#im really afraid that whoever dies next is going to propel me into suicide

[chyarnoe]

The goal I set for myself when I was suicidal as a teen was 30, and yknow. There's still time.

#horrible day at work that became a horrible night at home #and im also sick #tw suicide #i genuinely dont see myself living past maybe 40 #as i see my family get older i realize i dont want to know their deaths or live in a world without them #im really afraid that whoever dies next is going to propel me into suicide #or even if they get gravely ill #because sometimes a support system isnt enough #im tired and sick and my job threatened to fire me #and my boyfriend ignored me for no fucking reason #the goal is still 30 #5 years is simultaneously a long and short time. #it never fucking ends