol. Craig is involved in extra-curriculars like Toastmasters in an effort to constantly improve himself. Craig reads incessantly. Craig hang-dries his clothes to save money on electricity. Craig gets up at 5:30 a.m. each morning to pursue his goals. Craig meets investors and potential contacts multiple times per week. Craig has literally optimized almost every part of his life in pursuit of early financial freedom. Is this too much? I certainly thought so at firstand I told him so. I thought so until our conversation the other night, when I suddenly remembered what I did to jumpstart my journey to financial freedom.

Related: 7 Daily Habits of Real Estate Investors Who Seek Financial Freedom My Obsession with Financial Freedom See, when I got started on this journey, the term house hacking (but certainly not the concept, which has been around forever) had just been invented by Brandon Turner in this article. The concept of biking to work was completely foreign to me. In fact, every single person I had ever even heard of (excluding the 40-year-old virgin) drove to work or took public transit. Riding a bike had just had not presented itself as an option until I began reading a blog called Mr. Money Mustache (one of my favorite blogs of all time). In spite of friends and family who thought I was crazy, I bought a house hack. I took this Mr. Money Mustache guys advice and biked to work. I read over 100 personal finance, business, psychology, and career-related books. I quit a stable, hard-earned job with middling corporate opportunity to pursue a highly risky job at a startup. I networked with investors all over the city. I tried to get up early to pursue a version of the Miracle Morning even though I hated it and am a night owl. I cooked all of my own meals and almost never consumed anything that even approached unhealthy. I kept a daily log. I even hung dry my laundry instead of installing a dryer. I did this for years. I still do much of this. I dont regret it one bit. In fact, looking back, I wish Id been more like Craigmore obsessed, more (not less) productive. You Dont Have to Be Perfect Forever! The reason I initially thought that Craig was doing too much was that I am currently growing soft. Nowadays, I still house hack. I bike to work, but much less frequently, and often on a custom built e-bike that I put together over the summer that is pretty awesome. This is partly due to a nasty foot injuryI suspect I will resume with biking more regularly on the road bike as the foot continues to improve and the weather gets nicer in the spring of 2018. I cook less and eat out a few times per month. I love Chinese food and am willing to splurge on it now a bit. I enjoy dates at casual restaurants with my girlfriend. I have a dryer. I still spend very little compared with your average American, but its creeping up a bit. I sometimes forget that Ineeded to do the hardcore things that Craig is currently doing to get where I am. Are they things that I want to do for the next 50 years? Are they things that Im even still doing today? No, not all of them. Am I proud that I did them and happy that they contributed to my current position? Absolutely. But the point of all of this is that I can afford to bring some luxuries back into my life now. I have enough passive income to purchase some of these things and still get ahead. And while my passive income more than pays for my lifestyle as things stand, it is not yet enough to comfortably fund the life I could see myself wanting in the futurea life that will involve fewer still of these optimizations. As my portfolio continues to grow over the next few years, I see a more permanent house in my future. I see potential pets. I see a very nice, large kitchen and a significantly improved bathroom in a future residence compared to my present situation. I see some luxuries that Id truly enjoy, like maybe a backyard or garage filled with home gym equipment (purchased second-hand via Craigslist, of course). I see myself gradually approaching a lifestyle that anyone would call middle or upper-middle class. But Ill be able to live that lifestyle at extremely low cost, with minimal waste, and fund it entirely with a surplus from real estate cash flow. This result will unfold gradually, as I consistently increase my passive income in the coming years. And this is possible solely because of the optimization that I implemented in the past and am continuing to ride in the present. Im starting to get soft, and I may well continue to soften in the future. To plan on living an entire life of perfect optimization would defeat the purpose of pursuing financial freedom. I seek bit by bit to build the exact life I wantand to only increase my standard of living in proportion to my passive incomeand never in excess to the point where I will grow fat and lazy. Im willing to go without some of the things I eventually aspire to in order to make that dream a reality. Craig has a similar vision. Craig will not be living on a futon forever. As his wealth grows, as he eliminates his student loans, and as these choices become less and less meaningful to his financial position, I am certain that Craig will cool it a bit. Related: The Surprisingly Simple Secret to Financial Freedom Most 9 to 5-ers Overlook Once you are at a point where you feel that you can ease off the gas pedal, do it. Do it in certain areas that are most meaningful to you. As your passive income increases and covers your living expenses you can stop making the sacrifices that everyone thinks Craig and I are making! But What About Living in the Present? Notice, however, that neither Craig nor I give up or gave up certain things that are universally accepted as important to a well-lived life. Like travel. Like nights out with friends. Like attending sporting events. Like visiting family. Like attending life events of those we are close with. Like volunteering in the community. Those are the things we associate with living. Craig does not go too far in his pursuit of early financial freedom. Craig is one of the healthiest, most well-adjusted folks I know. In spite of his unforgivable love of Boston sports teams, including the New England Patriots, he is a genuinely funny guy, a hard worker, and has friends who come to visit him from all over the country. Craig is doing this whole thing exactly right and will enjoy experiences comparable to every other 20-something in Denver over the next few years, based on his interests. The only real differences between him and the rest of the pack are that he will arrive where he is going on his bicycle, and he will rest his head at night on a futon instead of in a bedroom. He says these things do not affect his happiness. And I believe him. How could they? I believe that Craig has some of the highest odds of anyone I know of achieving a $1,000,000 net worth by the age of 30. You might look at Craig and think, Thats crazy I could never do what he does and sleep on the couch while renting out my bed! But I challenge you to see things from the other perspectivefrom Craigs perspective and mine. Is it crazy to build that much wealth that early in life? Is it crazy to enjoy the same recreational activities as your peers, yet come out way ahead financially? Is it crazy to create a life that is healthier, more fun, costs less, and sets you up for greater career success or income generation? Is Craig crazy? Am I crazy? Or is everyone else crazy?

You Need to Get Obsessed with Optimizing Your Life, Too! Almost every day since I started optimizing my life, my life has gotten better. Ive become healthier, wealthier, stronger, happier, a better skier, a better rugby player, and more in tune with my family. Ive experienced career accomplishments. Ive since met a wonderful girl who Ive dated for a year and half and love very much, and I have what I consider to be a pretty good, fun-filled life. I believe that this progression of events is not unique to Craig and me. Almost everyone I know who has gone on to achieve financial freedom at an extremely early age, who has accumulated a large amount of wealth in a short period of time, or who has started a successful business has done some version of aggressive, all-out optimization in pursuit of their goals. Maybe successful folks didnt sleep on a futon or even house hack. But you can be sure that they devote outsized time, in the beginning, to getting some kind of venture off the ground. You can be sure that they earn more than they spendby a lot. You can be sure that they become obsessed with the success of the venture theyre involved in. Every blogger on this site is obsessed with their craft. They study it relentlessly for years. You need to develop the same healthy obsession with your goals as well. No one has come to me and said they regret these types of choices. No one regrets giving a worthy goal their best efforts. And even if they do, in most cases, choices like these are easily reversible. You can always stop reading, stop networking, stop biking, and stop house hacking if you decide its not for you. Craig can simply stop listing his room on Airbnb tomorrow if he wants and live at a lower cost than almost every American, in the heart of an expensive city at that! Yes, folks can build a million-dollar net worth as middle-class wage earners over a period of decades. Thats not hard and can be achieved automatically, with merely sane spending habits, buying a reasonable home, and contributing to a 401(k). Im not talking about achieving this result. I dont write for folks looking to achieve this result. I seek to help people trying to achieve early financial freedom in a fraction of that time. And to do that, you need to become obsessed. And if you truly want to give yourself the best chance at achieving this goal rapidly, you need to optimize with a passion and zeal. The part of the journey that Craig is currently in is the part that so many more of you readers need to undergo to truly jumpstart your journey to financial freedom. This should be the fun part. Its where you really make the changes necessary to become successful. Ive met dozens of people who are undertaking this journey and house hacking (yes, with kids) in the bottom units of up/down duplexes. Ive met people who have begun biking to work. Ive met people who read relentlessly or who take action day after day in pursuit of success with their career or side hustle. For the first time in years, many of them are excited to take on life. They identify the correct opportunity, the opportunity that offers them a real shot at achieving their goals, and they pursue it 100 percent, with their best efforts, for years. Dont mistake these folks for the outliers. The folks who achieve financial freedom rapidly without making optimized choices in almost every area of lifechoices that increase their wealth, productivity, and happinessare the exception, not the rule. Conclusion Look, I totally understand that Craigs approachor even my approachmay not be something that you want for your entire life. Frankly, I DO NOT plan to house hack in perpetuity, and I am reasonably sure that at some point Craig will move on from his futon to a bed, then a house that he eventually wants to reside in semi-permanently. The whole point of this is not to live like this forever. It is to do it as long as necessary to achieve your goals. The point is to create and execute a plan to create the life you want and then live that life exactly as you want, as the person in nearly complete control, forever after. And along the way, youll probably find that many of these sacrifices are actually all-around improvements in your day and lifestyle! Im not trying to convince you to live on a futon. Im trying to tell you that doing so will not impact your happiness if you go in with the right mindset. And that it is not and should not be a permanent state of affairs. Im trying to tell you that choices like that are the ones that increase your odds of accumulating money and freeing up time with which to pursue big income and investment opportunities unavailable to folks with tiny savings rates and no free time. You may think that Im strange for biking to work, making my own meals, and living in a house hack. You may think Craig is strange for renting out his bed and car, sleeping on a futon, and biking to work. But to us, this life is better than an alternative that involves long commutes, being handcuffed to a mortgage, and engaging in unhealthy or unproductive behaviors that dont produce results or fond memories! And in five, 10, or 20 years, the folks who make choices like this are more likely than not to be multimillionaires with multiple properties and multiple sources of income. Dave Ramsey famously says, Live like no else now so later you can live like no one else. The implication of this is that you have to give up happiness and sacrifice now to live the life of your dreams later. This is not how I have experienced things. Life was better immediately after making the choice to optimize my lifestyle around my goals, AND it continually improves as I reap the financial, career, health, and relationship results of those choices. I feel good about where Ive been, where I am, and where Im going. You can live better than everyone else now, in an extraordinarily low-cost, productive, and impactful manner, AND live like no one else later. I made the mistake of thinking that Craig was going too far in pursuit of financial freedom. But he can and should go farther and faster if he can and will continue to love his life. Let me state it all again: He enjoys it. And he should enjoy it. He is becoming healthier, wealthier, happier, and more self-confident with each passing day, week, month, and year. I too have enjoyed it and will continue to enjoy it. You should enjoy it, too. I honestly believe that those of us who pursue early financial freedom and make the optimizations necessary to make that a reality experience a better life in the interim while pursuing it, a better life approaching Financial Freedom, and a better life after achieving financial freedom. There is no sacrifice in this way of life. The improvements you make to your life may have positive effects immediately and will likely only continue to grow. I give you permission to choose the healthy, wealthy, happy path that you know will leave you better off when its all said and done. And once you decide to go for it, optimize for happiness, health, and wealth without apology. Were republishing this article to help out our newer readers.

What lengths do you go to in your pursuit of financial freedom? Have you ever encountered criticism for living the way you do? Share below! https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/pursue-financial-freedom-unapologetically

[transssexualheart]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll

1- what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper?my phone has pictures of my friends and my desktop is still dan avidan i keep forgetting to change it

2- have you ever had a crush on a teacher?no

3- what as your last text message?sent? it was “me too”

4- what do you see yourself doing in ten years?probably dying

5- if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?in someone’s arms

6- what was your coolest halloween costume?uhh probably last years even tho it wasn’t that great bc i made it myself and had a styled wig and everything

7- what was your favorite 90s show?i was not alive in the 90s

8- who was your last kiss?still zee

9- have you ever been stood up?no

10- favorite ice cream flavor?strawberry or cotton candy

11- have you ever been to las vegas?no

12- your favorite pair of shoes?probably my pink ones they’re soft and have tiny one inch platforms

13- honestly, have you ever cheated on a significant other?no

14- what is your favorite fruit?watermelon or strawberry

15- have you ever talked to anyone on tumblr that your could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?well i mean one of my exes i met over tumblr so it’s not a wild concept to me but currently i’m not like,,, interested in others

16- are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?long term

17- do you smoke? if so, what?no

18- what do you do to get over your anger?rant about it on this blog or sometimes to a friend i guess

19- do you believe in god?idk man

20- does the person you’re in love with know it?yeah

21- favorite position?sleeping

22- what’s your horoscope sign?leo

23- your fears?being abandoned, myself sometimes, everyone secretly hating me, never being loved, etc

24- how many pets do you have? what kind?three, a cat and two fish

25- what never fails to turn you on?uhhhhhh

26- your idea of a perfect first date?idk uh,, get food maybe hold hands a little 

27- what is something most people don’t know about you?idk,, i guess most people don’t know what i look like during a full on breakdown that i’m not trying to disguise

28- what makes you feel the happiest?hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

29- what store do you shop at most often?i dont shop a lot

30- how do you feel about oral? giving and or receiving? never gave or received, both sound good to me tho

31- do you believe in karma?idk

32- are you single?yeah

33- do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? the best way to apologize is to mean it and not expect forgiveness if you really fucked up and to be genuine and honest and if you do those things it shouldn’t really matter whether you choose flowers or candy

34- are you a good swimmer?i mean,, i won’t drown

35- coffee or tea?tea

36- online shopping or shopping in person?i do both

37- would you rather be older or younger than your current age?i’d prefer to keep my age so i don’t fuck up the timeline of my life thank u very much

38- cats or dogs?how can i choose

39- are you a competitive person?i don’t think so

40- do you believe in aliens?yes

41- do you like dancing?don’t really do it much 

42- what kind of music do you listen to?many kinds, mostly anything but country

43- what is your favorite cartoon character?how can i choose just one

44- where are you from?albany

45- eat at home or eat out?eat out

46- how much more social are you when you’re drunk?i’ve never been drunk

47- what was the last thing you bought for yourself?i don’t remember

48- why do you think your followers follow you?idk actually why do u guys follow me

49- how many hours do you sleep at night?it varies, sometimes like ten sometimes none

50- what worries you most about the future?i pretty much rely on the fact that i’ll probably die before it matters but if i don’t die i’ll have no idea what i’m doing

51- if you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?not very, i’m not friends with myself tho so

52- are you happy with yourself?no, never really have been

53- what do you wish you didn’t know?i don’t know

54- what big lesson could people learn from your life?i guess,, not to take people for granted 

55- if you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?what

56- what’s your favorite website?i visit this hellsite most often i guess

57- what’s the habit your proudest of breaking?the only habit i could think of that i broke was biting my nails

58- what was your most recent trip of over 50 miles?idk how many miles i travel bc i don’t drive

59- what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?idk

60- what do you order when you eat chinese food?sweet and sour chicken and white rice 

61- if you had to be names after one of the fifty states what would it be?no

62- if you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?alright so there are three things that i feel like i’m able to do well those three things are draw, write, and play pokemon and i’m a failure at everything else i do so probably an art class or creative writing class

63- favorite kind of chips?i like doritos

64- favorite kind of sandwich?grilled cheese

65- which do you use more often, dictionary or thesaurus?dictionary

66- have you ever been stung by a bee?yeah, only once, and i have a history of not fucking eating for whole days and that was one of those days and i guess the sting just triggered the dehydration and all that and i got really dizzy and my legs gave out and my mom had to carry me home

67- what’s your favorite form of exercise?my what now

68- are you afraid of heights?more afraid of what i’d do to myself than the height itself

69- what’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?eight grade science, i had a bunch of friends in that class and we hated the teacher at the time and the shit he did and we were constantly like going insane and here’s the main reason: my mom went to school with that teacher and she managed to find a fuckin. story that he wrote in 11th grade and she showed it to me and my god it was so bad and the main character was such a self insert and i was like “oh my god this is amazing” and you know what i fuckin did? u know what i did? i decided to make c o p i e s of the story so i could bring it into school and show my friends. so i had like ten copies and we gave one to my friend kevin however. we gave it to him DURING science class. so instead of doing his work kevin is sitting back there reading this story and laughing at it and the teacher is like “what are you doing kevin?” and kevin, instead of putting it away and being like “my work”, was like “oh i’m reading your 11th grade story” and at this point i’m like “oh fuck” and then the teacher asked where he got it and he points to me and i’m like “OH FUCK” so he comes over and asks where i got it and i’m like “surprise my mom went to school with you” and he’s like “i haven’t seen this story in years” and guess who’s like “DO U WANT A COPY” and reaches over me and into my backpack to pull out a fuckin copied version :^) anyway that day was wild some girl i never talk to who didn’t even know my dead name let alone my actual name came up to me asking for a copy

70- what’s your favorite breakfast?pancakes or waffles

71- do you like guacamole?no

72- have you ever been in a physical fight?no

73- what/who are you thinking about right now?um

74- do you like cuddling?yes

75- are you holding onto something you need to let go of?can we not have this conversation over tumblr’s ask system thanks

76- have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?i live with myself every day lmao

77- favorite city you’ve been to?nyc!!

78- would you break the law to save a family member?probably

79- talk about an embarrassing moment?me, as a person

80- are there any causes you strongly believe in?idk

81- what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?not sure

82- fav day of the week?none

83- do you consider yourself sexually open minded?idk what that means

84- how do you feel about porn?i don’t watch it really, but if that’s your thing then it’s your thing

85- which living celebrity would you like to know?idk

86- who was your hottest ex?it’s hard for me to like,, determine that because my sexual attraction to someone usually isn’t there until i start liking them romantically (in most cases, there’s people i never liked romatically but found attractive or people i found attractive before i liked them but that’s not the case with anyone i actually dated) and it disappears when i don’t like them romantically anymore so ???? also rude question especially considering at least two of my exes follow me here

87- do you want/have kids?don’t have them, might have them but that’s dependent on whether or not my partner is able to take care of kids i’m not gonna have kids if i know that my partner can’t be a good parent to them. also still not sure if i want them myself

88- has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?no

89- do you get easily distracted?hell yeah

90- ass or titties?why… choose…..

91- what is your favorite word?to use in writing, probably “gentle”. to use in speech, probably “fuckin”

92- how do you feel about tattoos?i want a lot, i have two

93- do you have any pets?this was already a question?

94- how tall are you? 5′5

95- how old are you?14

96- 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?i don’t get complimented on specifics, the most i get it usually like “you look nice today” or sometimes ppl say they like my makeup but that’s not a physical feature of mine

97- is there anything you’re really passionate about?i love,, the jims and the piano

98- do you have trust issues?idk, i don’t let most people see me cry or see me having a breakdown and i only really trust a few people with most stuff and it’s usually because there was something that happened in the past that allowed them to already know stuff like that and they were good about it and i was like “oh, then they’ll be alright about it and i don’t have to explain myself to them because they already know” but?????

99- do you believe in love at first sight?god no, what if they’re a dick?? u can’t judge a book by it’s cover. also i think that now i’ll have to know someone pretty well to start liking them because of past and current events

100- what are some words that you live by? why? i don’t have a specific quote or anything but. if you love someone tell them. i’ve said this before, and i don’t mean specifically romantically in fact in some cases you should keep that to yourself so no one is made uncomfortable but like. tell your mom or your best friend or your dad or your grandma that you love them because they could be gone real soon or you could be gone real soon and they should know that you love them before that happens

thank u for asking

#ask tag