#i dont know why i have such a problem with her

[drdemonprince]

i was on NPR talking about Autism shit two weeks ago, and i have the book sales figures from that week and that national media appearance had.... absolutely zero relationship to sales. on the typical week these days, 1,400 to 1,500 copies of Unmasking Autism will sell. The week that I was on NPR there was a slight dip; only about 1,300 books were sold.

i have done a lot of press for my books. For Laziness Does Not Exist I did easily a 100 damn podcasts and radio shows and newspapers and excerpts in magazines. none of it corresponded to a noticeable bump in sales. the biggest "get" my publicist found for my latest book was the Glennon Doyle show, a booking she and her team celebrated and then spent months clamboring excitedly for... it, too, had no obvious relationship to sales.

Unmasking Autism became a bestseller because some other guy made a tiktok about it, and then a bunch of tiktokkers made videos about it too. all on their own. without any prodding from me, or any relationship to me. it was completely organic, passionate, and sincere, and rooted in the book's true merits and usefulness to other people, and that's why it inspired lots of sales. and continues to more than a year and a half later. all the press I did for Unmasking Autism prior to the release of that tiktok did relatively far less. NPR, Goop, the LA Times, Lit Hub, Jacobin, Huffpo, the New York Times, the Financial Times, MSNBC, Business Insider. Didn't matter. at least not much. so why do i bother?

publishers really ride your ass trying to make you give lots of interviews and show up for lots of events but it's all based on the worship of traditional media and magical thinking that it will somehow convert listeners into buyers. and that's just not how it works. the truth is 95% of books never sell more than 5,000 copies, and most people don't buy books or read them. i love reading but i dont think this is itself some terrible loss, as most books are padded-out commodities made for sale more than a work of true artistic passion or scholarly merit, and sometimes listening to a 90 minute interview with an author tells you the bulk of what you need to know.

it's freeing to know that the effort i put into getting my books out into the world have almost zero relationship to the books' success. marketing just does not work. it's a relief. unmasking autism did fabulously because it's actually both good and useful. laziness has had a long life span because it speaks to real problems in people's lives and gives them a message they are desperate to hear. but no amount of thirsty ass online shilling will make somebody realize that and it's maddening to try. you just gotta focus on doing good work, work that you enjoy making or need to make and that you feel good about, let things flop if theyre gonna flop, and keep on living your life.

which is all good news because i really do hate a lot of these fucking interviews. how can i stomach being on npr or in the atlantic or whatever these days given how complicit nearly all major media outlets are in justifying this genocide. like who fuckin cares about them, who wants their approval. who needs it. it's of no value

[seokari]

He doesn't know what his true feeling are.

Note𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅: Remember that english is NOT my first language so please, excuse my spelling mistakes ♡.

Warnings₊‧: None, just fluff and I think there's no angst, or maybe just a little bit, so, please enjoy.

Accepting his feeling was a no go for megumi, and there's the problem, he knows he isn't good at expressing himself, but he doesn't even wants to try.

And, another problem is that you don't know this, so, he trying to be nonchalant to you made you think he hates you.

When you hang out with your friends, there was Megumi talking peacefully to the rest of them but ignoring you completely, even tho you tried making a conversation.

On mission, he just said you don't need to go do the work because you are going to be a bother for him. (You ended up saving his dumb, egocentric ass)

On training, he says he doesn't want a vs with you because you are too weak for him. (He's trying to sound interesting plus he is really afraid of hurting you by accident).

One time you fell asleep on his shoulder, and he pushed you until you were sleeping seated, he didn't wanted you to think he has a sweet spot for you, but he does.

He knows that, even tho he is an asshole to you, he has your attention. Or well, he had, once you had enough of his demeanor, you started ignoring him, acting nonchalant, being more friendly, touchy, even flirty with Yuuji, and, he (Megs) didn't like, not even a bit.

-------------

You two could be joking during a mission while Nobara did something else, but Megumi's hot gaze was set on you two.

He tried convincing himself that he hated your laugh, but he didn't, he hated that you were laughing at other man's comment, not his.

Until he had enough, "Could you two shut up already, we are trying to concentrate" His brows furrowed.

"I didn't said nun" Nobara spoke.

"Ok, geez, I don't know why you hate me so much" You said.

"I d-dont ha-" He was interrupted

"Hey look here, I think I found it" Nobara pointed

-------------

Yuuji noticed Megs behavior, his suddenly annoyed face when you were near him (Yuuji), so Yuuji started getting away from you (not that much, just being less touchy and stuff), you noticed this and thought he hated you too now.

But he reassured it was nothing.

Yuuji decided to have a conversation with Megumi about his demeanor towards you, Megumi really denied it at first, but after listening to Yuuji's yapping for what seemed like an eternity, he started believing it.

You were a little bit far away from them talking and messing around with Nobara, Megumis soft look has being around your during all the convo with Yuuji.

He started thinking "stupid" things meanwhile, like how is you skin so porcelanic, how soft your hair looks, that dumb smile you have when Nobara said something that seem funny made you look cute, and your hands looked so tiny, how are they compared to his?. He couldn't deny it anymore, he felt, hard, he felt really hard.

He turned his head towards yuuji that is still yapping. "Im an idiot right? Is the first time I feel like this"

"Yeah. I mean kinda-" He kept quiet when he saw Megs serious face.

"Omfg" He got back on his feet. "im having a walk, and then im talking to her"

"Yeah, you should, she told me she thinks you hate her, like, extremely, like you despise her"

"Just shut up you are making it worse, what if she decides i was just being an ass and she doesn't wants to talk to me"

"I think that is what is going to happen"

"Ok, now in definitely not going to talk to her"

"I meannn" Megumi looked at him "I could be wrong"

"Kill yourself" Megumi took his things and started walking towards you.

" If that makes you happy megs" Yuuji took his things too and started walking toward nobara, you and Megumi need privacy.

--------------

Hiii, I dont know how to continue this, cuz I think it pretty obvious what is going to happen.

Confession -> is mutual -> Megumi being a complete tsundere at first -> Getting used to be around you -> Clingiest boy ever -> Happy ending.

Hope yall like it₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

#jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu itadori #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen yuuji #jujutsu kaisen #jjk megumi #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro

[thewertsearch]

EB: and now i have all these sweet wind powers. EB: which is how i am making this car fly! GG: ohhhhhh! GG: that makes sense GG: dave had mentioned you reached the god tier

I think it’s funny that becoming a god hasn’t changed John’s personality, nor his modus operandi. He’s just as meandering as he's always been, and reaching the God Tiers simply enhanced his ability to meander.

If your Title does relate to your personality, then this would make a lot of sense. Perhaps you always get a power that helps you follow your own natural inclinations.

GG: but he did not say what it involved D: GG: he probably didnt want to make me worried EB: maybe, or he was just being some sort of aloof coolkid. GG: or that!

It’s nice that John and Jade are fully on the same page in this conversation, with access to more or less the same information. That’s pretty rare in this session, and it’s particularly rare with Jade.

For a long time, she was in the lonely position of knowing more than everyone else - and then, when Descend ruined everything, she was forced into the equally lonely position of understanding jack shit. When John declared that they needed to get Jade into the loop, there was real weight behind it, and it’s gratifying that we’re finally here.

GG: i wonder what space powers would be like?? […] GG: oh well EB: maybe you shouldn't rule it out though? EB: i mean, you did mention your dream self isn't COMPLETELY dead, remember?

I’ve been thinking about this.

See, the main problem with a Jade/Jadesprite merger is that when John died on his Quest Bed, he was completely supplanted by his Dream Self. There was no more Real John.

This wasn't a problem for him, because both Johns appeared to be the same person, with the same memories and consciousness. When John abandoned his realself, he didn't lose anything, apart from his sylladex.

Dream Jade, however, has completely diverged from Jade. They're clearly different people – so if one of them was erased in the merger, we’d be losing a unique individual.

Yes, if Jade died on her Quest Bed, her two selves might fuse into one entity, with both sets of memories - but there's no guarantee, especially when a Sprite is involved. There's a decent chance that Jade's ascension would destroy one of her incarnations, and that's too great a risk.

GG: why dont you tell me about your new friend? GG: he sure seems to be enjoying that horn! […] EB: he is just this silly guy i met when i woke up here. EB: he seemed to be curious about me and followed me around for a while. […] EB: also, another thing about him… EB: he has the queen's ring! […] GG: thats great! john you have to get that ring from him! EB: i've tried! i asked him politely for it and everything. EB: but he is very protective of it!

The Ring would be incredibly useful, if it wasn't destined for Earth.

As it stands, any attempt to use it is fraught with risk - and permanently separating it from WV would almost certainly doom the timeline.

EB: i think he is supposed to keep it. GG: you do? EB: yes. once i saw something in the clouds. EB: it was hard to tell what was going on, but i saw him! EB: im pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and… […] EB: and then the cloud stopped showing me. EB: but i am pretty sure that some day… EB: he will have to wear it!

It doesn’t sound like John actually saw WV wearing the Ring. Seems more like he saw him holding the Ring, and jumped to the 'obvious' conclusion.

WV held the Ring for his entire Exile, and never used it once. I’m actually a little skeptical that he will wear it, at this point, especially since he's started dreaming about how much he doesn't want the thing.

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #3417 #s123

[galacticleague]

speaking my truth on npmd because im thinking about this alot. i think the reason it falls flatter than tgwdlm and bf as a musical is that tgwdlm and bf have a running theme — want.

(whole thing undercut)

the cast of tgwdlm want human connection - charlotte wants sam to love her, bill wants alice to love him, mr davidson wants his wife to choke him while he jerks off etc etc, and eventually paul goes from 'i want what anyone wants, money, kids, a partner maybe idk' to - to put it simply - wanting emma (putting it very simply, if i went into detail this post would go off the rails). this switch is what makes him vulnerable to the hive and this want to live and to survive and to be happy with emma is satiated by pokey by giving him the connection he craves via hivemind, this is how it works for everyone. they want to be happy, pokey makes them happy by removing any need to want anything in the first place.

similarly, in bf, the adults of hatchetfield are still miserable and they want to be happy, they have this void within them that they feel they need to fill with products and consumerism. if they buy this stupid fucking doll their kids will love them, they will be happy, etc etc. and this want to be happy is similarly satiated by wiggly via the cult - they have something to worship, or - in lindas case - people who worship them. they have purpose, or at least they think they do, but whether their problems have actually been solved or not - they are still content.

but in npmd, this is less solid. theres that bit where they have to sacrifice what they want the most, but this is near the end. its kind of all over the place, and this wobbliness(?) is sort of just emphasised by the fact that there is no specific lord in black, its all of them. now i loved the summoning when i first watched it because im obviously a huge hatchetfield fan so i like. know who these characters are but as ive seen others say, alot of npmd does rely on knowing hatchetfield lore - understanding injokes. and in hindsight it just... isnt great for the cohesion of the plot.

tgwdlm and bf both have specific themes, specific lords in black, they have subplots but they have a solid throughline that is easier to follow. to me, npmd feels like its all over the place and it just feels kind of...mid for lack of a better word.

i think there were some moments that were just kind jarring? i guess? like if i loved you coming directly after ruths death was really strange, tonally. i wish they spent more time on ruths death tbh she deserved better. richie got two songs and an opening scene. anyways i digress- i feel like whenever i think about it im always like. i just wanted More. which is weird cuz its already like 2 hours long but idk. IDK!!! if i loved definitely felt unnecessary to me- like just conflict out of nowhere. i would have liked more build up to it. maybe im just salty that it took up stagetime that could have been used to grieve ruth but. sorry for the random if i loved you slander i think my point here is that some moments and some subplots felt more tropey, injokey or like fanservice??but not in a sexual way?? - is that the right word to use idk - than actual compelling plot moments. tgwdlm is an incredible work of theatre and uses subversions of tropes to communicate a great story, bf is a detailed criticism of american consumerism and how capitalistic societies force people to rely on products to make their lives better, npmd is. high school drama with ghosts. it just doesnt hit as hard on its own.

i dont want to be one of those "im a better writer, and THIS is how i would have done it!!!! im going to fix this!!!" people so im not going to do that but i think something i would have liked to see was focus on just one lord in black, probably nibbly because i feel like he fits the most and has the least preexisting story. i mean for gods sake, why does wiggly have the most speech time out of all the lords in black again!!! he already has an entire musical about him!!! greedy bitch- well i guess thats kind of his thing. i think i just want to see more of nibbly tbh, he has one nmt story and he only shows up at the very end. anyways that was kind of a side rant sorry gang. there isnt a problem with having a story featuring all the lords in black, but i think it just doesnt quite work in npmd for like structural reasons as well as plot cohesion.

i did enjoy npmd, im not pretending i didnt, but narratively it is the weakest hatchetfield musical and i just wanted to put my finger on what it is specifically. please dont take this as like hate or slander, i am a huge starkid fan, but i think it is important to consume media critically.

also i am not a professional i am a teenage drama and english lit student who likes media analysis and narrative design so just. take everything i say with a grain of salt :)

if you read all this, thankyou and if you disagree please lmk what you think(civilly.i do not want discourse in my notes)!! i could be hugely wrong about this and just need to think more about npmd and id love to see others' analyses!

#long post #sorry gang #i feel like people are gonna be like “oh but its fun and silly sometimes things are just fun and silly” and yeah i know that #look at my url and pfp. starship is my favourite starkid musical like yeah i Know that #but within the context of the hatchetfield series #it just feels...weak. compared to the other musicals #IDK! idk #this was inspired by that one starcanwrecked confession btw i should go back and rb that #please dont crucify me for this #npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #npmd analysis #hatchetfield analysis

[aroaceleovaldez]

actually in hindsight why did Rick repeatedly have Piper solve all the ghost problems on the Argo II when. Hazel was right there. A daughter of Pluto. who by all logic should be able to control ghosts even a little bit. like, we know she has at least some of those types of powers. she just never gets to actually practically use them. ever. and then when there are zombies Hazel once again. does not get to use her powers about it. what.

#pjo #riordanverse #hazel levesque #does hazel EVER use necromancy powers? besides *maybe* a little bit when working for gaea to raise giants? #though that was pretty explicitly mostly geokinesis #where is hazel's necromancy cmon #but like. ''oh no people are getting possessed. i know! PIPER! FIX THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR CHARMSPEAK'' #''rather than oh i dont know HAZEL. THE PERSON WITH GHOST POWERS DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME.'' #heck Hazel is very familiar with people being possessed. her mother was for. awhile. #why not just have hazel go ''hm yup. that's possession if i've ever seen it. hold on i've got this'' and then she uses pluto powers #you cant even use the excuse ''oh but she wouldn't know how to-'' #she's been hanging out with her brother Nico ''Ghost King'' di Angelo for what. eight? ten months? something like that? #and one of her major things is that she's pretty good at picking things up quickly and has highly honed her powers #you're telling me nico never told her ''btw just in case: if you ever need to exorcise a ghost from someone just idk smack 'em'' #like why is the exorcising ghosts piper's job #and why with the zombie apocalypse was it like ''oh no we can't do anything until apollo comes over to help us or whatever'' #''if only we had a CENTURION WITH NECROMANCY POWERS. like a CHILD OF PLUTO OR SOMETHING'' #''WHOSE BROTHER VERY FAMOUSLY GOT A ZOMBIE AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT'' #and its like. yes hazel does ultimately play a significant role in stopping the zombie problem #but functionally COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO HER POWERS?

[blueskittlesart]

i’m so used to how you draw zelda that whenever i see someone else draw her it’s literally like. skinny person jumpscare.

literally being a fat zelda truther is so hard bc why do people insist on drawing the girl like she's never had a meal in her life. put some meat on her bones please god she is starving

#yeah botw zelda fanart is always like. woe. skinny girl be upon ye #and people on instagram get SOOOO pissed about the way i draw her its so funny. the comments are always so formulaic #like its always 'uhmmm im skinny and ur taking away MY representation my body type is beautiful too!!' #or 'um i just dont think you should be promoting an unhealthy body type' SHUT THE FUCK UP. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #OR if its a man theyll be like 'um you made her look fat :/' like its an insult. like yeah babe that was on purpose. lmfao #and its not like i dont notice that people ONLY EVER get pissed about how i stylize ZELDA'S body. because i change link's body type too. #but i make HIM noticably SKINNIER. like gee i wonder why we have a problem with one of these but not the other one guys. lmao #anyway. im glad tumblr has so many fat zelda appreciators because things are fucking bleak on instagram lmao #and i do also occasionally get jumpscared by skinny zelda. like i KNOW she looks like that but also She Would Not Fucking Look Like That #asks

[eebie]

i cant keep it hidden any longer

#i get nervousss n shit about gettin character voices all wrong #i spent all of yesterday worryin about if theyd say each others first names or last names or WHAT ! idkkk #i didnt write any more than this But i rlly rlly want to #basing this over the exact types of convos me n my friend have When i watch her play granny #i say dumb shit like ooohhh shes gonna get you Or why are you so mean to this old lady😢😢😢 to rile her up🤭 cos its funny #and then when i run out of things to say i start asking shitty would you rather questions like Would you rather make out with granny #or springtrap. would u rather have to be angel dust Hazbin hotel(she HATES him) or Pinkypills william afton (also HATES) #idk how id write that for these guys. ik theres gotta be a way though #my rambles #homestuck #writing feels more vulnerable than just my silly ass drawins Cos its lettin ppl peek in2 how i think n perceive shit . its intimidatinggg #but im posting it anyways !! ill fight off the urge to delete it the best i can #sayin all this Meanwhile it’s just a few lines from a pesterlog emulator LMAO . i take myself too seriously w stuff like this #rhas my problem i think . joviality come to me NOW! i am lighthearted and carefree about rhis #yaaaayayayaaayy!!!! #FOR THOSE WHO DONT KNOW. GRANNY IS A SHITTY MOBILE PUZZLE HORROR GAME. THE OG !!! #all the shit like Piggy on roblox. thats copying granny 😤😤😤😡😡😡 #my drabbles

[lobotomizedlady]

I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd . #just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

[jrueships]

sometimes i'll think abt a Fandom and wish it were bigger, and sometimes i'll read something from a fandom.. and wish it were smaller

#ppl seeing a confident black man : FINALLY! A PERFECT ANTAGONIST FOR OUR STORY! #THE CORRUPTOR!! THE ASSHOLE! MR KNOWS ALL! #i want to be bigger into football. i rlly do #but . omg. sometimes seeing just So Much . side eye shit is . like imagine my exhaustion #and this isnt me trying to be the behavior police like let ppl write but sometimes seeing such. Fun. patterns can be like #idk man it's sad like damn thats rlly how the world is and obvs i KNOW how it can be but it's real wack #real wack being reminded even in ur supposed happy place ur supposed lighthearted little break from the world #it's still not . idk. it's just not #oh the poor pale blond qb just a little anxious baby oh and his evil zany teammates trying to corrupt him oh theyre so terrible for my angel #:/ #.. that is. a Grown. Man . #it's like replaying my 2nd grade teacher ******** me bcs i was a troublesome kid and it made her feel young and alive and bad again #like wtf am i corrupting you with maam? skibbity toliet ? leave me alone !! #listen. if it were smthing like 'x rlly likes tomatoes' when he actually likes idk carrots? i would not give a fuck. infact i prefer carrots #but bad patterns have smthing more to say bcs patterns in general have a story #it's more than 'he would not fucking say that' it's 'WHY tf are YOU making HIM say THAT of ALL people & THINGS???' #like i love having asshole characters in my stories too. and they can be poc ! NO ONE is a saint! #but having one just to fuel the only one u actually care abt? having their problems solely be for plot?? & making that one #a SPECIFIC kind of person ?? is kinda giving me 'u dont view x as a human which could mean you dont view x race as humans' #WHICH IS !! IT SUCKS ! THAT SUCKS! #i know i need to just suck it up and ignore it but thats like the life quote of being poc isnt it #ugh #it sucks

[ishiitake]

the aftermath of Abigail bodying the easter egg hunt

#sdv harvey #sdv farmer #harvey x farmer #harvey x shine #stardoodles #year one #he saw the easter egg hunt from the clinic and decided to pop out #Harvey takes the pragmatic approach #Shine was already nice to everybody so it was easy for Harvey to approach (he was still afraid of her but didn't know why) #(he's a lot better at confronting emotional turmoil than physical problems and behold his great scientific method: just being himself lol) #this one was fun & idk how to draw hats and baskets so dont look at those lol #drawing like this helps me focus on the things and when i fill it with things i like there's way less i have to do #otp: rise and shine

[reel-fear]

Susie designs that have her as a black woman >>>>

Susie designs that have her plus sized >>>>>>>

Susie designs that have her with freckles, stretch marks, with scars or crooked, wide or hooked noses >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Versions of Susie that struggle with her self image due to not looking like the spitting image of an "ideal woman" that existed in the 1930's >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

VERSIONS OF SUSIE THAT TIE ALL THAT INTO HER NEED TO BECOME ALICE ANGEL, WHOSE OBSESSION WITH ALICE COMES FROM ALICE FITTING THOSE BEAUTY STANDARDS BETTER THAN SHE DOES. HOW SHE WOULD DIE TO BE AS "BEAUTIFUL" AS ALICE AND NEEDS TO LEARN THAT SHE IS, TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ON FROM JOEY CONVINCING HER SHE WASN'T!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Versions of Susie who do some or all of the above but don't demonize Allison when they do it >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

#ramblez #susie campbell #batim #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #bendy and the ink machine #I like susie can ya tell #and have a lot of fun ideas for places u could take her character esp with her need to be perfect and become alice #thats not to say any susie that doesnt fall under these is bad just that I love these kind of takes on her particularly #I mean unless u like make susie evil just to elevate the male characters or make them victims #or just in general make ur susies like super evil abusers then I might have some problems since thats just straight up misogny #btw if u read this and think hm my susie is kinda like that just so u know no dont send me ask #just rewrite her to be better and reconsider how ur biases affect the writing of ur male characters vs female ones and think on how to #improve that n such #esp if u also have male characters who are bad people but write them with compelling reasons why or moral greyness meanwhile dont do #the same for ur female characters who are also bad people #kinda vaguing some aus n bits of writing I have seen can ya tell- #anyways yeah thats it I love susie and be nice to her or else seeya-

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[mihai-florescu]

The thing about being a bitch and a hater is that you need to be charismatic about it for people to still like you somehow. And most importantly you need to be a poor little meow meow people will want to help see win.

[caimitos]

saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries #it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc #ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop #like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions #cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt #you know how it goes #vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own #students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country #until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem #this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL #our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries! #but the mental image is a bit funny #vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa #i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med #expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc #anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history #i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3) #as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me) #lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc #theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly #being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her #lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao #years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth #cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination.... #I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess #but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh. #skl.txt

[tendebill]

SURE when i water my plant regularly and take care of her she is at rock bottom. call that bitch a sickly victorian child the way she brightens up the room for a day then shrivels up and dies. but the MOMENT i give up on her and leave her to perish OH, SUDDENLY she's an entrepreneur, she's starting her own company, she just birthed five new children and ended world hunger. whore.

#like ive had her since 2018 i think #and she was doing very well for a long time #not to mention shes to only plant of the literal 20+ we bought back then that survived that long #dont ask why we bought 20 plants #thats for me and my father to know and my mother to not understand #(most of them if not all were bought for bug-eating purposes #and my father had a go big or go home attitude so we spent like 2 hrs picking and packing plants #then decided to buy a fish tank while we were at it) #but the MOMENT we got new flower pots #she became a problem #and istg i have no idea what im doing wrong at this point #i dont water her? she dies #i water her a lot? boom. dead #i water her every now and then? exploded #the MOMENT i switch into fucking die for all i care mode she THRIVES #i take it very personally #if she dies after i water her again i will drink all the flower water myself and spit it out on her grave #personal

[passumstars]

I will likely never get to do anything with her

#my art #the band ghost #nameless ghoul oc #i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy #and by god i got that #had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me #and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems #but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much #i like the layout concept though thats nice #i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up #with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to #hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and #turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about #that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also #yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her #which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice #cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen #the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse #im gonna shut up now