#I AM A GODDAMN ADULT

[soldier-poet-king]

Where did I put my dbt handbook I NEED IT

#yet another thing i am hiding away living with my parents like #can i just exist #im already like adding walls and layers to my being #can we have ONE thing that is not constantly a game of anxiously fearing being discovered #I AM A GODDAMN ADULT #im just. i have literally no idea where it is. i KNOW i have one but i hid it so well even i cant find it now #anyway we're at the stage where i am prodding wounds and doing things i know will make me feel bad #which could be good on the sense of testing boundaries #but is not good or helpful in my current situation with 0 irl supports or ppl to trust #bleasghhhhhhhhhhhh #OH THARA CELEHAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW #just. reminding self. its abt duty and obligation and goodness and not sad navel gazing pity or my own fulfillment #its not about me. its not about me. its not about me #i need to do this stupid job prep thing after work #bc better job means better pay i can move out have more time which means ill be able to volunteer and do good and help #and not just be sad and useless and a waste of resources #i know what things would maybe help but also i cant just buy STUFF. thats selfish. i already have stuff #i dont NEED comfort to live

[soullessjack]

anyone who’s ever said that liking jack is “basically pedophilia” because he’s “mentally a child” owes the autistic community every single coin in their bank account and a free kick in the teeth. what the actual fuck is wrong with you guys 👍👍

#this will become a second more well thought out post when I feel like making it #but you guys do realize that is just even More ableist rhetoric you’re spouting right #like how are we still not understanding this #A) that’s a grown man and B) jack isn’t a fucking child and C) that is not something you throw around so carelessly you fucking strangeoids #like goddamn #cal.txt #jack kline #spn #supernatural #autistic jack kline #cw ableism #spn fandom #also if you’ve ever said it about any other autistic adult character #cough cough entrapta #then I will personally throw a fucking rock at your face #w* dni #I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH YOU. #NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL BE. #anyways goodnight

[novelconcepts]

the truly problematic thing about having insanely vivid dreams just about every night--and i mean the kind of vivid where you remember details days or even weeks later, like it's just another normal-ass memory--is that you wind up losing track on an emotional level of what's real. like. i know that was a dream. obviously it was a dream. but some part of my brain misses it like it really happened. i am painfully, achingly nostalgic for people i've never met, places i've never been, shit that literally could not ever happen--but i feel as though i remember. which is just the most unhinged thing, right? like, i remember going on a run that took me over a fence into Disneyland, and i remember having to take a shortcut through a Chinese restaurant, but it was fine, because Erika Ishii was there, and they'd done this before, so no worries. right? no! obviously not! why do i remember this with such visceral clarity three weeks later?

oh, what's your favorite episode of this TV show? the one i dreamt. yeah, don't worry about it, it didn't make coherent sense, but it was in the feelings, right? my ship had the best fucking scene. no, of course i can't explain it to you, that's madness. it involved a rocking chair. don't worry about it. it's fine. it's super important i don't accidentally reference this in a fic someday, though.

this shit is deranged, dude. missing people who are quite literally my own brain's invention with an actor's face. missing places that are a meld of a movie i saw once, my childhood bedroom, the second floor of my high school, and inter-dimensional space. like. no! no, this shouldn't be a thing! is, though. the clarity of it. just fucking bananas. this has been happening to me my whole goddamn life.

#dreams #the worst thing about being a writer who has had these wildly vivid dreams forever #is the CLEAR awareness that they do not follow story-logic. dream-logic is special and near-impossible to properly bottle #so like. i can't even use these not-memories #i can't write my 'new favorite episode' and share it with the class #i can't even tell my wife about the shit i fully remember seeing and doing while i sleep. because i didn't. #the other night i had such an insane flying dream that i woke up and told her 'for the record: i do dream in color.' #and she went 'of course you do.' #and i was like 'yeah of course i do but also this one was actively switching between color and black and white so. guess it's for suresies. #anyway i haven't had a dreamless night in...a really fuckin long time and it's nuts. false memories. everywhere. #it's astonishing i don't forget more real shit to make room #tell you what though. it does make warring against parasocial instincts WORSE. i am a mature adult who knows better. #but good goddamn my subconscious isn't helping

[thatlittleegyptologist]

15th April and I'm watching Titanic

#it fills 3 hours #also it's a really well made film #I loathed it as a child because adults everywhere lost their goddamn minds #there's me like 'love story is cool and all but I wanna see the SHIP' #but a few years ago I gave it another shot and it's a good film with things I never appreciated as a child #I am very aware of the date

[jazartz]

Just finished season 2 of sonic prime.

Sonadow fandom, how we doin

I am unstable.

Anyways I drew this, merry christmas

#god why am i crying i am a goddamn 18 year old adult man crying over colorful hedgehogs being so gay i cant do this anymore #why are they like this why am i like this theyre so cute i cant live like this whens season 3 i need it so badly right now. #sonadow #sonic prime #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic #shadow

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

i think i might actually start mauling people. i think i should be allowed to hunt toshiro haters for sport.

#dungeon meshi #the fact that this is written in that goddamn eggman piss copypasta also adds. an interesting layer. to this post #need to put toshiro on a shelf above all these dunmeshi fans bc clearly they can't handle it #'bitch made weaboo shit' about a japanese man is. a telling choice. #this is not even the entire post there's at least three paragraphs of this nonsense #and it's all written in this excessively aggressive internetspeak type lingo #every single toshiro hater that likes the attached post owes me 300 dollars effective immediately #going to stop going through the dungeon meshi tag i think. going to let my following list vet the tag for me #this post reeks of like. someone who has never tried to interact with east asian culture outside of anime and other pop media #anyways. im going to go buy soju and calm down. i am an adult with responsibilities and a 9 to 5. the world has every kind of person #going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they're a very young person enjoying fandom. ok. hope they learn. bc im not teaching #(checks bio) oh they're an adult. hm.

[barneysbigstompers]

See nah this ain’t gon work.

#why am I on a bus FULL of kids #errmmmm it’s not my fault someone quit??? #I wouldn’t even care but goddamn it’s so loud and obnoxious #I hate the ppl who feel the need to talk back to adults when they’re not in the wrong #like stfu and let them do their job you’re just prolonging this process 😒 #then it STINKS. #idk who but people not putting on deodorant and they NEED to #shit gave me a headache

[boxwinebaddie]

yoooo so Ive read that one post about how you work with kids and I was like "omg literally same !" and I was wanting to lyk that even though some kids can be little shits, a lot of the time if youre patient with them, joke with them and, heres a big one, talk to them like theyre friends and not just kids theyll treat you wayyy better. I also know you said you work with first to second graders(at least Im pretty sure you said that) and I work with fourth to fifth graders so there probably is a difference. I thought youd wanna know just in case you needed advice or anything. My question is how has that been going so far? Like are you enjoying it, regretting it, that typa stuff.

P.s. im not a really old guy who's a teacher sitting at my laptop, im in my last year of high school and Ive done a lot of volunteer work with kids in it. Hope youre doing amazing!!!<<333

hello, my dear!!! no, thank you so much for the advice -- tbh i have been Struggling lately...this job is stealing the light from my eyes.

( this is a long ass post that is probably too personal but i am honestly not vibing At All so i'm answering this honestly. you do not have to read this message, it is me bitching for several paras. :// </3 )

but i digress!

that is not to say that i dont love working with kids/teaching, but the particular job i work is not...totally within my wheelhouse and is not that fun for me...per say. also, as far as first and second graders go, 1, 2 and kinder are actually the grades that i want to work w/ the most! and are unfortunately the kids i get to work with...sigh...the Least.

my particular position deals mostly with middle school and high school students which is NOT!! what my teaching credential is in btw. so i am suffering, omg. please free uncle nina from high schooler hell.

i also took this job because i weenie hut jr'ed out of taking an Actual Teaching position at a school because i got really nervous ( bc kids in 1st grade have to read A LOT, like without context, they start at the begining of the year reading a level books and have to finish the year reading i level books WHICH IS A LOOOT OF LEVELS )

and that bc ur first year of teaching is the hardest year ( a lot of ppl drop out/quit ) i would fuck up bc idk what i'm doing yet and a bunch of kids would end up behind bc i didn't teach them how to read correctly. like, when i tell you that sitting here in the lounge typing that literally makes me want to cry like...that would Devastate me. :(((

but anyways, i am...trying to be chiller w/ the older kids. bc i came out the gate being Strict ( because no jokes, every other school i worked out the kids had to be HELLA quiet like they could not talk or be rowdy ) but i guess…the school i'm working at is not like that? and a lot of my coworkers...don't press the kids that hard? WHICH!!!

OKAY FUN FACT NO ONE TRAINED ME HAHA!!! they just dropped me in the middle of this goddamn school and were like good luck! so no one gave me insight onto the kids, where the classes were or how they were interacting with them...so...HSLDLSKH SIIIIIGH.

this...job.

like i said though, i'm trying to chill more with the kids because HOOOOOLY SHIT SOME OF THEM ARE SO MEAN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK OHHHH MY GOD!!!! when i tell you i saw 17 boys on their phones, walked past them 3 times and only took ONE PHONE???? BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY MY FUCKING JOB????? and all 17 boys like twice as tall as me heckled the SHIT out of me??? :'((((

like made fun of my dye job and Everything abt me??? </3 for taking One Cellphone that a kid wasnt supposed to be on Bc If I Didn't I Would Get In Trouble that the kid could have probably just begged to get back and would be gotten back immediately?!!! thats how UNSERIOUS they are about bustin the kids at this school!!

WISH SOME1 WLD HAVE TOLD ME THAT! LOL THX!!!!!

but like it was sooooo....it made me so stressed out and it was so awful, i also had really gnarly experiences w/ bullying in high school and middle school, so being back in it is honestly kinda triggering? needless to say, i did spend the rest of that period crying in the teachers lounge like it seriously sucked; i was rlly embarrassed. :c

that's so fun ur working a lot with 4th/5th though! i student taught in 5th this time last year and it was sometimes hard ( i am so stupid like i can only teach k-2, i'm too dumb to do any math harder than that ) academically and socially but i had a lot of fun!

when i wasn't dying!

i am not dying as much rn as i was doing that, but it was certainly more rewarding? like tbh this position is basically me being a human punching bag for middle and upper kids all day long and is really kind of...demeaning? which is annoying bc ( not to be like that ) but bc i literally have my teaching credential i could Be A Teacher In An Actual Elementary School Class, but bc i took this job/chickened out...

i am doing this lowk whack job that i'm both underqualified and overqualified to run. i Do get to work with the littles very early in the day & in the evening and thats...worth getting my shit kicked in by 14 year olds all day long. truly love the k-2 kids; its my happy place.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THOUGH!!! this is unprofessional, obvi, hopefully will not bite me in the ass later but at thiiis point? idk. respectfully fuck this job lol. i am so tired every single day and there are only brief moments of sunshine. i would not wish this on anyone.

high school boys stop being mean to me challenge! very whack! however, elementary school children! you are so lovely!!! i had a girl make me a little origami flower and give it to me <3 like okay little pep stan! i see you! there is like a kgarten boy who gives me a hug every day, a girl whose shoes i tie every morning -- all of them remember my name which is more than aaaaa lot of the older kids will do for me.

( which!!! they're just kids you know!! its not their fault that they're being a lot!!! their brains are still forming and u know!! i was in mid/hs and it does suck and its hard and stressful! i am not really even mad at them its just...unfortunate. it's also not an age level that i rlly connect w/also discipling them or...not ig idk, is not really something i'm passionate about...like man i just want to sing the fucking calendar song and clap call and response and count on my fingers again. ;-; )

i'm sure as the semester goes by i'll feel better but right now, i am having a pretty rough time and wish i just bit the bullet and started teaching because this is seriiiiiously humilitating, fml. <///3

-uncle nina who is really bad at my job ig? lol i hate this

p.s. this isn't even really a request because every single one of you is kind and wonderful to me, but idk if i seem stressed or it's annoying that my asks are building up/i'm not updating my fics, know its bc i am here from like 6am until like 4:30pm, get my shit rocked, and then go home and sleep for like three hours and repeat every day. just b gentle w/ me if u can; i'm Very Depressed. :(

p.s.s. also unfortunately i cannot take a different job; i signed a contract that keeps me here until june, so i gotta tough it, smh.

#i'm sorry this is probably too personal and upsetting #ALSO SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKING MUG #W MY COLLEGE LOGO ON IT AND MY UNDERGRAD DEPARTMENT LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING #no but seriously no one checks these kids and i did it one time and every single one gutted me it was seriously brutal #a bunch of the other adults were like oof yeah ur braver than me like HELLO??? DO UR FUCKING JOB MAYB? IM SOOOOO #and like it gives me no joy to take a phone that was the first one i ever took and i was sick to my goddamn stomach :((( #not enjoying this job where i have to terrorize the kids and they terrorize me back its v whack im legit scared 2 do my job #i do have a lot of kids that do what they need to and are kind to me so i appreciate them a lot #and i think that respect is gathering for the other kids but when i say no one trained me or gave me any perspective #AND STOLE MY FUCKING MUG LIKE PLEAAASE CHOKE #it is nice working w the tiny people later in the day tho im love them so bad theyre so cute like i love u my lil people #i seriously should have just taken a k-2 job i really just got nervous and its BECAUSE I CARE NOT BC I DONT which UGGGGH #but yeah lol i am crying i'm sorry if this was too personal or is too whiny but thank u for asking this was building inside me #put uncle nina back in elementary school challenge FAILED SEVERELY middle and hs is so unchill i am sooo tired :((( #fml i'm gonna cry again

[terrainofheartfelt]

.

#i need to be childish and rant some more about this thing #i talked to a mutual friend — the poet of our group— and she advised me to repair things with this friend i had a Thing with last week #and the adult intellectual side of me who has a modicum of emotional intelligence knows she’s right #i know it #but GOD. does anyone else feel like their well of grace is running dry? #the thing about being The Good Kid is that I am always reaching first #it always falls to me #and like god I can’t remember the last time someone has reached for me. because I am worth the effort of repair #and I am TIRED. and I just want to be wanted as a friend for a goddamn second #going to be litigious on my own tumblr blog for a minute #because I am the wronged party here. she was the one who leapt at me #and honestly made me feel like she thought so little of me. after all the years we’ve known each other #i was open and vulnerable with her through a really hard fucking time for me #and I didn’t think she would ever use it as ammo against me but she DID #so why does the repair have to fall to ME #and I know — I know that sitting and waiting for her to talk first is childish and I could be waiting for a long long time #i know that is ultimately unproductive and doesn’t get anyone anywhere #(just like i know this friend is working through some deep deep shit) #(and my shit is lesser) #i know all this AND YET #I want to be petulant and pathetic because I never get to let the line down ever and I’m exhausted is everyone else exhausted #but it’s also like. this friendship this group is for fucking life and i really mean that #i am just—— UGH #anyway this is the anguish occupying my brain this wed evening #also i am afraid to reach out because what if i inadvertently hurt her and what if #what if reaching out only gives her an opening to hurt me again?

[dandyshucks]

even online i cannot escape middle-aged adults trying to tell me their life story and hit on me,,,,,,,,, help,,,,,

#why was a 52 yr old texan trying to hit on me on THIS BLOG OF ALL PLACES....... BRO.......... #and telling me about his divorce and everything 😭😭 #also im sorry USamericans but uhm. some of yall are a little funny sometimes with the way you live in such a vacuum fdsjkl #(it is not ur fault and i understand that and i do not blame u for it. nor am i saying you are stupid or anything like that fdjkl) #(but also why tf do u not put your country in ur address for shipping.... literally every other country in the world does that JFDSJKL) #but anyways he asked me where i live and i said turtle island bc thats a safe vague answer and he... assumed it was michigan?? #for some reason ???? #but what could i expect from a 52 yr old texan trying to ... hit on a 22 year old. on tumblr. goddamn. sobbing on the ground. #WHY DO I ATTRACT THESE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE I GOOOO #i've heard so many woes and life stories of middle-aged adults and been hit on so many times and im so tired 😭😭😭 #sometimes its interesting to hear about ppls lives but not when im like. busy with shit. like at school or at my workplace or on my blog😭 #WHY WAS HE MESSAGING ME ON /THIS/ BLOG OF ALL PLACES. BRO. FJDSFJKL #this is my blog where i get silly over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS HDSGJKL CMONNNN MAN #vent // #ask to tag #dandy.cmd

[iguessitsjustme]

Unpopular Opinions Ask Game

Rules: Don’t be rude, don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, don't argue with people for sharing their opinion, don't answer questions you're not comfortable answering. Breaking the rules could potentially result in you getting blocked. Let’s begin!

What’s a popular show that you didn’t enjoy?

What’s a popular ship that you didn’t enjoy?

What’s a common trope that you don’t enjoy?

What’s a common character archetype that you don’t enjoy?

What’s an unpopular show that you enjoyed when you shouldn’t have?

Have you ever dropped a popular show because you didn’t like it?

Pick a show, I will tell you something I think the show didn’t do well.

Pick a ship, I will tell you one thing I think wasn’t executed well.

Pick a trope, I’ll tell you a show that didn’t execute it well.

Pick a character archetype, I’ll tell you a show that didn’t execute it well.

#ask game #bl ask game #unpopular opinion ask game #thai bl #korean bl #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #vietnamese bl #asianlgbtqdramas #also if you get asked these questions tag the shows at your own risk #i have a shit ton of work to do and i am stressed so why not #also i just paid so many bills that i would like to not think about the amount of money i no longer have in my bank account #being an adult sucks #why do i need to renew my car registration for $$$ every goddamn year #i just want to watch my shows and eat pizza why must i pay to exist #why must i pay to do laundry #why must i pay to park my car #anyway please be kind on this one

[ghosthunterbuck]

the joy of getting home from a long ass trip only to find that my roommate left the apartment trashed 🙃

#I am. furious #literally our apartment smells like garbage #there are flies #there’re dishes everywhere #I’m going to commit a homicide #the best part?? he left town a couple days ago #so clearly he’s completely okay leaving this shit for me to deal with #I cannot believe I’m going to have to tell a GROWN ASS ADULT TO TAKE OUT THE GODDAMN GARBAGE AND DO HIS GODDAMN DISHES BEFORE LEAVING TOWN #and to make it EVEN BETTER #I CLEANED THE GODDAMN APARTMENT BEFORE I LEFT #THE WHOLE. GODDAMN. THING.

[swedisheek]

GRAAAAAH

#every! fucking! day with this shit!!! #i am NEARLY AN ADULT how am i STILL DISORDERED EATING PILLED. UNBASED. CRINGE. #and now i can’t even fucking SHOWER because i’m so GROSS #i think i am going to COMMIT A WAR CRIME! #and i can’t even fucking watch gill and gilbert to calm down because then i’ll be dysphoric and dysmorphic at the same goddamn time #i hate those pretty goddamn men so bad im gonna fucking murder them with their own streaming equipment. #ed mention

[spaceshipkat]

.

#anyone have the mommy issues where you’re constantly compared to your mom in a negative way #i raise my voice oh im just like your wife #i get frustrated oh im just like your wife #i get upset bc i do the very thing you’re asking for and /you don’t seem to fucking see it: and im just like your wife #how many times do i have to say ‘i am not mom’ before you fucking GET IT #i know where my mom is coming from when she talks to my dad #i don’t like it but i literally cannot change it #i know where my dad is coming from with how he behaves and talks to my mom #i also don’t like it but i cannot fucking change it #i am so tired of making an effort—what was once a conscious effort but now comes pretty damn easily #only for that effort to NOT exist the split second he gets upset #because what he envisioned us doing isn’t what happened #so instead of taking about it like an adult you fucking fester in your feelings and then dump on the very people #who are fucking TRYING to have a relationship with you #it’s a goddamn self fulfilling prophecy and i am sick of it. i am sick of constantly having to massage feelings. #i am especially sick of going to bed upset because i feel empathy for what he’s going through #and my best is apparently /not enough/ to make a dent #i am so sick of crying over this goddamn motherfucking shit #i want it to fuckijg stop i want fucking peace and quiet #and for that peace and quiet to not be tangled with worry because i am not there when i might be needed #is this part of being an eldest daughter i don’t fucking know #i am just so tired of my efforts not being seen. of them not making a difference. of them apparently not fucking mattering. #ignore me ill be fine i am just so fucking tired #i want to go to bed without guilt or empathy making it impossible to turn my head off #delete later

[arctic-hands]

I like having joined a book fandom that's still new and fresh cause we get to nerdily bond as we devour a release of a new book in the series and I get to see all the theories and discussions and memes in real time as opposed to years later when everyone else knows how it ends so I have to block the fandom bc of spoilers. It's a feeling I haven't had since a teenager bc as of late I drag my ass into a fandom like a decade after its hayday and miss all the fun stuff

But it sucks ass that I am no longer as weirdly and eerily patient like I was as a child and the nine month wait for Heavenly Tyrant to come out is driving me crazy

#iron widow #no for real i would freak out adults with how calmly and quietly I'd be patiently waiting for something to happen #it's because of the psychotic bipolar making time go past me in hyper time and hours seemed like five minutes to me starting in fourth grade #literally at one point in fourth grade i got sick of time flying for a few weeks that during quiet reading time i just burst out asking #'is time going by really fast for anyone else this year?' no one had any fucking clue what i was talking about lmafo #having a very overactive imagination helped too because even if i was bored while being patient i could entertain myself in my head #i would and still do craft elaborate stories in my head that i have no hope in writing down skilfully #so I'm not very often bored even as an adult #but goddamn am i incredibly less patient now that I'm on an antipsycotic now lol rip #time slowed down and now i have to experience instead of blinking it away #which ngl did ease up my anxiety over dying some day because I'm no longer in a maglev heading towards mortality in a few hours #but i am ridiculously impatient now after spending two thirds of my life experiencing hypertime #trade offs

[lampfacedstudios]

I know Pride Month is supposed to be a time to, well, be proud of who you are, but this year I’m just annoyed. Every June I go looking for positivity involving aro/ace things and every year I’m bombarded with the opposite. I'm tired of big parts of my identity being treated as a joke/trendy phase that deserves to be mocked/object of discourse/etc. and having that boosted every time June rolls around.

I’m tired.

#pride month #lgbt pride #asexuality #aromanticism #object head #lampsona #I am 30 goddamn years old I don't need another stressor in my adult life #there's too much happening in the world and I feel guilty for getting hung up on this