#i feel like im being really selfish

[scalpelsister]

also this isnt really proper shade at larian or anything and the writing of this game is SAURE good so dont take it this way but.

i sure do wish. Minthara was not villain batted as hard as she was. Her being locked to "evil" runs and being mutually exclusive with several party members. Her being nothing more than a miniboss for your average player- who does not even know shes a potential party member! Her being so chronically unloved by the community because... shes the "evil" companion. Hell, even the amount of people saying frankly really edgy shit about killing her or hurting her completely unprompted lmao. Like I genuinely think shes been pretty unfairly demonized both by the community and by the meta of just like... the game itself because she's really actually..... kind of, dare I say, sweet? if you get to know her. ugh.

#also if i had two nickles. shes sylvanas all over again lads i fear #idk obviously larian handles her character much better than wow ever handled sylvanas but its genuinely like #kind of eerie how similar they are and how hard they where both villain batted considering how evil they actually are #ESP compared to their male counterparts #like i would argue that neither of them are any more evil- and likely are even less evil- than a lot of the men in the same game that #are not villain batted at all. #like every character in warcraft is a war criminal so sylvanas is hardly uniquely evil on that front #and i have a hard time buying that minthara is anymore inherently evil than astarion lol #idk again larian handles trauma much better and it feels... inauthentic to accuse them of not treating minthara well because shes #traumatized. thats def not the argument im making here but it IS really sad to relate to / find catharsis in another traumatized elf #only for her to be. villain batted just like the last one :/ #idk. its just a bummer. #like again thankfully its not a thesis of larians like. karlach and shadowheart and laezel are all beautiful and wonderful examples of like #traumatized women allowed to be angry and validated for being angry #BUT im selfish haha i want my bestie minthara to be able to have a happy ending w the rest of us and i dont want to see her demonized for #idk being a traumatized angry woman like!! it seems outta place for that to be the message but #whatever im rambling ive lost the plot #my post

[skunkes]

the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....

every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....

#talkys #this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did #there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way #but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset... #i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish #i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above #in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good? #isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than... #i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish #and because im no better than anyone else #my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck #pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day #i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!! #and it is true....! #we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish #i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler. #*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim #i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....

[anxiously-sidequesting]

hear me out. Ambrose (derogatory) could have been such a good character if he was *actually old* (no that party city beard ain't fooling me).

Like from the beginning it could have been "I'll show him- threatening a new student before orientation, no less- ACK, oof, my back!"

And YW would have been like "Nah don't worry about it old man, I'll fight that Mall staircase or whoever for you. But first let's get you to bed, you haven't taken your meds today."

Like it could've been such a great dynamic between a guy who's knowledgeable and truly wants to help but is way past his prime, and the young apprentice who has no idea what's going on at any given time but is "yeah this dude will 100% keel over from trying to take on the weight of the spiral if I leave him alone for two seconds so I'll knock some heads for him. I like knocking heads anyway >:D"

First off I absolutely love "Ambrose (derogatory)" I'm gonna get that tattooed on my body /j

AND SO LIKE IM KINDA LIKE 🤔 AT THIS SCENARIO (not you anon your idea is absolutely lovely, just thinkin hard about this) BECAUSE LIKE. OKAY HERE'S MY THOUGHT PROCESS

I guess it would be cool to have a YW who instead seems eager and willing to fulfill the role of the Savior instead of dreading it (and it would give a bit of a different face to their relationship mentor/mentee with Ambrose) buuuuuut like in the case that Ambrose is really too old to deal with things himself, instead of whatever reason he doesn't do things in canon, he could always just like find a capable and prepared adult to deal with the nationwide threat of Malistaire INSTEAD of the new kid who's eager to fight

AND THIS ISNT ME DISSING ON YOU ANON I LOVED YOUR IDEA. Like instead of seeing the YW unhappy and resentful and trudging along doing dangerous stuff it's interesting and cool to see where in an alternate universe the YW immediately takes to being a hero and loves the action and does it FOR Ambrose, not just because he told them to. I think that would be very cute if it like, removed the actual issue that Ambrose is still relying on an ill-prepared child to do his work. Whether in canon where the YW is urged to follow Ambrose after Malistaire, or if Ambrose falters and then the YW rushes in to beat his minions up instead, it's still on the Young Wizard to clean up this very adult mess. If this scenario continues on just like canon, the Wizard still ends up being Bartleby's Scion with a tainted Shadow Soul and heaps and heaps of trauma. It just started out a little differently

I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU ANON IM NOT SCOLDING YOU IM JUST ANALYZING THIS (please don't be sad I love you anon ty for sending this). Please feel free to send me more of this if you like because it's really interesting tbh. I really.hope I didn't scare you off with this HASKDNDRLSJSJ this was a great ask

#this is cute really!!!! i appreciate this #i still love “ambrose (derogatory)” though im super serious #i hopw im not rude in this reply HELSJSOSJD sorry if i am i dont mean it #not to be like “hmmm yeah BUT-” whenever someone wanta to share with me im serious. i love other ppls stuff #in this situation the dynamic changes a liiiitke bit where it seems like its more voluntary on the wizard's end #but there's still the underlying issue that its still the wizard's life being put in danger on ambrose's behalf i think #i like in your scenario anon where it seems like ambrose isnt doing this out of his own selfishness- #-but because he literally cant #like its implied that if he werent two coughs away from death he absolutely would stand in the wizards place #i like THAT ambrose. he's still Ambrose (letting a child kill people) but he has less choice in this matter #so like i wonder how he feels then. being too old. does he conaider stepping down so the wizard can be properly cared for? #or does he continue with his role in order to keep the wizard happy by bashing in heads for him? the conundrum #I STILL FEEL GUILTY ANON SORRY IF THIS IS MEAN I LOVE THIS I SWEAR #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #asks #anon #merle ambrose

[natjennie]

ousaugoahgh I love lou wilson so MUCH i want to be his friend so BAD.

#im so excited for junior year #and im glad that they all seem excited for it #because honestly as much as i love the bad kids #it felt kind of selfish of me to want them back so badly #when the cast clearly wanted to be doing other things #like i feel kind of guilty for 'making them' do fantasy high again #yknow what i mean? #it just kind of seemed like- esp from emily saying she considered retiring fig- #it seemed for a minute like they didnt want to do fh again like they were done with it #but at least from the little behind the scenes vids it looks like theyre excited #im so ready for them to be silly goofy and insane again #so many of the other seasons are like. a touch too serious for me #a lot of them veer a little too far into like. critical role territory for me. #which is why fantasy high and starstruck are my favorite seasons #i missed them being wild and fun #i hope its good. i really hope its good #fantasy high #d20

[cephalonheadquarters]

Genuinely how in the world are people brave enough to be like "Send me asks about my ocs" "Look at my drawing of my ocs" "You should read about my ocs" and tag their ocs in random text posts and randomly infodump about them whenever they feel like it without feeling like they have to be asked YOU'RE SO BRAVE. Do you not get anxious. Are there really people who just don't feel bad or learned to stop feeling bad about talking a lot about their characters that they love. How

#People who are able to post about their ocs and not delete it immediately after #How the hell do you do that #How do i stop getting scared #I'm so serious i really hate being so hyperfixated on my fish and then feeling like im extremely selfish when i talk about them #No one follows me for my ocs unless theyre inkfishIM SORRY I KEEP BRINGING THAT UP #I'm. Very Petty

[todayisafridaynight]

I’ve seen you say that u like that mine is a mystery til the end of yakuza 3 when asked abt a minedai saga i completely agree , so i feel like it would be better if kiwami 3 did happen the saga would be unlockable agter u finish the game

//sagely nodding// you get it.....

#snap chats #it'd be so funny playing as the antagonist after the game tho lmao #on that note tho i always forget mine is. technically an antagonist #LIKE I KNOW HE'S AN ANTAGONIST BUT it just doesn't feel the same as the other antags #maybe its cause he starts to do heinous shit only after daigo goes under. in that case it's just really funny #idc if we all seen the joke its still funny that Area Man Makes It Everyones Problem Pookie Wont Wake Up #to go back on topic tho. itd be so funny flvkejlLVKEJLV #at the very least they could adapt mine's character story if not all of them yk like i wouldnt EXPECT all of them. despite my selfish ass #idk. if not the rggo stories at all i dont know what a hypothetical mine saga would consist of #cause its veyr true i like mine being a mystery and to add on to that i kind of like what we see as is #maybe its just the thought of playing as him is weirding me out. not that i wouldnt kill to play as him of course #maybe its just cause thatd mean mine became playable as part of the a main game before daigo himself vjaKLVJAELKJ #AND I SAY THAT EXCLUDING GAIDEN CAUSE THAT'S DLC AND SIDE CONTENT #tho ig you colud argue a hypothetical mine saga WOULD be side content but it'd be story-relevant side content yk what i mean #im rambling. anyways. i just want the gay bar seen in 4k mk thank you.

[soldier-poet-king]

Where did I put my dbt handbook I NEED IT

#yet another thing i am hiding away living with my parents like #can i just exist #im already like adding walls and layers to my being #can we have ONE thing that is not constantly a game of anxiously fearing being discovered #I AM A GODDAMN ADULT #im just. i have literally no idea where it is. i KNOW i have one but i hid it so well even i cant find it now #anyway we're at the stage where i am prodding wounds and doing things i know will make me feel bad #which could be good on the sense of testing boundaries #but is not good or helpful in my current situation with 0 irl supports or ppl to trust #bleasghhhhhhhhhhhh #OH THARA CELEHAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW #just. reminding self. its abt duty and obligation and goodness and not sad navel gazing pity or my own fulfillment #its not about me. its not about me. its not about me #i need to do this stupid job prep thing after work #bc better job means better pay i can move out have more time which means ill be able to volunteer and do good and help #and not just be sad and useless and a waste of resources #i know what things would maybe help but also i cant just buy STUFF. thats selfish. i already have stuff #i dont NEED comfort to live

[spookythesillyfella]

" Losing battle of loss "

#hi guyyss X33 #im feeling really really bad :3 #the emptiness is consuming me day after day after day and i don't know how much more i can handle #it hurts to see that all the people i care about have better things to do than talk to me . i don't like being people's last option . #im being selfish . im being a bad person . i know these people have their own busy lives and yet i still choose to feel hurt over the fact – #– they aren't here to talk to me 24/7 #it's even worse since i feel like they're all going to die . or that im going to die #i don't want to lose them . i don't want them to leave without me even saying goodbye . i don't want this to happen again . #*sigh* #anyway #because im feeling so terrible . i decided to make a drawing to feel a bit better #i don't typically vent through art cuz it's really cringe but i guess i feel a bit better #im also trying to write something so i can express my feelings . though i guess it's pretty bad #ill get back on my feet soon though !! i just know it !! #ill get that spark eventually !! #okay #bye-bye #dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis tony #tony the talking clock #dhmis hv tony #tw bugs #i guess ? #pls ignore me

[chipjrwibignaturals]

THOUGHT ABT CHIP JRWI INCIDENT 40 DEAD 32 WOUNDED

#im so fucking far behind so I feel like I can’t rlly say shit #bc either its shit I’ve already said or abt events I haven’t witnessed myself #so I can’t like. give MY take im going off second hand info anyway #idk I just. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!! #he’s so selfish and selfless and all he really wants is to protect and love #forever some part of him is stuck as that little boy on the black rose #whether it’s in his desire for family and crew or even just his… simple urge to do good for goods sake that children have #before hard reality and Reuben and the streets told him to keep to himself and only care abt him and his #idk I just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya #it took gillion beating the shit out of him for that selfish shell to break #for him to realize like. hey. you’re impacting the ppl you interact with and you’re being a *dick* #and after we see him care more not just for his crew (like keeping his promise to gillion to not lie or just trying to know them better) #but like. signing for la alma. giving up grimms magic to revive people. stealing from royalty to give to an orphanage #loffinlot chip just… WOULDNT do that. it wouldn’t help him and just puts him at risk. just ignore it keep your head down and leave. #and even WITH that growth he’s still got that selfish streak— in the most positive sense of the term #him turning down Lizzie’s army offer in joaldo is him prioritizing those close to him over the needs of the many #(versus with Grimm doing what serves the most— self-sacrifice is easier to swallow) #anyway. tumblr mobile stopped showing my last tags like 7 lines ago so im stopping here just. #know that fucker is rotating in here again.

[marklikely]

the great reception means we are definitely getting more saw sequels but i. do not want any more after X because its basically a given that the worst character in the entire franchise is going to be brought back into team jigsaw

#such is the fate of the person we don't actually see die. except adam who we saw as a skellington i guess. #also this is what happened to the previous worst character (hoffman) #like i can accept being evil but i cannot accept being evil and annoying which like. im sorry but she was really fucking annoying #avpost #also yes it does annoy me that all the broke people who went along with the plan for money got horrifically murdered #while the unapologetically evil and selfish (and white) ringleader survived but we are supposed to feel triumphant for the jigsaw family #(which was also Weird after how manipulative and shady john was to amanda) #all for like no broader point and it just comes across like they didn't think through their decisions. yes i was annoyed by that #movie diary

[orbmanson7]

:(

Very bad grade in therapy today

#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now #what has even been the point #i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game #and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress #and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using #oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn #i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am! #continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them #they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more #but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently #why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort #i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space #free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it #i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs #like such an asshole #and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise #theres just no fucking point to any of this #... #its cold today #might be a good day to do my favorite plan #actually yeah fuck it im gonna go #hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024 #you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it #keep being amazing yall #see you on the flip side or whatever #orbs thought bubbles

[blipblorpsnork]

my grandmother went and signed me up to over ten "job search sites" without my consent and all of them were scams. i am so fucking upset right now. i explained to her that you seriously cant go doing that and that all of it was information stealing scammy bullshit, and she hasn't texted back yet but im so. fucking. upset.

#crypt talk #shes computer illiterate generally and so naiive #she has been her entire life #but EVERY time something like this happens and I tell her how dangerous it is and get angry that my personal information is out there now #SHE LAUGHS! AND TELLS ME IM BEING PARANOID! #she made a post under my name on CRAIGSLIST to look for a roommate for me once?! #god i feel outright violated i am so upset. #she means well she really really does but she does not give a single FUCK about consent or other peoples requests #shes always been selfish and spoiled and as she gets older shes gotten way fucking worse #shes also off her meds which she *did herself without telling docs* so half of this could literally be mania #and shes told me flat out that if she doesn't like what someone says she just ignores it or blows them off #like fuck you fuck you fuck you #god!!!!!!

[scarletcomet]

there's really no help for feeling suicidal when you're not in immediate danger

#like i guess im just supposed to wait until i am in immediate danger?? #and even those resources are just to keep you safe. not make you not want to die #what the fuck am i supposed to do #being suicidal but not being in immediate danger really sucks #at least if i was like going to hurt myself in a life threatening way i could potentially die #but no im stuck here all because i dont want my parents to be sad #doesn't seem fair. i didn't ask to be born #i don't know what to do #how long can i feel this way and imagine all these scenarios until i do something about it? #i got really close a few nights while i was still at school #but every method has its downsides #i wish i could just not care about the effects my suicide would have on other people #i really just need to go for it #it's extremely selfish of me to say this but once i'm dead i won't care #i wish i could kill myself tonight #i wake up every morning and have to do another day. sometimes it's not so bad but i still just want to be dead #even while im laughing or snuggling with my bunny or with friends i still want to be dead #i want to kill myself #i think if i had a plan even if i was never going to go through with it i would feel better #like something to fall back onto. or just knowing it was possible #guess it's time to keep working on the pros and cons list of different suicide methods🤡 #someone please help me #people who deserve to live and want to live die all the time but i have to keep living. doesn't seem fair. #the world is a really fucked up place #sorry for not adding trigger warnings. went past 20 tags and im on mobile so i cant move them around #i dont think anyone reads these anyways.

[exoscreamsoda]

if only i was a fly on the supermegaplex wall

now that a day has passed and they still havent said ANYTHING (except matt’s tone deaf concert tweet), i’m imagining the most insane and chaotic fallout. i hope they rip each other to shreds. theyre literally making the situation worse the longer they wait to say anything but maybe they deserve it. they should go ahead and halt their plans to move into a new and improved supermegaplex because 95% of the patreon is ready to cancel, even patrons who only commented jokes under every post are writing their essays. i feel more disgusted as time goes on and no amount of corporate style tweets will fix this.

#as most people have already said matt is the main offender but ryan dissapointed me too #i might be willing to forgive ryan in the future depending on the response but im currently watching the dingdong and julian vod and #its clear matt is and has been super selfish #all those years they talked about how much they love the fans and blah blah better and new content soon #all that just for the magnum opus to end on the note of truck sim and podcast eps #all the time i spent stanning them and even presenting on them in school #so dissapointed rn #ive been wearing my supermega shirt for days. even before the news and i havent taken it off. idk why #i tell my self its because its comfy but maybe deep down i want to hold onto them #out of all the youtubers i watched i never thought the funny brothers would be like this #ryan was always my favorite so im trying to hold on but if his personality is true.. i feel he wont do much to save himself #im trying not to sound too parasocial but the way he beats himself up and is always self depreciating... he might just give up #all those jokes about him technically being over matt. i really want him to fire matt or something. i think ryan can do it. #although his response where he cares about his bday party was so.... ugh #supermega #supermegay #i always imagined watching them until they were in their 70s so im super sad to learn theyre like this

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[5hrignold]

Gerbug

#heyo #i need to actually talk about this hold on. #both ships very much fit the ‘sopping wet character x way more confident character’ trope but #rag is a lot more warm and like… conventionally sweet than bo is #i think bo sincerely does have good intentions with his actions both towards his friends and strangers/acquantances #but a lot of the time because of his offputting nature he’s believed to have ulterior motives with rag… i mean there’s an AU here and there #but otherwise? not at all #so the element of the more confident one ONLY being soft toward the other character being taken away and dulled down severely #which is likeee one of if not my number 1 fav thing about gerbug because it really just emphasises how he loves him ssoooooo much #gerbo is often thought to have pointless/insignificant reasons for things but he isn’t selfish either like other things like that are to bo #and it’s just so insane to him that such a truly pure-hearted creature of fun and joy could ever exist #and i do think that’s how rag feels about pom too!! that’s how this wraps around #heheheehehhehehhehe #granted im not NEAARRLYYY as stupid about these guys as i am gerbug. Like not even remotely i just love comparing things i like with #things i love even more #Oay